Plumbing the Death Star - How Does Thor Get a Haircut?

Episode Date: January 26, 2015

In which our heroes sit down in the barbers chair, ask for braids and open an old copy of Journey into Mystery as we question how Thor gets his hair cut. We discuss Lex Luther’s hair envy, Ben Grim's little shorts and the all encompassing power of the Z-Men. Jackson gifts everyone with brilliant but irrelevant powers, Zammit is a fan of the sneaky mullet, and Duscher just wishes everyone would listen to his side-podcast: 'Naming Things.’ It’s an uncomfortable walk down the superhero runway as we all end up in bright lycra, fighting crime with our unmentionables clearly visible for all to see.Want to help us afford a pair of adamantium scissors? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us cut Thor’s goddamn hair.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least six books about Superhuman hairstyles from the 80s all featuring Longshot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SansPantsRadio, recording out of Melbourne's best radio place. Hey, this episode's brought to you by a bunch of people with hard names, so I apologize if I fuck this up. So thank you to Maximilian Nadanek, Benny Kane, and Justin Wenschka. Wenschka-ka. Wensch- I'm- fuck, I'm so sorry. Enjoy the episode. Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, how does Thor get a haircut?

Across the rainbow, bridge of Asgard, where the booming heavens roar. You'll behold in breathless wonder, the god of thunder, Riding Hood. I recently read Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe. And if you haven't read it, it's just a fantastic little comic book series. But the B story in that is that just Longshot gets a haircut. Because if anyone doesn't know who Longshot is, Longshot is an X-Man mutant. And for about 30 years, just has had a mullet. Because, you know, being an X-Man, party at the back,

business up the front. That's what being an X-Man is all about. That's what the X-Mansion is all about. Was he a character that was introduced in the 90s or 80s recently? Introduced in the 90s or introduced in the 80s? In the 80s. Good. It all makes sense. It's all coming together. It would be funny if he was introduced last year

and they were like, no, part of his backstory is that he still acts like it's the 90s you know what you know what kids love today mullets let's give everyone a mullet

it's really easy to tell when superheroes have been created though because if it's the 80s they have dumb hair and if it's the 90s they all have guns guns, shoulder pads

and pouches and sometimes way too many braids like on guys you get that in the 90s too you do maybe there is a skateboard like the silver surfer

but on a skateboard silver surfer was 90s sure oh 90s oh like they were surfing in like the 60s

oh yeah surfing in the 60s surfing USA yeah surfing in the 60s but still classic surfing with the alien Joe Satriani

is that his name? yep Joe Satriani yeah surfing his name yep joe satriani yes that's a thing that's a thing and all about the silver surfer that was our side podcast naming things welcome back to popping the death star uh and so the story is that he's gives his haircut because he hasn't changed it for a long long time yeah and fair enough i mean longshot is just a mutant he's got luck powers and the ability to sort of touch things and see the memory of things. Whatever.

Not the point. But he's fine. But someone like, say, Thor, who is invulnerable, there's a lot of effort and time that goes into cutting his hair, I would assume, because he changes his fashion pretty often. But as a- Along with other superheroes who are also, also like nigh invulnerable they still have to change superman and junk yeah but like as an asgardian does like thor even know

what a haircut is like nobody on asgard seems to cut their hair yeah they do because they're all long but it's all braided and yeah they might have hair stylists but like if you're a hair cutter that's that's not what they call hairdresser Hairdresser? Hairdresser on Asgard. You are not going to be doing much work most of the time. Yeah, but it grows because Thor's had long hair. He's had short hair. He's probably had a mullet at one point. Thor probably wouldn't go to a hairdresser.

He'd go to a barber. Yes, he would. He would go to the best barber. He would light up a cigar and he'd... Is he Wolverine now? Yes. That's the reason I have it in my head. You smoke cigars in barbers. Also with Wolverine now? Yes. That's the reason I have it in my head, you smoke cigars in barbers.

Also with Wolverine. He just, yeah, because he hasn't had a change of hair since he was conceived. Little Wolverine. Little Wolverine. He just had giant hair. It's the embryo coming out the front.

The reason that sperm got into the egg is just sheer willpower and violence. Cut open the egg, hop inside. Welcome home. He's ultra healing powers. They take him down, they burn his hair off, whatever. It just grows to that perfect shape

and length. That was literally my only beef with the Wolverine film he gets bombed and his hair grows back yeah but to the exact same hairstyle exact same hairstyle does that mean that the genetic code of Wolverine of Logan or James Howlett whatever you call him

that is to have your hair your hair is this isn't there a clone of Wolverine in the comics X-23 shouldn't she have the same hair isn't a clone of Wolverine in the comics? X-23? Yeah, X-23. He's like, girl, shouldn't she have the same hair? Like, isn't that part of Wolverine's mutant ability is that he also just has the sickest hair? Yeah.

My favorite part of the original X-Men films, though, is I think it's at the end of two. Hugh Jackman was currently filming a scene for Van Helsing, so he had different hair. So they put a Wolverine wig on top, so his hair is just way too tall and it's so obvious and it's the best

oh that's awesome I have to watch that again yeah it's in the president's office I think at the end of the second film presidential wig it looks so funny you gotta have the right hair to meet the president well okay is Thor like proper invulnerable though or is he like

he's just real fucking tough? Yeah. Because I know Superman is like, you can't shoot him. You can't shoot him. So trying to get scissors at that hair. I know like the Superman, how Superman like shaves and does his hair. He does his laser beam into a mirror. That's canon.

That's happened. Fuck you Superman for being that elaborate. Come fucking on. So he uses his own lasers. So he uses his own lasers. So he uses his own lasers to shave. That doesn't seem like you would have quite the right precision. No, I don't know. He's Superman. Wait, can we take laser eyes?

That would look just so silly. Does that mean like when he was like a teenager and he was trying to do it and didn't quite have the skill yet? He just had like laser splotches all over his face. And why is Superman's hair less powerful than the rest of his body like is it like superman's tough like he's invulnerable but his hair is just slightly less like you know it look he's superman his hair is invulnerable but the rest of his body

is invulnerable plus one yeah and does that mean that if you shot superman in the head you just shoot the hair away and he does have like bullet holes in his hair does that mean that if you shot Superman in the head, you just shoot the hair away? And he just has bullet holes in his hair? Does that mean you could shoot Superman bald? Because that's awesome. That's Lex Luthor's next nefarious scheme. That's funny because Lex is bald. Make the fucker bald like me. Exactly.

Like he's Superman fucking tied up, and they're like, yes, Superman. Now you'll know what it feels like to be me. He's like, oh, he's going to depower me. Oh. He shot my hair off. Just bald, I guess. Superman would look so dumb bald.

He would. I feel like he'd be terribly ashamed. He would. He would. Also, Superman has that little like fucking foreleg. Oh, he does have it. But he has also had a mullet in the 90s. That's true. Also, that would give away his identity if someone shot his hair off.

Yeah. Because, like, Superman's bald all of a sudden. Clark Kent is also bald. Yeah, that's true. You're like, Clark Kent related him. You're like, no, no, no, no. My head got hot one day. I'm just doing it for this.

Because Superman's doing it So Clark You think to put on glasses but going out And buying a wig is just too much forethought for you You idiot He has that curl as Clark Kent And as Superman doesn't he No actually he doesn't

Only as Superman which means that when he changes into his costume He's like alright get in the mirror, get my curl right now I'm Superman there's so much time and effort just goes on to how they cut their hair how they present themselves, and it goes into further like, not just in terms of hairstyles but also fashion, like they're all like

every person who is a superhero, mutant or whatever, they're like, has to be like a master in fashion design? Well, I mean, who's doing it is the question. Who's designing everybody's fucking costumes? Surely Professor X isn't in his downtime when he's not protecting the Marvel Universe,

being like, all right, it's been about ten years. So I think probably a new costume is an idea right now. Well, yeah, because each mutant has has its own little problem to deal with. Actually, no, it's... Mr. Fantastic, Reed Richards designs, I think, 90% to 100% of all superhero costumes. Doesn't Reed Richards have better things to do

with his time? Well, because he makes it... I think it's using unstable molecules, like all the superhero... One of the first things that Reed Richards designed for Fantastic Four was clothes made of unstable molecules like all the superheroes like one of the first things that Reed Richards designed for Fantastic Four I would be scared to put on those clothes was clothes made

of unstable molecules because he needed like he needed clothes that could stretch he needed clothes that could withstand heat and he needed clothes that don't invisible

and he needed little shorts little shorts for the thing because you know like look the thing you're pretty much good but I still want to hide your shirt he's like I literally

don't have genitals anymore it's just a brick and he's like no no no don't have genitals anymore. It's just a brick. And he's like, yeah. You'll fucking put on some shorts. I just feel a bit weird about it. That's a lot like, he's like, hey, Ben, I've got your uniform. He's like, ah, excellent.

And he's like, yeah, little shorts. Ben's like, you couldn't have given me pants? Nope. Lazy jukes. He's like, why do you want, no. What about a shirt? I'm made of rocks now. I'm still a man

Can I have a t-shirt at least No Go shirtless I can give you these little booties And maybe some cuffs All I got Did Reed only have like A certain amount of fabric

And he like made everybody else's And he looks and he's just got like Not quite enough left And he's like oh fuck Little shorts it is Ben Xavier has to go to read all the time And be like hey read

I need some more clothes So I've got this guy Who is made of wasps What can we do here I've got the perfect unstable molecule Just for you Done It got the perfect unstable molecule just for you. Done. This'll do ya just fine. It's the wasp molecule. And that'd be so awesome

just like putting down this mess of a costume and a guy made of wasps is just like and fills it up. You're like, alright, good. We've got that sorted. Good job, Reed. Would it explain how, because we have so many X teams, because we have like X-Force, X-Factor, X-Static, you know.

X-Men. X-Men. That's a one. It's a forgotten one sometimes. Is it like Xavier on the phone to Reed saying like, look, we've got these sort of new mutants. We want to sort of make a uniform for them because, again, they're having their own team.

We're going to call them something rad. I think these are a bit darker than that. Yeah. So like lots of black bit darker than that. Yeah. So like lots of black. Yeah, lots of black. Maybe some revealing clothes. Like, let's see some abs, you know. Like, we'll call them, I don't know,

what's dark and edgy? X. No, without the X. Oh, oh, oh, dark. We'll call them the Revengers. Yes. And then like Reed's looking over to his closet and just sees all these costumes, like X-themed.

That's all the X-Men have, are just X-themed costumes. Have you thought of... How about X-Revengers? X-Revengers? X-Force, maybe? Because you know how there's the Avengers, and they, like, avenge things. This team, their gimmick is that they only fight people who fought them. At the moment, nobody knows about them,

so they just sit in their HQ waiting for somebody. I'm going to send out letters because I feel a bit sad for them. Okay, I see what he's doing here, but how about instead X-Force... Kind of wrecks that gimmick. X-Force, because then, if you want, we can have all these costumes with the letter X somewhere around. I'm thinking of Get a Grid of X. No, no, you shouldn't.

I'm thinking of being Xavier with a Z. The Zed-Man. No, no, I think... Just the Uncanny Zed-Man. So Zed-For No, no, I think... The Uncanny Zed Men. So Zed Force we could do. Just taking stock of all the X-related costumes. No, I'm pretty sure, Xavier, that X is your branding. You want brand protection.

You would really, really just push that. You know what? I'm going to send you a box of X-Force costumes. I think it's a read your ships and run. Yeah, like I think you would, and Xavier would just be like, hey, you know how I changed my name to Zed? He's sending over Zed costumes. Reed, this

isn't what I asked for. Sure it is, Charles. It's fine. It's fine. Look, I'm so bad. You got out of it pretty well. Last time I asked Reed for something, he ended up with half a million robots. I know. I was going to say, the idea of Professor X sending off a letter to some villains being like, hi time I asked Reed for something, he ended up with half a million robots. I know. I was going to say, the idea of, like, Professor X sending off a letter to some villains

being like, hi, I'm Professor X, you probably know about me. Look, there's this weird gimmicky thing. Can you just hassle them so they can then fight you back? It's a weird request. Magneto would probably do it. He's kind of buddies with Charles. So maybe, because i reckon like when

xavier's like i'm gonna make a whole school for x-men like and then but maybe reed's like i'm gonna save me some time later and just make a fuck ton of x outfits does he like write down he's like what powers could people have really hot guy gotta have that really cold guy gotta have that really temperate guy what about if you're like a team of superheroes who are just starting out? Like, you're like, you know, let's say we all got powers, right? Like, and we do shoot his head can

become a bazooka. Good. Joel Zammett's got, um, like a thousand wasps in his belly. I'm going back to wasps. I'm gonna wasp kick. And those wasps can just shoot out of his stomach whenever. You have four belly. I'm going back to wasps. I'm going to wasp kick. And those wasps can just shoot out of his stomach whenever. You have four arms.

I have four arms, but not four arms. Four arms. But your name is four arms. Like the mutant, I think it was from the Savage Land, who also had four arms, who was called four arms. Well, I'll kill him to have four arms supremacy. Okay, you can have five arms and you can be called Too Many Arm Men.

Perfect. I like that you guys don't get names. I'll be Five Arms. You get like two either side and one out the chest. No, no, no, no. One out my forehead. That's what I was thinking. Two either side, one out the old forehead.

No, no, no. Can my name be High Five? That's the best. Because Five Two either side, one out the old four. No, no, no. Can my name be High Five? That's the best. Because five arms, too. Rock and roll. Okay, so yeah, say we're a team starting out. We can't call Reed. He doesn't know us.

We don't have the funding right now to make costumes. Do we need to fight some crime first? Maybe. But I feel Reed would be charitable to new mutants or new powers. None of us, well, both Jackson and I don't need a different costume. Oh, I have five arms. I think I'm going to need at least a, I don't know how to make a t-shirt with extra sleeves. Okay, that's true.

You'll need a costume. Joel will just because he needs a hole. A bee belly. A bee belly, yeah. But it's literally my head changing. That's it. You might need a special hat. I'm not a man who wears too many hats.

So Reed's like, here, I made you a special hat. I'm like, I'm probably not going to wear this. It's made from unstable molecules. I'm not going to put that on my head. My head just becomes a bazooka, so I don't really need to. We've got bee belly, high five just becomes a bazooka, so I don't really need to. Well, I name me. We've got Beebelly, High Five, and...

Bazooka Joe? Bazooka Joel. Bazooka Joel. Hi, I'm Bazooka Joel. Are you Joel Doucher? No, different guy. Different guy. Can't you see my head's a bazooka?

But we've all chosen, or you've given us powers to choose these. You gave us, bestowed upon us these powers that really could all... We could just have our own stuff. Again, Doucher's head is changing. power you choose these you gave us bestowed upon us these powers that really could all we could just have our own stuff like again douche's heads is changing he could just not wear a hat and he's fine i can simply lift up my shirt and shoot i like to think you just get scissors and cut out a hole cut out a hole but i could just easily lift up there's the t-shirt there's like wasp on people i guess i could just go shirtless shirt No, no. No, no, no. You can just wear like a singlet.

Oh yeah, singlet. Like a really loose singlet. And a very large hat. I don't even need a hat. It's out of his forehead. You don't need a hat. It's just like a trunk in the wrong place. Yeah, I guess at the end of the day but giving Dushra a haircut would be hard

because his head's a bazooka. You wouldn't even have hair when your head's a bazooka. No, I wouldn't. Let's be honest. No, I wouldn't. My fringe would get in the way. So I think there's definitely, at least in Asgard, going back to Thor,

there's going to be a barber and a hairdresser who is also, I think, very into braids. Hairdresser, was that? Hairdresser. Good, good. I think very into braids. Hairdresser was that? Hairdresser. Good, good. I'm glad we clarified that. Thank God. You're most on the episode there.

But I think there's definitely these people who are very, very much into braiding. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there has to be. I mean, that has to be the fashion. I think what's weird about Asgard is that the fashion hasn't changed in X amount of years. of years well if you've got something that's working let's go back to the sneaky mullet that's that's working for for long term at least for a good 30 years and it's only at that point wait is it set now where he gets rid of his hair yeah that is totally because everybody just told him to if you've been rocking a mullet for 30 years, then you want to keep that mullet.

And that's the rest of your team being like, look, man, it's 2014. He got a very 2014 hipster haircut. It is beautiful. Has anybody else got a mullet? Long shot. Does he have like a man bon? It's sort of like, sort of shaved, but with like a bit of a quiff and then sort of like

these sort of sideburn things going on. It's very hipster-ish. It's the 2015 equivalent. 2014 haircut is like straggly at the front and then just like a tight bun on top. Man bun.

It's like this era's moment, basically. I think what is the biggest problem with a hairdresser what a bad, like your identity go on, if you are Superman and your hair is invulnerable and you go to the hairdresser, the moment he's like

oh are you Superman? you're out of the game, like all superheroes who are invulnerable must just be terrified of the hairdresser they'd have to get the haircut as the superhero so that their identity isn't what about Spider-Man getting a haircut he's got to like take off the mask haircut as the superhero so that their identity isn't... Hey, could you mind if... I was going to say, why don't Spider-Man get a haircut?

He's got to, like, take off the mask, but then, of course... Peter Parker. You go with this fucking idiot. Yeah, I wonder how Batman gets a haircut, am I right? Those ears must get in the way. Bruce Banner going to get a haircut. It's not quite what he wants. We've all had that experience of just being like, yeah, I want this. He's like, what he wants. We've all had that experience

of just being like, yeah, I want this. He's like, oh, disappointed. Yeah, this isn't quite the haircut I want. Oh, do you like it? Yeah, it's alright.

They show you the back of your head and you're like, yeah, it'll grow out, I suppose. They show you the back of the head and you're like, I wish I didn't see that. That's what I look at from behind. Oh, Christ.

Bruce Banner, but I like to think after he destroyed and left The hairdresser would just be like Oh so I guess he's the Hulk Oh okay I suppose Oh that's the case Also I like to imagine that

All of the X-Men have their haircut on like the same day Like a haircut day Yeah well someone would come to the X-Mansion I'm assuming Yeah I suppose you're right With you know super hair dressing powers He's going to come along Basically the Marvel equivalent of Edward Scissorhands.

Yes. I like to imagine that they just line everyone up and then... Like Scott Summers. That's exactly where I was going. How did you get to that? That is seriously where I was going. But it's a fucking school.

That's so many students just in a line. I just imagine having everyone just like pin their hair to the wall behind them, so everyone just has the same length hair now. I thought for a second you were gonna say like everybody lines up and then somebody comes in with a bowl. I'm fine with that too. Wolverine could cut their hair. No, no, I don't think he has that level of precision I think he still needs scissors to cut hair He's pretty shy

Swishy swishy Oh that's my forehead open Heel heel I just asked for a little Off the top, now I have no scalp Heel heel We don't all have healing powers What?

Oh no Come again Oh shit Well there's like There's other villains Other superheroes Or supervillains in this case Like Unus

I think his name's Unus Who the fuck is Unus? U-N-U-S Unus the Untouchable Who has like a mini force field All around him And I'm pretty sure He mostly has a bowl haircut

I bet he gets so dirty Is his So his name's Like Unus the Untouchable around him. And I'm pretty sure he mostly has a bowl haircut. I bet he gets so dirty. So his name's Unus the Untouchable? But he's a bad guy, right? So someone touches him at some point. He gets his arse handed to him all the time. Surely he should change his name. Unus the Sometimes Touchable.

Well, they don't touch him, but I think they beat his force field around him and then he goes down. So the force field is not really achieving much. It's just giving them more to punch But he must be Would he be filthy or just really clean? Because no germs Can germs get through the force field?

He'd be really clean But then how does he breathe? What's going on there? What's going on there, Unus? Just personal hygiene Maybe he's, like, brushing the little miniature force field, like, that's, you know, several millimetres near

his teeth. He's brushing that. Does Superman need to brush his teeth? He probably just uses lasers for that, too. The mirror. And also, how come his heat vision doesn't just shatter the mirror? Or melt the mirror, in this case.

That doesn't make a lot of sense. Guys, I think we've just realized superheroes don't make that much sense. Back to Thor, though. Back to the Asgard, and a god. Cutting a god's hair would be stressful. Yeah, it would be stressful. Actually, if you were a hairdresser, or a barber in this case,

and an actual god comes in the god of thunder do my hair i would be having a very stressed day i just cut like a 14 year old i gave him an undercut yeah he was happy you're like and now i gotta do thor i like to think after you did it if you liked it he would just be like another and you'd be like what really how hair works do you want me to do your beard? Sorry! Yeah, he'd be like, another, do my beard. Okay. Now do my back hair. Ah, shit, Thor.

Come on. And then he'd leave fucking Asgardian coins, and you'd be like, this is not currency. I like to imagine on Asgard, not only do they need a specialised barber, who, in my, again, in my dumb thoughts, I just imagine someone with, again, Thor's hammer, just hammering people's hair off.

Yep, good. Like a hammer and chisel sort of situation. I imagine that's how it works. But they'd also have to be a stylist because everyone dresses like Vikings. That's very true. And then the occasional 90s wear 90s Thor, Thunderstrike. I'm Thor, but look, I want to have a ponytail.

How can we rock that? And they're like, a ponytail how can we rock that they're like done how can we make that work we can make that happen do you reckon that kicked off in asgard like everybody rocking the ponytail well i think if you were as guardian and somebody dressed different you would be like my brain is exploding i can't handle this i can't actually cope maybe it's just thor being the trendsetter maybe everyone's like look, look at Thor and how awesome he is. Even Odin's like, I love my son. He's too fucking rad. I'm going to get a fucking awesome beard with brains. But Loki wouldn't be in on that.

And Loki has a pretty fucking sweet outfit. He has a cape and shit. But then everyone's like, look at Loki, that punce. Yeah, he's a prick. Nah, let's all dress like Thor and be awesome. Something about Thor, actually, that just into my brain. He doesn't change clothes. Thor has one outfit, right?

One stinky, filthy... He has like one battle outfit. Yeah. But he has like, he wears like robes and shit when he's in Asgard sometimes. Does he? Yeah, he changes outfits and also his battle outfit does change. Does he wash that outfit?

Does Tony Stark wash the Iron Man suit? Can you wash the Iron Man suit without just racking it? I'd imagine he'd have some nanobots that are eating away the filth inside I disagree. I think it works like a coffin that mummies are in and it just opens and then he just hoses it down

He leaves it out to dry in the sun and then it's too hot when he puts it on it's cooled down same with Batman you cannot wash latex would make his balls sweat so much

can you imagine that moment where he's like he's fucking beat up and he's sitting in his bed and Alfred pulls off the it would peel Oh Master Bruce That's the most disgusting thing I've ever smelt, Master Bruce You sweaty boy

Oh god, this stench is worse than tangerines I like to imagine him just hanging up the bat suit with like pegs and just getting like febreze or like deodorant, just being like... Because we see Bruce always, or Batman, always at night, always in sort of cold climates.

So what happens when there's a heat wave in Gotham? Because, hey, Batman's great, but that's not a cooling suit, to be honest. So we're talking like, you know, midsummer, where it's hitting like, you know, maybe 40 degrees Celsius. Yeah. In Gotham. So that's like, what, 250 Fahrenheit?

I don't know numbers. I don't know how to math. Temperature. Come on, America. Get on the Celsius bandwagon. So what is Batman there? He's got the cow, a cape, and little booties and shorts. And is his stylist being like, hmm, Bruce, Bruce, this isn't a look for you. You just made him sound like Robin.

That's what Robin wears. This is what I'm going to wear tonight, Robin. Because it's hot outside. Bruce, come on. Bruce. You're very revealing. That's my outfit. Oh, boy.

No, that was Mickey Mouse. Holy mackerel, Batman. You know, even aside, it's going to make you cool, but you're just revealing everything to get shot, Batman. Like, come on. Why does no one ever shoot Robin? Robin's wearing little shorts. He'd be fine in the summer.

He would be fine. I think Michael Caine, well, not Michael Caine. Alfred is Bruce's stylist. Yeah, stylist. Do you think there was a period of time where Batman was coming up with an outfit and he'd just come out and he'd be like, does this look like a bat? And I'd be like, not quite, Master Bruce. I think it needs some ears, Master Bruce.

And why don't you work on that wingspan? Bat's ears, Master Bruce. Maybe some kind of nose, like a bat's nose, Master Bruce. He does that. He's like, what about this, Alfred? Too scary, Master Bruce. I don't like it anymore. I'm frightened.

And then him designing, like, Robin's outfit. I don't know, Bruce. I mean, he just looks like he's going swimming. Robin does look like he's going swimming all the time. Have you ever seen a Robin, Master Bruce? That's not what Robins look like. Do Robins even have green shorts or legs? And also, Master Bruce, why the Robin?

I mean, the bat. Robin, I don't quite understand the connection. I don't know, Alfred, because robins hunt bats. Are you insane, Master Bruce? Master Bruce, I'm afraid. This is Nightwing's outfit. What's a Nightwing, Master Bruce? A Nightwing eats a robin and the robin eats the bat.

Okay, then, Master Bruce. Why is he wearing swimming trunks? Because the robin has powerful legs. And the legs you use to crush the bat. And the nightwing comes in and just kills the robin. It's a chain of command. Come on, Alfred. All right, Master Bruce Bruce I'll get dinner ready

Shall I I've got to get out of here 9-1-1 And he goes Goes to a local Beach side resort Yeah I'll take the green ones Thanks

Would you like some goggles Nah just the trunks He just wants the trunks so i think we've realized there you go young robin wear these it's really cold tonight i know but when it gets that heat wave you'll be loving it so i think we've realized that superheroes need a stylist not only to cut their hair but also to help design their outfit and maybe clean them everybody kind of needs an al Alfred at the end of the day. Well, with that conclusion, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Thanks, Alfred. Wash your clothes, guys. Cheers, Alfred. You're a trooper. Can you even wash unstable molecules? Or would that just fuck up my washing machine?

I feel like if you added water to unstable molecules, that would become more stable and everything would be ruined. Then you'd be trapped in your system. Or would we have to buy a washing machine from Reed Richards and that's just more money-making for that puns? Reed Richards is just cheating the fucking system. That fucking Dr. Reed Richards. That fucking guy.

I've got a thunder, I need more. Hey, if you enjoyed Plumbing the Death Star, you should check out our sister show, Shut Up a Second. Let's get your two favorite boys. Me and Jackson. Sort of like Plumbing the Death Star, but without the dead white. Oh, you mean me? Rude.

Fuck off, Joel. Anyway, as I was saying, search for Shut Up A Second on iTunes and Stitcher. We look forward to being in your ear holes soon.