Plumbing the Death Star - Is it so Bad That the Skrulls are Here Now hmm?

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

The more we keep thinking about Skrulls the more questions we keep having. The biggest problem with Skrulls are if they’re even a problem. Sure they can look like your dad but who cares? Some people said I looked like Jeff Buckley when I was younger, didn’t do much for me or Jeff (he was dead at the time). Now if I had done a Talented Mr Ripley on ol’ Jeffy boy, that’s bad! But I didn’t, so who cares? Plus why are the Skrulls relying on Fury for anything? The Skrulls are better than humans on every level. The Skrulls are Skrulls! Fury’s an old man! This show is silly, we advise you don’t watch it. Two dads tho? Now there’s a show. Three? My three dads?? That’s money for jam.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys+ on our website or Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Um, what are we doing? Is it so bad to be invaded by Skrulls? Or is it so bad that my wife is a Skrull? Is it so bad that I am a Skrull? Any of these are fine. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson.

I'm also Joel. And this is a podcast where we ask the important questions like, Is it so bad that the Skrulls are here now? You should put that at the end of every question. Is it so bad the Skrulls are here now? Then people know it's a question. Well, that's the sound a question mark makes. If you just write a question mark, that's how people read it. Or I could have been like, is it so bad the Skrulls are here now?

That is also a question mark. That's true. What's an exclamation mark sound like? Ha! Now do a comma. Is a comma like a um

Oh, a mouth noise is definitely a comma. Yeah, that's true. I went down to the shops and got I went down to the shops with my friend Jackson, host of a podcast I loathe, and we bought...

Some cigarettes. We bought some cigarettes to hand out at recess. At the school we volunteer at. Smoke them up, kids. Smoke them if you got them. Yeah, and you got them. You'll make your chest hairy and shit

yeah it's gonna be awesome there's our Skrulls they invaded they're like oh no they're our shooting McGavins

they're our politicians yeah and your dad it's your mom it's your dog it's your horse the Skrulls are here you've probably figured out

that we're doing this episode because it's fresh on the heels of insanely underperforming and critically panned television series Secret Invasion, which revealed that there is one million Skrulls on Earth. If that's a spoiler for you, don't worry. Don't watch the show. Spoilers are better than watching it. Agreed.

Yeah. And these Skrulls, if you don't know what a Skrull is, it's like an alien what can look like anyone. Some would say an alien shapeshifter. Yes, some might. But some would say what can look like everyone. Huh? A shapeshifter. And they can look like, because they can just say they could transform into you.

Maybe. Then they could transform into you. Yeah. And they could transform into you, the person listening to this right now. They're not just stuck in one form like a transformer because they can be guy or car, but they can only be one car and one guy. Can a Skrull be car? No.

Skrulls? Why not? Skrulls are only guys as far as I'm aware. But what's stopping a Skrull being a car? Some Skrulls are cows. That's only in the comics. In the No, some Skrulls are cows. That's only in the comics. In the comics, some Skrulls are cows.

Yes, famously, three Skrulls became cows, shot Vision as a cow, killed him. Yes. Then they got killed, got turned into burgers, and then got eaten by people. Who then gained superpowers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That does make sense. If I ate a Hulk burger, I would expect to get powers.

I guess if you eat a sick cow, you get sick. Mad cow disease. That's the sickest disease there is. I think foot and mouth is the funniest one. Or is it foot and mouth? Foot and mouth is when you make a faux pas. It's like, oh, I really put my foot in my mouth. Put my foot in it.

That's so funny. You see somebody who's a little chubby and you're like, oh, what are you doing? And they're like, oh, I'm not pregnant. And you're like, I've got foot and mouth disease. I'm sorry. I'm so sick. Well, yeah, because it's mad cow disease. What's the other one?

Foot and mouth? I think foot and mouth is a disease. That sounds insane. What is that? What is the disease that affects both your foot and your mouth? Are you sucking on a foot? Yeah, that's how I imagine. Is this a disease called pervage?

Yeah. Is this the foot fetishist illness? Foot and mouth disease? It is foot and mouth. You probably would get sick sucking on enough feet. Those touch the dirty floor. Or putting your feet in enough mouths. Yeah, that's true.

Are mouths cleaner than feet? I say no. Interesting. Foot and mouth disease just gives you blisters in your mouth and on your feet. Okay. Cows hate it. We've moved down. What's dirtier, your mouth or your foot?

That's misleading because I think actually the mouth is the dirtiest place in the human body. Yeah, because a butthole is not as dirty as a mouth. That's crazy. I remember hearing that once and being like, that's fucked up. Never questioned it. Was it someone that was like, it's cool to eat arse.

My butthole's where there's poop. There's no poo in my mouth. I wipe well, so. But you breathe in dog shit particles that are in the air, I guess. Saliva is probably a breeding ground for bacteria where an arsehole is typically dry. Yeah.

I brush my teeth twice a day. That's the dirtiest part. Yeah, I wipe my arsehole and I clean it. But I don't use bristles. I clean it in the shower, but I've never brushed my arsehole. I'm not getting there with bristles. What's that toothbrush you had the shower for? Well, cleaning myself.

My arsehole, I mean. Gotta get it real pearly white. That would feel awesome. What a soft... I was imagining an electric toothbrush. It's the belly button! The belly button's the dirtiest part of the human body. Yeah!

That's crazy. Why? All it's touching is shirts. Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. I think more people have maybe, like, kissed a belly button than a butthole. Yeah, I think... know. That's weird. I think more people have maybe like kissed a belly button than a butthole.

Yeah, I think so. Well, maybe you should stop. Turn the person over and go down a little bit. You know when you like, you know, like you blow a raspberry on someone's thumb?

Oh yeah, that's true. Stop doing that on an anus. What would that do? Would that make you sick? If somebody blows air into your asshole, do you become unwell? No, you blow up like a balloon.

It would just make you queef from your asshole. There was a guy my dad went to high school with. This sounds like a true story. And he had this ability. I knew a guy like this. He could suck air into his asshole and then fart on command. Yeah, I had a friend that could do the same thing. And then he did it in a bathtub.

Yeah, same thing happened to my dad's friend. He did it in a bath and he was like command. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a friend that could do the same thing and he did it in a bathtub. Yeah, same thing happened to my dad's friend. He did it in a bath and he was like, I shouldn't have done that. It must happen to everyone who can suck air in their asshole. Or do you think that maybe this is just a story much like how Marilyn Manson removed the rib to suck his own dick and everyone just heard that story.

No, but he didn't show me in the bath, but he could do it on command. He showed my dad, this guy. He showed my dad. He was famous for it in the high, but he could do it on command. He showed my dad, this guy. He showed my dad. He was famous for it in the high school. Me and Jackson's dad are not the same person. Yeah, we are not brothers. That would make you my son.

That's all right. That's okay. You're stupid. I wish I was clever and not dumb as hell. No, if your dad was the same guy, you would mean he's my brother No, if Zammett was my dad, he would not be my brother. He'd be your son. That's okay. You didn't have to be clever either.

No, I just wasn't listening. Damn it. If only you were clever. To be smart would be awesome. Here we are. Room temperature right here. Okay. The scrolls are here.

Yep. What the fuck are we going to do? Your dad's a Skrull now. Do you give a shit? Does that make me a Skrull? No. So you just took over my dad's life? Yes.

What happened to my dad? He's in a bunker. I think there is where I have the problem. Yeah, because you're not my dad. What about? You just detained my dad. Because obviously that's bad. We're never going to get on board with that.

What if your dad is here, but there's just also a Skrull that looks like your dad? So you've got two dads. I wasn't on board, and then I was very on board. One mom, two dads. Okay. And there's just two dads in your house that look exactly the same? But one's a Skrull. Yeah.

What's happening? Is it a polycule, but with dads? I suppose. Do they share a bank account? No, he goes off. He does his own thing. He just looks like your dad. Why does he live with me?

He doesn't. So he's just out in the universe as another guy. He lived with you briefly to learn everything he could about your dad. Why? So that he could impersonate him. Okay, no, because impersonating still brings me to the thing of I don't want someone impersonating my dad because that feels like there's going to be trouble down the line.

Yeah, someone makes a decision. But if they just look like my dad but have their original Skrull personality I pose the question, who cares? Yeah, okay, fair enough. If you knew there was a guy out there that looked like your dad, would you care? I think we'd think it would be awesome, I think. But you also think it would be awesome

if both your dads were living with you. Yes. How would that not be cool? Even though one's not your dad, it's just a scroll. He looks like your dad. He studied my dad so much that it's like a one-to-one. Why do you want to see your dad interact with your dad?

Because I've never seen anything that awesome. That's not a normal thought or sensation people crave. What about talking to yourself? Yeah, that'd be cool too. That is better. How is that different than your dad talking? I'm watching my dad talk to my dad. You're getting enjoyment from watching your dad. Do you like your dad?

Yeah, I like my dad. What have you had to? Yeah, but one of them. How is more of a good thing bad? You can't have too much of a good thing, as they say. I think seeing my dad talk to dad, the same guy, I think that's better than me talking to me because I can't see me talk to me. I'm just seeing me. You could in the mirror.

I could in the fucking mirror. Yeah, that's true. Good point. Good point. You could in the mirror. Yeah, that's true. Good point. There's four of me. That would be cool. I think that because you get satisfaction from talking to yourself or dissatisfaction depends on where the conversation goes. But if you're just watching your dad talk to your dad

Because like what are they going to get up to? That's where I'm starting to be like What the fuck What do you mean? Because that could just be If your dad was talking to someone else What would they get up to? What dad adventures are they going to do?

Do you think your dad's just constantly having dad adventures? He would If he had another guy That looked exactly like him Do you think the one thing that's stopping your dad from having dad adventures is the fact there's only one of them? Does your dad have a brother? No.

He's got like four sisters. So you don't think he could have dad adventures with one of his sisters? Well, he probably could, but with a guy that looks exactly like him, that is identical to him down to the most minute detail, the shenanigans they're going to get up to, it's going to be happy hour shenanigans every day.

Your dad's like 60 years old. What shenanigans are you expecting? get up to. It's going to be happy hour shenanigans every day. Your dad's like 60 years old. What shenanigans are you expecting? How much of Friends did you watch? What a question. Not.

So, I don't know if this has ever gone on record, but I despise this television show, but I have seen a lot of it. I despise it with every fiber of my being,

but I think I've seen the whole series maybe three times. I am not, yeah, I haven't seen it. You know who you are? You're fucking Joey. Better than being Ross. How you doing?

Because you're like, holy shit. Your hands are my hands. We can make money from this. Think of the shenanigans we can get up to. Yeah. You see, my hands, your hands. That's the same argument. That's money in the bank, dude.

Okay, you know what? Okay, there's two of you. How is that money in the bank? There's two of me? Yeah. Okay, well, that's hard. Hang on. So you think monetizing you having two dads is easier than you being involved in a scheme

where you have a second one of you? I think my dad has more star power than I do. Okay. How are you monetizing your two dads? I think my two dads just need to go to Hollywood, California, and the rest will take care of itself. But then couldn't say the scrub that's impersonating. You ever heard of the Olsen twins?

So if the person that is impersonating- Do you know who I've heard of more? Yeah. Elizabeth Olsen. Yeah. Well, these days. Oh, yeah. But you didn't grow up watching Full House.

Yeah, exactly. No, but I did grow up with a sister who was obsessed with the Olsen- Mary-Kate and Ashley go take Hollywood or whatever. Yeah, but you know what you could do? Like, if you're the Skrull who's looking like your dad and they go to Hollywood, just look like Jon Hamm. Well, okay, if there were two Jon Hamms- Yeah.

Think of the opportunities. Okay, so are you familiar- For both Jon Hamm and the Skrull that for both Jon Hamm and the Skrull that looks like Jon Hamm. They could do like a parent swap. What do you mean? Like, they could do like, oh look, I got Jon Hamm and my dad.

Oh, thanks for doing a parent swap so I get Jon Hamm as my dad. They're identical and have the same personality. No, I mean they could do like that movie. The parent swap so I get Jon Hamm as my dad. They're identical and have the same personality. Maybe. No, I mean, they could do like that movie. The Parent Swap? Yeah. Parent Trap?

The Parent Trap? Is that what I mean? I don't know, dude. This is your thought. The Parent Trap is where there's two identical twins. Yeah. That the parents split up and they took a twin each. That was like a victory, yeah.

That's what I'm talking about. No, we'll get to why this doesn't make any sense. I'll explain the situation. So two twins, Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan, get split up because their parents got divorced when they were babies. They meet at a summer camp and they swap spots with each other

so that the one that grew up with the dad now goes to live with mom and vice versa yeah now how is that going to apply to john ham you're just doing in the reverse not how what do you mean doing what in the reverse so instead of the two kids going to the different parents the two parents go to different kids but john ham doesn't have two sets of kids also it, it's Jon Hamm and Jon Hamm. Where's he going? Like, if you have two of your dad, who's he swapping with? Where's he going?

What house is he returning to? How is this money in the bank? Okay, they could do a Prince of the Pauper type situation. Neither of your dads are a prince nor the pauper. No, shut up. You make a movie, Jon Hamm plays a pauper, but your dads are a prince nor the pauper. No, shut up. You make a movie, Jon Hamm plays a pauper,

but he also plays a prince. And Prince Jon Hamm is tired of the good life and pauper Jon Hamm would love to experience it as well. So you make a movie. So trading places. Yeah, you do trading places. But with Jon Hamm playing both roles, but instead of playing

one at a time, he's now interacting with himself who was a Skrull. Yeah, it looks more realistic. So you know how we were talking about the movie The Parent Trap early on? I would say maybe eight, nine sentences ago. Yes. You know how I said there's Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan? There's only one of her and they managed to do it. I don't think you're blowing cinema wide open with your two Jon Hamms.

Yeah. Oh, well. It's money to be made. How? Talk us through it. I'm going to think on it for a bit. Okay, so there's money to be made. I think there's less money to be made than you think, alright? Okay.

Say you have, let's go here. John Ham. We've got John Ham and then John Ham double Ham. Yeah. John Ham can, in theory, take on more work than he could pry. Yes. Especially if we're using the Skrull technology of sucking off your memories and putting them into mine so we can use your personality. Yeah.

I'm like, I have all of John. I am Skrull Hamm. I'm like, sweet. I have all of Hamm's abilities and acting abilities so I can be Hamm as much as I can. Sweet. So let's both go out and we're going to get some Ham rolls. Right. And so there we're both working double time, right? Okay.

So he's taking some Ham rolls, I'm taking some Ham rolls. Yep. Getting a lot of Jon Hamm. Got a lot of Jon Hamm movements, right. So sweet. So now we're earning double Ham money. Yeah. However, we both need to live.

We both need food. What does a Skrull eat? Food? Do they eat the same as a regular guy? I think they eat regular food, or at least they can. You do see scenes of them eating. Yeah. All that we can do better is suck off radiation.

Okay. There's money to be made there, surely. How? Send them into Chernobyl to fix it up? Yeah. Right? To fix it up. Yeah, to get rid of the elephant's foot?

I don't know where they're going to take it. Yeah, where are we taking it? That's the problem, right? Where? I guess we could basically have them in there building the dome. Yeah, that's true. More and more. Could we put it on a spaceship?

They fly it into space? That seems dangerous. It does seem like if anything goes wrong, you seem real bad for a lot of reasons. Yeah, for humanity. Because rockets famously reliable and take off 100% of the time, right? Yeah. You don't want to be there when the rocket starts tipping.

You don't want to be anywhere. That's true. Okay. So, yeah, I guess you could send them into places where instead of using drones, we use Skrulls, which seems more dehumanizing. Yeah, but the radiation's not a big deal for them. Yeah, that's true. That's like if, say we landed on an alien planet, okay, where mud couldn't touch. But obviously mud is harmless to us.

And they were like, we can't get in there because of all the mud. And we were like, well, we can do it. No big deal. You know what I love to wallow in? Mud. He couldn't touch. But obviously mud is harmless to us. And they were like, we can't get in there because of all the mud. And we were like, well, we can do it. No big deal. You know what I love to wallow in? Mud. Like a pig in shit, dude. I love mud. It's the same thing.

Okay. So we're sending, okay. We're sending Skrull Jon Hamm to Chernobyl. Yeah. Because we got regular Jon Hamm for the movies. And Jon Hamm, regular Jon Hamm is now having to work twice as hard. Because he's signed all these contracts. He's going to be in.

And, like, what? I still don't know what a Skrull is going to do about Chernobyl. They could go in and, I don't know, clean up? With a brew? With a brew? Clean up what? So can they suck off radiation? No, they just live there better.

Oh. You could keep one at every nuclear power plant for, like, if you need to go in to the core for whatever reason. They won't need a suit. I guess. Yeah. So you're saving some money on suits. You're saving some money on suits. But you're also employing them to live at a power station.

Yeah. So you're in negative dollars again. Yeah. No, I guess you just pay in this. Well, yeah. Well, the person that you'd probably send in in the suit would be qualified. These Skrulls are just not. Unless they sucked off the memories of those.

Maybe we need to go back to Hollywood. Maybe that's where the money is. Could you? Not Hollywood. Hollywood is the one industry where having two guys look exactly the same means shit. What? No. Wait. Actors die all the time. the one industry where having two guys look exactly the same means shit. What? No, wait.

Actors die all the time. I sense another strike coming. So get a Skrull to play a dead actor? Yeah, they could scare... Now they're playing alive actors? No, no, no. Dead actors, they're not scabs. So you want a Skrull to look at a photo of John Wayne, become young John Wayne Now they're playing alive actors. No, no, no. Dead actors. They're not scabs. They're not scabs. So you want to scrawl to look at a photo of John Wayne,

become young John Wayne, and make another John Wayne movie? Yeah. And what happens to, I guess, the estate of John Wayne? He just uses a different name, but we all know it's John Wayne. So he looks like John Wayne, but has no acting ability of John. I've never seen a John Wayne film. Was he good? I think so. He's a piece of of John. I've never seen a John Wayne film. Was he good? I think so. He's a piece of shit guy.

That's kind of how he sounded. That's not true. But I mean, that's one way the Skrulls could make some money off these Skrulls. I feel like I presented heaps of ideas. You presented one idea, which is they play dead actors. Yeah. And then the other two ideas, you just said a random thing.

We'll ask one question about just the simple. He just falls over for the slightest little prod. This is pretty much a recreation of the last two ideas you had before that. I've got the perfect idea to make money. Oh, okay. How is that going to make money? I don't know. Why are you asking me these hearty questions?

Oh, I'm sweating a storm. Oh, boy. Step one, we go to Hollywood. Step two, I don't know. Step three, profit. Money in the bag, dude. Money in the bag. There's got to be a way to make money off these scrolls. Okay, well, I guess while you try and think of a scheme to make money

off scrolls and keep the up at Hollywood, which is, again, the one place where we don't need two guys look the same. Because, look, there is, you can, you know, you could use shapeshifting to exploit, you know, for personal gain or profit. Sure. You know, like a lot of certain things. But, you know, that wasn't really the purpose of the episode. That's true. That wasn't the question.

That wasn't today's important question. You're right. Today's important question is more about is it okay? Like, is it chill for the Skrulls just to stay here? Or is it going to wreck our lives? Jackson keeps presenting us with the harebrained schemes of how to make money. Which will make life worse. Yes, I suppose.

Okay, let's go back to John Wayne again. Okay. Please. John Wayne. Okay, young John Wayne. A new actor that just looks exactly like him pops up, acts the same, but it's not John Wayne. Well, isn't this the problem with kind of already,

what you're doing now is you've changed the problem of instead of AI, it's Skrulls. Yes. Absolutely. So if you're, say, Jon Hamm. It's going to look less weird. And you sign your rights away to say you're like, hey, we have a Skrull. So we're just going to scan your body and your memories.

And for $200, a Skrull could play you for the rest of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So instead of that, we're like, oh, yeah, hey, Skrull, take whatever. You do my stuff. And we do an episode of Black Mirror. Is that what we're doing? Skrull Mirror. That's what we're doing? Skrull Mirror. That's what we're doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, yeah. Green Mirror? Green Mirror. Yeah, I suppose. It's like, all right, Skrull, you be Jon Hamm, and you go and ham it up, and I get some regular residuals. Yeah. Seems pretty good to me.

That's for an alive actor. The dead actor one's different, because Jackson wants to use an alias, which means you can't cash in on their name. Oh, yeah, right. Jon Wayne's. And also, you can't cash in on their name. Oh, yeah. John Wayne. And also you can't, like, unless they watch. But you do it for characters in, like, superhero films. Because, like, say Robert Downey. That bubble's never going to burst.

You are now talking about one specific scene in one specific movie. Say Mark Hamill when he finally passes away. Yeah. Finally. When he's free of the curse of Luke Skywalker and dies. Now, nerds want to see the Luke Skywalker they know and love. But we can't do that unless we use

deep fake technology which looks like shit. But if a Skrull looks like Mark Hamill, he can be Luke Skywalker forever. Uh-huh. End of sentence. That's good. It's certainly a way to make cash. But it's not Mark Hamill, unless he's getting his personality.

No, his name's, yeah, same personality, but a different name. All right. Yeah, because the part of this is not like, hey, this is new technology, and I guess you can't say that because the Skrull's a guy. Yeah. You're claiming you've just found a new guy that looks exactly the same as the old guy. We can know he's a Skrull. So Mark Hamill's played by... Rent Dengus.

Did you say Rent Dengus? Yeah. Rent Dengus. Yeah. Rent Dengus is playing Lucille. That's a name you can see in lights. Rent Dengus in Star Wars Episode 6.5. You've seen the new Rent Dengus flick?

Whoa He sure looks like Mark Hamill That's what the reviews will say Can a squirrel shape change enough That say their face is a bit fucked up Like if they've been punched in the face Could they shape change enough To give themselves a bit of a black eye or whatever

Yeah Because then you could save money on special effects that's true that's pretty good no you wouldn't because you're still paying you'd have to pay the scroll but you're not paying the special effects artist exactly you're really screwing over if you want to be unethical in hollywood scrolls are the place to go no because but it's not unethical it's just giving you're just making a bunch of jobs redundant and then putting that money on another guy.

Well, no. You're making a bunch of jobs redundant and you're undercutting and paying Skrull. Exactly. Yeah, you're paying one guy less than you would be paying

the team of VFX artists. I feel like if Jackson's in charge of Hollywood, he'd start being like, all right, we're going to start killing Skrulls for real because it doesn't matter and it looks better in movies. Well, this is because he wouldn't let me make the parent trap or whatever we had to do.

I still don't understand what your plan with Jon Hamm's reverse parent trap was. I'm going to run at it. Jon Hamm, you got two Jon Hamm. Yes. A double Hamm, all right. They're the dads. See how it falls apart? You got two John Hamm. Yes. Okay. A double Hamm. All right. They're the dads. Mm-hmm. And then- See how it falls apart?

Two sentences. They're the dads, yes. Of who? Of like a Mary-Kate and Olsen situation. So also twins. Mary-Kate and Olsen. Okay. The famous Ashley twins, Mary-Kate and Olsen.

Yeah. So we've got two twins and they're being raised by two hams. Two dads, which are both hams. And then the dads do a parent trap on the kids. What do you mean by a parent trap? So the dads swap. Well, I guess one dad's raising one kid, and one dad's raising the other kid. Yeah.

And then they swap what kid they're raising, but they're the same guy. And also with the parent trap. Let him cook, go on. But then, what happens in the parent trap? No, no, no. This is your idea. This is a new one. So then, they've got to raise the two kids.

I guess they couldn't raise the two kids. I guess they couldn't raise the two kids. Yeah, go on. We know where we're playing. I guess the two Jonhams had a divorce. Oh. The same guy. Yes.

Also, let's just point out that Jax's original pitch for this was not as a movie, but a real life thing you could do that would make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it as a movie but a real life thing you could do that would make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it's a movie. So Jon Hamm was married to Jon Hamm. Yeah, yeah. They split up. Jon Hamm was married to himself. They had Mary Kate and Olsen.

Okay. But then they split up and one of them got Mary, one of them got Kate, and they got half Olsen. And now... You know marry Kate as one person and now they're swapped over to raise the other child and half the other half of Olsen

but they're the same they're not anymore they're two different guys so wouldn't it be better if they weren't both played by Jon Hamm well in a way. And also, so you've given one Skrull a job for this lunatic movie that makes no sense.

Yeah, it's a start. The part of the parent trap that's important is they want to swap so they get to meet the other parent for the first time, but then also get their parents back together so it's one big happy family. Well, maybe they want to do that too. But if it's the adults doing this, the adults can just...

Because the adults have to talk to sort this out. Yeah, that is true. So they could have just brought the kids. And again, like an adult, they're in charge. They can do whatever they want. They're an adult. What if they're doing it with their parents and it just is the parent trap

but older. You know what we have currently? Lindsay Lohan. You know what she can do? Play both roles again. Famously. Next should be trying to pitch Freaky Friday with the two Jon Hamm swap brains. Is that good? What if they had different jobs

maybe? Then it's a Prince and the Pauper situation again, I guess. In a way. When was the last, like, twin movie you saw where, again, the Prince and the Pauper would be like, Holy shit, you are my exact double. I want to say The Prestige. Yeah. The Prestige, yeah.

I haven't done it for a while. See? It's time for it to come back, right? People are calling for it, I think. Oh, I think they remade The Parent Trap again pretty recently. People are frothing for twin movies, dude. No. Okay, okay.

Actually, let's find out if I'm right. That's tricky. The Parent Trap. That's concerning for my future plans. I just think if Skrulls were on in the real. Yeah. And there was a bit like, okay, Skrulls have come in, they're running from the Kree Empire, they've got no home planet, they are shapeshifters, and they can kind of look like anyone. Yeah.

So that is a bit worrying if we're like, oh, what are they going to do? Who's a Skrull, who's not? But they're like, well, don't worry, because we haven't kidnapped you, put you underground, stealing your memories. We're just living our best lives. Jesus Christ. The parent trap goes for nearly two hours ten. Big movie. A lot to get through.

I just don't think that's a big deal. Me neither. Who cares? I'm just like, okay. Well, do the Skrulls, can they- What do they want? Do they have to look like a real person? Or can they just make, like, a whatever face that's not a person's face?

I don't know. Presumably a Skrull can transform into any alien because they can be three, they could be whatever, right? As long as it's humanoid, yeah? Yeah. But what I mean is could they become a wholly new person or do they have to copy an already existing person? Because if they can become a wholly new person, who gives a

shit? Whatever. If they're copying somebody, it's mildly different. It seems that they at least in the TV series, it seems that they need to copy a pre-existing person or at least they choose to copy an existing person. Yeah, I think that's

more just like of the, hey Skrulls have to live amongst people. Yeah, we may as well look like a person who's already around. I don't think they can copy just like, I don't think they could make up a new face. Yeah. Okay, so they've got to pick a face that already exists.

Yeah. So Gravik in the show picks the person that he killed. Right. Nick Fury's wife, the first person he killed, Nick Fury's wife picks the face of a dying patient. Yeah, and lives her life. But who was she before that? Because she needed to be a person to be interacting in that situation.

Just like, oh, it's weird that this person is in their Halloween costume yet again as they enter the hospital. Yeah, you're right. They would have had to have landed. It just looked like, I don't know. Anyone. They just show a picture. Oh, yeah, because I guess there's a scene in the show where they all step forward and transform from Skrull

into Guy to be like, yeah, we'll help you, Nick Fury. Yeah, but could they have already seen that guy? They must have, because Gravik's there. Can they become like a fake guy? We don't know. We don't think so. Because again, it's in Transformers. Yes.

The cartoons. Right, right, right. When they crash land on Earth, they send out a big old scan thing, and they're like, that's a car. I like that car. I'm going to be that car. I'll transform into the car. Right. So that car had to exist for them to transform into.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But with a Skrull, I don't know. It's funny to imagine a Skrull that comes to Earth and doesn't quite get it and becomes a car, and then all the other Skrulls become people, And they're like, I'm too embarrassed to change back. I'll live as a car from now on. Living as a car seems all right. Yeah. What's good about it?

Seems chill. You don't have to worry about anything. You're just a car. Except for when you're driving. Seems boring to me to be a car. Yeah, that's true. Spend a lot of time in a garage. You think Herbie the love bug has a cursed existence?

No, Herbie has an awesome existence. Because he's always in races. So he's become a race car. But Herbie also lives in has a cursed existence? No, Herbie has an awesome existence, dude, because he's always in races. He's become a race car. But Herbie also lives in a garage. Yeah, but he also seems... The cool thing about Herbie the Love Bug, I guess it's in the name, is he seems really intent on making people fuck down, and I think that's awesome. He's a horny car.

People are often in the car with Herbie, and to be honest, Bumblebee does this in the first Transformers movie, too, where they're in the car. He noses some romantic tension between the two leads. He can feel the horn in the air. He can feel the horn. He puts on a sexy song. He locks the doors, slightly unsettling. He shakes them. He shakes them up. Makes a milkshake of them.

Of their bodies, yeah. Nothing quite as sexy as shaking. Yeah, getting shook in a car. Anyway, I just think that's cool about Herbie the love bug. That's fair. Yeah. So what is your argument? You kind of said it was boring.

Being a car was boring. And then you instantly flip-flopped. Instantly. I'm like, once again, no push from us. You started arguing out points for us. There's your point of Herbie. There's your point of Herbie. Well, yeah, because I knew that you valued that car and you would love to be Herbie.

I would like to be Herbie the love bug. That's true. But you said you would hate to be a car. Yeah, that's why I brought it up. Well, I would hate to be like a regular family sedan or something. You're the car. You can do whatever. You have control.

You have agency. Is there a guy driving me? I mean, you have agency. You're the car. Yeah, but I can't be a loose car. You can because you are the car. You have control, Jackson. If I'm a car with no guy in me, that's going to look suspicious.

You don't know this. You're a Skrull. Oh, well, in that case, I'm hooning around. And people are thinking I'm a ghost car. Is that cool? Yeah, that is cool. That is cool. It would be cool'm a ghost car. Isn't that cool? Yeah, that is cool. That is cool. It would be cool to be a car.

You've changed my heart and mind today on this episode of Plumbing the Death Star. Well done. Well done. I think overall, though, with one million Skrulls living amongst us, that wouldn't necessarily, provided that they are people. Yeah. Because, like, I guess if you drop one million aliens in and they've got aliens. Yeah. So the issue is, right, because it's like, okay, Skrulls living amongst us, that kind of thing. You're like, okay, that's fine. Yeah.

You get a sense of, like, okay, well, are they just doing their own thing and they're, like, living their best Skrull life? Well, a new Asgard exists. Yeah. Oh, are they going to get hunted down? Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Funny. Good luck shooting Thor withgard exists. Yeah. Oh, are they going to get hunted down? Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Funny.

Good luck shooting Thor with a gun. Yeah. But yeah, there's no reason why there couldn't just be a Skrull community on Earth. Yeah, absolutely. It wouldn't change anything. I think especially in the MCU, it would be just a blip on the road. You wouldn't even notice. Yeah.

If they were like, hey, there's some green guys around, you'd be like, whatever, dude. The Hulk wrecked my toilet or whatever. I don't give a shit. I guess it's to say it was real. It's like humans, right? You've got a guy, a human living his best life. That's great. What's that?

You've kidnapped a guy and he's in your basement. That's bad. That's when you have a problem. When it's just a person tooling around, it means nothing. Unless you're alien racist, it's really not an issue. Yeah. You know? Because the Skrulls just behave

like people, right? It's not like they do anything fucked up, like, I don't know. I don't know what they could do. I think the only fear with Skrulls would be, you know that humans are inferior to Skrulls, which also makes the reason that Nick Fury's

like, I'll find you a planet. Skrulls could find themselves a planet of much better. Nick Fury's an old man. Yeah, that's true. Why are they relying on Nick Fury's being like, I'll find you a planet. Skrulls could find themselves a planet much better. Nick Fury's an old man. Yeah, that's true. Why are they relying on Nick Fury to find a planet? They're relying on

Carol Danvers a bit more, and that makes sense, because she- She kept the Marvel. She can fly. Human beings are inferior to her, too, but Skrulls come above

humans on- Would that worry you? Skrulls have, like, technology of space flight. We don't. Yeah. We're ants to them. Yeah.

Would that worry you if you lived on a planet and you knew that there was, like, a million guys that were- No, because right now I know there are more than a million guys that are physically, intellectually, emotionally, physically, again, superior to me, and it doesn't bother me none. It's like if one government goes rogue, it's the same thing.

I guess it comes down to, like, is it a unified group of Skrulls, or what do they want? Because, yeah, I guess if it's alright, so what do they want to do? Okay, they want to take over the world and they're using it through, like, politics and all that kind of stuff, then yeah, problem.

I imagine this is what happened when they were writing Secret Invasion. I know that this is more behind the scenes rather than in the universe. Yeah, yeah. They wanted the Skrulls to be like, oh, okay, well, them seeking refuge on Earth makes sense. Yeah. But then they were like, huh, but we can't have them do that because then that's just an easy fix.

Like, oh, they move in. Yeah. But they also didn't want to be because then that's just an easy fix. Like, oh, they move in. Yeah. But they also didn't want to be like, they'll crush us. Because I'm like, all right. So when we first see them pop up in Captain Marvel. Yeah. Hey, mate, we're just refugees. Yeah.

We've been running from the Skrulls. Mate, don't tell the cops. We've been in a bit of a war. Tell the cops one fucking word, mate. Captain Marvel? You've not been talking to the cops, We've been in a bit of a war. Tell the cops one fucking word, mate. Captain Marvel? You've not been talking to the cops, have you, Captain Marvel? Captain Marvel, mate. You got a fart?

Can I have a cigarette? Can I have a cigarette, Captain Marvel? Because if you've been talking to the cops, we've got a problem. If you haven't, we're going to- I just want this to go smoothly, mate. That's what I'm hoping for. I just want all this to be just between us. Nice planet, mate. Real nice planet, mate. That's what I'm hoping for. I just want all this to be just between us. Nice planet, mate.

Yeah. Real nice planet, mate. How long you had this? Yeah. Fragile planets are, aren't they, mate? Yeah. I'd be worried if I was you, mate. All they do is they just spin.

They just spin around. You haven't been talking to a shield, have you, mate? When we first see the Skrulls there, they're very like, hey. They're innocent boys. They're innocent, innocent, normal men. Just being like, hey, we just want a planet. We're running from the Kree. It's bad.

And so I was like, okay, cool. Well, you've come to Earth. And so I was like, okay, cool. All right, that's fine. These people, they need assistance. They're very sympathetic. They could live in, and they do. They end up living in Chernobyl. And they're they're like well they have a community there okay why don't we just give

them chernobyl no one else is living there dude you could annex just fucked up deer like you could just be like oh yeah is that true yeah it's fucked up deer and rabbits and stuff and feral hogs chernobyl's full of feral hogs you don't want to deal with a fucking feral hog. And cats and stuff, dude. It's awesome in Chernobyl. Do they get sick? Yeah. No. Well, some do, some don't.

Some, yeah, they're getting better at it. They eat mushrooms as well. Yeah, they did. We're accidentally making hogs that are immune to radiation. We are getting radioactive hogs, though, which is worrying. I think that's how the Ninja Turtles start. That's funny. You know, like a pig stood on my nut and gave me cancer.

Just being around this hog gave me cancer. They're evolving. They're evolving new ways of giving me Jackson Bailey cancer. First it was their trotters. Now it's their aura. Oh, no. Jackson, stop breathing in that hog. Why? What's wrong?

You know I love the half hog. They're just so alluring. Good smell. Because they're like, okay, cool. So they come to Earth. They need somewhere to live because they're getting prosecuted by the Great. And it's like, okay, well, yeah,

they could easily peacefully coexist if there's no need for this war. There's no need. Like a million Skrulls coming to Earth. That's not that many people. We didn't fit several billion on this little bit of dirt. Is it eight trillion people? No.

Eight billion, I think. Yeah, it's billion, not trillion. Not trillion. There'd be people in the studio. We'd be stacked like boxes. I think it's 8 billion or 7.5 or something. It's not really. What is the population?

Because again, a million people. It's a drop in the pond. Yeah, what is the, I guess... 8 billion. 8 billion, there you go. What is the population where it's a million people? Like, what city has a million people?

I want to say maybe Melbourne? Maybe Melbourne. Melbourne probably has less, to be honest. What's the population of Melbourne? Yeah. Like, Melbourne City? Yeah, I think so.

Like, surrounding suburbs, like, how far? Okay, so largest... I'll hit you with some largest cities. If only we were smart dude Wouldn't that be fucking sick So if you could set up Okay so

Ranking it the 81st busiest city That's 5 million people Yeah so you're right Which is It's in Mexico I'm not even going to have an attempt How many million? 5 million

I mean like St. Petersburg in Russia has 5.3 million. So, like, a fifth of that is how many squirrels. Atlanta, five and a half million. Yeah. You could squeeze a million basically anywhere. So that's what I'm saying, right? So you could be like, okay, hey, as a government initiative, and this is where you almost need to be like, okay, we need to look at in terms of global politics.

Yeah. And now because aliens exist, we kind of have to think globally as opposed to like, you know, certain just like, you know, individual countries. It's weird. They didn't think this way when the Asgardians landed. Well, yeah. That's the same thing. It's just because the Asgardians look like people. And they can't change.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so the same thing, right? So it's like, okay, cool. Well, if we gave them a bit of land, like a lot of stuff just comes down to land rights, right? So you're like, okay, we want somewhere to live.

Yeah. And it's like, oh, fuck, we've got to give up our land. What? You can live in Chernobyl, you say? Dude, then, yeah. You can live in places that we can't? That works out perfectly. Oh, that rules.

I mean, Chernobyl's quite pretty. It's very overgrown. It's very nice. I was going to be like, not the nicest place, but they don't give a shit. They can suffer the radiation. It's not a big deal for them. And also, they can rebuild. Yeah.

They can kind of, you know, we go, okay, cool. Well, here's, you know, all right, well, you know, you come here, you can live here. That's fine. Peacefully coexist. And, well, this is where you can have your hometown and your home base. We can't really go in there. Which I guess if you're paranoid, it's worrying. Why can't we just be like,

let the Skrulls live wherever they want on Earth? Paranoia and racism? Alien racism? So the racism is dealt with the, hey, you're going to have to assimilate. But once that hurdle's cleared... Would you rather, if you were going to an alien planet, like you reverse the situation?

Yeah, if I could turn into a Skrull, would I? No, no, no. If you, so you, human beings, there's a minute. You can be two guy. Can I work in Hollywood? What dad adventures can I get up to? What are you going to get up to, dude? You're going to get up to something.

If there's two of you, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me right now? Joel Dusha times two squared. You're telling me that's not happy hour shenanigans. That's not Hootenanny City for Joel Dusha. Anyway. Jackson, what are you getting up to with this two of you? I'm just fucking.

Don't worry about me. I'm off the table in this scenario. I'm just fucking blowing my own back out. That's all that's happening to me. Don't worry about me. What are you doing? Okay, if fucking's not on the table, let's say Skrulls don't have genitals. Okay.

That's cool. I don't know. Tricks? What tricks? I send the Skrull in to work instead of me? It's funny. I stay home. We swap.

They have your memories, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your personality? Yeah. So they're just you. Yeah. funny. I stay home. We swap. They have your memories, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your personality. Yeah. So they're just you. Yeah. And you're better you. All you're doing is-

Because I come to work on time. So all I've done really is instead of recording a podcast, you're playing Dark Souls. Yeah. And that's shenanigans to you. That's just one possible shenanigan. Anyway.

Give me another one. Give me another one. Give me another one. I don't know. We trick people at the supermarket. How? I go up to them. I talk to them. I duck away.

I'm like, well, I got to go. And then immediately, scroll me comes up behind them like there was no time between. You know, it's like I've teleported almost. If the same person spoke to you, if someone came up to you in the shop and spoke to you, walked away, and it was just a brief conversation about nothing and it was a stranger, walked away and then all of a sudden... Then one second later they come up behind you. I don't even think you'd notice. In a way, there's been like

you see this sometimes back when you used to watch network television. I used to do a thing where you get someone serving you at a server, right? Yeah. And then they would go to pick something up and duck down and then someone else would then pop back up, not them, and then continue the conversation serving, and no one noticed? Yeah, but that's- Yeah, that.

That would happen again. That's two different guys. Yeah, exactly. Two different- Anyway, so if there was a million human beings and they landed on an alien planet- Okay. Seeking refuge- Yeah.

Would you rather live in a little human community? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love going to human town. Would you rather live in human town or just be part of the population? I think if you're settling on a new planet, or you're guest, as in you're not... Or you're migrating.

And it's not that different. It's not hostile and alien. It's just like a sci-fi oomph, basically. I think the same thing would happen that happens with just general migration, which is a lot of the time if one country- You would probably cluster in the same communities or whatever. Cluster in a similar community and then you stop branching. And we have similar kind of ideas.

And then you stop branching out. You probably get that thing that happens- Yeah, then suddenly you have a Skrull wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of thing that will happen. That's what goes down. Yeah, yeah. It'll just be like, okay, cool.

So you have like, oh, it's Little Earth. Yeah. Oh, it's Little Earth. Little Human Town. Little Human Town. That's great. We got a little Human Town. Only place you can get hot dogs on the whole planet.

The Hugh Moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, for the Skrulls, it's not that different. I mean, it is. Obviously, there are big differences for the Skrulls. The Skrulls hate being people. That's established. Well, you would.

If you had to dress up like a Skrull when you're in a Skrull planet, you'd be. Also, in Chernobyl, I think, they start planting their own Skrull plants. Yeah. So they get like- New Skrullos is what they want to call. Better than Humud. They want to call Chernobyl, I think, New Skrullos. Yeah, yeah.

Or at least where they're going, there's New Skrullos. And it's like, hey, we've got Skrullos plants and these kind of things, and they start bringing their own culture. Yeah. And I think Nick Fury fucked it by he's like, no, you can be anyone. Be my spies and kill people. Yeah, we'll fire a planet. As opposed to being like, well, why don't we just come together and be like,

well, you take this, New Skrullos, we can make this yours, and we will help fight your oppressors, i.e. this Kree. Yeah. I guess it's all said and done. Is it actually bad that the Skrulls are here? No. It's natural. Nick Fury did it. He fucked it at Bayhead.

Yeah. Yeah. And Kravik probably overreacted and started murdering people for no reason. Un petit. A little bit. Un petit. Just leave. And it would be awesome to have two dads.

That, I still don't understand. I mean, like... Having two dads, just two guys that are your dad, that's awesome. Is it bad? No, so if you've got two different guys, you've just got two dads,

in the general sense. Yeah, that's fine. Two dads fucking rocks. But you've got your dad twice. Is it bad? It's the same. I don't understand. Like,

it's good. I guess when one dad is out going and earning the crust, the other dad can play catch with me. This will be a shock to our listeners,

but Jackson, you don't currently live with your dad. Yeah, yeah, I know. So if there was two dads. Imagine the Christmas cards. Mom, two dads. You can use that with Photoshop.

It's not the same. What do you mean? What do you mean it's not the same? Imagine the Christmas cards. As in, signed off, love from dad and mom and dad. Yeah. Wait. That's funny.

All of your joy from this Just comes from the fact you've got two dads Yes So they're not doing anything They don't have to be Hang on, go back to the Christmas card Is it just a card that they've bought from the shops No, no, no, the Christmas card

They've taken a photo Possibly one of those places you can do it at the supermarket And it just says love from dad The photo is mum and my dad twice just says love from dad, dad, mom. And the photo is mom and my dad twice. Internally, it's dad, dad, mom. And it's in their handwriting. But because it's the same guy, it's the same handwriting.

So it's dad, dad, looks identical. And then mom, different handwriting. Okay, cool. And in the photo, it's mom, two dads. Once again, you could just do that with Photoshop. How is it? How? Because you weren't there when it got taken. How is it different?

No, because I know it's real. What if they're like, this is real? They tell you it's real. Well, then if I'm- We want two dads. If I'm tricked- How do you know? If I'm tricked, it's-

Because I see them at Christmas. I say, hey, dad. Hey, dad. Hey, mom. What's for Christmas dinner? So it's not the card then. But the card's- What do you mean it's not the card?

So all of your joy just comes down from the fact that it's funny to have two dads. Yes! Have I ever said anything to the opposite? Yes. The whole episode just said the opposite. I said, what are they going to get up to? Yeah, that's not just... That is not the same as what you're saying. I think it's similar. No.

Nothing wrong with Skrulls, there's a lot wrong with Jackson. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also's similar. No. Nothing wrong with Skrulls. There's a lot wrong with Jackson. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Let us know. Yeah. How would you use two dads?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackson's dying for an answer. That should have been the episode. That should have been today's important question. How are you going to use two dads? Well, I guess subscribe to the Bad Brain Boys subscription. Maybe we'll answer that one this month. Yeah, that's true.

Sign up to Bad Brain Boys. We'll do it as a plumbing plus. What has happened?