Pendejo Time - thomas fish
Episode Date: December 17, 2021they got all kindsa damn fish in the sea but idk how any of them work.Support the Show....
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I texted you, I was in the shower this morning before I sat down to start my long and difficult
work day, and I was, you know the Pop Smoke song, Invincible?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was doing the first line, but this is arthur morgan i said i filmed
and of course there's a word in there that arthur can say but not me
is fucking robocop in there
i that's a backfire i was like i like, did Dolly just pick up a gun?
That was a backfire.
Yeah, I couldn't place it for a second.
I was like, that's louder than the other.
But yeah, I think it was just some fucking rice burner or something.
I don't know.
That's one of those I don't know if it's racist to say.
Rice burner?
Yeah.
I hear ricer more often.er ricer feels worse to me well you're talking
about a car yeah yes but even then like i mean i i don't know i feel like there are some words
that exist in like yeah how many people eat rice most people that's true yeah a lot of people
is it still when china takes over the world,
I feel like you should be able to get some off.
Dude, it's not going to be China.
Who's it going to be?
It's Taiwan, I'm telling you.
They're coming up.
Okay, question.
It's over for China, dude.
Still applies.
Let's assume that you're correct,
because we're intelligent people who know what we're talking about.
If an Asian country, be it Taiwan or China china takes over hong kong more like it's more likely to be
hong kong or taiwan more likely to be yeah to be uh suriname i don't know uh you should be able to
like if you are ruled over like the way that you can say cracker because like you know like white
people or they they have the power or whatever if china
takes over you should be able to like you should be able to use the minor slurs i feel like i think
you can you think you can you can like it's cool i mean i don't think i can i think you can anyway
why yeah i mean i think if china does take over i've always always wanted to fight for a shogun or an emperor of some kind.
If I could be a samurai, but more like G.I. Joe style, that would kick ass.
Yeah, like snake eyes, kind of.
He's in that one.
Is that like a...
He's like a samurai, but he dresses in black ops gear.
Is that part of the
It's the G.I. Joe universe
He's like a
He like helps Joe
But also is like an enemy
Sometimes
I don't know man
Yeah
That would be
That would be sick
Is that the
He dresses all in black
He doesn't talk
I was thinking of the
Thing with Nicolas Cage
What I don't know what that one is the fucking anyway i'm snake eyes
you're gi joe you're snake ass why would i be why would i be snake ass man it's a fun name
i'd probably be snake like cock
yeah brother can you imagine can you imagine that as like a porn name or something
you're like yeah i'm snake i'm i'm right i'm uh i'm snake cock well like it producers are just
like no you are you are not your name is tim this is the first time we've ever said you have to try again you have to yeah if you were
in like a like an elite delta like force unit like one of the teams and everybody's got like
nicknames like you know like they got you got tank and you got fucking bruiser and you got
fucking you know oh oh we got fucking uh you know if you're like oh what's your like cool like
cia you know assassin name and you're like i'm snake cock and they're like why and you're like, oh, what's your cool CIA assassin name?
And you're like, I'm Snake Cock.
And they're like, why?
And you're like, it's not important.
Did you do some work in Thailand or something?
You work?
No, not really.
I'm kind of new here.
But they do call me Snake Cock.
That is my name.
Yeah, I'm called Cock Slammer because I shoot people in the back just have it be totally unrelated to like it's like i'm a really good sniper oh what do they
call you like you you know you got like like you're like uh like laser or fucking you know
like you got like scope like slick like no i'm a big pussy eater uh i'm just like the best sniper
on the team but you know big like they didn't none of the nothing ever really stuck except big
pussy eater ball sack yeah i uh i'm kind of like a demolitions expert they call me man dingo
yeah i mostly do breaching clear stuff you know i'm the first guy in and guys like that you know
when you're the first guy in, you need an appropriately apt nickname,
like fat retard cocksucker.
And when I got that one, it just kind of stuck.
It rolls off the tongue.
Would you do Ocean's Eleven if they let you?
Isn't the entire premise of that movie is that they're not being let to do it?
That's like if you were allowed. they were allowed i mean if the opportunity arose let's say george clooney
walks up to you and he says jake you're the only guy i can get for this well i'm not very smart
i'm not very flexible i'm not right but that's like smart and flexible there's only like eight of the guys of the 11 or so who fit into those categories
there's still you got the hot girl um you got the little asian guy you got well he's he's flexible
and he's also smart yeah so i guess where would i fit in like you're an outside looking in where
am i on the ocean like what attributes do i have
that you think would make me a good um you know high dollar burglar you could be the old guy
well he's always smart yeah he's like a cunning like intelligent wealthy guy he like funds the
whole well we could go mission impossible you could be the guy who makes uh plaster molds
of faces yeah i could be could get good at that.
But that guy's also really smart. He's kind of like the tech expert. I'm not...
I would be probably the black guy.
Ving Rhames? Yeah, that would be...
No, in Mission Impossible.
That's the name of the actor.
In the old one? I haven't seen the new ones.
No, in all of them. It's Ving Rhames.
He's the guy, same dude from fucking...
Oh, is that his
Character?
No, it's his birth
It is his legal name
It's Ving Rhames
I'm talking about the
One from the 60s
Mission Impa
Are you talking
Mission Impossible is not
Is there a 60s Mission Impossible?
That's what the show originally was
I didn't know that
I haven't seen the tom cruise
ones oh those are pretty sick dude i well actually i've seen like 15 minutes of probably all of them
just from sitting in various lobbies um they're great movies if you ever do decide to get back
into drugs uh they're badass movies to watch when you have a bpm of like 22 i think i watched like 15
minutes of mission impossible in my in jail but the the um i was trying to sleep at the time so
it wasn't very fun we also watched both sicario's that's a very funny series of movies to watch in
jail did you i watched the last in the cell in the holding cell or something yeah and it was turned
up like all the way that's badass all night you know you were just watching like the guard on
duties like favorite movies like that's basically what you were in store for well and then in the
morning uh melissa mccarthy's show came on that's sick sick. And I actually had a good,
I got a good laugh in the holding cell
because she came on
and everybody collectively groaned
and I was extremely tired.
I was like, ah, not this fat bitch.
Killed dude.
Anyway, good times, good memories.
Yeah, I don't know.
I see, dude,
one of my favorite series of videos that you see on Twitter or whatever, just on the internet,
are the guys who have dorm room setups but in state penitentiary.
Dude, those rock.
They're recorded on a fucking Game Boy.
Motorola Razr, yeah.
Well, what's funny is you can tell like they're probably the most well-behaved
guys and it's like maybe it's like a minimum security or somewhere prison but the best that
they can do which by the way is sick if you're in jail like they have like a ps3 and like a box tv
and all the while like everything's hanged like it's all like shelved up fucked up looking and
and they look like they're having a fucking blast in there.
I'm like, I am not opposed to that at all.
Like, if you're doing fucking hard time, man, like, I don't care what you did.
You know, embezzlement, child torture.
You should be able to play video games.
I truly believe that.
Anything to make the time go by faster.
I'm kind of like an anti, like I'm a prison abolitionist guy.
I believe that you should, you know, fire all the prisons or whatever.
Just so my dad, you know. Yeah.
I think that's good.
I think that's good.
Yeah, that's good, man.
I know a guy who did a couple years in Mexico.
Not in prison, he just lived there.
No.
He, it was some machete fight type thing, you know.
Yeah. I asked him how it was and he was
like oh it ruled and i was like i thought it was gonna be one of those things like you know it's
so hard life but you get used to it brother and he was like no i just slept and drank beer for
two years straight because they're like if you have money they're like you can just bribe the
guards and your family can bring you beer every day that is bad
that's sick dude he was like we just watched tv drank beer hang out it i it was like my normal
life i just didn't have to work everything was free that dude that is like because i've seen
like documentaries where it's like inside like you know mexico's toughest jails i like the idea
that like that is true but it's also true that like two cells over some guy's getting his face like just cut the fuck off so like you're hearing like a man's like begging like for his
mother like no no and you just like turn up family guy on like an old box tv and you're like
yeah i mean medela man i don't want to have to deal with any of that shit that's badass i asked
my dad like because if he gets another du, like, at least by the rules, he's supposed to have to go to jail for a little while.
And so I'm like, hey, man, are you, like, ever worried, you know, because you drive drunk, like, with, you know, like, with some level of, like, regularity or whatever.
And he's like, nah, you know, jail ain't like it used to be.
And I'm like, what do you know?
I'm like, well, he's like, I mean, you know, you just get a go.
You do your time and come home or whatever.
It's not a big deal.
I'm like, isn't it if you get a fourth or fifth one, don't you do like two years minimum?
He's like, I mean, yeah, but I mean, what's two years?
I'm like.
Yeah, he's a young guy.
It should be all right.
Well, I'm like, I'm trying to like, you know well i'm like i'm trying to like you know i'm like
sometimes every now and then i've i've been in conversations with my dad where i'm like
i'm gonna level with you not as your son just as a man to man here like if you if if an officer of
the law pulls you over again and you have had 55 beers in the last day and a half.
Like, you're going to go to jail.
And he's like, yeah, but I mean, you know.
I mean, you know, it's just part of life.
And I'm like, it's not.
Like, it's, you know.
I mean, I guess for some people it is.
But I would like. You know, this street life that we live.
Yeah.
We've got to do some hard time.
Dude, you and me are probably like the hardest podcasters.
We're probably the hardest guys
in a room usually
I walk in a room I'm the hardest
guy there
do you mean like tough or like your penis is hard
dude I'm so
tough like I can't even
like it doesn't even work
I cut my dick off
I put a gun down there
it's like
You're like hooking up
With a girl
And you're like
Fucking whiskey dick
Or whatever
It's just
You're having a bad day
And you're like
What's up
And you're like
Sorry I'm just so tough
And like mysterious
Like I'm just a really like
I'm a tough guy
Oh
I just started thinking
About World War 2
I just got fucking depressed
I can't
I can't fuck you
Growing up in the mean streets Of Pasadena, Texas Damn girl I'm sorry Fucking depressed. I can't fuck you.
Growing up in the mean streets of Pasadena, Texas.
Damn, girl, I'm sorry.
I started thinking about Gollum.
I got scared because I'm sensitive like that.
I'm scared he might jump on my bed.
Damn.
I don't like...
There have been a handful of times where, you know, like, I'm like, watching a movie, date, whatever, two or three, whatever, girl comes over and you're like, I'm like, I've just been too fucked up. And I know good and goddamn well in my mind, in my heart that nothing's happened for me.
It's fucking pool noodle status, you know, al dente style.
happened for me it's fucking pool noodle status you know al dente style but i don't want to like preemptively you know be like it's weird it would be weird and like you know you're kind of watching
the movie like it's you know the tension like you know like halfway through like fucking whatever
the fuck you're watching lord of the rings maybe you're like hey i know that there's an unspoken
thing here we've been drinking and hanging out.
My penis doesn't work.
I can feel it in my bones.
You can watch a movie and have sexual tension at the same time?
I don't have that level of focus.
If I start watching a movie, it's game over.
I'm watching a fucking movie.
Don't touch me.
I guess it depends on if it's a good movie.
I guess.
I mean,
did you ever get your dick sucked at the movie theater?
No.
Never?
I got my dick sucked
at the movie theater.
Well, yeah.
I asked if we could take turns
and you were like,
no, I have to do this for a story.
And I was like, great, dude.
I was like, I thought we were just just gonna watch the new fast and furious and you're like no thomas you're gonna suck my dick for two and a half hours and i'm like thomas a year into this podcast i'm
running out of stories and unless my dad starts going to jail more uh we need to start doing
shit together and you're like what do you mean like go on go on vacation i'm like hell yeah
we're gonna go hiking we go hiking just past the entrance and you're like you what do you mean, like, go on vacation? I'm like, hell yeah, we're gonna go hiking. We go hiking just past the entrance,
and you're like, you have to suck my dick for three hours.
Fuck.
Again.
Look, man, the premiums, you know, they've been good,
but I get the feeling we're gonna hit a slump soon,
and, you know, nothing really fucked up's happened in my life lately.
The worst part is Jake's made me suck his dick at gunpoint
so many times I'm getting, like, super good at it.
Anyway. Are they still making fast and furious movies is yeah i think it's paul walker like a fucking uh
whatever uh scooby-doo is like some space genius thing here's the thing so i don't you didn't see
i don't think i guess you didn't see the last one i haven't seen the first one yet
so in the two before that when they had, they CGI'd his face on his brother.
It was really fucking weird looking.
It was like...
I hope they do that when I die.
Yeah, I want them to...
Just regular home videos and stuff.
Just like a black dude.
Anyway, so in this most recent one,
I took myself to one of them bar movie theaters, AMC Draft Houses,
and I just watched it.
I was like, I don't want to watch this.
I'm having a bad day. take myself to movies the last scene like you know vin diesel
like they're all sitting at the table and vin diesel's like you know what's more important
than cars family and then like like some fucking reggaeton song starts playing credits are rolling
and then the blue car that paul walker drove like in the first three or something pulls into the driveway.
And then it cuts to black.
And I was like, oh, that's cool.
But I was thinking, okay, well, number 10 has to come out.
It's the last one.
In the movies, he's still alive.
What are they going to do in the 10th one?
He's been dead for like 10 years.
Do they not have enough money to actually bring paul walker back i feel i feel like if cloning is real like human cloning i'm i feel
like the franchise has enough money it's like a billion dollar franchise at this point i mean
the man looked exactly like those uh those pictures where they just average every like
face together every white guy he just looks like like he's the general manager at a cheesecake fair.
He's an attractive guy.
I'm just saying he's just extremely symmetrical.
I think you could just find a guy who looks a lot like Paul Walker.
It's funny, in the most recent one, the big bad guy,
because there's always a big bad guy they have to stop.
The big bad guy was John Cena and it was uh vin diesel's
little brother and of course like they cast a big name because it's a big franchise but they don't
look alike the only thing obviously they have in common is they're both on steroids vin diesel is
like part puerto rican or something so he has like you know like skin tone bald and then you
have john cena who's like, nine or five or five,
10, but like 310 pounds, solid muscle. And they're like, who's that? And you know, he's like,
it's my little brother. And it's like, I know that, I don't know why I'm looking for continuity.
Like in a movie where cars jump, like entire, like the great wall of China, like they go to space
ludicrous is there, but it was just fucked up. Like to choose, like of all people to. Like, they go to space. Ludacris is there. But it was just fucked up, like, to choose, like, of all people,
to be like, choose another bald fucking tan guy.
Choose anybody.
You know who they really wanted to play Ludacris' character originally?
You ever read about that?
Cat Williams.
Ja Rule.
Is that real?
Yeah, Ja Rule was offered that role and turned it down
because he was really big at the time.
Yeah, that, yeah. And he was really big at the time Yeah that yeah
And he was like no I gotta do shows and shit
I'm not doing this gay ass movie
And like yeah now he's like doing shows for like 15 people
Which so are we not knocking it guy
Yeah yeah yeah
But uh
He's a household name we are not a household name
Ja Rule is a household name but not at every household I would say
No only certain households.
That video of him, I forget.
I think he was doing, like, not kidding, like a halftime show at, like, a college football game.
I don't know.
It was some fucking, like, there were a lot of people there, but it was one of those deals.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, an event center for, like, some company.
You know, like, it wasn't wasn't like a legitimate show or whatever.
And he was like,
can I get a fucking,
woo,
woo,
like,
and just dead silence from the audience.
And he goes,
I guess not.
And it's like,
I know that feeling like,
you know,
like doing something on the show.
And you're like,
this is going to be a good one in your head as you're telling the story.
And then you're like,
wow,
that sucked. And here I am like, wow, that sucked.
And here I am alone.
Well, it helps you that I laugh so much at everything.
Yeah.
I'm paying attention the whole time.
I don't really laugh that much in real life anyway.
I just, you know, I'm a really serious guy.
I'm a lot like Johnny Cash in that way.
I'm kind of like a dark legend.
You know? You do like dark
legends.
Yes. Such as
sorcery and
things of that nature.
Dude, we should become...
We should get really into the
arcane. I want to...
So, I know we talked about it a little
bit with the Trillbillies guys but like
there really is like a rebirth of like alistair crowley and like the occult stuff within like my
brother's like age group or whatever and uh like my little brother and does that you know like the
different things that like dudes get into when they're young like teenagers or like
like entering your 20s like 19 to 20 21 like the stuff you get into to get pussy like are there
guys who are like you know they tried to be a musician it didn't work maybe they tried sports
it didn't work so they're like man you know i'm going off to college i gotta i gotta make a new
me like i'm gonna get into being a fucking like dark wizard guy like a like pewter rings and
fucking like pentagram like grow the hair out like does that work it has to work for some people
because it's like an archetype that's existed like it's just another version of goth i mean
alistair crowley didn't like yeah he just sort of he was one of the waves or whatever i don't know
i haven't really gotten too into that stuff
because I don't want to go to hell.
But, you know,
I never got too into, like,
that type of bullshit.
When I was a kid, my dad...
Because there wasn't a market for it.
Right.
You understand?
Also, like,
it was a little bit like
we both missed the window for that.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if we were to become those guys,
like, it was just before both of our times.
Me more so, but, you know.
Like, if you're going to be, like, an Aleister Crowley, you know, like, emo rap guy, you know, like one of those guys.
Like a Ghost Mane type fucking creature. I think at a certain point, if you've just taken upanax, like you just have to talk a certain way,
like a mysterious,
and there's only certain things.
Yeah.
It's like,
if you take ecstasy for like three years straight,
you're going to have like,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
I like,
yeah.
I like the idea of like,
you just eat hulks every day for three years and people like,
Oh,
what's up,
man?
And you're like,
Oh,
nothing much,
you know,
just,
uh,
just pondering.
I've been looking into the chasm what does that mean i crashed my mom's toyota celica remember that uh xxx sentacion uh
freestyle dude when he like got it he did the tebow thing with the cloak yeah yeah yeah they
cut the beat and everything and everyone was was like, his fans were like,
this means something big is coming.
And then he just got fucking smoked
like six months later,
like nothing.
He died trying to buy a motorcycle,
which like,
you know,
I'm not like trying to be aggressive here,
but, you know,
if you claim that you're going to like
rain down your tear or whatever
you kind of need to make sure you don't get fucking smoked trying to buy a motorcycle a few
months later that's that's that's mistake number one that a lot of people make my little brother
like i remember i was back home at that era at that point in time and i met some of his friends
and like you know like they follow you on Instagram and I can follow him back or whatever. All these kids are like white, like poor, like trailer trash, like,
you know, just fucking the key demographic for some of this stuff. And, uh, all their Instagrams
were like rip Josh say, like, you meant so much to me. Like, like, I know that you're like,
that you're somewhere better now and you're in a better place. And like all your demons, like, I know that you're like, that you're somewhere better now and you're in a better place.
And like all your demons, bro, like the demons that I have, like, it's just really cringy stuff. But the thing that got me, my brother like pointed it out.
He was like, I'm not really like, I like some of his songs, but he was like, assuming that there's an afterlife.
Okay.
Like this guy beat the dog shit, like out of his pregnant girlfriend.
Like he is a fucking piece of shit.
Okay.
And like, you know, it was just like he is a fucking piece of shit okay and like you know it
was just like not a good dude like he didn't like he's not like i know that you're looking down on
us bro and you're gonna bring up the next generation like with your with your spirit
and your energy it's like oh this guy's like not worth like making a diatribe on instagram about
yeah did you see whenever juice world died and people were like
dude somebody check up on ski mask yeah it's like bro this is not this is not our job no
regardless of i'm not saying like oh thank god juice world died but like don't be like hey
ski mask to slump god i know you probably you're going through a lot right now
man just know i'm i'm here for you as as a 19 year old kid i'm from florida same state as you
man i'm from florida too so i know what it's like to lose every single one of your friends
to fucking drugs and violence that uh the fucking like again like again like it's nothing new it's just the newest iteration
of it and i'm no longer like i'm not that age so like looking looking at it from like an outsider's
point of view like because when i was 19 like that the version of that was like young lean
like all of that like that stuff was like whatever is here now like all that shit and uh like sad
boys and like that whole crew or whatever
to see it now. And like, cause I liked youngling, like see it now to be older. It's like,
yeah, like, uh, yeah. Let me add ski mask as a guy who like goes to community college and like
delivers pizzas. It's like, bro, like I need you to keep your head up dog, like for the culture.
Like, like I know you're one of your best friends in the whole world. Like, you know you know is dead and you're running out of them and you're a depressed guy too but you know
you got to keep doing it for guys who work at the mall the thing now is like uh being like
dude little dirk you better slide for vaughn dude you better fucking get revengement little
dirk i know you are like one of the most actually
one of the most dangerous people like that there is yeah you've killed so many people you personally
yeah like in the last year have killed like three people um i need you to slide for vaughn
i need you to slide for vaughn yeah for vaughn please uh by the way i my mom is a professor and
my dad's a lawyer like i would i'm from hyde park okay i'm a chicago guy like you you need to slide
for vaughn all right do it for 67th or 63rd or whatever dude okay we're joking but how many
acts do you think they get from kids like that per day they're like oh you're really not gonna
ride for your homie you're not gonna ride for your fucking day one homie, dude.
Dude, this is what,
if my friend Trevor got killed tonight,
I would kill somebody for him.
Yeah, I would slide for Trevor.
Dude, I would slide for Curtis, dude.
I would slide for Connor.
I would slide for Connor,
for Trevor, Tanner, Kurt, Skyler, Riley.
Slide for Braxton, bro.
Dude.
Well,
somebody made a thread about like the and i it is interesting
the ways in which like i guess like suburban upper to middle to upper middle white kids
maybe even upper class white kids like that whole world is like and it's a tv show to them like it's
a very real and visceral soap opera like all these characters that get into gang beefs and and
like these like these are young men that are dying it's very sad but in their eyes it's like
yeah it's like hey you know do you hear about what happened with here we have a vaughn you know you
think dirk's gonna like well dude do you think spottum got him is gonna make it do you think
he's gonna be able to link up with poosh ice tea again he's gonna get to season three or is he
gonna get murdered in cold blood for $100?
Bro, did you hear Pooh Pooh Pants got smeared?
Bro, he got smeared by Goo Goo.
Hey, I heard Babu got got.
Bro, we lost Dinky.
Listen, the streets haven't been the same since Dingo got girt by Dinky.
You know, I'm making fun of
of like whatever the people who are literally like two years younger than me but i will say
when i was like 15 dude odd future was so fucking sick dude that the burn people being like it was
so fucking sick it was so sick and they had staying power dude like odd future that stuff was big when i was 15
like that like earl and tyler dropped couch and then like the whole mixtape like that
and that whole like it was like against authority i'm gonna smoke my dad's cigarette like i
understand all i think i i was like probably like 13 or so when I first started listening to like –
because like Yonkers, it came out and that was big.
I wasn't early on the wave or anything, but I was riding it.
I've still got this dude.
My friend Trenton gave me this old Odd Future shirt from back in the day.
I've had it for probably six years now.
And, dude dude it is crisp
yeah like i could throw it out the window and it might break one of the potted plants but um
just because like the fucking graphic on it has been washed so many times yeah it's like a brick
on the front of it dude that era was like and i i don't and again like i guess it was this it just
there wasn't like gang – I don't know.
I guess the closest thing I can think of is like when Chief Keefe got big and there was like beef in the Chicago like drill scene or whatever.
And there were people – again, like rich kids that I went to college with.
I went to college when like hate being – it was my freshman year, first semester when like hate being sober and all that shit dropped.
And like there were kids who I knew came from wealthy family drove like mercedes and like you'd be talking about rap at a house party
or something or you're playing it over the fucking bluetooth speaker and these kids knew more about
like the lore like when i say lore i mean like genuine real criminal like gangland like violence
they're like yeah you know chief keith you know
he's hot right now but he's got to watch himself because you know there's a like a crip outfit that
they hang out like you know and they don't they don't really fuck with keith no more especially
they think he's sold out they think he's faking you know like he's banging he's not really banging
and i'm like why do you know? Like, what about your life?
You know, is anything related to this young man's life? But I guess it is just like, if you don't have a struggle, you have to invent it.
It's like, well, you know, they're smoking Tuki pack on songs, but it's really disrespectful to Tuki.
And his mom sees it and she's like,
so now she's caught up in the Tookie beef.
And it's like,
are we still smoking Tookie pack in 2021?
And then are we smoking duck pack now?
Is that what we're doing?
Is FBG duck vindicated in his death?
Anyway,
it's funny that like guys like DJ Vlad or whatever,
who are like 90 years old have to come up with legitimate questions for their FBI handlers or whatever to have answers to.
Well, I don't think Adam 22 is a fed, but I do think Vlad has connections.
But it's funny when either of those guys, I love when either of them just fucking butcher it.
Like an up-and-coming like miami
rapper like the ones with the like they literally like how you're talking like you'll hear adam like
so like i hear you and uh dookie feet got beef like what's up with dookie feet like is he talking
outside of his mouth and you know and fucking like zillow commie or some young kids like i mean not
really you know and he's like i mean i dookie feet be tweeting at you you know and it's like adam 20
he's like a bmx guy who was like all right i ran out of bmx money i need to get a face tattoo and
start talking like a wigger from like 2010 he's like dookie feet's like on your insta bro like
he's like he's capping on you and the kid like he's like a 33 year old man it's like a 19 year
old kid who like has probably been involved in gang shit since he was like 11 has probably killed at least one person.
And they're like,
yeah,
I mean,
you know,
if he's got beef,
like whatever,
but like he takes it way more seriously than they do.
Cause he's not like fundamentally involved in that.
He's like a spectator.
Same thing with Vlad.
Vlad will ask Boosie about like,
I love it when he asked Boosie about like a murder in Louisiana from like
2005.
Like he doesn't ask him explicitly, but he's like,
yeah, didn't some rapper, obscure rapper that was, you know,
hey, wasn't he Fifth Ward Weeby's cousin or something?
And Boozy's like,
in his eyes you can see he's like,
am I talking to the fucking judge right now?
Sometimes those questions, and Boozy will slip up,
because, dude, he shows up to those interviews fucking sauced.
There are some times where he's like, you know, like that one, we've talked about it before where.
He's like, come on, man.
No, the way, well, yes.
The one where he was like, so what's up with you and Mike Tyson?
Like why y'all got beefed?
And he was like, is it what you said about his daughter?
His daughter's gay.
And he's like, look, I don't agree with it.
I, it ain't for me.
You know, I don't see.
And it's like, apparently Mike was like,
so what's your deal with my daughter?
You know, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Italian Mike Tyson.
Hey, what's your beef with my daughter?
I'm Italian Mike Tyson.
But like, Boozy's just you know if you're like a cold-blooded guy like but he's clearly a fun-loving guy but boozy's
obviously also like you know boozy i guess like having a even having like you know iron mike
tyson in your face like hey man what's up with all the anti-lgbt stuff like my little girl is like
and boozy's like, I don't care.
You know, she's an animal.
He didn't say that, but she's a fucking creature, you know.
And, you know, I guess it doesn't matter if you're a guy like Boozy.
Yeah, if you're a guy like Boozy or like us, you know,
you just can't say anything to us.
We won't back down.
Yeah, I don't like, you know, if some guys like.
Only scared of God and the feds.
That's what they say, you know.
They do say that.
Rather be carried by six than judged by 12.
Indeed.
Hey, if you have to be carried by six or judged by 12,
you're going to need a lawyer or you're going to need a wallet to pay for your wallet.
To pay for the lawyer.
Yeah, and to pay for the—
It's probably easier to pay by check, but you can find that somewhere else. Yeah, and to pay for the... It's probably easier to pay by check,
but you can find that somewhere else.
Yeah, so anyway...
Maybe fold it up and put it in your wallet, I guess.
If you're a wallet guy,
you probably have a big fucking fat leathery wallet
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You're going to want to take that thing out.
Get your cash and cards out of it first,
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Throw that cocksucker in the trash
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All right.
Thomas, hit him with some facts about the Ridge Wallet.
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Hey, don't say it again, dude.
People are going to get annoyed.
You need a fridge wallet.
You need...
You need a...
Whatever, dude.
You need a...
Oh, yeah.
My little pussy.
Do you like that?
My little bitty pussy.
No, dude.
That's going to sound really bad when people are listening in their cars.
Hey, listen.
No, dude.
What the fuck is that?
You like...
No, dude.
That sucks dick.
That is an awful voice.
You don't like that?
I'm not matching that.
Hey, everybody, my name is Thomas.
You can buy my...
Jake is currently trapped inside a fishbowl,
and I'm shaking it around.
We'll be in the car,
and that is Ashley's least favorite voice that I do.
It's also mine.
That voice sucks dick, dude. you have to stop doing it forever yeah it will be on the road i'm like
you know like do you want to stop for maybe a red bull before we get on the road she's like i don't
even know how you do that like you're not like your normal talking voice isn't incredibly low
but it's you know how are you getting up there when am i went all the way you know like that I'm sorry I keep doing it as well yeah I hope that
somebody comes and blows my apartment yeah right I'm kind of in like a you
know like dude dude you're being a real debbie downer right
now think about all the good things in life yeah i've got you know i've got fucking a quarter
bottle of whiskey i got a pack of american spirits you left here by the way it was a nice
surprise yeah i went out and i was like who smokes spirits here actually don't smoke i don't
i forgot you had them.
And Jeff doesn't smoke either.
I thought I was being really smart and threw them away.
No, they're sitting over the lawn chair.
So that will probably last me like a year and a half.
But, yeah.
You still got those Al Capones too.
I do.
Dude, Ashley was like, hey, can you roll me a joint before you head out i'm like yeah the other day when we were doing the show or whatever and i was like i can
roll you like a like a little mini blunt like thomas left these al capones and she was like
no and i was like what like she was like just just a joint it's fine and i was like what's wrong with
what's wrong with al capone mini blunts but then i was like if i if i as a grown man if we both smoked weed and i brought swishers or like phillies
to your house and i was like hey man do you want to roll up like it like it's just you know it's
like there are brands i guess that you just grow out of like when i was first smoking weed everybody
smoked swishers but then there was like a weird graduating hierarchy where it was like if
you if you smoke swishers or phillies you're like trash or you're like a kid and then like in college
it became like for me it became like it went from swishers to like white owls to games and backwards
white owls get yeah i was gonna say so like dutchies and backwoods were like what i smoked
in college because it was like but again i was like, but again, I was like, if they were out, I was like, dude, let's just get Swishers.
It's just a blunt. We're just smoking it.
They burn so fast, though.
Yeah, well, they suck, and they taste like
chemical weed. But I'm like, if we're trying to
smoke weed, they would be like,
no, we can go to another gas station, bro. I'm not smoking a
fucking Swisher. And I'm like, dude, both of us don't have
jobs right now. It's Tuesday.
Like, 11. Like,
let's just smoke weed. are we we don't need
to smoke a blunt we can just smoke like all this weed out of my bong and it's like no i want to
smoke a blunt it's like there's like a serious of a conversation you're having we can smoke dude we
can smoke all this weed out of my bong well i'm like not literally it's not literally what i was
saying but i'm like jake jake i want to Jake, I want to smoke weed out of your bum. I want to smoke weed out of your bum, kid.
Have you ever considered smoking weed out of a bum?
All right, all right.
Anyway, no, it's like there – I was – okay, one of my roommates who sold – this is the same guy I'm talking about.
One of my roommates who sold weed, he would take – I had ordered a pack of 100 white lighters because they were the cheapest ones off Amazon.
And he was fucking so superstitious about that shit, dude.
Like I'm not a superstitious person.
Even if I was, that's a really stupid one to hold to such a high standard, at least in my opinion.
So I would be – dude, I would be drunk, fucking piss drunk, trying to light a cigarette. And I'm like, you know, with my lighter, my white mini Bic lighter. And, uh, he would take it and fucking
throw it. He's like, no white lighters, bro. It's bad. And I was like, I'm going to fucking
take you outside and fuck you. Like, like why he did that shit all the fucking time. Like he would
be like, Hey man, do you have a lighter? Like I misplaced mine. And I was like, yeah. And I would
hand him a, one of my white ones that I would just buy them in bulk. And he would be like hey man do you have a lighter like i misplaced mine and i was like yeah and i would hand him a one of my white ones and i would just buy them in bulk and he
would fucking throw it across the living he was like don't hand me that shit and i'm like hey man
he's like it's bad luck dude it's like literally like it's bad energy like you i don't know you
know i know you don't believe in it and i'm like hey man we live in a rat infested house
we do pills all day uh and cocaine and we smoke weed and we skip class and we go to our
jobs kind of, and we like pawn our shit for money. So the bad luck that's in our lives is already
here. Like it really, the only way it could get worse is if one of us OD'd, but it would probably
just be business as usual for a little while after a little while. Like it wouldn't, you know,
it's like, no, man, I don't need that bad energy in my life i'm like again man there's a rat like 10 feet from you and roaches
and shit so like we don't need to like keep playing it sounds like you your chakras weren't
aligned at the time would you like to look into that a little further um no there there there was a
uh i'm sending you a healing frequency right now.
No, you can't feel it, but you will.
It travels really slow.
Girl, I didn't mean healing frequency.
You just can't feel it.
Baby girl, I'm going to hit you with the gigahertz.
There was one of the roommates dated Like a really
Astrology
Crystally
Like hippie type bitch
And
Whenever
Every time she came over to the house
She was like
I don't like the energy in here
And it's like
We have two TVs
We're blasting like
Trap House 3
I'm in the living room
Just fucked up out of my gourd
Just like
Playing Grand Theft Auto
And going insane
My roommate's
like in the kitchen like trying to study and like drunkard and shit and i'm like what what about the
energy don't you like here it's fine it's very fun place to be she's like it's just dark in here
like we had blacked out all the windows like we had the we bought we all pitched in to buy like
one genuine uh like from amazon like a nice high
quality like blackout curtain but they were too expensive to get at the time so we just went and
bought like a bunch of black sheets and just stapled them over all the windows so it was
pitch black in there like all the fucking time why did you do that um because it hurt like a
motherfucker to wake up to the sun when you're hung over and fucked and like that way you couldn't
really tell what time it was it was always just lived in a fucking cave yeah dude natural light
is great for your uh for you know it's good to have it i mean if i'm less of a ceiling
light guy nowadays i know i like i like lamps yeah lamps and natural light hey you're all set buddy
i think genuinely i'm not kidding at that time the motivation wasn't one
like people are depressed they do that shit although there was a lot of depression in the
house certainly wow it just you felt bad like drinking like it was like, Oh fuck. Why am I
pouring like a shot at like 9am? It's like, well, it's not 9am if you black all the windows out.
And so that I think was like the motivating factor for a lot of us. Plus it's easier to sleep all
day, you know, um, that house, so that the house that the street that house is on. Just a bunch of rundown rental homes that like, you know, for like college students and like poor families.
The one right next to where our like main plug like lived for like painkillers was a shitty fucking nasty ass place.
But I drove down the other day down memory lane just to look at the house.
So I was like, I wonder what if Catalina is still up or if somebody's burned that motherfucker to the ground and uh and they
built not not the house i lived in but next to it where our old dealer lived they built like one of
those gentrification station houses like you know the gray with the big bay windows and like yeah
you know like the fucking like um straight black fence and like
they have like old style street lamps with like a nice pebble walkway up in front of it and i i it
it is so funny to me when i drive through like an old neighborhood where i lived and the first one
of those is there i know if i drive by again in a year they're all gonna look like this but when
it's just one it's very funny because it's like all right you know who lives here like who's the first guy that's like i'm gonna move in to this
neighborhood and i'm gonna live in a house like this i mean it has to like you know you got to be
a little fucked you gotta be a little fucking wacko a little fucking well like uh in fort worth
they're getting those but uh it's for, like, TCU kids.
For, like, their dads.
Yeah.
Like, frat house, mini frat houses or whatever.
Yeah, like, for their dads to buy.
Yeah.
And they, like, don't, they do not think about it at all.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's, like, it's kind of, like, a shitty neighborhood.
Like, old-ass fucking, like, nice houses.
But, like, we got this, like, fucking sick-ass setup.
Like, it kind of sucks dick, but, like, my dad got it.
And it, like, it's okay.
It's like a big box with, like, just full of, like, shit that breaks all the time and stuff.
I love, like, whenever my senior year, like, I would go hang out with my friends.
And everyone, like, like 22 you know um
people are trying to quote unquote or some people are trying to like quote unquote grow up but the
way that they grow up is so retarded like I hung out with a couple UT frat kids and uh and like
some of them went to my high school and like after the frat house they all like moved into a smaller
house and they like I would go over there and like the vibe was like hey what's up man like like you want a beer or something like it like eight nine months ago they're like
you know like fucking crazy like yeah but the whole like they were like you know like we don't
really party too much anymore man like we all got jobs and stuff like i'm i'm gonna probably start
at the firm soon and but it's just a smaller frat house like that's all it is like the posters are
still up they still have the like three mounted tv with the entertainment system like the floor is still
sticky like you know the the the bluetooth speaker with the lights is there like but it's like yeah
no like like i mean everybody's gotta grow up sometime bro like i just couldn't live in the
frat house no more and i'm like oh sick and then like then he's like you want you want some coke
by the way it's like yeah i do but like we're like, whose house is this? It's like, oh yeah, same shit. It's like,
so my dad bought up like 10, like kind of like shitty houses, you know, and just kind of like
redid them, like flip them, you know, it's just like a side gig or whatever. It's like,
oh, so like your, your glow up and your grow up as a 22 year old frat kid is to live in a house
that your dad paid for and to do the same
shit you were doing at fucking sigma whatever the fuck but just in like you have hardwood floors now
like that's like that's the big shift that shit was so funny is like even even now like
i don't do any decorating because i wouldn't. This is like the first, I think, like adult place I've lived in.
Like an adult's apartment.
Yeah, you usually – I remember your last apartment.
Like you had like a ball pit and like a bunch of arcade games.
Like your whole living room was just like pinball machines.
It was funny to me in all seriousness.
Like one of the first things we're sitting down
and like we're trying to figure out how to do the first test video episode like with the phone or
whatever and you were like you were looking at all the baseboards and you were like there's shoddy
work everywhere around here and i was like i mean i guess it's just student apartment and you were
just like i mean you were like baseboards aren't meeting you know vinyls but it's just like, I mean, you were like, baseboards aren't meeting, you know, vinyls, it's just like,
like it was weird, like a first time. I do that at
my own house. No, I know, but it was like. For things I'm
not going to fix, I'm like, dump
son of a bitch, fucking
doesn't even use caulk. Yeah, just paint right
over the cracks, you dump stupid
bitch. And I'm like, I could fix that.
Not going to though. I'm just gonna
complain about it until I move out.
The fucking, it was like our first time
Hanging out in person
And
It was just
It was like
Hang it like
When your dad's like
Alright I'm going to go get some beers
And you're like
You're like alone
With your dad's friend
Or whatever
And your dad's friend's like
You know
Floorboard's looking a little warped
Your dad take a look at that
You know like
Just like
Like it was a vibe
It was like Yeah you know Base baseboards not meeting they just painted
right over the hardware in the kitchen they didn't you know and i was like yeah man i uh
student loans pay for i mean i just yeah i'm like i know you live here and all that but like i think
it's a shithole i'm just letting you know know. It's, like, the first time we hung out, you were graciously letting me stay here,
but, like, this is the best you could do, man.
I'm just kidding.
No, the fucking, the, um, I think, honestly,
like, the apartment, that apartment is, like,
had actual, like, granite, like, countertops.
When I tried to get into streaming, like,
gamer streaming, like, a while back,
like, a couple while back like a couple
years ago um a couple people watched me play uh and uh i think it was hussy maybe or somebody was
like hey man do you live in like a like a halfway house and i was like uh no this is my apartment
and they were like it's just bare white walls a black couch, like no for nothing up on the wall.
Like I was like, I don't think about that stuff. Like I don't think about decorating or doing any
coordinating or anything. I just don't. I was like, no man, I live here. Like it's not a halfway
house. Like I'm not slumming it. It's not my buddy's place. I'm not in jail or a mental home.
Like this is my apartment. It's like, dude, like, can you put something up? Like,
and I was like, no, like who thinks about that like, dude, can you put something up? And I was like, no.
Who thinks about that stuff?
That's women's stuff.
Men live in just bare white wall apartments with one chair.
One coffee table, and it's got a bottle of whiskey and a revolver on it.
And we walk by, and we pick one of them up every day.
And which one you get, that's dealer's choice.
That's just that's that's dealer's choice you know that's just dealer's uh when so my dad when my when my parents were when i was really young i would be like a week on my mom and a week on my dad's my mom is like a very clean
person like you know very tidy like a little bit of dust, she can't handle it. Um, and so I would like stay
over there for like a week or a weekend or whatever. And, uh, and then I would go hang out
with my dad like the next week, the following week. And he lived with his mom. And, uh, I mean,
just, just a disaster zone. Like it didn't look like anybody looked like a ghost's house, like
just fucking beer cans everywhere. And just like a complete, you know? And so like, I would, uh, like, I just thought that that's, I was like, oh, it's like, you know, some people are different.
I was a little kid.
I didn't know.
And so I would just like drink a Dr. Pepper like an off, and I would like throw it on the floor because my dad did it.
Like I was like, oh, this is, you know, mom would be like, what the fuck are you doing?
And I'm like, oh, it's just, you know, I like, as a kid, I was like,
dad,
dad does this.
He just throws it on the floor.
She's like,
you put it in the trash can.
And I was like,
no,
like,
no,
it's just like,
you just throw it on the floor.
Like when you're done with the pizza,
you just like throw the box in the yard.
Like,
like,
I don't know why we use a trash can so much.
And then like,
she was like,
no,
like that.
Your dad's a different type of guy.
Like,
you know,
we don't throw our shit in the fucking, we don't, you know, go outside
and piss even though we have a perfectly working toilet.
Although I think, I still hold on to that one.
Yeah, no, your dad was right about that.
I think that one is fine because I wish, the one thing I love about having a house, because
I can't do it, I mean, I guess I could do it in an apartment, like just piss off my
balcony, but you know, it's a little trashier.
But the cool thing about having a house is like, like just piss off my balcony. But, you know, it's a little trashier.
But the cool thing about having a house is like it's just the option to go do a yard piss,
which is like one of the most freeing, like liberating things. You can do it in your front yard if you want.
Oh, dude, that's a fucking – I loved pissing in my front yard.
Pissing in your front yard is a fucking baller move.
Dude, one of my favorite things when I had the house was sitting in one of the long lawn chairs
with the feet wrists,
bringing,
like,
I wouldn't do it with anybody.
It just,
I was like,
this is my first rental house.
I was like 20.
Put a fucking lawn chair,
set that motherfucker in the front yard
and just drink beer
and just watch cars go by.
And I remember like watching my dad's friends do that
and I was like,
this is boring.
And I was like,
no,
this is like the coolest,
sickest way a man can decompress are you alive yeah i was uh seeing how much salmon
to make 55 pounds of salmon well sorry no it's okay i i'm not I don't know much about fish. Where do they come from?
What do they swim with?
What are their names?
These are the questions we ask.
Salmon, tuna, tilapia, catfish, stingray.
Albatross.
Albatross.
Isn't that a bird?
Yeah, I was seeing if you would buy it.
Sturgeon. Sturgeon Sturgeon
Grouper
Clownfish
Clownfish
Cuttlefish
Lantern
Lanternfish
Fucked up
Marlin
Marlin
Barracuda
Bonita.
Beta.
Beta.
Yeah, there we go.
Goldfish.
Goldfish.
I said koi already.
Come on.
I didn't hear you say koi, so I'm going to count that for me.
Okay.
The dory fish.
Yeah, blue something.
Blue fish.
Blue fish.
Sunfish.
You ever see those?
Mahi-mahi fish. Sunfish. You ever see those? Mahi-mahi fish.
Sunfish.
Smallmouth bass.
Largemouth bass.
Sea bass.
Trout.
Rainbow trout.
Flounder.
Come on now.
Sand dollar.
Is that a fish?
Those are crustaceans, right?
Let's see if that would work.
Moray eel.
Yeah, any type of eel. I don't know if an eel...
Is that a fish?
We really don't know. It's either a fish
or a serpent.
Or
a weapon of the great enemy.
It could be a
perch.
Perch.
Nice. That's a good one um minnow minnow sardine sardine anchovy hey oh you owe me a little kiss bro
are there any other kinds of fish we really don't know know. No, we don't. Spiky.
Cod.
What's this?
Spiny.
Narwhal.
Dude, those are fucked up.
I thought those were good. I know a narwhal isn't a fish, but I thought we could segue into what a narwhal is.
It's a...
Are those endangered?
No, apparently not.
Apparently there's a whole fuck ton of them you
just don't see a lot of them because they're out in the middle of fuck off yeah they're not
they're not on opossum kingdom lake yeah i don't see them out in the gulf too much like lake
livingston and just like cresting out of the water yeah you're like on lake worth catching the most
fuck you're out yeah dude we used to go fishing off the when i say used to this was i was a
fucking little little kid but uh we would go fishing like off the ship channel where like
you're not supposed to eat it's just chemicals like years and years of benzene and fucking crude
oil and gas and uh like i said whenever i see a dolphin sometimes when you're on the ferry going
to the galveston island you'll see a fucking couple dolphin following the ferries like near
galveston all that water there is fucked it is never going back to normal ever as long as the
earth exists and i think like those dolphin got to be the most fucked up hood dolphins.
No, swimming into that area for them is like smoking with the windows open.
Yeah, yeah.
You're just having a bad day.
You're like, I got to head over to Galveston.
I got to go to Galveston today.
Yeah, no, dude.
That shit, you're not supposed to eat anything you catch over there.
You ever see all those fucked up canals in New York?
They've got some that have been polluted like constantly for like 300 years.
And one of them, it was like known as like basically the worst. Like the water was like black and it just smelled like hell was down there.
And they had this, but the area around it was being
gentrified so they were trying to make it this like trendy area but it just smelled like horse
shit like from blocks and blocks so they they uh they like dredged it or whatever and they were
just scooping out tons and tons of chemical mud and they were like this isn't gonna make it safe to
be here yeah like nothing really will uh but you can maybe like uh because people were allowed
people went fishing in that canal still but they uh like in like 2017 or whatever that uh hurricane
sandy i think remember when that hurricane hit new york because
they fucking deserved it um a dolphin got trapped in there and just died oh man like just swam
around for like a day and then just died the fucking um the uh i i think the um like austin
doesn't really have places like that but it it's funny to watch it happen to like,
like Pasadena is such a small town where I'm from.
And it, you know, it's just like a, a stinky shithole town where like for years and years
and years, as long as I can remember and going back and reading about it, you know, people
like, Hey, we need to clean up the air around here.
Cause instances of cancer are much higher.
And, uh, you know, the city's like no thanks though and now
you're starting to see more cookie cutter like like apartment complexes that you see in cities
like pop up around the city and the city's growing and the suburbs are like there's more people move
out the suburbs and suburbs become people you gentrify blah blah blah shitty neighborhoods
people buy up cheap land they make fucking gentrification houses whatever now you know
people like we gotta clean up the air around here because like soccer moms and fucking like
tech bros looking to save a buck who work in a city proper are like moving in like in and around
the area and all these expensive ass condos and shit and like apartments and nice houses that
they're renovating in the area and like it's it's sad but it's also like man that shit's like
like i'm not smart enough to articulate like why that's bad but it does suck to be like
like for 50 years to be like hey all of our water's tainted uh my kids like can't read
uh and they're blind and the federal government and state cities are like, oh, that sucks, bro.
And you're like, when you help, and they're like,
nah, nah, you be easy, though.
And then in the last 10 years,
fucking wasps move in there,
and it's like, oh, we'll clean this shit right up for you guys.
No doubt.
We'll get it fucking spick and span for you immediately.
It just sucks really bad, man, and I think I've had enough of it.
Dude, we need
to come together and rise up!
We need to rise up!
Arriba!
We need to rise up for the people!
Dude, sometimes, honestly,
this is me being real,
it feels like you're not
taking the revolution seriously.
I would love to go to a Marx marxist reading group you know and and then you're like some fucking just to learn how
so all right so we're digging into capital today i'm like i didn't do the reading you know like
why not it's part of the group i don't know how but it'd be funny to be like so when does the
revolution start my amigos like just the way that i look now
yeah yeah you should do that i can't come that night because i got other stuff i gotta be working
on yeah um but you you knock yourself out that sounds like a blast i'll tell you what man
you know i've been thinking about lately goodbye
I didn't realize
we were in an hour