Plumbing the Death Star - Should We Eat Pokemon? Feat. Dave Warneke
Episode Date: February 24, 2019Where we are joined by good friend Dave Warneke to ask the hard hitting question like Should We Eat Pokemon?Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https:...//www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Theme music by the wonderfully talented Benny Davis! You can find all his stuff at his website https://bennydavismusic.com or check out his YouTube https://youtube.com/bennythejukeboxWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.comTwitter: https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: https://twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: https://twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: https://twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Sants Pants Radio, It's sort of like the game show equivalent of being killed for your crimes by a firing squad.
Grab your tickets from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival website
or from our own website, sandspantsradio.com forward slash live.
Also, if you're interested in finding out about everything happening here
at Sandspants HQ, as well as getting the inside scoop on upcoming episodes,
check out the show notes below for how to subscribe to our newsletter,
which has all that plus a whole bunch of articles written by Sandspants people. Also,
if you want something cool to put on your pants, backpack, or hat, then why not head to sandspantsradio.com forward slash merch to pick up an enamel pin of my face, the Sandspants logo,
and a classic catchphrase. There's 10 sets left so hurry hey everyone and welcome to
this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask the important questions like should
we eat pokemon Because a lot of people are saying, can we?
The question is, should we?
Like, ethically?
Yes, ethically, is it alright to munch of Amon?
Well, I would say...
Is that one of the newer ones?
I'm really on the OFA with the first 150.
Probably good to stick.
Look, I'm the kind of guy that for some reason
when a new Pokemon...
I haven't played a Pokemon game for like the last three,
but when a new one comes out,
I'm like, let me see that Pokedex
and see what we're getting for some reason.
Yeah, it's exciting.
I'm not interested.
I don't want to play Pokemon Sun and Moon,
but I want to see what happened to Diglett.
He's got hair now.
Only if you're in Pokemon Hawaii.
Anyway. Pokemon went to Hawaii for a bit Dave
Diglett got hair
Is any of this true?
Yes
I can't tell
Geodude's got a beard now
What?
Hang on look I'll show you
Geo beard
Geodude
So sometimes when you go to
So wait sometimes when Rock snatches
Is it a moss beard?
Pokemon in Hawaii
Is it a moss beard?
No it's iron fillings
he's a rock Pokemon
you fool
I was just wondering
how the beard worked
like if it was like
a man beard
no
or if it was like
looked like say
kind of grass
or is it
I guess
is it just rock
that looks like a beard
no it's iron fillings
that's Doug Trio now
okay well that's just luscious
Doug Trio
that is just luscious Doug Trio looks heaps like Hanson the band yeah Doug Trio now. Okay, well, that's just luscious. Doug Trio looks heaps like Hanson, the band.
Yeah.
Doug Trio's formed a Hanson cover band.
When in Hawaii, Doug Trio gets hair.
Or when grown in Hawaii, I don't know.
And what about Geodude?
Geodude gets a beard.
But what kind of beard?
Because I've got questions now for the-
I'm not sure about this one now.
Your question is, has Geodude become Geo-bro?
Yeah, a little bit.
And then I think, what's the final Geodude?
Gollum?
He's got like a full-on goatee, I think.
Maybe Geodude just has a moustache.
No, Geodude has hair.
Geodude has hair.
Gollum has a goatee.
What kind of hair?
This is what I'm about to show you!
Geodude has become rock electric now.
So his facial hair is kind of like a magnet.
So this is like when Bob Dylan went electric.
Yes, it's exactly like that.
It's exactly like that set that everyone was like,
oh, we hated it, but then everyone was like,
no, we were there and it was sick.
And as you see, Gollum has a beard now.
Gollum being the final evolution.
Okay.
The greatest thing about the introduction of Alola,
Pokemon Hawaii, is Alolan Executor,
which is the massive palm tree. and if you'll remember in the original
150 he's a fat squat shit palm tree and that's because it's naturally alolan so you're actually
getting the everything else version of executor which means everybody who had an executor before
executor a lot like they had it in the latest game, had a sick Pokemon.
It's like owning a polar bear in the desert.
That Pokemon was having an objectively bad life.
That rules.
Okay.
Anyway, I would say, should you eat a Pokemon or Pokemans,
I think it would be a Spectrum.
Okay.
Because there are certain Pokemon that I would be like,
it's fine to eat. Like Mr. Mine. Sorry a spectrum. Okay. Because there are certain Pokemon that I would be like, it's fine to eat.
Like Mr. Mime.
Sorry, Mr. Mime.
Mime, Mime, Mime.
Sorry, Mime.
Mr. Mime's got that little bit of intelligence in his eyes that makes it so much worse. Because he's always doing the sweeping up for Ash or something.
Yeah.
We can teach Mr. Mime simple basic tricks.
Oh, that's so unpleasant.
See, I would say it's a spectrum of like what I can, like what should be, you should eat and what you shouldn't eat. Is it? Mr. Mime, simple, basic tricks. Oh, that's so unpleasant. See, I would say it's a spectrum of, like, what I can,
like, what should be, you should eat,
and what you shouldn't eat.
Is it?
Mr. Mime shouldn't.
Jinx, no.
Does your spectrum go from least looking like a human
to more looking like a human?
I would say intelligence of a human.
I was going to go, yes, but that makes more sense
than what JD said.
Because Lapras, very clever. Yeah, but whatever. He's eating a human. I was going to go yes, but that makes more sense because Lapras
very clever.
That's the equivalent
of whaling, I feel.
People eat whales.
People eat whales.
But they shouldn't. It depends on the culture.
It's fine. Japanese people
invented this thing.
We don't need
whales. Dave on a podcast, we trick him into siding with whaling. invented this thing so let him eat wild we don't need wilds
what about
Dave on a podcast
we trick him into
siding with whaling
this has been a
smear campaign
all along
oh damn you
but here's the thing
because I kind of
agree with you on the
on the humanoid thing
but then I think
I'd very happily
eat a machamp
yeah I'd eat a machamp
but I wouldn't
but I wouldn't eat
like a hit
I've said so many
heinous things
on this podcast
but that seemed like it hurt you the most.
It didn't hurt me.
It confused me the most.
What's the other one?
Hitmonlee?
Hitmonlee.
Hitmonlee.
It barely looks like a person.
I wouldn't eat Hitmonlee
but I would eat Machamp.
Hitmonlee just doesn't look that good.
Basically.
Show you're working for the Machamp.
Machamp's colour is wrong
and the face is more lizard-like than man-like.
It looks like an alligator.
I imagine it would taste kind of like chicken.
Okay, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
Okay, but would you eat Machop, a.k.a. Veal?
Yes!
Absolutely! Machop looks so tender.
I understand that they are all mussels, so therefore...
Mussels are good.
So it's like, yeah, would you eat a Pokemon
and at what evolution would you eat them at?
Is it better to eat a mature Pokemon,
or is it better
hey, just cut it down when it's young
so it hasn't experienced the good stuff?
Pikachu. Okay to eat or not?
No, I like eating a rat.
Wouldn't recommend it. Probably just not that good.
But would you eat a big rat?
See, I'd eat a Raichu more than
I'd eat a Pikachu. What about a Pika?
A Pichu, you mean? Yes.
Yeah, Pichu, look.
Somebody get a photo of a Pichu up and I'll tell you the best cuts.
A Pichu or a Pikachu?
Pichu, Pichu. What about even
smaller? Would you turn a Togepi into
an Eggs Benedict?
Who doesn't look at a Togepi and want to crack it on the
side of a bowl and then
slop a big pink egg into
the middle? Yeah, okay, I'll show you the best cuts.
Okay.
Okay, two ears. Chop them you the best cuts. Okay. This is a picture.
Okay, two ears.
Chop them off.
Yep.
De-feather them.
It's a rat.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Crumb them.
Eat them.
Okay.
Eat the ears.
None of that's good.
That's for all the electricity.
You throw the head out.
Okay.
The little arms and legs.
The arms, it's almost too much bone.
You're not getting enough meat.
Throw the feet out. The tail, you can do the same thing you did with the ears. You's almost too much bone. You're not getting enough meat through.
Feet out.
The tail,
you can do the same thing you did with the ears with your de-feather.
So would you have...
Stop saying de-feather when talking about a rat.
It's so unpleasant.
It could be covered in fur.
The middle ball.
It's covered in fur.
The middle ball.
I do.
The middle ball.
You get a slice open,
get the guts out,
get the bones out,
sew back up,
de-feather,
deep fry.
That's how you eat a peach. For the listeners out there, by the guts out, get the bones out, so back up, de-feather, deep fry. That's how you eat a Pichu.
For the listeners out there, by
that little ball, you mean its
torso. It's belly.
Pichu's like this big.
It's like the size of a...
It turns its ears into like Parmesan.
It's kind of what I was imagining.
You get like a de-scaling...
You wouldn't eat a Pikachu, but you'd eat a Pichu.
Pikachu looks too much like an actual rat.
Yeah, but you'd eat a Raichu, though, which looks like a fancy rat.
And I'd eat a rat.
What about, hang on, a Rattata?
Yes.
No, maybe not a Rattata.
Definitely not a Rattata.
That thing looks foul.
They look like they've got diseases.
Yeah, they look sick. They're really diseased.
Look, okay, we need to, because Jackson's just going to agree to eat all 151
Pokemon
Except Pikachu for some reason
Looks too much like a rat
But a rat is fine
You've got the uncanny valley
Of a rat
It makes me uncomfortable
Probably wouldn't eat a Gyarados looks poisonous
But what about Magikarp
Yes obviously
This is under your preference of eating Probably wouldn't eat a Gyarados. It looks poisonous. But what about Magikarp? Yes, obviously.
Okay, well, this is just... This is under your preference of eating.
This isn't asking, should we ethically eat them.
This is you just going through them all
and saying, de-feather and crumb.
Every Pokemon.
De-feather, crumb.
Get a Bulbasaur, slice the feathers off, crumb that shit.
JT, de-feather and crumb.
De-feather, crumb and repeat.
I have the worst recipe in the entire Pokemon universe
because it's 150 pages long,
but it's the same recipe again and again and again.
Well, here's the thing.
Yes.
Some Pokemon have human-level intelligence.
I don't think that this is the thing.
Knowing what you've been saying this episode,
you've been like, so here's the thing.
Doesn't make me feel like this is going to be reasonable.
Well, there are some...
I wouldn't eat a Mew.
Alright, okay.
Actually, Jackson.
Just quickly, watch how easy you'll back up on this.
You know there's only one Mew, right?
Oh, man.
If you eat a Mew, you're the only person who can eat that.
And no one knows.
So, would you eat a Mew?
Yes, but not a Mew 2.
There's only one of those, too.
I might get sick from Mewtwo.
That's basically lab-bred meat.
Oh, I do love lab-bred meat.
Yeah, I think I can be very easily convinced to eat any Pokemon.
Okay, how about, you're talking about if some are too clever to eat.
Would you eat Team Rocket's Meowth?
Who could tell you, please don't eat me.
As you're attacking him with a knife,
stop, please, please stop.
I don't deserve to die, please. Come on.
Kill Pikachu.
Meowth, that's right. Oh no, we're blasting
off again. In a chef hat
and an apron. Kind of
rising up behind the Meowth,
licking my lips with a knife and fork.
You're basically like fucking Jerry
in every single Tom and Jerry episode.
Get a chisel, chisel that big coin
off the front of the meow.
I see if it's attached to a bone
in the skull, but it's such a good
trophy.
You're not wrong, but I feel you could
pave things with that.
It's valuable.
Probably. I'll put it in a lockbox.
Anyway, how about we just go through
because it's 150, but they're all
in groups of three generally. Yeah, sure.
And some are more, so we'll just go
through a couple of them and see where we get.
Talk about whether or not you should.
I think it's more that we're
going to hit something that
vegetarianism is going to be...
So veganism obviously stays pretty much exactly the same.
Being a vegetarian, though, in the Pokemon universe will make things a bit trickier.
Yes.
Oh, so you're saying, are you still a vegetarian if you eat vile plume?
Yeah, yeah.
If you grab a bell sprout by the stem and bite its entire head off.
I'm more thinking like a metapod.
Metapod is fine. You're in the forest. thinking like a metapod. Metapod is fine.
You're in the forest.
You see a metapod hanging from a tree.
You pick up a rock.
I'll get at the metapod.
Metapod falls down with a oof.
I have to assume.
As a general rule of thumb, there's a vegetarian.
It's like, if it has a face, no.
What if it just has eyes?
Kakuna or something.
Kakuna's barely...
Anyway, let's go through.
I just wanted to say, in its defense, eyes. Kakuna or something. Kakuna's barely... Anyway, let's go through.
I just wanted to say,
in his defense, Metapod would defend itself by hardening.
Break your teeth.
Oh no, he used harden.
You fools.
That's why you're going through the eyeball.
Pull the eye out, suck the juice.
It's a snack snack Keeps you going
Alright
Bulbasaur, Ivysaur and Venusaur
Venusaur is the size of like a fucking elephant
Yeah so
Feed a family
I feel like it would be wrong to
I think a Bulbasaur
Yes
The other two
Maybe not
Because they're just too big
Well Ivysaur's
Is Ivysaur like the size of a horse?
You could breed them like how we do cow.
I don't know, Jackson.
All right.
You look around the room like you're like, you know.
The size of a small horse.
I've gone back on everything I just said.
Yes, because basically they're like cow with free roughage.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't think there's anything wrong with eating a bulb of salt.
It's meat and salad, the animal.
Yeah.
It's a side dish.
Yeah, exactly.
And they look like lumbering idiots with no intelligence.
How great would it be?
You know, you sometimes see on YouTube those videos of someone who's like an incredibly good cook.
Yes.
And they're like, maybe they're like a street cook or something.
And they do like real impressive things.
Like seeing someone chop off that Bulbasaur bulb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Flip it on like the side of their cleaver.
Flip that onto a frying pan.
Chop the Bulbasaur.
Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Making me hungry this episode.
It shouldn't be.
It's making me consider becoming vegetarian.
Like, maybe this is the push I needed.
Yeah, because you're kind of like, wow.
Yeah, yeah, it's all right.
Animals do have feelings.
Pokemon has taught me that.
What about Charmander?
So Charmander, I feel you shouldn't eat a dragon.
Is there something in my, like, I don't know, my lizard brain where I'm like, I shouldn't. Years of evolution have taught you don't eat a dragon. Is there something in my lizard brain where I'm like,
I shouldn't. Years of evolution
have taught you don't eat dragon.
Well, I think that's also another important
point with this, apart from my vegetarianism
statement. I feel like
there would be, if the 151
Pokemon existed, I can only probably
about 20 would be safe to eat.
The rest would be like, a fire
lizard. If you eat it, it'll either taste terrible
or will burn you.
If we live in our world,
we can get a fish that if you prepare it wrong
just kills you.
We'll find ways to cook the fuck out of
these animals. Charmander, you'd
have to do this weird thing where you get whatever
makes it hot out of the body.
All you'd have to do is, it'd be kind of like sashimi.
You'd have it raw because the
Charmander would cook itself.
You're right. The internal hate of the Charmander.
You gotta think about humanity's
ingenuity. What is that word
I can't even pronounce right now?
That's the one of eating things.
Fucking look at the sea cucumber,
Dusha. Look at the sea
cucumber. You know what we fucking did
with that? There was like a whole trade was built around the sea cucumber. You know what we fucking did with that?
There was like a whole trade was built around the sea cucumber.
And it fucking rose. It jellied up soups.
If it exists, we'll fucking eat it.
Yeah.
Bulbasaur, I think we can only eat when it's a baby because it's very poisonous when it's an adult.
Yeah.
You could try, but it'd be like Fugu.
Like, it's probably not that good.
That's what I mean.
We would try.
Yeah, but I see where douche is coming from.
I think there's going to be some Pokemon we eat more than others.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
Things like, okay, Magikarp.
Well, it's kind of like currently a cow versus, I don't know, a horse.
Yeah.
I like a lot of cow.
I like to say that part.
Cow versus horse.
That is good.
Horse is more to lose.
Horse is more to lose.
Cow, I think, would be shocked at first,
but then once it realized what was going on,
it might be into it.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I reckon a cow could withstand a horse's kick, right?
I don't know if a horse could withstand a cow's headbutt.
Do you think about
that same logic? You'd eat
more Taurus than you would Ponyta.
Yes. Well, also Ponyta's on fire.
Yeah. Do you reckon
if you put at... If it dies, for example,
a Charmander or Charmeleon, does the
tail go out? Yeah, well, that's part of a Charmander
dying. Yeah. The tail does go out when it dies.
So, in the
Pokemon world, do they ever die or do they
ever just get down to zero HP and
pass out? They die. I'm sure if I
behead a Charmander.
No, it's just on zero. You give it a small potion
and it comes back to life.
Dave, do you need to use a revive to bring like a beheaded
Pokemon?
No, in the games
there is dead Pokemon.
Yeah, well, there's a Pokemon cemetery, isn't there?
There are ghosts of Pokemon, which are they themselves Pokemon.
Yeah, so I've never actually thought about that.
Is Haunter an old...
I don't know.
Haunter is probably a charm end of the...
Suck in a Haunter.
Like a gas.
Freeze it in.
I wonder what would quickly become an illegal drug.
It's like an oxygen bar.
It's basically just a Nang.
You're out, you're on the street, someone's like,
hey, I got a Haunter in this paper bag, you want to half it with me?
Oh, I want it.
So ethically, should we eat Charmander?
Charmander and Charmander's evolutionary line.
Ethically, I think there's nothing wrong with it.
I think it's like eating a dog.
See, I would say Squirtle is more like eating a dog.
I would say that all three starter Pokemon are equal to eating a dog
Yeah I kind of get that
Blastoise you probably wouldn't eat
Look starter Pokemon I sort of agree with Doucher actually
They're kind of like pets
They're like your domestic
Yeah if you eat one that's strange
But Caterpie next in the line
Suck that mother down
You get the three starter Pokemon
Imagine if the game was Professor Oak
Which three of these Pokemon would you like to eat?
Gary chose to eat Charmander.
Okay, I don't know why Gary...
If I had to eat one of the three, it would be Bulbasaur, but...
Oh, yeah, 100%.
Squirtle meat looks nice.
No, I don't like seafood that much.
I imagine Squirtle kind of tastes like shark or something.
Probably turtle.
And they are tasty, something. Probably turtle. Like, probably like turtle.
And they are tasty, apparently.
Good point.
Squirtle, speaking of trophies, you get that shell.
So maybe I go Squirtle.
And Blastoise, you get guns.
True.
All right, so the whole Caterpie, Metapod.
You probably wouldn't eat a Butterfree.
Just because we don't eat that many butterflies.
Yeah.
But I have seen an episode of, what's his name?
Bear Grylls.
Yeah.
Where he gets a bunch of insects and squishes them together to make like a bug protein thing
and just pops that in his mouth.
Oh, okay.
But again, Butterfree coated in poison.
Yeah.
It's a poison style Pokemon.
But how big is a Butterfree?
Huge.
As big as a car, yeah?
Yeah, it's big.
Not that big.
Maybe not as big as a car.
I don't think in the game you can teach it fly, that you can fly.
Because I always thought that.
I remember training one up and I was like, hell yeah,
Butterfree's going to fly me around.
And then you try and teach it fly and it's like,
he's not big enough for that.
You can't climb on his back.
Grab him around the waist.
Fly!
Oh, boy.
So he's like a big moth.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bigger than any type of butterfly that exists in our world.
And again, I know that he's probably poisoned,
but that's not the question.
If can we, should we?
Yeah.
Well, if you're a bad person, then yes.
Because you will die.
I think...
Wow.
Dave loves whaling and the death penalty.
Brave of you to come on Plumbing the Dust and make these claims.
Death penalty for anyone who doesn't like whaling.
So yeah, catapult, easy.
You can probably slurp that up,
make a nice paste out of that.
Yeah, catapult I imagine would be delicious.
You slice it up with a knife down the belly,
pull off the antlers, snap them in two,
put them in your back pocket.
Defeather it.
Hang on, wait, back up.
What are you doing with the antlers? Snap it, put it in your back pocket. Defeather it. Hang on, wait, back up. What are you doing with the antlers?
Snap it, put it in your back pocket.
It's like a wishbone.
Chop off that little tail bulb because I don't know what it is.
Or maybe you chop it off, split it open, and there's like a good meat in there.
Then you slice it open, get out all the guts, cook it on the grill.
Okay, quick, follow up.
Just, again, just, look, I know that I'm being like a negative Nancy this episode.
What have you known a bug to have, in your quotes, good meat in it?
Some bugs got meat inside.
Good meat.
Crickets?
Good meat.
Witchy grubs.
They apparently taste like peanut butter.
Yeah.
Full of good meat.
You're saying bugs don't have meat?
No, I'm saying bugs have meat, but I would never be like, oh, sweet, a bug.
Pick it up and be like, oh, this is where the good meat is.
Yeah, bugs have got different bits to them.
Hey, she never ate a bug.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's move on. Why don't I say you eat
more bugs if you love them so much? Because I don't know where to get
them. That's dumb.
You're an idiot. I think
Weedle is the same kind of concept.
Maybe eat a Weedle. I probably
wouldn't eat a Weedle. I might
eat a cocoon.
Should we?
Should we?
This isn't about personal preferences.
But I'm just loving imagining chopping them all up in different ways.
Imagine you get a cocoon around your chopping board and you get a big, nice, sharp knife.
And then instead of you pop the eyes out first, obviously, throw them out.
That's waste meat.
And then you just...
You chop down the line and these knives spin and cut.
See, I would get a big knife and go straight down the middle, crack it open.
Well, you guys could do that like a seafood, like a crab or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine there's like a lot of, like, yeah,
like a seafood, like, kind of like a... It's weird that I won't eat a
beetle, I won't eat a beedrill, we'll eat the guts
of a cocoon, which is kind of both.
It's just a liquid beedrill.
Yeah. Again, a lot of these things,
ethically, no problems with, because
again, a lot of them are just insects and
mammals. Yeah, so far, yeah. Does beedrill produce honey?
That's a great question,
because I was wondering if does the inside of a cocoon
taste a bit like honey?
I don't know.
Oh, you're imagining honeycomb on the inside.
Yeah.
No, because isn't it a wasp, not a bee?
It is a wasp.
Yeah, okay.
And there is a bee Pokemon called Huncombe or something.
Eat that.
Let's flip that shit up.
All the pidgeys.
Yeah, eat them, whatever.
It's like a pigeon.
It's like a pigeon.
Yeah, which we eat on a daily basis.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Everybody eats pigeon, you know.
My cousin had, like, a friend who-
I don't like that this is a real story.
Who basically would just, like, catch pigeons
and that would land near their house.
After maybe, like, six to eight months,
no more pigeons.
Yeah.
Also, pigeons are full of disease.
Did your cousin get very sick?
No, he was fine.
Was he full?
Yeah, he was pretty happy with himself.
That's intense.
Again, like a lot of diseases, if you cook it enough, it'll be fine.
Yeah.
No.
No.
Yeah.
Tower.
If you have diseased meat, you're like, I'll just make it very hot.
I'll be good. Yeah.
No. No.
I'm so glad you're learning it
now and not when it's too late.
Alright, you rats.
I'm not eating the rats. I'll eat ratata.
I just want to eat ratacate.
It does not look good. Again, ethically.
Ethically.
Ethically.
If you're in a
small town that doesn't have many, say, delicious
pidgeys, but you have a
lot of eradicates, maybe all the meat you have access
to is eradicate. Yeah, that's fine. Eat eradicate.
I don't care.
Go ahead. Spiro, Firo, Ekans...
Probably don't eat... Well, snakes, not terrible.
A lot of these things just... Ethically,
eat a snake. All these ones, currently,
I would have no problem munching on. Absolutely. A lot of these things just... Ethically, eat a snake. All these ones, currently, I would have no problem munching on.
Absolutely.
A vegetarian.
In the world of Pokemon, and if I was eating meat.
As a vegetarian, no.
None of these.
151 no's.
End of episode.
I hope that was entertaining, everybody.
Just double checking.
Oddish?
And on that note, yes.
Oddish?
Oddish. Just a weed. Wellish? Oddish? Oddish.
Just a weed.
Well, we'll get to it.
Keep going down
and we'll just go through these real quick
because Pikachu, yes, that's fine, that's fine.
Sandshrew, Slash.
I think, no, because look,
I just want to go back to...
Sandshrew looks like it would be in danger.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, well...
In danger because this fucking idiot
keeps eating them all.
You crack its back open first.
Got to get that hard shell off.
Then you de-feather it.
You de-feather the shit out of its front.
Break its arms off, put them in your back pocket.
A sand shrew, I reckon, would be a good roast.
Yeah, absolutely.
Spit roast, that thing.
Sand slashed, though, a bit too tough.
Yeah, you're not eating it.
Plus, hardly any meat.
It's all lean.
The Nidoran...
They just look like poisonous rats.
I'm good.
I don't know.
They look like they have a form of intelligence.
But Jackson.
Yeah?
Should you?
Yeah, should.
Probably not the Nidor Queen and the Nidor King.
Do we agree?
What, because you respect royalty?
Just seems wrong.
Who?
My lady. My lord. What's her son doing? respect royalty? Just seems wrong. Oh, milady.
Milord.
I apologize for eating your children,
milord.
They were just so delicious.
Jackson, don't go after them.
Oh no, you ate the royal prince
and princess.
See, I think I kind of
agree with you, because I think
Nidorina, that looks like it has a level of intelligence
As opposed to Nidorina
Well, they're becoming bipedal
Which is exactly what we talked about
Where we're like, all of a sudden I'm uncomfortable with it
Yeah, I think you're right
The moment they start walking on their iron legs
It becomes a little stressful
It becomes a little stressful
So I would say ethically
You can eat a Nidoran
Or a
Nidorina But you can't eat a queen or a Nidorina. Nidorina, but you can't eat a queen
or a Nidoking. I think a Nidorina you
shouldn't. Well,
we'll agree to disagree.
Ah, here we go. Now we're
talking. Now we're talking. Clefairy.
Ethical questions. Definitely.
In the pan.
In the pan. Don't even need to defather it.
They are very annoying.
They seem like they would taste a little like sweet meat.
Not like the sweet meats, but like actually sweet meat.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Like, I don't think they would actually be nice enough to eat.
No, it'd be kind of like if you get steak and you dip it in, like, say, 100,000.
Yeah, yeah.
Gross.
Yeah.
And also-
Not pleasant.
Aren't they from the moon?
Yes. Yeah. So I feel like we pleasant Aren't they from the moon? Yes
So I feel like we shouldn't eat anything from the moon
Although, they're from the moon
And that feels like we're giving it to the moon a bit
Like, fuck you, we're better
I guess
I just think don't eat anything from the moon
Does that mean they don't need oxygen?
I don't know
Do any Pokemon need oxygen?
Yes, but do Pokemon have lungs?
Can you drown Clefairy?
Okay, so get a big bowl of hot water, put that Clefairy in,
let it kind of like, you know, dunk its head a bit.
Has the double benefit of de-feathering it.
Exactly.
And then just pop it in your mouth like a fucking popcorn.
How big are these?
About the size of a toddler.
Bold eating maneuvers, Hammond.
Finger underneath the bottom
of the cloveri
you're just fingering it
and putting your mouth over its head
you can't eat a cloveri that way
but I feel like boiling it gives it the consistency
of a dumpling for some reason
yum!
oh my god that sounds good
it would look like a dumpling
a dumpling with a face
ethically I don't know because they could look maybe like a magical fairy creature.
And maybe we shouldn't eat fae.
Here is my issue with eating a Clefairy.
Is that I believe once you get rid of the feathers, it will look like a fat child.
And I just don't think we can bring ourselves
to eat this fat little boy.
I'm with you.
I'm against it.
Dave, thoughts on eating a fat little boy?
Well, I mean...
If we're here.
If it's given the consistency of a dog.
If it's given the consistency of a whale.
I'm going to double down.
What about the Volpex
Ninetales?
Clefairy probably not
It's like a little boy
I don't want any part of that near me
Volpex
We just don't eat fox
I don't think we would
And Ninetales, that looks like a majestic creature
That you probably shouldn't kill That's a luscious creature would. And Ninetales, that looks like a majestic creature that you just probably shouldn't kill.
You probably shouldn't kill it.
That's a luscious creature.
You kill a Ninetales and yeah,
like even if ethically there's no problem with it,
on social media they'll tear you apart.
You'll be like that dentist that killed a lion.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
Ninetales looks like the type of animal
that poachers would just be like,
hell yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, no.
Not eating it.
Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff will sing you to sleep. I feel like, hell yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, no. Not eating it. Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff will sing you to sleep.
I feel like we shouldn't eat things that sing.
But we do eat birds.
Yeah.
It's great to imagine us all on a Pokemon adventure
and I'm like, I'll make breakfast in the morning.
But then we wake up and there's a Jigglypuff singing
in my face in the skillet.
Wake up and it's just drawn on your face
with a permanent marker
Jackson I think that Jigglypuff pranked you
Jigglypuff has a level of intelligence
But we shouldn't eat it
Plus it knows what a microphone is
Yeah that's true
Yeah again could also
Actually no if you cooked it
It would look like a big egg
That's alright
You de-feather it, cut off its ears,
bread and crumb them, cut off the legs,
get the bone out the middle, you've got a nice
you kind of like fillet them a little bit.
Obviously you've got to get the tough skin
off though.
That tough jigglypuff leathery skin.
Jigglypuff in Smash Bros can get
real thin, like a
Kirby, which makes you think that there's not a lot
going on inside.
All right, then alternate cooking method.
Defeather, obviously.
Pop out the eyes, pop out the teeth.
Okay, then you just get a big needle and you pierce it.
It pops.
At that point, all the air and the bad gas is out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alternatively, you get, like, another Pokemon.
You want to get that bad gas out.
And you put that in the Jigglypuff.
Oh, stuff it.
And then you pop the Jigglypuff, and it kind of, like, goes into the... Kill, like, ten Oddishas. Yeah. Stuff them in the Jigglypuff. Oh, stuff it. And you pop the Jigglypuff and it kind of like goes into the-
Kill like 10 Oddishers.
Stuff them in the Jigglypuff.
Roast that shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You pop the puff and then that kind of like encases the Oddishers.
I'm so hungry.
However, I still would say ethically not great eating a Jigglypuff.
If it sings, I get it.
It's pretty close to eating the guy again.
Or again, perhaps a fat little child.
Yeah.
Wigglytuff.
Does Wigglytuff sing?
I don't know.
Yes.
Wigglytuff.
Just like that.
Wigglytuff.
Wigglytuff, also, same thing.
Looks like a boy.
Yeah.
So, look, I would say probably shouldn't.
All right, that's fair.
Probably shouldn't.
Zubat.
Golbat.
Golbat has hardly any meat.
Golbat might eat you.
It's weird to have a creature that's all whole.
Where are the guts?
Holding a Golbat open and then turning it inside out.
What the fuck?
It's the same on the inside.
What is this creature?
What is going on?
I think I'd let it go but eat me just to see what happens
Where would you go?
What do Pokemon eat?
Poke
Well in the games you either feed them puffins
Or puffins which are like little cakes
Berries
Or pokeblocks
Or rare candies
Or milk Or stones And you don't feed them the stone They're like little cakes, berries, or poker blocks. Or rare candies. Or rare candies.
Or milk.
Or stones.
And you don't feed them the stone.
You just smack them on the head with it, right?
How do you...
Because you use up the stone, yeah?
I assume they ate them.
No, they don't eat them.
They hold it and the power comes out of them, basically.
And then you just get a bad rock.
So what if I forced it down, say, Pikachu's throat?
You would get a sick Pikachu.
You would get...
I mean a Raichu, but a sick Raichu.
A Raichu with intestinal blocking.
Yeah.
It might die mid-evolution.
What?
What would it look like?
Oh my God.
It would just look like a dead Pikachu.
Sounds like the kind of experiment that Professor Oak is secretly doing.
He's just making Pikachu swallow a rock.
Will this work?
Just rescue them from a horrible death.
Tell me if you had a Pokemon,
like you had your Pokemon and you got any rock,
you wouldn't be slamming it in the head of all your Pokemon and seeing it.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
What if my Pikachu will evolve with a leaf stone?
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe it's good.
I don't know the rules.
I reckon, Golbat, you could eat it. But ethically, it's fine. But you just wouldn't. You it's good. I don't know the rules. I reckon gold bat, you could eat it.
But ethically it's fine.
It's probably just not happening.
But ethically, if you were stuck in a cave
and you were hungry, you could eat it.
No one's going to judge you.
People would be like, gross.
That's the only judgment you're getting is gross.
But I think some cultures do eat bats.
Yeah, true. There's nothing wrong with eating a zebra.
And I just think, gross, but good on them.
I still am trying to figure out where the hole goes.
Do they have an anus?
Could it be something where you could stuff a lot of other Pokemon in it?
It's a bowl!
It's basically a pocket.
It's a bowl hole.
It's a bowl hole.
All right.
The Oddish.
Oddish is eaten everywhere
Surely
Oddish is a garnish
Tell me
Tell me that doesn't taste like chives
Yes
You would eat Oddish
But would you eat
It's drunk older sister gloom
Look at that thing
That is drunk off it's face
Absolutely
Yeah it's drooling as well
That
Whatever that white drool is
Is definitely poisonous
Yes
Definitely like
Crazy poisonous
Like you have a tiny bit
And you're vomiting up your guts.
Again, it's one of those things where you could kind of like grab a little bit
and maybe you lick it and then you're having a wonderful high.
Yeah, I get that more with vileplume.
Vileplume, oh no, actually vileplume looks a bit like that carnivorous plant.
Oh, yeah.
I just don't think you would touch anything other than the bulb.
Vileplume looks like someone who's gone to the races and they're
fascinated that their hat they've ordered is
just a lot bigger than they expected.
But they're just like, well, I gotta wear something.
I gotta have some kind of fascinator on.
So yeah, I reckon these are basically
edible. They're basically like mushrooms.
They're kind of like a fungi.
Probably don't eat Vileplume, but looking at
Gloom's head,
I kind of imagine it tasting a bit like caramelized onion.
So I would imagine them a bit more nutty.
But would you eat these, Zaman?
As a vegetarian?
As a vegetarian.
No, again, they have a face.
But they're a plant.
And they have sentience.
Yeah, Oddish, I mean, it's essentially a blueberry with cabbage on its head.
Exactly.
Which sounds delicious.
Blueberry and cabbage.
What a gob. I just was looking at
photos of Golbat side on. I'm no
close to discovering the truth.
So if you cut open an Oddish, would it
look like a radish? Or would there be
meat inside? I hope it looks like a radish.
That's cute.
Because again, it kind of
comes like, what is a vegetable in
this universe and what isn't
Oddish is pure grass
From memory
Type wise
Maybe
Yeah but there's no
Meat type Pokemon
That's true
We don't look at a cow
And like
Ah yes
A meat type animal
But like
Because a cow
Would probably be
Grass type
Or normal
Yeah that's true
Grass normal
Cross yeah
So again
It depends
Again
How does Oddish breed?
How does Oddish kind of live its life?
Does it have roots? Does it kind of have feelings?
Can it feel pain? Can I
pitch you a scenario, Zama? Yes. You're trimming
your lawn. You got your lawn mower.
You're like,
you hear a little,
you turn around and you see like ten Oddish's
with no grass on top of their
head, who had buried themselves.
And they're just clutching at where the plant was looking up at you in fury.
Are they bleeding?
Yeah, a little bit at the top.
You gotta eat them.
You gotta take them inside and be like, Jackson, cook these.
You don't gotta eat them.
Why do you think Diglett suddenly wore a wig?
Someone ran it over and was really embarrassed
and had to cover it up
You've got to let people know I'm here
Actually, Diglett, what does that taste like?
We'll get to Diglett, don't worry
Paris and Parasect
Just bugs
They're bugs and a lobster
Yeah, they're like crabby
Which is another one, actually
Would you eat a lobster with a parasite in it?
Well, Paris and...
Should.
Ethically, should you?
What's the name of Paris' evolution?
Parasect.
Oh, Parasect.
Parasect is a dead Paris that has been consumed by a fungi,
so it's definitely poison.
Yeah, absolutely.
I feel if you ate it, it would be bad.
Yeah, it's the equivalent of eating something that's full of...
Mold.
Tapeworm.
Maggots.
I'd still try.
It might control you.
You know how in the Pokemon game
the best Pokemon
is level 100? Yeah.
Do you think all of these
Pokemon, somewhere in the world, someone's trained
to parasect to level 100?
Surely not. I mean, why
would you?
If you're best Pokemon, you're at like
the Elite Four and you're just, go
Parasect! What I like about that is
that Parasect is a dead pharaoh, so you're
not really training the Parasect, you're
training the fungus.
It would be like a meaty mushroom.
Yeah, it might be good. One of the last times
I played through Pokemon, I purposely made my party real dumb.
I had a really strong Pokemon that no one ever used,
and it didn't go well for me because there's just bad Pokemon.
I think Parasect would probably fall into that category.
It doesn't matter how...
One of those ones where you're like,
has anyone ever really cared about a Parasect?
No, Parasect is no one's favorite Pokemon.
Like a Venonat.
Leave Venonat alone. It's also next in the list. Like a Venonat. Leave Venonat alone.
It's also next in the list.
I love Venonat.
He's got a dumb little head.
You could eat a Parasect, and I think ethically, no problem.
Yeah, I mean, a mushroom burger.
I mean, again, it's like the Zubat.
It's already dead.
It's already dead.
It's gross that you're eating a parasite crab.
Well, you wouldn't eat the crab part, I reckon.
You'd only eat the little, like, the fungus bit.
That's true.
Like a mushroom.
You'd eat the part that ate the paras.
Yeah.
Venonat would taste like grass spaghetti.
Yeah.
No, you're thinking of Tangler.
Oh, no, I'm thinking of Tangler.
Venonat, though, bipedal.
Yeah.
No, but is it?
Barely.
Venonat's a matter of de-feathering Snapping off its antenna Digging out its eyes
With a spoon
Cracking open its mandibles
Shaving it down
Yeah
Shaving
Exactly
Imagine you shave down
A Venonat
And it's just nothing
Like little blowtorches
And like kind of like
Getting all the feathers you miss
Yeah
Yum
I wouldn't
It tastes like bog
Yeah
It's probably not eaten
But again
Nothing wrong ethically
Same with Venomoth
Yeah
Anyway
Here's a quick word from our sponsors.
Also, this Melbourne International Comedy Festival,
I'm hosting a nasty game show called Big Deal.
And if you don't come see it, I'll hold my breath until I pass out.
Grab your tickets from sanspantsradio.com forward slash live.
Diglett.
Okay.
Here we go.
Which now looks weird without a wig.
Looking at it and it doesn't have hair.
Yeah, you're right.
You're realizing for the first time that Diglett's bald.
And like born bald.
Yeah, you're like, wow.
Like the rock levels of bald.
Yeah, he's a bald.
I just said like being born bald was weird.
Like all babies.
Yeah.
Yeah, not many babies are born with a full head of hair.
I wish babies were born with full heads of hair
it happens sometimes
I want like a
toupee level
like luscious
I've seen it
look google it
there are babies
with full
massive heads
of beautiful hair
I don't want to
google it
because I know
what the images
will look like
and I don't want
to see them
you're imagining
like an afro
I'm imagining
like it
matted
out
yes
still very wet
yeah
alright so Dig uh ethically
probably fine here's why i want to eat a diglet can i explain it to you yes because then i'll
fucking find out what's under it i don't know what's in the hole yeah what then i find out
what's in the hole although it's great to imagine, like, just pulling and pulling and pulling. It's just a long
deal. It's like a sausage. Guys!
I don't think it has an end.
And what about, is Doug
Trio, is that
one being, or is that three diglets
put together? It's just three diglets
close. So could you just grab one out
and then, are there Doug Trios out there
that are Doug Duos? Yeah. Because
they lost one along the way?
If I come up with a bolt gun...
I think they get another mate and they're like,
Oi, we need to be a trio in this.
I'm going to get a gold bat.
I'm still on gold bat.
I'm going to get to suck a diglet out of a hole.
Oi, you, suck a diglet.
Go suck a diglet.
Oi, suck a diglet, loser.
It's great as well to imagine if the diglet never ends,
you holding a gold bat over the top of it
And that's your life
The Diglett never ends and I don't know where it's going
What is happening
From the point of view of the Diglett
Where's the Diglett going
Good on the Diglett for carrying on
I fear no god
I think if that happened
I'd climb the diglet in
Because I'd be like
I've always got a rope out
That's true
But then what if the diglet ended
While I was in the goal
But
Oh no
What a great sentence
Meowth
Again
Like I said
Ethically no
Chisel off that no
Point at the front
I'm not saying how to
I'm saying ethically
Not great
Because if one meowth
Can learn sentience and talk,
most Meowths probably can.
It's like eating your neighbor's cat.
Yeah, and it is also just a cat.
It's like eating your neighbor's cat,
but also eating your neighbor's child
because it can talk and can express itself.
It's like a genie has turned your neighbor's cat into a little boy
and you've killed and eaten it.
You just shouldn't.
But there's no evidence of a Persian ever talking.
That's true.
So you can eat a Persian.
No.
Just like eating your neighbor's cat.
So I guess you shouldn't.
Yeah.
Ethically, you probably shouldn't eat a Persian.
Yes.
But is that us?
Again, is that because we look at cats and we've domesticated them and we're like, that
is something that we shouldn't eat?
Truly, what's the difference between a Persian and a Doug trio?
I agree with you.
I think eat a Persian.
But it's mostly just because of Meowth having learned to talk,
which means other Meowths could talk, which means Persians could talk.
How does Meowth learn to talk?
I don't know.
I think from cassettes.
I think that's true.
I don't think I'm making that up.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I don't know.
He just watched a lot of videos
He watched a lot of Sesame Street
Because yeah
Depending on how Meowth learnt
Yeah
Like that would also
Again
If I'm there eating Meowth willy nilly
And then someone's like
I've got a talking one
And I'm like okay
And then they show me that
I'm like
If he can talk
Can the others
And if Meowth can talk
Can a diglett
I think that if That happened in the real world for me,
like, I met a Meowth that could talk.
Say suddenly you met a Tabby Cat,
and the Tabby Cat starts speaking.
I would assume that all animals could talk.
So in Pokemon, if I met the Meowth that talks,
I'd be like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
What if your Meowth can talk,
and then you evolve it to a Persian, which can't?
Can you eat the Persian?
What if I ask a simple
question and like a horse that stamps yes or
no, it can tell me. What if it's lost
that? What if it's only available to them?
Oh, you can't turn it back.
That would be so
upsetting. Can you eat the Persian to put
it out of its misery?
Yes. Alright, if you don't
want to eat me, just say no.
Okay, Persians.
I didn't give it a name.
We've run the tests and it's just...
It's just a regular Pokemon.
Psyduck will give you a headache, guaranteed.
Also, if it's psychic, I assume there's a level of sentience and intelligence there that perhaps we should avoid.
So you're against eating all psychic Pokemon?
Yes.
Crazy.
What psychic Pokemon are you fine with eating? All of them. Surely Abra. Yeah. Abra looks delicious. Yes. Crazy. What psychic Pokemon are you fine with eating?
All of them.
Surely Abra.
Yeah.
Abra looks delicious.
Yeah.
It's kind of got a tough shell, which you use as a bowl to scoop out the kind of soup that you've made within the Abra.
But damn.
Damn, it's good.
Look, I would say-
He hasn't thought about it that hard.
He's just like, does that Pokemon look hard or soft?
If it's hard, he's assumed that it's got soft innards and he can eat it.
And if it looks soft, he's assuming he can just eat it and it's all soft.
Again, I think Psyduck, ethically, no, because it's psychic.
Golduck looks gross, not gonna.
Slimy.
The whole Mankey situation, again, it's very close.
Anything that can describe
the meal in a bad way how was it it was manky yeah manky looks like a rotten pokemon that's fair
looks like a pig well but hey how was the how was the meal it was prime great oh i turned a primate
thing and made it a joke just sad they were eating apes.
Do you get it?
We eat apes here, so that's fine.
Do we?
Yeah, not me.
I've not had the chance.
People eat chimp.
It's good.
I guess, all right, yes, people do eat chimp.
Do they?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
Did we run out of things to eat?
Again, we're not in a country where ape is plentiful.
Yeah.
Growlithe and Arcanine.
I just can't imagine.
It's eating your neighbor's dog.
I could.
All right.
It's the first time I'm drawing the line.
I would not eat Growlithe.
Why not?
Too cute?
Yeah, and it's just too dog-like.
It's like eating a dog.
Yeah, but people also eat dog in this world.
Yeah, but should you?
Again, it comes down to what you have available.
I know I'm not, but if I'm in a country or a situation where I'm very hungry,
and the only animals that I can eat is a growlithe,
guess what's getting eaten?
A growlithe.
Yeah, I'm eating a growlithe.
I'm with Dave on this.
I couldn't eat my neighbor's dog.
Or your neighbor's growlithe.
Or my neighbor's growlitheler Let's talk about Polly
Pollywag
Pollywag
Has a great tail
For deboning
I just have this image of getting
A filleting knife
This is the Nita Quinn and whatever thing
Again
Don't you get a Pollywrath
They look too human.
Yeah.
Polywraths got big,
beefy fists.
I'm going to say,
no, they are sentient.
No, thank you.
They look like...
But...
Yeah.
Polywhirl has another evolution
that's probably not in front of you.
Polytoad.
Yeah.
Just looks like a frog.
Ain't nothing wrong with eating that.
Frog's legs delicious.
Chop them up.
All right.
I guess it's fine to eat them. Although he looks like a musc Eat nothing wrong with eating that. Frog's legs, delicious. Chop them up. All right, I guess it's fine to eat them.
Although he looks like a muscly little child.
Yeah.
No, he looks like a toe with...
Yes, it's ethically fine to eat one.
Yay!
Abra, like I said, no.
Yes, but then...
It might just be the pose of the website that we're looking,
but Kadabra looks like if you tried to eat it,
he would fuck you up.
I'd be like, oh, maybe I'll try this Kadabra, and then he'd snap my neck. He would know if you tried to eat it he would fuck you up absolutely i'd be like oh maybe
i'll try this cadaver and then he'd snap my neck he would know you weren't trying to eat him before
you knew you were gonna try exactly i'd be like he'd be like don't eat me and i'd be like oh my
god how did you know how'd you know he's like i can read your thoughts like can you sell what
i'm thinking now he's like yes he's like what do i think he's like i'm still gonna eat you
but if you were able to kill him yeah he has his own spoon that you could use his own spoon to dig out.
Against him.
Yeah, that's pretty, come on.
I mean, I just thought that would appeal to Jackson.
Yeah, it did.
It absolutely did.
Any animal that you have to remove the spoon in preparation.
That's right.
Ethically, though, no.
Yeah, no.
Why not?
Don't eat psychic Pokemon.
Because they have a level of sentence
Where they can communicate with us
They know our language
Okay ethically
Wait
We probably should have
I didn't think to ask this at the start
But now I'm starting to think
Hey Jackson
Should we eat people
Yes
So there's the problem
If you're in a situation
Where people's all that's going
Should we eat psychic people I think exclusively So there's the problem. If you're in a situation where people's all that's going.
Should we eat psychic people?
I think exclusively.
And then they would see it coming.
And we douse their power that way. Anyone who claims to be a psychic should be eaten.
Yes, absolutely.
Because they wouldn't know that it was coming.
Exactly.
If they don't know, then they're clearly lying.
I'm going to go get a tarot card reading and as they lay out the cards
I'm just going to bite their hand.
I like to imagine they lay out the cards
and they learn that you're going to eat them.
The hanged man.
The hanged man.
Death.
Teeth.
Oh no.
Actually, you described a scene
from an episode of The X-Files.
Really?
There's a guy who's a serial killer
who keeps murdering psychics.
Because he has psychic ability himself.
And then there's a tarot reader who puts it out, they play it out,
and they're like, death, that's weird.
And they look up and he's looking at her like, yeah, I'm going to kill you.
Yeah.
It's really quite full on.
We stole from the exorcist.
You're psychic, get eaten.
The ex-files, not the exorcist.
Whoops.
So, yes, I would say the psychic Pokemon No, ethically wrong
Both of you
Alright, I mean I just want to eat the spoon
Borrow the spoon, eat some ice cream with it
The Machomp, Machoke and Machamp
Eat Machamp, don't eat anyone else
I forgot that he had six legs or arms
Whatever you want to
Four arms and two legs
But if he was on
his back struggling as you killed him
is that suddenly six arms?
Or six legs? Great point.
Don't we use them for workforce? Yes.
It's a bit like in times, in
tough times, where you're like, well
we can either use the cow to plow the field, the bull
to plow the field, or we can kill it for
meat. Sometimes you shoot your
machamp with one of those guns you shoot cows with.
It's more Jackson.
Slice off each arm, get the sweet
meat out of the pelvis
and eat that machamp.
It's more like eating
the paw. Why?
Or, are you saying it's okay to
enslave machamps? Yeah.
Is that somehow better, Zaman? I'm saying both
are not good.
But like,
hang on a minute.
Do they get,
are they like a draft horse
where they're set to work
and they're like,
whatever,
I'm doing a job
or do we pay them?
Yeah, we don't pay them.
They're a draft horse.
I guess it's fine to eat.
Yeah,
because it's like,
what's funny about
eating a machamp
is that you can only
get a machamp
through trade.
So the idea of something
is like,
oh yeah, trade,
here's your machamp and you're like, oh, this is going. So the idea of something being like, oh yeah, I'll trade you, here's your Machamp.
And you're like, oh, this is going to be so delicious.
Wait, sorry, what?
When I cook this Machamp up, it's going to fucking roll.
I love that Machoke.
Yeah, well, it's a Machamp now
and I'm going to eat it because I've yet to.
You're welcome to eat my golem, I don't give a fuck.
Crack open his rock and drink the delicious goo within.
Machamps own gyms.
Do they own gyms.
Can you eat something that owns property?
So I would say that
I would even go to a forest and say that Machamp
probably does get paid for the work it does.
Yeah, if he's getting paid and they act
if he's acting like a human where he's on
minimum wage or whatever,
then he has a union. A dog can own property.
Eat the Machamp.
But if he's a draft horse and it's a work animal,
if times are stressful, it'd be like now eating horse.
Everyone's like, oh, you shouldn't.
But I guess if times were tough.
Yeah, you gotta eat that machamp.
Were you vegetarian the first time you went to the UK?
No.
Yeah, someone pointed out to us that we went to the UK
the first time during the burgers being filled with horse crisis.
So there's a chance that we all ate horse.
If I did, I'm sure it was delicious.
Would you be happier to know that you did or didn't eat?
We're learning a lot about Jackson today.
I would eat man.
I don't know.
I just don't see the difference between eating cow and eating a horse.
Yeah, me neither.
Whatever, eat a horse.
Who cares?
Weepinbell. Yes. Would you eat that, Zammett? No, cow and eating a horse. Yeah, me neither. Whatever, eat a horse. Who cares? Weepin' Bell.
Yes.
Would you eat that, Sam?
No, it's got a face.
It's barely a face.
Oh, come on.
It's got like a little hole of two beady shark eyes.
What about, what's that middle one?
Weepin' Bell?
No.
Yeah, so it's Bellsprout, Weeping Bell, Victory Bell.
Ethically fine to eat, would I?
No.
Victory Bell would eat you.
Yes, absolutely.
I'll climb inside that.
He's like a sleeping bag.
Tentacool, Tentacruel, no.
Ethically.
Yeah, well, just it's poisonous, clearly.
Don't eat jellyfish.
All right.
Some people do that.
Yeah.
So it'd be fine to eat.
Oh, okay.
No, it doesn't seem fun to eat for Jackson, so he's like, no.
I personally wouldn't eat it just because, yuck.
Yeah, fair enough.
But you could.
Okay, well then, yeah, that's fine.
Have at it.
All right, the Geodude and all of those buggles.
It would have to have a beard.
Yeah, absolutely.
Otherwise, you're not.
Otherwise, I respect it.
If it has a beard.
And I will not eat anything I respect.
Then I feel like it has a concept of style.
Well, if it has a beard or hair, it has an electrical charge.
I think the difficulty is going to be
actually consuming it. Well, yeah, because normally
you de-feather them, but with the Graveler,
when I look at that,
I imagine getting my trusty chisel,
my trusty mouth chisel out
and slowly chiseling off
all those kind of like tapering
big hunks of what I assume
a rock. Well, I've never really thought
about this, but it's Geodude, two arms.
Graveler, two legs, four arms.
Golem, two legs,
two arms. Do you want to hear
a theory? This is not my theory, but this is
a theory I read. So, you get a Machamp
and you get a Golem by trading.
Right? So, but Machamp
sorry, Machoke
who comes before Machamp, only has two arms.
But when he trades over, the theory is that he gets Graveler's extra pair.
And in return, Gollum gets Machamp's or the Machoke line's lizard-y veneer.
So there you go.
Is the theory.
Makes a bit of sense.
It does make a bit of sense.
Ethically, I think it'd be fine to eat.
Yeah, eat up.
You probably shouldn't.
Ponytop, obviously. They're basically be fine to eat. Yeah, eat up. You probably shouldn't. Pony top, obviously.
They're basically like a fiery cow.
Yeah, eat up.
Or a fiery horse.
Which is what they are.
Slowpoke and Slowbro.
Yeah.
It's like eating a hippo.
It's fine.
But are they psychic yet?
Or is it only when they become Slowking?
Well, you don't eat Slowking.
Because that becomes psychic.
That's just a guy.
I think Slowpoke can use confusion, which is a psychic move.
Maybe Slowpoke is psychic.
Slowpoke is psychic.
The same way that a Psyduck is psychic.
Then we're not eating them.
They're just not good with their abilities.
Like how a Psyduck constantly has a headache because it can't control its psychic ability,
Slowpoke is just so dumb that it doesn't realize that it's using psychic.
Magnemite, I would say you could eat it.
Magnemite's so easy to eat.
You shouldn't.
Yeah, no, shut up. So you catch it in a PowerPoint. It's made of steel. Shut up. That say you could eat it. Magnemite's so easy to eat. Medically, you shouldn't. Yeah, no, shut up.
So you catch it in a power plant.
It's made of steel.
Shut up.
That's how you do it.
Catch it in a power plant, right?
Yep.
First, you've got to grab, you've got to get a friend for this one.
You hold one magnet, your friend holds the other, and you pull.
Eventually, because they're too far away, those are no longer part of the magnemite or whatever.
Then, you get a spoon and scoop the eye out of the bowl
and slurp that down raw,
and then you throw the rest away
or you keep them and make a necklace.
So you just eat the eye.
Well, the eye's the only bit of meat, yeah.
All right, far-fetched.
Yes, it comes with a charm.
It comes with its own...
That's fucking awesome.
It comes with its own spring onion.
I feel it wants to be eaten.
As a vegetarian, I would be like, I think we can eat far-fetched because it's fucking awesome. It comes with its own spring onion. I feel it wants to be eaten. As a vegetarian, I would be like,
I think we can eat far-fetched because it's giving consent.
It's an endangered species.
Why?
Because it's so delicious.
Because it keeps offering itself up for food.
Yeah.
How great is it to imagine the four of us on a Pokemon adventure
and I've been eating-
Isn't this just the equivalent of a dog walking into your house
holding a stick?
No.
It's like if a dog walked into your house always holding fresh onions.
It's like a pig walking into your house holding an apple in its mouth and not eating it.
And always holding an apple.
And looking at you expectantly.
And you're like, come on, you want to eat me?
If I saw that, I would just look at you guys and just put my hands out like, come on.
I'd nod.
Come on, let me eat this far-fetched.
He wants to be eaten.
Yeah, it looks delicious.
Yeah, that is a duck that wants to be eaten, Dusha.
Are you going to eat it?
You coward.
No, it's an endangered species.
All right, Doduo.
Ho down.
Yum.
Dodrio, same difference.
It's like eating an ostrich.
It's fine.
Imagine if Doduo is good,
because you can probably fit its whole head in your mouth.
Dodrio is great, because it's so tall, all I need to do is go at its legs with an axe.
A seal.
Seal.
Yeah.
Blubbery.
Delicious.
Same with dugong.
Grimer!
Okay.
What do you reckon?
I would love to.
Grimer's-
It's a Pokemon that is a broth.
It's the stew Pokemon.
It would smell literally like a fart. It's the stew Pokemon. It would smell literally like a fart.
It would.
It would smell like a fart and have the consistency
of diarrhea.
Maybe I won't eat a grub.
You probably won't, however, ethically,
I think it's fine.
Shellder. Yes.
And the reason I want to eat a Shellder is the same reason I want to eat a Diglett.
Because currently I don't know what it looks like inside.
And also it comes with its own bowl.
It's just shellfish. Same same reason I want to eat a diglet because currently I don't know what it looks like inside it also comes with its own bowl it's just shellfish like a seafish
same with a cloister
yum
ghastly
now we're talking
ethically
is it okay
to eat a ghost
can you kill
something that's
already been killed
can you
so unfortunately
grandma has
passed away
but she is
haunting the house
can you
and is it ethically
okay to eat her ghost?
Well, we're going to ask the question, what does ectoplasm taste like?
I would imagine chewy.
Yeah, me too.
I'm going to metallic taste.
Yeah, metallic and cold.
And a bit salty.
Yeah.
That's just how I feel.
But hang on.
The question is, is grandma going to become a ghast?
No, you know that taste you get in your mouth if you try and suck helium out of a balloon? Yes.
Like you get a cold tongue, but it's also powdery and a bit
medley? That's what eating a ghost would taste like.
And does the ghost then inhabit
your body? Oh, yeah, that's a good
point, Dave. Do you get the ghastly farts?
Yeah.
Oh, no, I've got the ghastly farts.
It's just all gas.
Jackson, something smells like death. Did you eat those
ghastlies from that cemetery?
Yeah
I personally wouldn't want to fuck with these ghosts
Yeah and I feel like it gets worse
The further along you go
Gengar looks like a fucking satan
Like he's ready to pull a prank on you
And ruin your life
I feel like if you tried to eat a Gengar he'd just dack you
I feel like that's Gengar's fucking go to move
Just dacking trainers
I think ethically
as well, maybe don't fuck with the dead.
Yeah, sure. Onyx,
it's fine. Yeah, fine. Drowsy,
no. Drowsy looks like it would taste like
banana and chocolate. Yes,
that is a choc-banana. No. Yum!
Me and Dave are eating a drowsy.
Yeah, absolutely. You're going on a lit.
Shotgun chocolate? You fools can
yeah, I'll have banana. That sounds great.
Just being like,
it's just meat!
This just tastes like foul meat.
We're just trapped
and killed in a drowsy
for nothing.
But at least you'd know.
I would say ethically,
no, but...
Because it's psychic.
Because it's psychic
and it has a level of intelligence,
I would say.
Krabby, obviously,
you can't kingler.
Go ahead.
Voltorb, yes, please. Yeah, Voltorbler, go ahead. Voltorb, yes please.
Yeah, Voltorb, easy, whatever. Voltorb, the way you gotta do it
is you gotta kill the Voltorb by stabbing it in the
eyeball and then running.
And then when it explodes, you go back and see if any
meat's left. Yes.
That's not eating it.
But ethically, completely fine.
Execute, yes.
Voltorb's eggs. Execute's eggs.
Those little eggs, I mean, yeah. Actually, there we go. Yeah. You're a vegetarian, not a vegan. Yes. Got Execute, yes. Voltorb's eggs. Execute's eggs. Those little eggs, I mean, yeah.
Actually, there we go.
Yeah.
You're a vegetarian, not a vegan.
Yes.
Got a face, though.
Does have a face.
But it's heap eggs.
But if you turn that face around.
If you broke it and then...
One is already broken and I can see it's delicious yolk.
If I broke it and scooped out the yolk and scrambled that,
what happens to the shell?
It could be Banjo-Kazooie rules, which the shell is sentient.
I don't know why that's Banjo-Kazooie rules.
Sure.
Okay.
I'm not standing in your way either.
Thank you guys for letting me just careen down the Banjo-Kazooie.
Executor is a plant.
Yeah.
So is it execute its eggs or is it little nuts?
Also, if you're a vegetarian, what I would suggest is trapping an executor
and their move is to throw coconuts.
Just get those coconuts and eat them.
Yeah, that's a great question.
If you eat the coconuts, is that meat?
What about eating the top of an Oddish, the grass?
Yeah.
If you knew that that wasn't harming the Oddish, it would taste so nice.
It doesn't kill them.
Yeah.
They're fine.
What about... I feel as a
vegetarian, I could if I was vegan, no.
What about, can you look up the Pokemon Tropius
please? For me, this is
a little, it's not one of the original 150,
but it comes with fruit.
So I just want to know.
Is it like carrying a fruit basket? It's like a big
kind of like
Brontosaurus boy.
And it's got bananas. It's's got bananas Could you eat those bananas?
Well that's what I'm questioning
Or are you going to bite into it and be like meaty
That's a meaty banana
If you can pluck those bananas and they grow back
I think that's fine
Because it's kind of like eating egg
What about
I can't remember his name
Can you type in Pokemon lizard pants
Yeah that guy Scraffity Is it okay to wear Scraffity's pants one of them, then we'll go back. I can't remember his name. Can you type in Pokemon lizard pants?
Yeah, that guy.
Scraffity?
Scraffity.
Is it okay to wear Scraffity's pants?
Because it comes with pants.
I mean, I would say you shouldn't eat it, first off,
because it's wearing pants and knows what clothing is.
But should I wear its pants?
I mean, would you wear my pants?
No, but you're a guy. Scraffity's a lizard. If you saw a lizard in pants, would you wear my pants? No, but you're a guy.
Rafferty's a lizard.
If you saw a lizard in pants, would you wear them? Why would you wear his
pants? Wait, does he
want me to? I don't know.
Why would you wear
the pants? How does your brain work?
If you look at a kangaroo, a little joey
that pops out of a kangaroo's
pouch, can I get in there?
If it can do that, so can I.
If I saw a sheep with pants that were part of the sheep,
I'd be interested in wearing them, yes.
If they were part naturally of the sheep.
That'd be gross.
They'd be like a kangaroo pouch.
There'd be so much mucus.
That's interesting.
There'd be so much mucus.
But ethically, should I wear them?
Are you killing this
graffiti? You're just dacking him and wearing
his pants. He's dacking him and sucking his pants on and
legging it. Like a classic haunted move.
Are you asking for permission? Can I please
borrow your pants? I swear I'll bring them back.
Graffiti, give me your pants.
Yes? No?
I don't know if it's...
See? It's got pants on!
I understand it's got pants.
It doesn't look happy.
I'm just curious as to what...
Does it take them off?
Yeah, well, in that...
To wash them.
Oh, no.
Yeah, we're getting to dangerous territory.
Google image search is stressful.
All right, let's go back to the original 150.
Cubone.
You shouldn't eat a cubone.
Why not?
Ethically.
It mourns its parents.
Sort of animals. Yeah, I know. Yeah, whatever. Seagulls. No,'t eat a cubone. Why not? Ethically. It mourns its parents. Sort of animals.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, whatever.
Seagulls. No, not seagulls. Crows mourn their dead and we eat crows.
Cows have best friends as well.
Yeah, we eat them.
Yeah, this is confronting, but this is life!
Hitmonlee! Slice it open!
I imagine it's one big tube
of meat inside.
Do you think you get more meat from hitmonlee than hitmonchan
yeah absolutely hitmonlee's beefy hitmonchan's hitmonlee looks like a bigfoot with that has
learned kung fu yeah um i just feel ethically you probably shouldn't eat something that knows how to
wear boxing gloves but are they just like is that just you know our mind making them look like
boxing gloves like that's just it's just got big red hands, you know?
I think we can eat it.
He's also wearing some sort of outfit.
Yeah, can I put that on?
He's wearing shoes.
I mean, if you want to.
Hell yeah.
Rafferty's pants, Ed Von Lee's shorts.
Oh, you put together a full outfit.
Trophies.
These are trophies from your kills.
And also, I guess ethically, I would say You probably shouldn't eat them
But I guess
Lick a tongue
Best not
Tongue is a delicacy in some cultures
Yeah but lick a tongue is really acidic
That might be nice
It paralyzes you actually
It would be a drug
Slice the tongue off, get the paralyzing agent
Squeeze that out of the tongue wearing big rubber gloves Fry up the tongue off. It would be a drug. Yeah, okay. Slice the tongue off, get the paralyzing agent, squeeze that out of the tongue wearing
big rubber gloves, fry up the tongue,
meanwhile, de-feather the rest of it. That big tail
is all fat. So you take that out, use
the fat as kind of like you're
frying the rest of it in like a tongue fat.
No, I'm with you. Yeah, it's delicious.
Delicious. Coughing? No.
No, you can't eat a coughing. You shouldn't.
If it bursts, you die. You shouldn't,
but you probably could
I don't think you could, I think it's all gas on the inside
I mean, it literally has a poison do not eat sign tattooed on its chest
It's kind of, again, like fugu
Yeah, but I just don't think there's anything in a coughing
There's just not enough meat
Rhyhorn, again, ethically, about eating a rhino, so no
Alright
Yeah, you gotta go to the safari zone
Yeah, exactly, you gotta go to a specific place.
And they'd throw a rock at it
for some reason.
Say it with the Taurus, and you want to eat Taurus.
Yeah, I'd eat a Rhydon.
Rhydon has its bipedal.
So does a kangaroo.
I do like eating kangaroos.
Chansey comes with its own egg.
Yeah, but would you eat
a pregnant woman?
Am I starving?
That's basically a twofer.
You had breakfast, but it's dinner time and you skipped lunch.
Am I stranded on a hill?
You can't find a shop and you got no signal for Uber Eats.
Can't find a shop.
Basically a survival situation.
Sorry, Chansey, I couldn't find a shop.
I'm going to have to start with your egg.
Would you eat the eggs, Amit?
Yeah.
Okay.
What if you found out that there was a guy in it?
Well, there is.
That's eggs.
It's eggs.
You idiot.
It's like me.
It's a fucking egg.
It's like getting a dozen eggs or whatever, cracking open, and there's a chicken fetus.
It's like, ah, dang, I'm not going to eat the chicken fetus.
I'm going to throw that out.
Jackson, what do you do when that happens?
What?
No, Chansey fetus has less bone, so.
And doesn't Chansey work in hospitals and stuff?
Yes.
So they look after humans.
Yes.
It would be pretty brutal to be like, hey, I know you save my species,
but I'm going to eat you.
Nevertheless.
Nevertheless.
Nevertheless.
Ethically, okay.
Maybe societally, no.
And my favorite Pokemon card I ever had was a Shiny Chansey.
Well, there you go.
So maybe you wouldn't.
Or would you?
No, I wouldn't.
I think that's two on the list so far.
Tangler? Tangler?
Tangler.
Grass spaghetti.
Easiest Pokemon to eat.
You just get one of the Tendrils and you put it in your mouth.
And suck.
And like a spaghetti, you suck.
Fair enough.
Lady and the Trenum.
Kangaskhan.
Well, you like eating Roo.
There is a Joey in his pouch.
That is true.
Yeah.
Would you eat the Joey?
No.
It's Kangaroo Veal, my friend.
I'd feel guilty.
I'd say no to that, ethically, for me.
No.
What if the Joeyey wasn't looking
Well that'd be fine
I think it
Is there a level of intelligence
For these bad boys
No
They're like all fucking
Whatever fine
Yeah yeah yeah
Eat them it's fine
Yeah
Horsey whatever
Gold bean
Whatever
It's all just seafood
Star you delicious
Mr Mime no
Hell yeah
Chomp down
Chop off his big baubles
Literally just a guy
So you're saying no to mime?
I'm saying yes to mime.
Oh, eat the mime.
Yeah.
I thought before your problem was if it looks like a human, you can't do it.
I figured that would be the problem, but with some time to reflect, I want to eat a Mr. Mime.
You're just getting hungrier and hungrier.
Step one, take the gloves off, put them on.
Then Mr. Mime's got all these great weird bumps on his body that I want to explore.
He starts miming the signal for please don't eat me.
He just starts praying.
I'm sorry, Mime, I don't understand.
Sorry, I don't speak, Mr. Mime.
You're not very good at what you're supposed to do.
Then I eat him.
It's weird that the preparation of a Mr. Mime is like remove gloves, remove shoes.
It's not a great beginning.
Cut his hair.
Cut hair.
Eat lime.
Look, ethically, I would say no.
Yeah, I would become a pariah.
A cypher?
Yeah, it's basically like a big bug.
Jinx?
Jinx, no.
Step one, shave.
Because it's got hair.
Then remove dress.
Put on dress.
Is that a wig?
I don't know.
Because underneath it would look like...
It looks like Grimace from McDonald's with breasts.
I don't like the idea of taking off Jinx's dress.
And then wearing it.
Take off her wig.
Wear it.
Wear it.
Take off wig wear.
Take off dress wear.
I get the gloves on.
I get the Mr. Mike shoes.
But what's underneath Jinx's dress?
Who knows?
It's just Grimace.
I don't want to know. But you want to know about... No, he wanted the Mr. Mike shoes. But what's underneath Jinx's dress? Who knows? It's just Grimace. I don't want to know.
But you want to know about...
No, he wanted to know about other things.
Yeah.
Grisha likes a bit of mystery.
I get it.
Ethically, again, I feel Jinx is too human-like.
You should need a Jinx.
What about Electabuzz and Magmar?
They're still human-like, but more like an animal.
Electabuzz is basically a bear.
I'd say yes to Electabuzz, but no to Magmar.
It's not going to happen.
It lives in a volcano.
And how can you cook something
that isn't cooked by a volcano?
How hot's it got to be?
No, how hot can it be?
You have to take him to the sun.
But ethically, you're cool.
You're nothing wrong with it.
Pinsa, whatever.
Taurus, Edo, Mag magicka gyarados eat
oh delicious
lapras
hang on back up
if you're not okay
with eating a ride
don you should not
eat a taurus
look again I
personally would eat
none of these
however
not from a vegetarian
point of view
I mean from a
pokemon point of view
are they in danger
because I remember
seeing like a ranch
type thing that's
full of them
no that's in the
pokemon series
ash catchers 14 or whatever yes but they're only in the safari zone yeah but that's full of them. No, that's in the Pokemon series. Ash catches 14 or whatever.
Yes, there's also heaps.
But they're only in the Safari Zone.
Yeah, but that's only
because you're in Kanto.
If you're in like Jodo
or other places,
maybe they're more plentiful.
Yeah.
Hey, here's a question.
Sidebar.
Do Taurus fuck Militank?
They can.
Oh, yeah.
But also a Worm...
A whale... A big whale... A fucking Chokitty or whatever. Yeah. Kitty Cho or whatever. They can Oh yeah But also a whale
A big whale
A chokitty or whatever
Kitty chow or whatever
But just because one's a cow Pokemon
And one's a bull Pokemon
I don't know, I'd try to make them fuck
I'm with you
And I guess it'd be fine to eat both
Yeah absolutely, one is definitely edible
Do you eat a Gyarados?
Quick question, Is that cool?
I mean, it would feed a village.
It looks kind of just like you would slice it like a sushi roll.
And also, Dave, you're very pro whaling.
Yeah.
It's the whale of Pokemon, barring whalema.
Or whalelord.
So I think Gyarados is kind of fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Ethically, yeah.
Ditto?
Lapras, though.
Oh, Lapras.
Yeah, eat up. It's a big turtle. It's a big turtle. No. Can't have human conversations. Yeah, yeah. Ethically, yeah. Ditto. Lapras, though. Oh, Lapras. Yeah, eat up.
It's a big turtle.
Psychic as fuck.
No.
Can't have human conversations.
No.
It's just a big turtle.
Eat up.
No.
Wait till it beaches itself because of sonar noises.
Because the Pokemon Navy's doing tests.
Then you come in quick before it rots.
Chop it up.
Dice it up.
Eat it up.
No.
It's psychic.
If it can communicate with us, it's a blanket rule.
No.
All right.
Ditto.
Could you convince Ditto to, like, transform into some sort of, like, roast beef meal?
Oh, yeah, probably.
Yes.
Problem with Ditto, this is what they say about Ditto, it always tastes like Ditto.
And also what will happen is you transform and you hit it with a rock to kill it.
It just transforms back.
The moment you bite into it, it's ditto all over your front.
Soaking into your shit.
I like the idea of a ditto being pretty much
the same consistency as a water mattress.
Yeah.
Which makes me want to pop it a bit.
Yeah, same.
Squeeze it.
I imagine ditto you could chew like gum.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Just a bit of him.
Yeah.
What about Evie and her revolutions?
I wouldn't eat Evie.
Like eating a cat, right? Or dog? Oh, yes. It's like half of him. Yeah. What about Evie and her revolutions? I wouldn't eat Evie. Like eating a cat, right?
Or dog?
Oh, yes.
It's like half of each.
Yeah.
However.
Ethically.
Ethically, probably fine.
I think ethically it's rare for one, and it is quite pet-like for a lot of people.
Yeah.
It's basically like eating one of the starters, which we did establish quite a while ago that
we're not eating.
Porygon, yes.
Yes.
That's eating the internet.
Yeah.
Who gives a shit about Porygon?
Exactly. Download that straight into my bell.
Yeah, again, as a vegetarian, you could
probably eat a Porygon. You can eat a Porygon.
That rules. That rules. It's pretty much tofu.
Yeah.
It's basically lab meat.
It is tofu lab meat.
I'm a big fan of eating onomite or kabutops or any of that
because you have to go to a guy with a fossil.
And they're like, we brought it back.
And you're like, excellent.
They're like, why are you wearing a bib?
Are you going to eat it right here in the office?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
I mean, that's another one you've got to bring back.
Ethically, probably, actually, you can't eat any of these
But I would love to eat all of these
So ethically because we're bringing them back from the dead
Well yeah they're extinct
And they're so rare
It's like eating a dinosaur
Yeah ethically would you eat a T-Rex
Again look Jackson would you ethically eat a toddler
Probably not a toddler
A child
Probably 18 would be my cutoff.
There you go, Zanet.
Before you ask any further questions.
Well, also, am I stranded?
Do I have no other meat?
No.
Well, then, yeah, 18 would be my cutoff.
So if you had no other...
Okay, no other meat but plenty of salads.
There's a toddler.
But if I'm stranded, then I'll eat anything.
If it's me and a desert island, I gotta survive.
You got more of a chance than that toddler.
Yeah, exactly.
So there you go.
There's the base.
Before you ask him any more questions.
Okay.
Okay.
Snorlax.
Yeah.
Eat burrow inside him.
Do you have dreams of living the alive situation,
but survive thriving while everyone else suffered?
I can't eat a guy.
Like, nope.
I'm just sure I started with everyone else
before anyone else got in on that.
I've already eaten two whole guys.
You guys are cowards.
You've got to catch up.
Chop, chop, don't eat for a haircut.
Guys, why are you starving and sick?
There's so many fucking guys.
So Snorlax, is there sentience involved?
Oh, question about Snorlax.
You know how it's always
When you've got to wake him up
With a poker flute
Would you
Wake him up with a poker flute
Before you killed him?
Or would you
Let him sleep
And just take him out
It's a slow roast
Just take him out
Oh no
Just light a fire on him
It turns out there's two ways
To wake up a Snorlax
Poker flute and flames
You could slow roast The shit out of that Snorlax That'sball and flames. You could slow roast
the shit out of that Snorlax.
That's so great
because I think in the first game
he's on like a bridge.
Yeah.
Get out of the fucking way, mate.
There was an option
to Charizard just blast him.
All right.
Hakuno, Zapdos, Moltres.
They seem powerful.
It's probably ethically not okay
to eat a legendary Pokemon.
Because there's only one of them.
Yeah.
That's like eating Jack. There's only one of them. Well, I would. But it's probably ethically not okay to eat a legendary Pokemon. Because there's only one of them. Yeah. That's like eating Jack.
Well, I would. But it's not ethically okay. Yeah, probably.
This episode's gonna use as evidence when you inevitably get posted
like, when a photo
of you poaching is posted
online, people are like,
oh, Jack's gonna do that. And they point back to this and they're like,
oh, he would. Props to the people in the comments
of the photo of me with a dead lion being like,
at least he ate it.
That's what my defenders
will say.
He ate it.
It's fine.
He ate it.
He was starving.
Dragonite seems intelligent.
I would eat Dratini
and Dragonair.
You wouldn't eat a Dragonite.
Dragonite has
human level intelligence.
He's smarter than a person.
Why is he in my Pokeball,
the idiot?
Also, he's worked
on how to fly with wings that just are not big enough. Yeah, that's true. Why is he in my Pokeball, the idiot? Also, he's worked out how to fly with wings that are not big enough.
So Dratini and Dragonair, they're not as intelligent?
Dragonair is still very clever.
Okay, let's just eat Dratini then.
Yeah, we'll just eat Dratini.
You crack it like a smacker.
Smack it on a rock.
Chop the head off.
Slice it down the belly on the white.
That's what they say.
White is right.
They're talking about the dratini.
Take that out of context.
Blue's not for you. And then you eat
the delicious pink meat inside. You have it raw
like sushi.
So the dragonite confronts you and is like
why did you eat my babies? I'm like
well they was hungry. They're not clever
like you.
Mewtwo.
Mewtwo.
No.
No.
Mewtwo's too powerful.
He'll just make my head go in.
And Mew.
Mew again.
And he's also capable of making your head just go in.
I feel Mewtwo might eat you, Jack.
Someone should.
As revenge for eating all his Pokemon brothers.
I would get it
I like you eat 149 Pokemon
And Mewtwo's like I gotta eat you
And I'm like I'm full
It's only fair
So I think all in all
We found a lot about you today
Jack
You need anything
I would draw the line at psychic and some intelligence.
So...
Not me.
Should we eat Pokemon?
Probably not.
Will Jackson eat all of the Pokemon?
Yes.
Pokemon, it's what's for dinner.
And on that note, I've been Joel.
I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. And I've been Joel I've been Jackson
I've also been Joel
And I've been Dave Warnke
The whole time it was me
Reveal
Twist
What a plot twist
So Dave, where can people find you?
Thank you so much for having me on the show
I do two other podcasts of my very own
On the Planet Broadcasting Network
One is called Do Go On
Where myself and Jess and Matt,
my lovely co-hosts, take it in turns to report on a topic from history.
A few recent ones are just going through here.
The life of Elton John.
The lizard man of Scape or Swamp.
Surprisingly, the two episodes are very serious.
The malice of the Palace NBA controversy.
The real-life Moby Dick and lizzie borden axe murderer question mark
and then i have an even nerdier podcast can you believe it called just quickly with to go on
malice in the palace is a great episode i just finished listening to it so if anyone wants to
start with that josh ells also on it oh thanks yeah yeah so that was an absolutely crazy story
i had no idea about i just want this is almost a sneak people need to hear this if they want the
full do a go on story josh didn't mention one thing about this and you're going to leave
this in because i've been meaning to tell you guys about okay the malice of the palace has one
other name that josh didn't mention and it's the best name out of all better than malice at the
palace yes the ron artest interactive fan experience that is fantastic he got into the
crowd and punched some people he He's an NBA player.
Wow.
That's legitimately what it's also called.
Anyway.
Yeah, there's some crazy stuff happening in that episode.
So, yeah.
Awesome.
And Douche has been on the show before, done a report on the life of Ryan Gosling.
Yes.
That was fun.
Ryan Gosling had a crazy early childhood.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then my other show is called Book Cheat. I read
classic books so you don't have
to. And I tell two guests all
about it and basically you at home also get to
hear about it. All three of the great people in this
room have been on it before.
Frankenstein. Frankenstein was
good fun. And Dusha's been on
two Shakespeare episodes. Yes.
Shakespeare turns out, it's
fucked. Okay. But in a good way. Ham, it turns out, it's fucked. Okay.
But in a good way.
Hamlet is way crazier
than I remember.
Yeah.
So you've done Hamlet
and Othello
and I've done other ones
like The Great Gatsby
and The Picture of Dorian Gray.
Have you done Dracula yet?
Not, I haven't done Dracula yet.
Get us on.
If you want to come back
with Dracula.
We'll do the monsters.
I'll do Shakespeare.
You guys do the monsters.
Yeah, you stick to Shakespeare.
I will.
I'm really good at it now.
But yeah, thanks so much. If you want to check those out, that'd be great. Please do the monster you stick to Shakespeare I'm really good at it now but yeah thanks so much if you want to check those out that'd be great
alright see ya
thanks for listening and if you want to follow us on
Twitter you can find us at Sandspan's Radio
or you can find us individually
I'm at Douche13
I'm at OldDogsOfDead.
And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to
hear our other shows, you can head to SandsPantsRadio.com
and you'll find all our other
content there. There's heaps! And if
you want to support us, head to SandsPantsPlus.com
Thank you again for
listening, and we'll see you again next time. Good night
for now. But not forever. Kisses.