Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Market the Xenomorphs to Regular People?

Episode Date: September 17, 2023

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Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jax. And I'm also Joel. And this is the Pop Culture Podcast where we ask the important questions like, how would you market the xenomorphs to regular people? So, Whale and Yutani.

Yeah. Big company, cyberpunk future, but they're on the hard times. Yeah. Let's say. They're like, we got all these xenomorphs and xenomorph eggs, but what to do with them? How are we going to get them? We wanted a weapon and it kept eating our faces. Yeah, now we gotta

offload them to the general public and we can mark to the mom and pop stores. Yeah. So, maybe it's the militaries of the world or the space

are like, we don't want them anymore. Too dangerous. Fucking scary, dude. So now they're like, hey, they've come to us. They're like, hey, here's the Xenomorphs.

From facehugger, sorry, egg, facehugger, little guy, whatever that one's freaking called, to the full Xanamorph. Little guy. Isn't there a guy in between? Facehugger? No, because egg. Chestburster?

Facehugger. Chestburster. Yeah, there's another one. There's a little guy. And then there's the queen, which we could market as well. There's only one of them. Yeah. So how are we going to sell them to the general public?

I'm first of all thinking, hey, you got a boring son. You want to make him very exciting? Okay. Has your life lost its luster over time? And you want to inject a little violence into your day-to-day? So are you saying replace your son with a xenomorph? No, I'm saying you get your son xenomorphed because it's like a better version of your son. I'm saying You get your son xenomorphed Because it's like A better version of your son

What do you mean Get your son xenomorphed? So you get the facehugger Yeah And it goes on your son So then your son Gets stuck to a wall Yes

When your son dies Then when it wakes up This is bad marketing Okay Because the thing is When a I'm trying to market To people who have

Sons they hate Well because like It's a big market Yeah When you get like the egg and whatever bursts out and like whatever the alien is like, because if it goes to a dog,

it becomes a bit like dog alien. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. If it goes to a gorilla, it becomes a bit like a gorilla alien. But you could be like, is your son like a moth emerging? I mean, butterfly. Butterfly is better.

Butterfly. Like a butterfly emerging from a beautiful cocoon. We can change your son to metamorphosize into the ultimate killing machine. So one thing that I need to, before we help Jackson, who's like, we're setting sail with this marketing campaign in a boat that he's already shot 15 holes in. Oh, okay. What is the end goal?

For me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is it end goal? For me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is it? Sell, sell. A, B, C, baby. Always be... Selling. Xenomorphs, yeah.

No, okay. I understand your personal goal in this is to do what the topic said. Yeah, get cashed off. Which is to sell a Xenomorph and make money. Yeah. So step one, thing. Step two, question mark. Step three, profit.

Sell me this xenomorph. But what I'm really struggling to wrap my head around is what, and I, look, I don't want to put you on blast here. Hey, that's okay. But I am worried you haven't actually formed an idea. What do you, what are you selling to the public? I'm selling to the public. Don't give me how you're going to market it.

What are you selling? What is the product? I'm selling you a better son. Imagine a world with a better son. Okay, that's the marketing thing again. No, no, no. No, the better son is the product. Okay, so the product is-

Or do you want to know the real product? I just want to know the product. A better son isn't a product. He's selling evolution. Yeah. You keep bringing it back to the marketing pitch! He's selling to evolve your son. Yeah.

Hi, I agree with better son or whatever. Here's my money. What do I get? You get a xenomorph version of your son. Okay, that's what I was... Your son, but it's, like like Sam said, the ultimate killing machine. So your plan is people give you money. Yes.

You take their son, whom they hate. Oh, okay. Yeah. I thought he was giving them a face hugger. Yeah, that was my idea too, because that's less overhand. I don't know how to house a dead boy. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. So they're's true. Yeah. So they're like, I'd like to improve my son. You're like, here you go. I'll tell you my- Here's a jar with a facehugger. You could do it as a kind of like, do you have issues with your delinquent child? Oh, yeah. Come to Jackson Bailey's Zenimorph camp.

We're getting way too, again, very excited about the marketing campaign. I also love that because when they're like, so my son's no longer a delinquent, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to open the box and see him off. He's not a delinquent anymore. He's a monster. He may have been a delinquent and graffitied or whatever. Now he's

going to be more into domestic terrorism. He might eat your dog. So they give you money, you give them a face hugger and say put this on your son yes yes okay that's all i wanted to know okay great i wasn't because i was what like concerned that you didn't know what you were talking about no i'm across the idea i can tell you my demographic i can tell you my product and i can tell you my marketing scheme i want to believe you but i did have to yell at both of you to get an answer about what the product you were selling was.

Okay, so Facehacker goes on Sun. So how are you advertising this? Well, first of all, let me tell you the demographic. It's kind of too broad. Well, I'm going to guess families. Well, yeah, it's people who have a son they dislike. Or that they're just bored of. I reckon that's two out of three families.

Yeah. A lot of people got out. You know, you could love your son But you could be like I could have gotten a cooler one I honestly truly believe And you can hold me to this Yeah

That every single family At some point If they have a kid whom they love For at least one year They're like I'm sick of this kid Yeah Of course Kids can't stay good forever

If only you'd played Like if only you'd been Like an Olympian I'd be actually more proud of you I remember my dad being like very wistfully like this is not

the son I imagined I would have in a nice way is it nice that your dad vocalized that because well I remember

him saying it in the car he actually said it about me and my brother he was like man and it was kind of unprompted too it was just like these aren't the sons

I thought I'd have and my mom was like what are you saying they're right here fair enough we're not And it was kind of unprompted, too. It was just like, these aren't the sons I thought I'd have. And my mom was like, what are you saying? They're right here. Fair enough. We're not. And then what did he say after that? He said, no, no, I'm happy with them.

Not the sons I imagined. What sons did he imagine? Well, I think he imagined sons that he could kick a football around with, that he could, you know. It's that kind of thing where you're like well look when I had kids I deal with little versions of me or maybe like I wish that I had I was going to be the dad that I wish I had

which was I wanted a bit more of a sporty dad sporty kids play catch with instead I got these two knuckleheads I'm going to raise hoons

that's a good idea well I think very funny moment of clarity he was just like, fuck. Having a slurpee. What do you mean? Yeah. What age were you and your brother?

Oh, I would have been like maybe 21. Okay. Because I think my dad also wished we were a family band. That's like a real desire of his is that we were a family band. There has never been a good family band. At 21, are you emotionally mature to cop that? Because I think that was said anywhere. We're going to remember that Jackson's brother was also in the car

who was three years younger than you. Yeah, I understand this. If you were any kind of hitting puberty and got that from a parent, that would ruin you. I disagree. I reckon kids going through puberty cop that from their parents all the time. Not so explicitly said. I think it's usually far more in the heat of passion.

Oh, yeah. Or like throes of rage. Anger, yeah. You disappoint me. No, not disappointed. I wish you were different. The kid's hormones going through the fucking roof and being like, I don't even love you, mom.

You wouldn't buy me a Zoid action figure. Yeah, well, I don't even love you, mom. You wouldn't buy me a Zoid action figure. Yeah, well, I don't love you. They're not going to say that. I mean, they might. And whatever. Say whatever you want to your kid. That's parenting advice from us to you. The thing that fucked me up the most as a

kid that my dad did was one day, I'm sure I've told you the story. One day after coming, it was like me and my brother finished primary school and we got in the car and my dad had shaved off all his hair and beard and so he just had like an egg head. And my mom was like, it's your uncle? And me and my brother were like, what the fuck is happening

right now? And we burst into tears. And we're like so scared and confused. For like hours we were like, what the fuck is going on? Where's Dad? Where's Dad? I don't know this man.

Like, shaving, beard, and hair, whatever, great. But then to add on the extra light, put a hat on the hat, and it's your uncle. Because it just, for a moment, reality just tore apart for us. And we were like, what's going on? And apparently they did it because they thought it was going to be funny that's why they did it they were like we thought you'd get it

we were like we were 8 what the fuck well it would have been 8 and 5 yeah yeah Ryder never forgave them because

to this day my dad did it again like 4 years later he shaved he didn't say he was our uncle but he shaved up all his hair

and I was just like you look weird but whatever but Ryder oh dude he just was walking down the hallway being like fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you was our uncle but he shaved off all his hair and i was just like you look weird but whatever but right on oh dude he just was walking down the hallway being like fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you to dad and hidden his room for like the whole day that's awesome yeah i think it is cool i get it now do you now it's funny well another awesome awesome parenting thing that uh you copped that I think is worse than fake uncle when

and you don't like seafood do you no no I don't do you reckon it has anything to do with the fact that one day you were just served a sandwich that had an octopus in it

yeah when my parents were like Jackson we've made you a and I was really young I would have been like six they were like we've made you a really special sandwich

and it was does it have cheese in it I was like this is awesome because like sandwiches are already good this one's special. And then, yeah, two slices of bread with a raw squid inside. And I remember just peeling it apart and the horror of like, what's going on?

And mom and dad were just pissing themselves laughing. And they were like, we thought you'd get it. I was five. So would you recommend doing that to your kid? I think not the squid thing, but I get the shaving your hair off thing. I get that and then being in the car waiting for me and my brother to get in the car and being like, we should say you're their uncle. I think that's funny now.

And with tying all that together, where does turning your son into a Xenomorph fit onto this? Well, I guess the son can't have any ill will because they're dead. Yes, that's true. But you don't know that. You think it's your son. Yeah,enomorph fit onto this. Well, I guess the son can't have any ill will because they're dead. Yes, that's true. But you don't know that. You think it's your son. Yeah, you've got to lie. Yeah. Well, okay. Here's where Jackson's problem starts again.

And whether do you both know what the product you're selling is? Because that makes me think that no. I do know the product. You're selling a facehugger. Yeah. Which then, which means that you're selling a facehugger. Yeah. Which then, which means that you're selling the facehugger. You're not looking after the son. No, no, no. The son is being cared for by the parents who put facehugger on son.

Or the facehugger could go to the parents at this point. Whatever. We've got the dollar dollar bills. It's fine. We just give them the jar. Yeah. Then the kid very obviously dies. No, because we have an animation.

Sorry, I'm interjecting here. That's okay. A lovely mark animation. And like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, it's metamorphosizing so your son becomes a better animal. So part of the pitch being like your son's body is the cocoon? Yeah. Okay.

So you would have to... Because you can't hide the fact that there's a dead body in there. When their son or their child is screaming because they're dying. Yeah, yeah. That's a cock-o-moon. He's a cock-o-moon now. They're calling you up. Hey.

If they call me up, they get, boop, boop, boop, this number is disconnected. So. Send an email or auto-reply. Yeah, auto-replys, yeah. Sorry, this email is disconnected. I think that horrible alien I bought from that guy, I don't know if that was

a legitimate company. I think he killed my son. I'm gone. Lucky I hated that kid. I guess I can do it once. Yeah, so that's not a great start. Can I give you my secondary option then? You can do it once to many people

until it gets out. Well, not when Word gets out. Word will get out. What's the gestation period of a face hugger? It's pretty quick. Word will get out. What's the gestation period? It's pretty quick. It's pretty quick. Word might get out later that day. Also, like, I reckon Word gets out before the kid dies.

Yeah, when I'm cashing the check at the bank. It bounces. Oh, this can't be right. Hey, it's numbers disconnect. Oh, sons of bastards. I call them up and the police say, we've got you. Hi, thank you for calling. We're the police. I call them up and the police say, we've got you. Hi, thank you for calling.

We're the police. I just dialed triple zero. Hello? Yeah, we're the police. I killed a kid? I mean. I mean, my cash run check is what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got short change maybe. Fraud? For what? On me. Who gave you the check? A family. What for? Killing their son? I what? On me. Who gave you the check? A family. What for? Killing their son? I mean, hang on.

My other idea was, famously, I can't swallow tablets. I'm not capable of doing that. I probably could, but I'm bad at it. But a facehugger goes right down your throat. Like a pill dispensary? So remove the egg from a facehugger, put pills in there. Whatever pills I need to take. Like a Panadol? Yeah, put a Panadol inside a facehugger, put pills in there. Whatever pills I need to take. Yeah, put a Panadol inside the facehugger, attach it to my face.

It comes out. I get a Panadol inside my guts, and I didn't have to swallow it. That is awesome, and I reckon you sell more than one, which is the amount that most you get with Soda. What are we considering a success on the sales front? Yeah, good point how many how many face huggers do I have to sell to the public before you're like Jackson

business genius I'm done this is usually like oh you fucked up but no it's like business genius business genius I killed it a hundred well it depends because usually a business would be,

it needs to make money. Right, yeah. That is off the table for you because the cost to get into space and get them, billions. Yes, yes. And you can't sell a pill dispenser for $2 billion. Yeah, well, are we acquiring Weyland-Yutani when maybe we can buy the company for a dollar and get their assets?

Well, I was imagining they came to us for pitches. Okay. I mean, in that case. So they've done the irony. Well, then I guess the success would be them agreeing to the plan. Oh, okay. I guess it needs to. Okay, how about this?

So the idea would be as a success, we need to propose to them a strong business strategy that our idea can be sustainable for at least five years. Okay. All right. So a five-year plan, the end of the five-year plan. Okay. Then if we're well at marketing this and it's successful, we can either then sell that on to maybe the mass producer we're doing

or another company can come in and buy us and help us out of this incredible debt we're in. So, hearing that, what would you like success to be? Knowing your two pitches now and then finding out that you were thinking about success, what were you expecting the goal? I was expecting you to say you sell 10 facehuggers. You've done it.

It's a hard sell. If you sell one. So go for the first idea where we're like, you know, you're a delinquent child. Fix your boring boy. Make him cool and alien. All right. So that happens either like we take JD's idea where it's like you take the boy and we look after it for a little bit. So then they don't know their son's dead.

Yeah, that's probably smart the moment we're like here's your boy it's an alien which will kill us all or at least will kill them and then

can they also lay eggs or is that only the queens no they can lay eggs yeah that's where the face huggers come from isn't it

yeah yeah oh wait maybe it is only queens that can lay eggs just wondering is it only the queens I actually think it is I think it's

well I think it probably varies from movie to movie as they added more lore but I think queens that can lay eggs. Just wondering, is it only the queens that can lay eggs? I actually think it is. I think it probably varies from movie to movie. As they added more lore. But I think only queens can lay eggs. Because my issue there would be, are we having an exponential problem where you give one family one facehugger and it just spirals from there? There goes the neighborhood. Because everyone's alien monsters. Well, hopefully it's only the alien queen.

Yeah, I think it is, which we've got in the back. We can figure out something to do with that. Maybe it's a group effort at the end. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, I don't know how many you're going to sell. No. Also, could you do it two for military families? Two for once.

Okay. I also want to. Okay. I also want to... Okay. Reverse it. Hey, you have boring parents? Yeah! Your parents making you do homework? We'll do an ad that's cool for teens.

Wait a second. How much money does kids have? Kids don't have any. Yeah. Pocket money. But, if you're thinking about being a parent, sign away 50% of your inheritance Now we're cooking

I don't think you get the inheritance if it can be easily proved that you killed the family I had the whole camp Hey kids

Hey teens Your parents don't let you smoke cigarettes Yeah Hey kid Do you want to vape but your parents

keep poo-pooing that Fucking kill them. You're all 1-800- You're going to make it look like an accident with this chicken egg. That's a good day if I'm just being very upfront and you're in the background trying to soften everything. Kill your fucking parents, kids. Give me your money and kill your parents. And by that, we simply mean a promise of future funds for this incredible rare egg

that may hatch that may or may not latch onto your parents. By kill we mean reinvent in a cool way. Because you'll turn your parents into cocoons. No funeral, no mess.

Why no funeral? Because you don't want anyone to know what happened. You've got to keep it under wraps. What's the funeral going to be like, dude? Because the alien will either eat the corpse or spit on them with acid blood. Yeah, everyone's gathered around, open casket, exploded mom, exploded dad. Oh, thank you. Why? Okay.

Yeah. Why do you think, one, they don't get a funeral? Because funerals are exciting. Advertising no funeral is funny because people can just choose not to do that. Yeah, that's true. Because the parents aren't actually dead. That's why they've just metamorphosized into something cooler. Parents will probably kill the kid, hey?

Yeah. No mess. Do you mean the parents or the xenomorphs? The xenomorphs. Yes, the parent will metamorphosize that kid too and then you got a family of xenomorphs it's pretty good have i done my job no you sold two two for one uh so you're back at selling one which is where you're at for when we're like hey so we we came to you because we needed to get rid of our excess xenomorphs.

I'm like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I sold three. You've made four new xenomorphs, Jackson. Yeah. But you can sell them again. They're still good. In a way, I'm turning a profit, in a way. In a way.

Okay. Well, bad job. Yeah, yeah. Both bad. I thought the biggest hurdle was going to be getting you to describe what you were selling as the product, which, again, really seemed... It was a struggle. Yeah, but it turns out both ideas are terrible.

I got a great idea. I think this is one that we could kind of keep going, not just for five years, but even further, right? Okay, all right. There are freaks out there. That's true. And there are freaks that like to own freak pets. Oh, okay. And there are freaks that like to own not just like, you know,

hey, this is a beautiful kitten or like a dog or, you know, and they start getting weird like a parrot. Yeah, yeah. And then you get even weird again like a snake. Snake guys. And then even more and more weird again like a tiger. Or a llama. You can have a llama farm.

A dangerous llama. Yeah, you can have a llama farm. Yeah, but imagine a llama is there to protect like a flock because they kick shit. That's cool. Okay, first of all, that's fine.

Having any type of these animals on a farm. Yeah. Parrots, snakes, tigers. Snake farm, tiger farm makes a lot of sense to me.

What are you getting from the tiger farm? Milk. Tiger milk. Scared. We produce fear here at this tiger farm if you shaved a tiger

I realise I'm probably asking more I thought about it well I need to know the question like if you shaved a tiger like you would say

a sheep and you shaved a tiger could you do anything with that but then I'm like but we have dogs we don't shave their that's awesome that that's how you solved your problem you weren? But then I'm like, but we have dogs. We don't shave there.

That's awesome that that's how you solved your problem. You weren't like, well, I don't know. We've got wool or sheep. No, we're not shaving dogs. So why would we shave dragons? Because there are bones of dogs. If it was useful,

we'd shave dogs and use dog hair for something. You probably could make... We've also got lots and lots of cats and we don't shave cats. Yeah, we could shave a cat. But could you... That's what you said.

Yeah, fair enough. Because like, so we shave sheep shave cats. But could you, because I... That's what you said, yeah, fair enough. Because, like, so we shave sheep, sheer sheep, because it's like it comes off in one sort of piece, right? But if you shaved a tiger, it wouldn't. But if you shaved a poodle, it probably would come off in one piece. A poodle's, is that wool inferior? We need to move on. Well, okay, yeah, fair enough, fair enough.

Anyway, so... It's like... Yeah? You could make a poodle coat. Yeah, I don't know, I'm just... Wool coat? Poodle lined coat? I know we said we'd move on,

but can I have one more question about poodles? Does a poodle have wool? No. Okay, okay. That was why I tried to move on, Poodles? Does a poodle have wool? No. Okay. Okay. That was why I tried to move on because I could feel that question bubbling. What's the difference between hair and wool? Well, that's what frightened me.

Yeah. Different materials, aren't they? What do you mean? Because when you feel a poodle. Kind of feels a bit like a sheep. No, but like. What do you mean it's different material? It's all keratin.

I think wool is just... Which is keratin. I don't know. God, I'd be stupid. Wool and fur are not the same thing. No, I know, but does a poodle have wool? No, a poodle has fur. And why is it not the same?

Wait, is it just like... Because, you know, straight hair versus curly hair, right? Well, that's what I was thinking. A poodle's got curly hair. Well, that's what I was going to say. Is wool just curly hair? curly hair That can't be right I don't shave but that can't be right Surely like before the sheep

Became the sheep we know and love today That we can shear Surely there was just like straight head sheep maybe I don't think so And then we just like you know Through years and years We got like a fucked up curly one And then like just like, you know, through years and years and years of evolution, we got like a fucked up curly one. And I'm like, you fucked that one.

No, I don't think there's straight haired sheep. Not anymore. Or ever. We don't know. Because there's cows with like the Highland Coo. They look like they've got straight hair. Yeah. All cows have straight hair.

Fuck off. Yeah, cows are furry. Yeah. Yeah, furry, but don't have like. They don't have wool. There's no woolly cows, but there is a woolly pig. Yeah, cows are furry. Yeah. Yeah, furry, but don't have like... They don't have wool. There's no woolly cows, but there is a woolly pig. Yeah, but is that a sheer old pig? You could, I guess.

And then we have woolly mammoths. What does that mean? They had straight hair and they're gone. So, yeah, I don't know. Okay, so this exotic pattern here. Yes. So you're pitching we... Okay, so I...

Yeah. I like that two out of the three options Pitched straight off the bat I'll put the xenomorphs In the home A family Well yeah We're selling to

The common family General public And what do people love? Pets Okay And what we're gonna do Is we're not gonna tell them About the chestbursters

We're not gonna harm About the xenomorphs We're gonna be like A new fish A new fish Oh so you're selling Facehuggers again Okay We're selling facehuggers again. Okay.

We're selling facehuggers. And then what we can also do is then sell the accessories. Oh, okay. The aquariums. Thick glass. Okay. What do you feed them? Don't!

Can you? Do they survive without food? A facehugger? Barely sure. Facehuggers' lifespan is incredibly short. Yeah. Well, that's great good turnover

would you if you had a facehugger in a aquarium want it again if if a pet lives for goldfish because they hatch from

the egg because in this alien oon yeah they hatch from the egg and then and then the glass thing and they're like

yeah is there in in alien yeah your sweden one are they swimming the facehuggers And then the glass thing and they're like. Yeah. And is there an alien Joss Whedon one? Mm-hmm. Are they swimming, the facehuggers, or are the aliens swimming? I don't think. They probably can swim. Yeah.

But I just think a facehugger, for some reason, even though it has legs and looks like a spider, I think it would do well in the ocean. I forgot it had legs. Oh, so you're putting it in. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'll put it in the ocean and we're going to see the more. I forgot I had legs. Oh, so you're putting it in. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm going to put it in the ocean

and we're going to see the moon. I don't want a dolphin fucking alien. No, I'm saying when you sell this to the home, you're putting it not just like, because when you said an aquarium originally, I've- Like a terrarium? Yeah, I was thinking like terrarium,

but you mean literally an aquarium. Okay. For some reason, I thought that would like, because you can see it swimming. I can imagine it sucking up against the glass like a catch fish. But you don't want someone to put in Well, I mean, it would just come out the top.

They are strong. You sell the aquarium with the facehugger and then you make sure that it is So it's a one-use-only thing so the egg's already hatched. You can sell the the age because well if you sell the aquarium with the egg inside and then you have like a little hole on top and we sell like a stick that you poke the egg with to make the facehugger come out well the facehugger goes through a little small gap so it's gonna go through

that hole okay well also like um is it aesthetically pleasing, the facehugger? For some people. I guess for snake guys. What about can you, is there a way to, like, neuter it? Not if it's balls. I guess. Like remove the egg. Or remove its, like, it's tube, so it's not dangerous.

You could. I don't want that job. If we're,'re like sitting around in the pitch meeting and we've got a facehugger in the other room and you're like here's some shears

I guess no thank you I'm actually on launch I guess you probably could I could? I don't thanks not

yes suck shit here's how I think this will go you disappear out of that room and then five minutes later, a doucher alien comes out and eats me and down. Fuck. He's taking a while in there and screaming a lot.

That's the scream of victory. He's getting it. Because I think if you cut off its tube, it'll probably just die. Oh, yeah. They are very fragile, the facehuggers. They're not. What about if you sell the alien as though it's a dog?

Can you neuter the alien, not of his balls? What about, before that, what about, we're like, this is maybe a little messed up. And I am sorry. More messed up than killing a boy. That's how I started. Fair enough. Okay, so we sell

it's a circle of life package. Okay. For the exotic pet enthusiast. Yeah. And so you get an egg. And then we also get a smaller animal, like a tiny pig. Okay. Or a small lamb.

All right. Okay. And then it's like, you can watch in the big terrarium. Yeah. It'll burst out. It'll go onto the ship. It'll impregnate the ship. The ship will be a cocoon.

It'll cocoon the sheep. That's right. We're not killing the sheep. We're metamorphosizing the sheep. And then we get a woolly alien in a terrarium. And then leave it there to watch because you can't touch or play with it you cannot clean the enclosure you can't feed it don't let it out yeah it's gonna be a lot of aliens flushed down toilets or attempted to be flushed down no because they're not they're not gonna die yeah

yeah they'll just break through the glass they're strong remember he's gotta be pretty thick glass we're selling it that thick glass yeah hey what do what do aliens spit acid proof thick acid proof glass that's funny if I'm getting the aquarium

and you're like the glass is acid proof and I'm like why would you do that well because in

is that something I should have on my other aquarium some of the films they have them behind glass.

They do often acid their way out. One alien kills the other alien to make the acid blood so they can get out of the aquarium. What does the alien use? What's its weapons? What's its dangerous parts? Well, here's the thing that also we haven't touched on. I think we're thinking of the aliens a bit like a predator. But the aliens as a species are more like termites.

Right. So they're not really thinking anything. Yeah, they're a bit exotic. Well, I think they're a good exotic pet. It's just what do they eat apart from human flesh? I don't think they eat much else. They're meat eaters. But how? Because they weren't made around us you know, human flesh. I don't think they eat much else. They're meat eaters. But how?

Because they weren't made around us. Well, they eat meat. Well, they're a parasite. They eat meat. They eat meat. Meat's universal. Okay. Every planet's got meat, baby.

Okay. What? They also might not need to eat at all. Perfect for my enclosed acid-proof terrarium. I think they're still going to break out of your terrarium. They are clever. They are smart. That's the trick of them.

What about a, instead of like selling to the mum and pop, we think a bit bigger and make some kind of xenomorph park. Park. Park implies open roof. Not necessarily. What if you put them in like a pit? Well now we're getting close to my idea Alright I like this xenomorph pit

Dude you nailed it You know what's famously a dangerous activity? Mining You know what would help mining? Acid How do you control the aliens? So you just dump the aliens in a big hole and have at it. Do you know what humans have a surplus of?

What? Bullets. Put all the aliens in a pit, open fire, then the pit gets bigger, you get closer to whatever you need. I love to imagine that. The aliens are down there, you shoot one, there's gold revealed and you're like, well, I'm not going down there.

But it's nice that there's gold there. So you know, I think maybe the second one where they're exploring and like open cavernous areas. And they're just in a dark quarter over there. Oh, shit and egg we didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. You know what caves are? A lot of winding paths.

There's no people in this So who cares How are you getting the ore Yeah how are you getting down there We're not getting What Okay What did you then

What did you pitch What's the product What's the product The product is There's a deep hole Full of xenomorphs Where the gold I want is That's what you've pitched

Well Acid isn't unfortunately selective So What gold Yeah I'm pretty sure gold is It stops acid right Gold I want is. That's what you've picked. Well, acid isn't, unfortunately, selective, so what gold? Yeah, I'm pretty sure gold is. It stops acid, right? Are you just trying to get as deep a hole as possible? So you put a bunch of xenomorphs down there. Maybe I don't understand mine.

You kill all the xenomorphs. Maybe you do that with guns. They're acid deeper to the hole. You put more xenomorphs in. Eventually, you reach the Earth's core. But does it, like, wait, does the skin of a xenomorph, does that also get melted with acid? No, because they're full of acid.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. So you're just going to have a lot of xenomorph carcasses. Yeah, that's right. And then eventually, so in like World War Z, the movie, where a lot of zombies climb the dead zombies. Yeah, and then get on the helicopter, as made famous in the poster. Yeah. So you reckon Xenomorphs...

So a lot of dead Xenomorphs will then provide the ladder for the other Xenomorphs, yes? Hey, here's a question. Can a Xenomorph impregnate a dead thing? No. Like, why not? Like, could you get a double Xenomorph from your frightening strategy for mining? I don't think... I don't think so. Because a Xenomorph can't impregnate a Xenomorph from your frightening strategy for mining? I don't think. I don't.

Xenomorph can't impregnate a Xenomorph. Why not? Because it's full of acid. Oh, no, that's true. Right? I know you're right. You're right. Yeah, because how much meat is in a Xenomorph?

Well, now there's an idea. Now there's an idea. Welcome to Jackson's Barbecue Grill. Jackson's? We advertise. Welcome to the boys. The boys barbecue grill. Jackson's Barbecue Grill.

The only grill I did that was heard through a door. Yeah. Exotic meat. Yeah. We call it mystery meat. Exotic meat is an easier song. Do you want to try? We call it mystery meat. Maybe we should have. Do you want to try? Taste the ass.

Taste the ass? Wait, we get two meats. Do we? Yeah, so what we do is we get an alien or a hot face hugger, then we get a cow. It goes into the cow, right? Burst out. We capture that alien.

We already have delicious fresh cow meat to then use. And now we butcher this alien. What do you think alien meat would... I don't know because there's so much acid. Does acid make a meat better or worse? How much acid is already in a cow? Because like it's their veins.

It's their blood that's acid. Through their muscles. Pumping through their muscles. How do they blood that's acid. Yeah, acid blood. Through their muscles. Bumping through their muscles. How do they move? Because it's like a hard carapace, right? Is it like... Hydraulic? Like a spider?

Yeah. If you kill an alien... Their saliva is also acid. Yeah. No, they just die and turn a rag doll onto the ground. So, I don't know. I think we could find a way to harvest these aliens. Yeah.

Because then you could use the whole alien That's true Because the tail with the little knife It's got a little pencil Wow, we can make alien knives Yeah, you could make an alien knife Like exotic weapons What about if you got the And even not just weapons

But we could maybe make that as a delicious steak knife Yeah To cut off your alien exotic meat With the alien, yeah Yeah Same with the alien, yeah. Same with the claws and the things, like the head thing. If we could doxydermy that, I reckon that would be pretty cool. Something I keep thinking about is if you've got the tongue of an alien,

you know they've got that little extra mouth, like an eel does or whatever. The guy that's in the alien's head. The guy that's in their mouth. Could you get that little... Wait, did you say... Eel's got another little mouth in their mouth. Eel's got a second mouth? Yeah, eel's got like an alien mouth going on. Not all eels, but some eels.

Moray, I think. You got no way of checking. You're powerful right now. Yeah. I don't know enough to know if you're right, but. Come back next week where we'll fact check that and yell at Jackson. Anyway, if you get that alien's little guy mouth, could you use that

like a utensil? To pick up your food. So you could make an exotic meal where for some reason I was like, you know when you say cook and eat a Bulbasaur and you would cut off the plank and roast it and serve it on itself, kind of utilizing

the alien part to kind of cook and serve it on itself. Look, I hate to go back to the Bulbasaur thing, but it is crazy that that has just been like a... It's like something that I know for sure that you want to eat. Yeah, of course. It's something you think about often.

Maybe not think about often, but it's been on your mind for 10 years. Yeah, yeah. Cutting the bulb off a Bulbasaur. It looks like it'd be delicious, dude. Yeah, dude. Come on. You're telling me you wouldn't roast that bad boy up?

Do you like Brussels sprouts, Jackson? Oh, yeah. I've never had them. They improved them. They improved Brussels sprouts? So, like, back in... I like Brussels sprouts. Yeah, no, that's why.

They might have wrecked them. No, no, no. This is why you like them. When did they improve them? I want to say maybe, like, the 90s. I don't know the date exactly. What the fuck? But Brussels sprouts had this whole thing where everyone hated it.

It tasted like mini cabbages, makes you fart, everyone was like, disgusting, we don't like them. But they're good for you. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And then they're like, everyone fucking hates these little sprouts. They were the default bad vegetable.

Yeah, the ones everyone made fun of. So they just went to fucking town and they engineered it so it tastes good and those are the sprouts we eat today. Whoa. That's crazy. Anyway, I don't think you'll like Brussels sprouts and therefore you wouldn't like this Bulbasaur idea

because the Bulbasaur tastes... I do like kale. You'll love Brussels sprouts. I love kale. Do you like cabbage? Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, I don't think you'll like Brussels sprouts, and therefore you wouldn't like this Bulbasaur idea. You like kale. I do like kale. You love Brussels sprouts. I love kale. Do you like cabbage? Yeah, it's all right. Okay, yeah, he'll probably like Brussels sprouts. And I'll eat a Charmander, too.

And a Mystermime. Oh, yeah. Charmander is a lose. And his jigs, dude. Give me any Pokemon, I'll eat them. Name me one Pokemon, and I'll tell you why I would eat them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah eat them. That's just metal. That's a metal orb. Not the eye.

There's parts of it that are edible. You can pick up a little Magnemite and suck the eye out. There's meat in there. That's ghoulish. Or is it goulash? Maybe. Or a little Magnemite goulash. A lot of Magnemite eyes make a stew. And then you could use the metal to make forks

Basically you're using The whole Pokemon Is that That's your idea With the alien too Is that appealing To some freaks Here's a cow

And here's a cow bone You can use To eat the steak Would you like that Or like We've got like a stick So weird I

When you What is seafood Right Or like I want to see Food spaghetti stick. So weird. I, when you, what is seafood? Right. Or like a, sometimes like, I want to see food spaghetti. I wouldn't know this because of my aforementioned squid sandwich. So they, they usually like, okay, here's, you know, the, the, the spaghetti. And they have like, here's some prawns and like a lobster tail. If you eat it, it'd be very fancy.

Yeah. And it's always in the shell. Okay. And the same with the prawns. And it's so fucking annoying because it costs more money. And now I've got to do more fucking work of cracking it open and getting scooping

and I'm bad ever eating like ordered a crab which I know again you don't like seafood but it feels like it'd be up your alley I love the whole animals there

I think that is awesome I love the idea you know I think you grabbing like a crab claw and cracking it and just sucking that out it just feels like something you should do

that sounds awesome yeah it's actually fucked up you don't like seafood because the way that you consume most seafoods are all ways that you would love to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like an oyster sloping it out of a shell. Oh, yeah, dude. And just swallowing it down. Why don't you like oysters? They're also just... You got traumatized as a young boy.

My parents gave me a squid sandwich. I know, I understand that. But oysters aren't squid. And oysters are like the way you drink things and taste like things that I've heard you say you like. I don't like the texture. That's what turns me off oysters. And crab, too.

Yeah. I wish, dude. I wish I liked it. Texture of crab. Tastes crab? Crab's got texture. Do you like the texture of fish? Eh.

It's all right. Depends how it's cooked as well. Yeah. Not all fish, but yeah, some fish. Well, what else do we- Do you like the texture of fish? It's all right. Depends how it's cooked as well. Not all fish, but yeah, some fish. Well, what else do we- Anyway, it's very annoying, and I don't understand why they do it. So I don't know. It depends how they're serving, like, say, I don't know, what? Like maybe they get the aliens-

Like a beef chili in a cow skull? That'd be good. A cow skull's not really a good bowl. No, you've got to fill it up a little. would that be good a cow skull's not really a good bowl also I think you've got to fill it up a little if something's filled like if if I get a beef meal

in a cow skull I'm immediately my brain's associating the fact with the beef in this is head yeah that's true head meat nobody likes that

well it's like like Flintstone style like a giant wrap of ribs oh yeah okay tip the car over yeah that's kind the car you're not

gonna eat all that you're a fucking just one guy Fred you're not even that he didn't even get any plates yeah it's kind of like eating yeah it's not super appealing are we not thinking about this correctly maybe maybe. Like, what are the elements of a xenomorph that individually we could maybe on-sell to the people? So, xenomorphs are basically a termite that

one purpose is just to destroy planets, basically. What does Joe Blow want about that? Yeah, that's the tricky part. Because we can't even be like, demolition. It's basically like, how would you sell termites? Demolition is pretty close to put them in a hole and shoot them.

Yeah, but it needs to be organic. What? Because you can't even be like, hey, do you have a guy you hate? Hitman services. Can't arrest a xenomorph. But then it's like, it not only doesn't get the person That you want dead It also then gets everyone else

Yeah that's the trick Well if you really hate one guy Maybe that's still appealing What about like I watched Outer City But that one guy copped it You really gotta sell it To the military

There's too many Kangaroos in Australia Uh huh They need culling Is there something there? Release Once again The problem here is like Sure we might, we might get, you know,

one or two kangaroos, but then the moment it's, like, the outback, it's, like, it's really big. Yeah. There's other animals there. It's people. That's true. We don't want to lose a xenomorph in the Red Sun, though. Here's what happens if we drop a xenomorph somewhere in outback Australia.

Within 20 minutes, we've lost it. What about? What about? It would dig a hole or go into a wombat hole or hide in a kangaroo perch. 20 minutes, we've lost it. What about, what about... It would dig a hole or go into a wombat hole or hide in a kangaroo pouch. Wombat hole's too tiny. That's just its little legs getting out the back. That's funny.

So what about... Oh, that's all right then. As long as it's funny. There's certain islands around that have problems. This is where we get the judoscope. Sure, yeah, yeah. It's like this island over here has got a lot of problems with a lot of goats.

So we get the one goat to be like you go find your other goats there it is we shoot the goats and you go find the next herd so rather than that God well it's expensive

yeah what if helicopter night thank you we just drop a xenomorph and we get the goats Judas xenomorph or goat xenomorphs

yeah and then we have an island of goat xenomorphs it's like a fucked up version of the cane goat problem every time also xenomorphs. Yeah. And then we have an island of goat Xenomorphs. It's like a fucked up version of the cane toad problem every time. Also, Xenomorphs, I think, can swim. Fuck. I was saying that just before.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Because then we get the Xenomorph as a... It's like a cane toad. You put the Xenomorph in, get rid of the goats, then we get a predator. Oh, okay. We do a full cane toad. And then it's like you go in. You put a xenomorph in, get rid of the goats, then we get a predator. Oh, okay.

We do a full cane turn. And then it's like you go in and have some hunting grounds of xenomorphs. The problem is with that is that typically those islands, it's like there was a natural ecosystem that was destroyed by the goats or the snakes or the cats. And so we put the xenomorphs in. Xenomorphs ruin it even more than we send the predators in. And then we're just left with like a desolate island with nothing on it. Which you could build a house on or whatever, I guess.

What about, okay, so the Xenomorph maybe is hard to market. Yeah. Let's talk eggs. Let's talk eggs, baby. Can you scramble a Xenomorph egg? A chestburster. Is it? Yeah.

I mean, are all, because like, you can't really scramble, say like a fertilized chicken egg. No. So are all xenomorph eggs containing a face like that? Yeah. Yes.

Oh no. What if you, what if you, oh, this is cooking it again. Can you use, use it as, um,

make a, like, like 101 Dalmatians. Make a festive coffee. Well, I keep thinking, you know, we had the great wool debate earlier. It's famous. It is famous.

Check the comments. If we made... They're all saying, what's wrong with these boys? But what is the difference? I don't know. But if we made a Xanomorph fuck a sheep, eat a sheep, sorry. Then we get a Xanomorph that would have wool. Watch this Xanomorph, he's going to eat that sheep.

Whoa, that's not what I thought that mouth do. Could we then, yeah, like shear the Xanomorph for wool? Why is that better? I guess it's not. It'd be tarry for some reason. I don't know why. It's very hard to market a Xanomorph to the general public. It's a cool thing to see.

That's where the park comes in. What if we... And this is probably your last roll of the dice for me. I'm sweating in the boardroom trying to think of things. What if we drop them really deep in the ocean and put sensors on them and see what happens? I like that because we don't really know what's at that depth. We put it down there and there that just some horrible sea creature

brought down with xenomorph head. Well, now we know. That's why they're not really marketing it for the general public. But I've got an idea. Mention the queen at the start. I did, yeah, yeah. Here's this, right? So, like an egg factory,

we get her laying eggs directly into a pot of boiling water. Okay. So we basically are having hard-boiled eggs slash facehugger. A delicacy, we say. Okay. And then we sell it. A delicacy, we lie. It might be.

I don't know. So I don't know. Lobsters used to be like prison food, and then everyone was like, maybe it's good. What are you imagining when you think of the Queen's Xenomorph? Because remember the finale of Aliens? Yeah. Is Ripley fighting the Queen? I do.

That Queen smile, yeah. The Queen's not like a Queen ant or whatever that just sits there, lays eggs, and does nothing. Correct, correct, yeah. This is a call out for queen ants. Get off your ass. Maybe a couple less worker ants and a couple more just do a bit of things

around the fucking hole. I call it the ant hole. That is an ant hole, I guess. The hill is just a tip of the hole. If anything, ant hill is misleading. Ant hole makes more sense. It's actually an ant hole, I guess. The hill's just the tip of the hole. Yeah, it makes sense. If anything, ant hill is misleading. Ant hole makes more sense.

It's actually an ant tube in many ways. How often do you actually see an ant hill? Yeah. Well, sometimes. Depends where I'm going. In this country, yeah, a lot. Yeah, pretty often. If I'm looking.

Yeah. And how I define the hill is just where they're coming out. Well, you know, like a mound, I guess is what I'm thinking. Well, I think people do call them ant mounds as well. Yeah. No one calls it an ant hole, which, yeah. And how to find their heels is just where they're coming out. Well, you know, like a mound, I guess, is what I'm thinking. Well, I think people do call them ant mounds as well. Yeah. No one calls it an ant hole, which they should. Or ant tube. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ant colony obviously gets thrown around because it is one. Ant farm. Alien. Alien ant farm. Okay. Hey, now what? Hold on. Did we just maybe chance upon the greatest invention of all?

Alien ant farm. I wish I could remember how their song Movies went. Because that would be a real Venn diagram all coming together. Pop culture podcast, movies. Smooth criminal. Well, like, could you... With the queen. So the queen lays eggs.

Yes. Is intelligent. Yes. Is huge. Can we... Is violent and dangerous. The bottom is the queen lays eggs. Yes. Is intelligent. Yes. Is huge. Can we? Is violence dangerous? Yeah. The bottom is the queen.

Pow. You can. Big stick? Big stick. Where's its brain, dude? I assume their head, but I don't know. How does their brain work if it's got a lot of acid blood going through it? The acid made of?

They're also like, again, like a termite race. Do they even have brain? Well, they've got some brain, but like. Do they? I don't know. What do you mean?

How do ants work? They're like a fungus. They're just like acting on instinct. Do ants have brains? Yes. Are you sure? Fuck.

They're thinking with something, right? Now we're thinking with something, right? Now we're thinking with something. Because they're processing. Yes, they have a little tiny air. Or is it a nervous system? Which is...

Do they have like what we would consider a brain? Or are they just running an instinct? What do you mean? If they were running an instinct, they'd have a brain still. They would have a nervous system, possibly. Yeah, and which would have some brain cells. Amoebas don't have brains. They'd get some brain cells. Amoebas don't have brains. They'll get around fine.

I don't think everything we think has a brain has a brain. Jollifish don't have brains. Yeah, that's just a kidney in the water, basically. A stingy kidney. Flies have brains. I don't know. How can we ever know for sure? Do spiders have brains? I don't know how can we ever know for sure

spiders don't have muscles they've got an exoskeleton yeah they're arachnids the closest thing to a zetawolf to me would be a spider yeah some spiders have muscles

because you can cook and eat it like tarantula that's true you can hmm oh um there'd be some meat there would be some meat because you can make

yeah bugs because you can make yeah protein bar out of bug yeah okay so therefore there is there's some meat protein

at least we know if we don't know there's brains we know there's meat in bugs it's crazy that to solve this question we've had to take this many steps back. Yeah, it's also even crazier that the best suggestion so far is shoot them in a hole. Because then at least I've sold like 25 maybe.

You want a hole full of xenomorphs? It'll make a hole bigger. Well, maybe, I mean, okay, so. And it solves the bullet problem, which I keep claiming the world has. Too many bullets on this goddamn Earth. Put them in a xenomorph. It's the safest place to keep them. If you've got a big hole full of xenomorphs, right,

and let's say they can't get out. Yeah. And then there's things you need to dispose. Oh! Trash disposal. Oh, yes! Put them on Trash Island, shoot them. Okay.

Bullets. Bullets fixed. Trash Island, shoot them. Okay. Bullets fixed. Trash Island, gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send them off dead. Who cares? Yeah, could we just siphon out their acid? Put them at the tip. Do we have an acid shortage?

Is that something we're lacking? Why don't we dissolve the... Uh-oh. Why, yeah, which is... Then my next question is, why don't we dissolve the trash with acid surely there's other problems

right there must be some reason we can't do that yeah if you're dissolving trash with acid are you then

introducing chemicals into the whole the ocean you actually got so dumb there that he de-evolved did you see that post

that was crazy sorry what happened there you went ape man hey I have another dumb question maybe is acid Did you see that pose? That was crazy. What happened there? You went ape man. I have a dumb question maybe. Is acid naturally forming? Yes.

Okay, because I was like, if it's organic acid from a xenomorph, is that good? I don't think we know what acid is in a xenomorph. Can you drink it? Why would you drink acid? No, no. Don't drink acid. Unless you don't want to have a bottom. I think it would affect you before it gets to your arsehole. I just meant like a bottom of your body.

It's like a sip. Jaw down, gone. Somebody know to drink it. And you're just watching my pants as my arse cheeks. Hey, I feel fine. You're not. You're not. Wait till you sit down. Yeah. Okay. Oh, no feel fine. You're not. You're not. Wait till you sit down.

Yeah. Okay. Well, no, okay. Because, okay, we're not going to get rid of Garbage Island. Why not? We'll take a couple steps back because then we're going to introduce alien acid into the sea. Okay. There's going to be, in the Arctic or Antarctica, there's just going to be where there would normally be penguins, a red smear.

Yeah. Or like, again, hey, you want to speed up the iceberg melting? Exactly. But, say we have the Xenomorph pit. Okay. And it's a relatively large pit, and it's got smooth walls, so the Xenomorph can't climb out. And then we just back garbage trucks into it and dump the trash in? Yeah, well, how about this?

And then we shoot them, fix the bullet shortage. And then we can keep selling xenomorphs because if they're dead, they can't get all the acid out from their wounds. They sell more xenomorphs to them. Garbage is not just

organic, but they're using the acid to it. What if we try and start a new tradition of burial rites? Oh, okay. Using the pit idea, throw your loved ones in a vat of alien blood. We're gonna have to start a new religion, I think. I think we could do it with the aliens!

Hey, aliens are real! Join our new religion! We're not the only religion that acknowledges the new god. Aliens, rebirth, cocooning. There's something here we can do. Christ was a Xenomorph. Christ was a Prometheus.

That's true. I don't know if we get a Prometheus into this religion. It's adding a layer of complexity. I say we say acid is the new god. Give your grandpa to him. All hail new acid God. Yeah, what about like do people need to dispose of like pigs? Like we can do that regularly. Oh, I know this could be a good idea This could I mean this is this is shady because we have to start selling it to the underworld. Yeah, but we're at that point

underworld. We're at that point, dude. People use pigs to dispose of human remains and then we use Xenomorphs to dispose of those pigs so that they're extra disposed of human remains. Why don't we just cut out the pigs? You could cut out the pigs. Here's a question. Is a... So, because

obviously my next thought is you put a guy into the Xenomorph pit, you get a new Xenomorph that's based on like Jimmy Tulips or something. No, it doesn't get based on Jimmy Tulips. It gets based on human DNA. Okay, fine. But also, they would just eat him. Yeah. The Xenomorphs you see in Alien are already

the guy, though. Yeah, okay. And they can't impregnate a... Well, they gotta get face-hugged. Because an alien needs to eat the meat. Is there a thing where if you get enough aliens in one place, kind of like bugs, where one of them just becomes a queen? Maybe.

It's like the mob going to drop a new body in the pit and then the alien queen clambers out. Well, that's not our problem. Yeah, and also the walls are smooth, as you said, so it's fine. Yeah, that's true. It's trapped down there. So I think when all is said and done, a hole with aliens in it as disposal of various materials

seems to be the best use of xenomorphs. Yeah, yeah. You're doing a spring clean. Yeah. Gotta catch your hate. And hard rubbish ain't for another six months. Exactly. It never is.

You've got so much shit you want to throw out. So much crap. Bureau, dressing table. Yeah. A couch you hate. A couch you hate. Yeah, a couch you hate. Dirt. An old toilet seat you don't remember changing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you going to put it? In the Xenomorph pit. Yeah. Then the Xenomorphs will- Say goodbye to your problems. Come to the Xenomorph pit. Yeah.

Maybe just the acid we're using, yeah. Yeah, we're not really using the Xenomorphs. You charge 20 bucks to drop it into the Xenomorph pit. Maybe just the acid we're using, yeah. Yeah, we're not really using the xenomorphs. You charge 20 bucks to drop it into the xenomorph pit. 30 bucks if you want to shoot the xenomorph yourself.

Get an extra 10 bucks. Solve the bullet problem. That's right. I forgot about the bullet problem. So many bullets. That does help. I think you just

kick the shells into the hole as well. Yeah, yeah. Could you use them as kind of like when you want to practice with a gun? Oh, yeah. You set up like tin cans. But you can now

practice on as animals. Well as long as they're in the pit. If they're in the pit then that's fine. And again we are burning through the bullets here. So we can maybe make a shooting range. But it's in the pit. It has to be in the pit. Pit shooting range aim down. Yeah. We can say it's practice for if you need

to shoot someone below you. Yeah. It can say it's practice for if you need to shoot someone below you. Yeah. It's practice if they ever escape. No other shooting range provides this service. Yeah, shoot from above. For people who are far away, this is for people who are down. Yeah. You know, like if someone's coming up your toilet or something.

Someone's coming up your toilet, if you're in some kind of tall book depository, you've got to aim down. That's true. Sometimes you're up high and you've got to protect your lands. You're falling out of a plane and you want to take one last guy with you? Yeah. Would the bullet go faster? Stop asking questions involving physics and maths or biology. Because you would be going at terminal velocity, right?

Wait, no. You would shoot it. What did you mean by faster? Would the bullet be going at terminal velocity, right? Wait, no. So you would shoot it. What did you mean by faster? Would the bullet be going faster because of gravity? Wait, no. No. I thought you meant faster than you. No, no, no.

Just because of gravity, is that going to speed up the bullet? Yes. Okay. To a point. Yeah, it'll hit terminal velocity. So it'll like, yeah. Because you'll fire it, it'll go far, and then it'll slow down because it'll be resisting

wind, I guess. Or air. Air pressure, I guess. And then gravity will pull it down, but it is going at terminal velocity. And then you'll hit a cow, maybe. Take that cow with you. And then land on the cow. You'll die with a smile on your face,

like you took a cow to heaven with you. So I think put all those animals in the pit. The pit's a good idea. Open, turn it into a tip sludge. Downward shooting range. Yeah, and charge 20, 30 bucks a pop. You'll make your money. Probably more if you're shooting range.

Oh, yeah. 50 bucks? Maybe 55 bucks. And then we park at the five. 55 AUD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, 50 bucks? Maybe 55 bucks. And then we pocket the five. 55 AUD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good stuff. And it's the only shooting range that's good for the environment

because we dissolve the shells for you. Yeah. That's true. They get added to the pier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And thank God that acid ain't getting out. No, we got smooth walls. Smooth walls.

Acid-proof, baby. We're fine, dude. We are fine. That's so good. Never gonna rise to the top either. No, no, well it won't, because of the acid. The acid will make it go down. Exactly, because when you're adding mass to a thing, it just dissolves. But you're dissolving the mass too.

Yeah, because mass is always destroying. I think that's why it turns to a gas, which is why there's the problem with dissolving things with acid. Do we have to sell gas now? And on that note, I've been Joel. And I've also been Joel. Maybe we light a fire above it and then it's just purified air. We're so stupid. It's crazy how dumb we are.

Yeah, we need to go back to school. Billy Madison has to happen to school. Billy Madison has to happen to us. Can we really help?