Plumbing the Death Star - If You Could Pick a Fictional Team to Play a (Fictional) Sport Which One? (Feat. Matt Stewart)

Episode Date: September 17, 2017

In which our heroes keep their eye on the ball, shoot for the basket, and aim for the goal as they ask if you could pick a fictional team to play a (fictional) sport who would you pick? With special g...uest Matt Stewart from Do Go on!Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our Melb Fringe Shows or UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Already purchased tickets for Melbourne Fringe and want that sweet 25% off? Just email emma@escommunications.com.au and she’ll sort you out ASAP!Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Duscher: twitter.com/dusch13Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammitMatt: twitter.com/mattstew_art Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sans Pans Radio, fight that wild hog. Hey everyone, two things to announce. We've still got a few fringe shows this week. Our sister show, Shut Up A Second, is on the Thursday and we'll be myself, Adam and Cass, talking about something just great, I've got no doubt. And Friday is Jackson Bailey Spooks America and Saturday is D&D's for Nerds.
Starting point is 00:00:21 So if you want to come and see us before we head off to the UK, just head to sansppantsradio.com forward slash live and grab your tickets today. And speaking of the UK, we're happy to announce a sneaky late night show at the Soho Theatre
Starting point is 00:00:33 on the 14th of October after RTX London. It starts at 11.30 at night, so expect some sleepy baby boys trying not to accidentally go to sleep on stage. Also, Belfast and Birmingham still have some tickets left.
Starting point is 00:00:44 So once again, if you want to come to any of that, head to sandstoneradio.com forward slash live. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like if you could pick a fictional team to play a fictional sport, which one? Let's go!
Starting point is 00:01:00 Batter up! We're taking the afternoon off! It's a beautiful day for a ball game, for a ball game today. The fans are out to get a ticket or two, from Walla Walla, Washington to Kalamazoo. It's a beautiful day for a...
Starting point is 00:01:23 Well, that changes some things. I just learned then the sport has to be fictional. Fictional? That's a... I fucked that up. Okay. No? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:01:37 We can roll with this. Hold on. Wait, no. If I just add future soccer... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, alright. Oh yeah, no, that's fine. The Muppets.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Thunderdome. Because the reason they'd be so good is they got no blood. First off, welcome, Matt, again. Oh, yeah. Secondly, what's the Thunderdome? It's in Mad Max. You break it, you spin the... No, it's in Mad Max.
Starting point is 00:02:01 If you do wrong, you fuck up against Sparta Town. They put you in the Thunderdome where they strap you to straps and then are attached to the roof of a big sort of net cage dome type thing. And you take a weapon and you kind of like leap around with the straps, kind of like a Jolly Jumper, you know, that you might put a baby in. It's like one of them, but you have a chainsaw and you bounce around inside the Thunderdome. One man, no, two men enter, one man leaves.
Starting point is 00:02:25 You want to be the one man that leaves. So in this case, it's two Muppets enter. Yes. One of them has to stay there? Oh, man. He has to live forever in Thunderdome? Well, you're surely just collecting a whole bunch of losers there or the winner gets to stay.
Starting point is 00:02:40 The winner stays. Okay, wow. Yeah, the losers. What a prize, being in a new share house. You get to stay. In a dome. Well, because I was assuming that the Muppet would be going up against some Mad Max Leather Daddy. All right.
Starting point is 00:02:53 By which, you know, the Leather Daddy can wail on the Muppet. Let's say Kermit. Why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For ease. And he can wail on Kermit as much as he likes. Kermit will never bleed or die. So.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Yeah, right. So there's not... Is the puppeteer there? Is it some guy with, like, his hand just getting bloodied and bruised? But the Muppet... So, does the Muppet just... Because Muppet's about fighting as well. Oh, they'd be
Starting point is 00:03:19 waving their arms around. Yeah, well, so the man loses because he accidentally dies from blood loss. That's a rope-a-dope. It's a rope-a-dope. The Muppets rope-a-dope the Leather Daddy. Oh, okay. Because, like, I feel a Leather Daddy could dish out a lot of pain or at least perceived pain to a Muppet.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Yes. Muppets have felt. They get hurt, but they don't die. But also, like, if the- Muppets have felt, but no feelings. If the Leather Daddy just sat down and let, say, Kermit wail away at him, nothing's going to happen, because that's just like felt tickling your face. Unless, is there a hand in Kermit?
Starting point is 00:03:55 No. But- Got me there. The leather daddy will eventually starve to death. The leather daddy might have a sleep. Thus, letting Kermit... Wait, hang on. Can you eat the Muppet? You could eat the felt,
Starting point is 00:04:10 I guess, if you wanted. So if you eat the Muppet, and yes, there is construction happening, let's all ignore it. It's just, don't worry about it, there it is. So if the Leather Daddy was to eat the Muppet, he's just getting his tummy full of felt, but then the Muppet's gone and he can leave. Or he can stay, I guess. I suppose felt But then the Muppet's gone He can stay I guess
Starting point is 00:04:26 I suppose you can tear a Muppet apart You could tear him up into little things And swallow it If it wasn't a fictional sport We'd be fine They'd just be boxing Let's open it up to Maybe non-fiction sports as well
Starting point is 00:04:44 Do you have another answer? Boxing. Because eventually somebody's got to give up and the Muppet will have taken less damage than the boxer. You know how box scoring and boxing works, yeah? Not really. Okay, so it's hits landed, not damage done. MMA.
Starting point is 00:05:02 It's MMA now. Yeah, unless Kermit can land a knockout blow. I think him getting hit a lot. It's a good skill. Unless he ties him out, right? Rope-a-dopes. Yeah. Did you get all your boxing knowledge from that episode of The Simpsons?
Starting point is 00:05:20 Which episode? Where Homer becomes a boxer? No, I've watched boxing. Okay. Just don't pay enough attention. I've watched more MMA, I guess. I guess if you've watched boxing and all of the fights have ended with a knockout, you mightn't have known how the scoring works
Starting point is 00:05:33 because it doesn't go to scoring in that situation. Well, I don't know. Like if you watched the very big fight that happened recently between Mayweather and McGregor. Yeah. Like, yeah, the scoring doesn't make a difference there because one got TKO'd. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Well, then, you know, you've just got to hope that Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy, who is very prone to a, you know, knockout punch the... Miss Piggy gets disqualified. You can't karate chop in boxing. That's true. Well, then...
Starting point is 00:06:02 For some reason, I always think Miss Piggy has like a crowbar she hits people with. Is that right? No. She karate chops people. That's what. Well then, for some reason I always think Miss Piggy has like a crowbar she hits people with. Is that right? No. She karate chops people. That's what the hi-ya is. You should change
Starting point is 00:06:10 the sport to karate. There you go, Jack. I was going to say because I don't even think you could get gloves on Kermit so he's disqualified as well. What if I change it to karate? Like, is Miss Piggy
Starting point is 00:06:20 actually close? Because like, isn't a boxing glove just a real life Muppet? It's a Muppet fighting a muppet hang on can i change can i can i change it to a really good boxer just with muppets on his hand instead of boxing gloves that gives him four times the punching as each muppet has four hands i mean two hands yeah that gives him twice the punching yeah not four times well including his punching i'd put animal animal would be a good muppet to put forward i reckon yeah for any of the brilliant options that i've
Starting point is 00:07:00 given the table animals ferocious how does like all the Muppets feel having, say, a boxer's hand up their arse? Just the same way they feel about having Frank Oz's hand up their arse or Watson's face. Dingus who made the Muppets. What's his name? Jim Henson. Jim Henson.
Starting point is 00:07:16 Did an episode about him on Digon recently. You know, obviously, as a... Avid fan. You were saying avid fan? Is that what you said? That's a word we threw out there. How do you think Jim Hansen would feel about having his Muppets used as boxing gloves?
Starting point is 00:07:31 I think he'd be cool with it. I reckon that would, yeah, seize his dream. Finally coming together. He died with unfinished business. This is why I did it all. Right here. Part of a boxing team. No, let's just basic MMA, mixed martial arts, Kermit the Frog versus somebody who knows what they're doing.
Starting point is 00:07:51 You can't kill Kermit the Frog. The MMA doesn't end with a murder. Yeah, but eventually somebody's got to give up and it's not going to be Kermit. Yeah, how does that end? Is that like you tap out? Yeah, I don't know how the scoring works in it though. Yeah, it would have to be. Yeah, it is. Because K Is that like you tap out? Yeah, it's... I don't know how the scoring works in it, though. Yeah, it would have to be. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:08:07 But it's... Because Kermit ain't tapping out. You can fold that boy. Yeah, you can pummel Kermit into the ground. And if you tear off Kermit's arm, they're like, Oi! Disqualified. I once saw an MMA fight where the guy popped a guy's arm out,
Starting point is 00:08:19 like dislocated it, and he was disqualified. So the moment you tear off Kermit's arm... Is a ring out in MMA loss? Surely. Yeah, I think so. So if I picked up Kermit and threw him, I win. I guess. Kermit's just got to be quick.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Kermit's a real lanky, floppy frog man. So I could probably grab him. Especially in an MMA fucking pentagon none of us are I would say fit MMA fighting ready but I reckon I could pick Kermit there's no ring out because there's a big like no that's what I mean but if I cleared the cage
Starting point is 00:08:59 surely that would hit Matthews like if you picked up Kermit and just hurled him into the crowd. Yeah, presumably at that point they'd be like, what? Well, Kermit did his win. We can't say that's a win for Kermit. In the Muppet world, do they not feel pain? It doesn't seem like it.
Starting point is 00:09:19 They fear death. No, they definitely do feel pain. When? It's just like a... Anytime there is any physical conflict, why definitely do feel pain. When? It's just like a... Anytime there is any physical conflict, why would they be scared of it? And Gonzo, whenever he fucks up a thing and shoots a cannon into a wall or whatever,
Starting point is 00:09:36 he's not like, lol, he's like, that hurt. And he's not dead. And Beaker. Beaker fucking gets blowed up. It's very afraid though Maybe Kermit comes out of it Not super good And he loses So I don't know how this is a good choice
Starting point is 00:09:54 Do you know what's a better choice? Josie and the Pussycats and synchronized swimming Alright for anyone who hasn't seen The Josie and the Pussycats film It mostly focuses on being a great film, satire. And synchronicity. And mind control. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:11 So Josie and the Pussycats write music that gets mind control stuff put into them, which rockets them up the charts. Great songs, though. I'd probably listen to them on my own free will anyway. Yeah. Synchronized swimming needs people to be in synchronization. josie and her pussycats in the pool just get them to listen to their own music dance in sync they have to write a song that makes them dance in sync yeah but that's they well they can do that because they're musicians yeah are they actual pussycats no they're people that wear
Starting point is 00:10:40 ears they wear ears yeah like wear ears. Yeah. No, that's just their band name. Like human ears? Like how Band of Horses isn't a band of horses. What? This is confusing now. Is Mumford and Son not a guy named Mumford and his boy? Do you know what? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:57 Maybe. His name is Mumford and his sons are his children. Well, I guess Mumford and Gary Mumford, yeah. Yeah, I've seen a film. They're all small children, I think. Little Lion Men is just because they're little, because they're babies.
Starting point is 00:11:16 And they're half a lion. Yeah. So Mumford and Son, that was the band on the tip of your mind. You get your finger on the tip of your mind. Mumford and Son. Get your finger on the pulse there. I was like, what's the thing?
Starting point is 00:11:30 Yeah, Mumford and Son. That's what kids still love, yeah? Kids love that music. Yeah? 2008 was the last time Jackson heard a song. I went deaf after that. I was going to go with Guns N' Roses, and that's even further. No, but at least that's...
Starting point is 00:11:43 That's kind of culturally, know. Like it's like Guns and Roses are a band that like people know. But that's the talking gun surrounded by some roses. I'd listen to that. So but Jersey and the Pussycats the mind controlling element of their music I've never seen the film. Yeah that's not
Starting point is 00:11:59 them. I want to hazard a guess say that's the villain? Yeah that's Alan Cumming yeah. Sure is. He's bald in that movie. There's a twist. He turns out to be an albino and he did this because he got bullied in school. Okay. Anyway. Do you do spoiler alerts? Because I reckon you just got spoiled alerts.
Starting point is 00:12:17 You just gave one of the better plugs I've heard and I reckon people are like, I'm going to check out this movie. He loves it. I can't wait to see it. Now I know Alan Cummings' balk. Why bother? Ruined the best part
Starting point is 00:12:32 of the film. I was so excited to find out if he had hair. It's not. One of the best parts of that film I think is when Tara Reid gets threatened on a mirror and that's great and she adds a love heart to one of the guys. Yeah, it's good. It's a great film. Tara Reid's in it. She's the drummer. We're talking about
Starting point is 00:12:47 Mumford and Sons time? No, no, before. I think it was like 2003? I think so. 2004? Sick. Because, yeah, I have a younger sister.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Rachel Lee Cook? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, heartthrob. That's close to your heart. So are you suggesting that Josie and the Pussycats use the
Starting point is 00:13:05 mind control thing for good, not evil? But they're not in control. Is it for good or is it just for sport? Is it to win? It's not to cheat at a sport. Is that what you call good? You know, I put the Muppets in the ring, but I never claimed it was a moral victory.
Starting point is 00:13:23 I never presumed what I was doing was right, only effective. Yeah, this feels like they're cheating. And also, I don't think they're the ones using the mind control. This has to be like the villains using the mind control. Oh, fuck, I'm the villain of my own film. Yeah. You're like Josie and the Pussycats.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Music's dead. You know what's in vogue right now? Synchronized swimming. You better do it to your own song. In fact, write this song. It's called I'm Good in brackets dancing. Well, really, it could be any song. Because they could just get any song and do their own mind control with it, yeah?
Starting point is 00:13:54 How does the mind control work? It's just like there's a machine that adds layers of subliminal messaging to their songs. So you would be like, this is the subliminal messaging to their songs. So you would be like, this is the subliminal message. You'd be like, hey, hey, everyone's dancing. Oh, no. It's the problem then, Dusha. Because you do synchronize swimming in front of an audience.
Starting point is 00:14:18 There's a crowd. Everyone's running in. So they're doing the dancing in the pool, and then the audience or the crowd are doing the dancing in the leeches. And the movements, the 3D up, down, left, right movements that happen in the pool should not happen on land. Yeah. Or it's like, do a flip in the water. It's just going to end up with a lot of broken spines.
Starting point is 00:14:37 It's going to be like, da-da-da. They're going to flip over, and then there's going to be like a resounding thwap as everybody's back's in the water. I don't think they'll actually flip, though. They'll be doing the swimming motions That would make you flip And if it is Josie and the Pussycat music They're gonna release this to the wider public
Starting point is 00:14:54 So a lot of like teenage girls Are like bopping around in their room And then just gonna flip over and smack their head on their back Think about this song being like An unreleased gem demo That they, it probably gets released In like a 10 year anniversary box set. And that's what the issues start. But while they're synchronizing,
Starting point is 00:15:09 then those teens are older. And they're more prone to injury. Whoa, a new song. Ah, my spine. I'm bending in places. I am no longer as strong as I once was.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Oh, film came out in 2001. And Rosie O'Dawson is the bassist. Fuck, I was panicking that I wasn't going to find out. It was real good because it's such a weird movie. Oh man, I want to watch it now. Again, I've seen it before.
Starting point is 00:15:36 It's a good film. I'm sure. I have no doubt that it's great. I just don't think that Synchronized Swimming and Josie and the Pussycats, plus that's four people. Max. Three in Josie and the Pussycats, plus that's four people, max. Three in Josie and the Pussycats. Yeah, well, there you go. Dull.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Although that would probably just be called the Pussycats if this takes place after the film. Okay. Because they get rebranded as Josie and the Pussycats and it starts to tear them apart a bit because they all write their songs together. Yeah. I don't think it's a very good swim team.
Starting point is 00:16:02 I mean, they're doing better than Muppet Box. Not great. I mean, they're doing better than Muppet Box. Not great. I cleared the very low bar and got to talk about Josie and the Pussycats, so that's a win for me. Damage to the crowd. Damage to the wider public. Anybody who's loved Josie and the Pussycats now
Starting point is 00:16:18 has a broken spine. I guess that includes me. No, I'm the villain, so I guess. You wouldn't listen to your own mind control. Also, like... What happens if you do? It doesn't work, I guess. Like, if I know that the sub. No, I'm the villain, so I guess. You wouldn't listen to your own mind control. Also, like... What happens if you do? It doesn't work, I guess. Like, if I know that the subliminal messages are there
Starting point is 00:16:29 and I listen to it, does it still work for me? Well, I mean... So then you've got to tell the audience that there's subliminal messages and don't listen to it, but you've got to keep Josie and the Pussycats in the dark. Maybe, while Josie and the Pussycats are in the change room, I'll blast a very loud siren so everyone's ears are ringing and they can't hear it. And judges are like i give them i don't know because i have a ringing
Starting point is 00:16:49 the whole time i've got a blinding headache and then i synchronize this like the dancing with the sound of tinnitus so it looks fucking sick to the audience the sound So you synchronize dancing to this sound. What? What could that possibly be? A constant high-pitched tone. You synchronize dance to that. That's just bloody modern art, isn't it? It's good.
Starting point is 00:17:20 It'll be good. Wow. You've failed this assignment. No, I'm on board. I like it a lot. I'll just get a drummer or something to add a beat to it, and that's music, baby. So do they have a drummer?
Starting point is 00:17:36 Yeah, they've got a drummer. I'd use them. But she's in the water. The drummer's the bigger point. And also the drummer. Well, yeah, you can't have... There's no waterproof drums. Tara Reid playing drums in the water. It takes you such a long time to move. And also the drum. Well, yeah, you can't have, there's no waterproof drums. Tara Reid playing drums in the water.
Starting point is 00:17:46 It takes you such a long time to move the drumstick to the water, they hit the actual drum. All right, let's try this. You do the drum beat and I'll do the tinnitus. All right, you start with tinnitus. The drums are coming a bit later. Oh, actually, this is really easy because it's like any song that has feedback.
Starting point is 00:18:00 I can put any drum beat to this. Could you do it? Okay. I dig this sound. That was music, just that. You've turned me around. And that was just like, not anything. Still wouldn't be good watching, but...
Starting point is 00:18:17 It'd be great watching. I don't know. Synchronized swimming is exciting. Apart from, you know, your ears have been blown out. I'm not sure if I want to be there. Watch it on TV. I'll watch it on TV. But then at home.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Watch it on TV. You're going to break your spine. This is real good. As you dance around your living room and then do a flip and your foot goes through. All of this pain just so they don't have to learn how to swim in the same rhythm? You could have just been like, oh, they just do synchronized dancing and they're such a good team that they just, you know. But Simon Seen Jersey and the Pussycats, he'd call me up.
Starting point is 00:18:56 They're just like a garage rock band. They don't know how to dance. It kind of does make sense. You are a villain. Yeah. So it makes sense that you want to kind of yeah make everyone dance in their home very convoluted also in this world people are at home watching synchronized swimming live on their tv remember when that garage band just backed it all in and
Starting point is 00:19:18 i can't wait to watch it was just as good as I thought it was going to be. Shame about my spine. Well, I thought of one, which was Lightning McQueen and Sumo Wrestling. Because I think wrestling a car is an easy win. Wow. Oh, I don't know. The Sumo ring is very small. Well, you'd make it bigger for the car.
Starting point is 00:19:44 No, we're not altering the rules so that was one idea kermit the frogs ring out it's a new rule just because like the judge would have to be like well like yeah the judge can't be like well kermit wins you just can't yeah yeah okay as he wouldn't make you so i reckon a sumo wrestler would be able to probably wouldn't beat a car v car or a car car v. car or car v. sumo wrestler? Because if it's car v. sumo wrestler, I've got to say the car wins. Straight up. There's just no context. A car can run down a sumo wrestler. Very easily. No, but how strong is a sumo wrestler
Starting point is 00:20:14 and can it stand its ground? Not as strong as a car. No, if a car's like... Yeah, no. No. Think before you speak. Think about it, dude. Come on, just have a quick think. I could beat a car in a sumo wrestling fight. Easy. How? Okay, you're a driver of the car I just need to push the car for a bit And you're like alright
Starting point is 00:20:28 I'm just gonna run this man over I just move out of the way You drive out of the ring You lose You think you're quicker than a car? No I'm A car called lightning
Starting point is 00:20:37 Okay I don't need to be A sentient car I don't need to be Who doesn't actually go by those rules Because they have basically hands And they can move and shit. So you're pushing the front of a car, right?
Starting point is 00:20:48 No, I'm not. Okay, here's the trick. I know that I can't push a fucking car out of a circle. So where are you standing? So you're immediately run over. Where are you standing? In front of the car, hands on the bonnet. The car accelerates and you're like, fucking gotcha.
Starting point is 00:21:03 You leap out the way somehow faster than a car. Well, not even. I just need to just move. Somehow faster than a car. No, okay. So we're both in stop positions. Yes. I'll get hit by a car and it's going to suck, but I'm not going to die.
Starting point is 00:21:18 But the car needs to stop and adjust its position to get me. It's a little three-point turn a bit. In a circle. The sumo wrestlers. It's going to ring out. I'm going to win. How many sumo wrestlers do you reckon would get run over by a car just to win a wrestling match? Well, you got at least one.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Joel Dusha. Also, you're kind of going to the idea that when you dodge, the car won't stop with a wheel on you. Yeah, that's true. Well, okay. a wheel on you. Yeah, that's true. Well, okay, even... Because the car's a guy. That's true. Yeah, forgetting that it's not just driven by, say, a lad.
Starting point is 00:21:52 It's an actual lad itself. Imagine staring into Lightning McQueen's giant white eyes and you know that he'll happily kill you. Yeah. Well, I guess... First of all, he's basically just parked in the circle. You've got to kind of squish around it. You go to the side, he just smacks you with his door.
Starting point is 00:22:08 You're fucked, mate. Stand on the roof of the car. Well, that's not the worst move in the world. Then he just rolls over. I haven't seen cars. Is he likely to want to kill an innocent sportsman? Lightning McQueen is a dark strike. I feel like...
Starting point is 00:22:21 So he'd do anything to win. And I feel like... I'm like mocking him or something. I feel like Lightning McQueen's breaking point isn't that high. And I would be a anything to win. And I feel like I'm mocking him or something. I feel like McQueen's breaking point isn't that high. And I would be a dick to him. What's life like being in a car, dickhead? Is it bad? You're bad at racing now because you're old, apparently.
Starting point is 00:22:35 I think that's the plot of Cars 3. And now you've got a car on. Now you've turned to sumo wrestling, I guess, instead of being a car and doing what a car does. That's embarrassing. But I like your plan of get on the roof because all you've got to do is sit there and wait, and eventually the car, just in turning while trying to get you, is bound to ring out, and you're just good. Nah, because there's suspension, right?
Starting point is 00:22:54 Yeah. So it'll kind of buck him off, and then he goes flying. Oh, that's good for the audience, though. Yeah, that's entertaining. Yeah, the simmer wrestler slash rodeo. Yeah. Simmer wrestlers tend to be pretty heavy, though. I don't know if a car could buck him off. Yeah, but's entertaining. Yeah, the sumo wrestler slash rodeo. Sumo wrestlers tend to be pretty heavy though. I don't know if a car could buck him off.
Starting point is 00:23:07 But a car's also heavy. Yeah, but it's not about that. It's about how strong their car is. It's a car. It's suspension though. It's easy to fuck your suspension. Just drive into a pothole and it's fucked. Try to buck a fucking sumo wrestler off you. I think if you get on the roof of a car, you've beaten that car. But getting onto
Starting point is 00:23:23 the roof of the car is the hardest it's also sentient it's bonnet might smack you just climbing on exposing it's weak point slap it's engine a bit this is no longer sumo wrestling sumo wrestling there's heaps of slapping
Starting point is 00:23:40 there is a lot of slapping but not like the eyes which is basically what's happening. You're like suggesting you like sumo wrestling, but then also if he's like big, I don't know, he's like loincloth comes away and you punch him in the ball. He's a weak spot. I'd get a bit of a slap.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Not punching, slapping. Slap is scrote. Yeah. And then I'd win because that sumo wrestler is like, oh, my God. My ball's scrote. And then you push him out of the thing same with the bonnet that's basically the car scrotum I wonder
Starting point is 00:24:11 like sumo wrestlers are pretty strong is there anybody strong enough that can stop a car no are you sure though I'm looking it up because a car has a lot of power behind it Yeah but I have this idea
Starting point is 00:24:25 No you get the same thing as me It's like when it's like Like if someone's like parked And then you like slam on the accelerator The wheels spin for a bit Yeah But then there's gonna be a shoot of Yeah
Starting point is 00:24:35 So I know like a lion for example Like a lion can drag a car that's in park And that's impressive But this car can just run you over I found a youtube video called man stops car with best bare hands watch it and i reckon there's an obvious this is this is great seconds and is this a champion race car yeah probably v8 souped up i reckon there's a datsun 120b, this car isn't even... Oh, yeah, it is. It's going.
Starting point is 00:25:07 He's got it. He's got it. You can look at him. Look. All right, so he's lifted it up. All right, so maybe... If you're strong enough, I reckon you can start the car. Front-wheel drive, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Is Lightning McQueen a four-wheel drive? Because that makes it hard. He's a racing car, so probably not. Probably not. Racing cars, what are they usually? Rear wheel. I think certainly the very limited knowledge I have is Bathurst-style Australian supercar racing.
Starting point is 00:25:39 And for the most part there, I'm pretty sure rear wheel drive. So if you get behind him. And lift him up. You got him. Yeah. But I don't think this detracts from Zammett's idea at all. I think, if anything, it makes it better. If the car just wins straight out, I'm bored.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Yeah. But if it's like. Well, I was thinking, like, I don't know. I suggest this because there's no, like. How long is this guy holding a car up as well? Well, that's what's entertaining to watch. You're like, how long can he hack? Because if it's like, if it's a front-wheel, like, drive,
Starting point is 00:26:03 he's got to lift him up. But then you've just got gonna drag him around yeah without being able to tip you lightning mcqueen on your roof or your head yeah i think i think that's the only way a sumo wrestler could imagine that sumo wrestler holding the car veins bulging going red lightning mcqueen's wheel spinning smoke coming out and you're like yeah that's going to win this? Yeah, that's great. I'd watch that. Hell out of that. I don't know why nobody's making a sport that's just like people stopping cars. This is a sport we could do, guys.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Man versus car. It's true. We could do it. Is there... So I always pictured them. I've never seen the movies, but I pictured the cars being like toy cars. These are actual... No.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Are there humans in the world? I don't want to go down this route. It's basically like a post-apocalyptic world where it looks like that people became cars. They might also be insects. There's a lot going on with them. It's very unpleasant, but it's worth a watch. Really? Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:59 It's just like the more you think about it, the worse it gets. That's cars. Yeah. That sounds great. That's Carlos. Yeah. Wow. That sounds great. It's not great. I really like it. I mean, you did bring it up. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I regret everything about this. Can I just suggest like the original X-Men team and soccer instead? Yeah. Because I think that'd be a bit better and less like an existential crisis. And they're playing against like Brazil or something? Brazil are good at soccer. Everyone else has been against a human team, so I think that's fair.
Starting point is 00:27:28 I reckon that'd be good. You put Angel in the goal, the goalkeeper. He's got giant wingspan. Smack the balls around. That's cheating, but that's fine. Jean Grey is a striker. Picks the ball up with her mind. Boo! In.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Cheating, but again, that's fair. A hundred percent, that's... Yeah, that's a yellow. Is she using her hands? No. Yeah. He's got yellow. Is she using her hands? No. Yeah. It's got you there. I think they'd have to modify the rules a little.
Starting point is 00:27:51 I feel like this is like any sort of sports film in the 90s with an animal where someone's like, you can't have a chimp play baseball. And they go, well, there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't. Same concept. She can't lift it up with her mind. Oh, can she? Oh, have's nothing in the rulebook that says you can't. Same concept. She can't lift it up with her mind. Oh, can she? Oh, have a look in the rulebook. And then obviously you're like, well.
Starting point is 00:28:10 The following season, though, is where the rules, like that one game that you spring it on them. We dominate like that season. I reckon FIFA have an emergency meeting that night. I reckon FIFA have an emergency meeting halfway through the game. What a winger. This is us.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Iceman as defense would be pretty good. Also just putting up ice blocks. See, I reckon that you might find that that actually counts as like, because that would be damaging the pitch. I feel like that might actually be a rule that they're breaking. But, I mean, you've got a psychic on the team, so just cripple
Starting point is 00:28:44 everyone. Also, Beast is like a hairy man that can bounce around and is pretty good at, like, athletics anyway. And he's Frasier Crane. And he's Frasier Crane? Yeah. I could tell him my problems. He's listening. He's listening, but he's also got a lot of problems of his own.
Starting point is 00:29:00 He's slow. I like that it's, like, everyone else is, like, oh, they're using their powers, but Beast he's just naturally athletic he could just actually be a soccer player say Scott Summers gets like a soccer ball to the face and knocks his visor off
Starting point is 00:29:12 oh no that's everyone dead and then you're definitely kicked out of FIFA yeah FIFA not gonna knock that out also if he gets a yellow card he's gonna think it's a red card that's good though then the problem sort of solves itself like that no one is there telling him
Starting point is 00:29:26 it's not he's just like no no no I'm leaving well I think everybody somebody's like the ref's saying
Starting point is 00:29:31 yellow card and he's like yeah you can break it to me if you want but I know the truth I can see that
Starting point is 00:29:37 that's red and then Xavier is the coach Xavier is the coach just shutting down the minds of the Brazilian players that's what I was
Starting point is 00:29:44 imagining or Xavier being like, play dirty. Everybody lie down. Run them over. Scott, Scott, Scott. All right, take this. This is a shiv. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:29:54 When you get close, give him a little stab. Wow, you've really changed his sort of temperament. Temperament the right word there? Yeah, yeah. Talking about him like he's a dog. I mean, he's not a great person. Scott, Scott, Scott. Come here.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Come here. Look at these glasses. Take them off. Now look at the team. Yes, Yeah, yeah. Talking about him like he's a dog. I mean, he's not a great person. Scott, Scott, Scott, come here. Come here. Look at these glasses. Yeah, we'll take them off. Now look at the team. Yes, yes, good. We did it. Another victory for the X-Men. Against the villainous Brazil.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Score one for muted rights. I guess. That's all right. Just angel, angel, put your wings out. Good, good, good. Just hammer them to the fucking post. There we go. All right, you've not been up to snuff.
Starting point is 00:30:30 You're going to have to inject this. Steroids? Yes. Mutant steroids. You can't get there unless you're juice, okay? They're all doing it. Everyone's juicing, okay? You're not weird.
Starting point is 00:30:44 You're not going to get in trouble Shut up X-Men get disqualified I bribe them all Everyone's being bribed You're fine You just shut their minds It's the same thing
Starting point is 00:30:58 Shut up Less jabbing more jabbing X-Men banned from FIFAa for a year coach sacked fifa mad people suspicious that a man whose legs didn't work was coaching x-men claim they didn't like heavy anyway x-men claim they didn't know any better everyone's like why'd you let him do it it seems like it's kind of on you guys. I was going to say something. I like that, like,
Starting point is 00:31:26 going back to the, there's nothing in the rule book. Does every coach have, like, a big book of soccer rules? I feel like if I was bringing a dog and
Starting point is 00:31:36 they're like, or somebody brought a dog to me and they're like, there's nothing in the rule book, I'd be like, well, I just can't check. Actually, that's a
Starting point is 00:31:42 good point. Like, everyone talks about, like, a rule book, but does sports have, like, a published rule book? I don't think that's a rule book. Yeah. I know golf does. I've seen that.
Starting point is 00:31:52 The rules of golf is in a book. But I'm pretty sure most of them will have a website. FIFA will have a rule page, I reckon. What else are you teaching the umpires? Surely they've got a book. It's all secret. Right? I mean, we need to know the rules to play the game.
Starting point is 00:32:09 It's normally in like the teen movies and there's like an older kid for some reason. It's like, surely you can't have a 28-year-old man playing on the team. There's nothing in the rules. There has to be a rule book because else you're like, hey, I scored a goal. All right, I got it. No, no, you just kicked goal. Alright, I got it. Nah, nah. You just kicked the goal for the other team. I just sort of have this assumption that all rules
Starting point is 00:32:30 are just kind of basically decided by committee and like everybody's got a kind of good understanding of how the sport works. I just had a quick look at Google just because I was like, I'll check AFL because I'm familiar with AFL. The AFL rule book is called the laws of the game.
Starting point is 00:32:46 There's a committee. Kevin Bartlett's on it. So that means that if somebody tried to get a dog or the X-Men involved in a sport, it would have to go through those committees. What a fun time that would be. We have a mind reader and a mind control. That's very easy to get through.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Very quickly, I think it's an all-mutant committee. I'm onant committee. I'm on the committee. I am the committee. Let's change this to a fifth X. I think the best example of the rule thing is Happy Gilmore when the balls on Jaws' foot, Jaws from Bond, is standing on the side and Shooter McGavin's like,
Starting point is 00:33:24 well, I can't play this. And they come in and go, play it as it lies. That's what it says in the book. Play it as it lies. Yeah, play it as it lies, Shooter. Very good moment. Beautiful moment in cinema. He's got a nail through his head still, yeah?
Starting point is 00:33:38 He sure does. That's good. What a great film. I like that in the Air Bud situation, like realistically. Can I change? Sorry, finish your bit. Then I'm going to change my answer. I was just going to say there's like a month maybe between the first time they try to get the dog in the game and then when the dog actually gets in the, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:33:55 Right. Like I wanted the dog play. They're like, there's nothing in the rules, but I guess we'll chat to the committee. Then they're like, well, let's hope. Best answer, Adam Sandler Golf. Adam Sandler Golf? Adam Sandler Golf? Adam Sandler's fictional. Do you mean the characters Adam Sandler has played?
Starting point is 00:34:11 Or sad Adam Sandler as he is today? Well, I feel like sad Adam Sandler probably gets a lot of joy from golf. But the fictional one would be happy Adam Sandler. Well, you've got happy Gilmore, who's good at golf. Well, bad at golf, but then good at golf. Yeah, and then... Bad at... Little Nicky, who is good at golf. Well, bad at golf, but then good at golf. Yeah, and then... Bad at... Little Nicky, who is like a little Satan.
Starting point is 00:34:30 He's got a big variety of characters. There'd be some characters who'd be bad at golf, like Glick. Most of them, I imagine. No, Glick, he'd just fast forward through training. He'd be real good at it. And he'd miss his daughter's birthday or some shit, and his wife would divorce him and be sad. He'd be real good at golf.
Starting point is 00:34:44 He'd fucking shits in David Hasselhoff's lunch or something? Yeah his wife would divorce him and be sad, but he'd be real good at golf. He'd fucking shits in David Hasselhoff's lunch or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. That's a sad movie. He's a kid. No, no, Billy Madison. He's got a lot of spare time, so I guess he could train for golf. He'd learn the rules of golf from
Starting point is 00:35:00 Veronica Vaughn. Yeah, that's right. He'd get to see a titty if he got a hole in one. I feel like if you offered Billy Madison a titty for a hole in one, he'd be getting hole in ones all day. What kind of a relationship are they gonna have in like ten years, you know? Ten years down the track, Billy Madison
Starting point is 00:35:16 and like, it's just, it's due. He inherited the company at the end, didn't he? Or whatever it was. He's gonna run them to the ground. Yeah, he has a fucking high school education. He learned a lot of life lessons along the way. I hope you're on a business. There's a song where he thanks Veronica
Starting point is 00:35:31 for beating the shit out of him. That's not a good way to learn. That movie is terrible. Who's Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates? He knows how to look after dolphins or some shit. Yeah. He's very kind and caring and... Manipulative.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Manipulative and... Of a woman with a mental illness. Yep. What about in Wedding Singers? Like, that's not great. I mean, I don't see how that Jerry girl is going to help him play golf. Punch drunk love? Hmm?
Starting point is 00:35:59 Huh. Adam Sandler in Blended is just a bad dad. But he likes sports, but not golf. No, he likes baseball, which leads to the weirdest scene in that film where they have Dale Stain, South African cricketer, have a big cameo role where they just make fun of cricket. Dale Stain was in an Adam Sandler movie. Yeah, he's in a scene in Blended where he's bowling a cricket ball to Adam Sandler's kid who he's trying to tease baseball to, and he keeps bouncing it because that's cricket. And then Adam Sandler makes fun of Dale Stain
Starting point is 00:36:30 for not being able to pitch, and that's the scene. What about Adam Sandler from Bulletproof, where he's just a petty thug? Jack and Jill? Jack and or Jill. Well, there's two of them. That's a good... Yeah, but golf's not one on how many players you have.
Starting point is 00:36:48 That's not the opposite of that. Well, if you could play golf... We're all out of Sandler and we're here to play golf. They'd be like, one of you, one of you can play golf. There's doubles and stuff in golf. Okay. Are there like quick doubles? Two ball, best ball.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Yep. That's a thing, I think. I think he plays another Satan in Dirty Work from Norm Macdonald's film. So, like, you've got two Satans on your team. Surely Satan's good at golf. Yeah. Is he? That seems more like an angel sport.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Also, I feel like he's going to cheat as a little Satan. You made a bad choice. It's about winning, though, right? Cheating's fine. Wait, hang on. You've got your X-Men murdering the Brazilian soccer team. I never said it was a bad choice. It's about winning though, right? Cheating's fine. Wait, hang on. You've got your X-Men murdering the Brazilian soccer team. I never said it was a moral victory. Yeah, I'm playing golf.
Starting point is 00:37:31 They cheat. Who cares? You're all fucking cheating. Yeah, but I have a guy that can mind control. What do you have? A Satan. Satan can mind control. He's got twice the amount of Satans of a regular man.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Everyone has their inner demons, but I have two outer demons. Adam Sandler. The two. It would be an annoying game of golf to watch. I'd be like, this is crowded by the same guy. And everyone's yelling in like a little baby voice. It's time for me to play some golf! Rob is facing the titties of someone who be like ah titties and i'd be like this is what happened to golf is the majority
Starting point is 00:38:12 of adam sandler's characters motivated by a hint of titty oh yeah titty is the greatest motivation but not nipple like just cleavage cleave but not not even like leading to sex it's the idea that a woman will reveal her breasts to Adam Sandler and that's like him done. That's enough. It's almost like his characters don't actually know there's any other steps to lovemaking. They're like titties and that's, we did it.
Starting point is 00:38:33 We did it, guys. Thanks for playing. I'm going to go home now. Because he's a child, I guess. Well, I mean, every character he plays is basically an infant. Adam Sandler for Big Daddy would be the coach because I feel like he's quite patient and he learns to be patient. He learns how to look after a child he stole.
Starting point is 00:38:49 He steals a child. He sure does. He absolutely steals a child. That wasn't his kid? It was not his kid. It was Jon Stewart's kid. Adam Sandler plays nothing but deplorable human beings in his movies.
Starting point is 00:39:01 And I don't know why he had... I don't know why the judge was like, whatever, just because the actual dad is like, it's cool, he stole my kid, it's cool. No, he still committed a crime. If I kill a kid with a gun. If the kid just rocked up at his house and it was like, who are you? The kid rocked up at his house and then he's like
Starting point is 00:39:15 I'm not this kid's father. And then he's like no, but no. I'm gonna look after the kid. It's like if a kid turned up here at the studio. And I was like, well, none of us own this kid but let's raise him. Wasn't there like like i thought he had meetings with like like a welfare officer that guy's bad too he doesn't tell anyone that this is happening i remember that people movie differently it's not good but there's a diver dan scene and that's all right yeah that's pretty much dan yeah he comes in as scuba steve No, it's not. It's Scuba Steve. Scuba Steve.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Fucked up. Diver Dan. Who's Diver Dan? Sea Change. Yeah. David Wenham. Fuck yes. What a hero. Sea Change reference in the middle of a poem.
Starting point is 00:39:53 Oh my God, that's good. This has been reference heavy to things people don't understand. Fuck, that's fucking great. Sea Change also probably a 2001 series, but- It's all Mumford and Sons. Mumford and Sons 2008, 2008 mate speaking of mumford and sons matt your fictional sporting team uh like last time i was on i i just stuck with the first thing i thought of and um the rules and the topic changed throughout but you just really stuck with
Starting point is 00:40:16 the first thing that came to your head because the first yeah the first thing that came to my head was the ninja turtles and then so i'm trying to think of a sport with four, which I couldn't think of. I'm sure there's plenty. So I came up with basketball with five, and I thought Splinter could play like point guard or something. So it's the Ninja Turtles and Splinter, basketball. Then I started drifting at some point.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Do you notice any stretches where I wasn't talking? And I was looking up in that top corner of the room? That was me thinking, what about like bobsledding? Sticking with the Ninja Turtles, but something where they could use their shells. What's that one? It's not the skeletons where they lie on their stomach and go down forwards.
Starting point is 00:40:58 What's the one where people go down on their backs? Does that exist? I know what you mean. Skeletons on their back, isn't it? Oh, skeletons on... Ske isn't it no skeletons on one of them you're sort of bobsled it's like downhill something yeah another one you mean it's got a stupid name yeah but anyway that's what anyway then i went back to basketball because i thought it'd be i needed i figured you might have needed the sport's name to give it you know
Starting point is 00:41:23 legitimacy but uh ninja turtles is bobsled team's pretty good yeah yeah i just wasn't sure they'd I figured you might have needed the sport's name to give it, you know, legitimacy. Ninja Turtles' bobsled team is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, I just wasn't sure they'd fit in the bobsled. Well, yeah, I was going to say. What do the rules say if, like, they put the bobsled on them and slid on their shelves? Oh, yeah. Cut out the bottom.
Starting point is 00:41:38 The bobsled gets gold at the bottom of the hill, and the Ninja Turtles are, like, there. Think about it, Dusha. Do you give a gold medal to the bobsled? No, you don't. You give it to what's riding the thing. That's very funny
Starting point is 00:41:48 to just have like a bobsled team in bronze, a bobsled team in silver, then a bobsled on gold. I like that the Ninja Turtles off to the side being like, fuck.
Starting point is 00:41:58 We didn't think about this. They slide at the bottom and everyone's like, yay, grab the bobsled. And they're like, what, huhled Cow a fuck Then you catch race
Starting point is 00:42:11 Cow a fuck Cow a fuck Then they drown their sorrows in pizza Yeah cause I was trying to What's a sport that the ninja turtles Could use their Cause they're all very different You got the rat You got the party dude.
Starting point is 00:42:27 The gun does machines. You've got the angry guy. And then the leader. Leonardo's the... Don's the machines. Michelangelo's the pizza. So then, like, what's a sport that uses all those skills? It's tough, isn't it? It's not easy. See, fighting crime's the first thing that comes to my head, and that what's a sport that uses all those skills? It's tough, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:42:45 It's not easy. See, fighting crime is the first thing that comes to my head, and that's not a sport. What about pizza eating? Like, competitive eating? Oh, yeah, competitive eating. Absolutely. And they've got gross turtle mouths.
Starting point is 00:42:57 It's not good for the biology of a turtle eating. The original Ninja Turtle movies, I'm pretty sure that Jim Henson had something to do with those costumes. They're like Jim Henson level quality. So like, I hope so. I think they were. So maybe they should be in the Thunderdome as well. But they'd smash that up.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Street hockey and get Casey Jones. Oh, yes. There you go. Street hockey. And I was like, because my first thought when you were you go. Straight hockey. And I was like, because my first thought when you were like, oh, what works? I was like, dodge ball?
Starting point is 00:43:30 Because the ball will just bounce off the gel. And I was like, ah! That's how you always end a game at dodge ball. As opposed to a human's back. The ball wouldn't bounce off that. That would meld in forever and you'd become one with the ball. Speaking of dodgeball, though, the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar would be great at dodgeball,
Starting point is 00:43:49 provided that the dodgeball game took place inside the Matrix. Well, that's... Well, no, I think they'd all be shitty, but if they had Neo, yeah. No, they'd be amazing, because all they've got to do is be like, Hey, dickhead, make me good at dodgeball. And he's just like, you're good now. Or in that case, hey, dickhead, make me good at dodgeball. And he's just like, you're good now. But in that case, hey, dig it, make me good at every sport.
Starting point is 00:44:07 No, but like with dodgeball, they can do those weird bendy things. Although everyone forgets, me included, until I just said it, that Nero actually does get shot when he does that weird bend in dodgeball.
Starting point is 00:44:16 And like a basketball is bigger than a bullet. Yeah, well, it makes it easy to dodge, arguably. But you can catch them, right? I think that's the thing with dodgeball. If you catch it, then they're out. Yeah, think about... So all Nero has to do is put up right I think that's the thing with dodgeball if you catch it then they're out
Starting point is 00:44:26 yeah think about all Neo has to do is put up his hand like that and the ball stops and then he grabs it throws it back everyone's like
Starting point is 00:44:32 fuck yeah that's basically the plot of the film dodgeball when Vince Vaughn's the last person left in the average Joes and they've got
Starting point is 00:44:38 four people left he just catches it and gets them out whatever but he doesn't stop time to do it he just uses his average Joeness
Starting point is 00:44:43 to do it that's the only movie that I will tolerate Vince Vaughn. Fairly. Not Old School? Not really. Old School's not a bad film. I can't stand Swingers.
Starting point is 00:44:55 People say that that was good. No. Wrong. Wedding Crashers? No. Hate it. No time for that. I'm into that.
Starting point is 00:45:03 I haven't seen it since Mumford & Sons were around. There's like B, Mumford & Sons, and A, Mumford & Sons. But I also don't remember that the dad movie Adam Sandler was in was fucked either. So I think maybe I was a different person last decade. Yeah. Mumford & Sons changes us all. Once someone said Little Lion Man and it voted for it to be number one in the Highest 100.
Starting point is 00:45:29 He said Little Iron Man. Hey there, Little Iron Man, in your heart. That song only got popular because they say fuck in it, and it's in a way that people are like, oh, I can say fuck if I listen to this song. And banjo. And banjo, because people are like, oh, banjo is an instrument that- Banjo's back, baby. Hasn't music changed since that song?
Starting point is 00:45:49 Now every pop song's got banjo in it. Did you notice that? Yes. Yeah, it's not a coincidence. And no drum kit. That was another thing that I know that people liked, because they do a little percussion
Starting point is 00:45:59 whilst playing banjo. The drums and shit were just drums in front of them on the floor. Like the floor tom, the bass drum, the guitarist, the banjo. Like the drums and shit were just like drums in front of them on the floor. Like the floor tom, the bass drum, the guitarist, the banjo player slash lead singer just like did that at the same time. It was like one of those one man band
Starting point is 00:46:14 people that boss get everyone hates. What sport would Mumford and Sons be best at? Come on, that's, who's, how many people? There's, I think three or four, I'd say four. Four people. Four people.
Starting point is 00:46:26 All right. Mumford and his sons. Yeah. Mumford and his sons. Do you know the lead singer of that band? I think his name is Matt Mumford. No. Something Mumford.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Yeah. He's married to Carey Mulligan. And who's that? He's reaching. Who's Carey Mulligan? Carey Mulligan. So she is the lead actress in Drive. She played Daisy in Great Gatsby.
Starting point is 00:46:48 She was in a whole bunch of stuff in a very short period of time and then just stopped being in things because- Well, she got what's a Mumford. Yeah. Which is the least cool thing a person can do. Wrestling. Mumford & Sons sounds like a wrestling team. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:01 No, but I don't mean like fancy- WWE. WWE. I mean like old school weird helmets and leotards. Yeah, yeah. No, but I don't mean like fancy WWE. I mean like old school weird helmets and leotards. Yeah. Wrestling. Greco-Roman wrestling. Yeah. Alright, there's four of them. Marcus Mumford.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Marcus Mumford. Not Matt Mumford. You're Matt. I'm Matt Mumford. Fucking hate my brother. I think all of these teams would be great at Greco-Roman wrestling, to be honest. Muppets? Oh, Lightning McQueen. You pretty much were wrestling already.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Ninja Turtles? Choosing the Pussycats less so. Yeah, you don't want synchronised wrestling. But they're a good team with a lot of love. There's a whole lot of heart in that team. Yeah, exactly. Crowd favourites. X-Men?
Starting point is 00:47:45 I mean... Professor X would make you wrestle yourself. I feel like X-Men, I can't think of a sport where they wouldn't... Like, if they were willing to basically kill Brazil as a country, I think there's nothing they're stopping at. Also, wrestling would be alright, because they already come in the leotards Yeah that's true they're ready for wrestling at any point Yeah
Starting point is 00:48:07 And Beast is like basically built If you were to design a wrestler You put him out first I really like I want to imagine like an alternate universe X-Men where it's not a school for gifted mutants It's like a wrestling school That's like the cover They're like yeah yeah yeah they're all wrestlers
Starting point is 00:48:24 But Welcome to Xavier's they're all wrestlers. What a shock when you get there. Welcome to Xavier's School for Gifted Wrestlers. I go around the country and find the best wrestlers. They can wrestle those evil cunts down. The brotherhood of evil wrestlers. Are they gifted? Him, that Magnus guy. Gifted at wrestling?
Starting point is 00:48:44 Or wrestlers who are gifted in other ways Gifted at wrestlers I feel That I can get behind Did I give you the idea I was looking for other mutants No Some of the wrestlers in the WWE Seem like they would be part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants Like Bray Wyatt
Starting point is 00:49:02 He's fucked Doesn't WWE have like an undead wizard? Basically, yeah. Really? That's cool. Bray Wyatt looks like a lumberjack, but then he does like a spider walk sometimes, and it's fucked. It has eight legs.
Starting point is 00:49:18 You know in The Exorcist when she walks down the stairs? But like in a bridge thing? Yeah, he does that in the ring sometimes. But he looks like a lumberjack. And people are just letting him do that? Why aren't they just kicking him in his back? He feels like he's wide open.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Well, he does it as a celebration sometimes. Because that's a good move to be in to get stomped. The WWE likes to pair him and The Undertaker to fight because they're both very evil i guess and there's one clip where the undertaker looks like he's dead and then he does like a weird sit up with his hands across his chest and bray wyatt's like doing a spider walk around the thing and then he like stops and does a weird head twist he's like oh you're not fucked anyway wrestling wrestling like i don't really watch wrestling
Starting point is 00:50:05 but every time like every couple years I'm just like I wonder what WWE yep still fucked alright good here we found ourselves yet again the end of a real big journey where there was a lot of winners here
Starting point is 00:50:21 I think we can all agree that the best wrestler is a car and here we are yet again cars a lot of winners here. We can all agree that the best wrestler is a car. Here we are yet again. Cars. Yeah, I think Lightning McQueen wins at wrestling. That was the question. Which fictional car is the best wrestler? A big Royal Rumble. Who wins?
Starting point is 00:50:38 Lightning McQueen. Because he can run over Professor X. But he can't run over Muppets again. Muppets rise againets Muppets rise again Muppet gets caught in the wheels Yeah it's like how like It's like how if Mankind
Starting point is 00:50:51 Declared war On grass Yeah It's hard to kill Mankind the wrestler He just puts his sock on And starts strangling him Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:03 Yeah wrestling's cooked. I've been Joel. Oh, no. I tried to cut in. I've been Jack. I've been Matt. Thanks for having me. No worries.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Thanks for coming back. Got anything you want to plug? Like maybe a podcast? Yes, you should listen to our podcast to go on. We did a whole episode about the Montreal Screwjob, I know our podcasts do go on. We did a whole episode about the Montreal Screwjob, which is a big WWE or WWF wrestling scandal in the 90s.
Starting point is 00:51:32 And people love that episode. There might be one if you're a wrestling person to listen to. You've got the Jim Henson one? Also the Jim Henson one. I don't think we've done any Pixar, unfortunately. Any Disney? What else do we have? Disney. Nick Mason.
Starting point is 00:51:45 You would know Mason. We've had him on the show before. We had him on a couple of weeks ago, and he's going to come back and maybe do a Ninja Turtles episode sometime soon. That's good. Maybe. Maybe. They started out as a very serious,
Starting point is 00:51:58 like they killed Shredder in the first trade. That's, yeah. This is me off. They're very violent. This is a bit of spoilers for Nick Mason's episode of Do Go On. It's very bloody. That's fucked. Oh, yeah, actually, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:11 It is fucked. Yeah, anyway. Do Go On, listen to it. Yes, and also Fringe. We've got several shows this week. Oh, yeah, right. So we're in our second week of Fringe. The first shows have gone really, really, really well.
Starting point is 00:52:23 I know that for a fact. Yeah, it has to have gone. Yeah. The noise coming from outside your venue is annoying. Quieten down, please. We're trying to get a show over in our room. But this week I'm putting on a line-up show called The Amazing Travelling Comedy Tour at the Courthouse Hotel.
Starting point is 00:52:45 I'm emceeing it with a couple of guests each night. People like, I don't know, who do you, no, maybe no one you would know, but really funny people. Good, mate. Give us some examples. Nick Capa. He's been on Shut Up a second before. Great, all right.
Starting point is 00:52:56 So people from your network like Nick Capa and he does a podcast with Jack Drews where they do fictional sequels to movies. Jack Drews is also going to be on there. Jess Perkins from Do Go On. Hey! There you go. We need to get her on our show too.
Starting point is 00:53:13 She'd be good at this. She can talk as fast as you guys. My brain hurts whenever. I'm on here and I'm just like, oh, I've got to zone out for a while so my brain can chill. Come back in. What are they talking about? Oh, jeez. What? I'm on here and I'm just like, oh, we've got to zone out for a while so my brain can chill. Come back in. What are they talking about? Oh,
Starting point is 00:53:28 geez. It's bouncing about. People are doing voices. Josie and the who? Are they actual cats? I'm going to watch that movie. Josie and the Pussycats. Yeah. Not real cats.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Not real cats. Fascinating. Turns me off. Nah, fair. Nah, fair. Anyway,
Starting point is 00:53:43 we'll see you all at Fringe. Yes. Goodbye. Bye. Laters. Laters days. nah fair nah fair anyway we'll see you all at Fringe yes goodbye bye laters later days later days I don't know
Starting point is 00:53:53 if that's how I'm saying later days that's great that can be your catchphrase that we say at the start of every episode later days at the ball game
Starting point is 00:53:59 the wonderful ball game today wow thanks for listening and if you want to follow us on twitter A wonderful ball game today. Wow! Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspanceradio or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13.
Starting point is 00:54:14 I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to Sandspanceradio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps. And if you want to support us, head to SandspantsPlus.com. Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next content there. There's heaps. And if you want to support us, head to sanspansplus.com.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. Good night forever. Kisses.

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