Pendejo Time - proud of thomas
Episode Date: January 20, 2022I am goin to play the robot song at my wedding and funeral. its so good. Support the Show....
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Yo! What's up, dude?
We're back.
We're back.
Big Boss is back in the building.
Big Boss is...
Silver... Silver Snake Ball...
I don't fucking know the Metal Gear...
What's... Yeah, it's Big Boss, or Silver...
I don't fucking know, man.
Yeah, Big... I'm back, dude.
Back from the fucking...
Wild West.
The jungles of Washington.
The jungles of Seattle and Leavenworth, Washington.
Well, it's starting to look more and more like one nowadays
with all the trees they got out there.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really cool, man.
It was a cool little cool experience, cool place.
That's great, great man there was a
jimmy you're really enjoying life i am dude i'm having a great one there was a guy
we were standing on uh like this really touristy part of the city it's like pike
place market it's right on the water anyway. And there was a guy, uh,
he just looked like he was just a, he just had a jacket on and a hat. Like he just, I was like,
Oh, this guy's just striking up conversation. Um, he was like, we were just making small talk
and me and Ashley were like, yeah, we're from Texas. And he was like, Oh man, great place.
You know, a lot of, a lot of secrets, you know, or something like that. And I was like oh man great place you know a lot of a lot of secrets you know or something
like that and i was like yeah you know and then he was like uh i was just i'm having a hard time
recalling the conversation because it was so surreal he's like yeah i've been all over that
man you know the sugar land corpus christi area and at that point i knew that he was like i was
getting inklings of this but he i was like oh this guy's just a little bit unhinged not to where he's
like shouting at people in the street but he's like he's like you know the
sugarland corpus christi brownsville area like that area which is like it's not that's not like
a local anyway yeah it's just like anything close to the coast yeah yeah or just i think he was just
saying cities because he was like you know you ever been to the this one is what got me he was like, you know, you ever been to the – this one is what got me. He was like, you ever been to the big orange door in Sugar Land?
Big white building, massive orange door.
You ever been in there?
And I was like – I was like, no, man.
He was like, oh, man, it's beautiful.
It's just – you can't miss it.
It's a huge, massive white building, big orange door we were like no i've
never been over there he's like i can't give all my texas secrets away you know guys and me and
ashley were like and at that point like he was it was clear that like i don't know if he was homeless
but he just he just was like he was just hanging out outside which i guess i guess that's part of
the definition but uh right before you can do that for a long time before you're considered homeless yeah true well he was
like very like he was very articulate except for the little again like he wasn't like
you know like you run into some people in like dallas or houston area whatever really dallas
and houston why did you choose those because those are the places that I've been. I guess.
And encountered the most
unhinged homeless people, I suppose.
But anyway, right before we walk away,
he's like, remember, I am you guys.
And I was like, okay, alright.
And I walk away, and Ash
was like, yeah.
It's a very, like, it's like he
had a quest for me that I just didn't, like, the dialogue box came up, and it was like, he, I was like, yeah, like, it's a very, like, it's like he had a quest for me that I just didn't like the dialogue box came up and it's like, it's pursue orange door.
It was like, I could have been a video game and I just declined the side quest and walked away.
Very like, just, just, I don't know.
It's a beautiful place.
Cool people.
A guy, if I was telling you this, we we were in the we were talking in the chat um there's
another guy that we were going to a restaurant and we were like walked down this side alley
and uh just a really tall guy north face jacket normal looking dude um you know just i don't know
just looked like he was hanging out like and he was following us in this alley like to where we
were walking in the restaurant he's bouncing a football which i didn just looked like he was hanging out. And he was following us in this alley to where we were walking in the restaurant,
and he's bouncing a football, which I didn't even like.
He was bouncing it up and catching it.
Just being a jock, dude.
Yeah, and it's like I didn't – I'm like, well, there was a part of me,
and this could have been the edible, but I was like, dude,
how do you bounce a football to where it comes straight back up?
Like they're shaped to bounce, like to fuck it.
But he was bouncing it off the ground as he was dribbling it, kind of like a basketball, and catching it, I could hear it
behind me, which was very, like, kind of terrifying, but in a cartoonish way, because, like, I'm just
walking, talking to Ashley, and I'm, like, keeping an eye on the guy, and all I just hear is boink,
boink, I can, I can hear the motherfucker, like, it's, like, the most, like, cartoonish beginning
to, like, a campy, like, slasher film, or whatever, or whatever. And we get to the restaurant, and the guy walks around behind us.
He's like, y'all going to the Pink Door?
I was like, yeah.
He's like, classic place, man.
A lot of history here.
Great restaurant.
And again, dude, he wasn't like...
This was not like...
Dude, articulate.
Like, just very, like, just, you know, he's like, a lot of history.
Yeah, great place.
You can just walk right in, by the way.
You don't have to wait out here.
And we were like, and he just walks in.
He just walks into the restaurant.
And, like, we get in there, and he's, like, talking to the hostess.
And, like, for a second, I was like, oh, this guy might just be, like, a local. Like, just, is he, like, a the hostess and like for a second i was like oh
this guy might just be like a low like just is he like a local like it might meet like was this guy
so like i don't know but the look on the hostess face she was like so i'm just assuming that he's
just like you know one of those guys it's like all right he comes in here like drinks a glass
of tap water talks about wizards and shit and fucks off it was like but again it was like very
like a i don't know i don't know how to describe it.
Like it just wasn't your like.
Do you think if I went there, people would just assume I was like a homeless local guy?
I think so.
You'd have to dress a certain way.
There was a guy.
You need to get a puffer, dude.
Yes.
You need to get like a puffy North Face, but you got to have some burn holes in it,
which I think is easy for you.
You'd probably get that done pretty quick.
There was a guy doing, right on the park in front of the water, just fucking doing, like,
just to no music, just.
Just vibing.
Just vibing, dude.
And I was like, God damn, people got it different out here.
This is sick.
It felt, like, very just like and then of course you get to like like the like the up in the like
big country in washington it's just like i don't know it was nuts uh it'd be funny if it was like
like joe rogan's mad at like you know he's like pointing out like look what our cities are
becoming and it's a guy like reading a kindle and like wearing allbirds he's like this
man is homeless look at him he's disgusting and he's just like smoking american spirit and like
drinking topo chico he's like at the university i'm a sociology professor i've got tenured
uh dude the fucking weirdest part of that like so we get on uh we get on the greyhound to go
to leavenworth which is like
little bavarian style town like in the countryside like up in washington up in the woods and mountains
area and shit anyway our bus driver is this guy he's got uh a big ipad one of those big like
massive like old people smartphones it's got the big screen and his phone case is a knitted minion
somebody made it for him i don't know who it was but it was like not a phone case is a knitted minion. Somebody made it for him. I don't know who it was, but it was, like, not a phone case you could buy anywhere.
It was a huge, like, clearly worn.
He'd had this cocksucker since, I imagine, since the movie came out.
But, like, a knitted minion, you know.
And everything's going cool.
He's, like, not a very talkative guy.
Except for when he was talking to us.
So the bus broke down.
Drive shaft.
Like, dude, I thought we were like going off over the railing, like into a gorge or some shit.
It was fucking terrifying.
And he like pulls off on the side of the road.
And, you know, like when we get off the side of the road, he's like, got in contact with Greyhound.
Bus should be here very soon.
You know, y'all will just hang out.
Washington State Patrol's coming to get people off the road or whatever blah blah blah and at one point he like gets back on the
microphone and he's like he's trying to do like bits he's like but he was like you guys want to
know some of the craziest this is nothing this some of the craziest stuff ever happened to me
on a bus and we're like yeah sure man like let's hear it
Like let's hear the type 5
We're pulled over on the side of the road and it's two-way lane dude cars are zooming past us and
I was expecting like cuz Greyhound can get kind of kind of nutty dude the station can get kind of nutty and
Just great. We're a little bit nutty. Yeah. Yeah, it's Greyhound
So I was expecting this dude to be like yeah yeah, one time I was just eating a sandwich
and a guy came up pissed right there.
It's literally like I was expecting some – he's a lifelong Greyhound bus driver.
But his story is he was like, I was pulling up in Tuscaloosa
and I got a flat tire right before I pulled in to the stop.
And I'm like waiting for the other half of the story to drop.
And he's like,
I was one of the,
one of the most heroin days of my life.
And he's like,
there's another time I pulled right out.
I got about maybe a mile outside of the bus stop.
Brakes go out.
So like per his own, like this was much more harrowing than that like we're on a
two-way road like off the side of the road is just like it i don't like a fucking embankment
with a bunch of snow it's colder than fuck outside dude anyway we sat and waited for like
two and a half hours the bus never came and every time we asked about it i would walk over to him
he's playing candy crush on his big-ass iPhone.
And he's got his phone mounted on there.
And I'm just like, hey, have you heard from Greyhound, man?
It's been like two hours.
And he's like, well, I contacted him, but I'm still waiting on a reply.
Finally, a tow truck guy shows up.
And this dude is not having this guy's fucking, like, laissez-faire, like, bullshit attitude.
Motherfucker's like, have you heard from anybody from anybody dude have you heard from anybody in the city have anybody in the county
have you heard from greyhound he's like i may not texted the uh i texted them and you know
and he's like call them now you know whatever he's like not having it and i'm out there like
hitting my vape or whatever and i'm like what are you gonna have to do man like you got any intel
and he's like if y'all don't get a bus here washington state patrol told me to tow you
guys with you in it and i do not want to do that that did not instill dude we are crossing rivers
we're going into tunnels like over little gorges and shit like water's fucking near freezing there's
snow and frost on the abyss like this is not i'm in fucking skyrim and like getting
towed anyway was it a like a big tow truck like the it was like an adult one of them they tow like
other tow trucks it was one of them okay i was i was picturing like an f-250 no no just like
transmission just dropping out instantly and you just hear a single gunshot and no one asks about another bus coming you just know it's
yeah dude this whole so like the guy comes back up tow truck driver comes back up and he's like
why he's like all right guys i got good news and i got bad news he's like good news i can
we're gonna get you to scott comish which was a very super small mountain town like
200 people in the middle of nowhere which is where they had like a cafe place to charge your phones and place to
contact somebody. Cause we were literally like off the side of the road.
He's like, bad news is, and I can't believe I'm saying this.
I have to tow this bus with all of you on it for 10 miles.
So, you know, just, we're going to, and I feel like,
like he was taking control of the situation, but I, in that moment,
I needed him to be more confident.
But he was like, I don't know how this is going to go.
He was like, this is illegal, but I got the okay from State Patrol.
Jokingly, I forget, he was like, you ever done anything like this before?
And he was like, I said, no.
No, I'm not happy about this at all.
Which, like, I already don't like flying.
I don't really like public. I don't like doing any trains and shit like me. And so,
but the bus driver was like, all right, well, you know, we're getting it taken care of.
We're getting towed behind again. Like, dude, we're like moving side to side. He has to stop a couple times to pick us up higher because we keep going uphill and the bus like keeps dropping like on the like on the tow thing.
Like the tow truck.
It was a big one, but I don't know if it was meant to haul a fucking full Greyhound bus with a bunch of bodies in it.
And this motherfucker, dude, I see him from where I'm sitting.
We're going over, like I said, fucking little fuel, whatever the fuck overpasses rivers and shit. Just play a fucking Candy Crush, dude, I see him from where I'm sitting. We're going over, like I said, fucking little, whatever the fuck, overpasses, rivers and shit.
Just plain fucking Candy Crush, dude.
Like, nothing's even fucking happening.
I'm freaking the fuck out, dude.
I'm like, you know, and we go through a tunnel, and I hear this dude, the tow truck driver's honking.
And I'm like, here it goes.
Like, that, it's just, you know, I was like, eh, it's just, you know, I'm going to end up on the fucking news.
We come out on the side of the tunnel, you know, like nothing fucking goes wrong, but we like pull off. And, uh, you know, the tow truck, the tow truck driver's like guy
was like, did you get ahold of, they're having another bus coming to pick these motherfuckers
up? Because at this point, middle of nowhere, you know, he's like, yeah, I mean, I guess it'll be
here in about an hour hour and a
half and uh the fucking tow truck driver he told us back to his tow truck spot which was dick's
towing in monroe washington shout out uh they're gonna get a lot of business in the middle of
fuck off nowhere like you know and uh anyway the tow truck driver was like what like are you are you going deaf in
your old age like this dude's dog was like going at him like the bus driver and it was like
unstoppable force meets an immovable object because the tow truck driver had enough he just
did the most illegal fucking shit he's probably done in his whole career and this guy as he's
like giving him shit is again just playing fucking games it's like extreme big old motherfucker sized ipad he's like
just like we fucking they had another bus coming like that eventually came to get us but it was
like i i don't know dude like it the whole fucking trip was like cartoonishly like insane like it it
was just that was one of the more i was prepared to just, the bus just roll over into the river.
And then just sort of like, I'm in the bus, like in the river, you know, like just doodle-de-de-de-de-de-de-de.
River Rapids and shit.
Nobody tells me, so I don't make an announcement of any sort.
I just keep doing like solo episodes, but like just putting featuring so-and-so, but not actually featuring anyone.
Yeah, we're having Nick back on this week.
Jake's out of town.
And then people click on it.
It's like my favorite kind of pretzel is a soft pretzel.
I'm not sure if that's a pretzel or not.
But it's my favorite kind, so, you know, do what you will with that information.
I'm in the woods watching, like like i'm in the woods with my phone
and i'm watching like episodes get posted like no like i'm alive you're like i guess jake's dead
the last i saw of him he was in the mountains of washington i don't know how i still have a
charged phone after like six months you just have it plugged directly into the like trunk of a tree
and it's just magically...
I'm, like, forging for berries, and it's like, man, the show's so much better with that motherfucker gone, and I'm like... No!
You wake up, and you're still on the bus.
Yeah, I, like, come to, like, the edibles, just, like, I'm like...
It's a nightmare, like, and I'm sailing off to Overpass.
Oh, man. Dude, dude that was it was a fucking
blast dude i like uh yeah it sounds like you had a good time dude well like the fucking well what
happened was we were supposed to take amtrak but it got canceled and i was like oh cool nice little
bus ride like i've never been towed while i'm in the motherfucker, which like, by the way,
decontextualized from like having a panic attack while that was happening.
Honestly, pretty sick. I felt like I was at a, like a, a roller coaster with dire consequences.
And it felt like a, like a, one of the, something you'd ride at a carnival where it's like a fake
rainforest or something, or like, you know, only like only like one like if the fucking hitch on that greyhound
or anything were to just cuckoo like and at one point he was going slow at first but i guess he
wanted to get this thing over with and towards the end of us reading our reaching our destination he
was picking up speed dude like he was easily going like 40 which doesn't sound fast but if anything
if a deer or a bear like he's stopping we're going
through trailer hitch like going like through the everybody's getting final destination
uh it was fucking i don't know i hope it happens again honestly i would love i was trying to get
a refund from greyhound and i was going on their refund policy and i was reading reviews and people
were sharing like not similar experiences but like yeah dude I went into the bathroom and a guy blew his brains out or it's like cut his
fucking leg off in there like I'm just trying to get a refund and the overwhelming reviews that I
read was like if Greyhound gets you to where you're supposed to go you're not getting a refund
on the way there you could get molested like blown up like there could be a fucking terrorist attack
some guy could shoot somebody on the bus but if you if you don't get to where you're supposed to go they will refund you but
if you get there in one piece and nothing really all that bad happened you just have a story you
can't get refunded i was trying to find the button to press like toad behind a tow truck over a
mountain pass like click i can have my money back and i just was not happening so you didn't request
a refund i got a call i think i think it's not happening. So you didn't request a refund?
I got a call, I think.
I think it's one of those things you have to call,
and I don't know how much energy I have for that.
It is like $150, so I guess, you know.
Dude, that's like two paychecks right there.
That's like a whole six months worth of Patreon, dude.
You know, we both had wild and crazy weeks um i'm what they call a cat daddy now um cat daddy yeah dude you know it's so what about the other so the other one that comes over from the like
how many cats are you rocking with no so that cat hates us now
oh because so look i didn't want to blow up her spot all right but all right so babs was coming
over on the regular um we were chilling you know we'd hang out she'd drink water hang out on the
couch or whatever then she'd just like leave whatever
whenever we'd usually leave the like window cracked and she would just like kind of come
in and out right but uh she like other neighborhood cats would be like hanging out like on the
sidewalk or something in front of our house and she would like go like growl at them and like try
and fight them like it was her territory and she started like
pooping in the backyard and stuff okay like they bury it but it's like that's how they like mark
their territory right and she like uh she like pissed on the recliner okay which thankfully i uh
i i didn't see it happen but like um found it a couple minutes later, I think, and took care of it.
You said that kind of ominously.
You were like, thankfully, I didn't see it.
Are you implying that you would have killed the cat had you seen her do it?
No, I was saying thankfully and then comma.
Oh.
You were like, thankfully, I didn't see that because I would have.
No, no.
We were able to like
get rid of the smell or whatever but it still smells like faintly of vinegar uh yeah it's a
hard smell that like yeah like it doesn't really smell bad but like to a cat like they can smell
that like really easily yeah and she got like mad when she realized that we like didn't moved her she's like her tag yeah like we didn't
you tagged anyway so she saw that we got new cats and she as soon as we brought them in
we had the like the blinds open so the cats could see out the window
and she just perched up on the window and watched them
like just just with, an evil stare.
Like, I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to get in there and I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to fuck you up.
Yeah.
But now she wants to come in the house, but she won't let us pet her.
And it's like, well, joke's on you because that's why we were letting you in the house.
You're kind of fucking your own.
You're shooting yourself in the foot here.
Yeah.
But, yeah, it's hard to break up with your neighbor's cat but we've all been there you know yeah you've all we've all been to the fucking to the bare bones you know just splitting up with
the neighbor's animal but the the cats are good um they're under the bed right now i think they're
kittens you said right no they're uh we were gonna adopt
two kittens from a friend's parents but um oh you got them old the older kids yeah they're like
about to turn like 11 oh fuck senior citizens yeah because they uh they had they had owners
who'd had them from birth but they were um they had to go to a nursing home because they were
getting old right so like they but they're like a bonded home because they were getting old. Right, right. So, like, they, but they're, like, a bonded pair, you know.
Yeah, you don't want to split them up.
Yeah, so we thought, like, oh, no one's going to want to adopt these.
Like, you know, we'll adopt them.
But, like, three people, like, called to adopt them, like, as we were adopting them.
So I guess they probably would have been most likely okay.
I think everybody just felt bad for them.
would have been yeah most likely okay i think everybody just felt bad for them but um i didn't know um i thought cats were just kind of like fish or something but apparently they're they're very uh
different socially um so we
uh we gotta put like a barrier thing around the bed frame tonight to uh get them out keep
them out from under the bed so they'll like socialize with us more and not be so territory
bound um so that's i thought yeah i thought cats were just like bugs or something yeah yeah i didn't
know anything about cats no i thought you just sort of like pet them and then they were like nice to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a dog.
Yeah.
They're more complex than that apparently.
I – the smell – like cat – like people with a lot of cats that are also like messy.
I don't know.
cat like people with a lot of cats that are also like messy i don't know like cat stench has like a very it's a very powerful like oh it's awful smell and i remember
one of my buddies uh he lived in this like i think it was like a four like i don't i don't
know if it was like an old hotel or an old broth. I don't fucking know, but it's in Houston proper.
And one of his friend's buddies or whatever turned it into apartments.
But it was like one house with like 12 bedrooms.
And it was always cool as fuck going over there.
But he had like two big ass cats, one of which was old and would just shit and piss everywhere
and he'd be like hey man come over my place we're gonna party or whatever and i'd be like oh yeah
sick because like it was basically no man's land over there and uh but he would be like yeah we're
gonna go hang out in my apartment and i'd be like i'm gonna hang out outside you know and he's like
well we're all gonna go and play beer pong well anyway his the cat dude like the smell of i felt
bad it's like the smell of ammonia would like burn my eyes out of my fucking head like it's just such an intense like
you know like like stench i can't fucking yeah because i'm like they don't drink that much water
like i know i see what you're saying it's just like but no it does sound like i'm like no as a cat you hydrate yeah
moisturize right right yeah your pee is not going to smell like that you get it you get on the
treadmill yeah you started like you know more superfoods more omega-12 you'll get better piss
stench uh yeah no they're just i do like that they named that strain of weed cat piss there was a so there's cat piss I didn't
know this I just thought that this was like something stupid that my buddy came up with
but he would always like tweet or like be on like so when we were like like snapchat or whatever
when we were young he'd be like smoking on dog shit and I just thought it was something funny
that he was saying he was like I got that dog shit pack. Like, hit me up. Like, I don't know.
It's just funny.
I thought it rolled up a big doobie a dog shit.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And he's like, like, he's like, he would like come to Austin or whatever.
And I go to my apartment.
He's like, just picked up an OZ, a dog shit.
Like, we're going to get fucking.
And I'm like, man, why are you calling me dog shit?
He's like, ah.
and I'm like, man, why are you calling weed dog shit? He's like, ah, and, uh, uh, I was getting my, uh, I was getting my girlfriend a cart from him one time and he was like, Hey man, uh, I just
let you know, like, so it's like, uh, he's like one of the strain guys. Right. So like to me,
weed is weed. It's always been weed. It don't fucking matter what strain it is. He's like,
so one of the carts is Afghan Kush. Uh, one of them is blue dream, like my favorite strain.
of the cards is afghan kush uh one of them is blue dream like my favorite strain and the other one's dog shit and i was like dude why do you like i didn't know and i was like why do you keep uh
like calling that dog shit like like that's funny or whatever he was like oh it's a strain and i was
like no it's not like you're just he's like dude they got cat piss and then they've got one that
they crossed with another strain with and the cat piss is the parents' dog shit.
I remember when I first started smoking weed that weed had kind of cool blue dream
and granddaddy and northern lights and white widow.
Yeah, this is Xavier's Adventure.
Yeah, this is like Wizard's Lament.
This is the
goblin's lair and like now this is uh yeah we're smoking mouse cum
like uh yeah i got i got a little bit of horse dick left i don't know
it's like man fuck that widow was good but i got this horse dick i'm imagining like
that scene from american gangster where
it's uh it's denzel washington and cuba gooding jr and he's like he's like you can't be selling
this watered down dog shit and still calling it dog shit it's like it's just a name i'm just
i like the name dog shit it's a catchy name i sell it you know it's yeah it's the same thing
you still get the money no but that's my dog shit and if you ruin that name that's on me you know it's like just it's dog shit is dog shit you know
this is uh this this same guy that i'm friends with he uh today i read he just posted uh uh
i'm not blocked on twitter by kendra lust anymore with like no context.
I forget the other porn star.
It was like one of the classic ones,
like,
you know,
like fucking Lisa or whatever,
but it wasn't all caps.
And he was like,
yo,
I'm not blocked by Kendra lust no more.
And I remember like,
this was a running joke when we hung out more,
like we would all roast this guy.
Cause he would be like, damn, I got roomie lacroix like and we would be like bro why did
you get he's like i don't know i just respond to her sometimes like we would roast him for it like
dude what are you doing like and then this like and if we would if you would roast him too hard
about he'd be like dude fuck you like it's like it's not like you're making fun of me like he would get kind of pressed about or
whatever um but like for all this was years ago by the way like this was a running joke like four
or five years ago this is my update like six or seven years ago that he's like yeah i'm not
blocked but which leads me to believe one of two things. That he was on a block list. Maybe just like a reply guy block list.
Or that this porn star, like, unblocked.
Like, his band was like, all right, you know, I'll let him.
I don't know what he was saying to her.
He was on like a six-year timeout.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm like, I remember like, because he would be like, dude, I can't play.
He's like, Riley Reed and like, Remy McCoy can't play. He's like Riley Reed. And like,
remember the core,
they had me blocked.
It's just weird.
They had me blocked on Insta too.
And I'm like,
how do you,
what are you?
He's like,
I just say funny stuff to him sometimes.
And I'm like,
that doesn't,
that doesn't,
uh,
you know,
no,
I mean,
it's just like cute shit,
you know,
like,
like couple stuff, you know, like, like run away with me. I, he's,'s just, like, cute shit, you know? Like, couple stuff, you know?
Like, run away with me.
He's never, like, he worked, he was working,
I think it was one of those, like, tower people for AT&T.
So he would be up, like, 5.30 in the fucking morning, dude.
And we would all get on his ass about this, but, like,
I would either still be awake, like, partying the night before,
or I would be getting up for work, whatever. whatever for whatever reason i would be up when he's up
and if i'm up at 5 5 30 in the morning i'm tweeting fucking unhinged shit because i'm still drunk
or or or i'm going to work and i'm tweeting like like going 95 down the freeway like piss fart like
cock ball shit bug whatever he would be tweeting like like like lil wayne like she lit lit lit lit
lit like a lot like just like the first but but the horniest little way like only the horniest
bars of like top 40 you know like you know you run them your fingers through my curls we used to
like blah blah blah like just like and i would reply like bro are you really on one like are
you hard like what's going on like are you he's and he would, like, DM me or text me or reply, like, bro, you're always on my ass about some stupid shit.
You're always on some other shit, bro.
Like, why don't you, like, fuck off, Rhodes.
Like, you're not even fucking funny.
Like, Bob, I'm just like, dude, I wasn't even talking shit, but it's like 6 a.m.
And you're like, she lick on it and slurp on it.
She get real down and sticky on it.
Like, it's like, like dude it is not even breakfast
like like you don't like it's not just music man i don't know why you're gonna
care about what music i listen to you know i don't i don't go through your playlist
i just i mean i don't whatever you need to get your morning started i just i wasn't even trying
to give him shit i was just like bro like are bro, like, are you really, like, feeling – are you vibing like that?
Like, are you feeling yourself like that, like, right now?
Like, in the work truck, in the AT&T work truck, like, she bounced on it like a pogo stick.
It's just like, dude, that's badass.
I'm not even – honestly, I'm kind of envious because when I wake up early to go to the gym or for work,
like, my brain, like, I am, like, pre-workout, car, gym bag, or, you know, I'm, like, laptop.
Like, you know, like, he's just, like, I'm feeling slick.
I'm feeling, like, I'm getting my, like, it's just, I want to garnish that some of that fucking energy, dude.
Otherwise envious.
Hey, do you have a zen in right now?
Yeah
I thought you had a white strip for a little bit
Like a crest
Yeah this is the time when I usually do my teeth whitening
I've had mouthwash in for 75 minutes
But um
Yeah you know
I uh I lost my lunch today.
How did you lose your meal?
I set it down in the field somewhere, and I kept working.
And a coyote ran off with it, you think?
And I must have ended up, like, a good ways away,
because I started getting hungry, you know,
and all I had was like a protein bar and some Cheez-Its.
And I was like, man, about time for a lunch break, you know.
Yeah.
No lunch.
I think a goat might have eaten my cheese sticks or something.
I don't know.
But it's really the only thing I can think about right now.
I've had dinner.
I'm not hungry. But, you know, lunch is an important part of a man's day,
and you take that away from him, and what does he have, Jake?
Nothing.
I mean, well, he has breakfast and dinner.
When I was going to church, like when I was, I don't know,
I was just like 12 or 13 maybe,
we took like a youth group trip out in the middle of nowhere.
I forget where it was in Texas.
It was up north somewhere.
And it was a trip to a boys, like a boys and girls home.
I don't want to call it an orphanage because that sounds very, like, fucking Victorian, you know, like, crime movie shit.
But it was just, like, a girls' and boys' home for, like, wayward youth or whatever.
Was it big?
Yeah, it was a big motherfucker.
Like a castle almost?
No, no, no.
It was, like, on a compound.
They had, like, it was like a Christian, like, they had, like, a boys' side.
We have one where I grew up that's straight up like a castle.
Like a...
No, I'm not even playing, dude.
Like series of unfortunate events-ass shit?
Yeah, dude, it's massive, like an estate.
That's badass.
It's like a badass place.
I mean, if you are going to have to be somewhere like that,
you might as well have a pool and all that shit.
Right, like fucking real housewives i we we were fucking out there um like doing i guess like like it was i
wouldn't call it mission it was hard fucking labor dude um but anyway we were tearing down this there
was like an old i don't know it was just this old rusty ass 10 roof building like out. It looked like an old
like horse stable from whatever the fuck that used to be. But I remember like the youth group leader
was like, we're going to help these people out or whatever, by the way, like they are not the
youth group. People maybe were like early twenties, mid twenties, maybe like the leaders or whatever.
The rest of us are in like sixth, seventh and eighth grade. And they had us out there with like hand saws and work gloves on tearing at this like rusty ass like tin roof.
And like I like it took us like 12 hours and I like sliced my fucking thumb all up.
This was I don't know.
You reminded me of and I was thinking about the other day.
It was one of those things where I was like at the time you're like oh i'm doing something good but then i look back and i'm like oh i was just like
that's like illegal like and it wasn't nobody i don't think anybody thought about it like two or
three times you know like you're just like you were just somebody told you hey go do hard labor
for the good of the lord or whatever by the way like none of us knew how to use a saw
or like a hammer like we're all like something could have gone really fucking wrong i got a
cut on my hand or whatever didn't matter but like i look back and like i there are a couple moments
in my usually associated with the church where i was like i should not have been allowed to a do
this b somebody should have been overseeing this who had like some outdoor work experience
no like there was dude it was like tall grass like snakes and shit
like i should not have been allowed to do that but you know you just unlocked this memory i have of
this summer camp i went to new mexico for church and middle school and um it was really beautiful
out in the mountains outside ruidoso people call it rioidoso and that's not how it's spelled r-u-i-d-o-s-o
i don't remember okay it was on a bus uh it's out of the mountains but um anyway it you know
you'll get the fire in you on those on those uh summer camps.
And at one point, the group leaders were like,
you know, anybody who's feeling inspired and wants to do some work for the Lord,
we got a special mission for our special soldiers
this afternoon.
If you, instead of doing something like rappelling
or mountain biking or riding a horse.
Swimming in a cold, crisp lake.
Yeah.
If you would like to go do this instead, sign up.
I signed up immediately.
We get out there and they're like, okay, so we're helping out a guy.
His dad was a hoarder and we're going help clean up his yard oh man and we go out there
and uh exactly what you would expect dude like this wasn't like oh he you know he likes collecting
track tractors he got too many too many tractors we gotta sell some of
them this was like you know this paper plate i'm gonna keep this forever this is my favorite i'm
gonna keep a big huge fucking stack of disgusting nasty boot covers all my trash goes back here and
we were like fucking 13 years old and they were like all alright, put on these latex gloves because we do not know what is in here.
Let's get to work.
And the guy, of course, they were like,
this guy, obviously,
super ashamed that he, you know,
and he was like,
with his head, his eyes
just to the ground, he was like,
and he was a weird cat too,
but like, you know, if your dad's weird cat too, but like, you know,
if your dad's like that,
you're probably going to,
right.
You know,
you just gotta do the best you can.
I suppose.
He was like,
you know what guys are really,
uh,
I really,
really appreciate this.
And,
um,
you know,
my dad has problems, but you know know what it's just like the movie you know
uh you guys ever watch this movie and he said a movie that no one in this world has ever watched
i couldn't tell you the name because it's not a real movie dude he said and he was like
and just like in that movie i'm gonna pay it forward and i'm like dude how do you fucking pay that forward this is something you can you can i mean you could repay the 13 year olds
with like a candy bar or something red bull yeah but i'm, how do you pay that forward? Are you going to go clean up somebody else's entire, like, acre of shit?
Like, poop?
You're going to go clean up poop in someone's yard?
Probably not.
You will never pay this forward, and that's fine.
You don't have to.
But don't lie to a bunch of fucking 13-year-olds.
Anyway, so, yeah, I spent that whole afternoon like using a
shovel to get just like dog shit and yeah like rice crispy wrappers and like nachos that were
like 10 years old and like uh old dolls that were like decaying and like haunted bicycles and stuff
and then we got back and the group leaders were like
you guys did a good thing god did a good thing through you today and we were all like great
what's next they were like yeah all right so that used three hours of your commute of your
of your um time today so you only have time for one
activity after this.
So that's just how today goes.
We're like, oh, okay.
So there's no like...
Nothing. This is just
to feel good about myself.
Also like a
professional cleanup crew
should have been doing that.
Right.
They do hoarding. There are teams who do people who hoard. like a professional cleanup crew should have been doing that. Right. It's like somebody there,
they're like,
they do hoarding.
Like there are teams who were like,
yeah, people who were when my,
uh,
so my,
my,
my meemaw rest in peace.
Uh,
my mom's mom,
when we moved her,
dude,
she lived in like a fire.
She was a hoarder and it had been her whole life.
As long as I knew her,
um,
she would hoard some cool stuff like old Americana,
like from when she was a kid, like, like amarillo whatever like shit that had on the barn like just
cool stuff she would also have like old uh dr pepper bottles like legit like straight from the
20s and 30s that she would keep track of but she would also just have like she she had converted
her dining room into like a hoarding room this was the house that she lived in. That's good.
Yeah.
And she would have, like, cool stuff, like, on display sometimes.
But then you would go in there to get, like... I don't know, go in there to get whatever.
And she would just have a bag of, like, spoons.
Like, just fucking, like, silverware and stuff.
And I remember one time I was like,
Meemaw, like, can we get rid of some of
this stuff because it's getting hard to get around the house because i lived with her for a bit when
i was a kid and she was like none of that stuff can go it all stays there like that's how she was
about her shit and she also she loved wearing like uh like old um like men's coats and so
i would uh i would have yeah she just liked she just liked old big denim shirts and
like old anyway i don't know how many times dude that i would be looking for a coat before i would
go to to school uh and it'd be like like a like a denim jacket i had found a fucking thrift store
or something and i would be like meemaw have you been in my closet for some reason? She's like, I ain't been in no, no.
She's a mean old bat, dude.
How the fuck can go nowhere in there?
And then, like, three days later, she would be like,
Jacob, come bring me iced tea or whatever.
And I'd go in there and bring her something.
And she'd be wearing the jacket, like, in the living room, like, in the coat.
And I'm like, hey, I think that's the coat I was looking for.
And she's like, no, this is my daddy's.
And I'm like, no, like, I bought that's the coat I was looking for. And she's like, no, this is my daddy's.
No, like I bought that coat from fucking Sand Dollar down there in Pasadena.
She's like, no, we could.
No, you did not.
My daddy bought this in Borger, Texas in 1939.
And I'm like, that jacket is a bomber jacket.
It says made in Bangladesh in 1990.
It is not like if you read the tag, you know, anyway.
So she was a really bad hoarder.
And we went to move her out of her super small apartment.
I was probably like 14 or 15 into the house that I was just talking about. This was like late 2000s or whatever.
And we're like, oh, it's just going to we're just going to need like the medium sized U-Haul,
like the 15 footer. And we bring that there and we all go in there and realize
there's no fucking way, dude, you, she, she had carved a path from the front door to the living
room to her bedroom. But every other square foot was just pots pans clothes you know trash bags fucking
jackets spoons old bottle caps fucking anything my dad shows up to help and my dad and my meemaw
fucking hated each other maybe i hated my dad because was this your dad's mom or no this is
my mom's mom my mom's mom didn't like my dad because you know my dad was like 25 knocked my
mom up at like 15 16 and he was like i gotta
get the fuck out of here that's probably like a big yeah it could be a small factor here
you know she was just mean that's probably i'm like yeah she was a mean old bat and then i tell
the side of the story that's like totally justified for why that she was like yeah she
had a lot of spoons so yeah he wasn't a big spoon guy yeah yeah well you know it's like
why didn't you mean why'd your mom's mom hate your dad well you know he kind of did go work on a tug
boat for like the first three years of my life anyway uh so he shows up and my dad's like fuck
this i can't do this shit's over whatever so he's like drinking beer in the parking lot we ended up having to go get a 25 foot like for a 2 000 square foot home for
this little like four or five hundred square foot apartment to get all this shit out and we packed
it to the fucking brim and everything my dad's taking out of there he's like you don't fucking
need this shit woman i'm throwing it the fuck away and she, no, that's my Sonic bag from 1982. And I got it on lunch when I worked for Halliburton or,
you know,
or whatever.
And he's like,
God damn it.
Like I'm fucking throwing this shit away.
You ain't fucking,
she's like,
ah,
they're fucking fighting over the course of the night.
Like my uncle shows up to help,
you know,
whatever.
And,
uh,
you know,
my uncle was like,
Hey Dave,
just fucking,
you know,
that's my mom.
Like just,
you know,
fucking, it's funny. It's also kind of sad. Take it easy. And my dad was like, hey, Dave, just fucking, you know, that's my mom. Like, just, you know, fucking, it's funny.
It's also kind of sad.
Take it easy.
And my dad's like, no.
So anyway, at one point, he finds, I don't even know that my grandmother collected these because they're for little girls.
But he finds, like, a collection of Ken dolls and Barbie dolls from, like, a variety, you know,
of heiress or whatever, a whole bunch of them.
She's like, that's my Barbie collection that you fucking don't.'t he's like i'm fucking throwing these motherfuckers away you ain't
keeping it and he was not doing it to clean her house he was doing it to terrorize her
because he's like he was not doing her he was not like hey come on we need to think about the stuff
that we can keep no he was like i'm throwing this shit away and she's like fuck you and he's like
fuck you too like i'm just a bug with it anyway he keeps one because she's, like, yelling at him or whatever.
And he comes up to me with a straight face, pulls this pristine Ken doll out.
And it was called Shaving Ken.
It came with, like, a shaving kit with, like, a little razor.
And, like, he was, like, dude, the straightest face, like, Kubrick acting was, like, what do you say we give Ken a really, really close shave, son?
And I was, like, what do you mean? And he, really, really close shave, son? And I was like, what do you mean?
And he, like, takes the Ken out of the box, puts it on the curb,
takes his work boot and sands Ken's face down.
Like, it just fucking rubs it against, like, rubs, like, it's just, like,
straight, like, just rubs his face off.
And I was like, I was kind of like, that's not, I don't know.
It was just very odd, very surreal.
And then he puts it back in the box and he takes it back to my Nemo.
And he's like, hey, do you want to keep this one?
And he, like, gives it to her and she, like, looks at the face and is like,
ah!
It's like, what did you do to him?
And he was like, I just gave him, it's shaving can.
I shaved him up.
And she's like, no, you don't. free and she's like yeah you know i completely lost her shit and my dad's like dying my uncle's like kind of like a
i don't know he's a he's a cocksucker too he's a slip and fall guy but he's like he's just like a
good old boy he's kind of just like oh david, come on. But he's like at the corners of his mouth.
He's just like, that, you know, like those guys that are like, that ain't right, boy.
But like we finally get everything packed in there.
And as we were digging stuff out, dude, just like puppy pads, like dog piss and shit.
My dad's like, I've been in some fucking crack houses cleaner than this.
And I'm just like, that's not, hey, this is is still with my grandma man this is your mother-in-law like can you just like also being like yeah i've been in crack houses
how many crack houses it seems like a much bigger problem i remember we were like again like my dad
became like super comfortable with that stuff with me.
Like from like an early,
like we would go to downtown Houston.
He would take me to this bar to see like shows or whatever,
like little concerts,
which was cool,
you know,
but we would take this exit and he'd like,
he used to,
he'd be like,
Hey man,
don't you ever go?
Never.
You get around party and age.
I don't know if you're there yet.
You know,
I smoke a little bit of weed,
but stay off Scott street.
And it was like the exit that we were like taking to get into the city
and i was like what's on scott street he's like that's some of the nastiest fucking crack houses
out here you've ever seen i'm like dude i'm seventh grade i'm i'm doing keyboard cleaner
i'm smoking a little bit of weed i'm drinking like boone's farm like i am not you said keyboard
cleaner the same breath is like weed which at the time it was this like at the
time um it was all my like i say all of my friends were doing it it was like two guys that i should
not have been hanging out with at all they were like 19 and they're like yeah i really like uh
hanging out in the ditch um i like getting the fist fights of water burger drive-thru line
uh i really like you know like like squeezing my mama's cat too hard, like petting it.
Like they were just, like I was thinking like, oh, it was normal, but like I was not.
Anyway, yeah, I was like, Dad, I don't think I'm going to be like, you know.
Like I appreciate the advice, you know.
It's good, like fatherly advice, I suppose.
I hope I can relive that moment.
If I have a son, I never hung out in any crack houses, I suppose.
I guess I can get on that.
We should buy one and flip it.
Become flippers.
HGTV, but they only buy like, they're in Atlanta and they're like,
so we're going to turn this into a dream home.
And like in the background, like a ladder is being just carried off.
Yeah.
Like all their equipment is being stolen.
Yeah.
We're like, we're like on house hunters and they're like, what's your budget?
And we're like nine grand.
We're looking for just a little flipper, you know, just a little, they're like, we're like, we're looking for, you know, like something really homey, something lived in, something with a lot of bullet holes.
Looking for blood piles, dead cats, stuff like that.
Bodies.
Rib cages.
Rib cages, old fish bones with the head still attached.
We like wraparound porches, but it's not in the sense.
It's not a deal breaker.
It's not a deal breaker.
The fucking, like, the parts of Houston that we used to go, like, I guess, skateboard, like, skate in and, like, hang around in or whatever.
I literally know the process of what, I'm not describing anything new.
It's not a new observation.
But every time I see, like, you know, a row home that's been there for like 100 years and it is just like completely boarded up.
And then it's next to one of those like gentrification station, like apartment, like you clearly like, you know, this is a family.
This family hasn't moved yet.
Like, it's always just a very surreal like site.
Again, this is not like a new observation.
I just every time I see it, I'm like, oh, you know, that's a fucking.
It's kind of a sad thing to see.
For some people.
You know, it's part of life.
You know, people get mad about animals going extinct.
They get mad about, whoa,
nobody can afford cost of living.
Well, you know, if you get your money up,
you hustle, you work a nine to five, you get a good living well you know if you get your money up you hustle you work a nine to five you get a good pension you know you put yourself through college life is really easy you know
that's how it's been for me and you you know like right you know people get distracted they start
doing illicit drugs they start right they start trying they start putting
on big hawaiian shirts and going to doing you know keg stands at parties and stuff right they start
um did i tell you that story yes that was what i was that's what i was okay i was like
dude i feel like we forget the shit that we tell each other sometimes. And so, like, I have to stop myself sometimes because I'll be like,
did I tell you about the time my dad KO'd my dad?
I almost said my dog KO'd my dad, which would be a much funnier story.
And then you're like, I'll tell you about the Hawaiian kid.
Like, yeah, I think we just, you know, our memories are bad.
But, yes, you did tell me that story.
You know, I forget what i was saying but
i have all this paint on my pants from what paint painting no i uh had to actually it's primer i
guess i guess i'm getting into primering you know people get into painting they don't get as deep into primer as i am
it's all about that first step the first coat dude you get i've been i've been a primer for
20 years i'm still waiting to get it down for my first art show that's just gray boards
you dude mentioned the flipping stuff like the fucking dude. I love like finance tick tock guys that are like they're they're usually they're either like 22 or they're like like TRT, like old 40 year old guys.
Anyway, they're always like, yeah, first, I mean, it's real simple.
You know, a lot of people try to complicate money making.
They try to complicate breaking out of the system and living your own life wild and free you're going to want to take out a high interest loan and buy up a
bunch of real shitty houses with people in them you're going to want to you know kick those people
you're going to want to effectively kill them you know you just i mean you just want to get
them out of there and then you're going to want to rent them for about 30 to 50 percent over what
i guess the rent is worth in the area and then boom right
there 50 grand a month overnight and so i'm like i mean i guess that's a way to do it you know but
a guy like you thomas you know you know we think bigger than that we think we think what is the
biggest we think genociding entire pop you know just like We think kill it off like 50 million people. Here's what you do.
You find a cruise ship that's in debt.
You pay all the debt.
Now that's your cruise ship.
Now you have a cruise ship and what do you do?
You take out some loans.
You start a cruise service.
Right. Where are cruises going to? Think about that that they go to alaska they go to the caribbean no one has ever been on a cruise
everything okay yeah i don't know what that was i don't know it came from inside my apartment well anyway no one's ever been on a cruise
you know right right no one's ever been on a cruise um you know sometimes jake accuses me
of just saying things and hoping i come up with a punch line as i talk that's not how i operate
that's not how i do things and if you're saying stuff like that to me, I got one thing to say.
What's that?
And here's what it is.
Stop.
Say it.
No, stop saying that.
Stop saying what?
That's what I had to say.
Oh, okay.
That's what I was planning on saying oh okay i mean i guess that works you know whatever just you know whatever fucking
fucking i uh i forgot to tell you i went on a picnic where at uh pretty close nice you uh
i don't know why you were gonna be like anchorage i thought like i don't know why you were going to be like Anchorage.
I don't know.
I guess I was just traveling.
That is Trinity Park in Fort Worth, Texas, 76107.
Swag.
That's awesome.
Pretty close to my house.
What did you have?
Did you make some fucking sandwiches?
We went and we got banh mi.
That's Thai.
Sandwich.
That's Vietnamese.
Vietnamese sandwich.
For sandwich.
Yeah. I think that That's Vietnamese for sandwich. Yeah.
I think that's their word for sandwich.
I think you got me onto something, man.
No, I think it actually is because I was looking at the menu,
and all of them said, like, banh mi and then, like, the meat,
but in Vietnamese, and then it translated to, like,
grilled pork sandwich or whatever.
So, you know, that's a crazy...
I'm learning all about the world lately.
That's swag, though.
Did you know
that the Chinese government
is building an army
to make everyone here Chinese?
Dude, I would love that.
I'm actually really in support of that.
Imagine if you just woke up a little bit more chinese every day like a zombie movie you're like infected yeah
you're like no like you're just like you wake up and you're like you know you just look in the
mirror and you're like ah i got a bit of a tan uh skin's getting a little bit clearer i guess that's
good and then a couple weeks later you're
like you're gonna take that you're like no you're like uh hair's getting oh my hair's getting really
shinier i think a little bit darker i guess i guess maybe you know a new conditioner
and then you you know a few months later you wake up and you
ah look up here look in the mirror and you're like i think something's wrong
you're like to go from like six foot go from like six foot and skinny fat but
like over the course you're looking at just your forehead in the mirror yeah you're like
but you're leaned just like you're leaned the fuck out. You're like six foot skinny fat.
And then you're like, I've been getting stronger.
You flex in the mirror.
But you can only see the top of your wrist.
You get into your car, which has been slowly transforming into a Honda Civic with a spoiler.
You're getting like your hair is long as it is now.
Yeah, it's just you're getting like a taper fade, like a hype beast taper fade. My beard is falling out, and I think I have cancer.
Yeah, but you're just left with like my mustache.
Dude, okay, this was bad.
I was like we were at the bus stop to catch the bus back to Seattle.
And I didn't know.
That's not completely true.
I had observed, but I didn't absorb that there were Asian people within earshot of me.
And Ashley asked me a question about something and I just went
no like like really loud
and she was like stop do not do that
again like very very
and I was like I was like what the fuck
like I always go no
like really loud and then she was just like
just stop like a bit like
a mom to a child who like is walking around
going like,
fuck, fuck.
Like, same person.
She just was like, no.
Like a dog.
And then I'm like, why the fuck?
She just got on my ass, dude.
And then I'm like, oh.
Like, I just, it's like when I bowed at the sushi lady.
I was like, oh, I meant to tell you, dude.
Did I tell you?
No.
Whenever you told that story, I was like, dude, that tell you dude did i tell you no whenever you told that story i
was like dude that is the dumbest fucking thing i've heard i would never do something like that
but i went to pay at the vietnamese spot and did not
did you do a little one so let me finish i handed this i go here all the time man i handed her the card and she
was being super nice lady dude she's always my server there she's great man
and she bows a little she does a little bow and she she takes the debit card with both hands this is you
know a respectful thing to do and my brain's going and it's thinking what do i do right right
that's what when i get the card back and i just grabbed it with both hands and i bowed
and And I bowed. And.
You know.
I told you motherfucker. I'm the only just.
I'm the only white man in this establishment.
And nobody else has bowed.
I don't know if anyone else has bowed.
But this is like.
This is in like a Vietnamese.
Like kind of strip mall area right where like the
local vietnamese people go to have lunch and stuff right right right right so i'm the weird guy here
this isn't like a vietnamese spot like downtown where it's all just hip and it's like yeah no
this is like a vietnamese restaurant right and i bow and as i'm coming up from it i'm like fuck no dude that's exactly how i felt i
looked up at her like a dog that had just been caught like murdering a chicken or something like
i i i don't know what happened i now i don't think she took it as me being disrespectful
because like you know right but it was one of the things where it's like hey don't you don't have to do that again you know yeah no i i did
i know exactly because i didn't do a deep bow bow it was more like a nod and a curtsy type thing
yeah but it was there and i did my back tilted forward the thought that you described like your internal exchange with yourself of like
what do i do next that's exactly like what i was feeling and so that's why i don't really
i should feel bad about it and i guess i kind of do but it's like i didn't i wasn't doing it
like a mocking way i mean people can pick up on it when you just like do something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like this execution is not there to be like,
Oh,
you know?
Yeah.
If you like had a golf,
if you like had a backpack and you took a gong out of it,
you banged it.
That would not have been ideal.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Bad to do.
I wouldn't recommend doing that.
No,
if you're listening to this show,
really under any
context please don't do that well if y'all are listening to this shit uh you know it was good
to be back uh you should check out the premiums the most recent premium uh thomas really let that
motherfucker rip with a really great song the robot song was some fire it was fi uh i was hoping
i was hoping that jake wouldn't
even check out that latest episode so i didn't tell him about i didn't tell you about the song
because i just well here's the thing man i because i don't really listen to the show except to like
make sure like sometimes after it's published i will go back and scrub the audio to see how it
sounds like over the car speakers or whatever and sometimes it is fucked up but i don't really
listen to like you know but i the
discord was inundated with dude the robot song the robot and i thought somebody was doing a bit
like i thought somebody was i thought some guy was just said oh the robot song and then just ran
with it as like oh yeah but it's not it had nothing to do with the show so i was like okay
but i'm like i'll maybe i'll check it out later. Whatever if I have time But like for like the first six hours of my workday the whole in every channel in
Every channel in the discord the one where they talk about people they've worked with the truck one
Whatever dude the robot song I put it on in the
Robot song my wife is literally yelling at me to stop playing the robot song and so I'm like, alright
This isn't a fucking joke no more
This motherfucker really laid down something and so like I'm and I so i played the episode and it's like it's like very
like late night infomercial feel a piano or whatever and i'm like when is the fucking robot
shit i mean dude if it's i was like minute four which is right about when it starts and i was
like if this motherfucker doesn't start dropping bars quick i'm out because i just hey i love it
but it's like i don't listen to i don't listen to the show yeah so like right when i'm about to click pause i hear like and i'm like oh this motherfucker
this motherfucker i i wanted to put it right where it's like all right i'm out of here yeah
nailed it because as like as like a third party listener on my own show i was like
dude i'm about to bail on this cocksucker like and then i just heard the fucking drop and i was like dude no and i texted you i was like i'm not trying to big homie
you at all this is our show but i was like so proud of you dude i was like because i was like
dude that is an insane amount i don't know how hard it was to do that but that is like an insane
like an insane level of work.
Like I said, I was like, we should... You know what's funny?
I spent the whole weekend planning that out.
Before it was going to be a solo episode,
I was going to put that at the beginning of the episode,
no matter who was on there.
Yeah.
But it worked out okay.
Anyway, if you want to hear the robot song,
I'm not releasing it for free right now
because that would be an extra 15, 20 minutes of work
even though I have the WAV file ready to go.
Anyway, you guys have a good one.
Check out the patreon.com slash pendejo time.
Slide us a five or ten or 50 or if you want.
Million dollars.
Don't do that because that would be a big tax situation for us.
I don't know how to pay taxes still.
It's been a year in, and I don't know what to do.
Later, guys.
See you.