Pendejo Time - Executioner Salary, Executioner Benefits, Executioner Work From Home

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

Executioner Jobs Near Me 150k A Year Torturer Jobs Frisco, Texas Support the Show.

Yeowch! I've been working on my Looney Tunes My Looney Tunes pain sounds That's good, I like that one Yeowch! Just in case I think if I was ever caught up in like a mass shooting type situation I would try to I'd be working on my type 5, you know, in line at H-E-B or at the post office or at the mall

And, you know, as some sort of, I don't know, Christian, I guess, incel, you know, online Nazi guy rounds the corner and dumps a magazine into my body. I would like to say something funny before I went, you know. Like the sound that Jerry makes when Tom hits him with something or vice versa. I'd be probably saying badass liberal comebacks, John. Like, I mean, well, what is a badass liberal, like, oh. Where'd she get that? Assault rifle at the racism store?

Okay, all right, that's not bad. That could probably hurt his feet oh did they let uh did they let stupid school out early it's just it's like standing over you you're like slipping in your own blood and pits did they let a gay guy school out early. I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't insult him based on his perceived sexual orientation. Why not? But what? Oh, they're liberal comebacks. That's right.

Yeah. This is it. I would say. Well, I guess I would say I guess my upper chest is the one getting redlined right now. OK. OK. Instead of black Americans. All right right right chicago type yeah okay yes okay so you're trying to yeah and then i was i would say um this is why we can't have nice things that's a good one that's a's a really good one. Yeah, I would say that as I bled out.

And he would be very far from me by then, but I would say that to myself. Yeah, yeah. You could be like, you know, just, you know, we could be like Whole Foods or something. Or, you know, just be by yourself. And, you know, you're in line at the hot food bar. And you just turn to the guy next to you. He's right behind me, isn't he? And then he just paints all the fucking tabula red with the inside of your fucking skull in your brain.

Yeah. Whole Foods would be a good one because they have really good. I've heard they have good chocolate chip cookies there. They do. But I don't necessarily have any desire to do a massacre in there. It's not about you doing it. I want to make it clear. The only freaking killing going on there is the damn price hikes, if you ask me.

That's conservative getting killed. I'm in a grocery store. He's going, oh. Well, at least I don't have to pay dang $5 for eggs now. Am I right? And then he just turns to his wife's corpse. It's the guy holding like, holding his dead, like, son's hand. Just like, you're, like, laying next to him, bleeding out.

Ah, looks like, uh, some... I won't have to pay those property taxes, eh, pal? Oh, my son just came out as red. Oh, it looks like they added another color to the lgbt flag a buddy red viscera just kind of a pink mush ain't that right pal oh your son's gay oh somebody must have uh uh so where did uh i bet the shooter probably just got off work at starbucks people are like sprinting for the exits just like just getting clipped like in real time like is it just making a bottleneck you know of the exit sign the guy's just just unloading all the exit doors

and you're just like yelling at the top of your lungs like yelling over the gunshots and the screams of 9-1-1 yeah i heard that yeah it's uh yeah the uh wow looks like i want to have to pay that credit card off hey guys oh man yeah that would, that would be unfortunate. That wouldn't be too nice. Looks like I wound up doing... Seinfeld getting shot in a mass shooting. Mm-hmm.

And then he said something like... Something like, all this over just asking, trying to order a regular cup of coffee. Oh, you know, a, uh, the,

uh, they keep saying the guy's gun is belt fed, uh, belt fed. Yeah. Yeah. You heard of this? Uh,

the only type of, uh, belt that I need after I get fed is, uh, widening up the belt after a nice big meal, huh? It's a good one. Stun gun going off. Stun grenade hit the window. I don't know if that was Mark Norman or Seinfeld or Lenno.

I think it was a combination of all three. They have a very similar cadence that kind of, you know what I mean? I came here to kill everybody. Anyway, welcome to the video. Mark Norman in a mess shooting. Ah, looks like, I guess you could say this whole place is on clearance. Yeah. clearance yeah Columbine uh I thought that was uh I thought that was like a cool like a like a vest company like a North Face turns out it's a bunch of dead guys ah one guy sucking my dick

and uh one guy fucking me hmm talk about two birds, one stone. This is a guy coming in, like, full riot gear. Like, fucking, you know, pistol rounds. Fucking, like, pinging off of his vest. And he's like, Mark Norman turns to you and is like, what's this guy's problem? This guy seems to be upset, huh? Sir, this is a Wendy's. Get a load of this guy.

He's having a bad day. Somebody's coupon bounced. The coupon bounced. This guy's got a swastika carved into his gun. Doesn't he know those guys are bad? You missed the kosher deli, pal. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. Yeah, I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to be caught up in one of those. Is this a bad time to need some shrimp? He's at the meat counter during a match. Yeah, yeah. Rounds echoing.

Hey, I just needed a porterhouse. Just a nice, just a rump roast, if you will. Ah. Very quickly leaving Mark Norman and then approaching like guy in an Iranian bazaar who's about to rip you off of, like, a fake Adidas, like, tracksuit. Ah, looking to buy some... Very, very quickly entering, like, yeah,

like, weird Albanian, you know... It's a good noise to have in your repertoire. It is, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, ah, murder, suicide. You're like, yeah, you're like just a beat cop, like you're not a detective at all, even. And you're also just in real life. You come across like a family annihilation, like a Chris Benoit style. You're sitting there in the living room with all your cop buddies and they're like, guys are puking in the corner.

Oh, my God. You're like, ah, picking up like shell casings and shit. Like you're fucking deducing stuff. Ah, man, family annihilation, huh? Oh, holy cow. Talk about two mice raping me. Chief, I don't understand. Chief.

That's the turn of phrase I've never heard, and even if I had heard it, how would it pertain to this situation at all, sir? I know what they say. Two mice in your button one fucking your mouth my mark Norman if he got hit by a train whenever yes like a very lingering TBI ah talking about it talk about a Tom and Jerry scenario. He's sitting in Joe Rogan's podcast studio with Bert and Ari and Shane, and he's just got a big helmet on.

And they're like, yeah, yeah, comedy seller. It was crazy back in the day. Talk about getting fucked by a moose, right? Just getting absolutely destroyed by all types of zoo animals. Mm-hmm. Ah, talk about taking my skin off, putting it in you. Ah, batter up. Yeah.

Just, like, a phrase, again, that doesn't have anything to do with it. It's just, like, a soundboard. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, mid-sentence, like like when he would use, like, he's about to cut in with a zinger, but he's just like, ah, talking about baked potatoes. Yeah. Yeah, Shane's like, yeah, Mark was crushing in the green room.

You had some good ones in there, right? Uh-huh, rape a Nanking. Ah, yeah. Talk about eating underwear. Unit 731, Japanese torture camp. AI Mark Norman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, yeah, just all feeding through,

like what's left of his prefrontal lobe. Oh, man. Joe's like, you did a great job, fat man. Incredible. And, you know, Green Room's always a great hang. Ah! Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Korean War and all that.

You know, napalm. Napalm. Wikipedia page for napalm. History of napalm. I'm exploring AI Mark Norman in my mind mind now i'm reaching some places with it what type of places are you reaching bubba uh you know what they say yeah what do you call a black guy who flies a kite ah darren the uh all of the human noise like that.

And they're all like the A.I. is trying to figure it out. So they go on for like just a split second. Ah, yeah, yeah. Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Yeah, that chalupa will really get you. Yeah, it'll. Oh, man.

Yeah, I. Just kidding, Mark. If you're listening, I respect you. I just, you know, I'm a little, been a little down lately, you know, because I put a lot of my time and effort into helping out the democratic party and i don't know i've i feel like i feel like joe can only serve for like maybe three or four more terms and i have 16 more years well no the thing is because I put a lot of money on him winning, on him being the president for 50 years. Right, right, right.

And at the time I thought this is a good idea because he was only 16 when I made that bet. Oh, okay. That he would be 50-year president. And I bet a lot of moolah on it and basically if he doesn't win this next presidency and every one for the next um 46 years you have a 16 leg parlay for him to win the presidency he needs to win yeah 50 years presidents and And I guess my main worry is that if he loses before 2046, 2020, no, 50 years, 2076, 2066, when did he become president, 2020? Yeah. 2070. 2066. Mm-hmm. 20, when did he become president, 2020?

Yeah. 2070. Mm-hmm. Now, you may be wondering, Thomas, did it just take you maybe seven tries to add two numbers? And, yes, but in my defense, I kept changing the answers to what both of the numbers even were to begin with. Right. Correct. You know, so, you know, that does happen.

But yes, 2070, it's going to be rough because I bet my parents house. I bet other houses in the family. So you're playing the long game and really shooting for the moon for Biden to be 131 years old. I only put $640,000 total on it. But if it wins, if he wins 50 years, I will get $660,000. So that's $20,000 pure profit. $160,000. So that's $20,000 pure profit.

Well, that's the cool thing about betting is that making a smart bet like just thinking that any man will live to be 130 years old is smart business. You know, smart Brenda's making smart businesses. Yeah. So it used to tell me whenever we were younger. We were all younger then. Honestly, I've been thinking of a new business you might want to hear about. You know what, man? Yes.

I would love to hear about it. Well, it's an event More so than a product Oh is this the music festival You were telling me about In a way yes Okay It's gonna be called The Cap Olympics Okay

And it's basically gonna be The biggest cappers In the rap game Uh huh On social media Radio All that In an arena

And they're having a cap off Okay On social media, radio, all that. In an arena. And they're having a cap off. Okay. And whoever wins is really the loser. Okay, so basically like some sort of event that celebrates con artists, bullshitters, liars. Yeah, but whoever wins has to go to the real Olympics and be in every single sport, which they're going to be so tired of

by the end of the Olympics because there's over 15 Olympic events. Yeah. But yeah, the music thing, you were talking about adding to that, right? Yeah, I just thought it would be cool to have like... To do like an AI music festival. Like all the...

People would love that. Yeah, because I'm thinking they're already... I don't know if you saw the news today, but ChatGPT made a video one where it like produces HD video from text prompts. It's awesome. It's only going to mean really good stuff moving forward. But I thought it would be cool to take every genre of music

and produce just like a cacophony of different types of sounds. And every genre, but AI generated. So you have AI rap. You know, it's fucking one, two, three, two, four. I eat with my spork and I go to go to war and then it does that type of thing and then you know it has like AI rock and it does that for like 14 to 15 hours just that riff yeah and until most people there get very upset. Yeah.

A lot of that AI video stuff is not that useful because the only thing it ever really makes is just a video of me and 21 Savage 69ing. Yeah. What would you even use that for? For business? Yeah. I'm like, what would you even use that for? For business? You know? But I like your idea.

I think it has legs. Yeah. I like it when an idea has legs. Yeah, I like it when an idea has legs and arms and elbows and knees, too. It's mostly not going to make any money. It's going to be a massive sort of in the red style move for me. But I'm thinking about getting it on the ground floor with AI in general, investing in it. Making an AI, I guess, like Tulpa of me.

Just kind of like a carbon copy of me and get it to do my tasks. You have AI, Chinese AI Thomas. I don't know. I'm trying to think of what Chinese AI me. I'm trying to get in on that too uh chinese ai jake is buying an old die hot suit to fix up and he's fixing it up with only allen wrenches yeah yeah allen wrenches and then just like keyboard cleaner just it's yeah you put a you put a carp in your radiator every morning and then you warm it up when it's time for lunch. Yeah, like it's just a can that looks like brake cleaner, but it's just like a keyboard duster.

Just anything that resembles it. Yeah. Yeah, Chinese AI. Chinese AI Jake. Oh, I can't wait to go to my Thai class and do a kicking, wearing my little shorts and going ooh-wah downtown in my stinky van. Dude, I realize that thing doesn't have a catalytic converter on it. The guy told me I kind of forgot.

I was sitting in it earlier just chilling in it, which is fine to do in a car that has one. I was just hanging out in it, man. It's badass. You know, I'm sitting in the back just fucking listening to the sound system. And I was like, hmm. That's, uh. Yeah, you don't need those.

You don't need them. And I don't care if it's bad for the environment. I don't really care about the environment anymore. If I ever really did. I don't think I ever did. But, yeah. Yeah's it's rough especially if you also have a leak in your exhaust manifold by chance no i don't think it's one of those i think it's just no well if you get one they can be very enlightening yeah you could learn so much you can learn so much about sitting in your car.

You're the Oracle at Delphi. You're just sitting in the C10, like, getting high on fucking car signatures. There's something so captivating about my back fence. People from the DFW area view you as, like, a seer. Like, you're just sitting in the C10, like the Oracle. Guys will just come and knock on the window. You're just completely yellow, and they're like, My wife, she just got laid off off and i got laid off too we're trying to figure out can you tell us can you tell us oh great seer of fort worth when i'm gonna be able to get a job

again yeah you will be able to get um you're gonna get a job today. Really? Oh my god, that's so great. That's gonna pay amazing money. Wow, oh my god, wow, that's so, that's incredible, Sear. How did you, what job will I be doing? You will be doing, what's your favorite job? I guess if I had to choose, it would be actor. You'll be a professional actor, and you'll be the most famous actor in the world today.

You're just so high on gas, Beavis. It's just completely true. You are going to play. I start talking different. You are going to be very successful, and you must start by becoming strong. And you must start by becoming strong. Yeah, just completely. You're drunk, too.

Like, that's not a part of the scene. Yeah. Well, I think you should get a big hat like Abraham Lincoln. He was a nice boy. He used to come around here. He used to talk to me. I used to be his slave Well sir I don't think he owned slaves

Did he He didn't own slaves He was one You're talking to yourself In the car He wasn't one I don't think he was He was

He was spiritually one He was a He was a hot guy Trapped with a psycho, crazy, crazy Seroquel bitch. We've got an approximately 25-year-old man sitting in a C-10 telling people that he is the Oracle of Fort Worth, providing professional, legal, personal and relationship advice. Please advise. Over. Mary Todd

was Amy Schumer of her day and she happened to marry the Josh Berlin of her day and he had to fuck that pig every night or she'd kill herself. And you're telling me that's right?

I'm telling you you're going to go to Taco Bueno and they're going to give you a job for $100 million because you make the million dollar taco. Can't nobody else make it but you. You and my son Denny. He already started his own joint. It's called Denny's. You might have heard of it.

That's how we're millionaires. My son is Denny. Denny Grand Slam. And I'm Thomas Grand Slam. He's telling people that... It's not technically a legal survey. He's telling people that he son invented the Grand Slam and Denny's.

His son's name is Denny Grand Slam. Yeah, I'm not. We don't need to get SWAT out here, but I could see this turning sideways if someone does come and ask him about, you know, terrorist plots or something. Over. Denny Grand Slam, class 88, Porcupine High School.

Look at that, motherfuckers. He played baseball shortstop. He could kick the ball if he wanted to, but it wasers. He played baseball shortstop. He could kick the ball if he wanted to, but it was baseball. He didn't need to. He hit it. He hit it even from the outfield. He hit it back to the people. Oh, great. See, here I

I've been thinking about coming out to my parents, but I'm not sure how they're going to respond. I'm 25 years old and I've been struggling with my sexual and gender identity for quite some time. I just want to know if you could look into the future, sir, and see what my mom and dad are going to say and what they'll do when I tell them about who I really am. Well, it wasn't a choice you were born that way because your parents are both gay, too.

And that means your dad's sucking cock and your mom's eating pussy all day in the house. You think they're knitting and making cookies? Nope, they're sucking cock and eating pussy and they don't care. They don't want to they don't like it. Don't tell them ever.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Great Sierra. It's nice to know that not only are both my parents gay, but homosexuality is an inherited disease, sort of like celiacs or, you know, sickle cell. Yeah, or the sniffles. Sickle cell. Yeah, or the sniffles. He's telling local gay children that both their parents are gay, so they'll be fine when they come out to them.

We've been watching the truck now for about two weeks. Again, nothing really crazily illegal, but probably FBI is going to want to at least know what's going on because there are children involved. Oh, great. See, I've been thinking about, but having a lot of dark thoughts in my head and I just I just I just feel so much pain and I want to I want to share it with the world you know but I don't want to write a book or movie or an awful I'm

afraid to say it but I want to I want to hurt people I want to hurt a lot of people so it's great seer what would you say I should do if I'm in so much pain but I want to hurt people. I want to hurt a lot of people. So, Great Seer, what would you say I should do if I'm in so much pain? How should I share it with the world? Well, first of all, I'm really glad you're not going to write a novel. I think that's the worst thing somebody like you can do in this situation.

What I am going to say to you is this. What I'm going to say to you is this. I think that there's something very important about what you're looking into right now. And I think that somebody in your position could do really well working for my son. His name is Denny John Grand Slams. And he comes from a long line of Grand Slam. I'm Thomas Grand Slam. My pappy was

Baseball Grand Slam. Baseball Grand Slam. His daddy was Football Grand Slam. Football Grand Slam. Me and Denny's is the only... Denny's... I shouldn't have added the apostrophe and the S to his name looking back.

It really set him on a very singular path. But I think if you... What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Toby Tonka Truck, sir. Toby Tonka Truck. That's a beautiful name. It's almost what my daughter was named.

Instead, we named her Sexy Demon. Sexy Demon Grand Slam? Sexy Demon Grand Slam is my beautiful daughter. Sexy Demon Grand Slam? Sexy Demon Grand Slam is my beautiful daughter. So we sent in the agent, the FBI informant, to try and get the seer to set him up with some weapons and some guns to do a mass shooting. But the seer insisted, and this is when it gets a little confusing, fellas. Sorry, everybody at Langley.

This is going to be a hot one. He has a daughter, it turns out, named Sexy Demon Grand Slam. Doesn't really contribute much to our investigation of the Sierra Fort Worth. As it turns out, that Denny's Grand Slam is a long line of Grand Slams. There's baseball Grand Slam, there's football Grand Slam.

But, again, no crime really being committed here. We keep trying to set him up to do something bad, but, yeah, nothing going. So we're going to continue our investigation here. Oh, we got another person coming. Okay. All right. Bye.

Hello, son. Hey. This your pappy, Baseball Grand Slam? Hi. What you doing in the old C-10, son? Um, just getting warmed up. Are you breathing fumes again telling people in the neighborhood you can see the future? Yes, daddy.

neighborhood you can see the future yes daddy Thomas Grand slam what did I tell you about breathing in catalytic converter fumes and telling the beautiful people Fort Worth Texas that you can determine their futures and see the way that their lives will pan out like the Oracle of Delphi. You said it ain't no good, Pa. I did say that. Now, why would you disobey a direct order from your own father, Colonel Baseball Grand Slam? I'm sorry, Papa, Colonel Grandpa Baseball Slam Fam

It looks like Them fumes are starting To get to you boy So I I'll do my best Grandpa Papa Grandpa Dad

I'm not trying to Alarm you boy But I think for some reason Undetermined As of yet by me That the FBI And the CIA Have taken an interest Into your sin trying to alarm you, boy, but I think for some reason, undetermined as of yet by me, that the FBI and the CIA have taken an interest into your seeing. You may want to let them know that you are not capable of remote viewing or predicting the future. Rather, you are a man who is getting high off exhaust fumes and lying to people.

Well, Colonel, Dad, Grandpa, baseball, Grand Slam. If I'm being honest with you, I think a lot of it was just because I didn't really give a fuck. I don't want to be in here. But a lot of what was going on was, one of my feelings was when people would come up and they'd tell me how they feel. feelings was when people would come up and they tell me how they feel it made me think about all the people um from our hometown of grand slam idaho and how they made me feel growing up filled me with hatred and lies and i see and spreading dirt all over my name and telling people that i that i hunt wild geese and domestic geese,

and I don't hunt neither of those. And I never even saw a goose before I got here to Texas, so how could I be hunting them in Grand Slam when they don't even got geese there neither? I've never seen them there. So I had to collect my thoughts for a moment. So I had a frustration with people solely in the good grand slam name saying that you were hunting both wild and domestic geese in grand slam idaho even though everybody knows that the grand slam goose has been extinct now for 500 years

in order to pay back the pain that was inflicted on you in your youth, you sat in this truck and breathed in exhaust fumes and lied to people about the paths that they might take on this journey we call life. Is that correct, my son? Yes, Colonel. Colonel. Well, it is unfortunate that you have resorted to your old ways, son. And it is also unfortunate that this entire time we have been speaking, you have not cracked the window nor turned off the engine.

And I must remind you that I, Baseball Grand Slam, am a hallucination of your own making. I highly suggest that you at least crack the window or get out of the truck or you will die soon. Well, as they used to say, General Colonel Grandpa, baseball dad, Grand Slam, I'd rather be a hallucination of my own making than losing the action of him making.

So I think I've, i well what i'll probably end up doing is here and a little bit what i'll probably end up doing is i'll tell you what probably probably hearing a little bit what i'll probably end up doing is probably hearing a little bit ah chief we got a bad one now chief it's real bad it's real sad looks like a uh i got a bad one. Chief, it's real bad. It's real sad. Looks like a white male, long hair, 5 o'clock shadow, SpongeBob, quadruple XL t-shirt, Spider-Man, underoos.

Seems to have taken his own life, sir. Ah, Jesus Christ, how? He sat in the truck. Sat in an old C-10. Well, it's outside. I'm not quite sure how he died, but it looks like he breathed in exhaust fumes. And he shit himself in here quite a lot. And jacked off a bunch, too.

I'm dead, bro. This is my dick. It should be up. It looks like a dog's dick. We've got a kicker here. This guy ain't dead. I'm dead, but this is my dick. It should be up. It looks like a dog's dick. We've got a kicker here. This guy ain't dead. I'm dead. I ain't been dead.

It sucks. I'm so dead, it made my feet sweat a bunch. I ain't dying to make your feet sweat. Yeah, listen, man. Look, you are a medical anomaly. I hate dying it makes your feet sweat yeah listen man look you were a medical anomaly no one's ever been exposed to 36 straight hours

of carbon monoxide before without dying but you might want to get studied for science or something you know it could it could be some money

in it for you or something yeah I'm tooting the test soon I think tooting the test I gotta toot my I gotta toot the test soon, I think. Tuking the test. I got a tuk in my carbon monoxide exam. Yeah, I pass the flaming colors. I'm going to be one of the detectors.

I pass the flaming colors. I pass the flaming hot cheetos. I'm going to be one of the detectors. When I get older, I always wanted to be a smoke detective smoke detective I forgot if I was a smoke detective

I wouldn't ask for batteries and paper you get the C10 towed to the Fort Worth Police Department the Criminal

Investigations Division you get it you're in it when it's towed it just drops you off in the parking lot

you turn the engine on fucking sit in there and breathe for like 10 hours. Fucking cops come out. You just have a resume. It's just like blood, like spit, like red crayon. I just wanted to figure that'd be one. I just wanted to be one of those smoke detectors at my house.

I wish I could beep like that. I wish I could beep every five years. I wish I could. My dad says I'm good at detecting. I help him find his wallet. Yeah, he said I'm a good helper. Maybe the best. My daddy, Baseball Grand Slam Hallucination, said that I am the best finder in this side of the Western.

I want to work for the police department. I want to be one of the cars. Yeah. Well, son, you passed the physical fitness exam, which, hey, between you and me, ain't too fucking difficult. It says here, though, and this is just where I'm a little confused.

When asked about your ideal, we asked your ideal placement. You didn't put beat. You didn't want to get fast-tracked to homicide. You didn't want to work narco. It says you want to be one of the cars. Yeah, I want to be one of the short ones. I crowned Vic because they got bigger mouths.

I really like eating, sir. Yeah, I like eating. They're all jaw. And those, I don't know, I don't like the big cruisers because they got big booties. Well, son,

we can probably make dreams come true if you want to be a motor vehicle. We need all types of guys here at Fort Worth Police Department. How are the cops over there,

man? Are they good? They save people and shit? They mostly just kill homeless people, I think. Yeah, yeah, same here. I tell you the fucking dude, do they wear cowboy hats over there? Some of them do. A lot of them.

On Sunday, all of them wear cowboy hats. It's so gay. That's so awesome. And they fucking, and they only work, they just all like park at the mega churches to protect the mega churches. And they're all directing traffic and then they're in their fucking stupid cowboy hats. And their Oakley's on and everything And they're just looking all smug. That's awesome. I mean,

you guys are, I had, you know, a pivotal, you know, a pillar in the community, you know, and I respect them so much that it makes,

it makes blood come out of my mouth. How much I love them. I had a weird... And respect them. Weird moment at the gym the other day where... I guess they were doing some sort of, like, thing where they were, like, training local police or whatever. Nice. And there was...

Like, there was... It wasn't like they were learning shit for the academy. There was, like, three cops there. And I didn't know. They just looked... They were just guys. They didn't have the uniform. They were in workout clothes. And I overheard. I was like, oh there. And I didn't know. They just looked. They were just guys. They didn't have the uniform. They were in workout clothes.

And I overheard. I was like, oh, yeah, this is officer so-and-so, so-and-so. They're coming in to, you know, work out with us or whatever. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And, again, like, I never really knew a lot of cops. I lived next door to one for a long time. And, like, our families were friends or whatever. But I watched all three of those guys try to go through just like a fucking circuit.

And I was like, damn, it's really frustrating that they can kill us whenever they want. Because they can't even do like 10 burpees without... These guys were hurting. Now, I know some cops are in pretty good shape or whatever. Fine. Yeah. they can't even they can't even do like 10 burpees without like these guys were hurting now i know some cops are like in pretty good shape or whatever fine yeah but it made me mad i was looking at these guys and like you know they're and ones and they're fucking you know like every all three of them had some version of like one of them had the lion shirt and the lion is like the blue lives matter flag and then one just had like a like a texas state

shirt on but it had like the bar or whatever and they all just were they were wearing some form of like cop thing yeah and i was like i'm right now i'm not i'm looking at three police officers three officers of the peace i understand that they're cops because i know now based on context and from what i hear that they are cops right now there are three fat guys who I could beat the shit out of but it just it pisses me off to know that like look if you're gonna be if you can kill with impunity you gotta at least

be cool or you know what I mean like if it's fucked up that they like that video it's been making the rounds of the guy doing two somersaults and then mag dumping into a residential street because he heard an acorn fall in his cop car and he thought it was a silenced pistol yeah yeah yeah listen funny kind of but also like that it sucks that that guy could get got acquitted nothing nothing happened to him at all like it sucks that he could just kill he just can just

kill people whenever he wants like no problem you know what i mean yeah i mean so can you if you put your mind to it but you shouldn't no i mean i there are consequences i don't i'm not granted impunity or immunity whatever the fuck unity uh well you know nowadays cops don't have any rights it seems like jake i'm trying to work a new angle on this. Let me know what you think. Nowadays, did you know that cops aren't allowed to vote anymore? I thought that was fucked up when I learned that was a fact.

Yeah. They just vote for the county fair's best pie. And they think that's the presidential election. It's really sad. Very good. Yeah.

Yeah. They, a lot of write-ins for blueberry this year. A lot of write-ins for fucking bratwurst. Yeah. They think the red wave is just cherry pie. Yeah. So like a, like a big,

kind of like a town being overcome by like 80 000 gallons of big red in my head cops spend six hours a day in diners that seems to be the schedule yeah in the morning they go and they if they're old cops they go to like the old diner yeah they're new cops they go to whataburger or whatever or they'll say they they spend about three hours there and they have 30 minutes of driving around the town they do a loop see if they can kill a dog on their way to chipotle and then they spend around three hours there go unplug somebody's vitals at a hospital and walk back out yeah yeah, yeah. Do a pit turn to a pregnant mom. Just knock her fucking...

Yeah, steal a homeless guy's cane. His last fucking granola bar in his tent. Yeah. Then they just block off a road that isn't going to be worked on ever. And then they go to... And then they go to another restaurant, maybe a steakhouse. Maybe they go to Montana's for another six hours or so.

Now you're at 19 hours. Right. And then they return home and they eat chicken and dumplings for a couple hours. And then it's time for their next shift. It's crazy. Like in New York or big cities where they have like you know massive police budgets massive police forces whatever i think it was new york or chicago i forget but like the taxpayer was footing the bill for all the police overtime and it was like yeah them boys are like keeping you know they're keeping the riffraff out

of the fucking neighborhood you know what i mean and uh as it turns out that like like a huge chunk of the overtime was, yeah, just like sitting in the subway, like in the metro, like underground and just like eating donuts and cheese. It's fucking sneaking cigarettes and shit like eight, like just thousands of hours of taxpayer money. Like, yeah, no, I'm clocking in 80 hours this week protected. You know what I mean? Yeah, The best. There was like one guy. One year. There was only one guy who was like investigated. And he was clocked in for like 23 hours a day somehow. He like was clocked in for like the equivalent of like 362 days straight basically.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like we like. All right. This guy fucked up. The equivalent of like 362 days straight, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, we like, all right, this guy fucked up. How do you fuck up this bad? Like, how do you get that greedy? Like you are gambling that much to where you're like, fuck it. I'm going to clock in for a year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just see if literally I will be clocked in this entire year. You're getting 104 hours of OT Like time and a half Yeah Yeah a guy A guy who's like an entry level cop And he's making 600 grand a year

It's like 60 grand a month It's like Yeah Yeah yeah Got a new one on the way Yeah it's It's stupid If it wasn't so depressing

That like Whenever the fucking that video where the fucking guy pit turned that lady uh she's pregnant and had a kid in her car or something and he like pit maneuvered her like he turns his lights on she takes like 10 seconds to get over and he just like fucking hits her left wheel well it just sends her to the fucking moon and like obviously you know like the way that the internet works it's gonna reward stupidity and fucking mercurial bullshit and evil whatever yeah but like overwhelmingly in the comments was like when you get over, you need to get over immediately. Dude, I think she broke her arm.

One of her kids got his head all fucked up. Hey, listen, it's really sad that this guy just did a fucking John Wick move to this mother of two, but whenever you see those red and blues, you need to understand that you have two seconds to get over or you forfeit your right to live. Yeah, he should have probably chopped her legs yeah yeah exactly that's what all the guys like you better be lucky

yeah that could have gone way worse it's like how oh he should have made girl stew he should have he should have pulled the baby out and trafficked it to fuck to local pastors um yeah it's really fucking oh we didn't see the whole video so we didn't know what happened and trafficked it to local pastors. Yeah, it's really fucking... Oh, we didn't see the whole video, so we didn't know what happened. It's the whole video. It's just a guy, like, dumping round after round through a house window.

Well, we don't know what that guy was up to in there. He could be, you know, Mexican in there. He could be anything, you know. Yeah, he saw the ghost of George Floyd. Just like a cop in, like, Tuscaloosa. Yeah. Man, that'd be such a funny hallucination as a cop. You just hear the whisper, round two.

You hear, like, the Tekken, like, tag fight music. Well, I mean, like, the guy that Mac dumped, he did two Dark Souls, like, dodges, and then just was like, two things about that that were really funny to me. In the video, he starts making, like, live leak noises, and he's like, I'm hit, and he's like, you know, like, just, like, death noises or whatever. And he's not, he was not hit. Nothing was wrong with him at all. or whatever and he's not he was not hit he nothing was wrong with him at all uh second thing his partner saw him dump the clip and then she was like fuck it i gotta let the glock bark and she

dumps her clip in the general direction of the car um both of them acquitted uh both of them didn't do anything wrong um legally speaking or whatever what i think is funny is like I like to imagine he's making the death noises and saying he's hit because he knows like after you dump the magazine you're like okay pretty sure that was a squirrel but how do I come back from this like when you fuck up at work like you work in a restaurant you ring in the wrong food for the wrong table, you're like, I'll just tell the kitchen, and then I'll bring the food out, and I'll stagger it. We'll figure it out. You're, like, talking to the IA

board, and you're like, I got shot. The bullet disappeared in my body or whatever, you know? But it... I guess I heal, like, crazy fast. I guess I got, like, Wolverine powers. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are lucky that I'm on the force. As turns out i'm an x-man uh i'm fucking pretty strong too and i was glad i had two of the same shirt honestly i don't want to show you guys the wound because it's like next to my

nipple and that's gross yeah he's talking like a like a compulsive liar kid in junior high yeah yeah i got shot like 38 times but i don't want to show you the bullets yeah i don't want to well i think it was like a it was like some guy like dressed up as like a tiny squirrel it was like pretty common thing he just starts describing the plot of heat yeah yes sir yeah um i heard the rounds uh and you know i heard the rounds go off and i felt compelled um i felt i fear for my life so I began chasing mr. De Niro through the streets of downtown and that we met at a diner where we sort of talked it out and hashed it out as gentlemen and I ended up killing him you know but I was hit it was an acorn round yeah those guys was rock I was ultimately it was unfortunately

a Honduran migrant dressed up as a six inch tall squirrel game over yeah and he there were traces of fentanyl

around his mouth there was a uh the individual in question was a um we were looking for a a uh eight inch tall brown rodent possibly possibly high on fentanyl

and PCP over yes this is mr. squirrel you've called what are you some kind of detective look I've been clean off it like two years, all right? I'm just here to clear up some things that have been said about me. They bring the squirrel up on the stand for like the review board. Permission to tweet the witness is hostile, Your Honor.

Yeah, fuck that. Sir, sir, can you leave the acorn at your desk Please This is a real courtroom This isn't Alvin and the And the squirrels Yeah that guy Cheep cheep

That's the Spicy retort From the squirrel Oh you're translating for him Yep Yeah fuck that guy Yeah you shouldn't shoot spicy retort from the squirrel. Oh, you're translating for him. Yep. Yeah, fuck that guy. Yeah, you shouldn't shoot a bunch in the middle of the street. No, you should just shoot a little bit.

Yeah, you should shoot a little bit. Yeah. It's cool. I mean, how would cops feel if we just started killing them out in the streets like they deserve? You know? That would suck. Yeah, that would be... And that's why we're not going to do that.

Because I, I don't even own a gun. Because I'm a pacifist. I have knives, but they're barely sharp enough to cut potatoes. So I don't think I'm much of a danger to anybody. I, uh, you remember, like, in the beginning, or not the beginning, but, like, I guess right in the thick of thick of like the lockdown part of the pandemic whatever people were like um politicians have homes and addresses and you know guillotines only cost you know two hundred dollars but i was like fucking shut up dude like i get it man like these guys are fucking looting a burning building and they win and they win forever and they win forever, and you lose.

We all lose, and there's nothing you can do. You are not building a fucking chopping device. You don't have any knives at the house. You don't even have, like, a baseball bat. And you're going to chase down, you know, like, stockbrokers and financial guys and lobbyists and stuff. You're going toop their heads off french revolution style no you're not gonna do anything because nobody's gonna do anything we'll run around a little bit every now and then you know once a year confused burn some shit down you know fucking we'll throw a rock at andy no's head

and then he'll get a gofundme for like a quarter million dollars and whatever that's the end of it you know what i mean but if you are like downloading guillotine blueprints, you need to get a hobby or something. I don't know. Get a fucking... Start driving for Uber or some shit. I don't know, man. Yeah.

It's not happening. I built one, but I just use it for like bad vibes. You know what I mean? I use it to clip my toenails. My neighbor's son. Dude, it would be so funny? To, like, in clear view of your neighbors on all sides, like, just start building, like, a 20-foot tall, like, real one-to-one,

like, real size. Yeah, because you can, like, see through my fence pretty well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you could just, yeah. You also, you're doing. Oh, no, I'm building the, I'm actually building the playground. It's funny. The foundation looks like this, like a giant blade. But it's for putting a slide.

You also don't stop doing the things that you do normally, which is climb the tree, deadlift on a concrete slab, look at the truck, you know, pull weeds out. And then also you're building like a 25-foot tall, like 10-feet wide guillotine like yeah i still have like just like broken pallets like all around the yard nothing has changed about the setting itself but it's like a perfect like you know you get stained oak guillotine from like the fucking yeah you know yeah like the the piece of steel weighs like 200 pounds like pounds. Like, it's huge.

Yeah. And they never see how the materials get in. They're just there. They just, yeah. They wake up one morning as the rooster crows, and then fucking, you've just got, like, a beautiful, like, it's sparkling in the sun. Just sitting there next, right next to the tree. You're out there deadlifting and just looking at it.

Oh, Thomas. Yeah. I didn't know. How long have you been building the guillotine? It's not important. You just don't ever reference it. I don't. Guillotine?

I don't have one of those. There's just like 15 to 20 goat carcasses surrounding it. Chickens, local neighborhood cats, all the strays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is my project. This is just something I do. It's for school. You start going... It's for...

It's my school project. I re-enrolled back in community college. I'm in high school. I'm a high schooler. You should start going to... That's what I do. You should do that and start going to Central Market wearing a big black executioner's hood and apron.

That's it. I was thinking the other day, I wonder how much executioners made back in the day money-wise. If they got paid per execution, like a UFC ref, or if they got paid just a salary type thing. Yeah. Because I would feel like I would want to get paid by the execution. Yeah, like a freelancer. Because like well, you know, you think about it

you might have a week where you don't execute anybody. I don't want to get paid the same on I mean, I want to still get paid but imagine you have to kill 50 people in a week and you make the same as you did in a week where you killed three people. So you're basically saying you do not want to be an executioner on salary. You would like to be a per project. I would like to get commission or something or like maybe a payout where it's like, yeah, I get a base salary plus bonuses for the kills.

Okay, all right. If you can get the guy's head off in one swoop, you get like a... I just mean like maybe an extra 200 bucks per execution. Is that too much? I don't think so. That's too much. I don't think so. No, I mean, look, you are, in a way, an executioner, like, you have a direct line to nobility.

You yourself are a savage. You're a brute, right? You kind of exist in the same world as the jester, where, like, the jester's job is to entertain the court. They are low. They're an artist, so they're low in society, but they have a direct line of communication to nobility. society but they have a direct line of communication to nobility as the executioner you're kind of like in that same ballpark where like you get to talk to the king oh hey what's up king like he's like i have more subjects for execution for you and you're like oh sick i can get work today i need the money really bad i'm trying to buy a fucking new ox or whatever the shit like you

you talk to the guy you know what i mean so i just googled how much did executioners get paid and then zip recruiter pulls up as of as of february 2024 the average hourly pay for an executioner in the united states is 26 30 for an hour what the fuck does that mean is this a different job it's talking about? This doesn't make any sense at all. It's got to be one of those AI responses, dude. You know what I mean? You know what?

I bet this is like a tech thing. Oh, like a... Because... I don't know. You know what? But the average salaries are not looking super high. You know? Because I saw it.

Well, at first I saw the highest salary was in San Jose, and then I realized, well, San Jose has the highest salaries for everything. Well, I was going to say, like, ZipRecruiter. And the next city down is weird. It's Jackson, Wyoming. There's a lot of tech people who live out there. It's Jackson, Wyoming. There's a lot of tech people who live out there. It's like the side house area.

You know what I mean? Like where you go, I guess. Oh my God. Yes, I just got some good information. Thank you, Oklahoma. Thank you,

deathpenaltyinfo.org. Mm-hmm. Oklahoma is paying execution doctor $15,000 plus training fees for each execution. Dude, that is a fucking... Assuming you're also a normal-ass doctor. Actually, I don't know. That's against the Hippocratic Oath, possibly. You can't be a killer and also, like, delivering babies.

I mean, I guess you could. $15,000 to smoke a motherfucker? That is not that's so apparently the doctor is unnamed yeah no they have to so they can still yeah so dude imagine a guy who like prescribes you amoxicillin also like just fucking like twice a year for side cash just it's just straight lethally injecting guys so apparently this is 2022 but oklahoma was paying this doctor basically 130 grand for like i guess like six months um a 19 week period um in which which they executed seven people.

That's crazy. So they get $1,000 for each day of training plus $15,000 per execution. Now I will say thinking about it now you can do a

surgery you know probably even thinking about it now, you can do a surgery, you know? Yeah. Probably even in, if you're a surgeon, I don't know if this guy was a surgeon. Probably not.

You know? You don't need to have a, you don't need to be a surgeon to do lethal injections. But, and I know, you know, surgeons, that's a little different,

but $15,000 in medical terms is not that much money, now that I think about it. Now, the doctor himself getting $15,000 per, you know, that's something, but, dude, lethally injecting seven people would be kind of crazy. Yeah, yes, of course seven people would be kind of crazy. Yeah. Yes, of course. It would be nuts. And then, like, you have a new... You know, like, when your buddy gets a new truck,

and you're like, damn, fucking... Evan must be crushing it at work. Oh, he got that sales job. That's right. This cocksucker shows up. He pulls in a jet ski. You know what I mean? Like, into the neighborhood on a trailer.

You're like, ah, Richard must be doing good. He must have started killing motherfuckers. He must have gotten a lot of fucking death notes more execution patients I guess my question though is like I know I know that people who work in them now because of like medical ethics and the industry and like being in the south like the death penalty is its own multimillion dollar industry or whatever. I'm kind of thinking like fucking Dark Ages guys. You know what I mean? Like they were like, it's impossible to know. Actually, hold on.

Executioners. Or executioners. Executioners. Or executioners. So apparently Missouri had a big issue in like 2016 because it turned out they were paying everybody involved in executions with cash and not doing 1099s on them. That is awesome. And it was like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Life and fate of executioners in the Middle Ages. Here we go. The opinion about life and performance. uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm going to be to be.. at, it was just sort of understood that you were going to go to hell. So, like, you're good at your job, you can't buy anything with all the money you make, and then the church is like, dude, you're fucked. Unofficial earnings of executioners. Initially, according to tradition,

the executioner got the things of the convict below the waist, and only later. The executioners were allowed to take all the clothes of the convict below the waist, and only later. The executioners were allowed to take all the clothes of the executed. Maybe I didn't really want to wear it, but it was always possible to sell it at a profit for lovers of various rituals. Sounds like a horrible joke. It was difficult for the executioner to retire. He had no right to leave the profession just like that. It was necessary to give the city a replacement in such an obscure craft it's good if there was a son prepared for it god damn imagine imagine preparing your son to

just cut guys heads off otherwise you had to look for an apprentice on the side and even then learn the craft for several years plus the possibility of independent professional activity for candidate for a shoulder master appeared only after the creation of a masterpiece uh oh i think this was written by ai dude this is just straight gibberish uh oh oh here's a good one this actually looks pretty well researched i'm excited to read this uh hold on this for real did an executioner make a good living in the medieval world what kind of training would you need for such a profession how busy could the executioner expect to be executed in the medieval world world, executioners were often considered social outcasts and faced stigma due to the nature of their profession.

Their income varied on the region and the time period, but they were typically compensated by the state or local authorities for their services. Their income could be relatively good, but it came with the social cost of being shunned by society. This is just like podcasting. Yeah, I was going to say, it's kind of like being a police officer.

Dude, somebody asked on Quora, was being an executioner a good job back in the day? Did you get a black hood or did you have to make your own? I love it when people on there are five years old. Yes, very clearly just like, yes, like 11 years old. That's awesome. That's so sick. Was being an executioner a headman in medieval ages?

Full-time R slash ass custodians. What were the usual duties? It was a position that was usually paid well. Yeah, social outcasts, no one would take your money. In some cities, part of the executioner's job was taking spiritual responsibility for the killings from the people who actually passed the death sentence. That's so badass. It's like, hey, hey buddy you gotta go to

hell for me sorry uh they could this led to the creation of dynastic families of executioners that's so sick because god people didn't want to get into it because the money was good but you knew you were going to hell so families would just you know like would do it just, you know, like, would do it. You would, you know. That's pretty sick, dude. Like, you're a social outcast. You got big ass cheese. You got great money, you know. And all you got to do is just fucking kill, like.

In those times when you could get executed for, like, petting a sheep or, like, looking at a knight wrong, you're probably killing like 1,000 guys a year. Do you think? Apparently, in the Ottoman Empire, only Romani people could be executioners, and that was true for the entirety of the Ottoman Empire. That is so badass. Until after the abolition of capital punishment, basically. Oh.

As long as Turkey had capital punishment for its entire history, only Romani people could be executioners. I'm reading some other interesting stuff. The job was actually offered to condemn criminals in many places who could then escape their own execution by executing others. It's like snitch jacking. It's like ratting your buddies out. Executioners would even form deeper connections

with the criminal elements of a city, either because of their former backgrounds or because they were shunned by the more decent parts of a society and become involved in various criminal acts. Other than killing people, many executioners were also responsible for other gruesome acts such as torture.

Additionally, it was not uncommon for either the executioner himself or his wife to be responsible for the management of all city brothels, another necessary evil in most medieval cities. So you're cutting dudes' heads off, you're cutting dudes' dicks off, and your old lady is like, alright, we gotta start running women out of the back of the house just for a little extra scratch. And I'm going to hell. Dude, God damn. That is so awesome. Yeah.

I like that in France and Britain, it seems that there were a couple of like hangman dynasties. Yes, that's what I was reading, too. That's cool. I would like to make my son do that, but I wouldn't do it. I would just make my family do it. It's funny. I would say, all right, this is new family trade

starting with you. We kill people with axes. So enjoy. I can't. I have arthritis already, but if I was was your age that's what i'd be doing people say trade school people say university i say be an executioner you know bring it back oh shit thomas so you'll enjoy this this i guess this this kind of this does go into what you were saying but maybe not what you're expecting the job didn't pay that well this is for hangmen not axemen and this is guys who work the gallows

job didn't pay that well it was per execution rather than salaried he also worked uh in a grocery store initially the pay was one and a half guineas per execution which i don't know what the fuck a guinea is i think it's a currency in like old England. Plus the same again a week later if all went well. What does that mean? If the guy fucking died normally? They also typically receive traveling expenses. The fee increased when people were promoted to chief executioner, but it wasn't that much, about double.

Let's see here. Albert Pierre Point was a British executioner from 1932 to 1956 when he resigned, almost the last but not quite. He hung 435 people in his time. Jesus Christ. God damn, man. These guys had sick-ass lives. Yeah, imagine what you do in retirement after that yeah after killing like a thousand guys

with like ropes and axes and fucking fire like arrows like torture all right i am it is margarita o'clock yeah time to hit the fucking greens boys I have killed a thousand men in 20 years. Now, you're not going to believe this. You are my 500th kill. And it looks like it's time for a couple of twisted T's. Imagine that house. Just the kind of, you know, the broken home that is the dad's executioner. The son is going to be one soon.

And then the wife runs a fucking brothel. How was work, honey? It was good. I killed 50 people. How was it for you? It was good. Everybody got horrible venereal disease and died. It was wonderful, honey.

We had so many women shipped in from the Orient. So we'll have plenty of new customers. That's great. A gentleman came in today and he said, oh, does it cost extra to have a fresh bath drawn? I said, oh, did you just land on the island? Oh, that's so funny. I killed a hundred men who hadn't even seen trial.

Oh, you know, a man came in from Scotland and he asked if it would cost extra if he could remove one of the women's feet. And I said, of course, but, you know, anything goes here in the city of Broadville. How about you, darling? It was good.

As a prank, there's this new guy, and we hung his dog and his whole family. Yeah, they're doing like blue collar pranks, you know, but it's also like we hung is we hung Mike's lunch. It was silly. We took a picture of it. The type of shit that's funny to like guys who kill people for a living. You know, also like a thousand years ago when there just wasn't really laws and stuff. Yeah. You know, we they all talk like we're out there we're out there in the killing fields and we thought we'd play a play a prank on luke so we uh we hung his son we hung his son from the

gallows we didn't let him die or nothing but he definitely gonna walk funny but we hung his son and uh yeah he was his son was heavier than i thought honestly yeah we his neck did break but like barely yeah yeah we we took his first born daughter and we buried her alive he did not yeah we he didn't think that was funny at all we ate his horse while he was using the the latrine all of us are hopelessly and profoundly mentally sick due to the nature of our profession so we took luke's uh we took luke's wife and two of his boys and we drowned him in a peat bog oh man he's he was not tickled pink about that i tell you i tell you he's red behind the ears he heard us talking about it he was crying because he said

who could have done this and we we all said it was it was us we killed your whole family you fucking piece of shit and oh man he's so upset he went and told the king. As it turns out, you know, King's my uncle. So we fucking killed him, too. You know, killed his uncle and his cousins. We cut their legs off and their balls off. It's just. Yeah.

I had this one guy who was a real piece of work. I put the rope around his neck, and he said, this is scratchy. And I said, I don't fucking. Okay. And so he went to a different one he said that was much better um and uh and then the funniest thing happened um i there was one guy i forgot to tie up and i just dropped him and he just freaking ran off i was just laughing so hard, I just let him go.

Like the executioner's, like, hand. Like the green guy, you know, on the fuckin' Man, I mean, we got a new apprentice out here, you know. We were showing him how to chop guys' heads off. This motherfucker don't know his ass from his elbow, I tell you what. He picked the axe up, and he just cut the guy's butt cheeks off. I didn't know, I couldn't tell you why. I said, get the head out. He said, yes, just cut the guy's butt cheeks off. I couldn't tell you why. I said, get the head out.

He said, yes, sir. He just cut his butt right off. Slash. Yeah. It took about 40 swings to kill that guy. And even the guy who was getting killed was laughing so hard. At this point, he's just frustrated. You know what I mean?

Yeah, he said, please, God, get it over with. I got places to be. Please stop. Please just make it. He was crying, he said, please, God, get it over with. I got places to be. Please stop. Please just make – He was crying, you know, begging and stuff, gurgling. He had the top of his head chopped off, and you could see his brain. It looked like a hamburger. He was locked up twitching like a dead bird.

I mean, it was so funny. We were throwing acorns in his brain and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, just silly stuff like that it was so funny i was uh i was a little bit hung over the other day and i i went to cut a lady's head off and i swung with the wrong side and i just broke her neck and she just flopped like a like a dead snake she's drooling and pissing on herself i mean it was yeah so I just rolled a big boulder onto her. Just like... Like she was a roly-poly.

Like six 300-pound guys in, like, very hillside-y, like, gray England, and they're all wearing Carhartt, like, bootcut Levi's, with, like, black hoods on their head. I let this guy... I think he was from uh middle east or something i i threw a zen in his lip before we killed him it was so funny he

said i really should have tried these earlier i said yeah you should you're getting killed now and yeah you know it was just a little laugh we had oh man you know i'm lucky to get i'm lucky to get OT. Oh, shit, you're getting OT? Yeah, I mean, I got a pigeon that dropped a letter off through my window. And, you know them kings, you know them foremen. Yeah, I got an extra guinea here and there doesn't hurt. They want me to kill an entire caravan of traveling Irish gypsies.

Oldest one's 19. Now, why, I couldn't tell you, but they're going to give me the equivalent in U.S. dollars of a penny per scalp. And, boy, that's money I can't pay set. You know what I mean? I'll tell you what, I can't tell when we kill Irish people because they're so red to begin with. I really don't know if they even choke. I don't know if they could feel.

They have such bad gout. The rope goes away when I put it around their neck. I don't even know. But, yeah. I've been thinking about quitting because I've really gotten tired of the hangman stuff. I think what I really like is the black rope. Just classic fundamental uh killing yeah i was gonna say like they uh they're like talking shit about the druids in the same way like

you know people like oh you weren't carhartt you don't even work hard this like the wizards like the fucking britain colonies them boys got them black cloaks on all they they don't even do no hard work they don't even cut guys' feet off. They just sit in their room and smoke their pipe and do their spells. Pray to their fucking tree god. Yeah, they don't know

nothing about how it used to be. About how a man used to be able to make it on his own being an executioner. Yeah, a man used to... Now it's all flair.

It's all fucking smoke bombs and spells and shit and fucking chants. Oh, nice robe. You ever kill a man with those soft-ass hands, you druid pussy bitch? What are you going to do, chant me to death? I got an axe, motherfucker.

It's got two sides. How many sides do your fucking spell have, you fucking gay loser? Fucking homo. I'm an executioner. I got a fucking big-ass axe in my F-150. Carrying headless bodies around like Hilford Shire and just a fucking king ranch. Oh, god damn it.

Listen, if you're listening to this That means that you Listen to the show Thanks Yes thank you for listening Yeah And if you like this Head over to our Patreon

At patreon.com Slash pendejo time Five dollars a month Gets you A bonus episode every week as well as access to our discord which if you joined uh as a sub this month and you didn't get uh an email invite for the discord or whatever um just let us know on the patreon yeah yeah. I pinned it up to the top. $10 a month gets you a bonus video episode every month. Yes, sir.

And we've got a few free video episodes up. If you'd like to see how those are before you commit to the $10 a month. But either way, thank you for listening. We love you. Jake, you got anything to plug or anything? Hell no. I'm going to go sit in my fucking new cool-ass van and get fucking... Hell yeah. Go check out Jake's van

on Twitter. It's sick as fuck. It's so awesome. I'm going to blow it up. Bye. I'm going to make it fucking hot.