Pendejo Time - dangerous thots

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

comedy is dangerous again alhamdulillahSupport the Show.

You guys missed my Otis song, it's fine. Yeah, it turns out whenever somebody's not at the computer and you do a countdown, sometimes they don't hear the countdown and then you think, oh wow, my friend Jake is talking to me, I'll talk back to him. And then at a certain point you realize that he is speaking to a podcast audience who, as far as you know, is not there. They're not real. Because you're not recording.

They're not real, yeah. I was just singing about how Otis was meowing at the door. You know, he doesn't understand that Thomas got a mic in his hand. He's a podcast master, the big podcaster. He's doing a show, so get away from the dough. You don't understand because you're a little kitty cat, bro. That type of stuff. Just kind of like letting it.

Just let my bars out. You know what I mean? I've been really feeling like letting it just let my bars out you know what i mean i've been really feeling like an urge to let my bars out of the fucking kennel lately and i haven't had a chance to do that so i just figured well i'm glad i could help uh get my bars out yeah i'm glad i could help provide you with a creative outlet you know that's fine that's fine this podcast is kind of like your third space you know yeah you know it's kind of like my soapbox i come up here and i share my fucking visions on my perceptions of the world around me you know what i mean i come on here and i just lay out the cold hard truth about the fucking real ass facts of all the way the world is kind of like you're kind of like you're there to just kind of be a conduit for my forbidden and esoteric knowledge

you know what i mean like yeah because you have thoughts that make me go, wait, what the F? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I have so many brand new thoughts. I have so many brand new thoughts. Like, how come money so much? You know what I mean? How come house costs a lot but used to not cost a lot?

How come job don't have? You know what i mean those types of ideas that many people are afraid to say now because you know current political climates and genders and stuff you know this is a dangerous podcast i don't think people understand how dangerous it is you know yeah it's we get canceled a lot yeah our views such as um such as as Jake's recent view that he should be allowed to eat dog meat. That was a really popular one with you guys. Everybody was on his side for that one for sure.

They really upset one specific guy. Shout out to that guy. I'm sorry, man. I didn't really mean it. I just was in a bad mood. Or maybe I did mean it. Let's see. I'm trying to think of our other stances we've taken.

The term athlete American lost us about a quarter. What we had was about a quarter of our listenership at the time. Yeah, that wasn't a good thing to say. The joke about the Inuit baby thing. Remember that one? Yeah, that was. We had been on and we thought that was going to be our big break, but then we just went. We just didn't really like. Cool.

That one was bad. I remember some people were upset about that. A lot of people were upset about Cool Dad, which in hindsight went on way too long. What was that? Oh, was that about the dad who's molesting? way too long. What was that? Oh, was that about the dad who's molesting?

Well, the dad that's like trying to get his son assaulted and how his son's gay for not getting pussy when he's five years old. I don't really have any regrets on that one. I thought that was funny. I don't have any. The only stuff that I'm like, eh, is the stuff I either even at the time didn't find funny. Or like if something doesn't, to me, you know, if it's something I do, if it doesn't hold up, sometimes I can say, hey, that was stupid.

Like, I wouldn't make that joke now. But also, like, I'm not that funny now either. So it's like, well, you know. But if it was funny, then it's still funny now. It's like, well, you know. It's not like super. I was talking to, shout out. I accidentally am talking like actually one of the guys who was like,

you know, like if it holds up, it holds up, and then you go back and he's just like in blackface. Yeah, yeah. He's like, actually, I still think that's funny. I was talking to fucking Vlad about the same thing. He was one of the guys who very kindly filmed the Lemon Party podcast. I saw the clip from Rogan where he was talking to Tucker, and Rogan leans into the mic, dude, and he's like,

here's the thing, man. Comedy's dangerous again. And a lot of people, they don't understand that. They're afraid of it, but it's true. it's dangerous again and tucker was like absolutely you know so many things about stand-up were were soft around the edges but now it's it's it's really you what you guys are doing is dangerous it's a dangerous thing and i was like dude fucking, what about doing stand-up or podcasting has any effect on the material? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

Like this show, right? Can you imagine earnestly coming on here, turning on the fucking microphone, getting the levels right, and being like, dude, we are about to partake in a fucking groundbreaking piece of political. Dude, I would love to be that fat and rich. Yeah, you're like exactly. You're wearing a Rolex. It's like cutting off circulation to your hand. And you're like, dude, what's happening nowadays in the world is not what was happening when

I was growing up. Yeah. There were other things happening then. And those aren't those things are. It's different was growing up. Yeah. There were other things happening then. Uh-huh. And those things are different now. Yes. Yeah. And the thing about-

There's a lot of things I've noticed that have changed over the last 50 years that other people probably haven't noticed. Right. People, you know, there's smartphones. Mm-hmm. Even cars got smart. Think about that. Yeah. There's cars, a, there's smartphones. Even cars got smart. Think about that. Yeah.

There's cars, a car that's smart. And no, I don't just mean the smart car. No. It seems a lot to me like now that cars got smarter and people got dumber. And that's a dangerous thing for me to say right now. Like, I'm honestly kind of scared for the type of things that I've been saying lately. And a lot of it has to do with how we name things. Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? Like, woke, canceled. Those all bring, really, for everybody, really strong emotions come to mind. A lot of people really do. When the word woke or the word canceled. Cancel culture. Yeah. And it just makes me think how much better the

world would be if instead of the iPhone if it was called the rape phone. The wee phone. Because iPhone it sounds so nice. You have the nice association. I love me. You know what you don't love?

Rape. And that would make, that would make people not want to use it. And then they would be normal again. The thing about it is Thomas, is that people are too fucking comfortable. They're too comfortable in their comfortable little lives. Me, you need to get uncomfortable. You need to earn your dopamine. You need to be like, we're all so coddled, right? Like I'm a multimillionaire and I live in a 5,000 square foot warehouse in the hill country of Texas. I have to do my ice baths. I got to do my 5k every morning run just to shake something loose because I lived a life of decadence from making penis jokes. But

a guy who works 18 hours a day in fucking hot heat, he needs to get uncomfortable, dude. He needs to be doing his cold plungeses He needs to be doing his daily affirmations And he needs to fucking straighten his shit out And stop being a coddled little baby You know what I'm saying Yeah people need to let me make them uncomfortable Yes exactly Because if I don't make you uncomfortable

Somebody else is It's gonna be somebody with blue hair It's gonna be Mrs. Woke. Mrs. Woke is going to knock on your door and say, I'm sorry, have you had your vaccines yet? Because if not,

we're going to you're going to eat a vegan burger. Yeah, it's crazy that people will just willingly subject themselves to medicine. Isn't that crazy? Because me, I'm a free thinker, and when somebody says that they want to help me, I say, fuck you. I say, absolutely not.

You're fucking gay. You think that my well-being and my health isn't inextricably linked to the people around me? That sounds like communist stuff to me. What I want to do is I want to go back to the way it used to be, when if my legs stopped working, that's just gay that sounds like communist stuff to me what i want to do is i want to go back to the way it used to be when if my legs stopped working that's just kind of how it happened and if my lungs popped that's just what happened to me you know what i mean just just the like back then people men had honor you know we led we led lives of diligence and fucking tenacity we got after it it's crazy how you have to show a waitress your vaccine card,

but you can't show her your dick. Yeah, because you used to, if you thought a girl was, like, sexy and sensual and you thought that she'd make a good mate, that you could just go up to her and stare into her apartment windows for six hours and that she had to be your wife. That's how it used to be.

And now you have to, like, talk to them, which is crazy. Why would I ever do that? You know what I mean? I feel like maids don't masturbate at people's houses anymore like they used to. Yeah, I feel like. Have you noticed that? I feel like my maids never masturbate. I feel like they don't know how. I feel like my maids don't bend over sexually as much as they used to yeah i feel like there's that i feel like my maids never masturbate i feel like they

don't know how i feel like my maids don't bend over sexually as much as they used to you know what i mean they mostly just like do the carpets and go back to this pool pool boys are getting uglier yeah pool boys they're not as strong as they used to be yeah they're not as hairless and strong as they used to be they're just kind of of Guatemalan guys. You know what I mean? Now, mostly these new pool boys, I don't even want to watch them fuck my wife. I don't even want to have sex with them. And I wouldn't even have wanted the first ones to. But if these new ones tried to, I'd say,

no way, Jose. And a lot of them, I hate to say it, are, you know, people don't want to be pool boys anymore. We should really change the name of this show to Dangerous Thoughts because this is really dangerous stuff we're talking about. Well, and not to call into play too much modern slang, because I think a lot of it is worldly,

but we've gone from people were scared of thoughts to now people need to be more scared of the THOT thoughts. Right, right. Because they will give you blowjobs that will make you dump creamy loads onto your stomach. And then when you go to work, there's a big spot on there. And then you don't even get the big promotion anymore. Yeah, because you have a big, nasty, sort of dried up, sticky load. Yeah, because it looks like you tried to army crawl through a bunch of mashed potatoes at your house.

Yeah, and people... And loads are getting bigger, too. Yeah, well, here's the thing. Because people aren't busting them. Cocks are getting smaller and loads are getting larger, and that is a real problem, and we're the only ones, I feel like, that are talking about this. Penises and balls are getting small because of something that i saw where it's like there's like some plastic or

something and it makes your penis small yeah now but now it's our time to shine you know what i mean because then we get to have the the bigger penises and we get to have the loads on our bellies it seems like it seems like women can't orgasm anymore I remember in the 80s they really could And nowadays Most of them have no idea It seems like before I started having sex They were having a lot of orgasms And then around the time I started

Entering the sexual marketplace They stopped And we need to really get to the bottom of that I remember my mom used to have The most orgasms out of anybody Because we had those glass Phone lines when we were growing up in the 20s. And so you would, your friend would unhook his phone from the black, the cartridge thing.

Yeah, of course. And he would leave it, he'd leave the phone hanging so you could watch his mom, you could listen to his mom get banged out from 25 feet away. Yeah, yeah. And now moms aren't having- And they used to call the glass, they'd call it the bang line. Mm-hmm.

And you're trying to call your friend to tell him about your big divorce. And who you hear, you hear Mrs. Claus having sex. You hear your friend Klaus' mom, Mrs. Claus, getting fucking turned into straight. Her hips are fucking coming off. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome.

And now moms aren't having sex. Women don't have orgasms. And the loads are getting bigger, but the penises are getting smaller. The load to penis ratio is crazy. Loads have stagnated. Cost of penis is going up. You know, I couldn't tell you the last time I saw a load, to be honest. Me neither. When I

come, it's just dust now. It's just sort of like a wisp, like a vapor. And at the same time, they've gotten bigger, which is crazy. Crazy, yeah. Because they've gotten bigger, but the output is smaller. It's just way more air. My dick blows clouds like an old box mod vape. It's really alarming. But, you know what? That's because I've been doing my

fucking cold plunges. That's because I've been getting uncomfortable you know what i mean everybody's too comfortable these baristas working 50 hours a week you know barely making ends meet they're way too comfortable these college students you know with their rising cost of living they're so comfortable you know and me a guy who hasn't had a real job in 40 years i know what discomfort is and i know how to be like an actual human being i'm not so out of touch that it doesn't even matter what i say anymore yeah i had a bone bone the other day and i noticed while i sort of started trying to touch on the end of it. I got a phone call from a friend of mine. And he told me he works at the scientist lab of Oklahoma. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

That's an incredible friend to have. And he was telling me there's a new type of muscle they're working on that they're going to put in your back. Yes. And it's going to make your back neck muscle. You've got a muscle. You've got a, it's a back neck bone.

You've got one in between your neck and your back. Yeah. And he's good. They're going to do a back neck muscle for the back neck bone. And that's going to make your, um, and that's going to help your survival yeah long term and that's honestly people think about living they need to think about surviving because in this next age that's what's

going to happen is there i would be willing to bet within the next 30 to 40 years we will have a global, it might be a wave of avian flu or some type of flu in the next 40 years, I would say. Yeah, something will happen. Yeah. I love your predictions. Maybe even an earthquake somewhere. Yeah. Or a tropical storm.

Right, right, right. But I think something big is going to happen while people are alive. And that's going to catch a lot of people by surprise. Because nowadays people can't even sit through 45 minutes of me smoking cigars on stage. Yeah. How do you think they're going to sit through two weeks with no Snapchats? Yeah, exactly. That's another thing.

Men don't smoke cigars anymore, and they don't drink whiskey, and they don't eat steak, which is just me. I really like – there's nothing more I like than sucking down on a cigar that takes me an hour and a half to smoke. And it kind of makes my mouth water. And I really like just drinking really peaty kind of, you know, methylated spirits whiskey and eating a big red steak at like 8 in the morning. And people don't do that anymore. It's because, first of all, it's because they've got all their shots.

They've got all their little boosters in their shots. Me, I don't have any shots. Now, do I have measles and mumps and all that type of stuff? Yeah, but that's the sign of my natural immunity working hard. It's working overtime. I've been taking a little bit of TNT every day. Yeah, you were telling me that you were taking TNT and that you were also taking Simtex

and you were eating a little bit of Detcord too. Just a lot of plastic explosives. Can you explain that to the listeners? and that you were also taking Simtex and you were eating a little bit of Detcord too. Just a lot of plastic explosives. Can you explain that to the listeners? Well, TNT stands for tiny neuron tarantulas. Oh, okay. And so it's a type of... Spider therapy.

Well, no. People always assume that and it's so crazy because TNT, tiny tarantula therapy, it's molecules that act like spiders for in your body. So they'll weave a web between your cells, and that is how they trap all the diseases that come into your body. They'll trap them and keep them there in what's called a cell web. And with a cell web, if you trap 15 different types of diseases,

you can make a super cell that you can use to boost your performance at work. There was a... Oh, man, they had one of the best commercials for TNT. Oh, God, how did the song go? It was like, Bugs in your skin, bugs in your skin bugs in your skin you will never see your family again yeah the branding is not good it's not the product is very good they need to get a new pr team because as i said there are no real spiders involved it's

just molecules shaped like spiders right right that they put through what's called an insect tube into your body and by that they mean a syringe called an insect tube into your body. And by that, they mean a syringe. They should be changing the terminology. They have to keep a lot of air in the syringe when they do it, too, so that the spiders can breathe. Well, you need air in your blood. A lot of people say that it causes embolisms and things like that.

But I think instead of... We used to have symbolisms, but now we have embolisms. Yeah. Yeah. And pluralisms. Yeah. And pluralisms. Yeah, and pluralisms and dualisms. And imperialism and capitalism. And socialism and orgisms.

And nepotism. Nepotism, despot, home despotism. Skepticism. Skepticism, eroticism. We've lost all of that. Racism It's gone It's all gone now

I don't know why people even still talk about it Transgenderism Transism I guess I came up with a different word for that I came up with both of the terms for it. Yeah. Well, yeah.

You were like the leading transism. Most people don't know this, that I invented the word transphobia. Institute of Jameson province. Oh, sorry. I think we were both talking at the same time, but it's okay. Yeah, it's all right. You know, because- I was rightfully saying that I did invent the word transphobia.

And I coined it a long time ago. And I didn't even know about it yet. I just figured it was some horrible-ass shit that I should identify in advance, you know? For sure. I think these thoughts are so dangerous that we're being gang-stalked and they're turning our internet down.

You know what I mean? They have a big knob that's... it's not because i use earthlink no no well isn't that the uh isn't that the the wi-fi that doesn't emit electromagnetic rays into your under your penis and balls to make it smaller it makes it bigger doesn't it uh yeah so earthlink is uh it is my isp which stands for internet service provider yeah yeah and uh so basically what it does is it's the first internet service to ever get wi-fi into your home okay and what it does is it do it does it through something that's called an AT&T fiber. It's called an AT&T fiber because that's the company that owns it. It says fiber because that's what cereal has in it. And each cable has a serial number.

Right, right, right. You'll notice the number is the opposite of a letter. Uh-huh. And it's near your mailbox, which is where you get letters. Mm-hmm. And who comes to get your, drop your mail off, but the postman from USPS. And you see penis whenever you use any other ISP, except for Earthlink. The first ISP that doesn't put gay porn onto your computer.

So whenever your wife comes by and she tries to see what all the charges are on her debit card and you told her it was for a bunch of pizza while she was at work and then she comes home and she sees it's for a black dick booty pounder and you say I didn't fucking want this on my computer in the first place

who did this? and you can trace it back all the way to the ISP to who's actually sending the porn onto your computer and then accidentally uploading it as court documents for your lawyer. Yeah, I'm really glad that you're kind of bringing Earthlink into the forefront. You know what I mean? People forget that before we were born, gay porn wasn't on the computer. And then for some reason in life reason it used to be in real life yeah yeah yeah god man the glory days you know what i mean you used to get people don't even

gay men don't even have sex anymore they don't man there's just no more fucking no loads refused cum dumps anymore it's just yeah we've denied gay men third spaces and we've created a digital third space for them and they're not even busting huge ropes anymore. They're busting huge nopes because they don't want to talk to each other. Instead of Grindr, they'd rather get on

Binder. They'd rather go to school. They'd rather go to Berkeley. Instead of Sniffies, they're all outside um protesting and smoking spliffies because they're fucking they're drug addicts and in general not not good but as it seems like you know whenever we were younger we were on e-harmony and now it feels like there's We were on eHarmony, and now it feels like there's weed harming me

Yeah, yeah back in the day you know if you wanted to find a wife And you were a God-fearing man you went on Christian Mingle And now it seems like everybody wants to sniff It and tingle Yeah, and now everybody's in line at Walmart to buy more crispy Pringles. Yeah, everybody listen. Crunch! Crunch! Crunch in your skin. Crunch in your

skin. You will never see it. It seems like there's no new snack on the market delivering a tasty crunch when you least expect it. That is until we come to our new ad sponsor, Crunchy Cream. The first crunchy ice cream, it hurts to eat it because of how hard it is. And you'll never know.

One bite creamy, the next bloody gums, and then the one after that's hot. And then you take another bite, and it has a worm in it. The first ice cream with no quality control whatsoever. We let our employees do this shit how they want to. Freedom. With our new Dookie mix. The mop bucket flavor. The shit.

The fucking, the colostomy bag ice cream. Eat it. Cigarette smoothie flavor. Lavender, vanilla, and poop. We got all these flavors. The thing about being a business owner is there's so many restrictions on businesses these days. What with worker rights and unions and quality control and consumer rights protections and all this stuff. We got rid of all of that dumb gay shit because freedom is the thing that helped businesses

grow. That's why Thomas and I have created all of these new dangerous and disgusting ice cream flavors because nobody can tell us how to fucking make our crunchy creams and our stinky creams. We won't put a label on you and we won't put a label on our ice cream. No. Deeming it food. Yeah.

You don't even know what the fuck you're getting. We have to sell this shit like it's Vaseline. I sold it at an auto parts store and it just had a bunch of bolts in it. And that's good, because we sell it by the pound, motherfucker. Motherfucker. Motherfucker. Yeah, it's called. Motherfucker ice cream.

Come get it hot. Hot, crunchy, stinging, and slicing the inside of your mouth like a goddamn switchblade. With our new cherry transmission fluid flavor. Mmm, yeah. Available only at KFC. Available only at Motherfucker Delicious LLC. Crazy motherfuckers create cool-ass times. Gangsta ice cream.

Gangsta ice cream. Gangsta ice cream. Come get it. Come get your crip flavor. Come get your blood flavor. Come get your Latin Kings flavor. Caliente. With our new Thug Gang ice cream. Thug Gang ice cream.

Endorsed by Snoop Dogg. Killer Mike presents Aryan Brotherhood Vanilla Bean Mexican Chocolate Ice Cream. Nazi lowrider push pop. And it's a huge dick. We got the Italian mob ice cream. It's spaghetti flavored. What a motherfucker.

Delicious Foods. Conglomerate. Worldwide. That's our jingle. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, in tanks and airbags would save them but when they get hit with a fucking mortar shell, the airbag deploys yellow cake ice cream and it's uranium and they die of cancer. We dropped off a whole bunch of ice cream in India and we told them it was shoes. Watch their reaction. Wow, I thought this was going to be shoes

but I already have shoes so I guess I'll just eat this ice cream. Vice just gets more and more budget cuts like year over year. We dropped off a bunch of very just eat this ice cream. Vice just gets more and more budget cuts year over year. We dropped off a bunch of very, very spicy ice cream in Indonesia for the Gawili's to eat. And they don't like it. We took ice cream to the hood. They never heard of it before.

New Matt, right? Oh, we dropped off ice cream in the hood. We're going to see how they feel about it. What you talking about some ice cream? What you talking about? Oh, you have Rocky Road. You have bronze. You have fucking 31 flavors.

That would be my dream cancellation for Matt Rafe, honestly, would be if he got canceled for not knowing that black people also eat ice cream. Man, white people, they're going to eat the fuck out of some ice cream. You should try and give a black man a bowl of ice cream. He'd think it was mashed potatoes. Everybody in the crowd is like, what the fuck? He has like a railroad spike through the front of his head. Black people ain't going to mess around with no ice cream, let me tell you that.

All they want is cobbler everybody's like we what he's like he's like that's not even a stereotype yeah yeah yeah oh y'all motherfuckers bring my ass some ice cream i say what the hell man get that shit out yeah here I want some mac and cheese. Crowd's like, what now? What? Next time. I like the idea that he hasn't, it's like a Cat Williams special. It's only rappers and influencers and pimps. Yeah, it's like the Cat Williams Atlanta special.

Matt Rife, there's not one white person in the crowd. Yeah. Also, he keeps trying to do the Cat William localized comedy thing, but he's just getting the city and everything about it wildly wrong. Yeah, Atlanta, that's the biggest city y'all got out here in fucking Avedar, Avedar, UAE. Y'all don't even got any damn camels out here no more. They all been fucking eaten by big bugs.

Yeah. St. Louis? Man, I know y'all man, I know y'all got God knows I had some good collard greens in St. Louis, Missouri.

They're like there's a couple places there's a couple good places yeah it's not our thing. i know that y'all got little blue men that live in the woods out here everybody's scared of the little blue men that steal your socks at night and take all your underwear man how the fuck how the fuck y'all find whole wheat bread out here i couldn't find none in any of the stores it was out

y'all must love that you were like how the thick how in the fact y'all got Y'all must love that shit. You were like, how the feck? How in the feck? Y'all got different types of gay dudes talking out here. They talk crazy. They speak fluent Cantonese. Y'all gonna cancel me for this. Oh, God. I already know.

But y'all Dallas motherfuckers is different. I mean, it's something about y'all. It's like everywhere I go, it's like everybody, one of y'all Dallas motherfuckers is different. I mean, it's something about y'all. It's like everywhere I go, it's like everybody, one of y'all, it's a cheesecake factory. It's the only restaurant here in downtown Dallas. Anyway, if you want tasty ice cream, go to mattreif.icecream.motherfucker.edu And you can get a coupon for Arizona State University And a coupon for one ton of the motherfucker ice cream that is sharp, hot, and loaded with concrete For you to break your teeth on and get your gums good

Oh yeah, motherfucker. Use code MOTHERFUCKER50 to get 50% off our hot, poisonous ice cream that black people do not understand nor do they fundamentally want to purchase. This is really only for ice cream for Mexican guys and fat white guys. What about instead of Matt Rife, it's Fat Right.

Oh, there we go. Oh, my back. There we go. Yep, you are. Like a boss. Like a boss. Like a virgin. Touched the phone. What would you do if you... What would you do if you...

Here's a hypothetical. What would you do if you could take a pill and it would make... It would make it to where every time you... Every time you ever tried a pogo stick it made you go really high. But the downside of the pill would be

every two hours you would shit blood in your underwear. And in your pants. But it would never kill you. And the shitting blood into your underwear would always be the same amount. So maybe you could get ahead and wear a big diaper. Okay.

So every two hours I shit blood so that I'm shitting blood 12 times per day. Um, but the upside is if I can buy a pogo stick, I can jump really high in the air. Yeah. Higher than most people. Okay. Um,

no, maybe not higher than everybody who's ever done it, because I don't know who else done it. A tigger could probably do a crazy job, because he can pogo on his feet. Yeah, he can pogo like a motherfucker, that tigger. Yeah, no, I think I would go to pass on that pill, primarily because I don't really care about pogos.

It's pogo sticking, and I really don't want to poop blood 12 times a day. It's not really something that I'm interested in, but I appreciate it. Okay. I blood 12 times a day. It's not really something that I'm interested in, but I appreciate it. Okay. I appreciate that pill, brother. Okay. So that's a no?

Yeah, that's a no. Probably not. That's probably not for me. It's like an 85% no on that pill, brother. I'm going to say no. Okay. I understand. I mean, it's like I was hoping you'd say yes because I didn't want to take it.

Because I'm already really fucking good at pogo sticking. Yeah, yeah. And you never shit blood ever. I don't think it's ever happened to you. No, it doesn't happen to me. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. What about one that would make...

What if there was a pill that made you good at basketball to where you could do college basketball? But then also in this situation, you have a sister who's older than you and you have to marry her. Okay, so once again, I take the pill, and I'm good enough to play college basketball. Am I still 30 years old, or is this like a 17 again type deal? Yeah, you get to be young, but you have to get married to your sister as soon as you enter this scenario. Okay, so as soon as I enter this scenario, I have to get married to my sister, but I can play college basketball. Now, you didn't specify, am I like a D1 type guy or am I like playing at a state school? Yeah, you'd be really good. Okay.

So you would get media coverage and everybody would talk about the fact that you married your sister. But again, she was older than you, so it's like not that bad, right, if she's older than you? I have, nope. Do I have any? Then it's kind of like she kind of fucked you up then, right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. She kind of ruined my life. If you marry your little sister, that's really fucked up.

But your big sister, like, that's really fucked up also. But it's like that would be her fault, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's like you're only, like, 25, you know, in this scenario towards the end of your, I guess you get red-sharded a few times. Yeah, yeah. You will not go to the NBA.

I was about to ask, like, what is the over-under on me getting into the NBA? But if I'm not going at all, like, then there's no promise of really me making any, like, yeah. You will not go to the NBA. I'm about to ask, like, what is the over-under on me getting into the NBA? But if I'm not going at all, like, then there's no promise of really me making any, like, actual money. So I probably would say no to that one as well. It seems like you're feeding me a lot of pills that provide me with no real benefit. And then something absolutely either disgusting or kind of health-wise alarming happens to me. Well, no. Okay, let's do a completely different one then. Okay.

Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Third time's a charm, buddy. I believe in you. Yeah. How about would you take a pill? You have to take two pills for this one. Okay.

They're both small. Okay. And so they both have the same effects. It's just how the dosage works. You have to take two. Sure, sure, sure. I don't know. I'm not a small. Okay. And so they both have the same effects. It's just how the dosage works. You have to take two. Sure, sure, sure. I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

Sure, sure. A pill that makes you... You're amazing at guitar, and you're the president of the United States. And you get to live forever. Okay. United States. Okay.

And you get to live forever. Okay. Um, and you don't have to, um, you don't ever have to be in a relationship of any kind. Okay. But you can't be in a,

you can never be, uh, intimate with anybody who's 18 or older. Okay, so let me track this one down. I need to get all of my premises and my fucking implied statements here. So I get to live forever. I'm immortal. I'm the president. Do I get to be president forever or or are those two things, like, they're separate?

No, you can be president forever if you want. Okay, so president forever, and I'm really good at guitar, which I'm already pretty good at guitar, so basically I just get to be president forever. That's fine. The downside of the pill, the side effect, if you will, is that I can never be in a relationship so i'll never really find love but i am able to how do you say fuck um but i cannot fuck anybody that is 18 or older is that is that correct well you could be in a relationship with someone who what i was saying was you can just be celibate okay you know if you want to you could also openly be in a relationship with a child if that's what you want right that's what you're saying no i but think

about it you're the king of the world so nobody's really gonna do anything about it probably plus i live forever and i can't die so i guess yeah i didn't say you can't die you said i could live forever you could live forever i don't know maybe so i i'm not gonna i'm not gonna live forever. You could live forever. I don't know. Maybe. I'm not going to live forever. It seems like you're probably going to live forever. So I'm not impervious. I think you can die. You're not going to die if you don't choose to, though. Put it like that.

So are you asking me, in essence, in essence of this pill, that if- Do you want to be the most powerful man of all time? And a pedophile. But, yeah, you, in your heart, are a pedophile. And you, for the, you know, the game awaits you, really, but you have to pull back and you have to be, hey, I can't. I don't want to be a pedophile. So you're effectively asking me if I want to be Bill Clinton forever and can't die.

Well, here's the thing, though, and this would suck for you. Imagine maybe at some point you know you could probably get away with 17 year olds up until like what? 50 years ago?

So maybe you had to run there for a while? My mom was 16. Way less before that. It was pretty fine up until probably like... Okay, so that's your end. You say, my mom was 16 when I was born. Yeah, my dad was 25. It's fine. And you say, hey, I'm the president.

I literally cannot be with a woman who's over 18. If you guys want this country run well, you have to let me be a pedophile. You could pitch like that. I'm trying to help you here because I want the best for you. Yeah. And I think this is a good deal. I think this would help you a lot.

Yeah, I think it would. I think it would. For you to be the king of the world and to live forever, I think that would be really good for you. Yeah. But you would have to basically abandon everything you love in a lot of ways, except for playing guitar. Yeah, yeah. You know.

Yeah. How do you feel about it? Are you ready? Open wide, here comes the pill. I hope you're ready. I've got it right here, buddy. Yeah, man, you know. It's, once again, it's two pills and I think they do the same thing. I was about to ask what did the second pill do?

I think it's just a dosage issue. Oh, okay. Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah. I mean, you could break off half a pill and see what happens. If that gets you going enough, maybe you are just Bill Clinton in that scene. Yeah, yeah. For the half a pill.

Right. Right. It's cool that the – I was going to – I guess – what do you think is the motivation this is a serious question not motivation what is the underlying thing that led to the popularity of like step family pornography like it it just wasn't like the most popular thing and then it like was and i never really understood it like stepmom stepsister like it it's everywhere and it's it's all the time whereas i kind of remember it's very culturally uh ingrained to a certain sense well i just kind of weird i haven't been jacking off that long but i do remember a time where like that wasn't like on the front pages like it was just normal porn like guy has sex with girl and then that's the end and there's no kind of like implied thing where they're like

related to some degree i wouldn't be surprised if if big porn companies do a lot of market research, buy a lot of data, and find out what common... Like what's searched the most, and then SEO. Well, yeah, not even on porn sites, but on all sites. Yeah. They probably have more data on us than anybody. Yeah. Not than anybody, but as much as anybody. Right.

Because they have the money to do that research. Why wouldn't they? Yeah. No, for sure. Now, I don't know where they glean all that stuff from, and I don't know how they arrive at that conclusion, but I would say most likely a lot of taboo-type stuff probably comes from those companies doing insane

putting insane amounts of money back into market research and stuff yeah yeah finding like ways to draw people in they're like oh that's what and then it's like you're jacking off to you know what i mean like yeah no i see what you mean and and i you know um i don't think that's good i don't really think it's not i'm i i know that people look i people are like oh like sex positivity and like, I'm pretty thoroughly convinced that you probably shouldn't. Jacking off should be, like, it's fine to do it, but if, like, a big multi-million dollar company is hiring, like, psychologists and, like, neuropharmacologists to, like, figure out how best to understand the deepest secret, depraved secrets of the human mind

and then just, like, turning that into an algorithmic sort of experience, that's probably not good um and porn is probably bad for your brain uh but again all that's aside i just didn't really i never really understood like like if if a kink or something was gonna get promoted to the point where it's almost like i don't know if i'm using this term like ubiquitous like it's everywhere like it is kind of the standard right like it's the watermark it's like step bro step sister porn is like the thing like why was it that thing why wasn't it like feet you know what i mean or like why wasn't it like fucking blacked i'm not to say that these are like things they're like oh this these are higher echelons. These are upper pleasures of the human mind.

I'm saying like why did it end up being that? Like what? I don't know. I'm asking the wrong person, and I'm also just asking the show as if they could respond to me. But I like don't understand why that one. I'm sure there's an answer. I'm just going to Google it. I'm going to Google it. I'm going to Google it. Why is step sibling porn popular?

I have an answer to my question right here. Why is step porn everywhere? Porn comes in many forms. Bro, you want me to watch a video? Dude, I'm fucking shut up. It says it's completely because of Jake. That cannot be right. Bro, you want me to watch a video? Dude, I'm fucking... Shut up. It says it's completely because of Jake. That cannot be right.

It's because Jake asked us to. I don't think that's even true, Jake. I'm sorry it says that. Yeah. Who even wrote this? Jake Rhodes. Yeah. It says Jake Rhodes wrote it.

Oh, my God. That is not... It's a different Jake Rhodes, I think. Here's an article from Mashable India. Faux-cessed porn is taboo, but it goes much deeper than that. Dick and balls, dude. I don't want to watch a video essay. What the fuck, man? I just want to read some shit.

This isn't just an imagination. Okay, so we've got a graph here. From 2008 to 2013, it was practically nonexistent. And then from 2014, within the last 10 years, it's skyrocketed to basically the most popular type of pornography. Conversation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not just Pornhub. XHamster and other sites have dedicated most of their content to step porn. Pretty much everyone from big studios to premium social amateurs is making at least some step content.

Oh my god, no thanks, I'm good. I don't fucking know. I don't want to read this shit on the show. But basically, they're saying that this article is kind of insinuating that it was a really popular subcategory. And then kind of what you were saying in, like, digging into the algorithms of it, they just started pushing the most popular kinks. And that one just ended up being the one. And now it's the most popular sort of taboo. Yeah, I wonder if it's kind of like a similar algorithm to how, like, social media, you know, where it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like even if you click on something and you're like, ugh. Yeah. You know, like, I click on, like, tweets and Instagram stuff a lot that's like, what even is this? We send each other videos of, like, black men gyrating in their trucks and stuff and then, you know. Yeah, I wonder if it's, similar to that because like the people in charge of keeping you engaged on like any type of social media not to completely like compare it to pornography but i think people i don't know i think there are some parallels in some ways. Probably functions in the same way. I would bet people make good money keeping people. And another thing is the content is easier to, I guess, grab somebody's attention.

You know what I mean? Well, I think it is. When you're on a, you know. It's like, there are certain things that I will watch out of curiosity. And I'm not talking about pornography. I'll go on Instagram and I'll fuck my algorithm up on purpose. I think I've talked about this before.

But like, I fucked my shit up so bad because I was watching a bunch of the like, Femcell, like, spend all his money. Like, we don't do 50 50 like uh like fucking um pro anorexia like pro thin you know what i mean like the fucking yeah like if you're not 90 pounds you'll never find a husband like that shit is so interesting to me because it is like in the same way that andrew tate kind of like captured the minds of like a whole generation of teenage men. There's an entire female side of that market that's like, OK, here's how you like they sell discord courses and like PowerPoint courses on how to like make yourself attractive to rich men who then you then one of the things they teach you how to do is to like

how to divorce them and get all their money anyway i really like that side of the internet because the comments are like half of them are like indian guys with like an ai generated profile picture of like conor mcgregor wearing uh like an indian flag and it's like I'm gonna come to America to kill all of you and those two worlds existing simultaneously at least lead me to believe that like you can be fed stuff that you

don't agree with and that you don't like that's disgusting to you but if you're fed it enough then you'll just come to believe it and so I wonder if it's the same thing where it's like, well, if step porn is on every fucking front page, maybe I fucking will watch it. And then you click on it, and then you're not into it.

Maybe you just want to fucking wank your willard, and you end up wanking your dick off to it a couple times, and then you're like, fuck it, I guess I'll watch it. If that makes sense. It's like manufacturing consent, but, tugging on your toad. Like, I wasn't into this. I don't agree with it. But I guess I'll fucking pull on it till the cows come home to this fucking stepmom pornography.

Yeah. We need a new generation of guys who are just going off memory. Yeah, I remember when I used to be able to do that. I've gotten back into the zone with it. You think so? Yeah. I'm back in Puritan mode. That's awesome, man.

I jack off like a Quaker now. Yeah, just to the human spirit. Just to the fucking indomitable human spirit in your mind's eye. That's cool. I like... Just sit there like a hitman. Yeah. Just get like brow furrowed. You're just bald instead of the barcode in the back.

I'm in the shower and I'm Jason Bourne after he kills a guy like head bowed jacking up. Yeah. Like the barcode in the back of your head like hitman, but it's just like a tattoo a tattoo of boobs it's just like yeah yeah yeah it shows like uh it's it's like sherlock holmes like solving a case and like shows it on the screen but it's you it's like it shows like a like the with the opacity turned down like a Windows 95 screen where it's like you're clicking on a

profile and it's like pussy from a year ago. Accessing files. Like the hacker kind of like B-roll in the tech movies where it's just like clicking, clacking, and then just like green lights of code. Anniversary night. anniversary night yeah yeah yeah

uh beach house trip 2015 yeah yeah i like i i to the thing like i i got really really really neck deep. To the point where I still haven't fixed my Instagram thing. I got neck deep into spend all his money ladies Instagram. And there's a whole template of videos where it's like this girl. This girl, she's got her bag and she's throwing it over her shoulder. And it's like it says like POV. Like he says, baby, I'm just going through some tough times. And it's like, well, shit, call me when them tough times is over. I'm going to go, you know, I'm going to go hit your best friend up.

And then, dude, I know it's hate bait because there's like 45,000 comments. And all of them are like, I'm coming to your house to turn your body into paste. It's so incredible how they're able to generate money from content by just implying that they would. We've talked about this on a couple episodes way back where it's like, implying that you would cheat on an imaginary man with his imaginary best friend and it would make you happy to do it is a great way to get like 2 million views and like a bunch of money. You know what I'm saying?

I think women are a lot better at rage baiting because – Yes, I agree. I agree. Because they – think about it this way. They are better at – Intuitive emotional things. They're better at arguing in a way that makes you go, fuck. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Not that they're always better at arguing, but they're better at saying things in an argument culturally in a way that makes you, like two weeks from then, you're looking at the fence in the backyard and you're going, God damn. That was. Well, like. And I think there's an extra level of rage from these guys whenever it's a woman that they would like to go on a date with. But, yeah.

And it's like they see that woman and then the woman is like. I will cheat on you. In their mind, rebuking them. Yeah, yeah. Disrespecting them and they're like, you could have had rebuking them, disrespecting them, and they're like, you could have had me. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You fool.

And it's like a woman who wouldn't talk to them. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? But I feel like women on the internet should, if men have been rage baiting on the internet to indirectly get money for a long time, I think women have, too. I think more women need to take advantage of the leverage they have. For sure. You know what I mean?

Well, I like one of the things that I thought was so interesting about like that side of the Internet was that they'll like it's as easy as being like making like a like a fake sketch video where it's like, it's clearly fake, but it's like, just got back from my man's best friend's house. He was trying to play some 2K, and I was trying to get some dick. This is what he gets for not paying attention. And then it's like in the caption, it's like, and I took his credit card, and we, you know, blah, blah, blah. Clearly not real. Like, clearly not real. like clearly not real and what it's doing is it's creating a insecurity scenario where like we've talked about this in the show before like a long time where we're like you have like six beers and you stumble across one of these videos and you're like that could never happen to me

she's i'm at the gym she's not out getting dick that's not you know but you create the insecure scenario and you're like i'm doing it and I can't wait to do it to you. You know what I mean? Like, I can't wait to do it to every man watching this. And all the guys who that shit works on are like, you know. Then they go onto their side of the internet, and they watch, like, you know, how to mix bleach and lime to get rid of fucking plasma splatter type videos. Oh, my favorite one I saw. And I just found out about this.

To all of the people who listen to the show that know what I'm talking about, Andrew Tate is kind of like old hat, right? He's kind of like he's not like the big. What's getting big right now is these guys, these Muslim like YouTubers who they're like they're teaching guys how to be like good, like Muslim bros. And one of the guys, his name's Ali Dawa, and he gets his wife. She's got on her full it's whatever it is. I forget the name. I don't want to say it wrong, but it's like she has the full headdress and then like the box mesh covering. I forget what it's called. And she's speaking to him through a whiteboard. She writes down her thoughts, and then he reads them to the audience.

And then he's like, this is what you have to have in order to have a happy life. This is how it needs to be. This is how strict you need to be. And all the comments are like, brother, I can't wait. I'm in Miami. I'm looking for a woman who will let me do this to her in Miami. Can you help me? You're not going to find that Miami brother. You shouldn't find it anywhere. It's just fundamentally wrong and sort of wild. But, um, that is like becoming increasingly popular is like guys converting to some sort of, which makes sense, right? Like what am I, what am I

trying to say? If you do not like women and you believe women hate you and will betray you, you would, of course, adopt a political or religious ideology that shuts out their ability to determine their own sexual value or whatever the fuck. But it's cartoonish because it's like all of the videos are like fan cams of Muhammad deadlifting in the desert. You know what I'm saying? Like it's still very much Gen Z or Gen Alpha, Gen Z content creation. But it's like, Alhamdulillah, brother, she needs to be wearing a big cube on her head and then you need to focus on yourself. This stuff seems almost like a caricature of Islam. Yes, for sure I don't want to like I don't want to like

pretend I know a lot about Islam but just like from the Muslim friends I've had you know their families were normal you know what I mean like yeah just because like when women wear hijab and stuff like i've never not to say there's not situations in which like the woman in the household doesn't have a say in anything because i know that happens in every culture sure sure sure um there's you know bad guys of every creed type but um but i've never like i've never heard a muslim friend be like yeah, I like being Muslim because I love hurting women. Yeah, I like to have more. It's another thing about the more wives thing. That's another big part of it is like it's your duty to have like a bunch.

And anyway, what I thought was so funny is it's like you are combining like Gen Alpha, Gen Z, TikTok, like CapCut aesthetics, right? That whole like flashing text and like fan cam of like a Mercedes and a drifting and then like a praying Muslim man. You're combining that with just like Wahhabism. Like you're just combining that with the religion of like, you know, the Taliban, which to me, like are you trying to get like young American boys to be like in the Taliban? Because that's very funny to me, just conceptually. You know, like if Andrew Tate is not cool anymore

and the next cool thing is just like, you know, like us being a Salafist or whatever the fuck, then that's pretty sick. Cause I can't imagine having like a son in Iowa and you're just trying to raise him to like, maybe be a good tight end. Or you're trying to throw the pigskin with him. And he's like, inshallah father, buh-bye. I need to have 18 wives. Why does mom get to wear a dress at the park? You need to have her in a big fucking box which is just awesome if it that's like some cia shit that's going on that's fucking checkmate that's pretty sick trying to

like homegrown create like american like sharia you know what i mean white sharia stuff yeah we gotta get into something like that what do you say i you know you and me pal i get i see jackson hinkle doing it and it's like damn man you're getting is he muslim now he's doing uh he's doing everything he's throwing he's casting out a wide net he's like i'm pro iran and i'm pro russia and fucking you know uh pro this blah blah blah blah blah he's like putting a bunch of ingredients into the blender to see which produces the most money from content. It's kind of like that British guy that joined ISIS and they like or joined the Taliban and they like put him up in a house for a little while and they played PlayStation or whatever. Like.

If you want to make money, you have to in the world of content creation, specifically politically, you have to go deeper and deeper into the crazy stuff. Like, there's that guy, he was on Adam 22's show, I forget his name, he's one of the right-wing provocateur guys. He has, like, a bunch of Botox and, like, lip filler and shit, I forget his name. He made this really long thread on Twitter about how based marriages, like, based and red-pilled traditional marriages are between a grown man and a 15 year old girl and western decadence and western moral decay has made it disgusting to marry a teenage girl and if we really want to be

based and we really want to be trad and fucking red-pilled we have to start doing like dowry teenage marriages again because that's what the bible says to do and it like you circle the drain enough and you have to create these increasingly more bizarre characters to make money off rage baiting you just eventually go back to being a pedophile which is a thing that you claim to hate like two years ago if that makes sense yeah i definitely did claim to hate it two years ago. I would say, you know, I've had a lot of stances shift in my adult years. I got to say, I'm still on the money with that. Yeah, I think I'm spot on with that one with you.

I think I would say I'm still anti-bad fuck. Yeah, nothing's really changed in that regard. Last I checked. You've changed a little bit. No, I haven't. I don't like, I don't want you to give people wrong information. You've gotten way more anti- pedophile over the last couple years. I'll take

that. I'll let that one slide. That's fine. But... Because before you were one. It's not nice. It's not nice to say stuff like that. You said you would take that so you accepted. You keep changing the parameters, Thomas,

of this fucking hypothetical here. But it's fine. I'll let you have it. I'll let you have it one day. I'll fucking kill you. Oh. Ah, what do you say? Let me have it.

I'm gonna let you have it, pal. I'm gonna pull down your pants and I'm gonna take my penis out and I'm gonna let you have it. Bags, let you have it, pal. I'm going to pull down your pants, and I'm going to take my penis out, and I'm going to let you have it. Bugs, let me have it. Bugs, let me have it. You know what I mean? And that's Bugs Bunny.

What do you say, old sport? What do you say we go out on the sailboat later? Eat some gold salmon. That's my impression of a rich guy. Oh, what do you say we take the Rolls Royce down to the public pool? What do you say

we take the stingray out and we go out down in the water and we eat a bunch of red raw meat together and we smoke out of big horns? Oh. Honey, get the Mercedes. We're

going down to Red Lobster. You're just like, you're living like an Arab American first generation transplant. But you're talking like a mid-Atlantic news host. Trans-Atlantic accent, whatever the fuck it is. Extra, extra. Read all about it. We're going toantic accent, whatever the fuck it is. Extra, extra,

read all about it. We're going to Red Lobster in the Mercedes E-Class. And honey, you better be getting the cheesy rolls. We should... Honey,

get in the Escalade. We're going down to Olive Garden. I do think sometimes it's funny when me and you try to do like pretend to be rich guys on here that our idea of rich guys is like we just kind of understand very tangible.

We're like ghosts. We're just kind of like tangentially understand like what a rich guy would do. But also I feel like we're way off. I just, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, I feel like I feel like I feel like there's rich guys who are so rich they like to go to Montana Steakhouse. No, exactly. Because I think our ideas are skewed because the guys that we know that are wealthy, they kind of just do. Ben sent me a picture not too long ago of his lunch, and it was cut up hot dogs and macaroni. And it wasn't for his kid.

It was for him. He's probably one of the wealthiest guys I know. And he's worked very hard, and he's and it wasn't for his kid it was for him he's probably one of the wealthiest guys i know and he's worked very hard and he's earned it and all that fun stuff but again it's like i don't know anybody other than my guess my old roommate that's like what people consider to old money rich you know what i mean like people that are like hoity-toity or whatever like i i am to be honest and i've never really talked about this on the show but you've never done this before yeah

no I I'll say it I'm really rich and it it's a big burden for me because I know

in the comedy scene I get judged just cause my dad is really rich and my mom is too I'm actually from the my dad is too. I'm actually from the.

My dad is Anderson Cooper from CNN. And my mom is his wife, Mrs. Cooper. Her name is Angela. And a look. Anderson LeCouper. Henderson. Angela. Anderson.

Angela LeCouper. She's she's she's yeah my mom Henderson Anderson like Cooper the French the French media conglomerate

she married my dad Anderson and Cooper the gay guy from the news and gay silver honestly it was

such a coincidence that my dad's name was was Anderson Cooper and that her name was Henderson Anderson like Cooper and they really just fell in handle handle and Anderson Pamela LeCouper and it just kind of just it was just kismet you know what I mean it was just kind of natural

that they would fall in love and have sex with each other and create me uh my name is Anderson Cooper I. I'm Anderson Landola, and it's so awesome to meet you. Thank you for coming to my Landolursery. That's what I call my Landola anniversary, my birthday. And I just turned three and a half. I'm really annoying, and I call my birthdays my Landlerversaries because my name is Angela Anderson Landler LeCouper Cooper after my mother and my father. And I'm three. Yeah.

And I can play the mandolin if you want to see. Yeah. And I and I drive a Ford Ranchera, which was the Ford's version of the El Camino that was wildly unpopular. Ford Ranchera, which was the Ford's version of the El Camino that was wildly unpopular. And I take a gondola to work. Oh, God. I dropped my candelabra. I dropped Pamela Camberson's candelabra. I dropped Anderson Landola Pamela Anderson's candelabra.

This is a family that Eminem made up for the sake of a complex rhyme. Went to lunch with Pamela Anderson. Then came her friend, Candle Amanderson. Oh, wait. I handle the man and her son. Oh, wait. I handle the cans of Pamela Anderson and her son. And the sun's going down.

And it's up from the man. Oh, man. I'm on the mandolin eating a mandarin tree mandarin oh man it's in oh man it's out eating a spanish trout you just heard eminem's newest rhyme spanish Trout Mandarin In-N-Out. Just coming to you from DatPiff. DatPiffMixtape.com Pamela and Yeah, man. I love that he dyes his beard.

It's so awesome. It's like a dark, like, you have all that money it's clear that he's buying Rogaine from the Dollar Tree or something. It's like super brown. Yeah. He had a nose job too yeah uh but that's okay i would if i was 50 and i was just a guy who'd been wearing a leather jacket for like 30 years i'd probably get a job or something dude it's every time man gets bored every time i see andrew dice clay he's like in his 60s he posts like on instagram like his wife or whatever. And he's still like, yeah, it's the Dice Man out here.

Finding a guy, finding a character type for yourself and then never growing out of it, but that's the character, is so amazing. It's so good. Just being like, yeah, I'm a fucking bad boy. I'm a bad boy from New York. I'm a bad boy from the Bronx. I'm a bad boy from the Bronx. I'm an Italian fucking ne'er do well. I'm a real heathen.

And you're like 68 years old and you got to go like get met a muscle and shit. And you're still talking to people like that. It's just so incredible. It's like the same way. The iced tea is still like, what's up? Dumb fucks. And he's like,

he was like on cop shows and shit to my fucking grandma would watch. Yeah. I'm every woman. It's all in me. All right. I got to go pick up my fiance. I was about to say I got to go pick upcée from school, which isn't not accurate. I am going to pick her up from college where she goes.

A college for the blind and deaf and underage. No, no. First of all, Ashley King. College for the underage. Steven Pinker University. Steven Pinker's College for the Underage. Steven Pinker's College for the Nonconsensual Pinker's College for the Non-Consensual. Yeah.

That's the Barry Weiss or whatever. The Texas University that they built. Dude, it's in Dallas. Was that Austin University that was called? Yeah, but it's in Dallas. And it's on a plot of land owned by some major Harlan something, some major billionaire. owned by some like major harlan something some major billionaire um and uh yeah she teaches there a bunch of like failed academics teach there and literally they have lessons called like like like

like entire classes dedicated to like wokeness um oh dude i want to read you something before we get going here i wonder if i could i probably you know what's that i probably couldn't get accepted into that yeah because you're you're so fucking you're so fucking, you're so dangerous. Your thoughts are so dangerous. So there's this guy I saw, and he's an author, and he writes books. And his books have the coolest names in the world. His name is Brendan O'Neill. And here are his two books that he's been telling everybody to read.

Brendan O'Neill is the author of several books, among them Anti-Woke, A Duty to Offend. Very good. And most recently, his award-winning book, A Heretic's Manifesto, Essays on the Unsayable. Wow. God got damaged. Yeah, he's fucking an adult man. An adult man writing two books. I'm a naughty little boy and I'm about to say some naughty words. And I don't know if the world's ready for it.

Honestly, I don't know if the world's ready for how much of a naughty little boy I'm going to be. And the naughty things I'll say. Because the world is soft. I'm a hard man boy I'm going to be and the naughty things I'll say. Because the world is soft. I'm a hard man. I'm a hard boy. I say so many dangerous things. Yeah, I'm not liking that. It's okay.

I understand you have your point across. I'm just being honest with you. It's not your fault. that is the tone that guy was I've been writing so many books about how I'm a big strong guy and I see so many stinky words I see so many things that are so dangerous

and so crazy wild and wacky and people can't even understand that I'm a free thinker and all my words are crazy spooky and everybody thinks that my words are so dangerous and when I go outside and I start

talking they go in their house. They're so spooky and free of my scary words and so my book is called Oopsie No No I just said something so scary and you can find it everywhere where there's spooky scary scary words for adult guys to say that make them dangerous

is it getting any better i can keep i'm trying to add different parts to it that might make you like it do you like that type of stuff no uh i love yeah i did you did kill my here here we go here we go i'm i'm doing i'm i'm going i'm going to do some of my spooky scary awards at austin university and barry weiss got me there and all the students are going to be so surprised and i'm like dangerous my words are so dangerous and they're so scary that whenever I say them, people who have dyed their hair, they explode. Yeah.

That's good. Alright, man. If you're not going to help me out here, if you're not going to entertain... Well, I was just really fucking offended because nobody can say whatever they want. I like the woke movement and if you're against the woke movement, F you. Yeah, I'm woke, dude.

I have the mind virus. And I wouldn't even say the F word. And you're going to have to get an F in response out of me. It's going to be F and crazy. Yeah, you're going to be fucking, you're going to get an F in class because I'm going to say. Yeah, where is you fat effing. You fucking, you fucking. You bigot. That's the only B word I'll fucking You bigot

That's the only B word I'll say is bigot Yeah yeah You fucking You have prejudice in your heart and mind How dangerous How dangerous it is I think that's Honestly we fit too much danger

into one episode they're gonna take this shit we gotta honestly I'm getting I'm getting crazy uh go buy go go get all of Brendan's go to the Barnes and Noble

where Brendan has his books Mr. Dangerous a woke a woke manifesto against fucking facts and crazy ass words from a big guy

go get all those books and draw a big ass penis shooting a load in it and then put it right back on the bookshelf and then blow the Barnes & Noble up. That's all I got to say. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.