Pendejo Time - bio-jesus

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Yeah, we used to like, uh, when I lived in the trailer park, uh, I think it was Tropical Storm Alice. I don't fucking know. But, uh, it was a, it was a trailer park. So, it's already not, like, clean. Like, I've talked about this on the show before, but, like, the pool was just always this, like, dark brownish green color. We went swimming in it all the fucking time. And nothing bad ever happened to anybody. I mean, sometimes you'd get a little sick, but it was the pool of the trailer park.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Like, what the fuck? Nobody cleaned it. But it flooded one time and, like, my mom and my dad, well, my mom was like, go outside. It's flooding. Like, go play in the flood. And I harbor no ill will towards her for that that was it was a i had a fun time i had a my cousin lived in the trailer across the street from me and um we would just went out there and swam in the fucking in the in the water
Starting point is 00:00:58 that like and the trash can't the big dumpsters were right behind our trailer or my trailer and the trash was just floating like bobbing like baby diapers and fucking like raccoon shit and you're like i'm dunking my head under the water you know and i'm like opening my eyes like like i'm having a fucking ball uh i do remember though the one rule that so in the middle of uh we lived on a corner and in the middle of that little like corner uh cold it wasn't a cold it was like half a cul-de-sac was a big drain and that drain um the like maintenance people when it did it flooded pretty often would come and they'd lift the grate off of it and it would turn into this big fucking whirlpool, dude, that just led down to hell. Like, just under the sit, drowning forever,
Starting point is 00:01:48 like, with bugs and fuck. And there's one rule. It was like, obviously, it's like, hey, you can play and swim in the flood water with the trash, but don't get next to the big hole. And of course, it's like, you know, as a little kid and other kids kids in the trailer park were like
Starting point is 00:02:06 do you guys want to play how close we can get to dying like that like it just the everybody's like we would all meet at the top of there was it was barely a little hill and and it like we could see where the water had crested and it was like up to everybody's driveways and um they're like oh okay well we're gonna we're gonna go swimming and her parents like okay to everybody's driveways and um they're like oh okay well we're gonna we're gonna go swimming and her parents like okay go swimming in the flood water and we get out there and i remember i was probably like six seven and uh but i was like so who was gonna get the close your parents all told you not to go to the death hole right yeah which ones are gonna get closest to it and it would have been terrible, it would have been a really tragic and painful death for whatever child.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Nobody got sucked into it, thank goodness. But, yeah, like, I feel like, to your point about the zoo tree, it's like, I don't know, like, old-ass motherfuckers are like, you used to be able to just walk outside. It's like, I did that, too. I think it's just how you grow like i don't know you know it's just like i like primarily my the coolest thing that i did from like i guess three to like i got like my first skateboard so like a good seven year eight year period was just take a big stick and dig a hole in the dirt with it. Like, or kill fire ants. Like, that's just kind of, and I, like, that is the cliche old fuck story. Like, you guys got your damn iPhones now.
Starting point is 00:03:32 It's like, no, man, I dug a hole too, you fucking old bitch. Like, you ate bugs. It was cool. It was cool to eat bugs. Yeah, I remember finding a bag of old batteries one time. Yeah. In a closet and being like, jackpot. These are covered in sugar, dude. I remember
Starting point is 00:03:55 just putting a little bit on my tongue and my mom walking in and being like, hey, those are, just a heads up, those are old batteries. Hey, just letting you know, champ. And she was like, you didn't eat any of that, did you? And I was like, nope.
Starting point is 00:04:16 She was like, good. She was like, good. It's not good to eat that stuff. And then just didn't even take the bag of battery acid away just yeah just just trusted you completely yeah you know uh when i was your age we used to fucking you know eat lead paint yeah you know we'd put that on some jello or whatever i used to i really liked the taste of like, like iron and copper, like metal. Like I, it was, it was like on up there with, um, uh, my mommy's calling me.
Starting point is 00:04:53 I'm not going to answer the phone right now. I'm just going to say podcasting. Hey mom. If it's important, I can, uh, no, it's okay. We're good for a little bit. Okay. No worries. We're good. Uh little bit okay no worries we're good uh and uh
Starting point is 00:05:06 so anyway i would like it was up there with like gasoline smell i think maybe from an early age i just had a an affinity for things that were bad for me but were of a lower pleasure which like i still to this day like if i get a little gasoline on me i'm like smell i'm like but i would put like pennies and nickels in my mouth and like keys because they tasted good to me like i like the taste of like metal like i remember the first time i lost a tooth and, uh, I'm sure that my, like my poor mom,
Starting point is 00:05:47 like I, I, this was like one of my first memories of being like, your blood kind of tastes good. And my mom just kind of like looking at me. And then like later on, I was thinking, I was like,
Starting point is 00:05:59 I wonder if it like 22 and I guess I started losing my baby teeth. Yeah. At 22 years old for me no my mom was 22 um and um and just like hearing you're like you're first born be like I blood tastes so good and gas smells awesome and she's just like well I can't really I can't put too much investment in this guy he's gonna he might grow up and be some sort of prolific destroyer of worlds or something some sort of like you know critter lowly truck stop murderer type which i didn't grow up to be you know i grew up to be a pretty normal guy i guess yeah i think i connected those
Starting point is 00:06:38 dots the opposite way and then i was like oh change smells like, it tastes like blood. Which to me, you know, is like opposite connotation. It's not like blood is money. It's like money is blood. You know what I mean? So that really was what led to my, like, you know, my anarchist, anarcho-syndicalist belief. Yeah, you're a big known Chomsky guy. You were telling me you read a lot of his stuff. Yeah, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:07:10 I like, you know, that's the kind of stuff I'm into. What's your favorite Noam Chomsky book? My favorite Noam Chomsky book is so hard to pick. You know, maybe. Probably The Stinky Banker. the stinky banker. Probably the money question. Philosophy tips for thinking
Starting point is 00:07:33 guys. That's the type of self-published books that guys, crypto guys on Twitter will put. i get a lot of like promoted tweets because i've blocked a lot of brands so the promoted tweets i get now
Starting point is 00:07:52 are from like james.eth and he's plugging a book called like yeah like uh money money psychopath how to win in a world of of dirty rotten scoundrels or whatever and i'm yeah i was a fucking i was a half price books the other day and the economic section is a wreck dude yeah it's like it's just like uh you want to how to how to how to marry the money without fucking it yeah yeah yeah yeah it i remember like go when i would go to like bookstores to look for like conspiracy books like parapolitics stuff or whatever i just i resorted now to getting them off amazon i don't i'm not gonna go to any like half price books or anything it's just yeah i would go to the like all right i would like go up to them like hey do you guys have like anything
Starting point is 00:08:42 on like politics or like you know like conspiracy stuff like politics or like, you know, like conspiracy stuff? And she's like, oh, you know, in the corner over there, like this, but this back dusty corner with like, you know, the fat guy in the Deadpool shirt. And he's kind of walking around. Yeah, it's like the secret. I'm like, oh, is there anything on like JFK here or like, you know, David McGowan stuff? Any just classic like, OK, see, you went to a library and asked if they had a book about Sean F. Kennedy. Yeah, I've gone and asked for like,
Starting point is 00:09:08 what's funny about that bitch. Do you guys have any books about presidents here? No, like about the assassination. You fucking just a fully grown man. Do you guys have any, you guys have any books about politics? You guys have any voting books that could tell me the names of the states?
Starting point is 00:09:27 Like fully 30 years old. Yeah, no. I'm a really learned guy. I've been trying to get into more economics. Do you have any books on money and buying goods and services? Do you have 9-11 for dummies? Do you have the Silver-11 for dummies you have the silverstein core group uh for dummies protocols the elders of zion for dummies anyway uh oh i was gonna tell you uh we were like talking about last episode but um so like i i don't know when you started smoking weed, like, what the roster was for weed.
Starting point is 00:10:08 But for me, like, when I started smoking in, like, I started smoking in, like, 2007, 2008. And so at that time, this was before the big, I guess, weed fucking boom. And so you had like, there were like five types of weed you had. And it was like, let's talk about this on Twitter. I was like, it was weed. Like there was just weed. And it was like seed. It was mid.
Starting point is 00:10:38 It was Reggie, which for me is still my favorite type of weed. And then you had like, you know, Northern Lights, Sour Diesel, Green Crack, White Widow, like Blue Dream, those five to six. And that's as crazy as it got in terms of the naming conventions of weed. Well,
Starting point is 00:10:54 my buddy Jay, who I've talked a little bit about on the pod, he's the guy that we thought was going to overdose and we bathed him in the bathtub to get him to come back to life. Yeah, shout out Jay. He, that we thought was going to overdose and we bathed them in the bathtub to get them to come back to life. Yeah, shut up, Jay.
Starting point is 00:11:14 He brought a woman's purse filled with – he just brought like a pound of weed and did different strains. And he was like, I got a quarter ounce, I got an ounce, I got an eighth, I got all this stuff, you know, because a lot of the people there smoked. And he was like, dude, here's my favorite strain, bro. This is my favorite strain right now. It's really chill. Like I love smoking. It's got a great, good, a great flavor. It's got a really great aroma. He's like, he works at a dispensary. So a lot of this shit, he just gets on the low and I look at the bottle and there, and it's like a glass thing and the name of the strain was bio jesus like and i don't i i was kind of like i was like oh this is funny you know he's like oh no it's the name of the strain it's
Starting point is 00:11:52 my favorite strain right now and i was like i'm not smoking anything named like lazarus from the day you know like i'm not like i'm not gonna smoke anything named like Mephistopheles. I don't want any biblical. I don't want to. Seraphim weed, I'm so good. Wheels within wheels covered in eyes. I don't care about that. This is another one that he had called Dying Dreaming. That's what it said on the back.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Which like Northern Lights for me, I don't know if it's a nostalgic thing, but like that sounds like weed to me. Like, or Bubba Kush. Like, that's, like, you know, the names that you start smoking and you're like, oh, I got, you know, my buddy's got Green Crack or, like, Sour Deep. Like, the classic names for, like, high-octane strains or whatever. Dude, what if we got big enough to have our own strain of Delta-8?
Starting point is 00:12:43 Dude, I kind of, i told you diet smoke the delta eight company is do it they they were on our roster of potential ad sponsors and i'm not doing it now because it's free and i'm not doing free advertising so don't buy that dude i wanted i wanted to reach out to them and if we could dude if we could pitch them i amount of money we could. I've got the perfect name, dude. What? Smoking and fucking. Yo, man, you ever tried? This is my favorite strain. You want to try it?
Starting point is 00:13:20 I know it's just me and you at your house, but it's called smoking and fucking. Yo, is it like me and you hanging out? Like eating goes around errands. Bro, dude, roll up that smoking and fucking. Yo, is it like me and you hanging out? Like eating goes around errands. Bro, dude, roll up that smoking and fucking. I got that diet smoke hookup. Oh, shit, we're a sponsor? Yeah, they sent me a swag bag. Oh, shit, all right, we got these really cool edibles. You know, it's like a sativa.
Starting point is 00:13:37 It's real heady. They also gave me some of their new flowers. It's called I Fuck My Friend Thomas Whilst Girlfriend's at the Store. Yeah, man. You gotta try this shit. It's called Getting Crazy High to Suck Your Friend's Dick.
Starting point is 00:13:51 It says on the bottle, man. No, you gotta try it. It's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah, this is called We Came to Do the Video Episode but We Just Had Sex with Each Other Instead.
Starting point is 00:14:04 It's like a heady indica. It's like a couch lock type weed. It's crazy stuff. Yo, man, I've been smoking that secret blowjob weed. You ever had it? That shit will send you to a whole other universe. Yeah, I've been smoking that gooning weed. It's just meth.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I've been smoking that jack.'re like we hang out you're like dude i got this weed man it's the best we'd ever smoke it makes you want to jack off for like 18 hours to like hardcore pornography makes you not it just like you call you you call into work to whack it and you're like oh fuck man i don't want to smoke tattle yeah we pull it out just like pink glass yeah i smoke this shit i get so chilled out mellowed out i cut a tree down with my hand the other day i start carving the fucking pentatuck into my chest with a razor blade i was the whole old testament just into my back with a fucking box cutter as shit it's that it's that fucking monk weed the self-wllating you ever had this shit it's a it's a hybrid
Starting point is 00:15:05 it's pretty good it's called jacking off in doggy style position it's called eating the flashlight out before you fuck it yeah bro you ever had you ever had this strain she's straight from colorado it's called installing a stall in my bathroom just to make a glory hole yeah i got that i say is i got that that new new uh it's from that new dispensary right down the road called smoke big clouds and get fucked and it's called uh putting in shelves on a sunday afternoon uh gets you just super fucked up and you just want to do chores around the house and it makes your girlfriend happy but you yeah you get tired of smoking bro you ever had this shit it's called make a mold of my own of my own
Starting point is 00:16:06 asshole and have fedex send it to my neighbor and say it was an accident oh shit man oh bro they sent it to the wrong person but i got another one on the way right now for free so i guess you can keep that whatever that is you can keep that mold of my damn i'm so embarrassed i gotta go back inside leave my door completely a jar i gotta lay down fucking stomach down ass up to think about what i've done uh i hope nobody comes in my house and smokes weed with me and smokes this my favorite strain smoking and fucking i hope you don't smoke any of that weed, bro. You got to try this shit. It actually,
Starting point is 00:16:48 you know, I thought I didn't like weed either. Yeah. I tried this. I realized it hadn't had the good shit. It's called smoke this in the helicopters and swat your house. Sniper rifle aiming at your head. Big red beam blowing your head out.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Bullet goes through your head out the other side explodes your house all family dead and the first time i tried this shit i was about to go up on stage i was about to play some jams you know i'm in that sublime cover band it's we're called smoking and fucking yeah we're called smoking fuck your whole band we're called Smokey and Fuck Your Whole Band. We're called Fuck the Bass Player at the van afterwards and he doesn't want to fuck. Yeah, we're in a backpack rap Quiet Riot cover band. It's called Come On, Feel Me Fucking You. And we love weed, brother.
Starting point is 00:17:48 If there's one thing we... Yeah, we smoke fucking weed. We smoke so much fucking tree, dude. You know Lupe Fiasco? Yeah. Yeah, this string is inspired by him. You know what it's called? What?
Starting point is 00:18:02 It's called Lupe Fiasco weed. Yeah. Yeah, I got Lupe Fiasco weed. Yeah. Yeah, I got that Snoop Dogg weed. Oh, yeah. It's like, yeah. I know Snoop smokes a lot of White Widow. Nah, it's called Snoop Dogg. It's called that because whenever you smoke it,
Starting point is 00:18:17 you want to start watching your neighbor's. You want to start snooping on your neighbor's dog while he's pooping. Yeah, you're trying to pick up his poop, but but not as a favor more of a sort of a deviant depraved type behavior yeah yeah i've been smoking that tom sawyer shit having me whitewashing the fence at 3 a.m yeah i'm smoking that tom sawyer it makes me say all sorts of crazy words it makes me say just sort of wacky stuff you know what i I'm saying? I'm smoking that Tom Sawyer shit. I'm cooling my time. But someday I make teachers way too comfortable.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Yeah. I love weed, dude. Yeah. I smoke so much fucking weed, it makes me tremble. It makes me quake in my boots yeah i guess my you have a quake in your boots bitch i'll make a motherfucker quaking his goddamn boots with this weed shit like date two you know like you ever smoke weed bitch this shit kill marilyn monroe right here this is what they
Starting point is 00:19:26 twice marilyn monroe with this is what they killed epstein with this is that fucking this weed makes you die under mysterious circumstances you go to jail and then you that all the cameras shut off you and the next and there's like a cartoonish level of security present in your bedroom and you die by hanging mysteriously. I call this Epstein weed because it takes a kid to a mysterious place. Bars. Bars. Bars.
Starting point is 00:19:57 That's actually, I like that. Next time we do a song. Oh, I do want to give a little update on something. I wasn't going to talk about it because I didn't I wanted it to be a surprise we did throw all the songs up on an album um and I tried to release it through a distributor and that distributor has to quality check the album um it's a distributor that I've used before, and I sent it off. Every song we've done on the show thus far was like, I think, 10, 11 tracks.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Not every one, but definitely the best ones. Robot Song was on there, Alligator Song, Change the World, a couple that me and Thomas did. I got an email back saying that we were banned from that distributor for life with no appeal process due to editorial discretion. And I went on Reddit and I found out that
Starting point is 00:20:54 that typically happens when you upload something that it gets past the AI and then somebody listens to it and it's a human and they're like, this simply can't, can't pat this. This will not be, see the light of day. So I want you guys to know we did work on a project for you guys out of the
Starting point is 00:21:13 kindness of our hearts. It's called fuck the world. Yeah. With my friends. Yeah. I forget what I, Oh, I think I don't,
Starting point is 00:21:21 the name of the album is not important. And there are other avenues that we're looking into. And by that, I mean, I Googled it a few times, like three weeks ago. Um, but,
Starting point is 00:21:31 uh, we do want to get that out to you, to, to the listeners. But I did think it was funny that they, it took like two weeks and I, I emailed the, the,
Starting point is 00:21:39 the distributor. I was like, Hey, you know, my name is so-and-so I have this thing. It's like a comedy thing i just wanted to know when my album's gonna be up and the next email i got was your band forever and you can never upload music again using this email address and uh you don't get to ask why
Starting point is 00:21:57 which i thought was funny because it's like i like the i like to imagine you know you it went out through the ether digital fucking world and gets to the AI. Dude, I'm going to send them the same thing, but I'm going to say the project is called Smoking and Fucking Part 2. It's like when Gucci and I Love Macanon would drop Drink More Water 8 and there was no 1 through 7. Gucci would be like East Atlanta Santa 5 but there was no
Starting point is 00:22:28 like 1 through 4. He just started the volume series like halfway through. Smoking and fucking volume 10. Smoking and fucking 1 million. Really you put out the last 999,999 projects. But you won't put out the last 999,999 Projects
Starting point is 00:22:47 But you won't put out the 1 million You didn't fuck with smoking And fucking 1 million There's 700 tracks on here Yeah 700 It's all me going yeah Yeah Bitch
Starting point is 00:23:02 Yeah Yeah I'm saying the word it's all ad libs it's no beat no rapping oh yeah cookie It's, it's, uh, man, I was at a, uh, we, the house that we all lived in, the acting school at the university I went to was like, I guess pretty good for the area. And they threw a bunch of their cast parties at our house. Cause I don't know why it was long story anyway. I have a really deep hatred in my soul for people who talk in a British accent for longer than... If you're being stupid and it's like,
Starting point is 00:23:57 Cheerio! My ass is still kind of annoying, but whatever the fuck, man. But I was walking around and people were like, Whoop, whoop, it's a party. Like theater kid stuff. And I was like, wow, this party fucking sucks. I'm going to go to my room. And I came out like an hour later and like half the party was talking in British accents and the other half was like crying.
Starting point is 00:24:19 And I was like, are actors like this? Like big actors? actors like this like big actors because i have a feeling in my mind that a lot of big actors that aren't like nepotistic you know um like placed there by by virtue of somebody that they know or or by pathway somebody that they know that they are theater kids so was like brad pitt doing this or i think he maybe he was just handsome i don't know if he was like an actor you know what i'm saying trying to think of like a character actor that maybe would have done that maybe michael shannon you know somebody michael shannon's a handsome son of a bitch michael shannon looks like the crypt keeper dude he's not shannon you know he got that fucking white boy donkey dick on him
Starting point is 00:24:57 he does look like he would be swaying in a big way for something about that's a really i know you were fucking around but i i'm imagining him in my mind. He's got that hammer on him. He does seem like... He looks like he just plays D&D and he still wears Jerbo jeans for some reason. And a giant hoodie and Crocs with gibbets or something. He listens to Rush and understands it. You know?
Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah. He's like that. He just lays that demon pipe. It's like. Just intense eye contact all night long. Just fucking you and sucking you to death. That's what he does. Do you remember.
Starting point is 00:25:39 That's a Michael Shannon dick. Do you remember the lady on Twitter that was like. The Beto thing. Yes. Michael Shannon dick. Do you remember the lady on Twitter that was like... The Beto thing? Yes. He's the kind of nerdy guy that smacks you to the bed and fucks you to your ankles. Dude, that's the only type of poster that should be online. I want Bernie Sanders to suck my dick.
Starting point is 00:26:04 To beast my hole out like a critter. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Dianne Feinstein, you old-ass hag, bat-looking-ass bitch. How about you come knee me in the face and I'll bust from it, dumbass? It's awesome. I would just throw rocks at her. Yeah, yeah. Make her run around in my backyard. Dude, there are – this isn't exclusive to politicians,
Starting point is 00:26:29 but also, like, older people in the public eye. But, like, Mitch McConnell is the type of guy that, like, you could live out, like, a supervillain fantasy where you could probably, if you got a good angle, like, and you could wind the punch up, like, you could probably if you got a good angle like in a and you could wind the punch up like you could concave his chest in like i'm not saying this like not i have like he sucks but it's like he's just he looks so frail that you could like like you could one punch man him or like goku his ass or like you know like superman him like where you could just do a one inch punch
Starting point is 00:27:02 and his whole sternum would collapse like paper mache. But that would be evil to do. He's old. That wouldn't be nice. You would really disrespect the leader of the politics like that.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Speaker Laos? It was her. She's no longer. Is it Kevin McCarthy? Yeah, I think so. I think he was majority whip or something, and now he's, like, minority or something. He's a minority. Dude, I have, like...
Starting point is 00:27:37 I know that we're going... I'm not... This is just me being stupid, but, like... The news, obviously, just gets dumber. Like, there's no novel observation. But I... The whole thing about, like, the shooter of that school, like, being trans,
Starting point is 00:27:56 and then, like, a couple... Like, there was another shooter, like, a year ago who said they were non-binary, but it was, like, a... They were, like, doing it to, like, fuck with people. And then seeing, like, the... the like the andy knows of the world and like the benny johnsons and all those guys the you know the the matt walsh's stephen crowder's be like we've got a trans gun problem in this country like a group of people that's like two or three percent of the population
Starting point is 00:28:22 and like we've got And they're radicalizing. They're putting on thigh-high socks. And they're learning how to clear rooms at a fucking blistering pace. And we really need to address this issue. What are you looking up, man? I'm sick and tired of you. I was looking at my phone. I was looking at my phone. Yeah, I know that's really important, Jake.
Starting point is 00:28:41 And that's something we need to address, especially when you look at, you know, sometimes I'll be on the toilet and I don't even know when I got there. Yeah. Sometimes I don't know when I'm done shitting. Sometimes I'll wipe my ass for like an hour. Yeah. Just to be safe. I don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:03 I have sat down to piss just so i can look at my phone on the toilet for like 10 minutes i don't need to sit down to pee i have a penis um at least last i checked which was i guess 40 minutes ago sometimes you just got to make sure it's still there i hope this thing didn't fall off or nothing um but uh yeah i don't know i uh i tell you man i really i'm enjoying not being as active i like not going to the gym and stuff i've been going to the gym it's just that's my most active time of the day same yeah i don't it's nice yeah well you say you're enjoying like not working outside anymore right yeah no no to this weekend but it's okay it's are you picking up a shift or something yeah I just you know it's gonna be a town I
Starting point is 00:29:51 might as well I don't I don't do you know I don't have fun I don't really like to have fun on my own you know yeah no for I said I seriously I just don't stop my thing you know I'll I'd rather just be digging a hole or something. Yeah, no, yeah. If it's just me. Now that I'm not drinking, I'll go out with people, and I'm there for like 45 minutes, and it's like, oh, man, I think it's about time to turn in.
Starting point is 00:30:18 And they're like, it's 7.50. And I'm like, well, I ain't got nothing to do here. And they're like, oh, you just got here. And I'm like, eh, you know. Have you ever sat in front of the tv and watched a movie have you ever watched goodfellas three times in one night high on fake weed it's pretty awesome uh and i haven't been drinking either but it's just uh it makes sense economically to not yeah no for yeah because i started drinking again i was I was like, I'm the drink man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah, that's right. And then I was like, fuck, dude, that's, you cannot afford to be an alcoholic, Thomas. No, no. This is not up your alley. Yeah, no, it's expensive. And in my mind, dude, like, here's how sort of warped my shit is. If I go to buy myself something nice,
Starting point is 00:31:03 like that old vintage casio about myself or like the miller highlife belt buckle those those things i like so much i'm mad that i spent the money on it like my my thigh piece my my thigh tattoo i that was a pretty expensive piece and i was mad at myself for doing something i had the money so i was like fuck it i you know whatever but i think back and it's like i i never even thought twice about spending like six hundred dollars a month on beer it just never it like never even i i didn't even question it i was like it's something i got to i can't walk around like normal like what the fuck like what do you expect me to do talk to people i'm not gonna talk to anybody sober like i have no i
Starting point is 00:31:42 have no reason to talk to any other human being i have no reason to even be outside if i haven't had at least six beers it's just the way you know the way the cookie crumbles in that regard um by the way i love when we go down these rabbit holes and i'm reminded of the dms that people send and i and i do want to say to the guys if you fall in this category uh i'm glad that this show could provide you something but people every now and then will be like hey man the show like the way you guys talk about stuff like really helps me
Starting point is 00:32:08 stay stay sober and you know there's a part the front part of my brain is like that's awesome man I'm glad that you could get that from this show the back part of my brain is like
Starting point is 00:32:17 how we're not talking about how it's cool you know like we're talking about how it's it's very frustrating like it's not like when we do go down these little rabbit holes or whatever it's never like's cool you know like we're talking about how it's it's very frustrating like it's not like when we do go down these little rabbit holes or whatever it's never like oh man you know it's a beautiful feeling it's so awesome it's like no i i uh ate it it's just dog shit
Starting point is 00:32:38 anyway i love it you know at the end of the day, you know, life can't keep me down. I've always been a really positive person. Yeah, I've definitely, I've gleaned that from you and knowing you for the last three years that if, when people ask me, they're like, who's been a person who is like, to you is just like the shyness, the beacon of light in your life. I'm like, well, my dog, my girlfriend, and then my friend Thomas, who is just this, this fucking positive person. I mean, he walks in a room and the room lights up.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Right. It turns like a deep blood red, like a boss layer. And it's really nice. And people say that about me. They're like, Jake, man, you are a really happy guy. And you definitely have an outlook on life that I want to emulate and that I want to sort of absorb from your show. And I want to become you
Starting point is 00:33:29 and I want to be your friend. And we could maybe go... What would you do if you had a hot pie? Hot pie. What's your favorite type of pie? You're not a big pie guy.
Starting point is 00:33:40 I am a pie guy. You're not. Well, I've recently became a pie guy. If you did like pie, what would be your favorite kind? I like a classic like apple with a caramel on the crust. Like a really crispy like apple pie. Made up type of pie. It's not made up.
Starting point is 00:34:01 I've never seen caramel on a crust. You are gay and nobody also i say caramel i don't know why i said caramel just now i think it's it's it's caramel because that's how it's spelled it's caramel you're gay you're a car that's a word we all know and look at the word it's c-a-r-a-m-e we're gonna become that fucking annoying as annoying as TikTok podcast always has the two like. Yeah, the two. First off, a strawberry is a berry. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:31 It's a fruit. The guys who you Google their podcast. What do you think a fruit is? They need to be. Dude, I'm going to hang them. You Google the podcast. I'm going to start fucking molesting them. That's just terrible.
Starting point is 00:34:43 They have like half a million monthly listeners and they make like $80,000 a month on Patreon. And then I really do some of these. I don't know if because they get on like the happy dad, the most seething, jealous person in the world. I don't even get on TikTok. I'm like, why are they successful? No, I don't even have the app on my phone. Me neither.
Starting point is 00:35:01 But I see them on like Instagram. It'll be like it's like I think that Nelk Boys really unlocked something. Here's the thing. We're barely different from that. Barely. I needed you. We both are. We are different. We don't have veneers. That's true, but if we could afford them, I still wouldn't
Starting point is 00:35:18 get them. I think they're really ugly. I wouldn't get them. I would get something. I would do something way stupider. I would get veneers do something way stupider yeah yeah i would get i would get veneers on my ass yeah i would get i would get uh like the ab etching surgery like that looks like shit like the ones that uh that liver king got where it's clear you know yeah no like that the it'll be a guy in like a white like a happy dad t-shirt and they're always barstool affiliated if not directly related and yeah it's like uh did you just fucking say that uh core's banquet is better than milwaukee's best what are
Starting point is 00:35:56 you a fucking cretin what are you like a dumb like it's like the way reddit commenters talk but then it's like guys who played lacrosse in college. Like, that's the best way that I can describe that type of guy. I want to be able to finagle my way into talking to that guy with the giant teeth, the giant veneers. Have you seen it? The Kyle, I think, is his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
Starting point is 00:36:23 I want to get on the show, and I'm going to be wearing like a Bulls jersey, and I won't have worked out for a couple weeks, so my arms are just kind of nothing, but I have on a jersey with no shirt underneath. Yeah. I'm wearing like $80 basketball shorts, and then Sperry's for some reason.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Yeah. And he opens his mouth to start saying something. And I basically start full on taking advantage of him. Right. Right there in front of the camera. And we make love. I would make him look like just a little play thing on his own show there was a clip of his bulging back arched gripping the sheets of love he would yeah by the end of it
Starting point is 00:37:16 you know i would be a full owner of you know the Whatever they're... Yeah, basically his body and soul. There was a... And instead of Steve will do it, it would be Steve will suck it. Yeah, Steve will fuck it, Steve will do... Steve will fuck me. I will fuck Steve. We have like a... I have fucked Steve. We have like a YouTube channel that's like 10 million subs.
Starting point is 00:37:41 And it's just porn of you fucking the Steve will do it guy. There was a fucking episode of the Nelk Boys that I caught on, well, I caught a clip. And it was so, here's the thing. Like, Hollywood makes it normal for like Jonah Hill, who, you know, oh, that's a bad. Who's the bitch that plays Wednesday? Jenna Ortega to hang out and be in the same party as, like, I don't know, Morgan Freeman. Right? That's just a hypothetical.
Starting point is 00:38:10 I don't know if that's ever happened. But, Steve, I will fuck Steve. But there was an episode of the Milk Boys podcast that had Andrew Tate, and they went to a college party. All the Milk Boys and Andrew and his brother went. And Andrew and his brother are walking around shirtless. They're smoking cigars. They're at a college party. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:26 And like that's the Nelk Boys like key demo is like like fraternity frat guys and sorority girls. And I think it was like OSU. I think I don't know one of the big, you know, southern colleges like this, you know, SEC, whatever the fuck. And, you know, one of them was drunk and was like, oh, you know, Andrew, he was fucking one of the other co-hosts, bitch. Like he like he's he like snaked her. And I was watching this and I was like, the only reason like this is a human trafficker of women who's like in his mid 30s.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Like if a guy at a mid 30s is it is it a college party and he's trying to get pussy that guy probably just sells drugs that's the best case scenario and really probably the only you know what i'm saying like you know and he's probably not even his mid-30s maybe he's in his like mid to late i don't fucking know but uh there was like a part of the clip or whatever where you know the main boy i don't know his fucking name uh he's like he's got the hat he's like not white he's kind of like got a tan skin i don't fucking know i think it's i think it's uh the kyle guy maybe yeah he was like he was like yeah so like you guys see andrew mack and all mikey Like, dude, I think he's probably going to fuck her. And I was like, I don't know who to blame.
Starting point is 00:39:50 I can't blame these boys for wanting to make money. They hang out with Dana White. They do cocaine with Dana White. Dana White gave one of them a quarter of a million dollars just as a gift. It was like, hey, kid, I'm a 54-year-old man and you're 22. Here's a quarter of a million dollars. I love doing coke with you. I love you.
Starting point is 00:40:06 I want to have sex with you. But like having a, like a, like a felonious trafficker of women and being like, yo, I just saw Andrew do a keg stand. Like it just, it seemed like out of the quiet,
Starting point is 00:40:18 like, I don't know, like that's something that it can only happen. I feel like in that podcast world, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah. You know, at the end of the day, that's how those parties go, man.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Sometimes, you know, you think a dude is actually, like, low-key chill as fuck. And then he snakes your bitch. Yeah, then you find out he traffics girls. Yo, I was hanging out with the— So, hey, bro, we are headed to Florida State. We're going to hang out with the whole fucking volleyball team.
Starting point is 00:40:50 I'm here with fucking Adolph Hitler. And we're about to turn the fuck up. Yo, we're here at ASU, baby. You know Lake Havasu. That's right. We're here with Dana White and BTK. We got BTK. We got BTK out of jail. Dennis, what's
Starting point is 00:41:08 going on, Dennis? Dennis, bro, you gotta lay off the fucking Tootsies, bro. You can't be doing key bumps. We haven't even got on the boat yet, big dog. God forbid they let fucking Ric Flair in one of those parties. Well, you know what's funny? It'll be a blood
Starting point is 00:41:23 bath. Have you seen him like old as shit, senile, clearly on test? I don't know about the last, like, year, but definitely the last 10 years of, like, he's at a party or, like, a bar. And, like, 20-year-old guys are like, do the woo! And he's like... Like, he's so frail and so still, like, vascular because he's just been on like deca forever or whatever wind straw that they're like yeah come on pretty boy pretty boy let's go you guys hear that woo and he's like oh he has nothing left to give because he's almost 100. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, me and Rick used to hang, but after the allegations dropped, I just figured it was time for us to part ways. The allegations.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Have you fucking seen? Dude, that man loves to rape. I'm not even. Oh, you're being serious? I'm dead serious, dude. Like, bad. Like, in public. public no i thought you were fucking in front of people no dude that's what i was saying it would be god forbid they let him
Starting point is 00:42:32 into one of those oh i thought you were just doing old guys that like young guys are like yeah bro rick flair because he's still cool yeah he is i mean i guess i mean he's not cool but no but i mean to to that group to that he's still rick f... No, but I mean, to that group, to that demo. He's still Ric Flair. You know what I mean? People grew up... He was definitely cool at the time. For sure.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Hulk Hogan was cool to me. Triple H, all those guys were cool. You don't have to pretend they're not cool. Or they weren't ever cool, but you know. Mike Tyson's cool. He's a piece of shit. Dude, Mike Tyson is undeniably a badass. But he also... Some things happen happen yeah you know super nacho i can't people are like hey now he's just
Starting point is 00:43:12 like a buddhist i love it's so funny dude like he he goes on his he has his show and he'll bring on like uh i don't fucking know anderson park and he's like anderson I listen to your music when uh when I so I've been reading The Five Rings of Miyamoto Musashi and it's a really it's a really exciting time in my life
Starting point is 00:43:31 because I'm finding out who I am I'm 60 years old I'm 60 years old and I finally understand that I'm a lover I'm not a fighter and then like
Starting point is 00:43:39 you'll scroll on the Instagram reels and the next video is that video of him talking trash to the stage. He's like, I'll fuck you till you love me. I'll fucking yes. I'll make you suck my dick.
Starting point is 00:43:51 And I know, you know, people grow. For sure, people can change. I do think that that is a real thing. But I do feel like that can be true. Guys can definitely come back from stuff. People can come back from doing things that are not great. But I don't think you're allowed to be like a buddhist i don't think you're allowed to be like is it you can be like a like i don't think you're allowed to convert to buddhism period
Starting point is 00:44:15 oh yeah don't worry about me i'm just in the the coolest religion yeah yeah yeah do other gay bullshit well it's it's like you're a grown man you'd better be getting into something with like jihad right well i think it doesn't no i don't it doesn't i feel like all right you don't you don't get to convert religions you should be not religious but if you go back to being religious you don't get to convert Religions You should be not religious But if you go back to being religious You don't get to pick something new Because whatever you pick Is not going to make more sense
Starting point is 00:44:52 Than whatever the other thing was For sure If I were to go back It would have to be I'm Southern Baptist again Right Because I'm not going to I'm not converting to Islam
Starting point is 00:45:03 Or Judaism No There's nothing against either of those. They make as much sense as Christianity. As the other one that I left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But I'm not going to be like, yeah, Dad, you know how I wasn't religious for a while? Now I'm a Jainist.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Because that's made up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I grew up with that shit. It's made up. I don't care about people's personal growth and stuff like that. If you look me in the fucking eyes and tell me you're a Buddhist now, you are a liar. You are a liar. You just like doing yoga.
Starting point is 00:45:34 You can just be a yoga and meditation guy. You just like to smoke weed. I'm becoming one of those. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It doesn't mean I'm a Buddhist. You can go to a fucking temple if you want to. I don't care. You don't get to be named Travis and say you're a fucking temple if you want to yeah i don't care don't you don't get to
Starting point is 00:45:45 be named travis and say you're a fucking buddhist yeah no for sure works well i like you wear harem pants that's about as crazy as it gets in my opinion grown man wearing harem pants right right right yeah but it's all right you know i'll let it fly because you know it's a different day and age we live in sure there's definitely like having having bounced around a lot of gyms like you you'll get typically in my experience 80 of a jujitsu gym is split amongst like basically christian nationalists of different race groups and then like buddha like guys that aren't buddhists but they're like yeah you know like presenting jiu-jitsu is like kind of kind of like kevin australiano and you know and then i've justitsu is like kind of like kept me on straight and narrow and you know
Starting point is 00:46:26 and then I've just really been thinking about maybe the Bhagavad Gita and like I took a mushroom trip I found out you know like I'm Hindu you know like I really think that like they had it figured out it's an old culture and it's like what hold on a second
Starting point is 00:46:42 let's just backtrack what were you before you decided to like start putting guys on arm bars and shit like religious students like oh i was you know catholic like all right so you left the the that cult to go to one that has more wizards in it i get like more day you know what i'm saying like i'm not trying to down talk it but it's like there's more oh it's fine you can down talk it i'm saying like there's more lore to learn like there's more like yeah if you're fucking like one of those pagan guys yeah or like a great like you're like dude get the fuck out of here you're into greek god fucking stupid dude i smoked weed
Starting point is 00:47:19 with this guy in college he was like a peripheral friend i don't know if you kind of had a guy that floated on the outskirts. Yeah, where it's like somebody's like, oh, you hang out with him sometimes, you're all chill, and it's like, not really, but yeah. I want to kill him, but he's there, yeah. And he straight up was one of the like,
Starting point is 00:47:34 he was a barefoot on campus guy, and I was like, whatever, man, this guy's got good weed, and sometimes he'd buy acid off from him, whatever. He was a, he, not a bit. I don't know if it was the LSDd i don't know but he was like he he believed in like the greek gods and it was like a point of pride for him it was like how some guys get into like jazz in like a hipstery sense but it was with like
Starting point is 00:47:59 the afterlife he's like yeah you know i was i was raised Jehovah's witness, but you know, I came to college and I just, I, I, I started experimenting with hallucinogens and, and I just really think that the Greeks understand, you know, like, like you have Zeus and then you like,
Starting point is 00:48:12 you know, the God of war and then you, you know, Athena and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I thought maybe it was just a symbolic thing for him,
Starting point is 00:48:18 but he was one of those permafrite guys that like, you start to realize that he's not, he's hamming it up a little bit because it's his personality of the month or whatever but he has done enough acid to believe he believes it you know what i'm saying does that make sense like he's yeah no it's it's like he's i or we were fucking sitting in my in like this like our little apartment dorm whatever and smoking out of like a little bubbler and he was like oh you know zeus man like you know i don't know if you know you guys know the story of zeus and he told the story that you
Starting point is 00:48:51 learn in like junior high where like zeus becomes a bull to like have sex with a lady or whatever like that story like it's the one that everybody learns he's like yeah you know like the human the human impulse to like also how do i describe how do i put this into words he was like yeah you know like the human the human impulse to like also how do I describe how do I put this into words he was like a sex guy like a sex nerd do you know what I'm saying oh yeah like a tantric yes yes
Starting point is 00:49:16 and he was like you know like because Zeus represents like the male energy like the male like the divine male and like I had it in my head I, like the divine male. And like, I, I, I had it in my head. I was like,
Starting point is 00:49:26 I need to find a guy to buy mushrooms off of. It's not you. Like I need to start making, they're all like that. Yeah. Well, they're all like that. Or they're,
Starting point is 00:49:34 they all sell hard drugs and then also mushrooms. And they're, then they're just like, you don't want to fucking, you don't want to hang out at a Coke dealer's house. You know what I'm saying? Like you don't want to hang out with a guy who sells. You don't want to, you don't want to hang out with a Coke dealer's house. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to hang out with a guy who sells... You don't want to hang out with a guy who sells mushrooms,
Starting point is 00:49:48 but also mostly ecstasy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, the sex nerd stuff was like... That shit is so funny to me because there's, to me, in my mind, there's no clearer path to never getting laid than to like, in front of other people and like a group like a smoke circle like you're passing around a blunt and a bong and like maybe you guys are eating mushrooms and like you're having like you're doing a little fucking hippy
Starting point is 00:50:16 college shit where out you know barton creek or whatever and be like you know really like the pathway to like the like the orgasmic plane like dude i'm gonna kill you like i pathway to like the orgasmic plane. Like, dude, I'm gonna kill you. Like, I wanna rip your bottom jaw off like a fucking monkey. But what's weird is some girls' bottom, like he always had like a solid girl, like a steady girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:50:35 I was like, you guys buying into this shit? That guy's gonna eat you. Any guy that's like, yeah, you gotta, first what you gotta do is you gotta, like Kevin Gates, any guy that talks like that and is not like a rapper, like come on, dude. You got to go to jail.
Starting point is 00:50:48 He needs to go to jail. Yeah, he needs to go to my house first and then right to jail after that. Yeah, he needs to – man, you know. Dude, his – I want to spread that open like a Christmas hay. The way that he talks to like – Dude, I wouldn't – imagine being like a Christmas ham. The way that he talks to like. Dude, I wouldn't. Imagine being like a female interviewer. Right.
Starting point is 00:51:08 The way that he talks to. And you're like, God damn. Yes, dude. He just sexually harasses every woman he meets. Yes. And then if it's a guy, he will be like, so do you put your wife's ankles behind her hair? Because if you ain't, she's going to be calling somebody else.
Starting point is 00:51:24 He'll start insulting the wives. I don't think he means it as an insult he's just like he needs to go to he needs to go to like some sort of clinic or something because like if it's a girl he's like you ever had your shit arched up like the chancelisay and they're like sometimes they'll play into it but sometimes they're like um i don't know kevin you know he's that's how we need to be with anytime we have guests on yeah it's like a guy who's like 15 years older than us and we have them on we're like man you ever had your gooch licked the first a white bitch yeah you ever had your gooch licked? The first gooch. By a white bitch? Yeah, you ever had... I put my hand on a car.
Starting point is 00:52:09 I started it up. May God kill my children if I... Dude, that story is so awesome because it's like, you know what? What if it's true? What if it's just a gimmick, a fluke, and now he believes that he's like an airbender or something? Kevin Gates shout out. Dude, I think we could probably maybe get him on the show i feel like he's one of those guys he would he would probably be like
Starting point is 00:52:32 he'd be like yeah five grand no i know i feel like he my knowledge he does he's the kind of guy that will just do podcasts because i see instagram clips and he's on shows that are well-produced. And then I'll scroll through or whatever. And then I'll see one and he's just on some guy's show. Now, I'm sure it's more likely that if you have a girl host, that he'll come on a lesser-known show. Maybe I could wear a wig. Do you think I could pass as a lady?
Starting point is 00:53:04 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The estimated speaking fee range to book Kevin Gates for your event is $30,000 to $50,000. That is way off. Okay, I was way off. Sorry. Yeah, but that's probably for a show. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:53:18 Yeah, no, for sure. For a show. Yeah. No, absolutely. If he just could go on a show, I don't know. I'll reach out to Kevin. Me and him go way back. He taught me how to shoot a bow and arrow.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Horseback. Hey, baby. Have you ever seen a real motherfucker like me? Goddamn, dude. We're already at 54 minutes. This one flew by. Damn. Damn.
Starting point is 00:53:45 Don't fuzz when you're having fun. Having fun with your friend. Thomas and me. And my crime flies when I have a gun. And the bullet flies when I'm sending them. Yeah. Yeah. And my...
Starting point is 00:54:13 Sorry, I get really nervous. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:54:37 We just lost about half the audience. Yeah, yeah. They're literally taking the exit to their job. Everybody's girlfriend made them turn it off at the same time. Yeah. Dude, that video still to this day, that guy tagged the Twitter account for their show, and his girlfriend had filmed. She was outside, and he had his window open and was taking a shower.
Starting point is 00:54:58 And I heard us laughing, and I was like, man, that's tough. You're listening to it in the shower, brother? I was laughing and I was like, man, that's tough. You're listening to it in the shower, brother? Like, hey, wherever – I love my fans. I love the fans of the show. You guys have made my life cool. I think a lot of people listen to it in the shower. You think so?
Starting point is 00:55:17 I don't know. I think a lot of people listen to podcasts in the shower in general. See, to me, I don't know. Like the last thing I want to hear – Because you don't want to have to change the song. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. I don't have see to me i i don't know like the last thing i want to hear because you don't want to have to change the song is yeah that's true that's a good point i don't know i guess i just heard my own laugh and i was like that's you're starting your morning that way respect man that's yeah i listen to tantric podcasts yeah when i'm in the shower yeah i listen to uh to the sex god show and uh and i tell you about the the like 70 year old tantric sex guy i found on instagram
Starting point is 00:55:47 no he was it was like this old black dude and he was like of course he was like trying to say that you should use like sesame oil as lube you did yes you told me yeah the toasted sesame oil yeah which if you haven't smelled toasted sesame oil before that shit is strong it's it's very that shit is strictly for salad it's very smoky dude i don't he was like this keeps her ph balanced i was like brother i don't know if that's i mean i'm not a tantric expert here you're the tantric expert i think i think a girl would get mad at you if you put that in her body yeah for sure yeah no i don't i don't think she'd be happy about it i think i think a girl would get mad at you if you put that in her body yeah for sure yeah no i don't i don't think she'd be happy about it i think she you'd be better off
Starting point is 00:56:29 using like pam spray who here's my question to him is is who what girl what woman is letting a 70 year old man fucker with sesame oil like he was he was he was like don't y'all don't worry i'm still sexually active yeah and i got like 10 grandkids that's awesome i'm like grandkids don't grandkids mean you got pussy like 50 years ago yeah yeah it's cool i'm glad you have grandkids that's cool good for you but don't be bragging about that on your sex video no yeah that's that has nothing to do with lube yeah yeah um yeah the the uh the whole like that whole world to me seems dangerous it seems like i mean like the the the the uh like the sex god like the sex nerd like uh like that guy I was telling you about that sold it that I bought acid from like
Starting point is 00:57:27 he he had like here's the thing though every girl that I met that he would bring around or like we would drop acid and she would be there they were into that type of stuff too because they would openly like talk
Starting point is 00:57:44 about it like oh yeah you know so like we won't touch each other all day and then you know we won't touch each other for a week and we'll be exploding with urges and i'm like i'm gonna listen i'm gonna beat the fuck out of both you like i don't i don't want to hurt anybody but at the same time that's how we are jake yeah it's true we won't touch each other For a month Yeah yeah And then we'll come Sit on the couch
Starting point is 00:58:07 And listen to each other On podcasts That keeps the video Episodes fresh As we don't We keep our We keep our urges To under lock
Starting point is 00:58:14 And then we hang out Once a month And we eat a bunch Of fucking Asian food And we drink way too much Caffeine And then we get belly aches I'll go a month
Starting point is 00:58:22 I'll go a month Without eating chicken wings Yeah I'll go a month Without eating spicy wings. Yeah, I'll go a month without eating spicy banh mis. And then I'm hanging out with my friend Thomas. Hey, if you're hanging out with your friend. We got a little bit more. Yeah, sandwiches are good. You're like, all right, halfway there, we'll call it.
Starting point is 00:58:43 It's okay. No, I thought it was an hour. I thought we reached an hour. No, I... Anyway. Oh, we were at this bar called Two Brothers in Vermont. And shout out to somebody who recommended me that. It was very specific.
Starting point is 00:59:01 And the town was so small that I'm sure you lived there. And if you were at that bar, that's cool, I guess. Anyway, my friend who is a gay man, his boyfriend is Jewish. Is he also gay? Yes. Yeah. No, he's just a straight guy. He's just trying it out just to see.
Starting point is 00:59:22 He's been trying it out for five years. You never know. So anyway, he was just shithanded. He's just a straight guy. He's just trying it out just to see. He's been trying it out for five years. You never know. So anyway, he was just shit hammered. And this is a very like, Vermont I found out is a very progressive area. And we were in a college town bar. He's like, yeah, you know, I was rich my whole life. And now I'm gay. And I have a Jewish boyfriend.
Starting point is 00:59:45 So now I'm a minority. And the bartender, he was being stupid, but he's very good at, like, selling it. Like, he's been like, yeah, I'm a minority now. I suck dick, and I have a Jewish boyfriend. So you guys can't call me rich anymore. Sorry. Anyway, the bartender is standing there and he's like, yeah, you know, I'm Jewish and I'm gay. So I can basically say whatever I want.
Starting point is 01:00:15 And I've known this guy long enough that I know when it's about to become we need to leave the bar. Like because because that that in my experience with that particular friend is like he's like well i'm jewish i can say it right like i can you know he'll let it rip real loud that one sounds nasty i won't say that one uh it sounds it's too fun it's too it's got too many in there it's gross to me you know what i'm saying it It's nasty. Not even a fun word. It's not even, you know, there's some PG and PG-13 ones we'll let slide on here. I don't like that one. It's very
Starting point is 01:00:52 nasty. Anyway. It's just a mean, just a mean word. It's just a mean word. Anyway, and you know, we were sitting there and I watched this lady like serve him drinks and be like, I don't. And we were all like, hey, man, I don't think that's how it works.
Starting point is 01:01:18 You're a gay guy with a Jewish boyfriend, but you still make a lot of money, and you kind of grew up really rich or whatever, right? And he's like yeah but you know i'm oppressed now we're all and and we're like come on man like don't start and he'll get this smirk like like i and so i walk outside i'm smoking a cigarette and i was sober and and and i like i lately like if i'm at a like i'll go hang out with friends and bars and stuff i get overstimulated i'm not drinking so i at a, like, I'll go hang out with friends at bars and stuff, but I get overstimulated. I'm not drinking. So I, like, have to go outside. I'll go outside, smoke a cigarette or whatever.
Starting point is 01:01:51 And I'm out there, and I'm like, okay, he's probably in there letting them rip. F, you know, K. Just all the classic, maybe combining them, you know. And just letting them off, you know. I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming that that's what's happening. And then, like, five minutes later, I'm I'm like flicking my cigarette in the street. And one of my other friends comes out and he's like, yeah, we got to get out of here. And I was like, what's going on in there? And he's like, oh, they're just saying Jew really loud.
Starting point is 01:02:17 And, you know, the other one. And, you know, the bar is like 10, maybe 50 by 50 feet. It's like an old bar. People can hear it. They can hear it, you know the bar is like 10 maybe 50 by 50 feet it's like an old bar people can hear it they can hear it you know I just came outside to hang out with you and I was like all right so I light up another cigarette we're in there and another guy comes out he's like and yeah I guess just say the moral of the story is over the course of I guess the last like half hour we were there we realized we couldn't go to any more bars in the area. Just by nature of, you know.
Starting point is 01:02:49 He got a gay friend. He's got a boyfriend. He came out three years ago. It still marveled to him a little bit. He's just letting them rip. Which for me, I don't care. Let them rip. It happens. It happens.
Starting point is 01:03:01 What can you do? You should have killed your friend. I should have killed my friend for being not nice and saying bad words. Dude, what if you'd killed him? What if you'd stabbed him with a dagger? What if I killed my gay friend for saying queer? You get the death penalty and he, like, posthumously, I don't actually know how to right right posthumously yeah i don't know i don't know i've my whole life i've just avoided that word for sure yeah i know what
Starting point is 01:03:34 it means i know what it means only read it more than no yeah pos posthumously posthumously. Possum. Costumously. Like when you get dressed. Posthumous. Posthumously. Posthumously. Posthumous. Posthumously. Pasta humor me. Anyway, if he was possumly.
Starting point is 01:04:01 Possum. If he was possum style. Anyway. It doesn't matter. Possum. If he was possum-style. Anyway. It doesn't matter. It happens. Yeah. If you're listening to this, that means that you're listening to the free episode. Now, if you know this, but we have a patreon.com slash bendejo time.
Starting point is 01:04:19 You get an extra episode a fucking month. We are so close to cracking three grand. Extra episode a week. Extra episode a week. Extra episode a week. Sorry, yeah, four a month. Yeah, you get shit. So, yeah, you get – Yeah, you get ten minutes of extra content.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Yeah, and it's just Thomas fucking whittling. Yeah, no, you get a bonus episode, five bucks a month, and you get Discord access. Discord's popping. People have found jobs in there. People have found love. People have found friendships. It's a cool Discord. People have had babies. People have found jobs in there people have found love people have found friendships it's a cool discord people have had babies
Starting point is 01:04:47 people have had kids in there I see pictures people have affairs yeah people fuck each other in there and they get each other fired I don't think I hope people don't have affairs
Starting point is 01:04:54 no I don't I do not I don't even want to put that in my own head I'm pretty sure we'd know yeah the mod the mods are like
Starting point is 01:05:03 hey I think those two guys are fucking each other and they're both married hey I think those two guys are fucking each other And they're both married Hey I think Stinky Mike And I think Jewish Tony I don't know why gay affairs are less wrong to me I don't know why Like I don't know
Starting point is 01:05:16 Maybe it's just because I watched Brokeback Mountain I'm like sometimes you gotta do it You gotta ruin your family Yeah sometimes you gotta move You gotta go fucking horseback riding And fuck your friend in his mouth and butt. Yeah. I didn't like anybody in that movie. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:31 And I don't mean that in an edgy way. Everybody in that movie was either a fucking huge pussy or just annoying. Yeah. Well, you're a homophobe, I remember you telling me. More like annoying guy mouth. I like crushing an open mic. More like Annoying Gay Guy Mountain, am I right? Anyway, yeah, so.
Starting point is 01:05:55 Brokeback Mountain, more like broke my TV. I fucking threw a hammer at it so hard. Yeah, more like I don't approve of this lifestyle, Mountain. it so hard yeah more like i don't approve of this lifestyle mountain um no uh we do we do uh a premium episode every month and we're about to crack that three thousand dollar month so if you got a little cheese left in the chamber uh throw it five or a month you get a discord access you get the free up the premium episodes 10 bucks gets you a video plus all the other shit i mentioned 50 bucks a month you just get to be really fucking cool. You don't have to do that.
Starting point is 01:06:28 Again, we just have that tear up as a joke. We talk about the... Salute to the two guys that are on there. Big shout out to them. Thank you. Yeah, I guess that's it. Bye. Goodbye.

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