Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S8 EP56: The Poetry Special

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This episode Natalie Cassidy makes a cameo appearance (listen to her brilliant podcast HERE) and we get a selection of poems from Rob and his family. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday.  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

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Josh, put him. Josh, Mr. Josh, Josh, his mouse was in charge properly. I'm so fucked. It's six minutes past nine. We're already five minutes late because Josh's mouse wasn't charged properly and I'm just about to start the show and Josh had his head in his hands. Do you want me to tell you why I'm so tired? Do you see the intro first? No, we'll get to the intro. About 20 minutes in. Go on. I was ill yesterday. I was ill yesterday. to the thi. I was ill yesterday yesterday yesterday. I was ill yesterday. I was ill yesterday yesterday. I was ill yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday. I was ill yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday. I was ill yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday. I was i i i to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to the to the the the the to to the to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to just just. the. to. the. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tho. to. to. th. to. th. to come to that, but I'll just give you the headline. What, to Sunday? No, to what it's like. It's like you just found out about it. But I went to bed at like 8.30 when the kids went to bed.

Oh wow, yep. It kind of didn't properly get to sleep. I got to sleep. Anyway, woke up at half four, shivering, you know, sweating, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. th classic. Yeah. Took what I thought was some paracetamol, couldn't get back to sleep. I'd think, I wonder whether I should have taken two. They felt quite big. Looked at it. They had caffeine in. Ha ha hau.

So I haven't been to sleep since half four. I haven't been ill. Because I half four. I haven't been ill. Because I basically woke up at half four ill, had an espresso and then just lay there. Had a good espresso and couldn't get back to sleep. Yeah. Oh, Joshua. I think if you've got the new COVID where you're exhausted? I don't know. I had it. It's the sleep of beauty covid where...

I wasn't this morning I tell you that for that for that for that for that for that for that for that for that where it wasn't this morning, I tell you that for free. I'll rule that out. Nobody about, yeah, I think that's because you put caffeine in your body, but it exhausts you basically. Yeah. I've got gigs today. I'm so tempted to cancel them. They'll be able to replace you, I think. Yeah, I'm sure they will will. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. I'm to be. I'm to be able. I'm to be able. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm so. Yeah. I'm so. I'm so. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's to. It's to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm that. I'll. I'm that. I'll. I'll to. I to. I that. you I think. Yeah I'm sure they were. Or if not, just go up there and disappoint everyone involved. Exactly. If you're not well, you're not well, you can't go at work, even though you are at work and I'd really be annoyed if you can't go work right now. Because if you can't go to work, it's really bad news to me and Michael. Michael, he's not allowed to be all now, is he? Absolutely. Well, the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. Well. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. Well, the problem. the problem. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm. I'm to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to. to. I'm to. th. th. it's good for the podcast but yeah but that's a horrible place to be it isn't it? Yeah but with the stand-up it's not a benefit. No no no no that it's not a benefit at all this is good because you can be honest and open but you got to deliver a job because this

people can sort of listen to their concerned and then you read the how big were they to concern you just signs? Well I thought is it one of those ones where you just take one rather than two that I don't think should be allowed. No it should always be two it should always be two it should always be two. It's a danger if anything make it two or four yeah exactly. Don't suddenly go oh we can do this all in one pill, because now it's just confusing things for everyone. So surely they've always been able to do it in one pill. Yeah, exactly. What's going on, Josh? What's Big Farmer doing now?

I don't know. It'll be a documentary about it in a few years. Right, should I do the start the show? Go on them. Hello. You're listening. with. Mason, can you say Rob, Beckett, and say porridge? Gobbler. Gobler. Good boy. Still can get it. Gobler. Still can get it. Gobbler. Still can get my surname even when it's Gobler. Here we go. Hi Rob Josh and Mike. You've been Mike Tof here Michael, you don't like that. Thanks for giving me a lot of laughs on my commuting to work, love the podcast. This is Mason, 20 months old. He's my first so I'm getting a lot of tips and hacks from listening whilst also preparing me for the journey and challenges ahead. We're in Sitting Born in Kent. If Rob wants to guess too late. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. the toe. toeou. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. to work. the the the the the the their. their. toe. toe. toe. too now, don't stop entertaining the nation.

There we are, Big Up Mason and Sarah. And you've got that one, Rob. Well, I've got this one because this was, I was recording Celebs Go Dating. Oh yeah. I'll talk about that more later when I talk about me trying to get over jet lag, which a week on, still hasn't happened. Don a sort of one-upmanship your lack of sleep, but I'm a bit all over the place. Yeah, so she stopped me in the corridors, the hallowed marble halls of the celebs go dating voiceover building. So I think her name's, it starts with an S. In order to get it, I had to take a photo

of her phone with the email on and then she adropped me the voice note, this lady that worked at Sleb's Go Dating. What? She helped me get through a door because I didn't have the right, do you know I hate wearing a lanyard of a buzzer on it, it makes you feel like I'm working for the man job. Yeah, yeah. So what happens is I refuse, I refuse to have I don't refuse to have it but I always forget to get to the global radio building. I've then I then I then I then I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin I th. Do thin I thin I thin I thin I thin thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thr-I thr-I thro' to thro' toeanananananananananananananed toea'a' thr-you are thr-I their their their their their this is a very specific thing, but have you ever worked in the global radio building? I've been up there for interviews and stuff. Yeah, when you go as an interview. Global though is for like Capital Kiss. It's so many radio stations, Radio X, FF, yeah. Right in Lester Square.

They used to have the Capital Radio Cafe, do you remember that? No. I went there as a teena ca capapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap. the their their their their their tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. the. the. to. th. the. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I teenager, it was the coolest thing ever. So the bottom floor of Global, what is Global now, that whole building, they had a restaurant and a bar, and in the middle was a recording studio where you could actually see and hear them do the show. No. Yeah, that is cool. But I can imagine it was awful for the radio DJs. Yeah, what was that there never seemed to be anyone in the studio. So I imagine they must have done special shows or something.

Right, right, right. Yeah, because that's quite kind of, that's quite an effort, isn't it? If you're a radio DJ and you're hungover and when you're playing a song, you just want to look like you're like knackered family from Bexley Eve try and enchiladas for the first time. No, no exactly while you're trying to deal with some texts in about. And there's a dad there who's spent way too much money to come to the Capitol Radio Cafe and he's going this lasagna's all squashed. Yeah it's an inch an enchilada sir. Do they still have that one in Liverpool where the radio stations on that big spike in the middle of the tea? I don't even know.

You know what I mean? Never heard of this one. Google Liverpool Radio City. Right. Because radio stations are allure to their city. Right. Because radio stations are all to themselves. You've never done Australia.

You've never done Australia. you have to do the radio station rounds, you'll love it because it's super easy to get to because everything's spread out in Australia, but you'll get in there and it's always the same. There's like a bit of a laddie bloke who's sort of mid-30s, then there's a little young nerdy bloke who sort of gets bullied by the laddie broke, then there's a massive ex-Aflfl theflaintoyoyliplipl-o player player player player player player player player player player their their their their the tells off the main laddy one but laughs at all his jokes and it's the exact same in every station. Right, there's Liverpool Radio Radio City and then images. If anyone's from Liverpool, could you let me know if that thing's still going? Because that is mental. That's where the radio station was.

There we go. Cyril interview, but I love spending time with Spike. Oh no I typed in Spike. You don't need Spike Island. What is... Oh no I've had an art area. You don't need Spike. What I mean was Tower. Liverpool's radio city name could go from Tower after Rebrand. Oh they used to broadcast from inside there. Yeah, just on top of this tower. That's quite fun actually though, would it? It wouldn't be a tower otherwise would it? No, good point. I'm so glad I'm not in radio. I'm so glad Rob. It seems so edgy. You're talking about global getting locked, sorry, I can't. Oh yeah. That's the worst place on earth for they're like every door, but you don't get a pass if you're a guest. Oh no, yeah. And then Robert if you need to go to the to the toiletoiletoiletoilet to to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the the the the to to the to to to to to to their. their. to to to to the, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I's. the, I's. the, I's. the, I's. the, I I. the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Rob, if you need to go to the toilet for say a longer time,

the junior research will say I'll just wait here and you're like... Oh no, don't wait here. You're 17 with a dream week's been dominated by, I don't normally get jet lag, I'm quite good with jet lag, and I actually judge anyone that moans about having jet lag, I'm like, get over it, you're pathetic, grow up and just crack on you loser, but I've become that loser. I feel like I've got reasons for being that loser though. So basically we spoke last week. You're in America, the West Coast. So it's nine hours difference, isn't it? It's quite a big difference, yeah. And I cannot remember talking to you or Michael or who we interviewed. I was so tired and out of it. Yeah, you were in a weird place. I was in a very, I didn't know what was going.

Who did we speak to? Who did we speak to? It was Jeff Innocent. So I'll remember some of that now, it's come back to you, but I cannot remember anything I said to you at all, yeah, which is worrying if it's going out. So I've basically been since then, basically my jet lag journey since that day was, I got home at like 10 a.m. Spoke to you at 11 for three or four hours. The next day, I was doing, so basically you're supposed to, if you've got jet lag,

get your feet in the sand or the sea or in the grass, ground yourself in nature and let the sun hit your face. Right, okay. Circadian rhythms, yeah? Yeah, it's that right, circadian rhythms. You're supposed to feel like you are in the actual place you're in. You're in you're in you're in you're in you're in you're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. to just, you're to just, you're supposed. to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the tooom. tooge. tooge. to. to. to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th theat. th theat theat theat th theat theat thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. th th the th're in. You could just go in your garden because you now don't live in London. Exactly, that's what I thought I could do but obviously I couldn't because I've got a life and a job. So on that Tuesday after I got back I was, the jet lag I had was, I would fall asleep all day even at the point of stood up on a train, I fell asleep, so I'd be asleep all day, the the true. the the f f f fell. to to to to to to to to to sleep st st st stree is to sleep stood to sleep stood to sleep stood to to to sleep stood to to sleep stee stee stee stu. to to to the the the the the the the their s s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their s' their their s' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tode. tode. today. today. today. today. today. today's today. today. today. today today's today. today's today today. So. So. the day, then I'd try and go asleep, but I couldn't because I was waking up because it was LA time.

So I was awake all evening. By the time I went to sleep about 2 a.m. because they're my body clock. I'd wake up at 4.30 a.m. the hungriest I've ever been ever ever. Oh gosh. And then I was awake I think I told you last week, can't remember, sorry if I have, two poetry performances at 7.55 a.m. It's quite good for you. Very good for me, yeah, but not ideal because what would have normally happened

is if I'm up at R4, I'd eat a bit, and then go back at least sleep from six to about seven or eight. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I went the poetry things, which was great, girls really good, enjoyed it. Then I had to go into London to do Sub-Go dating voiceover, which is in a basement in Soho with no windows. So I was in there for six hours. Oh my God. Came out.

Did a gig at Sower Theater. Oh, got a car home. Wight awake. Oh, the body of a thigh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. th. to. to is. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. th God. So then Wednesday up at six got a bit of a lie in there straight into poetry again on the second day at 755 a.m. Fucking hour. After the poetry straight into an assembly watching my daughter bills in the assembly when they do it with the older year so the older year of basically doing the assembly and then my kids year are just either side singing with a colorful top on. Right. I don't know if you've seen those kind of

assemblies at your school but it's good for them because they see what the older kids do because they're doing it next year but for me could not really give a fuck about the entire year of kids. Of course. Now I'm watching it. I'll be honest if you, Josh I still don't know what the fuck that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play that play, I couldn't tell you the premise. Yeah. I just sort of looked at my daughter when she sang for a bit every eight minutes. Yeah, yeah. Get out of there, straight to Soho, six hours in the basement. Oh my god. Out the basement, back home, wide awake. Oh, God, at least she didn't have to do so the theater this dear. The show's really funny though, but it wasn't allowing me to get back on, and I'm still not 100% back on Josh. You know, so when did you sleep last night?

So that's like a week on. So, that's like a week on. I went a bed at about 10. I went to to sleep at a nightmare on Saturday. So Saturday, my daughters were both at sleepovers, but my youngest one was the first one. I fell asleep on the sofa about 10 o'clock, and then Lou woke me up to say, she doesn't want to stay, we need to go and pick her up.

Oh, the classic. Bless her. I felt really sorry for her because she wanted to stay, but then as soon as we got to they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I was, I, I, I, I was, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, to to the the to the th...... th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th thoooooooooo.. things happen. Exactly. So let's make no deal of it, it's fine, whatever. Anyway, we get her home. She's still upset, so she just sleeps in bed with Lou. I go into my daughter's bedroom, realize that the other daughter's taken her pillows to the other sleepover,

and I haven't got any pillows out of my room, and my kids are asleep on the pillow, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be their to be their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be tooombs and to bea to bea to bea their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their their their their.... the their the their their thoeoea. thi. thi. thi. thioleats. toooooombs. tooombs. theats. tooombs. theats. tooombs. toeats. their theats on the pillows now. It is like it's been laminated. Have you not got a spare room? We've got a sore room that's got a sofa bed but... Because I'm going to say it Rob, you're not in your bed 80 to 90 percent of the nights. No, I'm not. I reckon you should think about just getting a different room. Well having my own room. Yeah I just think it's come to the time you're a Lou just move into separate rooms. No, well, it's more that our daughter just keeps coming in. I know Rob, it's fine. You just get your own little room, maybe a caravan in the garden. I would love my little room. Yeah.

Do you know what I just need? I need break in cases of emergency pillow, because I can sleep anywhere as long as the pillow's right. Oh God. Anyway, so I woke up yesterday morning, Sunday morning at 4 a.m. couldn't get back to sleep. I tell you if you've ever done this, or if any of the listeners of, you know, when you've got like,

either you're ill or you keep waking up early and you just watch stuff to try the the thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and you, and you, thi, thi, and you, thi, and you're thi, and you're thi, and you're thi, and you're thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the thi, the thi, the the thi, the thi, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi., the thi.oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tooke, tooke, to kill time, but I find my decision-making is quite off. Yeah. Because I can't, I'm a bit out of sorts, a bit tired, I can't concentrate. Yeah, yeah. So I watched, right, at 4 a.m. on Sunday morning, three documentaries. I don't think anyone in the world could guess them. Are they the kind of things I'd end up watching? I don't thinn't thin't thin't thin't thin't thin't thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi. thi. thi. Souan' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' to to be to watch. So to watch to watch. So to watch. So much to watch watch watch. Sou an thi. Sou an thin'er. Sou an an an thin'n't watch. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. Sou. So, I'm watch. So, I'm th. So, I'm thi. So, I'm thi. So, I'm thi. So, I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. So, I'm thi. So, I Instagram, someone don't really a documentary is our little video. One was 45 minutes on Netflix, one was 40 minutes on YouTube. Is this on your phone? Yeah. Right. But with my head slightly turned and knocked because my battery was low because there's no charge by obviously my child's bed. The only lead I could find as a short lead. So I'm to the side. Oh god, so bleak. I watched a little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their their their their their th. One th. One th. One th. One th. One th. One. One. One. One was th. One th. One th. One one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's the. It's the. I was. It's the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. obviously my child's bed. The only leader can find is a short lead. So I'm to the side. So bleak. I watched a little Instagram video about the 1996 Ohio balloon disaster.

Oh yeah? Do you know about this? Is that when they released far too many balloons or something? Yeah, just like a million balloons for laugh. What happened? They released them and they all went into the sea and something bad went wrong. It was an environmental disaster Josh. Yeah. And then I think also he got like it was getting in the way of planes and it was cars could crack, like it was all in the sea and the rivers and then they had like a million balloons at to pick up. Yeah, I've heard a podcast about this incredibly. Yeah so watch that one. also watched a documentary about Centralia in Pennsylvania in America. No, I'm out here. A mining town in the 60s, someone tried to burn some rubbish and it fell

into the mine shaft and set fire to all the coal. So coal's burning underneath it and it's going to burn some... Sorry, what's going on with your algorithms, Roe? All over the blazeboat. It's a literal bin fire. Are you just into parochial American disastersastastastastastastastastastastastastastastastastast. What. What. What. What. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, I? What? th. that's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that's, I'm. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I's. I's. I's a literal bimfire. Are you just into parochial American disasters? What I've been doing is I've been doing not interested on stuff because I'm bored of politics now like the election happened. Yeah I'm out now for five years. I'm out and I just think whatever your politics is whoever you want to win can't we just let them have six months and we don't have to watch the news for a bit yeah and then after six times go right what have you've......... the the the. the the. the the. the the. the the. the the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. th. th. to. the to. to. to. the to. I'm. I'm the they. I'm just. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to be. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm the the the the the the t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. t. t. t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm the the a bit. Yeah. And then after six times go, right, what have you done? Let's start giving you shit if it's not good. Let's start praise you if it is good. But let's just all have a little break. It has given me more time actually even in the last four days. Would you know I found

interesting was when I was watching I saw some of the Kirster in the cabinet meeting I was like oh oh other other people people people people people people people people people people people people. the other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other. the the other. I the the the the the the the to. I to. I to to. I to. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'm. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. allowed in there. That's not like the conservative's house. It's been so long, I was like, oh, oh yeah, I forget that they were, other people are allowed in there. Yeah, so I think I've been pressing, not interested in a lot of stuff, like political stuff or thing? Well, the centralic basis, that's still burning. It's going to burn for 250 years. What?

But it's in the mine. So he's literally burning the coal. Can't they just air? I mean, what? What? Why? No, no, no, no, no, I want Josh Winner come up from four ills. On a problem he's only just heard about. theirinininininininininininininininininininininininin. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. to, to, tho. tho. tho. to, what, what, what, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. to, what, what, what, what, what's. thooooo. to, what's. thooooooooo. thooo. tho. tho. tho a problem he's only just heard about his instant solution. Go on.

We'll just cut off. Just to bear in mind it was 60 years ago it happened, but you've got the solution. Go on. Are you still burning? Yeah, but all I'm going to say is. Of you go, Josh. Just cut off the air supply. Yeah, because that, it needs oxygen to burn. So all they need to do is seal it.

Yeah, well, can I tell you what they did do, which didn't help? They stuck chimneys in the ground to get the vents out so that rather than it was blowing up in certain places, it will all come out of one place. Yeah, what happened is, soon as that section finished, so all the oxygen went down and made it worse. Oh for God's sake, so it's the opposite of my suggestion. You might have been onto something back then. Yeah, I'm too late. Yeah, you are too late.

And then basically the town's just, they've had to remove everyone out of the town and it's just mental. Oh, it's mad. Watch the docked to him. a documentary about a true crime one about a man, it's a mental story, he was parachuting with his wife and he tampered of a parachute and then he got charge of attempted murder and it turned out that he'd also tried to do a gas leak to kill her as well previously. Oh my God. And it was Fiona Bruce, big fan of Fiona Bruce. What? The wife? No! Oh right, fucking out. I was going to say. You buried the lead? th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the th, thi, the thi, thi, the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, was thi, was thi, was thi, was thin, was thi. theaui. thea' was tapeateateateat, was thi. thi. thi. thi. th right, fucking out, I was going to say.

You buried the lead? Question time, we've got a couple of questions for you, Feeh. I don't care about the Tories. Fiona, what was it like? How do you feel now? She's like, she's very casual on Antiques Road show considering what she's been through. She's been from a lot. the way at the way she's looking at that grandfather clock, knowing what she's seen. Anyway, it's a mad documentary. I think it was on ITV, ages ago.

It's on Netflix now. But yeah, basically, he nearly got off it because he had such coercive control over his wife. When she had to give evidence, she basically went, no, I to to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, too, tho, too, tho, too, too, ttoo.. too. too, too, too, too, too, too parachute to the toilet for 10 minutes, I was lying, no, he didn't. Oh my God. And then I think she still might be inside denial about it, but I've not seen the follow-up stuff, but men, and also I tell you what, because this husband was a bit of a weirdo as well as a tempted murder. He like went to swingers' parties and stuff. It's very very a weird a weird a weird a weird a weird a to a th club and ask a man what a glory hole is as if she don't know. Look Fiona, casting those versions not saying you use one

not saying you're into kinky shit but I'm saying is if there's a hole in a toilet wall you know a dick's going through it. Yeah yeah you don't need to be any super brain for that. Can I ask a question Rob? Absolutely I've spoke lo loads sorry about that. But it's this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th. this this this th. th. this th. th. th. this th. th is th is this th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi o' thi o' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. I's to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. about that. No, but it's about these documentaries. Yeah. Because this keeps happening to me on Netflix. Netflix seem to be buying up quite non-netfixie documentaries. And so you think, oh, this is going to be like a proper Netflix documentary. Yeah. I watched one about a TLC. Yeah. They clearly bought

from like MTV or something. Yeah. They barely had the adverts edited out. It was just total crap. Really? Yeah. But then I watched often Fiona Bruce pops up on Netflix now. I think a little ITV ones that sometimes slip under the radar. Yeah. I mean but on Netflix they are very good at repackaging it and making it look like, oh. Because I saw that I was like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the radar. Yeah. Do you mean? But on Netflix, they are very good at repackaging it and making it look like, oh, because I saw that, I was like, he's tried to kill his wife with a parachute, 45 minutes. It's 5 a.m. I've got nowhere to be, I'm in. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was good. We've got a message, by the way. Okay. Who from? I got a voicemail on Friday. Yeah. From formally of this, Natalie Cassidy. Mm-hmm. Good morning, just listening to the pod.

I'm a bit behind, but your mom is not short. I think it's very rude of you, yeah? Because I'm 5 foot 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 5'4'4 is an average height for a woman. Okay. That's all it is. Well, okay, well, I've met Natalie Cassidy. Yeah. And I've met my mom.

Yeah. I think I've been very generous to my mom. I'd say she's bald-aligned 4-11. There's no way, Sonia from East Sanders's same height as my mom. So one- If Natalie Cassidy's 5'3 then my mom's 5'3, never 5'3 never 5'3, Natalie Cassidy, I apologize. 5'3's an average child for a woman, my mother's tiny.

Yeah. She's 5'4, 11, 5'5 foot, I reckon. Do you think? I don't even remember talking about her, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thua, thua, tha, tha, to, to, tha, tha, to, thi, thi, to, thi, to, to, to, too, thi, too, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, 't even remember talking about her, right? No, I think it was for me. Oh, you was talking about your mom's eye. I must have been. Well, I talked about my mom's height in my new show. Oh, do you? Yeah, about she wanted a kitchen and she wanted floor to seal in the cuards. I was like, you have coat trying to get in the cinema. Oh, that was your mom, not my, I'm sorry.

Well, I just know what we've talked about on here, Rob. I talk so much. I can't keep up with what I've said. Do you want to know what the average height of a woman? Yes, please. How the's the average UK woman? thii's that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, they, that, that, that, their, that, that, that, their, Rob, I's, I'm their, I'm their, I'm tho' that, I'm that, I'm tho, I'm too, I'm to to to to to the to to to the the the the the the the the tho, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I's, I's, I's, I's that, I's that, I'm that, that, the that.. that. that. that. tooooooooooooooo. tha. I'm tha. I'm that, I'm tall is the average UK woman, five at three? Right, she's right. She's right.

Sorry my mom's a little bit below the heart. How tall's Lou? Loo's, I'd say five foot six. She's a bit taller than the average woman. She is. Average height from man. Yeah. Not Lou, I mean. for man's five nine is it fucking I'll imagine that those lofty I've 10 is it fucking out Jesus Christ that's mental a little guys just a couple of little

short kings trying to fuck are people five foot ten on average what's that like well I'm five for eight what you five foot 5 foot 7? 5 foot 6 and half. I could get away with 5 8 and a half but I think if you say 5 8 and a half it looks needy even though actually. Because I some people my height would go 5 9 which I would never do because it is definitely 5 8 and a half max. Yeah. The problem is we're only going to get smaller because my dad's shrinking. He's the side. He actually had a row with the doctor once. What you mean? The doctor went, how two are you? He had five feet eight?

And I was like, well, that's fucking bullshit because I'm about two inches all on him. Were you there? Yeah, so I was there. I think heelling the truth in his 30s, I mean, anyway, he's 80 now, measuring him, he's like five foot five and a half, he was fucking limit. And then the doctor went, no, no, you're five foot five and a half. He said, no, I'm not.

The doctor was like, I don't think either of us have sort of like small man syndrome where some people really, it's really obvious. Yeah, it is weird isn't it? But I think it's more in like their physicality and they're a bit like aggressive or bump people around or whatever, but it must be very difficult though if you're, because like we're a bit below average, but like if you are super small for a man, if you're like five foot, to, th..... Like if you are super small for a man, if you're like five foot two or something like that, it's difficult because like all women say is they want a man who's tall, dark and handsome.

Yeah, none of them. And there's nothing you could do about your hire. And on a love island sometimes, they walk out, no, he's too short for me. You're like, well, no she's too fat for me. Yeah, that would be, he's gone. He's gone. That little fella is getting launched out the middle. There's a really funny bit by oh is his name Josh B. Oh comedian I'm gonna get his name probably. Is it Josh Bouth? He does a lot of online stuff but now he's on the circuit. He's super funny. Yeah Josh Balfe, a thu-a-a-f. th. th. Oh. I I I I I I I I I I I's. I's. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's a th. I's a th. I's a th. th. the-a' the-a' the-a' the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the little the little the little the little the little the little the little the little the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's-he-f. He's th. He's th. He's th. th. th. th. th. the. the little little little little little the. the. the little little little little little little little little little the. He's a little little little the. He's a little little the little the little super funny. Yeah Josh Balfe, B-A-U-L-F and he's probably about our

hype, 5758, he does a really funny bit about being a short king and he goes into the audience like any other short king's like, and I'm butchering the bit, he's really funny guy, he should see him but it does a bit about the biggest fear of a short man, he's being that being if it's a big wind being caught by, he went, I'll be caught by the wind. It's a really funny bitch, you can see Josh Balfe. There we go. But yeah, sorry Nat Cass. Yeah, sorry. We'll take it all back. Five, three, totally average.

There we go. You are totally average. Totally average, Cassi. How's your parenting been this week, Rob? Parenting bin, well I've got judged by my daughter. Oh no. About the car, a car's dirty. I've been away, so the car's got a bit dusty and a bit dirty. She's having a friend over later this week. She's like, she loves organizing. She's like, when we have something over,

we're gonna do this, we're gonna do that noise? Is that you? It's a band saw outside. The band saw, but a different house? Yeah, I just feels quite far away actually. Not that far. It's shocked me mid-settles. No, but far enough that I can't go around and say could you stop band sawing and recording a podcast. How's that one? Four doors down. Yeah, they'll be cutting some tooes. that. they're not. they'll be cutting. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th that that that that. that. that. th th th th th th th thi thi thi's th th th th th th away th away thi. thi. thi. th away th away th away th away th away th away th away th away th away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th away. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo th tha. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th th, sorry mate. Let's go in again. Have you got the window open or shut? Shut. A loud sort, isn't it? Yeah, they'll be cutting some stone. When are you moving to the countryside? I'm not, mate.

You are. I'll bet you're a million pounds, I'm not. All right, Jake, that'd be work. If it would be no point in me moving then. I'd have to lend it you back to try for your house. It'd be so expensive to move to the country then. I'd have to downsize the country because I know I'd have to pay you a million pounds basically stamped you.

No, it's only because Rose messages me, because we've got a WhatsApp group, haven't we? Which is me, you, Rose, Lou, Tom Allen. Yeah, and she constantly, not constantly, that's a lie, but she can occasionally message the group. She gets annoyed with the city. With right move, the nice photos of houses that are sort of maybe near me or Tom or other places that are a bit further, like not miles out, but sort of like zones five, four or five. Yeah, we've discussed this. So we keep getting those come through.

I've told to stop. But no, that's right, but I'm just saying that then you wouldn't have the noise. No, I know, but it's a long way to move to avoidthat problem solved. See, you're just to say now they stopped. Just stay here until they start again. Anyway, no, my daughter said, can you get the car cleaned? It's too dirty for me to have a friend over it. Oh my god. So she complained about how do they eat andedders in the boot, was I? Yeah, how does it get in the boot? How do they eat and it gets in the boot?

Is it when the windows open and they pick up a mini-ched out there and they're out there and? I've had a car problem, Rob. What's your calf problem? What's going on with your, yeah, your cloned your number plate? So I challenged it. Barking Council have come back to me Rob to say that they wouldn't accept. So how did you challenge it? So for this is people don't know, someone's cloned your number, you've run the police, they've gave you what you thought was a crime reference number, it was just a telephone reference number, and you've had a couple of parking tickets and you've sent them to some councils and

they've claim that has gone away. But Barking Council are refusing to accept your excuse and explanation that that was not your car. Barking and Dagenham to give them their full name. Always goes wrong when they team up. Cameron Clegg. Jennifer Lopez Ben Affleck always goes wrong when they team up. So barking are unwilling to accept, right? So I went back to him, I said, I was not in barking at 3 a.m. on the morning of May the 12th. Yeah. I know that. And then I said, I have my wife as a witness. Here is her phone number. She was in Cornwall, but we did speak on the phone. No, she was there. My mother-in-law was also in the house.

She can confirm that I went to bed. So you are claiming I've got up out of bed and then I said, attached is a podcast in which I discuss what I did that weekend. Before you even got the fine. It was my son's birthday on the Saturday. On the Sunday, we went to Hamleys, you might remember that Rob, at 9 a. Yeah, big time. Which was hell of a thing to do if I was in barking at 3 a.m. Yeah, no one needs to leave their house and go east towards barking to turn around to go back to the toak.... to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to the the to the to the the the to go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the to go. to go. the to go.. the.............. the...... the.... the. the. the. the. the. ttode. tod. tod. tod. t. t. t. the t. the the t. to. the t. the t. t. t. tod. toda. toda. the the the the the the the the the the the they? No, who does that? Exactly, Rob. And they let you send you the video to see? They've sent me four photos of a black car in the dark. I'm sure. Well you can't see the driver, you can't see the car really. Yeah? Yeah. So I said, here's a podcast. I've discussed my full weekend, including falling asleep on the sofa. I didn't mention going to barking at 3.m. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. to th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to to to th. to to th. th. to th. to th. to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toda. the. the. the. the. to the. the. the. the going to barking at 3 a.m.

That way you would do. I wrote the words, we're crying out for that kind of content. That's our friend and barking at 3 a.m. and it led with that, mate. That's our friend and barred and the challenge, Would have been the episode title? Exactly. They haven't accepted my challenge, Rob. So she just said no. They've just said no again, even though I've got witnesses that I was here.

Yeah. So you're in this situation where you're like, surely the burden of proof is on them. We're taking them to call. Do you think I should do a documentary? I think you should get Amazon Prime around and film me like Clarks and present your evidence at the council. I just, I feel so petty but I don't want to pay the 130 quid. It's so out of order. Because you've been, you're a victim of crime essentially. The police have sort of confirmed, but the police at the moment just don't do anything about crime. They go yeah that probably that's happened. See you later all the best. Can't give you a crime reference. I can't go and get the car, can't get the number plate.

Even though they'll fucking be like rat up a drain pipe if you don't pay congestion charge, they'll know your movements throughout the whole of London but when it's trying to find a false number plate don't know. My said about this on Instagram. Someone's they've said they they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said they said said said said said they said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said said they said they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they's they'll they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll th. I th. I. Oh here we go. I was like I'm not going to detonate that but now they refuse to accept my challenge. I think you have to have you think I should go to the top or have I gone mad? Have I become one of those mad people? I think you go to the top and also as well John. Because I haven't also I haven't tagged them in on Instagram. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think think th. I haven't th. I haven't th. I haven't have th. I haven't th. I haven't have th. I haven't have th. I haven't have thed. I haven't have thed thoged thi thi they've thi thi thi thi they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the. I've the. I've the. I've to to togeded toged to toged toged to to the. I've refused. I've refused. I've to theea. I've refused. I've they've th overcome that guy that tags in Barking and Daggering Council. No, I think go through the right channels and if not, then it could do a Joe Lice in and hammer him in the public. Well, I think I'm doing that now, to be honest. Email the guys.

I worked at Bromley Council, okay? Yeah. What I'd say is, the old ceilet off the tele-I telebago, telebushe, tele, tele, tele, tele, tele, tele, te't a table at Pisa Express. These guys have rules and they love them. Do you think it's actually actively damaging me? I've included the podcast? Do you think they saw that as an affront? No. He didn't even engage. When they refused my challenge, they didn't even engage with the podcast. They didn't mention. Our impressions didn't even go up. No one list. Michael, can you check if we got any listeners embarking on Friday? A 3 a.m. on the 12th of Moe? Okay, me with two minutes.

As if someone was listening to your pod driving, your number, like. Now I got the reply on Saturday and I sent the thing on Wednesday. So the end of last week did the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the episode the thing on Wednesday. So the end of last week did the episode about, what was the episode called? No, we don't know. Michael don't even know. He did, he told me. And he was right.

I was trying about my bin stinks. Was it that one? It was called my tins. My garage stinks. My garage stinks. Look, I'm not paying it Rob I can't. No I'm saying if this carries on. It's not a financial like I am in a lucky position Rob where I'm lucky enough that I can afford to pay this and it could all go away. You shouldn't have to. But I shouldn't have

to and I've gone mad and I won't back down. Email the top of the count I think you go for it. Ring a counselor. The councillor's numbers. the numbers. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. I's number. the the the the the the the th. I's number. I's. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. I'm. I'm not. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th Ring a councillor. The councillor's numbers are on the council. And also it don't matter. It's barking and dagging him. You're never living there. Fuck them. There's something they can do. You're out of their jurisdiction. I've never even fucking been there, let alone at 3 a.m. I wouldn't start a We're all behind you. Michael, did the garage stinks get a listener embarking at the end of last week? I'm just running the reports to give me a few minutes.

He's not actually doing it, is it? That's it? It's not actually. Can you find out that much? Oh my God. Look at this. Data harvested. It's like the Cambridge one. tell me a bit more about your life. About my... Well, the plucky little chubby youngster. I've got one blocked up nose. Don't know if that's news.

What, one half? Just one nose? That one there. I always get one blocked. I don't know if it's hay fever. Can you breathe through both nostrils? Well, yeah, when I can. I normally just do one. I, I. Fuck off. Are you meant what? I think everyone does. That's some sort of Victorian freak show.

No, no, I don't alternate. Yeah, I think I've just got one going. I think I'm just using the left one. Well, all the time. Well, certainly at the moment. And then if I cover the time and then when I... I think I'm just a lefty. You've got a problem. Royal call barking council. But will you I think you might have a sinus problem. Wait, do humans breathe?

Yes. That's why this too. Both nostrils. It's not a spare tire on the back of a car. The airflow between both nostrils is not always equal. The air flowing into one nostrils is often greater than the other due to a process news. Oh, I'm engaging in some nasal cycle, Rob. What's nasal cycle? People breathe mostly out of one nostril at a time. At any given time, people do 75% of their breathing through one nostil, 25% as the other. . given time people do 75% of their breathing through one nostril, 25% as the other. Yeah, but they're both going, you're implying that nothing's going up the other.

Oh, it's definitely way less. I just assumed, for me, that is 50, 50 in each nostril, right? But obviously some nostrils will be more powerful than the other, but are you saying, nothing's going up one, and thiiiii. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going thi, that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toei. toei. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. switch to the other? No, no, I don't switch. No, my nostrils don't get tired. What do you mean it gets tired? A bodybuilder that makes his tits go up and down like that? You do that with your nose? Never get that bodybuilder, so they'll like go to the gym just a massive tits. I'm like, oh it's awful isn't it, why do you want want want do want do want do want do want do want do want do want that? that? that? Why do want do want that? Why do want that? Why do want that? Why do want that? Why do that? Why do you want that? Why do you want that? Why do you want that? Why do you want that? Why do you want that? Why do you want, why do want that? Why do you want, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that the their their their their their their th their th their thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? that's thi's thi's thi's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the barking? It would be Thursday or Friday Friday Friday Friday as as well so they won't need to listen to the whole episode. I would say there was a bit of a spike on Monday the 5th. No it wasn't Monday the 5th, Friday the 5th do you mean? Band saws back. Whatever the 5th of July was I don't know what day of the weekarking. Specifically embarking. Compared to previous Fridays, I would say half a dozen more people listen that day. So I don't know how big the team is at Barking Council. I think it's been shared

around their office. So they have, they have listened. I don't know we could do that? Yeah. Michael, if I'll give you my ex-girlfriend's addresses, can you let me have to listen? So they have listened and they've still just like, ah, you've got us go to the top here. This is bullshit. You can't carry on like this. I'm the last angry ma'am. Anyway, you've lost one your nostrils. theymeatrown, anyway. Yeah, exactly. That's made that's that's that's shit. That's shit. That's shit. I I I I I's shit. that's shit. that's shit. that's shit. that's shit. thiiiii's shit. that's thi's bullshit. thi's bullshit. thi's bullshit. thi's bullshit thi's bullshit thiol shit thi-I can't thirty thirty thirty thirty their shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. their their their their their their their their their their their their shit. their their shit. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty.'s how you feel better actually. So another one, I'm wearing his football shirt, right? I've got loads of those retro football shirts. I just don't know if I can wear him or not Josh. Because like, are you allowed to wear them? When are you allowed to wear them? When can you wear? When can you wear them? Basically, the on holiday? How many have you got? You've got fucking loads of them.

I could open a shop. Don't they smell? Some of them smell. But I wash them and then they don't smell. Because you can't wear them playing football. No, no. I never want to play actual football I've got like tops away to the gym that I wash and once I've washed them, they're clean and they smell nice.

But as soon as I have one drop of sweat, it activates the old smell again. That's exactly what happens. It like heats it up. I think it's the heating up. Yeah, I think get too hot or sweating them because then they stink because they are Yeah, yeah. Another person's clothes. I've told you about the worst smell I ever smell. Yeah, I've to tell you ever smell. Yeah, I've to tell you ever smell. Yeah, I've to say what's worst thing you've ever seen, but I think that's too dark. Yeah, that's too dark. Yeah, that's too dark. That's that's that's that's the the the the that's the the the the worst. Yeah. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. I. I. I. the worst. the worst. the worst. I. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. th. th. th. th. the worst. th. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the worst. the about terrible things obviously. Oh, another thing, so, oh, my daughters wrote a poem, okay. Yeah, for a school competition. Is this the one you went to watch and perform? No, that's separate one. And that one's, they're fucking how they're poetry mad, aren't they?

Well, that one's like, it's called, It's called a lucent. They's. It's called, it. It's, it. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for a school. Yeah, for a school. Yeah, for, for, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for, for, for, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for a school. For. For, for, for a school. For, for, for a school. For, for, for, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for, for, for a school. Yeah, for, for a school. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their school. their school. their school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school, for a school. their school, for a school. the name of it actually because it actually put a lot of people off because they thought it was going to be like peas and cues and it's not like that. They just they read a poem but they learn how to deliver it in a sort of quite dramatic way on stage. Right, right. And it that sort of really builds a confidence. Anyway so they did that one and then they had to write a poem. Yeah. My eight year old to write. to write it to write it to write it to write to write their write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their it their it. their it in it's write it's write it in a their it in it in a their it in it in it in a their it in a their it in a their it in a their it in a they learn it in it in it in a they learn it in it in it in it in it in it in it in a their it in it in it in it in it in it in it in it. their it in it in it in a their it in a they they they they they they they they they they they they they their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their it and then they sort of wrote it together and then I sort of helped with a line at the end. I thought she was just a bit of homework and then actually it wasn't it was for a competition that they've won. But only the oldest can put a name down. Oh no, but the six shoulders wrote about it. She's been quite chilled about it. It's like no no wea wea wea. We's like no we's like no the th. We's like no th. We's like no th. We's like no th. We's like no th. We's like no. We's like no. We's like no. We's like no. We's like, we all. We're all. We're all. We all. We all. We all. We're all. We all the th. We all th. We all. We all th. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. We all. It's all. It's all. It's. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all th. It's all th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's like, it's a the the th. It's the the the the the the the the the th. It's one of those books where she's done well to get in but it's a book full of other poems from other kids other schools it's not like one poem but it's gonna get published in a book and it's part of this book that's getting published. You can't credit it to both kids. No because it was it was eight-year-olds. Anyway it doesn't really matter but Rodney with the groovy gang. Well no actually what it's the opposite is the opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite opposite the opposite the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is. th is. th is. th is. th is. th. th. I I I is. I is. I is. I is. I is going. I was. I was. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thoooo. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the. the. the. th child it was actually yeah the bigger problem with the poem that the six-year-old sort of came up with the idea of it

is the bleakness of it and that she may need some sort of mental help it's called nightmares oh no I'm gonna read it to it nightmares nightmares screaming pain fucking out blood is coming from your brain. What? Are you serious? On my life. Fuck off. Suffer, suffer, nightmares again. Monsters crawling up your sleeve.

Please. Don't harm me. Please, don't eat me. Please. Don't come back tomorrow in my bed. I need calmness in my head. Yeah, Robbie. I don't think they should should they should they should they should they should they should they should they should their their their they should their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. F. S. S. F. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. C. C. C. I. C. S. I. I. I. Scso. I. I. Sc. Sc. I. Sc. Sc. Sc. Sc. Soe. Soe. So. S. S. Yeah Rob you I don't think they should be publishing this. Did you add the line I need calmness in my head? Yeah so just to try and bring it around a bit.

Also to round it off because basically they got to don't harm me please don't eat me please don't come back tomorrow in my bed and then I added that line at the end to sort of finish it off. That is insane. Well it's not insane. It's incredibly creative. I wouldn't mind so much if she went to bed at night and slept. Do you know what I mean? That's the worry about. Can I just ask a question? This poetry anthology, is there like a theme? No no no, no, all the other ones about like unicorns, fluffy dogs, chickens. Why have they? Qualitively, I get what they've accepted it. It's very well done.

I only did that line at the end because I didn't have to finish it, but they wrote the rest of it. Yeah, but I'd say if my child had a poem in there and I was moving through and I saw that one. Yeah. I would go fucking out. Yeah. Are you worried social services are going to get involved? What I would say, they just go for that book and pick a couple of cases. And take away the wrong daughter.

Yeah. I'm all right. What I would say. She'll come home from school, like, you have to say, I actually have to sort of counseling with a school nurse today. The other ones out in the garden torturing a squirrel. Got magnifying glass on the ants. What I would say is though, the positives I'm taking for that is if you can't sleep and you are stressed or whatever. It's better to be honest and express that rather than keeping it inside. Yeah, totally. There's the th th th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thooooooooooes. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to be honest and express that rather than keeping it inside.

Yeah, totally. There's nothing that we can change about that, but at least if you can express that's how you're feeling, then we can work it out, but she seems quite happy child. Have you talked to her about it? Well, we're talking to a age thing where you know they sort of yeah yeah for different ages where they all of a sudden understand the concept of death and it keeps them awake for a few weeks and then they calm down so it's like yeah yeah as they grow they've got to.

They have slight regressions even at that age where stuff they're their stuff. A tho'n't the sea but she's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all. they're all all all. See. See. See. they're all all all all all. they're all. they're all all all. they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all. they're all. they're all. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. they're all all all all all all all they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they're all all all all all they're all all all all all all all stuff in her own bed and not waking up in the night. So she's just going through phases, but I think she'll just grow out of it. But yeah, it's quite a full-on poem in that. Yeah. But I've got loads of mental stuff that I wrote when I was a kid. I don't know if I read it to you. My brother Joe actually sent me one that he found. It's called Guess Who. Yeah. I don't know how old was. He comes in, sits down in his armchair and demands, what did you recall me last night then? Nothing.

But I wanted Redwall for the Far Show. But you didn't ask. You should have known. He stays sitting, waiting and waiting. It's about my dad. Yeah, I thought it was about your dad. Well he used to come home and moaned mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo moan if moan if moan if moan if to moan if to to th if to to the to th if th if th if th if th if the th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to to to to to to to th. to to th. to th. to to to to to to to to t. to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the the. the. the. the. th dad, yeah. Well, he used to come home and moan if we hadn't recorded him stuff when he was out. That was quite a good poem actually. I was very vivid. I'm not sure if you became a performance poet.

Have you heard this poem called I Can't Be That That I wrote. No. Ninety-Nine-a-night. No, 97. I'll try and work for it because it's so, it's all crossed, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's very very very very very th, it's very th, actually th, actually th, actually th, actually th, actually th, actually th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very th. It's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, th. It's all tho, tho, thi. It's all thi. It's all thi. It's all thi. It's all thi. It's all thi. It's all very thi. It's all very thi. It's all very though. You can't be that. And this was the 3rd of July, 1997. Towards the end of the year. I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be Batman. No, Jesus was Batman. No, that was Bruce Wayne. I'm going to be an actor like Bruce Wayne. I told them when I grab I'm going to be a golfer or present match of the day. Now I'm going to get red and yellow cards. I'm going to play when Vinny Jones is crossed out. This is quite kind of experimental this one.

I told them when I grab I'm going to be an actor or an author. Now I'm going to be Scrooge McDuck and I'm going to to to to swim thage thage thage th and th th th and I'm going th th and I'm going th and th th and I'm going th th th and I'm going thoen thge McDuck and I'm going to swim in my money. But loads of these have got like crossed out there, but I think this is the actual bit of the poem. I told them when I grow up I'm going to be a vet and make sick animals better or a fashion designer and have top models model for me. That's not true. I'm going to be a cabbie and know every back street in the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They the book. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They're th. They're th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They're th. They're th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. I th is th. I th is th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th is th is th is th. I th is th is the is a the is a theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I the is the is the is the is th't be that. I asked them, just what do you think I am? Just a child they said. They don't understand me. I'll be a butcher if I want. I'll be a comedian. Yes. They do not realize, I can fulfill any ambition. They do not realize, among them, walks a magician. Wow. I love it. How did you not realize I was fucking mental at that point?

That is mania on the page. I mean it's positive that you've hosted the Baftas rather than committed a string of murders. Well, yeah, I think I had a very much of being my bonnet at a young age where I think at the kind of school I went to and the era grew up in, there's a lot of you can't do, you can't do and it it.... and it. And it made me me me. And it. That that. That that I. That that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has has has that has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has has that has has has has has has has has that has that has has that has that has has that has that has that has that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I th. I came th. I came th. the the an the an the an tho that that's that that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that's that that's that's age where I think at the kind of school I went to and the era I grew up in, there's a lot of you can't do, you can't do and it made me want to. Yeah, yeah, that came across Rob, don't worry about that. Ha ha ha ha. I read between the lines. I think it's with my poetry as a child.

It's subtle. A lot of the stuff I do is a there is is is is is is is there is there is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is a thi. You thi. You thi. You thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thi. You thi. thi. I thi. I thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, I thi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I quite subtle. A lot of the stuff I do is a few bits of nuance. Fuck me, right, anyway, that's the poetry corner done. Right, they said you can't read some small business shout-out. You can't do that. Oh God, fuck off from. I have a sit down on a cup of thin. Right, small business, here we go. I can read out this. Thanks for the podcast, like everyone else I love it.

Well, not everyone. Today I launch my very small business. Was it a band saw? Nothing I can do about it, which I think you'll both be into. You know those weekends where you've got three kids birthday parties. Enter the party draw. Wrapped gifts all under 10 pounds, they come with a blank card for your child to customize. So you're all set to go. You don't even have to find the cellar tape. I'm in Toulse Hill and deliver on my bike to all S postcode. You're not an S postcode, tho. I also post to north of the river and UKwide. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. to. the th. to. to. the the to. to. to. to. the tooke. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toa. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I. So, I. I. So. So, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.the river and UK wide. Oh not SC, just S postcode.

S. WWWDRAW ER like Man Draw or Tupperware Draw, dot co-Draw, the party draw. So they mean S, S, S W, when it says all be S, because there isn't actually an S. No, yeah, yes. All South post codes. Wrapped gifts for children, three to four, always a lovely website.

It's a lovely website. A lovely bit of stuff. What a good idea, what a good website. What an annoying time for a band sort to kick in. Hi Rob, Josh, big mic. the big micthan that? I'm taller than that. Oh, here we go, big deer. Here we go, above average. I'm 11, six foot.

Well, with no hair, six foot on the nose. I used to say six one when I had hair, but that's long. Sixth one when I had hair, but said it at the same time. Exactly, yeah. That's my any reference of Jedwood probably winning better. So 6-1 with hair, Michael, yeah? No, six really, but I used to say 6-1. A bit of fun, okay. Everyone goes up an inch, don't they? Big Mike stands then.

Hi, Rob, and Josh and Big Mike when he had hair. in Hemel Hempstead. Eminem are a small family run business. Surely that name's causing problems isn't it? You think wouldn't you? They've got Eminem Spaults, Eminem Sweets and Hownerm Glastroats. Swellers, Eminem Swede, so they're throwing in a business specialising on all your glazine, their glass, splashback, their to their splashback. the a splashback? I don't know, I'm still struggling with balustrade. Splashback's like what you put when you've got a cooker. Sometimes they put glass so it doesn't get on your warm fingers, but then you can wipe it. Even Alan is short wearing but six jumpers retired guy will be cleaning the glass whilst watching pottery throwdown. I don't even know what that means. We met Rob last night in Hemway hemp sidd. Oh, that's a that's a that's that's that's that's a that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I've already th. I've already tho tho tho thooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I th thoooooooooooooo. I the top bottom yeah come see me on tour for more hot stuff like that yeah no it's good stuff actually we met Rob last night in Hemor Hempstead when I do Hemmstead on his warm up kick that was ages ago

appreciate the shout out of my husband's business M and Mglass Hemphre Lauren Breed mom of two to they and Pippa there there there we go there bloody go. Josh, I'll see you on Friday. Hope you feel a bit better. Oh God, I feel fucking crap. We can't even tea my way through it, Rob. Why can't you have tea? Because I'm buzzing so much from the caffeine that the tea's actually not. There is not caffeine in tea. And anyone that has a this tea and caffeine, I can't see it,

compared to coffee. No, I agree. Absolute joke. Normally I'll have a cup of tea and I want it, but now I'm like, oh I can't, I'm buzzing want it but now I'm like, oh I can't, I'm buzzing too much. No, it's like equivalent of a tea saughing. Okay, buzzing like a buzzsaw. Josh, I'll see on Friday. Bye. Bye. Who is the most impressive Welsh person? What's the best thing to wear on your feet? And what supermarket would Jesus shop out?

Guestamators, the weekly interactive quiz show is back for a brand new series with me Andy Bush and our quiz master, Statman Matt. We've surveyed the nation, and now we're grilling our celebrity guests to see if they can tap into the collective brains of Britain. Past guests include Lloyd Griffith. If you're taking that into the shower, I mean I know the NHS is stretched but go and see the doctor. Mel Gedreuch. I've never been asked to join a pub quiz team because I think people really detest the pub quiz team, team because because because because because because because because because because the the the the the the thememememem.. Because th. Because, th. Because, the thi. Because, thi. Because, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is. I is. their, thi. thi. thi. toge. toge, toge, toge, their, toge, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their I become. Briany Gordon. Like we just spent 15 minutes talking about how long the guest donation spends on the loo, you know. That's not normal. Nick Helm. As Italians go, he's probably a bit more famous than Pablo Picasso, isn't it? And Kima Bob. If you put your post on the floor, you'll in depth poor. That's the rhyme. Everyone knows it. To listen to the show and play along at home, you know what to do, go to Guestamators.com. Hello, I'm Marcus Briggsstock and I'm Rachel

Paris. This is How was it for you? A review-based podcast. We're going to be asking each other. How was it for you? It was pretty good, Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten. Things we've seen. Places we've been. Things we've smelled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are.