Plumbing the Death Star - Is It Better To Be a Super Hero or a Super Villain?
Episode Date: January 9, 2022Personally I think it would be best if we were all just patrons of the Freak Hole, buy tickets to our live show here you goddamn hero. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
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When I recorded this, Victoria had 51,000 cases of COVID just today.
Our live show in Melbourne, a place where we live, is just over a month away.
I guess you have to ask yourself, do you like to have a little bit of a flutter?
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Maybe you're the kind of person who thinks they're the main character
and that nothing bad can happen to you. And and hey maybe you're the only one that's immune
and even if something bad does happen to you it's fine you'll learn a lesson and come out the other
side this is just another part of the hero's journey the journey you are on because you of
course are the hero so be a hero be daring be daring, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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You're listening to the Sandspan's Network.
Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts.
Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star.
I'm Joel.
I'm Jackson.
And I'm also Joel. And today we're asking important questions like,
is it better to be a superhero or a supervillain?
So when you get powers,
when you get hit by a radioactive bus...
Bus?
Yeah.
You got two options, okay?
You can either go into...
Well, I guess you got three.
You can either fight crime,
do crime, or do nothing.
That's the best option.
With great power comes great...
Yeah, I'm just gonna go.
Fuck it. This is too much. Do what you want. That's actually fucked up by Uncle Ben. With great power comes great... Yeah, I'm just going to go home.
Fuck it.
This is too much. Do what you want.
That's actually fucked up by Uncle Ben.
We don't talk about that enough.
Leave Spider-Man alone.
Yeah, what if he just wanted to live a simple life?
Just be a normal teenager that's just ripped now
and is probably just cleaning up at school,
the best at sport, still smart.
Yeah.
I know.
Uncle Ben wrecked Spider-Man's life
yeah cause Uncle Ben
I mean dying
also kind of wrecked
Uncle Ben
getting shot
kind of ruined
Uncle Ben's life
but also
getting
Uncle Ben getting shot
wrecked Peter Parker
oh yeah
for sure
but like
imagine Peter Parker
doesn't become Spider-Man
yeah
he's just like
a buff dude
a buff hot teen
buff hot teen
that's really clever and his time a buff hot teen that's really clever
and his time management
would be way easier
he doesn't need to fight crime
yeah
not even just that
imagine if he just
didn't get bit by a spider
unless the spider
made him a genius
which we don't know about
yeah yeah
because he invented
the web slinger
he was already clever enough
he's already really smart
his smartness is never
but he was still like
at that point he's a dweeb
yeah
he would have just been
hot and smart
but he could have
he could have just invented the web shooter thing and then just i don't know patent
that sell it whatever could have been one of those rich tech billionaires the thing is he could have
been dating grimes well she's single now yeah i think grimes can write a song about you where
she says you're the world's greatest gamer spider-man that's a real thing that happened
yeah i know it's very funny. It's upsetting.
Rhymes, reach out, are you okay?
We're falling down the Elon Musk thing again.
Let's backpedal.
Boys!
I don't know what that is.
Boys, I'm here with my robot dick again.
Invest in crypto!
Elon Musk sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire Hello
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Anyway, so...
Get us back on track, please, Jackson, please.
You're either gonna... And let's assume
for this, that we live in a
Marvel or DC where there is an Avengers
or a Justice League or some kind of
superhero kind of governing body
and that there is also,
I mean, sometimes there's a Legion of Doom,
but there doesn't necessarily have to be one.
Yeah.
Which,
which the cleverest one to pick,
you know?
Well,
because obviously if you include morals,
like superhero makes more sense.
Cause I feel like we're probably more comfortable not killing people than we are killing people.
But that's what I mean.
Let's call a stool a stool.
We're not good guys. Okay. Let's call a stool a stool. We're not good guys.
Okay.
Let's use the morally ambiguous shades of gray gauge that the plumbing boys are so famous.
Stealing from a supermarket is actually cool and good and people should do it.
And a little funny sometimes.
It's so funny.
If you saw someone get hit by a car and they did a flip and onto the bonnet and over the roof and in the back, you'd be like, whoa!
I'm already laughing.
So, okay.
So don't worry about the moral.
The bank don't need it.
Exactly.
What's a bank doing with money?
Nothing.
So don't worry about the moral side of things, okay?
It's just for you self-serving in your life.
I mean, that's what I was always.
I was just, okay, so for me, it's, well, which one offers time off?
Yeah, well, kind of. Can you have time off as a superhero well you can have time off as a supervillain when you inevitably get arrested and put in the negative zone i don't feel like i have
to always be doing crime as a supervillain that's true but it depends because a lot of supervillains
also hang on no no no no no. You wait. Let me finish.
Because this is super villain.
Often super villains,
they're obviously powered or whatever.
They usually make a very big jump from when they first get their villainous powers
to end up the head of a company in like two seconds.
So unfortunately,
I feel like if you're following the super villain path,
you're going to have to,
you'll end up cemented in a job.
Well, I was going to say,
let's just because- Because a kingpin can't fucking take time off.
Yeah, but look, imagine this, right?
You are a superhero.
Yeah.
Your time off.
And you're walking down the street and you see a crime.
Yeah.
You got to be like, I got to do that.
I got to get involved.
You're a super villain.
You're walking down the street and you are seeing not crime happen.
That's true.
You don't have to do a crime. You don't have to do a crime. You don't have to do a crime.
You don't have to be like,
there's so much not crime happening.
Looking through the window of a bank
and seeing, oh my god,
no one's robbing this bank.
Can you, like, fuck, do you see this?
Do you see this?
Alright, I'll do it.
Is anyone going to do anything?
It's a dog day afternoon and no one's robbing this bank.
I don't understand.
You see that kid?
No one's stealing candy from that child?
That candy's unsold.
Oh, my God.
That kid is just eating candy.
Yeah.
Wait, kid, did you steal it?
No.
Steal from supermarkets.
They don't miss it.
They don't care.
Steal from a bank, child.
If it is a big chain, don't respect them.
Respect the people working there because they're
under the boot. Don't steal from mom and
pop stores.
You're seeing a fucking Kmart?
Steal from a big supermarket
and give it. Go in there
and reverse steal to a mom and pop store.
They'll be like, can I get some stock?
That's weird. These are
obviously stolen goods.
You gonna take the couch or not?
Okay
Are we superheroes?
What's happening to us?
Well I was gonna say
Because I think that power set
Plays a huge part in here
So let's eliminate that completely
And just say we're all billionaires
Like a Batman or the Penguin or whatever
Batman, Penguin
Batman, Penguin
Penguin's rich
Green Arrow Iron Man Kingpin Kingpin Or the penguin or whatever. Batman pink. Batman penguin. Penguin's rich. Green arrow.
Yeah.
Iron man.
Kingpin.
Kingpin.
So if you want to fight crime, you can make yourself a Joel suit, okay,
with a Joel symbol on the front or whatever.
What is that?
Or we could make ourselves a Joel suit and rob a bank.
Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly.
You're either firing a Joel grappling hook gun or a gun in the shape of a Joel.
So is the symbol, I was thinking, is it like letters that make up Joel or is it our face?
Let me tell you what I was picturing.
I was picturing a sort of fucked up armored gimp suit that is like a mold of your face over your face.
He's always smiling.
Yeah, I don't know
That's what immediately sprung to mind
And then your face on the front as well
Oh double face
No no no you can't see it
No ball gag no visible mouth
Just like a black mold of your face over your face
You know
Just like a featureless but black plastic
Yeah that's kind of what I was picturing
I imagined a big baby
Like a big baby face for some reason.
I don't know why.
But the point is that it's not about if you can fly
or you're super strength.
It's just, you know, you've got-
So we didn't get hit by a radioactive bus.
We just got rich.
You get hit by a bus full of money.
We got wrongfully hit by a bus.
Yeah, and you sued.
And we got a lot of money from that payout
Yeah the public transport system of Australia
Has been shut down
Because all of their wages went into our pockets
Yeah exactly
I've had to sell the trains
A cool three billion
Tell you what I don't like about the idea of being a superhero
Is that I feel like I will
I just realised
Because you've removed the super part of this question,
and now you're going back to it.
No, I just mean, like, even fighting crime, like a Batman.
Yeah.
Okay.
Why don't you just give us super strength?
Okay, we can be super strong.
Because that makes more sense.
The bus was also radioactive.
And you can pick...
And it was like, bang, you now have the strength and speed of a bus.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So we're fast and strong.
Yeah.
All right, okay. So, but if I was a bus. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So we're fast and strong. Yeah. All right.
Okay.
So if I was a superhero, I feel like the rest of the superheroes are going to be judging
my superheroing.
Like, if I'm bad at it, they're going to...
How are you going to be bad at it, though?
Like, I miss the guy falling out of a building.
But then if you miss that, then they're also missing it.
I'm too slow to the mugging and a guy gets shot.
Oh, I've been shot right in the penis.
I'm here and I'm like, don't shoot that.
Oh, he's running away.
And then I'm like, you know, what do you call it?
Like I'm paralyzed by Joyce.
Do I run after him or help the guy?
Are you going to be okay?
No, I was shot.
Where?
In the penis.
Should I leave him to call? Look, I'll shot. Where? In the penis. Should I leave?
Have you called?
Look, I'll be all right.
I didn't take any basic...
Turn around and run away.
Did you see my face?
No.
You were not first aid.
Then I become a villain.
I know how to do first aid,
but unfortunately they don't teach you how to do first aid on a penis that's been shot.
Yeah, that's true.
And do CPR.
You'll probably need CPR after a bit.
Anyway, my name's Spider-Man.
I'll see you later, and I'll zip off.
Then Spider-Man gets judged for letting the mug go shoot the guy in the dick.
I think a lot of superheroes tend to get judged anyway by their own fellow cohorts.
Yeah, well, that's what I mean.
But if I'm a villain, who cares?
What are you talking about?
Are the other villains judging me?
Yes.
What?
Name, give me a villain, any villain.
Oswald Cobblepot, the penguin.
Yeah, he gets mocked by other villains all the time.
Oh, he was a bad choice because he's a horrible penguin.
Okay, give me another one.
Hush from Batman Hush.
I'm sure they-
Well, he probably-
Because Hush is a full-on murderer, right?
In most either DC or Marvel continuity,
there is usually a bar that the villains go to.
Yes, true.
And so the villains tend to gather around,
and they will bitch about heroes,
but also their fellow villains.
And I think there's actually more camaraderie when it comes to supervillains and superheroes.
Because there's no bar for heroes having a drink and having a bitch.
That's true.
Whereas I think as a villain, you'd have that.
I'm leaning towards villains just because of the perks.
I think they're a bit better.
What perks?
A bar.
A bar.
But you can, if you're a good guy.
The Hellfire Club?
Yeah.
That's a pretty good bar.
But you could probably go to
Gotham Manor or whatever.
Gotham.
Wayne Manor.
He's not inviting me in.
The best you have
is the Justice League satellite.
It's like a fucking school
and a police academy
all at the same time.
I go there
and I get to talk to what,
an angel or some shit?
I don't want that.
Yeah, what,
Joel Dush is sitting there
drinking his fucking juice and mac and cheese across from Greenlight. what, an angel or some shit? I don't want that. Yeah, what, Joel Dush is sitting there drinking his fucking juice
and mac and cheese across from Greenlight.
Also, you're a regular guy that's rich.
You can just go to any bar.
And as strong and quick as a bus.
Yeah, but, like, so supervillains,
because a lot of supervillains just are supervillains.
Yeah.
Like, Kingpin doesn't hide his face.
He's just Kingpin.
So that's just his life now,
where superheroes often have secret identities. So,'s just his life now.
Superheroes often have secret identities.
You just hang out with your friends.
I don't have any friends.
Because I can't let them know about my secret life.
So I've got to keep them at arm's length. You've got to do a whole dual identity thing.
If I was a supervillain,
I'd be like Jules.
I don't understand.
Just tell your friends.
I'm going to let you know. I'm going to let you on a huge secret. You can't tell anyone because if word spreads, you're probably going to get shot in the head
by one of my- Please don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
Whatever you do, don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
Want to hear a dangerous secret?
No, I do not want to hear a dangerous secret.
Fine, fine.
Again, the risks of being like, so if you're a super villain you also have the benefit of the people
that you're fighting or that will stop you robbing that bank i'm gonna kill you yeah whereas if i'm a
superhero i have that the risk of death is so much higher so much higher absolutely and the risks of
like the death of my loved ones also higher villains well no because i think the risk i think
the risk of loved ones dying is higher as a supervillain.
Because you're just involved in shady shit.
Not from superheroes. Superman's
not going to skeletonize your wife.
But the penguin
might skeletonize your wife to set an example.
But think about this situation.
Say I'm a supervillain.
I just call myself Jackson.
And I own the Jackson.
Jackson the freak.
I've been truly monikered by
the people. Old Jackson
the Freak. Batman lands in front of me
Jackson the Freak. What?
No, Jackson. I actually look
pretty normal.
Quiet! He beats the shit out of me.
But if I own the Jackson Lounge
later, it's the Freak Lounge.
It's the Freak Hall. The wet Freak Hall. I didn later, it's the freak lounge. The freak hole.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The wet freak hole.
I didn't get a freak hole at the freak hole.
Who put this sign up?
Ah, yes.
What's happening?
It's Jackson the freak and his freaks.
Well, I was going to say,
so in this situation,
say I let you in.
I'm like, hey,
you know the freak hole?
Yeah.
In the city?
Love it.
That's my club.
I own it. why'd you name
it that i actually didn't i don't know there was a miscommunication at some point i really don't
know what happened there's something really strange i actually was going to call it the
jackson lounge and at some point in the year it got changed to the freak hole i don't know i thought
it was called the wet freak hole yeah well we finally got rid of the wet. We finally. It took us a long time to get the right audiences or whatever.
Anyway, but if I let you into that life, I can be like,
like what I keep thinking is I'm like both named Joel.
Yeah.
Great goon names.
Yeah.
The two Joels.
I put you out the front.
We have the same powers as you.
Why do we want to be your goons?
Well, in this scenario, you don't.
Okay.
Either way, I'd be like, oh, goon sounds nice. Yeah well that's what I mean
and I can pay you well, I can give you
body armor, I can really bring you into
my world. Okay so this is the thing
that I think you're forgetting
is that villains
say this all the time but they never
actually do it. Well I would.
That's like being like well
superheroes don't hang out with other superheroes
well I would.
Well, no, but what I'm saying is I have the ability to, but as a superhero, if I'm like, guys.
You can open a bar as a superhero, why not?
It's not about opening a bar.
It's about letting you into my life and supporting you financially with my crimes.
As a gesture of my affection.
As a superhero, what can I do?
You can open a bar and.
No, because the thing is, though, again, it comes down to. Superman can open a bar just called Superman's Bar. Then he's not fighting crime. He's not a superhero, what can I do? You can open a bar and... No, because the thing is, though, again, it comes down to...
Superman can open a bar just called Superman's Bar.
But he's not fighting crime.
He's not a superhero.
He's not a superhero.
But he's quick.
He can do both.
But it's about the ethos, right?
Yeah.
It's about the whole concept where it's like, well, I have my powers, right?
And then I'm going to use them for good.
And I'm not going to benefit from them in any way, shape, or form in terms of a monetary reward.
Well, what if you just don't pay yourself?
Whereas a villain will.
And again, look at every single job, I guess,
that most superheroes have
that don't really have to do with their superpowers.
Absolutely.
Because again, it almost feels like if I am doing that,
it's kind of I'm exploiting that aspect.
Whereas if I open the freak hole lounge,
I make money off it yep it's all i do
with my life but you're not a super villain yes it's an illegal lounge we do crimes in there
what i'm saying is that and it seems like you want to be a superhero no i just think that i
feel like that this is just one of those classic situations where you're like it's fine i can do
this but if i look at the other side, I can't actually
do that, because I've just decided.
I just think, being
super strong and super
fast, even just being a henchman
for, say, Jackson, and
not letting you know that I have powers
might actually be good,
because I'd fly under the radar.
I don't like this.
I'd just be like, I'll be your henchman.
I get paid a nice, cushy job.
All I got to do is be your bouncer, and that's fine.
And then you realize that Jackson's doing less than you
and getting all the money.
Yeah, but I'm getting some money.
Yeah, I'm paying you.
Joel Zammett would be happy in that role.
My ass.
Oh, this guy's doing significantly less than me
and earning 20 times my wage.
I'm running a criminal empire.
What crimes are you doing?
We're doing murders.
How are you benefiting financially?
Racketing, exploitation, smuggling.
So these are crimes.
That's good.
Murder, not a good one to earn money from.
More a threat.
Yeah, well, we've ran some kidnappings.
But yeah, as like a bouncer, and I'm just like,
well, I've got superpowers.
I don't have to do much with them.
I just got to sit there.
I'm actually earning a decent wage.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah.
I guess if you want to fly under the radar and just earn money, but also not, I guess
go to bed at night and be like, whatever.
Nine to five, whatever.
It's good.
Or in this case, like maybe a five to nine.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, you know, when Batman comes and he like punches me in the face, I'd be like,
oh, it hurt.
Oh, no.
I guess you're not in as much danger.
Yeah, that's true.
And then Superman comes along and you die.
Well, why would he be punching a goon?
That's not Superman.
Superman throws goons all the time.
Well, unfortunately, you can't say fucking hell, Superman, as he punches your guts.
Superman, what the hell?
I'm in the panic room.
I'm out of here.
I see you, damn it, get punched.
I'm like, oh, no.
I don't know. It's weird. I'm out of here. I see you, Dama get punched. I'm like, Oh no. I don't know. It's weird. Like, I just feel like that, like.
But the trick is that a superhero, even though they could open a bar,
they're probably not going to. See, here's the thing. I think that you're.
Or they could, but they'd have to split their time between the bar and fighting crime.
It just feels like you can be a, you can be. No one's been a part-time villain.
Yeah. But you can absolutely be a part-time hero.
It's just no one's done it before.
Well, yeah, I just don't think they can be a part-time hero.
Who cares?
They're just not.
Okay, we live in a city.
Because the ethos and the whole concept of why you are a hero
kind of prevents you from doing these other things.
It's why Spider-Man always has a shitty life.
He's like, I can't, I have to be a hero 24-7.
He's linked too heavily on great responsibility.
You can only do so much.
Well, yeah, I agree, which is where it's just kind of-
So you open a bar, if that's what's good.
Because you're bringing joy to people by doing that.
Sure.
So that is great responsibility.
For me, it's just a good base of operations.
Yeah.
Crimes, but yeah.
For you, you're just painting a target on your back,
because now if I want to go beat up Jackson,
I know he'll be in the free car
and I get thrown in
Gotham like jail
for like a week
and then I'm out again
and then you come
back out
and Joker's boys
have burnt down
the free car
and I'm like
I'll have my day
and then I go down
into the sewers
or whatever
I know I'm in
part of the beautiful
dance that is
Gotham City
actually that's a good
point if you're in
Gotham City
Joker's gang are just
hitting you with bats constantly yeah but that's part of the beautiful dance that is Gotham City. Actually, that's a good point. If you're in Gotham City, Joker's gang are just hitting you with bats constantly.
Yeah, but that's part of
the parcel. I'm accepting it.
Yeah, I'm accepting it. Sometimes I'm
in charge, sometimes he's in charge.
I feel like that if it's you, V Joker,
there's no times you're ever in charge.
Sometimes I'm not not in charge.
Sometimes I'm actively being hit with
bats, other times I'm not.
Yeah, so...
But there's always a risk. But that's okay. Sometimes I'm actively being hit with bats, other times I'm not. Yeah, so...
But there's always a risk.
Yeah, but that's okay.
But yeah, like part-time superhero, or alternatively just a superhero that's like...
And you become a villain.
No, you don't.
Yes, you do.
If you...
You just shrug, and you're like, oh, whatever.
That means you've passed a crime, and you've been like...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not passing a crime.
I feel like if there's something I can do at that moment,
yeah, I will stop it.
But I'm not flying straight up.
I guess I'm quick.
Running laps of the city looking for crimes.
Yeah.
So you're saying that-
Okay, okay.
You have, let's say you got-
Well, I roster crime fighting times,
but I just make sure I change them every week
so villains don't know.
Okay.
Let's say you are about, you have a bar.
You've bought one.
That's because you're a dream. I like how the bars become central to this you've you've bought a bar you're gonna run this bar
this is your bar this is your live this is what you want to do and so you are running to open up
a bar and you see a crime but you have to open up because you know that's when the bar opens
you get your drunks do you know how easy it would be to open a bar 10 minutes late because i'd be
well no no because this is it is that because this is like another hero or a villain.
Clearly don't go to bars.
Let me tell you.
Bars open and close whenever they want.
All right, so an hour's gone by.
You're like, I'm getting the shit kicked out of me
and I still haven't opened.
That's fine.
I would have employees.
I don't know.
A bar manager.
Hey, man.
I'm going to be late.
I'm late, but I own the bar,
so you can't be you're making
a phone call as you're getting your shit the shit kicked out of you when i see the thing i'd send a
text who cares it's easy or call them while i'm getting the shit kicked out of me yeah i'm a
superhero don't worry about the noise i'll be in later oh okay you own a bar yeah so superheroes
know jackson owns a bar it's the same shit. Yeah. It's more dangerous, though.
No, I don't know if it's more dangerous.
I just think you've split your time.
Even if you split your time equally,
you can't do both at 100%.
You're going to half-ass one of them.
Yeah.
Which is fine, if that's what you're willing to do.
I think you can half-ass both of them, to be honest.
Well, yeah, you can quarter-ass one
and then three-quarter-ass the other.
Yeah, well, the thing is, and I feel like this is something that's never explained in comics,
and you seem to really be struggling to get a grasp of, I just won't fight crime every night.
Obviously, in my night-to-night life, if I encounter crime, I will fight crime.
But I'm not going to be on the patrol in the city.
It just feels like you're not really a superhero, you're just a guy with powers.
Yeah.
And that wasn't the third option.
I'm doing heroic
things
that you can't say that you can be
not a villain sometimes and that still counts
and therefore not be, because I'm always a hero.
Yeah, and I suppose, but if I'm not, because I can't
see what Dushan means, if I'm not, if one
night I decide to just take the night off
from doing villainy,
I mean, am I all of a sudden a good guy?
Well, no.
Yeah, well, and if Dusha takes-
But I feel like Superman or someone will come down and be like-
Superman fucks off into space all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he walks across America.
Yeah, I got to do the fucking-
I had space shit to deal with.
Yeah, I got bar shit to deal with.
You need to judge more, I feel.
Yeah, I don't think it makes Dusha not a superhero,
but it makes you a very unique superhero
that I think would cop a lot of shit from the other superheroes.
There would be judgment within the superhero community.
They'd be like, where were you?
I'd be like, working.
Where were you?
They'd be like, well, I work at the Daily Planet
and I still manage to save the day all the time.
What happens during crimes during the day?
Like if during the...
You started work at nine.
I'd leave work and go take care of them.
So how is that any different to me?
I work at night.
That's the only difference.
Well, you don't leave the bar to go fight crime.
You take crime off.
No, but if there is crime.
Yeah.
You leave the bar?
Well, if it's outside, like if I see it.
If it's outside the bar.
Oh, yeah.
That's just how you're responsible as a bar.
Not as a superhero.
Even if you were a superhero.
Don't you know with great power comes great responsibility?
And I'll be like,
you'll be getting that speech
so much by other heroes.
I'll be like,
hey, Batman,
hey, Spider-Man and Superman,
you know how you can
float around the city, basically?
I can't do that.
I'm a grounder.
You are as quick as a bus
and as strong as a bar.
You're telling me
you don't have the time
and the ability to zip around?
I can't be at work, find out there is crime, and disappear into the bathroom.
Batman doesn't even have powers and he doesn't.
Batman does exactly what I'm doing.
Why are you owning a bar?
Batman is a good example, actually.
The moment a crime happens, Batman's out of Bruce Wayne, though, and into Batman.
Never in Batman's life is he Bruce Wayne-ing and he hears a crime happening and he's like,
I'm in the middle of a gala.
No, but I also-
I've got five more minutes of Bruce Wayne-ing and then I'll be-
But then also, fair enough, you're right, because if you do see a crime in the middle of your regular life,
you go out and fight it.
But-
Like, Batman isn't on patrol during the day.
But Batman's a terrible Bruce Wayne.
He half-arses his Bruce Wayne life,
and it's all in service of being Batman.
So if your bar is in service of you being bus man,
I just think with clever staffing, it won't really matter.
You can own a bar and only work two or three nights.
Why even own the bar, though?
I want to own a bar.
I got a busload of money. Why do you
want to own a bar? I mean, you could own the bar
in terms of just like, it's an investment that
you don't really do. Like, that's like how
you could work there. Oh yeah, but I gotta get
off the ground first. But I guess the question is
why, I still don't know, why
are you a superhero? Yeah.
Like, you've managed to own a bar and fight crime.
You gave me a choice
between a villain or a hero,
and a villain is a worse choice.
I picked hero.
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Okay, but there's no, like, desire to, like,
there's no benefits you see to being a superhero,
only negatives to being a supervillain.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's fair enough, I guess.
Look, if this was a different episode where it was like, would you become a superhero or a supervillain. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's fair enough, I guess. Look, if this was a different episode where it was like,
would you become a superhero or a supervillain
or simply do nothing with your powers,
I'd be like, yes, I will take the third one.
I will live a regular guy life that just benefits from having powers.
I am just also strong.
Makes my life easier.
Oh, yeah.
I'd do the nothing option and just be like, sick.
I would just have this. Oh, I would probably, how will this improve my day-to-day life?
But, oh, I would probably, yeah, I would
stop any crimes I saw. I don't know if I
would. Yeah, I probably would.
I might like, I don't know. Depends what
the crime is. If they're stealing from a supermarket, I'd help.
Oh yeah, it's funny. Robbing
a bank maybe, I'd help.
I won't miss it. But
you know, you could just be both my
goons and get exactly
the lives you wanted
we rob walmarts
all the time
but
what kind of crimes
would I be able to see
and do
also Jackson's
gotten off so lightly
here because he's
simply just been like
yeah I just sit in the
freak hole
and I do murders
or whatever
we'll give him
what four in a sec
I think I've
flown under the radar
he hasn't yet
come on
we've given him
enough rope.
I'm just trying to work out that kind of thing.
Like, yeah, it's just what crimes could you stop or would you stop?
Like on a scale?
Muggings, probably.
Would you stop a mugging?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, then, like, how would you?
Hey, idiot with the knife.
And then they turn around to look at me, and I'm like, fuck you.
And then they come and try and mug me.
And then you just run them over.
Or I just pick them up and throw them straight up in the air.
I punch them in the tailbone.
That's my signature move.
It's not my ass, but it's near my ass and it hurts.
It hurts quite a bit.
You exploded my coccyx.
Yeah, I'm the coccyx killer.
C-O-C-C-Y-X.
That's how you spell it.
What's your villain?
I'm the bad guy.
That's how I kill people.
I just feel like if you're throwing a person up and then they land, Spell it. What's the villain? I'm the bad guy. That's how I kill people.
When I have to. I just feel like if you're throwing a person up,
and then they land,
then they-
I catch them.
Okay.
It just seems that there are certain, like,
scrutinies as a superhero.
Yeah.
What would a normal superhero do with a mugging?
Well, that's the thing.
I mean, Spider-Man, like, flips them,
and then they, you know-
What is-
Yeah, but-
Superman might pick them up and chuck them in jail.
And then, like, you know, wraps him up to a lamppost
kind of fucking hate him flash probably picks him up takes him to jail
no he's quick yeah it depends because if you're like
basically assaulting someone and even if they are also assaulting someone no it's
fine yeah it would stand up in court whatever
i don't know if it would it absolutely would because again
if i see because it, in Con Air-
Yes.
Nicolas Cage goes to jail because he's a Marine and his whole body, I think-
His fists are classified as lethal weapons, so self-defense doesn't count.
Which is not the Con Air-
As a radioactive bus man.
Unfortunately, the Con Air rules are exclusive to Con Air.
But also,
it wouldn't matter because if I saw
a mugging and I was super strong
and super quick, I'd just pick the guy up
until the mugging was over.
Until the guy ran away and then drop the guy down and fuck off.
Maybe I'd take his phone off him and get his details
and take it to the cops and be like,
I saw this guy doing a mugging or whatever.
I'd have a body cam too, you know, so that I could take it to... There and be like I saw this guy doing a mugging or whatever I'd have a body cam too
you know
so that I could
take it to
there's not much I could do
like again
I'd be kind of limited
throw him into a bush
whatever
so then he's got the fear
of me in him
and a bush
fear of
I feel like
if you go to mug someone
then all of a sudden
you're in the air
and landing in a bush
you're not gonna try it again
or you just get good
at knocking people out
with one punch
I just like slapping the knife or gun out of their hand is probably my go to in a bush. You're not going to try it again. Or you just get good at knocking people out with one punch.
Slapping the knife or gun out of their hand is probably my go-to. Like, no!
Because I mean, like, oh! It's too dangerous.
Because it can go off. See, the thing is, because I wouldn't be trying
to, I'm not trying to get the guy
arrested. Because I don't know, I'm not a cop.
Exactly. I don't know, what the fuck? I'm just trying to stop the mugging
happening. Yeah, that's true. That would be my goal.
And I think I could do that. Well, if I'm super fast, I could
grab the person's being. Fast as a boss. Yeah, that's pretty fast. It's not goal. I think I could do that. Well, if I'm super fast, I could grab the person's being.
Fast as a boss.
Yeah, that's pretty fast.
It's not that fast.
It's like, what,
a hundred and what?
It's faster than a human.
I could grab the person
that's being mugged
and remove them
from the situation
and the person's mugging nothing.
Exactly.
Hey, nice mugging, dickhead.
What are you mugging?
The mug is like
looking down at his gun.
You mugging the air,
you fucking idiot?
You're the biggest
fucking idiot in this town.
I swear there was a guy.
I don't see anybody.
I just see one fucking idiot mugging in the fresh air.
I promise.
I thought I...
Dude.
You fucked in the head.
Can I mug you?
No, I'm out of here.
And then you run away.
And he's like, am I going insane?
It just seems I'm either under too much scrutiny
as a superhero
and no matter what it is
because you can have
that whole thing
but also I don't care
if I'm under scrutiny
yeah but like
you are under
so much pressure
in terms of like
doing good
doing this all the time
but there's really
like you have to
kind of bat a hundred
here's the thing
people that are under scrutiny
for being a superhero
and it weighs on them
are the ones that are
fully committed to being
a superhero
and are like I can't do it where if i'm four days a week
superheroing and they're like oh this where was he tonight i'm like i see that news report i'm like
i don't feel bad that was a rostov oh my god can somebody get down to douches section of town oh
wait no he's working tonight that's right of course judged by the superhero community
but if you don't care about it
whatever
you don't care about it
does Daredevil just leave
halfway through
court cases
I don't think so
I don't know
he would just Daredevil at night
right
which is the opposite of me
but Daredevil's kind of
I guess he's trying to do good
through the court system
and I'm trying to do good
through social things
are you going to be like
the barkeep
and you'll be like
tell me about your problems yeah I really want to mug good through social things. Are you going to be like the barkeep and you'll be like, tell me about your problems?
Yeah, I really want to mug someone.
Have you heard of maybe don't mug them?
Would you like to come into the back room?
Yeah, you can practice mugging me and then I break their arms.
I'm boss man.
Then that makes you a villain.
That's fine.
It's a good trick.
Because the guy was talking about mugging you.
You just broke his arms.
Not going to mug anyone now. I's a good trick. Because the guy was talking about mugging. You just broke his arm. Not going to mug anyone now.
I was a little drunk.
I didn't know.
You broke my arm.
Spitballing ideas.
Yeah, you're getting arrested, dude.
For what?
Breaking a man's arm.
You really think the police are going to believe a drunk versus a man who had the respect of a man?
A drunk with broken arms?
That man right there did it in the back room just there, all the other people at the bar
are like, yeah, we saw it happen.
Do you have a security camera?
I'm cleaning the glass, he fell over.
Can we check your tapes?
No!
Yeah, you actually can't.
I think you broke this man's arms.
Sir, officer, I own a bar.
Don't you know that I, a bar owner, could never commit such a crime?
Oh, officers, I would never do it.
I am going to put on your mask.
I'm boss man.
And they're like, are you the superhero that's here four days a week?
Do you know how much crime happens on a Friday?
All of the criminals schedule their crimes for Friday because they know you won't be here.
Yeah, but that's what I was saying at the start.
I change my roster every week.
That's true.
There's no consistency to my fighting crime.
But they always know there's a chance you won't be out and about.
Yeah, which is good because then there's also a chance I am.
So then they have to risk it.
And if I'm crime fighting four days a week,
there's more of a chance I am actually out than I'm not. I mean I guess that's
something that somehow all of Gotham's criminals
are always saying where they're like hey
is the bat out tonight?
Even though he is every single night. I don't know
is Batman actually out every single night?
Well no because there's times when they can do
crimes so they kind of risk
it. Yeah so Batman doesn't even fight
crime every night so maybe lay off me
hey?
And he's fucking dedicated, and I'm not.
You're not lazily going about it.
Because you kind of have a foot in both doing nothing and being a superhero.
So let's go whole, like, we'll take option three off the table.
Okay.
And you've got to basically go whole ass into either superheroing or supervillainy.
Go full whole ass into superheroing simply because
you would get the perks of being provided you go whole ass and don't try and do something
fucking stupid like trying to hold down a full-time job at the same time yeah you'd be a
good superhero and therefore people would be kind to you and give you shit yeah that's fair like good
shit not bad shit not give you shit as in like hey fuck head in the sky so you're saying that
you're becoming a superhero for like perks yes so someone gives you like a free washing machine and you're like
this is why i do it i do it for the people i get up in the morning but also the perks like you just
like get up in the morning put on your your tights sponsored by samsung if samsung want to reach out
and sponsor me personally i will accept well i mean like i'll throw my iphone in the sea and i
will get a samsung
it makes me think of like when we said um you know what what other job could spider-man do
like you're right if you're gonna hold us it you need to make the whole thing your career yeah so
i think no one would judge you if you were sponsored by samsung fair enough you gotta
make some cash yeah yeah yeah and if someone's like why are you sponsored i'm like do you want
to give me a home and then if they say say yes, I'm like, well, I've ditched the sponsorship.
Thank you for the house.
And then next week I have another sponsorship because I need to pay my bills.
Is Samsung giving you a house?
That's a pretty lucrative deal.
But if you were sponsored by, again, I think I say if you're sponsored by Samsung,
you'd have to be like, oh, it's not like Joel Mannert, it's Joel Dusha.
You'd have to have like no secret identity. No, I can. You'd have to have, like, no secret identity.
No, I can have a secret identity.
No, no, no.
Because they'd only be sponsored.
They don't give a shit about my civilian life.
They're not going to sponsor me.
Well, but they'd have to know who you are.
No.
And also, like with, say, a corporation.
Have you not seen Batman and Robin?
I can get a credit card that simply says the boss man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, it'd be kind of like with Disney and other corporations.
You'd have to be...
They would have an internal, like, this is how you need to behave.
Especially in public.
The fucking...
So it would be kind of like...
Yeah, for podcast sponsorship, maybe.
But for me, as a superhero...
You'd think they'd be like, do what you like, buddy.
Well, they would be like, like hey if you kill a guy That's grounds to termination
They'd be like we need you to mention Samsung phones
At least four times a day
See I have the power to be like
Or no
And then you're out in your ass
You don't have a Samsung sponsorship
That's fine and then I'll just be like
Yeah they've
They don't want to fuck with me Because you don't have a Samsung house. That's fine. And then I'll just be like, yeah, they've...
I'll just put...
They don't want to fuck with me
because you don't want
a superhero being...
Imagine a superhero comes out
and is like,
Disney or evil.
Yeah, well, yeah,
but that's...
You could just say that anyway.
What?
When they're like,
what do you mean?
If I'm watching TV
and then bus man,
former sponsored by Disney,
no longer sponsored by Disney,
him going,
oh, Disney's evil.
I mean, like, well, first off, it's a corporation, of course.
Secondly, of course you're going to say that.
You just got dropped by them, you big loser.
No, no, no.
But it wouldn't, no.
You killed a man.
No, but that's what I mean.
Like, I wouldn't agree to a sponsorship unless.
What?
You could kill a man?
Sounds like villainous behavior to me. Not if I could kill a man.
But you were saying that they'll be like,
you have to mention Samsung four times or whatever.
And you'd be like, no.
No, and then they'd be like, well, fine.
So how are you making money while you're superheroing
waiting for that key sponsorship that's going to fund your life?
Well, I just think that like-
Ever tell me to save someone, give me five bucks?
I charge a rate.
I think like, there'd be stuff I could do at the same time
that could probably make money.
Maybe just film at the same time,
make YouTube videos,
monetize that.
Putting a body camera on as you like,
say,
you know,
zipping by the city and kind of like,
like hot,
you know,
4k.
Uh,
have you ever wanted to experience Melbourne going speed of bus?
Oh yeah.
That's kind of cool, I suppose.
It's like an eight-hour long.
There's like pauses in between where you punch a man.
10K views or something.
Not bad.
But it's like...
Earned like 17 bucks.
That's a good start.
Maybe have a Patreon.
Yeah.
Oh, I could have a Patreon.
You could.
Patreon's not a bad one.
Patreon's a good idea.
It's great for a superhero.
Again, a Patreon would only be an issue if I did something bad,
which is fair enough, because if I did something bad,
I would need to face consequences.
And if financially...
If I get a thousand Patreons, I promise I will punch
the lollipop out of a small child's mouth.
I will never get this.
I will never get this.
Oh, no.
That was a joke, guys.
It was a joke.
Oh, my God.
Boss man punches small child's lollipop.
I had to for my patrons.
I made a promise.
Hey, if I get 2,000 patron subscribers,
I'm going to head to the free call
and turn Jackson Inside Out from his mouth.
I'm like on my computer,
looking at my goons.
Are you saying this? Can he say this? He's never going to get to 2, looking at my goons, are you seeing this?
Can he say this?
He's never going to get to,
okay,
he's got 1500.
Is he allowed to actually do this?
Is he allowed to threaten my life?
Is he allowed to say
he's going to come in here
and turn me inside out?
We might need to up security
at the pre-call, guys.
Yeah,
I'm just going to keep monitoring.
I'll set an alarm
when it hits to like 1800
or something.
How long until that giant shark
we were going to get
to put in the pool gets here? Six weeks? That's a while away, Jackson. It's hard to get it hits to like 1800 or something. How long until that giant shark we were going to get to put in the pool gets here?
2006 weeks?
That's a while away, Jackson.
It's hard to get a shark in New York.
Surely he won't get 2006 weeks.
No, why?
I'm just like floating around the free call of like 1,900 patrons.
Scrolling, refreshing on your phone.
Hey, how's business?
Have you seen my patrons?
Above board?
See my patrons? Above board? See my patrons?
It's going to be a ride at the time
that they're moving the giant shark through the,
like I've had to move everybody out
of the tables or up against the side.
Just wheeling a chicken.
What's he on, boss?
I don't know.
Get that shark in there.
Put it in the big tank
and then I'll be over the big tank.
We'll figure it's going to be all right. Give the bus man some side eye. Put it in a big tank And then I'll be over the big tank It's gonna be alright
Give it to the bus man
With some side eye
And like it goes over to however many
Thousand I'm like oh the shark gets kind of
Dumped
Slides into the border or whatever
Paying way too much attention to like
Bus man's twitter as opposed to like
Where you're gonna lay out the shark tank
Into a wall?
Shark dies.
You just collect me.
Maybe we can put the shark back.
Bus man goes through the shark.
Sorry,
boss.
You're like,
why do you even have a shark?
What's,
what's your theme?
I thought the natural enemy of a bus was a shark.
I didn't expect to be your supervillain, bro.
Okay.
I thought, you know, we'll fight against a bus.
Can't do good in water.
I'm just trying out different themes.
We got the shark.
I got these laser beams.
You gotta understand that for my patrons,
I gotta turn you inside out now, yeah?
That's pretty villainous behaviour, dude.
And if the people love it, then I guess I'm just a punisher.
I'm too strong to die from it, I think.
Well, you've given me my theme, I guess.
The freak hole makes more sense now.
He's inside out.
They start calling me freak hole.
God damn it.
It's wet freak from the Freakhole.
He's wet because he's inside out.
He got peeled.
Actually had the name first.
My patrons are like,
I thought I was going to kill him,
but we're kind of glad it didn't.
You've just disfigured him and created a supervillain.
But now you've got an arch nemesis.
Patreon numbers will probably go up.
Yeah, that's true.
And I feel like I'll gather some legitimacy.
Joker probably will stop hitting you with bats.
He's like, I don't want to see what happens when the bat hits your inside out skin.
Yeah, I don't want to.
I don't want to.
Gross up my pristine bat.
Fair enough.
It's definitely going to leave a mark on your bat.
I don't want that.
I could get like inside out goons.
Inside out hounds.
Making like right way gun, like ray guns so that people can, you peel them and then I'm
peeled.
Yeah.
It's kind of weird for me to take a thing you did to me and then make it my theme and
do it to others.
Yeah, but I will.
If I have to be peeled and inside out, then the rest of the world should be.
I'm gonna peel the world.
I'm wet freak. I'm gonna peel
Gotham. That's my promise.
That's funny as well
if I'm like, I'm douches left,
the shark's dead, I'm peeled
and I'm like, well I gotta peel everyone now.
And you're like, I'm just gonna put it
by two weeks
I guess I found my theme
we'll be peeled
what about we just get
like a costume that looks like
I don't have to be peeled
for everyone to look
the same
first my right hand man and my frontal goon
you definitely have to be peeled
and then I run away like he had powers the whole fucking time.
Oh, my God.
Probably would have been hard to peel.
It probably would have worked peeling him.
Everyone else we peel just fucking dies.
This is actually more upsetting.
Damn it.
Could have gotten away with it.
It hurts to walk.
I miss when I was right way in.
I'm not respected by the community for being a hero,
but at least I'm not inside out.
Yeah, well, I'm not respected by the community for being a villain.
And I'm on the lam.
Nobody even knew about that.
So I think today what we've learned is With great power Does come great responsibility
But you don't have to use it
You can do what you want
Yeah do what you like
Really
That's the best option
Number three
I feel like
Not going whole ass
On the heroes
Not going whole ass
On the villains
Choosing the nothing option
Yeah
It's better to half ass
Yeah
Superhero, supervillain
Or just a guy
Because both of them
Come with like
Such like
You know
Pressure
And expectations
Yeah yeah Because even as a villain You have that responsibility Absolutely To be a villain villain or just a guy. Because both of them come with such pressure and expectations.
Because even as a villain, you have that
responsibility to be a villain.
I've got to be bad.
You can't just be a run-of-the-mill mugger.
You've got powers, so you've got to do
super crimes. I've got to learn how to run a mafia
too.
And then if you try and go straight
or you get sick of it, then you just get whacked.
Yeah, I don't want to be whacked.
Sometimes a hero comes in and turns the inside out. and go straight or get sick of it, then you just get whacked. Yeah, I don't want to be whacked. Yeah, that's fair.
Sometimes a hero comes in and turns the inside out.
What about?
This is like a third sneaky, like maybe a fourth sneaky.
So become a supervillain, whatever.
But then just commit a crime and then just go to jail.
Okay.
Inmate mode. Yeah.
So just serve a prison sentence.
But make sure
I'm always in prison
I don't want to deal
With the rest
Ah the
Charles Bronson approach
Yeah yeah
Do a crime
Rob a bank maybe
And then realise
You love prison so much
So you keep beating up everyone
Oh no I hope
They don't arrest me
And then doing shit
To yourself
And I go real slow
So you've given up on
Yeah
Regular life
Yeah yeah yeah
Cause I got no
superheroes trying to kill me.
Did Chopper Reed also do that? Maybe.
No, because he wanted to get out of prison.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've traded the threat
of death for eternal
prison. That's true.
But if that's something you're willing to do, then that's still a win.
You go too far, get given the chair.
But I'm fast. I can run all ways. Or you just
become electricity man or whatever.
Oh, no! Oh, fuck.
That's much better than being inside out. I'm jealous.
Yeah. I'll give myself the chair.
Die.
Oh, no. Wet meat made him real
conductive. Yeah, damn.
His last words are, I'm crispy
now. I think if I was an
electric man, I would just hang out in the power lines and that's it.
I really just want to lay low for some reason.
I just want to be like, not only was radar, because I reckon if you're a villain going to a supervillain prison,
but if I was like regular strength, like super strength and all that, went to regular prison,
you'd be in charge of the prison, that's true.
I'd be a big fish in a little pond
Yeah, yeah, yeah
As opposed to just, you know, like a little fish
Regular fish in a regular sized pond
Yeah, that is an option
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Maybe Uncle Ben should have simply said
You say it best
Well, you do it best when you do nothing at all
Yeah
Which I think is a Ronan Keaton song
with slightly altered lyrics.
That is what he should have said.
Including the last bit.
I think that's a Ronan Keaton song with altered lyrics.
Sometimes the best thing,
Peter, is to do nothing.
Yeah.
Uncle Ben, what are you doing?
So he's got to say nothing?
No, but I meant do.
So I become a silent.
What?
You do it best.
Mind fighter.
You do it best when you do nothing at all.
Do nothing is what I'm saying.
Don't use the powers you have.
Just be a regular guy.
Oh, yeah?
Because, like, if Just be a regular guy. Oh, yeah? Speak, because like,
if you see,
I'm dying.
If you see a regular guy
and they're just extra strong
or whatever,
you're like,
oh, that guy's strong
and you don't think about it.
Are you faking dying?
I'm just trying to get up.
It's just taking a long time.
And you're clearly
fucking stupid
so you're not listening
to my final words.
Yeah, how's it not getting
to your dense skull?
But you started singing
if you say nothing and it confused me. Why did you sing it not getting through your dense skull? But you started singing if you say nothing
and it confused me.
Why did you sing it?
Did you hear it on the radio?
I've been shot in my uncle guts.
Call the police.
Or an ambulance preferably.
I'm fucking dying.
I need to get this lesson out of you.
Uncle guts are weak to bullets.
I'm uncle guts.
I'm uncleuts, Peter.
Okay.
What were his last words?
Well, man, he started saying that he was Uncle Guts.
He kept saying that Uncle Guts are weak to bullets.
Was he a Ronan Keaton fan?
He just tried to impart a message.
He just kept calling himself Uncle Gus
For his 55th birthday
Did you give him like a CD?
Yeah, because he kept singing
I'm going to be honest with you
He didn't say anything
It's quite as a church mouse
We don't know what his last words would have been
He looked at me and he said
He died
If I was like you know you say
is that
does that song
mean anything to you
does that ring any bells
you say
no
what about the name
uncle guts
yeah
was that maybe
like a hidden
was that a special
uncle guts
uncle guts
maybe he was just
going insane
from the pain
I'm thinking now
he definitely
didn't say anything
don't worry about it
he likes his salad
so don't
his last words were
I love you May
Yeah
Tell Aunt May I love her
Love from Uncle Gus
Yeah so I hope
Sorry for your
Yeah sorry for your
And my uncle
I'm sad too
Yeah it's a problem
I'm sad Uncle Ben is dead.
He's dead.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'm going to go fight crime with his guts.
I'm going to go fight crime with a very confused message rolling around in my head.
Then we might actually just go to bed and lie down.
Stop, Great Goblin, or you'll be punched by nephew guts.
Little guts.
Well, I'm little guts. I'm little guts.
I'm little guts and I'm here to stop crime.
You say it best.
You say it best.
You say nothing.
Why are you doing this?
I don't know.
I don't know.
We could have ruled the city together.
Let me tell you how this happened for me.
So you're currently probably in a very similar state to my uncle was.
Yeah.
So basically, I copped this.
You say it best.
When you say nothing at all.
What does that mean, little gutsy?
But I meant do.
What?
I've been shot in my uncle guts.
I'm uncle guts.
And Angry Goblin's like, I'm also uncle guts.
And he dies and Peter's just even more confused.
He's like, is that a thing that happens when middle-aged men get shot in the guts?
Were you an uncle, Norman?
It's too late.
Go to Harry.
Harry, I'm uncle guts.
Harry, did Norman have, like, any siblings?
Yeah, was he what you'd call an uncle?
I'm going to say two words to you, Harry.
You tell me this means anything.
We're going to play a quick word association game.
When I say Uncle Guts, you say...
What?
Fuck.
Shit.
Okay, you said what.
I guess I'll say who?
Spider-Man goes around
Shooting middle-aged men in the guts
To see if he can repeat it
Becomes a real man of sin
He's like, every person I shoot in the guts
They end up saying
Uncle Guts
And then I gotta go to their family member
And ask, some of them
They're not uncles
Some of them aren't uncles
If they were uncles I'd understand But some of them aren't uncles. If they were uncles, I'd understand.
But some of them aren't uncles.
Some of them aren't even like...
Do they become uncles when they're shot in the guts?
Even like the women, they're like, I'm Uncle Guts.
I'm Uncle Guts, yes.
But you're not, Guts.
But they're not even aunts.
This will all come full circle when Spider-Man,
as in Spider-Man Ultimate, gets shot in the guts.
And his final words will be like, Oh, it now well i am he looks yeah he looks up he sees like the
miles morales the sky just like part like a welcome uncle blinding white light like several
different angels all with their big fucking wings then he's just like ah uncle got and then he yeah miles morales is like
i gotta be new guts what the fuck does uncle guts mean it's a real curse why did little guts
did he shoot webbing out of his arms little guts yeah and now he says
i yeah i imagine when he sees heaven he sees all the uncles he's killed and they're all smiling
Welcome to Uncle Heaven
Rob
Your Uncle Guts
Rob with their tummies
Welcome to Heaven
You get it now
don't you
Your Uncle Guts
and he's like
I'm Uncle Guts
I'm Uncle Guts
Uncle Guts
Uncle Guts
and then off he goes to heaven
so I think that answers
today's question
I'm pretty sure
if you were confused
about the first 45 minutes
of the episode
I reckon the last 5 to 10 probably settled the trade for you.
So on that note, I've been Joel.
I've been Jackson.
And I've been Uncle Guts.
Yeah, well, in many ways, aren't we all Uncle Guts?
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