Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP14: Shappi Khorsandi

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP14: Shappi KhorsandiJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is wonderful comedian and writer, Shappi Khorsandi. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robb. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with Robbucket and Josh Whitton.

I think that's the best one we've ever had in terms of sheer quality of the delivery. What I would say is the only criticism I would say maybe a little bit too chilled. It's like the baby's just done a big bifter, just like, just chilling out. Hi, saying names, enjoying their life. Who was that? That was, Jessica, she has nailed potty training. It took a year on and off, but it's finally all clicked into place during lockdown. She's nailed dry nights without even planning to start that yet. Oh, that's great.

Look at that. Congratulations to Jessica. Thank you for that. if you have any children that want to intro us. The usual email address please. How have you been Rob? Not too bad actually pretty good. I was gonna ask how's your potty training going? Not great. I'll be honest with you. Oh go on. Well we she wanted the nappies off and then she just wouldn't do anything with the nappies off and it was causing her quite a lot of distress. Oh, okay. Because she was holding it in until she got putting a nap atik at the bedtime and that time. Yeah, so she'd go hours holding it in.

Oh God, yeah, it was really the worst of both worlds. What I'd have done to step in a tutur and genuinely, but... Completely dry, arid, arid condition. Honestly it was like the, it's like the Sahara in our kitchen sadly. Oh well she'll get there eventually. She'll get there, everyone does. Josh, we've got some podcast beef. I don't know if you're aware of this. No. Not really with me either, more with you. I've been dragged into this by you.

Have you heard of a podcast called The Fight Disciples? Uh, boxing? Yeah, it's a boxing podcast. I'm a big fan of it, listen to it. I'm actually getting a bit quite pally with the guys that do it. And I texted them. Oh, right. There we go. And I said, really, thanks, mate. beat him and his boys into second place at the British podcast award three years ago.

You're kicking, your football podcast, quickly Kevin. They've won it a couple of times now, beat you. And he says here, Nick Pete, nice guy, met Josh in the bar after and he was real salty. Salty. Yeah, what does that mean? Saltie, a little bit, a little bit annoyed, little bit bitter, a little bit angry from the lot. Yeah, that doesn't sound like me. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't take the British Podcasts Awards defeat as a real kick to the ego.

I mean, I've only ever heard people say lovely things to me. I've never, you know, some people in the industry, people can slack off a bit. Only have a positive view. But no one one th th th th o o o o o o o o o o o o o' th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, I thi, I thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've tho, I've thi, I've, I've, I've thi, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I's, I's, I's, I. I. I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the th. th. th. th. t. t. t. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. the the the. This is what was a shock to me. But no one's ever seen me once I've just missed out on a poddy, Rob. I'm a completely different person. I've got you know, you've got the BAFDA. I haven't got a BAFDA. Have a today? I've got the FHM Stand Up Up Hero 20. Yeah. What a wonderful magazine to be a hit off. And I've got an R.T.S. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've the the the the the th. I've got. I've. I've. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got a. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got a I've got an RTS award the Royal Television Society. But I still I've missed out on a poddy. You've been nominated for a Bafter. Yeah, but you haven't got a podcast award have you. So no, exactly. So I've just got a text here from the producer who's at least we came third not second fuck those fight disciples. Guys I'm gonna

I'm gonna try and separate myself from this. Obviously this is a quickly Kevin and fight disciples problem, not mine, okay? And Josh, it seems like you was very arrogant and rude and I think you should apologize. I'm not, I will apologize because I'm going to fully apologize because I tell you if I'm going to start a feud it's not with a boxing podcast. I know, I mean, both of them would beat us up and their followers, I could imagine, would bash our followers up, but I've seen an angry parent and I think they could take on most boxing fans. Yeah, I don't know. I think this podcast has got some of the tiredest listeners there is. I can't imagine anyone is up for a fight.

But yeah, I'll try and smooth things over with those guys. Oh thanks mate. Much appreciate. It's just less salty behavior in future? Is that okay? I will do less of the salty behavior in future. But if you've still got a problem with him I can arrange a bare knuckle fight. If you're interested, John. Do you know what? I don't do this for the award. I do it. Quite clearly, yeah, with your track record. Yeah, for a nomination, No win. Always the bridesmaid and I'm happy that way. It's lovely. It's lovely to clap someone else achieving what you wanted to at the evening. That is the main thing. Right. Do you want to hear from some of our listeners? Yes, please.

It's the lockdown parenting mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. I've actually got quite a good parenting tipipipipipipipipip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their too. their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the that that that that that their that that emails and there's no bag. I've actually got quite a good parenting tip here from Tom Laws. Oh yeah. Top tip if you're still working from home and required to be in video calls. Always take your one-year-old with you. Set other clangers on eye plow player just out of shot. When the meeting is dragged on enough, pause the TV. The child will kick off

and the meeting is over. That's amazing. Such a good tip, isn't it? Yeah. And you're cut, now the problem is he can never do that. People will be trying to, you know, if they've listened to this, they'll know what his trick is, but that's a blinding idea. It's a great tip isn't it? Maybe we should do like if you've got any top tips that are kind of like that. We don't want like, you know, try a bit of warm milk or whatever. The tips that are like, like top tips that are like morally reprehensible. That's what we're looking for really. Stuff that you're a little bit. That's what we're a little ti. That's the t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. try. try. tip another tip. This is parenting tip. This is from Tom Taf. Feeling a little tired. Lie down on the floor. Give each kid a highlighter and let them draw all over your back. Kills 30 minutes and gives you chance for a little nap. You're all over your back. That can't be worth it. No. You're never going to have

you can have to have someone employ someone to scrub it off. Yeah. You can't get to that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th down down on th down on th th down on th down on the th to tho to to tho to to to to th to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th to th th th th tho th th thi tho tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi. to to to ti. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. thi thi to, you're going to have to have someone employ someone to scrub it off. Yeah. I'll get to that bit of your back. I'd prefer half an hour a parenting to having to go into the shower. Highlight is difficult to get off at the best of times like some things. Also again, you're their prison bitch. You've got to try to eradicate being their prison bitch. Well you're just they're just abusing you lying down they cull you in. Talking about that I have carried my daughters up the stairs on my back as a horsey ride up the stairs every night for three months doing the halftime and it's so degrading and they drag it's sometimes easier to give in and be the horse. Yeah it is the bedtime routine so what was your tip last week the secondary tip was to keep it as shiny shoes. Yeah but look what your shiny shoes are doing they're going so fast and build it that way. Well I've got

good news actually that it's kind of sorted itself out because she's done the siny shoes so many times that she's now developed the ability the ability the ability the ability the ability. the ability. the the to to be the to be the the to be the the the to be the to the to the the to be to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. te. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tethe shiny shoes so many times that she's now developed the ability to walk at pace in them anyway. Oh perfect. Yeah, she's been doing that so every, so now the Times was falling off that section of the bedtime. She's hitting Peebs every night. Exactly, so it's not much of a problem. So she's created her own turbo shoes in a way. Exactly right. Maybe she's listening to the podcast and she thought I need to up my game here. Yeah. This made me feel better about bedtime time times. This is from Debbie Button. Hi guys, you are to say for bedtime routines that take forever. Strap yourself in. My son's bedtime routine takes an hour and there are four adults present. Myself, his dad and our two adult daughters. Our son is four. The routine starts with a 10-minute game of hide-and-seek followed by the bathroom. To go to the bathroom he has to crawl down our king-sized bed whilst under the quilt. Come out of

the end, then all four adults open their legs and he crawls through our legs to the bathroom. What's that done we play a game of catch, basically where we all throw his pajama and bottoms to each other while shouting each other's names. We then repeat with the top and then he gets a sticker for brushing his teeth and getting his PJs up. FFFS Debbie. That is inside. It's like a prince. It's like, I've been, it's like when you get sent the pitch for a kind of new quiz show or something. It's like kind of, it's astonishing. He'll be one of those people in an office that can't understand why the whole office isn't stopping to celebrate their birthday all day. You know those sort of people that are like, but it's my birthday, and just, where's my cake? It's my birthday? He's, I mean it's amazing, he's got them all playing to...

I mean obviously we're not judging this because we've all, I can't judge because we've all got... Josh, I know you want to set on the fence. I'm judging it. That is I'm actually... Someone's got to say, if I'm not saying it, people are saying it, you can't have four people getting one kid to bed. I understand it's probably a bit of a lockdown band that's got out of hand but stuff's opening. One going down and those. Things are going on. You won't have time to do that all the time. So what they're going to have to do is wean him off it, isn't it? Rob. Just go down to three adults. This is kind of salty attitude is what you're known for. We're not going to make. You th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi their to to to thi. You thi. You to thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You to have thi. You thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You thi. You thi. You th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You th. You. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th thin. th th thin. thin. th th th thin. th th th th th th th th thin. th th th th thin. th thin. th th thin. thin. that, this is how to get in toucest with us. Email us Hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk. Or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber1 for

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Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Right, now we have a guest. A wonderful stand-up comedian. You all know her. She's brilliant. She's been in lockdown with her two children. Let's see how it went.

Shappy C Andy, hello. Hello, how are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm okay. It's just so weird because I've forgotten how to socialise and I so rarely have conversations with people over the age of 12, apart from pleasant trees in the park. What's your set up at home in, Shafi? Okay, so it's me on my own with my daughter who is going to be seven next week and my son who was 12. And then from like Saturday night to about Tuesday, my son goes to his dad's house, but they're only like a 10-minute walkaway. So once during the lockdown, they had my daughter overnight as well. But other than that, I'm trying to... What was that night like, Shafi? That night was really odd. I tried to get someone to take the dog as well.

But that night, I just, you know what I did? I just sat on Twitter all night. I actually wrote a good few bloody pages of my book. I worked, I did work and I wrote, I wrote, I don't know if what I wrote was any good, but I just sat and wrote because at night time, like I've fallen asleep or I'll be honest, even though my daughter's only seven, we stay up till about 11 watching box sets like the three of us because, yeah, because that is what we have missed as a family with me being a comic. Because we're out every night and normal family things like squabbling over TV channels.

I've never done it before. I've never sort of had my spot on the sofa before. I've got a my spot now. But the brilliant thing about this generation, I mean your kids are very little now still, right? Toddlers, are they? I salute you and your partners, this whole lockdown I've had moments where I have just wanted to cry for parents or toddlers because particularly when they're sort of two, I mean, by three, three-year-olds are the most intelligent people on the planet. But until that point, yeah, and they know it, and you can't reason with them and you can't plonk them somewhere without being sure they're not going to harm themselves or find a piece of barbed wire to chew on somehow. So that idea, because like you know my kids are in age where I can just go

into my room, like read my book by myself for half an hour before. Someone goes, mama! Mama! Mama! But yeah. So what age does that happen? What age does that happen? What date should I mark in my diary? With my son, it was about two, with my daughter, I'm hoping by sort of next week when she's seven. They're very different children. I do think parenting is like, you know, it says very much a, you know, before plonk and after plonking,

their vibe, isn't there? Where they're so in your face? And they're so in their age, where they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their, their, their, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, their, thi, their, they're, they're, their, they're, their, they're, they're, they're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi................... thin, thin. toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe. toe. too, too, tooer. tooer. tooer. tooer. toe. together, thereea. theree. theree. their age where they don't really want you around that much and they're happy to go off in their room and things like that. Do you find yourself you sort of missed being needed that much? Well, my daughter and I have had a brilliant time. We've like bonded on another level because I was away for so much of her infancy, because of touring and all of that, like, like any working parent, it's not, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, working parent. It's not, it wasn't like, but I'm not, every time I feel guilty about it, I just remember that it was for work and that's how I feed them now when I haven't got any work. But with my son he is very much, can I go upstairs now? It's all about Minecraft.

Yeah. He talks to his mates on the on his headphones all day and then he does his school from eight or four and then it's Minecraft and what's really interesting about him is that he's got to an age now where his humor is his humor and he's not that interested in my, like the times when I've made him laugh he sort of does it with sort of, he's irritated that I've managed to make him laugh. It's like, you know, it's like, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, the, that, the the the the the the the that, like, like, the the the the the the the, like, like, him laugh he sort of does it with sort of he's irritated that I've managed to make him laugh. It's like you know can I swear? No he doesn't swear but his attitude is like fuck you I will not find you funny. Only me and my friends are funny only our humor counts I don't want no old lady humour. What does he think of being a comedian Shaffey? Does he like it? It's really interesting

because both myself and his dad are comics. He really enjoys it when he was little and he came to all the festivals. I used to remember you bring him to festivals and he would be running around. He really really loves it and he watches me but he's it's so ordinary like he doesn't get... Throw me down on yourself Shafi, I think. Well, you know, I'm realistic. But like, I'm just like, the people he hangs out with, the people they have met and hang out with, like, when I was their age, I would have just been beside myself, but it's

really fun, like he'll say to me stuff like, um, oh, mummy, have you seen James Acaster's show? Like he's discovered James Acaster. Yeah. So I had to then get my phone out and go, listen, kiddo, here's you playing football with James A. Castor on a beach in Melbourne when you were five. So shut up educating your mother about comedy. And then he slightly resents that he's slightly that resents the fact that he'd met James Sancaster on his five and I introduced him. Yeah isn't denial that you've got links to the comedy industry, he thinks he's finding it out for the first time himself. Yeah, which is really as it should be, you know. My dad's... Funny do you think? Because he's both his both his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his??. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the the the the the the the their their their their their their th. He's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. And he's their. And he's their. And he's their. And he's their he's their he's their their their their their their their their th. He's their th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. th. th. th. th. th. their their th. their their their their their their th. Heto the comedy industry, he thinks he's finding it out for the first time himself. Yeah, which is really as it should be. My dad's funny do you think because his both his parents are

comics? Do you think was it, you haven't noticed that or? Well, he's very, like he used to come on stage with me like I went to the apple cart festival when he was really little and there's about a thousand people in the audience and he there and he there there what's that song, Violet Fend? You were at that gig. You were at that gig. Yeah, I was at that gig. He was born at Queen Charlotte's Hospital. Oh, it's there. Exactly, yeah.

You weren't there for the conception as well, was you? No, and do you know what the worst thing is? He's now got into James A hea. He's hea. He's hea. He's hea, he's hea, he's hea, he's now, he's now, he's now, he's now, he's now, he's now, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he was thi, he was th th th th th th th thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi, he was thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, he was thi, he was th is, he's now got into James Acas, we couldn't give a shit that I've followed him around for 12 years. No, the thing is, and also like he was saying to me that you've got one's sound mummy that YouTubers are to my generation what stand-ups were to your generation. I'll celebrate my heart. Don't get me wrong, they're good YouTube. They're not funny. I wouldn't say it's the first word. But they. I don't. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. the th. the th. th. th. the the th. the the the th. th. thirty. Don't. thirty. the the the there's. thememol- I's. the thing. I've. I'm. the thing. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. the thing. the thing. the thing. the thing. the thing. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. theree. the. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. He's th're good YouTube's but they're not funny, I wouldn't say it's the first word. But you know the thing about the pressure to be funny, it's he's a quiet boy, you know, he's very much like, he's a geek, you know, I say that in a good way because I think most comedians are geeks. We're all nerds, we're all geeks. If we were cool, would be rock-a. dog. Someone should do a podcast about how hard it is in lockdown has been in lockdown with a dog. I can't help you now. Right here's my situation is the only

adult in the house. The dog wants to go out. The dog cannot go out because I've just turfed my lawn and she'll go and dig and now she's barking and I'm going to have to go and shout to my seven-year-old to come and look after the dog. hold on. Vee Vee, can you come downstairs and look after the dog please? Thanks darling. But anyway... I'm going to shout the instruction, don't whisper the thank you. Sorry. Look after the dog is such a vague instruction. What does it need?

And can you entertain the dog? Can you take her in the drawing? Can you take her in the drawing room just because I'm on the clock? Can you take her into the drawing quarters? Can you take the dog out, baby? Take her board, take her into the living room? But you're reading in your bedroom, okay. Okay.

Okay. Can you read in the front room and take the dog with you? Thank you, don't you rename the drawing room? The reading room? The library. Go to the upstairs library and then come and read your book in the downstairs library. Have you had any sort of like nightmares in lockdown with the kids? Any arguments with them stuff they wouldn't do?

Or is it been quite calm? Well, they've been fine. I've been mad. But... What, in what way? I've just had tantrums. I've had a few tantrums because at the beginning of lockdown... Oh, by the way, I've got... hold on, sorry. Thank you, darling, get her ball.

Thank you, because she keeps barking. The dog killed a squirrel in the park yesterday morning. In front of the kids. Oh no, we've had blood baths. We've had an entire nest of baby mice, baby rats, killed by the cat and then brought into the garden and the dog uses them as chew toys and then burs them and then goes and digs them up and then eats them in front of us while we're trying have been in a nightmare, I have been an absolute nightmare with the pet. So yesterday the dog

catches a squirrel, it's a golden retriever. I didn't think the breed through when I got it, right? It kills this squirrel, runs towards me and my daughter, run away from our own dog screaming in the park. People think that we're being attacked by a dog and they're trying to help us. These two macho joggers then try and wrestle my dog. And I'm like, no, it's my dog. Anyway, so we managed to get the squirrel out of its mouth. It's all good. So anyway, today we went back into the park. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm, I'm so, I'm so to get the squirrel out of its mouth. It's all good. So anyway, today we went back into the park. I'm so enjoying talking to adults by the way. And she went and found, the dog went and found the squirrel she killed yesterday. And we had the same scene all over again.

Blaming. How do you think you would have gotten Shepi with your kids being toddler ages in lockdown? Look, it would have been really hard. So at the beginning of lockdown, the anxiety, like with everyone else, was intense. And also I wasn't drinking because I can't, I can't drink, it just feels so strange to be locked up with two children and hit the bottle. It's not like I did that before. I never drank on my own kids before so it seemed an odd time to start. So how I coped was having to explain to my children about mental stuff. We had this incident that we still talk about the kids and I. The first few days of lockdown was the milk tray incident. Oh wow, okay. What happened in the milk tray incident then? I was trying to make life golden and happy for my children still because that's what you do as a

parent right you just try and make everything magical. And then the first few days a lot down, I just, well, haven't we started cooking and eating together, all stuff that I don't really do, because I'm always out of work, and I got this box of milk tray. And this milk tray box meant a lot to me because I went to the co-op to buy it when, you know, where you felt like you were putting your life in danger just stepping into a supermarket. And I bought it and I, you know, left it for a couple of hours so it, I don't know, the germs ran off or whatever. And so it stopped being a box of death. And then, and then my son went to open it and him him and my daughter was squabbling over how to open it and my son's like he's really clever and

he's normally really careful with things but he just ripped the top of the box off so you couldn't close the box again he just ripped it open. Next thing I knew it was in the bin like I put it in the bin I just went right you're not having it you don't deserve you to you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to to to the to the the to to to to the the to to the to to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee. the the the the the the the I put it in the bin. I just went right you're not having it you don't deserve you kids have had everything given to you on a plate I never had new tray when I was a kid my parents had nothing we didn't have swimming lessons and bad and all of this shit came out of like screaming at my kids at how privileged they are and how lucky they are to have a box of chocolates. You know, we had one chocolate once a year.

I was, I was, not Willie Wonka, Charlie, I was like Charlie from the Chocolate Factory. Just hellish, hellish, it was awful. How many days in was this? I think it was day two. And um... How did they, how did they react? I mean, they realized they were dealing with a mad woman, like they understood that this wasn't normal and my son just, and he's so polite and he's so calm and he looked at me with like fire in his eyes and he said you are behaving really badly. They went up to their rooms and then I had to call them down and I sat down and I said listen sometimes like thunderstorms happen in my head and I can't normally I'd go out the house or I'd go up to my room

or whatever but there's I I behaved very badly and of course I went out the house or I'd go up to my room or whatever but there's I I behave very badly and of course I went out the next day and I bought another box of milk tray that we all quietly ate none of us enjoying it. And it's just so yeah the milk tray incident was bad and that's when I thought right I need to meditate I need to you know, really look after my head. Can I ask a question Chappay? Yeah, please. Do you think you'll ever enjoy a milk tray again?

Do you know what? I bought another one just last night for the first time. I think enough time had gone. I think that's really good though, Shappy though, because you weren't in denial about it. You haven't lied to the kids and you acknowledge your behaviour and explained it to them. And I think that's a much aggressive, better way to rather than denial about it, being honest and discussing it and apologizes. I feel it's weird to apologize to your kids, but I do think sometimes it's necessary. It's so important I think to apologize for to apologize for to apologize for to apologize for to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize for a to apologize forthink to apologize for times when you have behaved badly and even if they you know even if whatever they did do did get on your nerves

always you know whatever but during lockdown everybody I know it's like the thing to sort of go all my kids are driving me up the wall but I think my kids have done really well with me they've been amazing because they've been I'm you know they've been so supportive and kind of the worst bit the absolute worst bit is their squabbling yeah do they get on then are they like mates or is it they the age gap is very different it's very big it's almost six year age gap so and and also their personalities are wildly different my son is thi thi thi thi thi the the thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the age gap. So, and also their personalities are wildly different. My son is much more introverted and my daughter is exactly like me. And the poor, my poor boy, he's stuck with, as he calls them, because he's a Corsandi Riley, and we're Corsandies,

and he's like, oh oh you Corsandy women. If you had that moment to yourself where you did loads of work when both your kids were staying away during lockdown what would you do now if you had the whole date itself you weren't allowed to do work? No kids no dog no nothing and just you in the house what would you do? And I wasn't allowed to write? No work. Possibly finish painting the hallway. I've been painting my hallway. Does that count as work? Decorating? Decorating. That could be a hobby. Because with our jobs, you're away so much. And I feel like I bought a house and then I just spent all my time away from it. And I've just been like wandering around just sorting it out really. You tuft your garden didn't you? Did you do that yourself? I did? I have done some serious graft.

I have, I have hurt myself. I've carried like something twice my own body weight through the house and I've laid down a, I've, I've that um- I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that the their their theat their their their their their job thea to to their the, the, like, like, like their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toldeat, toldeat, told togea. toge. toda, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, their today today today twice my own body weight through the house and I've laid down a floor at the back of my garden and then astroturfed it for the garden furniture. So I had to like rake it all, carry in like 10 bags of sand, sand it all down, and then glue the turf on and then I had to rake up the garden and then lay down turf. It's been fucking amazing. I love it. I love all that stuff and if I wasn't a comic I would certainly go and do something manual like that.

That is one of the most unlikely revelations we have on the story. I don't know if I could do it for someone else because if they didn't like what I did I'd get really upset but has the turf taken Shaffy that's a big question it's a tough. I don't know it's only been it's only been two days but it's my daughter's mine and my daughter's birthday at the weekend so we're having the government sanctioned amount of people in our garden so I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea our garden. So I thought I'd just do it for them. But you know what else happened in lockdown with the kids is just teaching, like learning with them. I wouldn't call it homeschooling because I'm not a teacher. But learning with them. And watching my son, he's so diligent. He gets up at eight, he does all his work. It really matters to him that he does all his school work.

I never have to force him to do anything. And then I'm like, I found myself getting really envious of him. Just thinking, God, I really wish. I used to love studying, like, not at school because I was dyslexic, but once my dyslexia was diagnosed diagnosed it was like a whole new world and so I've signed up to do a MA at the open university. What in? English literature. Oh wow. Oh lovely! Yeah I'm going back to university that's already. And do you know what boys I think I'm gonna go all the way. If I live long enough I'd like to be Professor Corsandi. Oh wow I think I'm going to go all the way. If I live long enough, I'd like to be Professor Corsandy. Oh wow, I think I live long enough, I thought there's what, four years?

I've had a couple of shamping. You love it. It's confidence, mate. But seriously, like with everything that's happened with all of this stuff, and I was a comic, look at me using it in the past tense, 25 years, 25 years of my life living this lifestyle and all the gorgeousness, wonderfulness, dream come true stuff that's happened on top of the awful, nightmareish pit of health stuff that you go through as well. And it's been such an incredible roller coaster, but there's other things now that I want to do. Are you announcing your retirement on our

podrific? No, no because I haven't figured out another way to make a living yet please please. It's still wings in the beans it's still. That would be great for some PR if we say that you're now then they can link us back to the things. If you could just say you're like like I've decided no because no because thing is I want it I want to still do festivals I still want to do all the outdoor gigs that you do that are so much fun like Bristol Comedy Festival all of that stuff that a joyous but but if you're a book tenant and there's no pressure to be funny you just sort of hold the book up a talk a bit and leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'll they'll they'll to to to to to to to the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to they they they to they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their I I I I I I to their they I the to the to the to the to to the to the to the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the dream, the dream geek. There's just no way I'm going, I'm going back to the same intensity of work because it's weird isn't it because it's all or nothing. Yeah. I was going to ask, Shafi, what your highlight and low lie of lockdown is, but I guess

the low light would be the milk tray incident and then the high light, the degree and the being a professor or is the the the the highlight. the highlight. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the high. the the high. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the the the the the the the. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I. I..... I..... the. the.... the. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. tray incident and then the highlight the degree and the being a professor or is there another highlight you know of lockdown where you just saw art with my kids this is bliss? The highlight is having this uninterrupted time with my kids it's honestly I could cry like I I have not had it before I haven't had that that time where I'm with them and there's no where to be in the evening there's nothing to prepare for there. There's there there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the true true the true true true true their true to to to to to to to to the the the the the the where I'm with them and there's nowhere to be in the evening. There's nothing to prepare for, there's no pressure. I'm not thinking about where I've got to be or what I've got to do, what I've got to say. I'm with my kids and I had never properly experienced, you know, full-time mummying before. I've always had other people helping me

and being here and that's been amazing but the highlight has been just rolling around with my kids all day. I could cry it really is wonderful. It's wonderful. I know it's funnier to sag it off. I wish it was fun. You're not a comic anymore so you don't need to. No I can stop saying you're not a comic anymore. you don't need to. No, I can't say that. Can you stop saying you're not a comic anymore? You're going to drive me to the institutions. I'm sorry to hear you've officially retired for comedy on the show.

But good luck, with the beard and professor thing. I can't believe you retired me. Don't shoot the messenger. It's been a great inning. What a career. Thank th c. Thank th c. Thank tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi tho tho, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho, can't tho, can't tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're th. Can you th th th. Can you th th. Can you th. Can you th. Can you tha. Can you tha. Can you thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi, that, that, that, thate. Can you're thate. Can you're not thate. Can you're not the. Can you're not thate. Can you're not tho. Can you're not because I'm... Don't shoot the messenger. It's been a great inning. What a career. Thanks, Randy. Thanks, Shafi. Bye. Shappie, Sa'i trai situation.

Bye. Shappie, Sandy. Always delivers. She's had a right tarm of it. The milk tray situation. Do you know what though, the milk tray situation early and it got that out the way. You sometimes need that kind of blowout, don't you? We both know Shappy, and I don't think it's a surprise to us or Shappy that there was that milk tray moment. And I just think for the good of the family, it was good to happen early doors, they could address it and move on, rather than it's, to, and waiting, to, to, and, the, to, and, and, the, and, the, to, and, and, and, thi, and, and, and, thi, and, and, and, and, thi, and, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and....... And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. toa. th toe. th th th th th th th thi. label something like that as this event, rather than there being a long-running tension,

calling it also the milk tray moment, makes it feel light and kind of, doesn't make it feel like an incident. Also, he still eats milk tray. That's what I couldn't get the head round. I was like, do you realize there's for a rochey You know, Thorntons, Goulion, that Goulion stuff, little shells. Oh yeah. What are the balls? The chocolate balls, Lint, that's the ones I like, the Lint balls.

I tell you, oh, they're little one-pop bastards, they're lovely. No one the love-Lin-bos. Corsandies were angry. I think the dog need to sort, but I feel like I'm at least 15 years away from it now. I don't think anyone would look at Chappi Corsandis' household of a single mom with two kids and go, you know what this house needs for lockdown, a golden retriever. I don't think that helps. Do you think, if your daughters wanted a dog, which might happen in the next, say, three

years? Yeah. I always say, I'll get a dog when Lou dies or leaves me. It's always been my mind. It's quite possible in the next three years. Yeah, it won't be a surprise. They're leaving rather than death. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I genuinely, and I think it's nice, the great thing with Shapi is she's such an open person.

Yeah. There's not much, you know, when you talk to Shappy, you're getting a genuinely honest appraisal of what she's been through. She's not trying to sugar coat it. No, exactly. And I think it's so big of a to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, to, the milk tray incident and apologize for it and explain it and then move forward where a lot of parents I think would never mention it ever again and nothing gets resolved by ignorance of it. So I think it's good. Thank you very much Shappy. We are looking for people that are willing to talk like that.

We don't want to hear it's going well. That is the last thing we need. If you want to get in touch about anything about anything about anything about anything about anything about anything about anything about how. Email us, hello at lockdownparentin.co.uket, or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. Who we got next week, Josh? Alex Brooker, who we interviewed just after Shappy, and the difference was Stark. Both having different times in their own different ways. How did you manage to book him? I look forward to that next Tuesday. Thanks for listening, see later. Cheers, bye.