Pendejo Time - brometheus

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

the gay engineerSupport the show

Oh Yeah, we're back Back into a battle Back in a lab back from a long journey Back from an adventure of a lifetime back from an incredible week of food fun friends back from the dead Back from back from the fucking am I loud enough to I sound loud enough. I think I yeah, you're like you're super you're loud

You're pretty loud Dude I was I Was like returning the inner those returning the rental and the LAX one is just like a depot It's just like a hundred guys and high vis vests If things fall apart, I'm gonna keep track of this It's just like a hundred guys in high-vis vests. If things fall apart, I'm going to keep track of this. There's just a hundred guys in high-vis vests of varying, by appearances and varying stages of their life, kind of unraveling.

So you'd have like eyebrow tattoo, big fat white guy guy you'd have kind of confused portly 411 Hispanic man, then you'd have very angry Tall Skinny black lady, and then you'd have you know daughtering Indian man just every type of guy Who you know life has been unkind to and so on and so forth. And I pulled into it and it's just like an awning,

imagine like a huge carport, you know, like fucking 200 feet across. And I pull up and this person comes up to me and is like, you can just get out of the car and leave the keys in there. And I was like, yeah, I just need to make sure that everything's like kosher. And then they like had a little key pad, like a little thing. And they were like, uh, scan the thing and they're like, are you Jacob? And I was like, that's me. And they're like, yeah, you're good. Just leave the keys in there and somebody

will come around to you. And I wanted that guy to take the thing. Cause at least he had like a little screen, but the person that took the car just was like a guy that had like a viz vest on and I was thinking to myself I was like You probably just throw one of those things on and then just walk around and then just be like oh I'll take this one and then just you know Sail off into the sunset never do it again. I know there's a lot of guys stealing cameras out there Hey, look man Kia's Camrys there. They're sought-after vehicles. They didn't seem to be any

You know quality control, which is fine It's not really my business once I dropped a car off at least in my mind But uh I was like hmm seems like there should be a more efficient system for this I mean it is efficient on your end you just leave the car. Yeah Yeah, it's like it's the best case scenario for me. I don't do anything I think it's cuz they already have all the paperwork done like you do it at the beginning Yeah, it's all decided upon we already had the insurance for us So even if we like fucked the car a bunch You know like if we came in there a bunch or even if there was like God forbid if there was like semen in there or

If we'd like even if we'd trashed had sex with the car and fucked all this Yeah, or even if there was cum or some sort of residue from semen in there Sperms all over maybe if sperms were taking car It's all taken care of yeah, dude, I was fucking cracking up about I was like in line at lax laughing about the TSA lady doing the fucking I was dropping you off if your booty is unattended It will be confiscated and you will be subject to booty sir do not leak sir

be confiscated and you will be subject to booty search. Do not leak, sir. If your booty is not came in and big and juicy and ate out and big as fuck and if you leave your booty unfucked it will be fucked. Sir. Sir. Your booty is not fucked. It is not ate and it's not fat. Get in the second line.

Get in the second booty line. Sir, you are not in booty pre-check. You are in a second line. Getting the second booty line. Sir, you are not in booty pre-check. You are in a wrong line. You need to get to booty clear. That is where we clear your booty out. Is TSA that sweet ass? Yeah. Sir, please remove your booty cheeks.

You must remove your booty cheeks and put them in the slot and then we slide them through and make sure that they are voluptuous. Laptops stay in the booty. Do you have any lithium ion batteries, tobacco or charges in your booty hole? Sir? Sir? This is just my job. I'm just doing my job.

It was a pretty good flight back. I didn't get my booty checked. Didn't get it examined or anything. So I guess it was probably fucked and came in a bunch. So I was good to go. Nice. What about you? Did they check to make sure that you had done your due diligence?

On the way over they checked to see if my microphones were microphones or maybe bombs that were shaped like microphones. That happens to me every time. They cleared me for microphones. And then TSA was nice on the way back. And then first flight went fine Second flight the we just sort of

Got on the plane and we just sort of sat there for a long time and then the pilot sort of drove around And then the lady next to me kept I was sitting in the middle and the lady next to me kept dropping shit yeah, and then like in like Scooting over to lean over to get her stuff out of the way, and then she was just And then I was just trying to take up as little space as possible as she was just pushing her booty into my space as possible as she was just pushing her booty into my space. I didn't like that at all. Was she nice and large?

She wasn't huge. She was just taking up more space than I was. Yeah, okay. That's fine. She was sort of a... She was portly, but she wasn't like... Jumbo town? You know, if I saw her on the street I wouldn't be like, Whoa, look at that huge lady. I'd I was like yeah, there's like a lady. I probably wouldn't I wouldn't notice Okay, but um within that confined space right and yeah, it wasn't great and then The lady in front of us dropped her airpod

In between us and then asked me to help her find it and then I had to reach over there but I basically just dislocated my shoulder so I wouldn't have to touch the lady and then the lady pulled out like a giant Italian sandwich and started eating it. She was watching movies on like a Kindle fire

and kept going like like oh shit. Oh Damn that's crazy nice. Oh, no Yeah, um And then the guy Nick the other guy next me was just looking at like the settings on his iPad most of the flight I love that. I love when people are just fucking around in there He was like reading the terms and conditions and shit As I didn't know you could I didn't figure out how to connect to in-flight Wi-Fi until this trip Yeah, it's free if you sign up for well if you're on Delta. I mean like on the where you go on like

Like American Airlines comm slash in flight or whatever. Oh oh yeah, you can watch movies for free on there That sounds like an ad but I had failed that every time I'd never figured it out Yeah, but then I watched a bunch of movies this time. I watched do the right thing I watched a bunch of movies this time. I watched do the right thing And then on the way back I watched this movie called 10 Cloverfield Lane, which apparently is a sequel

Yeah, dude. I love that fucking movie man 10 Cloverfield Lane Yeah, it's just it's like a prequel kind of to Cloverfield. Yeah, I thought it was fucking dog shit Dude John he's so scary in that movie no John John Goodman is great. It's every other actor in that movie Yeah, he made it the lady so first off The movie's been on a long time so I could say this all right You've got a if you've got an oil drum full of Acid right full of the brim. Yeah. Yeah How do you drop an entire body in there without spilling it and

Well, I think 140 to 160 pound woman. I'm just guessing kick over a giant vat of acid with a grown man in there and all the acid spills forward. She's kicking it hard, right? None of it spills back on her leg. Yeah. Yeah, I see what you mean. I mean, it's definitely not realistic at all. Like there's nothing. No. You kind of have to suspend your disbelief a bit. So I thought it was going to be great because I just wanted to be this woman dying.

I mean, realistically, I thought this is how the story is good. I know this is, once again, this movie's been out a long time. I thought this movie's going gonna be good because at the end She's gonna escape and immediately die And Then the movie turns to Jurassic Park, and they're making her do John wick stuff Yeah, when let's face it this woman Was divorced You know Let's face it this woman was divorced

You know Yeah, she had already it makes it Apparent from the beginning that she's destined To die because she's committed the ultimate sin if you have of leaving her husband, right? Also, why is that guy farming like grain in Louisiana? Why is that guy farming like grain in Louisiana? Yeah, I never thought about that that's not really like It's not like a good place to be doing that type of stuff. No

Yeah, there's not right out of like good air You know a single farmer in Louisiana who has a you know a single farmer in Louisiana first off Second do you know a farmer in the south that talks normally? Not never met one dude you make a very good point Never met one John Goodman just obviously scary Right, right. Yeah, but he you know, he's like he's like hello. Yeah, he's literally like hey, how's it going? This is my daughter Megan. She's beautiful Yeah, yeah, yeah, no very good other guy was just for his gump

Yeah, I Could have been a track star mm-hmm. That's what you regret Not doing college track The whole world is over as you know yeah anyway Yeah that uh It just I owe it the whole and the thing is the first 30 or so minutes I thought this is gonna be a pretty good movie. I think I-hmm. I thought I don't really like the lead that much But I feel like John Goodman's gonna carry this He did I mean I like if I couldn't if it was anybody but John Goodman

I couldn't have finished the movie and I barely did Yeah, but I I liked it because it like I Think I really like I think, I think I just liked it cuz I think maybe you're right because Yeah, it's stupid like the The whole thing is kind of dumb but uh

Yeah, I do remember now that you mentioned that I do remember thinking that But yeah, I do remember now that you mentioned it, I do remember thinking that John Goodman was scary because he was so normal. But I'm trying to think of any of my distant cousins in East Texas who have like, they don't have land that produces anything, they just have land. I don't know if you know anybody

or are related to anybody like that, but it's not like they have money from it and it's not like they use it for anything. It's just like, this is mine. They don't talk like that. They're not like, hello, yes, it is terrifying out there, but here we're a family. Welcome. You know, they're mostly just like need I need alcohol or I'm gonna be sick Yeah, it should have been said in like Iowa or in yeah, yeah, I think yeah that was one thing that threw me off, but Also the idea of there's like an alien attack in the part of the United States. That's okay is Houston

United States that's okay is Houston right yeah Houston falls apart if it rains too much like not like all the freeways are open yeah yeah yeah it's not Houston's fault that it floods but it but it's definitely something with the city that if there's just inclement weather for too many days a row, it becomes Mad Max. That's just kinda, yeah. And I know that there are- The aliens could put traffic cones on like one ramp, and Houston would not survive.

Just close one of the exits to the 610 loop, and then just watch the whole city descend into anarchy. They just wait till winter They don't even drop bombs on Houston. Yeah Yeah, we're just gonna shut off the 45 Galveston exit ramp and then just watch the city eat itself completely Goddamn you're ruining the movie for me. You've ruined the mistake Thomas Thomas say what movie I really liked that I don't think most people do. Sleepy Hollow. I also watched that one. Oh yeah. I spent a lot of time on planes yesterday.

I watched Sleepy Hollow by Tim Burton with Johnny Depp. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Never really, I always thought Timton was for little baby you know little babies or something growing up but But i thought it was really good you know it's funny to me is a not really funny but It is weird how like johnny depp is such a good comedic actor i mean he is like just cuz he's such a good actor but like He never really says funny stuff in movies that much he just is funny which makes him a lot he just like

his delivery on stuff he just knows yeah funny so well well like Jack Sparrow is a very funny like character but it's not the line so much as it's like I think it would be funny not now it would kind of be sad, I think it would be funny, not now, it would kind of be sad, but I think it would have been fun and exciting and funny to hang out with a drunk Johnny Depp in 2002. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think he definitely strikes me as a guy

who in the heyday of Hollywood party that definitely you'd get into some bullshit with him and he would just react to things in a way that was fun and exciting I mean, that's probably true for a lot of people But whenever I would watch like Parts the Caribbean as an adult. I'm like, I think this is just Johnny Depp like being an alcoholic with like a funny accent You know what? I mean, but that's what makes it. I'm like, like oh he's probably just this is just probably how he gets down you know what I mean yeah just just like oh and you're like oh nice yeah that's pretty sick you seem like a you seem like you have your life together or whatever I remember when they were going through the amber herd thing with him and a piece of evidence

that was used in the case to like I guess Show to the judge and the jury and everybody or whatever that Johnny Depp was kind of spiraling out of control was this like custom-made Jack Sparrow Coke mirror spoon and jar that was like folded up into this old Metallic gold looking thing something that would look like you would pull from a treasure chest. It was kind of like Cast clunky, you know what I'm saying? Like in the pirate movies when you open it up the like the old pirate movies They'll be like perfect coins, but in the new ones they kind of got the history, right?

So it's like fucked up gold bars and everything looks like shit, but you know it's worth a bunch of money. That's how it looked. And I remember like the Amber Heard's team or whatever was like, look at this. This is a sign of like a sick drug addict. Who would have something like this?

A whole kit? Like this shows you how bad his drug addiction was. And I remember seeing that and being like, look, I, I'm not saying that he's, uh, like a good person, but that's cool as fuck. Like it's cool to have that. Like if you're a coke head or something, most of the time you just have like a rolled up dollar bill that you keep in your wallet or like, or like in your pocket or something at best you have

... you just do it off your keys. But you've got a whole loadout that's like a skull with like bejeweled red ruby eyes and it says like property of Jack Sparrow like 1810 or something. That's dope as shit. And if you're Jack Sparrow, not just like a I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Yeah He's a he's a good guy Johnny Depp innocence project yeah Thinking baby girl nowadays nowadays if you notice he'd probably call Johnny debt because of you know

Millennials and because of the millennials go to college for going to college versus this University of sourdough University of gender and University of sex University of pussy mmm University of of polyamory and coffee That right Thomas. Yeah polyamory and coffee. Ain't that right, Thomas?

Yeah, polyamory and coffee. I'm going to the Portland Polyamory and Coffee Institute to learn about gender and learn about wearing a dress. What are you studying at Portland Polyamory and Coffee Institute, Thomas? I'm studying gay engineering. Oh, okay, so is that like engineering, like a tasteful archway in the home,

or is it just like engineering more gay stuff? Like more of the gay agenda? I design gay guys in my mind. Okay, so it's a purely conceptual degree plan, you're just kind of building the perfect- I'm not gay, but I'm in gay guys in my mind. Okay, so it's a purely conceptual degree plan. I'm not gay, but I'm in gay engineering and I think about gay guys all day in my mind. And I draw pictures of them on graph paper. You're getting the dimensions of their legs and their butts. Yeah, their booties and their wieners.

And their nipples. I don't know. You have one of those, the Leonardo da Vinci Vitruvian man, but it's just like, it's got like a huge fat ass and a huge dick. Just like perfect six pack abs, long hair, prominent cheekbones. Yup. Fuck yeah We That's what kids are up to nowadays You know what I mean? Yeah, I was thinking about that just now

I was thinking that kids don't really have like a good career paths anymore like a fireman or truck driver or dump truck driver or cop or or truck driver or dump truck driver or cop or a village person they only have you know like jobs of that are like gay yeah they have different jobs now mm-hmm We used to be blacksmiths. Yeah. And now we all have waxed lips. Brazilian waxes. Okay. On our downstairs area.

Okay. I see what you mean. So we used to work with our hands and now we oh Actually, let me redo that one actually okay. We used to We used to be blacksmiths and now we eat black chips and by that I mean Oreos Okay I Like that one a lot better, okay. Yeah, I think that one works way better That's way better, dude

And we've got ourselves a winner. Yeah, yeah we used to Let's see here we used to know how to we used we used to work with masonry and now everybody wants to get surgery on their face and teeth I'm liking that that's very good thank you man it's an astute observation. Thank you, man Yeah, I've really been trying to think more about the current like the human condition or whatever and that's something I've just been mulling over I'm thinking really hard about yeah You know we We used to

Have archers on the walls We used to Have archers on the walls uh-huh and now people watch archer on the wall because that's where their TV is Got you okay. Got you okay. Very very good. They watch it instead. They're watching the show We used to be Templars in the Crusades and now men are Eating big lard and Being gay yeah, everything is just got a lot of fatty content in it and most people are homosexual Most people are you yeah, that's just an observation. That's a one out of two easily Yeah, 50-50 is kind of a hard gamble these days. Yeah

thinking about becoming More of like an observational comedian, you know like in that way you know we used to wear fedoras and bowler hats and now kids just watch Dora and cat in the hat Is that a that's a show right? That's a yeah. Yeah, it's a book, but there's surely yeah There's surely a movie on it at this point. There's almost when I when you look at It's Suess's books. There's almost always a movie adaptation because he was just a fucking sellout Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just like rolled doll. I used to tell rolled all the time growing up. I said doll

Don't you ever sell out? Yeah, if I ever see a movie about the fantastic mr. Fox, I'm gonna kick your country ass And rolled said oh Thomas I swear You'll never see the doll last name on a movie I swear You'll never see the doll last name on a movie You'll never see that rolled doll son It might sound like a Hollywood name, but it never will be one yeah And now the only dolls that we roll with Are on the way to the club

Ain't that a fucking shame Ain't that a goddamn shame yeah, I mean it used to be James and the giant peach and now it's shame Shame to all those who teach because they teach a lot of stuff about sex reassignment surgery Yeah, that's why I teach You teach the sexual reassignment I teach pussy class little boys okay well that's I mean well you've all you told me you always wanted to be an educator so I'm just I'm glad to see that you finally got into a position where you can succeed and thrive yeah I teach at a H g l b u

historically gay little boy University oh Okay, okay, where's it? Where's it at? What's what's where is it located? It's located in um? Shreve Port, Louisiana Yeah, I figured as much I figured that's probably where it would be. And you teach Pussy Class there. Yeah, I teach Pussy Class. So you know, I tried to teach it for a bit. It wasn't for me, but what is like a day to day? Just walk me through a day in that class, like the curricula.

You get to class and everybody sits down Most teachers would start with the Pledge of Allegiance because it's patriotic It teaches kids like a sense of common community And it's just a way to really good a really good way to start the day with a bit of great like Mindfulness and being grateful. What is do you guys have like a similar pledge situation? Yeah, and so the Pledge of Allegiance, it's the edge of the penis. So, it'll be like, I edge my penis, and I'm glad I'm gay.

And transgender. Okay. Eight years old, and ready for my news Situation And then we bow to Lady Gaga, okay we Our flag instead of the regular flag. It's pink or something Okay, gotcha. Okay. Well. There's already like a like an LGBT flag. So that's fine We don't really have to I wasn't expecting you to reinvent the wheel there. So but you know, we've got the pledge out of the way

Now when I was in school, I mean and I'm sorry, I don't I really don't want to like What sort of like I don't I'm not like you, you know, I mean, I don't I don't understand So just forgive me for my ignorance. But when we started school, after the pledge, we would first start our readings for the day. And it was like Hatchet and 1984 and stuff like that. Just kind of like classic books for American students. What are you guys reading? Because if it's

If the pledge is sort of that different. I can't imagine you guys are reading what we're reading, you know Yes, so we read The There's so many authors that I like there's There's We read the book I like. There's... There's... Um... We read the book Hatchet, but it's... Um...

By Gary Paul Daughter. Instead of Gary Paul's son. Right. And instead of Hatchet, it's called Fashion. Okay. And it's basically where a guy is where guys get stranded in the woods and only has a hatchet to get bottom surgery okay okay all right, all right. That's, and how do the parents feel about this?

Because as a former educator, I know that a lot of parents don't really necessarily, some approve, but many in this highly kind of polarized cultural and political world we live in, they don't agree with what we teach kids. So do you have any pushback from the parents at all? I would imagine that you would, or are the parents sort of-

I don't believe that parents have the right to know what I do to their children. So that's not really an issue for me, and a lot of the times I'm drunk or on drugs at work, so I don't really care either. And I hit the kids. And the kids, it's hard for them to do homework because I put such big acrylic nails on them

that they can't really hold a pencil very well. And it hurts for them to sit because of the surgeries I've done on their behinds. So a lot of times they just stand up and shake their booties the whole day. Well, what I really like about what you just said is how, is you're not like just a theory guy. You put a lot of what you believe to practice.

You know, I really think, I mean, if you're putting in the acrylics on children, then they're prepared for all sorts of jobs. You know, like the DMV, or like a payday loan company, or like registered nurse. And all those jobs are in demand and they pay very well You know what I mean? Absolutely and

ideally, you know, I don't want to see them working any job but You know, we try and encourage taking as much money from the government as possible and And much money from the government as possible and and the government of Louisiana is super cooperative with what we've got going on yeah they historically have been a very progressive and yeah very progressive it's hard to say enough good things about Louisiana really yeah and what they've got going on Monsanto helps out too we just give them water from the creek behind the

school and it helps with the transitions and It also helps with the getting their feet their toes apart It helps with that Yeah, their mental states too. I mean I would imagine going to such a prestigious Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're mental states too. I mean I would imagine going to such a prestigious School with such rigor rigorous curriculum that that they have a hard time, you know focusing and stuff And I'm sure the Monsanto water helps with that. I'm sure it does and if it doesn't who cares, you know, yeah Yeah, I mean who gives a shit at the end of the day You know

You guys don't have any issues with mass shootings. Do you? Not yet, but we're hoping for one soon. I gotta go plug in my laptop real quick. Yeah, do your thing. Hey everybody welcome to Jake's solo hour. Well Thomas reaches for his laptop charger. I would just like to give you guys an update of what's going into my life what's going on with it. I came back to find that my van was overtaken by orb weaver spiders. I don't know if the spiders were already there

or if maybe parking it where I left it with at the airport was just really rife sort of lousy with big orb weavers, but they are outside the car and inside. There's nothing like hitting 80 miles an hour on I-35 and then a big orb weaver crawling out of your air vent and onto your leg while you are driving. I know some of you guys probably like spiders, I'm just going to let you in on a little factoid about me so we can get to know each other better I fucking hate spiders and I know that it would cause a lot of sort of disaster to the world's ecosystems and it would probably cause some sort of butterfly effect type collapse but if I

had the power to do so I would destroy all spiders I don't care if they're cool I don't care people study them those people can find new jobs so there's a lot of spiders in the van which kind of adds like a new level of coolness to it, but also I don't like it, but it definitely is like, it's got a lot of charm. It had a lot of charm, you know, the way it looks, you know, it's why I got it, it's cool, but to be infested with spiders now adds a little bit of mystique to it. It wasn't previously there. Hey Thomas. I was just telling everybody about how I came back To find the van was infested with orb weavers In I parked it in Austin at the parking spot

Which kind of backs up against this like tall field which makes sense But do they are all over the van and Inside of it, which is super sick I don't know where they if they were there before I never had this issue, but They were like and then basically it looked like spider-man had come through and had woven a big Oh, yeah, all over the whole thing and it was covered in big orb weavers I'm sure nobody did a spell or anything a curse. Did you do a curse on me while I was in there? No, I wouldn't Put the curse of the orb weavers upon your vehicle be bizarre

outlandish Do you really believe that I would put the curse of the yellow orb weaver upon your motor vehicle my closest friend? You really think I would leave my eggs in there? All my friends? You think I would just let my best friends hang out in your van? It's hot in there Jake, it's nasty. You think I want them to pass away under your watch?

Yeah let me send several generations of best friends to die in a van, you know who that sounds like Something Mussolini would do or Ted Ted bandy Mm-hmm He's got a lot of money. Yeah, he's got fucking hell of money. He's got a yeah, he's a nurse Ted Band-Aid Okay, okay, I like that he tricks people into coming into his band and he helps him He's wanted across several states for doing illegitimate medical But he's good at it. It's not like torture or anything. He doesn't hurt people Yeah, pretty yeah Ted Ted Bundy more like

Ted candy Okay, and he's sweet Okay Yeah, you go back there. He actually has candy back there Uh-huh gives you and he has also he has Reese's Uh-huh gives you and he has also he has Reese's And Twizzlers, but he doesn't have anything else which kind of sucks that sucks Yeah, I mean I like Reese's a lot, but I don't really care for Twizzlers. I'm not in fact. I just might have Reese's Yeah, I mean that's not Reese's is pretty good

That's a pretty good candy to have if you're gonna abduct children and take them around town and kind of I will probably get the cheapest candy possible Because really if I'm doing that to kids I'm in it for the kids. You know I'm not I don't want to be back there eating candy that I like all the time I'm gonna get fat and these kids don't even like me anymore the miserly pedophile You're just like you have the shittiest candy in the whole fucking neighborhood You have like the weird old like old lady candy It's just like circus peanuts. Yeah Circus peanuts you have the it's just right. It doesn't have a name

It's like those like weird butterscotch kind of chews that are just the black wrapper and like only the worst type of old ladies Would hand them out for Halloween. You know I'm talking about Yeah, it's just like wrapped in bullets like strawberry ones those are good And that's the classic old grandma candy, but the black ones are straight butt cheeks. I can't eat that shit My teeth with the Werther's originals cuz I get too eager and I bite into them yes I think I almost cracked my own teeth cuz I'm so fucking greedy Like I know exactly what you're talking about like you suck on a delicious flavor and taste Yeah, and the captivating crunch

Hey mister, what's the deal all this candy sucks? I'm leaving your van now Okay, I'm not very forceful Okay, I'm not very forceful. The miserly shy pedophile. The shy pedophile. If you want you can come in here, if not I don't know I'll go home. Mister you said you had delicious candies and they're so yucky. I don't have delicious candies. I'm a liar I'm a horrible man. I'm a loser. I'm a loser and I'm attracted to children

It's never I never thought I'd end up this way. He's doing the like kind of like Like emotional manipulation like I guess no one loves me me until the kids in the back of the van. Nobody thinks I'm cute or wants to talk to me or loves me. It's fine. It's fine. No one thinks I'm cute. My name is Professor Charles Pedophile. And no one loves me.

I'm a learned scholar. And pedophile? I read books in England about maps. I read books from Englishmen. I just read a book by Xavier Samuel Wellington. Xavier Sandwich. I just finished reading an exhilarating and captivating novel by Xavier Sandwich.

It was called Pedophilic Techniques in the Ancient World. Did you know that the Greeks used to just do whatever they wanted? They didn't even have to use candy on huge kids. Because kids were much skinnier back then. It was kind of a nice... They didn't have all these processed foods. They were much more beautiful than you guys it was very very disgusting anyway Xavier sandwich is very sure they were very healthy with their diet of bread and olive oil bread olive oil and wine and burnt fish blackened sort of very very very blackened to charcoal type fish Me I'm all Xavier sandwich

Me I'm almost a more of a Xavier sandwich, what's that Hank? How you done? The BLT killer What does he do? He binds licks and tinkles That sounds honestly That sounds like just as scary if not more than BTK I if you gave me an option between getting tortured to death and murdered by BTK or BLT And I later found out that it didn't stand for bacon lettuce tomato, but bind licking tinkle

I don't know which one I it would be a hard call I think I'd probably still go with because BTK implies there's a fun out. There's a finale to it. There is death But what happens after you're bound licked and tinkled on do you just have to fucking go back to work at Jimmy John's? I don't think I could you go It just he ties you up. He licks you a bunch. He tt's on you and he just lets you go back to working at fucking the subway You know about breakfast lemonade and tea Just gives you a dope ass morning beer lemonade tea the only three drinks. He'll give you

While you're in his care while you're a victim dolly has at his house his tap water tastes bad That's fine with me. I mean I'm not That's that I'm not against that I Think that would be pretty good. Yeah, and they're all three of them are delicious. You don't want to leave. You get Stockholm syndrome, but just because of his delicious beverage collection. What kind of beer is it? Um, it's Chrysler brand beer.

Okay, and is it just classic lemonade? I mean, Um, it's Chrysler brand beer. Okay. And is it just classic lemonade? I mean, just sort of like a crisp? Um, it's actually, uh, actually a guy's blood, but it's yellow. Chrysler beer, a guy's blood, and it's yellow. And um, tea is... Just red diamond tea. Chrysler beer guys blood and it's yellow and He is just red diamond tea tea stands for teeth

So he is a psychotic killer That's he's not he stands for teeth in a lot of places Okay, all right. Well, that's fine. Yeah, I think I'm probably just gonna stick with cultural thing Probably stick with bind lick and tinkle then personally. I'm probably just gonna stick with Biden. It's a cultural thing. Probably stick with Biden, Lick, and Tinkle then, personally. I probably won't. Yeah, what if it was Biden loses your tax dollars instead? Yeah, that would probably be more likely. Yeah, it was just- With the way things are going nowadays.

Yeah, with him running the show. I can't wait to vote for Kamala Harris. I'm pretty excited to do it. It would probably betray love and cherish BLC Cherish with a T in the front. Okay to cherish. Yeah, okay Yeah, who's betraying my daughter visit my daughter to cherish

This is my beautiful mixed daughter to choose in my these are my two daughters to love and to cherish My twin beautiful mixed daughters to love and to cherish They have last names was just sort of like Prince like a moniker It's till death do Okay, so their full name is to cherish and to love to death do and to love Okay, very good, and how are they I'm guessing with names like that. They're probably crushing in life. They probably have really well-paid jobs Yeah, they were they both they're both

Scientists oh Very cool, man. I'm sure you're a proud father a lot of kids not parents would know I don't care about him. I used to be working on They work in a Booty work for Ben and Jerry's and they're working for new they're making new Steven Colbert and Jimmy Fallon flavors Okay, but they're making ice-cream flavored seltzers. Oh

that sounds delicious man, that actually yeah, and each one has a Thousand grams of sugar and 1500 milligrams of caffeine and 200 grams of fiber and 500 grams of protein so that way you can just drink One gallon of ice cream and you can survive for a year. So that's our long-term goal. Yeah, we're trying to make people talk about Soylent,

but what if we could just eat ice cream once a year and then never really worry about anything else? Yeah, yeah. No, I can get behind that for sure. Yeah. Wow, dude, you really are. You do so many things. You're teaching at the historically gay black little boy university. You got two great daughters working in cutting-edge ice cream science. We just got off tour. Life's really looking up for you, man. Yeah, I'm really happy. Yeah, I can tell.

I can tell that you're happy and that you probably don't want anything else out of life. You know what I mean? A guy like you, guys really fight for just to be good at one thing. You've managed to kind of become a renaissance man. We're a fighter, too.. I see fighting people every day Yeah, yeah, I like to inflict physical harm on others, but it's mostly I'm not I haven't really been able to turn it into like a lucrative business model yet trying to still trying to get my thumb on that

but turns out most people don't like it when you punch them and snap their bones and break their teeth and Make them bleed and and pull their guts out of their tummy and take their peepees off Turns out there's not a lot of money in that No, really no. No. Yeah, but I mean that's just Biden's economy for you Yeah, I mean that's just the world we're living in nowadays with the way that the Democrats have made it and everything. It's sick and fucking disgusting.

Yeah, I mean, you know, can you believe what's going on in Springfield, Ohio? Can't believe it. Yeah, the Simpsons. Yeah, I can't believe that there as a yellow family out there with an alcoholic Fucking neglectful father and the mom has blue tall hair Makes me fucking and her name is Marg. What is that an alcohol reference? Yeah? She's a lush. She's a fucking drunk And let me guess Bart is that's called. He's called it because it rhymes with fart. Yeah, it'd be funny. Yeah Yeah, it's all these new shows. I just don't agree with it. Yeah, there's too much. It's like King on the Hill

Family man Yeah American mom Yeah nowadays it would probably be called American mom because it's so everything is so the DAI and all this stuff Yeah, I hate to that fucking hate the family girl Yeah, yeah Polyamorous probably called phone guy Cuz you just be looking at it all day. Yeah, that's fucking yeah, and they were probably not even connected as a family

Yeah, dog would be looking at his leash Yeah, he'd be looking at it on the screen. He'd be sucking on a treat all fucking day. He'd be looking at his eyelash Yep Yeah, that's what we're fucking and I'm not talking about Billy guys He's not he's talking about a serious fucking thing He's talking about serious problems affecting all of us Do that I would love to see Peter Griffin's take on on the current election But I just he's so hard to get a hold of nowadays

Yeah, you guys used to be friends, but I think you told me that he's been ghosting you a lot lately And you're not sure why You should kind of been on some fake-ass shit lately. Yeah, he's a flaky ass motherfucker. He's not doing good but he's always says he puts family first and then you actually Ask around quay hog and It's not quite the case he has drugs his brother with drugs and alcohol and being fat

It said it said what happened am I Used to like what he and still we had no I feel like it's just all fucking played out. Mm-hmm Yeah, I'm thinking maybe It's over for everybody And I'm thinking maybe it's over for everybody. And I'm thinking maybe, you know, the country that we used to have is straight going down the tubes and it's tied up because no one wants to have kids anymore. Everybody's tying their tubes and getting their fucking TTs tangled. So they don't have any more beautiful white babies because we're all being replaced.

Isn't that right Thomas? The white race is being fucking put to death by evil blue haired they thems and their fucking Subarus and their American spirits and their fucking... That's the plan. And I'm doing it. You're the one got it. Every day I in a helicopter, and I mow down white children like they're fucking wild hogs

Yeah guys if we don't get this country back on track Thomas is gonna be hosting a white children helicopter hunting and In the hill countries of Texas helicopter hunting in the hill countries of Texas. $200 a pop, one magazine, one M4 carbine, ACOG site, and you just mow down beautiful blonde-haired children all goddamn day. Brought to you by Thomas White. Do you have any- In the Chris Kyle foundation.

Do you have any problems with like, you know, Foundation Yep Do you have any problems with like, you know like you think about it like the way that the country's going like Do you think that maybe like we're just We're not really taking seriously like Like a future for our children, you know, I mean? Like what we're going to give to them. Like what we're going to win. You mean ironically or what? Yes ironically. Never mind. Did you think I was actually about to hit you with some

like great replacement shit? Oh no, I didn't mean like that. Dude, that would be such a crazy turn, like, three years into the show, as just on this episode, to be like, do you ever think about, like, what we're leaving for, like, our white sons? Like, our hypothetical white sons? Our hypothetical white sons? Me and you just be friends for three years, and it just comes out that I'm legitimately a bad guy. Like, racially speaking.

I guess it happens to a lot. It happens. Yeah, some guys are just. But, no, I've got so many kids on the way. You know, everybody's really mad at Dave Grohl right now for having a kid with a lady he wasn't married to. Yeah, yeah. I just have to say

Kind of You know Probably didn't even have to make a public announcement on that yeah, I probably didn't and I'm not even I'm not even really joking I don't know why he did that Also, he's just trying to make headlines or was his wife like oh you have to fucking embarrass me in front of the buddy Yeah, I I trying to make headlines or was his wife like oh you have to fucking embarrass me in front of everybody? Yeah I understand if you're like an A-lister or like a legacy rock star wanting to get ahead of a story but the way he did it too he was like I'm working hard to regain my family's trust and I hope that I can one day do that and it's like I didn't need to read all that man I really didn't even need to hear about this it probably probably could have just been kept. I mean I know that TMZ probably was gonna get it

and they were gonna have like, I don't know, the palest, sickest looking like gay guy be like can you believe it? Dave Grohl had a kid out of wedlock and I'd be like I mean I didn't expect him to. He doesn't really strike me as like a red hot chili peppers kinda rock star. You know where you're just kind of like a bad person or whatever, but Also, I mean he's just a guy Sometimes guys cheat on their wives and have kids like it's completely different families happens all the time. You know I mean Yeah Do you think a little good guy, huh?

He's still a good guy dude.? He's still a good guy. Dude, he wrote some of the best rock albums of all time. Very talented. Yeah. I think people should... I never really listened to the Foo Fighters because I think that's a silly name. They have some good... They have some bangers.

Yeah. It's just a pun on shampoo, obviously, but because they have long hair. Yeah, because they're hippies with long hair. That's probably what it was. It's meant to be the shampoo sham fighters Yes, sir, that's what it's meant to be like that's just my guess yeah, yeah You know for sure. I keep thinking about that guy that we drove past on the in the middle of nowhere outside outside Mount Jasta Yeah, that was just fucking flexing on everybody literally the middle of nowhere God damn it. What a fucking awesome. Yeah, you like those big-ass

basketball shorts on gold chain gold teeth camera had it up white guy Just being like yo, what's it like like throwing his hands up in there but yo what's up I'm out here in Grants Pass Oregon I'm out here in rural Oregon I'm getting money and shit they don't see I don't see y'all get money like me right now I don't see you collecting pine nuts like this dude it was just nothing for like 500 miles. You know, it was nothing, beautiful nothing I'll say that. And then just a dude in huge blown out And1 shorts, face tattoo, gold chain, gold tee with his phone out on the side of the overpass just stacking. I don't know to stacking Have no idea but yeah, I'm out here with Bigfoot we getting big-ass checks motherfucker

They ain't doing it like me. I'll tell you that no I know I can say My life has gone exactly the way I planned it My life has gone exactly the way it was supposed to because I put in the work to be out here in a beautiful Grants Pass, Oregon Stacking on the side of the road to absolutely nobody Just fucking getting it dude, holy shit, bro way off fucking topic man went to the gas station to get some more Nicotine pouches they've got galaxy gas in stock at my local gas station and buddy do they got it in fucking droves. They got an entire pallet up front by the vapes and they've got all sorts of flavors. They've got what is it called?

Melon Maniac. They've got, it's just called Big Lemonade. I don't know, they could have alliterated that into something like Lunatic Lemonade or Lazy Lemonade or whatever. But it just says Big Lemonade. I think it was like Strawberry Sizzle and it's like a spicy strawberry flavor. And I guess the guy saw me looking at it and he was like, are you trying to get a Galaxy Gas Tank? And I was like no no no no he is like dude

We can't keep these things on the fucking shelves man We can't we we sell it we sell out like after two or three days we get a shipment Running a sale right now you want one. I was like no. I just want to get my pouches or whatever And he was like well if you ever want one bro 40% off You can get one of these tanks for 60 bucks I don't know if that's a good deal because I haven't done whippets in a while and even when I did I just would buy like a 500 pack of the Chargers and just kind of like give myself schizophrenia for like a week but uh I don't know I genuinely this I'm being serious I don't know I genuinely this I'm being serious. I don't know what

Like what spurred that on I'm sure it was just a sketchy guy buying up a bunch of nitrous putting some flavored air into it and then selling it like I'm sure that's literally what it was but like What what moment are we in and like and like like as a people were like that's? Whippets have been around forever dude hippie crack baby but it was always kind of reserved for you know, like fish jam band guys and like grateful dead retards and You know guys like me just guys who kind of like whatever drug you have or whatever But it's like a pandemic. Apparently it's pretty gnarly

Yeah, I've seen like rappers doing them It's pretty gnarly Yeah, I've seen like rappers doing them Years, yeah, I'd like to him on Instagram live and so because they'll have like the biggest tanks Yeah, that's what that's what the guy was selling. He was saying that they like When he when I told him I didn't want one he was like well, they're gonna be gone really quickly So if you do decide you won't want it probably be best to get it He was really trying to sell this shit to me, which Which maybe leads me to believe maybe that there's like an incentive I don't know to like sell them out quick. Maybe like a bonus structure or something, but yeah, it's

It's funny to market it in that way. It makes sense because the vapes are all like, you know The vape shit the reason it's so popular is because you can get them in any sort of yummy delicious flavor that tastes like candy And you you take a classic drug like that and you put some cheesecake air in there and suddenly you're fucking, they're going like hotcakes. But it's been interesting to see the people, young people on Instagram, to me it is a casual drug, but I guess it isn't to not everybody else.

I don't know your feelings on it, it was kind of it's been a little bizarre To watch a it just become kind of a ubiquitous like everybody's doing it and be people's reactions to it You know like yeah, I don't I don't like it. I don't think People have seizures and so forth that stuff you know it's like And like I guarantee it's being mixed with stuff where it's like Yeah, I thought about nobody's just nobody's just Doing that, you know, I mean slinging. Oh, I thought you meant mixing shit in the can cuz it's like nice Yeah, but like, you know, it's like people are definitely like doing pills and stuff and mixing it

Yeah so like if you're if you're doing that stuff like wow really fucked up like you're way more likely to Yeah, like take massive hits and like not breathe in between and stuff You know what I mean when we used to do them a lot at the house my old roommate We were standing on the patio outside smoking and he had I had a big I had bought a big tank outside smoking and he had I had a big I had bought a big tank like it was a refillable one and you know just like the ones that the Starbucks use it's got the trigger and it just you know like a whip it then you know but it was like huge kind of like the size of a human leg and you could put like eight

in there at once and then just kind of suck on it for like ten minutes or whatever and I filled it up and was ripping it and he was like I'll pass that shit over here and I was like, okay and he was high as fuck he was fucked up off benzos and He took one big rip and then just locked up and just fell back and like seized out in the yard We were all kind of freaked out. We didn't know what to do and I was like gonna call nine one one and then he like we're like over there by him and he's like, you know fucking tweaking and And then he like, you know

The seizure shot stops and he's like what happened we were like, dude, you seized out like let's go to the hospital And he was like nah, fuck that. I don't go to the hospital and we're like, alright well just you know chill out or whatever and He like just stands up and I goes over to the I thought he was just gonna like walk it off You know and he goes over to the whippet charger that had like rolled Down the driveway like into the street kind of by like the curb And he just picks it up and walks over and then just kills that what's left. What's left in thing?

Was like I was crazy bro. I fucking do seizure now dude. I would fucking passed out. Oh, I was like I gotta move out of here I gotta yeah, I gotta get my life together That's great. It's crazy dude. It's a silly drug to like get Like because as far as I know it's not crazy bad for you actually. I don't know anything I think it kills. I mean it does Kill your brain cells and stuff. I mean. Yeah. I mean it's not like, I used to get into arguments with my buddy Cameron, shut up Cam, where I would be like, you know of all the drugs you can do it's actually not that bad for you. It just like causes like vitamin B deficiencies which can lead to various

neurological disorders. He was like, yeah I, if you're like doing heroin, sure, it's worse, but it's not like it's not good for you. And I was like, dentists give it away to people and they're doctors. And he's like, right. Think about that. Think about that sentence. Exactly. Hey, everybody. We are. We thank you for listening to the show if you came to any of them and gave your hard-earned money to us

Thank you so much We appreciate you guys very very much there'll be more shows in the future I Wanted to let you guys know that at some point Within the next week or so I'm going to be putting up the remaining we did a run just for the tour of The pendejo time Modela time sweaters. I know you guys asked and You shall receive we sold out of like a little over we sold a little over half of them

So I think I've literally got like 20 Little over we sold a little over half of them, so I think I've literally got like 20 At the most and various sizes I think they're like in the smaller ones mediums and larges, but I will put them up on Shopify as well as the rest of the killer guy life shirts and And then I'll post about that so you guys can grab You guys can grab some of those because I know they'll go quick I know that there were several of you guys asking about more modellos and You got what you wanted motherfucker

Thank you guys so much for listening and we'll see you next time bye