Pendejo Time - Green M&M, Je T'Aime [Feat Mike Recine]

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

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Yeah, big, big time, big time. I want to be fucking, dude. I want to. I think I want to be Jamaican. I still want to be white. I was just thinking about this before we started. I saw another Chet Hanks video. And I thought, man, he seems like his life's doing pretty good. I mean, I know his dad's super rich and he has like an easy ass life. And so that probably contributes to his level of happiness. But just white Jamaican guys seem like they're doing pretty good. Just who's the guy, the guy that raps? He's like a white guy and he raps about how he leaves the pussy red or something

macklemore like he's fucking crushing it huh macklemore mack yeah yeah yeah macklemore jamaican macklemore um yeah i really wanted to really want to make that transition and i feel like it's not it's's not like doing Ave. You know what I mean? People. Yeah. Yeah. White people, too.

You know. Yeah. I think, Thomas, you can weigh in on this. You got fucking island. Yeah. It's kind of like being Cajun. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. It's like it just it doesn't make you you're not appropriating anything because it's a gross thing that you're doing. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's just by, yeah. You know, it's, that's, you know, some people don't know how to talk right.

And that's okay. They're still learning. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're learning well into their mid, like, 50s and 60s. Yeah, I wonder if there's any Cajun people in, Massachusetts and they just they don't fit in their whole life and then they go. Yeah, they did a Tom Cruise somersault off the train down to Louisiana

and just made a life for themselves somewhere. Yeah. I always, whenever like this happens like once every few months where it's a video of a white person from the south and I don't mean like from like you know houston or i'm talking like mississippi or whatever like deep louisiana south that video

goes viral and they're like at a restaurant or something they're like on the bus and they're like yeah it's my favorite type of shit right here this is etouffee this is my favorite and then and every all the comments are like wow when you start talking like that and i immediately have to be like dude there's just like like below missouri half the white guys just talk like that like when i when i go to new york and i use like you'll come across a white dude who's just got the sickest fade you've ever seen in your life yeah his shit's just edged up beyond belief and he's like yeah, yeah, it's not fucking. And you're like, oh, yeah, that's what we got those down here. You know what I mean? It's not like an adopted thing.

It's just like, man, this guy just was born with a drip. You can't hate him. Does he say the N word? Maybe, maybe, you know, Mike. Mike, did you ever want to be a black guy growing up? I probably went through a couple of phases. I definitely went through like a guido phase in college where I was like lifting weights and using spray tan and wearing polo shirts. And I think I went through.

Did you ever pop the collar? I don't think I ever popped the collar, but I went to my friends. I had this friend who was from like Dominica and he had this, his dad knew this barber. like Dominica, and his dad knew this barber. We went to his barber, and this guy spent maybe an hour and a half on my hair, just giving me a line and blending the sideburns down into a little pencil-thin beard and mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably the best haircut I've ever gotten. It's awesome when you sit down somewhere and you don't give them any instructions.

They give you the most popular guy hair in austin the most popular haircut for like 10 years was the hitler youth like cristiano ronaldo like just the the fade up top and then like the long side swoop and if you sat down like there's a place called birds here in austin and um they like serve you beer while you're getting your haircut it's like 50 for like a 10 minute haircut. It's just, it's, but they have a monopoly on all the haircut places. And, um, you sit down and you're like, yeah, I just want to trim. And then you just leave looking like fucking Himmler. There's no, they're like, Hey, how does that look? And you're like, I look like a European rapist.

I didn't want this, but every man in this city has this right now from like 2011 to like honestly like maybe a few years ago um but i'm yeah i guess that's the new york version you get to like i work at at&t and beat my girlfriend like pencil like connecting the sideburns to the chin strap that's sick yeah it was great it definitely like wasn't me like it wasn't right for me but i was like this is one of the best haircuts i've ever i've ever gotten i like how you're like hey man i'm not this isn't but hey you did a great job yeah i am mad about this yeah yeah yeah but it is a sick cut yeah i was like i'm gonna i look puerto rican and i'll just pretend i'm puerto rican for like a couple weeks until it grows. Yeah. Until it grows. Yeah. Yeah. The pencil connector is sick because that. Doing that.

Makes you look like your Abe Lincoln. You're having that like. You. I feel like it makes you walk different. I don't. I have no way of knowing because I don't have facial hair. I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. But I would love to see Thomas.

I'd love to see you get one and just see if anything changes about you. You know what I mean? Just see if you start moving different. I start leaning back when I drive. Yeah. Just a little bit. Yeah. You start talking a little slower.

The dickies get a little baggier. Yeah, yeah. And I hate to say it, but I think that was the only time I got a good haircut at a black barbershop. Because I've gone a few more times. And it's like they always kind of cut your hair into like a square shape. Yeah, it helps if you don't throw a rock through the window. Yeah, sure. I get what you mean, Mike.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it all right you're right hey hey motherfucker yeah now who wants to cut my hair yeah yeah yeah it helps if you're not goose stepping into the fucking bobby show sure sure sure well i yeah it's the same it was the same in houston where it's like like when i went when i would go back home to visit family um i think it was a major city thing i don't know like i feel there was a pretty good chunk of time where every major city was just giving guys if you wanted short hair and you didn't specify

otherwise you just got the hitler youth and that was the white barber shops but i one time i went to a hispanic like just like a place by my house in south my old house in south houston and i was probably like 19 and they just edged my shit up they didn't know nice they shaved my head and they started to do it like and i was like just shave it man like i don't need my have my shit edged up i'm not this is not but having that as your default go-to is so sick yeah like your your your haircut options are fucking third reich like leading schutzstaffel or just tall t like i work at National Tire and Battery. Yeah. You know, child support, so on and so forth. Yeah.

White guys who want to be black always smell so good, too. That's a good point, yeah. No, like, they got that smell good on them. Yeah, I mean, that's a— I was at a Toyota dealership last year, and I almost leaned in and, like, got a whiff of a dicksnake. Because he looked like paul wall but like well he he was basically paul wall um i was kidding i think of a difference he was essentially paul wall um just if he had a 200 grill instead of 200 000 um but yeah i respect

i respect that uh demographic a lot i feel like they feel like they do a lot of good in the, like, body shop community, you know, and in the AutoZone community. They hold it down, you know. They breed a lot of pit bulls. So they do, you know, that's got to be a net positive, right? Yeah. You know, that's got to be a net positive, right? Yeah.

They, at least from where I'm from, they love to get married to, like, really mean and really big Latino women. I think they need that. And I don't mean that to be rude, like, oh, that's not nice to say about those ladies. No, just because they're all fat doesn't mean you can say that. No, I mean, like, they specifically, these guys get in a lot of trouble, especially in their younger days. So they need like 180-pound, like 4'11", like Guatemalan wife.

You know what I mean? They have to have it. Like they, of course they love her, and they'll do anything. They'll work 60 hours at Jiffy Lube to make it work. But they need the corazón. They'll work 60 hours at Jiffy Lube to make it work. But they need the corazón. They need the fucking... They need the anger. Because otherwise, they're like rabid dogs.

They would just run the streets. They marry the women who are always returning groceries at CVS. Like the fruit? Yeah, yeah. I got stuck behind this lady for fucking 30 minutes the other day because she was returning like three different kinds of shampoo. And then she was also buying like six cases of Coke Zero. Like, I'm going to fucking blow you up, dude.

It's so annoying. Fucking, oh, I'm glad you got the fucking $13 back. I know you're going to spend all that money on fucking coke. Does that mean she tried the shampoo? I don't know. I didn't ask her. But it was tough. It was tough.

Yeah. And also somehow at that Walgreens, there was no ability to scan anything. So they were typing this woman's everything one letter at a time all beautiful address and everything and i was just thinking like man i would rather i think i would rather publicly kill myself than then return shampoo if i don't like a shampoo i'll just throw it away and i don't have money i just i don't want to go back well it's the time it takes you to go back to the store and you know yeah you could be you could be on your grind set in that time yeah yeah it's a wasted wasted potential wasted energy wasted like 13 bucks

i can make that in two hours yeah exactly right and it's gonna take two and a half to walk to the cvs yeah yeah yeah getting married to a lady that just like And it's going to take two and a half to walk to the CVS. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Getting married to a lady that just like, like has to throw stuff at you. So you don't like eat Xanax and like eat too many hot dogs is, is really, I think I was really drastically close to probably being that. I think personally speaking, I can't speak for you you guys but just having to have almost like a like a guard dog but not protecting me from things really just from you know

like wearing big ass t-shirts from yourself holes in the wall stuff like that yeah yeah yeah shit like that dude getting dumped by a girl and then she gets really fat no offense is so you're like wow like it's crazy just like how things work out sometimes like you know i'm not saying like there's nothing wrong with it but like when you look back and you're like dude that like it's almost like like when seth mccarland talks about like yeah i was like i was supposed to be on that plane you know what i mean it's like damn like if i was on that plane i was on that plane you know and we'd go down you know our side would probably tip our side would probably tip over first you know what i mean but if we go down we go down but i wasn't there you might miss the tower on the first

for me yeah yeah be counterbalanced yeah i fucking yeah i like really there was like there's like only so many i feel like types of white dude you can be that's a good point yeah like having you get there's a critical moment i feel like in every young man's life where you're like all right am i gonna be like wigger am i gonna be like um am i gonna read like a book you know am i gonna be into like movies you know like am i gonna be like um am i gonna read like a book you know am i gonna be into like movies you know like am i gonna be into uh you know or am i gonna be like a serial killer right you know right be like a really bad person yeah you try on different identities yeah for sure and it starts around the time i feel like that you start jacking off okay i i don't i don't i don't know i this is

not necessarily my own personal experience i feel't i don't i don't know i this is not necessarily my own personal experience i feel like i had a conversation with my roommates where i was like have you ever like pretended to be into something because a girl that you like want to have sex with is into it and they're like yeah like in high school and i was like okay yeah so it's not like a girl's like i really like fucking across the universe and the Beatles. I think both of those things suck. But I remember very being like, dude, I fucking Paul is awesome. And Ringo got to love him, dude. And fucking John Lennon.

And what the other one? They're my best friends. Do you think there's any like late in life wiggers? Like someone realized they're a wigger when they're like 55. Those guys to me. You wait until your kids are out of the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the same way certain couples join sex clubs, you start walking with a limp a little bit.

Yeah, or what's that show Transparent where Jeffrey Tambor realizes that he's a woman when he's older? But what if we did that show but it's just like the dad realizes he's a wigger he starts listening to like wu-tang clan and shit and yeah yeah all of a sudden there's like spinners on the cadillac and they're like what yeah spinners on the van yeah the fucking king ranch i feel like old like like all of a sudden his smoke detectors start going off. This has been who I am my whole life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they go to Thanksgiving.

He's like, I know y'all like candied yams. You're like, what? Yo. Yeah. He starts actually barbecuing well for the first time in his life. Son comes back from college and he's like, yo, there's Henny in the fridge. And you're like, what? Dad, you were always a Bud Light guy. I don't understand.

That'd be pretty cool. Dad, are we going to the beach this summer? The beach? No. Hell no. Hell no. Yeah, that's awesome. I think because of the age, like any – The guy who starts being scared of dogs in his 50s.

That's really funny. Yeah. That's who you got to worry about when you take your dog out in public. I remember one time I took my dog to Home Depot and this older employee got very nervous. He was like, sir, I don't do too well with dogs. Because this one rapes people. Yeah.

I like what that implies. That guy doesn't have... He has personal grievances. You know what I mean? I just don't. We don't get along. It's not his fault yeah they just make me violent i like killing them the idea of like a gen x older boomer guy i guess because rap wasn't around like there was rap but it was like you know putting on my shoes and taking the bus and then smoking some funny stuff

with my friends the closest thing i could say to like a boomer wigger would probably be like the steely dan guy you know what i mean like the one that's let donald fagan like you are like a profoundly like kind of a new york cool beatnik jewish guy and you're like i'm just gonna make like funk, pop. But had he been alive, had he been my age, I would have loved to see what kind of trap music he could have made, what kind of experimental trap metal. Yep. Most of the types of white guy kind of suck too.

It's like, oh, you want to be like a blue collar guy Who loves his job Right Or like a blue collar guy who hates his job Right Or like a blue collar guy who like He really cares about like one Like NASCAR or something

You know It's like oh yeah I really like fucking I make model airplanes or something Right It's like that's stupid Right That's fucking Fuck you You can be blue collar, white collar Like, oh, yeah, I really like fucking, I make model airplanes or something. It's like, that's stupid. Right. That's fucking, fuck you. You can be blue collar, white collar, or you can be a Civil War reenactor.

Those are like the three choices. Yeah. I feel like the best, like, if you want to be a good dad, you have to be like one of the boring guys. Like, you have to be a model plane guy. Yeah, I think I agree with you. Or like a reenactor. Because all of my dad's friends were funny and they had great stories and uh they were fun to party with but they were also terrible fathers

and terrible husbands and huge pieces of shit and all my friends that had really good dads their parents were still married their dad spoke like two words a month yeah and then they they were really into like woodworking and they were like i think you can have as much lemonade as you want yeah so you know if you want to like be like worth a fuck i feel like it's important to just be as like bland as humanly possible i think that's a good point because for me right now like it like it feels like doing anything fun would be kind of silly you know like staying out past 11 would just be a silly thing for me to do yeah yeah yeah that's like you're like my that's not what am i yeah what am i young stallion yeah yeah right right i'm like i don't want to get raped

yeah i gotta protect i gotta protect me i gotta for me. Yeah. Having any sort of like under, yeah, having any hobby that could be even be perceived as cool past a certain age. Thomas and I have joked about this before where it's like, oh, you're getting into photography at 48. Like, that's cool. You should always chase your dreams, but there's certain ones that carry with it like a connotation. You know what I mean? Like, oh ones that carry with it like a connotation. You know what I mean? Like,

Oh, you're getting into like burlesque at like, you know, like at 53, you're getting, you know what I mean? Well, like there's something weird going on.

Yeah. Like it's born out of like, not necessarily arrested development, but like, uh, yeah, maybe to the, to the point of the,

like the guy who wants to be a cool, like to be a cool wigger guy. Like, Oh, maybe to the point of, like, the guy who wants to be a cool wigger guy. Like, oh, I want to be a guy who takes pictures of girls in the bathtub. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. Like, cool boudoir. Right, right, right. I want to do boudoir. Right.

Some guy who's like, you know what? I just want to take pictures of kids. Yeah. Everybody's like, everybody's not really paying attention. They're like, that's good, Jeff. It's good to have hobbies. Yeah jeff yeah i really want to tell you i've been thinking about taking pictures of schools you know what i mean just i remember i had a co-worker uh at this warehouse i worked at and he was from uh honduras or something and he barely spoke but like we were chill he would like tell me

about his big ass vape mods and stuff he would get and he was like, we were chill. He would, like, tell me about his big-ass vape mods and stuff. He would get, and he was, like, 50. And one time I was, I, like, looked over his shoulder at lunch, and he had just Googled, he had, like, Googled in Spanish, like, like, hot guy in bathing suit or something. He was just looking at, like, he was just scrolling through Google images looking at, like, pictures scrolling through google images looking at like pictures of guys abs and it made me laugh so much later because i was just thinking about like he's like that's like a level one gay guy you're like looking you're like googling brad pitt yeah kissing your

computer like man you're just looking at really hot guys you'd be like these guys are actually really hot yeah there's no there's no taste guys are actually really hot. Yeah, yeah. There's no taste. Like, he would probably only fuck a guy if he was wearing a Speedo. You know what I mean? Right. Not even fully developed gay brain. A level one gay. Like, the same way when you start watching porn, and you're Googling, like, boob.

You know? Yeah. Like, stock photo bikini girl or whatever the fuck. That's awesome. Yeah. Was this guy, like, older? Or was he, awesome yeah was this guy like older or was he like yeah he was older and he was not it was i think he also was married to a woman but it's nice i don't mean i don't care he gives a shit i don't care whatever he's got going on yeah you

know it's not illegal to look at a picture of a guy in a swimsuit i've done it before not not under those circumstances you know what i mean? But maybe he was looking at swimsuits, you know what I mean? But he was, on Google Images, definitely looking at swimsuit models. You say maybe he was trying to treat himself to a new bathing suit. Yeah, I like that. He just saw himself in all of them. He wanted to get in shape. Yeah, what a really nice bathing suit.

Yeah. It's time to buy myself a new Speedo. Thomas, I'm trying to get in shape. He wants to just get a six-pack, so he just has like 18 pictures of guys' abs and butts saved to his fucking phone. Yeah, he wanted one of their haircuts so he could show the picture to the

barber man that fucking last last time i got a haircut i felt weird because i showed the lady i got my haircut at jc penny and i showed the lady at the salon uh a few pictures of johnny depp okay dude but it was like old it was like old, like recent Johnny Depp, like how he got a haircut recently or whatever, and I was just like, yeah, I want to look like this. He has like missing teeth. He has like blood on his head. Coked out of his head. Yeah.

It's like the headline, it shows the headline. We're like, yeah, he hit her. I did that with one of the bad guys from point break like 10 years ago and i went to the barber and there's some there's a moment where at least for me i was like am i about to show another man a picture of another man and tell this man that i want to look like that but yeah yeah like it's such a and i was like yes because i don't know the haircut words i don't know any i don't want to taper i don't know any of the words are yeah'm like, I just want to look like that guy. And the dude would just kind of like nod at his head

and was like, all right, we'll do our best. And that little comment, I was like, yeah, there's other things that this guy has. He has like bone structure. He has like white teeth. You know, he has like piercing blue eyes, you know, like cheekbones and things like that i don't have any of that shit yeah i had never thought to show a barber a picture till last

time i got a haircut my girlfriend was like oh well what pictures are you gonna show her and i was like i wow i'm not gonna show her pictures you know what the hell what do you want me to take a picture of my penis shows the barber or something i don't know what that means anyway but so And then I realized why I've never had a good haircut before Is I would just go in and be like Yeah just cut some of it off Same dude yeah

And then I'm like this is not what I had Roughly envisioned in my head and not even been sure You know I hadn't really been sure what I wanted But I wanted to look sexy is what I knew Well like all the old pictures of me From when I first moved to Austin I have the Hitler Youth haircut From like 2012 to like 2014 I wanted to look sexy is what I knew. Well, like all the old pictures of me from when I first moved to Austin, I have the Hitler Youth haircut from like 2012 to like 2014.

And it was just because I would sit down and I'd be like, same. I'd be like, I just want a haircut. And they're like, what do you want? And I'm like, just a little, just to cut it. And they're like, okay, all right, we'll wing it. And then I would just walk out being like, hmm, I don't look, I look like Richard Spencer. Like I don't look cool. This looks cool on like Messi.

This looks cool on Conor McGregor because they're in shape and they have cool tattoos and they have millions of dollars. It doesn't look cool on just like a guy who like bartends and looks like me. You know what I mean? Like I don't have anything that would like accent that style, I guess is what I'm saying. Yeah. But that's okay. It's not bad. It is what it is.

I've been looking at a lot of stuff like medieval-type haircuts. Okay. I've been thinking about getting, like, maybe, like, flat bangs across here or something. And then, like, just also a bob for the rest of it like a far quarter like from shrek type deal uh yeah i just think it'd be funny um get the last time i got a bob it was it was pretty funny because the lady straightened it so i look like uh anton chakur well i remember you sent me a picture yeah you should next time you go get a haircut just show them a picture of jeffrey dahmer just like can you make me look like you made me look like ted bondi uh yeah i go to the

black barber i show him a picture of me with lipstick on can you make me look like this it's a picture from earlier that day clearly wearing the same shirt like in your car like same same yeah yeah yeah i want to uh look like it's a picture of me kissing my dad that day. Clearly wearing the same shirt in your car. Same. I want to look like it's a picture of me kissing my dad. Sorry. That's me and my dad kissing. Sorry. Do you have anything from the front? I photoshopped with the barber's penis

in my mouth. Can I look like this, please? I need to see the side. The front of your head, it's you blowing your dad. Your dad took the photo. Yeah, it's just the back of you getting railed out. They're just taking back shots, like arched fully. It's a video.

Do you need another photo or is this good? I gave you three photos. One last one with you cum all over your face. It's like a four and a half minute video. Are your speakers on 100? The walls are shaking. You're like, can you wash my eyebrows too? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. That was... Fuck. Oh, man. Yeah, I don't fucking... I don't, like, know why, but there is kind of a, I guess I do know why every,

all the tech guys, I guess you'll look the same. And I think that's just like in any city with like a big tech, you know, like I've told every time Thomas and I have done a live show and like a major city, especially Austin, a guy will come up to me and be like,

Hey dude, it's fucking poop Hitler, you know from twitter and i go oh but he's wearing like a columbia like puffy jacket you know what i mean yeah like a puffy like tech guy jacket and he's got like the high like the samurai knot and i'm like dude you have to just tell me your real name yeah like there's no way like that doesn't click for me right i can't imagine a guy who is in group DMs called, like, racist chat or whatever, like, you need to have, like, a wife beater on that's covered in blood and shit. Yeah.

You can't have your life together. Yeah. Yeah, it'll, like, throw you. Mike, you see any crazy stuff lately? Me? Yeah. Yeah, you. Not really.

I've seen a couple, like, dead rats on the street i guess they're like little and uh what have i not not much people act like new york is uh like the crime's out of control but it's really i don't think it's like that i that bad i haven't seen anything that crazy yeah the only damn crime up there is the price of the lattes the price of the lattes yeah yeah well it is like uh is it true that i i feel like i see pictures all the time of like because i know nypd they have them they have like everybody works like 80 hours of overtime when they just play candy crush on their phones yeah that's the idea i get from the internet at least yeah that there's been an increase of police

presence there's a lot of cops on the subway now yeah they just kind of stand around yeah that's awesome and then there's like um there's like fare evader people that like they stand on the other side of the subway to make sure that you like pay your fare but i saw one and like this this kid like jumped the turnstile and the guy just like yelled at him and like called him broke and he was like yeah you're a broke bitch you ain't got no money he's like this is my job i got a job and you don't you you're a broke piece of shit and like that's it nothing happens to you you just get yeah that guy's really do his job you get yelled at when i was last in new york there was this homeless guy uh who was yelling at the ticket

lady down on the subway and she was like you know it's fucking five dollars you know whatever and he was like shut up like he was arguing with her and then i just hear him like raise his voice three octaves he's like shut up bitch i'm done talking to you big like homeless black guy and he had like it almost looked like a like the shawl that the Taliban wear. It was like wrapped around his neck and then his back. He looked like the book of Eli, like Denzel Washington. He looked sick. Yeah. And she was like, oh, you know.

And he's like, shut up, bitch. And she's like, excuse me. And he goes, you're going to find out who I am today. And then she just like shuts the window or whatever. And I was like, I'm about to watch this guy like stab this lady. And she hits this button. And he's just just like yelling like fucking spitting at the window like i'm gonna come in there and i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna beat the dog shit out of you blah blah blah and uh at one point he starts to walk up back up the stairs and he pulled like an assassin's creed

move it was the coolest shit i've ever seen two nypd cops walk right past him stop walk towards him again i'm like oh they're gonna get his ass man i don't want to watch this and they go hey you seen that you seen somebody causing trouble down here and the guy was like oh he went that way like looney tunes like the two cops like okay ran down the other side of the stairs and he just got away and i was like that's so badass yeah he did the blending move from the fucking assassins creed games just to avoid yeah i don't know know, being tased or whatever the fuck. Yeah. That's good.

You got to root for them. It's crazy he could outsmart New York City cops. Wait, what? I said it's crazy he could outsmart them. Yeah, yeah. You think they're just hiring anybody? No. Yeah.

No, you want to join that force, you got to do, you got to get on that treadmill. You got to get your, you got some Sherlock Holmes on that force. 18-minute mile. You got to do 20 push-ups. You fucking. Yeah, they have to, their training center is in the M&M store. It's like KB Toys. Yeah, you have to guess the color of m&m based on the taste the blind taste test you have to have like a certain amount of candy crush points on your

fucking iphone 10 yeah you can you have to yeah you save up your olive garden reward points to get an nypd badge i i don't know i don't know obviously but whenever you see like the i pulled up the talked about this on the show before you have to rest the green m&m for prostitution yeah yeah you're just like that you have a personal unexplained vendetta against the brown m&m yeah you just don't you can't put your finger on him You're like I don't know The red one's fine The yellow one Yeah He's okay

The green one But that brown one The green M&M says That she needs to go To the women's prison Because she identifies Yeah Did they

What was the big hubbub About that They put like red shoes It was like Yeah it was like She was sexy And then they made her Unsexy

They gave her like sneakers That'sxy. They gave her sneakers. That's right. Yeah, they gave her Black Air Force Ones. I don't remember. Yeah, they got rid of the green wall of M&M pussy at the M&M store. They used to have these strobing fleshlight type things hooked up to a car battery, and you could bang the hell out of them. Just sucky drive.

And when you came, it would just go into the wall, and it had a vacuum type thing where it cleaned it. And it smelled like real pussy, too. Right, right, right. And then they went woke. It was awesome. And then they went woke. Yeah, then they went woke, and it turned into a guy's butt.

Yeah, yeah. And you had to do a land acknowledgement before you could get in. Yeah, I'm on Algonquin land at the M&M's store before you could fuck the mail in. Yeah, you could give your kids 20 bucks and you could go upstairs to fuck the green M&M's pussy. Just like an old union fucking longshoreman in New York. You used to be able to go in the store and fuck the green M&M's pussy. Now you got to fuck the yellow one. You used to be able to put its toes in your mouth while you fucked it.

And you could spit in its ass too. And you could get blowjobs from it. You could suck on its tits. And now you got to suck can suck on its tits. And now you gotta suck on a guy's tits when you go to the M&M's store. And they don't even tell you until you start doing it. We used to be a real fucking city with balls. We used to be a real fucking city.

Now you can only fuck the orange crispy M&M's. Come on, what's wrong with me? The fucking... The, uh... What did they... They took... Yeah, they made her, like, less makeup, which, like... They gave her, like, tennis shoes. Yeah.

She's tucking now. Everybody flipped out. There's just a little bit of the peanut hanging out of the yellow M&M's, like, ball sack area. It's like, oh, I gotta put it back. Oh. Yeah, that won't fuck. The shit that, uh, people... No, go ahead.

Go ahead. Oh, when they changed Mr. Potato Head, my mother-in-law, like, rushed to the store and got us, like, a Mr. Potato Head. Because they changed it to... Like, when they made him, like, when they made him, like, not non-binary or not whatever they made him, like, not gender... Now it's just Potato Head. Because they changed it to... Like, when they made him, like, not non-binary or not whatever the fuck. When they made him, like, not gender. Now it's just Potato Head. It's not Mr. Potato Head.

So she was like, I need to get the mista. It's gotta, we gotta get the, that's so awesome. He got Aunt Jemima'd. Oh, my God. Dude, my mom. That was her M&M, dude. She was like, it still says on the bottle, tastes like Aunt Jemima, but it says Pearl on it.

So I went and got two bottles of Aunt Jemima, and they just sat in the pantry for like six months as collector's items. It was like... You used to be able to fuck the real Aunt Jemima at the store. She was there. And you could scissor with her. And you could wear her bonnet you could wear this yeah you could you they would let you dress up like her and do whatever the fuck you want she has like a in her glove compartment mike she has a a syrup dispenser

that her great great i don't know why it's isn't there car yeah I was digging around there to find well you never know you never know you get hungry you get some pancakes she had a menstrual show syrup dispenser from like 1922 okay and I like I'm look I'm just looking for an iPhone I dig in her in her like a you know center console or whatever and I I pull it out, and I was like, and dude, it's a big, fat, just painted black shoe polish. Big red lips, big white bonnet, the whole nine yards. And I was like, hey, you've got some splaining to do. She was like, I know, I know, but it's your great-grandma's.

It's your great-granny's. And it's an heirloom. And I was like, that's awesome. I'm glad that you have a family heirloomom this doesn't need to be in a car like it doesn't it serves no it serves no utility also come on you know what i mean yeah i bet you'd love it if i painted it white yeah i bet they should start doing like racist cartoons for white people explain it's the same thing but just with white skin okay like just normal cartoons like courage the cowardly dog is white or whatever or like you know i didn't really think about it

but you know something the viewers at home can fill in the concept concept they can play with if they'd like you know but um yeah do you find that like like, you're, are you, like, typically at odds? Like, any time there is, like, a bullshit culture war thing, like, in the news, like, do your parents, like, go, do they fall for it every time? Or is it just, like, it depends on the severity of the thing? I think we just try not to really talk about it, you know? Okay. Yeah. I feel you.

I yelled at my dad Christmas Eve because he brought up Israel stuff. And I was like, I hate this family. And I left the house and I went to the liquor store. I said, I hate this fucking family. That's so awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be 40 in like three years.

No, dude, I think that's totally acceptable because to me there's two acceptable. When people are like, no, you've got to challenge your family and you've got to educate them. That shit's stupid. There's two, to me, acceptable responses. It is stupid. Sitting through it, gritting your teeth and going, I only got to see you cocksuckers one fucking time a year and I'm going home. Or what you did where you're like, hey, everybody, you've made my night suck i'm gonna make it worse let's go i'm gonna get some crown royal we're gonna fucking fist fight in the air or whatever the fuck right

but being like whenever i see the long manic screed the threads on twitter they're like it's up to you to tell your 88 year old grandma about fucking trans rights it's like dude she's just such a i know It's just such a losing battle. Yeah. Yeah. She You want me to explain like gender theory

and Marxism to my grandma who like was functionally illiterate like in the like the Texas panhandle like killing chickens with her hands and shit.

She doesn't know what the fuck's going on. But also like the idea that Donald Trump might go to jail because he loves us too much and loves this country. It's such an amazing story. Yeah.

No one in your... Yes. Yeah. So the stuff that they believe is like... I'm like, I don't want to take that away from you. No. Well, that's how I am with my... My dad was like, before he died, I don't know why that he was like an apolitical

conspiracy theory guy you know like oh it's a fucking dog and pony show you know brother not this shit don't matter and then right before he died he got really into trump and like q anon but i think it was like because he loves conspiracy theories it just so happened to be that one my mom she's she's that way where she's like, part of me is like, none of this stuff you believe is real. But also, who am I to be like, you know, like if you believe that this guy is like going to prostrate himself in front of the court and like basically crucify himself for us to be able to be free and go to the beach. I can't. I feel evil being like, no. Of course. It's not that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I was wrong about January 6th. It was cool. I think so, too. At first, I was like, honestly, like, kind of gay. But now, you know, as I've matured, as I've gotten older and wiser, I've gone, you know, it is, it's at least, it was funny from the beginning. Yes, it's hilarious.

It was never not funny, but I go, you know, maybe they didn't kill everybody, but if I went in there, I probably wouldn't kill everybody either. And they pretty much, I don't want to say they completely got away with it because people did go to prison, but people went to prison for like a couple of years for the most part, I think. Yeah. And like, that sucks.

It sucks to go to prison, but, uh, you got to be a part of, I know guys who have robbed liquor stores and gone to prison. Yeah. For longer. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Um, and that's not that big of a deal. I think if you rob a liquor store once, it should be like a brownie point system. You know what I mean? It's like if you rob 10 liquor stores, you got to go to jail. It does suck with that. I honestly thought it was going to be worse.

I was like, damn, this hasn't happened in like a hundred. I was like, holy shit. And then the more that came out about it, you're like, half the this hasn't happened in like a hundred. This is, I was like, holy shit, you know? And then the more that came out about it, you're like, oh, like half the people there were federal informants. The other half like were used car salesmen. Like they, you know what I mean? Like there wasn't, I didn't feel the passion of a genuine, the way that Democrats talk about it.

You know what I mean? Where it's like, you know know like i wish it was that because that would have been way cooler and funnier like imagine a guy in a rascal scooter up in a fucking ar on you and killing you at your job with your secret service right like you get got in a civil war by a dude who has gout that's sick you'd have to laugh at it yeah yeah but instead it's just they were taking like for Instagram and their Facebook groups, which is still very funny, but I think I wanted more blood, to be honest. Well, I think if the Democrats were to stage something like that,

just due to the current political landscape where we are in the socioeconomic stage of this country, they would probably end up leaving pretty early when they found out there wasn't a Starbucks. What do you guys think about that one?

I think you're right on the money, big dog. T, I think you fucking nail on the head, baby boy. I think you fucking nail on the head, baby boy. Yeah. Yeah, I think that personally, you know, liberals want to do January 6th. They're going to have to, you know, put the phone down for a second. You know what I mean? They're going to have to. Yeah. Right.

Stop going on TikTok. Yeah. They would be running around there looking for an outlet to charge their phones with. Probably. Just a guy, like, in the Buffalo thing, but just, like, very desperately with an iPad, like, watching Subway surfers and, like, fucking LiveLeak gore videos.

Yeah. I love how they keep blaming shit on, like, millennials. Like, that is still the... Like, dude, I'm 30. Well, how old are you, Mike? 36? 36 36 yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's like bro i'm not i'm lazy for sure you know you got you kids in your blah blah dude i'm old man you know what i mean like it's oh you know it doesn't this doesn't apply

to me and then but like the people they're talking about i guess gen z or my brother's generation it's like same people it doesn't really matter you know And then, but like the people they're talking about, I guess Gen Z or my brother's generation, it's like same people. It doesn't really matter, you know. I guess they think we're kids because we keep taking so many L's. Yeah. We can't get a house, like a home, you know. Yeah.

Working like two or three jobs just to fucking, yeah. Yeah, last time I checked, boomers didn't come up with Skibbity Toilet. So I think we're still winning. That's my three-year-old's favorite video. Have you seen Skibbity? Yeah, that's my three-year-old's favorite video. Have you seen Skibbity Toilet?

Yeah, yeah, he loves it. Nice, nice. Yeah. Is it, I feel like people are getting a little too, like, hot under the collar. They're like, oh, these kids are going to be so fucked up.'s what they watch all day because like i don't know like i was around when like i came of age with the internet in a way where when the taliban would drop a beheading video i immediately saw you know what i mean like i just you know like on dial-up internet you're like oh

okay so i feel it and i feel like i'm mostly fine yeah but at least it but it was probably like an 11 minute video that like had kind of a narrative to it you know it wasn't like that's true short videos of it like short bites of gore and like hardcore pornography yeah that's you make a very good point yeah yeah yeah there's more of a story there's a story there's characters i uh pornhub got outlawed here but before they did, they debuted this new thing called Shorties where it's like TikTok, but just for porn. It's like 15 to 20 second. Anyway, I was going to say, anybody who's... And it's only kids on there, which is interesting, too.

It's kind of a new thing. Yeah. It's like sucking off my dad. It's like a 30 second. Y'all doing the TikTok AI voice? Yeah. Having sex with a dog. Anybody watching that, sitting there and scrolling on that, I feel like needs to be put down.

Sure. Like there's no, you know, there's no hope left, I guess. Yeah, I think it's good to cut back on that stuff. You know, I'm not like a I'm not like a You know purist about Some of that But you know what I mean

It's like When I think about like how Literally how much time is spent By the average young guy Just like Or any age guy Just fucking Just fucking

Dick hard Just looking for The fucking that gym you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah it's it's that's tough yeah it's a tough life instead what i like to do is uh i eat i've been eating a lot and i get really fucked i just eat a lot of shit in my car and i throw up a lot um so i'm kind of finding out what it means to be a man, you know. Nice. Me and Thomas have joked a lot about like, what would you rather have your son come to you with and be like, Dad, I'm really struggling. Like your son comes to you and you've noticed he's been losing weight.

His skin's kind of pale. He's a little gaunt. You know, he's always broke. His allowance, you know, whatever. And he's like, Dad, I think I have a pill problem. And you're like, we'll work through this together, like it runs in the family i love you versus your son coming up to you like his eyes bloodshot red same pale skin fucking he's like dad i think i'm addicted to jacking off like i feel like i would have more shame for the latter than the former

you know what i mean at least yeah then how you help? How do you help him with the. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Chastity cage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, at least with the drugs, it's like kind of romantic to some degree.

Like artists are drug addicts, you know? You're like, buddy, you should we go to Dave and Buster's? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, son, I know it. I know that, you know, right now jacking off is important to you, and it was for me when I was your age.

I feel like to hold each other accountable, we should send each other videos. When we do jack off, send me a video of you doing it. Every time you come, I want to see a video of it. And every time I come and you're mom, I'll send you a video too. Does that sound good? It's like when you're dad. Dad, it's really been helping me. Every time I send you a video of me coming,

I get a video of cum dripping down my mom's legs. So it's helped me stop. And also sometimes of the cum on my mom's mouth and on her boobs. So thank you. Thank you, Father, for helping me not jack off so much. And also,

it's also taught me that my loads are going to get a lot bigger when I fully kick this habit because your loads are huge and they always fill up mom's pussy so much. Thank you.

I love you, son. I love you. Give me a hug me a and they're both they both stand up they're both rock solid dick out i think fucking in your dad catches you smoking and he makes you smoke like a whole carton yeah this is like jacking off to like three gigabytes of your mom getting well that's what you do you get it You get a gallon of milk and you empty it. You make him fill the gallon of milk. Son. And you don't let him eat until that empty milk gallon's full.

No son of mine's going to be gooning alone in his fucking room. Don't come out of there until that fucking milk jug's completely full. Yeah. Yeah. That's the dangers of being a father. Hey, do they have pills now that make you like ejaculate more? Isn't that a thing? So,

um, I learned this through a friend of mine. I went to my college and she did porn and she said that there, there is, and it just like makes, it doesn't produce more sperm it produces more semen so the loads are like very clear but there's like a fuck ton of load okay and i was like oh damn that's crazy like yeah is that you know why and she's like oh that's the can you know

it's for the people or whatever and i'm like that is right you know i mean but yes yeah that's always been my problem. Too much load? Is it? Yeah, my penis works just fine, and I last, honestly, like, just as long as I want to. And, like, everybody's having a good time the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Like, my hips never lock up or anything. I never, you know, I never start thinking about anything and just go to bed in the middle of it, you know?

But whenever I bus, I want it to be like a cup at least, you know what I mean? Because that's what women want. A lot of goo. Duvet cover ruined forever. They want to do more laundry when you come over to the house. Yeah.

They want you to have to bring two towels over. That would be kind of cool. That would be cool to shoot like a quarter cup worth of, you know. Dude, I would just stand in my backyard, you know, smoking a cig, just letting them fly. Seeing, you know, see if I can hit the tree or whatever. Is it old Looney Tunes? Ping.

Like hitting fucking like brass platoons in the van. Dude, homeless guys would be invincible. Yeah. Yeah. Subway is fucking, you come come in there it looks like a fucking jackson pollock painting every morning it's blue and red like green yeah very nice i want mine to have shapes it'd be cool to like have a like a cube you know or like a like a star or like a fucking horseshoe you know like to be able to do like latte art with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would be cool. Yeah. Like, because you know what? Just the straight, that's overdone. We have modern science. There's something you should put in your urethra that makes it look like a shooting star, you know? Okay.

Or, you know, or fucking just anything else, you know? As a gimmick, it would be cool to be able to shoot one of your own nuts out of your body and then pull it back in like one of those old toy guns with the string okay on it you know what i mean so just you know maybe slap sir and then you just pop like a frog's tongue like the way they get a fly like a point okay yeah very cool i like where we're going yeah yeah that uh or even like if you just had like instead of a

like instead of it sticking out if it was like recessed and then you had like a clitoris or something too and then like no balls and then like

maybe like lips almost oh yeah that'd probably feel really good okay and if you had breasts too and you were a completely different person

yeah like if i was like a little bit shorter and like my voice was a little different right okay yeah and my hands were like a little bit smaller maybe but yeah that's some just some over off the top shit you know what i mean mike you ever thought about transitioning um maybe like a handful of time like three or four times but it's not anything that's, you know, I think about a lot. Well, but closest I ever got was I, uh, I did a bunch of acid by myself one time and I was looking in the mirror and I convinced myself that the next day I was going to go

buy a choker cause I thought that would look sick as fuck on me. Uh, uh, the, not like a, not like the dog dog things but like just the necklaces that girls wear i thought oh i could pull that off yeah and then the next day i woke up and i went that's not fucking happening i don't know why i thought that was a cool idea i'm glad i didn't tell anybody um i guess i just told a bunch of people but uh yeah and i wasn't even really thinking about being a girl but i feel like that's the first step, you know what I mean, is choker necklace. Yeah. I don't really want to be a girl unless I can have a big, fat ass.

I don't have – I have a very flat ass now. We can get you there if you think. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think we're going to BBL you. Okay. Just keep going to the deli and then get you a BBL.

You know, have them take off the front, give you a big fat ass. Yeah, take it off the muffin. Maybe they'll give you a two-for-one, get some titties at the same time. I'm not sure how the fat transfers work. Okay. The reason I wouldn't want to be a girl is I wouldn't want to be able to lift less weight. I wouldn't want to be – also, I don't really want to be a girl. I wouldn't want to not have a beard i kind of like um you i kind of like being able to go outside at night and stuff pick up rocks and stuff

yeah and i like talking to my dad so right um Right. I like moving furniture too much. Yeah. I like going fishing for like 45 minutes and then getting really mad and just getting drunk instead. Yeah. I like that every time I need help moving something, none of my friends are available. But if I was a girl, then every guy I'd ever met would be like, oh, no, let me. Yeah, I'll get all my friends. I'll buy a truck and come to your apartment.

Where do you live? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you need a place me, yeah, I'll get all my friends. I'll buy a truck and come to your apartment and where do you live? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you need a place to stay? I'll move out of my place. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I like being pissed off, you know, and then just like having nowhere to put it, you know? I like, also, I like having a higher like rate of heart disease. Suicide too. Yeah. That's good stuff. That's good for me.

But you know what? Going to prison. Yeah. Iicide too, yeah. That's good stuff. That's good for me. But you know what? Go to prison. Yeah. I like going to prison. I like losing $2,000 trading cryptocurrency in a day. Yeah. I like not being able to enjoy sports because I've bet a problematic amount of money on a six-leg UFC parlay.

Just shit when you're a guy. Yeah. I would miss, if I transitioned to a woman, I would miss having erectile dysfunction because it's such a huge part of who I am. Yeah, you get on estrogen and your dick starts working. Yeah. Like, what?

You're like, listen, honey, listen. It's going to work better, but there are some drawbacks. Yeah. I'm going to be a little softer around the edges. You start transitioning, and you're looking at your own dick, and you're going, no, it's fine. It's great. Yeah, no, yeah, this is perfect. It's the perfect size now this is honestly this is great yeah

this is just normal size it's perfect yeah yeah the i mean when uh have you i think thomas i sent you one like the guys on tiktok that are like uh really overselling the, like, I think the term is gay for pussy thing where they're like, I look like a tough guy, but actually I'm, like, sensitive and I, like, listen to Phoebe Bridges or whatever. You know, like, they got, like, the beanie on and, like, the fucking, you know what I mean?

Like, what happened to men just, like, following a girl around and staring in her apartment window for six hours and then they get married. Like my grandparents, you know what I mean? Like the good old days. Yeah, what happened to just finding a nice 14-year-old girl? That's your second cousin, you know what I mean? And just, you know, making more people or whatever.

Do Italians get married younger? Maybe. My grandparents I mean, I know it's a spectrum but you know what i mean but yeah they might i feel like it goes either way you either you get married really young or you you live with your mother until you're like 49 years old that's so awesome there are some guys on tiktok that are like i'm never leaving my mother's house. It's great. I get my laundry done. There's always food. Yeah, I feel like the whole incel fail son thing,

Hispanic guys and Italian guys invented it. Yeah. We dodged it. We dodged it, yeah. You laid the blueprint, and then you were like, all right, you guys can handle it. You white guys, normal white guys, you can handle this. We'll take it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I do live in my mother's basement. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Every day, fresh white teas. Getting a haircut every 30 minutes.

Dinosaur nuggets, spicy ketchup, the whole nine yards. I'm playing Warhammer. It's great I like how we're giving this guy Like a kind of Brooklyn bodybuilder Like voice I don't know if they all sound like that You know

I don't know if like inside cat guys The one guy that I saw on TikTok did Yeah That's a very funny voice to have When you live at your mom's Yeah For sure Hey you gotta come over sometime.

I'll get some chocolate milk ready. We can watch Cocomelon. We can fucking eat graham crackers. Mom, I'm on hinge right now. Shut up. I'm trying to talk to a girl going to Columbia. Just trying to get my dick wet. Ma, I need you out of the house.

Ma. Jesus Christ. Ray Liotta. Trying to talk to this NYU girl. She's going to college for stand-up comedy. That's so cool. Ray Liotta at the beginning of Goodfellas. Ray's like, all my life I wanted to live at my mom's forever.

All my life I wanted to be an incel. Just cuts to him wearing a Deadpool shirt. It's got like armpit stains. Like fucking blue screen poisoning. As far back as I can remember, I wanted to fuck the green M&M. Ma, I got a date lined up later. Get off my back. He heads to the M&M store.

He's like naming off all the people in the crew. He's like, there was Pepe Hitler. There was fucking a retard guy. There was shit pants, you know? And they were the guys. Man, I would love to see him, if he was still alive, do like just a fucking, like the whale, but just like an Italian guy that never left his mom's place. Okay.

You know. And he. Yeah's place. Okay. You know. And he. See, I don't know. It's literally the whale, but it's just an Italian guy, and everybody is sad to see it. He's so Italian that it's like a disability. See, I think if you're Italian, you either get married and you get really fat, or you live with your mother and get super jacked because you don't have anyone like bothering you you know that's so crazy you get to like live your best life yeah wow i'm

thinking of like all the hispanic like all my friends that like lived at home like mexican guys that like because it's kind of similar the dynamic is like the oldest son can live at home till he's like 50 but the daughter she's like you need to find a husband. Whatever. And all my friends I knew that lived at home and never went anywhere, they just randomly at 28 got hugely jacked. Yeah. Because they just had nobody barking at them or whatever.

Yeah. You get your laundry done. You get foot rubs. You know? You get fed. Yeah, you get foot jobs. Your mom rubs your feet. Your mom just brings 150 grams of protein down to the basement every day. She's just got like Anivar pinned in a fucking needle for you. Here you go, honey.

She brings you 30 chicken cutlets every day. It's like eight cups of rice. That's awesome, man. I have a fucking dope ass life. One of my fantasies is that hopefully my father and my special needs brother will die and I can move my mother into my house.

Or move into my mother's house. Okay. I just want to have my mother around. Don't tell my wife that I said that, but yeah. Are they natural enemies? No, they're not enemies, but it's like a classic mother-in-law. It's kind of like sometimes my wife gets a little annoyed by the things that my mother says, which I think is natural. Of course.

Yeah, of course. My mom, sometimes she'll just be eating dinner, and she'll be like, have you seen all the migrants coming over the border? And my fiance's mother is from Mexico. Sure. And we're just like, no, I haven't seen the clips. Wow, but they're over there. There's thousands of them pouring across the border.

And it's like, awesome. Can I eat my fucking honey chipotle tenders, please? Yeah. That's the weird thing. It doesn't seem to have much effect on my life or anybody that I know. I don't want to judge anybody, you know, because it seems like it's a huge problem for some people. But not for me. I don't care what they do.

Yeah. them for some people but not for me i don't care what they do yeah well like being in like living in texas you would they would have you believe that like the fabric of the country is like coming like tomorrow right and then you see the video and it's just a bunch of guys in like goku t-shirts and like you know just like old uh like abercrombie and fitch like really tight like arsenal jerseys and shit just waiting in line and you're like are those guys supposed to kill me because i yeah you know yeah like i work i work with a bunch of uh mostly illegal guys but i mean all they really do is they get haircuts really often and then they like dig big holes and they'll like cook a whole pig in there every weekend yeah yeah yeah they have like seven girlfriends and they just yeah you know like

they have to give a bunch of money to all of them and it you know yeah right they lose their wallet constantly they're always losing 500 they wear skin tight acid wash denim with square toe cowboy boots just you know to the gas station all my co-workers have like a horrible like the worst car i've ever seen and they pay like 1200 bucks a month for it somehow i have no idea i i seriously used to have a co-worker who paid who had to make a car payment every other day you told me about and his car got repossessed because he went like four days without making a car payment or something it was incredible jesus he was such an asshole he was it was awesome uh in the in my neighborhood where i grew up there's like on every corner there's one

of those like no job needed no credit check buy here pay here we're the bank like style like used car dealerships and they're all chevy cruises with like a quarter of a million miles on them and like no radiator and they'll sell them to like yeah to like mexican guys for like 15 000 just get them on like an 850 buck a month payment forever like 200 interest so bad jeez yeah but oh well hey you know what it happens to the best of us. Sometimes you get fleeced. Well, Mike, I know you're a busy man. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me.

You guys should check out Mike's new special. Where can people watch the special, Mike? It's on YouTube. It's called I'm Normal. Just search my name and I'm Normal. Mike Racine, I'm Normal. And yeah, I hope Normal. Just search my name and I'm normal. Mike Racine, I'm normal. And, yeah, I hope you watch it and like it and leave a comment. Share, love it.

I think it's pretty good. And check out the podcast as well. Yeah, we got the Out for Smokes podcast that I do with Sean McCarthy and Scott Chaplin. That's a lot of fun. Nice. Yes. I need to get Sean on and we can talk about the CIA. Thomas, you can stay home. Any dates or anything coming up?

You just announced some new dates, right? Yeah, I'm going to Europe for a little bit in May and then I got Fort Worth, Texas on June 14th. Hell yeah. And then I'll be in Oxnard and I'll be in Irvine and Oxnard, California on June 5th and 6th. That should be fun.

Tickets that you get at microscenecomedy.com. I also got... Where do I have? San Jose coming up. Stanford, Connecticut. A bunch of fun dates. Those are all on my website.

Badass. Well, hell yeah. I think Europe should be fun. Have you guys ever done stand-up comedy in Europe? No. I've only drank alcohol there. But I would imagine that it's... Where in Europe are you doing?

I'm doing London, Amsterdam, Berlin, and Madrid so far. That is sick. So, yeah. That'll be fun. Yeah. It'll just be a vacation, I guess, if I don't. Yeah. How long are you doing?

An hour? An hour? Yeah, I'll do 45 to an hour. Nice. That's badass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't imagine, like, I'm trying to imagine doing stand-up next to, like, one of those German rave clubs where they all, like, wear rubber. Right. And, like, shove shit up their butts and shit. Like. Yeah. It'll be a real test of your test oh you guys want to see me shove shit up my butt is that what i guess that's what it is you're like

bombing and you just pull out like a big rubber black dildo you're like uh yeah yeah fucks i guess you guys don't have children this isn't relatable you guys don't reproduce out here oh everybody's mad at hitler still oh yeah yeah thanks for, everybody's mad at Hitler still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming on, Mike. Oh, everybody's eating doody. Thanks for having me. Fucking sick. All right.

See you. See you, guys. All right. Cool.