Plumbing the Death Star - Agents of J.O.(a).E.L. The Christmas Project #1

Episode Date: December 24, 2023

Season’s Greetings True Believers and welcome to #1 of this special Christmas edition of Agents of J.O.(a).E.L! Santa Claus has run amok, attacking the innocent town of Longyearbyen, setting fire to people’s houses and letting loose his evil minions. It’s up to Agent Joel Duscher and Agent Joel Zammit, along with their teammate Wolverine, to head to the Arctic Circle and see if they can put a stop to this mess. Will they get there in time? What is wrong with Santa Claus? Open your ears Joel-Heads and tune in to find out!Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Due to a corporate restructure at S.H.I.E.L.D.,

Joel Dusha, former head agent, has been demoted, reshuffled and forgotten about in a dusty office right next to the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier's back left engine. What's more, due to a paperwork mix-up, he now belongs to a brand new branch of the agency, Justified Offence Against Evil Life, or JOEL. These are his adventures. Six months prior, Agent Zamit, it's your first day on the helicarrier. You're a little unsure as to where you need to go, but there's like a, in this large kind of bridge area with massive windows that show you just cloud cover for miles and miles and miles.

You're actually probably above the clouds at this point. You can see ahead of you there is a desk where you assume you need to go to find out where within this organization you'll be placed. Okay, cool. I guess I'll walk up to the desk. Okay, a S.H.I.E.L.D. secretary of some kind looks up at you. Name? Zamit. Zamit, okay. She clacks away on her little sort of computer screen.

You can't see what she's typing. Joel, she says? Yeah. I know exactly where to send you. Six months later. You two and Wolverine have found yourselves in the loudest office on the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier. Being as you are right next to the back left engine, there's no soundproofing here. You kind of have to yell to hear each other.

You've got two tiny little desks. Well, probably three because Wolverine has one as well. It's also Christmas Eve. Everybody's basically gone home. But you still have some paperwork that you need to sort of catch up on, and even though everybody else has had the opportunity

to go home to their families, to their houses, you're still here. Wolverine 2. Excellent news. Okay. Alright. So, justified? Justified offense against evil life. Now, you assume that this is not a real organization at Shield, it's just that they saw Joel, thought it was an acronym,

then a department got created, and now here you are. Okay, there's an A there. J-O-A-E-L. Yeah, the A is silent, and much smaller. But it is on the sign? Yeah, it's on the sign. Well, it's not silent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The word, yeah, yes. So there's a big sign, it's on the sign. What's that silent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The word, yeah.

Yes. So there's a big sign. It says J-O. Maybe brackets. Little A. Brackets, little. Brackets, A. E-L.

I'm imagining it's like J dot O dot. Yes, absolutely. But then above that second dot, there's a little A in brackets. E dot L dot. Some people think you are Joel. Joel. Joel. Yeah, outside in the sort of like long metal corridors of the helicarrier,

there are Christmas lights. In the break room, somebody set up a Christmas tree. Outside, when the helicarrier – you don't have a window, obviously. Well, why would we? But when the helicarrier flies over the top of a city, it's twinkling with Christmas lights and Christmas cheer. Okay. Well, I like to imagine my desk is somewhat

very messy. Can I put it up against the, I mean, is it all corners? Is it all edges? Yeah, pretty much. I want to be able to have a really little ball that I want to be able to bounce off and catch. It would absolutely be, it probably makes it very loud on top of the

but it's constantly happening. Wolverine's probably slacking off. He's smoking a cigar in the corner. There's not much. How much ventilation is in this? None. You suspect probably that this was not originally built as an office. Like a drain on the floor or something like...

Yeah, I'll say there's a drain on the floor. I'm like, I reckon this was not in the six months there's been some discussions of where that drain goes to just be glad they removed the urinal for the whole night Christmas songs have been pumped through the sort of speakers running throughout the helicarrier Bing Crosby

you know lots of beautiful- Yeah, name one other one. I was trying to think of, who sings I'll Be Home for Christmas? Mariah Carey? Yeah, that's not the song. Who's that handsome man? He's got a good face.

Michael Buble? Michael Buble? Yeah, and Michael Buble is singing, what's that song about wanting to fuck Santa? Santa Baby. He's singing Santa Baby, but in the Marvel Universe, my Marvel Universe, what's that song about wanting to fuck Santa? Santa Baby. He's singing Santa Baby, but in the Marvel Universe, my Marvel Universe, it's explicit. I saw Mommy Wailing Santa. And also I kept wanting to say Melissa McCarthy. Mariah Carey.

Well, maybe it's Melissa McCarthy. In this Marvel Universe, Melissa McCarthy is singing. Yeah. Anyway, that is interrupted yeah by a blaring siren and an automated voice attention all shield employees attention all shield employees santa claus known mutant entity is wreaking havoc in longyearbyen the closest town to the north pole we suspect he is not acting alone. All available S.H.I.E.L.D. agents respond. Now, typically, obviously you've been in this office a while.

These things, you don't have to concern yourself. Yeah, usually it's like, oh, we'll be there. Oh, you hear that, and then you hear, of like feet running in the corridors outside of your office. But given that it's Christmas Eve and everybody's home alone, or home away from S.H.I.E.L.D., you hear no footprints. JD, Wolverine.ine yeah bub are we there's other people right in the alley i can go have a check if you like sounds like santa's going bad yeah but that's they've got a department for that right wolverine opens the door i imagine the door i don't know, maybe from the heat of the... It's also very hot in this room.

There's no ventilation. It's right near the engine. Alright. White shirt with a singlet underneath. Unbuttoned. Down to maybe two buttons on the bottom done up. Tie, very much. Black thin tie. Real loose. Sleeves

rolled up. And I want to be wearing shorts. Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Formal shorts. Yeah, yeah. Formal shield to be wearing shorts. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Formal shorts. Yeah, yeah, formal shield-issued shorts. Yeah, like suit pants that have been cut in half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe they have been. By a certain, I don't know, mutant's little claws. Wolverine, I imagine, is in his classic yellow and black.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dressed the same, except I have big rashes on my legs because Wolverine cut my pants. But according to my character traits, I am allergic to vibranium. Oh wait, he's got adamantium. Adamantium. But maybe you're allergic.

Maybe you're really allergic to vibranium, but you're only mildly allergic to adamantium. Any magic metal just wreaks havoc with your skin, dude. Wolverine opens the door to your office. The door is swollen from the heat, so it takes him a little bit of jiggling and he peers out into the corridor up and down. There's no one else, Bob. I think it's gotta be us.

Well, we're justified. Is this an unjustified attempt? Is it justified to stop Santa Claus? Should we wait for a... Look, maybe... Look, if we're the only ones here, you'd expect that they'd come to us and tell us to our face

rather than just blaring an alarm. So let's just wait. Just give it five? How long are we going to give it? Just wait until something else happens. If the alarm blares again, then yeah, I guess we have to do something about it, Wolverine. Someone's got to be doing the announcement.

Yeah. It sounded like an automated voice. How long are you waiting? Like 10. 10 minutes? 10 minutes. Maybe an hour? If you hear a fire alarm go off and it stops.

Yeah. It goes for an hour. The alarm blares. It's repeating. It's not stopping? Yeah. It goes for an hour. The alarm blares. It's repeating. I wait 15. You'd be like, surely, but when someone responds, when someone responds,

it'll go off. You'd imagine, yeah. Do we have a percolator? Yeah, you'd have a percolator. I don't know if you have a percolator, but the closest kitchen with a tap where you can get water is like two stories up. It's like a nightmare to go get it filled and bring it back down.

I'm going to go fill this up. When I come back, we'll reassess. Okay. I'll see if anyone's up there. Yeah, I'll be right back. If you see anyone, ask them about this. Will do. Yeah, I go and grab the per percolator it's like completely empty there's like nobody there's maybe you see a couple of life model decoys of nick fury just kind of strolling around

but they don't really count as people and a janitor or whatever yeah that's cheaper. He's got a couple of life model decoys as janitors. Would Nick Fury's life model decoy be mouthing off about us not doing anything? Well, these are janitors. So they seem unconcerned. Okay. Well, I'll go fill up the percolator and come back down.

Bad news. Yeah. Bad news. Yeah. Bad news. What's the problem? Yeah. The only life model decoy, the cleaning crew is here. That's it. There's no one else.

I saw no one. Who's flying this? My eyes go a little wide. There's a holding pattern, right? Yeah, you don't seem like you're descending. You seem like you're cruising. Stock tech? I guess it's time for us to answer the call.

Is there a phone or a computer that we have? You would have two. You've probably got much older models of the computer system, but you would have computers. Yeah. Is it something like, um, like, you know, the,

the, the IMAX of like the, the, the 2000s where it's kind of like the bubble at the back. Yeah. Yeah. Like fancy fun colors. That's exactly what you have.

Okay. So I guess. Sun damaged. It was sun damaged when you got them. Yeah. All right. So I guess we're just typing on our computer, like accepting, being like, hey, we've heard this message.

If you need us to engage, we'll be there. Please give us the briefing. Yeah, checking by Palm Pilot. Oh, any unread messages? Lots. And then I guess really stressing in that email or message I'm sending, there's no one here. Are you sure?

Yeah, in terms of protocol, is there a high, in terms of protocol, is there a place, a employee login portal? Like, what is the protocol? There would be an employee login portal with, like, a chat that you could jump into as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah, okay, so I jump into the chat. Hey, you guys hearing this shit?

The three dots. I'm home. What? Santa's gone bad, Send. Three dots, three dots, three dots. Nothing. Anyone free? Three dots, nothing.

Anyone free to give us a hand? Question mark, question mark, question mark, Send. Three dots, three dots, three dots, three dots. It's kind of Christmas Eve. Can I tell who I'm talking to? Yeah, you're probably just talking to another agent. Somebody in a higher department than you. Can we see who's online and who's not?

Yes, but very few people are online. It's probably around dinner time, so most people are busy. Dusha, I made a logic roll for you. Now, we are using the Marvel Multiverse Roleplaying System, and the way that works is that I roll three dice, a D616, very clever Marvel, and if the middle dice, the Marvel dice, lands on a one, that's considered a fantastic success.

So you got a fantastic success using the computer. Whoa! I know, which is a yes and. So that means you successfully get your briefing, and if there's some extra thing you would like to do in this situation, you can do that too. I would love another teammate. There's like three dots, three dots, three dots, three dots.

Then there's nothing, and you get the sense that maybe there's like another group chat. You're like, like maybe there's like multiple people, you know, it's like multiple people are typing and then nothing. And then multiple people are typing then nothing. Agent Sanders is coming. Thank you, Agent Sanders. And God bless.

He just gives you the thumbs up emoji. All right. So hit us with the briefing, I guess. Okay. Because I'm assuming I'm sitting at the computer and I can just read it. Longyearbyen. It's a town on the Arctic Circle. Before the town went into complete radio silence,

photographs and messages were coming out of the town regarding a rogue Santa Claus. You can see some of the photographs in this briefing. They are like a sort of black and white shaky photograph of what looks like Santa Claus. You know Santa Claus. He's a mutant. He's around. Santa Claus is going crazy. You can see him firing lasers out of his hands at people.

Some of the town, it's a very small mining town in the Arctic Circle. It's got very kind of cookie cutter practical houses, as well as like a lot of old mining equipment and mining sheds, that kind of thing. You can also see blurry shapes that are kind of running through the houses that look less like people and more like gingerbread men and little elves. Yep. Okay. You can also see, let me just make a, oh, hey, damn it. Nicely done. You get a fantastic success as well.

Whoa. Okay. So this was a, I'm calling it a vigilance check. So this is you checking the photograph and looking for anything specific. What you see is that on the edge, like the far edge of the town, you can see what looks like a guy in a wheelchair and two people on either side of him. You can probably identify

these people as the X-Men. This is Professor X. You can't quite make out who's with him. And what else would you like? And I guess I would like to know what Wolverine's relationship is currently with the X-Men. Before asking him.

Wolverine's been part of Joel for probably a while now. He was probably here when you got here. You think he's on another one of his sojourns. He's finding himself again. There's no animosity between him and Professor X, but he doesn't consider himself part of the X-Men. He's part of Joel at the moment. Are we all hovering over one?

Yeah, I would imagine so, yeah. Go back, go back, go back, go back. That's Xavier. It's Charles. Yeah, you know Charles. I do, yeah. You used to work with him? I used to be part of that team before I was part of this team.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know, like, I can't really make out the figures. A tail? Whoa. It looks to me like that'd be Colossus in Rogue, I think. Okay. Don't know what they're doing here. Though he is a mutant, Santa, I mean, so.

Well, I guess. Trying to recruit him? Or alternatively stop him. I mean, Charles, and Wolverine, you've had experience with this before, does famously like to stop bad mutants. That's true. That's true. Yeah, you're not wrong, Bob.

Charles also has a history of going wrong. That's true as well, Bob. So Professor X being in this photo could be a good or a bad thing. In many ways, it tells us nothing. Other than that, he's present. Well, I mean, usually, he stops, say, evil mutants. I kind of give Wolverine a side eye because I don't know what...

I don't want to put my foot out of line there. You don't have to have a meeting with HR. You don't want to get this mutant sensitivity training. Yeah, I don't know. The brotherhood of evil mutants just seems kind of like... I don't know. I know he stopped the brotherhood of evil mutants I don't know I know he stopped the brotherhood of Magneto's brotherhood before

is Magneto what's he doing is he still with Charles or is he gone back to his old ways do we know I reckon I don't you don't you're right that's crazy Old ways. Do we know? What's the current? I reckon I. I want, yeah. Maybe we'll get up.

Don't? Dude? You don't. You're right. That's crazy. I don't know. You've not been keeping tabs, but maybe you have, Zamit. Yeah.

He's currently imprisoned. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. So at least we know that Mags isn't going to, you know, recruit Sandy. The door opens.

Agent Sanders comes in. He seems pissed off. Hey, Sanders. You can maybe see he's got the shield sort of suit on, but underneath it is like a Christmas sweater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shall we go to the

helicarriers? He says, I mean, the helicopters? Fuck. Have you been drinking, Agent Sanders? Yeah, no. Just let's go, alright? I might fly the helicopter. I got this. Yeah, I. Just let's go, all right? Okay. I might fly the... Oh, I got this. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I got this. Okay. I got my pilot license. So, yeah, I guess plan of attack, and I'm still sitting at the computer, I haven't stood up yet, because I scroll back up to the top where the briefing is to head to the town of...

Longyearbyen. Longyearbyen. Longyearbyen. L-O-N-G. Long. Y-E-A-R. Yeah. Year.

Yeah. B-Y-E-N. Yeah. So-E-A-R. Yeah. Year. Yeah. B-Y-E-N. Yeah. So long year B-N. Yeah. Long year B-N. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let's get in a helicopter. Agent Zammett's flying. Wolverine, you're coming too. As you walk past Agent Zammett, his breath smells. He has been drinking heavily, it seems like. I think that his decision to join us was influenced by the drinking. It very well could have been. Heavy on the nog there, Sanders.

You're lucky you have Sanders with you, because as you enter the sort of like hangar that has all of the helicopters, there's like a lot of security you need to bypass. And due to the sort of reshuffling, corporate reshuffling, neither of you have any of the clearances to get in here. Just going through with our little passes.

Your pass probably has your face in it and then it says like break room, toilet, Joel office. Sorry, mine doesn't. I thought they might have

for this. Sanders stumbles forward and slams his on the little reader. It goes green and you enter into the hangar thanks Sanders

what would they have done Sanders I'll email someone you'll add another email to I imagine a long email chain where they keep

something we'll get to it hey just following up on this IT department my pass my pass unfortunately didn't let me get onto the helicopter where they keep saying, we'll get to it. Hey, just following up on this IT department. Ari, Ari, Ari. My boss unfortunately didn't let me get onto the helicopter during a vital mission. My boss only recently has allowed me access to the toilets.

Previously, I needed to take an escape pod down to Earth to piss in a McDonald's. We're using the drain for a bit, so we got to mess with HR. Stop using the drain. It's not for gotta mess with hr yeah stop using the drain it's not for that we'll shut down your whole department oh god dude please you all get in the helicopter agency i meant you're flying yep i will make an agility roll for you you detach yourself or you fly you sort of like uh you you hover in the air and then you fly out of the helicarrier above the clouds. Okay.

The sort of direct route to the Arctic Circle, you're in the state of New York now, is going to take you over the city of New York. Okay. And when you say over, how high are we? So are we in the cloud? Basically, if I was to check my phone am I is it kind of like checking your phone when you're driving a car? I don't do it.

Or because we're like high in the cloud cover I'm fine. When you're flying a plane you're looking at like 30 screens already. Adding a 31stst not going to change anything yeah do you have your phone in like a little holder on the dash uh or you got

it in your hand it's not my helicopter is there a is there a place to slot it not one designed for it but you reckon you could wedge your phone in there uh who's in the passenger seat i'm imagining agent dusha yeah can you stop hang. Can you hold my phone for a sec? Yeah. Cool. I want to look at it, open it up with my face. With your face? Yeah, the face ID.

Oh, right. I thought you meant using your nose to do the code. No, okay. I want to go on social media. I notice here I have a trait. Yeah, you have a trait, yes. It's like good checks, I guess, to post on social media. Yeah, you have the trait pundit, yes. Does that work almost like reverse where I can search social media for, say, maybe.

Santa killed me. Yeah, like sightings of, say, I know this is on Christmas Eve and this is going to be hard, but sightings of Santa Claus. Information about Santa Claus. Information about Santa Claus. You get an edge in this. An edge in the Marvel Multiverse role-playing system means I will re-roll your lowest dice. You find maybe on a kind of conspiracy website. Maybe not on a conspiracy website. Maybe on Twitter.

You find a blurry photograph of Santa in somewhere in the Arctic Circle. You might even find a blurry photograph of what appears to be his workshop where there's just destruction everywhere. Like his workshop has just been attacked. Okay. Can I retweet that or whatever it's called? Yeah. But with like, like, hey, anyone got any info on this?

This? Yeah. Hey, you got any info on this? This? Yeah. Hey, you got a fantastic success. Well done. Yes, I have info on this and. What else would you like? Oh, what else would I like? Can I get a boost in followers?

Yeah. I'd say it goes semi-viral. Not massively viral. We're talking like maybe 11,000 likes. Pretty good. Yeah, that magic point of like, you're like, I'm blowing up here and then it stops. Yeah, yeah. Not massively viral. We're talking like maybe 11,000 likes. Pretty good. Yeah, that magic point of like, you're like, I'm blowing up here and then it stops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Perfect. You get a DM, somebody DMs you, and they say that not only have they seen or did they witness, maybe they're a truck driver, and not only did they witness the destruction at Long Yibien and Santa going crazy, but they also said that they saw other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in the area. Not super close, maybe like an hour out. Interesting, interesting. I'm like, what do you mean by, how did they identify S.H.I.E.L.D. agents? They say we were turned away by a shady organization.

They seemed like S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. We had to take a detour. What were they wearing? Suits. They described suits. They described even the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo. Which I imagine you have. You had to sew onto your suits yourself.

Or you just don't have. Or it's like a Joel. It's your faces. The S.H.I.E.L.D. logo was like a nice is it an eagle or something like that? Yeah I think so Yeah yeah

A worse bird A worm Yeah Just a shield and then a worm To navigate properly you need to dip below the clouds

In fact the helicopter just doesn't function as well above the cloud layer Okay You dip below the clouds and you are now quite sort of like just above the top skys. Okay. You dip below the clouds, and you are now quite, sort of like just above the top skyscrapers in New York City.

I will be like, stop looking at my phone. But now I'll be like, all right, I pass that information to the rest of, maybe my, yeah, so apparently there's like a little getting pushed back by more S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in Longyearbyen. Sanders, do you know, is there any, do we have any offshoots? Sanders shrugs. I mean, there's people everywhere. He's getting drunk on it.

Yeah, it seems like. Has he been drinking on the flight? I'll make a vigilance roll for you. You haven't caught it, but maybe. Okay. Well, I guess we should check that out. And hey, fingers crossed, if there's other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents already on the job, they're not going to want us to help. You can go home.

Yeah. As you descend closer to New York, suddenly the whole helicopter shakes as though you've just taken on a great deal of weight. Two webbed red fingers grab onto their sort of open side, spider-man crawls in hey web heads he says you the web head shut up i should do that i'm flying this give me when he when he sort of whipped onto it and she the weight of him attaching to it shook the helicopter in a very frightening way yeah actually i should probably make an agility roll. Yeah, that's fair. That's okay. You get an edge here. It was barely enough.

Maybe you watch as Wolverine nearly falls out. Someone grab him. Oh, he's heavy. Spider-Man, who's kind of standing in the sort of middle section of the open sort of center of the helicopter. Draken, you could do me a favor on Christmas Eve. Sure. What's up, Spider-Man?

Spring Goblin's gone bananas. Yeah, well, we got... What do you mean by goes bananas? He's got a whole bunch of people held hostage at Oscorp Tower. He kind of like leans out and points in the direction of Oscorp Tower. You can see it standing out amongst the other skyscrapers of the New York City skyline. What are you up to?

I'm heading there now. Oh, okay. I'm looking to hitch a I'm heading there now. Oh, okay. I'm looking to hitch a lift, that's all. Okay, so we have to help you with the goblin? I start, you know, maybe put my blinker on to, like, indicate my turning. To who? Just second nature.

You just got to deliver me there if you could. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. All right, I'll make a decision. All right. Yeah, I thought you wanted us to, like, you know, take care of the goblin. Well, hey, if you could give me a hand, I'd appreciate any help I could get. I mean, we've got to deal with, after this, we have some other S.H.I.E.L.D. business.

Do you want to help? If we help you. It is Christmas Eve. Yeah. I was sort of hoping to go home to my family after this. Oh, you've got a family. I nearly gave it away. Yeah.

Wow. Spider-Man, have you been drinking we start pointing at each other like hey we don't know who you are yet

we don't know who are you good for anyone good for anyone we'll get you we'll get you I don't know who is this guy

I do know yeah but I'm not telling no worries no worries well yeah as a gift Spider-Man because it's Christmas Eve the gift of helping us Who is this guy? I do know. But I'm not telling. No worries. Well, yeah, there's a gift, Spider-Man, because it's Christmas Eve. The gift of helping us. Yeah, well, we'll see.

You tilt the helicopter towards Oscorp Tower. The closer you get, you can see on the roof of the building, Green Goblin on his glider is circling around a bunch of what seem like Oscorp employees. Spider-Man's like, when you're kind of like, I would say maybe half, like maybe 100 meters out, something like that, Spider-Man's like, this is fine, this is fine. Okay, so what do you want us to do? Just hold the helicopter still, he says.

Okay. With one hand, he thwips onto one side of the sort of entrance to the center of the helicopter, and then on the other side, he thwips as well to make a kind of slingshot, and then he backs himself center of the helicopter and then on the other side he thwips as well to make a kind of slingshot and then he backs himself out of the helicopter so that he's kind of preparing to slingshot himself towards the Green Goblin Okay, good luck Spider-Man

I'm gonna make a logic roll for you Zammett Okay, Agent Dushy, you're not sure Agent Zammett, you're like, I don't think this is gonna be good for the helicopter We're all strapped in, boys. Have a good time, Spider-Man. Let us know what we can help you with.

Everyone's strapped in. I just make sure. Why? Just make sure. I'm tired of myself. Agent Dushu, you got a fantastic success, but you didn't get enough to pass. You didn't hit the target number. But what that means is you have a fantastic failure.

So you don't understand, but you still get something extra. It's a no-but. Do you know what this will do to the helicopter? No. But... I strap in anyway

without really knowing what's going on. Just maybe seeing the fear and damage face. I don't know why you're scared, but all right, if it's going to make you feel better, I'll put my seatbelt on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good luck, Spider-Man! Yeah, good luck, Spider-Sanders, will you? Give Green Goblin some of our best punches from you. Okay! He pulls himself back, you can see his web is straining, and then fling! He flings himself through past you, and the helicopter goes fucking wild. I'm gonna do a barrel roll, which you shouldn't do with a helicopter, I feel.

You do not have control of the helicopter. The helicopter flips. It's like the... It's not the big Spidey. You just are starting to spiral. A helicopter's spinning around. Spidey, as you

spin down towards the city streets, you can see Spidey up there fighting Green Goblin. Seems like whatever was going on there, he's taking care of it. And he's not paying any attention to the fact that the helicopter is plummeting towards the streets of New York City. What would you like to do? Everybody's gripping on you. Agent Sanders is just throwing on. I want to try and get control of the helicopter and maybe direct Wolverine, who has adamantium bones,

who therefore would be very heavy, to try and make a counterbalance to try and level out this copter. Sure. Ooh. That was a really bad roll. That was six. Okay. You wanted at least ten.

Okay. Hi, it's Fido. You wanted at least 10. Okay. include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over don't wait our back to school offers are only available for a limited time go to fido.ca or a final store near you and save all semester long fido at your side let's see what's gonna happen now that wolverine with your absolute lack of control of the helicopter wolverine puts too much weight on one side. You slam into the side of the Oscorp building. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. No. Uh-oh. The side of the glass is just flying into your faces. I'm going to say probably take, let's call that five health damage each. Okay I'm on currently five health now. I'm on 25. Oh yeah yeah yeah.

I'm gonna make a gill- I'm like ow that hurt. You're like ohhhh. Maybe you're like ow that hurt and you look over at Agent Abbott who has just a huge piece of glass sticking out of his head. I think it missed me. Yeah! Shit! Oh my god. Wolverine's like oh I'm gonna be so dead. I think it missed me. Yeah. Shit.

Oh, my God. Wolverine's, oh, I'm going to be sick. Okay, we're going to make agility rolls to make sure you don't die. Wow, what an adventure. Okay. Agent Sanders breaks a leg, but nobody dies. At the last second, you all tumble out. Ro, maybe you land on top of a car.

Maybe one of you lands on the awning at the entrance to Oscorp Tower. Agent Sanders just lands on the ground. You hear a horrendous snap and a scream. The helicopter is kind of like burning up behind you. You can hear police sirens going off. You don't know if they're for you or for Norman Osborn up there. Do we know that's Norman?

You don't know. Green Goblin, whatever. The explosion in the side of the building affect anything Spider-Man was doing? I'll say, maybe you're lying on your back. Maybe you're on the Ornette, Agent Dusha. And you can see up the very top of Oscorp, the building, Spider-Man poked his head over. He gives you like a

question. I mean, you can barely see each other. But maybe he gives you a thumbs up, does a thumbs up, thumbs down. I go thumbs down. Ah. You can tell that's not the answer Spider-Man wanted. Were he probably? He had to get confirmation.

Yeah, no, Spidey. This is perfect. Maybe at that moment, Green Goblin on his glider slams into Spider-Man and they end up kind of like in the middle of the skyscrapers tussling. As they sort of swoop down near you, Spider-Man glances at you and maybe he webs you to the ground like to get you off the awning and then gives you like a look like, what else?

I guess he helped. Am I now just webbed to the ground? Yeah, I suppose. Spider-Man and the Green Goblin go tussling away. I don't think Spider-Man's going to help us find Santa, and also I think we need to get Sanders to a hospital. Yeah. Oh, fuck!

My fucking leg! The sirens in the distance that are getting closer, can we identify them as police or ambulance or both? Fireys? You would probably identify police and ambulance. Perfect. And probably distantly, not as close, but fireys as well. Okay, well, I've got some good news.

I think the hospital's coming here. Yeah, I guess we'll just wait for the ambulance to roll up and thank Agent Sanders for his help on this adventure. Yep. The ambulance arrives and some EMTs collect Agent Sanders on a little sort of truck bed or whatever. I give him a thumbs up. Thank you for your service today, Agent Sanders. I wish I was having dinner with my fucking family.

Don't we all, Agent Sanders? I'll draw the fucking short straw. I had to be part of Joel. What? What short straw? Nothing. Shut up. Fuck off.

Let us know how you go in hospital. Good luck, buddy. Hey. Going on the group. Hey, bad news. This could break his leg. Spider-Man green goblet incident. Three dots.

Three dots. There's an accidental photo of somebody's family dinner. Deleted. Image was deleted by this user. family dinner. Deleted. That looked really tight. The image was deleted by this user. Never mind. Sad face. Yeah.

Do we have access to any other vehicles? Any other, I mean, we're not super far away from the Arctic Circle, says Wolverine. We're in New York, Wolverine. What do you mean? Why don't you get some kind of fucking... We're going to, what, catch the train? Yeah, catch a cab? Wolverine?

Well, ain't you got some kind of, you know, supersonic boat that we can take? Maybe, but the only pass is now going away in that ambulance. As you can see, Wolverine, our passes get us into what? The janitorial closet? End of list. Okay, Wolverine, we're in New York City. Yeah. You've got a lot of old friends in this town.

I do. That's true. Is there anyone you could call up and see if we can borrow a vehicle? Potentially a Fantastic Jet or maybe an Avengers plane? Maybe a Quinjet or whatever. Charles, you can't get the X-Men. You're not the partner. If we could get a Quinjet Or an invisible plane Or the Fantastic Mobile

The Blackbird I think it's called We'll go to the Baxter building And we'll see what we can do You take a cab to the Baxter building Baxter building and Oldscorp aren't that far apart Which it's crazy Fantastic Four don't fight goblins They are right next to each other

They're like four blocks away Wolverine ascends the steps There's like a little intercom He turns around to two of you Maybe you should stay here Okay Alright Sure

Wanted to meet Johnny Hey Seems nice It's Wolverine Does he? Yeah I just got a favor to ask Can I come up? Yeah okay

He turns to you I'll be Ten minutes Okay Okay do you. Can I come up? Yeah, okay. He turns to you. I'll be 10 minutes. Okay. Okay, can we come up? He goes on the buzzer again. Hey, I got some friends. Could they...

They'll just be here briefly as well. Just the same as me. No, you don't know them. You don't know them. Nice guys, though. Yeah, okay. All right. He turns around.

Yeah, you can come in for 10 minutes. Don't touch anything. I won't. I'm going to shake the thing's hand. I've always wanted to do that Why? I don't know Have you ever been like Have you ever shaken hands with a rock?

No, but I've touched a house Yeah, I know But did the house touch you back? In the elevator Maybe you're having this conversation Wolverine's like Hey, don't say any of that shit We're in there

You gotta act normal Okay? Oh, act normal I know one of them's stretch One of them's gone One of them's hot One of them's rock But you just gotta act like the normal people? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know one of them's stretch, one of them's gone, one of them's hot, one of them's rock, but you just got to act like the normal people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, sure. See, I don't have confidence now. I've been around lots of mutants and Avengers in my time with S.H.I.E.L.D. It will be fine. It will be fine. The elevator opens. You step into, you're at the highest, you're in the penthouse of the Baxter building. When you step in, you're in basically like a living room.

You can see there's, it's probably after dinner now, so maybe the Human Torch and the thing are sitting on a couch enjoying some brandy. There's a roaring fire. Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman are doing the dishes. Yeah, and we're real beat up, I just remember. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I just lead over to JD and whisper, oh, my God, it drinks brandy. What? What? The house guy. Shut up. Just stop looking at things. Wolverine turns around and gives you a look like,

fucking thin ice, boys. I'm not doing anything. Freeze. Fuck, I forgot he can hear good. Fucking thin ice, boys. I'm not doing anything! Breathe! Fuck, I forgot you guys were getting here good. Wolverine goes over to Reed and the Invisible Woman and they start chatting. The two of you are kind of just awkwardly standing in the sort of middle of the living room. The Thing and the Human Torch, they give you like a

Nice to meet you, says the Thing. Hey, nice to meet you too. Thanks so much for letting us into your place. Hi, I'm Agent Zamut and this is Agent Dusha, wearer of S.H.I.E. meet you too. Thanks so much for letting us into your place. Hi, I'm Agent Zamut and this is Agent Dusha, wearer of S.H.I.E.L.D. Merry Christmas! Hey, Merry Christmas to you too! Merry Christmas to you. Would you like some brandy?

Yes. I'll pass. Thank you though. We're gonna head to the Arctic Circle and drinking will affect me. I think Bo is your little tumbler of brandy. Yeah, thank you. I go, thank you so much, and I go to shake his hand. His big rocky hand collects your hand.

How normal are you? I want to try and be cool, calm, and collected, but I want to have a big smile. Okay, you're very lucky that your ego is pretty good. You got a plus two to your ego rolls. You do shook, and maybe you'd see it. You can see if the thing maybe wasn't branded up or whatever, he might notice how strange damn it's being,

but he doesn't notice. He's full of Christmas cheer. You can see in my eyes screaming like, He touched the house. He touched the man who is a house. The house touched him back. How long do you hold on to the handshake? Because I might need to make another roll.

Okay. I would say maybe like a beat longer than usual. Okay. I'll roll. You can have a roll with an edge. That's fine. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. The thing doesn't notice. He's too jolly at the moment. Wolverine turns back to the two of you. He's like, okay, they're letting us borrow the fantastic boat hey that works yeah thank you so much i was gonna say team but that feels good thanks so much guys thanks no probably you see like the long stretchy arm of mr fantastic he's

still doing the dishes with his other hand comes up up and big thumbs up. Maybe it becomes a thumbs up the size of a guy. No worries. No worries. I got to, like, instinctively shake the thumb hand. But that's not because I want to. That's just, like, out of instinct. Oh, no. And just kind of, like, like a social faux pas almost.

You know when someone, like, gives you a thumb, like a thumbs up, and you go you a thumbs up and you've got to grab it and you grab their thumb and you're like, I was doing a fist bump and I fucked that up and now I'm holding your thumb? Like a big baby. So you know how you rolled a six and that made you crash a helicopter? You rolled a four. So maybe... You're about to lose this round, probably. Maybe instead of...

You know, normally in that situation you describe before you grab the thumb with your hand, you're like hugging the thumb. Like you go in for a handshake, and then you're like, oh, he's not a hand, he's the size of a guy. I'll hug him. I'll go for a pat on the back as well,

but then I kind of leaned in, and now it's like a hug. And maybe you accidentally kiss him. Sorry. Sorry, I just, you look like... There's silence in the Baxter building. You see it's like Mr. Fantastic's head just swivels like an owl to the face. I'm like, well well we're off and then i go and i go to

shake my douche's hand and hug him and then go in for a kiss i've recently been to europe what are you doing be cool cool. Okay, you. Doucher, it's up to you whether you reciprocate. I think I tried reciprocating in like the least involved way imaginable. That's an ego roll from you. Okay. It's not great either. That's also a failure.

The two of you end up just kissing. Like you go to kiss each other on the cheek, but then you're just making out in front of the first family. That's Wolverine. Fantastic both said. Sorry, we're in love. We just love. They're in love.

It's just Wolverine. It's a love, love. Merry Christmas. What? Thanks heaps. We just love Christmas Darren loves his Wolverines Get to love love Merry Christmas What? Thanks heaps Wolverine maybe grabs like the key that Reed gave him And he's like slamming the elevator It takes far too long For the elevator to arrive

Yeah How did you and Sue first meet Reed? What are you doing? Ding The elevator door's open Thank you so much Fantastic Four How did you and Sue first meet, Reed? What are you doing? Ding! The elevator door's open. Thank you so much, Fantastic Four. Merry Christmas. We'll return it back in no time.

Merry Christmas. It's a very long, very awkward... It's such a huge building. Yeah. It's a long, awkward elevator ride down to the sub-basin. As the doors are shutting, like, when we get in, do we notice their vibe? Like, they drop the act in the last moments.

Maybe you hear Sue be like, what the fuck? The door's closed. How's Wolverine feeling? Wolverine, he's got a sort of stony energy, I would say. I'm humming to whatever song is being played. Sorry, Wolverine, I don't know what happened to to whatever song is being played. Sorry, Wolverine. I don't know what happened to our friend. Merry little Christmas.

Melissa. She's a good singer. Why'd you kiss his thumb? I don't know, dude. I went in for a... And then you kissed me? I just, I was trying to think, like, maybe if... How much brandy was in that brandy?

I didn't even have a single. I still hold it. I stole their glass. You think they're going to mind? Yes. Fuck. They're never going to work with S.H.I.E.L.D. again. Leave it in the elevator?

This is over. I don't know if I can turn it around like a big four. Yeah, it's a very nice glass. But it's a gift. They were so kind to us, Agent Zamet, and you have wrecked that. No. You get to the sub. First impressions don't lie.

Do you take the glass with you? I don't know now because it would be weird to either because if I don't drink it and just leave it there, it looks like I just stole their brandy. Like I just wasted their brandy. You can drink it. We put the glass in the elevator and send it back up. I'm I just stole their brandy. Like I just wasted their brandy. You can drink it. We put the glass in the elevator and send it back up. I'm going to take it with us. Because we've got to return the Fantastic Car.

Yeah, we can return it then. Maybe they won't notice. Yeah. Jesus Christ, Bob. The Fantastic Boat is very similar to the Fantastic Car, but a boat. It's on a kind of little underground sort of river or kind of maybe even part of the sewer system.

You get in, Zammett, I'll make a... Okay. You have crashed a helicopter today, but I'm sure a boat will be easier. Holding my brandy, giving it a sniff, having a sip.

Who's got a boat? Are you? Is it me? Yeah, yeah, you. Thankfully, it's a fine roll. With a kind of whoosh. It's very, it's like, you can't even hear the engine. It's so, you know, fantastic.

This car. You make your way out at top speeds through the sewers, into the East River, and then off toward the Arctic Circle. You're moving extremely quickly. Maybe like a sort of bubble dome comes over the top of you so that you don't die.

Okay, I started it with one hand on the, I guess, wheel or yoke. Now I'm handing whoever is closest to me the brandy, so then I can hold and focus. Because I don't want to crash this. I'd say maybe Wolverine takes the glass from you. Just finishes the brandy. Yeah, he probably does.

He probably needs it, to be honest. If I say, like, oh! You drive your boat. Drive? Sail? You don't sail it. What do you do with it? Yes, you drive. Okay. Is it a sailboat? No. You moat off. You'll lay out into the ocean and towards the Arctic

Circle. It gets colder and colder and colder. You're under this bubble, so obviously you're kind of inside. It's temperature regulated, but you can see snow is falling down on top of the dome. Occasionally, maybe like a laser clears away the snow so that you retain visibility. There's probably

also a little radar and a bunch of screens on the inside of the boat that give you some idea of where you are regardless. Oh, that's pretty. You eventually, after I'd say maybe moving for like an hour, hour and a half, you see up ahead of you in the ocean kind of red lights. These red lights are on boys, and they're kind of bobbing, and you can see that there's another light that's sort of moving back and forth between these boys.

You can also see, maybe on the little map that you have there, that you're semi-close to land. Okay. Do we know what this means? I'd have to ask out loud. Yeah. This is probably. You would just know this is probably like a shield blockade. Yep. That's what it makes you think of.

And in fact, when you get close enough, the moving red light stops and comes over to you. You can see it's a shield boat. Oh, that's good. Our boys. Our boys. The shield thing. Okay. Yep.

Cool. Maybe they've got this under control and we can just go back. That'd be nice. What a big day. You're almost dead still, just a reminder. How does one get health back out of Curiosity? So I would say it's probably been an hour, so you can get one health back. You get your rank, which is both one back in health per hour.

You also have something called karma. Karma basically works like inspiration, and you can use your Karma to heal up. But you only get one Karma per game. Okay. So... What can I use Karma for? So you can use it to gain an edge on your check, which means you can re-roll a dice. You can use it to give trouble to an enemy, so that means they have to re-roll, basically they have disadvantage. Or you can use it to recover. Okay. Probably should have used it on that helicopter, huh? Alright. Well, I didn't tell you about it.

Here we are. No worries. The bubble dome opens up, and the shield agent stands up, and his boat, you can see he's got a beanie on, he's dressed for the weather. You aren't. No, we're not. You're freezing. The moment the bubble dome opens, you realise how fucking cold it is.

Jesus Christ! Sorry, sorry, sorry, can I push that opens, you realize how fucking cold it is. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Can I push that? Why are you in shorts? Hang on, hang on, hang on. He steps onto your boat and maybe comes in the bubble with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, intercom, I don't know which button would have been that.

Yeah, sorry. It's cold, huh? Sorry, I'm Agent Douche, this is Agent Zama And this is Wolverine How you doing You know where from Joel The division in S.H.I.E.L.D. Oh right Your support

Yeah Well we got the message From the S.H.I.E.L.D. Fantastic Fantastic Come with me If you can take this to shore You can be a big help

Oh that's great Do you have any Like a jacket or pants Well at base camp You'll be able to get some Okay cool We head to shore You head to shore.

You head to shore. You step outside. It's freezing. He didn't introduce himself, I just know. It's Dog. I'm Agent Dog, he says. Nice to meet you, Agent Dog. You walk across the snow with Agent Dog.

You're wearing, like, dress shoes. Yeah. Oh, it's not the car. It's the boat. God damn. Oh, look, we can't make it across. Can you go get some clothes? We can't walk in that.

You can see in the distance, like, lights. Like, they've set up a kind of, like a base, basically. The lights are shining at something. You can't quite see what it is from this distance. He trudges, maybe actually the snowmobile's near the shore. It's a kind of little dock area. He gets in a snowmobile, and then about 10 minutes later, he comes back with warm weather clothes.

Excellent. Excellent. Thank you, Agent Dog. Thank you, Agent Dog. Really appreciate it. You've been a big help already into our support. Yeah, well, I mean, hopefully you'll be the help we're looking for.

You trudge toward the sort of base. While we're walking up, I'm like whispering to Agent Zamet. We're the big support, but they seem to have a military base set up. What are they expecting us to do? How long have you been here, Agent Dog? Well, it's probably been about six months now. We've been here for six months.

Well, excavations have taken quite a bit of time. Hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excavations? Yes, excavations. We only got the call like two hours ago? Yes, for support. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We only... What call like two hours ago? Yes, for support. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We only...

What are you excavating? What is support for? Hang on. Well, I mean, fingers crossed, it'll be another Captain America. But we don't know yet. The support for... Hang on. I want to be like...

But we got... Have you had trouble with Santa Claus? Santa's gone bad. Santa? Santa? You step into the base and you can can see there's a huge excavation. And in the center of the excavation, it's quite deep, there's a sort of frozen tube. It looks like something's been cryogenically frozen and is contained in the earth.

There's a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists that are walking around it, and a bunch of menial laborers still digging it out. Okay. Well, we were hoping... So it's a big shaft? Yeah, it's more like a quarry. Okay. Well, we were hoping- So a big shaft? Yeah, like a big- No, it's more like a quarry. Oh, okay. Yeah.

All right, I won't. Well, we were hoping somebody could come in and identify what's inside. That's what we thought the support was. We can try. We've worked with lots of- Captain America before. Powered heroes before. Yeah.

So I guess if you want me to go take a look at it, I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Fantastic Four lent us their boat. We're really good friends with them. So we can have a look. I'm not lying. Where one of us is. Well, all right.

And then maybe we can look into this Santa problem of yours. So I walk up to the tube, and basically my plan is going to be rub a handprint into it so I can see through it and see if I recognize the guy. Alright, I'll make that a logic roll. Oh, very nice. Not a fantastic success, but a very high success. You don't recognize the guy,

but he doesn't look at all like Captain America. Okay. Well, actually, you just got a very good success, but still I'll give this to you. You can see maybe behind him is what looks like a Hydra logo. Maybe he's got it on a necklace, yeah. I was like, have you looked at this properly yet?

We just uncovered it just about an hour ago. He's an agent of Hydra by the looks of things. A hand slams on the inside of the glass. You can see it crack. I think this might be... The crack widens. All of the agents around all get out their weapons, and they sort of aim them

down into the pit. I'm like, yeah, so Hydra? Yeah. Hydra, and I want to say a bit louder, and I want to look around at these agents. Hey, you got a fantastic success. Alright! You can see maybe like three of them Give like a kind of like a minute expression change

To indicate that possibly they are Hydra And what else would you like? Let's see What can I do here? How can you benefit from this? And I was a former member of Hydra At a point in my life, so I have a hidden tattoo somewhere on my purse.

Okay, fine. Okay. I think that just might help me when Captain Hydra goes to kill me. Captain Hydra? The glass canister explodes, and a Hydra Nazi super soldier explodes out of the ice, we're going to go to initiative. And I'd say at this point as well, the

former or the secret Hydra agents kick into gear too. I'm just going to make the initiative order. Feel free to chat amongst yourselves. Hey, do you reckon we're going to go well against a super soldier when we have weapons? Great point. You should. I'll give you weapons in a sec.

I reckon we've probably just got pistols. Yeah, that makes sense. We should have stocked up. Yeah, probably. But also, I guess our mission wasn't going to be go shoot Santa with a machine gun. It was very much a Santa's wreaking havoc. Question mark, question mark, question mark. We should go investigate.

Yeah, you don't really investigate with a gun. Now we're maybe Fighting the winter soldier Or something Yeah Yeah He's gonna put a knife In our heads

Look look We can maybe spin this My only problem now Is the other shield agents Yeah what What are you spinning We can try and spin this To be like

Yeah yeah yeah Hail Hydra's cool You're gonna get shot In the back Yeah that's what I mean Don't do that Yeah I know We got a Wolverine I know but Yeah You're gonna take bullets Like it's nobody That's what I mean Don't do that Yeah I know We got a Wolverine

I know but yeah He can take bullets like it's nobody's Wolverine shut the fuck up Hail Hydra No not Hail Hydra We can send this guy to Santa Claus Why? Why siding with Hydra when there's four of them

I'm lying Because he's got a super soldier They have a super soldier Have you ever read some of their pamphlets? It just makes a lot of sense No Anyway I would just like to Redko is a cool guy Have you ever read some of their pamphlets? It just makes a lot of sense. Anyway, Rutger was a cool guy. I just think that, hey,

we're two guys, and us fighting a super soldier and three other regular guys versus maybe an army of a hundred, we're fucked either way. So would you like pistols? Or what kind of weapons would you like? You could have pistols, you could have rifles, you could have a shotgun.

I'll give you pistols. I was going to say I want to have a pistol. I'm a pistol. I don't want to fight. I was going to ask for a shotgun. Yeah, you can have a shotgun. That's fine. I don't know. I just feel like I've seen enough stuff in my time to be like, I'm going to need something bigger than one pistol. No worries. Maybe a shotgun and a knife if possible.

I've never met long range. All my combat encounters are me trying to talk to smooth things over and it not going well. Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. Just a pistol and like,

I don't know. A second pistol? No. Like a rifle? No. Like a sniper rifle? Like half the bullets. Okay.

No worries. A pistol and one magazine with four bullets. Yeah. Yeah. Just like half a spent magazine. Yeah. You didn't even think to reload before the mission? Did not even.

Not even part of my- Well, those bullets I imagine were spent just like on the sort of top of the helicarrier just firing off. Yeah. Killing time. Maybe a bird. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Fucking seagulls. So, Zamit, you're first. Agent Zamit, you're first. So, on your turn, you have an action, a movement, and a bird. Yeah, exactly. Fucking seagulls. So, Zamet, you're first. Agent Zamet, you're first. So on your turn, you have an action, a movement, and a reaction. Okay. Now, your standard actions are attack. That's what it sounds like.

Dodge. If you choose to dodge, that means enemies will have a harder time attacking you in the next turn. Escape. That's if you're grappled. Grab. That's grappling somebody. Help, so you can assist somebody else. Move or use a superpower.

Now, your reactions are escape, so that's if you're grabbed, you can get out of there. Fastball special. I can escape twice, that's great. Fastball special is hurling your teammate at the enemy. You can help the teammate. You can interpose. That means that you can get in front of a teammate and take the fire. You can ram.

That means you can can get in front of a teammate and take the fire. Oh, God. You can ram. That means you can use your movement in your action. You use your movement to run up to somebody, and then your reaction is to attack them. Release, if you've got something, you can let it go. And skulk is to put somebody else in front of you, so they take the damage. Okay, great. And then your movement actions are what you would imagine.

Okay, can I move to then skulk behind Wolverine and then dodge? You can move behind Wolverine, and on your reaction, you can skulk, so Wolverine will take the damage. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So I can either action or reaction. You can action and then reactions, sorry, they require like a trigger. So if you are attacked, for example, or you're the target of attack, then you can skulk.

Okay, cool. I guess I will go to dodge, but I will get to move myself into position so I can skulk. Yeah, no worries. I guess I'm going to move to where two of the Hydra agents are standing and use my superpower, banging heads. All right, fantastic. So that is a melee attack against... Target number is 11. 4, 5, 6, 7, unfortunately.

He's off to grab one of the Hydra agents, but maybe his hair's greasy. Your hand slips out, and then you're like, ew, so you don't grab the second guy. That was your turn. So now I'm just standing in between two Hydra agents. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Wolverine, unfortunately for you, Agent Zabit, runs toward the Captain Hydra or whatever exploding out of the tank and wrestles him to the ground. Well, that's fine.

Yeah, hey. That means the Captain Hydra ain't coming for me. Exactly. Fingers crossed. You can't quite see because you're like kind of above the lip of the hole, but Wolverine and Captain Hydra are just kind of wrestling down there. It's the agent's turn. They all act at once. There's three agents.

Two of them are on either side of you. So you have a really bad agility, douche. Okay. Can you take 12 health damage? Jesus. Yes, I can. You are shot. Jesus, yes I can.

You are shot. Both Hydra agents turn around and with their shield rifles fill you full of bullets. Agent Zamit, you're dodging, so the bullets just fly over the top of you. Just like just weaving, dodging. They're like, look over at you. Why did he run in? Why?

They've got guns. No, no, why? You didn't use a gun? Agent Zammett, it's your turn. There's probably a Hydra agent moving toward you. Okay. Can I, I will unload a pistol shot at this Hydra agent. You knock that Hydra agent

to the ground. They slam into the snow. You don't think you've killed them, but you've completely knocked them off their feet. They're prone. Never again. Bang, bang. Agent Dusha? You're trying bang heads again? Maybe I just shoot one with my shotgun. Okay, that's fair. That's entirely fair.

You don't want to get shot again uh if i get shot again and take another 12 points of damage i am alive just okay you whip around shoot one of them with your shotgun oh yeah oh yeah he goes flying back maybe he goes flying back into the hole and tumbles down towards the sort of like whirling furious battle that is wolverine versus agent hydra you maybe you like look down after where that agent fell and you can see wolverine is trying to keep captain hydra back but captain hydra is like pushing past him and climbing out of the hole he makes it captain hydra climbs out of the hole you see he looks at you he looks at the hydra agents but then he starts gunning it for your boat.

Fuck! He's quick, isn't he? Yeah, he's very quick. He's very fast. Xamit, it's your turn. I'm like, no! Fuck! I'm never going to make it up to you in Jurassic 4 now.

What would you like to do? Dude, they already hated you. Stop him. Just think, like, I'm not going to get the brandy glass back. He's going to smash the glass and the boat. God damn it. Stop him!

Please! Shoot him! Oh, this is running through my head. And then I want to, like, yeah, aim, aim, maybe at his, like, knees. Okay, yeah, no worries. Back of his knees and take a shot. Unfortunately, your shots go wide. They slam into the snow, kicking up powder.

How many times am I shooting in a turn? I'm saying two. Okay, I'm out of bullets. Yeah. Okay. Maybe you're like, bang, bang, throw the gun. No longer have a gun now either. Agent Dusha?

I guess I... There's still one Hydra agent sort of menacing you. How far away is... Is Captain Hydra? Yeah. He's pretty far away from your shotgun, but you could try and ram him. So ramming him is you would use all your movement this turn to reach him, and then on his turn, you would slam into him. But you've got to remember, so in the Marvel Multiverse role-playing system,

there are ranks, okay? You're rank one. You are possibly the lowest you could be. Captain America would be like a rank 5 So Who knows what Captain Hydra is I just want to slow him down Okay

I guess I try and ram him I've got a knife Are there other agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. around? Yes, they're probably Mobilizing You can see they're probably going and getting into their vehicles they're getting into the snowmobiles they're probably some of them are getting into like gigantic sort of um like sort of sci-fi mechs and guns and stuff oh that was good yeah that

that's where you want to be yeah all right okay you fucking heel toe express hoof through the snow over towards captain hydra's body as it rushes toward the boat. Wolverine clambers out of the pit. Oh, Wolverine. He would have. He's slower, right? Plus, he's got to get to the snowmobile to get to. Where are we?

Because our boat's back on the ship. We're in the base. He's running for the exit of the base. He's trying to. He's fleeing. He's got a while to get to our boat. He does. He does.

He might not even go towards our boat. That's what I'm thinking. That's what you're praying for. Oh, yeah. You keep saying our boat, but I believe you mean Reed's boat. As Wolverine comes out of the hole, you can see he's killed the agent that you kicked down there, that you shot down there. And he starts running after Captain Hydra as well. Well, Captain Hydra is out of the base now.

He's about maybe halfway toward the dock where your boat is. Now the last remaining Hydra agent turns around to attack you, Agent Dusha. That's a hit. Maybe as you're watching as Captain Hydra runs away being like, our fucking boat, you get shot in the back. Okay, take 12, 13, 14, 15 points of damage. Hydra runs away being like, our fucking boat. You get shot in the back. Okay, take 12, 13, 14, 15 points of damage.

Okay, so I started with 30. Yes. I lost 5. 25. Yes. I regained 1. Okay. 26. I lost 12. That takes me down to 14. And then I just took how much damage? That would be 15. Okay, I'm down. That takes me down to 14. And then I just took how much damage? That would be 15.

Okay, I'm down. Because that takes me to negative one. You are considered unconscious. You won't die until your negative health reaches your maximum health. So you may be running. You don't even see this. Nobody sees this. As Agent Dusha slams into the snow at the Hydra agent's feet.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Zamit, what would you like to do? Okay, so Captain Hydra ran past me. Yes. I went to shoot him. Yeah, yeah, that's true. You didn't run past him.

Sorry. I now got either a gun with no bullets or, like you suggested, threw my gun at him. Yeah, yeah. Which, I guess in frustration, I probably would have. Bang, bang. Ah! And then JD tried to

agent do shit. You probably, sorry, I thought you were running after Agent Hydra, Captain Hydra, that's true. You probably would have heard his death screams. Oh!

So you would whip around. You can see that there is a Hydra agent who's just finished shooting Joel Dushan to death. Okay. And there's Captain Hydra running for your boat.

But Wolverine is also running after Captain Hydra. Okay, so Wolverine. This is a fucking Benny running for your boat. But Wolverine is also running after Captain Hydra. Okay, so Wolverine... This is a fucking Benny Hill with guns scene. So Wolverine is behind me. Yes. Who's in my earshot?

Probably a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that are probably getting into Max. Okay. Wolverine would be within your earshot. That Hydra agent?

Yeah. Is he fucked? The one you're fighting? Yeah. Yeah, he's pretty fucked. He's on the ground. He hasn't gotten up. Oh, no, no. As in, like, the one that just shot Jay-Z. No, he's pretty fucked. He's on the ground. He hasn't gotten up. Oh, no, no.

As in, like, the one that just shot James? No, he's fine. But, like, as in, there's other agents who shield around. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're pretty busy. Okay, look. Your plan here is a bad one. There is one guy you're going to try and side with versus an army.

Why does he want him to shoot me? What do you think is going to happen? I can make a check for you. If I was to be like, Alright, we'll make that a logic check for you. What would happen? I think this is going to end? I can make a check for you. If I was to be like, all right, we'll make that a logic check for you. What would happen? I think this is going to end bad because I just want to lie my way through this

so that he can maybe chase after Captain Hydra and I can help my boss slash co-worker. You're just not sure. You're just not sure what he'll do. Okay, I want to maybe go- This is a big swing because it could work or it could be death by firing squad for you. It could be either way.

Okay. Yeah. I want to make, I will go towards my boss co-worker. Our relationship is unclear. Yeah. Go up to him and just. After the Fantastic Four incident, our relationship is very unclear. Hey, we're in love.

That's fine. My boss co-worker. Lover. Lover. It's unclear. My boss, co-worker, lover. Lover? It's unclear. Who knows? And then look at the agent of Hydra and just kind of be like, with my eyes, kind of gesture towards Captain Hydra and then be like, hail Hydra.

Okay. We'll make that an ego check. Six, seven, eight. I'm like, hey, that karma thing. Okay. Let's give you advantage on that. What if we re-rolled that bad boy? I might Hey That Karma thing Okay Let's give you advantage on that What if we Rerolled that bad boy

It was the same God damn it I needed this one to work You're like Hail Hydra Hail Satan Is there any Anything's gonna work

Hail Hydra Hail Satan Shield agent scum I wanna I wanna lift up. Okay. That's unfortunately your turn. Okay.

I'm thinking, where can my... Agent Dusha, you are gorgeous. Dwight. You're not completely out. You're just sort of like recovering on the ground. Yeah, but there's a way that the damage works. So I'm on negative one. Within an hour, you'll be back on one.

Or you can use... Yes, Z zamit could try and fix you yeah or you could use your karma to go back to full health okay yeah let's do that all right you um maybe in the past you've done something you know you've done something good karmically good and you feel yourself getting healthier as you lie there in the snow recovering. I'll say you're no longer unconscious, but that's your turn. Yeah. Okay.

You watch from your prone position in the snow. You watch Wolverine chasing after Captain Hydra. You probably also hear the sound of a boat starting. Now it's the Hydra agent's turn That Zama just tried to lie to And that is A hit Can I show reactions

Can I skulk behind Joel Dusha You can Thank you Let me just double check how that works But I'm fairly sure that's fine Yep alright well Joel Dusha Let me just double check how that works, but I'm fairly sure that's fine. Yep, all right, well. Joel Dershowitz.

What the hell is going on? You're like prone on the ground, right? And you see Agent Zammert get down and you're like, he's going to lift me up. He grabs you under his arms and maybe brings you on top of him. Doof, doof, doof. You, once again, are riddled full of bullets. You take eight damage. Oh, that's just over half health. I'm so sick of getting shot.

Agent Zaman, it's your turn. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to then like pull down my derps. Okay. To reveal a little bit of a hydra tattoo that I want to say has been semi-lasered off, but maybe not too much because it hurt. And I stopped on my right buttocks. So a very funny thing. You're under, Joel Dusha.

You flip around on top of Joel Dusha and pull your pants down. Wait, wait, wait. See? It's fine. It's good even. The Hydra agent, there's like a pregnant pause where you're like, is he going to shoot us again? He's good.

See? And he says, hail Hydra. And he runs off to Captain Hydra. Oh, okay. I would say you're out of combat. Okay. I now want to stabilize my good friend who I assume is still unconscious. Okay.

Well, he's... All right. Okay, all right. Now, you've been... Oh, you're awake! I say you can get six health back, as Zabit does his best to provide you with first aid. Yeah. You're still...

Your front is just like bandage, bandage, bandage, because you've been shot so much. So you were unconscious for a lot of that, right? No. No? No, I was conscious for all of that. You probably would have. There were probably bullets. You would have heard some.

What? Just, you're looking good, buddy. You're a good-looking guy. I didn't even tell you that. You're looking real good Shut up We gotta go Get back to Wolverine

And we'll deal with Your mess later My mess? There's no mess here You leave the base And arrive at the shore There's like Just the whole shore

Is lined with Shield agents In like Max Tanks You can see the slowly Disappearing blue light Of the Vandasta boat

Where's Wolverine? Wolverine's standing on the edge too. Just missed him, he says. Did anyone go to like a sniper? Does anyone know what is going on with him? Like what's Captain Hydra? Is it Captain Hydra? Who was that and what's their plan?

Where's our Hydra agent? The other Hydra agent? Yeah, the one that ran after. The one that Zammett exposed to. You can probably see he's been captured. Okay, cool, cool, cool. He's pointing at you. I just, like, shrug.

I'll make that an ego check. Probably interrogate him, huh? Oh, Zammett. It's so funny. At the start of the game, our roles were flawless, and now just anything we're getting fucked by. The other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, maybe Agent Dog comes over to you and he's like, I'm gonna

let you know, Agent Zammett, he's fingered you for a Hydra agent. He says you have a tattoo on your arse? Yeah, like you know it's in my file. We'll check that, stay here. I'm gonna make you both make a vigilance check. Okay. You see they go over to a tent, Agent Dog and a couple of other agents. You can also see there is an unattended snowmobile nearby.

In the tent, they start pointing at you. It is in my file, but under a couple of layers. Because it was from, well, I thought it was actually Nick Fury, but it was like a life model decoy that got me out. I just think that you voicing that you are Hydra to Hydra is really going to make them second guess whether or not you're reformed. I didn't want to get shot. You want to get shot again?

It was a good? That's what I mean. I wouldn't have been shot that last time if it wasn't for my colleague slash employee. What are you talking about? I was awake. Wolfram is already on the snowmobile.

They got me. They, it was, I don't want. Bob, they're gonna fucking kill you. We gotta go. I'm like, I don't know what.

Shane, do you hear that? Do you hear that? As I'm backing away, I don't know why they wouldn't. I think they saw you climb onto your friend and get riddled with bullets. I mean, look, you can heal as we're climbing. You can heal, man. I don't know why they wouldn't. I think they saw you climb onto your friend and get riddled with bullets. I mean, look, you can heal as we're climbing.

You can heal, man. I don't want to get shot. Can he? Better than me. He's standing, isn't he? You peel out of the snowmobile toward the Arctic Circle. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details.

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