Pendejo Time - pende-ho-ho-ho

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

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ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Yep, it's nice and loud No, I don't want it to be I don't it's too loud it's already too loud people already stopped listening People already turned this off. We can't do this. It's too much too much Too much at the beginning we got to come out strong. We got to come out Mary. We're gonna come out happy. We get the elves are here Santa's here And we've got I've got about an hour of Christmas music And I can't wait to sing it with you So without further ado Merry Christmas to the Pendejo's Four years strong and I'm ready to I'm feeling so fuck. I you know what I got under the tree What I got a whole fucking a whole bunch of money, dude

It's Christmas, Chris! What did you get Thomas? I got a big bag of gold! You got a bag of gold, buddy? Yeah! I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, and money. Also money. Do you believe it Thomas? Yeah!

I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, and money. I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, and money. I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, and money. I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, and money. I got gold, love, acceptance, validation, armor, do you believe in Thomas? Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect you to say that. Yeah, it's easy to believe. I think you would ask me how I was doing.

How are you? Oh, you'm just fine. Okay! I'm just going to go right here. I'm going to go right here. I'm going to go right here. Okay, have fun! I'm going to go right here.

Can people hear what we're saying? Yeah, I think so. This is what... This is what... Can you hear what we're saying? Yeah, I think so. Merry Christmas, Pendejos, and Happy Holidays. Ho, ho, ho! Hope you guys got everything you wanted for Christmas. Me and Thomas are, uh... It's a beautiful cold day in the United States of America. We're here to provide you your holiday entertainment. It's a beautiful cold day in the United States of America.

We're here to provide you your holiday entertainment. I know you guys woke up on Christmas morning and said, G Willikers, I need Pendejo time in my ears stat. I need it in my ears now. I need it in my ears yesterday. We've got a whole amazing run of Christmas tunes. And Thomas was just saying about how he has a really, really awesome Christmas song he wants to sing. has a really really awesome Christmas song. He wants to sing

Actually, it was a holiday song and because you wanted to be inclusive. It was every holiday So I'll let you do that. Yeah, it was okay. Thank you Happy holidays Happy Holidays! Oh, the holidays are here. The sky is all very clear. It's a happy, happy holiday. Happy, happy holiday. All your family's here. There's a present on the tree! There's a present on the tree

There's a snow on the ground There's a cake in the oven And the cake is brown Ho ho ho, who says that? Santa! Yes yes yes, who says that? I do! Cake cake cake, who loves that? Elves do! Fly fly fly, who says that? I do! Cake, cake, cake, who loves that? Elves do!

Fly, fly, fly, who does that? Reindeer! Rudolph, Rudolph, he has a red nose, and he has hooves, he does not have toes. Ho, ho, ho, that's what Santa does. And you know that reindeers have a lot of fuzz. They're shedding, they're shedding all over your house. And there's remnants of skin all over your chimney. For when Santa slides down the chimney and gets hurt and leaves parts of himself all over your house, you have to save him.

You have to save him. He's hurting bad. Please don't insult him. If you don't help him, he's gonna die. And he's over a hundred years old and all he's ever wanted was to feel something. Oh seems like you like this post. I don't think Santa's supposed to say anything else The Christmas L. That's the name of the song Yeah, it's an L when I get coal in my stocking What do you what are you most excited about for Christmas man, what do you think you're what do you think you're gonna get from Santa I

Am I'm pretty excited to leave cookies up for Santa And I am excited to eat the Christmas hams How about you guys gonna do you guys gonna do ham? I don't know You go back to Texas yeah, yeah Yeah, Fort Worth Yeah, I was gonna go to Houston but that just got cancer last second so being good old DFW Beautiful beautiful the guy that I think the guy that wants to buy the van is from Weatherford it'd be very funny if you knew him well I'm not gonna say his name yeah it'd be weird also there's a bunch of old car guys in Weatherford I probably don't know it's like a good place to retire if you'd like don't

really care about your life being good Yeah, buddy for a test drive You took his buddy for a test drive. Yeah, it was funny. How was he friend? Oh Yeah, yeah, Jake just took a guy's buddy for a test drive How do he handle? Oh man, isn't this so awesome? There it is. Yeah, you want to say that again? Kid, just say that again. Just say it again. I don't remember what I said. You said Jake took his, this guy's buddy for a test drive. How do you feel?

Just say that he just took his Friends buddy for a test drive. Yeah, how do you feel? He felt normal because it was just a car ride and nothing gay happened and nothing gay happened. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh And he was racist. Oh! I'm sorry, he just wants to buy the van. But he was really, really, really, really racist. But he was nice to me. Oh! Ah!

That's nice. Yeah, yeah, anyway, yeah, that's fine. Um, I don't know what we're doing. I think we're doing a ham. And I think, actually no, Ashley hates ham. So I think we might do steak actually, just have a steak night or something.

Throw some New York strips on down on the grill. And have some, uh, have some disgusting meat. What are your parents gonna do? They just gonna make a fucking turkey or something? Um, we don't really talk about that kind of stuff. It's not me saying that. That's not my voice.

No. No, I didn't. That's not me. that. That is. Hey Thomas. That's not my voice. Did you ever ride the short bus? I never rode the short bus, but I'm a dumb. No, I didn't. I never rode the short bus, but I'm a dumb. I didn't say any of that. I was Rio de Young OG. Kiyomi, get your ass in here. The Flint, Michigan. You can't use my own sounds against me.

You have crafted weapons. You can't use blackiana against me. I have four. You forged these weapons and they are being used against you I'm like bitch. That's my cookie. It's my juice. Okay one nigga got that nigga part of this Thank God. Yeah about Christmas people are listening to this Living rooms. Yeah with their family We have to provide the Christmas cheer and you still have a Christmas song to make and you were just telling me about how much you liked

it and you still have a Christmas song to make and you were just telling me about how much you liked it Oh yeah Yep Oh, I already did that one Oh, what do you know these are the same songs I think I did that one I think I did that one Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, He doesn't want to be alone He's got to wait until he's dead He's got to look at the altar for Christmas He's got to drink a lot of booze

He's got to take your mother's car And take you to the nearest strip club Club What you think of that one I liked it, thank you man, that was kind of hard it kind of funny yeah Here comes Mama, Mama's coming over for Christmas time. Mama's coming over and you haven't seen her in a while. She's addicted to this and thinks a lot of things, but she's going to bring me a new saint who will soothe this last year. She's going to be a nice little mama for Christmas, cause she lives at the woman's shelter She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and yellow hands She has red teeth and red gums and yellow hair She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and yellow hair

She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and yellow hair She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and yellow hair She has yellow eyes and yellow hair She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and really mad She has yellow eyes and yellow skin and yellow hands She has red teeth and red gums and a lovely mouth She has bruises because of her cirrhosis If you think she's making an extra, you're probably wrong Hey mommy, I hope you're doing good

Hey daddy, come on, keep him down the way She wants to have Christmas dinner She has to take her medicine first or her liver can process it Mom's family's over for the Christmas time Oh, I didn't even know where to go I'm studying chemical engineering Mom, Dad, you can do it, Dad, I'm studying, I'm an some listeners out there pants we never do anything about deadbeat gay dads that's true and buddy I think you

have that one covered here you go hey kids it's me your gay dad. I'm using my regular voice because I don't want to be too regressive with this one. Hey gay kids, as you know all my kids are gay because I'm gay and I force my theology of women. Hey kids, I just drank some pink wine, that's what I drink with a pink pill, and now I'm driving my pink Whitney. I hate my kids and their gay dad, but he's so hot, and he's a guy, and I love that about

him, and he's a guy and I love that about him And he's gay I'm taking pink pills I love I just sorry You're like I'm gonna sing a song about a gay dad And I thought you were gonna go the way with it of like oh a dad that was straight and had kids and then he came Out and he's gay But you think about that possibility, you know so little about gay guys You were like

This was this is it was a real story of this a guy I knew Okay You guys love drinking the tiny bottles of pink Whitney they do love that that is true. That's yeah, honestly You're not wrong about any of it. They love pink pills They love pink me otters hatchback monster threes is a classic gay guy car and they have a pink Whitney is their favorite drink We already almost went pink pink wine Like just pink Moscato Years the first like

Pink beer watching gay football I'm eating pink nachos and eating pink meat and watching the Titanic and I'm crying crying watching the Titanic and it's pink Watching the Titanic I love my husband and I play football. I love my husband and I play football. My name is Tom Brady. I love my husband and I play football. I am a husband.

I am Tom Brady. Playing football. I am that my, playing football. I am glad my wife left me. I love my husband. I kiss my son, I'm Tom Brady. I love the football, and I'd like to kiss it. I love my husband, and I'd like to kiss him. I'm drinking pink wine, I am Tom Brady.

I play football with my butt. I'm playing football, and play football with my butt. I'm playing football and I play with my butt. Football and I play with my butt. I play the football and I play with my butt. I am Tom Brady and I love my husband. I am Tom Brady and I play the football. I play Tom Brady and I play the football. I'm drinking pink wine and I am Tom Brady and I play the football I'm drinking pink wine and I am Tom Brady I hated my wife I prefer my husband I am Tom Brady

I play pink football I watched pink football on Tom Brady I am Tom Brady! He is Tom Brady! I'm kissing my son. I'm Tom Brady Okay, well that was all the songs that I downloaded I'm sure I can download some more no actually it's not I Don't know what this sounds like But here's lo-fi Christmas I went to wonderland with all this white I feel like I'm in white mode But it's all this white Baby, I wanna tell you I'm rich and healthy I got it this way, boy baby

I'm getting to my own house with some good macadamia My ho ho ho, and I'm living free My Christmas is You're a real mess bro About to shut out the lights To show you my paws I'm a Christmas man You're a Christmas man I've got you in my Christmas hands

You're in my Christmas hands Yeah I got a Christmas man Stand over me You're moving in the benches You're moving in the benches Santa got a real big sack Santa's looking real real black Santa's got a really nice sleigh It's a kill it, let's say murder It's cold, it's cold though, it's in my house I'm in the North Pole While I'm rockin' my North Pole And rockin' my North Pole

Come on, let's go Come on, let's go Come on, let's go Come on, let's go Let me see you rockin' that Red Man song Let me see you rockin' that Red Man song Let me see you rockin' that Red Man song Let me see you rockin' that red dress on Let me see you clap your hands Let me see you throw it back

For a real Christmas motherfucker Say it, say it, baby Let me see you get real Christmas with me Let me see you throw it back for real Let me see you Say it, don't say it, don't say it, baby She goes back for real, like she's Except don't say anything baby, I got a mystery I'm just a kid but I thought of you You ain't giving up on me baby

A whole load of, a whole load of song I'm gonna go to the sand and sing la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I'm trying to get some pussy from your mama. That's the only reason I became a boss in Santa Claus. So I can get some pussy from you. Your mama workin' me in the markets. It's what my semen dark is. You wanna try that one? Here, I'll let you run that beat back.

Alright, I got it. Alright, alright. Alright, alright. Alright, alright. Yeah. This goes out to all the girls that thought they never belonged under the Christmas tree. That thought they could never have a stocking.

That thought they could never have a present. I see you next to that candy cane, looking all cute and ish. Yeah. I see you all next to that ale, with your present and ish. Yeah. Girl, I see you on the rooftop looking for a sin and sin and sin of clouds girl girl I see you on that old pole you looking where the presents where the presents where the presents is at what if you wrote a letter to my dick instead of Santa Claus

I said girl, what if you wrote a letter to my balls instead of Santa Claus I even said at that North Pole you go to this white boy's pool Oh baby Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tree yeah what if instead of leaving out some cookies for Santa girl what if instead you left out some pussy for a random white guy girl I got 3 DUIs and I got a painkiller problem and I got over sixty thousand dollars in credit card debt and I got a warrant out in three states for aggravated assault and I done killed a few people yeah and I stole my grandmama's Buick to get here in front of your apartment which I found cuz your ex-boyfriend wrote it on the bathroom stall But I could be your Mr. Claus

If you wanna be my Mrs. Santa Claus, girl I know you wanna eat that Christmas food I know you wanna wear them Christmas shoes The wood ones that the Danish people wear like Ikea people what if instead of Christmas and cookies you gave this white boy some pussy what if instead of some Santa I sip some lean with some Fanta then I passed out in your apartment then you had to call the police You wanna run it back Jake edition again Ahhhh I think I just wanted to say I saw you with that gay apparel on

I like that shit Girl oh Santa Claus Christmas raps Oh girl with all that candy cane Girl you looking like a candy cane with all your curves even though they only got one Girl you shaved like a candy cane Do they that's goliathis? Please tell me this is all Christmas lo-fi

Girl you got that scoliosis on you You spine looking like a kitty And that's what my dog named Oh dude, yeah I just like Greek shit I just love Saint Nicholas I love that Greek shit I think he was Turkish I do do believe St. Nicholas was Turkish

Please don't get mad at me if you're Greek. We are y'all are pretty different. I guess that's why you don't leave presence where the Kurds is He just thinks that they stinky and still or was that Arminians? I think that was Armenia. The Albanian genocide would just be if they made a law where pizza restaurants had to be good. They would lose their money, baby. They would lose all that money. They would lose their livelihood. Welcome back to Christmas, because this is america

and we worship santa i was out of black friday baby and they only had one thing for sale this two white boys sitting on lower bel-air drunken shit on eggnog and spice rum Bel Air, Drunk as shit on eggnog, and Spice Rum, Deck Out Her Wed, Piru Piru I guess Kinda just going with whatever at this point Doesn't really seem like we can get in trouble for much really I'm surprised we have not been visited by the FBI or anything

I think that doesn't matter anymore, brother. I don't think we have a whole lot of pirate listeners to our, uh, Crip listeners, I apologize. This is kinda good, dude. I'm fucking with you. I kinda like this. This is like a chance the rapper be. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be a good Christmas. It's gonna be a good Christmas It's gonna be a good Hey you go ahead

No you got it I've been hogging the beats here I'll start running back for you Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha This Christmas let's have a good time. How many reindeers is the Santa how? It's nine.

Ooh, mighty fine. I wish I was a reindeer with my four hooves. Each of them all cloven and stockings made of wood oh I want to be a Christmas tree oh I want some be Santa Claus I want to be a baby boy I want to be a baby for Christmas I want to wear a diaper for Christmas Mommy, can I please wear a diaper for Christmas? I'll be a little boy and I'll need a pinky

I'll need to have soft foods Maybe apple sauce I'll need to have crying I need to spit up black I need to spit a black. I need to sing for Christmas. I need to sing the little baby song. Where, where? I need to eat the baby food. Yum!

I need to take a baby nap and go pooping for Christmas And I am 46 years old and a baby swaggy just like you. I'm just a little boy, baby Droppin' up your neighborhood You're a little boy, boy But you ain't bringin' no kids You ain't bringin' no kids You just bringin' some niggas You just bringin' some niggas Maybe a little, little boss I'm not hiding, man, I said I'll only use it if you kiss me Red and creamy, that's how eggnog tastes. Pepperminty, that's my candy cane.

Sweet and cookie, that's how cookie tastes. Gingerbread-y, that's how muffins taste Sweet and crunchy I mean you can be what you want to do Christmas baby. We got We can stop we've been doing a lot of Christmas songs, it's okay. I Don't want to say which for Christmas Everyday, I eat my chips You know, I like eating my foods and I like a salad dip. I just want No, you got I'm listening That's okay. I don't have the instrumental so it's kind of just it's all right. I've gotten we've grown weak with the soundboard

Oh, yeah, I also don't really remember this song that well Don't you you well yeah, we can Dreaming of a woke Christmas did we already do that one? Thanks, I almost certainly did at some point. Yeah, I think somebody was talking about how you were singing about woke eggnog It was called you called it woke nog That makes sense Dreaming of a woe Christmas the kind that liberals all do fear and they don't like to drink beer

they don't on the first day of Christmas my liberal gave to me one pronoun on the second day of Christmas my liberal gave to me one pronoun and some blue hair dye for my hair On the third day of Christmas my liberal gave to me one pronoun some blue hair dye or No, that's very good. I got it on the third day of Christmas my liberal gave to me Do you say the third day of Christmas my liberal gave to me Do you say the third day of Christmas? One blue hair die And uh yeah, you do say the new one first. Yeah, you say you say yes

On the third day of Christmas my liberal gave to me avocado toast Blue hair die and one pronoun Yeah, there we go. Yeah. All right. I think I know what I'm doing You got it. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. All right. I think I know what I'm doing. You got it. You can handle four. On the fourth day of Christmas, my liberal gave to me one vaccine, one blue hair, one pronoun, and a, and a, and a,

and a, and a, and a, and a, and and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and

up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up Yeah, yeah, you say the interval. Oh You're right. My first day of Christmas my true life to me a partridge in a pear tree a pronoun

That is they and a vaccine Seen a liberal and a Fauci On the first day of folkkma's come all I gave to me Two girlfriends and a liberal and a vaccine And a liberal and a vaccine. Yeah, I think I literally forgot how the song goes. I don't remember To suck my dick three fuck my ass in a bad bro and a vaccine On the fifth day of Fauci my blowjob gave to me What's up? I was gonna say is your family do like Christmas politics stuff or they just kind of like leave it out

No They don't really uh, I have an uncle who will bring stuff up But he hasn't really been around that much last few Christmases. So we have to once a Know like a brother-in-law my mom's side somewhere so it's like yeah He's mostly chill though. I'm not even gonna badmouth the motherfucker. He's just you know he just He's that type of a bring it up ish you know what I mean, and then everybody just sort of like Eats their food Yeah, my family does not really talk about stuff like that. We don't really

talk about anything. Yeah. You guys just kind of keep it real. We just kind of eat and then we just kind of go our separate ways. Kind of avoid eye contact the whole time and don't say anything nice to each other. No, we don't really talk that much. We'll say how you've been. Oh, good. Good. How about you? I've been good as well All right, well, I'll see you in a few years Yeah, I Think Mary Fauci Mary liberal yeah

Kamala liberal My mom will have like three white clothes and she'll be like You know Trump is gonna fucking save the whole world and I'm like that's good I guess I mean that's cool like that's cool to believe in something it's cool to have like a like a W in your life or whatever yeah my uncle used to dude my we haven't seen him in a lot I haven't seen him in years and there's like good reasons for that he would just come over like every holidays and then he would tell the same story

about how he saw Quan Alex walking around downtown Houston and he thought about hitting him with his truck and then decided against it because he didn't want to go to jail. And I was like, is that supposed to be like a cool story? It would have been cool if you killed him with your truck, but it's less cool to say that you thought about killing Quan Alex, you know what I mean?

I hope that uh I hope that he has exploded or something from so many big gulps what you looking at on your phone? Yeah I've never seen this guy in my life Quan Alex. Oh yeah he's just a pol- he's like a I don't actually don't know if he's chill or not, but he is definitely like He's a nation of Islam guy Yeah a Child of divorce no, thank you. No, thank you You're rocking your padejo time sweater me too, dude Bring it. I had to work to

Damn I'm sweating me too, dude. Bring it out. Yeah, I had to work too. Damn. The Black Panther Party split from him amid allegations that he has not delivered services to families he was paid to represent. Yes. Yeah, that's crazy. Boing. Yeah.

Yeah, that's crazy. Boing. Yeah, that's no good. R. Kelly now singing in prison. Inmates say he's got the voice of an angel and the love of a devil. Ain't that right, Thomas? Yes. Uh, uh, P. Diddy is in the news lately. More like P Diddle. More like, uh, fuck.

Alright. Uh, anyway. Yeah, I'm thinking about fucking, I'm gonna leave on Sunday, and then I'm gonna fucking go do that Goddamn Christmas. Well, I hope you don't do any work on Sunday Now I gotta drive is that Lord today Sabbath? driving You shouldn't drive it and you should only be should just pray the whole day. I would cancel your flight just to be safe

Yes, I'd cancel it just be safe Cancel the drive It's called the driver Can you drive on Sunday? Googly, I don't know about this guys. I'm still trying to figure it out. Can you drive on Sundays? it out can you drive on Sundays this fucking year went by so fast like crazy fast like birthdays coming around the corner I'm gonna be fucking 31 and that is gonna be the end of Jake I think I should start getting into whittling or something you know I was in a whittling for a while but I was just doing it in my house at the time and then I would just bring a shot back in

and vacuum it off the carpet but I stopped that once I started having a girlfriend yeah that's I wasn't as I wasn't asked I wasn't asked who I just kind of knew in advance that was something I would need to stop doing eventually yeah one of those like single guy things that you're like I'm gonna have to put a stop to this like yeah It's like you know as soon as anything in my life gets better. I'm gonna definitely stop this Yeah, whittling alone getting wood everywhere and like I

Feel like jacking off midday like no you know what I mean just like just middle of the day You should be doing other stuff, but like it like it45 jack-off session is like, that's no more. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like those are, that one's gone, what else? Oh, eating, getting pizza delivered, and then leaving the pizza on the top of the stove for like three to five business days.

Just hanging out, you know what I mean? And you might still have a slice. Only God and you know, you know what I mean and you might still have a slice only God and you know you know what I mean yeah also just cooking and then just the dishes are just kind of there yeah dude I already cooked I already cooked and I gotta do dishes and I gotta cook yeah doesn't all make sense really does not adding up no this is horseshit I didn't sign up for this. I One of the things I'll still do and I think I've like rubbed off on Ashley in this way Is I'll put the pot when I would cook a bunch of fucked up like if I make like a pasta slop

I just put the pot in the fridge call it a day fuck it And now every now and then like after we eat she's like just put the pot in the fridge and I'm like school one And now every now and then like after we eat she's like just put the pot in the fridge, and I'm like school one It's a long fight up that hill, but we got a dub just put the pot in there because for a long time It was like put it in the Tupperware clean the pot. I just ate carbs You know what I mean? I want to pull on my nutsack and watch fucking Edd and Eddie Baby my name is Jake every day that's Thomas I want to be with a guy named Jake every day and and so yeah there's a what the fuck else I feel like when you're I don't know I feel like when you're like a single dude, and some of my friends are single and their lives are good,

so they don't do stuff like we're talking about, but they're like out of, I guess, they don't exist within this context of this conversation. Like, there's nothing more annoying than having a guy who like doesn't have a girlfriend and you go to his house and it's clean. And it's like, there's like food made. What are you doing, you trying to have sex with me no we don't

do that this is not it's not that is you what you got candles here for yeah that's female behavior are you cook snacks what do you have a nice hand soap why yeah why do you have a hand towel you should have hands you know as a certain age you should have a hand soap but it should be a basic one yeah you can't get too fancy with it unless you're married if you're married all you know all bets are off you can have it as many things no but I mean like if you're divorced you know I get it you know if you kept some good habits but if you're a single guy yeah and you're older yeah I don't know just a little little sus little bizarre little strange yeah I don't think I don't us

i'd say that this thing where i think i give a guy's like to if his was single guys living space is to be a major consult the women in my life uh... but if it does living space is to neat is too clean it's too orderly i'll i in my mind if i was a woman that would that would scare me more than a guy who likes leaps in a closet and like his friends apartment unit

in terms of like danger because to me there's no reason why i'm in should have that kind of living space unless he has something to hide you don't you see what I'm saying like why why are you mopping just piss on the floor you know what I mean are you there yeah why did you piss on the floor oh I pissed on the floor this morning on accident I had peed in a long time time and I had a weird second stream emerge. Oh yeah. But it was like I had a mainstream that was just right in the toilet.

And then I had a weird mist emerging from the bottom of my urethra that was pointed straight at my feet. And so as I peed, my feet just slowly started getting weirdly wet. Yeah, of course. And then I looked down and my feet were wet. Then I looked again and I looked at my stream and it was going into the toilet. Yeah.

And I looked down again and there's just piss all over the floor. And then I, yeah, I just had to clean off my feet and then the floor. Yeah. Thankfully I hadn't showered yet, so I was had to clean off my feet and then the floor. Yeah. Thankfully I hadn't showered yet so I was able to just shower and then just kiss my rub soap into my feet and then kiss them in the shower. Every day.

And then lick my own feet and then I fucked my own feet in the shower and then I put my feet in my ass. I put soap on my feet and then I put my feet in my ass and then I fucked my ass with my feet in my ass. I put soap on my feet, and then I put my feet in my ass, and then I fucked my ass with my feet in the shower. Then I jacked off while I was fucking my ass with my feet, and I came into my mouth, and then I put my feet in, and then I had to put my feet in my mouth to get the come out, and I forgot they were just in my ass. And I went, oh, rats.

This is horrible. And then I looked, and there's still piss on the floor. Oh shit. I had to wipe up the rest of the piss with my feet and then I got shit on them. They come. All over the floor. So I had to try and piss on the floor, I had to piss on the floor to try and get all the shit and cum out. You can clean shit with piss, that's what I always say. It's not hard, you know. Cum runs thicker than piss, that's what I always say. But shit runs thicker than cum. Shit runs thicker than cum, man. Not as much as poop.

We used to always, growing up, we'd always play shit, piss, and cum. Shit, piss, cum. Growing up with the, you know, the hard end of the Bronx, you know, we had to play shit, piss, cum to see... Piss beats shit. Shit beats cum. Cum beats piss. Yeah. And everybody had different rules. Every kid in every one of the end of the borough had a

different rule. Is it one, two, three, shit? Is it one, two, three, piss? Is it one, two, three, cum? Is it one, two, three, shit, piss, cum? Shit, piss, cum, cum. It's a different life for everybody out here in beautiful New York.

Beautiful New York, Texas My god, I'm so fucking sick dude. I hate this shit Really, I like it when you're sick. Why? It's you down to a level. I like energy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you like I like to keep you low So you don't know your true worth you stick around with scumbags like me Thomas yes, come back man. You're good. You're great Great guy when I came over to your house you bought me a pack of cigarettes I'm a fucking piece of shit

I mean, I killed a guy Yeah, I seriously I killed somebody earlier why Because I didn't give a crap. It was fun It was actually to get into a gang. What's the gang called? Uh, yeah, the United States military. Do you have the Air Horn? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh The gang was called actually the United States military. What's the sound called? DJ effect air horn or something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, so I just tried to join a gang earlier and they rejected me

due to my weight and mental disabilities and Fused together toes that game you might ask, yeah, it's called the United States Military. ["The United States Military Theme"] Yeah, anyway. ["The United States Military Theme"] Oh no, I wanted the trap beat. yeah anyway what if we uh... i think uh... maybe we don't listen to music maybe we just maybe we do an old school

we just finished the last twelve minutes old school style you know what i mean just fucking two guys nothing to lose winning the hair shit my ass I Haven't shit my pants in a while, which is probably good, but uh It's been a bit which leads me to believe that it's gonna happen soon and in an opportune moment It almost happened a few times yesterday for me, but I have a stomach bug so I have an excuse But I didn't I didn't happen Had a couple of time. I didn't go I went to an urgent care

And I thought I had my health insurance set up and it turns out I did not have anything in order So it was two hundred twenty five dollars. Jesus Christ. Why don't you tell him to bill your ass, dude? And then just like pay it later Just say I don't money right now I was severely dehydrated. I did not really know what's going on So I just said hey, I'm just gonna pay it. No figure it out Okay What they say was wrong with you just fucked up. They don't know I just had some kind of virus

But they gave me like a nausea medication for it and it helped a lot I went in I kind of wanted like fluids or whatever, but they didn't really have any of that so Was it the woke my do with it was was a dude with a...I think it was I thought it was maybe like the Norovirus or whatever Cause I couldn't hold down like any fluids Oh Um, which was awesome cause I

Um The night that I got it I also drank heavily And ate like a pound of steak Beautiful, yummy. So I, and I thought I did a pretty good job. I threw up like nine times. Yeah.

And I thought I did a pretty good job of keeping it all contained. And then the next morning I went in literally like an entire wall was just covered in vomit. And then the sink and toilet were both destroyed yeah, I Got then it was you know first thing in the morning So my girlfriend wanted to use the restroom and I had to be like oh no

I should be like ready to go in like 45 minutes. No problem. Yeah Just have to Yeah, just have to deal with all this. But it's all good. I got a couple days off work out of it, so that was nice. That's badass. It's always nice to get at work off because you're sick. I work from home.

That was so funny when I told you I was hungover. I think we were doing the show like a year. I literally told it all the time. But when I was like, yeah, I called in today, and you were like, called in, what does that look like? And I was like, oh in today and you were like called in what does that look like and I was like I just didn't go to work and you're like did you just not turn your monitor on like what I don't know and I had thought about it I was like it's so gay it's so it's a bitch move to call in from a work from home job like that that's bad but I was very hungover I was very was not doing good it was really really bad but dude the one time I had food poisoning no or the norovirus I was on

a cruise ship I was on a carnival cruise ship dude and I thought I was gonna die and I'm not gonna lie to you dude I laid on so the shower the bathroom was like a closet and it was like stand-up shower and then a foot to the left of toilet and I just fucking would like this is so gross and I I try I cleaned it up as best as I could this is really disgusting but I like there was there was I'm not kidding Thomas like maybe a foot of clearance from the toilet to the shower so I pulled the curtain back and I was on the toilet like shitting my brains out and I would just projectile vomit into the shower I didn't want to do it the other way you know what I mean

like I didn't want to lay I thought you were gonna say that you were shitting into the shower drain so I'm just glad to hear that wasn't the case no no I was I like I thought here's the thing at one point dude I was, I like, I thought, here's the thing. At one point, dude, I was laying on the ground, curled up in a ball around the sink, and my ass was aimed towards the shower. And my mouth, I was throwing, I had thought I had done, was done shitting, so I just had to vomit.

And it was like coming up how you can't stop it. And so I was just like, sticking my finger down my throat to try, and my stomach was just like, like not giving anything else. And I did almost shit in the shower, but I didn't. But what I was stomach was just like not giving anything else and I did almost shit in the shower but I didn't. What I was doing was just sitting on the toilet and just projectile vomiting all over the bathroom. My mom would come back from a man, it was a carnival cruise, she got off a casino deal

or some shit and she would come in and be like, steak night was great and I would just be like, gray. I'm like, I'm, steak night was great, and I would just be like, gray. And I'm like, I'm glad steak night was good. You know, I would just shit my pants. Everywhere. I feel like when you're on a Carnival Cruise ship, you're allowed to do that stuff, you know what I mean?

Carnival Cruise ship is not a place where you act civil or whatever. It's a place where you go to act like an animal. Yeah, it also wasn't your fault you got it No for sure, but I've been I'm sure other people on the cruise had it too. Yeah Also the foods just bad I just think they just don't prepare things properly Also could have been there like a toilet wasn't cleaned well or something But anyway, I think... It also could have been that like a toilet wasn't cleaned well or something.

Yeah, cruise ships... I mean, dude, here's the funny thing. My mom fucking loves cruises. I can't stand them. I don't like them. Like, it's not necessarily just that it's carnival or whatever, like... I, uh... I don't know. I don't want to... I have no interest in... And this is gonna sound crazy crazy talk If I want to eat hamburgers and drink beer all day at the pool. I'll just go to the pool and do that I don't really want to be like on a floating strip mall

Like with a bunch of people that like remind me of my cousin Because carnivals buck wild dude the carnival is crazy people just fistfight in the pool You'll watch like 50 adults in a kiddie pool, like the small pool, the pool bar area, all day never get out and by the end of that day the pool is green. But by the end of the next day it's blue again and I don't know what kind of fucking chlorine they're running in that motherfucker. But it can't be safe people swimming in it. And then people just get in there and swim and piss, throw up in it. It's just like a floating fucking like hedonism It's disgusting and they've got a burger joint named after Guy Fieri and that he pisses me off I don't like seeing it cause guys burgers

It makes me upset. I don't like it Guy burgers Is your my bill gebo gas My friend chef I make burger Guy burgers. My name is Guy Burgers. I'm a French chef. I make burgers. My name is Guy Burgers. I feel like shit. Welcome to Guy Burgers and Guys. Hold on, can you do that again? Welcome to Guy...

Hold on. Hold on, yeah, here you go. Come on down to Guy's Burgers and Guy's. Only the hottest joints. Headed straight for your punk ass. Taking big bites out of burgers, sandwiches, pieces of chicken, big ass chickens, pieces of pasta, big ass pieces of bread, and some fucking salads with some fucking sodas and amazing fucking milkshakes, pieces of fucking Italian food, burgers, gyros, pieces of rice, crispy pieces of mac and cheese, spaghettis, big pieces of

coca-cola, and the best ice creams, pieces of candy, pieces of hamburgers, chicken, pizzas, carbonara, and stuff that they make in igloos, big chicken fried rice, oh stir fried, big orange chicken, amazing tofu, fantastic burgers, and the best fucking pieces of chicken you've ever had. the guy burgers and guys come on down to flavor town and get a big fucking giant soda with a big fucking popcorn and candy to watch the big fucking show with the and soups and best biggest burgers Stir fried chicken and pizza and eggplant parmesan and artichoke and the best damn spinach soup And the best damp slush is I thought you were gonna do like a male Hooters for a second, but I'm nice to know that burgers and guys

Has so much good food on the menu man. Oh, yeah Let me the intro to my food show. Oh Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm There he goes These turkeys are the most vicious tom's turkeys in the world. And they're not in the south. Tom's turkey will make their sale in the south. Oh. Yow. Yow. Yow. Yow. In the 40s and 90s they had Tom, the English colonist of Latin America, and in the 40s and 40s they had the turkeys. The Englishman called Mr. Flagg and asked for a boat to board the boat.

He took the 2011 Ford Inns and the James C. Lewis E. Lee Ford F-150 and immediately upon stepping out of the boat, he got a high-end camera. He hanged that on a broken man and the bucket filled with his spirit. He got right to the boat. Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't. That eye indeed blew with Tom's bottom half of his jaw clean off So it's up to you if you want to fix it Ehhhh, turkey

Oh, Tom Tom, what's the number one secret to making the best turkey? So, turkey, turkey Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh Baaaaaaah! Baaaaaaah! Baaaaaaah! Baaaaaaah! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad

I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad I'm not that bad

I'm not that bad I'm not that bad Get yourself some Tomahawk turkey turkey Now serve a turkey taco Turkey uh... Turkey tilapia Turkey tilapia Tomahawk turkey Turkey tomahawk now she's getting hanged but not till Dropping a little bit of her like turkey legs suck on So she stops trying to have sex with my people

Goodbye!