Pints With Aquinas - Motherhood, Children, and YouTubing w/ Emily Wilson Hussem

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Emily's VERY New Kids Book! https://www.dayspring.com/emily-wilson-stella-the-brave-children-s-book Emily's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/emilyywilsonn/featured Emily's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emwilss/?hl=en Emily's Premium Video Series for Big Life Changes: https://series.emilywilsonministries.com Marcam! Catholic Content for Kids: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeHyUa_8lR8lBOEF14nrYYw Support For Women Struggling With P0rn Use: https://www.magdalaministries.org Sponsors: Exodus90: https://exodus90.com/matt-home/ Hallow: https://hallow.com/matt Parler: https://parler.com/mattfradd

We're live. It's so good to have you on the show. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure.

It's a delight to be in Steubenville. It's a little bit chilly here. It's a little bit chilly in California. What are you doing here in Philadelphia? Yes, we're in Philadelphia coming over to Steubenville for a little stop going back to Philadelphia. My dad was raised in Philadelphia. So see some family there and then head back to the East Coast.

It's a long journey. East Coast? Or West Coast. Did you drive? No, East Coast. It's a long journey. East Coast? Or West Coast, sorry. Did you drive? No, we flew. It was crazy. We have our four year old and two year old with us. And we flew cross country.

We went halfway to Dallas, got all the way up to Philadelphia. So it was like, we split the trip in half and we made it. And you land on that last flight and you're like, we're here with the kids and it's a big accomplishment. No, it's, I was just telling you, I'm flying to Rome, Italy after this interview today. And I don't know, like maybe I would be tempted to complain about that

before I had kids and had traveled with kids. But once you travel with children, you can do anything. Oh, my gosh, you totally can. And then when you fly by yourself, you're like, this is like being in heaven. You just it's so relaxed. You can watch a movie. You can like sip your drink. You can really take your time to, to enjoy the flight,

which they always tell you to do. They're like, sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. And when you're with your children, you're like, yeah, that's not going to happen. So we'll get there. We'll get there. It's going to be good. Yeah. Your kids wild. They're active, but they're not emotional. So my four year old, two boys, my four year old is like the most relaxed child on planet earth. He's active, he loves playing baseball,

but I can count on one hand the tantrums he's had in his whole life. So easy going. My second one, he's like a little, like 2020 babies are interesting people. They were at home a lot, especially in California. Yeah, but he's got like more of a will, but he's still very like easy going,

but they've got energy for days. It's like 8 p.m. but he's still very like easy going, but they've got energy for days, you know, it's like 8pm and they're still just going, going, going, going, going. Yeah. But they don't have a lot of things or find a lot of things to cry about, which is really helpful as well. And you're in, where are you? We live in Orange County.

Okay. And you're sticking it out? Yes, we will for now. Yeah, we're open to whatever God wants to do. Did you have a lot of friends leave? Oh, yes And what was that like they call it the Texas? Everybody is going to Texas people going like all over those and I get it where the people like yeah We're we're we're headed out and you're like totally understand and it's super expensive B. It's just you know as a Catholic

It's just a crazy environment. You find your like home church. We have a home church that we go to That's about a half an hour Away from our house and we love it. But if you don't have that it's so isolating There's very little community if you want to see your friends. You have to drive 30 45 minutes an hour and that's hard. That's what I was in Atlanta and every friend was 25 minutes away, you know Totally, but now it's like two doors down and you just see your people. Yeah, Atlanta's tough. Oh my gosh, the traffic in Atlanta is so Crazy trying to get through downtown at any point of the day You're like, yeah

How does anybody go anywhere and everybody lives in all these pockets outside of Atlanta and it's hard to get to be able to Same in LA. I was raised in Los Angeles and That's like well, we would meet up but it would take us an hour and a half to get to each other So let's just call each other on the phone instead, rather than sit on the 405. OK, yeah. Now, if you didn't have family, you'd probably be more open to leaving. Yes, we're still open to like wherever the Lord wants us to go, because my husband's from the Netherlands. Yeah. So his family lives halfway around the world.

Europe is beautiful and amazing, but also has every place has its challenges. But we're open to seeing where God wants to lead us, you know, to have a backyard where we live is very, very, very expensive to begin with. So we dream about having a place where the boys with all this energy can just like roam free and just go wild and where we live. Would you ever go to the Netherlands? It's very rainy. So we go to visit, which is really great. We're looking at a little bit of a longer visit next summer Yeah, but it rains a lot all the time rain stupid. Well, it's always sunny

It's pretty should totally move. Yeah. Well, hey, I think I've accidentally convinced a small army of people to move here Which is which is great, but I think there's gonna be a lot of people very angry at me in February. Oh my gosh Hey, you bastard. Totally the freezing cold snow. It's not really my thing, but I'm open and my husband is open to like, OK, Lord, where do you want us to go? If that's not California, we're totally open. Now, you had one of the first excellent Catholic YouTube channels. Thank you. And I have this wonderful memory of when I hit twenty

thousand subscribers and you commented and said, I'm cheering for you. I felt so loved by that. I have been cheering for you since day one. Since day one. Yeah, I got in YouTube long time ago. 2015, 2014. Maybe I posted my first video and back then it was like, you know, now YouTube super saturated.

There's so many people on it. Do you feel that way? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it's like super you know, now YouTube super saturated. There's so many people on it. I do feel that way. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's like super saturated. But back then, yeah, you were the one person I kind of knew who was doing things regularly. There was, weren't as many people.

And I only did it because the Lord spoke to me so clearly. I was starting to get questions from young women and I was trying to discern like, okay, do we do a blog? Like, you know, like an ask, you know, like in the newspaper, there's like a column like ask Emily and you, you know, like an ask, you know, like in the newspaper, there's like a column, like ask Emily, and you, you know, write it out. I was sitting on my parents couch one day, clears the day, the Lord's like,

I want you to start a YouTube channel. And I was like, really? Because I had been in journalism school, I learned how to do everything, filming, editing, like it was my degree was in everything that YouTube requires. So I was like, okay. So I uploaded, you know, the silliest little vlog.

I was just talking to camera and like it went from there. And then I had a couple of viral videos and then it really just started to go from there. Do you have that first video? Is it still uploaded? Oh yeah, I've left everything up. I've left everything. Cause you go back and you see, I know you like,

have you gone back to see your first videos? Like back, I haven't been doing this that long, I guess. Because you go back and you see I know you like have you gone back to see your oh, yeah like back Well, I haven't been doing this that long. I guess like post Trump. Well, no middle of Trump So what like 2000 Neil should know because you've been here from the beginning But I remember there was this one funny video I did and I didn't have good lighting or good cameras or anything And I was interviewing father Gregory pine and I just look exhausted because I was interviewing Father Gregory Pine and I just look exhausted because I was. OK. And it was like the first few days of the Lent. And someone said, wow, Matt, Matt,

looks like he's crushing the land. And you're like, thanks. I know it's tough. Is it welcome to you to like, are you sick? Are so mean. So critical. Yeah. Are you sick? No, but you're tired. No, this is just how my face looks when rested. That's it. I mean, really, that's that's YouTube, man. And you've learned that in spades, I'm sure, over the last few years. I have.

It is so critical and just so I mean, there's more critical places online. I'm so glad you left Twitter. Twitter is like the like the worst, worst, worst ever. I'm not going back and it's only because of my pride. OK, good. Because I'm glad your pride will keep you where you are. It's funny. Sometimes you need like a sin to like keep you from another sin, I guess. So I kind of feel like I made this announcement, like I set the bridge on fire and pissed off and, you know, then what's his name?

Musk buys it. And there's definitely part of me that's like, well, maybe I know not doing that. So I'm not going back on. Never look back. You heard it here. But yes, I mean, well, maybe I know not doing that. So I'm not going back. I never look back. But yes, I mean, social media as a whole is super critical. I mean, it's just as they called a keyboard courage long ago. People are so mean. Yes, because nobody can see you. You're just sitting at home like Matt, you're so ugly and this and that,

blah, blah, and whatever. And like you have this anonymous thing in your like anonymous forty five thousand four hundred465 is your username. And like to get used to that is like a learning curve in the beginning. You're like, oh, whoa. Tell us what was that like for you? It was overall my community is really supportive.

Women have been super supportive. When your videos go viral, that's a whole nother story. You have trolls beyond trolls beyond trolls. One of my biggest things that has helped me is my one rule. Don't feed the trolls. I like to never engage with them because you know, like it's not gonna, it's wasting my time, it's wasting their time. It's not like a constructive thing. But you just get it like accustomed to it over time. And especially just sharing the message that the Lord gives you to share, you know, like, of course,

there's going to be pushback. But my thing is always if St. Joan of Arc can, like, be in battles with people, get an arrow through her neck, pull it out herself and keep fighting. It happened. Yeah. Oh, it's a totally true story. One of my favorite little books is called Joan of Arc in Her Own Words. Sweet, like, short book that has all these things that she actually said. So she talks about this in it, that she got hit in the neck, like she was down for a little bit and she pulled it out herself. She knew she had to keep going. So I'm like, if Joan of Arc can pull an air out of her neck.

Then I can hide this troll from my channel. I can't even hide them. I can take it all. Like if YouTube, like hateful YouTube comments are the worst thing I deal with. Oh my gosh. St. John of Arc, pray for me. Everything will be fine. I was watching a couple of your videos the other day and I was so impressed with your joy. Thanks. And I think that that's probably a sign that you're doing it right and aren't letting the negativity get to you. Yes. Yeah. Over like over the years, like I said, it's kind of been become just this community of women who love supporting each

other and like being together on Instagram. The women are just on my page. The women are so supportive and loving and commenting and sharing their testimonies and stories and like the tough things that they're dealing with. We talk a lot about tough stuff on my Instagram and on YouTube, just difficulties that women are facing and experiencing. I'm a very real and honest person. And that's what's difficult too, is like in order to be, I think the people who are successful are generally speaking vulnerable to some degree.

Like you can't not be. If you're not vulnerable, then you're as interesting as a hotel advertisement that's plastered in the elevator. No one cares. 100%. But if you're vulnerable, then people can connect with you, but advertisement that's plastered in the elevator. 100% No one cares. 100%. If you're vulnerable, then people can connect with you, but then they can also take shots at you. Totally. Do you feel like people are like,

do you feel there's a level of like oversharing and vulnerability that's crossed too much? Such a great question. I'd like to think it through. Okay. I mean, surely there has to be. Totally. Surely you can overshare. Yes. So where's that line? Yeah, I feel like sometimes vulnerabilities can come across as calculated,

like someone is like opening up this part and not in a judgmental way. But you can see like how people share of like, oh, like I'm sharing this so that you get likes or so that you get a lot of comments or so that you get, you know, whatever this is. So I think authenticity goes a long way in social media, just being yourself, being open. I think that's why people love Jordan Peterson. That fella keeps crying all the time. And you get the sense that this isn't. Totally. This isn't a facade, right?

He's just that he's just himself. And whether you like him or don't, or you have issues with him, I think people just appreciate that he seems genuine. Totally. But that's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing, especially as you say, if you've been doing this for so many years and people are being mean. Totally.

But it's the only way to do it. Yeah. You have to come to a place of detachment about, like, if you're sharing what the Lord wants you to share and that's what the place that I've had to come, like the Lord is inviting me and asking me to share this specific thing or that specific thing. I have to have freedom in doing that and saying people can say whatever they want about it. I'm literally doing and sharing what the Lord is asking me to share. And I have confidence in that. And I have so much freedom in that. It's like, it's totally fine. Say whatever you want,

criticize me, criticize any of those things. Do I want to grow as a person? Yes. If I'm doing something wrong, do I want you to criticize and like help me to be better and help me to whatever that might be? Yes. But when it comes to like sharing and doing it, it's like the Lord has given sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor and I'm gonna keep on bringing glad tidings to the poor.

Whatever that is, the poor in spirit, whatever like a woman finds herself in. I think a reasonable of women love your channel. I'm sure there's men who love it also. I know my wife's been surprised at how many men listen to her podcast, which is specifically for women, like I love this. 100%.

But you're very vulnerable, obviously, and you're talking about very sensitive topics. So how has that been for you? Like, have you ever done something you like I shared too much at that point? It is so hard for me to be vulnerable. I'm a very private person. I'm a very, very introverted person.

And a lot of people wouldn't think that because, you know, when I give talks and like very open and when I meet, you know, gals at conferences and events, like I love talking with women and like connecting with women. But the Lord has asked me to share a lot of things I didn't want to. And I never have wanted to in the sense of like, oh, I really want to share this. It has been these intimate moments of prayer with the Lord to say, like, you know, that thing or you know, that experience that you had or you know that just that pillar of your life or whatever it is.

Like, I want you to share that. And I'm like, no, please, like, don't make me. And he's like, I'm not going to make you. I'm going to invite you to share that and I'm like, no, please like don't make me and he's like, I'm not gonna make you I'm gonna invite you to and Like saying yes to that invitation over and over again has been really difficult There's been things I have shared Whether it's on Instagram or YouTube that I like it wasn't like I really want to do this The Lord was like I I'm just inviting you to and I'm inviting you to do it with courage because there are Women and men out

there that I want to hear this. Like you can say yes or say no, and I've always tried to say yes and say, all right, Lord, I'm going to do it with courage. But it's not my preference, but I'm going to do it to be obedient to you. Mason Hickman How, I mean, how do you discern whether or not this is something the Lord's calling you to do versus this is something that will do well. Lauren Ruffin Lots of prayer. That's what I saw from the beginning, and I'm sure you see it yourself, to root the whole thing in prayer again and again over and

over to rededicate like all that I share, all of social media to the Lord. My first viral video, there was one day where I just had the sense of like rededicating everything to the Lord. Like I got on my knees, I was in my office one day, this just had the sense of like rededicating everything to the Lord. Like I got on my knees, I was in my office one day, this was before I had children, and I was like, Lord, it's all yours. Like all of it is yours. None of it has anything to do with me. I don't care if I lose this all tomorrow.

Like I don't care. And the next day my video went viral. This is not some magic formula to do. Like get on your knees, rededicated everything. I'm not saying to you, but mostly to the viewers, we've like, oh, that's the way, you know, you get a lot of subscribers, my subscriber count quadrupled the next day. And it was the Lord, I really felt this sense of like, like press on, like we're going to do this and we're going to do this together. But it's, it's always been this,

like, this is just me doing the Lord's work. Like if it all went away tomorrow, like I have no, like, this is just me doing the Lord's work. Like, if it all went away tomorrow, like, I have no, like, I'm so detached from it. And that's been a great joy. So, it's just been rooting myself in prayer over the years to really pray, like, Lord, what do you want me to share? And like, sharing that obediently rather than like, oh, this is going to do really great. Like, I'll just do this because this is a really juicy topic and a lot of people are going to watch it. And now my husband comes on with me for a lot of videos and we discern that together. Like, what'll just do this because this is a really juicy topic and a lot of people are going to watch it. And now my husband comes on with me for a lot of videos and we discern that together. Like, what is the Lord asking us as a married couple to share with people? I know you and Cam, you know, come on together and you, it's just this amazing thing for

you both to listen to the Lord and say, all right, Lord, as a married couple, like the story of your family, what you guys might be going through, what you you know share How do you guys discern that you know? Yeah, well Cameron's gonna come on soon because she's dealing with chronic pain issues And I know there's a lot of people who are struggling with that yeah, and so we'll discuss that as far as like What's too much to share? I don't know You know with her and I I'm sure like we have a you know you get to know each other when you're married for so long. And so you, you know, I'm aware of what she wouldn't want shared. I was pretty open though. I don't think anything would shock her. So I,

if I ever share anything about my wife, like with her health stuff, it's only because she's already shared it publicly and I know her, believe it or not. So I can, I can sort of comment on that. Yeah. I think the knowledge of, of one another, especially when you're sharing as a couple, publicly is really important. And like always running things by one another. Like I always say, Daniel, like, can I share this?

Are you okay with me sharing this? Yeah, that's good. And sometimes they'll say no, and sometimes they'll say yes, and that's like the constant discernment as a couple in the public eye, like doing the Lord's work in this media way, like how that works. Right, because it's one thing to open yourself

up to criticism, it's a whole nother thing to have your marriage be open to criticism. So when my wife and I talk, like, we're pretty like intense people, both of us. So I remember once we're having this conversation and someone was like, someone was people were like live chatting and saying things like this is triggering me from like my own upbringing. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I think we're upset. Like, we're not upset at all. We're just talking with like a great passion and disagreeing fervor.

Yeah. And then no point with either of us in the least bit upset. But people took it that way. Interesting. So it's really weird then to get advice from Randos on YouTube. Oh, my gosh. And then you see also, I'm sure over the years, you see just how things come across and like you learn like, oh, okay, this could be taken this way or whatever this is when we're speaking passionately to one another. And then you just learn how to present things, not in a, like in a fake kind of way,

but like, okay, how. It's palatable. Yes. That makes sense. Cause like you as a speaker learned that. Yes. And then you have to learn it as a couple. It doesn't mean you're being any less real. It just means. Yes. And then you have to learn as a couple. It doesn't mean you're being any less real. It just means.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's definitely a learning process to be sharing publicly in this way. You learn so much over time. There's moments, there's videos, there's like even one line that you said, you're like, okay, I'm going to learn about how I'll, you know, I said that line or shared that thing and do it differently the next time

or like I've learned so much over the last years and that's a good thing. Like that's what the Lord wants for us. I think as people who are doing his work in the world of media is to keep growing, to keep learning and like let that inform what we're making next and what we're creating next. It feels like back in the 90s and early aughts that many young Catholics, if they wanted to do ministry, would think, I want to like start a ministry or I want to speak or I want to be a youth minister. Yeah. I'm a little nervous that nobody's thinking those things today, except for

the ministry bit. And that ministry bit just means like online influencer. And I don't think I'm criticizing it because I do that. So kind of hypocritical, but it's just, I'm a little nervous about what that means for our church. If it's easier to start a YouTube channel for some people and to then to start making revenue through YouTube ads. And then like, wow, well, my youth minister job was paying me 25 grand a year.

Like this turns out it'll be better. And then what happens to parishes and, uh, yeah, evangelization within the church. I think the best analogy is like a vineyard. We talk about the vineyard and the Lord, right? There's so many different roles that take place in a vineyard. And if everybody's the one who's like picking the grapes or whatever, say doing media is like picking the grapes, what's going to happen? Like it's all going to collapse. I think there is this idea of fame, right? And like being seen and having people listen to your opinion and all that. And I think that the Lord calls like very specific people to do it.

Most of the people I know doing it would not have chosen it for themselves. And I think that the Lord calls like very specific people to do it most of the people I know doing it would not have chosen it for themselves And I think that's a very interesting thing all the people I know who like present or give talks They weren't like I'm gonna you know figure out how do we go to speaker? It was very much the Lord calling them into that that's me if I like I have to give a talk in front of 2,000 People I would rather be sitting down. I absolutely chose to do this. Okay. Cause I knew I was good at it. Okay. Interesting. So I remember giving a talk to like 2000 teens in Houston when I was about to get married. Okay. And I did really well cause I was good at doing that. Okay. So I said to my wife, like, I need to do this. Okay. What about me then?

I think that what I have, what, like after knowing you for all of these years, your heart is like, is so obviously rooted in the Lord. It's so obvious to me over the years. Um, you heart is like, is so obviously rooted in the Lord. It's so obvious to me over the years, you know, like when you wrote the porn myth, right? Yeah. Yeah. And how you like you're like sharing, you were donating to like a house for battered women. And just like your heart has been so obvious from the beginning that like you love the Lord. I do.

You love Jesus. You and Kim love Jesus. And I think like you have loved doing this. It's so obvious that you enjoy doing this, but that your heart has been rooted in the right place all along the way. Like the- I hope so. That's what comes across to me is that like you are rooted in what does the Lord want?

Like there's so many people who are getting so much out of Pines of Aquinas. I know so many people who listen and who have just been, you know, inspired by conversations and it's led them to new places in their faith. But it's just obvious that you're rooted in prayer. I hope so. And I think it's not an all or nothing thing.

Like sometimes it's like, sometimes you'll be aware that you're not rooted rooting the Lord and you've just been sharing things and you've been chasing after the wrong things and the tails begun to wag the dog. Mm hmm. Yeah. So you got to keep going back to. You recalibrate.

And sometimes it's like the Lord hitting you on the head to be like, you have lost your way. OK, if you're going to keep doing this, you have to get back on track. But there was like there was gatekeepers before. So I because I get your point. When somebody would say to me, how do I do what you do back before YouTube? What do you think I do?

Like, we're going to give talks, and people have you come in. And I heard Annie Hickman, who I love, say, if you're called, you'll get the call. Meaning someone will actually call you and invite you to do it. And that if you're pressing the call, meaning someone will actually call you and invite you to do it. And that if you're pressing too hard, this is a sign that you're not waiting on the Lord. Surrender is so important in that. But with YouTube, like this, you just click a button and start a YouTube channel and go to Canva and create something that looks kind of fancy.

And totally. But if over a number of months or years you're getting 10 viewers and you're like, oh, this might not be working out. You might be speaking to those 10 people. But if over a number of months or years, you're getting 10 viewers and you're like, oh, this might not be working out, you might be speaking to those 10 people. And I think that's something that is so important. Whatever anybody wants to do is not to overlook that it's always been about one heart, right? Like you're 100,000 subscribers.

I always tell the girls, my button, I wanna cross it off and say 100,000 hearts. Because what you're reaching, you're not reaching subscribers, you're reaching hearts, you're reaching souls, right? And if you start this YouTube channel and there's 10 people watching and you're a year in and there's still 10 people watching,

like that's one, that's 10 hearts. And like that should never be overlooked for numbers. It's not about reaching 100,000 hearts, it's about reaching the person that the Lord wants you to reach through the message that He's given you. And I think that's something that's so important for anybody who's like, I wanna do this. I wanna talk in front of 2,000 people.

Maybe you are speaking at your youth ministry and you have five teens and you're in the middle of Kansas and you're like, this is really hard. Those five teens need you. Then those five teens are the hearts and souls that the Lord has put in front of you to share with. And that's what I think is just has been so key. And just in all of my conversations with people who share publicly is like the person in front of you. Like, that's it, right? Then in there, you know, we saw Francesca downstairs, you know?

Like that person, that personal, personal like relationship with the heart. That's the key. Right. And if you're focused on that, the Lord might bless it. And you might have 200 and however many you are at now, 280 or almost at 300000, which is so exciting. But like it might be 300000 and it might be 10 and it's all so good. Well, I think something I'm realizing, too, is I know how I could grow this channel way quicker than I'm doing it now

So do you right? Yeah, there's a formula you could do you could do three videos a day where you comment on celebrity gossip I'm gonna and you could baptize it and say from a Catholic perspective, which means nothing It's just a way to kind of justify what you're doing. And oh, yeah, you pick us be like, yeah But if you're like, I don't want to do that totally, because that's not what the Lord is asking you to do. And that is the thing. The Lord is asking us to serve the hearts that are in front of us, whatever, you know, that looks like.

And you say, OK, like the hearts that are in front of me, the hearts that you've given me are the ones that I will serve and the ones that I will speak to. I'm not going to like look at these. I mean, oh, that's so great. But I'm going to go find more hearts to like get into the pen. You know, the Lord's like these hearts are here and I will speak to. I'm not going to look at these hearts and be like, oh, that's so great, but I'm going to go find more hearts to get into the pen. Like the Lord's like, these hearts are here

and I want you to serve them. And if I want to bring other hearts in there, I will. Trust me that I will. I can. I can bring people to your channel. That's what the Lord showed me when my first video on Bible, he's like, I can use media for anything that I want to do,

even though so much media is just like so crazy and so full of filth and putrescence like a princess bride. But yeah, he'll like bring people and you just, you don't have to strive to bring people in. And if we're striving to bring people in, I think that's where we can really get lost. So what's the advice you'd give to someone when they say, I want to start a YouTube channel? Go ahead. I would say absolutely do it. But remember the why. Like go back to your why again and again and again. And like that's something that I do all the time. Why did I do it?

A, because the Lord said, I want you to do it. And B, because I want to connect with women and men. There's a lot of men that listen to my channel too. They say, I learned so much about women by listening to your channel, which is so good. Some men who are like raised with brothers, like, I don't know how to deal with women. So I watch your channel and I learn about

what do women care about? What do women feel? Like, what are they thinking about? What do they go through? And like, so start the channel, like say the message that's on your heart and just see what happens and give it to the Lord again and again.

Say, Lord, you've put this message on my heart to share I'm just going to share it and do whatever you want with it. How then do you keep yourself kind of grounded in this mission as opposed to it becoming something other than that? Like, it sounds like you're very passionate about this being the Lord's. You say that you're detached. All that. That's beautiful. That doesn't come naturally. It comes through prayer, wisdom, spiritual directions. How do you personally try to? So like keep my, myself rooted in, in our Lord and, and, and, and put first things first. Yeah. Lots of prayer. What does that, what does that mean? Daily mass? Okay. Not every day. My husband and I kind of have a trade off kind of thing. Um, so last year,

Oh, wow. That's random. Keep going. So last year, we have a little trade off. Uh, my days are a Tuesday and Thursday and sometimes Saturday. Um, it's very difficult with children's sleep. So we have a six 30 morning mass. Um, and the Lord invited me into that super specifically last year. It involved me. No, this was 2021. I can't even remember what year it is anymore. Do you ever like think like, wait, what year is it? And it's, I also forget how old I am.

Okay. Yeah. My kids are, but that's always been the case. Yeah. It gets tricky, but I had this moment. Our church was under construction. All right. I'll tell you a quick story.

Um, and oh my gosh, I was pregnant in 2020. So I was pregnant from January to the end of September. So most of 2020 I was pregnant. And being kept from the Eucharist was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Like the Eucharist gets me through every day of my life, you know, when I'm able to go to daily mass, of course, but just not having that as like the

spiritual food that I needed to get through pregnancy during such a time of difficulty, especially in California. It was just so, so hard. It was so hard. And so I showed up, it was the middle of 2021 and I showed up at my parish and they were doing construction kind of off. They were like building a new building. And there was a sign on the door that said, the church will not be open for personal prayer again until 2022.

That was like seven months away. And I lost it. I was sobbing like a child outside of the church. I had felt so abandoned and so, I don't know, just like, just lost without the Eucharist. And I just went there to pray and one afternoon I was like, oh my gosh, like the whole pandemic thing is over and the church is back up and they're not even going to let like they're they're here on site like they're in the offices.

There's no reason for them not to open. And like, I just felt so like continually kept from the Lord. And so it was this beautiful thing. I drove to parishes around, I called my husband and I was just sobbing. I was like, I like, what do I do? What do I do? Like, you know, I just want to see the Lord. Like I just want to be with him.

And he told me to like to go to a different church and I finally found a church that was open. It was the middle of the summer and the air conditioning was on and I went and I prayed and it was so beautiful. The sound of an air conditioning reminds me of the Lord's love. Have you ever thought about what the love of God sounds like to you? The love of God sounds like an air conditioning turning on to me because when I was at Arizona State University and I was a young Catholic woman trying to live my faith, I would go to the chapel there. And it's 120

degrees. And like the air conditioning would kick on and it would kick on and it would kick on again. And I didn't even realize what the love of the Lord sounded like to me until I was in that basilica on that day where I had this meltdown. And I was like, oh my gosh, like I felt so consoled by the sound of this air conditioning. Like the Lord is like, I'm here. I love you. And he had told me the same thing with that kick on the air conditioning when I was 18. And he was like, I'm here and I love you. And I know you're so lonely and I know this is so hard, but we're like in this together. So I never thought about it that way.

And later on that day, the I just like this, like thinking about the air conditioning and the Lord's like, I felt him really say like, I want you to go to daily mass at that church. And I was like, okay. So I looked it up and 6.30 was the only one. And I laughed, I was like, Lord, please, like no way. You know, my sons are horrible sleepers. I was like, there's just no way.

And he's like, in the same, like just that invitation, he's like, I'm gonna invite you to do it. You don't have to, but I wanna invite you. And not in a passive aggressive way. Totally. Whereas if you don't do it. Totally in a way of love. Like when my wife last night went, if you could take the air conditioning units out

of the windows, that would be a really great thing. Yeah. I know what she meant was I really need this to happen. Totally. There was no freedom. Right? She was like, you're gonna do it, but you don't say you're gonna do it, but you're like, you're just gonna do it. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, that's a wife to a husband. That's for sure. So long story short, I began going to that and it really has like brought this revival to my heart and my life post pandemic, post 2020, having my baby and everything like that. And so those times are very important to me because during the day I'm a stay at home mom, I'm with the boys. We go out on adventures and things like that. And so those times are very important to me because during the day I'm a stay at home mom, I'm with the boys, we go out on adventures and things like that. So having that time in the morning with the Lord,

just rededicating everything to him again and again, has been key. And then continual discernment, just asking the Lord, being in conversation with the Lord all the time, Lord, what do you want me to share about? Like, what do you want me to say? And really leaning into that again and again and again and again and again.

A lot of what happened throughout the pandemic was a response of anger on the part of the faithful, and it may be justified, but how did it not turn into that for you? Like, why did you not just turn on YouTube and blast the bishops? Because I was just so sad. I was too sad. Being pregnant, like it was, I was just, it was just hard. I didn't even have the energy to get to a place of anger. You know, like anger takes a lot

of energy. You got to like, you know, how let it stir within you. And I was just too sad. I just felt too forgotten. I felt too, you know, I just, I don't know. I just felt too lonely in that sense. I had my husband, he was so supportive and so loving. But yeah, I was too sad. It was really too sad. You mentioned to me, so I think it's okay if I bring it up. Did you have a C-section? Yes.

Did you have two? Yes, I've had two. I asked my wife had four. Okay. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. Did you, have you done videos on this? Yes, I talk about it very openly.

I thought so, that's why I thought I could bring it up. Oh my gosh, I talk about it so openly. The Lord has sent me to bring glad tidings to women who feel so much shame for having C-sections. Okay, talk about that. My first labor, my son was due on October 23rd. And so I was like, great.

You know, you look at, do you look at the like the due dates of your children and you're like, what feast days are on those? Do you like the due dates? You're like, oh, what like Saint might this child pick? You know, October was interesting. And so I was like, OK, so the days went by, the days went by. Was Kam's like, was your first super overdue or was she kind of like first was over. We were living in Ireland. OK. And it was very over.

Oh, yes. Did she go to like 40 weeks, 41 weeks? I forget. OK. It's hard. The second one, I know she scheduled it because we just thought that nothing was happening last time. And then we tried, she tried for a VBAC and then couldn't. Yeah. So it was very tough on her. And so what you're saying really resonates with me hearing her experience of this shame.

Totally. Why does my body not work like other women's bodies? 100%. So that first baby, you know, like we would wake up every morning, you know, I was like, anything? Like anything? And I'm like, no. Like the next night it was like October, you know,

you get to the 25th, 26th and the way is crazy. You're like, when is this gonna happen? What's labor gonna be like as a woman? It's just like so much. Like wondering and imagining and the days went by and I was like, I am not having a baby on Halloween. I just didn't wanna have a baby on Halloween.

Just not my thing. So I just sat down on Halloween. I was like, I've been walking so much. I am not moving. I sat on the couch like the whole day. I was like, brilliant little boy. He's going to choose all the saints. This will be amazing. My water broke at All Saints Day Mass, 5 PM Mass. And I was like, okay, he didn't choose all the saints. Maybe he'll choose all the souls. 41 hours later, It was like 25 hours of Pitocin. I mean, the hardest, most gritty, most humiliating,

difficult experience of my whole life. He chose St. Martin to porous. He was born at noon on Saturday. And yeah, it's such a real moment when you've been preparing and you do all these birth classes and the doctor comes and he's like, it's not gonna happen. You know, it's not gonna happen in the way that you have planned for it too essentially. Like it has to

happen. The baby has to come out. And so you're like, okay. So my husband and I were there and we just held hands and he was like so faithful and so good. He was just up all night. I have pictures of him was like eating little snacks, you know, as a man. You feel so powerless, you know, they were they tried everything with me. They're turning. He's turning me over with the nurses all night, flipping me back and forth. When you say humiliating, what do you mean? You have to detach yourself so completely from what people think of you.

You're so exposed. You're so powerless. You're so you're so at the mercy of these people and like, there's just nothing you can do. Like you're exposed physically. Like everybody who's coming in is just seeing everything and you're like, Oh my gosh, under normal circumstances, I would be humiliated just as a private person. Like you're just like in the open and everybody's like talking about you and talking about your body and talking about this whole like whole thing. And unless you have an advocate on staff, you have to be really assertive, don't

you? Yes, but I love my doctor. Okay. I will ball my eyes out telling you how much I love my doctor. He saved him. He saved our life. So, so yes, humiliating in, in that way of being so exposed and so just seen in all those ways. And so they will me into the operating room. Right. And it's just this incredible experience of like, okay, you're surrendering, surrendering, like it's not going the way I want to. And like I always and that's what I always tell women who are like preparing for birth. You have to hold your birth plan with open hands. Like you have to hold it like this because like you just don't think you're going to be wheeled

into the operating room. I'm sure you, that wasn't your guys's plan either. It's just like not the plan, but when you are, you're like, okay, this is the way it's going and it's going to be okay. Um, so like that he saved our lives. I would not be here today if C sections did not exist. I tell, you know, women all the time, I shared a lot of different things about it and regarding the shame of that question of like, why didn't my body know how to do what it's supposed to do? And every single time I felt that in the beginning,

I prayed for my friends struggling with infertility Who asked that question in a totally different way to say why does my body not know how to do what it's supposed to do? I you know my friends who are seeing pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement after pregnancy I wasn't saying my body is broken right my friends who have shared this vulnerable Vulnerably with me. I friends really walking this road. My body is broken It doesn't know how to do, what it's supposed to do. So every moment I felt that, it was like, I'm praying for my friends who are asking this question

in a much bigger way. If my friends are carrying this cross of infertility, I cannot be concerned about how my baby's coming to the world when I hold that baby, and I have so many friends who are walking that road. So that, like, that shame that women feel, in Catholic female circles, maybe some of our viewers understand, it's really seen as if you don't deliver without an epidural, totally naturally, you did it wrong or you failed.

And there is no failure in it. And I think it's so important for women to understand, I have battle scars. Your wife has battle scars, right? Like you, so I tell women, like the story of our family will be written on my body until I die. Like you can look at my body and you can see the story of our family. The scars that I have show the story that God has written. This is my body given up for you, right? 100%. And like people don't know that often in C-sections, you give birth in the shape of Christ crucified, which is really quite something.

So my second son was born on the feast of the exaltation of the Holy Cross. We picked that day for him. And you want to know what was the most interesting part of that, scheduling the C-section, is that I had to get on the operating table myself. And it's been this rearranging of my spiritual life. Like he was like, they were like, yeah, get on the table and Daniel couldn't be with me. They're like getting everything ready. Yeah. Living sacrifice. 100%. I remember I forgot who it was who said the problem with the living sacrifice is it keeps trying to crawl off the altar. 100%. 100% when it's living, it's like in a scurry way because you know what has to

happen. And on that morning, after those nine months of walking through 2020 as a pregnant woman, you do feel alone. And it's rearranged my spirituality in the sense that there's so many times where the Lord wants to do work within us. There's so many parts of us where He knows that healing has to happen. He knows that essentially you could call it surgery, right? Like the Lord as surgeon, He knows what has to happen. So often we're unwilling to get on the operating table. So often we're like, no, no, I'm walking out of the hospital because I don't want the pain of that. I know Lord that this has to be healed this area of whatever it is in my heart and my life, but I'm not getting on the table. And so to stretch the analogy a little with you being pregnant, like it will get worse if you don't 100% same thing in our spiritual life. If we don't open those places to our Lord and allow truth to enter and be vulnerable,

it will get worse in a way that will be worse than what this feels like right now. 100 percent. 100 percent. I love this 100 percent thing. This is my favorite thing about you today. This is Matt Bruinger. We had a guy on the show. He does that a lot.

100 percent, dude. Keep going. I love it. So so am I going too long with this birth stuff? No, I love it. OK, I'm out on the table. You had to climb up on the table. And as a woman in 2020, you you couldn't bring anyone to your appointments. So it was just me and my doctor.

I love him to the moon and back. And I like you just had this relationship with your doctor that you wouldn't normally have because it was just you and him walking along the way. And you were quite convinced that a V back was essentially impossible. Yeah, because I got to I mean, and I'm fine. Sure, I share about this openly. The first time I got to four centimeters and my body just shut down. And I was like, I'm not I'm not doing it again.

Like, I'm not going to try and end up in the operating room. I'm sure Daniel appreciates it. Oh, yeah. Right. He doesn't. Oh, my gosh. Totally. Like to play in it, you know, the plan. You're like, it is funny, though, like, because I'm sure Daniel would say the same thing that I would even though I was so sorry that my wife had to undergo that and I was sorry for her pain. The idea of I'm ashamed that I couldn't have a birth naturally. Like I don't know you're talking about you beautiful.

You just get birth of my baby. Thank you. like maybe when a husband starts to think he's like getting a little chubby or something or and the wife's like, I really haven't noticed and don't care. But you're so absorbed in your own stuff. And I also think too, like how their physical maladies like this are often like the devil gets in and accuses us. Right. So like if a woman can't have children and she's thinking, what's wrong with my body? And that seems to be prophetic of what she's always known, namely, something's deeply wrong with me.

Mm-hmm. No, everybody else seems to get this thing right, but not me. I'm fundamentally fractured at my core, and these physical maladies are just, what do you say, expressions of that? Mm-hmm. Oh, the devil tries to go in there and just get at you. Like, look at all these other women, look, like, the Lord's blessing all of them like you have been forgotten like it's a big Like he gets in there. He knows the lies He they speak some so loudly to women regarding all of these different kinds of things

Especially like as I've seen in regards to birth these women sure a failure You didn't do it right and it doesn't help all the crazy things that people say about it Why don't you try harder? Oh, gosh. Like you like, no, like a c-section isn't a birth. Like you didn't give birth. No one said that. Oh, people say to I mean, they shouldn't be able to share. Totally because I share so openly women like share

like the things that people have said to them are if you didn't give birth, then your boys aren't born 100 percent like they're still within you. If they were not born. Stupid thing to say. Oh, I mean, it's, it's only a person who has witnessed a woman have a C-section or something like that, who knows like you get seven layers of your body cut open and then they ask you to stand up two or three hours later. And you, the people who are like, why didn't you try harder? You know, um,

it's kind of, it's clear. And Daniel comes over and slapping people. Absolutely. You say, it's kind of a... I just click and Daniel comes over and starts slapping people. Absolutely. You say, what have people said? There's so many different, like, just like things are just so ignorant to what that moment is like. So ignorant to what that journey is like. When you do look at my friends who like have a labor that's six hours and then maybe like basically flies out of them.

And you're like, wow, I always wish women wanting meat cows I do look at my friends who have a labor that's six hours and then maybe basically flies out of them. And you're like, wow, I always wish women wanting meat cows who are about to have their baby for the first time, I say, I wish you an easier, smoother birth than mine. And so far it's worked out pretty nicely. Yeah, but people say crazy stuff. And to fend that off as well is really important. So many people say it's a mind over matter thing. It's more of a mental strength

than a pain tolerance thing. I've heard women say like you just have to trust your baby and your body enough and it'll turn out the way that you want to. And I'm like, I trusted my baby. I trusted my body. I have mental strength, like pretty good mental strength and it doesn't always go that way.

I also tell women, you don't, like people don't think they're gonna have a baby on the freeway. I know two people who have had their baby on the freeway And so when women are looking at their labor and delivery I always say learn about us what a c-section is ask your doctor if we go into c-section, right? What is that gonna be like because that's what I find with women For the most part is they thought it will not happen to me. Like it's not gonna happen. It's a mind over matter thing I've got a strong mind. We're gonna go in in there and it's going to go how I want it to go. But

if you know what's going to happen during a C-section, you'll feel a lot less afraid and a lot less discombobulated by like, Oh my gosh, like what is going on? What's going to happen to my body? Like so many women just go in and they don't know what actually happens. And I just think it's so important to ask your doctor questions and just to just read about it. Do you personally feel nervous about getting pregnant again because maybe the section was a traumatic experience? My sections have been, I wouldn't say it was traumatic, but I know women who have been

through traumatic ones. Mine were not as traumatic as some of my friends. But yes, it's very hard to also be a Catholic woman who has C-sections because so many people have so many ideas about how many children you should have in the center or whatever, and people just think all women are the same. Like, oh, my grandma had nine C-sections, and you're like, well, your grandma's uterus is not my uterus. And there's different problems that can come up.

And a lot of people say like, oh my gosh, what are you going to do? Women who have C-sections can only have three children. And you're like, you- I have three children, what are you going to do? Like C-section women who have C-sections can only have three children. And you're like, you it's three children, maybe. Yes. I'm blessed to have another one. 100 percent. So my wife had to have a hysterectomy. OK, this was like a couple of years ago. Again, this is something she speaks publicly about. And that was I think one of the reasons she felt so bad about that.

It was for medical reasons, of course, was that there were women in her life who aren't Christian, who would be like, good for you, as if she was doing this as a contraceptive. Right. Kind of, you know, who the hell would do that? But I imagine too, that there are probably women, is this true, who might choose sections when they can give birth naturally, because it might, I don't know, change them somehow in a negative way? No, I know a woman who just didn't want to go through labor and delivery,

so she just opted for it. So like when you have when you see that, yeah, I could see it. You feeling, yeah, like my wife didn't feel shame about it. I hope not having to have a hysterectomy. But I think the fact that there were women choosing to do that when she's like, are you kidding me? Like I would love to do anything for another child, but we can't. Absolutely. It's, there's so much nuance to it. There's so much of a personal nature

to it. And that's why I think the Lord has really asked me to share openly about this because it is a very personal, vulnerable thing. Just thinking about yourself on that operating table and how many women are lying on that operating table, feeling like a failure. And, she like, why is that? Is it because it's so tied to your motherhood? You know, like, why, why the shame? There's a lot of judgment. There's a lot of people who women who share judge mentally about birth online. I mean, if you've ever seen a comment section on women, like fighting about birth in on Instagram It's crazy. They're like, oh my never Everybody well, yes

Understand why you cannot believe the The ideas and opinions people hold about like the way that birth should be and you know These women who are maybe raised in these communities or like in these groups of friends who, you know, are more crunchy, they would say online, natural, like holistic, who say no epidurals, no nothing. Like, I'm going to give birth at home, which is a wonderful thing. I have friends who give birth at home too, but sometimes it's like, all of your friends gave birth at home and you're the one who had the C section.

And it's like. Is it analogous to say the homeschooling? So like a woman may want to homeschool her kids, but maybe her for whatever reason, she can't. Maybe her husband left or maybe her children have learning difficulties and they just ever has so many opinions. Yes, absolutely. I'm not going to say I want you to do. It's great.

That's what we'll call the show. That's that's women's like in general of like this comparison is obviously infiltrating every part of our lives, especially through social media. But like women can compare what happens to them, what goes right with them, what goes wrong with them to every other woman around them, whether it's their sisters, friends. What's a comparable thing with men? Can you think of something that like men... I mean, surely it's there. I just haven't really thought about it.

In the Catholic world, men who want to be able to be a single income family, but for some reason can't, are often made to feel like they're just not working hard enough. Yes, that's a good one. Why don't you take a third job or something like that when it's like, well, because I'd like to not have my wife work, but also the trade off would then be I never see my children. So, yeah, I think that's. I wonder if because of oops, because of all this, this trans confusion, right.

And insanity, if it's now like there's this desire to really bloody nail down what a man is and does and what a woman now and there cannot be no blurring. Because if there's any blurring, then you're on the wrong side. The kind of weird transy side and those rigid categories don't work with individuals all the time. That could be for sure. You have me thinking now too, in the sense of like, do men compare more internally and it just doesn't come out in comment sections and in their dialogue and discussion with

one another? Or do you think that men don't struggle with? comparison to Johnny and Ted and Edward like as much as the girls gonna, you know Compare pretty much every aspect of life women struggle with comparing I think men like I don't know why this just came to my mind Like whatever you think of the things Taylor Marshall says on his podcast He seems like a very successful guy financially, and he seems like he's in good shape, like does jujitsu and like, but, you know. And and I think when a man feels inferior in one of those regards to like the finances or the in shape thing, they start.

Men will lash out and they'll because they feel themselves impotent to attain what he has. OK. And so they'll they'll then they feel themselves impotent to attain what he has. Okay. And so they'll then they'll say mean things like, oh, he's just after the money or like, oh, look, jujitsu, look, I'm a whatever bro or something. It's like, well, yeah, maybe he's better than you and you should stop being such a couch potato and actually make money and work out. That's one option. Yes, I agree with you. So I think that's that in men.

Yeah, that's evident. For sure. I've seen that. Yeah, that's I always come back to that. It's like Nietzsche's Resente Maw. The idea is you impugn what you feel yourself unable to attain and you make it the evil instead of saying it's a good that I can't attain. You say that's an evil and the opposite is, you know, like so you make fun of people who take photos of themselves at CrossFit, which maybe there's something to be made fun of there. I don't know. But the point is the reason you're making fun of them is probably has something to do with the fact that you feel inferior, that you don't have. You don't have secure. Yeah, I don't know.

So maybe that those are two things. Yeah. No, I think those are good ones. That definitely I've seen that evidenced over. That would make sense, right? Because I mean, like traditionally, like men are meant to be strong and men are meant to be providers. So it would make sense, I suppose, I mean, like traditionally, like men are meant to be strong and men are meant to be providers. So it would make sense, I suppose, that those are the two areas.

Yes. Whereas women, I guess, are supposed to be nurturing. We we we take care. There's whatever vocation the Lord may call you to. You nurture in a way. And if, you know, like my friends who struggle with infertility, like I, I want to nurture a child and that is not happening for me right now. Or in the terms of comparison, like you said, homeschool, like you're nurturing your children

in this way and choosing to do it, nurturing them to like being their teacher and you know, education in the home and you know, birth, all those different kinds of things are a part of our feminine spirit and looking at the way other women are living out their calls and their feminine spirit. Sometimes I'll start talking about something and it gets a lot of traction. And I think to myself, is it that there's just a lot more people who need to hear this thing right now? Or is it just because I'm going through this thing and I'm now speaking from my experience and it's always been that way. So like with the speaking about C-sections,

presumably people were struggling with this a great deal, maybe back when you first started your YouTube account. But it maybe just feels like today people are struggling in that way. Or yes, I think it's always been. I think some women struggle with a vast like way more than other women, depending on their upbringing, depending on what they were raised to believe about birth and like our individual, like unique spirits as women, right? Some of us, it's very, it's just such a personal thing. But I think me sharing about it has been like, it's come to light for me seeing like, oh, this has been something I've been struggling

with all along. And I will continue to talk about it. I had one gal, it's the reason I'm still on Instagram. I struggle with Instagram too. I think it's one of the nicer places on social media, but she sent me a direct message. She said, Emily, I was in labor and delivery and they came and they said, it's not gonna happen.

And they had me sign the papers and she said, I thought of you and I thought if Emily can do this, I can do this too. And I said, I will stay and continue to preach, you know, bring glad tidings to women. You know, and it's not by my own thing. This is something the Lord says, I want you to share about this. I want to keep sharing about this.

And so when a woman says that it's not like, oh, I'm so great, you know, I love sharing about this. It's like, no, the Lord sent me to bring glad tidings in this area to say, yeah, when you're signing those papers, you're a champion. You are a champion beyond champion beyond champion. And this, and like this is my body given up for you will be engraved on your body for the rest of your life. I remember Scott Hahn saying something about that,

like that the scars that Kimberly bears are the most beautiful thing about her. Because when he sees those scars, it reminds him of the sacrifice she made for their children. Isn't it so magnificent? It really is magnificent. It tells a story. Daniel did well, your husband. He's done so great. Yeah. I mean, is there advice that you think men need to hear if their wives are going through a c-section Other than just be supportive. Yeah, I think there's no like be supportive is true You feel so powerless and that's what I felt in my husband when we were there

Just holding hands and just kind of weeping with each other like as a man you're like I want to I want to fix it Like I want to protect her. I want to protect my child You can do nothing. You can do nothing except stand there and put on that bunny suit. You gotta put on your whole like bunny suit. I don't know the technical term. You medical people out there might know.

Not an actual bunny suit, just to be clear. Your medical hat and the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Useless as a chocolate teapot, we'd say in Australia. 100%. And really, you cannot say enough supportive words. Yeah. You're a champion.

You're doing amazing. I believe in you. I love you. All of that goes such a long way. And not even just on the day, the day after, like it is a process of coming to terms with this for women. There's no ad for that. Because like I said, you don't think it's gonna happen to you.

You don't think your baby's gonna be born on the freeway. You don't think you're gonna be on the operating table. It's a process of coming to terms and surrendering what you hoped for to accept what was and what is. So in those days and weeks, continue to say, you did so amazing. You're so incredible. You know, your body is beautiful. All those things. The healing is very difficult. The scar healing up. Cause it's not like you go through this experience and then get to go rest. You go through this

experience and then you learn how to breastfeed. And then you learn how to not sleep at all. Typically after major surgery, they say, take some naps and really, really rest. They give you major surgery, which you're awake during. There's so few major surgeries that you're awake during, which is also the spirituality that we're always, the Lord is always in communication with us when he's working with us. And then they hand you this baby. Imagine having your liver removed and they give you a baby to go in with. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? They give you this baby and you're like they just cut seven layers of my body open And and they they asked me to stand up two or three hours later and I'll walk around and and you have this baby

Yeah, keep going. Sorry. It's crazy It's so hard. You're you're you're you're after 41 hours of labor. You like I've never been this tired in my whole entire life I thought I was died. I was wrong and And I'm not going to sleep for one hour, right? For the next hour of a long, you want to go back to yourself in college when you thought you were tired and give yourself the most condescending pat on the knee and be like, honey, you don't know what tired is on November 3rd, 2018. You're going to be tired, sister. Well, yeah, you hear about like hell week and what the Navy SEALs go through.

And you're like, please. One hundred. One hundred percent. Yeah. You hear about like hell week and what the Navy SEALs go through and you're like, please. 100. You think, yeah, but the, all of the emotions for the feminine heart in those days, if a C-section was the route that happened, the, like your hormones, you know, all over the place, you know, as a woman and, and, and processing all of it is impossible. It's so painful and challenging. You've just been strapped into a roller coaster.

You just have to ride it out. Yes. I'm no longer in control. And you think, when am I going to have time for women? I didn't feel like I had to grieve the birth that I wanted. But when am I going to have time? So I'm going to say to grieve what I what I, you know, wanted to happen. When am I going to have time, someone to say to grieve what I, what I, you know, wanted to happen. When am I going to have time to think about like what, like it, cause it happens so fast.

They come in, especially if it's an emergency and a really traumatic thing and the baby's heart rate is dropping and they come in, you don't have time to process everything that's happening. They whisk you in and they take that baby out as fast as possible. So to go over it and I always tell women, if you are struggling, go to see a counselor,

go to see a therapist because you need to talk it out. Did you do that? No, I didn't feel like I had to. Cause I told you the whole time, my sister went through this before me and that was a really big deal too. Her body did the exact same thing as my body did. So, and we're very similar.

That must have been helpful to have heard. Very similar, 100%. And so hearing about her experience, I thought we're very similar. We always have been our whole life. Maybe that could happen to me. That helps too. But I didn't feel like I had to go to see a counselor,

but I've had friends who went, you just have to talk about it. And you have to walk through some women, all of the things that happened that you didn't have time to think about while they were happening. And some women have very poor medical experiences where they didn't feel like someone was advocating for them or their husband was trying to say, you know,

this is the way that she wants us to go. And it's just too crazy. And sometimes medical, when people know the medical people know what has to happen, like they're like, it's all, all hands on deck. Nothing matters right now. We got to get this baby out, but to go to talk with someone is so important. I don't think we realize just how much danger my wife was in when she gave birth to our first child. And sometimes that's better.

And I think we found out after, and like she was really close to death. Yeah. Because actually the anesthetic hadn't settled in as they were cutting her open. She's a boss, my wife. Like if Joan of Arc met my wife, Joan of Arc might be a little shy. Be impressed by who she is.

She's incredible. Yeah, those moments with the all those steps of like anesthesia and all that stuff. That was the other thing, too, with my second birth. They say, like, can you feel us? Can you feel this when you're awake? Can you feel this? You know, like they're about to. Can you piss off? Yeah, right. No, I mean, you're just so helpless. And I said, uh, yes, yes, I still can. I still

can. And then the anesthesiologist, she, she leads me here. She said, okay, my surgery has started. And I thought you were talking about after this. So you're trying to, yeah, okay. Can you feel this? Spiritual life. That is the Lord knows when you're ready for him to start work. If you've gotten on the operating table, you can tell him, Lord, I'm not ready. Lord, I'm not ready. Lord, I'm not ready.

And he is going to start that work, whether you like it or not. If you've gotten on the operating table and you've submitted to the work, you've opened yourself in that way to say, all right, Lord, I know that feeling. Yes. Don't you? I mean, I don't know what it's like to have my no womb cut open But I do know what it's like We can get into this later if it interests you but I went on a Bob shoots treat a couple years ago And I showed up and just started weeping and I'm like what the friggin hell is happening and I just surgery is happening

That's exactly what the Lord said to me. Like we're going to surgery. I need nothing from you. Nothing. I just need you to lay down Okay It was beautiful. It's so turning you hot. It's brutal. In the spiritual life, the Lord as surgeon, it is difficult and gritty and ugly sometimes and painful. Another thing that the Lord has shown me through this

is sometimes they can lift the baby up and show the baby to you. Sometimes they can't. My wife did that with the last one. Yeah. Oh, second to last one. Sometimes the Lord can show us the fruits of the work that he's doing within us. And sometimes he knows that he cannot. And it's painful. Sometimes they whisk the baby away and it's a very painful thing, but he knows like, I can't show you, I can't show you the fruits of what I'm doing right now, but you're going to see it. Yes.

And sometimes you see these glimpses, like through a retreat, you see these glimpses, you're like, oh, this is the fruits of what the Lord is doing. And sometimes he can't show you or he knows that it's not going to benefit you to show you in that moment. Yeah. Okay. So speaking of shame, the shame women feel about things like this, I'm sure the same is true about getting your body back quote unquote after a baby what was that like for you what's that like for other women. Your body never went anywhere. If something if you if something goes away right you get your body back. I can tell you've thought about this.

That means it went somewhere because you have to come to terms with it too. Yeah. My body will never look like it did when I was 26. And you have to say, my body never went anywhere. It was always right here. It's taken on a new shape and a new form and new scars and all of those things. You come to this place of surrender to say, yeah, the story of my body is written on me.

Like the story of our family is written on my body and women with stretch marks and all the different things that women go through, it's right here. And it's not supposed to look like it did when I was 26, because if it looked like it did when I was 26, Zion and Jedidiah would not be here. I could not hug my sons. I could not laugh with them. I could not do anything with them. If my body looked like it did, I'm sure there are a lot of places on the internet where you have women who are like, no, no, that's a lie. You can get your body back. You just have to work harder.

You just have to want it. That's what I'm saying. So what's that like? How do you respond to that? How do you help women? Because I mean, what's difficult about that lie is that there's truth in it as well. And that like you should want to be healthy, like you should want to look good as you can. Right. So there's some truth in it, but it's like also in a pile of shit. So how do you?

Absolutely. You want to be healthy. Every mom, I like, and I tried to do that too, to be as healthy as you can for your family and your children. But that, and that's the mold that's held up is what you look like before fitting in your pre-pregnancy jeans. Like that is the mold, right? You got to fit in those as fast as possible. And when women are posting on their Instagram story, like three weeks after birth, like, I fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans, you feel like trash if you allow yourself to. I didn't fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans until I was like six months after the baby.

And so you want to be healthy and you want to be strong. Those are the two things that I focus on to be healthy and strong for my children. I had another moment with the Lord when I was rocking Zion, when I was, you know, thinking about that. I mean, you're a couple of weeks in, you're like, wow, my body, you know, it looks like it's like been through it. And the Lord spoke to me really clearly. He said, Emily, this has always been true. But you're going to understand it in a new way now as a mother who's been through this. The way your heart looks matters infinitely more

than the way your body looks. And I want you to be healthy. I want you to be a strong and healthy mother, but what is going to shape your child is inside of you. Your heart is going to shape this boy along with your husband's far more than the way your hips look, far more than whatever it is that you're worried about.

Like be healthy and be strong, but focus on this because that will shape saints. Your external is not going to shape saints like you as a father to your children, like the inside of you is what can shape saints. And that's what I share with women. Don't even strive. Set your heart on being healthy and strong because that's what the Lord wants as a temple of the Holy Spirit to treat our bodies with care and respect

and love to eat healthy. But not to follow those women who are like, all right, two weeks in, get your body back, get on that treadmill. Because this is another part of life is that, postpartum women aren't given the space and the time to adjust to that change that happens. They think like I'm three weeks in

and I'm not back in the swing of life. I'm like a miserable failure because I see other women who are like two weeks in like, doing this, doing that, I'm doing this and they're like, wow, and I feel like this is gonna take me a lot longer. We need to have more time There is certain cultures some of your viewers might know we're for 40 days The mother is like taken care of by everyone and she literally rests we do that in student bill for

We should that would be a big selling point for 40 days She gets a focus on her baby and do nothing else. It has a specific and unique name. Women have shared about this with me, um, online and it's like, yeah, 40 days isn't even all it takes, but in our culture, it's like three weeks, baby. Come on. Like why don't you across fit? Exactly. Get back to it. So a lot of this has to do with the voices we choose to listen to and to subject ourselves to.

Cause like if we were to subject ourselves to those voices, you'd feel accused, you'd feel judged, you'd feel gross. But you don't have to listen to them, I guess. As in all things, as a man, you know, the voices, we all choose to listen to these voices. And I tell women, if you're following these accounts that say like, all right, time to get your body back, it's time to snap back, like just unfollow them and like focus in prayer on the Lord. How is the Lord calling me to be healthier? How is the Lord calling me to be stronger rather than feeling like trash

because you're seeing all of these different things and you are choosing to listen to those voices. Those voices, like it's not, it's something that you like just being thrown at you, but you choose to listen. Like if I'm choosing to follow those things, unfollow. I know that Instagram can be used for great good. You're an example of that. But it's almost like if you were to come up with an app

that would make women feel inferior about everything, then that would be the app to create, wouldn't it? Like, look at my beautiful house, look at my beautiful body. It's hard. It's all a highlight reel, you know? And that's right. It's like, even if you're not following those accounts, then you, I don't know, I don't really use the app, but I've, I've been on my wife's once. And if you scroll over,

it's all the suggested posts. Yes. It's become big on suggested. All the things that you've ever looked at, they can see how many seconds you spent on that post or whatever it was. Oh, she likes looking at things like that. Cause she looked at it for 6.7 seconds and then they'll throw more of that stuff in your thing. But for women just to be discerning, what is Instagram causing me to believe about myself? Is it the truth that the Lord speaks about who I am? Could you put, is it not? Could you put Emily's Instagram and YouTube in the description

so people can go follow you? Hey, thanks. Yeah. I think, do you know my wife? Oh, of course I do. When did you? She and I have led retreats together. I didn't know that. Oh, I knew that. Hey, thanks. Yeah. I think, do you know my wife? Of course I do. When did you? She and I have led retreats together. We were at. Oh, I knew that. Oh yeah. Cause you two are very similar. You were very helpful, I think to other women. Like my wife's like that. She's just,

she wants to just say what's true and be encouraging. And she's also got a tremendous, like, like an appropriate self confidence. She does. You know, and so she's not intimidated by people. And she's she's so good at like praising the beauty of other people and the goodness in other people. I said to you on the elevator right up here that my wife was in like a homeschool meeting with these other moms the other night. She came to bed and she's like, those women are all homeschooling better than I'm homeschooling.

But she wasn't she wasn't even sad about it. She was just stating a fact because I said, I'm sure that's not true. No, it's a factual factually true. Like, okay. There's something about being around women like Cam, who are just so at peace with who they are. Yes, yes. You're like that.

You're like that. That they take ownership of the way that God made them. And that's what I mean. Yes, my wife does that. Right? She takes ownership. It's shocking. Not in a way that,

and there's a difference between taking ownership of who you are to say, I have nothing to work on. I am perfect as I am. Oh, yeah, she knows that she wouldn't be like that. That's for sure. Exactly. To take ownership, this is the way God made me.

I do remember getting into one argument with my wife. And I said, I feel like every time we get into an argument, it's all about myself. She's like, well, that's because it usually is. I'm like, damn it. She was right. Yeah, you're right. Right.

Truth. Truth. You just told the truth. It's so refreshing when you're around somebody who's comfortable to be themselves. Yes, to take ownership. This is the way God made me. I have a long way to go to sainthood, you know, in terms of the people that you're around like that, you're like, man, you could just be at peace in their presence because they

have this ownership of who they are, that they're so imperfect. Being around Cam is like being around someone like that. I remember the first time I met Cam, we were on a retreat at Cove Crest. It was a women's retreat and I had never met her before. And knowing you, I thought you would, you know, the complementarity of you being this loud extroverted person, I thought your wife would be more reserved, more quiet. She bursts into the bedroom, like a big one at St. Rita's, runs and comes flying onto

the bed because there was other gals that she knew. Sarah Poole was there and all kinds of gals were there. And she just flies onto bed. And I'm like, that's Cam Fradd. And it was like a sleepover. It's like at this retreat. And she just started, cha and she just started, I was like, what an amazing woman. She is so fun. She's so just at peace with like who she is. And I just love that. And that's what I want for all women. I want women to take this ownership of like, this is the way the Lord made me. This is the laugh that God gave me. These

are the gifts that God gave me. And there's peace there in taking ownership of like, this is the way the Lord made me. This is the laugh that God gave me. These are the gifts that God gave me. And there's peace there in taking ownership of like, this is the way God made me. And it's so good. The way that the Lord crafted each and every single one of us is so good. And I really, that's been one of my just goals and dreams. I'm not really a goal kind of dreamer kind of person. I fly by the seat of my pants like you said that you do. But I want women to believe in who they are and who God created them to be and be at peace.

Yeah. To use a really bad Lord of the Rings analogy. Like, if you know you're an elf, then you won't try to be a hobbit or you won't try to be a wizard because you're not. And that's OK. It's OK that you're different. I remember meeting this beautiful woman woman her name's Renee Bennett. Her father founded Net Australia. She's so terrific and powerful and great. But she had this idea that in order to be holy, she's gotta be really kind of meek and soft spoken

like these other women on her team. And so she tried it without telling anybody because she felt ashamed of who she was. And she said it killed her. You will perish. But we all were like, no, we love you. We need you to be you. We don't need you to be like that. I'm glad she's like that, but I want you to be you. Yes. And that's the beauty of like, when you look at all the female saints, how there were ones that were so much more reserved. You think of St. Therese just there and writing

and praying. And then you think of Edith out there given these symposiums on education. Like she was so brilliant to a point that is like mind boggling. If you've ever read essays on women, you just think about her commanding a room, not in a way that's like prideful, but just in a way that like the Lord has given me this message about education, about femininity, and I'm going to share it with confidence and I'm going to share it with joy and command. It's incredible. So we have this cornucopia of women who have lived out the beauty of femininity in so many magnificent spectacular ways that there's one that all of us like we can look to all of them as women to say it's not just about being like, Oh, I'm me. I'm on the point you're making is the point to raise of as you made a few pages

into story of a soul. Like if it were all roses, where would the beauty, the lustre of spring would lose its appeal? It would be so sad. We need lilies and orchids. When you know that you're the Lord's created you and he loves you, then you can look at the beauty of another woman and go, thank God. And it's no longer a threat to you, right?

You see another woman and the first thing you think is image and likeness of God. That's a beautiful freeing place to be. Yeah. All right. Let's take a break and then we get back. I have, I would like to take questions from our local supporters, and then talk more about maybe topics that you've brought up on your show that have gone viral and that women seem to be really resonating with. Amazing. Sweet. All right. Give me a second. maybe topics that you've brought up on your show that have gone viral and women seem to be really resonating with Amazing sweet

Hey if you want to pray better and you're not great at praying right now you might need the fantastic number one downloaded Catholic app in existence Hello, hello dot com slash, go check them out over there. Click the link in the description below. Because if you sign up over there, you'll actually get, you'll get Hello for three months free. You'll have access to their entire app, their sleep stories, their novenas, their daily gospels, their everything.

Matt, on an unrelated note, do you, I was trying to find somewhere that I could, you know, hear Jonathan Rumi read the sermon on the mount or something like that. Yes, exactly. Jonathan Rumi. Do trying to find somewhere that I could you know hear Jonathan room? Yes, yes exactly don't you worry that I could do that hello.com slash Matt. Yep Yep, Jason ever it can read a night story to you Bobby angel that does stuff Yeah, father Mike Schmitz. It really is a fantastic app. Like here's the thing though, Matt. I don't like I don't want to put all this money into it if I don't know if it's great.

Exactly! You're very good at throwing up softballs. So if you download the app right now, I think you can like use a couple of features but not many, so you can pay for it and it's a reasonable price a month. But if you go to hello.com slash Matt, again click the link in the description below, that does two things. Number one, it lets them know that I sent you making them Like me more and I like being liked by them

Second and more importantly for you, you'll get a three-month free trial so you can try it for what's that? 90 days and you can decide whether or not you like it And if you don't cancel by the end of that three-month free trial and you won't pay a cent But I use it my wife uses it's really great. I think a really great use case for it too, just something that I was impressed that it had was like morning prayer. Yeah. I think that's really good because it's hard to like read the through the book. Yeah. Pieces and things. So I think that's helpful. Yeah, that can be helpful. Fushy. Next thing I want to talk about is Exodus 90. Exodus 90 is an ascetical program for men where you and a bunch of fellas get together in a confraternity as it were, in a small group and for 90 days really live

the spiritual life like a champion. I mean you're praying for an hour every day, you're not eating in between meals, you're not drinking alcohol, you're only taking cold showers. It's a very grueling 90 days but it's certainly worth it They did independent research on people who completed Exodus 90 and what they found is that most people Were using their phones and computers far less than when they started they had better marriages. They had better prayer lives It's really terrific and they're starting soon in Terrific and they're starting soon in January. So now's the time to begin thinking about it So go to Exodus nine zero dot-com slash Matt and they've also got a fantastic app and you can learn more about it over there Exodus 90 dot-com slash Matt

Finally, I want to let you guys know about parlor and the fact that I'm over there go to parlor Dot-com slash where am I Matt fratat if you want the link is in the description below I'm always posting the latest videos that we put up over here over there And that's a great way to stay in touch with all the work of pints with Aquinas. It's nonsensorial You know they're not going to shadow ban you or any stuff like that so parlour.com slash Matt frat. Thanks so much. so so so so so so Praise the Lord. All right, we're back.

Amen. Amen. So what else have you been to? What is it? Has have things changed over the years, not in regards to you and your life experiences and you growing older than you were when you started your YouTube channel. But do you find that things that you're speaking about on your channel are resonating now in a way that maybe they wouldn't have five years ago?

Yes. What I've been trying to focus on more is going deeper. I think in a culture, do you find yourself doing this? I heard you say this on your video the other day. You, like, the surface level nature is just causing me to want to go deeper and deeper. I have this great aversion to the surface level nature, to the seven second clips. Like I, I've never been on TikTok. I don't want to go on TikTok. Like the seven second nature of our culture.

I'm like, Oh, I just want to like long conversations. And I have felt that more in my ministry of it's been so great to make one off YouTube videos about this topic or that topic or this topic, but like to take a deeper dive into subjects that women are struggling with, places where women need guidance and create a lasting impact. That's something that I've been talking about over the last couple of years too. What is going to leave a lasting impact? And for me, the answer is not seven second videos. For some people that might be the answer. But for me, the answer is not seven second videos. For some people, that might be the answer. But for me, the Lord's really saying, I want you to really

deep dive and and like guide women more deeply. And that's been really fun because as you know, like doing a topic for however long that may be just a one off kind of thing. It's fun. But when you really have to think of the heart of like, I'm going to look at the specific area of a woman's life or whatever it might be and really think like, what needs to be said here? How can we dive in deeply and give women guidance? It's been super fun. I love depth. To how have you been doing that? Just through longer videos or? Through a video series. So I've created a video series. Are you good with change? Am I good with changing? Yeah, no, like change. Like are you like when things change, if you're like looking at a big change in your life,

are you excited or are you like... I like change a lot. Do you? I like, I told you this, like last week I didn't know I was going to Rome and then I did. I just love that spontaneity. As far as big changes, when we moved to Steubenville, I finally realized that when people say moving is one of the most traumatic things you can do I finally experienced that so I hated that

For like how long how long was it like well? My wife was also like deathly sick for like five months after we moved here. So like the whole thing was awful So, okay, they might not be what you're talking about, but I like change. Okay, you like new things and yes Yes, I struggle with change a lot like give us an example Like when like our first baby was gonna come it's the wondering of like, okay We've settled into this life together as a married couple. I don't think I like changes that are permanent that scares me I like quick things. Okay, let's go do this thing. Let's start this thing and then I move on Okay, but big changes like when you were getting married or, you know, having the first baby,

like was looking at the change of, oh my gosh, I'm not going to be a bachelor. I'm going to traumatic having a child for me. Okay. So getting married wasn't because Cameron's the coolest person I've ever met and being with her forever would sound like a great idea. And I love my first child, amazing individual, but I wasn't ready for that. And all I had heard from other people, I'm sorry if I'm taking you off the point. You're trying to make all I had heard from people was like, it's the best.

And what I experienced was like, I miss my wife. Like, we don't get to hang out the way we did before. And we don't sleep anymore. We also were living in Ireland and we had no friends and it was freezing cold in a freezing cold house. So it was just hard for me. And so kind of similar to your shame thing about like, well, what's wrong with me? This isn't natural.

That was what it was like for me. Like, why isn't this second nature? Like I had read bits of the theology of the body. I wasn't, you know, like sleeping around, going clubbing. I was like trying to be a faithful dad and I think was being a faithful dad, but it was just a very difficult transition for me. That's exactly what I'm talking about. When it comes to change, everybody's like, Oh, it's so great. It's like going to be the best thing ever.

And you're standing there like what in the world is going on right now. So I looked at those moments in my life. Um, three very specific ones that I've created, like resources for women about engagement, motherhood and college, right? You go to college and you're like, everybody's like, yeah, have a good time. And you show up and you're like,

what is happening right now? I have to make friends, I have to take care of myself, I have to buy my own toothpaste, I have to like go to classes and figure out this whole thing. That change is very difficult. And then engagement is one of the ones that I think that's one of the sneakiest ones for women is everybody's like, engagement is so great and so fun. And you show up, you're

like, you got to be kidding. What is this? Because you get engaged. It's so wonderful. But then you have to learn how to plan a wedding. Because you get the ring, you get the ring and you're like, just the joy of that after two weeks is probably gone. 100% because you think I have to plan a wedding now, but I have a job and I'm, we're engaged and, you know, living chastely is becoming harder. We're so in love. You know, we just want to have sex with each other. I have to manage my friendships.

I have to manage my relationships. I have to manage all the family dynamics that go along my relationships. I have to manage all the family dynamics that go along with this. I have to learn how to love my fiance. Now he's not my boyfriend, but he's not my husband. Okay, how do we learn to love each other here? And I think women, so many women came to this place where like everybody made this look like

really pretty engagement pictures online. And I don't feel like it's a pretty engagement picture right now. So I feel like that change, that was one of the biggest ones. So I created a resource, it's called Navigating Engagement for the Season of Engagement. And I took a deep dive into, if you are an engaged woman, what did I need to hear? Because it's on navigatingengagement.com.

Or you can pull up my series. So all three of my series, the one on motherhood, the one on college, and the one on engagement is series.emilywilsonministries.com. But for the engaged women, or if you have a fiance- Maybe just put the series one up so they can see the different ones. Series.emilywilsonministries.com. Women, like, nobody teaches you how to be engaged. We invite couples, we invite young people into this big, courageous, yes, the Lord is calling me to marriage. Then you get engaged. It's like, how do I do this?

Yes, prayer and sacraments and spiritual direction and all those things are so good. But I felt like there was so much practical guidance for young women, women in general, it's for women of all ages who are engaged. You could be a 50 year old engaged woman. They're like you just like how do I do this? How do I so there's I think in that one There's eight videos talking about how you prioritize your fiance's like heart and life These men get so lost in the shuffle between picking the cakes and the drama with this person and picking out the prizes and all the stuff You forget to look at like your honey and say like, honey, like how's your heart? Like, how are you doing? So there's a whole video,

like how do you love this man as he's preparing to become a husband? Possibly to become a father, you know, the day after you get married, you know, to conceive a child and be on that road already. Comparison is I have a whole video on that. Engaged couples who are like, oh gosh, everybody's like engagement is so much shorter than ours. And we don't even have a wedding day. And so you like

start to internally flip out because you're like, we're not doing this right. Or like everybody's doing it in a different way than we are. And we're not doing, you know, whatever it is. So to eliminate that comparison, to say one other couple, like if that couple has a seven month engagement and yours has to be a year and a half, it's okay. Like you can rest. Everybody's timeline is so different for so many different reasons. I'm sure when you guys were engaged, there's so many things to think about and consider. How long was your engagement? Six months. OK.

But I think one of the greatest things about our engagement is my wife didn't care. Like my mother in law did it all. And my wife is like, we know who we want to play the music. We know our priest. We want to be. She didn't. She had a very kind of, what would you say? She was very much detached. Most of the intricacies of that wedding day. Which is kind of the kind of girl she is, you know, like to be surrendered and just

in the present moment. A particular thing she was concerned about. But as far as all of the little details. Her mom wanted to take it. She wanted her to take it too. It's like, great. Yeah, do it. Yeah.

So many women get so caught up in the details. They have no concept of how to even listen to what's going on in their own heart during engagement. So as we know, as we can see, so many couples get married who should not have gotten married and in the shuffle of everything that I've met so many women, their hearts were speaking to them, but they were too busy picking out the cheese. They were too busy picking out the chairs. Who I respect, who people who break off their engagements.

And you know what I like to call it ending engagements because breaking it off makes it sound negative. And when breaking an engagement is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Absolutely. It's so brave. I know I'm so impressed when people do that. Did you ever end an engagement? No, I never did either.

No, but I know people who I know. You know, the barters is it Aaron, Aaron Barton? Yes, I've met them before. I think I shouldn't have said their names because now I'm afraid I'm getting the story wrong. But one or both of them may have been engaged. No, no, no, I'm getting it wrong. I think I'm talking about it doesn't matter. So here's the thing. It's another couple.

Both were engaged, both broke it up and now both of those people are both together. And you just think, thank God that they both had the courage to do that or else they wouldn't be married. This is something that a lot of people don't talk about. Neal's engaged right now. So, Neal. Yay. We're here for you if you need to break up with Jaleah. All right. But that's what I tell every man, you need to, cause you can gift navigating engagement.

Women love gifting moms and whatever. You can give her a ring and like give her a code for navigating engagement. So she knows like how to be engaged. Like to walk through the whole thing. People don't like, it's such a sensitive thing to end engagements. So people aren't like trumpeting like,

yeah, I ended my engagement. I've known people who called off their wedding three weeks before and would sit there and tell you it's the best thing I've ever done. But you don't talk about it very openly. Yeah. Well, you don't want to bring shame upon your past fiance. And I understand why people are quiet about it, but. But it's so much better not to marry the wrong person. And I think that can also cause anxiety in people like, oh, my gosh, I don't want to marry the wrong person. And I think that can also cause anxiety in people like, oh my gosh, I don't want to marry the wrong person.

Like, how do I know? I have a whole video on discernment where I talk very openly about, there are so many people you know who have ended engagements and they've never told you and they've never talked about it because it is a very sensitive area of- Because the first thing you do after you get engaged

is tell your families who will tell everybody else. And to call off a wedding is a very courageous thing. There's a lot of anger. There's a lot of hurt. There's a lot of lost money, but it is all worth it in light of a lifetime commitment with a person forever. You probably shouldn't be marrying. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. In that video on discernment and navigating engagement, I tell them they need to ask one question to the person.

I'm excited because I know there's an engaged woman watching right now who will break off her engagement. So tread lightly. Go. I have had multiple who walk through navigating engagement and said, this was the discernment that I needed to do that. And I say, hallelujah, we need people not marrying the wrong person. We need people marrying the right person. OK, so you say one question.

One question. Is there anything you say that's one question? One question. Is there anything you have not yet told me that you are afraid or ashamed to tell me? And I tell them that they need to ask that at the beginning of marriage prep in private and also at the end of marriage prep before they get married because so much can come out that people just haven't shared. And this is the thing about like things like that are shameful in relationships that you don't wanna say.

There's never the perfect moment to bring up something you're totally ashamed about. Like, oh, we just finished dinner now it's just the right moment for me to say, I have this thing for my past or I went through this thing. You like take the pressure off of that person and you open the door for them to say, this is my opportunity to tell this person,

this thing that has been eating me alive for our entire relationship or whatever. And you can say that thing. And I think that that question for couples, even dating couples to tuck in their pocket, it gives people an opportunity to share things that need to be shared. Like it all should come out before marriage. I don't know if you feel this way.

So many people are like, Oh, like some things you shouldn't share. I think it's a matter of a, what do you say? True advertising. You know, like if you, you shouldn't think of it too strictly, but like if your wife's buying you or if you're buying your husband, like you're investing in this person now, you have a right, I think, as a matter of justice to know. To know everything. Yeah. To know everything.

And I've spoken with too many women who something comes up in the six years in, and they say, I didn't tell him, whatever it is. And it's coming out in our sexual relationship and the way that we communicate with one another, whatever it might be. And they say, like, I wish I had just said something before we got married. So he knows

that I went through this or I chose this. And I'm like, we need so much more help for engaged couples to like walk through this stuff. So much of marriage prep is like one day to like a two day week. And what was your marriage prep like? Like, what did you guys do when you were in Ireland? We had a fabulous priest in Texas. That's where we got married. Monsignor Bill Young, he was wonderful. And I think the best part of our marriage prep was we had an older couple who we would, let's say older, but I mean, they were in their 50s,

but we would meet with them weekly. Okay. And discuss sexual intimacy, finances, conflict resolutions. And we loved them and trusted them. And that was terrific. I feel like that's really rare. Really? Do you feel like that's rare? Okay. I guess you're talking to as many engaged women as I do, but so many of them, especially post pandemic,

they say our marriage prep just hasn't gotten back up and our priests met with us for like three hours and was like, all right, you're, you're good. Like you just check off a paper and send them on their way. And you're like, no, we need like proper formation for these couples. Like you guys received actual formation from that couple, it sounds like. And that's a beautiful thing that you talk through these things. But on these engaged encounter weekends, some of them are really great, but it depends on the Dices and the church that you're a part of. Too many couples, I say, they just said, like, you know, talk about money. And the couple like presents a very awkward presentation on NFP, you know, talk about money and the couple like presents a very awkward presentation on NFP

You know and there are all these couples living together and the couple that you know, the gal that I would speak to or whatever She's like, yeah We're the only you know practicing Catholic couple it you know at this retreat and you feel isolated and alone and just feel like there Was no preparation for you. So now we're getting isn't like a marriage prep But it really is just walking women through this season that there's not a lot of formal guidance on. And that you're kind of just left to figure it out on your own or just like talk to like your sister or your mom.

And some girls don't have a close sister or mom or even a friend who's gotten married before them. So they're just kind of looking around like, wow, nobody said it was going to be like this. Like you with the baby in the cold apartment in Ireland, you think nobody said it was going to be like this. Like you, you with the baby in the cold apartment in Ireland, you think nobody said it was going to be like this. And then what you do is you just blame yourself. You think something must be wrong with me because everybody did this way better than I did.

And I saw them do it because I saw it on their Instagram. You know, I saw them just managing this so much better. And motherhood. So I also did one on motherhood, navigating motherhood because you do, you show up in motherhood and you're like, nobody told me. You know? Well, for my wife, it was how difficult breastfeeding was.

I know that's difficult, different for different women. But my sweet, beautiful Cameron never swears. You understand? But when she was breastfeeding our first, I mean, she sounded like my mother, who swears a great deal. She's Australian and beautiful. I love my mom. But now she swore like a sailor. Like, oh, it was the most painful thing she's ever been through in her life. And you think, why did nobody tell me? You know, like you just see these beautiful things and everybody paints it to be this glorious picture. Yeah. I'm just imagining like an Instagram reel of my wife. I'm like,

shit, guys, that'd be great. So relaxing music in the background. That is the experience of what she went through is the experience of most women. Yeah. Most women. Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Breastfeeding. And that's another thing is women think it's gonna be this glorious magical thing. And then you're in the hospital or whatever thinking, nobody told me it was gonna be like you're bleeding, you're like having trouble latching, then the baby's losing weight and they're coming in,

they're like, okay, we gotta figure that. And you're like, oh my gosh, like I just thought it would be like easy. Like you just like latch the baby and like everything goes, but you're like, oh my gosh, no, it's just like huge learning curve. And it's just funny to watch a man like walk through that. My husband, you know, like you just like, Oh gosh, I don't know how to help. I don't know what to do. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like, what do you want me to do? What do you want me

to do? I remember the first time my husband, like I had collected some milk, like the colostrum in the beginning, which is like gold. And I forget if he or I knocked it over and he was so he was like, Oh, my God. And it was so sweet just to see just how much he cared about that little little was right to be upset. Yes. About that little milk. I mean, he's like, Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. And it's just this learning curve. I don't know how public this is. I won't say the name of the kid, but like we had a child who was a preemie. And my wife just wasn't producing enough milk. And she's with her women's group up in Ottawa, who she loves. And they all just, they were all breastfeeding moms. So they just passed my kid around the circle. It was terrific. It was the most beautiful thing. There are communities and

countries where that's the most normal thing in the world. You just freeze breastfeed whatever baby there is. I was so grateful for these women doing this for my child. That's like the village. They talk about a village. You're like, you know, you need a village. And my sister had that once. Like there was some, her baby was fussy and there was a woman from Africa

where this is very common and normal. And she's like, oh, do you want me to feed the baby? And my sister, she didn't know this woman. She didn't know the woman. And you sister, she didn't know this woman. But in this woman's culture, you just take care of everybody's child in that same way that Cam was taking care of on that day, which is such a beautiful thing. It's part of our nature and our makeup to care for one another in that way. And that's so good. But like, yeah, you show up in these, these seasons and you're like, I needed someone to tell me this stuff.

Like Kim needed someone to sit down and say, breastfeeding might be horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And then at the very least she wouldn't feel like a failure while it was horrible. Cause something horrible and feeling like a failure is way worse than something being horrible and not feeling like one. Absolutely. And that's something I share that was super pivotal for me in motherhood. And I share about it in navigating motherhood is in rearranging my

thoughts. So often you just feel like I am messing up all like I didn't know, like I didn't know any of this. Like how am I like, how did everybody know? And I didn't know. And I always tell them tell them tell yourself I'm learning as I go I'm learning as I go and that becomes this powerful like ownership of yeah This is a process of learning and that's okay. And I have to give myself grace in this season of change While I learn I just think that there's so like you any any of the viewers and you if you're in a season of change Instead of thinking like I know nothing like I know nothing and I can't believe how little I know, you say, no, I'm learning as I go. And there's like an ownership there in breastfeeding,

whatever it is to say, no, I'm learning as I go. And someone like Kim, whoever it is, breastfeeding baby, you arrive in this moment, you're like, okay, is this gonna work? Am I gonna push through this? Or is this not the best route for the baby and myself? There's obviously a lot of shame surrounding how we feed our children as well and to to to take the best route for you and the baby

and just there's just so much that people are going to talk about. I think it needs to be talked about. What feedback have you been getting as you've been talking to engaged couples and I know there are kind of things that stand out that wow we, we're clearly not addressing this, because this is the thing they're all saying isn't being addressed. I mean, just the feedback for most these brides to be to say, I needed this guidance so badly, has been so good, like this formation during this engagement season. I knew there was a need for this, but I didn't know how big it was, especially post pandemic marriage prep and how lacking that is. But I think really it's the sense of not getting lost to what the world says, like a wedding has to be, or like, so the world tells us that a marriage is a wedding day. Like, like you see wedding photos and you're like, that is marriage when it's not marriage

and how couples need like just a deeper dive into just looking at what marriage actually is and prioritizing like the most important part, which is the sacrament, which is like entering into this covenant with the Lord together, how to not lose sight of that when you're picking the cheese to say, we could go for a week saying, should we pick the Gouda or should we pick the Brie, you know, and get, oh, well, my mom likes the Brie and you could like so get into these things because you're so emotional and there's so much going on. You can get lost in these small choices that don't matter. I mean, you know what we did for food? What did you do? We did Tex-Mex and margaritas.

It was the best. That's coming from Australia. I'd never had Mexican food before. And I came in like this is almost as good as sushi. Not quite, obviously. But you love sushi. She's obviously the greatest. OK, I guess it would be expensive to cater sushi at a wedding. I mean, that would be really expensive.

It wouldn't be that enjoyable. I don't think it would need to be. Yeah. So you do like textbooks, like chips and salsa and like burritos and gelatos. And then we had margarita fountains. Sea. It was awesome. Sea people remember that. Yeah. So you did like textbooks like chips and salsa and like burritos and gelatos. And then we had margarita fountains. Sea. It was awesome.

People remember that. And we were also at the hall right next to the church. Okay, so that's easy. Way better. Like I've been to weddings where you go to the wedding and then it's like an hour, not joking, hour drive through traffic to go to some gorgeous place that looks kind of like a palace. But.

That was ours. We had a lot of traffic on our wedding day cause we got married in LA. So it was a Wednesday afternoon and I thought it'll be fine. But the four or five was slam that day and like our picture, everything had to change around. And that's why, you know, share with women too. Like there might be some things that go horribly wrong on your wedding day. Horribly wrong photographer, not showing up like flowers, not showing up. You know, this bridesmaid is sick or, and you got to just release it. You got to just surrender

it. Like I give them four tokens, rejoice, give thanks, pray, and let it go, right? Coming out of that scripture verse, rejoice always, pray and see see you. And like those, that those four tokens will get you through a wedding day and have it like a peaceful wedding day rather than like, oh my gosh, this is happening and that is happening. Your whole wedding day could just be this frantic mess. If you let it be. I can say that my wedding day was one of the greatest days of my life and it didn't it didn't go too quick. It was perfect.

I love my friend Mike King took me to this Jewish bagel place in Houston. Okay. And we're having a bagel and Mike said I was getting married in this very upset woman waitress went run. I went, OK, I'm sorry for whatever's taking place in your life. We had bagels. It was the best. I was the best.

So you felt just so calm. I was the greatest day. I'm so excited. I was crying, seeing my beautiful wife walking down. I just remember thinking like, I just I love you and I want to be good for you. And I remember thinking the allure of the world, especially as it pertains to marriage and the sexual realm and things like that. Seemed like horse dung compared to what I had, you know, here's another thing kind of related. I remember watching my wife breastfeed for the first time and I thought the lie

of pornography is unmasked in the presence of true femininity. Like, you see it for what it is and it's. Horrifyingly ugly in next year. Yeah, it is. I love my I mean, it was great. But but since just in case it sounds like I'm bragging about how great my marriage is, wedding day was, here's what happened. I got fired on my birthday a month before my wedding. So I'm now illegal and unemployed and we can no longer go to this awesome tree house honeymoon

resort thing with the slide that went down from. Because you couldn't leave the country? Couldn't leave the country. Oh my goodness. Isn't that crazy? OK, so what did you do? A friend gave us their river house. Sweet.

Is that what you call it? Like a lake house? Yeah. In the hill country. Thank you if you're watching. That was amazing. That was a sweet gift. But by God's grace, we had saved sex till marriage, so it really didn't matter where we went.

If anything was better, I remember we drove, we bought like the one of the first season of Lost. We bought that and we had nothing to do except hang out and be together and like go to little breweries and and watch Lost. It's such a sacred time. The greatest time. It's so special. And then I'll shut up after this one. But on our, we get married, right? And we go to this honeymoon suite in Houston.

And then we went back there for our 10 year anniversary. Special. It was a dump. But at the time, I think we were just rose colored lenses. There has never been a more beautiful hotel suite ever. But it was really quite horrible. Yeah, but it's special because it's true. It's such a sacred days because you're together. Oh my gosh. Uh,

our wedding day was crazy because my husband from the Netherlands. So we had, we did December 30th wedding. So we had so many Christmas festivities. We did Christmas Eve Christmas. My husband, um, he comes from six kids. So there was eight people in his family and there's six in mine. So we got everybody together. And we did celebration after celebration after celebration and then it was our wedding day. And then we had a massive New Year's Eve party at my parents. When did you get married?

The day after December 30th, 2015. So almost seven years. Correct. And our wedding day was a little bit more stressful. There was like all these odds and ends, and that's why I really have a heart for teaching women like you got to just let it go and you got to just be in your wedding day and be like, am I going to marry this man? Absolutely, I am. And it's going to be the greatest thing ever. The flowers, colors don't matter.

This thing going wrong doesn't matter. Like it's going to be so good and beautiful. And then we did a little mini moon. We went to San Diego, which I know you guys have been there once or twice, but we went to San Diego for a little while and it was really good. But we didn't do like an extended honeymoon right after because we're like the festivities. Like we'll probably get sick. I know so many people who they do like crazy festivities and all the stuff and then it finally catches up to you and like two days after your wedding you're

sick as sick as sick could be. Some of your viewers might be like, yeah that was me. You're on your honeymoon in Hawaii and you're like two days after your wedding you're sick as sick as sick could be some of your viewers might be like Yeah, that was me. You're on your honeymoon in Hawaii and you're like, oh my gosh, I literally can't even move But it's it's such a sweet time because my husband and I had gone through the visa process Yeah, through our whole engagement which was like is your husband a resident? No, not yet. No, he's here on his green card Alien. Yes, that's a green card. Yeah, so I have a green card. I just put in the paperwork for my citizenship. Continue. Amazing.

Yeah. Love that. So yes, he is here just like you. And so we were going through the K-1 visa process throughout our whole engagement, which was so hard. The paperwork, all the paperwork, and like he's over there finishing his masters in the Netherlands.

And, you know, we're just trying to love each other with a time difference. It was, we spent most of our engagement long distance, which was so challenging. So he, when you do the K1 visa, you arrive in America and you have to get married within 90 days. We got married on day 60 something or whatever. So just to be together, like at the wedding is like, oh my gosh, like this is it. Like we're never gonna be long distance. Like we don't have to FaceTime each other with a nine hour time difference, you know, barring any work travel or whatever.

And it was so special, like we made it. Like we did it. Long distance is like the hardest thing ever. But then after that we had like our immigration meetings and all that, did you guys have to do that? So I was sending in all this paperwork. You send in like stacks and stacks of paperwork for your visa process. And you just-

Ben Stuart Photographs of your history to prove that you're not making this up. Lauren Ruffin All of our love emails and all this stuff. You talk about vulnerability. You're like, are reading all this stuff. You send it away and you think it like goes into outer space and then you meet with this man and he puts this whole stack of papers in like, he has all of the papers that I ever sent. Like they actually honored the work that I did and it was all there together. And it was just this amazing because we had to do that, I forget, maybe a couple of weeks after our wedding. And that was like, okay, like we actually did it.

So that was a beautiful, like the, our wedding day was, you know, a finish line as much as it was a starting line to say like long distance and the visa, like it's all over in this moment. And now we get to live out like a sacrament together. And it was just so magnificent. We took a year, we went, we did a year, like a first year anniversary. Oh, I thought you meant you went on a honeymoon for a year.

We did. That would be nice. Just a rest. That would be amazing. Oh my gosh, I would love that. But no, we did two nights in San Diego and then for a year anniversary, after we had recovered from all the festivities,

it took about a year to catch up on sleep, to catch up on all the madness. Then we did a year anniversary trip to Hawaii, which was really nice because you're just like rested, you know each other, you've had sex before, you know, like the whole thing. You're like, okay, like we know each other in a way of intimacy, communication. So having a year anniversary trip was really fun together in that way.'s not for everybody some people love like going to board or the day after you know they're like. I'm so glad we didn't go I'm not just saying this because I was illegal and couldn't but I am so glad we didn't go on a you know touristy type of. Where was the.

I forget it was somewhere in South America. You're glad that it didn't work out in the end. I'm glad there's so many things in life like that. It's a gorgeous resort. But I mean, we would have just the idea of dragging your like suitcase and all that. Really? And getting into our car and driving to this lake house. We went fishing. We went tubing. We see that. So relaxing.

And like going to a big old destination is for some people. I know so many people the day like the morning after their wedding, they're like on their plane to Rome or wherever. Oh my gosh, I would be so tired. It's not for everybody. It's so much of your temperament and like figuring out for the two of you together to say like, we're gonna be pretty tired

after all the wedding festivities, typically. What would work better, like best for our temperaments? Is it to go to South America to this big resort or is it to just drive to the lake house, watch Lost and relax? There's so many options. That's the nice thing. It's like to, and those are some of the exciting parts

of engagement. So many of the things like you've got to check all these boxes, but then dreaming like, where do we want to go to our honeymoon? Like what do we want that to look like and things like that? Those are some of the really fun parts. So there's hard parts and there's fun parts and some things just don't work out

at all. And years later, you're like, well, I'm so glad that didn't work out. Like you guys to say the lake house so much better. Absolutely. Yes. What else? Well, what's maybe you've already answered this, but what are the responses you're getting from people going through these courses? Just gratitude. I see. I guess your answer to that was essentially COVID restrictions have really made marriage classes tank in many.

Totally. So this is. And then other women who have said, I ended my engagement because I walked through this thing and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And if, you know, like I would say, if all the women who would walk through a resource like this are getting married, like I'm doing something wrong because not everybody who gets engaged, the Lord wills to get married. And that's why I ended engagements when it's the Lord's will, when your gut is talking to you to say, this isn't the right thing to courageously say, you know, to give the whole process of

giving the ring back and saying like, I can't do this, whether it's from the guy's side or the girl's side, like that's a good thing. So I've had so many women say it like affirmed all the choices that I was making. It affirmed that is the right man on the first like, so there's journaling worksheets that will help women dive in deeper. Literally one of the first questions is, why are you choosing to marry this man? Because most marriage proposals, they don't sit down and say,

why are you choosing to marry this person? Because so often you ask people in this day and age, they're like, well, he makes me so happy. And you're like, if you are marrying someone based on the way they make you feel, you are in for a trip. Because the way someone makes you feel is it's for a trip because the way someone makes you feel is it's just not going to last in the same way that a person's character and integrity

and grit. Like if someone said, because I want him to be the father of my children, good answer. Yes. Yes. But if it's based on emotion or anything like that, it's, it's gotta be like this person has got some grit and a capacity to sacrifice. That's what like you, you know, and sharing with Kim going through the C-sections

and my husband going through C-sections and having like so much is on you, on my husband, like when all of that is happening, I'm like, if you marry a man who doesn't have a capacity to sacrifice, that's like as deep and wide as the ocean, you are in for it. If you marry a man who loves complaining a lot who loves like

who needs like all of this time to himself to do his game here this or that whatever when if you have that c-section and you need more help than you could never have imagined it's gonna be hard i've heard a couple of litmus tests from people. They said, watch how he treats women in his life who mean nothing to him. I mean nothing to him. I just mean like the waitress or what have you. I thought that was a, that was an interesting point. Yes. What else? That's a really good one. People always say, and it's true how he treats his mother if his mother's living in a part of his life.

And just, just the way that a man speaks to people in general, I think is so important. That's something that I loved about my husband. We were on a bike ride in Santa Barbara one time. We were on a tandem bicycle. Nice. I was like, what is going on here? And my husband's Dutch, so Dutch people can hop on a bike and just ride for a thousand miles.

But he was on the front. He's so good at a lot of different things, but biking is one of them. And he was so good at it. He's like, all right, you're going to try getting on the front. And so I got on the front. He's so good at it. He's got a lot of different things But biking is one of them and he was so good at it He's like, all right, you're gonna try getting on the front and so I got on the front. It was a disaster I mean, I was like crashing all over the place and I was like, I can't do it Like I know like I'm gonna like I'm gonna kill someone and he just looked at me. It's like so calmly He's like honey, like you can do this. I Believe that you can do this and I'm not gonna let you get off this bike until you've done it. I believe that you can do this and I'm not going to let you get off this bike until you've done it because I know that you can. And that was such a moment of like, this is the

way, this is the kind of man I want to marry when I'm struggling, when I'm having a hard time, like he looks at me with love and says, I believe in you and you can like in this moment with gentleness and love, not like, what the heck, like, come on, what the heck are you doing? Like, you know, there's so many different ways that we can respond in situations. And the way a man responds, like just watching him respond to a cornucopia of different things that happen. If you're on whatever, people always say that you should date a person a year so you can see them go through the holidays, like with family and stuff. How about instead of that, just do a cross country trip with them. It's true.

Drive to LA. It's true. And when things go wrong, when things are like unpredictable, you see how he responds. If he, you know, there's so many different ways it can go, but like marriage and family life is so unpredictable. I mean, unpredictability is like the bedrock of the whole thing. You never know how it's going to go. You could play in this 10 year anniversary trip and your kid spikes a fever and you're like, we were going to, we were planning this whole

great trip and now the kid has a fever and we can't go. And how you respond in those situations matters so much in marriage and it matters in dating just to look at that to say like as a man, like how is she responding to these these things and obviously there's room for us to grow I've learned. Well that's a good point too because we're not saying like you need to find someone who's perfect and perfectly encouraging and totally mature because none of us are that. No. You were starting to get on this but okay so we have a lot of men who are watching what should they look for in a woman to be sure that she's well worth marrying? Totally. I mean, she's maybe she's worth marrying, but maybe that she's the right choice. One thing I think is really good advice, and I couldn't have taken it at the time

because I was just head over heels in love with Cammy. I just wouldn't. Right. Some dating couples are like, I don't care. If everybody had to say she's a really selfish, awful human being. You know, like, shut up. She's just misunderstood. But it turned out that everyone I respected in my life who knew her said she's amazing.

So that's a huge sign, right? If people you respect say this person is great. Listen to that. If people you respect say, look, I have some concerns. Try to listen to that. But but other than that, what would some advice be you would have for men who are discerning marriage with a particular woman? Can she put her wants and needs like a sign for the wants and needs of somebody else in a moment where that has to happen or in a season where that has to happen? Because if parenthood is a part of the Lord's story for a couple, I mean, my wants and needs are like so far behind the wants and needs of Zion and Jedidiah all night long.

I mean, we're here out on the East Coast. I'm sleeping like an hour or two at a time. Oh, yeah, the baby's just like all out of sorts. You know, he's like, like waking up like, where is this place? And like you, you just like it's, it's you, you just have to look at the selflessness of a person. Can they in these hard moments of life say, and not to like let themselves be walked over, there's a lot of nuance to this as well. But just to say, I'm not the most important thing right now.

What I want is not the most important thing right now. What this person means right in this moment, like trumps everything. And I'm going to serve this person. Service is also so important. Like marriage and family life is service, right? Like I told you, I love serving my husband and they're like, Oh my gosh, you know, like they, like the, the modern women and feminists are like, you love serving your husband. Like what a terrible thing to say. But he loves serving me like it's all built on service. What a terrible thing to say that it's a terrible thing to want to serve your husband.

Exactly. But that's like modern feminism to say like. I know. Don't serve your husband. You get a job and scrape plaque from strangers teeth and be empowered. That's the Chesterton quote. What is it? Feminism is mixed up with the idea that a woman is a slave when she serves her husband, but free when she serves her employer. It's so true. I mean, and there's a lot of nuance to that as well. But like the concept of marriage, like as service is so lost in our culture that we see. Like I said, our culture sees marriage as a wedding day and it's marriage is not a wedding day. And it's marriage is not a wedding day, but wedding day is part of a marriage.

But the day after that is service and service and service and service and service and service again. Can she serve? I dream of building a come and see program. You know how you like do a come and see? Did you ever do a come and see program with a religious order or anything? So I dream about building a come and see program

for family life. Like to... Is this just a way to get free babysitting? No. Come and see, okay, we're going by. My parents live down the street and it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 2020 pushed them down to Orange County,

it's been so good. But I think that couples, it would be so good for them to see what services required within the home of a family with small children. Because you think like you see like these family photos, we'll see all these like Christmas coming, Christmas is coming, Because you think, like, you see, like, these family photos, we'll see all these, like, Christmas coming. Christmas is coming, so you get all these Christmas cards in the mail, you're like, I'm a happy family.

When you're like... You have no idea how long I had to shout at my children to get this photo. Totally, the screaming at each other in the car the whole way, like, picture, picture, smile, smile, smile. It's like, smile, and everybody looks perfect. That's a good analogy for that's the wedding, the rest is the marriage, right?

100%. Yeah, that's it. Like, click, the rest is the marriage, right? 100%. Yeah, that's it. Like, click, you have this clap of a moment and this is what you see when there were 23 hours, 24 hours, you know, and whatever that day that you did not see. So if the Lord calls us to a different state, I dream of having a big enough house where whether it's an engaged woman, she can come live with us and I can like share with her and she could see. So like when, if you have a baby, you're waking up in the night with me. Like if the baby is awake, I'm waking you up. So you see like the

reality of it. The Lord has called me to it. I love it so much. Like I've been grown so accustomed to sleeping an hour at a time or two hours at a time. Like it's like just my life now and that's okay. I don't, it's, it's fine. And I love it. I love serving my husband and I love serving my children, but I would have loved to go stay with a couple for two weeks and like just be a part of everything. Cause when you babysit, you can babysit for like four or five hours, but you ain't getting up at two o'clock in the morning and the baby's like

screaming and you're shushing. And that's why when you enter into motherhood, you're like, oh, my gosh, are other people like up every 45 minutes, like bouncing the baby all night long, or is it just me? Yeah. So I think having a competency program like because when you go, if you're just turning the sisters of life, you go there and you live their life and they're you know, you're not sleeping until eight when they rise at whatever. Four forty five, whatever. Like you're getting up. You just see this woman in the spare room. You're like, Sandra, come on. Exactly.

Get up. Get up. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Exactly. So she can see like, whoa, this when if I'm looking at engagement and looking at the possibility of having children entering into marriage, this is what this is a really good, gritty picture of what it means to serve and sacrifice within the family.

I think it's also true, though, that I never felt affection for other people's children the way I did my own. And so I was afraid that I wouldn't feel affection for them. But it wasn't the case. I love my kids. They're beautiful. I love looking at them. I like tickling them.

Sometimes I'm so in love with my daughters that I want someone to hurt them so I can kill them. That's weird. But I don't know. That's the fatherly heart. It's like someone someone hurt her. Someone make fun of her. It's like a punch your face in. I'm so sorry. So my daughter, I want you if you ever go to jail, I'll kill the prison guards and take you out. They don't know what to do with that.

They don't know what to do with that kind of love, Emily. But that love they will know. They will remember you saying that when they are 18 years old. That's the thing. My father, the way, like my father loves me the same way. And that fatherly love as a young woman, you need it so badly just to know, oh, I'll ball my eyes talking about how amazing my father is, but to, to know my dad would do anything for me. I'd bury a body for my daughter. Exactly.

That's- Have I expressed it clearly enough? That's the kind of love. Your body, I'd bury your body. It's Avila and what's the- Chiara. That they'll be 18 years old and they'll be like, this person hurt me, I'm calling my dad, right?

Like just the knowledge of that being interwoven into their bone marrow as women is necessary. Say this to fathers, too. I love your advice on this. Why is it essential that fathers not distance themselves from their daughters as their daughters begin to mature? Because they need his fatherly heart at every moment of their life. I love my daughter so much. And they're always hugging me and hanging off me and wanting to wrestle me. And I'll say this, like as someone who's known all along that, of course, you don't back off. Like, of course you don't. It's still like.

It's this thing that fathers have to choose because it's no longer like my four year old girl who it's like, you know, you girls get older. And I just love that. I love how comfortable they are with me. And I, but I've heard people say to me, and that's why I think it's probably important for you to reiterate since you said you have such a great dad, um, just to keep pressing in and not to, not to distance yourself as they begin to mature physically. They need to know. And that's what I say. I've never, for a moment,

and it's a great gift that I don't take for granted. I've never once in any moment of my life wondered if my dad loved me and would do anything for me. I have known that every second of my whole entire life and that has carried me on so many days. A mother and a daughter is obviously very important. This is like, you know, but puppies and bunnies I say, like you can talk about how beautiful and special this relationship is, and my relationship with my mom is also very special, but talking about the fatherly relationship with the daughter that like for a father

as they grow, just to say, I love you and I believe in you and I would do anything for you, for them to hear it, you can't hear it enough as a young girl, especially with the lies that our culture is speaking to young women, girls who are 11, 12, 13, like just, just like, dad, I know, just keep saying, I love you and I believe in you and I would do anything for you because when they're 18, 19, 20, 25, and they're like, I need to call my dad,

they will hear you in the depths of their heart saying, Avila, I love you and I believe in you and I would do anything for you. And that's why she's gonna pick up the phone and call you and say dad this thing happened and I need you to come get me or I need you to do this I need you to do that. Yeah, she'll know Yeah, she'll know. Hey, I'm gonna blow your minds right now ready. Her dad was Biff in back to the future They're both like in that cool Talk I think yeah our school in San Diego.

Yeah. I mean, that doesn't blow me away because I never watched the show. Yeah. But I hear it's a big deal in America. To the future. It's a movie. It's a movie. No, I haven't.

I tried watching it once. Is it Michael J. Fox? He was like playing a guitar or something. Good man. Is that what it was? What was? Okay. So I don't mean this to be a part of the interview.

No, it's fine. But like, what was that like? It's a really unique part of my life that I'm okay talking about. So had he stopped acting by the time you were growing up? Oh, no. When I was born, I was like on set at Back to the Future 3. Like, so I've been on so many movie sets and my dad is like a Renaissance man. What you must know about my dad is he's one of the most loving, open-hearted, good people you

could ever know in your whole life. Like as you can see. He sounds great. You would love him. Just a little I know about him. Everybody loves him. He is, he has integrity and character and faith. He's a very devoted Catholic beyond what I can tell you. And people know him as Biff, and it's been a really interesting thing

to see entertainment for people, that people cannot separate entertainment from reality. People say, oh, and you said it right, her dad played Biff in Back to the Future. So many people say, oh, her dad is Biff. My dad is not Biff. Biff is a character in a movie, right? And people, it's been so interesting

to watch my whole life. I don't really care for movies. I don't really, it's, you know, I was raised in Los Angeles and like, I don't, movies don't really interest me. So it's just not my thing. But to see that people think movies are real life is crazy. And it's been a unique part of my upbringing

to be raised in a family that was part of the entertainment industry. And my dad has been an actor my whole life. He still is doing it. Not as much now with the pandemic and stuff. It really complicated and like movie sets and things like that. It's been just kind of crazy in the entertainment industry. But it just, I don't know, just being raised in that and like seeing how much integrity

my dad had as a Catholic actor. What he, he's not a sellout. He has had integrity as wide and as deep as the ocean. And that's been so good. So good. And he and my mom, I've been married for many, many years. My mom was a convert to Catholicism. So she converted to Catholicism when she was six months pregnant with me.

So we basically, you can't receive confirmation twice, but I got about as close as you can come to receive confirmation twice. And they're just so faithful and so good. And just like movie, like, it's like, what does your dad do? What did your dad do for work? When you were young, you know, like as a kid, like what, what kind of jobs do you have? He worked at a lead smelter. Yeah, exactly. So people are like, oh my gosh, isn't it like so interesting

the way your dad does? No one has ever said that to me. I think you've used the wrong analogy in trying to... Why? It's like your dad played Biff. Yeah, but that's the thing. It's just like, exactly. It's like, so tell me how you smelt the lead.

See? You know, it's exactly the same. And that is my point is that it was my dad's job. It was what he did for work. Yeah, he did for work to put food on our table and to send us to beautiful, wonderful Catholic schools. He loved it. And it's unique in the sense that it's an art form. He's fantastic at it. And that's why he was so fantastic as Biff, that people remembered him so well because he did such an insanely amazing job in that role.

But it's it's his job. How's it like watching that now that you're older? I don't really like it. I've seen it a couple of times when I was younger. I should watch it. I guess it's not like you. I'm not a big movie person. You're not really.

I like I'm saying like older movies. I watched 12 Angry Men, the original with my wife and I it's one of the best movies I've ever watched. Okay. I've said that Father Gregory said this three billboards outside of something Missouri gosh that's a great movie. Is it three billboards outside of what's it called three billboards outside Ebbing Missouri dude speak about a mother who is a lion watch that movie. OK.

It's I watched that movie and at the end of it, I thought I'm better because of this movie. See, most movies I watch and they're just a distraction. I don't like I'm bored. I was like, I get bored really quickly. It's so vulgar. It's so just all that stuff. I'm like, it's just not my thing. But yes, when you finish a movie and you think I'm inspired.

Yeah, that happens very rarely, Especially with the movies created today. My husband and I, we'll try to watch one, we're like 10 minutes in, we're like, this is not gonna edify us, this is not going to enhance our life, we could be doing so many better things. But when you're just raised in it, it's so normal. And it's hard to communicate that to people

because people have often rose-colored glasses, they're gonna show up on Hollywood Boulevard and it's gonna be red carpets. It's the trashiest, like scary place. People have a lot of rose colored glasses about what the entertainment industry is and what it's like to be in movies and what it's like to be raised in a family

that's part of the entertainment industry. And it's not like all roses and fun and beauty. And it's just like normal. For friends whose dad is an attorney, it's like, oh yeah, my dad's an actor. I see. And he's a painter, he's a comedian. He's all different.

Like he's so talented and so gifted in so many different ways. So having not, don't even know what this back, having watched Back to the Future. So I don't know. I don't care. Okay, having watched back to the future. So I think, you know, I don't know. I don't care. Okay. So what has, what else has your dad been? Oh, so I mean, so many different things you could go at whatever. What's the movie he's most proud of?

Oh gosh, you'd have to ask him. I have no idea. I have no idea. He's been doing acting and a lot of voiceover. So he's been a lot on, you know, voiceover, like animated movies and all different kinds of things. So now he does a lot of that. He built a sound booth in his house where he does his voiceovers for different shows that he's a part of. So you don't see him.

And he has always told me he likes that because you don't have to wear makeup. You don't have to get costuming. You just have to just sit there in the booth and show you a lot of that. Like Nickelodeon, when I was a kid, I would be like, dad, can I come to work with you today, say sure.

So you would go and you would watch SpongeBob. He was on a lot of that, like Nickelodeon, when I was a kid, I would be like, dad, can I come to work with you today, say sure. So you would go and you would watch SpongeBob. He was on a lot of SpongeBob SquarePants. Oh yeah, my whole life, like SpongeBob has been like a part of my life. I've never watched that in my life. Yeah. But people seem to be really into it. Oh, SpongeBob is great.

Is it really great? Oh yeah, it's really fun because it's like fun for the kids, but there's just a lot of like, just things that adults would understand that's like interwoven into there. You're like, oh, that was really clever. Like it's really- Clever, but not vulgar. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Notven into there. You're like, oh, that was really clever. Like it's really not vulgar. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not not like adult themes or anything or like,

like just sort of sophisticated. Yeah. More things that like a parent's like, oh, that's clever. Like that's funny. Um, and there's a reason SpongeBob has been on for years and years and years and years and years because of that. It's just a really great show. I never watched that, but yes. Hey, Neil, I just sent you an image of a slack to myself

can you see if because I want to show Emily this and It is a hilarious understated meme Is it there? Okay I'm gonna show you the same time. We show them This is what we get to get at the screen here. We have way more fluid. Yeah, but this is good. You get it?

Once I got to get it. But you see it though. It's there, right? Yeah, I'll be able to put it on the screen. Okay. Let's just say here. Tech tech it up. Oh yeah.

Yeah. So it's been interesting. I mean, you you can't it's hard to communicate how normal it becomes. Yeah. When it's just your dad's job. Yeah. Okay. All right. How funny is this meme?

Oh, my gosh. What is going on here? Oh, that is funny. Yeah. He's like throwing a party for himself because he did something in the home. Yes. I just love how subtle and insightful that is. Have you never, like, gone to someone's house and then, well, maybe this is just more of a reflection on me, but I have to think

it's more than just me or us. This wouldn't be a thing. And you're like tidying up. You're like, I, like, I am a really good person. Like I know many other people. You just giving yourself. I should really, someone should celebrate me. Yep.

I love it. People say that a lot about mothers and fathers, right? When you're a mother and you're out with your children, people are like, wow, your hands are really fall. Like people are just so, you know, and some people say like so kindly with like a fondness, but some people say it in a really condescending negative tone.

When there's a dad out with a kid, great job dad, way to go. You're doing so great, look at you. People don't say that to me. That's never happened to me, just so you know. Yeah, but it definitely like happens to husband. There are a lot of jokes in like mom communities of your dad being out. Like you see the dad wearing the baby and people like, way to go, dad.

Like super dad. But no one's like super mom. Yeah. And I like that meme is kind of along those lines. Like I helped out. I remember once in San Diego, we were at Holy Mass and my wife was pregnant with our third child and this old woman in a wheelchair who seems super sweet. But turns out wasn't came up, put her hand on my wife's belly and said, please don't have any more children. I told Jason Everett this and he said, I hope he doesn't mind me saying this. He said, you should have said to her, if you'd like one more person in the world,

you could jump off a bridge. So we're trying to send that to the old woman in the wheelchair. But in the moment, you're so shocked. Were you standing there? I slapped her right in the face. Were you standing there? Ah, I don't remember.

Do you remember? Those moments when people say things like that to you are so shocking. That's yeah. You're just so you you're trying to register, right? In that moment, like, oh, like I'm not dreaming. Like that woman just put her hand on my belly and said that thing. I'm not interpreting this wrong.

She actually is a witch. Right. And your your your mind is firing. So I was like, what do I say? Yeah. Do I say, yeah, OK. Because you're trying to thread the needle between not being passive and not being like overreacting. Yes. It is so much like in your brain to think of something to say. And so often that happens with people and they're like, well, why didn't you say

this? And you're just like, I was so shocked and discombobulated. That's what they say. Like in a fight, if two men get into a fight, you should slap the other man in the face, not punch, slap them in the face immediately and as hard as you can because it's so shocking. Once a man gets slapped in his face in front of his friends. Right. And you're like so disoriented. The amount of times that happens to people is just so amazing.

We were after my C-section, we were taking our first walk. We were walking down the street, you know, it's a big accomplishment. And there was a man in a red Corvette. You know how you're walking and the people are waiting to turn right and they have to wait for you to get up on the curb in order to turn? That man, I was like gingerly walking

and he rolled down his window, he said, take your time. It's not like anybody has anywhere to effing go. And people like, what did you say to him? And you're just so like. California, man. People are in a hurry. You're like, what did you say to him? And the man sped off.

But it's just such a moment. I like that woman, like going up to Cam and you're like, yeah, I was too shocked that someone would actually say this out loud to someone to say anything. Yeah, it's insane. Other than you've got your hands full. Have you had people make comments? Not well, I mean, I thought the your hands full would start like if I had more children

than this. I'm like, I only have two and I have friends who have like six and seven children. Like my hands are not full. But I have a six and seven children. Like my hands are not full. But I have a go-to line I always say. That's what I was about to ask, all right. If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart. And people are like, oh. That's really nice.

I was hoping it was gonna be really sassy and would tear them down. My sassy one is, if you think my hands are full, you should see my diaper pail. When both of them were in diapers, it was full all the time. Yeah, that still wasn't that sassy. I know, but that's good.

Yeah. I'm not encouraging you, but so I was once in Nashville outside of a coffee shop and I had ordered and someone brought some stuff out to us and they saw that we had four kids and they said, geez, don't you guys have a TV? And I said, if you think sex is better than TV, you're not doing it right.

And then high five my wife. Jack, you're like, oh, yeah, it is incredible what people say. Like you just like I cannot believe that these people are saying these things right now. So I mostly get your hands are full, but I have so many friends with four and five and six children who people just say, Hey, are yours? Yeah. Jason Edwards responses. No, we just collect them. We just collect them around the neighborhood.

Do they all have the same father? Like, it's like, just don't say anything. Like, why? When people say, oh, your hands are so. Twitter account away. If you say that in public, you should not have a Twitter account. When people say these things to me in a condescending and negative way, I'm like, why couldn't you have just kept silent?

Like, people who feel the need to always comment on these things, like a man in Costco, like, wow, you really look like you're having fun. Because I had jetted diet. He was like going crazy and Simon was like running off. And I'm like, why do you feel the need to say that out loud rather than like you're doing a great job? There was one time we were at a restaurant and so, oh, we were at Chick-fil-A and I was with both of the boys, you know, on one of our afternoons together and what a young man, maybe your age, walked by and just said,

you're doing a great job. And I was like, thanks. Like that goes such a long way rather than pointing out. And people, you know, I'd have discussions about this online. People are not saying like your hands are full in a mean way. Sometimes it's like loving and people are like, oh, your hands are so full. Sometimes it is condescending and negative and rude.

And you can just hear it in their tone. But just to tell a mom, like you're doing a great job, it grows such a long way. She's like, Oh, thanks. Like, I know that I am because the world is so in so many ways, you feel like the world is not like, like championing mothers. Well, so often I think men sometimes have negative experiences of helping or affirming women. As if like, you know, like the classic example is holding a door open or helping a woman

who clearly cannot get that bag into the bag rack on the airplane have had experiences of trying to help and being told they don't need your help. And so it's like men kind of go, well, I'll just, I'll just shut up. So it's so, it's such a blessing, Emily, to have a woman say to men, please keep offering help. Please say something kind. Please open up a door because men want to do those things. I have a rule in my life that I have to accept chivalry. If a man offers to like put up my bag or do something, I have to accept because

that is me respecting his masculine nature to want to care for a woman just in a normal everyday way They used to be normal and everyday you think about 1930s 40s 50s Like that was just such a normal part of the interactions of everyday life You know, I was in Belgium walking down to the train and just a kind young man He said can I you know, take your suitcase down and in that moment? I'm like I could do this myself But I love just honoring that. I'm going to humble offer for you to. Yes. Because you got to do two things is humble yourself and honor his masculinity.

100%. And I want him to like, and someone will say, no, I can do it myself. But I don't want that to determine from offering to the next woman. To hold the door. I can open the door myself. It's like, I'm fully aware of that. You have arms. The door doesn't seem that heavy. However, however

I just want to be a man and do that for you So I if you know and there's been times where I was traveling with a baby and I'm the one struggling to get up The there was one time I remember very clearly there was like Yeah, probably four or five men sitting around on the airplane and I had Zion and I was really struggling to get my bag up and not one said, hey, like, can I like, and I was like, I know that I expect it, but I sat down. I just kind of should though you kind of should all these men saw me. They were they saw me struggling. You were all right there to get my bag up into the overhead and not a single one shame on them like stood up. And so it's just such a, like a good part of our society.

That's been a little bit lost because of women who'd be like, no, I can do it myself. Like I'm strong and independent, but that men can just say, like, Hey, look at that woman struggling. Even if she's not struggling, Hey, can I take your bag down the stairs? Like, yeah, absolutely. You can. Yeah. Well, I'm going to be on a flight tonight, right? And I know what it's like having kids on a flight. So I can't wait to find a mother with children. So I can be like, you are crushing it.

This is so difficult. I remember having kids, just something. It goes such a long way to not withhold that. Just to know that you have an advocate on the plane with you, right? Cause I'm sure like you get on a plane with your kids and you think people aren't happy that I'm around them. Screw those people.

You have earbuds, shut up. Yes. And children have as much- You are so much more charitable than me. You probably wouldn't have phrased it that way. Children have as much right to be on the plane as the other person, especially if you bought them their ticket. Like we had to buy a Genitized little ticket and like he paid all the same money than all these people and he's two years old and he's gonna act

Like a two-year-old and that's okay. Like he has the freedom to be on this plane as you know a Person in our culture and that's okay and everybody needs to come to terms with that. If you don't want to be around children on planes, don't fly, drive. You can drive and you can go and you don't have to be disturbed by anyone. But children have just as much a right. They have a right to be in our churches.

They have a right to be on our planes. They have a right to be all those places. And that's what I wish society, you know, honored a little bit more. Yeah. I was at mass the other day and there was a, ah, there's a kid loud being loud. And, uh, it's just, I think it's just so important you just get over yourself and you just affirm the mother. Like, even if you're right.

And she or the father could do a better job objectively at reigning the kid in. Just even then, like offer that up as a sacrifice and turn and say something kind to them. Truly, because you have no idea what they're going through. That's something that I've seen as a parent, too. Like, you just have no idea. Just in general in life, whether you're a parent, whether you're a single person, whatever you are, like, we just don't know what each other is going through. And you don't know what kind of mourning that those parents had to say.

Like, I just can't like bring the kid out or whatever it is. There's so many moments where I've been doing things as a mother, I'm like, if someone was watching me in this moment, right? And that was all they had. That was all they had, they would think she is the worst mother on planet Earth. 100% of headburns are there.

Right, like whatever, you have had the worst morning ever and you take your son to Chick-fil-a or whatever and you just Set him up with a little show just for like five minutes cuz you're like this has been the worst day ever and Before your mom you would walk by and be like that mom takes her kid to You chick-fil-a and she's like setting him up with a screen like are you kidding me right now? It's like oh dear you have no idea that I have been up since 4 o'clock We have been through this that that, and this and that. Everybody has cried.

I have thought that I was gonna drive off to Timbuktu a thousand times, and we're here and it's peaceful, and he's gonna watch the show for five minutes, and I'm just gonna regroup. Like before I was a mother, I would've thought like, oh my gosh, look at what she's doing. There was a viral a long time ago of that mom in the airport.

She had put her baby on a little swaddle on the floor, and she was on her phone. And this image went viral, like look of that mom in the airport, she had put her baby on like a little swaddle on the floor and she was on her phone. And this image went viral, like, look at that mom, like she's at the airport, she's just scrolling on her phone. And the real story came out later, they had been delayed. She had been in the airport for like, God knows how many hours, like 12 hours, like trying to get on the next flight.

And this was the one moment where she puts the baby down, she's like checking her emails or whatever. And that is a moment where someone snaps the picture of her with the baby on the swaddle, just resting on the floor. Look at that mother when it's like, you have no idea the whole story. You haven't seen the last 12 hours. You saw this one second and that's what you're making a judgment off of. It's very important to not do that. Yeah. Speaking of airports and mothers, what are your thoughts on breastfeeding stations at airports? Some of them are amazing.

So interestingly, breastfeeding has never been in one. Yeah. They like breastfeeding has been easier for me. So I breastfed for my my sons for a lot longer than I ever thought I would. So I've been in a lot of the nursing rooms and airports. The one at DFW is amazing. Is this a room? Because I'm thinking of those like little metal cabin things. No, they're all different. They're all a little bit different. And there's some airports that have better ones than others. There's some areas you learn about it as you go.

So I brought Zion on most of my speaking engagements. The first year of his life, he flew 38 times with me. It was a ball. We had so much fun. That's why he loves people. Like he was always being helped by flight attendants and he was a really easy going baby. So if he was like a call of he baby, it never would have worked out. I've been then canceling all my engagements, but he came along for the ride. It was so much fun. Some you have to like call and you know, there's like a passcode that you have to get in. The one at DFW suite, there's like a chair and like some toys for like older kids and they have diapers and it's like sometimes I think they'll have formula of every size.

So if you like, it says like take whatever you need and like rest. I think in Chicago, there's this huge wall where you can sign and like write like messages cheering on other mothers. Like you're doing a great job. Like keep going. I can't believe you had a C-section and things like that. Just really help. Very encouraging edifying things on the wall. Totally. I love that wall. That. I love that wall.

That's a really fun wall. Mom's like, keep going girl. You got this. I guess my fear was that if these became normalized, then women would feel they have to go into a room in order to breastfeed instead of having the freedom I think that they should have to breastfeed in public. Love your take on that. Do you think that that is?

I think it's just a matter of preference. I think what the nursing rooms offer is just more space To just get out all your junk and change the diaper and all of that stuff It just offers a lot of space and sometimes there's like a really comfy rocking chair Like you can go in there and you can rock and it's not a matter of like oh I don't want anyone to see me breastfeeding or I don't want to make people uncomfortable if they're gonna be uncomfortable about this But I'm just gonna be comfortable for a little while. There's some really sweet ones. I forget what airport it is.

It has these nice curtains just with a couch. And it's just a little bit more homey feel. It's a homey moment that you can have in the insanity of traveling with a baby. And I cannot encourage, if viewers are out there and you're like, I'm gonna be traveling with a baby, find that room. Because it's not just for,

I know women who feed their babies, there's a formula in there that you be traveling with a baby, like, find that room. Because it's not just for I know women who like feed their babies are formula in there that you can like just get everything out, like I said, and just make your formula bottles or just change the diaper, just in a little bit more peace and comfort, which you deserve when you're flying with little babies. I want to go, we should be just letting them on right away. Yes. Giving the mother a whiskey. Yes. Is that something she's into or an ice water or a juice or whatever she needs?

Like honey, chamomile tea, pair of slippers, whatever, whatever drink you need, honey. If you, if you sit down on that flight and you're like, Oh, we finally made it with all the stuff that you've got to bring on through the X-ray machine. So unnatural. Oh my gosh. Getting out all of your stuff to, yeah, to go through, um, security. That's what I always tell women too, if they're flying with a baby, especially alone, take your time. So often it's like people in the, like the security line, oh, oh,

and everybody's all stressed out and I'm like, there is no rush. I always told them if you want to go ahead, like go ahead of me and I would just take my time and breathe. Like, like you're not on a timer. The line is going to keep going for the whole rest of the day and you can hop into it wherever, but to just really breathe and relax. And that's another time where if someone offers me help, I always say, yep, absolutely. You can help me because I could do it by myself. But always want to like take that time. So like when you're traveling with children, take your time and just breathe in, like settle into it and relax rather than having it be,

because it is frantic in and of itself, like getting the kids to do all the stuff, but just take your time. Tell people to go in front of you, it's gonna be fine. You have released a video on pornography and helping women who might be struggling with that. I was so glad you did that I was so grateful for that because I travel and used to don't so much anymore

So often would encounter these women who would feel so alienated What was the response like to that video and is this something you talk about more than just that one time? I think the good thing is that it's become more mainstream the knowledge that this is not just a man thing Like this is not something that men struggle with. And I think that it's been so good for the women who do struggle with this to say like, I'm not alone. And it's, there's so many women who have struggled with this and I remember asking you about this.

Like what are some of the things that like need to be shared in this capacity? And I think for women to have the freedom to say, and that goes for all of life, like I'm not alone. This thing that I'm struggling with and I'm so ashamed of whatever it is to see that other people are too. It just gives you oxygen to deal with it.

Yes. When Audrey Assad gave that talk, remember that talk? Yes. It's like the Catholic church changed in the most beautiful way. Yes. And that it's okay for women to share about this in their small groups on retreat or in their talks or whatever it is that it's okay to say, yeah, this is not just something men struggle with, but this is something I've struggled with. The, the feeling of solidarity for women has been so just important and the response to that was pretty incredible for women to say oh

thank God people are creating like a space for me to share my struggles or to talk about this and for women to connect with one another to help one another along the way that's why I think your victory channel is so amazing. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I think it's absolutely incredible because it just offers this solidarity and this practical nature of like, no, you can do this. Like there's so many people struggling and like you can overcome it. I want to tell people, especially ladies about Magdala Ministries dot org. Magdala, Neil.org Magdala,

Neil put a link in the description below ministries.org. This is a wonderful site set up by a beautiful young Catholic woman and now a mother. And it's a great place for support. I'm so proud of the work that they're doing. They have online small groups. They have a podcast. They have a blog. It's really quite beautiful. Yes. It is amazing to see that stuff happen. Yes, I've offered that resource to a lot of women as well.

A lot of moms. You know, I- Oh, I do, you've heard of it. Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm so glad, yeah. Oh yeah, moms in their 30s, 40s, and 50s to say, I see that my 13 year old daughter is already struggling with pornography.

Like, what do I do? And like to have something beautiful like that, to send to them that practical nature of like, A, you're not alone, but this is like how we can guide you. Like that guidance is so key to like overcoming whatever sin it might be or whatever it is in our life to have that solidarity and that guidance is essential. Yeah, it's like a lot of what we've talked about today has to do with this, whether

it's feeling shame for having a C-section, not getting your body back, not being able to do X, Y or Z, feeling alone in marriage prep. Just being alone is not a good place to be. No, life's difficult enough. We were made for relationship and we know this, the Trinity, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, like we were made for a relationship. And I think a lot of just churches have not done a great job of like building this community. I've seen it more. I think people post pandemic now people are like, Oh my gosh, I need community.

And people are really building it out in a way that I did not see before 2020, especially in California, the Catholic communities, there's not a lot of ministries going on, like where we live that really walk with people from what I've seen in my experience in the last, I don't know, seven years since we've lived in Orange County, but I see now people are like, oh, we need each other when we are going to figure out how to walk with each other

in a more specific and engaged way. And that's transformative. Oh yeah. 100%. When people ask me, why do you guys move to Steubenville? I always say it. I just say friendship. And I say, and I let it hang there because that is precisely why we moved here. We knew what community was like because we have had intentional community before. And then having moved to a couple of places and not being satisfied with a 30 minute commute to a friend's house. And it's like, no, we want friendship. Like life is hard enough, especially if you've got children. And so now being on a street where we know like eight families who are all solid on our street and just letting the children play. And it's just terrific. Life

doesn't have to be this hard. It doesn't. There's so much freedom there. There's just a lot of- Even in a meth riddled, potholed, occasional gunshot town. Yeah, there's a lot of freedom. It's like the Shire with meth and the occasional prostitute. I have to tell you a story later.

Okay, it's beautiful. Yeah. I love living here. Yeah, that's right. My husband is always like, we're open to going you a story later. Okay. It's beautiful. Yeah. I love living here. Yeah, that's why my husband is always like, we're open to going in and I'm like, but Stephen, it's so cold. Yeah, you don't have to move. Yeah, maybe don't do that, but.

But hey, you never know. Dude, it's so good. You would have never anticipated this. And that's the beauty of the friendship. Just saying there's freedom and having people who are outside of your family, who love you, who you could call up like, this thing is going on. Like you come or can I send the kids over to you there's this freedom there that we were made for and built for. This analogy keeps coming to me if you were to find a child in the woods you know you were going on a hike and you just see this child and you become aware that they're not with anybody for whatever reason.

become aware that they're not with anybody for whatever reason, you would realize that if they didn't find help, they would soon die. And to me, finding a family in the modern world is like finding a kid in the forest. It's like you won't, you won't survive. You can't. It's true. The Eucharist, you need a Catholic community, friendship, support. Yes. That's why we drive so far to our parish. I mean, maybe it's not so far for some people, but there's parishes around us. It's 30 minutes away. They have a moms of young children ministry

that meets on Monday nights in two 10 week seasons. And it's sweet. I just get to go and be, I don't have to do anything. And people are like, Oh, are you part of the leadership team? I just get to sit and be. And that's so beautiful. But there's something about sitting with moms who just get it. Whatever season of your life you're in, my single friends who are single and they're 31, 35 or 40, they have a special and unique relationship with another woman who's 35 and single

who says like, I get it. The dating scene is awful and we are in this together. And when I just show up there on Monday nights and I'm like, oh, you won't believe, you know, what I went through the Monday nights, and I'm like, oh you won't believe you know What I went through the kids? Oh, they're like, oh, we'll believe it Like tell us about it and they just get like the grit of what you're going through like that's community getting the grit and Understanding it on a deep level to say I know you know, whether the families in your community I know what it's like to have four kids live in your house and try to tend to all their unique hearts and needs and minds and raise

them. Like you just get it. And I think that that's like a part of community, like understanding on a deep level what you're experiencing and going through. There's nothing like it. Yeah, 100%. I love it. No, I it's, it's funny that you're saying that because my wife and I just last night were talking about our friend, Matt Bruner, Joe's. I was like, oh, hundred percent. The way he says it. Where is he from? He's from here. OK. I was in Philly.

What a guy. I'd never say that to his face. And dude, at the end, too. Dude, dude. Hundred percent. That's authenticity right there. If people want to put a question up on locals or in YouTube, feel free. Kyle asks, I just want to highlight a comment in the live chat, quote, I'm pretty miserable that I'm single, but I've always been more miserable dating. Love isn't real.

What would you say to this person? Bless them. Bless them. So I'm pretty miserable that I'm single, but I've always been more miserable dating. Love isn't real. Okay. Well, if we were looking at love isn't real, we have to look at the cross. First of all, to see that love is real. That love died on a cross for us many years ago. But to if if you're miserable as a single and you're miserable dating, perhaps neither of those are the vocation for you. Perhaps you're called to a different vocation. Maybe it's the religious life. Maybe it's something like that. I think that's one of the beauties of Catholicism that there's so many different paths of life offered to us.

I have girls on my channel and on Instagram. There's so many different women from all different faiths. I have women who are Catholic and all these different faiths and they're fascinated how a woman can become a consecrated virgin or, you know, a religious. Like, ask the Lord if you're miserable in your life, like, where does He want you to go? The Lord didn't make us for misery, right? That's not what He made us for. To say, Lord, I'm miserable in both of these paths, so light the way for the path where I will have the life of abundance that You've promised me that you say, like I came

so that you might have life and have it to the full. Lord, what path will I find that on and lead me there? Like I'm open, openness to like the Lord, like putting the lamp on the path. That's like the first step. Yeah. I mean, it's difficult to sort of assess what this person's going through, even though we have a sentence and we don't know who said it, but I would assume that if someone's miserable being alone, miserable being with somebody else, then what they may not need is just another change in vocation, but things in their life might need to be worked out so that they aren't miserable. Because just like marriage isn't going to cure you of your misery, nor will being in

a consecrated life. Yeah, to say what choices am I making? Are the choices that I'm making as a person that I'm in control of the ones making me miserable? Am I scrolling on my phone until two o'clock in the morning? Of course you're miserable. Am I, you know, in a job that makes me miserable? Okay, maybe you could change that. Am I eating healthy? Right. Am I, am I just like, you know, not like nourishing myself in the way that I need to be nourished?

Of course I'm going to be miserable, you know, to look at my choices that I can control. That makes a big difference too. Yeah. And then two, like love is to want the best for the other and to do what I can to bring that about that's appropriate You know, so it's not like necessarily a hallmark experience Yeah, if that's what I mean by love and that's not real then okay But and it also doesn't mean that the people I have to date have to be perfect I mean, it's important we say that because like when you have a ministry where you're saying to people, don't marry the wrong person, that's all right. But it doesn't mean

that the right person is totally mature and beautiful and wonderful and helpful and will serve you. Like that's also like a broken, beautiful person with their own history and their own wounds that when you tread on, they flare up and like. Lauren Ruffin Yeah, imperfections, like two imperfect people marrying one another. And I told women, you have to look at who he is leading up to your wedding day and say, with all his flaws, am I okay if for the rest of my life he stays exactly as he is? Because when people go into marriage, you marry an imperfect person and you accept their flaws. You say, I've seen all of these things that this person has chosen or been through or

whatever it is, and all their temperaments and all that stuff and you say, I'm willing to love this person with all that they are. And if, and I think a lot of women that I talked to go into marriage hoping that the person will change, you have to go into marriage expecting that that person will be exactly as they are on your wedding day on the day that they die, right?

Because they might not, they might not change. And if you hope that a person, right, we always like, we want to help the person that we marry become better and grow. But so many women go into marriage thinking like, well, he's not like, we don't share the same faith now, but I hope, you know, like over time, you know, like he will, I hope that this part of his personality

will like, you know, kind of go away. You have to see them as they are and all their imperfections and say, I'm willing to love you as you are. That's a really important thing. Kyle says, what are some suggestions that you give to those currently in a long distance relationship? Any distant date ideas? Oh, fun. Yeah, we would set up, we would set up like a restaurant, I would set up like a whole fancy meal on my end of the FaceTime. And he would set up a whole fancy meal. Yeah, there was one time he was valentine's day and he had his brother be his waiter. Oh my gosh, it was amazing. I have a, we would take screen grabs of each other. We have like thousands

of screen grabs from our calls. And his brother would be his waiter. And so we would dress up and like, it gives you this occasion to like like set out A nice dinner meal you get your takeout or whatever from your favorite place And you just like set up your FaceTime and you're like together like in a fancy little way in a way that you can't be together So yeah doing little dates like that is fun. I also loved snail mail I would like sending little packages in the mail in the nitty gritty of long distance Do not have important conversations over text message. Tone gets eliminated. Like tone is not there.

And there's like that's the difficulty of long distance is that you need to work through so many things when you can't sit together, hold each other's hands and say like, all right, we want to hear each other out. We want to be open and honest. And like just missing that piece of the in person is very difficult. But so often like it's it's easy to want to like have this argument or miscommunication like over text wait for a time where you can actually hear each other's tone, hear what the other person has to say and at a time where you're not tired. Okay. It's easy to be like we got a hop on a call right now and I just got off work and it's nine in the morning for me and like eight p.m. for you like like do it at a time where you're well rested, especially in long distance.

That goes a really, really long way. Yeah, I think for me, because obviously I was in Australia. My wife was in Texas. It's a long way. I know what you think about this, but it seemed to me that like long distance relationships can work if they're progressing. So like for us, it was like, okay, what is this? Well, then it happened to be the case that she could come and visit me. So she did. And she was with me for maybe 10 days.

She went back to Texas and then, okay, now what? If it's just, well, we'll see what happens. It's got to be moving. So for me, I've got to go visit her. We've got to figure out what this thing is. So then when I went and visited her the second time, it was like, we need to know what this is. Having visited her, I went home and bought an engagement ring. I mean, quit my job and sold my car and sent way too many books by ship to Texas,

and then figured that out, you know? But that's the- But it was moving. Yes, that's the forward motion. Before you entered a long distance relationship, were you open to it, or were you a person who was like, a long distance never works? I Were you open to it or were you a person who was like a long-distance never works? I was just open to anyone to be in a relationship with me. I didn't have many options No, I never I never can I never thought about that, you know, a lot of people have these different like well

I would never marry someone like this. Yeah, I never thought that I don't know why but I was just saying the priesthood a lot too. Okay, maybe that. Yeah, that definitely could be why. I find that more men are closed off to long distance than women. Interesting. Yes. Her and I served on a missionary team in Ireland for three months. We were part of a team of 12 people and we got to know each other really cool, really well. What was really cool was that we were just really good friends. In fact, when she came and visited me for the first time, that was both of our fears. Our fears were we're such good friends that it wouldn't be ideal if we were actually attracted to each other.

But we're not. And we have to kind of reconcile that. So you had that conversation. Yeah, I don't know when we had it, but that was my fear. I'm like, she's just awesome. I just liked her. I respected her. I enjoyed her. She was just like, here's an awesome. I just liked her. I respected her. I enjoyed her. She was just. Like, here's an example of how cool my wife is. We were at a pub in Texas and she meets the guy from Big Fat Greek Wedding who was in Sex and the City.

Okay, I don't know. And she's like, yeah, I need to go tell him that he needs to stop with the, like, I had a lot of respect for him in Big Fat Greek Wedding, but like, Sex and the City is really trashy. He'd just wait here. I'm like, oh my God. And so she just went over and she told him, just told him that. And I'm sure she was so charming and not at all abrasive. Meanwhile, I'm just in the corner. You're like, oh, I love that. She's just so cool. So I just liked her so much.

So I was afraid that maybe we wouldn't be attracted. And here you are. How many years later in Steubenville, Ohio, that's why I told people be open. So many people like long distance never works. It'll never work for me. And here you are how many years later in Steubenville, Ohio Will be open so many people like long distance never works. It'll never work for me I'm like an in-person person long distance will work for the right person Yeah, you just wanna say some have you met you take whatever you can get like anybody's at all interested in you just Really? Like you said you sold everything you shipped everything you feel it in your heart. Like you said, you sold everything, you shipped everything, you feel it in your heart, like this is worth it. When you're open to long distance

and the right person comes in, you will feel in your heart, this is worth it. Like we are both 100% in, and that's another thing. Both of you have to be 100% in. Not that you don't have fears, worries, doubts, or anything like that, but you have to be totally committed. If one person's like 50%, it'll never work. To be honest, it was only after my marriage and after my first child that I started to have doubts as to whether I made the right thing.

How honest is that to say? Like, that's scary. Because like when we got engaged, I never had a doubt. After we got engaged, I was like, this is awesome. But then when like family came along and I felt like I was just really struggling and I That point I was like was I cool to this or was I just like caught up in the whole romance thing? And now shit. I'm stuck with it. I think that's a very normal It is it's such a normal thing and it's a beautiful thing to voice out loud so people feel less alone

Oh, that's gonna be true of people who are ordained to the priesthood or whatever else Yes, I've screwed up somehow. And it might be a year in, it might be five years in to think, oh, did I hear the Lord wrong? That that is a very normal thing. It's a way that the enemy comes in to kind of, you know, if you're in a particularly vulnerable or weak season and it's like, no, you made the wrong choice. Like the Lord had this other thing for you and you totally missed out on it. I feel like what you say you experienced is so normal, especially if there's children coming and you're like, what is this?

And that's why I talk about all these things with women. Like what you can expect is not talked about because you think, oh, it's going to be this like amazing, great thing. And it is in its own way. But you're also like with yourself at night, like, did I make the wrong choice? And you just continue on like through and you just offer that to the Lord, like whatever doubt, like you just keep giving it back to the Lord, like the Lord, like Lord, these doubts that I have.

And marriage is hard and family is hard. And sometimes we think that if this was what I was called to, it wouldn't be, you know, and we say it out loud, you expose it. You see how ridiculous it is. But often and when you say it out loud, you expose it. You see how ridiculous it is, but often you don't say it out loud and it just lies there in the recesses of your soul feeling super convincing. But it's not supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be difficult. Your wife and your children are not meant to be the fulfillment of all your desires. They never could be. Yes. And one thing I was so afraid of, and I dealt with a lot of fear during engagement too,

and I think that's really important to talk about, I feared the change mostly, but I always heard people say, oh, it's hard. And in my head, I had to unlink the words hard and bad. Because when I heard hard, I thought bad, right? Hard is bad. Hard can be so good. If you think of an amazing basketball player who's poured blood, sweat and tears into becoming like one of the top NBA players

He would say it was hard But like hard can be so good because it sanctifies us and it molds us and it shapes us So that was a huge process of my growth as a person like seeing like oh Those are linked in my head when I hear people when I was an unmarried person hearing you say that like oh family life Is hard I was like oh like, that's not good. That's bad. No, hard can be really, really good because it makes us who God created us to be. So to pull those two apart in my head was life changing for me.

That's really good. Yeah. I remember when we were dating and engaged, one of the things we'd often do is go to a bookstore, right? And so you go get a coffee and then you potter about a bookstore and you like thumb through some philosophical work or Catholic insights. But then what I was realizing is like my kid who's up all night and his colicky is like 800 inspirational books if I would just submit to it, but I wasn't submitting to it.

The resistance, you resistance. The ways the Lord is trying to mold you and shape you. Like, I don't want to learn anything right now, Lord. I don't want to learn anything because I'm just tired. And this is so much harder than anybody told me it was going to be. And like, you learn to go into this place of like openness, like Lord, what are you trying to teach me now?

Because I'm, you know, obviously you want me to learn something here and I'm like surrendering to it. It's so true. You arrive in those moments where you're just resistant to the ways that the Lord wants to mold you and shape you through family life, through having children, through marriage. And it's like getting up on the operating table. Like it's, you have to have this openness to that. Luke 10 I want to talk about the importance of self-care, right? Because it seems like whenever our culture, if you want to call it that, makes a big deal about something, Catholics are afraid and want to demonise

it. Interesting take. So it's like mindfulness, like that's from the devil somehow. And I don't know, maybe there are things to critique. But same thing with like self care. It's like maybe we see the narcissism or the selfishness in there or the abandonment of one's duties. And sure, there's a lot to criticise there. But it doesn't mean self care isn't necessary. In fact, in the same theology, Thomas talks about five points to be happy. He says, do something pleasurable, seek the company of friends,

tears and groaning, contemplating the truth and. Baths and sleep, he says, do these things and he explains why they restore the person. Right. How important is self-care for mothers? And yeah, my sister kind of changed this for me. She said she doesn't see it as self-care because it is. It's true. The world, you know, Catholics are like, oh no, self-care. It's so selfish. And she said for me, she rearranged it in her own mind to say, self-care for me is doing what brings my soul to life, okay, as a mother. I was on a retreat with a friend a couple years ago. I know she's a singer. She's an opera singer.

And she had had her second baby a couple months before. And I said, Elise, when was the last time you sang? And she said, I can't even remember. And I said, Elise, you need to find a way to sing. Because that self care is what brings your soul to life. As a woman, as a mother for me, it's writing. I love writing. I love like being alone in a coffee shop writing with my worship music on, just being there. That brings my soul to life. I feel energized. I feel revitalized. Whatever it is, I always tell like mothers like, you have to find a way to do that thing. Because that is self care. Yes, is it important to take baths to nourish your body? All those five things that you

said the summa for sure. But you have to find specifically is it playing my guitar? Is it going on a hike? Is it whatever it might be? And then, you know, to ask whether it's your husband or, you know, your mom or whoever who supports you in your motherhood, to ask them to help you create space in your life for that. To say, you know, you can sing all the time, but like if you can go somewhere to just do your singing, if you have a friend who plays the piano

and you have a, there's a space where you can go with them and they can, you know, accompanying you and you can just sing for an hour and you go home and you're a better mother because you sang for an hour because singing brings her soul to life, you know? And I had to find a way to do that. And I told Daniel, I said, I need to find a way to write. I have to find a way to write. And I want you to help me. Like, I don't know how we're gonna carve that into the time, but I need you to support me in carving out time to write

because it brings my soul to life, and that is my self-care. Does that make sense? Absolutely, 110% it does. I mean, for me, I realized, because I used to play the guitar a lot, in fact, on our honeymoon at that Hill Country. I actually got a gig at some brewery,

and I was playing music and singing. I used to do that a lot. Yeah, on his honeymoon. Yeah, he was doing that. I liked it. And but now I don't do that a lot. But occasionally I'll do I'll bring out the guitar. I love doing this with the kids. And so we'll just get wine or just not for the kids, but for me. And we'll drink wine and I'll sing songs they want to sing. And so my girls, they like that song by Taylor Swift

about love story, love song. Yes, it's a love story. Quick side note, I think as parents, we need to condescend to the loves and interests of our children and to meet them there, as opposed to saying, you really should be into Bach. What do you mean, Taylor Swift? It's important to meet them in a room.

So I played that song by Taylor Swift and I was crying. I thought it was such a beautiful song. It's a good one. I was playing in the airport the other day. I'm sure it's trite and shallow. I get it. I think it's sweet. Anyway, so I love doing that. Sing with my kids. Okay. So that's what brings your soul to life. Whereas my wife, like she loves doing the Among the Littlies podcast. Okay. So that brings her soul to life. I need to do it. Like I love it. And I think that's something that you learn as you become a mother to ask for what you need in the beginning.

You're like, I have no idea. I don't even know what I need. It's so good when you can get to that place in your marriage, isn't it? Like here's what I'm going to need. Totally. But in the beginning you're like, I don't even know what I need. There's so much going on. You're adjusting to so much change. You're like, there's so much change going I need. Like, there's so much going on. You're adjusting to so much change.

You're like, there's so much change going on. I'm learning how to be a mother. I'm learning how to be married, but also be a mother. He's learning how to be a father. I'm learning how to breastfeed. I'm learning how to change diapers. I'm learning how to sleep. I mean.

And saying the things that you need to people who aren't open to hearing it, it just sounds offensive. Sort of like to, like, I need to care for my husband kind of does. So I got a good friend who you and I know and love a saintly man. Said to his wife when I come home from a trip, like I need you to look good. I need you to wear makeup. I can't if I come home and you have vomit and right.

So if you knew the person who knew the context, you'd nod because it's beautiful. But that's not he's not saying like if you've had a brutal time or that's unacceptable. He's just like here's what I need. Right. And she well, when you when you leave, I just have a family meal. I need that. Those are beautiful conversations that you get to have. And they're not commandments. It's not one spouse commanding the other. It's saying like, if you want to know like what helps me like he is, he is what helps me if And it takes it takes time to arrive in that place to even figure out what you need I say, you know like you I think like as in your marriage It's easier because you have time to process things with small children It's a lot more difficult to process like your own emotions and what you need And then arriving in that place to ask yourself like what do I mean? Like what will help me at this time and then vocalizing it?

There's like a couple of steps that have to happen there. The internal look and then figuring out like, okay, this is what I need. This is what will help me, whatever that may be. And then vocalizing it to your spouse, if you're married to say like, this is what will help me. Like, can you support me in creating space for this?

Or can you support me and love me by doing this? What's beautiful about that too, like allowing your spouse to tell you what they need is you now have a very concrete way to love them. So often I feel like I'm trying to do things for my wife and she's not receiving love. Like my wife, not a words of affirmation woman at all. She appreciates it, but doesn't really care. So I'm like, oh, acts of service, quality time and acts of service.

So like today she wanted me to take out these the AC units from the window and put them in the basement. And anyway, so if I know I do that, she'll feel very loved by it, you know, but if I'm like, babe, you are so freaking pretty. You're more beautiful than we got married. Like, I'm not even lying. I really think that. But she's like, uh huh. Yeah, cool. Thank you. But if you could honestly just move the AC units to the basement. I feel so much more loved. She's the best, yeah.

Yes, very important to figure out. But it is nice when you know that here's how my wife receives love, then I can do that. Yep. There's no guessing. A lot of women in the dating world. Taking notes, guys? They complain to me like, oh, he's not romantic. Like my boyfriend has no idea how to be romantic. Like, well, help him and give him some really practical things that you would find romantic.

I love receiving flowers. One of my close friends, she did this, her boyfriend was just kind of like a funny guy. He had only grown up with brothers. He didn't really have this sense of like pursuing a woman and things like that. So she got to this place where like, okay, well, I'm going to have to kind of teach him and help him how to do that. And that's okay. And she says, you know, like this is, this would be romantic for me, like a picnic on the beach. I would love that. Like when you pick me up from the airport, I would love like a coffee. Like this is the coffee that I would love. And you can just

like take those down as notes. But I tell women like you can't just, especially in the, in the crisis of fatherhood where a lot of young men haven't watched What it means for a man to pursue a woman what it meant What it would it what it looks like for a man to love a woman in the day to day? You can teach them and you can help them to say these are very many things and some people like that's not romantic It will be as time goes on and you see him and he listen and he got you that You know what else isn't romantic is the person not knowing what you want And therefore not trying to love you in that way

Guessing and just trying to guess and you're like I don't feel loved and I don't know why it's because like you're letting him Guess and guess I'm like take all these shots in the dark when you could just say like this makes me feel so loved And he doesn't have to guess and he can love you that way Was that when you get married That's a common problem I hear with single guys is that they are like, I just don't know what to do for this girl that I wanna see or I want, like, they, cause they're just trying to figure it out.

And so they're just taking shots in the dark, hoping that they'll hit on it. And they just can't, like, it's like. They're not hitting the target. They're not, because they don't know where the target is yeah, not just in romantic relationships But either either even in like same-sex friendships. Well, no, I said something. Hey, what do you want to do? I don't care. It's like a couple. Can you have some preference cuz I'm open to doing what you want And if someone never cares, no like my closest friend in town

Well, yeah I think he's my closest friend in town. Like he and I have been very open to like, when I'm having this kind of day, I need, like if you could just do this for me, or like he will call me when he knows like I'm not feeling well, and make sure I've eaten, or make sure like, that kind of stuff,

like even in just like good friendships, it's important. But people need to be more open and humble with and willing to. I think it's an unwillingness to receive is what it comes down to, because they think they're asking for help that they don't deserve. So interesting. Thank you. So remember how I said earlier that people have moved to Steubenville because I've been talking about it. I just got a comment I have to read.

I'm moving Aldo and Isabelle say to read Aldo and Isabel say I want to affirm Matt's comments on the awesomeness of Steubenville. We bought a home in Steubenville without visiting because Matt made Steubenville seem so great. We both work remotely. We closed on our home November 1st, which was the first time we visited. Okay. We closed on our home November 1st, which was the first time we visited. Okay, we both agree. We both agree that Steubenville is better than we expected and we had high hopes. All our neighbors immediately came out to introduce themselves.

And my husband was invited to our neighborhood men's group right away. The best part is watching my almost three year old son run around barefoot with seven other boys just being boys. My heart was so happy. The entire family loves Steubenville. Anyone who can move, I think it's worth looking into. So let me just kind of pause because I'm always afraid that people think I'm trying to make this sort of judgment, like unless you're moving. No, it's what I'm trying to say.

I think what this person is getting at is like fine Catholic community, wherever you find it. You have to move to Steubenville, start it up wherever you are. I'll go to wherever it is. But we need more Steubenville, start it up wherever you are, or go to wherever it is. We need more Steubenvilles in America. We need these places where people are gathering together and their three-year-old son can run around with them. And I'm sure there are others,

and I think a lot of people hear a lot about Steubenville, but I think, I love that. Aldo and Isabel, you said? Aldo and Isabel, welcome to town. That is so, so special. And I think it's beautiful you sharing because you just found a you found a place that you love when we find things that we love.

We just want to tell people about it. I'm sorry I'm laughing, but someone just shared a meme with me that they made for laughing because they because you're saying something serious. I don't mean to cut you off. Please share this meme on the screen because someone made a meme on our conversation already. Do you see that? I hope it's. screen because someone made a meme on our conversation already. Do you see that? I hope it's. Would you let me know when it's up so I can share it with them? Oh, gosh, is it?

I hope I'm going to find it funny. Oh, you will. Is it up? Sorry, man. Oh, I love the Internet. It's a great place. So good. It's got its pros and cons, and it's a great place. So good. It's got its pros and cons and it's pretty fun sometimes. I'm not going to show it to you until we have it up on screen.

Okay. I do love memes. Memes really make me laugh. Someone's yeah, someone shared a meme with me the other day and it was like for Lent and it said, remember that member you are, but Dustin to dust your shell with turn. But instead it was spelled B-U-T-T. I've seen that one. All right.

He's on screen. Oh my gosh. Oh, that is, that is good. That is good. Yeah, people are so quick. They're like so good. So quick. Whatever viewer that is.

Like random old lady. Like putting her over the is. Random old lady. That's why. Putting her over the cliff. Oh, my gosh. That is that woman just needed a hug. Yeah, people are so so quick. Whoever is like sitting at home doing that. I mean, that's incredible.

That's amazing. Do we get any more comments or questions? Super chat, actually. Super chat from Megan Madrid. What advice do you have for me, a wife discerning Catholicism with a husband who absolutely loathes all things Catholic? I feel that I can't have an open conversation with him

without him getting angry. I feel like that's probably more for you. What would you say to her? I'm not gonna lie, I kind of tuned out a little bit while you were reading that, because I thought it was for Emily, can you say that her? I'm not going to lie. I kind of tuned out a little bit while you were reading that because I thought it was for Emily. He said again, what advice do you have for me, a wife discerning Catholicism with a husband who absolutely loads all things Catholic?

I feel that I can't have an open conversation with him without him getting angry. That's really tough. I feel like you walk with a lot of people who are discerning Catholicism and that's why I think this is a good question. Right now I'm journeying with several men whose wives aren't Catholic, who are looking into Catholicism, and it's a very difficult thing, because I like to kind of put the shoe on the other foot. Like, if my wife came to me and went, I've been listening to these Mormon podcasts and have come to the conclusion that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church, I wouldn't be okay with that. Yeah. And that's got to, and so like, if you can kind of put yourself in the other person's position, like what's something you really loathe that if, you know, he would express interest in,

it would worry you and like, you know, so I don't know, like, I mean, the Second Vatican Council kind of makes it clear that if you come to the opinion that the church was established by Jesus Christ, and of course, it's not just the second Vatican Council, and you remain from it, like you cannot be saved. So like you really need, at some point it's going to feel more and more like disobedience if you're holding off on becoming Catholic due to your husband's concerns. And so I think you're going to want to find a way to become Catholic while loving your husband where he is and for who he is and if bringing up Catholicism to your husband is creating a negative home environment or is

pushing him further away from the truth of the Catholic faith then prudence may dictate that you withhold those conversations and try to be respectful of where he's at right now. I always go back to this, Father Jacques Philippe says, prior to becoming a Christian, we often want the wrong things in the wrong way. Once we become Christian, we often want the right things, namely your husband's conversion, but in the wrong way. Like we're all fretful and anxious about it.

But what we need to get to is to want the right things. My salvation, my sanctification, my children's sanctification, my husband's sanctification, but in the right way, in a way in which we abandon all circumstances to our Lord and entrust them to his will. Yes. And prayer. Like, don't underestimate the power of prayer. I was reading, I Believe in Love. I have it with me.

What a book. Yes. I cannot speak enough about it. Oh my gosh, it's my favorite book in the whole wide world. I carry it with me all the time. I think I have it in my bag. Oh yeah, am I allowed to show this? Yes, you're kidding.

I share this all the time. It's one of my favorite books as well. I was reading the whole part in the Augustine in St. Monica, the time where she's like clinging onto him while he's going to Rome in the boat. And I love that part where it said, where he says, you did not do what she was at that moment asking that you might do the thing she was always asking. Say that again for this lovely lady at home, because that's powerful.

You did not do what she was at that moment asking that you might do the thing she was always asking. And in the book, it says, as St. Augustine said, God refused to grant St. Monica the prayer she prayed on that day in order to grant her the prayer she prayed every day. Her prayer on that particular day was, let him not leave. And her prayer of every day was, let him be converted,

let him be converted. Yet it was necessary for him to leave in order that he might be converted. This happens so often in our lives, doesn't it? We ask without knowing it for the very thing, which is the contrary of our greatest good, of our true happiness. And so I think Saint Monica is just such a beautiful testament of perseverance and prayer. Just maybe if those conversations are just turning out to be too heated and a detriment to the health of your family,

just to like hand your husband over to the Lord again and again, just to place him in the Lord's hands, place him in the Lord's hands, place him in the Lord's hands, and that's easier said than done, right? It's a very difficult road when you find the truth to be living in marriage with someone who has not yet found it, but just to pray and pray and pray for his heart. Mason Hickman Samantha just wrote in the chat and said, My husband wasn't too happy either. I agreed not to force him to come with me, etc. I converted and then prayed for him for two years. He converted. Now our whole family is Catholic.

Beautiful. Amazing. Yeah. One day at a time, one prayer at a time. That book's glorious. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, so good. That is a perfect companion with searching for a maintaining peace by Jacques Philippe. Isn't that the greatest book you've ever read? I have not read it. Please read it. Okay. It's so good. Yeah. Some people are like, oh, I believe in love and really didn't do anything for me.

I'm like, do you have a soul? Yeah. Oh, man. The stuff about abandonment, it just rearranged me. I'm like, whatever you want. Yeah. The whole. If I don't know how to abandon, then I'll abandon that. Yeah.

If he if he messes up my little plans, I kiss his adorable hand. Amen. I just, there's so many lines in the book where it's like. That like, so about three years ago, someone hacked into my Instagram account. So I did a- Oh gosh, I remember this. Do you? Yeah.

Yeah. So I did a video on Islam and then someone from the Middle East, I guess, maybe Muslim, I'm guessing because there was a bunch of Muslim stuff being posted. Yeah. Suddenly got into my account. Unbelievable. at least, I guess, maybe Muslim, I'm guessing, because there was a bunch of Muslim stuff being posted. Yeah, suddenly got into my account. And then like weird images were being posted and it wasn't me. And, and-

I remember this. But that's, I remember being like, praise you Jesus. Cause I can have two responses. I can accept begrudgingly what has befallen me, or I can participate in the permissive will of God and rejoice in it. And God gave me the grace to do that. It's like, thank God.

What a beautiful thing. If you struggle with that, all your viewers read, I believe in love. Just the way that he paints the picture of what it means to trust, of what it means to surrender, it will just change your soul just to look at it. You know, it says nothing, nothing, nothing happens without the Lord having permitted it.

And you're like, I gotta just get in, like just sit in that place of like, yep, this is the truth. Like the Lord permits everything, whatever it is being hacked or whatever it is. Julia Colby says, how can I love and affirm my guy friends better? And what are some emotional boundaries I should have to protect their and my heart? Good question. I've asked my guy friends this and they one of the things that have come up a lot is listening to them. So many men I have said like talked with say like, people just think like I don't feel anything early, you know, like I'm just kind of like, you know, got a guy going along. But for a woman, like in a friendship, just like, how are you like really doing? Like, how's your heart really doing? And to give him space to tell you how he's really doing,

that has been an answer that a lot of guys have said, I would just love to be listened to about like beyond the surface, you know? Like that I'm not necessarily a guy just going along in life. Like, no, I'm a human with like a soul and real feelings. And I like wanna share those with people. That's come up a lot. Do you feel like that like is true for men?

Is that like, you haven't been given, maybe not you, but even you guys, like to be listened to, to be given space to say this is how I'm really doing by, like in friendship, would you feel like that's common or not? Yeah, I think something I thought about kind of a couple months after I moved to Steubenville and had this change in my life was that we talk a lot about wanting men, young men to view women specifically as sisters in Christ first, but then we

don't give them the room to do that because any time they try to move past a surface level with them, they're either told it's inappropriate or they're painted as like pursuing that woman. And so they're stuck in a catch-22 situation. Yeah, that's true. It's very true. It can be very difficult with friendships for, you know, in. It's such an honoring thing, though, when somebody says quite explicitly, like, how are you really doing? And I would feel I would feel very loved by that, especially if my wife picked up a phone, showed me it was turning off and they went, how are you really doing? And I would feel, I would feel very loved by that, especially if my wife picked up a phone, showed me that it was turning off and

they went, how are you really doing? Yeah. And like, you're just, there's, there's also like oxygen. There's just like, this person actually wants to know how I'm doing is just a good and beautiful thing. I also, people think it's like, you know, another like feminism thing, like feeding men. So one of my favorite priests, he says, one of the corporal works of mercy is feeding the bachelors. So throughout our marriage, our single guy friends, I have them over all the time and I just feed them and I feed them and I let them sit at our table and just listen to them as part of that. But also just loving them in that way. Like men just love, you just love to have a meal cooked for them. That's like, obviously women do too, obviously. But just to have them over and feed them. I've heard from them time and time again.

It just makes me feel so loved that you just welcome me. You're mothering them. Yes, to your dinner table, to be a part of either our family or when Daniel and I were married before we had children, to just have them there and just make a really nice meal. Because bachelors, if they're like single and living alone, unless they're really good at cooking or whatever, they live near their mother or whatever, they're not like

having a lot of really good home cooked meals. So, you know, you're like, whatever, all of our guy friends, Daniel and I share, and I'm just like, hey, come over for dinner. Like, I've got, you know, dinners on the stove, just like come over. over so just feeding the bachelors has just been a way that I have the Lord has like called me to serve the single men in our life. That's really great. This person says I left a YouTube comment but I'm really hoping you and Emily see this I am a recently married woman married my groom on October 21st and I wanted to go through Emily's engagement navigation but wasn't able to. Okay.

But well I guess because well she's now married so now she's saying are you going to be doing a married couple or newlywed navigation? Please pray for my husband and I. I love you guys. Yes. Be gentle. The first thing I'll tell her is be gentle with yourself in the first weeks after those first few days are sacred but then when you start to like live together and you're settling in,

that's another time where you're like, Whoa, like this is a little bit like crazy in terms of you're really getting to know each other on a roommate level, right? You're living together. Be kind to one another in the discussions and all of those things. Um, navigating marriage is something that has been highly requested. There's two that people want me to make navigating post grad when you graduate from college and you're like, oh gosh, I'm moving to a new city for this job that I got and I have no friends and I like have to start all over and I like there's no structure.

Like I don't have a Christmas vacation and I don't have a son like so post grad is highly requested and then marriage. So I made those three this year and I'm letting the Lord like it's all I'm not like, oh, this is the next one I'm going to do. It's really a prayerful thing of like, all right, Lord, like where, where are you asking me to guide women? But because that's highly requested, I'm bringing it to the Lord. That one is unique in the sense of every man is so different, right? Motherhood is very similar across the board. Being an engaged woman is also very similar across the board, but navigating marriage is much more unique and personal to that couple and to the man that she married. So that's where I would have to really pray into the topics that would be good in navigating engagement.

My husband came on in one of the videos about the sexual relationship within marriage. We talk about the wedding night, we talk about, you know, what to expect with all of the different things, how you can prepare. And so I would have to probably bring him a lot for looking at navigating marriage. We talk about the wedding night, we talk about, you know, what to expect with all, all of the different things, how you can prepare. And so I would have to probably bring him a lot for looking at navigating marriage and he's open to it, but it would require like a lot of prayer. And that deep dive takes a lot of time. It takes me months and months and months to write my series because you really want to like dig in and ask the Lord like what is the most important and are the most important things to share. So what was her name, Natalie? Well, I don't know if I'll be praying about this one. Give yourself grace, continue to love one another. It's an amazing, beautiful, special time. Congratulations on your marriage.

Yeah. So here's a good question. I think it has to do with maybe what we've been talking about, about moving to Steubenville or creating communities. How do you balance living in strong Catholic communities versus having to engage evangelize the world? Do you think there's a danger to living in a Catholic bubble? You can talk about that for days. I feel like it's just where the Lord is calling you. I have so many friends who are devout Catholics who are like, we are meant to be in California. The Lord is asking us to remain here and to evangelize our family, to evangelize our school. And it's really a personal call, I feel, of the Lord. You and Kim, like I shared with you earlier, I remember you coming on and saying,

we've discerned, we're moving to Steubenville. And you did that discernment together. And that's where the Lord called you to be a part of this Catholic community. I think there are pros and cons to either one as in all things in life. But the Lord, I think in prayer and in discernment, will just show you, does he want you to be like that lone Catholic family evangelizing your public school in the armpit of California, wherever that is, what is he calling you to be? You never and after today has a different opinion on it too. Right? Like some people might say like, no, like it's good. And it also depends on experiences

as well. I've never lived in a place like Steubenville. So I, you know, I have no idea how amazing it is to have eight families on the block and to send my sons out and be like, go free, honey. Just go, just go. Yeah, I'll see you in three hours. Just come back. I have not experienced that. And so I think it has a lot to do with people's life experiences as well. To say, I've experienced that.

I know how amazing it is. And I will get it at all costs. Yeah, that's right. And also, I would say that the people who live in Steubenville are very often, there's an outreach that they're involved in, whether that be Saint Joseph's or Franciscan or Pines with a Quinas or like, it's not like people are all looking at each other and not thinking about how to evangelize.

The other thing that's cool about Steubenville is it's not like a community that you decided to start on this huge acreage with nobody on it. I mean, that's one way to go about it. Maybe that's fine, but no, this is a run down town where you get to know homeless people by name. And you get to like, there's plenty of people to love. Beauty in that. In California, what the Lord has called us into

in our neighborhood is to like love the widows and love the elderly. We live around so many women who live alone, who are in their seventies and eighties and nineties. They've all been in our community. Our home was built in 1979 and these women bought them when they were first there. And the Lord has shown us how much these women need to be loved, that they need to hold the

hand of a child. On a day-to-day basis, they love our sons, they need to be called. Some of them don't even have families. They know they have two people left in their lives. If they're one, the lady across the street is 95 and they need to be called and they need like, they need like just going out to the mail, they'll stand and talk to you forever, right? There's so many times where I'm like rushing

to like get the boy somewhere we gotta go. And the Lord's like, you can be like, like she needs you to look at her and love her and listen to her in this moment because you will be the only person who does this all day. So any Hickman, he said, love your neighbor neighbor, right? Like you like that, like love the person in the house next to you. You can love your neighbor neighbor wherever you are. And the Lord has really specific and unique like invitations for us to love our neighbor neighbor, wherever we are.

Yep. Yep. That's beautiful. All right. Any more comments? Can I talk about our Catholic kids show? Yeah, there's one more. Of course you can. I want to put that in. In the end, let's do this first. And then we'll, what were you saying? Markham. So my husband and I created a kick. Do you know any good Catholic kids media? We have, we had our sons and we were like, where is all the excellent Catholic media for children? Yeah.

That's like high quality and engaging and fun that teaches them about Catholicism. So much of it is animated. Our children don't care for animated shows. They want real people. Yeah. So we created Markham, which is this live. Yeah, it's on YouTube. You can look up M-A-R-C-A-M. That's it. Mark in Latin. And it's this, this host. That's all I host to type in. Yeah, Markham. He will come right up and it's this host that goes and meets people like Catholics on fire for their faith. Markham.

I'm not like M.A.R.C. U.M. No, M.A.R.C. A.M. Oh, I'm sorry. Mm hmm. You can also go to Markham Catholic dot com. No. Wow. Okay.

It's very green. Yes. Ordinary time and, um, it has been so fun. So we, I would hope it's good. We want to make something. So Daniel and I have produced this. We have done, we have created the whole thing because we saw great. There's so much excellent Catholic media for adults. There's so many amazing YouTube channels. There's so many amazing things, I would say. Who is this fella? His name is Mark.

He's a friend of ours. He lives in Tennessee. He's got that kind of face where I wanna keep looking at it cause he's so animated. Well, it's a kids show. Exactly, it's good. Kids shows should be fun. And so he goes on these fun learning events.

This is amazing. And he learns about Catholicism. And he brings Catholicism to life to kids in a way that we didn't feel like was being done in any kids' media. Pete This looks terrific. Congratulations. Anna Thank you. He meets a couple of the most popular episodes. We had Sierra Kroger, Qualia and Ricky Vasquez in Matt Maher's music studio in Tennessee and he teaches them all about what it means to have gifts and to store the

Lord through your gifts. We had a Norbertine who has a lot of pets and so he showed all his pets. Last week, we filmed a couple of new episodes. We got in to the sisters, the Dominican sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville. So there were two sisters who show him around and teach him what it means to be a sister. So it's mostly for children ages two to six. My favorite episode is the sacristy tour, Father Mark in Tennessee. He teaches them all about all the sacred items. Like how many adult Catholics know what an aspergillium is? I know not many. Like and you're like, the priest has always sprinkled water on me. I couldn't name that.

And so he teaches these children what these rich, beautiful things of our faith actually are so that when they go to mass, they're like, oh, that's a thurible. Like, like it, these children should know these things. They should know the names of these things and see people who love the Lord. Because I meet so many people when I give a talk in rural America who are like, our parishes are shutting down. All of our priests, God love them, are like 80 years old. My child has never seen a priest who's 27 years old and loves the Lord.

Did you find that, Neal? Mark them? Put that on. M-A-R-C-A-M. child has never seen a priest who's 27 years old. Yeah. This is really the Lord. Um, so did you find that Neil Markham put that on? Yeah. There'll be a link in the description below folks. And markham catholic.com is the website where it shares about like our mission and why we've made this. We just saw a great need and the response has been really, really, oh my gosh, cause that is the litmus test, right? All the time. That's the thing. we made the first episodes and we set them up, we're like, well, here goes nothing.

If in a minute and they're like, can we watch this and that or whatever? It really is the test. You're like, oh gosh. Oh, it's unformed. Yeah, so we're gonna go unformed in a couple of weeks. I see. Formed, we've been talking with them

and they just see the same need for great Catholic kids media to introduce Catholicism to two year olds. Right? My son was watching these shows where like he was two years old and he was like, showed me an octagon. I was like, how do you know what an octagon is? And there's a very famous guy who does a show like this.

And he had been watching that show and he learned that. I was like, why can't we teach like three year olds what a thurible is? And so like, like, and the bells, oh my gosh, the bells, the first episode in the sacristy tour, he rings the bells. And now when the bells ring at mass, the boys are like, bells, Markham! I'm like, yes, Markham taught you about the bells. So that's something that we, a labor of love this year,

that's been really fun. Like, you have all these, doing a YouTube channel for adults and writing my Instagram for adults, but then you get into the world of like children's entertainment. I can't wait to tell. I've got a handful of people

I can't wait to tell this to. And just to see how fun and goofy and silly, like you said, to get on your child's level, to say like love story, you know, whatever song or thing that they like, just to create a children's show has been so fun and freeing to say, this is about silliness and fun and like just abandonment in the way that a

child is abandoned. That's cool. Yeah. It really is true. Like if your kids like it, that's the litmus test because you can see parents kind of getting together in a room and saying like, what should we teach the kids? But the kids don't want to be taught in the way that you're teaching them because it's boring or it's lame or something. But yes, they want to see Catholicism in real life. So that's been a joy. That's been such a joy. And then I have, I want to shout out. I have a new book coming out tomorrow. It's called sell the brave.

Tomorrow's last day tomorrow's the whole begun with this. I want people to, um, to know about Stella the Brave. It's been such the brain. Yeah, here I have a stop. I know that they're like a lot older. I know they'll love it. This is so beautiful. All right. Hold this up, Neil. So this is about bringing Philippians 413 Philippians 413. I can do all things through Christ, you think strengthens me has been a heartbeat

of this is beautiful, like really beautiful. Yeah, like not good for you. You're my friend. And so it's good. But like, even if you weren't, this looks beautiful. So it teaches them to incorporate like, like depending on the Lord in every moment and a challenge that they face. And it's been such a fun project. I just, like being a part of children's projects has been like such a joy as a mom. Now it's just been like, so you were involved in this stuff. Yeah.

So that's my third children's book. I love, love creating children's books. Love this. So it teaches them a prayer, little prayer. Jesus helped me to be brave. And that was a prayer that got me through my time at ASU. I would say it all the time. Jesus helped me to be brave. If I was saying no to a party, if I was walking in a daily mass, I would say it out loud, Jesus helped me to be brave. And I want to teach kids that prayer so that they can, in all the difficult moments they face,

they can recognize that Jesus is with them and that he is the strength that they need to get through everything. Who's the publisher? Dayspring. Dayspring. Dayspring is based out of Arkansas. And they've just been an amazing partner with bringing Stella to life.

That's really beautiful. Yeah, so that's tomorrow. Book launches are so funny. You like work so long on a book. I'm sure you felt this and you hold it in your hands. You're like, oh my gosh. It was better than when I held my baby in my hands. No, it wasn't, but it was comparable.

You're like, this is the thing. All the work, right? You put so much, like months of work into it. And you're like, oh my gosh, Tohla, this is so amazing. Yeah. So yeah, Stella the Brave. It looks good. Thank you. Thank God. You can give that to the girls and you know. There's nothing so sad as when you put your heart and soul into a book

and the publisher comes up with a front cover. You're like, that's not at all what I want. That's ugly. That's why I love to work in with them. They said, we want you to be. That's one of the first things they said. When this is all over, we want you to be ecstatic. And I am ecstatic about the way she turned out. Beautiful. Yeah. Emily pleasure. Lovely to get like three hours to chat with you.

Yes. Oh my gosh. I didn't know when this will ever happen again. It's like so often in passing, you just see people and you're like at a conference and we're like, hey, what does this sit down with such a delight? I'm so happy you love it here so much. I'm so happy you're thriving.

I'm so happy, you know, you're just enjoying, just bringing people out and sharing the faith and just letting people just have a space to listen and learn and be So thanks for letting me be in that space today terrific alright. God bless you. Thanks. Thank you