Plumbing the Death Star - Reed Richards Can’t Do It So How Are We Gonna Save Ben Grimm and By Save We Mean Fix and By Ben Grimm We Mean the Mother %*& &!$@ Blue Eyed Ever Loving Sonova*@!&% Mother %*& &!$@ The Thing !*&%$?!

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

Ben Grimm is a mess. Cosmic rays turned him into a horrible rocky monstrosity that makes everybody sick. Yuck. Mr. Fantastic refuses to fix him, so maybe the Plumbing Boys can have a crack at it. Zammit wants to seperate the thing from Ben Grimm, creating a rock with depression. Jackson knocks the fantastic four's rocket out of the way of the cosmic gas leaving earth at the mercy of Mole Man. And Duscher pitches the greastest comic book the world has ever seen. So come on down to Ben and Ben's and enjoy a delicious meal with your pals the Plumbing Boys. We forgot about Ben Grimm and his problems.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Flaming the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'll say Joel. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Let's go! I mean the motherfucking blue-eyed, ever-loving, son-of-a-bitch, motherfucking The Thing.

Cuts. Let's go. We are firing. Ben Groom's fucked. He went to space and made him all fucked up! He came back fucked up, made a rocks. Okay, right, yes. Ben Grimm, the thing.

The ever blue-eyed lovin' the thing. So, if anyone knows about this, but yeah, like, in media that we've seen of, like, film, usually it's like, uh-huh. In media we've seen of film, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I'm distracted by douches fiery control really throw me for a loop ah so yeah in the film we usually like Ben Grimm you're sad sack of shit yeah he like right yeah you fucked it fix my shit I'm sad look

what you just got stretchy your wife got gone yeah this guy's on fire this guy's on fire he's doing alright see me though look at this rock play mode and so I didn't realise but like Ben Grimm in the comics his power set

or I guess his rocky facade has sort of evolved over time what so he used to be more like scaly kind of stuff or just scales

you could just kind of almost maybe rip off and like disgusting red underneath fish guy yeah and then he just become more and more rocky.

That's disgusting to hear. I hate that. Now, now. Yeah. Rocks is better than fish. Yeah. Well, it's a scaly kind of thing. Yeah, that's like melted bad,

and then he doesn't get any of the benefits, but he gets all of the weaknesses. If you're made of rock, someone hits you with a gun. Can we just... Can we really... Can we just rewind there? Benefits of being a fish? The benefits of being a fish, but not the weaknesses.

But if you're made of rock and you get hit with a gun... Getting hit with a gun would fuck you up, I guess. If somebody whacked you with a rifle... A pistol whip. Scaly fish guy, it's not like he's got fish powers. He just looks fucked up, right? Okay, sure.

Is that true or not? Ben, no, no. He's got the power of the thing. So he's very strong. Yeah, but he's not. He doesn't have fish powers, correct. Yeah, but you can tear off his scales, so he's not invulnerable, right? I think it was more like you could punch the shit out of him.

Like, say, if Hulk punched the shit out of him, he'd be, like, cracking. He'd shatter. And then he'd be like, oh, a bit of my orange thing fell off. Okay, well, in that case, never mind. It's the same thing. It's just uglier. Can it not come off now? I don't know.

What if I get, like, a fucking crowbar in there? Yeah, a crowbar would be... You could get in there. I think a jackhammer would be all right. He is rock. That's true. That's true, yeah. So there's a couple things here.

Because, like, Reed Richards... Also, what I loved about Reed Richards was finding this out. He's like, he can stretch his brain, right? would be alright he is rock that's true that's true so there's a couple things here because like Reed Richards also what I loved about Reed Richards is finding this out he can stretch his brain that's one of his powers that he can do

is that not only can he stretch hand and limbs and all parts of body but brain so he can make more wrinkles and make more

connections I guess fair enough which also means if he wanted to he could spoon it yeah I know I was thinking that too you just send your brain

shooting out your ears and die. You could be like the dumbest read possible. If you smooth up your brain, can you wrinkle it up again? I don't know. I think he'd be fucked. And you'd always be thinking about it. Well, no, you wouldn't be thinking about it. No, no, no.

You wouldn't be thinking. But I mean, if you hadn't smoothed your brain. If you see something you don't want to see, maybe you get in there. Smooth that out. Reading Hickman's run on Fantastic Four, and that's where he meets the council of reeds. And so there's a bunch of different reeds, the most smartest reeds there were. And I'm like, surely there's the opposite

spectrum. Yeah! We're at the reeds to smooth it all out. We smoothed our brains out as a joke. Yeah, couldn't get it back. I'm as smart as a chicken. I'm a tired chicken? Not smart. I know that much.

You can entice me by drawing a straight line. I can do math. I can't do math. I just peck the ground and I notice when you want me to stop. So there's two things,

again, reading up about Ben Grimm. Once again, didn't realize that, again, obviously the films, because I don't really read Fantastic Four that much. I'm like, I don't know.

Why? He's very lame. I find him funny. Yeah, of course. When they first came around, things like, I'm a disgusting monster. I'm going to be called myself the thing. And then literally the next sentence is Reed being like, well, I'm going to call myself Mr. Fantastic.

Sucks to be you, Igo. I think Reid's some powers. He just can't read the room. There's two reasons why Ben Grimm can't return, can't become the ever, I guess, blue-eyed, non-rock monster. Yeah, the ever-loving, blue-eyed

guy. There's two reasons. One of them you'll hate, JD, and one of them you'll be fine with, I think. Do you want, there's two reasons. One of them you'll hate, JD, and one of them you'll be fine with, I think. Do you want the hate one first? Yeah. Give me the second one first. Warm me up. So the reason why Ben Grimm

can't become himself again is because it's not a physiological thing, it's a psychological thing. It's kind of similar to, weirdly, Cyclops. His eye beams, where he has to wear a laser, a visor. Yeah. Yeah, that's also psychological. He doesn't have to.

He doesn't have to. No, he just likes to see the world red. And if he can't see the world red, then the world's going to pay. Yeah. Oh, no. It's all to do with, like, you know, trauma he chose not to. And then he fixed it for a bit, but then he's back to wearing the visor. Fair enough.

And same with Ben. Ben, it all comes down to the love of his life, Alicia Masters. Okay. Because when she first met Benjamin Gr the love of his life, Alicia Masters. Okay. Because when she first met Benjamin Grimm, he was the thing. Oh. Every time he's like, well, I'm going to become a guy again. She's like, you sound like you, but you don't feel like you. This rock husband.

Yeah. It's kind of similar to like Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, you know. That's a theory. That doesn't happen in the movie. It's kind of like. No, it's just one of those things where it's like you know that's a theory that doesn't happen in the movie it's kind of like no it's just one of those things where people like actually bell just really wants to get fucked by the beast i just i i thought i think it'd be weird if you're like fine you fall

in love with this hulking bear of a man and then he turns into this little twink depends on the dick. If he's got like a wolf dick, I don't want to hear it. Also, like, you're basing it on like they have like a dance as like Beauty and the Beast. It's not like they full on fuck. That's true. She would just be like, oh, this is the real you. This would probably make life simpler for me. It's like making a fucking connection with someone on the fucking phone and then you see them in real life except this time instead of a phone it's a wolf and i understand that we're basically look maybe

beauty and the beach was a precursor to love is blind yeah wonderful maybe on netflix thing that i love to hate what judy and the beach what do we have it's i was looking it was like why did you say that like it was like Beauty and the Beast I was like yeah what's the punchline what okay great punchline dude question

what's the setup setup is Zammerton Beauty and the Beast okay in that case that's alright maybe Beauty and the Beast was just a pre-cast

to Love is Blind where it was just kind of like maybe yeah it doesn't matter about physical it's all about the words it's the way you tear up Pieces of furniture

Yeah yeah It's also awesome for me To come out swinging against this Belle didn't fuck the beast And she loves him for being a man Cause that's the entire premise of our show Who cares what happens Outside of the movies

Don't worry about it Whatever happens in the movies That's canon Stop thinking about it otherwise So Alicia was like Yeah I love Ben as Ben And I don't like being a rockman Cause he Whatever happens in the movies, that's canon. Stop thinking about it otherwise. So Alicia was like, yeah, I love Ben as Ben, and I don't like being a rockman. Because Reed has actually done it.

He's fixed him before. And some of them are better than the others. Sometimes he's just like, here's a serum. Just rub it on your face. Nice. One time he tricks Ben into trashing his lab, which then gets the chemical concoction just all over him. And then he calms down and becomes Ben for a bit. So Mr. Fantastic's hypothesis was, I bet if you just combined all the shit in my lab together, it would make Ben Grimm a man again.

Well, he's working on it. And then Ben gets cut at Reed and then goes to attack him for some reason. And then he just trashes his lab. Luckily, he spills some of that chemical. Guy juice. Guy juice on his face. Okay, fair enough. And that kind of converts him to a man for a bit.

Guy juice all over my face. What is a man to do? Another time, he's used a serum, and like the Hulk, When Ben got a bit too angry, he returned back to the thing. See, that makes sense to me, but it only makes sense to me because that's exactly what happens to the Hulk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another time is I think one of my favorite one is Ben is with Alicia

and he's holding a grand piano. Oh, yeah. He's moving it. And then Reed's like, I figured this out, Ben! And just shoves a tube in his mouth. That's awesome. You actually sent us this comic panel, but I didn't know Ben was carrying a grand piano off screen.

That's so funny. So you see the translation happen. The rocks disappear, his face again. And then they have a little half conversation. He's transforming, but then he pulls out and he drops the piano. Yeah. Well, yeah, he doesn't have super strength anymore. That kind of doesn't, like, yeah, that also just wears out after a while. Yeah.

He's also been, something called, like, Mesa Rays? That was sabotaged by some fucko. Yeah. That was sabotaged by some fucko. Yeah. I think if I was a bad guy, I'd want the thing to be a regular guy. I wouldn't be sabotaging because that's one less rock guy for me to find. Yeah, I think it's like sabotage him to it doesn't work and also brainwashed.

Well, then you might have a rock guy in your team. Oh, I got a rock guy of my own. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's all right. I'm coming around now. Yeah, there's another machine, but it makes him aggressive. That makes sense. They just keep putting the thing in different machines, hoping that one of them comes out man.

So he puts him in a machine. He's like, yeah, it'll work. But then he's like, Ben's getting cut. And he gets real cheap. Wait, does the machine make him an angry man? Yeah. That's awesome. Ben's a man again, but he's pissed off.

So even Ben is like, I hate this. So he destroys the machine. That's so funny. I would prefer to be an angry man than a sad rock. Me too. And then there's another one, I think, where it's like just Johnny Storm just kind of like Reed's about to do it all. And so Johnny gets there early and he's like, what?

This is pretty cool. Opens the door, sits in. He's like, this is kind of cool. And then he leaves it, whatever, and then Reed gets real cut at Johnny when it doesn't work because he's like, hang on a second, what did you do? I sat down, he's like, I planned this all

down to the molecular level. Were you flaming on before it, weren't you, you little piece of shit? He's like, yeah, I was. Yeah, well done, you raised the heat and now it's ruined. I'd be so scared if I was Johnny Storm that that would turn me into Ben Grimm. Yeah. Fair enough. I don't know if I'd be worried.

I'd lose my powers, maybe. Cosmic rays, man. The same cosmic rays that hit Ben made me fire. What if I become fire brick? Yeah, who knows what's going to happen. Fire brick and gone? Yeah. Shit.

Fire brick gone stretch? Are you kidding me? SuperSquirrels like doing that. Yeah, that's true, actually. SuperSquirrels do love that. So all this has happened before, so Ben has become human, then he's become a thing again. And so often Ben will just revert back, seemingly at random, like sometimes.

Sometimes it was just like, oh, he's now a dude again, and he popped back to the thing or like he's getting angry or he tries to have some control. But really when you start looking into it, it's always around Alicia because it's always like, you know, love his life. She's I think the daughter of the puppet master and she's also blind, which is when they kind of connect. She's like, I never saw your grotesque monster form.

I just felt it. I just felt the wall. I just loved you. I love walls i love walls yeah wall great yeah i know where i'm going wall yeah don't go through that he's my wall uh and so it's always been a subconscious thing it's like mental blocks yeah my wall friend yeah and there's also um supporting evidence of this is when Johnny Storm, Benjamin Grimm's best friend, marries Alicia Masters. Yes! At one fucking point. He's just hot.

Oh! I like my hot boyfriend. My HF. Yeah. Hot friend. HBF. Yeah, yeah, go on. HBF, hot boyfriend.

Yeah. At this point, Benjamin Grimm has gotten into some sort of radioactive accident, and so he's now no longer the thing But he's just a guy And he stays the guy Kind of for a while Because he thinks

Well at least he's not She doesn't want to be with me She doesn't want to be with me She's married my best friend That's so funny Ben would you fucking believe this? Yeah Skrull

Skrull the whole goddamn time Wait Ben was a Skrull? No Alicia was a Skrull Alicia was a Skrull The one that married Johnny Everyone's a fucking Skrull Yeah dude There's a Wolverine that's was a Skrull? No! Alicia was a Skrull? The one that married Johnny. Everyone's a fucking Skrull. Yeah, dude. There's a Wolverine that's famously a Skrull, too?

And then they don't, he dies and then they still don't know that he's a Skrull and they open him up and he's got Skrull guts? No. He's got Skrull guts. I think that was maybe Blackagar Boltagon was a Skrull. He had Skrull guts? Well, like, someone drops that.

Show me your guts. The Illuminati, they go and they just drop the dead Skrull, but it was pretending to be. I think it was Black Bolt at the time. Okay. No, Wolverine was a Skrull for a bit. Well, the Skrull was Wolverine for a bit, because Wolverine, he was the horseman of death.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he had bone claws, but then Apocalypse gave him back his adamantium. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he had bone claws, but then Apocalypse gave him back his adamantium. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he ride a horse? Comics are awful.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's him, Magneto. Hmm? It's him. Who are the four horsemen? Oh, which time? Don't ask me that. What are you doing, dude?

Which time? I'm still waiting to hear what the... What the... What you're going to hate is? Anyway, so yes. It'll be like Deadpool fucking says, look at my cock hole. And then Ben Grimm does, and then he turns into a man. And then Deadpool looks at the reader of the comic and says, whoa, comics are crazy.

And I'm in one. Would you hate that? Yes. I would hate it so much. If I read a comic book where Deadpool showed off his cock hole. And it cured Ben Grimm's the thing. I would be like, I would have hit it so hard. I read a comic book where Deadpool showed off his cock hole. And it cured Ben Grimm's thing. I would be like, I don't, this is a- You're not that far from the truth.

Anyway. The shortfall cock hole in comics. No, different part. So, yeah, so there's a psychological block for Ben Grimm to stop being the thing because of Alicia. Yeah. She's kind of like, every time there's like maybe he's turning back into the human Alicia. Yeah. She's kind of like, every time there's like, maybe he's turning back into the human form. Yeah. He's like,

was there a bit of doubt? And like, I can't really see her face, but maybe there's doubt there. So then he become rock. And so he'd become rock again. Okay. And this kind of pulls back while he was like,

you know, a little bit of scaly at the time. You could pull it off, et cetera, et cetera. It's, you know, as he's become more comfortable being the teen.

That's become him normal. He become rock all the way through. Yeah. cetera. It's, you know, as he's become more comfortable being the teen. That's become him normal. He become rock all the way through. Yeah. Okay. And now the second thing, the one that JD will, I'm pretty sure will hate. It might be cockhole. Deadpool chose cockhole. Well, it involves, I guess, someone that you maybe almost, well, definitely vibed with

him and their partner at one point. Neil Gaiman. Oh, the man of Paul Moore. So when Neil Gaiman wrote 1602 or whatever it was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Medieval fantasy X-Men. Marvel. When the Fantastic Four went on a big voyage.

And that's how they got there. Impossible voyage. Impossible voyage. They went to an impossible voyage in the ocean and they got superpowers that way. That sucks. Sea powers versus space powers? No good.

Ben Grimm's still a thing. Sea was kind of the space of the 1602s. Yeah, it was. It was like the frontier. The sea was infinite, mysterious? We didn't know what was going on in space is Don't know what's going on space Don't know what's going on Yeah now we know

That sea's not infinite There is an end to the sea Yeah land Yeah that's true Yeah Yeah yeah And down Down's tricky

Because we still haven't Gone that far down We don't know what's down Haven't we gone Most of the way down We've gone most down But we haven't gone full down Yeah

We could go downer Yeah well Isn't it that we've gone? We've gone most down. But we haven't gone full down. Yeah. We could go downer. Yeah. Well, isn't it that we've gone down? We used to go down heaps. Yeah. But then we've stopped going down because we don't really care what's down there anymore. I thought we can't go down because of the pressure. No, I think there was a guy who went down.

Oh, no. I'm about to remember something. He went down so far and he looked around. He was like, actually, nothing good's done here. No, it was like before World War I or World War II, a guy went down in a bathysphere, which is one of them sinking vehicles, and he went down to the bottom of the sea and he was like, there's a bunch of fucked up fish here.

And then he went back up. I'm fairly certain that with modern technology we can go deeper than a bathysphere, right? Yeah, but I don't think people fund it anymore. Not that much down. Because this guy went into the Mariana Trench or some shit, and we've not gone down since because we don't put funding towards seeing what's down. What has Jimmy Cameron done?

He's just not going that far down. Because didn't he go down and they feel like we got a new crab? There's more down than that. He went down and he was like, that's a new crab. Yeah, yeah, he saw a new crab. Hooray and he was like, that's a new crab. Yeah, he saw a new crab. Hooray. You tell me if you saw a new crab, you wouldn't be fucking over the moon. I'd be stoked.

Although you wouldn't know it's a new crab. You'd be like, oh, wow, a crab's down here. That's like, there's a great, that reminded me, somebody sent a camera to the bottom of the Loch Ness. It's just a toad. A toad? A toad. A toad. No, a toad. A toad? A toad.

A toad. Like frog. I heard frog, but then I thought you said toad. It's just sitting on the bottom. It's so far down. It's like eight big bends deep, and there's just a toad sitting on the floor. Is it dead?

No, it's just chilling at the bottom of Loch Ness. Doesn't a toad need to Oh yeah I think that toad's fucking dead It's chilling for now Until it's little toad brain realizes Oh time for a breath Oh boy

How'd it get so damn A swim Yes Look it up in your little machine Toad at the bottom of Loch Ness It's very funny He's just sitting there And it's funny as well The Swam! Look it up in your little machine! Toad at the bottom of Loch Ness! It's very funny! He's just sitting there.

And it's funny as well, because I probably saw this, because I've, you know, the Loch Ness monster. That'll be on my radar or whatever. But in my head, they were looking for the Loch Ness monster. Being like, There's a little Toad! There it is! He's just a little Toad!

There's a little Toad at the bottom of Loch Ness. He shouldn't be down there. Get out! Start swimming now! Living toad found, yeah, 325 feet deep. He's so far. That's too many feet for a little toad. The toad is fucked.

Anyway, so it's Neil Gaiman in 1602. So it was like, hey, Ben was like, R, Ben was like, Reed, fix me, I'm Rockman. Yeah. And Reed said, the natural sciences say, yes, a cure is possible, but the laws of story would suggest

that no cure can last for very long. Benjamin, for in the end, alas, you are so much more interesting and satisfying as you are. So they made it canon that he's got to stay the thing because it would be boring if he was a guy. So I guess the universe wants Ben Grimm to be the thing. And the thing, Ben Grimm wants to be the thing as well.

So we've kind of got two things against us. We have Ben himself, but we also have the universe, which is a guy. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure of Neil Gaiman saying in a comic book, But we also have the universe, which is a guy. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm not sure of Neil Gaiman saying in a comic book, this is the laws of the comic book universe, so therefore it cannot be changed. Is that similar to Deadpool showing cockhole to cure Ben Grimm?

Yeah, but you just need to see something so awesome. You become a guy again. Yeah, but then apart from the cockle thing, you were saying about like, breaking the, yeah, true. Comic book story. Yeah.

Right on the money, that part. Breaking the fourth wall all the time is really exhausting. It truly is. You can do it sometimes. Ferris Bueller,

hey, stop watching me show you fucking perverts. Go home. Yeah, that's good stuff. That's good. That's it. Ferris Bueller's the only guy who can break the fourth wall. Yes.

So, yeah, we have a couple things going against us. So we know that a cure can be found. Yeah. It's just that we have to go through, I guess, Ben himself. Yeah. And also we have to fight maybe eternity. Well, my first thought is time travel. If I can go and slightly shift the rocket going to space.

Yeah. Him never become Ben Gr slightly shift the rocket going to space, him never become Ben Grimm in the first place. Sure! Mr. Fantastic and the rest of the guys, they don't ever become them. And when Galactus comes, we're fucked. Maybe Wolverine's got it taken

care of. So Ben does this, right? Because he realizes that the cure that he was taking kind of works less and less as he's going on. So he goes back in time to give himself like that cure. So he's like less, you know what I mean? So it's like in the future, this is not as powerful, but in the past it might be. Right now it would be, yeah, yeah.

So he goes back to, so time travel is weirdly on the cards. Yeah, well, I think what you should do here is be like, hey, Ben, switch seats with Johnny. That's true. See how Johnny likes being a rock. Yeah, now we've got hot Ben and rock John. I feel like rock John is going to take it way worse. Yeah.

He seems really concerned about his physical appearance, and if he becomes a rock. Well, Ben Grimm's a bully and a sack of shit prior to. I think only in FanFourStick. Yeah, only in FanFourStick. That was just a very funny choice that they made for that movie. Which is funny because Jamie... What if that ever-loving blue-eyed thing was a cunt? I was going to say it's funny because Jamie Oliver isn't intimidating,

but that's not the actor's name. That's the man from The Kitchen. Would you say Jamie Oliver is intimidating? No. No. I feel like I could beat him up. Although, Jamie Oliver versus Gordon Ramsay in a fight, my money's on Jamie Oliver.

Are you kidding me? You fucking the head. You got rocks for brains? You got bloody Ben Grimm rocks for brains? Jamie Oliver has rat heroin energy. Not saying he's on heroin, just he's got that vibe. But Gordon Ramsay seems like he won. He's got the weight behind a hit.

Yeah. Gordon Ramsay feels like he knows how to throw a punch, but like dirty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jamie Oliver doesn't seem like he knows how to throw a punch. I think Jamie Oliver's standing in a way where- He might shiv me, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might have secret weapons.

He hasn't trimmed his nails. Yeah, yeah. But also I can imagine him, like, he stands like how Spider-Man stands in video games. That's Jamie Oliver. Low to the floor. Kind of like this. Yeah, I can see that. He is bouncier.

Yeah, like Gordon Ramsay, he throws big punches. You can't knock Gordon Ramsay down, though. You knock Gordon Ramsay down, he'll be like one of those clowns. He'll just fling back up. Jamie Oliver, dead on the ground. Alright, though. You knock on Ramsay down, he'll be like one of those clowns. He'll just fling back up. Jamie Oliver dead on the ground. Yeah, okay. Ding, ding.

All right, all right. Gordon Ramsay. Bobo the Clown? Bobo the Clown? Is that what they are? Yeah. What about Aristos from Surprise Chef? I don't know that guy.

Is he the guy that would go up to people in Australian supermarkets and be like, hey, I'm coming to your house to cook you dinner with your groceries. Yes. Okay. That was an awesome show. But yet you forgot Aristos' name. I did. I blanked to me.

That's crazy. You had a little machine in front of you. Aristos. What did you say? Curtis Stone? Curtis Stone? There he is. Look how-

Oh, yeah. He's got such a calming face. He does have a calming face. Curtis Stone, the guy who's on Coles. The guy on the front cover of every magazine. He's got such a calming face He does have a calming face Curtis Stone The guy who's on Coles The guy on the front cover Of every magazine He's on Coles He's on Coles

Anyone could I could kill him in a fight Yeah Curtis Stone He's nothing He distracts you with his handsomeness He's not handsome No he just looks like

Generic guy He's handsome He's handsome Yeah but he's like Got that generic guy handsome I would say he's got generic surfer handsome. Yeah. No, surfers are more interesting looking than-

Show me. Show me Curtis Stone. I'll show you Curtis Stein. And your little machine. I'll get Curtis Stein. He's a handsome boy. He's handsome. And he's also, he's kind of footy, footballer handsome.

I would say rugby handsome. Yeah, he's rugby handsome. Yeah, that's true. He looks like the brother of someone that played football, but then he was never good enough to get into the team, but he still hung out with the footballers, and none of the footballers respect him, and I could take him in a fight easy. That's what he looks like to me.

That little narrative started as a sort of assessment and then became fan fiction. Pretty funny. Okay, so I'll go back in time. Yeah, so go back in time. Huey? He could pick people. Going back in time for Huey? he could pick people. You've gone back in time for Huey?

Right, Huey Hewitson from Huey's Cooking Adventures. Any celebrity chef, he would pick up a bite of their leg and slam them on the ground like they're a club. He'd be doing the Hulk with Loki. Yeah. That's Huey Hewitson, absolutely. Yeah, he'd just pick them up and slam them like a whip. Yeah.

Bottle of wine in the other hand. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Huey. He often copped flack. If you're unfamiliar, look up Huey's cooking adventures. There you go. He's caught up.

Huey often copped flack because he would cook his meat for not long enough and people would be like, your meat's still mooing. Good. That's funny. There was one episode I remember watching where he was just really upset. Well, not upset he just like someone had really come in red hot being like i love your show but every time you cook steak i want to fight you yeah yeah anyway because he's part of that generation like his audience because we i say we'd be a bit younger where they seem to love a well-done steak yeah that is true hey i'd love to eat this steak, but could you wreck it on the stove first?

Could you make it leather? Yeah. I miss this leathery steak. When I chew, I want to chew. I want to be there for a while. I want a steak to take an hour to eat. Do you think the listeners are like, because we did an episode about celebrity chefs once,

and do you think they're like, there's a pocket that if the plumbing boys start, if they fall into a celebrity chef hole, it is a hole. We do get concealed. They're all funny. They are funny. Celebrity chefs are funny.

Every single celebrity chef looks like they could be a video game character. And if there was a fighting game where you could play as all those different celebrity chefs, that would be basically the perfect game. Who's the English chef lady? Nigella Lawson. Nigella Lawson. Nigella in the kitchen. Yeah.

I'm meaning Nigella. Yeah. She also looks the kitchen? Yeah. I'm maining Nigella. She also looks like, yeah, we should make a celebrity chef street fighter game. Get her in, barefoot Contessa. Oh my god. We should make like a roster. Do a fantasy chef fighting game.

Um, okay. Yeah, anyway. Whatever. We'll put a pin in that whatever We'll put a pin in that We'll put a pin in that Circle back to this thing So I'll go back in time Yep Now, how big was the pocket of radiation?

Cosmic gas, whatever Because like, if I knocked the spaceship just a little bit off course Would they miss it? Or was it You could probably just delay it, right? Yeah Yeah, I suppose the cosmic gas is moving through space They're not gonna

I don't want it to clip it So you don't want to hit. You want to give them no powers. No powers. Okay. Nothing. Just guys. Doctor Doom, he's only with them on the ship in the movie.

Yeah. He's really not part of their origin, I think, in this comic. He's just a guy. He hates Reed, but for a different reason. He kind of was like shoehorned in later down the years to be like, I am in Reed. They knew each other. Because both movies do it, don't they? Where they put him in.

Because he's got the same indie movies where he's played by that guy from Nip Tuck. Yeah. Julian McMahon. Yeah. Is he related to Vince? I don't know. Is Vince is he Australian? No. No. They have similar vibes

though. Do they? No. No. They have similar vibes, though. Do they? Yeah. Vince McMahon has his own vibe. He's got pretty unique vibes. He's got some vibes. Have you seen Shane McMahon? I just totally lost the name there. Shane McMahon.

Who is Vince's son. And a different guy. Like, doesn't have any of the problems Okay I reckon him and Julian McMahon Have similar vibes I don't know who either Of these people are

Julian McMahon You know You know Julian McMahon Charmed You've lost me He was in Charmed I'm not part of this You have your little conversation

I'll keep looking around me Because I think I dropped some cards Belfazar or something Oh he wasn't a white lighter No that was another guy Leo you thinking? Yeah I am thinking of Leo Yeah yeah yeah I didn't dropped some cards. Balthazar or something. He wasn't a white lighter? No, that was another guy. Leo, you thinking? Yeah, I'm thinking of Leo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't drop any cards. Okay. What if the Fantastic Four had no powers? Have I fucked anything up? Let's see here. Galactus. Galactus comes, game over. Not just Galactus, but also maybe in the more.

Mole Man. Oh, yeah. Mole Man's their first villain, right? Yeah, first fight they have. I guess New York's being taken over. Mole Man. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, Mole Man's their first villain. Yeah, first fight they have. I guess New York's being taken over by Mole Man. But there's other guys. Oh, not at this time. Hang on, what is their famous,

what's the famous tagline of the Fantastic Four? Fuck. First family. Surely there were other superheroes around. Yeah, you just need to look for America's other family. Let's see. Namor was around but was a baddie. Yeah, Namor was around, but wanted to flood New York.

Yeah, okay. Superman's around, but in a different universe. Okay. You have, I'm misguessing, Banner. Yeah. The Hulk, but he is a Hulk. Really out of, and does it fall to me to solve these problems

I've fixed Ben Grimm they're in space whatever well yeah I mean you fix you fix Ben Grimm in a way where

and then when I see Mole Man coming up just like oh brother someone's out of it's funny because you've time traveled so you know

who Mole Man is it's funny that it seems like I've time traveled but not gone home like I stick time-traveled, but knock on home. I gotta stick around and make sure. Yeah, and then you see a Mole Man and you're like, whew, I'm sure if someone

takes care of this, I'm sure these boys in blue will arrest this Mole Man and everything back to normal. Send Mole Man to jail. Free my guy, Mole Man. Free Mole Man. You have the invaders, I think.

Oh, the human dodge. The first human dodge. The one who killed Hitler. That's canon. If he killed Hitler, he could kill the Mole Man. So that's Captain America. No. It's like the Spirit of 76.

Well, it depends because this was all in World War II. And it depends. Mole Man's come like the spirit of 76? Well, it depends because this was all in World War II and depends on moments come in the 60s, right? So a lot of these guys are either on ice being decommissioned.

Yeah. Or quite elderly. Oh, yeah. I think, unfortunately, the original Human Torch at this point may have committed suicide through a nuclear bomb.

Yeah, I think he has at this point. Okay. The first Human Torch has a truly fascinating history. It really does. Okay. Yeah, I think he has at this point. Okay. First Human Torch has a truly fascinating history. It really does. Okay, well... So yes, you could go back in time and

either move them somehow slightly. Yeah, just shifting it. If they went through the cosmic gas at a different angle, would they get different powers, do you reckon? Well, this is my theory of like, well, what if we just switched Ben and Johnny? Yeah.

And then just make this as Johnny's problem. But what happens if you switch them and it turns out it's what their DNA was and then he's still with me? Well, there is the prevailing theory that the cosmic ray hits their X gene. Yeah. Maybe they were latent mutants. I was sort of reading a little bit about that. That would make sense. Maybe. Or if it's just like something in them that's just like, ah, yes.

The moment the cosmic rays touch you, you're going to become a rock. You're gone. You fire. You stretch. Getting this out early, I think the Fantastic Four will be mutants in the MCU. This is not a show usually dedicated to predictions, but I think that's- Yeah, I can see that. That makes sense.

Good place to try it out. Yeah. Why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chuck it in. Why not see it in six? And you're going to reboot the universe in a couple of years anyway, so if it doesn't stick, who gives a shit?

Then you can listen to the fans and make them space cadets again. Do you think you could do a thing? Could we just make it so that just like only Stretch gets, only Mr. Fantastic gets powers? Can I angle it so they just glance off the cosmic rays? I reckon like you can with enough time machine and I've got heaps of time machine don't you worry so what you're doing here though

because this is what happens with Ben I think how the bullshit time travel works is what you're doing is you're creating a splinter time so that alternate universe sure will only have one guy fantastic one but Ben Grim we know So that alternate universe, sure, will only have one guy. Yeah.

Fantastic one. Fantastic one. Yeah. But Ben Grimm we know will remain Ben Grimm. I think that's what happens when he goes back and gives himself the serum. It's like, sweet. Ah, my past has changed. Nope, that guy's past has changed. Damn it.

Yeah. That's annoying. So even if we go back in time we're making new realities we don't fix Ben you can't go to the past but you can have a now in the past yeah I guess

what? as in so you can't go to the past but your past can have a now? why did you say that as though you were interrogating yourself? Huh? What is that guy talking about? So you can go in the past and change the past,

but you're not changing your past, you're changing someone else's past. You're not changing. And you're having a now time. You're having a now. You can't change your past, but you can change your pasts now. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that makes sense. Sure.

Well, that's very frustrating because that was my whole plan. Time travel was how... Because you get so much working against you. Yeah, and also then you'd have eternity. So, yeah, sure, like the universe itself. And you're trying to push this ship away from the gas. And eternity could just be like... Yeah, that's true.

The fabric of the universe wants Ben Grimm to be rock. To be an ugly fuck. Yeah. Yeah. and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.

What if we got him so we use one of the many cures? Yeah. He becomes man. Yeah. Now we know we get a time limit before he becomes rock. Yes. Universe wants him rock. Yes. What if we get him a rock limit before he becomes Rock. Universe wants him Rock. What if we get him a Rock costume?

Trick the universe. He wear Rock costume. He Rock. Alicia touch him. Ooh, Rock. That's what I want. Great. So he has to wear this costume all the time but you're just like, I got it right. Yeah, we'll make a Rhino

situation where he become like fused with a rock costume exactly that he can't get out of you're a man in there I'm angry clearly before when you were

a man made of rock if you got shot or hit with a gun in the mouth it would hurt I wouldn't hurt now it will hurt it will kill you

yeah so be careful but there's a guy inside the rock as opposed to... What's inside Ben Grimm now? Rocks. All the way down to the middle? I think it would be rock all the way down. Can he breathe underwater?

I don't know. Does he breathe? What's his brain? Rocks? Same as yours. You fucking got me. Yeah, I got my ass. Okay, fair enough. You've had your fun

Yeah, I have It's tricky Because like the only It seems like that literally Everything is up against us To fix Ben Grimm Yeah Yeah, you got like

Look, you got him Which honestly I think Could probably be fixed With therapy And also marriage counselling Yes, yeah, yeah Or like couples therapy To be like

What if we take his Fianceée slash girlfriend and get her new eyes so she can see? Oh, yeah. And then she probably won't hate that he's not Rock because she can see what's going on. And then she'll see that he was struggling as Rock and not just feeling Rock.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. Do you reckon she'll stay with Rock when he, you know? Yeah. She loves him for the man he is. That's true, that's a good idea. Do you reckon she'll stay with Rock when he, you know? Yeah. She loves him for the man he is. That's true, that's true, that's true. His kind-hearted heart and blue eyes. You've pulled up a very upsetting picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think this is, yeah. So I don't know where this is from. Is it a fan-made thing? I don't know, but it's the anatomy of the thing. Show it to us. Yuck. Yeah, let's see here of the thing. Show it to us. Yuck. Yeah.

Let's see here. So he has rock bones. Yeah. Internal eyelids that are fused to the eyeball. His mouth is lined with more rock. He's got a fused rib cage with leather-like epidermis. Yep. Some durable rock.

No word on the nuts situation. Yeah. But that's okay. What if we, you know what's worked? Pulp chamber. Yes. Pulp chamber. Yeah, that could be his nuts.

Who knows? You know what's worked in the past? What? Marrying his wife. That's true. You can marry his wife. You're not a Skrull. You just want to marry his wife.

Oh, no, his wife was a Skrull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I marry his real wife. Yeah. Yeah. While Johnny's marrying his fake wife, you track down real wife and marry her. Yeah. Well, yeah.

I guess you've got to get to a point where maybe Ben Grimm is off doing some superheroing or wherever it is. At least your master's maybe a bit sad. Yeah. Maybe you come in there. Hey, baby, you lonely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rock man in space?

Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling. Like, oh, I can't go to World War II because of my eyes. Everything's, get away with that white feather shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And then, you know, all these single ladies I see. Baby, you lonely? You're a man in space? This man's right here in the bar.

And then, okay. I got rizzed. Oh, yeah, you've got rizzed. Yes. I don't got rizzed. It's rizz Oh yeah you've got rizz Yes He's rizzless He's a rizzless worm Everyone in the bar hates him Yeah what do you want Oh where's your rizzer

Dude you're a rizzless worm What Get out of here Dude I know Yeah you gotta have at least some rizzer To have a drink at this bar of mine. Yeah, I'm surprised that the bouncer didn't look at your ID and say,

oh, sorry, mate, not tonight. Try again never. Okay, well, I can't seduce Alicia because I'm riz-less. Okay, whatever. You can try. Well, I don't think it's going to go very well. Sorry, I have a boyfriend. It's the thing.

He will mush you like peas.. Sorry, I have a boyfriend. It's the thing. He will mush you like peas. Not now. He's in space. Then I run away. Why is he in space? I thought that's where he was at the moment. I'm not going to try what's the thing's name.

That's how we become a persona. Hey, babe, want to dance? The thing turns around. Oh, yeah. Hey, man. Nice night. Yeah. Hey, babe, was I dance? The thing turns around. Oh, yeah, hey, man. Have a good night. Nice night. Hey, babe, was I talking to you?

Just stay out of this one, I reckon. Sorry. Did I mean, hey, babe, the thing. Thing. Thing, do you want to dance? Is this working? Is that maybe we could go the other way around? I love you, the thing, but if you looked like a man, I'd love you more. Well, that's Because yeah

Thing is often pitying himself Yeah Because he's like I wish I was mad Play into those insecurities And then But you know Because Alicia is not

She's being like No babe you're beautiful I love you for who you are Who you are is rock You can be comfortable With who you are You have a great personality The Thing

But I hate how you look Yeah He's gotta be like Oh you know It would be great If you change your appearance Yeah You're gross to me right now Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Thing I bought you some plastic surgery I hate how you look. He's got to be like, oh, you know, it would be great if you change your appearance. You're gross to me right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank my boys in plastic surgery. Yeah, you yuck. And then he becomes a man. We say, job done. Have a nice life. And then we leave. And then he turns back

into the thing. One of us has to stay married to him for a while. It's going to be a long time. Begs not. Yeah, fair. I guess I'm marrying the thing. You knew it was going to be you before Zammett even touched his nose. Yeah, fair. I guess I'm marrying the thing. You knew it was

going to be you before Sam had even touched his nose. Yeah, it's because I couldn't be bothered doing my nose touching thing. I wasn't going to

commit. Married to the thing forever. Yeah, well, I guess if it is psychological, then yeah. But then I guess if it's the universe

and comic book readers always wanted the thing to the thing, I guess that is a that would be a controversial enough storyline that they'd write him out of the series. That's true. A man whom sucks married him after meeting him in the bar on a chance encounter.

Clearly trying to sleep with his wife but panicked. Yeah, I don't think I like reading the thing anymore. I hope they end it I really miss when the Fantastic Four fought bad guys Well, with what is currently happening Or at least in the recent past Has happened to Spider-Man Okay

Where a new character, Paul Who sucks Yeah Right, okay He's basically done the same thing with MJ And everyone hates him. You know, they had kids together. Yeah.

They were figments of someone's imagination. They disappeared. I can do that. They don't do grief or whatever. Anyway, the fandom hate Paul. Yeah. They want Paul to die. The current storyline.

Hi, I love Spider-Man and fuck Paul. Yeah. Currently, Spider-Man, kind of like how Batman got possessed by the Joker. Yeah. Spider-Man kind of like how Batman Got possessed by the Joker Yeah Spider-Man kind of got possessed By the Green Goblin Goblin I see

And now he's the Spider-Man who Goblin Gobbles That's funny Because Spider-Man Spider-Man also had Doc Ock Living in his body for a while

Yeah I think he's back again Anyway It's busy in Spider-Man Yeah I think so Does Doc Ock Does heMan. Does Doc Ock die? Does he die?

Does that result? Doc Ock is like... Or do him and Spider-Man swap brains? Yeah. Doc Ock is like in his dead body or dying body. He's like, Peter, come here. He's like, yes. Gotcha! Switches brains. Or switches like essence. And then Peter's like, oh.

With great power comes great responsibility. And then Doc Ock's like oh with great power comes great responsibility and then Doc Ock's like aha I'm young again and I'm fit and I'm Spider-Man did he know you were Spider-Man when he

swapped with Peter let's say yes yeah okay and then eventually because like some like the cycle residual of Peter's like

come on my body back okay he's like burn off I'd just say no Yeah fair enough Stay Sorry motherfucker

Finders keepers Enjoy Should have tried to comfort a dead man Yeah First mistake Idiot Enjoy that a whole Yeah so

Yes Currently Spider-Man is Yes he's possessed by a goblin Okay And he wants to kill Paul And a lot of the online is like Yeah kill Paul Well how You could do it online is like, yeah, kill Paul.

Well, how do you- You could do it, yeah. Oh, yeah, Ben is with a guy who sucks. No, but then wouldn't people be like, kill that guy who sucks, make him Ben Grimm again? Then the next issue, you die. Well, I don't know. Spike you to nuts. I don't know yet.

I haven't read the storyline yet. Maybe people love Paul now. It's that time of recording. It hasn't come out yet. Maybe Paul goes on to live a great life. Yeah, and maybe in my version of the... And sure, it could go the other way with my version where I'm married with the thing. Yeah, in the next episode I die because a spring in the mattress broke and stabbed me in the nuts.

And everyone knows that nuts have the most amount of blood. And I bleed out because Ben Grimm doesn't know what to do. Yeah, he hasn't had nuts in so long. Yeah, and then he has a tragic backstory about how a guy he loved died through the nuts yeah it could be and then he turns back into the thing and everyone's like that was a weird two-issue run but i'm glad it's over can we make it is there a way to make audiences hate the thing the way the thing looks like like a special poison or something. We're saying we make a second mutation, if you will, where Thing becomes more rocky or something like that.

Or maybe Moss starts growing. What if he becomes too bright and he's too bright to the reader and they want him to be a guy again? Because it's hard to read now. What if we just make it so his rocks grow even more and more and then it looks like he's just got a big dick for a head. Oh, okay. I was going to make him a mountain man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally a mountain. Or his rocks grow into slurs. No. So they can't release the book. That could go either way. Yeah, new audience, I guess. That's funny to imagine.

Instead of, you know, the cops use the punisher logo. To have the things head. Huh. Yeah, new audience, I guess. That's funny to imagine. Instead of, you know, the cops use the punish all over. They have the things ad. Huh. Oh, that's a word. I didn't expect that to happen. I'm just trying to work against reality right now. Reality, i.e. the readers want him to say the thing.

How do we make the readers hate the thing? Well, I think what you need to do is, because the reason why he's the thing is because he's more interesting as a thing. Oh, okay. So you've got to make him turning back into a man more interesting. Yeah. Right? And him staying a man more interesting. More interesting.

So they've done, again, because they just shove a beaker in his mouth and he becomes like a guy and he drops a piano and that was it. They're very funny. Everyone's like, this is very goofus. Ha ha. And I think now he can revert back to being human whoa like the Hulk

once like once a year for one week okay sure but sometimes it's like it works against him

because I think he was like I'm gonna go and do it for when me and Alicia get married so our honeymoon

so we can fuck nice but then he gets maybe knocked out by someone he becomes most of that in a coma

so it's like I think the universe kind of hate him a little bit they're like oh you're a loophole are you? well uh

no no actually you don't get to enjoy it no but I think if you can do it you can try it so that we can

kind of like yeah so Ben needs to do something to sacrifice his rocky exterior in that experiment maybe he needs to do something to sacrifice his rocky exterior in that experiment. Yeah, okay.

Maybe he needs to do something like to save Elise. Yeah, okay. Maybe something like that. So the only way to save her, kind of like with Iron Man making Ultron, encasing the world in robot, he needs to encase her in rocks. I've got a good idea. Oh, okay. It's not quite encasing her in rocks, but it's one that rocks will help with.

All righty. She's in a hot air balloon. I'm listening. The engine's broken, so she's going up. Oh, no. But she's in there by herself. Right. And the thing, he can't quite jump in there, but it is close enough for him to lob rocks into it.

So he starts tearing rocks on his body and throwing them into the hot air balloon. And then it turns out that he actually does still have the same physique as the first The Thing, but it is all just bricks or whatever now. But as he's tearing it off, he is a man underneath. Okay. He's still on the hot air balloon, but it's a huge balloon. So got to keep throwing the rocks. Keep throwing rocks. Keep throwing rocks. And then eventually with the last rock, it sails down to the ground

and she's like, wow. And she touches him and she's like, oh, you're even more handsome when you're a man even though every other time that this has happened you have said basically the opposite that would be so funny you're even more handsome as a man oh oh i uh oh okay um that's good surely well it's like if you get a haircut and someone says you look way better with your new haircut that's not insulting no it's like if you get a haircut and someone says you look way better with your new haircut? That's not insulting. No, it's like if I have this hair and then I shave, I get a new haircut, and somebody says you look better with the old haircut.

No, because he's not a man anymore. He is a man again. Yeah, but he's also kind of the thing, you know? Yeah, I think it would be like you, as you are now, you get a haircut, drastically different. Maybe it's a mohawk or something. I get rid of everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Egghead mode.

You love thinking about being an egghead. Oh, it's so funny. And then it's the funniest thing. And then you think real hard and you push it all out and you have this hair again and everyone's like,

oh, that's so much better. Yes, exactly. And then you're like, but what about when I was Eggman? Were you having a problem with Egghead? Yeah, you looked freaky. You had no eyebrows.

I was scared. I think, see, getting Ben comfortable with either being man, I think that's going to be easy. That's either going to be a lot of therapy, or we know a lot of telepaths. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to boop it into him. I feel like we're not taking my throwing rocks into a hot air balloon basket,

seriously. Well, we need to kind of get Eternity or the Marvel Universe itself on side, and that's going to be the tricky one. Well, I think it's easy, because let's take Dush's rock throwing idea. Yes! The rocks land in there, right? It's a big basket. We can't see what's in there.

The basket lands, tips over, and she's a thing now. Because then the universe has got a thing. That's true. And the universe is happy, and it's a thing now. Because then the universe has got a thing. That's true. And the universe is happy, and it's a thing, whatever. What's it even? She thing? Shing?

Shing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, so the universe has got a thing. Audiences have a thing. And then there's a new thing. It'll be Ben and Shing. Well, there was a lady thing Called Sharon Ventura Sharon it's because they thought of Shing

And they were like well that's not a name Sharon's close Why did she become the thing? I don't know That doesn't make sense Well she's actually yeah it's she thing She's she thing I knew it

But here's the problem actually I'm really clever because because I thought Hulk, She-Hulk, thing. Kids. Yeah. What if we... Kids. Yeah, okay. But what... Because the problem is, you make a She-thing, you make a Shing, you make a King, Kid-thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Sing and a Ding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sun-King-thing. You know what I mean. Daughter-King, yeah. That's not the thing. That's a new character. But what if, when the basket falls out, Alicia just is the thing again? Yeah. Like Ben Grimm. That's not the thing. That's a new character. But what if when the basket falls out, Alicia just is the thing again? Like Ben Grimm. She's like, oh no, the rocks fused to me. And made me Ben Grimm.

I'm the other love of the white thing. And then Ben Grimm's like, well, I'm just Ben Grimm. There's just two of me now. Well, we could. If we involve a little bit of magic here. Yeah, we gotta, we gotta. So in, I believe it was just the precursor to the Heroes Reborn storyline. Okay.

This is the Onslaught storyline. This is when Xavier goes a little bit crazy. Yeah, I just know what to do. He's a cheeky guy. And he's like, what if I just throw it over? I just feel a bit naughty. And so there's a moment where it's like he's wearing this big sort of armor. They burst the armor.

Big psionic energy comes out. Okay. And then they're like, how are we going to hit the shit out of this? We don't know. Thor's like, I got it. I'm going to go in there, suck off all that psionic energy, and then you can just beat the shit out of me until I'm dead. Smart guy.

Smart guy. Thor thinks well. Yeah. and then you can just beat the shit out of me till I'm dead. Smart guy. Four things swell. So he goes in there and everyone's like, great plan, but not enough. We've got to send in more guys. A bunch of mutants are like, well, we can go in there.

We've got to... I think maybe Captain America is like, hang on. Well, Xavier, that was a mutant DNA, ain't going to fucking do much with this. So he's going Gonna make him more powerful You can't go in

But guys can go in Yeah okay And so at this point Hulk and Banner Are two different dudes Sure Hulk goes in So we get to beat the shit out of Hulk

Yeah And then Banner Is the last guy Cause Banner wakes up He's Banner He's not Hulk Yeah yeah He's like

I know what I gotta do I gotta go in the storm So everyone can beat the shit out of me And we get rid of Onslaught And he goes in Okay I know what I've got to do. I've got to go in the storm so everyone can beat the shit out of me and we get rid of Onslaught. And he goes in. It's sort of a similar situation. Yeah. Is that if we can somehow separate the thing from the Ben,

then like some kind of Gollum creature, implant the memories or the mind of Ben into that thing, and then we need them to separate. I don't want that thing golem to think that it is Ben. I need it to think it is Ben, or otherwise it's going to see that Ben is there and realize that it is a golem, which I feel the universe is not going to like. We can't have that.

We can't let it learn what it is. But I'm also concerned about having a rock man think he's Ben Grimm. Yeah, it can't end well. And he's still sad. You've given a rock man. He's so sad about a thing he isn't. We gave a rock depression. But that's a rock, dude.

Yeah, who cares about a rock? Fair enough. We're talking about the feelings of a rock versus the feelings of a man. That's true. Yeah, that's true. If I was like, this can? Yeah. Depressed. Do you care? Yeah. If I was like, this can? Yeah. Depressed.

Do you care? Yeah. I'm confused more than anything. Only this can or me can be depressed at once. You've got to choose. You've got to choose. This isn't hard. I don't know if I want to be the first guy on earth to ever give a can depression.

Fowlers get depression all the time. But a can? What is a can crying going to do? It's not quite just a can. It's like if the can was like, Hey, don't jump. He's talking can. Please don't make me sad.

He's talking can who has my voice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It is a tricky one. It's a more difficult moral question than we're making it out to be. I guess. Yeah.

But I think that's a good... Does it have to think it's Ben Grimm? Well, because if it doesn't think it's Ben Grimm... Can it just be happy to be rocks? I just feel the universe is going to fuck us. Yeah, that's true. Because we want Ben Grimm to be sad. Yeah, I think you've got to put Ben Grimm in a situation that's just as exciting.

The thing can just stay in the Fantastic Four, because then the universe is stoked on that. But then, I don't know, you make a comic series called Ben and Ben, and the other Ben is Ben Kenobi. Where's he going with this? Ben Riley, Spider-Clone.

Ben Kenobi is not what I expected. Ben Kenobi, okay. Well, it was also owned by Marvel. Can you give me issue one? Just like the basic outline of issue one. Okay. Where are we setting this? Because I can imagine Ben Grimm working really well in Tatooine.

Hell's Kitchen. All right. So Ben Kenobi's got the urgh. Yeah. So I was thinking Ben could land on Tatooine. It would make sense. He'd like multidimensional travel. No, Tatooine would suit the Thing too much.

He'd yearn to be the Thing. That's what I mean. It would suit him so well. No, but this is Ben because we've put the Thing is still in the Fantastic Four and doing whatever. He's a rock golem. We've separated them. But then my comic book series Ben and Ben starring Ben Grimm and Ben Kenobi. Setting Hell's Kitchen. So Ben Kenobi. Yeah. Sending Hal's kitchen.

So Ben Kenobi lands his spaceship? Ben Kenobi, maybe. It turns out, though, when he was struck down by Darth Vader's lightsaber, he actually was sent to Earth. He got transported to 616. What's he doing with the other bone? Yeah, why is he in Hal's kitchen? Is Daredevil there? They've decided to open a restaurant a la The Bear.

And they're really stressed. But it's a lot of really good character work about two characters who he didn't know much about. That's true. Ben Grimm. He didn't know much about Ben Grimm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like. So famous brawler and pilot Ben Grimm is opening a restaurant.

Yeah. Okay. With famous hermit teacher. Jedi. Uh-huh. Ben Kenobi. Does Ben Kenobi know what, say, I don't know, pepper is? Yeah.

Why a kitchen? Oh, no, I don't know, pepper is? Why a kitchen? Oh no, Ben Kenobi, he loved that Jetson. Dexter Jester. So at least he knows the idea of cooking. I think that it's also a

front for them to team up and fight. So like the bear, if the bear was the superhero the bear. It's like if the bear was the superhero, the bear. It's like if the bear was actually Daredevil. And instead of lore, it's a kitchen. And then instead of being Daredevil, they're just Ben Grimm and Ben Kenobi fighting crime. Matt Murdock, I understand that you have this really pressing dinner.

Dinner reservation. But do you want to go out and fight some ninjas? Yeah dinner you have to serve. But do you want to go out and fight some ninjas? Versus the conflict of interest of dealing with the criminal universe who's got no other responsibilities. I guess, why do they need...

Hey, here's my question. Why do they need a front? Ben Kenobi doesn't have any money because he's not from this dimension aren't they making money with the restaurant and Ben Grimm

um he he knows that the thing is still the thing because he keeps seeing it on the news and he's worried so he's worried

that he's worried that if their cover is blown he's not on he's not in disguise he just is blown, he's not in disguise. He just needs to, he has to be in disguise. What's his outfit? Also, I was going to say, apart from the brilliance of this,

Hell's Kitchen is quite close to the Baxter building. What if the Gollum thing, he's like, I'm hungry. I might stop eating. Oh, I heard about this. Oh, Ben and Ben. Ben and Ben. What are they serving? Ben and Ben.

What kind of restaurant? I like to imagine Italian. I figure, yeah. Kenobi's in Italian. Is that your name, right? It could be. Oh, it's either Ben and Ben or- Hey, Kenobi's Pizzeria.

You're telling me that doesn't sound great? I can't wait to go to- It does sound good. Kenobi's Meatballs and Pizzeria. You're telling me that doesn't sound great? I can't wait to go to- It does sound good. Kenobi's Meatballs and Pizzeria. Or maybe it's just called Kenobi's Meatballs. Kenobi doesn't need to be a front because Ben's already a front name. Grim and Kenobi's Spaghetti-ria or something? Ben and Ben's?

I really like that you- Uncle Ben's? Uncle Ben's? Every time Spider-Man sees it, he has a little cry? The logo is Uncle Ben getting shot. We ain't Spider-Man. There's too many Bens. Hey, Spider-Man, you want the dead uncle special?

Hey, Spider-Man, I'll fuck you, your dead uncle. What? Aren't you Ben Grimm? I was part of Fantastic Four for a bit. Winking at Spider-Man. Hey, I'm undercover so that the real thing doesn't figure it out. Hey! What do you mean the real thing doesn't figure it out?

You're using your name. This sounds like an awesome comic. Oh, yeah. I'm going to read Ben and Ben when they run Uncle Ben. your name this sounds like an awesome comment oh yeah I'm gonna read Ben and Ben where they run Uncle Ben it's Kenobi's

meatballs okay it's not Uncle Ben okay fair enough Kenobi's meatballs yeah which is a front where they then

fight crime I guess during the day if they're working at a restaurant well yeah they would have to yeah or they do it on like a lunch special Sundays or Well, yeah, they would have to. Yeah. Yeah. Or they do it on

like a lunch special. Sundays. Mondays. I guess they'd have staff. They don't have to work every day. I mean, yeah, do they just run it? As in like,

do they own it? Yeah, they own it. They're like the head chef. Okay. Well, neither of them really are spectacular cooks, are they? Well, I don't know.

Maybe in the comic it's established that yeah, they are. Okay. But yeah, well, fair enough. Okay, okay. You tell me if you found out that Ben Kenobi was actually an exceptional chef. Why in this world does Ben Grimm, the guy, not, it seems like it's a surprise to him

that there's also Ben Grimm. I mean, the thing. Was he not part of that decision? I feel like the way that it would have worked, and maybe this could be the start of the Ben and Ben comic, is that go to bed like normal, but when they wake up, they wake up and he wakes up in a different bed. And he's like, whoa.

Whose bed did he wake up in? A different bed. Are you Freaky Friday-ing? But you're adding a bed. But you're adding. Well, throughout Ben and Ben, the comic, the very successful comic book, it would probably be established that, I don't know, maybe it was an attempt to remove Ben Grimm's humanity from the thing

in a way to destroy the Fantastic Four from the inside. But it didn't work because Ben Grimm and the thing stayed the same. It just created a new Ben Grimm who now runs at a restaurant. Works at a restaurant, not runs at a restaurant. Sometimes it's nice to be silent. See where it goes. And it went to so many places I would never have imagined. I do want to read it, though.

I'm curious to see the story of Ben and Ben. Yeah, maybe you get like a flashback. It's like, hey, I don't know how I got here. And frankly, I'm just happy I'm a guy. So it does not bother me. Do the people of 616, do they have Star Wars? Like the film? I think in canon, traditionally, yes.

Yeah. Okay. Are they going to be like Kenobi or like Ben Ben Kenobi and your name's Ben too And you kinda look like Alec McGuinness Are you Alec McGuinness? No Alec McGuinness died years ago You look a lot like him

So it's Alec McGuinness Ben Kenobi? Yeah Actually no probably Oh yeah no it was Oh but when you do become like a jacket, your ghost can kind of take over. Well, is he a force ghost? No, he's a guy. Oh, I know, because he's in the bed at the end.

So at the end, or does his body go to Earth? His body goes to Earth. That's what happens to a Jedi. Their body doesn't just disappear. It goes to Earth. And their spirit is in there. So what? Yeah, it's like a Jedi. Their body doesn't just disappear. It goes to Earth. And their spirit is in... It's like a projection into the Star Wars.

So sometimes Ben, when he's running Kenobi's, he's just going to sit down and just like... It's called Ben and Ben, but both Ben's are living two lives, but they're only in control of that one life. But everyone thinks it's the same guy. So anytime Ben uses a Force Ghost, he's not controlling that.

He doesn't know what that Ben's saying. So that Force Ghost Ben is not him. When a Jedi dies, you have a husk Jedi that goes to Earth. Well, that's a real Jedi that goes, or maybe, which one's the Golem Jedi? I don't know. Or you have the Ghost Golem. And then the Ghost stays

in Star Wars. Is Yoda in New York? Well, maybe we don't know if it's ever happened before, and the comic can also explore that if Yoda's in New York City. Yeah, yeah. You know sometimes you get those gyarats that eat pizza? That's a Yoda. That's a Yoda. Who do you think raised the Ninja Turtles?

That's a Yoda. That's a Yoda. Oh, spin-off series of Ben and Ben. Yoda raising the Ninja Turtles. That's a Yoda. That's a Yoda. Oh, spin-off series of Ben and Ben. Yoda Raising the Ninja Turtles. Well, because I guess you got the connection with, and you're already in Hell's Kitchen. Yeah. The ooze.

We are. Yeah, okay. All right. And I've created a series that's just as interesting as a Fantastic Four, so the universe won't push back against it. Case closed. Wasn't even hard. Wasn't even hard. Wasn't even hard.

Yeah, dude. You thought it was easy. Just have to make a simple comic book narrative. You had one simple task. Pitch the greatest comic book of all time. Do that without even breaking a sweat. On that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been

Joel. Read Ben and Ben's. The acclaimed. The eyes are winning Ben and Ben's. The acclaimed. The eyes are winning Ben and Ben's. What a comic. I'm thinking it'll be. 12 part maxi series. Well, I was thinking it'll be 48. So it'll be like.

48 issues. 48 issues. Okay. Because I think like. You don't want to do two for like you've got 50. No, 48 because it's like 12. Yeah. It'll be like 8 volumes in the end

Who's doing the art? Chip Sadaki Alright there you go Chip if you're watching, listening We got a pitch for you We got a pitch Chip We got a very good pitch We'll see you next time

Contact me, Chip. My social media should be below this video or in the show notes. Bye. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.