Plumbing the Death Star - Agents of J.O.(a).E.L. The Christmas Project #2

Episode Date: December 31, 2023

Season’s Greetings True Believers and welcome to #2! The thrilling conclusion of this special Christmas edition of Agents of J.O.(a).E.L! Despite the loss of a helicopter and a boat, Agents Joel Duscher and Joel Zammit are closing in on the Arctic Circle, where Father Christmas has the citizens of Longyearbyen in mortal peril. Battle weary and under-gunned they must team up with the Uncanny X-Men to finally put a stop to Santa’s reign of terror. It’s the cross over of the century! So open your ears once again Joel-Heads, and tune in to hear how it all ends!Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Due to a corporate restructure at S.H.I.E.L.D.,

Joel Dusha, former head agent, has been demoted, reshuffled and forgotten about in a dusty office right next to the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier's back left engine. What's more, due to a paperwork mix-up, he now belongs to a brand new branch of the agency, Justified Offence Against Evil Life, or J-O-E-L. These are his adventures. It takes you some time. You're moving quite slowly, but the snowmobile glides over snowy hills and

valleys across thick ice lakes toward the Arctic Circle. It's got a little GPS on it. Just double checking, we're going the opposite way of Captain Hydra. It's going to New York. He's not your problem. I'd like to stop it. Probably get him cut off every now and again.

He'd be like, it's not that big a deal. You were like an undead agent of Hydra. Why is it? Probably you occasionally hear on the little radio on the snow, like all Hydra agents, all Hydra agents. New York, New York is in danger. Hydra agents? Sorry, sorry. Shield agents, shield agents. New York is in danger. Hydra agents? Sorry, sorry.

Shield agents, shield agents. New York is in danger. It's got nothing to do with you. Don't worry about it. I'm kind of just like, do you think our actions are going to have ramifications? It wasn't on us. I mean, your actions will definitely have ramifications. I think you now have a-

Well, maybe if you deal with the Santa problem, they'll forget all of this ever happened. Fingers crossed. I got that person hiring me. Have you had experience with a firing squad before? Me? No. Yeah, he has. Are they always bummed out?

They never... Well, no, because I'm used to it by this point. No, no, no. You're good. Oh, they are, yeah. They're like... Well, they're bummed out and scared. I've had every execution form done to me and come through them all.

What's the best? Probably the guillotine. Whoa. The rush. Plus, you know, the thing about me is I've got a healing factor. So it's not like I'm immune to it. It's just my head comes off. Do you grow another body or do you grow another head?

Or do you have to hold your head onto your stump? Well, I grew a new body, but I don't know what happened to the old body now that I think about it. I should look into that. Where'd the adamantium go? It's in me. Was it? Well, I mean, guillotining was, where was it?

When did you last get guillotined? Because they stopped doing that like a while ago. Who won the sanctioned guillotine? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. I was like, guillotine, the last guillotineined? Because they stopped doing that like a while ago. Who wanted the sanctioned guillotine? No, no, no. The last guillotine in France, it stopped, but not when you think it stopped. I don't know how long I've been alive.

Yeah, that's fair. What's the electric chair like? That one's alright. What's the worst one? The worst one would be... Is there anything that's boring? Any of boring? Well, probably lethal injections are not awesome.

Makes you feel sick. Yeah. Because it's poison. Shield, but they don't have a firing squad. You keep saying firing squad. Well, they were going to shoot their gun at you. Yeah, but that's not a firing squad. That's in the heat of combat.

Probably they'll send them to a shield black site. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then what will happen to him at a shield black site? He'll rot away. Never seen a light of day. But we'll see what happens. Yeah, so they'll put us in a small room. Us!

With no windows. Yeah, I would imagine. It'll be loud. Loud. No ventilation. Probably a drain in the center. Were we already in trouble? Were you also part of? You were part of. Were we already in trouble?

Were you also part of it? You were part of it. Were you part of it? No! You crest a hill, and you can see in the distance the glowing lights of what you assume to be Longyuebian. But also, over the top of it is like a kind of shimmering dome. You can also, as you cross... Yeah, nice, dude.

Love that shimmering dome. As you cross over this crest, as you cross, yeah, nice, dude. Love that shimmering dome. As you cross over this crest, as you crest this hill, in your mind, you also hear a voice. Go to sleep, Santa Claus. Go to sleep. Stop going crazy. You've gone bananas. Relax.

Don't know why you've gone crazy. Just calm the fuck down. It's okay. What about all the kiddies that need presents or whatever you know relax man how does that make us like are we getting sleepy like what's

like yeah it's not because it's clearly not the wrecking that you're only getting sort of like the sort of the remnants the radiation of it if you will so what you're doing somewhere in your mind is being like, I should deliver those presents to all those kids. And also, how does just hearing Charles make us feel?

It's not a great note. It's not, you know, I mean, your interactions with him in the past are never awesome. Yeah. There's a, hey, I want to think like, hey, Harley boy. This is a private channel. They're my thoughts, Charles.

I'm just thinking. Don't think back. Well, you're a broadcasted lamb. You're in my brain. Yeah. But that's not my choice. What do you mean it's not your choice? I'm sending out a general. Can you? It's hard my choice. What do you mean it's not your choice? I'm sending out a general...

Can you... It's hard to focus. Where are you? I'm on the edge of the dome. I try not to think of his bald head. But you do. But I do. Hey, cut that out.

Sorry, where are you right now? I'm imagining him and his big bald head, and him right next to his big bald head in a wheelchair. I'm like, oh, fuck. It's not that shiny, for one. Your head or the dome? Well, the dome. But you're thinking of my head.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, sorry. Sorry, where are you? Get me my hat. What type of hat is it? You can't see. You're too far away. You descend down the hill. All I'm thinking is like, wow, can't wait to see Charles' hat. What type of hat is it? You can't see. You're too far away. You descend down the hill.

All I'm thinking is, wow, I can't wait to see Charles' hat. You glide across the snow. He's not that self-conscious about his head, right? Yeah. He hates it. It's the one thing he can't fix with his psychic powers. I mean, like,

there's a big dome. You can't. You didn't hear that. It was a private conversation. I lost my eyes. I was like, what? You arrive at. It's hard.

I mean, you can try and talk without thinking. I mean, that's the only way. But then I need to listen without thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm not processing. You're just taking no information. What I mean is when he was broadcasting

and Charles was broadcasting and being like, go to sleep, and I was thinking back was that my thoughts was also being heard by the rest of the party. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like an open channel. Okay, okay. So we're all linked psychically. You're all linked psychically.

You're within the field of Xavier's powers. That's unfortunate. As you get closer to the dome, you can see. You didn't hear that, right? No, I didn't. Yeah, we all heard it, Bob. As you get closer to the dome, you can see on one end, like kind of in the snow, up against it is Charles,

and he's got both his fingers on his temples, but he's also got like a kind of device around his neck and coming up to his temples like kind of like a tens unit. You can also see at places equidistant around this dome what appear to be, well I'll make rolls for you Is he wearing a hat on top of it? Yeah he's got a bowler hat

That's an awesome, that lived up to the hype That's a perfect hat You can gauge You can make the The sort of safe assumption That the devices Around the dome Are like

Mental amplifiers To keep the dome going They're like It's like part of his system To keep the dome there Extension of his own head Like his own It's white and smooth

Yeah okay Colossus Is standing there as well So is Rogue Rogue comes up to you and she's like I didn't know S.H.I.E.L.D. was gonna be here She looks at the little sigils in your arms Joel?

Joel? No the A is Yes It's the justified offensive against evil life Right They didn't send nobody else to deal with the Santa Claus? Well, they're dealing with Captain Hydra. Oh, I see.

Yeah. They uncovered another, you know, you're a cat in America. Yeah. Yeah, they uncovered another-y. But this one's bad. Right. Well, I mean, that's of no concern. Is S.H.I.E.L.D. taking care of it?

The rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. I mean? I want to think back to the cops we're hearing. You know why? They are aware of it, yes. Well, that's all I ask. Well, you could probably all hear this as well. Do they like my hat?

Yeah, it lived up to the hype. Oh, thank God. It's a nice hat. I've got Santa Claus contained within this psychic dome. We don't know what made it- Not where also in? No, you're in the outside. within this psychic dome. We don't know what made him. We're also in? No, you're on the outside.

All right, yeah. I don't know what made him go bananas, but he's going crazy in there. Is he still going bananas? Yeah, he's attacking people. He's firing lasers at everyone. Has he spoken at any point? He's just screaming and yelling. And you can't see what's going on in his mind to figure out.

No, he's an omega level mutant. He's one of the most powerful mutants on the planet. Aren't you as well? Well, yes. Is, uh... Do I know as much about I know about Omega-level mutants? Do I know as much about I know?

Yes, I would say you know. Okay, cool. Well, it depends. Like, Agent Dusha, because he's an Omega-level telepath, and I think Sandy Claus is an Omega-level, like, teleporter, right? Yes. Oh, no. So he could probably—

That's why I've got the dome, to keep him trapped. Is he a teleporter? Because I know he's always a super speed. He's seven different kinds of fucked, is what he is. Yeah, so, like, while he is an Omega, he can think, like, the best. There's no upper limit to his thinking. Nobody thinks like me. See?

No one thinks just quite like us. No. There's no upper limit to his thinking. Nobody thinks like me. See? No one thinks just like me. Watch this. No. Oh, God. Watch what? Professor X thinks so good. You're so impressed. Damn.

See? I was frightened to what was about to happen, but that was genuinely very impressive, Charles. Well, I've been training. Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you're impressed. There's no upper limit to these. What I can think of.

If Iceman was- Say a thing, I'll think of it. You with hair. I'm going to think of you, but bald. How does that feel? Do I rock it? Yeah. Not really.

It's not horrible, but it's like a bad choice. If I had the choice, I wouldn't go. Yeah, but you could imagine doing it, being like, maybe it'll work out. And then you look at it and you're like, oh, it didn't work out at all. Yeah, not very funny, is it? He puts in the mental image he's projecting, he puts a bowler hat on you. Oh, that's much better. Do I rock the bowler hat? Yeah, it looks good. Jaunty.

Well, nobody's getting in or out, unfortunately. I've got to keep him contained. And I can't do more than that. Does that mean that he doesn't deliver the presents, though? Yes. It would be a Christmas with no presents for the kids. They'll get over it.

I guess. But I really wanted a bicycle. Why are you getting presents? Why am I getting presents? You're a grown man. I want to look just like... What do you mean? Do you not want presents?

It's nice to get a gift every now and then. I just don't think about it. You don't get a gift? You don't get a gift? I have interacted with the strangest people today I'm just a guy I get the gift all the time That's Colossus Yeah

Every Christmas Sorry Colossus I didn't introduce myself to you That took me by surprise I have been here the whole time No, sorry Nice to meet you Colossus I'm Agent Zamet I gotta here the whole time. Nice to meet you, Clossus. I'm Agent Zammett.

I gotta shake his hand. It never ends well. It is like big, nasty laurels. Okay, hey. Trying to shake hands with a kettle this time. You don't fuck it up. He is very cold, though. You are a chilly, chilly lad.

Does the, uh, because obviously we're in the Arctic and Joel Zeman has just put his hand on metal. Did you take off your glove? You would have gotten gloves for a while. Okay, thank God. Yeah, you're alright. You're okay.

I would want to feel. No, I probably wouldn't have. Otherwise, you'd probably get stuck in a handshake. This one's not on me. Alright, so,

Charles, as the smartest person here, by a long shot. Right. I'm liking this. Oh, you're talking to him. Your name's not Charles. I just was a bit confused.

I think that probably points out that my assumption that Charles is the smartest person here by a long shot is true. What would be your next point of attack? Because we're here. We brought back your good friend Wolverine. Hey, how you doing? Al Wolverine. Too good for the X-Men. Wolverine, you said there was no animosity.

Not from me. Charles, is there animosity from you? I just think it's rude. I just think when you're part of, you know, in terms of teams, you have the X-Men. I mean, that's a name brand. And then you have Joel, which, I mean. Well, it's all a subset of S.H.I.E.L.D. Yeah, but Joel sounds like it's not even a real acronym.

That's a backronym if I ever heard one, okay? No, they said when I joined that they had the perfect. Here's something I think is crazy. Has nobody else named Joel joined S.H.I.E.L.D. in the last six months? Well, I point to Wolverine. He's not Joel. Well, no, but he joins whatever team he can find. He doesn't care.

Does that hurt Wolverine's feelings? Yeah, a little bit. Well, we had Agent Sanders for a bit. He wasn't a Joel. Was he a Joel? Was he part of the team? He was part of today's team. He was part of today's team.

What happened to him? He fell out of a helicopter and broke his leg. Oh. We're dealing with Spider-Man. That's a grisly scene, Bob. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Something is affecting Santa Claus in there. This is obviously not normal behavior from him.

Normally, he's delivering presents to kids all over the globe and adults. I'm nodding profusely. You never got a gift. That's strange. That feels like intentional animosity toward you from Xander. But anyway, there's neither here nor there. You didn't get a gift. You didn't get a single one?

No. I thought it stopped when I was 18. Stop? It stopped? That's even more puzzling. Bob, what the hell? It's just for children. Did you get coal or something?

No. Just nothing. Why would it stop? Because it's the presence of the... I mean, if Santa Claus is real, if he can deliver to all the children, why could he not deliver to all the adults? I just figured it's a celebration of children. No, no, no. Not a celebration of children, a celebration for children.

Well, you could not be more incorrect. I'm sorry about that for you. Well, I guess after we figure this out... You want to ride my bicycle every night again? You're still getting bikes for Christmas? Well, this year I'm hoping to get a bike. Did you even write a list? When was the last time

you wrote a list? When I was probably like 15. Well, there you go. You need to write a list. What's on your list, Rogue? Well, I'm looking for a new pair of pants. See? Some jewelry. Yeah. Motorbike.

You ride whatever. There's no limit to what you ride on the list. And then if you're lucky, he gets you maybe one thing on there. See, if I ride one thing, I reckon I'm guaranteed that one thing. Well, that's the other strategy, yeah. Every year, it's got done me crazy. I'm getting a bike. Joe Dusha's sad Christmas aside,

something is affecting him. He's not normally behaving like this. Now, I don't want to risk any of my X-Men sending them in. You two I don't really care about. What about Wolverine? He's part of the team. Oh, well, Wolverine's welcome to do what he likes. I'll go in.

Whatever. I don't care. I feel like there is a man in my skin. Do we sense that Wolverine's trying to prove himself to Charles? Yeah, there might be some element of that here. What the fuck is going on today? Dusha, Agent Dusha. Isn't Wolverine older than Charles?

Yeah. It just feels like he's trying to rebel against his dad. That's another vibe I'm getting. Now I can read thoughts. You're very clever trying to have a private conversation. Well, you're very rude for interrupting our listening to our private conversation. I can't help it. I'm sorry.

That doesn't make it okay. That's how my brain works. All right. Charles. Fine. So you're not willing to send some people in there. brain works. Alright. Charles, fine. You're not willing to send some people in there. Vogue or Colossus in with us.

They're more here for company. Well, I contain Santa Claus. I think, this is my assessment, normally he's a jolly guy. He's full of Christmas cheer. Something is interfering with that. He appears to have some kind of, from the mental image I can see, some kind of device on him.

Maybe that's what's causing it. Probably. Go and break the device. Everything should be fine. I saw some images of like elves. There are also many sort of strange, I don't know what they are, creatures in there. Elves, gingerbread men running amok, stabbing people with candy canes.

It's a sort of hell in there, if I'm honest with you. Okay. All right. Have we had reports of Santa Claus? Are they real as well, or are they new? They're probably new. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Well, you don't really know to be honest. You know what? I'll roll for you. I'll roll for you. You don't know. You don't know. You got a four again. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, you don't really know what to be honest. You know what, I'll roll for you. I'll roll for you. You don't know. You don't know. Okay.

You got a four again. Thanks, Dives. Yeah. Actually, you got a no but, so you have no idea if they're new, but- But Charles will happily give us either Rogue or Colossus, but not both. Okay. Look. Colossus,

when we were on the way here, right, in the X-Men plane. Is it called the Blackbird, sir? Or the X-Plane? No, it's a new one. I wanted to listen to music. I wanted to listen to some Christmas carols, because tis the season. Colossus said no. He wanted to listen to music. I wanted to listen to some Christmas carols because tis the season. Glossus said no.

He wanted to focus. So, Glossus, you can go in with them, you know? And then maybe while me and Rogue are out here, we can listen to whatever we like on the radio. America meant Melissa. No, I think I'll pick the explicit version of Santa Baby as sung by Michael Bublé. I want to fuck Santa. I I wanna fuck Santa. I wanna fuck Santa. Fanta. It's a horrible rap.

I wanna fuck Santa. I love Michael Bublé's explicit Santa rap. I wanna fuck Santa. Fanta. Manta Ray. It's just one thing, but sure, I'm fucking today. It's Santa, baby. And I'm here to fuck.

See, this sucks. It's colossal. I don't know why he wants to listen to it. It's terrible. I'm like, it's not for long. It gets you into the season. No, it doesn't. Come, Peter.

It's fucking horrible. Professor X, with his mind, he opens like a tiny little doorway cold air rushes out as well as like tinkly christmas music and the sound of scream well uh better now than never says colossus he walks through the doorway as does wolverine i feel like colossus now that that song's playing, he's like, you know what? Get me in there. I gotta get out of here. Alright, I pat myself down to like,

no bullets. And no gun. Okay, you enter into Longyearbyen. You can see the town has been kind of like transformed into a sort of Christmas wonderland. You can hear distantly within the town the sounds of screaming, and you can kind of see as well the shape of gingerbread man

with torches and spears rushing through between the houses. You can see elves as well kind of scuttling around in the darkness, and above it all is jolly Santa Claus, and he's holding out his arms and just firing lasers into the surrounding buildings. The buildings are catching fire. A lot of the buildings are already on fire. The screams litter the air.

There's embers into the night sky. It's a fucking mess. Can we see if there's anything visibly on him that's wrong? Whether it's like a collar or anything like that? You can see on Santa, he's got, yeah, like it's kind of like a vest. And the vest has two large kind of devices over his chest.

And it's maybe glowing green. You also got, so this was for you, this was for you, Dusha. That was a yes and. So if there's anything else you'd like, you can have it. It was a fantastic success. Do I recognize yes and? I hopefully recognize the device. It looks like a Hydra device.

Oh, no. You know, without all the bloodshed and the screaming and Santa Claus shooting lasers from his hand, this is actually quite pretty on Christmas. Yeah, well, I mean, every house is covered in Christmas lights. And on fire. And on fire. And on fire. I said apart from the on fire.

Why are you going to take it away from me? Probably a gigantic burning Christmas tree as well. And look at that Christmas tree. Now, if you can imagine it, not on fire. I feel like I've gone to Christmas in hell. Yeah, currently. That's quite a bit what it's like. But, like, if you take away the hell aspect.

It's hard to also take away the screaming and the blood spilled on the streets. I understand that. I'm just saying if you used your imagination and just took that away. Why do I want to do that? I'm just making a positive comment. I've leaked you all psychically. You love to bicker. You know why the X-Men work and Joel doesn't?

Because we're a team. You two, meh, meh, meh. What are you, just bickering with clauses? I've linked you psychically. I mean, look at Wolverine. He's joined our team. Yeah, well. That's Wolverine.

No, I love you, boys. I love you. Don't worry. Never forget it. Just like the same facial expression about no bike. So we should be able to talk to each other is what I'm saying. Yeah. Blink from cycling, you can mentally communicate.

Thanks, Charles. You can talk to me if you want. Okay, we will. He appears to be wearing a vest that I recognize as a Hydra device. Hydra device? Do you know what it does? Mind control, I'm guessing. I think mind control.

It is confusing that it's on his chest and it controls his mind which is famously located in the head well maybe it's like his heart is where he keeps most of the Christmas spirit or something it could have turned his heart bad like it shrunk like the Grinch

yeah a Grinch is real that's what I was thinking Charles I am famously the best at thinking Yeah. A Grinch is real. That's what I was thinking, Charles. Well, I was thinking, Charles. I am famously the best at thinking. You're once again wowed by how good he is at thinking. Do you get so near bottom of it? Or is he just thinking about the Grinch?

Or is he just thinking about the Grinch? Really impressed at how good he is at thinking about the Grinch. I've thought about the Grinch before, but never that good. It compiles in comparison to his thinking about the Grinch. During this time, the Grinch before, but never that good. It pales in comparison to his thinking about the Grinch. During this time, Colossus has climbed maybe a water tower to get a sort of eagle-eyed view of the town.

There's a lot of people in danger, he says. Maybe we could help them before going after Santa Claus. That's a good idea. If we can get them out of the psychic field, then at least Rogue and Professor X can hopefully contain everyone else. Yeah.

There's out on the ice, you can see you kind of because you're kind of near the sea. There's some people out on the ice that are being menaced by some gingerbread men. Well, let's. There's also some people trapped in a coal shed up on the mountainside. Coal or coals? Coal. Okay. That makes more sense than an Australian supermarket chain.

No, no, no. I don't know that. Sorry. And further up the hillside, it appears some people trying to get away are being menaced by a polar bear. Don't know if that's related. I think the polar bear isn't usually a Christmas thing. No. I don't know.

It's a polar bear. It should probably stop at school. Yeah, dude. All right, so we got gingerbread people being hassled on ice. thing? No. I don't know. It's a polar bear. Should probably stop it still. Alright, so we've got gingerbread people being hassled on ice, people stuck in a coal shed, and people being hassled by a polar bear. There is four of us. Yeah, there's four of us, three

problems. Very simple. Who's the best at polar bear? Not it. I've fought bears before. Yeah, I was going to say, wait. I'm Wolverine. Yeah. I'm a movie.

I think Colossus, if you're going to go take care of the polar bear, Wolverine, you go take care of the gingerbread man. If you go to the coal mine, because if there is poison, you can just cop it. And we can probably take on... Poison? Coal mine's gases. The canary in the coal mine. Okay.

That's cool. I got gingerbread. I eat those. Wolverine and Collette. The worst part about gingerbread men is, and they'll find this insulting, I eat them. I don't like them. But what else are you doing? Sometimes you just

break it off and you're kind're having a bit of a think while you're chewing on them. A bit stale. They look like they should be better than they are. You expect the icing to have its own flavour but it doesn't. Sometimes you make a gingerbread house and you're like, I'm done with this.

And that sucks because eating a house is awesome. I think I wish just gingerbread was sweet. Yeah, I get that. If it was like a... Just like a cake man. Yeah, but like have the consistency of gingerbread. Or like a biscuit man, yeah. I agree. Like if it had the same kind of taste as like an

Anzac wiki. Oh, that would be alright. Or even just like, you know, those biscuits with icing on them. Just like a sugar cookie, basically. Yeah, that would be awesome. But instead... Oh, mint slice? Yeah. Oh! Yes, brother! Mint slice house.

I'd love to eat that. I get where the witch is coming from. It's cool to eat your own house. I get where Hansel and Gretel are coming from. It's awesome to eat a witch's house. Eating your own house and then falling in your own oven. Hoisted by your own petard.

You watch as Colossus rushes up the mountain through the snow and Wolverine heads to the coal shed. Oh, coal shed. There's not going to be any poison there. I think it was like they're trapped so it would be like, unlock it or it's like, well, he didn't say.

I thought maybe he had to break open a door or something. I mean, he's got knives. You don't know. You came out onto the ice. Well, yeah, we're heading out onto the ice. I forgot it was on the ice. You get out of the ice. It is unstable.

But you can see ahead of you where the ice starts to like crack away and just become freezing cold ocean. Kind of cornered are a bunch of Longyearbyen citizens. They are completely trapped by these gingerbread men. I'd say there's maybe six gingerbread men. Okay.

And they are with spears menacing them to try and get them into the ocean. When we walk towards them, do we pass any sort of

burning buildings, a burning Christmas tree or something like that? Can I just kind of get a flaming torch kind of thing? Yeah, I'll say you can have like a plank with a bit of fire on it. Yeah, absolutely.

Two by four in brackets, hot. Hot two by four. That's your new weapon. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. All right, all right. They don't like to be, like, you know, burned, right? Hey, gingerbread fox. They'll turn around to you.

Come pick on someone your own, sirs. Ah, they're bigger own size They're bigger then You're bigger then Hang on how big are they Probably like the size of a short guy We'll go to initiative Charles can you Psychically tell the gingerbread

Men I was going to say come at us But like just walk in the ocean Well he can try Yeah I guess like Surely he would have tried that though I don't know Gingerbread men, I was going to say come at us, but just walk in the ocean? Well, he can try. Yeah, I guess like, I'm sure he would have tried that though. I don't know. What does salt water do to a gingerbread man? Nothing good.

Getting your biscuits wet is not usually something that's good. Although, gingerbread you dip in coffee, I guess. That's true, but it gets soggy, like a soggy biscuit. Yeah, soggy biscuits. You don't want a soggy biscuit. Yeah, soggy biscuits. You don't want a soggy biscuit. No. Like the game. Like that amazing game.

A game that everyone should keep playing. Yeah, it is good. The gingerbread men go first. And there's six of them, right? Yeah, there's six of them. And I'm at what health? Health? Well, instead of attacking you, the gingerbread men, in unison, bring their spears down into the ice and then push away.

They're running away? They are basically, it seems like, trying to separate themselves from you so they can keep menacing the townspeople. How many townspeople are there? I would say there's about maybe ten. There's six gingerbread men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The townspeople are unarmed.

Anyway. They're scared. I mean, you would be too. The flow that they crack away starts to slowly drift. It's pretty easily steppable now, but the longer you wait before jumping onto the flow with them, the wider that gap is going to get. I guess I use a fast attack.

Oh, okay. So you can do that on two people? Yep. So I'm assuming I can move onto the ice that's breaking off and then attack two gingerbread men. Yep. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet.

Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. I'm going to say you have trouble on this just because the ground is slippery. Okay. That's a success to hit them.

Now let's roll your damage, which is 11. So they both take, I'm going to say five health each. Five damage each. Rounding down, I see. DM hates me. Gingerbread men, though, thankfully are exceptionally weak. You grab them by the head. Maybe you grab two by the head and tear their heads off from their bodies.

Like I said, it's just gingerbread. So it doesn't take much. Their bodies flail around for a little bit, still animated like a chicken without its head. And then they run maybe off the floor and into the water. Zamed, it's your go. Okay, so if I was to step over the crack- Yeah, you can still do that. And I can attack them and it's fine.

I can get to them, basically. Is there any way, is it now starting to drift off, or is there somewhere a little bit further up we can maybe hop back onto the mainland, or are we- It's kind of drifting away. Are we going to, like, goodbye? The longer you're on this flow the bigger the gap's gonna get right now you can step over it with relative ease on the next turn

you can step over it probably fine ish the next turn after that you might need to jump it okay okay start getting the fellas off yeah yeah yeah yeah all right can i um uh uh is there any i guess burly looking townsperson uhsperson that I'm like, here, and I give them the two by four. Hot. Okay. And then I help some of the other people go across. So you get the townsperson to fight.

Yeah. Okay. No worries. Like the toughest-looking guy. Yeah, of course. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Yeah. I say you, whilst Agent Doucher is dealing with the two gingerbread men,

and the gingerbread men are sort of distracted, you get a burly-looking guy, looks like a lumberjack, to come over, and you give him the burning, what do you want me to do with this? The gingerbread just starts wailing away. I'm gesturing to the, we need everyone to... Okay, he gives you a thumbs up. Surely after seeing me tear the head off two gingerbread men

and I just look like a regular guy, I would have filled the town with some confidence. I'll add him to the initiative order. What's his name? Sven. Sven, okay. Like the reindeer from that movie. Like the reindeer from movies, exactly. Charles Xavier,

in your minds, can I help at all? Can you read the gingerbread minds? They're gingerbread. I think so they're alive. They have no minds, is what I'm saying. So they're not alive? But I can try and stop them or help at all. How's Colossus and Wolverine going? I'd give you a sit rep on them. They're fine.

Can you, I guess, tell the gingerbread men to walk into the water? Unfortunately, that's his turn. Oh, okay. All right. Thanks, Charles. You're so useful. Sven, he got a no butt. Sven, you see he's like very strong, but you quickly realize he has no combat proficiency whatsoever. He's just kind of swinging the bat wildly, but what it manages to do is scare townspeople

away from him, and they, to get away from his swinging flaming bat, they move through the gingerbread man and start coming back onto the shoreline. Come on, come on, come on. Then it's the gingerbread man's turn. Uh-oh. Now you... Okay, it's you and Sven, really.

I'm going to say three of them go for you, Dusha. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That they miss. Thankfully. You sort of duck and weave out of the way. Three of them go for you, Dusha. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That, they miss. Thankfully. You sort of duck and weave out of the way. Maybe you bring up one arm and grab one of the spears. Maybe even snap it to stop them from stabbing you again.

And Sven, Sven also, he's flinging that bat around. The gingerbread man don't want to get close to him. Dusha, it's your go. I guess I'll just attack the nearest gingerbread man. All right. You're going to, with your shotgun, with your body. Knife. Knife.

All right. Nice. Unfortunately, that is a miss. You swing the knife wild, but the gingerbread men are too, they're like short guys. Yeah. They're hard to get a handle on. Zama, what would you like to do? Can I, is it... I can help Sven.

You can help Sven. Is that a reaction? It might even be an action, to be honest. Because I was thinking either helping Sven attack or helping more of the townsfolk across. Yes, you can help Sven. Well, you can help Sven or you can help the people across. It's up to you. If you help Sven, what that will do is it'll give him an edge on his next action.

Excellent. Well, I want to help Sven by being like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold it by the non-flaming part. Focus. Focus. Like a bat? Like a bat. Baseball? No. Baseball? Cricket.

Like cricket. It's Charles' turn. Can I help at all? Anything else? You want me to try and slow the gingerbread man down or some shit? Yeah. Get him to jump in the sea Anything else? You want me to try and slow the gingerbread man down or some shit? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Get him to jump in the sea, maybe? You feel like- Can you make Sven more proficient at fighting? I really like both of you putting all of your eggs in the Sven basket. Okay. Then we've got an extra guy. And we know that the gingerbread thing mightn't work because he's already said maybe won't. I'm like, all right.

They've got no minds. But if we can make Sven like, oh, top dog. So the shimmering dome that's above you, the sky, it's kind of like there's an aurora borealis over you right now. A kind of like a tendril of that psychic energy swirls down and into Sven's head. Sven's going to be fucking going crazy. We've just turned Sven into the Punisher. Whoa, it's his turn now. Sven, you watch, it's like, you're like, hey, other end.

He flips it around. The psychic sort of tendril connects with the back of his head, and he goes fucking bananas. He whacks three gingerbread men. He collects them with his two-by-four and slams them. Three gingerbread men, he collects them with his two-by-four and slams them. Their bodies explode into a kind of shower of gingerbread, dough, and gumdrop buttons.

There are six left. No, sorry, there are four left. Dushar, it's your go. So you've killed two. I've killed two. He's killed three. And there was six. So now there are four left.

Yeah, that makes sense. I thought there was six. So now there are four left. Yeah, that makes sense. I thought there were nine. Three more popped up. Three more popped up. They crawled out of the ocean. They're wet. They're like, it doesn't matter.

If you push me into the sea, I want to come back stronger. There are four salty gingerbread men. I go to banging heads again. You're going to go for a banging heads? I'm going to go for a banging heads. Okay, first one was a heads. Oh, okay. First one was a success. Hey, nice.

You grab two gingerbread by their heads, slam them together. And it's like getting two cookies and grinding them into each other. You basically grind their heads until there's nothing left. The gingerbread bodies flop to the snow in a way too realistic and human manner. Dammit, it's your go.

There's two gingerbread men left, and I'd say pretty much everybody's off the flow at this point. How far away is the flow from the main area? At this point, you're going to have to make a jump to get back. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Which side are you on? I'm not on the floor. I'm on the other side. I did not step over.

You could help again if you wanted to. I was like, does anyone here have a gun or bullets? I look at the townsfolk and ask. Probably one of them

has like a rifle. It's clearly like a hunting rifle. Okay. And they hand it over to you. Thanks. Two bullets, he says. Oh, perfect.

You think they've been fighting the gingerbread man this whole time? Yeah. This is what's left. Okay, cool. Well, I want to like kneel down, take aim, and like try and fighting the gingerbread men this whole time. This is what's left. Okay, cool. Well, I want to kneel down, take aim, and try and shoot a gingerbread man.

You hit. Yes. One of the gingerbread men gets shot in the sort of maybe a gumdrop button. It goes flying back onto the snow and then slops into the water. There's only one left. Charles Xavier. Anything else? I made that Sven guy super powerful. You did. You want to make him stronger? Charles Xavier. Anything else? I made that Sven guy super powerful.

You did. I'm going to make him stronger. Sven rocks. Yeah, I guess. Okay, sure. Is that a permanent thing? Once I take the tendril, I mean, I'm kind of piloting him like a puppet at the moment. Is that fucked up?

I don't know. No, it's fine. Please do it. Okay. You see, like, another tendril come out and connect into his head again. It's kind of like he's got, like, an octopus coming out of the back of him now. Sven turns around and puts two fingers to his temples, sort of Xavier style, and a psychic beam collects the other gingerbread men

and kind of deletes it from reality. Whoa. You're out of initiative. You're out of combat. The flow is pretty far away. It's like maybe two meters away from the shore. Oh, that's a big jump. Do you want to jump?

Okay. What are we going to do? Sven, I guess I'm just going to have to jump for it. Not a problem. are we going to do? Sven, I guess I'm just going to have to jump for it. Not a problem! Sven in one beautiful leap.

It's almost like the tendrils are holding him up like a puppet. Like he's in the air way longer than he should be. And he lands superhero pose style on the other side. I must help the other citizens! And he rushes off.

Man, we created the opposite of a monster. There's rules. I guess I try and jump the slope. You want me to get a bridge? I'll get some tube. I'll use- Anything at this point. Is there any rope?

Are you going to look for rope? I'm going to look for rope and some kind of floaty device. Because now we've entered a situation where it's too far for me to jump, right? Yeah. Probably at this point. I'm just sailing off to sea. Goodbye. You don't find anything, and the flow gets further away.

Probably at like four meters away from the shore now. You'd have to swim. It'll be so cold. You could search again. Uh, one minute. I don't think jumping in freezing temperatures and then standing directly next to a fire is good for me. I don't think anything is good for you right now, dude. You find a kayak, but you don't know what it's going to do on this side of the flow.

What a kayak. Ah! Okay, I got a kite. I got a... Ah! Okay, I got a boat! Yeah? Huh. What would you like to do? I want to start dragging the boat towards the flow. Yeah, no worries.

You can get it in the water. Okay. All right. I want to hold on to it. Yeah. It's got a paddle. Yeah, it's got a paddle. Yeah, yeah.

A kite, one seat, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to, like, not let it go, but, like, see where it's drifting towards. If there's probably, like, say, a five-meter gap, you can probably shorten that with the kayak to, I'll say, three. I can push it towards you. But this is your chance, because if you don't do it now,

the flow's going to get further away. But also... You would land on the top of the kayak and have to balance. Yeah. And then... And then paddle. Clamber in or paddle back. Turn the kayak upside down

and use it as a bridge. Three, two, one, I'm jumping. I'm like, but it's slippery. Yeah, but it's got a hole in the top that I will just bounce off. What does he mean? What? Bounce off a hole.

What do you mean? The kayak is flat at the bottom. Oh, wait. No, it's not. It's a boat. Oh, no. I'm like, okay, I flip it upside down and push it towards

you. Now, Dusha, you have your agility. That's a negative one. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Okay. So you got 12 13 14 15 16 good roll down to 14 i'll say that's enough you make the leap onto the kayak now to balance oh another agility roll another agility roll it's wet uh okay uh that's pretty bad uh that's six it. That's six.

It's 11, 12, but down to 11. That's fine. You balance when you land. You balance on the kayak. But now you've got to climb along the kayak, which is your final agility roll, to get to shore. You're fine.

You're fine. The water laps at your boots. You're in cold weather gear. It laps at your boots, but you manage to make it to shore. You have a rifle with one bullet. Well, Sven's in there somewhere. I Sven somewhere.

Well, we're out of initiative. We can talk to Xavier now, right? Where's Sven? He stopped. He's killed the polar bear. Didn't Colossus do that? Colossus was kind of trying not to do it without killing the polar bear. I think the polar bear's just sort of like here but

it was here. Sven tore his head off. He's wearing it. Thank you he didn't create the opposite of a monster. And he's rushing towards the coal shed now, seems like. Wolverine hadn't fixed it? No, Wolverine's doing fine there. He's got everybody but Sven's just

I don't know. He's going to join Wolverine. Okay. Santa's, yes. Can we send Sven to Santa? What would you like him to do? Try and remove the vest, and we'll meet up with him soon. Okay. Yeah, do we know if Santa made the gingerbread man?

And also, if Hydra put the thing on Santa. I'm going to let you in on something, my good friend Agent Zamet. We know jack shit about what's going on. Yeah, okay. I'm just wondering if there's any Hydra put this thing on Santa. I'm going to let you in on something, my good friend Agent Zamet. We know jack shit about what's going on. Yeah, okay. I'm just wondering if there's any Hydra agents around. We asked the world's greatest thinker, and he was like, Is there any Hydra agents around? I yell into the sky, realizing I can't think.

I can't tell if they're Hydra agents, but there are people here who aren't Longyearbyen citizens for sure. Where are they at? They're hiding in one of the houses. Where's the house? I can send a psychic tendril to guide you to it if you want. Yes, please, but can you also still send Sven to Santa?

You want me to get him to tear off the device on him? Yeah, remove the vest. Alright. What could possibly go wrong? Make his heart small. What if it is attached to his heart? What, if we's making his heart small. Like, what if it is, like, attached to his heart? What, if we kill Santa?

Yeah. That won't happen. He's an Omega-level mutant. Yeah, but he can still die. You watch as Sven. Have more faith. So you can see two psychic tendrils coming down from the dome. One comes down in an arrow that points to a house,

and the other is clearly connected to Sven. It's funny to just see a tendril come out of the air and just like, that went into him again. He's got so many in him. You rush toward the house at the same time as you can see Sven is climbing buildings because Santa's hovering, obviously. Sven's climbing buildings to try and get to Santa. You arrive at the house at the same time as Sven leaps from a building

onto Santa and grabs onto the device on his chest. You don't see what they're doing. You can't quite see what's happening up there. You're at the door. I knock. Nobody answers. Coming in! I knock again, but I open it as I knock.

Okay, you open the door and you can see huddled here are four Hydra agents. You can see this building as well as this sort of house has been kind of converted into like a secret base of operations. There's a bunch of computers here. There's a bunch of devices. There's like a workshop. You can see on some of the documentation Project Mistletoe is written. The Hydra agents, though, they look like they're shitting themselves. Turn it off! We can't!

What do you mean? When we wanted to have Santa Claus on Hydra's side, we thought that would be good. He's such a symbol of good. What if we made him a symbol of evil? Would you write a list? No, we get presents. Okay.

What? I'm just like, I'm okay. You mean coal, yeah? No. What? That part just like, I'm okay You mean coal, yeah? No What? That part is a myth But we wanted him to be Santa Hydroclaus That was the plan

But his inherent Christmas cheer It's causing all of our devices to go haywire What happens if it gets ripped off? Usually a look of terror. Child stop, child stop, child stop, child stop, child stop. Stop what? There is a horrendous wet explosion. You maybe look out the house window and you can see Sven's head lands on the pavement.

And then Santa's head. Viha did the rig to self-destruct. I thought it- If anybody tore it off. I figured it might have- What have you done? I look at- He was the mega level mutant.

It shouldn't have been that easy. I told you they can still die. A bomb? I told you- It was connected to his heart. That's why it was a burst. Oh my God. He should shrunk his heart too That's why it was a vest. Oh, my God.

He should shrunk his heart too. You owe me a bike. And Rogue a pair of jeans. Hydra's killed Santa. Hydra? Hydra's killed Santa. Hydra? Put the bomb on Santa.

They didn't rip it off. It wasn't a bomb. It was a heart control device that just happened to have a self-destruct option. I think I know why he never got a present. Or a promotion. Sorry, sorry. I was ahead of S.H.I.E.L.D. He got presents, but they stopped.

Why? I guess this is why. I turned 18! Well, you're never going to get the present. Nobody will ever get the present again. You step outside. You can see there's no more screaming. Well, you're never going to get the present. Nobody will ever get the present again. You step outside, you can see there's no more screaming. Well, there's some screaming. As the Longyearbyen

citizens are standing around the exploded corpse of Santa Claus. You can see that there's no gingerbread man. The elves, they've all kind of maybe died in place or disappeared. Is there Santa Claus's corpse

around? Yes. Can I walk over to Santa Claus's corpse around? Yes. Can I walk over to Santa Claus's corpse? Absolutely. His chest is exploded. Does he have a jacket on? I mean, his clothes are there. They're bloodied, but they're there. Wait, give me a minute. I've seen this before. Can I

take off his jacket and put it on? Yes, you take off the jacket and you put it on. What happens? You can tell the jacket is like, there's like a remnant of like Christmas spirit to the jacket, but nothing changes about your body. You don't become Santa.

Perhaps, says the Hydra agent, we need to get you to the North Pole. Maybe. And you can get in the sleigh and you can deliver the presents. Maybe. Hang on, I can feel a remnant. I just feel... Just don't look at me.

Can I go pick up his head and take his hat off? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that on. Yeah. There's a bit here, but you don't know if it's Santa Claus magic like from the movie Santa Claus or if this just is magical inherently.

What if I touch his face a bit? Anything magical? That's disgusting. Colossus and Wolverine come on the scene Charles is like oh my probably the whole time

since Santa exploded oh my god oh my god oh my god Agent Dusha fuck this one again you blew up Santa Claus he blew up Santa Claus

that's like he's like the guy you understand no way I got how's Rogue doing Hydra killed Santa not me how's what doing how's Rogue doing? Hydra killed Santa, not me.

How's what doing? How's Rogue? Is she okay? She's crying. She's crying. I'm going to cry too. No presents for any kid. Forever?

We'll sort it out. No presents for me? What were you going to get, Charles? I was hoping to get a shed for the mantram. Yeah. Yeah, guess what? One of those little prefab sheds. Yeah, that sounds...

Do you know what that sounds like? It's got a grow operation. That sounds lovely. Yeah. Not going to get out of there, are you? No, I can't. chairs. Yeah, you know what that sounds like? Start a grow operation. That sounds lovely. Yeah. Not going to get out of there, are you? No, I can't. I'll just have to buy it with my own money. It's not as fun.

Not as fun at all. You're going to buy my own bike? That sucks, man. All right, well, maybe if we get you to the North Pole, we can figure something out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you should be wearing this jacket, I say, as I trench towards something. It clearly means be wearing this jacket. I say as I trenched

Hydra killed Santa I'm innocent Hydra have a kind of like large snow going vehicle with treads. Hey Hydra Sorry, what was that? I was saying hail Hydra. I'm still Hydra. He's Hydra. We've just got a common, you know, sort of problem to fix. Hey, Hydra. Yeah, we've got to get to the North Pole, I think. Yeah. Do you have a snowmobile?

Yeah, we've got these big snowmobiles that we've been using, or it's a sort of snogging vehicle. So because Santa's blown up now, Hydra have just given up their mission and just like, well, whatever. Well, it's pretty demoralizing Yeah dude What did you wish for? Why did you put a bomb on him?

It wasn't a bomb He just didn't want him to take it off himself You ever seen the movie Suicide Squad? Yeah So it's kind of like the bomb in the brain See? They explain this They're basically like the American government

In a way that's's political, eh? They get it. This is a political story. Yeah, see? Marvel does the satire pretty well, see? Hydra, no? Yeah, Hydra, yeah. You get in the snowmobile and you cruise toward the North Pole.

I would say Colossus is going to come with you and Charles, too. Probably everybody. You have some of the Hydra agents I guess? Yeah, you're all together What the fuck is wrong with everyone? You arrive at the North Pole It's a Christmas wonderland You can see Santa's workshop

I'm not telling his wife, you can tell his wife what you did I didn't do anything I wasn't even the one who removed the vest I literally did nothing do anything. I wasn't even the one who removed the vest. I'm just like I literally did nothing. Siding up with Charles can't even take responsibility. You were Sven.

You took off the vest. I was just doing what you told me to do. You said take off the vest. You heard it. I heard it. Xamarin had some reluctance. You said it. Can I quote you? Do you mind if I quote you? You can quote me. What could go wrong?

Santa's blowed up. To quote you, he's an Amiga level mutant. He'll be fine. That was you. A bomb shouldn't have killed him. It was a bomb attached to his heart. That blew off his head? It's the chest area, you know.

Kind of like a Rock'em Sock'em Robot situation. Explosion's got to go somewhere. It went up. Mrs. Claus is sort of standing out the front of the Santa's workshop and house. And has seen Agent Zamet roll in wearing her husband's jacket. Well, if you stop the vehicle and get out, she's kind of wringing her hands.

I want to look to you, and I want hopefully the rest of the crew also look to you, to be like, well, go on. You better do it, Agent Boucher. All right. I don't feel bad about this because I didn't do anything. You step out onto the snow. Mrs. Claus approaches you. What happened?

My dear Saint Nick, he ran off. Some men came and spoke to him, and then they ran off together. I don't know where he went. So, Mrs. Claus, I've got some terrible news. Yes? Unfortunately. It's like brushing off a bit of brain. Unfortunately, there was an incident in Longyearbyen,

and your husband didn't make it. No! She falls to her knees. No! I'm so sorry. Look, we're working together with Charles Xavier, and hopefully we can do something about this. Charles maybe is sitting on the snow in his wheelchair.

He's like, ooh. You just need to know that S.H.I.E.L.D. are doing everything they can, and if there's anything you need, you just let to know that shield are doing everything they can and if there's anything you need you just let us know um we we've brought his coat back in hopes that we can figure something out do you know if he had a workshop or anything yes well he's slayed with all of the presents it's it's in the garage yeah ready to go we're so sorry, Mrs. Claus. Understand what a terrible, terrible tragedy this is. Don't worry. We'll talk to our higher-ups to make sure that the person responsible for this will see some reparations.

It was Hydra. Your husband was killed by Hydra. I see. I'm shaking my head. Look, right now that doesn't matter who is responsible but is this like the movie

Santa Claus you know with the E you know with Tim Allen yes well he had all the power but maybe a little of it

has gone into that suit of his I don't want to make maybe if we get you into the sleigh and you the reindeers are all sort of harnessed up and maybe if you say the reindeers are all sort of harnessed up,

and maybe if you say the reindeers' names in order, maybe you can get a little Christmas magic too. We'll head to the sleigh, but Agent Zammett, can you sit us with the reindeers in order if you remember? Yeah, I was going to say, do you have a list? Because there's Comet and Cupid. Dasher, Dan, and Sir. Dasher, Donner.

Donner and Blitzen. Blitzen. Rudolph's at the front. Rudolph is at the front. Is Rudolph around here or has he been picked on yet or still? No, he's at the front of the sleigh. He's at the front of the sleigh. Rudolph, will you guide my hands?

Hey, question, Mrs. Claus. Yes? In your long marriage, beautiful bliss life with your husband. Yes. Oh. I know. Was there ever an incident where, like, say a person got presents and then it just stopped? Well, the only reason I could think that that would happen

is if they stopped asking for presents. Huh. Obviously, everybody deserves a gift at Christmas. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, crazy. What the fuck is going on? She leads you to the garage with the slayers. You can see that there's a gigantic green sack at the back

overflowing with Christmas gifts. So many gifts, dude. Reindeer are attached to the front of the sleigh. Obviously Santa is missing, but it otherwise is ready to go. I want to go up to the reindeers, smelling hopefully of Santa Claus, but like good santa you give a little snuffle as you come by i'm like yeah yeah don't worry it's it's me and i want to like peep their names okay i have like name tags you can read them you can read it dasher

prancer vixen comet cupid donna blitz and rudolph you can you can you can read that as you go past that in reverse oh well actually you're right it would would be Rudolph, Blitzen, Donna, Cupid, Comet, Vixen, Prancer, Dasher. Rudolph. My memory's terrible with this. Rudolph. Blitzen. You can spend as much time as you like. Okay, okay, okay. We got this.

We got this. We got this. We got this. So we got Rudolph, Blitzen. Donna. Donna. Cupid. Okay.

D. Yeah, okay. Comet. Oh, there's two Cs. Okay. C-O-C-U. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's two Cs. Okay, C-O-C-U. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vixen. Blitzen.

Vixen. Prancer Dasher. So we've got Vixen, Prancer Dasher. We've got Vixen and Blitzen. Yeah. Yeah. Last one's Dasher. Yeah, last one's Dasher.

I put my Dasher at the front. Yeah, that makes sense. Can we change the order? No. No. The order is special. Why would you want to? Well, you just said you'd put Dasher at the front.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I'm just, they're not my reindeer. It's not my place. I know, I'm just wondering. Don't reorder. I'm not reordering. You just put it out. We've got so many bigger things to worry about. Yeah, put it out there. I'm not reordering. You just put it out. We've got so many bigger things to worry about. Yeah, put it out there.

I'm just trying to see if we could help you out. I think what we'll help out is you remembering their names, you getting in the sleigh and saying their names. Okay. All of you, clamber onto the sleigh. Okay, everyone in the sleigh. Everybody's sitting in the sleigh ready. You hold the reins in your hands.

All right, all right. And then, Sam, you say. A little twinkle of Christmas magic. I'm looking at my, I'm like, ooh, holding the thing. I look at my hand,

which I've written down the initials of, like, the reindeer, because I'm like, okay, okay. Let's see how this goes. Rudolph,

Blitzen, Donna, Cupid, Comet, Vixen, Prancer, Dasher. There's a pregnant pause.

And then nothing happens. The news the next day. The world mourns as for the first time possibly ever, Santa Claus does not come to visit at Christmas. His whereabouts are unknown, but the world is looking

into it. Children have woken up, gone to look under the Christmas tree to find nothing. Today is going to be turned into a national day of mourning. The current head of S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, he has got a lot of manila

folders with various organizations, various branches and arms of S.H.I.E.L.D. He pulls from the top of his in-pile the folder J.O.A. E.L. He shakes his head. He opens it up. It says the Christmas project or the Christmas case.

And he stamps it with a big F. And he closes the folder and puts it in his out tray the end thank you for playing agents of joel thank you jackson that's okay you killed santa merry christmas merry christmas merry christmas Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. We'll be right back.