Plumbing the Death Star - What Do the Public Know About the Avengers Initiative? (Feat. Mr SundayMovies)
Episode Date: October 16, 2016In which our heroes look out their windows, see a whole lot of super heroics occurring, but struggle to make out terribly much as we ask what does the general public know about the Avengers? We confus...e Thor with a Buff Nan, spend most of the time hiding under things, and lose count of how many Iron Men there are. James wants to move to the country, Duscher recalls the day the Hulks came, Zammit intends to give his children powers at whatever the cost, and Jackson just tries to describe the events of Avengers to the rest of the gang as they hide under a car. So prepare yourself for another confusing super hero event, do your best to make out whats going on amidst the colour and light, and then call your insurance company about the Hulk. Hopefully they can do something about whats going on.Want to help us afford Hulk insurance? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can protect our assists today.In Melbourne and want to see the Plumbing Boys live? You can purchase your tickets right here https://www.trybooking.com/NIPH. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star
where we ask important questions like what do the public know about the avengers initiative I've been thinking about it.
Yeah.
Long and hard.
Good.
In Avengers 1 the first time.
Yeah.
That was the title in Brazil.
The official title.
Marvel's The Avengers, the first one.
If you're a person on the street,
if you're one of those people just running away
from the fucking Kree and
big space worms and wormholes.
Chitauri.
You should say Chitauri.
The Kree Jackson.
The Kree are bird men.
I know. No, that's a Shia.
I could not imagine caring less.
You're better than this.
But, if you're one of those people on the ground,
when you see the Avengers amidst that,
I don't think you're going to think that they are any different
to the aliens or any of that.
You're going to think they're a little different.
Well, obviously.
They're people.
You're going to associate the whole thing together.
You are never told by the government that this giant green Hulk,
which if you're watching the news destroyed the city,
like not two years ago,
this iron man who,
if you watch him,
the news destroyed that public expo just a year ago,
this captain America,
keep an hush hush.
This Thor,
which if you're watching the news,
is an alien from space.
Just like these cunts.
Nobody told you they were fighting on your behalf.
So you would just be like, who are these guys?
You've actually got, yeah, two good, like, you've got Stan Lee, the cameo he does in the Avengers first, the first one.
One time more Avengers one.
At the end, he's like, I don't even believe that they were there or whatever.
Yeah.
He says that.
And then in Jessica Jones, you have the couple who lost their sister, wasn't it?
That's right.
She lost her sister, who wants just to kill Jessica Jones because she hates powered people.
Yes.
And so she's assuming or at least associating the destruction with power.
So there is a lot of misinformation out there.
Imagine if you base this off the one episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. that I half saw, the first one.
I do.
I do base it off that.
Good.
Because this is a key point in the episode, maybe.
I don't know.
I didn't watch it.
But there is action figures for the Avengers.
They do have action figures.
Because then that bloke is looking at it with a kid
and then something happens and then he jumps up and kills him.
Who are the action figures of?
Can you remember?
I think it's like Thor, Hulk, Captain America.
Yeah.
The Avengers.
The Avengers.
Thor, Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man?
Probably.
Actually, I don't know.
Probably not Black Widow
because they have the same problem
that we have in our universe.
Exactly.
Nobody wants that to me.
I feel like that it's definitely Captain America
and Iron Man.
I can't remember who else.
I'm pretty sure it's Thor.
Because Captain America was already an icon.
So of course you can have Thor.
Yeah, that's true.
People know him.
And Iron Man is quite a public figure.
Thor, I can't explain.
Thor was there.
I remember there being a Thor figure.
That event would have been just a blur of colours and lasers.
You don't know.
You don't know.
And nobody was filming that.
It was real sudden. People were filming. They'd have to be. It was like colours and lasers. Like, you don't know. You don't know. And nobody was filming that. It was real sudden.
People were filming.
They'd have to be.
It was like smartphones and everything.
You'd have so much more footage.
That guy's kid is, like, stoked to see Avengers toys.
He clearly likes them.
Well, kids like them.
So there's clearly some PR going there.
But what I feel like it must be like is when,
say you live in a war-torn country,
and you have no truck in the fight.
You see some people shoot some other people,
and one of them's probably, quote-unquote, on your side.
But you're not thinking that.
You're just like, well, everybody came and wrecked my city.
And that was shit.
And the end.
Yeah.
I'm going to buy a toy.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, at what point did someone come out and say,
hi, we are the US government.
See these people?
The ones that there are toys of?
They're heroes for you.
Because you'd think a good move from the US government
would be to parade them as heroes
and do at least a press conference to be like,
yes, all right, a couple of questions.
Well, a couple of answers.
Aliens exist.
That's good to know.
They hate us.
So that's bad to know.
Actually, let's cancel this press conference.
See why they didn't want to.
Forget it.
Whoops.
Yeah.
Yeah, nah.
Yeah.
Wait, do people know about Thor?
Do people know that Asgards are real?
I believe so now.
So does that mean that they had to have a press conference for the alien?
Well, okay.
Aliens exist and they look like gorgeous versions of us.
Sometimes they're bad,
and then a picture of Loki with a cross through it.
Well, there was that creature
that was just running around London for a bit.
Yeah, that cat thing.
That cat thing that we don't know what happened to.
It's still out there.
Yeah, because the teaser,
the post-credit sequence is just like,
yeah, it's still there.
It's still about.
Get ready.
Even like Iron Man. What does your average person think about Iron Man? sequence is just like, yeah, it's all there. It's still about. Get ready.
Even like Iron Man.
What does your average person think about Iron Man? He's a prick.
He's a prick. He's a total prick.
At the start of Avengers 2, everyone hates him.
I think the moment he comes out.
Also, there's a whole group of people who are like,
your bombs have destroyed my town.
Yeah. Imagine in the real
world, somebody comes out and they're like, yeah,
I used to blow a lot of people up.
And you're like, what is this press conference?
And he's like, I'm doing it again.
But the baddies.
And you're like, this ain't right.
I've built in this robot that will kill you all.
You're going to be like, Marge, get in here.
There's a fella on the telly who's a robot now.
Oh, gee whiz!
Fuck me dead!
That was like a big concern for when they made the Iron Man movie even,
to be like, people were like,
are they going to think he's a robot?
So I think of course there'd be misinformation about Iron Man.
I would think he was a robot, definitely.
Unless I'd...
I want to make fun of people for being dumb,
but when I was a kid and watched the animated series,
I thought Iron Man was a robot.
Yeah, fair enough.
At some point, Iron Man is a robot.
It's just his suit, just chuffing about.
He's not even there.
Let's try and think about the events of the Marvel Cinematic Universe
from the perspective of us.
Johnny Human.
Johnny Humans.
Johnny Q Human.
Johnny Q Human.
The four quintuplets.
So Iron Man 1.
What's going on? He's a public figure. Hewman. The four quintuplets. Yeah. So Iron Man 1. What's going on?
He's a public figure.
People know him.
But you know him the same way you know Elon Musk.
It's like if Elon Musk or Richard Branson got kidnapped by terrorists.
Or Martin Scrickelli or something.
You'd know.
He would be on the news.
Yeah, he would definitely be on the news.
And then he's out and you're like, oh, that's amazing.
Fantastic.
And then he's Iron Man.
Yes.
I'm like, oh, that's a surprise.
Because there was like a hostile
takeover wait do we know much about the iron monger or whatever his name was what no he just
went he's one of those marvel villains he just goes mad for no reason yeah but the public oh
yeah i think so because he's holding that press conference was like listen there was that big
chip man in the suit that trashed the city and then he's like i'm iron man look at me whatever
oh so i'm a fucking narcissist so upside down face did destroy a city block, yeah?
Yes.
Yes?
Upside down face being Iron Munger?
Yes.
Why are you calling him upside down?
Because he's bald head and beard.
Oh, okay.
He's an upside down face.
I get it.
Upside down cake.
That's good.
Yeah, so you would probably, Would that be spun into something else?
Would that be covered up?
Was that covered up?
By who?
I'm guessing Iron Man, Tony Stark came out and was like,
yeah, there was that big iron lad who was doing shit.
Not me.
I'm a little iron lad.
I was a slim iron lad because I'm svelte as shit.
Look at my guns.
Look how good they are.
Not my actual guns, my arms.
But also look at my other guns.
Yes.
Rad as well.
I don't sell them anymore.
I don't sell them anymore.
Anyway.
I put them on my suit.
I put them on my mate's suit.
That's not it.
The government.
He works for the government.
But I won't give them to the government.
Fuck the government.
But they're all right.
All right.
So that's Iron Man 1.
We basically know there's basically Elon Musk flying out there with guns on his hands.
You might just be like, okay, so like some rich fucking millionaire who cares nothing about me.
Yeah, he's getting new toys.
Sweet, I guess.
That's super cool.
Hulk is next?
Yep.
What the fuck happens in Hulk?
Not much.
He smashes the city up to stop another Hulk.
But I'd be like, who's what?
It'd be the same situation.
Like, what's the good one?
The one that tore the car in half
and hit the other guy with them?
Because Hulk did that.
That's someone's car.
Somebody's like,
one of them Hulks got my car.
You would just, in the end of that,
you'd be like,
what a tragedy that happened to my city.
You wouldn't be like,
thank God Hulk got abomination.
The Hulks attacked my city.
That time the Hul's came was really bad.
The day the Hulk's came.
Is it Iron Man 2 that's next?
Yeah.
That one is the one where you're like,
you know when like that fucking massive tech conference
just like thousands of people die?
And all those Iron Men came and killed everyone the day the iron men came and before that
you're like oh there's that elon musk guy lincoln is so rich as it runs up to an f1 and just gets in
a car oh that's great look at him that's true with his new toys and oh who's this lad he's
whipping a car where are my kids kids? Everyone fucking run. Yeah.
You would be gone.
And when they were like, Iron Man saved the day, you'd be like, what?
There was a lad with whips.
He was whipping cars.
I do love that scene, but he could have shot his head just like,
because he's not wearing it.
He's so bare.
He's so bare.
It would be very easy.
I think sporting events, attendance would go down.
Definitely. I feel like they would never have another.
What race was that?
That was an F1 race.
They would never do it again.
But any kind of gathering of sports thing, you'd be like, I'm sus now.
You'd be like, I don't want another terrorist event.
Especially with Tony Stark's attending.
Fuck that.
I'm out.
Thanks for playing.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, I'm surprised when Tony Stark did his speech for a bunch of kids,
there wasn't a guy there with whips just coming in
when did he do the kid's speech?
the TED talk kind of thing where he goes to school
he's like here's a video of me young
here's my very intimate memory
of me and my family
have you ever seen Weird Science?
this is what I looked like in that
I'm back
so that's
the day the Hulk's came, the day the Iron Mans came.
Because also,
at the end of Iron Man 2,
lots of whiplashers Iron Man arrive,
and they shoot everyone.
Everyone.
And Iron Man's drunk,
and it's real clear that he's drunk,
and you're like,
who is this drunk billionaire?
He's very transparent about history.
Exactly.
I'm not happy.
And then the army tried to do something,
and there's that army
guy. He's not like covered up as in
like hush hush put him away.
He's a gen pop. Because like imagine
that you like so the four of us are hiding under
a table in our tuxes because we
invented this tech event thing. It would just be like a good night
out or whatever. Yeah. We're panicking.
Iron Man lands. Runs
off. Another Iron Man
lands. You'd just be like
there are two
guys there are
fucking two of them
this is good
how many of them
are there
and then a third one
lands and starts
shooting people
what is actually
happening
do we know
that's real good
and even though
he didn't cause that
people would assume
that he did
yeah I'd associate
with him
like if a man
was drunk in a suit
that shot things
and then another empty suit rocked up
and I wouldn't know it was empty.
He just also started shooting things.
I'm like, he started a gang.
Yeah.
Like the Iron Gang is coming.
Damn.
So that's Iron Man 2.
It's up to Thor.
Thor?
Thor.
Is it Thor or Captain America?
Thor, then Captain America.
So Thor, you'd be like-
You might not know about Thor
because it's pretty much-
That's some small town shit, man.
You know, and plus it's a little...
It's like a little border town.
He looked like a 7-Eleven.
Honestly, I think it was Iron Man again.
Yeah.
Because a giant metal thing
came down to a small town...
That's true.
...and shot, you know,
a bunch of things with lasers.
Fucking drunk Iron Man.
Even Coulson's like,
is this Starks?
Yeah.
He's in S.H.I.E.L.D.
He doesn't even know.
Fuck.
No one's telling anyone anything.
And like, because again, if you only heard about that.
Or you only saw pixelated iPhone 1 footage of it.
Yeah.
I'd be like, fucking Tony Stark getting drunk,
smashing a small town.
Destroying this blonde dude with a hammer.
What's up with that?
Who's this guy?
He's fucking ripped.
He's a handsome boy, though.
You wouldn't think that he was anything special.
You'd be like, that's a weird guy.
He's wearing some weird clothes.
I'd be thinking, man, Middle America are weird.
You'd be like, who's this grandpa?
You wouldn't be able to see it properly.
You'd just see long blonde hair.
With a hammer.
I'm like, okay, that's strange.
Who's this grandpa with a hammer fighting Iron Man?
That's real strange.
And then he just leaves for a while.
Yeah, he just goes.
For many movies.
He's just off. You're like, okay, now we're going to see that grandpa while for many movies he's just off
you're like
okay
now we're gonna see
that grandpa again
no it's just like
why is Iron Man doing this
why is Yasuo in that movie
I don't understand
the government's here
sure
in Captain America
Captain America 1
he's a hero
he's a hero
he's a hero
he stopped the Nazis
and you'd know that
you'd be like
Captain America stopped the Nazis
that was alright
but that doesn't change anything
because you would already know that
before any of this
because that all happened in 1945.
That's true.
And if a guy, like a war hero turned up now and started fighting wars again, I'd be like,
wait, hang on.
Things are different.
Hold a moment.
Yeah.
You need to do some reading before you flip back.
No, I mean, like, if Churchill came back to life for a bit and was like, going to the
Middle East, I'd be like, hmm.
Yeah.
Churchy.
Well, my understanding is Churchill came back into power after the war
and completely fucked everything up.
Like, it was a good wartime prime minister.
Yeah, prime minister, but a terrible peace.
Very bad in peace.
Yeah.
I feel like, but you wouldn't know.
As a public figure, you would know.
Oh, public figure.
Oh, yeah.
At the moment Captain America starts parading around,
you'd be like, oh, that's sweet.
They're honouring that guy who died
in World War 2
you'd be like
you probably wouldn't
even know Captain America
as a hero
you would know him
as the gaudy
oh the US
mascot
yeah
what's that called
not like the HBO show
but the USO show
USO
yeah USO
I think USO
yeah you'd be like
yeah yeah
the mascot of that
okay they're doing a thing with him I guess
that's classic what's Iron Man up to now
and then yeah the Avengers happen which we've already covered
and you'd just be like
what a nightmare that was
Loki comes in and you're like
the grandpa
the grandpa is fighting that middle aged woman
no?
hang on
I don't know what's happening.
He's fighting that slippery woman.
She's got horns.
Like a trim Alan Rickman.
Yeah, exactly.
They're just tumbling about.
What is this?
I'm imagining all these conversations,
us under a thing.
Yeah.
Under a car.
What is going on?
I can't see the wheels blocking my view.
The grandpa's fighting a middle-aged woman, I think.
That guy from the USO show, from middle aged woman I think that guy from the
USO show
from the parade
I think is there
he's got a shield
that's alright
there's a bloke
oh there's a big
green bloke
oh shit
he's bad
oh no
there's one
and you'd be panicking
like where's the other
where's the other
where's the other
where are all the other
iron mans
oh shit where's that other silver iron man is that the other where's the other whole where are all the other iron mans oh shit was that other silver iron man is that too many things well loki like possesses of
michael's a bunch of lads in germany i want to say yeah yeah that would be confusing that would
be a time you'd be just how do you explain that i'm like i kneeled i don't know why
yeah what did the newspapers report after that event?
It's just a question mark.
No idea.
It's always just like you see it in the background of Daredevil.
It's just like the New York incident, but it's so vague.
It's like there was a series of explosions.
There was a lot of color and light.
There was some flying things.
I think I saw a big whale.
A flying whale came in and land crashed? There was one. There was some flying things I think I saw a big whale A flying whale came in and crashed
There was one
No you're not necessarily
There's one or more hulks
We don't really know
He was kind of everywhere
Number of hulks remains
Again I'd assume it was Iron Man
I would assume a bunch of Iron Men were coming in
The first one you'd be like bloody Iron Man
Is he making Iron Whales now?
I guess But also these Chitauri are bailing up people So I, you'd be like, bloody Iron Man. Is he making Iron Whales now?
I guess.
But also, these Chitauri are bailing out people.
So I guess they'd be like, yeah, they tried to kill us in Captain America.
Because there is that moment.
That's true.
Captain America stepped in. In fact, you would have people telling the media, being like, no, no, no.
Captain America saved me.
So you would still get a good impression of Captain America.
Would you figure out that, say, Captain America and the Hulk were working together?
I don't know.
Would you make that jump?
What about the lad with the bow?
Yeah, I know.
Would you even notice?
I don't think you'd notice.
Probably not.
You'd be like, there was a fellow with a bow.
I saw her at one point, a girl in a crowd pool had some guns.
Like, she was just ready to go.
She was a real consent citizen.
She was just happy to leap into the fray.
What a chick.
Like, we were there hiding under a car again,
but she was gone home.
Jackson, what's happening?
The bow guy has run out of arrows.
He's falling off.
Oh, God.
I think he's got it.
Oh, no, he's right.
Grandma got him.
Grandpa got him.
That's good.
I think I'd invest in a pair of binoculars.
Absolutely.
I just wonder what's happening.
A clear idea of what's occurring.
And then, how does it... It ends with
Iron Man flies up into the sky. Yeah, he flies in.
There's a bomb. There's a bomb. Does it suckle the Chitauri
up? No, they just drop dead like the
Phantom Menace. So what do we do
then? Say the four of us under a car
drop dead. We see the fucking Avengers
go and get Schwarmers. There was a
giant portal up in the sky.
We're like, is this the Reckoning?
Yeah, absolutely.
Is this the end times?
Are we being left behind?
Is this left behind?
Are we in left behind right now?
Are we in fucking left behind right now?
Do we know anyone that got up?
Do we know anyone that got up?
You creep out from under the car.
You find one of the Chitauri.
You take off his mask.
You're like, oh, God!
Guys, we're being possessed
there's demons
I would think it was
yeah
I would become religious
I think
if I was
I guess
yeah
we feel like
we've probably just seen
the end of days
I would fail
I see any of them anywhere
I leave
yeah
you would just learn
yeah
even if they're not
wrecking something
something's coming
to wreck them.
Yeah.
You would associate them all with each other, good and bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would find religion real hard after Avengers won the first because, yeah, it sounds like the end times.
It sounds like biblical.
Or you'd lose religion because you'd be like, well, there's aliens.
So what does that mean?
But you'd think either that they were devils that came from the sky.
Oh, man.
They're angels.
They're angels.
What happens after Avengers?
What's after Avengers?
Iron Man 3.
So Iron Man 3, we'd be like, that Iron Man guy got his house blew up.
There was that terrorist attack who wasn't really a terrorist.
He deserved it.
He was like, hey, terrorists, here's my address.
The door's always open.
And everyone would just be like, fair.
Makes sense that it blew up. Ben Kingsley becomes almost like a media sensation at the end. here's my address. The door's always open. And everyone would just be like, fair. Yeah. Makes sense.
Ben Kingsley becomes almost like a media sensation at the end.
Yeah.
Everyone's taking photos.
We love you, man.
Everyone loved him for some weird reason.
Was there ever a point where Iron Man was like, yo, hey, everybody, Avengers initiative.
Or are we still in the dark about what the fuck happened in New York?
I'm fairly certain most people.
I know there is Avengers because they're a public kind of,
because he's got a big A on the building.
They must count for something.
But who, how do we learn that?
There has to be some kind of PR.
Ah, because in New York, you see.
Pepper Potts?
Yeah.
She releases some PR?
Has to.
So what do you think?
I feel like Coulson also needs debt at this point.
Never mind.
What would we think?
The four of us underneath a blanket?
Just in our one budget?
Are we like,
oh, those lads,
wasn't it Grandpa?
Huh.
It was a handsome boy.
Wow.
A fancy boy.
A fancy boy.
It was a fancy boy
with a hammer.
I guess
they're for our protection?
Huh.
But I would also be like,
they bring all this shit.
Yeah.
Like Loki's here
because Thor's here.
Yeah.
Whatever, you know what I mean?
Like they all bring something.
They all have, every time they're in the media,
it's because they had to fight basically them again.
I'm sure they're just not fighting robots.
I would be very convinced that they're just fighting robots.
Yeah.
Because it happens again in Iron Man 3.
There's a bunch of robots come in to, I would say,
kidnap the president.
Yes.
Because I'd be like, the robots kidnap the president
or the vice president.
No, the president, because the vice president was terrorism.
He was Hydra.
He was Hydra?
No, he wasn't Hydra.
That was later.
But he probably was Hydra because everyone's Hydra.
Everyone's Hydra and Skrulls.
That's the rule.
And when a whole lot of Iron Man turn up, you're like,
is this good?
Because sometimes it is.
Sometimes it's not.
Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Are you going to get saved by the Iron Man? sometimes it's not sometimes it's bad are you gonna get
saved by the iron man in ultron it's well initially they're good though yeah you're like
oh these guys are all right except you hate them anyway because you live in that shithole town
yeah that's true so it happens after uh yeah thought too you're like yes remember when the
world ended in london that one time oh yeah just portals and shit. Like reality just made a big hole.
Those poor people were in a fighter jet.
I like that scene.
I like that scene too,
but you gotta hope they got like a little doco afterwards.
So we're doing a gap year through Europe.
I remember one of those double-decker buses on the top.
We're like, man, it is nice to get away from America.
Oh, God damn it.
It's the fancy boy. Fuck. It's the fancy boy.
Fuck, it's the fancy boy.
Everybody under the map.
He's fighting like a goblin, I think.
I have no fucking clue.
I don't like this swirling blood tornado.
This is real bad.
Driver, turn around.
We're going back to Wales.
Nothing bad ever happens in Wales.
And then after that, Winter Soldier happens, which is all like...
Kind of covert.
Then it's like, oh, then a helicarrier just crashed into the ground.
Yeah, I'd be like, oh, a helicarrier crashed into S.H.I.E.L.D.
There goes my tax dollars.
Plus you'd be like, there was a helicarrier in the sky?
With the what now?
How many guns?
Who's helicarrier?
Somebody has to make,
that can't happen
and then nobody says anything.
Yeah.
Somebody from the government
has to come out and be like,
we had helicarriers.
Even if it's a lie,
even if they're like,
it would be a lie.
It would just be like,
Black Widow leaked all that stuff though,
so I think they knew.
Oh, true.
She's the Snowden of our time.
Correct.
Oh yeah, no,
because that's right.
As of Age of Ultron,
we would not be in the dark.
Yeah.
Because Age of Ultron is when things start going public.
Yeah, after Age of Ultron.
Then we're like, oh, it wasn't two hulks.
It was a hulk and an abomination.
It is fucked that it takes that many years for the four of us to find out what the hell is happening in the world.
It's like six years.
Six years of terror.
Oh, wait, maybe longer.
This is what people feel like when they go and see one of these movies,
not having seen the other ones.
They're just like, who's the blue guy?
What?
He's fancy, isn't he?
Who's this fancy nano?
Blue Hulk, Red Hulk, fucking Green Hulk.
Rainbow Bloody Hulk.
Fucking, not everyone's a Hulk.
So that's Age of Ultron, in which we're like,
but Age of Ultron, you're like, I don't know about Slovakia or whatever.
Yeah.
But also, Age of Ultron, I mean,, I don't know about Slovankia or whatever. But also, Age of Ultron needs there if we read the leaked documents.
But are we?
I'm not.
I didn't read what Snowden leaked.
No, that's true.
Most people wouldn't.
Yeah, but we'd hear about it.
I'd rely on BuzzFeed.
Yeah, exactly.
BuzzFeed would be like, 15 interesting things from the Black Widow leak.
And I'd just be like, scrolling through it.
The Avengers initiative.
We'd be like, oh, that's what it was.
There was not two Hulks. There was just one and an abomination. Oh, it was the day of the Hulk Widow leak. And I'd just be like scrolling through it. The Avengers initiative. Oh, that's what it was. There was not two Hulks,
there was just one
and an abomination.
Oh, it was the day
of the Hulk and abomination.
Fancy Boy is an alien.
Gary Shandling's Hydra?
Huh.
What?
Get into that one.
There are aliens
and they're beautiful
versions of us.
That's weird.
Okay then.
The Head of S.H.I.E.L.D.
is dead,
but not really maybe,
question mark.
Yeah, sure. Everyone is Hydra. Age of Ultron. Age of Ultron is...I.E.L.D. is dead but not really maybe question mark Sure
Ant-Man
We don't know about Ant-Man
Ant-Man just a building blew up
Would a building blow up even make news anymore?
No hang on
A building had a train shoot out of the fucking roof
A building had a tank shoot out of it
That's something where we're like
I'm sure this is some Avengers bullshit.
I don't know what.
By that point, you'd open the paper and be like,
well, I'm sure that this is definitely going to come back
and bite me in the ass at some point.
Exactly.
And then in Civil War...
Because again, Scott Lang does a little interview thing
and he's like, Tony Stark's a piece of shit.
Fucks Tony Stark.
And we'd all be like, shut up, Scott Lang.
Tony Stark's an angel.
No, I think we'd be like, yeah, fuck that guy.
Finally.
Finally somebody said it.
We've all been thinking it.
Is it just Age of Ultron, Ant-Man, Civil War?
Is that right?
Yeah.
It seems like there should be more in the middle.
I think you're thinking of Deadpool.
Well, because it's Captain America, Civil War.
Batman v Superman.
There's so many
There's so many movies in between
Civil War we don't
We don't get much
Nah because Civil War
Doesn't really make it
They blow up that airport
Oh no no no
Civil War you just get
Oh good they're illegal now
That's alright
Yeah
It's that political assassination
Yeah
Yeah
Civil War
Then you're kind of like
Well things have turned
Yes
Civil War I think
Is about the time
Where you're like
Thank God Actually no He's doing something about it Nah but after Civil War You're probably scared Because you're kind of like, well, things have turned. Yes. Civil War, I think, is about the time where you're like, thank God.
Actually, no.
He's doing something about it.
No, but after Civil War, you're probably scared because you're like, they're illegal.
And yeah, that captain lad, he's no longer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wasn't he kind of the good one?
Yeah, no.
Oh, fuck.
Because Captain America is the one that hasn't spooked you at any point.
Yeah.
Captain America is the one you're like, he's not killed anyone.
He seems just like a lovely man. He's like, he's not killed anyone. He seems just like
a lovely man.
He's like,
he's escaped
and he's a fugitive.
He's an enemy
of the country.
You're like...
Enemy of the world,
not just the country.
He's an enemy of,
not the enemy of the state,
enemy of the world.
But if I was like Stark
and him,
I'd pick Captain America
because he seems nice.
Yeah, oh, for sure.
And he's never flown
an army of robots at me.
They're best... You he him protecting people?
Obviously Iron Man protected people.
Iron Man.
Tony Stark has probably gone on a press release and said,
look, I fucked up.
I'm sorry.
Not good enough, quite frankly.
Too many evil robots.
Fair point.
But at least he knows his flaws.
And he's trying to be like,
this is why these protocols are in place,
so that I, Tony Stark, don't send evil robots at you anymore.
And I'd be like, well, that's good.
But the consequences of his stupid actions compared to,
like, if Captain America makes a mistake, maybe someone dies.
I don't know.
But if, like, Iron Man fucks up, like, that's, they're war crimes.
Imagine if Elon Musk was like, so, super sorry.
I have this super weapon.
I knocked out half a city block dead super
sorry yeah super sorry and i've made a policy so i won't do it again that's right look it's
happened again like yeah i like it i like your policy but you're in jail mate yeah well it's
like iron man does it what four times because iron man one two and three all super suits that
things go wrong and while he might
necessarily make them all
they're all linked
yeah
and Ultron was him
and Ultron is him
so that's four
plus
he's science too hard
that's just the movies
if we're living in New York
someone's also talking
about Daredevil
right
is he like
another-y
what's his deal
is he like
also one of them
but like he's on the street and just out there
I'd move for sure also Black Panther
oh yeah Black Panther
he's like you have another
country who
their head of state is also
like an Iron Man cat person
Civil War actually
would completely flip you on Captain America
as a member of the public
because fucking
you know after Ultron
you're like you know what he's the only one fucking looking out for us
then you see on the news it's like Captain America
with fucking KGB
assassin you'd be like that's
well what's that
news is pretty much like Captain America
world's biggest cunt
excuse me sorry was he hanging out
I don't know that
They were friends
No you don't
No one's like
Oh hey
Hi this is the
Fucking daily news
It's fine
They were buddies
Back in the day
Oh no it's
For knowledge
Because in the museum
Remember Bucky
It was not like
Bucky
Taken by the KGB
Made into
An assassin
But yeah you don't have
Bucky is the winter soldier
You don't know that
Bucky was his mate
You got Bucky
Then you have KGB
I'm not looking at that guy
Like while we're under Some fucking rubble I'm like I don't know The Captain America his mate you got bucky then you have kg i'm not looking at that guy like while we're under some fucking rubble i'm like so i don't know the captain america guy's
fighting this guy with the metal arm oh do you guys remember we went to the museum last week
and there was that that statue of that fella bucky i reckon this is bucky but his hair is long
because time has passed so that would make sense that his hair is long yeah i reckon it's him he's
come back the same way. You know how Captain America came back? Shit, he's coming over here.
He's coming over.
He's coming over.
And at that point,
do we even know that that's the same Captain America from the 40s?
Yeah, that's exactly.
Because in the comics,
there's been multiple Captain Americas.
Plus, we already know there's multiple Hulks and Iron Mans.
Yeah.
Who knows how many of them there are.
I just feel like that government army official agent person
has gone rogue.
That's not good. How does the world cope? And you wear the helmet. I'd just be like, that government army official agent person has gone rogue. That's not good.
How does the world cope?
And you wear the helmet.
Knowing that there is just an actual witch.
Yeah.
All right.
We got one.
She does just magic, I guess.
You're like, fuck my life.
What do people know about the purple face AI man?
Oh, yeah.
Is that a common?
No, because he's all up in the
Stark Tower. People take a photo in Slovakia, like little with their flip phones, take a photo of the vision. But you would, I think at this point, everyone died when the planet fell. At this
point you'd just be like, like they've become a blur. I would stop picking them out. I'd be like,
oh, anothery. Yeah. Reading the paper like spider child in them out. I'd be like, oh, anothery. Never reading the paper like,
spider child in New York.
I'd be like, yep, that seems fair.
I guess we're due for one.
I guess, what is it?
It's like another year's gone by.
We need anothery.
Because Iron Man has those YouTube clips
of Spider-Man doing stuff.
So clearly people are filming it.
He caught a car on a bus.
People are like,
the fuck is getting their phones so people like people like the fuck
is getting their phones out being like the fuck is this yeah the one that's this on twitter you're
just getting videos with a hashtag another yeah fuck that life yeah and also every now and then
one of them will be wanted in the papers and then turn around and be like and the hulk's back and i
guess we're cool with this now or like captain America's wanted twice and with the soldier and then civil war yeah but then he's okay he's all right again
like he's once again everyone's mate issuing this shit and then retracting it because no one really
reads retractions you would not know who to trust ever fuck I really really hope they get J. Jonah
Jameson in Spider-Man Homecoming because he will get to talk shit about all the Avengers now.
Yeah.
I hope so, because he should.
I want a J. Jonah Jameson solo film.
Yeah.
Where he just talks shit about the Avengers.
Yeah, just from the public eye being like,
what's this, Hulk's on the good side?
No, no, no, no.
Remember when we ate a lad?
Look at that.
Would you be able to tell the difference
between the good guys and the bad guys?
I know that's kind of been the point that you wouldn't,
but would, when, say, you saw Ultron and the Ultrons,
might you for a second be like, oh, all right,
they've come to sort out whatever problem the Avengers are facing?
I think that would definitely, yeah, you wouldn't know.
No, it'd be so hard to tell.
If you were in the airport watching Civil War fighting happening,
just from your terminal,
like we're all there maybe ready to go to Euro Disneyland or whatever.
Yeah, I was excited for that trip
looking at the window
they were like
hey
you know all those lads
we always see
in events
oh no
hey the bow guy's there still
huh
he is with them
okay
oh god he's big
fuck
he's so massive
little bloke's real big bloke now
little bloke keeps disappearing
then getting real big thenke now. Little bloke keeps disappearing,
then getting real big, then disappearing.
This is fucked, guys.
There's a birdman now.
Who's the birdman?
Is he a birdman?
I don't know what's real anymore.
Because that birdman, Falcon, his suit for the army, yeah?
Yeah.
So the army has that.
He stole that. But was he using that while he was in the army? yeah? So the army has that. He stole that.
But was he using that while he was in the army?
Yes.
So the army has that.
So there'd be more than one, you'd think.
So the public would know that that is something army lads were using in wars.
Doesn't he say it's a prototype?
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure there's a throwaway line where they're like,
yeah, it's a prototype and I stole it.
I stole it, it's not perfect, bye.
But then if it's a prototype then clearly then the army are developing that
so you know how we get
those YouTube videos
of like Big Dog and shit
I thought you said
YouTube videos
and I got excited
you know that Big Dog
that gross mechanical
beast thing
that is a robot dog
and they just keep
trying to push over
and stuff
oh that's sad
I like that
and they push it
and he's back up
and takes like a champ
so we'd get stuff like that
you'd be like
oh I guess the military
is out there
I guess he's the
military representative.
Silver Iron Man's back.
Iron Man and his robot friend are back.
I don't see any hulks.
That's good, right?
Where are the two hulks?
And where's Fancy Lad and his hammer?
Yeah, where's he?
I don't know who these people are.
What a confusing tour of Europe.
I cannot wait to get to Europe.
Oh, Big Lad just fell on the plane.
Not happening, I guess.
And I think, well, there's an actual spider.
All right.
Yep, this is good for us today.
And there's only more to come.
Exactly.
It's not going to get less complicated, is it?
It's going to be a hell for Johnny Q Citizen.
I'm excited for Thanos to come to Earth first.
Oh, yeah, fuck. Yeah, John Q Citizen. I'm excited for Thanos to come to Earth first. Oh, God.
Yeah, fuck.
Yeah, John Q Citizen, I don't know how you'd cope.
I don't know what you'd do.
You'd be very grey or very bald.
I'd maybe either join the army or become super religious.
I'd dig a hole and just sit in it.
I'd just move just somewhere remote.
No, but even somewhere remote, then you're thinking of like Thor.
Yeah, but I'm talking like,
you know, like Hawkeye's farm.
Yeah, but that's where Hawkeye's farm is. Yeah, but he only has one farm though.
But I feel like you're in danger wherever you are.
If you're in the city,
that's the scene where everybody fights.
If you're in the country,
that's the scene where they land from wherever they were.
Yeah, because Iron Man lands in some podunk town.
The sea!
Hulk falls out of the sky at one point,
crashes through a bomb.
He does.
That farmer takes it like a champ.
He's like, you're naked, cover up your dick.
I don't need that.
You're wet.
Yeah, and then Iron Man lands in that small town
and that whole town ends up getting murdered
by Man-Thing's wife.
Yeah!
That'd be bad
living in a small
town.
I remember if it was
Australia, nothing
ever fucking happens
there.
I know.
Can you name one
Australian Marvel
character?
No.
There's probably
Shark Attack still,
but that's fine.
Pyro?
Yeah, that guy from
X-Men.
He's an X-Man.
There's no X-Men in
the cinematic universe.
There's only Wonder
Childs or whatever.
I think you're fine
if you're in Australia
and you're not near
the bridge.
Yeah, that's true.
Stay away from monuments.
Yeah.
And you'll be okay.
Melbourne's pretty boring.
I'm just going to keep
living where I do.
Yeah.
Melbourne's good.
It's not boring.
You know, we told that
from the perspective
of citizens of America.
That's true.
Citizens of Australia,
we are going to know
far less.
Yeah, we'd be like,
what is happening?
What is happening in America?
That's crazy over there.
And then we'll go back to our
bloody meat pies and gang of ladies.
And be like, thank God.
Thank God we live in the lucky country.
Then we'd see like a
Hemsworth and be like, cheers boys.
Oh dear.
Fuck.
I don't think you'd know much living in that world.
I think you would be living a permanent confusing nightmare
Yeah
I hate it
Me too
This makes me angry and I don't even know why
I am powerless to stop it
That's how I feel in this universe just watching the movies
I think I would maybe even try to myself
Build an iron armour
Or at least find a guy who might do one for me
that's beyond me
me too, which is why I'll end up like Justin Hammer
and break some guy's neck
that was it there from the waist
yeah, just horrible
or I'd be trying to give myself
or any kids that I have superpowers
somehow, I don't know how
I'd be probably causing
I'd be like kids, we're going under the house
you know how many funnel webs we've got there? so many I'd be probably... If I found out about the spider bite, I'd be like, kids, we're going under the house.
You know how many funnel webs we've got there?
So many.
You know how rich I'm going to be off you spider boys and girls?
Let's go.
You'd have superhero... You know how we have dance mums?
You'd have superhero mums.
So people actively going out of their way
to give their kids superpowers.
Hey, kid, go stand in that radioactive pond for a bit.
No, no, you're swapping.
Oh, no, you've just got basic cancer over the everything.
Regular cancer.
Oh damn.
I don't know how to do this.
That's a 50-50 chance there.
You either become a man thing or a cancer boy.
Yeah.
Jackson became one of them.
Man thing came from science and magic, not radiation.
I apologize.
Science, magic, not radiation. I apologise. Science, magic and revenge.
And on that note,
I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.
I've also been Joel. I've been James.
Have you got ideas about the worst
things that we didn't even think of?
Like the fact that Kilgrave can just make us
eat our own...
Faces?
Or any of that shit, tweet us in.
And that's just
the Marvel Universe
yeah I know
I was thinking that as well
don't even
fucking get me started
don't even consider
being like
we live in
Metropolis and Gotham
two crime ridden cities
we're close to each other
just across the bay
and midway is in the middle
there's no
physical difference
between those two cities
like you know
there's one supposed to be
the bacon of like modern technology and whatever and the other's one supposed to be the bacon of, like, modern technology
and whatever, and the other one's supposed to be some shithape.
They just were, like, the same shithape.
Same, same. And so, wait, hang on.
So it goes, Gotham,
so there's a bay, like a Madonna sea.
As far as I'm aware.
On the top of one of the seas is, like, say, Metropolis.
Yes. And the other bottom, you have Gotham.
Yes. And then in the middle of the sea, we've got Midtown.
Yes. Fuck off.
That's bullshit.
Basically, the DCEU takes place in one
long base
that they just give different names.
And, fingers crossed, Aquaman is going to take
place in the bay.
And Wonder Woman just to the left.
And then it makes a giant D.
Aww, shit yes.
Symbolism.
If that's the case, faith restored. giant D. Oh, shit, yes. Symbolism.
That's the case.
Faith restored.
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