Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Huff and Puff and Kill Those Three Little Pigs?

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

Plumbing the Death Star has been in the pool for too long and the sun is starting to get to them. You can tell. Duscher's head is burning. Maybe because of this they're turning their attention to fairy tales and trying to eat the three little pigs. Duscher wants to ramraid the pigs brick house, Zammit is unclear if destroying a tent is a crime, and Jackson invents the Hambulance, with truly terrible concequences. "Being in the sun for so long has made the Plumbing Boys even funnier," say the people. And they are right.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to another episode of Pooling the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. We're in the pool again. We're in the pool and we're funny in the pool. And this time we're in the sun in the pool so... Yes. It's a sunstroke app.

It's an app where you watch us get... you're like, that's not typical Plumbing the Death Star nonsense. That was just pool water. They were just getting sick. Yuck. Anyway, Plumbing the Death Star's a film we... You drank the Plumbing the Death Star soup. People would have paid good money for that. They would have paid good money for that. They were just sick. Yuck! Anyway, Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy...

You drank the Plumbing the Death Star soup! People would have paid good money for that. That's awesome! Let us know, do you want to buy our pool water? Anyway, Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions like How would you huff and puff and kill those three little pigs! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMM MMM MMM MMM M M And a wolf wanted to fucking eat him. Yeah. So the pigs fled and one of them built a house full of sticks and the wolf came upon it and he huffed and he puffed. Blew it down and ate the pig. Sick. Then he came to a house made of straw, same thing.

Then he came to a house made of brick. Couldn't do it. So he climbed down the chimney but the little pigs they lit a fire, burnt his asshole. And they killed that fucking wolf. Yeah, he deathed from a hot rain. And then they killed that fucking wolf. Yeah, he death for my hot wings. And then they ate that goddamn wolf. The pigs ate the wolf. His asshole was so hot the fire went through him and cooked him from the inside out. It's awesome. It's sick, we love it. But now the wolf is dead, killed by poaching and coming to that stop.

We ain't got his arse dude. Fuck that wolf. We fucked the wolf. We shot the wolf! We shot the wolf and we said Oh fuck those pigs look awesome! I think I figured out the wolf's plan, I don't know what we could do! Well, look, I know that there's probably a lot of listeners and viewers out there that are vegetarian or vegan and that I respect and it's fine but to me pork fucking rules!

Yeah, you're a big pork guy? I'm not even really a big pork guy it's like a delicacy for me I do like that we what we do with bigs sometimes is what you call that? Oh ham's not a delicacy no I eat ham but like pork belly crispy pork, crackling yeah I'm with you oh barme? barmee pork. Oh, I like the cracking in that bad boy. That's crazy, because barmee to me, whilst a sandwich I could get any day of the week, it feels fancy. It does, it is fancy. It's got pate on it, sir. It is just sandwich.

And pickled carrot. Mmm. What were you going to say about pigs? Oh, I love that. I feel like I'm falling out of the pot. You kind of are. You're leaning more towards the sun. You're gonna have your head on the ground. The sun yearns for me. Well, like, about pigs, I'm done. We've realised that if we just give, say, pig, acorn, then the pig tastes a little bit like acorn.

Yeah, that is awesome. And so we're making this pig eat nothing but acorn for a bit. This pig doesn't taste a little bit nice for me. Made it a little fancy, so the pig's diet is picked for its life. I think about pig as well. People like smoked meats. Why don't pigs smoke cigarettes? I think. I saw a guy who smoked and he smoked some meat with cigarettes. So he designed a little machine, a little box that smoked cigarettes for him and he put the meat in the box and then he put like cigarette after cigarette in the little nozzle and he smoked it with cigarette meat and it went

a horrible black color. Yeah, so the problem was like smoking it, so it kind of takes on that flavor of what you're smoking it with, I eat like a different kind of wood chips. Cigarette ham. Cigarettes. Cigarettes. Cigarettes. I've never once in my life I had a smoke and been like, mmm, tasty. I wish this taste is like me yeah all my meat tastes like cigarettes yeah yeah yeah anyway I just thought it was an awesome thing a guy did I noticed that the pool water is no longer clear it's become a milky plumbing the dust stock well that's partly because of all that sunscreen that would be six o'clock so we don't burn the deck. Not waiting at all like 20 minutes, just kind of washing off into the water. Oh, Jackson put sunscreen on before without even drying himself.

Why, why, why? I'll be fine. He's gotta be quick. I'll be fine, dude. Hey, is there any other, you know with pig? Uh-huh. You got bacon, ham, pork. Gammon. Gammon, yeah, exactly.

Let's say chicken. It's just all chicken, yeah? Yeah, well it's breast, thigh. White meat and dark meat. Yeah. Breast, thigh, leg. That's just name and bits of the chicken. That's just name chicken, yeah? Yeah, well it's breast, thigh. It's white meat and dark meat. Yeah. Breast, thigh, leg. That's just name and bits of the chicken.

That's just name and bits. Ham isn't a bit of the pig. No, I guess you're saying pork belly. Yeah, I guess. Ham hock. Yeah, you're the hock. Not getting the chicken hock. What's a hock?

Only some animals have hocks. Is a hock a bit of a foot? Ahhhhhhh. I don't know what a hock is. All I want to say is it's the same thing as a whole charr rump. Pate comes from duck. Just liver, isn't it? You're thinking of foie gras.

No, pate is duck liver. No, it's just anything's liver. You can also...isn't it? You can pate anything. Like, liver. Okay, anything's liver, you can pate. Like you can get dog pate if you want. Yeah, but you're not meant to eat dog liver. No, you're not meant to eat all of their liver No, you're not meant to eat dog liver

Because I remember this story about these guys that went into the Arctic and ate a dog liver Well because they ran out of food so they ate their Huskies including the livers and then one of them went insane And he kept saying I've got to go into the wilderness and the other guy said please don't and he tried to lie on top Of him, but it didn't work. The guy got up went into the wilderness and died. Is it to do with vitamin A maybe? Probably. Vitamin D bitch. For dog. Well we're getting plenty of that today. Yes, plenty of dog.

So, okay. Killing three pigs isn't as hard as three grown men. If you found a little house made of, I think the first one's straw. Well the thing is, I think- Well because the problem is, like, okay, I want the pig to eat the pig well. I want to look at the thing No, so he wants the pig comma you want because he was I want the big See you want the big I want you okay? I get I was there I don't wanna eat the pig! I want the pig to eat the pig and then I'll eat the pig!

If we can feed a pig acorns and it tastes a bit like acorn, what if I fed a pig pig? I'm inventing double pork. And therefore we get double pork. No, what happens then is you get mad pig disease. And then you get really sick. No, so the reason I want a pig is because I want to eat the pig. Yes, yes. Straw is flammable.

That's what I'm speaking. When I eat the pig, the pig will have at some point been hot. Yes. Why not... Yeah, pre-cook the pig. I eat cooked the pig. If you... Is that a good way to cook a pig?

By setting it down some fire. Is that a bad way to cook a pig? Well, because he eats mostly going to die out presumably from smoking relation first. You smoked a pig with straw. Now, is straw good usually when you're smoking meats? Do you use straw? Well, straw is really flammable, which means that it'll probably burn very quickly. I think it's very smoky too.

I think if you burn straw, it makes a lot of smoke. Yeah, which is what you don't want. Well, you really don't want that all to like impenetrate that delicious pig flesh. I think it's one of the thing with smoking a pig typically is the pig is dead. Not screaming? He can't go anywhere. Yeah, and also like these are sentient pigs too. Yeah, you actually watch him run outside with his clothes on fire. And then he stomp drops and rolls. Rolled right into my truck. It's like when the big bad wolf

he helps me, he helps me blow the house down. The pig runs. Yeah, the pig flees to the next house. So you kind of got to do a I would argue, we got to set a trap. Yeah, sure we can huff and puff and blow that house down. Or we can like maybe try and light a fire. Fake ambulance. But then we have to like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fake ambulance. Does it work like the fake taxi? I hope not. But then we have to like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fake ambulance Fake ambulance Does it work like the fake taxi? I hope not He comes in and I say Hey, you got any money to pay for this medical treatment? The pig says no, but I got something else I could do Now I'm getting blown by a pig You wanted to peak-deak the pig and Jackson wanted to fuck the pig

I'm getting my dick in it My dick sucked by one of the three little pigs Yeah, Jackson's getting rimmed by three little pigs. A staple is a fake taxi. Yeah, dude. And then you guys are banging on the taxidermy ambulance window, and you're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, what was the plan again?

Not this! That's what was the plan! What were we trying to do? Somebody said fake ambulance. I ran with it, I guess. You said fake ambulance! That's right. Now I'm getting rimed by a pig.

That would feel crazy! And stink! Your opposable crotters just jerking you off! Oh you're a naughty little pig aren't you! Ohhhhh! I've adopted the fake taxi guy's voice. For fucking this little pig. Well I was going to say say before I started getting pig

dome I was gonna say so he comes out I say oh I put like one of those you know emergency blankets over him I say we're gonna take you down to the hospital he lies down on the gurney but actually it's a hole it's a big oven it's not a real one when I close the thing I dial a knob on the side and I put him in there. You put a kiln in the back of your truck. I think that's a good idea. What we do initially is we call up the pig's house and be like there's been a gas leak in the area and you have to evacuate. True. You and your delicious brothers need to leave the house and get this amazing ambulance you have.

Exactly. Instead of ham-bulance if you will. Mmm. A smart ham-bulance. What do you think of that? I think a lot of good things about a ham-bulance if you will. Mmmmm. A smug ham-bulance. What do you think of that? I think a lot of good things about a ham-bulance. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'm for a ham-emergency. They are running toward the ambulance. They say, wait a second. Wait a second.

There's a big cage there. I say it's for pigs. And it's everywhere there with like a little beer-bomb, knife and fork, salivating. Get in the ham-bulance. Get in the ham-bulance. I would say with the same cadence when you say it's for pigs. It's for pigs. Get in it! Get in! It's for pigs. It's for pigs. I say oh you're so you you look bite your tongue! No, I'm not gonna eat the acorns and chewing on that apple! I just make sure you're warm in here, I just crank the heat a little bit.

I'm just cranking the heat a little bit. And I turn the lights off? And I'm gonna baste you in honey, you're feeling powers in honey or whatever! It's like for your skincare, idiot. And to relax. And to relax you because you're so fucked up or whatever. Yeah. Are pigs like cows or whatever where adrenaline makes their meat bad? Yeah, I think so.

Ooh. Okay, we gotta calm down. Okay. Drugs? The pig though, hang on. Reverse pig. I get in the fake ham thing. Oh, I'm off the goat too young.

Little pig, you need to go somewhere. Oh, sorry pig, I don't have any money. But I can think of another way that I might be able to pay my fare. I could rim your dirty little pig arsehole! I could rim your pig arsehole, and meanwhile you two are sharpening knives. I think I got the worst job! I drew the short straw! I was just tongue deep in a pig bum and you're like, mmmmm.

I don't think I want to eat ham anymore. I don't like ham. It's gonna remind me of the time I rimmed a pig. You fellas enjoy. I'm a vegetarian now. We call up Lil Piggy and we're like, congratulations, you've won a free day at a spa. Oh, okay. For you and two of your delicious friends. Oh, I see. Or brothers. I forget how they are related. Yes. So yeah,

and then we set up simply just sort of like a lovely base bar where we treat these pigs, like how we treat cows, like the way, like cows. Oh okay, so they massage them. They love them. Yeah. Three pigs named Angus. Angus, Angus and Angus. Angus pig. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Three in a pig's name, Angus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Angus, Angus, and Angus. Angus Pig. And yeah, so we give them like a massage, we relax them, and we steam them. Yeah, steamed ham. We put them in like a steam room, and it's like, yeah, it's for your pores, and they're cooking, and it smells so good. It smells delicious, dude.

We're saying, oh, it's aromatherapy, it really is just like sage. How quickly, if say the situation is reversed, and the three of us have been invited to a spa. Yeah, and but it's a spa designed to make us delicious Yeah, how long do you think before you realize? So wouldn't be until they were slicing you up. Ah, yeah, nah. What makes a guide delicious? Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't know the warning signs. I'm guessing, I'm guessing. If they put me in a big stew, I might notice. I'm guessing because we're gonna be like, alright, we're gonna tenderise you. I offer you a wonderfully good massage. True, I'd be like, yeah great. Oh, it's like the lymphatic drainage massage. Oh, that's feeling great.

That feels amazing. They're making me feel great. They're like, oh yeah, now, hop into this steam room. Yeah, we have these. Lovely, sounds good. That's incredible. We go in there, it's like, oh, that's not lavender. That smells more like sage.

That's sage and rosemary. Rosemary at the time. I think the, yeah, I think the skin cream that they've given us is butter. Oh yeah, oh. But I don't know skincare, so maybe that's good. It's a salt scrub. Oh yeah, nice.

With a bit of butter in there, because it helps, like, you know, slide. Makes it, yeah, makes it all greasy. It's on my eyes, though. Greases you up. It's on my eyes, though. I quit using massage oil, I don't know. And all it is is just a bit of warm butter and a bit of salt, maybe a bit of garlic in there. I'm like, oh, that smells delicious.

That smells delicious. And then they're slicing off your bum cheeks to grill. Yeah, that's when you notice. What massage is this? Can I get those back? We're gonna take them away and massage them separately from your body. Oh, cool! Nice! New technique I guess. This is a cool spa.

I'm dead. Surely the moment that you get put on a massage table and they tenderize you, then they're just gonna pull out a bolt gun. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna get a chance to realize that's true. It's funny with the three little pigs' houses, right? Because, so blowing down a house made of straw. Yeah. That's, I mean, it's not okay. But like, it's like a more okay- Why do you build that?

What do you mean? Well, like a house made of bricks bricks that feels like an act of terrorism You know, but a house made of straw like that could blow over in the wind. Yeah, you know Same, you know, so I don't know Just saying I'm the last one feels like the worst one to do. Well, yeah, that's Not the hardest the worst morally. Oh,ally? Well, it's a more established household. I think that's what makes it feel weird. Well, if you go on, yeah, someone's going camping, right?

Yeah. And you kick down their tent. That's rude. That's rude. But it's not like... Well, it's like kicking down a sandcastle, then kicking down a tent, and then blowing up a house. Yeah, there's an escalation there. I guess you're right, because if you're looking outside like a straw, if we look about as a...

I've dug a hole in the sand and I'm living there, and you're like, ah, kicking it down because you're like, idiot, I'm hungry. Yeah, exactly. It's not really breaking and entering, you're just being a dick at the bed. Yeah, exactly. If someone is camping and you knock over their... oh no. Oh, there's a light. Oh, it's...

Yeah, that's good. It's facing away now, but we can't move it back. I don't even know if you can see it anyway. We put the lights on because it's dark in the shade. Have the lights up? No. Absolutely not. Yeah, it's dark in the shade, hot in the sun. We're in the pool again. It's fine, it's fine.

Is this for you listeners? I mean, it's for us, really. Oh no, my towel is getting wet. Your towel is soaking wet. Yeah, it's meant by design, I'm so hot. I want to be cooking. Yeah, fair enough. And then yeah, so you have the sticks, which feels like if you're on a tent,

you are on a camping ground. I mean, I don't think like say, not gonna be like suit or whatever, but you might go like, there's a crime there, but you might get like the park ranger be like, hey, stop kicking over someone's tent. I'm pretty sure kicking over a tent is a crime. Well but you might get like the park ranger be like yeah, I'm kicking over someone's tent Yeah, I'm pretty sure Kicking over a tent is a crime

Well that is where someone's living I guess Yeah, it's assault Property damage? If I go if I'm camping He's being a dick at the But if I'm camping and there's a guy in a tent that I don't know And I just go over and said kicking his tent and drag him out to eat Yeah, well the drug, it's dragging me out

Yeah, but even kicking the tent, surely you can't do... Like, he would have recourse to call the police on me. I'm a menace at the camp, bro. Call the park ranger. I'm like, that's what I'm saying, the park ranger will come in. Jerry Brown or whatever his name is. Who's park ranger Yogi Bear? Uh, I think he's...

Ranger Brown? Ranger Dan? Ranger Brown? Ranger Jellystone National Park. It's me uh... yeah uh... it's to be a

uh... you know that this is the park rangers to be okie about great job you'll be useful in the book and the things you know if there's no one's going to want for like maybe like uh... the sandcastle you didn't want to know yes that you know uh... maybe the part of life going to be a in the mouth by dad yeah yeah maybe the lifeguard at the beach will tell you all the tent maybe you get yelled at by a ranger and maybe like disgruntled family and I think if they wanted to pursue just they could maybe get you for a salt black. I'm getting hot. Mine's hot.

It's in the sun. You're scooting back I'm scooting forward you better go scoot forward. You gotta get close to the camera. Close the camera out of the Sun? I got a short lead. Oh, that's true Stop caring if it gets in the water. Yeah, that is brave of you Yeah, that is brave and then yes for a brick house that feels like yes, you're breaking it Yeah, and that feels like you're worse morally I guess on the on the on the breaking entry. Yes Yeah, brick house is worse than a straw or stick. Yes. One thing I've realised this episode's going on,

it's actually, as a human being, it's very easy to take the lives of three little pigs. Yes. The wolf really fucked this one up. Well, he did a weird thing where instead of breaking in, he blew down the house with his breath. Yeah. Because I guess the wolf was like,

okay, what do I have in my arsenal? I've got sharp teeth, I've got claws, I've got wolf was like, okay, what do I have in my arsenal? Yeah, I got sharp teeth, I got claws, I got a big bite, but I have a good set of lungs. Yeah, what if I have a fox done the puffed? I'm actually very good at blowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna blow these big rhymes out. He would have absolutely killed it in the fake ambulance. I'm just getting wolf-domed now.

I've strayed so far from the original goal. I'm just making my way through the animal kingdom. Alright, oh, here on fake ambulance. Fake ambulance? I've got wolf. I, uh, we're just picking up as many animals as we can and get them to eat my arse. It's a storybook, wolf, so it's okay. It's not a crime.

See the wolf talks, yeah! I'm loving it, I love it, Darnia! See? Get off your eye, Orbs! I love this pornography that's turning to the camera and lecture me that it's good. It's normal, it's fine! You're sitting there, dicking hand being like, I clicked on this! I know it's fine! Or if it's not fine, I decided that that's still good for me.

What are you talking about? Just get to it. Come on. Even the wolf's justifying it. Look, this is very unrelated, but imagine, and I reckon we're probably getting pretty close to this. So, like, content now, there's a little like and a dislike button. Imagine if pornography, they start turning to the camera being like, Smash that like button if you enjoyed this video. Surely, yeah, surely that's gonna begin.

You know, like- I'm calling it now. Yeah. The end of pornography will end with, Hey, leave a comment if you liked this video. How would you suck my dick? Leave a comment. Yeah, leave a comment below.

How would you have eaten my pussy? Let me know! I guess they kinda do that in a way. Sort of. Like would you fuck me? I don't think I've ever seen form of it. Sometimes if you're scrolling through Instagram or whatever and they'll be like Hey, wouldn't you fuck me?

I've seen the TikTok, it's like If you had me for 24 hours and I can't say no, what would you do? What if I was your nurse? And then it was great, you know? And people were like, well, first off, I'd see you down. We'd go watch Craven. Yeah, yeah. Great movie. Great movie. See it four times. Um, yeah.

Okay, so, okay, straw house, stick house, easy. Easy, easy. So yeah, what, what, what? Sediment fire, chainsaw, whatever. I don't think a fireplace is gonna be an issue for us either, because I don't think we're going down the chimney. Well, that's what I was gonna say, brick House. Brick House, is that a song? Adam used to sing it a lot.

Anyway, Brick House, how do you break into a brick house? All our plans have failed, we've door knocked on them and they're like wait a second something sucks. We've got the ambulance, they're like nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Don't stop. Okay, crash the car. Whiplash. Broken axe. Usually... Tell me that's not a seatbelt. The three little pigs come outside and they say, Who are these men? And why are they dead?

Oh no! So usually where you drive, again, you've seen... There are places where you can use whatever... I've seen a car driving into my house. Yeah, it's about how we've got someone woodchippin'. Oh, that's awesome. That's good. So when someone drives into a house, usually it's like,

oh yeah, my living room is ruined, and the person who was driving is severely injured. Isn't that a way of robbing a place? Isn't it called like ram-roading or something? Ram-roading? Ram-raging? There's like a name for it. What am I thinking of?

No, that is really loud. It's extremely loud. Lucky we have microphones. Right, listeners? I think that's off to a good start, the people are saying. Ram Raid? Ram Raid! That's usually how you rob a bank.

I just think maybe an ambulance isn't the best thing. You kind of want to fuck. Well, ambulances are bad because I don't know listeners if you know this. Wait, there's a whole ambulance. We can design this however we want. It's actually a big... It's actually a meant truck. Yeah, and it's got three big points on the front that are great for puncturing walls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, you know, neck supporters to prevent whiplash. We've got seat belts on. The airbags are cushiony. They're good for us and they don't hurt. Well yeah, anyway, there's a thing with ambulances which are actually a deeply unsafe vehicle to drive because of the medical equipment required to store in them so that the ambulance can work as an ambulance. Sometimes they just randomly explode.

Oh, okay. They also roll pretty easily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being a paramedic is easily out of the three emergency services is the most dangerous by such a significant margin. Yeah. Cops the easiest. Yeah. And the one I respect the least.

By a significant margin. If, say we ram raid, and we smash our way into the Three Little Pigs house. Yes. How quickly, before the Three Little Pigs can leave, could you leap raid and we smash our way into the Three Little Pigs house, how quickly before the Three Little Pigs can leave, could you leap out and grab it? Because money isn't fleer. So we've rammed this house. We're probably pretty disarcing.

Why did all three of us get into the ambulance? I imagine that I'm in the back, loose. We all have to be in the car so that when the car goes through the wall we're all in the house. Yeah, exactly. Otherwise we'd be outside the house. There's a hole now in the house. I don't know what he's saying. I'm already driving full speed. We've already crashed and I've concussed myself.

And then back in the ambulance. I've got a defibrillator sticking out of my head. Oh no. Let's get the pigs! The pigs getting caught in an oxygen tank. Blow up. Oh I got you. I've got the pigs and now we're all in heaven.

Could we like, is there anything more subtle methods than just ramming into their house? Foreclosing on them? Get the bank involved? Gash? Gash the pigs? Oh yeah, okay. I don't know if I want to eat pigs that have been... Well actually that's a good point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because again, we've got to remember, we've got to get the pigs, we've also got to make sure that they're still tasty. Yes, yeah, yeah, we've got to keep them... So you've got to make sure they're unstressed. Yeah, which by driving an ambulance into their house, later all of us in like, cars, eating the pig, being like, this tastes like shit. Yeah, it's really dangerous. What if we did, like, in the Prestige... Oh, okay.

Drown them. Oh yeah, the famous Prestige move of drowning the pig. Because they keep saying, and then in the movie it's disproven, I think, that drowning's a peaceful way to go. But then they go out of their way to show that it is not a peaceful way to go. Okay, we design... Do we have a pool? Or a ham... okay. Or what about a ham-boss? A ham-boss?

Yeah, we say... we take it... or a real fake taxi. A real fake taxi? And we say we're taking you on a trip somewhere and then we just... But you don't have any money. You better sign my dick, fake. What? Once again, lost sign of the land. A real fake taxi.

No, then we take them and we drive it into the sea and they drown in the car. I think that drowning is long enough that um... It's also the getting to the sea part. Probably up into the ocean where I think the pig's gonna be stretched. Yes, it's true. Well can pigs swim? Yes, they can actually. Yeah, there's those pigs in Barbados that swim around.

Yeah, very cute, very cute. So yeah, I think drowning's gonna be hard and dry. Well, maybe we just gotta wait till they're like, say they go to the gym or the spa. And we just, it's like an assassination. Oh, massage the pigs like in Joel Zermatt's original plan. But just take a bolt gun. While they're getting massaged, bolt gun in the back of the head. I still think that's the best option is.

While they're getting massaged, also because again, you want them relaxed. They're like, do the whole treatment. So giving them a like you know a coffee scrub. Mmm. Ah you know again like you know basting them in some delicious herbs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You know steam them for a little bit. Like you know getting that thing where you get that air between the skin and the fat. Oh yeah that's good. That's a crazy technique to do as a relaxation. Yeah yeah yeah. This needle is just going to do a puff of air between your skin layers. It's a little puff of air. It's fine.

It's actually good for pain relief. Yeah it's going to feel great. Which is, oh no this is how yeah. And your skin layers. It's actually good for pain relief. It's going to feel great. I know this is how, yeah, it knows water. Yeah, but this, yeah, I was going to say they kind of do this kind of stuff because again, like, let's take a look at the water, but it's like it's a water injection. Yeah. But we're just going to say it's a water injection.

But it's air. Oh, I know it's air, but then if that happens, if air gets into a bloodstream. Well, the pig will die, but it will probably... Die painfully? You have like a heart attack or something? Yeah, which is stressful. What if I inject... what if you like a liquidy... like a liquid butter. Yeah.

And you injected that into... and you said that's like... you're in the surface like... I think... yeah. Like that, you know, just under the skin. I feel like you're trying to just prepare the pig in a way that you could prepare the pig after it died and all you're gonna do is stress the pig. Yeah, I was just wondering you... I mean it makes you crazy first. Yeah, I don't want a crazy meat. What about this? Maybe crazy meat's the go. We take the pigs and...

Crazy frog. Okay, okay. Let's explore that crazy frog. Well that's our first experiment, okay. So, I was thinking if we take the pigs and we do like ayahuasca with them and we take them on a huge trip They don't know what's going on. Yeah, and then we could just slit their throats or whatever But then you're eating like ayahuasca pig sounds awesome, dude You're gonna get high from pig and then the three little pigs are gonna be like you killed me and I'm gonna be in tears I did!

I found myself when myself was a murderer I shouldn't have killed those pigs Yeah I found myself when myself was a murderer. I shouldn't have killed those pigs. Yeah. Okay. I think we're just going to circle back to the best way to do this. Quick bolt gun to the back of the head. Yeah.

I just want to- While they're being relaxed. Yeah, while they're relaxed. In the back of the fake hand? Yeah, after they've all just been sucked off by Jackson. I'm giving them pig dome. Yeah, and while they're just- It's pig dome if you're giving Oris.

And then just in that post-com glow, three bolt guns to the back of their head. And you say, Jackson, would you like some food? And I say, I'm not very hungry. I'm truly disturbingly full. I don't know if we should have done this. Well, we didn't do anything. I miss when we were just poaching wolves. I miss when that's all we were doing without Danny. Poaching wolves in the forest. Yeah, yeah. I'm a changed man. Yeah, yeah. I don't, yeah, yeah. I've also lost my appetite after seeing what you've done. I wasn't looking so I'm the same. Yeah, you're clever. What about, okay, hey, new scenario. Yep. See, I was gonna end the episode there to get us out of the sun, but no new scenario.

New scenario, go on. What if we eat the wolf? Okay. It's already dead. We already killed it. We already killed it. We already punched that one. We let the pigs do whatever they like.

And we eat delicious wolf meat and try not to get parasites. You gotta say that, get parasites. Well, that's not a bad plan either. At least we're not going hungry. Yeah, that's true. Exactly. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel.

This has been another episode of Pauling the Death Star and we, well, we're sunburnt now. We have been in a pool. We have been in a pool and oh, how wonderful it's been. Let us know in the YouTube comments. Yeah. That's going to sound like I was throwing back to what I was talking about before So yeah, if we were your nurse, what would you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you had asked for 24 hours, we couldn't stand on

Yeah, what would you do to plumbing the dance stuff? I can't wait to fast forward a couple of weeks of my life and to be looking at YouTube comments being like Hmm, I've made a mistake Being alive, maybe it's not as good as I thought it would be. Maybe it's a little old-cracked off to be. 2025? Bad year. Yeah, bad year for plumbing. But yeah, it's good to be in the pool, but it's bad to be in direct sunlight. So it's

time to say goodbye. So long! Goodbye! Get in the microwave! Oh no. Go and sit in your spot. Plumbing the Death Star Pool Edition. Oh, I've missed the pool. I hope you sit on a can and go.

It's my favorite Joel's Abit trick as a blame. Let me just dry my hands real quick. I'm in my pool. I'm in my pool. I'm like that. Grazy from sunscreen. Yeah. That's what you wanted.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you want. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Well, that missed the zoom somehow. That's lucky. That's great. How do we look? Cute? You're some of the dumbest shit you've done. Are we cute? No, it's truly not. Are we cute? We saw Kraven four times in the cinema. It's not the dumbest thing we've done this week. This week is some of the dumbest shit you've done. Yeah. This is hopefully what 2025 looks like for us. Yeah. Craven four times and pool pods.

I love a pool pod. A pool pod's nice. The sun is driving me a little crazy. But like, I love doing the pool pod. God, I miss it. I miss Craven in a way. Yeah, yeah, Craven has come to love it. Yeah, he's become like an old ally. We are so, short episode in the sun.

Yeah dude, directly in the sun. Okay. But I'm so beautiful. What are we doing? Like a mermaid. Three little pigs or whatever? Yeah, three little pigs or whatever. Mmhmm.

How would you kill the three little pigs? How would you help the wolf get those three little delicious pigs? Do we want to take the wolf's place? Or do we want the wolf to be part of it? What are the houses? Straw, sticks, bricks.