Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Shira Gill on How to Adjust the Volume of Your Life | EP 553

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on Passion Strike. Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing? How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you

Starting point is 00:00:55 and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

Starting point is 00:01:21 Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 553 of the passion struck podcast. As we approach the end of 2024 and prepare to welcome a brand new year, I wanna thank you for being part of this incredible community. Your energy, passion and commitment

Starting point is 00:01:39 to living more intentionally inspire me every day. Whether you're a long time listener or joining us for the first time, welcome. You've joined a global movement dedicated to igniting purpose and living boldly with intention. And I couldn't be happier to have you here. Before we dive in to today's episode, let's reflect on the powerful conversations

Starting point is 00:01:57 that we shared last week. We started with Dr. Abraham George, whose groundbreaking work has transformed lives in rural India through education, health, and social empowerment. Such an uplifting episode. Then we explored profound insights with James and Bursa Bae Ray and the complex forces of God, money, and sex, and how understanding them can help us master our own personal and collective challenges. If you missed either of those episodes, I highly recommend going back to listen. They're packed with wisdom to help you reflect as we close out the year.

Starting point is 00:02:27 As we turn the page to 2025, it's the perfect time to set new intentions, realign with your values and create a life that reflects your true priorities. That's why today's episode is so timely and powerful. I'm thrilled to welcome Shira Gill, a globally recognized organizing expert and the author of Lifestyled, Your Guide to a More Organized and Intentional Life. Shira's minimalist philosophy has transformed how people streamline their home schedule and lives, helping them focus on what truly matters. In our conversation, Shira shares her proven framework for simplifying life through three key principles,ing volume, rating systems,

Starting point is 00:03:05 and implementing habits. These tools are designed to help you cut through the clutter, clarify your priorities, and build sustainable routines. As we step into a new year, these strategies are invaluable for reclaiming control over your time, energy, and mental space. Shira also shows us how to apply her principles across essential areas of life, including health, relationships, career, and personal growth. Whether you're looking to overcome overwhelm, set better boundaries, or cultivate lasting habits, her actionable strategies will inspire you to start fresh and create meaningful change. At its core, Sheerah's work is a call to embrace less, not as a sacrifice, but as a way to unlock greater freedom, clarity, and fulfillment.

Starting point is 00:03:45 As we stand on the threshold of a new year, this conversation is your chance to reflect on what's weighing you down and how you can simplify your life to make room for what truly matters. For those of you who want to dive deeper, check out our episodes starter packs at passionstark.com, starter packs, or Spotify. With over 550 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth to help you find the inspiration that resonates most with you. Don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive weekly insights, tools, and actionable strategies to live with greater intention. And if you prefer video, join my growing community on the John R.R.

Starting point is 00:04:22 Miles YouTube channel where you can watch this episode and more. While you're there, subscribe and share it with someone you think would benefit from Shira's wisdom. Let's end 2024 with clarity and step into 2025 with purpose. I'm excited to dive into this transformative conversation with Shira Gill. Thank you for choosing Passionstruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to create an intentional life. Now let that journey begin.

Starting point is 00:04:50 I am so excited today to welcome Shira Gill to Passionstruck. Welcome, Shira. Thank you so much. I'm so looking forward to this conversation. Well, I love the discussion from your new book titled Lights Lifestyled. And one of the reasons I like it so much is it really focuses on living intentionally, which is really what this whole podcast is about.

Starting point is 00:05:12 So I thought maybe the best starting point would be to get your definition of what to you is an intentional life. Yeah, so it's interesting. My work is very much anchored in minimalism. And the way that I define minimalism is as being radically intentional. So not just with the things you own, but with how you spend your time resources. And so when I think of what is an intentional life, in my definition is it's about clarifying what's important to you and cut cutting the clutter and distraction that stands in the way. And that's really what I've dug into in my work

Starting point is 00:05:49 as an organizing expert, as a minimalist, as a coach, it's all about helping people figure out what are the few things that matter and what's adding real value to your life and what can you let go of completely. No, I thin good definition from it. so many people have diff

Starting point is 00:06:11 of what it means. I think as you're making choices going to be getting into it's really being intention that align with your belief system, something we'll get into, your value system, but most importantly, where you wanna be in the future. And I think we make so many of our choices

Starting point is 00:06:34 in an unconscious state, instead of being intentional about where they're taking us because we don't think about the ramifications. Absolutely. Yeah, and we're in a culture right now where everything is go more and more and it's incumbent upon us to slow down and put the brakes on and recalibrate

Starting point is 00:06:54 and really think about what we're saying yes to and what we're saying no to on purpose. Not a small task. No, not at all. Well, one of the things I wanted to get into is, as you brought up with minimalism, you've dedicated much of your life to addressing the challenge of too muchness. In today's world, I think we're experiencing this disease of disconnect where we're constantly overstimulated, overscheduled,

Starting point is 00:07:27 we're losing touch with our own selves. What do you see as the biggest obstacle for people trying to regain control of their lives? Yeah, I mean, it's much more simple than you might think. I think I address in this new book, Volume, the idea of the volume of our lives in all areas. And I've been organizing homes and lives for over a decade now. And what I see is just a massive amount of volume of too many

Starting point is 00:07:56 yeses and not enough nos. And I think we spend probably at least the first half of our lives accumulating. I think we spend probably at least the first half of our lives accumulating. And that's not just accumulating physical things, but accumulating friendships, relationships, jobs, career opportunities. And we're adding. And I think most of us don't have a system in place to start editing or questioning or cutting the clutter. And really the messages that we receive constantly, not just from social media, TV, but even the people all around us,

Starting point is 00:08:31 everybody that I speak with says they feel like they're drowning. They feel like it's just too much. The responsibilities, the tech, the notifications, the volume of paperwork in their lives. I really think about it like a mathematical equation. If we just keep adding and adding without any subtracting, we're going to be drowning in a mountain of too muchness.

Starting point is 00:08:55 And so my book and my work really addresses how do you start editing? How do you start cutting that clutter and reducing? And really what I found is the hardest thing for people is the decision-making around what stays and what goes. And I think you have to have a really compelling yes to make those no's easier. So in my work with clients and in my own life, I'm always thinking about the question of what is your most compelling yes, whether that's a career goal or taking care of an elderly parent or a younger child or wanting to supersize your income or write a book or pursue some big creative, innovative project, what is the thing that calls to you the most deeply?

Starting point is 00:09:47 That is your big compelling yes. And once you have that firmly in place, the no's, the editing, the saying no thank you, I can't, I'm at capacity comes much easier. I completely agree with you. And I think you're right, the world we're in right now is in crisis for many of the reasons you bring up. And I think this crisis is an underlying reason why so many people feel like they don't matter, like they're not holding the space in the world like they feel they should, which to me is what's leading to so many other emotions that people end up feeling, whether they're broken, feeling battered, lonely, hopeless, whatever word you want to use for it. Absolutely. I want to start going into your book,

Starting point is 00:10:37 Lifestyled, and we've been talking about an opening for it, but throughout the book, you really emphasize this living intentionally and for each person an opening for it, but throughout the book, you really emphasize this living intentionally and for each person who's reading it, taking responsibility for creating the life you want. The book for those who are listening has tons of prompts in it, lots of great short exercises that you can do, which I really like when I'm reading a book. So congratulations on using that approach. But I want to start off because you share a very relatable story right at the beginning about unexpected chaos.

Starting point is 00:11:12 For instance, my dog that I have who has some issues with using the bathroom in our house. Or I've had another one that you highlight when your kids come home with lice. Mine wasn't before a holiday party, but it's never a fun situation when it happens. Yes. When you face these chaotic situations, how do you personally balance intentional living

Starting point is 00:11:38 with the inevitable messiness that we face in life? Such a good question. And as a busy working mom with a dog and a husband and now two teenage girls, the chaos is inevitable. I think as much as we can be planful and meticulous with our time and our schedules, life is going to throw curveballs at us all the time. And so with the particular example you speak of that I opened the book with

Starting point is 00:12:07 of we were going to host this huge holiday party for our friends and family and basically all chaos broke out in our home and we ended up getting lice treatments till two in the morning. And I think what it is it's getting back to the anchor. So for us, the goal was to be with friends and family, to curate a lovely, meaningful experience for the holidays. While that specific evening got derailed, we had our values firmly in place. So once we had picked up the pieces

Starting point is 00:12:42 of that particular debacle, we were able to quickly reset because our values were clear, our intentions were clear. We had done that work to define what does a meaningful holiday look like for us? When you take away all the tinsel and the pressure to consume, what does it really come down to? And for us, that was wanting to gather with friends and family. So even though we got completely derailed on the night we were hosting a holiday party, we were able to quickly recalibrate to that intentionality and that goal.

Starting point is 00:13:17 And we, instead of having it in December, recalibrated and had a party on January 1st. So I think it's being able to have some flexibility and some give and in my life, as I call myself a control enthusiast, I love being in control of my life and my home and my plans, but time and experience has shown me there's always going to be curve balls coming at us. So how can we be nimble and flexible and be able to come back to that baseline

Starting point is 00:13:50 of what we're looking for in our lives, what we care about. I think if those intentions are clear, even if you get derailed, you can quickly reset and come back. I agree with you. And I think that reset is extremely important. It's something that we're going to be going into a little bit further down the interview. For those who are listening, and I set this up in the introduction before I got Shira on the Zoom, her book is really made up of two parts.

Starting point is 00:14:19 Part one, the toolkit, which we're going to go into first, and then part two, the practice. And she opens up by talking about adjusting volume. Can you explain, Shara, how this principle works and how listeners can start identifying areas where they need to turn the volume up or down? Absolutely. So volume, as I mentioned before, the way that I think about it is if you think of like a dial on a radio, you get to turn it up, turn the volume up or turn it down. And it's all about being intentional, right?

Starting point is 00:14:52 To find the right volume for you. I think where we get stuck is we get in the practice of just saying yes and letting things come at us. So an example of that would be I've worked with people in their homes for years and years. And what I've seen is the biggest problem for people is not a lack of organization, it's a unmanageable amount of volume. So if we look at the example of say, an entry closet,

Starting point is 00:15:21 if somebody comes to me and they say, my entry is out of control, we can't find anything, the coats are a jumble, we've got to get organized. What I know as being an organizing expert for most of my career is that probably we have more of a volume problem than an organizing problem. So the thing I always look at first is, do we have too much or too little? So in the case of the entry,

Starting point is 00:15:47 often if I just say, you know what, let's pick a favorite coat for each member of the family and relocate the rest and make sure that all we have by the entry are the coats and bags and dog leashes and things we need on an everyday basis. If we can relocate the things that don't belong here and just reduce the volume, we're going to make our lives a lot easier. So I started taking that principle and expanding it into other areas of life. So if we look at relationships, for example, do you feel that you're drowning in social plans, engagements? You have so many friends, you can't keep up with them or really manage quality time.

Starting point is 00:16:29 Or do you feel like you're in a season of life where things have maybe slowed down and you feel a lack of deep intimacy or connection, and you want to turn the volume up on relationships? So it's really a tool to just help you recalibrate in any area of your life. That could be finances. Do you want to turn the volume up on earning or saving with relationships, as I mentioned, with the volume of stuff you own? So I like to think of it as this tool that you can apply to any area just by saying, do I have too much or too little? And where do I want to adjust the volume

Starting point is 00:17:08 in this particular area of my life to feel more balanced and in alignment with my bigger goals? I think that's a great opening way to talk about this. And I wanted to probe here a little bit deeper because there were a couple of concepts in the book that just piqued my interest. One of them is you talk about the art of the edit. And really it's about how simplifying decision-making can help us reduce mental clutter and focus on, most importantly, what truly matters. Why do you think so many people, myself included, find it so challenging to let go of things

Starting point is 00:17:47 it's so challenging to let go of things or commitments? And how by shifting our mindset from what we're subtracting to what we're actually gaining make the process easier? Yeah, I love this question because the thing that I see in my work the most is actually what's difficult for people is not organizing, it's making decisions. And the reason decision-making is difficult is as you beautifully pointed out, because most of us focus on what we're losing or what we're letting go of missing out on our brain has a real negativity bias. And so even for something as simple as editing your t-shirts, what I find is people go to a sense of lack and scarcity as opposed to a place of abundance. What am I adding here? If I only have my favorite five t-shirts, I'm going to simplify decision-making for myself. I'm going to ease my morning routine.

Starting point is 00:18:41 I'm going to take better care of the things that I do own. That's where my mind naturally goes. But what I've found is for most humans, they go to what am I giving up? What am I losing? What if I regret this decision? What if say the t-shirt has a memory link to it, like the marathon I competed in. If I get rid of this t-shirt, am I gonna forget that memory? Am I going to lose that identity? And so when I think about editing,

Starting point is 00:19:09 I like to really flip the switch towards, what are we adding? And I think most people feel like they're drowning in, as we've been saying, too muchness. They're drowning in overwhelm, overcommitment, over saturation. And most people will tell me I crave more spaciousness. And the truth is in order to create more spaciousness in your home or your life or your mind, you have to decide what you want to let go of on purpose. And so being, I call it ruthless, but not reckless with those decisions so that you can clear the space for yourself and focus on what you're gaining. So when I'm helping

Starting point is 00:19:55 a client edit, I always say to them, what is your vision of an ideal life? What would your day be like? What would your morning routine be like? And so then when we get into editing and they inevitably get overwhelmed or face paralysis, I can get them back to that vision of what are we creating space for? What are we building? And the only way to build that is by letting go intentionally. And I love that you use that word, letting go intentionally because that's what you really need to do is really think about this, not as I think letting go, but what you're gaining by doing this.

Starting point is 00:20:38 And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I had not been letting go of a lot of stuff for a while. And sometimes I think the universe or God comes in and helps you do it for you. And we recently got impacted by the hurricane here, had three feet of water in our house and got to let go of a lot of things unintentionally. But I mean, you can look at it from a negative

Starting point is 00:21:04 or how I'm choosing to look at it is we had already been talking about now that we were bringing our households together, my fiance and I, that we had way too much stuff and it was a forced maneuver in letting go of a lot of stuff we didn't need. Now unfortunately, some of the things we lost are very sentimental diplomas and pictures we can't get back. But a lot of it is opening us up to a way that we can simplify our life going forward.

Starting point is 00:21:32 So I'm looking forward to that intentional opportunity of trying to not have as much junk in the house going forward. I love that, John. I live in California, the land of the fire and the earthquake. And so we're also forced to reckon with if a natural disaster strikes, what are those things you're grabbing in the fire or the hurricane or the earthquake? And what's interesting to me about asking that question is it forces you to become an editor and very intentional.

Starting point is 00:22:03 And when I asked my husband and my kids, what would they take? The first thing they said was the dog. And I just loved that because it was like, that's what matters, right? It's the people, it's the animals, it's the relationships in our lives are what people really care about on a deep level. The stuff is all a bonus. That's how I think about it. Well, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:22:27 Now, there were some things that were really important to us that we never expected this to happen, and we lost, and there's nothing you can do about it, but you're right. When you think about it, and you're running out of the house and grabbing whatever you can, it really does give you a different dimension on what's truly important. Now, in addition to these

Starting point is 00:22:46 physical things I just brought up in the book, you outline five things to let go of now. And some of these have nothing to do with physical things, but they're essential things. Nevertheless, these include people's opinions, imposter syndrome, even the habit of complaining. And when I looked at this list, these are such common struggles for so many of us. Why do you think it's so hard to let go of these patterns? And how can we begin to shift our mindset to focus on the things that matter like we were discussing instead of these petty things? So a belief is just a thought we've practiced a lot. And I think a lot of us take for granted that our beliefs can't be changed. They're hardwired. But one of the things I've learned,

Starting point is 00:23:36 I went to life coach training school a few years ago. And one of the things that really blew my mind was this idea that we can change our thoughts, we can change our lives through shifting those hardwired belief systems and those habits. And like you mentioned, complaining is a habit that I think most of us, myself included, have adapted long ago that we just don't think about our question. But it does bring negativity into our lives. And I write about in the book, there was a day I challenged myself to go on a complaining fast and I barely made it five minutes.

Starting point is 00:24:20 And I realized, wow, I'm walking through the world thinking that I'm this positive, optimistic person, but I have this really negative habit of pointing out things that I don't like say in my environment, like this chair is uncomfortable or what's that smell? Or why did my kids leave their backpacks by the door? These little things that just seem like innocent observations really do have a cost on our mental health. And so those things that I outlined to let go of intentionally are all based in belief systems

Starting point is 00:24:54 that I think can all be shifted with intentionality with just saying, I'm gonna audit how I spend my time or I'm gonna audit audit how I spend my time or I'm going to audit how often I complain, or I'm going to think about my relationship to imposter syndrome. We all have these things. They're so human and they're so hardwired. But what I love is thinking about the capacity for personal development that we all have. And the biggest thing is just awareness. So even if we just start by saying,

Starting point is 00:25:28 I'm gonna just pay attention to say where imposter syndrome crops up in my life. I'm gonna write it down as it arises and I'm just gonna question it. That's really the first step here. You don't have to make huge sweeping changes. It's just about cultivating a new awareness of your habits and deciding just like with editing your sock drawer, is this something I want to keep on

Starting point is 00:25:55 purpose or is it something I want to let go of intentionally? That is a very good example because my son is always asking for more socks at Christmas. I mean, he loves it. And I'm like, how do you go through so many socks, dude? Because it seems like I keep socks for 10 years and I can't just get rid of them. And when people are overwhelmed in their homes, I often start them with the sock drawer because it's one of those universal clutter magnets.

Starting point is 00:26:25 And if you can make decisions about your sock drawer, you can make decisions about anything. Well, you're absolutely right. And for me, I just gained so many more socks because in our haste to get out of the house, because we had to, we were just throwing things into garbage bags. And then because when we got to our Airbnb, we had so many garbage bags, it was like impossible going through them. So we ended up buying more and more things that we already had.

Starting point is 00:26:53 So when I finally found all this stuff, I'm like, oh my gosh, now I got to really declutter. So I want to talk about the second thing in your toolkit, which is creating systems. And for some reason, when I was reading this chapter, it made me go back to my time in big companies. And I was always, for the most part, in the IT organization. And we always had this issue where everyone had something that they needed to be done. Everyone thought it was the number one priority, of course. And so

Starting point is 00:27:32 this whole system of project portfolio management and prioritization became one of the most essential things that we put in place because it really set a criteria for what determines what should be the top priorities where we allocate our resources and money to. And you also, similar to that system, emphasize that creating systems in our life is essential for reducing mental and physical clutter. I was hoping you could just give us a few examples, like my portfolio management one, of simple systems, not as complex as that, that have the biggest impact on our day-to-day life.

Starting point is 00:28:00 Absolutely. So I'll give a few examples. So in the physical realm, what I find is the thing that really weighs people down the most is paper clutter. And as much as we live in a digital world, there is no avoiding some level of paper clutter. We all have mail coming in through the front door, bills, briefs from work. If you have young kids, you may have art or homework

Starting point is 00:28:25 or school forms to sign. And so one thing I started early on in my career was this concept of an inbox is one centralized place where anything that was paper that required your eyes or attention went. And this sounds so simple that it's almost sounds silly. But I can tell you from being in now, thousands of people's homes, when I walk in the front door, I typically see paper in the entry, paper on the kitchen counter, paper strewn on the dining room. And I always ask people,

Starting point is 00:28:59 do you have one centralized place for the papers that you need to review. I would say at least nine times out of ten people say we really don't they end up here and here. So I like to define a system as like the simplest route to solve a problem and so for me that simple route for paper clutter is one big open vessel in your home where you can put all of your paperwork, anything that needs to be reviewed, and then all you have to do is commit to once a week, you're looking through, and you're taking care of business. That's one for the home. For life management, I love the system of a get it done day. So what I find is in life, we all have these kind of annoying grading errands, like need to pick up the dry cleaning or get this shirt mended or drop off our

Starting point is 00:29:56 donations, repair this electronic. And it becomes clutter in our brain, these unfinished tasks. And so what I like to do is centralize all of those kind of nagging errands into a single get it done day. Realistically, I probably schedule one once a season. So this doesn't have to be an overwhelming thing that you're adding to your to-do list. But essentially, if you can plop all of these things

Starting point is 00:30:23 into one container, it will make a huge difference in your efficiency. You can go run all the errands, make all the phone calls, book all the appointments in one single day. Likewise, I talk a lot in the book about automation. Automation is a tool most people use in business and less so in life. So I talk about looking at everything as an opportunity for automation.

Starting point is 00:30:48 I personally realized I was sending almost the exact same email again and again verbatim. And so I created a canned email that now can go out in one second. I spare myself the 15 minutes of rewriting that same email. Likewise with appointments, like maybe with paying your taxes, you can get that automated once a year, same day, same time with your CPA. Same with medical appointments, dental appointments, self-care appointments like haircuts. It's taking all of these things that take up our time and seeing how can we batch

Starting point is 00:31:26 them, how can we automate them, so we just take out the guesswork and all of that extra time with the scheduling and the mental load. The last example I'll give is just a personal one. I find that many of my clients complain about not having time for the things they truly care about. So a date night with their partner or having a lunch with a good friend or a walk. So I've started helping people automate all of those things, putting those big rocks first in their calendar. So an example would be saying, I'm going to have my two best friends over for dinner on the first Saturday of every month. We're gonna lock it in, so we never need to schedule,

Starting point is 00:32:09 we never need to go back and forth, but we know that's baked in, that value of seeing each other more, we can look forward to every month. I do this with my kids. I have two teenagers, they're so busy, the mess of life sometimes keeps us from having quality time.

Starting point is 00:32:25 I now have baked in a brief date with each one of my girls every week. So it's asking yourself first, what are the things that matter? It could be a health or a fitness goal, a goal to see or maintain a relationship better. It could be a financial goal or savings goal. And looking at what is the goal? How can I create the simplest system to automate that goal? So I'm giving it the attention that it deserves.

Starting point is 00:32:57 Thank you so much for sharing that. And something I haven't talked about it in a while on the podcast, but it's a core component of my book and it's gonna tie component of my book and it's going to tie into your next tool and toolkit is I started using something that I call the deliberate action process about, I don't know, 25 years ago. And I started it initially on the business standpoint, because I was working for Arthur Anderson and we had this huge systematic way of doing ERP implementations called method one,

Starting point is 00:33:28 that was just too heavyweight for a lot of the engagements I was doing with smaller and medium sized companies. So I broke it down into six process steps. This was before agile development came around and you do these in quick order. And then I started applying it to my life. And when you implement a process on our system, and I think people over complicate how easy this needs to be. To me, the most important part is the repetition of using it on a regular basis and sticking to it, because in mind, one of the most important things like

Starting point is 00:34:02 the portfolio management is prioritizing what you need to work on and what you don't. So a lot of times I'll use the Eisenhower matrix to help me look at what's important and what I need to do most importantly and what I can delegate or put on the back burner and it's using things like this that really help us automate so many of the things we get stuck on in our life. So really glad you highlighted that. Now, the next thing I really wanted to get into is this third tool, which is something I love talking about habits. And for the listeners, if you want to do a master class in this topic, go back to episode 388. I had the master himself, BJ fog on the podcast and we did a really

Starting point is 00:34:47 big deep dive on this. I think we often hear about James clear, but it was really BJ fog who is the father of this whole habit revolution. Yes. So something you talk about here, something that I write about, I talk about, I just did a solo episode on it this week and it's the importance of when you're looking at things that you wanna change starting small and you call it making it micro. Why is it so important to start with tiny consistent actions and how can listeners and viewers ensure

Starting point is 00:35:23 their new habits become sustainable and automatic over time? So if you've ever tried to build a new habit or break an existing habit, you've probably encountered quite a bit of resistance and that's because as we know our well-intentioned brains are designed to keep us safe and protect us from harm even when there's no actual threat and so because of this tendency, our own brains can really work against us by trying to prevent us from doing anything new that it perceives as risky business. So because of this, we want to start super, super tiny with a habit, both to minimize the resistance of our brain and just simply to make it easier

Starting point is 00:36:05 and more sustainable for us. And I love you talked about BJ Fogg. He's all about making things tiny. And so I call it making it micro. So if you want to start a new habit that feels overwhelming to your brain or even to your schedule, you have to start thinking, what's the tiniest, easiest way I can start making a shift in my life? So for me, I really struggled with exercise. I'm a busy working mom, running a business,

Starting point is 00:36:37 writing books. I knew that I wanted to exercise, but it was so challenging for me to get it on the schedule, to make my way to a class, to carve out that big chunk of time in my day. And so finally, what I did is I said, you know what, if I'm just going to do anything that feels easy, something is better than nothing. And so I challenged myself to a 15 minute walk each morning. I thought I always have 15 minutes, there's really no excuses there. I don't have to drive anywhere, I don't have to shower after. So this is a way I took a big thing, like really I would have loved to take a fitness class for an hour and a half

Starting point is 00:37:17 every day, but it wasn't happening. So I said, how can I make this micro in the form of a tiny walk where I move my body? I did that for about six months. I just got in that habit of I wake up, the first thing I do is I put on my shoes, I walk out the door and I do a little loop. And what I found is just by making it tiny, I was able to then start having the experience of doing this new habit, of thinking of myself differently as someone who can successfully establish a new habit, who can move my body regularly. Once I had gotten over that initial hump, I then found I wanted to walk for longer and longer stretches.

Starting point is 00:38:03 I now take a one hour walk every morning. And so it's really compounded into a very healthy, regular, effortless habit. But that happened just by saying, how can I make this as tiny and reduce all of the overwhelm and all of the block that my brain is having, thinking that this is too big of an obstacle to get over. I love how you simplified that.

Starting point is 00:38:30 And I think it's a great example, because I think people tend to overcomplicate this stuff. And that's where they get stuck. So I thought that was really powerful. Now, next part of your book, I'm not going to go through each one of these, but you have chapters on how to apply this to health and wellness, home and environment,

Starting point is 00:38:52 relationships and community, career and finance, and personal development. And I might tackle a couple of them, but what I wanted to start with is as you introduce this whole section, you talk about something that I think is really important, which is a life audit process. And I remember I was interviewing this guy in the early days of the podcast.

Starting point is 00:39:14 His name is Trav Bell. He actually got a trademark that he is the bucket list guy. As we were talking about it, it's not the bucket list that I remember most about our discussion, it's the reverse bucket list. Meaning we think about creating this bucket list of things that we want to do in our lives and sometimes we don't even get to the starting point because we think so much of it is overwhelming. And his point is, if you do a reverse bucket list, which is go back throughout your life and list all the accomplishments that you've done that you never thought million years you'd be able to do, it gives you the confidence to realize that anything

Starting point is 00:39:58 is attainable if you put your mind to it. So I use this just as an introduction, but your life audit process is a quick and thoughtful exercise that a person can go through at the end of the year or whenever they want. Maybe just pick a day each year that you're going to do it to assess each area of your life and to prioritize where you want to focus energy. Can you walk us through how this process works? Absolutely. Yeah, so every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes.

Starting point is 00:40:42 And the goal of course is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to take a temperature check of how am I doing, how am I feeling in all of these different areas. Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year. I, again, like to make those super tiny. So if I feel like I want to put a little more effort into health and wellness, it could be as small as ordering a multivitamin online and saying, I'm just going to add that to

Starting point is 00:41:18 my routine. If it's wanting to be more intentional in terms of my finances, every week on Sunday, I'm just going to look at my PNL and really get to know my finances on a deeper level. So this exercise only takes about 30 minutes total, and it will help you clarify where you want to focus your time and energy and effort for the coming season or coming year. And I like to think about it. So I think there's so much pressure to do everything well all at once. And we know that we simply can't.

Starting point is 00:41:52 As human beings, we all have limited capacity. And so the way I frame this life audit exercise is really about saying at the end of it, where do I want to invest the bulk of my time, energy, and attention for this season ahead? So knowing that I can't get a perfect five in all areas, where's the one thing I want to dive into? I like to say for the season ahead because it feels less intimidating than an entire year. And depending on where you're at and what your goals are, it could be, I'm dating after divorce, I really want to focus on cultivating meaningful

Starting point is 00:42:33 relationships, or I want to start dating. If you want to have a financial goal, it could be, I'm going to put all of my eggs in that basket, I'm going to really focus. And so the thing that people ask me is they say, okay, sure. I'm going to say, here's the one area I want to dive into. But what about everything else? Like I can't drop the ball on everything else. And so I like this idea of establishing a minimum baseline for all of the other areas of your life while you take a deep dive into one primary area. So I talk about lowering the bar on purpose as opposed to dropping the ball by accident, which can feel liberating and empowering. So I actually make a list of places where I'm okay dropping the ball. For me, that's making a perfectly cooked meal.

Starting point is 00:43:29 Maybe I'm gonna order takeout instead. I know that I'm terrible at keeping plants alive. I'm giving up on that completely, right? Maybe I wanna take a break from networking events for this season. But the goal is to think about where do I want to be really purposeful and effortless in this season of my life? And what are the things I can put on the back burner

Starting point is 00:43:53 on purpose, as opposed to just seeing them as a failure? Excellent advice. One area that I wanted to tackle about using your techniques in is relationship and community. In my own book, I have a chapter that I've written called The Mosquito Auditor. And for those who are new to the show, and sure you've probably not heard this concept before, I was thinking about as we're trying to go down a new path in our lives, it could be in any direction we want to achieve. One of the things that often gets us stuck

Starting point is 00:44:29 before we even go anywhere is the people we surround ourselves with. And I happened to be on a walk and I was listening to a radio announcer ask, what are the most dangerous animals on the planet? And everyone kept giving the typical answers and he came out and said, it's the mosquito. It got me thinking, oftentimes the people who are closest to us, you know,

Starting point is 00:44:50 who are having the most devastating impacts on our progress are the people closest to us or the people we don't even recognize because we think they're benign, but they're really circling us and trying to draw blood from us. And I came up with three simple illustrations of my own. I call them the blood sucker, the pain in the ass and the invisible suffocator, but there are many more than those three. But from your standpoint, how can you use your three techniques to identify which connections in our life are worth nurturing, where we need to put boundaries up because some of them are causing unnecessary stress

Starting point is 00:45:31 or clutter or other things in our lives. So I like to think about building your relationship dream team. And you have to start by identifying which current connections you'd like to cultivate or invest in more. So that would be turning up the volume and which relationships drain or distract you. And you want to turn the

Starting point is 00:45:51 volume down on those. Many of us have people in our lives that are unavoidable, right? Colleagues, bosses, family members that we feel maybe we can't cut off entirely, but we can think about how do we turn the volume down in terms of the energy and effort we invest in those relationships and the boundaries that we put up. So I think about clarifying your relationship deal breakers. A quick exercise anyone can do is just thinking, what are your values with regard to friendships

Starting point is 00:46:24 and partnerships? We all have different standards and boundaries when it comes to what we will and won't tolerate. I found by just making a list for myself of, what are my deal breakers? What are the places where I will not pass go? Writing those down and being intentional about them, then when you come across an interaction

Starting point is 00:46:46 or an engagement with someone that crosses that boundary, you've already done the thought work to decide, that's not a place where I'm going to engage. This is a person that maybe I need to disengage from or set a clear boundary. In terms of systems, I already talked about systematizing the relationships that you care most deeply about. I think the most common complaint I hear from people with relationships is, I don't have time for the people I care about most, or they just get lost in a shuffle of my life. I prioritize my work or my kids, but my partner gets lost in the shuffle. So then it's thinking about just like you have

Starting point is 00:47:27 a quarterly review at work, having a quarterly review for your relationships and saying, where could we turn up the volume and invest more? What systems can we implement to improve our relationships? What habits could make a big difference? Like my husband is a real words of affirmation guy. And he said to me, just by giving me a little compliment

Starting point is 00:47:52 when I walk out the door, like saying that I look good or you like the outfit I've put together, that boosts me and lifts my spirits more than you can imagine. And just him telling me that really informed my habits and behavior moving forward because that's not something I crave. I'm more of an acts of service person.

Starting point is 00:48:12 If you drive me to the airport, I'm grateful for life. That's my love language. And so by communicating with the people in your life, what are the small habit shifts that could really mean a lot and boost our relationship? What can we start implementing in terms of both systems and habits? And really doing a relationship audit. As ruthless as that sounds, there are some people that you may want to cut out of your life entirely, or you may want to divest from. And so thinking about who are the

Starting point is 00:48:47 people that I want to put my time and energy and resources into, who are the people that I want to put on the back burner. And I heard on a podcast recently, and this really stuck with me, this idea of the parking lot test. So when you go out with someone, whether it's a friend or a date or a colleague, as you're walking back to your car post date or dinner, how do you feel? Do they pass the parking lot test? Meaning, do you feel boosted, inspired, energized, connected, or do you feel drained or depleted? And starting to pay attention to that.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Once I spend time with someone, how am I feeling? Is this adding value to my life or is it really a time suck and something where I want to divest and shift my energy? I think that's such a good point. And it reminds me of, we recently went to a get together with friends and there was a group of people who are my friends, but they typically are all about a whole bunch of small talk that kind of goes through the motions.

Starting point is 00:49:53 I find it emotionally exhausting because we don't get into deep talk about anything of meaning. And I happen to be coming out of season of where I'm emotionally exhausted because of everything that's happened to me. And so I chose instead of participating to just not deal with it at all, because I was already that day at my upper limit for what I wanted to take. And instead, I spent time with people who I don't normally talk to that much and ended up getting into much deeper more meaningful conversations. Now, that group of people is probably wondering why I didn't engage with them. But quite frankly, I don't care. It's not about them.

Starting point is 00:50:36 It's what I needed. And I don't think we give ourselves enough grace when we need it. Well, I want to go to the end of your book. and this will lead to the last question I want to ask you. You write, since having it all is a myth and attempting to juggle everything at once is a dead end street, it's up to each of us to make peace with our limitations and redefine success on our own terms. Something that I talk about a lot here on the show. It all comes down to this. Only you can give yourself the gift of an intentional and authentic life. Identify the things you value most, lean way in and let the rest go. And I think that is such a beautiful way to end today's episode and your book. What's one last piece of advice that you'd like listeners to take away from your book that will help them live more intentionally today? So I think just asking yourself the question, how might my life be better with less, might

Starting point is 00:51:43 open some really interesting answers. I think because we're so hardwired to think that more is the answer and we always need to be adding. I think just by flipping that script and I just pose that question to your listeners. How might my life benefit from less can really open up some juicy creative exploration in my own life by reducing the volume of stuff that I own, the volume of plans on my schedule, the volume of commitments that I make in my career. I've really supersized my results, both in my career and finances, but also in the meaning and the intimacy

Starting point is 00:52:25 of my relationships. And so applying this concept of fewer, better to all areas of your life is an invitation that I'd love to leave you with. Well, Shira, thank you so much. For those who wanna learn more and maybe get a life edit themselves, where's the best place for them to go?

Starting point is 00:52:43 Yeah, just my website, shiragill.com. I have a free newsletter and community that gives lots of actionable tips. And you can find my three books wherever books are sold. Well, Shira, it was such a pleasure having you here today. Thank you so much for joining us on Passion Struck. Thank you so much, really appreciate it. As we close out 2024 and step into a brand new year, I can't think of a better conversation

Starting point is 00:53:09 to guide us than the one we've just had with Shira Gill. Her insights on simplifying and streamlining our lives remind us that transformation doesn't require massive overhauls. It's the small intentional changes that create lasting impact. Shira's framework of adjusting volume, creating systems, and implementing habits offers us practical tools to start 2025 with clarity, alignment, and ease. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on one area in your life

Starting point is 00:53:33 where you can apply Shira's insights. Maybe it's decluttering a space in your home, setting up systems to reclaim your time, or redefining your priorities to better align with your values. Whatever it is, remember that every small step you take towards simplicity is a step toward living a more intentional life. If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a 5-star rating in

Starting point is 00:53:53 review. Your feedback helps us continue bringing impactful conversations to the PassionStruck community. And if you know someone who could benefit from Shira's strategies, share this episode with them. A small nudge could be the start of big changes for someone else. You'll find links to everything we discussed today, including Shira's book, Lifestyled, in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

Starting point is 00:54:11 You can also watch the video version on our YouTube channel, so be sure to subscribe and share it with others who are passionate about growth. As we head into 2025, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about bringing these insights to organizations and teams through speaking engagements. If today's episode inspired you and you think these messages could ignite change in your workplace, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. Let's create intentional change together. In our next episode, we'll kick off the new year with an incredible conversation with Carrie Leibowitz, author of How to Winter. Harness your mindset to thrive on cold, dark,

Starting point is 00:54:45 or difficult days. As we enter the heart of winter, Kari's insights on embracing this season and finding strength in times of challenge are the perfect way to start the year with intention and resilience. You won't want to miss it. There's an intimacy in the darkness

Starting point is 00:54:59 and an intimacy to being warm when it is cold that I think can really foster connection. I think conversations can deepen and it's a sense of being closer together because who do you do that with? Who are you with in the warmth and the light when outside it's cold and dark? Those are usually people you feel very close to. Finally, as we say goodbye to 2024, I want to thank you for being part

Starting point is 00:55:28 of this incredible passion-struck community. Your commitment to living with purpose inspires me every day. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone else who could benefit. And as always, apply what you learn so that you can live what you listen. Happy New Year, and until next time, live life passion struck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Shira Gill on How to Adjust the Volume of Your Life | EP 553

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.