Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP13: Daisy May Cooper

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP13: Daisy May CooperJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the brilliant BAFTA winning writer and actress, Daisy May Cooper. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown the hell with...

With bed hit and... They've had an absolute hell with... Fuddletit and God within thump. They've had an absolute nightmare with my name there, Rob. It does trip up the youngsters, your name. It does, it is a problematic name. Apart from my daughter who's happy to call me Josh at all turns. That is Emily Hall's daughter, Rose, who turned three last week. Oh, happy birthday. Lockdown birthdays are the worst, aren't they? Yeah, absolute heartbreak for her.

It's my wife's in two weeks. I've got nothing. I've got nothing. What can you do? If you count your children, you could have two people in your garden, or you could get rid of your children for the day and have four people in your garden. now because today was a big day for me Josh. Yeah. My two went to preschool. Back to preschool. Oh, freedom.

How was it? How was it? The drop-off? The drop-up, they were fine. Didn't care, run straight in, didn't look-back, look-back, the thrown, that's the tryo. that's quite problem, not mine. But I felt weird though, I thought weirdly sort of emotional, a bit sad because

I'm in the front room, you felt like we'd lost them because one of us had them for the whole time, like last three months. There'd been no like play dates or dropping them off at Nan and Grand Dad's, so it was really odd. What did you do? Like it's it's quiet. It's, it's's eerily quiet. And we didn't get too little it's only 10 till 2 that they're in for so it's not a massive chunk of time but I sat down watched a Richard Pryor documentary had a coffee then we gobble down a Nando's and now I'm doing this. Amazing you had a Nando's! Yeah drove and got it as well at 5 past 12. What a treaty, desperate chicken bitch. That's what I was today. Oh wow.

They're gonna smell that when they get at home and they're gonna know what you've done, Rob. They know what I'm gonna know that. They're gonna know that you've partied the time they're away. When it was lockdown, you know, when you have a McDonald's, when, the same, they. It, when, when, when, they, they, they, when, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, they, thin, the, than, than, they're they're thi, they're thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th, th.... they're th. thi, thi, thi, to thi, thi. to tho. to tho. to are absolutely incredible and they are right to be successful as they are. None of this bullshit about, you know what, I'll just do my own version. Your version's shit. If it was any good, you'll be worth billions like those three. So just wind your neck in and order it and shut up and enjoy it. That's my, that's my view. What I like like th th th th th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th th th th th th th th th th is th thi thi thi thi thi their their thus their their their their thus, thi, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their s s s s s s s s s s s sa. thususus. thus. thusus. their sa. thusus. thus. thusus. thi. thi. thi. thi. th support the big man. Yeah I was going to stand up for capitalism. I'll tell you what I hate the most is, could I have a coke and they always go like the hipster places. Oh we do our own Coca-Cola? Well I'll tear it out it'll be shit it will taste

up medicine, put some sugar in it or just buy the proper stuff. Do you know the worst is when they make beans absolutely disgusting. That is not a process that needs to ever be done outside of the Heinz factory forevermore. Certain things should be made by certain people. Beans should be Heinz, tomato ketchup should be Heinz and the Zip, all Zips, YKK. I've never seen another Zip brand. I've never considered the Zip brand before. Check your Zip, always always the same. Everyone at home is currently checking their zip, so we should just fall silent for the next 15 seconds. But people are checking their zip. That's the kind of thing I would have done when I used to was to compare of comedy clubs. Check your zips guys and everyone that unzip and they're going. So you felt a bit Friday, they go in. And yeah, it felt it's, but I'm over that now,

but there's a little moment when me and Lou just looked each other, I was like, oh, and it felt a bit like, bit guilty, but not guilty. I think, I think, I know, I can understand people's anxieties, but we haven't got to to the to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, but, to, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, too, too, and, too, too, and, too, to kind of drop-off because we had to like book a time or stuff? No, it was all at 10 but only one parents so Lou went, I didn't go and that were just all lined up and all the kids were sort of behaving and lined up and went in and we just told in and wash your hands and stuff like that so yeah it was good very very I felt good it was like productive and moving in the right direction it's amazing you wait for three months for something and

then you're kind of paralyzed by at the moment it happens yeah it's like think how much you've dreamed of this day roll it's like losing your virginity you want it so bad when you get there it's empty and emotionless. And you end up having an Andos afterwards. Yeah, you end up crying and having Anandos. Do you want to hear from some of our listeners? Yes, please. It's the lockdown parody mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Okay, this is called toothbrush incident.

My story relates to our two and a half year old daughter. She's recently moved from the cot to a toddler bed. So we're still at, we're still at cot level. I don't really know what age we're meant to move on to the next level when she can scale the wall. Yeah, basically she sees them captain beds of slides for them lunatics. Her going on the heels Instagram page and looking at all their bed option. Yeah. But our youngest is in a bed but she still

treats it like a cot. When she wakes up in the morning she still calls for us. Oh really? And we go in and then we go wea we go wea the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the............ Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the the the the the the t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t.. the morning she still calls for us. Oh really? And we go in and then we go yeah you can get up and she gets out so she still has his psychological cot barrier. Well I tell you Katriona who has emailed us, waltz, would absolutely love that. So her two year old, two and a half year old. She recently moved from cot to a toddler bed after she climbed out the cock, came down to the stairs and surprised us one. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I. C. C. I t. I talle. I trie. C. I. I trie. C. C. I trie. C. I trie. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. That would terrify the shit out of me. Like that, I did that to my mom when I was 18 months old. She still talks about it. That's the worst thing that's ever happened to her in her life. I would prefer a burglar in that situation. Oh my god. Right, previously a good sleeper. She started to get up and come out of our room in the evening usually to yell, mommy daddy I need a to poo, stroke water,

stroke huddle. On this particular evening we had assumed she was asleep. However, when my husband went upstairs after about an hour after she'd gone to bed he discovered our daughter sitting on the floor of our bathroom with a toothbrush a toothbrush in one hand and a tube of hemorrhoid cream in the the the the the the the the the the toothbrush in one hand and a tube of hamoid cream in the other. Oh God. She proceeded to tell him that she'd been brushing her teeth with Daddy's toothpaste and Daddy's toothbrush. To make matters worse, the toothbrush in question was when we used to scrub the mold off the bathroom tiles. Oh my God. And to make things even worse I know it's the water in the the toilet the toilet the the the toilet the the the toy the toy the the the the the the the the the theat's theat's theat's theat's theate is theate is theateate is cloudy theate is theateat. It was thea the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. te. teo' teo' teo' tea' tea' tea' tea' to' tea' to' to' to' to' te. t that's awful! Is that stomach gum territory? Needless to say, removed all the cleaning product medication from reach on the bright side we don't expect her to develop bleeding gums anytime soon. She didn't suffer any ill effects, thank goodness.

That's a fear, isn't it? Yeah, that few hours afterwards when you're panicked about, have I fed them the wrong thiiuuuu thought mine drunk the pure alcohol and they hadn't but I was like, well we'll find out in a minute. That email is, I mean, it's just like much a waiting game isn't it, just watching. It'd be worse to put Colgate up your ass if you've got piles. So you would you prefer to brush your teeth with hemorrhoid cream? If I, out the two, I'd rather brush my teeth of hemorrhoid cream, then I've mint up my ass. I just go mint up my arse. I think it would be a nice tingling sensation. Too much, too much, mate. It's invasive. You can't have that inside you, that's madness. That's madness. Coming from you, that's coming, that's coming, thi. thii. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toeeeeeeeeee. I's. toeeeeeeeeea. I's the. the. I's the hemorrhoids on the teeth all day on. I'm not going to lie to you. I think in the

next month if if I do get bored once my daughter's in nursery I am going to experience just going to look at the toothpaste and there'll be a moment when I think, should I just see what it feels like? A pea-sized amount. Pease-sized. That's how it starts. Then you, before you know, you're buying three tubes of toothpaste a day, you've got yourself a problem. Oh, you know it, you're doing a handstand and roses pouring down your ass. Do you want a admission to what would Rob Beckett do? Oh, yes, please. Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally.

Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. No to your kids. No to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. Apologize. Never hit them, but don't let them think you won't. You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do?

Right, this is from Rachel Barnes. Good morning. I have a situation for Rob to give his unique wisdom too. I have two children, aged six and what I presume is 18M, which I presume is months, not height. Life is hard. My eldest was, it turns out quite a good toddler, because my youngest has demonstrated what a strong-willed and independent toddler looks like, an actual nightmare. The particular situation I would like Rob to address in his what would Rob Beckett do is with my 18-month-old foraging in the bin. We have a bin with a slide up lid, open brackets, no foot pedal. She can slide up that lid, reach in and find whatever she wants to eat. Tried saying no many times explaining why you don't forage for food from the bin. I need to add that she has three big meals plus snacks every day

and it is on the 98th percentile of weight. So malnourishment is not an issue here. That is a big baby, 98. That's Andre the giant territory, that is it. I have thought about buying a pedal bin but knowing my daughter she would just learn how to use it. Any advice, oh wise Rob Beckett. I mean that is a tough one, I mean I contemplate putting the bin in a cupboard and I mean I contemplate putting the bin in another room. Yeah?

Just lock the bin. to just lock. put a padlock in a bin that I just got it or just get a smaller bin in a cupboard and just do that what's the little clicky lock thing or what you could do is you're a bit more extreme one of you hiding the bin next time she does it jump out and scream at her Pavlovian but I'm not okay in that I think that's cruel I'd either been in the side of jumping out of the bin, I think. Like I'll ask for the grouch. Yeah. But the worst case scenario is she loves it and then requests that. Oh God, before you know it, you've got, I mean, we've got so many emails from people who've got themselves into corners with stuff like this. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new classmates thing hasn't changed. The Ford government still

isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the Ford government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply, visit Amex. to the show, whether it's to tell us that your child has been eating pile cream or whether it's to ask Rob for advice or both, this is how you do it. Email us, hello at lockdown parenting.co. UK. Or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. We've got a cracking guest this week. It's the incredible Daisy May Cooper. Baffter winner, star and creator of this country. Enjoy it.

Hello, Daisy Cooper. How are you? I'm suicidal. That's the only way to describe it. A two-year-old. I forgot that you have a kid and then you actually have to spend time with it because I've been... It's just terrible. I've just been putting her in sort of nursery and stuff and she's been spending time with the nannies and it's been, you know, great up until lockdown. So Daisy, what's your set up at home? What's your kid set up?

So it's me and my husband and our two-year-old daughter who's just become a complete nightmare. Oh really? Yeah, oh my God. During lockdown or? During lockdown, it's just got naughtier and naughtier and naughtier. What kind of things? Um, I don't, it's so weird. So she's decided to use the shed. and naughtier and nautier and nautier. What kind of things? It's so weird.

So she's decided to use the shed as like an outdoor privy. And she's been taking, that's why I was literally in what was so mental is I'm losing my mind so much, that I was looking up to see, you know, if kids have been reincarnated from World War II and that's why she's... Any evidence to suggest she has? Well, no, the only evidence I have is she's ripping her nappy off, she put, she's done about three poos in the shed and the latest one she was really proud of

because for V day we had these kind of little cocktail sticks with little flags on them and that we had in cupcakes and she'd managed to find one of them in the garden and put it in her poo in the shed and then called me over to come and witness it and I just stared as it for about 30 seconds just complete bafflement. Are you doing potty training then? We tried. She was brilliant before lockdown she really enjoyed it but now she just doesn't give a fuck about she doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. It's just horrendous. What did you do with the kind of flag poo?

Did you say that it was good or did you... Did it have a British flag in it? Like a kind of Union Jack? Like we've claimed it. Yes. That's exactly what it was. I just, I stood in silence for about 30 seconds because it was like... Irrespectful silence to our flag. Is that something the far left would put on a poster about Brexit, isn't it? Oh gosh. So, are you still working at the moment? Is your husband working from home? What's that? My husband's a landscape gardener, so he sort of can go out now and do sort of jobs and stuff.

So I'm, I've been left in, home with the devil child. I mean, I do love her very much, but it's just becoming, because she just doesn't understand why she can't go to the park or why she can't go see Nanny. She's so sick of face-timing relatives. Now it's just, and I'm just putting Bing on, and it's just on a constant like a 24-hour repeat of Bing episodes. My daughter who's two and a half, she's got no interest in Facetime. So it just it just gets offensive to the relatives very quickly it's so awkward they go you want to speak to that any no no I want poor patrol but nanny's to here no no no which one they go oh tanny soon nah what what what is it's in fact don do that. Don't ask which one and say no? That's it's so true. And you're pregnant with your second as well, Daisy? I'm pregnant with my second as

the second one. So how pregnant are you at the moment? I'm over, just over halfway. Oh, right. So, oh my god, I just want to drink. I want to drink so much. I can't. I can't. I try. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I that. I that. I th. I that. I that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that. that that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to drink. I want to drink so much. I can't. I was Googling how many, I mean, could I have three drinks if being pregnant? I thought, oh no, I can't. I really can't. I was sad. Your Google history is unbelievable at the moment, isn't it? Can a child be reincarnated from World War II and can I drink when I'm pregnant? Oh my God, it's just horrendous. Do you know it's just the small things that tip me that have just tip me over the edge that the other day we put up this paddling pool and it was quite a big one and I thought oh lovely I'll get her in it and I'll get me in it and it ttook, because it was big, it took fucking ages to fill.

And then the tap stopped working outside, so I was just having to get the mott bucket and transfer water. So like two hours later, I bring the final mottbucket out. And she's only just gone and found a fucking plant pot full. And just tipped it into the puddling pool. And that was another moment where I just I just felt tears streaming from my whole days for hot tears. How could you how could you do this? How could you do this? It is just... And how do you react to her in those situations because obviously it's difficult.

My first thing is, my first thing I ever say is who did this? And then there's usually massive silence and then she just says me. And I say, why did you do this? And then she has another massive silence and just says, I don't know. And then that's, that's just, that's the end of the conversation. My two-year-old goes accident. It was accident all the time, accident. That's it, is that a two-year-old, no comment? Accident.

It's the worst age, I think, to have a kid in this time. Do you, do you, does she, are you getting up early with her or does she sleep? No, she wakes up at about four o'clock shouting, Mommy! I've actually recorded, I've got recorded on my phone, I'll see if you can hear it because it is just haunting. This is how shouting, mummy, mummy, Mommy and Daddy's Bed. It's just torture, there's just no escape from it. And do you have to go straight, Mommy. It's just torture. There's just no escape from it.

And do you have to go straight in then? That's it. You're up. Oh yeah, then they're up. And then, because she just won't... I don't know, she's like a juricelue to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep she can't to keep she can't to keep she can't to keep she can't thu, she can't thu, she can't thu, she can't thu, she can't thu, she thu, she tho, she's thirty, she's tho, she's thu, she's tho yeah, then her up and then because she just won't I don't know she's like a juror cell bunny I don't know how she can keep screaming for like two hours you just can't ignore it. So what she got up at four o'clock every day? Yeah and then she'll come on the bed and then she'll I'll put some TV on for her and I'll try and get to sleep and then she decides to bounce on the bed and just uses my cranium as like a trampoline. What's taping on my head? What does she go to bed at night? What's the bedtime? Seven o'clock which I thought right we'll do It has to be again and again and again and

that is killing me. And what book are you reading? We're going on a bear hunt. Oh yeah, yeah. I've been known in the past with books I hate when I've got in the bedroom before they have I've thrown it out the window so they can't pick it. That's boom gone because I can't bear to read it. The absolute worst ones are the Mr Men books. It's like a fucking novel. They're so, for books so thin, they go on and on and on. Because in my mind they're tiny books, they're the smallest of all the books. But they bloody cram those words in. I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, th, th, th, th, I, th, th, th, th, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, they they they they they they're tho, tho, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the,tiny books, they're the smallest of all the books.

But they bloody cram those words in, I tell you, how. I read this morning with my daughter obviously for the first time. I didn't even know he had it, I read Peter Rabbit. What a load of shit that is. So the first page is about Peter Rabbit's dad being baked in the pie by Mr McGregor. Page one. What does two? The ones now are so much easier to read but like there's so much death and destruction. And all the old nursery rhymes we've got a book of nursery rhymes. They're absolutely fucking brutal. But I'm getting baked in a pie left, right and centre. Like it's just...

Oh God. How are you guys getting on with like, are you guys working still from home? Well if you count this, I'd say I'm doing a bit. Yeah, I am doing a bit. We parent in the morning as a team, and then when she goes down for her nap,

I go and start work and work into the afternoon. Oh my goodnessness, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, than's tho, I's tho, I'm tho, I'm than, I'm, I'm tho, I'm tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. I's, th. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th. I'm, I'm than, I'm than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thaa'''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, tha, th work into the afternoon. Oh my goodness, that's amazing. So what's what's your setup Daisy with work? I just haven't done any work. I just I think find it absolutely impossible. But it's great because I've actually told my husband that this podcast goes on for three hours so he's going to take her out for the day so that's brilliant. He's gonna he's gonna listen to it and go they edited edited they they they they they they they they they they they they they they edited it they edited it br they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're to to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their took. took. took. try try took. took. took took. to to to to to to to to to their to their their to to to take her out for the day so that's brilliant. He's going to listen to it and go, they edited it brutally. They cut so much out. How bad were you on it? Have you guys been buying crap on Amazon and stuff for the kids? Oh yeah, yeah. Just anything to keep it entertained.

But it lasts about two minutes each thing. We made the mistake of getting, have you heard of jelly bath? No. What's? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? What? They? They? What? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They're, they? They? They? They? They're, they? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, th. It? W. It? W. It? W. They're, th. It's, th. It's, th. They're, th. They're, they're, they're, they're, made the mistake of getting if you heard of jelly bath. No, what's jelly bath? Jelly bath is this powder that you can put in the bath and it makes the bath water to turn into actual jelly but we made the mistake of we misplaced the box and it came well threw it away and it actually comes with another packet which has dissolver in it to then dissolve it. Just having to scoop it out and just flush it down the toilet. Oh, with your daughter putting a flag in it.

Oh, what a nightmare. I definitely don't think flushing it was the right idea, Daisy. I don't call you out. I've come from Thameswater here, but that is going to block. Imagine when they come around to fix it. It's really weird. There's a jelly down there. So what, does it change the whole bath water into like a huge jelly? Yes, it's it's, it's. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's the the the the the the thi. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's really. It's thi. It's the the the the the the the the the that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's really. It's really. It's really. It's really th. It's really th. It's really th. It's really th. It's really the. It's really theat. It's really theat. It's really thi. It's really thi. It's really thi. It's really thi. It's really th. So what does it change the whole bathwater into like a huge jelly? Yes it's it's amazing it's amazing if you've got the dissolver for it but yeah

it's incredible like it literally turns into jelly the water turns into jelly within about 30 seconds. Yeah I'm gonna buy some of that did you what other things does she play with um she's obsessed with doctors. For the TV show? The TV show? She loves the sort of, you know, accessible, quick acting. So she's obsessed with doctors? Obsessed with doctors.

Which is great for me because I can just lie on the sofa and just get sort of experimented on and like vivisection on. Otherwise it's just creating mess. It's everything that she can't do she wants to do. So like get all my shampoos, my nice expensive shampoos, unscrew the bottles and just pull them down the sink is the new one. Writing on the walls, that's another one. We haven't had writing on the walls. That's a big thing isn't it in parenting.

You've never had writing on the walls. We haven't had that yet, no. She won't, she doesn't really like to do her own art. So you go, do some drawing, and th and th and th and th do the drawing while she watches. Which she's already got a kind of lack of confidence in her own artistic ability at the age of two and a half. She's bottled it already. I'm worried about it. What was your daughter writing on the walls? Was it her name or just scribbles? Just scribbles. And it's just, we've had to get so many bits of furniture and move them in front of the scribbles that now is no more kind of furniture

to move in front of the scribbles. Just all your furniture's up against the walls with a big gap in the middle of the room. But the biggest thing that she's into is Bing. Which I find the grotesque. Could you just explain? Is the little thing, the sort of guardian? Is that his dad? Bing's dad. It's like a weird little advisor, isn't it?

It's like Bing's Boris. He's got little Cummins. Or even the other way around. Bit of Cummings is big. But yeah, I don't understand what it is or what he is and he just sort of does whatever he wants and gets in trouble and then he cries. She's ridiculous. Awful. Hate him. Hate him. But yeah, she loves it. How did she get into it if you hate it? Did she find herself or do you not realize how bad it was until it was it was too late? I tell you what we've got so we just put YouTube on

and obviously it just once one things ended it just flicks over to the another video. I also think when you know when it rolls on itself that takes some of the guilt away for me? Yeah. When you have to physically do it you're all making a conscious decision to some of the guilt away for me. You know when you have to physically do it? You're all making a conscious decision to put on the next episode. When it rolls onto yourself, you can kind of lie to yourself that it's just a continuation of what she's already watching. You've only pressed the button once three hours ago. Does your daughter have an iPad or anything like that, Daisy?

No, we don't have iPads, we just have, you know, just YouTube on the tele, just have that on all the fucking time. I tell, because ours used to wake up at four as well, and then it was like 5.30, but now we've gotten to about six, but there's this thing called this little grow clock thing. You have to say that carefully, it's like, theyclea, to, to, to, to th. to th. th. thing. You read little book to them and you press a button and the clock goes blue and then when it goes yellow they're allowed to wake up so that when they get up you go no it's still blue you got waiting for it to go yellow and then you could basically set it for 10 past 4-4 and then 20 past 4 and then slowly bring them up and then if they get up at the right time they get up at a little presents their th and th and th and their their their their th. th. their their th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. th. thi. to to to to to to to to get. thi. thi. to to get like. to get like. to get like. to get like. to get. to get. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they. they. they. they. they. their. their.-ish and that really helped get them back into a later routine. That is genius. Genius. How far do you reckon you can

say it Rob? Do you reckon you can like... I said it to 2.15 p.m. but yeah did that. Getting them from 4 a.m. to like 5.30 makes a huge difference doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? That that helped us. But I I I I I them them them them them them them them them them them the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Getting th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Get the th. Get the th. Get the the th. I the. I the. G. G. I th. G. I th. G. I th. G. G. I th. G. G. G. I th.m. to like 530 makes a huge difference doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? Oh my God. That helped us, but I'll send you the link for it. Oh, please do. I mean, but the only thing is that she's always, I mean, she doesn't have an iPad, but she is always on my phone wanting to play sort of apps and stuff. And I didn't realize that there was no, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I, I, I, I mean, I mean, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th... th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. th. th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, the, the, the, the, I mean, fuck knows how many diamonds on this game.

Oh no! But she also had my phone and I don't know how she managed to do this. But ages ago I worked on a job with poor Whitehouse and at the end of the job we swapped numbers and she messaged him, a template message that just said, hello, question mark. So it looked like I was being really passive aggressive. He messaged back saying hey everything okay question. Oh no. My friend texted me earlier and she said that she walked in and her son had turned on the TV and he'd bought on Amazon Crazy Rich Asians.

799? She's got the receipt. I do recommend getting them an iPad and just setting up all the parent-locked stuff on it so they can't do that. And we have been known when they used to get up at 4 in the morning, like just give them them an iPad because even the the the the the the the the th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'd that, like, th. I'd th. I've th. I'm th. I'm th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I I I I, th. I I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's, throwne, teea, tea. And, tea. And, tea''ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'er. And, tea'er's, ta, t known when they used to get up at four in the morning let like just give them an iPad because even if you like let them watch a Netflix or whatever for an hour because that extra hour will make you a better parent for the rest of the day and even though I don't really agree with let them have that straight away I couldn't I couldn't cope without that extra hour in bed I bought that the a the a thea the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theaxxxxroxroxroxroxrooooooooooooooooo the the the the the the the the the the the to be, they're like this one's for kids, right? This is like the tablet for kids.

And we had a load of In the Nightgarden. And if you touch the screen, so obviously she's going to touch the screen because that's what you do, during the Night Garden, it brings up like the cast list and you're like, what fucking two year old? I was just wanting to know who did the lighting for that scene. Beautiful. Daisy, if you had the house to yourself, your husband took out your daughter all day, like you know, the full 6 a.m. to a midnight or whatever, what would you do with a full day to yourself in your house?

Masturbate next. For a full 16 hours? Yes, in peace and quiet. Oh God. I would just I would watch I just I love anything sort of ghost programs. So I probably just watch some ghost programs and just show out. What do you mean ghost programs like like Derek or ghost programs like? Oh yeah there's one called Ghost Adventures was that Bagons and they just go into like haunted places and record ghost phenomena that happens like. Oh god I commend all that. Poulter guys throws a brick at a wall and the one I watched a couple of nights ago but yeah they're really good. So you just watch that all day? I just watch that all day. Just watch ghosts and wank. Fair enough.

It's true David. You get that answer most of the time don't we watch ghosts and wank. That's usually what people say. Exactly. If you've got anything else you want to add that's a bit different to the usualist contract that's It's a handy the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the tho tho tho tho the the tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeee the the the the the the the the the the the to add that's a bit different to the usual contract, it's quite handy for the edit. Do you think does she understand the lockdown? Does she understand what's going on? No, she's just, I mean, it's, you just can't really explain it. She doesn't understand, like I said, why we can't go to the park or why we can't see nanny? She's just thinking, guys, the mom, the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, thuu, th, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thus, thus, thus, thus, that, that, that, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, we can't see nanny she's just thinking guys mom and dad are at home a lot and we're going for a lot more walks than we used to and that's it really yeah

weird it's just so weird and we've got into the same pattern every fucking day which is wake up put her in front front of the TV, do a bit of laundry, tidy up a bit, have lunch, put her down for a nap, go for the same fucking walk that we've done for the last two months. Talk about, get excited about what we're going to have for dinner, eat the dinner, say, oh, let's watch something, like when she goes to bed, put her to bed and fall asleep. Like, it's, don't even get a fucking round to watch anything.

It's just so... I'm so bored of my walk. I got on, I'm so sick of it. Oh my God. But, does your, my daughter, she's just locked into this route now. Each day, when we go on the walk, she has to stand, to to to to to to to to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, their, their, tho, tho, tho, the tho, the to watch, to watch, to watch, the the the to watch, the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu. their, their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom., to to she has to stand, we'll take a snack and she has to stand on the same manhole cover every day to eat the snack in the park and she'll just stand on the manhole cover and eat it. Yeah, I just don't, I don't, are you like, is this normal behaviour?

I presume it's fine. But like, has she got bored of the walk yet? No, she's obsessed with it. Like she's a creature of habit in that sense. Do you know what I mean? So we'll get to the park and you get to the park and there's a small side and a big side and she's not wanted to go in the big side once for the whole of the lockdown so it's every time it's like small side in you go, eat your snack on the manhole cover, look at the pink tree, go down, look at the ducks, pick some

things off the same tree, walk back. It's actually quite worrying. Can I tell what I'm actually witnessing at the moment from my window? My daughter walking from a garden ripping the heads off all the flowers but I'm... We're doing this. I don't th, I don't th, I don't th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th the the the th th the the th th th th the the th at th at the heads off all the flowers. But I'm... We're doing this. I don't know whether to intervene or leave it. She's gone in now, but that's three flowers deheaded there for no reason whatsoever. What's depressing is when you sort of make a big thing about saying, right, we'll go and feed the ducks and you go down to the river and every other fucker and the kids is for a feeding the ducks and the ducks are so sick of being fed. That there's just these large chunks of bread that have washed up on the riverbank.

It looks like some kind of war scene. It is just so bleak. It is so bleak. With our walks, it's just like the most mundane boring things that we're trying to make exciting. So there's this one house that's thi th th th th th th th th th th th th- th- th- th- the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just just that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th-to-to-to-to-tha th-tha th-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o' thooooooo' thea thea thea thea thea thea thea' th's just like the most mundane boring things that we're trying to make exciting so there's this one house that's got a really fat cat that sits outside and trying to get how excited oh I'll go see the cat today and then they just sort of stand looking at it and that's it you get what I mean it's like those small yeah oh god as well when you've got one the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. It's th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's th. It's th? It's like those small... Yeah. Tough as well. When you've got one child, they haven't got anyone to play with. Like I'm quite lucky because there's two of them, they will run off and play together and they may argue or whatever, but when there's just one, they just sort of look at you and go right, you're my mate today. And there's no, they've got no one else else else else else else else else else else else else else to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to going to be a younger sibling? Yeah, she's not really happy about it.

Oh, she's, I'll tell you what it was, it was a bloody Bing episode that's put her off of it because it was this baby rabbit. You know, the one that's always in the push show, it's just never ages. Yeah. Yeah, it's the gory and grey one. And he ends up taking Bing's shoes shoes, the sha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tha, tha, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th, th, tho, tho, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiii, togu.a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the Dory and Grey one. And he ends up taking Bing's shoes, so she's got a real chip on her shoulder about babies in general and it's because of that fucking program. So I keep saying, oh, the baby's going to bring you presents and she's just, no, she's not just, she's not just. No.

But that's quite a good tick though. When you bring the baby back from the hospital you get a present wrapped up and they go look what I've brought back this baby's brought you a presence so their initial memory is I got something when this baby turned up. It's by the moat. The tip is buy them off. Yeah, I'm bribing by kids non-stop just to shit in a potty. She said, oh no, hang on, like, stop that, stop it, no stop, stop pulling them off. Oh God, don't you just... Still doing it, she's still doing it, sorry. She had literally had a bucket full of them, and she's now just stood there looking at me.

She's done it, she's doing it again. No! Oh my God. So can you tell her she keeps ripping the flowers? Is that the older one or the younger one, Rob? That was like something from like, you know like the Damian devil child where I said, stop ripping the flowers and she just stared at me and then moved around to the flower and just crushed one. She crushed the head of a massive peony in her hand, staring at him. While holding your gaze? Yes, stared me out and just put around out and crushed it.

Unbelievable. Sorry about that. What is it with kids and having to do that final kind of fuck you when you tell them to stop doing it. It's like they have to do it that one last time. Do you guys do a naughty step? No. Time out, we call it time out, but lose a teacher so lose very good at all these right, the right worded and things like that.

Well, I call it the naughty step and it's though or just says this is ridiculous this is a jail with invisible walls like I don't have to stay here. Sometimes they do and then scream at the top of their voice or sometimes they've in the past put me on the timeout step. How does it go for you Daisy? Just not I mean she just, I don't think she quite understands why I'm putting her on the stair because she just gets straight up again and just walks into into into into into into into into into into into into into in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the why I'm putting her on the stair, because she just gets straight up again and just walks into living rooms to say, what are you doing? But it's a weird thing to sit in that step for a bit. It's just so, there's just nothing that I can do. She has a zero respect for me. Absolutely no respect.

Is she not aware of Baftas? Show her the front of the radio times and go, this is a big deal, mate. Well, she couldn't give her fuck. Really, really couldn't give her fuck. About me, about my discipline. I've got to the point where I've been so stressed that I've shouted the top of my lungs and she's just stood there and she's smirked and that's it and she's walked away, like not bothered at all she thinks it's funny. And I've actually bought that Joe Frost, you know the super nanny book. Oh yeah. And I've tried to imply a lot of those th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th those th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho' tho' thi thi thi tho' tho- tho- tho- tho- the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the thea to thea tooooooooo' the the the the the the th book. Oh yeah and I've tried to imply a lot of those things like one of them said you've got to if your your child is doing it being naughty you have to

get down to their level and explain to them and it she doesn't give a fuck because none of it this works. It turns out that you being taller than her isn't the issue. the issue. the issue. th. It isn't th. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't. It's that that that that that th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. It's th. It's th. That's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks it's thinks it's thinks it's thinks it's thinks thinks it's thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks it's thinks that? It turns out that you being taller than her isn't the issue. That wasn't the problem. What happens when they're teenagers and they're massive and you have to like, I'm only little, what if they're taller than me? I have to get a little step out to get up to their level to tell them off? Or do they they st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st they they they they they they they st st st st st st st st st st st st out they they they they they they they stoop they stoop to me? I'm not listening to you, little old weed. I'm 17. Daisy, we've been in lockdown for two months now. Have you had a high point that's been a lovely moment for you and your family?

And has it also been a low point when you thought I can't do this anymore? Um, oh God. High point was probably the day of lockdown because I thought oh this is a novelty. This is brilliant. We can, you know, I don't have to do any work. This is a bit exciting, it's a bit kind of apocalyptic. Let's do a veg patch. And I think the lowest point was probably when she ripped out all four of our korshep plants and just put them neatly at the side of the veg patch and they're fucked. And that was something I really was, every day I would get up and have a look to see how much they've grown.

I was getting excited about it and she took that away. It was like Kes but was called Shackbirds. Oh Daisy, thanks so much for doing this. God, thank you so much. You've given me a really good therapy session now. I feel so much lighter. Thank you, Daisy. It's been an absolute pleasure. Daisy Cooper thoroughly enjoyed that. Oh, it was great. Blessed. I could feel the pain and tidus in her voice with those 4 a.m starts and being pregnant that.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m. that.m. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. D. D. Thank. D. Thank. th. Thank. th. Thank. Thank. th. Thank. Thank. th. Thank. Thank. Thank. th. Thank. Thank. th. D. Thank. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. D. Oh, it was great. Blessed, I could feel the pain and tidyne in her voice with those 4 a.m. starts and being pregnant, that must be so tough. I think the biggest difference in time is 559 to 6 a.m. in my book. Anything with the 4 at the start of it, that's like Thatcher okay. Five hours sleep, British flag and a load of shit.

Do you know what it's not even for me when I've done those ones where you're up at like half four because it always you know even if you've got a kid that sleeps all right, we've all done the four a.m. At some point. It's not the moment when you, the first 10 minutes is how, but then I think the first hour and a half you're kind of all right, is when you get to 6 a.m. and you feel like you've done a long haul already. That's the absolute, when the breakfast show starts on the radio and you've been up for 3 hours, that is the heartbreak. Yeah, exactly. They are, oh God, just log it on. Hi, yeah, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You. You. th. th. You. You. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the. the. That is the heartbreak. Yeah, exactly. They are, oh God, just logging on. Hi, yeah, it's a great James' tip. What? You can write? What can our listeners help us out, get in toucester? Well, you can tell your friends and you can subscribe and you can rate, give us a five-star review, get us up the rankings. Also as well, they can

email us, hello at lockdown parenting.co.ukk. And if they record their children saying our names Rob Beckett, Josh Winnockham, they'll be at the start of the show, but just tell us why they deserve to be there. We'll give your child a shout out. To be honest, I've seen the emails. They're all things that make me feel bad about the achievements of my own daughter, but there we go. Yeah, I know, but then I can judge these annoying parents. Oh, she did her first Pavlova at three and a half. She's achieving too much early on. I've still not done a Pavlova on 34. Face out the achievements.

You don't want to soft peaks too early. See what I did there? I've lobe of carp. Oh yes, yeah, really nice. Oh come on, John. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, not enough. Not enough. No. And you know what, now, as it goes on, I am appreciating it more, but the damage is done. So, thank you for listening. We will be back in a few days with more.