Plumbing the Death Star - What Important Questions Have You Always Wanted to Ask, But Never Been Allowed to Ask?

Episode Date: August 22, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sands Pants Radio, Australia's hottest podcast network. Hey everyone, I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm Joel. And welcome to a very special episode of Plumbing the Death Star. Episode 400. Whoa. Where we usually ask the important questions, but this week we're asking the rejected questions.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Questions that we thought were not good enough for various reasons to do a whole episode on we're just jamming them all together and seeing how this goes happy 400 motherfuckers first question would you receive the oral sex as described in flow riders whistle First question. Would you receive the oral sex as described in Flo Rida's whistle? Okay. You have no idea how long, listeners, I've had this question ready to go. Desperate, desperate for any chance to discuss it. So to let people in a little bit behind the scenes,
Starting point is 00:01:00 we have, I guess, a living document where we just throw things at to see questions that we want to ask. And usually... The fuse of you to describe this situation before Jackson launches straight back into this song is burning so quick. I can see Jackson's almost ready to climb across the table and slap you like, Shut up! Floor on his crystal! It's happening for me!
Starting point is 00:01:23 I understand. You're excited. It's like fucking 400 Christmases all for Jackson. So we have a living document that we often have to, like, when we look through and some are good, some are very bad. And usually there is a discussion before we record, like, what episode are we doing today?
Starting point is 00:01:43 And nine out of ten times, Jackson will be like, what about Flo R doing today? And 9 out of 10 times, Jack's going to be like, what about Flo Riders? Whistle and get... We're like, okay, do you think this is an episode? And that's a discussion we often have to have. Every time I've ever suggested... So I'll get one of two responses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. We'll do that later.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Ignored or shut down. We'll be like, what episode should we do this week? And I'll be like, oh, what about the Flo Rida question that I've had for a while? And they'll be like, pause, scene, scene. Brand new conversation starts. But it's finally my chance to talk about the oral sex as described in Flo Rida's Whistle. Now, we know Flo Rida's Whistle is a song about oral sex. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:24 Okay. But the oral sex described sounds insane. Is it the whole thing where you've got to just put your lips together and blow? Can you blow my whistle, baby? Whistle, baby, let me know. So his penis is a whistle. I'm going to show you how to do it, and we start real slow. Yep.
Starting point is 00:02:39 First of all, calling your penis a whistle is crazy. Okay? I mean, you don't really want to blow down the urethra. You never want to blow down the urethra. Pro tip! If you're in the business of sucking dicks and you haven't actually sucked your first dick, let me
Starting point is 00:02:56 tell you, don't blow. Let's imagine, what is the motion you do with your mouth when you whistle? Yeah, okay. So again, audio medium. They heard the whistle. Yeah, but that doesn't demonstrate the technique.
Starting point is 00:03:13 You make your lips real little. You purse your lips. You purse your lips and you blow. And push air through that cursed hole. What if they do those things when you put your fingers in your mouth? Yeah, like you're calling a dog and then you place your mouth to a penis head
Starting point is 00:03:27 and you blow. Lassie, come here! What if you have a penis in one hand That's a fat hog you're demonstrating there. Is that a bit better, man? On the side of the glands,
Starting point is 00:03:44 the head, you just put the two fingers there. And then you put those fingers in your lips. Wow. And then. Nothing would make me flaccid quicker. Oh, I don't know if I want to do this. You've got a dick in your mouth, so I'm guessing it's more of a. Oh, I don't know if I want to do this.
Starting point is 00:04:06 You've got a dick in your mouth, so I'm guessing it's more of a... So again, listeners, if you are like, wow, those are some unpleasant noises, know that there was a very, very, very graphic visual. The visual was way worse. A hundred times worse. Okay, so let's carry on. The best way to describe that was like when you put your fingers in your mouth to whistle, but then also imagine the universal gesture for jerking off a dick in the air and then combining the two.
Starting point is 00:04:30 And then making a horrible honking sound. Also with that thing, you're really just focusing on the head. Yeah, absolutely. Apart from just like blowing hair directly onto... Inflating the penis. Blowing up like a balloon. You're just focusing mostly on the head. There's almost zero shafts.
Starting point is 00:04:49 If you blow onto the shaft of a penis, like you whistle onto the shaft of a penis, is it like... Not good. But is it like when you blurt on a stomach? You know, you make the noise. Is that the kind of same thing? Like motorboating a penis.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Yeah. Well, I don't know, but you shouldn't do it is the point so flow rider then goes on to say you just put your lips together and you come real close can you blow my whistle baby whistle baby here we go then he says i'm betting you like people great thing to say to somebody sucking your dick and i'm betting you love freak mode what does he mean by this well look if you are blowing into a penis, I bet you love freak mode. That is pretty freak mode, dude. Like, that's a step definitely above vanilla. It's several steps above vanilla.
Starting point is 00:05:34 If somebody unzips my pants, they're like, I'm about to go freak mode on your dick. I'm like, this is exciting. And then they just like blow you up like a balloon. No. This is beyond freak mode at this point. Then he says, I'm betting you like girls that give love to girls and stroke your little ego.
Starting point is 00:05:50 It doesn't sound like he's talking to the person sucking or about to suck his dick at this point. Is he talking about himself? Is he talking to me, Jackson Bailey? I think he's either talking to himself or he's talking to... We're about to hit another
Starting point is 00:06:05 fucking line of just like, what is going on? So this is exciting. It's good to imagine in this one, somebody's blowing air into his dick and he pulls out a little hand mirror and he says to himself, I'm betting you like people and I'm betting you love freak mode. If he likes getting his dick blown into, Flo Rida does
Starting point is 00:06:22 like freak mode, so that's true. He's not wrong. And I bet he liked girls who give love to girls. Horny. He's wanting a three-way. He's drunk your little ego. A little bit self-depreciating right now, but that's fair. And then yes to three says. I mean, little ego,
Starting point is 00:06:37 I guess it's kind of like a gum leaf, and you kind of use that to whistle into. Is Flo Rida's penis that flat? Maybe Flo Rida has a gum leaf and you kind of use that to whistle into is Flo Rida's penis that flat maybe Flo Rida has a gum leaf alternatively
Starting point is 00:06:52 and here's a theory because we're just reading the lyrics is that someone else singing to Flo Rida oh I see
Starting point is 00:06:59 is that from the perspective of the dick sucker oh I see so they take their purse clips away I stopped whistling I'm betting you like people
Starting point is 00:07:10 And I'm like, what's this? I'm betting you love freak movies Yeah, I do I love when you blow warm air into my penis It's great I'm betting you like girls Sure, they give love to girls Yeah, that's good, I guess
Starting point is 00:07:22 They stroke your little ego Oh, rude And then they get back down And continue to blow air into my penis. Yeah. And then. Yeah. I bet you I'm guilty, your honor. That's just how we live in my genre.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Who in the hell done paved the road wide up? There's only one flow and only one rider. What and how? First of all, first question. What does this mean? Second question, how does this relate to the oral sex I'm receiving? Guilty or honor of what? Of what?
Starting point is 00:07:53 Stroking is illegal? Yeah, or loving freak mode I think Yeah Yeah, actually, no, no, no That still pays into So I'm betting you like people coming from the person that he is singing about like yeah instructing to blow his penis like a whistle baby yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:08:11 yeah yeah yeah and then if he's responding to what was just said to him he's like yeah i'm guilty i love people that's true i love people and freak mode and there's only one me i'm flora like yeah i'm florida yeah it's how we live in my genre. I assume hip hop. This is my world. Yeah. Nobody's paved the road wider. There's only one Flo and only one Rida. Florida.
Starting point is 00:08:33 Yeah, that is where he got his name from. Yeah, yeah. If you put a space in Florida, it becomes Flo Rida. Then he says, I'm a damn shame. Order more champagne. Order more champagne. Pull the damn hamstring. Try to put it on you.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Bet your lips spin back around the corner. Slow it down, baby. Take a little longer. Rim jobs, baby. Yes! Rim jobs that he wants to be slow and long, which is great. He robs his hamstring that he pulled, was trying to put it on you.
Starting point is 00:09:02 It's so awesome in your rap song about getting- Also on, not in. He's just trying to lay his anus on top of them. But it's awesome to be like, I was not prepared for this physical action. It has harmed me. I've pulled a hair me. Has anyone pulled a hamstring?
Starting point is 00:09:22 Because I know I have. I haven't, actually. It's painful. He was dedicated to the roomie. You know what you don't want to do when you haven't pulled a hamstring? Still receive this oral sex. How great is it, though, that he's getting his penis blown into you like a whistle and he's like, mate, this hurts a lot.
Starting point is 00:09:41 But maybe it would be better if the air was going in my arsehole. Maybe I'd enjoy that more. Let me try. Oh, fuck. Okay. Pull the hammy. All right. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Let's keep up. Water, champagne. Water, champagne. I'm a damn shame right now. She's got to stretch it out. I'm so embarrassed. All right. Eat my arse, please.
Starting point is 00:10:02 So there he is. Okay. So he's basically standing up stop giving action no he's standing up maybe with his leg on a chair or a bench
Starting point is 00:10:10 stretching it out oh no it kind of works you're stretching it out you're putting your ass out a bit well no because I think
Starting point is 00:10:16 what's happened is he's pulled the hamstring pre in the process of turning around he pulled the hamstring no I'm pretty sure he's trying to put it on you
Starting point is 00:10:24 I feel like that it's during a blow job. Yeah, okay. And I don't know why he's putting it on them, but okay. So is the it his penis or his noose? I think the it is his penis. Okay, so he's like, that's actually not how you suck a dick. Pulls it out, lays it gently across their forehead.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Yeah, then he pulls a hamstring. Ooh! Ooh! And then in the action of stretching out the hamstring He's like, well, your lips go around the corner So in the action of stretching his hammy out He's kind of leaning forward a bit So his ass is out And Joe's like, I know what I can do from here
Starting point is 00:10:59 I know what you can blow air into Yeah, yeah, yeah I know this Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, and then he goes on can you blow my whistle baby so he's getting air blown into him
Starting point is 00:11:07 like a balloon fabulous I'm so happy for you Flo Rida then he goes on it's like everywhere I go my whistle ready to flow now
Starting point is 00:11:16 so he's locked and loaded to calm at all yeah we've spoken about wearing a condom whilst flaccid before and I feel like that Flo Rida is a man
Starting point is 00:11:24 that maybe needs to based on this everywhere he goes condom whilst flaccid before and i feel like that flow rider is a man that maybe needs to based everywhere he goes condom on uh shorty don't even know she can get any by the low she tell me she's not a pro it's okay it's under control show me soprano because girl you can handle so so show me soprano what is meant by this i haven't seen sopranos can you show me Soprano. What is meant by this? I haven't seen Sopranos. Can you show me? I can handle it. I'm a big boy. I know it's a bit violent and quite an adult series, but I think I can handle it.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Is there something that can be unlocked by getting your anus blown into whilst watching Sopranos that we don't know about? You get the full ending. The reason it's dark forever cuts to black, but if you're getting your anus blown into you see what happens to Tony the air goes into your eyes
Starting point is 00:12:11 and swells them and then you can see through the blackness of the show you're like oh my god as he's getting groomed he's like holy shit I just remembered the secret about the Sopranos finale put it on I can handle a little bit to the chorus Sure
Starting point is 00:12:25 Just one line I don't know if we focused on it The whole like Can you blow my whistle baby Whistle baby let me know Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it And we start real slow Does that mean he's like
Starting point is 00:12:35 You're doing it wrong He gets down there He's blowing her into a penis And then he starts whistling himself Well I Because that is also the first part of the song Like that's like the first part of the song we know like that's like the first part of the lyrics at all i feel like it's just like that is him pulling down his pants and
Starting point is 00:12:53 waddling over to it or is this a self-suck anthem self-inflation yeah so that would explain why he's done a hamstring all of a sudden. He pulls a hammy as he tries to rim his own anus. You got a backbend. I'm a damn shame Audemars Champagne makes a lot more sense than you imagine he's doing it in front of the people that could be watching him. He's like, I'm ashamed.
Starting point is 00:13:18 He's Audemars Champagne. For you, hopefully forgetting you've seen this. Yeah. Live in my genre. Self-suck. So he's pulled the hamstring, trying to lick his own anus. He's like, order more champagne. Everyone around him is just slack-jawed, just watching.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Champagne is undrunk. Everyone in. Everyone's like, wow. Flo Rida, we could do this for you. But no. Baby, we start slow. Then you come up and park close. Girl, I'm the whistle man.
Starting point is 00:13:50 So is he doing whistles? He's the whistle man. Okay, whether that means... Well, I think he's the owner of the said whistle. Yeah, that's like if somebody's about to suck you off and you're like, well, I'm the penis man. Yeah, I'm the dick man. Hi, I'm the dick man, and let's enjoy some oral sex.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Girl, I'm the whistle man. My Bugatti, the dick man. Hi, I'm the dick man, and let's enjoy some oral sex. Girl, I'm the whistle man. My Bugatti, the same notes. Show me your perfect pitch. You got it, my banjo. That's bad, because I know what that's referring to. Yeah, your banjo string, right? Yeah, fantastic.
Starting point is 00:14:16 That's that little bit of flesh. Okay, and the next line again. Talented with your lips, like you blew out a candle. Somebody comes, you grab the penis, blow it out. That makes it sound like, because he's like, you've got my banjo, it feels like that what has happened in this situation... Dusha's covering his eyes with his hands like he doesn't want to see anymore. So what I could imagine has happened is
Starting point is 00:14:46 Flo Rida has a foreskin. Sure. The person that has come to visit the whistle man has pulled down the foreskin slightly and then just blown across the top of the dick. Imagine that made it sound like a flute. Yeah. Is that good?
Starting point is 00:15:03 Flo Rida's enjoying it. Because the next line is so amusing. It's not. So amusing. I must say. So amusing. Now you can make it whistle with the music. Hope you ain't got no issues.
Starting point is 00:15:20 You can do it. Sorry. Is the person giving the oral sex to the whistle man when they're playing the banjo, is it a combination of now, like, in terms of, like, a wind and string instrument? Yeah, I think so. Where they're blowing across and then, like, strumming. Yeah, there's a sort of plucking motion happening. Is that good?
Starting point is 00:15:39 No. All of it sounds painful. But he does say, you've just got it, my banjo. He doesn't say play my banjo or anything. So I think he's just- Yeah, he doesn't say let's do dueling banjos. Yeah. Da da da da da da da da da da da.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Yeah. What song was that? That's dueling banjos. Oh. I think my brain was thinking of the devil went down to dueling banjos. That's fair. The devil went down to Prada. The devil's Prada.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Yes, so even- The devil wears Prada? Is that what you're trying to think of? Yeah, it could be. The devil went down to Prada. The devil's Prada. Yes. The devil wears Prada? Is that what you're trying to think of? Yeah, it could be. The devil went down to Prada. That's what you're happy with? Yeah, I was comfortable with that. I quite like the line at the end of this little stanza,
Starting point is 00:16:14 even if it no picture, never lose it. Is Flo Rida saying he has an ugly dick? What do we think? Is it picture? I hope you ain't got no issue. You can do it even if it no picture never lose it yeah with like the pitch of the whistling oh picture yeah it's a complicated one i feel like it's just like you haven't taken a picture of yourself blowing my whistle baby but
Starting point is 00:16:38 please don't forget how to do it that's how i interpret that please i know you've not written anything down yeah and i know what I require is complicated But please, don't forget what you're doing here So amusing Okay There's a line later on that changes Everything Is that the line, go on girl, you can twerk it?
Starting point is 00:16:59 Let me see your whistle While you work it I'ma lay it back, don't stop it because i love how you drop it drop it drop it drop it on me so what's the whistle here is the whistle his penis or genitals or is a whistle the only genital that every gender has everybody's got a whistle in the noose oh my god is it all about the anus? Because if you're blowing, I mean, look, probably also not great.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Let me see your whistle while you work it. Anus. Yeah. Twerking and seeing an anus is... Yeah, that checks out. Well, it's pretty much like, it's almost a guarantee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the twerk, because the ass cheeks come apart and go back, the anus is revealed and then disappears. It's almost a guarantee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the twerk, because the ass cheeks come apart and go back,
Starting point is 00:17:47 the anus is revealed and then disappears. It's like a little magic show. Yeah, exactly. Where'd it go? Oh, there it is. It's like, yeah, like there's somebody who suffers from an anus. It's like playing hide and seek. It's peekaboo with an anus. Yeah, that's kind of nice.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Well, let's examine the lyrics of Whistle in the context of it being an anus the whole time. That's going to make it strange when he turns around. No, it doesn't. I guess it just flips what's occurring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your lips together and you come real close. Feels like it would be better on an anus than a penis.
Starting point is 00:18:20 The motion of kissing a noose as opposed to whistling, it's similar mouth movements. Absolutely. And puckered lips sort of resemble an anus. Yes. So perhaps that's what's happening here. I'm betting you like people.
Starting point is 00:18:36 You would have to kiss an anus. And I'm betting you love freak mode. Kissing an anus feels more akin to freak mode than just whistling into a penis. So when was this written and performed? Great question. Because analungus, while it has become somewhat vogue in more recent years. April 24,
Starting point is 00:18:56 2012. Oh my god, just before Anzac Day. Lest we forget. Lest we forget. Now I'm fairly certain in around about 2012 eating an ass was in vogue 2012 eaten ass was invoked. Not as invoked. That's true. Maybe this is just kind of like jumping on that bandwagon.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Just testing the waters. Maybe like a prophet before his time. The single cover was described as drew praise for its subtlety and originality. Here is the single cover. It just says whistle flow rider and then a picture of a drew praise for its subtlety and originality. Here is the single cover. What?
Starting point is 00:19:26 It just says whistle, flow rider, and then a picture of a whistle. Subtle. Subtle album cover. Subtle single cover. Although there's two shadows of the whistle. I don't know if it's trying to make something and I just can't see it. Yeah. I'm looking for a dick, but it ain't coming up.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Is there an anus? eat it. I'm looking for a dick, but it ain't coming up. Is there an anus? Well, I did a quick Google search of when did eating ass become popular, and I found a lovely Reddit thread which is, did people eat ass in the 1800s or before then? Oh, fascinating.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Seems like a new awesome invention. It's pretty cool. Is that actually what it says? Yes, that's what they're asking. That's great. But yeah, Mozart did write a song called uh lick me in the asshole okay people have been eating ass for centuries it's an obvious move i think well in in 2017 an urban daddy.com uh-huh article is the gentrification of ass eating what about the line that was in 2017 though So mate this was like Before it's time
Starting point is 00:20:26 So I think this is a song An ode if you will To having your arse at The line Who in the hell done paved the road wider Could be a reference to him spreading his arse cheeks That's true There's only one Flo and only one Ryder
Starting point is 00:20:42 Do you reckon maybe Flo is his balls? No, no, no. Maybe Flo is his gooch and Ryder. Because if you're spreading your art. Does Florida resemble? Kind of. No. It's like everywhere I go, my whistle ready to flow.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Maybe that just means he has a clean anus He's always ready to have it licked Shorty don't even know she can get any by the low Tell me she not a pro It's okay it's under control By the low your bottom Bottom low Show me soprano
Starting point is 00:21:18 Cause if you're getting JRC You can see the end of the soprano Girl you can handle Well that means they can handle it While I watch the ending of The Sopranos. Girl, you can handle. Well, that means they can handle it while I watch the ending of The Sopranos. Yeah. Oh, my God. Secret ending.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I'm lost. Well, you could watch it whilst easily getting... I mean, that's... Well, and in fact, Dylan, show me your perfect pitch. You got it, my banjo. Talented with your lips, you blew it out like a candle. Could be a... What do they call that?
Starting point is 00:21:39 A rusty trombone. Yeah. Easily. Yeah. I think you're about to make the noise. Why not? Well, I guess. No, that's fair.
Starting point is 00:21:49 And then go and go. You can twerk it. Let me see your whistle while you work it. Yeah. Then it's flea. Swap around. I want to see your anus.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Now, shorty, let that whistle blow. Is he asking to be farted on? I mean, that's what. Yes. Yeah. It sounds like it sounds like
Starting point is 00:22:05 it sounds like Flo Rida's like spin around okay show me your he's got a lot of requests for this person they're very busy this is freak mode
Starting point is 00:22:11 yeah this is freak mode we're well and truly in freak mode at this point well that's the problem with freak mode is there's a lot of requests
Starting point is 00:22:16 yeah exactly spin around there's a lot going on twerk I don't think that if Flo Rida if it was me and Flo Rida's like
Starting point is 00:22:22 spin around twerk I want to see your asshole flapping in the breeze. And then he was like, please fart. I don't think I could do that on command. Especially if you've just been twerking, because if you needed to fart, probably...
Starting point is 00:22:34 You need to stop. And then there would be that up and down, up and down, and he'd be like, hey, hey, let me see your whistle blow, and I'd be like, okay, stop. Fart. Up and down, up and down.. Fart. Up and down, up and down. Stop,
Starting point is 00:22:46 beat, fart. Yeah. Up and down, up and down. That's kind of how it goes. And I think he would, I think he would be like,
Starting point is 00:22:51 I don't need that again. Yeah. Put your lips together. Come real close. Can you blow my whistle, baby? Whistle, baby,
Starting point is 00:22:57 here we go. Okay. So there's a brief interlude where I fart on Flo Rida's face. And then I turn around and I'm eating his ass again. Yeah. There's a brief little moment in between
Starting point is 00:23:05 where Flo Rida thinks he wants something different, but then he decides actually no. You know what? In the first place, we were doing it correctly. So we've gone through the lyrics, and it seems pretty like, would we receive the blowjob that is, or the oral sex described in?
Starting point is 00:23:19 No. But I'd hate to throw a spanner in the works. Yeah. But the meaning of the song, according to Flo Rida, people are like, oh, it makes a lot of references to fellatio. And he said, no, it's about getting attention. What? How so?
Starting point is 00:23:37 He doesn't say. He just says, no, no, no, no, no. The song's about getting attention. Like a whistle. I think he's thinking about a real whistle. So it's not a metaphorical whistle. It's a real whistle. It's an actual whistle.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Baby, can you blow my whistle? Yeah, to draw attention. Whistle, baby, let me know. Maybe Flo Rida is bitten in a shipwreck. He's in a state of emergency, and he has a whistle, and he needs help. But his lips are so frozen that he needs somebody else to blow the whistle for him. Again, if it's talking about attention, it does kind of make sense where he's just like,
Starting point is 00:24:15 you know, can you blow my, I want attention, but I have a lot of attention. I'm going to show you how to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Third verse. Yep. That's where we're going to immediately hit a roadblock. And this song is just about attention
Starting point is 00:24:26 I'm betting you like people And I'm betting you love freak mode Yeah yeah yeah Could it be If you love freak mode you probably love attention Could it be sort of like a throwback To the circus performers of old I see
Starting point is 00:24:41 Where we used to have those things called freak shows Yeah well maybe in fact it's not. Maybe this was like, Flo Rida was censored and initially it said, I'm betting you like people and I'm betting you love freak shows. But they were like, you can't say that, Flo Rida. So he changed it to freak mode. But really he means you love attention, you love freak, you love
Starting point is 00:24:57 seeing freak shows. Yeah. Not a great thing to say, but maybe he's referring to like... Yeah, like the attention grabbing nature of them. Yeah. What about the line, pull the damn hamstring, trying to put it on you? What in terms of attention could that refer to?
Starting point is 00:25:15 So I've never seen a Flo Rida perform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he do a lot of, say, physical activity? Physical like dancing or kind of like maybe sort of moves Do you want to see a picture of Flo Rida And decide for yourself Yes I do That he would maybe require a thing
Starting point is 00:25:32 And that happens And oh no my hammy I've done a hammy Well if it's not about Here's a picture of Flo Rida Holding a microphone that says Flo He was in Eurovision this year. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Not what I expected. Did he dance? Yeah. So then looking at him, if he's doing something like that, there might be something extenuous that he could pull at him. What about the line, show me your perfect pitch, you got it, my banjo? So then if he's doing something like that, there might be something extenuous that he can pull at him. What about the line, show me your perfect pitch, you got it, my banjo? Is just banjo maybe a pet name he's got for the... Or it's a literal banjo.
Starting point is 00:26:13 So show me the perfect pitch while he's tooling around with a banjo. My banjo, talented with your lips like you blew out a candle. Maybe because... Or is it again kind of like maybe a callback to perhaps like the 19 sort of 50s, like do-wop-do-wop and the one whistle and that stuff. It's like, oh, you're very talented with those lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:26:36 You can sing very well. I think the lyrics maybe make the most sense if you assume he just has a whistle, like a literal whistle, a huge whistle. A huge whistle. That he would like played, because he can't play the, like a literal whistle, a huge whistle. A huge whistle. That he would like played because he can't play the whistle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Can you blow my whistle, baby? Whistle, baby. Obviously. Yeah. I'm betting you like people. This is just him buttering somebody up to blow his whistle. I'm betting you like freak mode.
Starting point is 00:26:58 And I'm betting you like girls that love girls with a circular ego. Yeah, great. Anyways, blow my whistle. He's flirting, so he's like, yeah, anyway, can we catch to the chase? Can you just blow this whistle? Can you blow this whistle? He's a whistle king. Yeah, great. Anyways, blow my whistle. He's flirting, so he's like, yeah, anyway, can we catch to the chase? Can you just blow this whistle? Can you blow this whistle? He's a whistle king. Yeah. He's like, I'm guilty too.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I also love to get my ego blown or whatever. Can you just blow the fucking whistle for a moment, please? I'm so close. Okay, it's a damn shame that you're not playing my whistle. Okay. Order more champagne to try and butter them up so they'll blow this damn whistle. Wet mouth. They blow the wet out of their mouth through the whistle.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Exactly. Pull the damn hamstring because it's a huge whistle. He was carrying this whistle around. He's carrying this massive whistle around the whole time. That's why he needs to offload it onto someone else so they can blow it. Bet your lips spin back around corner. Blow the back of the whistle? Like through the hole in the top?
Starting point is 00:27:44 Just see what happens? He maybe doesn't know how to play whistle. Maybe that's why he needs other people to blow the back of the whistle like through the hole in the top just see what happens he maybe doesn't know how to play whistle maybe that's why he needs other people to blow the whistle it's like everywhere I go my whistle ready to flow he's got the whistle but nobody will play it shorty don't even know she can get any by the low any whistle she wants tell me she not a pro it's okay
Starting point is 00:27:59 she's like I don't know how to play the whistle and he's like it's under control show me the sopranos cause girl you can handle uh maybe there's whistle show me the soprano show me soprano because girl wait isn't soprano is soprano like uh like one of them uh like uh choir voices yeah it's a it's a yeah it's a it's a it's a pitch so i think i think it's a pitch right it's a musical voice a type of classical female singing voice and has the highest vocal range of all vocal of all voice types well flow writer is just confident that this
Starting point is 00:28:41 person can play the whistle then he does want them to twerk and fart on him. But most of the song is about the whistle, I think. So would you receive this oral sex as described in Flo Rida's The Whistle? Yeah, well, a lot has changed since my previous statement. And it's been really hard to figure it out. But I think I'm going to stick with absolutely not. I still think it is about Rimmys. Yeah, what would you receive the Rimmys
Starting point is 00:29:12 as described in Flo Rida's list? No. Why not? Would you? Yeah, what if it's good? Having your penis inflated like a balloon? Or your anus inflated like a balloon? Why are you saying inflated?
Starting point is 00:29:25 I meant inflated. I was thinking about floating, clearly. Yeah, you're thinking about getting kind of like Lanky Kong and Donkey Kong 64. Blown up like a goddamn balloon and floating. And sent to, you know, reach new heights. Yeah. And then I guess, okay, well, it's a yes and no and a no.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Then the next question becomes, do we think this would have been a good episode? Well, we've hit close to the time. Okay. So it would have at least been long enough. Just. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:56 Well, I'll take it. And we, a bit of a stretch. Like, I feel like I almost did a hammy at points in that episode. That's true. That's true. So, no. Okay. Well, hey at points in that episode. That's true. That's true. So, no. Okay. Well, hey, I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:30:07 That's fair. And on that note, what Mad Lad time did Palpatine have between episode six and nine? Okay. Okay So a little behind the scenes of this episode This has been on Our kind of living document for a long time Yeah but I don't even Did it originally say between episodes 6 and 9 Or was it between
Starting point is 00:30:37 Okay so it's not that long But it is what it like It's a listener submitted question Yeah yeah yeah And the only reason I like it is the phrase mad lad time. It makes me giggle every time. I just imagine Palpatine in a space convertible having a sick time. It's one of those questions that every time it comes up,
Starting point is 00:30:56 we have a laugh at it, but then we move on and you can tell Zammett's sad we moved on. He's still laughing. We're like, oh, yeah, that's funny, but we won't do it. We'll do something else. And Zammett's like, oh. Well, because also I feel like the first two times it came up, me and you found it quite funny, Jackson.
Starting point is 00:31:09 And then after the fifth time, we weren't laughing anymore. Zabin's still laughing just as much. It's still good. Imagining Palpatine having mad lad times. I just like the phrase mad lad times. It's a great phrase. It's so very British. It's vivid, you know?
Starting point is 00:31:22 Do you reckon that Emperor Palpatine, to answer the question, do you like to think between episode six when he got thrown down a reactor to episode nine where he had secretly created an entire army and had one last crack at wiping the universe, just had like a Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Yeah. That's a pretty mad...
Starting point is 00:31:40 Well, okay. You've got to define what a mad lad time is. Ferris Bueller's Day Off is probably what comes to mind as the maddest lad time. I imagine being in a shopping trolley and having a friend roll you down a hill. Or Jackass the movie. Yeah, Jackass crossed with Ferris Bueller feels like pure mad lad time to me. We can go through both of those, but we need another mad lad time. When you think mad lad times, what do you think, Joel Zammett?
Starting point is 00:32:03 I think like in a lot of drinking, maybe yelling at a football match. Oh, okay. Sort of maybe like the hangover style adventure. They don't yell at a football match there, though. No, that's true. That's a good point. Going to an AFL match in real life is the... I just imagine you, okay, it's
Starting point is 00:32:19 basically like a Bucks night that goes very wrong. Okay, now we're back at the hangover. Yeah, the hangover. Okay, so let's see if, because the question should be, if we're going Ferris Bueller, can that result in the events of episode eight? You know what I mean? Nine, excuse me, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:35 So can we have the mad lad time in the middle and still arrive at the same ending? Okay, let's try it. Down a reactor, goes all the way through, lands in a sweet convertible, and off he space-chuffs for a mad lad time. No, because he would have to, okay, for the events of Ferris Bueller,
Starting point is 00:32:52 he would have to be thrown down the reactor core or whatever. Yeah. When the Death Star explodes, spoilers, oh my god, he then gets shot through space, lands in a high school. How did he survive?
Starting point is 00:33:07 Here's what I imagine is he lands. It's a clone. That's true. He lands, dies. Why'd they make a bad clone? What do you mean a bad clone? It's a good clone. They tried to make a good, he's a good one.
Starting point is 00:33:15 It's all fucked up. He's got like a big spike in his head. Oh, yeah. No, maybe he's not a clone. I don't think he's a clone. I know, the other guy's a clone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so the guy got thrown down a shaft is a clone?
Starting point is 00:33:24 Okay, look, there is a lot of theories about what has happened here. Has anyone played the Fortnite where it was revealed? Fuck them. Well, the Fortnite where it's revealed, they say, hey, we intercepted a message, here it is. And he's like, I'm back. My Madland time's over. I'm sad.
Starting point is 00:33:41 I miss being a Madland. So really? So the clone that was thrown down there. The Pal the clone that was thrown down the reactor was the clone. And in reality, Palpatine has been having mad lad times the whole time. So the clone thrown down was sort of the equivalent of Ferris Bueller's mannequin in the bed. Yes. You know what I mean? Okay, so there we go.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Palpatine, well, I guess he's dead. And meanwhile, palpatine's having a hot rod time. Now, does palpatine have a sad friend like Cameron? Darth Vader. Darth Vader. Darth Vader who is dying. Secret apprentice. It's great to imagine.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Or that guy, the ugly one from the news. Why can't I remember his name? The other clone. Snoke. He's like, Snoke, spiky-haired red boy. Darth Maul. Darth Maul. But it's great to imagine Darth Vader dying above.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Count Dooku would for sure fill the Cameron role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's got to be someone that Palpatine can be like, you have to get out of bed. And they're like, no, I'm dying. Yeah, well, Dooku went from Jedi to Sith, and he clearly lost faith in the Jedi. And then Palpatine's like, you've got to turn to the dark side.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I'm dying, Palpatine. No, come on. Or Anakin at the end of episode three. Yeah, that's true. I'm dying. No, you're not. You're just hot. We're going to have a day off.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Like Ferris Bueller. So what if then, so he's got right. My mannequin is off there. He gets thrown down. What if he's like, Anakin, what if we make your mannequin go off and just chuck in this little space suit? And then the two of us go have some mad lad times, eh? It's good to imagine Darth Vader, like, he's dying, like, full on dying, and Palpatine's
Starting point is 00:35:25 like, wake up, and Darth Vader's like, I'm dying, and he's like, no you're not. You're faking it. You just can't think of anything better to do. Palpatine looks at the camera and he's like, I know Vader. It's all in his head. So yeah, I think that timeline, that makes
Starting point is 00:35:42 the most sense. If the end of episode three is the phone call from Palpatine to Vader being like, I'm taking the day off. And then episode four, five, and six is the mannequin saga. And then during the mannequin saga is Palpatine's mad lad times. And then into episode six and seven right sorry seven and eight yeah well palpatine doesn't pop up again until nine yeah he's still having sick lad times he has a lot of mad lad times well instead of ferris bueller's day off it's emperor chief palpatine's 30 years off chief palpatine lives a party boy lifestyle yeah maybe it's good to
Starting point is 00:36:26 well the Star Wars music is in Ferris Bueller just saying that's a great point but the Ferris Bueller music is not in Star Wars so what can happen
Starting point is 00:36:32 I'm just trying to fix this alright so episode 3 comes around and he gets fucked up by lightning yes and then that's where he needs
Starting point is 00:36:38 a day off that's where he needs a day off maybe he becomes he becomes the emperor he's got like Anakin there as Darth Vader
Starting point is 00:36:44 makes sense as well because he's just become yeah well yeah he's just become the emperor He's got like Anakin there as Darth Vader Makes sense as well Because he's just become Yeah well yeah He's just become the emperor And he's realised A lot of You know it's that thing Where it's like
Starting point is 00:36:52 Okay I spent so long chasing this thing And I finally got it Oh no I don't actually want this This isn't for me And he's like I don't know what to do If I can clone myself
Starting point is 00:37:01 And I can clone my best boy Annie And then from that point on it's just been two puppets yeah yeah yeah doing that's the mannequin
Starting point is 00:37:10 side of it that's the mannequins baby that's also good because like what happens in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Starting point is 00:37:14 he so Palpatine's going to become the sausage king of Chicago yeah yeah yeah great great great Abe Froman
Starting point is 00:37:19 I'm Abe Froman are you sure sir yes you're Abe Froman sausage king of Chicago I will call Abe Froman up Frohman. Are you sure, sir? Yes. You're Abe Frohman, Sausage King of Chicago. I will call Abe Frohman up. And then Anakin Skywalker's gonna be like I am the police or whatever.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Abe Frohman wears a dark cape. Looks like an old raisin. It's me. I'm so sorry, Abe. Please. Goes to the baseball and gets filmed on TV,
Starting point is 00:37:58 which gets broadcast. That must get broadcast at some point when other stuff's going on and no one notices. Is the emperor at the base? Wasn't he? Isn't he? Maybe he's at the pod racing or something. He's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:11 He's like, yeah. Anakin, Anakin, get low, get low, get low in your chair. Get low past the popcorn. Does he have a sort of beloved that he needs to break out of school, like Ferris Bueller? What's his wife? He does have a wife, right? Because he has a kid, a grandkid. So the sheaf's got a lady friend, right?
Starting point is 00:38:32 Yeah, because he has a normal kid. He has a normal kid and then a space kid or a force kid. I don't really know how that works. Okay, okay. Emperor Palpatine lover. Okay, okay. I just... Uh-oh. Emperor Palpatine lover. Let's see.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Okay. The remarkable detailed new theory indicates that Sly Moore... Sly Moore, great. Fabulous. The Umbaran right-hand woman of Palpatine was also his lover. Okay, so he needs to bust them out by dressing up as her dad. It's me, Sly her dad. It's me. Slimor Sr.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Oh, well. That makes sense. I mean. I don't know how Rey turned out the way she did. Oh, my God. Slimor got intense eyes. Slimor looks like he turned an owl into a human being. But in space.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe not a human being. Oh, it got worse. Oh, yes. I just had to close up with their face yeah Maybe not a human being Oh it got worse Oh Okay Yes I just had to close up With their face To look like a human
Starting point is 00:39:28 But then it's like If you zoom out a bit They've got like Two sets of shoulders I don't know How can you have Two sets of shoulders I don't know
Starting point is 00:39:36 Do they have four arms Or just Well How is it unclear It's more like What the fuck Nothing's allowed To look like that They've either got A very long neck Or two sets of shoulders It's more like... What the fuck? Nothing's allowed to look like that.
Starting point is 00:39:50 They've either got a very long neck or two sets of shoulders. Look, it's an owl person. How does she look like how Ferris Bueller looks like when he's pretending to be the dad? She does. She looks heaps like Ferris Bueller pretending to be... Oh, so that's how it is in that family. Oh, two shoulders in that family. That's how it is there.
Starting point is 00:40:11 And then I don't know who that would be that would be trying to get. Han Solo. Han Solo's like, I reckon Palpatine's not dead. I got to go track down Palpatine across the galaxy, clearly. Or could be Luke. Yeah, could be Luke. Could be Luke to be like, I watched my dad die. But now I'm seeing Palpatine again with my dad.
Starting point is 00:40:38 I don't understand what's going on. Something's occurring here. I reckon it could be a combo of the original. Okay, so there's a sort of. Your ass is grass, dad. That's my Luke Skywalker. Your ass is grass, dad. I don't know why Ansel is calling him dad.
Starting point is 00:40:56 And then Chewie just there also. Chewie's genie, clearly. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Hey, have you always wanted to know a bit more about the inner workings of the media? Your copyrights from your copy wrong, science fact from science fiction, or how to differentiate defamation from degustation? Well, before you eat a bunch of media laws or drop out of a very expensive media master's degree like yours truly,
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Starting point is 00:42:17 Go piss... I will not go piss up a flagpole. And I guess Han can be Charlie Sheen. Yeah, that's true. Making out with Chewbacca at a police station. Yeah. Because Charlie Sheen doesn't help. Han Solo can be.
Starting point is 00:42:37 Yeah, but Han is a bit relaxed. Like, I already helped you kill your dad or whatever. Time to make out with Chewbacca. Yeah. So Ed is the principal, who would be Luke. What's the secretary's name? Not Lorraine. That's Ed and Lorraine Warren.
Starting point is 00:42:56 What's her name? It's like Cindy or it's like a kind of light bouncing name. Because he yelled, Grace! Grace! Grace! Yeah. Chewbacca! Could be Leia. kind of light bouncing because he yelled yeah grace grace grace yeah jibaka could be layer could be layer that's true how great is it to imagine the save ferris water tower but it says save palpatine yeah i hear palpatine's really sick
Starting point is 00:43:22 i hear she's really sick we're putting Save Sheev I hear Sheev's really sick We're putting together for a fun I threw him down the death star As Chewbacca as Genie getting upset Yeah because everyone would think that Like yeah Sheev is dead But everyone was just like Nah he's just a bit wounded
Starting point is 00:43:39 He's just a bit ill I hear He's a bit sick And then at the end When they have to go back to how everything was. Wait, so if... Palpatine blows up the second death star? Well, no, because again,
Starting point is 00:43:53 if it's like... If Vader is sad, but he's also sad at his dad, who's his dad? Isn't his dad him? Or is his dad a different dad? He goes back to his... isn't his dad him? No, his dad is a different Darth. Wado. He goes back to his... His adoptive dad slash piece of shit slave owner.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Yeah, so he goes back to his old pod racer. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what they have the day off in. Yeah, they steal the pod race. You need to get your pod racer. Yippee! Darth Vader's like, my dad will kill me. Yeah, like, my slave order will kill me.
Starting point is 00:44:30 No, come on, it'll be fine. And then they get back and he's like, oh, no. On the meter, there's all of these miles that Watto's going to know have been spent. And also there's a second seat that they've had to install. And also in Biggin because it's for an adult man. And then... You've done how many... What's my water?
Starting point is 00:44:50 I don't know. You've done how many parsecs? And then it crashes out the back of the... Tattoony or whatever. Ben Quadranilla or whatever. In the guts. Ben Quadranilla. That's good.
Starting point is 00:45:06 What did you just call it, Tatooine? Tatooine, I think. And then Palpatine's like, I'm sorry, Vader. And Vader's like, no, it's good. I'm gonna say what I should have said to him all of this time. And then, uh-oh, Palpatine needs to get
Starting point is 00:45:22 to whatever the death planet was from episode 9 I was going to say Sakaar Exodus or something What's Sakaar? Escobar Are you thinking of the guy? No, Exegol
Starting point is 00:45:38 Exegol, it is Exegol How did I know that? Have you seen the movie? I've never seen a movie He's got to get the Exegol on time To meet his granddaughter And that's when we get the He's running through space Sees another couple of people
Starting point is 00:45:55 With two shoulders Gives out his name Oh hey I'm Shee I'm Shee nice to meet you It's also so good Instead of any dog chasing him, it's like Darth Maul with his two lightsabers. His spider legs.
Starting point is 00:46:10 How great is it to imagine it's like Han Solo and Chewie and the Millennium Falcon pull up alongside him as Sheev's running. Huh? Looks out the window. Sheev ducks down. I've kind of seen anything. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:46:27 Then he gets back And he quickly attaches everything Sparks himself to that thing I've been waiting for you Sweaty So you made Snoke Yes Who is Snoke. Yes! Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Who is Snoke? Looking around, we're like, what the fuck? Did I leave another mannequin in charge? It's so funny. Snokes were just his mannequins for when he had mad lad times and there's too many of them. They started, like, it's kind of a thing in, like, multiplicity, whereas it's like you clone a clone and you clone a clone of a clone. Snoke made a Snoke. Can's kind of a thing in multiplicity. Whereas it's like you clone a clone and you clone a clone of a clone.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Snoke made a Snoke. Can't Snoke a Snoke. Exactly. So Palpy just kept making clones and then evolve into a Snoke because they're just a little bit fucked up. And so it's like, did you make a Snoke? What's a... It's so great to imagine Ben Solo being like, yeah, one of them trained me. And he's like, you did what?
Starting point is 00:47:24 You should be able to do that. You have been trained really badly. Oh, no. What did it wear? Just a dressing gown, gold. What? It should have been a black cape. It should have been a rock.
Starting point is 00:47:36 These don't look like me at all. What do you mean? What with his big head in the... Do I have a receding hairline? You must have been trained very wrong. These are barely sent. They're designed for looking like me sleeping in a bed
Starting point is 00:47:49 to trick my parents. It's cool that Anakin's still around. But he's off to yell at Wado. There's that little sneaky scene in episode 9 that no one really sees, which is just Wado really all like, Annie?
Starting point is 00:48:08 Chops his head off. Didn't we have this conversation, Annie? No. Didn't we have it years ago? Then he is, as I imagine that scene, where Anakin Skywalker impales Watto, it actually happens. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. that scene where Anakin Skywalker impales Watto it actually happens yeah that's cool
Starting point is 00:48:25 that's cool well that's uh in the movie episode 9 ends Palpatine being like the movie's over go home go home
Starting point is 00:48:33 what are you still doing I'm dead again he's lying there on the floor with a lightsaber in his chest yeah who can remember oh
Starting point is 00:48:40 what are you doing here yeah I'm still dead should have got a mannequin for this now that I think about it Oh, what are you doing here? Yeah, I'm still dead. Should have got a mannequin for this, now that I think about it. That's the Strasburg Mad Lad time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackass is harder, because he's just doing stunts. Jackass, I feel, would be worse, because he's a frail old man.
Starting point is 00:49:00 Well, because he falls through down the reactor core into a giant trolley. Or he falls out the reactor core and just lands, like, like, and then like Steve-O and everyone gets around him. And he's like, whoa, how you doing? And he's like, how's Butterball? Is Butterball okay? And then it comes up on the screen. You know, these stunts are performed by Palpatine. Do not try them at home.
Starting point is 00:49:30 Hello, I'm Sheev, and welcome to Jackass. And it just has like a fist come from the side. He just punches his head. Clean off! I can't imagine his neck skin being tight. It's also funny because if he's doing jackass, I can imagine all the cuts, just him electrocuting people with his fingers. That's really funny to imagine.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Like all of the fights that Palpatine's in just over Corona and Minutemen, but like edited together like they're jackass. Because you can imagine him doing it to people's goochers this is it's the gooch like leaping around grabbing at his gooch
Starting point is 00:50:17 everyone pissing themselves laughing that's great but yeah most of the stunts yeah dude most of the stunts would kill pal, dude. Most of the stunts would kill Palpatine. Hey, Sheev, where's his skateboard? He's going to get caught in his cape, and he's just going to eat shit into a pavement. It's so easy to imagine him doing the loop-de-loop
Starting point is 00:50:35 on a little dry sand. Just using the force a bit. Force throwing things into his friends. Or using the lightning to kind of propel himself but accidentally lightening up the the loop-de-loop and then like electrocuting himself and everybody coming around but then there's like a quick cut because it got serious yeah yeah yeah palpy in in like hospital just tubes everywhere it doesn't great if you imagine him at the end of, or the beginning of episode nine, is a jackass. This is tube back.
Starting point is 00:51:10 I was thinking like, all the, you know, maybe like the first few stunts go okay, but the last one, it's like real fucked up. And they put him in hospital bed. He's just there for 30 years. Sort of everything fades away. And then his granddaughter pops up.
Starting point is 00:51:23 He's like, oh, oh yeah. So like Exegol is just was- It used to say ex-hospital, but they covered it with a hosp in the middle. Axegol. And now he's- I don't know why he was at an ex-hospital. I guess to make it work. Excellent hospital.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Excellent hospital. Yeah, the planet of Axegol. Yeah, that's right. Well, I mean, at the end of the first Jackass movie, there's a skit where it's son of Jackass, and it's set 50 years in the future, and they're all old and die. Oh, yeah, there you go. So it could be that.
Starting point is 00:51:54 That is what's happening. Yes, my granddaughter. Now, this is called Sith Gooch. Or have you imagined that the episode nine is like when Jackass do like a skit or a prank where it's not like it's not like a stunt or anything. He's all in makeup. He actually looks or it's actually Bamajero. It's Johnny Knoxville's grandpa. It's just a pelfy to the camera.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Okay, so I got all this prosthetic suit on me to make me look like this character called Snoke. Yes, Ben Solo. This old burnt out helmet has ghosts in it. It's also great to imagine Ben Solo's training is just like a lot of fireworks while he's on the toilet. He occasionally walks into a room and the floor opens up and he falls into pits of snakes. This is your training.
Starting point is 00:52:53 It's so funny to imagine. It's like, yeah, I was trained by Emperor Snoke, Emperor Bam, Emperor Knoxville. Yeah, all of the great Sith masters. Emperor Weeman, all of the great Sith masters trained me to be a Sith. Episode 9, sorry, episode 8, where it's just like, oh, yes, kill, kill, and then the lightsaber goes through himself. He's like, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Smash cart ambulance. In hospital is Bansal. And then, you know, through that, they just jam a spike in his head, and that's how he ends up in episode nine. That makes sense. It was just a big prank. Snoke was just a prosthetic prank. Yeah, it was just a big prosthetic.
Starting point is 00:53:39 And all of the, you know, there's all the Snoke tanks in episode nine. Those are just costumes. It was going to be a longer thing where, like, we'd get all the Snokes. I gave it to Bam would dress up as a wee man to dress up as one. Bam would be like, why so crazy with all these Snokes? But, well, he stabbed me in the belly. It was unexpected. Yeah, I got a piece of a jewel. That's sad that Palpatine's killed then,
Starting point is 00:54:07 because he was just having a good time. Yeah, he was having the best time. That's not his fault. You know, he was not a bad guy. Do you reckon the Darth Vader death at the end, well, the Anakin Skywalker transformation into Darth Vader works if you play the Jarkos music over it? Oh, I reckon.
Starting point is 00:54:20 As he catches fire? Yeah. 100%. Because the fire is like, you know, that's a prank. Stevo's on fire a lot. Yeah, absolutely. That's good. Well, that kind of lines up.
Starting point is 00:54:30 And what was the other one? Hangover. Oh, the hangover. Okay, so we need to expand Palpatine's party to four and then minus one. And I'm guessing it would be the wedding of, say, Anakin and Padme. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so Anakin gets lost on a roof. That's how he's going to get, Anakin and Padme. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so Anakin gets lost on a roof.
Starting point is 00:54:47 That's how he's going to get burned to become Darth Vader. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. It's hot sun. He's so hot. Yeah, it's hot on the roof. That happens in The Hangover. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:54 They're stuck on the roof for an entire day and gets really sunburned. Yeah, so sunburned his arms and legs fall off. Yeah. We've all been there. Palpatine, Dooku, Grievous. Palpy, Dooku, Grievous, and Maul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fabulous.
Starting point is 00:55:10 And maybe Grievous is taking our Zach Galifianakis route and drugs the Maul. Yeah, I'm guessing Grievous would. Maul seems to be more like, I'm guessing, the handsome boy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wakes up his head's tattooed red. Yeah, that's true. He looks in the mirror like, what is this? You've given me head spikes and a tattooed face.
Starting point is 00:55:33 And Dooku is Bradley Cooper? I guess so. Who's Mike Tyson? Oh, is that Han Solo again? And they've stolen Chewbacca. Yeah, Palpatine like rubbing his head just to go to the toilet and he's like, oh, don't go in there. Because Chewie's in the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:55:53 Then they get a piece together the night from like holocrons or whatever. Yeah. So out of these three franchises, The Hangover is the one I remember the least of. Yeah, so out of these three franchises, The Hangover is the one I remember the least of. Yeah, likewise.
Starting point is 00:56:06 They also wake up with a kid. Yeah, that's right. They wake up with a kid, so that might be baby Luke. Yeah, yeah. So they've got twins. Yeah, cool. Two babies on the front of Grievous. That's great.
Starting point is 00:56:20 They've gone down in the elevator together. And they've got married. So children out of wedlock. Scandalous. Bastards. Yeah. But then someone also, because this is going to get confusing. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Because Heather Graham is the mother of that child. And they also, I think, had a shotgun wedding. Yeah. Which is how he ended up with the kid. Okay. All right. Okay. I think.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Yeah. Sounds roughly right. Yeah. Could Okay. I think. Yeah. Sounds roughly right. Yeah. Could be. Could be. Yeah. So then they've got to go back to Vegas. All right.
Starting point is 00:56:50 So just make a random baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They don't know whose baby it is. I'm assuming Ken Jeong's character would be Lando.
Starting point is 00:56:56 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Like a young Lando they've kidnapped. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:00 What up space boys? And then, so I guess it's about them piecing together the night they had and then realizing at the end that grievous drugged them but being like he's so lonely we are the wolf bag yeah that's why i got so many lightsabers yeah because it makes me feel like family and then they bring chewbacca back to han solo yep and apologize yep han what do they do with lando uh what do they do with ken jong in the movie he jumps out of he just he might just run away from them yeah i think he does lando is often in the night yeah yeah yeah yeah he's in the boot yeah and they have to wait who do they need to get back for the wedding anakin anakin
Starting point is 00:57:48 anakin they're gonna find out they're gonna go onto the roof yeah yeah yeah like oh no he's burnt to a crisp okay let's just put him in a darth vader costume no one will know that he's missing his arms and legs and then they take him to the wedding exactly and then so on and maybe they get the Millennium Falcon. They get to borrow it off Mike Tyson slash Han Solo. And as they're zooming through space, they call up some tux rental people. And they've got to, in space, put on the tuxes as they go. And they become the royal. Which I'm assuming might be Jawas.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not? Let's say. And then they can arrive at the wedding on time. Yeah, because I think they get a speedboat to the wedding, don't they? Yeah, yeah. So they crane into the planet in the Millennium Falcon. May I make just one quick little addendum?
Starting point is 00:58:36 Yeah. It's like the baby might be a Gungan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was imagining it as a Gungan for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why. Got to return it to Boss Nash. Someone married Boss Nash. Yes. yeah. I don't know why. Got to return it to Boss Nass. Someone married Boss Nass.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Yes. Well, who's good to marry? More. Yeah, more married Boss Nass. What did I do last night? Married Boss Nass. I'm queen of the Gungans. Those who remember our night of marital bliss.
Starting point is 00:59:02 It was so good. We apparently had a baby overnight. There it is. Because the way the Goongans work is that it's actually the genetically offspring of, say, Darth Maul and Boss Ness. Yeah, makes sense. Look it up on Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:59:17 It's there. So does that satisfyingly answer your question about the Mad Lad Times? Well, all these Mad Lad Times. Which Mad Lad Time is the best mad lad time? I feel like Ferris Bueller is funny to imagine but also I think I find it funnier to imagine Jackass.
Starting point is 00:59:33 Oh, me too. Imagining Palpatine on a little bike is delightful. Doing like Sith Gooch. Funniest joke there is. So I guess then the next question is, do you think that was an episode well I think it hit that almost 30 minute mark yeah
Starting point is 00:59:49 although this one there was definitely points where it was running out of steam but then we picked it back up we know I think this might have been a oh we've been going for 20 minutes yeah call it like an early plumbing to that star where we're like well that's all we've got going for 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, done. Yeah. Call it.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Like an early plumbing to that star where we're like, well, that's all we've got to say. And that's all you're getting. Yeah. And on that note, what is better for Billy Madison? Shampoo or conditioner? This is one of those questions where you're like, it's not even really a question. What do you mean it's not even really a question? This one, for some reason, is number one on our list.
Starting point is 01:00:38 I moved it. Or it's been there for a while. And it's something that when I think about it It fills me immediately with joy I'm not laughing, I'm just like that is a great question I think it's a thing as well where it's stayed on the list for so long Because we found it We fear it
Starting point is 01:00:54 It's like a joke, it's not a question We're just like ha ha ha We don't want to get rid of that because we enjoy the amusement of seeing it every time But we never seriously consider it I'm seriously considering it every moment of my life. Well, yes. So, for those who are unaware, Billy Madison, a.k.a. Adam Sandler, perhaps doing an autobiographic
Starting point is 01:01:11 picture. I don't know. This might have happened to Adam Sandler in real life. It's 1995. It's the Billy Madison is Adam Sandler's first starring vehicle, fresh off Saturday Night Live. Incredible. It's a story of a one man, Billy Madison, who is the son of a rich guy
Starting point is 01:01:27 who loves a business and runs a business. But Billy Madison, he's a dropkick piece of shit. He's the doofus. He loves nudie magazines, sitting by the side of the pool. And setting dog shit on fire.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Hates that swan. And that's about it i think yeah something with pickles does pickle racing i don't know they get a mackers and they chuck a pickle on a wall is that is that billy madison or is that wayne's world why is that happy gilmore i could not tell you but it definitely is something and yeah uh he finds out that a guy he hates another snooty piece of shit is going to get his dad's business unless he competes in a competition a competition where he's got six weeks i guess yeah yeah yeah become, to finish entire school. How long does Billy Madison have? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:28 I think it's like a, isn't it like a week per year? Yes. Yeah. I think it is a week per year, but all of that's irrelevant because there is a very, there's a vital scene in this film. Yeah. Bang in the middle.
Starting point is 01:02:39 I'm going to say, well, probably at the bang in the start, bang at the start of the movie. Billy Madison is very like around, got zero cares. He's got one very big care. He's sitting in the bath. He's got one bottle of shampoo and one bottle of conditioner,
Starting point is 01:02:58 and he's fighting. They're fighting. The bottles of shampoo and conditioner are fighting. They're at war. The shampoo is claiming that shampoo is better because it cleans the hair. The conditioner is claiming that conditioner is better
Starting point is 01:03:12 because it leaves the hair silky and smooth. But it ends in a stalemate because the bottles slam together and then get thrown into the bath. So he doesn't need it to keep his dirty hair. He's upset because the swan is looking at him. The swan, which is the faucet.
Starting point is 01:03:27 Yeah, I see. Stop looking at me, swan. Stop looking at me, swan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm here today to ponder the eternal question of which one is better. For Billy Madison. So first of all- What is going to make you get through-
Starting point is 01:03:39 Well, that's- Yeah. Which of those two are more likely to get him to where he needs to be, where he gets his dad's company? Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, Billy Madison has quite short hair.
Starting point is 01:03:50 Yes. So I feel that maybe if he had to choose, because you can do both, but if you have to choose one, I reckon just shampoo. Yes. That's huge. Because if he says just shampoo, he cleans the hair, doesn't leave it shiny, but you know where you can get that shine? Sweat.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Okay. I was thinking like a hair product of like maybe a gel. Spit. Dunk your head in a pond. Who cares? Well, yes. Shampoo does make more sense because, again, it leaves the hair clean. But silky and smooth hair and his hair is short,
Starting point is 01:04:25 so probably not getting that dirty. So he could probably use conditioner without shampoo. I think he needs neither for speed reasons. It will slow him down on the way. Okay, hang on. Wait, what? No, let's get to it. Let's explore each one in turn.
Starting point is 01:04:39 Okay, okay, okay, okay. I say clean hair. Clean hair? Clean hair? Because, again, if you are trying to be a businessman, you want to kind of show off that you are, in fact, worthy of running a business, and that's taking care of yourself. And again, if you have lovely, clean hair,
Starting point is 01:04:53 then you don't have dandruff. That's true. And again, if you're trying to do more of a piece of shit, slicked back kind of style, you can do that. Clean hair is approachable. Clean hair is approachable. If you're doing the piece of shit, slicked back hair, you know what, we'll get to it. But yeah, you could do any kind of like you can do that clean hair is approachable clean hair is approachable i think if you're doing the piece of shit slicked back you know what we'll get to it yeah okay but yeah you could do any kind of like anything now if you want like a shine to your hair you can kind of get
Starting point is 01:05:12 like um a shinier hair product that's true or if you were like actually no maybe i don't want shine i want more of a matte look yeah yeah like a more of a matte kind of product so basically what i'm saying is that having clean hair and then leaving him open for many different... He's got more possibilities. He's got more possibilities, he's got more choice, he's got more style. He's been kind of like you know, zhooshed up a bit in the middle of the week. But is Billy Madison going to? Well, he's true. But the whole
Starting point is 01:05:36 thing with Billy Madison is that he needs to change. Yeah, that is true. Billy Madison does need to change. An initial Billy Madison yelling at Swan might not care. Stop looking at me, Swan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas Billy Madison growing up to be a business boy. Thank you, Veronica, for beating the shit out of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I think that he would realize that sometimes that variety is the spice of life and using different kinds of hair product is going to be my variety. And if he's using a lot of hair product, which means he'll need to wash his hair more to get that gunk out, therefore shampoo is better. That's true, but it also feels like a self-perpetuating problem. You know what I mean? See, I think that you've raised quite interesting points here, Joel Zalman,
Starting point is 01:06:15 but one thing you haven't considered, Billy Madison wears a hat. Oh, my God. That's a game changer. That is a game changer. That's a game changer. Fuck. And you're talking about greased, like, if he wants to have, like, business hair where it's slicked back,
Starting point is 01:06:28 which you can imagine him doing. Absolutely. It being shiny and smooth but a bit greasy still fits that perfectly. However, a hat brings its own grease. A hat does bring its own grease. And if Billy Madison, he's still not the most, you know, he's still a doofus. And what's a quick way to get a slick back hair?
Starting point is 01:06:47 Get the hat, pull the hat. He gets slick back hat hair. All the hat grease goes into his hairdo. And then when he needs to do a business deal, he just takes off the hat. Okay, so you're saying a lot of alarming hat things in here, and I just immediately remember that you're the only one of us so far that has gone through a hat guy phase.
Starting point is 01:07:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which has deeply troubled me about your hygiene. You got a greasy hair from my hat hair. You got a greasy hair from my hat hair. Hat brings its own power. Isn't it? Fucking caveman cunt. Isn't the grease like from the hat kind of being built up from.
Starting point is 01:07:23 It creates an environment like a greenhouse, but for grease on your head or just kind of accumulates the filth. That's already on your go. Where would it usually go? Yeah. Or into the ether, but it hits the hat.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Yeah. Like into the ether. Do you think the grease gets absorbed by the sun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It cooks off. Burn off the grease. It creates a greenhouse effect within the hat. There's only one little hole for ventilation.
Starting point is 01:07:55 And if he's wearing that hat all the time, I'm curious to see what kind of moulds and funguses will grow. Exactly. What hat are you wearing where there's one hole in the top for ventilation? A very specific greenhouse mold growing hat. I don't know what hat I'm describing.
Starting point is 01:08:12 A hat has a little hole. I think I'm thinking of like a kettle. You're thinking of a kettle. A teapot or something? Yeah, you know like a saucepan, and you put the lid on, and the lid's got a little hole in the ventilation. That's what I'm thinking of.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Yeah, I know what he's talking about. What are you describing? He's describing like a gravy pour-on. No. Yeah, like a gravy boat has it. What are you? Like a kettle, you put a hat on it. You have a spout where the water comes from.
Starting point is 01:08:47 You're talking about the kettle. Forget the kettle. Okay, I've forgotten the kettle. I will never forget the kettle. Imagine a saucepan. You're talking about one of those. I'm not talking about a gravy boat. All right, a saucepan.
Starting point is 01:08:59 Okay, yeah. And so you have a little vent for the steam. Yeah, exactly. And you thought that a hat had a little hole for the grease. For the steam. For your head to steam. Anyway. Are you sporing it?
Starting point is 01:09:14 I don't know what I meant. I don't know what I meant. I apologize. This is what happens when Plumbing the Dust does go for over an hour. Things get bad. We start talking about head steam. But what I'm saying is that if Billy Madison wears a hat, his hair is going to get greasier than if he wasn't wearing a hat,
Starting point is 01:09:33 because there's less ventilation. That's just true. Which means he's going to have to wash his hair more. And let's say, is Billy Madison a clean person? No. He does seem like he hangs out in a bath a lot, but he also hangs out in a pool a lot. And I'm pretty sure, isn't there a scene where he's like wading through a clean person? No. He does seem like he hangs out in a bath a lot, but he also hangs out in a pool a lot. And I'm pretty sure there's a scene where he's like wading through a swamp.
Starting point is 01:09:49 Could be. Yeah. It's right after the pickle racing scene. Which could be in Wayne's World or could be in Happy Gilmore or could be in this. Are you arguing about Brando being hot? Now Brando or then Brando? It doesn't seem like it would be in Billy Madison. Donkey Kong is the greatest game of all time.
Starting point is 01:10:07 Donkey Kong sucks. Mortal Kombat's the best game of all time. Billy Madison. Kids hate Billy Madison. And fair enough. He's a weird old guy. Who is he? Get him out of my classroom.
Starting point is 01:10:18 Billy Madison as well, for the hair product thing, he's going to have to have this hair throughout his schooling career. Yeah. Now, whether or not your head gets dirtier in a hat, don't worry about that. But in a primary school, with children and glue, you're going to get dirtier hair in primary school. I thought you were going to go for the lice thing. Well, that too. But instead, you've gone for the people will put glue in your hair.
Starting point is 01:10:46 Well, it's more tactile primary school. You're playing with paints. You're going to get dirtier in primary school than you will in high school. That's, come on! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was looking up pickle racing. It is in Billy Madison. Anyway, you're getting greasier
Starting point is 01:11:02 in one day. You're going to get dirtier hair in primary school than you will in high school. Yeah, exactly. Because of paint and you're getting greasier and wonder. You're going to get dirtier hair in primary school than you will in high school. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Because of paint and you're playing with your fingers. You're playing outside. And also kids are grosser. Kids are touching your head.
Starting point is 01:11:12 I remember once I used to do like outdoor cinema stuff. Yeah. You're wearing a hat. And so like, and it rained like incredibly. Like it was just like a downpour like that. I had to quickly drag everything inside and the screen was quite damp. Yeah. And so I had to unzip the screen off and it's like a pristine white thing that. I had to quickly drag everything inside, and the screen was quite damp. Yeah. And so I had to unzip the screen off, and it's like a pristine white thing.
Starting point is 01:11:27 And I was at a primary school, and so I was like, okay, cool. And I kind of like, well, we're here for a couple of hours. Maybe it'll like get better. Melbourne, you never know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was like, okay, cool. Four seasons in a day, baby. I'll get the chairs that are around, and I will drape.
Starting point is 01:11:40 Yeah. Gape. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure. Okay? I'll drape the screen across all these chairs to kind of make it like a makeshift clothes horse. And because the screen is very fabric and it was kind of just very wet,
Starting point is 01:11:54 it's sort of absorbing all the gross grease on the back of those chairs that the kids have been sitting in, and it was filthy. We had to wash that screen in basically bleach afterwards because it was so filthy. That is disgusting. Children are gross. So you will need to clean your hair more if you're in a primary school. We know that Billy Madison's clean enough that he doesn't piss his pants. That's true.
Starting point is 01:12:16 Because a kid pisses his pants and then Billy Madison wets his... Is that a hygiene thing? Or just a control of your urethra thing? I feel like if your hygiene's at a zero, you don't care if you piss your pants. I don't think it's a care thing. Yeah. Well, but he's intentionally pissing.
Starting point is 01:12:31 It would be an intentional piss of the pants. But he didn't actually intentionally piss. He just splashed more than that. No, but if your hygiene was zero, it could be an intentional piss of the pants. And then he says, if peeing your pants is cool, I'm Miles Davis. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't remember all this? What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I mean?
Starting point is 01:12:47 Why do I remember? This is what I assume is running on the underline of your brain the whole time. This is your backing beat. When they say lay down a track to you, that's the film Billy Madison is what's going on there. Let's explore the conditioner option. Okay, so shinier hair, more impressive. It also means that when he takes off his hat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:08 His hat does hide the shiny hair. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I understand that, yes, Billy Madison is a hat boy. True. I get that. But this is at the start of the movie where he, again, is a piece of shit. He hasn't changed.
Starting point is 01:13:19 So when he becomes a business boy, is he losing the hat for a suit? Well, he'd have to lose the hat. Yeah, you can't be a business boy and have a hat. So I think, as much as I think the hat is great, I think he's going to unfortunately, or fortunately, discard the hat when he becomes a business person.
Starting point is 01:13:35 He'll probably have to stop going like this, too. Yeah, yeah, not for that. Unless it's a good deal he's given me. That's a good deal, is it? Okay, alright. He writes Hubba Hubba down on the document I've got good deal he's given me yeah and then oh that's a good deal is it oh okay all right he writes hubba hubba down on the document i've got to sign if you could just put your name onto the hubba hubba um so shiny hair you're right in a business situation that makes me think i'm getting a good deal i see shiny hair i'm tricked and if it's slicked back shiny slicked back and also another
Starting point is 01:14:01 benefit with shiny hair is when uh stecemi is about to shoot him, the glare from the sun hitting the shiny hair might distract him. It's defensive. I forgot that he almost gets shot. Yeah. It's shocking he doesn't almost get shot more. But if he's only conditioning, dirty hair. Dirty but shiny.
Starting point is 01:14:23 Instead of clean but dull, dirty but shiny. Grease and dirt. Like grease and shine. Do you think that either of these choices would affect events in the film? Do you think the O'Doyles still all die if he only uses shampoo or only uses conditioner? Let's see. I mean, to remind you of it, I'm pretty sure he throws a banana peel out a bus window and later on the car drives over and slides on
Starting point is 01:14:48 and he drives off a cliff and explodes. I think he'd still be eating bananas either way. And then also, again, either way, if he's got shiny hair or clean hair, the O'Doyles will pick on him to eventually get their dramatic comeuppance. The trick of a... Death.
Starting point is 01:15:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the trick of a child bully is that you could do anything you could have any anything going on and a child will pick on it you wear a hat you don't wear a hat you're in trouble yeah there's no shit hat nice no hat why aren't you wearing a hat yeah exactly yeah exactly enjoy in inside play no hat dick heads exactly enjoy getting sunburned whilst wear some smart or then you know the reverse enjoy having a non-burneded whilst we're sun smart or then the reverse enjoy having a
Starting point is 01:15:26 non-burned head we're going to have the hottest heads in fucking town look at this piece of shit with a hat let's call him sun smart look at this piece of shit without a hat let's call him sun smart there's no winning with a child bully the thing is if you're being bullied by a child
Starting point is 01:15:42 and you're Billy Madison just pick up the kid and throw it throw a kid in a lake. You know. Kids are easy to throw. If I was thrown in a lake more as a child, I'd have turned out alright. You know? You'd have grown up to be a respectful member of society instead of whatever piece of shit you are now. Whatever low-life
Starting point is 01:15:58 scum fucking making me spew up in this here bucket piece of shit motherfucker you are right now. Instead of like a rat's tail fucking underneath someone's filthy boot, you know, I might own a house. If more adults had picked me up by the scruff of my neck and taken me to a koi pond and dropped me in there, that only happened to me once as a kid.
Starting point is 01:16:18 It should happen more. And I wasn't even dropped in. I just fell in at a fancy party. I fell in a duck pond in the same kind of situation. It was grimy. I fell in a river. Kids are fucking stupid. We're dumb as shit.
Starting point is 01:16:33 What the fuck did our kid breed doesn't see a pond and be like, I should avoid that. Be like, ah, down I go. Yeah, a fucking deeper pond is for a child. That's scary. It goes up to your neck, if not further. I fell off an embankment. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:16:47 My Lord. I fell like, literally like eight feet. It was hectic. It's fucked. I just, mine was like a little koi pond at a party.
Starting point is 01:16:53 And I remember seeing the fish in the swamp and being like, I'm going to die. Oh, fucking idiots. Knuckleheads, all the way down.
Starting point is 01:17:01 How'd you fall in? I don't remember. I just remember I was looking in it and then the next second i was i was in and then the next second just walk past you and pushed you while you're standing because i imagine you're looking in the pond like slack jaw but like bent at the waist almost entirely looking like whoa and then someone walks past and they're like this kid's no good this kid needs to get dunked into a koi pond.
Starting point is 01:17:27 Hopefully people follow my example. I hope I'm the first of many. And then a second later, I think my mom grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and pulled me out. I was like, what happened? I was like, I don't know. Did you have fish in your mouth? No, I wish. I wish I had spat out a fish like a cartoon character.
Starting point is 01:17:41 Like his tail's just waggling in my mouth. Yeah. All right. Well, let's explore the no shampoo, no conditioner, because it makes him quicker theory. Why does it make him quicker? Never needs to shower again. Incorrect.
Starting point is 01:17:52 I'm worried about your hygiene. Well, I'm not taking the Billy Madison approach. But you're saying... He could just do pits and slits for the rest of his life. Have a dirty torso. He's having a bath. Where's the main odor releases on the human body underarms asshole slits and bits penis balls balls but again he's having a bath though so he's kind of soaking well he can have a bath he just doesn't wash his hair you know he gets in the
Starting point is 01:18:23 bath and soaks gets out off to do more business What's he doing? What do you mean? What's he doing? He's in the what? What is he doing with his time that he's saving by studying business making deals the art of the deal? Gets in the bath reads the art of the deal. Ah now he gets out of the bath filthy. Yeah body in the bath reads the art of the deal. Ah, now he gets out of the bath, filthy body. No,
Starting point is 01:18:46 head. Yeah, filthy head, clean body. Exactly. Brain full of the art of the deal. Yeah. Maybe he's a thing where he's like, if I wash my hair, the knowledge will come. Yeah, you might scrub too hard and accidentally rub the knowledge up. And would you something that Billy Madison, he could believe that.
Starting point is 01:19:01 I could see him believing that. What about this? He doesn't, he shaves his head. Then there's not even a need. You're not going to get a smelly scalp, right? Right? Right? Can't a head smell? Maybe he'd be crazy.
Starting point is 01:19:18 Like, what does a head smell like? What do you mean? What does a head smell like? Like, if I shaved off everything, and I just had a completely egghead You'd be sweating. It wouldn't collect. If you put your face
Starting point is 01:19:31 to the top of my head and had a whiff, what would it smell like? Sweat. It would smell like faint hue but less because you have no hair to collect it. Yeah, with the smell of head. There you go. Now you're right. Yeah, with the smell of head. Yeah. No. Yeah, no, you're right.
Starting point is 01:19:48 Yeah, so he could get in the bath. But he'd have a shiny, greasy head. Well, why? He could wipe it down with a wet cloth. And every time he's shaving it, he's shaving that grime off. Yeah, exactly. Shaving the grime. Well, I guess the razor would collect. It would collect whatever filth was on his head at the time.
Starting point is 01:20:05 He will get, and he wears a hat, so he's not even going to get sunburned. But do bald people's heads smell like fish? What? Oh, no. Does our head smell like fish? Is that what we're learning here today? Six reasons you may have a smelly scalp. All right, let's have a look.
Starting point is 01:20:25 Oh no. This is going to be rough. Despite my belief. Okay, so too many shampoo free days. So Billy Madison, if he goes no shampoo. Stinky head. However, the next one is over
Starting point is 01:20:41 washing. Because then it makes your head stinky faster. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Hormonal imbalances and stress. Yeah, he's going to be very stressed. He's stressed for running a business and failing school or whatever. And here is a huge one. Wearing a hat.
Starting point is 01:20:56 Oh, no! He'll have the smelliest head in the game. And then also after that is your diet. Now, Billy Madison doesn't look like he has a healthy diet. No. That's true. He drinks beers in the pool, yells about Nudie Magazine Day, and then sets dog shit on fire.
Starting point is 01:21:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if Billy Madison shaved his head, maybe he would get the business, but his dad would be like. You've got a smelly scalp. You've got a stinky head. He's got a stinky head. This is why, again, if you look at all of these reasons why you have a stinky head, a lot of them are solved by shampooing.
Starting point is 01:21:26 It's true. Only one of these, which is like the cause by using too much shampoo. Everyone else, though, is cause of enough shampoo for your shitty diet. Shampoo's the victor here. There it is. Conditioner can get fucked. Yeah. Neither one in shaving your head will just lead to a stinky scalp.
Starting point is 01:21:44 Maybe. We don't know. It's unclear. You're still out of what a head smells like. I guess bad breath. What do you mean bad breath? What? Because that's on your head is your mouth. No, bad breath. That's caused by the build up of your
Starting point is 01:21:59 No, but that's still from a head. What are you saying? Bad breath comes from a head. It comes from a hole in your head. Yeah. But the reason that it smells like... If you had smelly eyes, you'd have a smelly head. No, you just have smelly eyes.
Starting point is 01:22:17 Yeah, but your smelly eyes are on your head. If you have smelly underarms, you've got a smelly body. Ah, he's right. Shut up. What if you got like a... If you're taking a smelly body ah he's right shut up why did you go like a like like uh if you're taking a shit yeah do you stink no but the toilet does yeah but not the shit in the toilet well also the shit in the toilet but also you would say the toilet smells you're in the process we haven't wiped yet either yeah well then i would i would be, but I was also a stinky bum. You stink. But you could say, Jackson, you stink.
Starting point is 01:22:48 Of unwiped shit. Yeah. That would be like, I'm in the process of, I am gonna wipe. You've just burst in on me. You're a stinky bum! First of all, Lucia, I am very vulnerable in this moment. You're a wipe cunt? You stink. First of all, Lucia, I am very vulnerable in this moment. You're the what, cunt?
Starting point is 01:23:07 You stink. I would ask you politely to leave the toilet so that I may wipe my ass. Thank you for trusting me and understanding in this trying time. So if I have bad breath, I have a stinky head. No, you've got a stinky mouth. That's on my head. Yeah, but your guts currently probably smell. But you can't smell them. No, but if you've got your mouth-
Starting point is 01:23:28 If you could smell them. I'd say you've got stink guts. But at the moment- But you could also say, oh, you stink. So, I just- Your head- Okay, yeah, but you're also fucking misleading this because your head won't smell like your mouth.
Starting point is 01:23:45 What's the head then? It doesn't. Because this isn't... Define the head. Jackson tricked us because the conversation was never if you've got stinky breath, does your head smell? The conversation was Jackson being like, I guess your head would just smell like bad breath,
Starting point is 01:24:02 which is not the same claim. Because again, if you have stinky breath, I don't feel like, man, your head would just smell like bad breath, which is not the same claim. Because again, if you have stinky breath, I don't feel like, man, your head smells. But if you have a stinky top of your scalp, I'd be like, your head smells. Imagine a world where I would say your head- Which wouldn't smell like bad breath. I would say your head, in terms of scent,
Starting point is 01:24:18 would begin and end at the forehead up. Okay, so if I had a stinky forehead, you'd be like, your head smells. Yes. What if I had a stinky forehead, you'll be like your head smells. Yes. What if I had stinky cheeks? I tell you, your face smells. You got some of them stinky cheeks. Yeah, little stink cheeks.
Starting point is 01:24:33 What if I was just the head? What do you mean if you were just the head? Like it's the future and they've decided to, they don't want the rest of me, but they'll keep my head. But unwashed. Yeah, but they don't watch me. Would you say I have a stinky head? Yes, but I'd also say you stink because
Starting point is 01:24:46 you are your entire head. What are you saying? What are you trying to prove? Well, I guess your breath wouldn't smell because you can't eat. I don't know that you'd be scentless because you'd be, are you talking like a Futurama head in a jar? No, no, I'm just like a loose
Starting point is 01:25:01 head. Are they washing you? No. What are you saying? Where do you smell from? Is it everywhere? What do you want us to say? I'd say you reek.
Starting point is 01:25:14 Have you been rolling around in dirt as a severed head? Well, I can't move. I guess you could move with your tongue. Well, I could lick, but I think I could shift myself. Then you've got a dirty tongue. Which means you'd have bad breath. Then would you say, you smell, Jackson, or would you say... I wouldn't give you a sniff.
Starting point is 01:25:28 I wouldn't be anywhere near you. Why? Because you stink. You're rolling around licking up the floor. Look what the government did to me. Why have you abandoned me? They made me just a head. I would love to hit your head when you're a severed head with a golf club.
Starting point is 01:25:47 Like, just see how far it went. Why? I'm not even golf ball size. I asked the government to do this, is what I'll say. Your head wouldn't smell like bad breath. It would smell like bad scalp. It's all said and done. Shampoo is better.
Starting point is 01:26:02 Shampoo is better. Shampoo is better. Now, was this a good episode? Or an episode, shall we say? Didn't quite clear that 30 minute mark. No, it didn't quite get there, but we did okay. We managed to milk what we could from it. It's a pretty
Starting point is 01:26:15 noble effort from all. It got lively. It did. Yeah, yeah. It did pick up, you know. It was a bit of a dip around about the palpy kind of, I would say probably the hangover moment, but then we kind of hit a stride we picked up again so I guess all in all if we had to do these as actual episodes what would the
Starting point is 01:26:32 ranking be? I think number one of the episode that would work and this pains me so much to say it hurts me but if out of these three episodes one had to be standalone unfortunately and i'm so sorry everyone i think it ends up being would you receive the all sex as described
Starting point is 01:26:53 in flow writers whistle yes i knew it i knew it all along that i was a genius but it wouldn't be a good episode it would just be it could be an episode do you think it would become a fan favorite or would they be like yeah plummy that's what's gotten bad they're like i listened to 400 episodes and that's enough i think it's just gonna happen i'm done yeah i'm gonna pack it in they've run out of ideas when in fact we're only coming up with grander and better ideas is what that means yeah so i guess uh yeah let us know uh which uh which topic would have made a good episode let us know was this medley episode a good episode
Starting point is 01:27:29 which ones would you be quoting in the future had they been released as standalones let us know I guess on the Facebook stuff and nonsense group or our discord links to those are in the show notes and on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson and I've been Joel and I cannot believe I've done 400 of these fucking things.
Starting point is 01:27:47 Do not comment and say I'm not in every episode. I will kill you. I love ghouls and ghosts. I unironically believe in Sasquatch. I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime, and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this. Oh wait, shit, yes I do! If you head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus for as little as five buckaroonies a month, you gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America,
Starting point is 01:28:20 a show where I try to explain an unsolved mystery or a monster setting or a ghost story or whatever to the rest of Sandspans Radio who do not care or listen. Once again, that's sandspansradio.com forward slash plus to gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America today.

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