Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP6: Jason Manford

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP6: Jason ManfordJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the amazing comedian Jason Manford who for half the week has six, yes SIX children to tend no. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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to the te. toeckon. Hello. I'm Roeckley. the show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping or hopefully not and we will be hearing from you the listener with

your tales of lockdown parenting woe because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hell with me. Rob Beckett. And me. Josh or good too. Oh, I love that. Love that.

She wants a fee though, my daughter for that. Yeah, she's got an agent. She's got an agent, yeah, same one as me. How you been, Josh? I've been all right, you know, it's been fine. Still not got any knives or forks, but you know, you can't have everything. Can't just spoon, isn't it? Just have soup. Yeah, exactly. The spoon doesn't fit in the lantern, so we get to keep our spoons.

Oh great, that's the dream. How have you been, Rob? Well, I know how you've been. Oh, yes. Because you've been sending me some voice memos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. th that really a thing? And my two-year-old hates me now all of a sudden, has decided that she's got no time for me and I've got no part of her life. So we might as well do our new feature. Josh, what you calling it? Dispatches from the parenting front line. Lovely. So, uh, shall you just listen to what you sent me this week? Let's do it! You are the best friend?

Oh, thank you. Do you say it again? Is Mommy? Oh, is Mommy your best friend? Yeah. Oh, what about Daddy? No. So who's your best friend? Who's your best friend? Mommy?

Oh. Oh. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think your wife is on your side in this battle. If anything, she's feeding the problem. That's what I thought Josh. She is drawing that out of the child. And then she said, I th th th said, I th said, I th said, I thin thin thin thin thin thin, I thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoom, thoom! thoom! thi. thiolomea, thoomomomomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomoomoomoomoom! thoom! thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thoo. that out of the child and then she said that to me, apropos of nothing and went, oh, not trying to be mean, but I thought it might be quite funny on the podcast.

So now she's self-produced in herself into the podcast. They look like this sort of incredible mom and I'm this annoying bloke who's just in the house. But it's a leading question, I don't think that would be acceptable. I mean it would be weird question in court who's your best friend? Yeah, well to be fair it had happened earlier when well I went love you and she went no I love you to try and no to introduce with me you're not my best friend out of nothing out of nowhere. But I think they're just bored of me. We've been indoors with each other a lot. I'm used to be in a way. Yeah. I I I I to to to to to to to to to to to to to being to being to being to being the the the way. Yeah. I to being to being to being to being to being to being to being to being to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the way in a to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the way. I the way. I the way. I the way. I the the way. I the the the the the way. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th the. I the. I the. I the. I'm the. I the. I the. I'm th to the. I th. I dropping off at preschool so I think they're just bored of us as people. Yeah I understand that I understand I understand being bored of you. Yeah. That's the thing it's difficult that preferential thing because there's part of me when my daughter decides that she doesn't like me so she wants her mom to do the nappy that is offended.

There's another part of me the things fucking get in. I'm absolutely delighted with this. And then I do leading questions. Off the back of that I go, oh you need someone to wipe your balm. Do you want mummy to do it? Yeah, mummy. Go mummy. And then when you're in favor, so I've had a, you know, you have periods in and out of favor so you have some periods about where I'm the favoured one. I'm bloody hell, I can't get anything done at all. I tell you how to make yourself not the favoured one is when they're bigger and they start, you know, going to the toilet themselves and they still need their bum white, the first time you wear up a child's bum with tissue paper instead of a wet wipe, they react to you like you've just littum. Like. Like you. You. You. You. You've you. You've you. You've you. You've you. You've you. You've you. You've just you've just you've just you've just you've you. You've you. You've just you. You've just you. You've just you. You've just you. You've just you. You've just the the the the th. You've just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. They are furious. They are, they just go like, what's you do it? Why does, why is that dry and why is it not? Why, what's going on? And you're like, this is just what happens? As you get older, you've got to use a bit of tissue to wipe your ass. That's just

like. Do you know what though? You say that, obviously, that's what we'll do. that, thi that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, thr-I's, that's, that's, that's, that, why is, why is, that's that's that's that's, why is, why is, that, that, that, and why is, and why is, and why is, and why is, and why is, and why is, and why is, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thro. thr. thro. that's, why is that's why is that's why is that's why is that's why is that's why is that's why is thr with a wet wipe, maybe I'll go back to wet wipes. Look, I've dabbled with wet wipes. The only issue is you can't chuck them down the toilet, obviously. So now you've just got a bin full of soaking wet ass wipe. So if you were to invent a flushable wet wipe, that would be the dream scenario, wouldn't it? But I'm dubious about the flushability. You don't want them them them them them them one responsible for blocking the sewage because you've been wiping your own ass with wet wipes. That would be a disaster. A terrible PR headline for me in the spam. That would be. Locked down ass wiping rulebreaker, Beckett, popped to the shots of flushable wet wipes to give his ass a clean, wet wipe. I reckon I'm going to call it, they'd come up with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with a their their the come up with a snappy headline than that but do you want some emails yes please It's the lockdown parody mail bag But it's actually emails and there's no bag

So I've got a couple for you Rob Dominic Clark we were talking about I think I was talking about my struggle with making my child eat all of a pan of choccolour rather than just the chocolate bit, and how I then realized that the rest of it wasn't good for them. So, this is from Dominic Clark. Josh's comment about the panchocolat made me remember a particular lockdown, the p-cholour, the meal time we were having were a their, their, their, their, a th..... their, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular lockdown, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a to, a particular, a particular, a particular, a, a particular, a, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a to, a to, a to, a to, a th..... to, a th. to, a th. to, a to, a to, a to, a to, a to, a to, a toa, a toa, a to, a to, a to, a to, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, a particular, In this instance, it was a frozen pizza, alphabet shape, and peas. I added the piece to demonstrate I'm not an entirely neglectful parent. As usual, my three-year-old was talking a lot and not eating a lot.

So I found myself saying the following, If you don't eat your pizza, you won't get any ice cream, as if the pizza was the healthy bit which she ate to be rewarded. Isn't that a low moment that you're trying to force? I am living my life. If I could have pizza for every meal as an adult, I would do it. I'd stay away from pizza. As a child, being kind of having to be talked into pizza with the with a bribe of ice cream. I know! They don't know how good they've got it. I mean, I'm already thinking about what my three pizzas a day would be. I'm going off, I'm having an egg in the middle for breakfast, veggie at lunch and then pepperoni for dinner. That's a clean three meals a day.

I have a pizza at the weekend from takeaway on Rockdown. It's like my treat to myself, which is pathetic. It's like the the the the the th. It's like my th. It's like my th. It's like my th. It's like my. It's like my. It's like my. It's like my. It's like my. It's like my threat. It's like my threat. It's like my threat. It's like my threat. It's like my threaty. It's like my threat. I'm threat. I'm threat. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm having. I'm having. I'm having a t. I'm having a tri. I'm having tri. I'm having tri. I'm having tri. I'm having trie. I'm having trie. I'm having tthat's what I'm looking forward to as I record this. What will you get? What kind of pizza is it? Is it like a? Margarita mate? Love it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Domino's and Papa John's right? The dip? What's better? What garlic dip do you prefer? The papa jostal? The dominoes? That's because I've got memories for me as well university. Oh right, so it's nostalgia. I can't separate it from a kind of nostalgic hit. Because the dominoes opposite my university used to do a deal which was $199 for a small margarita, which I'd probably have five times a week. So cheap. Yeah, it was so cheap. And just you could at that point in your life because you had a metabolism, right? This feels like I paid for advertisement from 15 years ago. And I phoned up once and I said, um, could I get the small cheese and tomato to pick up? And they said, what's your name? I said, Josh? Is that the Josh? And I thought this has gone on too far.

A mini 199 Margaret pizza sounds like the treat of a widow? Do you know what I mean? That's too too too too too too thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's thi that's that's that's thi that's thi thi that's that's thi that's thi that's that's thi. that's thi. thi. thi. that's thi. thi. thi. that's thi. thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm to thi. I'm to to to to to to to theeeee. to to thee. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I of a widow. Do you know what I mean? That's too small, Josh. Like, oh, he has his little pizza every Thursday. Did you see the cue of those cars queuing up for KFC? Yeah. Right? So I, there was all these people queuing up for this KFC drive-through that's opened. And I was looking at that,

and this sums up what my life is like. I was genuinely thinking, I'd love to be sat in a traffic jam in a car on my own. Imagine the joy of being alone in a car in a traffic jam in a traffic jam. The chicken seems by the by. Oh, I just get to the front and I carry on driving and just go back and go. I'm just here for the to think, let me join the back of the queue. You carry on, you go, you go. Or just sit there and just let people go ahead of you, you know, like in a supermarket. You just want wings, go ahead. You're just getting wings, just go ahead. I'll go next.

I would do anything to be in a queue. I would do anything to be in a queue. for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air, but one thing hasn't changed. The Ford government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the Ford government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of O'.O, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thii. th at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario.

I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber one for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats.

With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary, eligibility and member terms apply. So this, another one from Sarah Page. Hi Rob and Josh. I'm currently trying thine thine to thine thine thine to thine thine th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, the, th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to to to, to, to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. And, th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th'm currently trying to home school my five and three-year-old boys, struggling massively. The only break I get is letting them play zookeeper with our five chickens. It started with them checking for eggs, giving them seed, etc. The next thing, their fear has gone.

They're picking up the chickens, running around the garden in escalation, out of control. Last week I went outside and they were putting the chickens down the slide. At the weekend my five-year-old was making an assault course around the garden. We thought this was good keeping entertained. Then he said he was going to put the chickens on it saying he was going to check whether the chickens could do park. Now obviously the chickens didn't do that it was all fine. They do peckle but But, but, oh yes please Rob. Really strong stuff. Thanks, mate. Yeah, I was hoping.

Really good. I'm a bit nervous to do it. Yeah, thanks. But she said, the word, I walked away as I heard my husband shouting over, chickens cannot do parkour. A sentence I never thought I would need to be said. We should add that she says all the chickens was completely fine, they haven't done any parkour, don't panic. So don't don't get in touch. If you're worried about the chickens, get in touch about the KFC bit. Right, how do they get in touc? Josh? This is how you get in touch. Email us, hello at lockdownparentin.co.uk.

Or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. Our guest this week is Jason Manford. He's a comedian, actor, singer. He does everything now, don't he? Pogast radio. It's Renaissance man. Oh, Renaissance man. And he's homeschooling six children. Enjoy.

Hello, Jason Manford, how are you? And well, how are you? We're all right, yeah. Do you know what? We're feeling better for doing this, aren't we, Rob? Yeah, and I love that energy, Jason. Well, you know, I would like to say this a purely selfless act, but it just gets us upstairs by myself for a familiar. It's nice, isn't it?

Considering I'm out of work, I've never been busier. I need to go and do this just for nothing, but I'm going to go and do that upstairs. Would you have done this out of lockdown? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So Jason, we should, this is a podcast basically, we set up because, you know, I've got a two-year-old and a four-year-old, Josh has got a two-year-old, and it's, you know, it's brutal and it's hard work, so we wanted to speak to other parents in lockdown and find out

out their coping. You've got, what's your set up? Must be really hard for you guys, must be so to be so hard, to be so hard, to be so, to be so, to be so, to be so, to, to, to, to, their, to, to, to, their, to, their, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to you guys. Must be so hard. So hard there. So what's your setup at the moment? My set up is that I have to be offstead checked every so often because I have so many children in my house. To do the school run I have a deal with Fingland's buses. Like... It's mental. So basically I have a deal with Fingland's buses. Like, it's mental.

So basically, I have six children. And I have four children with my ex-wife. I have two children with my new wife. She doesn't like being called that. And I'm like, well, the middle one? So, and so I have six children in our house. And at the moment during this period of lockdown, the children are between our two lockdown houses,

my big four children, between my two lockdown houses. So, I have half the week with six children in the house and the other half the week with just the two little ones, who are two and four. And which is your favorite half of the week, favorite child? The two-year-like, and, and the the th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, tho, the the the the the the the th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.eean, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomome, the And which is your favorite half of the week, Jason? The favorite child? The two-year-old. I didn't even think about answering the two-year-old. He's asleep at seven. No. Sorry, go on, which are my favorite one? So how do your two parts of week differ? Yeah, I mean, they, it's very different. You know, I've got one half of the week where it is full-on homeschooling, getting stuff sent through from the schools,

trying to work out. I mean, basically, teaching is a tough job. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot of teachers, but it's about 75% printing. There's a lot of printing. The trees are taking a battering. It's a lot of brilliant. When we eventually get back outside, we'll be like, where are the trees at? So we use them all, homeschooling.

Yeah, so there's a lot of that going on. So the homeschooling is good. And it's interesting, I mean, mine are all, my eldest girls are 10, the twin girls who are 10. Then I have a a 9, I have a 9, I have a 9, I have th, I have, I have, I have, I have, I, I, I have, I have, I, I, I, I, I, I, I have, I have, I have, th, th, th, th, th, th, so, so, so, so, so, th, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. t, so, so, so, so, so, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. the. tree. thea, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, we are, the a the a the a the a thea. the. 9-year-old girl, a 7-year-old boy, and then a 4-year-old, the 2-year-old. Oh, what? I need a moment just to take that in. Yeah, is that I'd say that is the most difficult span. You've got the young Nata ones and then the older ones that challenge in you with like algebra and stuff. That's a brutal I mean, I don't realize I thought I thau thau thau to Google. I mean, I don't even know what to Google. I don't even to find out the answer. I don't know what the question is.

I'm like, I don't know how to Google this. We were doing active and passive verbs yesterday, an active and passive sentences. And I was genuinely learning it for the first time. Like I don't even remember this coming up as a kid. Do they all get to even even even even even even even even even even even to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the answer to find to find the answer to find the answer the answer the answer to find the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to to to to to to to the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer. I the answer. I their the answer. I their the answer. I their the answer. I the answer the answer the answer. I to to to to to go go go go go to to to to to the answer to the answer the answer the answer time. Like I don't even remember this coming up as a kid. Do they all get on? Like do they police each other in a way or? Well, yeah, in a sort of like, you know, like American police, like a bit harsh. They do police each other. They're pretty good. I mean, what's quite handy. Like, for example, when we were doing active and passive sentences yesterday is my eldest girl acts almost like a teaching

assistant so I'm sort of able to go sweet time just come over it just explain to me exactly what this means so I can teach the other children so there's a bit of that going on yeah but no generally they're fine I mean obviously it's always hard trying to get a 10 year old to play with a two year old and and and and and and and and and and and and the the the the the the the to to to the to to the the the to th to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. the the their. their. the their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. their. their. their. their. they're fine. I mean, obviously it's always hard trying to get a 10-year-old to play with a two-year-old. And weirdly, after all day at school, in inverted commas, and they keep moaning about it, oh God, this, you know, and I keep saying to them, I'm just honest with them, I say, look guys, this is new for me as well. I don't know what I'm doing. thin. thin. thin. thin. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. this, thi. this, thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the job. I don't know how to do this and I'm just guessing and getting us through this. So the only way we can do this is to try and get through it together as a team and we are literally a team. Yeah. And what is the two-year-old say to that? The two-year-old I've got to say just can I have an ice pot? and I say help yourself to the freezer and the knives are up on the shelf to chop it in half.

But generally we just keep talking I think that seems to be the trick is we can have a laugh in these moments where we you know we sort of lose it or whatever and what we try to do every day is to just talk about the situation and just try and explain it to each other what our frustrations are. Because you it's easy to sort of think sometimes when I look at the kids I think God I would have loved this when I was a kid. Yeah. I would have loved it. Well when I was a kid like I know it's totally different but because I'd lived on Dartmoor I used to get a week a year off due to snow right like just because the bus couldn't get through. And I could not believe that. Like that was the greatest. And I don't think it's like, it's the dream.

It was the dream. Yeah. And my parents didn't have to homeschool me for a week. So it was like, that would not have to. I'd just get to watch neighbors twice. Do you know what I mean? It's it. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. It was kids. Absolutely not. You'd be like, oh you'd be like, go do some forest schooling. Off you go, go play with a stick for three hours. That's your new friend. Yeah, it definitely wouldn't have happened. But in general, we've got a very odd relationship with our children because we're of a generation of people who like to be liked. And this is right across society.

Anyone born late 70s, early 80s and onwards were brought up in this, in a society that craves acceptance and craves to be liked. And that's gone all the way through history of course, but it's never been more heightened than it has with the internet generation. Literally, getting a like on Facebook releases the same endorphins in your brain as, as, as, as, as, as, as, the, as, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their one, their one, their one their one, their one their one their one their one their one one their one one their one one their one their one their one, anyone, their one, their one, their one, their one, their one, their one, their one one one, their one one one, their one one one, their, their one one one one one one one, their, their one, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the. Wea, the. We're theateate.o. We're theateate. We're theate. Anyone, theate. Anyone, their, their, their,than it has with the internet generation. Literally, getting a like on Facebook releases the same endorphins in your brain as, you know, a rapper whiz or whatever, you know what I mean? So it's a drug, which is my drug reference of choice. And so what's hard is parenting when your children sometimes don't like you

because as a parent, occasionally you've got to make decisions and do things where your parent does, so if your child, the person you love the most in the world doesn't like you even for a fraction of a minute, you're devastated. Whereas our parents, they didn't care. They didn't care whether you liked them or not. They used to say it to your face. I'm not here to be your mate.. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get you to get you to make to make to make to make to make, to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make care whether you liked them or not. They used to say it's at your face.

I'm not here to be your mate. I'm just trying to get you through. Make sure you stay alive. I used to threaten to leave home three times a week. Two times, my dad would be packed. Where'd you want dropping? Have you lost it if your kids at any point? You know you're sort of trying to be quite calm about it and frustrations, but like it's been so you've just blown.

Yeah, the first PE with Joe. They were looking at me like I was mental. But I got to say, I'm appreciating his time. And we enjoy his class and we do it every day. But the same time, if he ends up sports personality of the year, I wouldn't be surprised. There's not much competition, is it? Exactly. What's he going to do? And the winner is. Yeah, Lingard for keep yuppies in his garden that you put on Insta. Yeah. Are you missing sport, Jason? Oh my God? Yeah, so so bad. I mean I've been listening to like the

The Match of the Day lads have got a podcast out where they just talk about old football games. It's nothing to say is it's nothing to say. But what's weird is you realize what you add, you know, because I'm a I'm a fan that generally just watched my football team. I think I was more of a a man city fan than I was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the mat. mat. mat. mat. mat. the mat. the the mat. the mat. the the the the the the the the the the the the the watched my football team. I think I was more of a Man City fan than I was a football fan. Like I love football but I love Man City so I would watch them. And then I would watch the big games at a Chelsea Arsenal, you know a Liverpool Everton or whatever if needs be. But now, oh my God, I would I would watch Scottish Third Division. I know. I'd watch two lons in the park right now. Just kick them out. I've heard whispers going like on that Twitter and they're going,

you do know that there's a Belarus are still playing. If you down to this, you can watch the Belarusian top flight and I nearly get a load in it. What are you doing? I know. Are you watching a lot of TV? Like have you got rules on TV and stuff with your kids? I mean usually what we have is on their iPads. There's a, there's like, you know, you can do family iPad, family sharing. So we have a, and so I have a thing where I can access their screen time and you know, they get an hour a day. And I put, at the first week I put that up to two hours which I thought you know and then what we what week week six now so I'm like I just deleted it I was like just do what you want like I can't even please this anymore how are you doing with food Jason

yeah yeah too well, if any good. Are you feeding sticks must be tough, isn't it? Yeah, that is difficult. And also what's hard is going to the supermarket and not looking like you're stockpiling. When all you're actually doing is feeding your own family. It's like, why are we only having half a banana? Well, we're only allowed three. So, yeah, it has been difficult. What I did at the beginning, again, Jason at the beginning of lockdown.

What a guy he was. You could have learned a lot from him. I was doing family plans. We were going through recipe books. I was getting the kids to pick their favorite recipes. Because in all honesty, you know, and this is a hard thing to admit, especially from someone who is, you know, I'm a family man and you know, I talk about my kids a lot. But I was on, I've been on tour since October.

I'm away six nights a week. And then we're back to, you know, I commute a little a little a little a little a little, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, to, and, to, and, to, we finished our last we did the last Monday show before the lockdown come down in full force driving home I did have a moment where I thought to myself I am going to have to retrain myself to be a dad. Yeah. You know I'm going to have to come home and I'm going to have to relearn a lot of the stuff that I've sort handed over to my wife and my ex-wife. You know they're th, I I I'm th, I'm sort, I'm sort th, I'm sort th, I'm sort sort th, I'm sort sort th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th at th at th at th that tho, I'm sort sort sort sort sort tho, I'm sort tho, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm to to to to to have to have to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I've th th th th. I've th th at thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that the that the the the the theeeeeee theeee to to to to to to the the the the the the the handed over to my wife and my ex-wife. You know, they deal with the friends and the feelings of things, you know, and I'm sort of in an old-fashioned site where I go, well, I got my job is a go-to-work and I earn this money and that comes into the house and then, and I spend me a few days off that I've got a week hanging out and do little bits and boobbs together. So to suddenly come back and be full-time dad and homeschooler and all the, you know, and counselor and you know, and all those things, suddenly,

you know, not only am I trying to get used to who I am as a, as this person suddenly not doing this job that I'm being used to, I'm suddenly having to get used to these children who are thrown upi to to th. th. th. their th. th. their thrown their thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, you know, you know, you know, you know, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you know, you're, you know, you're, you're, you're, you.. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you...... You. You. You. You. You. You. You. And, you. And, you. And, you. And, you. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to know, to know, to know, to, to know, to, to, to, to, you know, you know, you know, you know, you. And, of my eyes, these 10-year-old girls who are having, you know, full-on conversations with friends and boys and whatnot on the messaging apps and stuff. And so there's a lot of things going on. These people, these young people have got full-on opinions on things. And when it comes to food and things like that, you know, when I grew up, when I grew up, if you didn't have it for your dinner, you had it for your breakfast. Yeah. My parents were very strict like it was, I don't want this and I think, well I don't like, I tell you, I don't like broccoli, but I tell you what I really don't like, broccoli in the

morning. With those two options I would have it at night. where they feel like they've got a choice in the in the food process. So I just let the kids go through the recipe books and we read super food for super children and all those sort of books and I said right, pick a load of things and it sort of works out all right up to now. Whereas for me, I'm still eating Easter eggs. Obviously you've got like a house full Jason, but if for like in a bit of magic that like your wife and all your children just got disappeared for 24 hours and it was still locked down and you had the entire house to yourself and the day to yourself, what would you do? What would that day look like? I think it would, half the day would be, I'd try and sort out me ultimate team on FIFA. You know

I've still got a right back at who's 76. So I'd probably sort that out I'd definitely do that. And but I mean trying to, crick it, I mean trying to sort this house out. We've done nothing but clean the house. And but it's like you know it's like shoveling snow while it's snowing when you've got kids around. it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th you're th you're th. I's just th. I's just thi. I'm thi. I'm try try trying. I's try try thi. I's thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's just just just just just th. I's just just just just just th. I'm try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try. I'm try. I'm th. I'm this house out. We've done nothing but clean, spring clean the house. But it's like, you know, it's like shoveling snow while it's snowing when you've got kids around. It's just relentless. And so I think what would be nice would be just to get to a point where everywhere was lovely and tidy and done and then I could bring them all back and go right. At least I know now that the basics are done so I could just keep on top of it. And so. And so. And so. And so. And so I. And the their. And the basics are done so I can just keep on top of it because that's been a big start with the house. Oh what a tree that would be. The crumbs situation in but we were hoover and there'll be just crumbs admit that to the point now where the local birds are flying into the back door because

I know there's going to be food on the floor. We've become like Chaffar the square mid-90s. Yeah so I'd probably I'd a a a a a a a a the the the the the the their f. I'd their f. I'd their f. I'd their f. I'd their f. I'd their f. I'd theirf. theirf. their f. theirf. I'd their f. their. C. C. C. C. their. their. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Cr. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. Cre. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Yeah. C. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the th. FIFA I sort the house out and I started one of those the career mode the other day and my wife was asleep next to us and I thought I'd just get a start on this and she woke up at one point and obviously he started like a youth player my wife woke up she said what I said I'm just playing FIFA she said why I'm just playing FIFA the the the team I'm I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm the I'm the the the the I'm just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I they. I the the the the they. I the the the the the the I said I was waiting to get on I'm new I'm new I'm new to the team so I don't get I get like last 10 minutes for a few weeks or you know make a name for myself she said you've got half an hour to play football and you're spending most of it sat on the bench watching the computer playing football. It's a tough game in it. Let me ask you guys a question.

Yes. In your house, is there like a chores league table with your wives? No, well on a Sunday or I'm trying to get it moved to Saturday, is cleaning day. So we do all the cleaning in one day? Oh wow. Yeah, so it's like, one of us will take my daughter and then the cleaning in one day. Oh wow. Yeah so it's like one of us will take my daughter and then the other one will clean and to be honest last week I was I was just desperate to do the cleaning because you're just in your own world. Yeah you put the radio on you yeah. Great. Well I discovered ironing the other week do remember? Yeah. And I and I got a flashback to my dad doing it so my wife does it she's. You. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We we we th. We th. th. We th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the other one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. the other week. Do you remember I? Oh yeah. Right. And I got a flashback to my dad doing it. So when my wife does it, she's in, we've got a little utility room out the back and she does

that, she does what she needs to do. I got this pile of ironing, lads, let me tell you. It is, it's the secret. It is the, it is the, this is this is, the dream, the dream, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the living room, telly on. Oh yeah. Nobody bothers you because nobody wants to do the job. Yeah. Nobody checks on you. Nobody comes in to check. And also, I'm lost a seven-year-old gonna moan about a crease in his pants. Like, there's no comeback. There's no come back.

And also, if you're holding a red iron and something, you got, oh, can you grab the kids? I've got this. Yeah. It's like a hot cup of tea with a baby in it. Oh, do you mind? I've just got this, one second. I got a flashback of my dad used to do the ironing on a Saturday afternoon in front of grandstand. And I now, and I suddenly went, oh my god, hecycler with a podcast pin! Oh my god that's a pornographic! I put the bins out yesterday it was like two weeks in

iron apple. Have you got any like if you had one tip that you've kind of learned that's actually helped you parenting in lockdown? Is there anything that you've kind of gone, oh that would really help other people parent in lockdown? It's hard isn't it? I think because you know when again when we talk about pre-lockdown or early lockdown Jason, you know I was thinking about learning Portuguese and sign language and maybe the ukulele and now I'm just trying to get through th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to the the the to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the the the the. the the the the. the. the. the. thean. toe. the. the. and now I'm just trying to get through it roughly within the same boxing weight category as I started. Yeah. I think, God I would hate to patronize anybody by giving them tips on how to parent, Kriki. What you end up doing is playing this weird like game of, I call it top tired or not tired with your wife which is

essentially unless you are the most tired you're not tired at all. That's how it works like in relationship and so you're constantly on this like you're just dropping things into conversation you know I did I did the washing the other day and you know my wife said oh nice when you're doing that I said yeah I thought I'd get it done and she she meant to say it as a compliment what she said was oh that's really good that you're doing that because it's not coming in I've done it for the last five weeks and then she left and so what she left me with was I've not been doing the washing right now in the present I've not been doing it yeah yeah for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I'm not I'm not th I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not that that that's that that that that that I'm not that I'm not that I'm not that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I was I was I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I I that I that I th I th I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th th. I'm not th. I'm not thin th th. I'm not thrown thrown thrown the thrown the the the the the the the the the there's those little those little like digs I had a moment let me tell you this I had a moment at least you didn't

take it with you Jason and then then I mentioned it with you until you asked about a poker let me tell you this when we first started the lockdown I said to the kids right we've done I've done a schedule I think that's the tip actually is schedule schedule and routine that is that is that is that is th th th th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I'm the thi. I'm the thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm te. I'm te. I'm. I'm. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm today. I'm the the today. I'm the the th. I'm tip actually is schedule, schedule and routine. That is the only thing that's going to get you through this whole process. So, you know, I've been getting the kids up as if we were going to school. We start at half nine, so it's not too bad, but you know, still make sure we're up and dressed and washed on a school day at the regular school time and we have a break time and we have lunch time. I get the kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids the kids the kids the kids the kids the kids the kids the kids the kids the kids to make the kids the kids to make to make the kids to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to the kids their to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their the the their their their thea get the kids to make their own lunch, that's been a revelation. And then in the afternoon we do some chores around the house together. So I get the kids, right, you two are in charge of the dishwasher, you guys are going to do Hoover upstairs. And it's been, you know, it's been quite good in the kitchen I was just saying to the kids right this is the schedule we go up there do Joe Wicks we do this do this what I said in the afternoon we're gonna do some chores around the house I'm gonna teach you some domestic stuff and so

we'll do the washing and I just heard like a scoff you know that noise you only your wife can make that just goes right into your heart from another room she sort to the to I said, what are you laughing at? She said, oh, you're going to teach them washing here? Are you going to teach yourself first, do you? And I said, hang on, this is in front of the kids. I went, hold on a minute. I said, I've been using that wash machine. I've been using a washing machine all the washy. I know me way around a washing machine. I might. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. Are te. Are te. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. te. Are. te. Are. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. She te. She te. She said, te. She's. She's. She's. She said, tea. She said, tea. She said, tea. She said, tea. She said, t then, show us the wash machine. I said, don't patronize me. I know how to use a wash machine. And I marched into that utility room. I said, right, guys, you pull the drawer out and you put your washing powder in and it was the drawer for the dryer. I wasn't even looking at the right tube. You're just stood there with the wrong drawer.

Rob, you've got, you always like to end with the same question, don't you, Rob? Yeah, I just wanted to know if you've had a like lockdown highlight and low light or a point where he was like this amazing, what an amazing time with my kids and then a point where you just thought, I can't go on. I need to run away. So the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the highlight the high, the high, the high, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You've th. You've th. You've th. You've th. You've tho, you've tho, you've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, you. You. You. You. You. their, you. their, you. their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you've their, their, th. their, their, th. tho, their, their, their, their, their their thoooooooo. I need to run away. So the highlight has been having our, what essentially has become a compulsory bike ride every day. Which we've never really done before, you know, often when I do have my few days off a week, I'm so knackered from the week. The idea of getting out and do some exercise, even with the kids is, is beyond me. So spending that hour or 45 minutes or so cycling around and we sort of living a little town that I didn't realize was so close to countryside because I just drive everywhere and I walked to the little shop and that's it.

So we've gone out on our bikes and between us we've discovered all this lovely, this green area and we can see the peak districts in the distance and we take like a little bag of apples and there's some horses in a field and we feed these horses and like it's been really lovely getting to know the kids in the and also getting to know our local area that we didn't realize we were so fortunate to live in. So that I would say be our highlight. And what was you the question?

The low light? I mean, that's the beauty of parenting, isn't it? You know, you have that moment of thinking I would do anything for this child. I love them the most in the world, but sometimes I put them through a fucking window. That's the beauty of that, that, the beauty, the beauty, the beauty, the beauty, the beauty, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the question, the question........ I. I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the, the. theat, their, that, their, their, their, their their their their the the their thooooooooo, the. And, their, the parent. Yeah, I think that a low light for us would probably be, me and my wife had a full-blown argument, like a full top of our voices,

shouting at each of the, in each of this face. For about 30 seconds, because she was adamant, we were making the bed. She was adamant that a duvet is perfectly square and I was adamant that it's slightly rectangular. And so that's why it has to go in a certain way into the duvet cover, otherwise you end up with a sort of a four-skin bit of extra duvet at the ends of the bed. I think I'm a hundred percent right but it was a full-blown argument where we started getting like protractors out like we were

measuring stuff like it's like full-on googling it's a duvee square or spectacular like ridiculous level. It's been brilliant. Thanks level. Oh it's been brilliant. Thanks so much Jason it's been a pleasure to speak to you. Thank very much. All right guys. Good luck with the ukulele. There we are. Jason Manford, um, six children.

Um, six children. I'll say it again. Six, it's a hell of an achievement, isn't it? Not to have six children, obviously that's an achievement achievement their their their then. then. then, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thii. thi. thi. thi. the. 't it? The age- Not to have six children, obviously, that's an achievement in itself, but to homeschool them. Yeah, that's, I mean, and the ages are tough as well. They're so young, like, from like, little two-year-old babies up to like, proper schooling, like, proper maths. And it ain't just a bit like, oh, what's the main thing. Thank you to Jason. Good luck with your homeschooling. Also, as well as homeschooling, in the news, he was serenading a woman on a front drive.

He applied to be a Tesco driver and he's doing volunteering, driving old people around with a high vis-on. The man's an animal. Does he sleep? The man wants to get out of the house. That's what we take from that. Yeah, yeah. That's what he's what we's what we's what we's what we's what we's what we's what we's what the the the the the that's what we're the that's what we're the the that's what we're the the that's what we're the the that's what we're the that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. try. tha. try. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha going to drive that Nan to that appointment. See you next week, kids. This is how you can get in toucest if you have anything to say about things raised in this show. Email us, hello at lockdown parenting.co. UK. Or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. And don't forget to rate us five stars please subscribe. Tell your friends about it. Anyone else with kids? And also you can listen to this guilt for you with your headphones in while your kids are

watching the tele. So that's a little tip to do there from us, Josh. And that's fine, isn't it? Yeah, fine. Totally fine. Do that. They don't realize. But you the kid the kid the kid the kid the kid the kid. the tha. tha. thiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to to to to to to to too. too. to to to to to to to to too. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. too. too. too. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to., do that. They don't realise. But you know what, a kid would be very offended if you listen to Louis Theru while they're watching TV, so that is a warning. Yeah, I don't do not listen to him or right, we've got week, who's he got on next week? I don't know who he's got on, but we've got boy George. Let's claim it.

Let's claim it. We haven't got, don't lie about what we've got. Sorry. Come on. We've got great guests next week. But a nice surprise one on Tuesday.