Plumbing the Death Star - What Important Questions Have You Always Wanted to Ask, But Never Been Allowed to Ask?
Episode Date: August 22, 2021Sign up to our newsletter here. Join our facebook group here or join our Discord here.You can physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073.Want to help support the show?Sans...pants+ | Shop | TeesWant to get in contact with us? Email | Twitter | Website | Facebook | RedditOr individually at;Jackson | Duscher | ZammitTheme music by the wonderfully talented Benny Davis! You can find all his stuff at his website or check out his YouTube channel. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's hottest podcast network.
Hey everyone, I'm Joel.
I'm Jackson.
And I'm Joel.
And welcome to a very special episode of Plumbing the Death Star.
Episode 400.
Whoa.
Where we usually ask the important questions, but this week we're asking the rejected questions.
Questions that we thought were not good enough for various reasons to do a whole episode on
we're just jamming them all together and seeing how this goes happy 400 motherfuckers
first question would you receive the oral sex as described in flow riders whistle First question.
Would you receive the oral sex as described in Flo Rida's whistle?
Okay.
You have no idea how long, listeners, I've had this question ready to go.
Desperate, desperate for any chance to discuss it.
So to let people in a little bit behind the scenes,
we have, I guess, a living document where we just throw things at
to see questions that we want to ask.
And usually...
The fuse of you to describe this situation before Jackson launches straight back into this song is burning so quick.
I can see Jackson's almost ready to climb across the table and slap you like,
Shut up!
Floor on his crystal!
It's happening for me!
I understand.
You're excited.
It's like fucking 400 Christmases all for Jackson.
So we have a living document that we often have to,
like, when we look through and some are good,
some are very bad.
And usually there is a discussion before we record,
like, what episode are we doing today?
And nine out of ten times, Jackson will be like, what about Flo R doing today? And 9 out of 10 times, Jack's going to be like,
what about Flo Riders?
Whistle and get...
We're like, okay, do you think this is an episode?
And that's a discussion we often have to have.
Every time I've ever suggested...
So I'll get one of two responses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. We'll do that later.
Ignored or shut down.
We'll be like, what episode
should we do this week? And I'll be like, oh, what about the Flo Rida question that I've had for a while?
And they'll be like, pause, scene, scene.
Brand new conversation starts.
But it's finally my chance to talk about the oral sex as described in Flo Rida's Whistle.
Now, we know Flo Rida's Whistle is a song about oral sex.
Okay.
Okay.
But the oral sex described sounds insane.
Is it the whole thing where you've got to just put your lips together and blow?
Can you blow my whistle, baby?
Whistle, baby, let me know.
So his penis is a whistle.
I'm going to show you how to do it, and we start real slow.
Yep.
First of all, calling your penis a whistle is crazy.
Okay?
I mean, you don't really want to blow down the urethra. You never want to
blow down the urethra.
Pro tip!
If you're in the business of sucking dicks
and you haven't actually sucked your first
dick, let me
tell you, don't blow.
Let's imagine, what is the
motion you do with
your mouth when you whistle?
Yeah, okay.
So again, audio medium.
They heard the whistle.
Yeah, but that doesn't demonstrate the technique.
You make your lips real little.
You purse your lips.
You purse your lips and you blow.
And push air through that cursed hole.
What if they do those things when you put your fingers in your mouth?
Yeah, like you're calling a dog
and then you place your
mouth to a penis head
and you blow.
Lassie, come here!
What if you have
a penis in one hand
That's a fat hog you're
demonstrating there.
Is that a bit better, man?
On the side of the glands,
the head, you just put the two fingers there.
And then you put those fingers in your lips.
Wow.
And then.
Nothing would make me flaccid quicker.
Oh, I don't know if I want to do this.
You've got a dick in your mouth, so I'm guessing it's more of a.
Oh, I don't know if I want to do this.
You've got a dick in your mouth, so I'm guessing it's more of a... So again, listeners, if you are like, wow, those are some unpleasant noises,
know that there was a very, very, very graphic visual.
The visual was way worse.
A hundred times worse.
Okay, so let's carry on.
The best way to describe that was like when you put your fingers in your mouth to whistle,
but then also imagine the universal gesture for jerking off a dick in the air
and then combining the two.
And then making a horrible honking sound.
Also with that thing, you're really just focusing on the head.
Yeah, absolutely.
Apart from just like blowing hair directly onto...
Inflating the penis.
Blowing up like a balloon.
You're just focusing mostly on the head.
There's almost zero shafts.
If you blow onto the shaft of a penis,
like you whistle onto the shaft of a penis,
is it like...
Not good.
But is it like when you blurt on a stomach?
You know, you make the noise.
Is that the kind of same thing?
Like motorboating a penis.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know, but you shouldn't do it is the point so flow rider then goes on to say you just put your lips together and you come real close
can you blow my whistle baby whistle baby here we go then he says i'm betting you like people
great thing to say to somebody sucking your dick and i'm betting you love freak mode
what does he mean by this well look if you are blowing into a penis, I bet you love freak mode.
That is pretty freak mode, dude.
Like, that's a step definitely above vanilla.
It's several steps above vanilla.
If somebody unzips my pants, they're like,
I'm about to go freak mode on your dick.
I'm like, this is exciting.
And then they just like blow you up like a balloon.
No.
This is beyond freak mode at this point. Then he says,
I'm betting you like girls that give love
to girls and stroke your little ego.
It doesn't sound like he's talking to the person
sucking or about to suck his dick at this
point. Is he talking about himself?
Is he talking to me, Jackson Bailey?
I think he's
either talking to himself
or he's talking to...
We're about to hit another
fucking line of just like, what is
going on? So this is exciting.
It's good to imagine in this one, somebody's
blowing air into his dick and he pulls out a little
hand mirror and he says to himself,
I'm betting you like people and I'm betting
you love freak mode. If he likes getting his
dick blown into, Flo Rida does
like freak mode, so that's true.
He's not wrong. And I bet he liked girls
who give love to girls. Horny.
He's wanting a three-way.
He's drunk your little ego. A little bit self-depreciating
right now, but that's fair.
And then yes to three says.
I mean, little ego,
I guess it's kind of like
a gum leaf, and you kind of
use that to whistle into.
Is Flo Rida's penis that flat? Maybe Flo Rida has a gum leaf and you kind of use that to whistle into is Flo Rida's penis
that flat
maybe Flo Rida
has a gum leaf
alternatively
and here's
a theory
because we're just
reading the lyrics
is that
someone else
singing to Flo Rida
oh I see
is that
from the perspective
of the
dick sucker
oh I see
so they take their purse clips away
I stopped whistling
I'm betting you like people
And I'm like, what's this?
I'm betting you love freak movies
Yeah, I do
I love when you blow warm air into my penis
It's great
I'm betting you like girls
Sure, they give love to girls
Yeah, that's good, I guess
They stroke your little ego
Oh, rude
And then they get back down And continue to blow air into my penis.
Yeah.
And then.
Yeah.
I bet you I'm guilty, your honor.
That's just how we live in my genre.
Who in the hell done paved the road wide up?
There's only one flow and only one rider.
What and how?
First of all, first question.
What does this mean?
Second question, how does this relate to the oral sex I'm receiving?
Guilty or honor of what?
Of what?
Stroking is illegal?
Yeah, or loving freak mode
I think
Yeah
Yeah, actually, no, no, no
That still pays into
So I'm betting you like people coming from the person
that he is singing about like yeah instructing to blow his penis like a whistle baby yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah and then if he's responding to what was just said to him he's like yeah i'm
guilty i love people that's true i love people and freak mode and there's only one me i'm flora
like yeah i'm florida yeah it's how we live in my genre. I assume hip hop.
This is my world.
Yeah.
Nobody's paved the road wider.
There's only one Flo and only one Rida.
Florida.
Yeah, that is where he got his name from.
Yeah, yeah.
If you put a space in Florida, it becomes Flo Rida.
Then he says, I'm a damn shame.
Order more champagne.
Order more champagne.
Pull the damn hamstring.
Try to put it on you.
Bet your lips spin back around the corner.
Slow it down, baby.
Take a little longer.
Rim jobs, baby.
Yes!
Rim jobs that he wants to be slow and long, which is great.
He robs his hamstring that he pulled,
was trying to put it on you.
It's so awesome in your rap song about getting-
Also on, not in.
He's just trying to lay his anus on top of them.
But it's awesome to be like,
I was not prepared for this physical action.
It has harmed me.
I've pulled a hair me.
Has anyone pulled a hamstring?
Because I know I have.
I haven't, actually.
It's painful.
He was dedicated to the roomie.
You know what you don't want to do when you haven't pulled a hamstring?
Still receive this oral sex.
How great is it, though, that he's getting his penis blown into you like a whistle
and he's like, mate, this hurts a lot.
But maybe it would be better if the air was going in my arsehole.
Maybe I'd enjoy that more.
Let me try.
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
Pull the hammy.
All right.
Let's go.
Let's keep up.
Water, champagne.
Water, champagne.
I'm a damn shame right now.
She's got to stretch it out.
I'm so embarrassed.
All right.
Eat my arse, please.
So there he is.
Okay.
So he's basically standing up
stop giving action
no
he's standing up
maybe with his leg
on a chair or a bench
stretching it out
oh no
it kind of works
you're stretching it out
you're putting your ass
out a bit
well no
because I think
what's happened is
he's pulled the hamstring
pre
in the process of
turning around
he pulled the hamstring
no I'm pretty sure
he's trying to put it on you
I feel like that it's during a blow job.
Yeah, okay.
And I don't know why he's putting it on them, but okay.
So is the it his penis or his noose?
I think the it is his penis.
Okay, so he's like,
that's actually not how you suck a dick.
Pulls it out, lays it gently across their forehead.
Yeah, then he pulls a hamstring.
Ooh! Ooh!
And then in the action of stretching out the hamstring
He's like, well, your lips go around the corner
So in the action of stretching his hammy out
He's kind of leaning forward a bit
So his ass is out
And Joe's like, I know what I can do from here
I know what you can blow air into
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I know this
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Okay, and then he goes on
can you blow my whistle baby
so he's getting air
blown into him
like a balloon
fabulous
I'm so happy for you
Flo Rida
then he goes on
it's like everywhere I go
my whistle ready to flow
now
so he's locked and loaded
to calm at all
yeah
we've spoken about
wearing a condom
whilst flaccid before
and I feel like
that Flo Rida is a man
that maybe needs to
based on this everywhere he goes condom whilst flaccid before and i feel like that flow rider is a man that maybe needs to based everywhere he goes condom on uh shorty don't even know she can get any by the low
she tell me she's not a pro it's okay it's under control show me soprano because girl you can
handle so so show me soprano what is meant by this i haven't seen sopranos can you show me Soprano. What is meant by this? I haven't seen Sopranos. Can you show me?
I can handle it.
I'm a big boy.
I know it's a bit violent and quite an adult series,
but I think I can handle it.
Is there something that can be unlocked by getting your anus blown into whilst watching Sopranos
that we don't know about?
You get the full ending.
The reason it's dark forever cuts to black,
but if you're getting your anus
blown into you see what happens
to Tony
the air goes into your eyes
and swells them and then you can see
through the blackness of the show you're like oh my god
as he's getting groomed he's like holy shit
I just remembered the secret about the Sopranos
finale put it on
I can handle
a little bit to the chorus
Sure
Just one line
I don't know if we focused on it
The whole like
Can you blow my whistle baby
Whistle baby let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
Does that mean he's like
You're doing it wrong
He gets down there
He's blowing her into a penis
And then he starts whistling himself
Well I
Because that is also the first part of the song
Like that's like the first part of the song we know like that's like the first
part of the lyrics at all i feel like it's just like that is him pulling down his pants and
waddling over to it or is this a self-suck anthem self-inflation yeah so that would explain why
he's done a hamstring all of a sudden.
He pulls a hammy as he tries to rim his own anus.
You got a backbend.
I'm a damn shame Audemars Champagne makes a lot more sense
than you imagine he's doing it in front of the people
that could be watching him.
He's like, I'm ashamed.
He's Audemars Champagne.
For you, hopefully forgetting you've seen this.
Yeah.
Live in my genre.
Self-suck.
So he's pulled the hamstring, trying to lick his own anus.
He's like, order more champagne.
Everyone around him is just slack-jawed, just watching.
Champagne is undrunk.
Everyone in.
Everyone's like, wow.
Flo Rida, we could do this for you.
But no.
Baby, we start slow.
Then you come up and park close.
Girl, I'm the whistle man.
So is he doing whistles?
He's the whistle man.
Okay, whether that means...
Well, I think he's the owner of the said whistle.
Yeah, that's like if somebody's about to suck you off and you're like,
well, I'm the penis man.
Yeah, I'm the dick man.
Hi, I'm the dick man, and let's enjoy some oral sex.
Girl, I'm the whistle man. My Bugatti, the dick man. Hi, I'm the dick man, and let's enjoy some oral sex. Girl, I'm the whistle man.
My Bugatti, the same notes.
Show me your perfect pitch.
You got it, my banjo.
That's bad,
because I know what that's referring to.
Yeah, your banjo string, right?
Yeah, fantastic.
That's that little bit of flesh.
Okay, and the next line again.
Talented with your lips,
like you blew out a candle.
Somebody comes, you grab the penis, blow it out.
That makes it sound like, because he's like, you've got my banjo,
it feels like that what has happened in this situation... Dusha's covering his eyes with his hands like he doesn't want to see anymore.
So what I could imagine has happened is
Flo Rida has a foreskin.
Sure. The person that
has come to visit the whistle
man has pulled
down the foreskin slightly and then just
blown across the top of the dick.
Imagine that made it sound like a flute.
Yeah. Is that good?
Flo Rida's enjoying it.
Because the next line is so amusing.
It's not.
So amusing.
I must say.
So amusing.
Now you can make it whistle with the music.
Hope you ain't got no issues.
You can do it.
Sorry.
Is the person giving the oral sex to the whistle man when they're playing the banjo,
is it a combination of now, like, in terms of, like, a wind and string instrument?
Yeah, I think so.
Where they're blowing across and then, like, strumming.
Yeah, there's a sort of plucking motion happening.
Is that good?
No.
All of it sounds painful.
But he does say, you've just got it, my banjo.
He doesn't say play my banjo or anything.
So I think he's just-
Yeah, he doesn't say let's do dueling banjos.
Yeah.
Da da da da da da da da da da da.
Yeah. What song was that?
That's dueling banjos.
Oh.
I think my brain was thinking
of the devil went down to dueling banjos.
That's fair.
The devil went down to Prada.
The devil's Prada.
Yes, so even-
The devil wears Prada? Is that what you're trying to think of? Yeah, it could be. The devil went down to Prada. The devil's Prada. Yes. The devil wears Prada?
Is that what you're trying to think of?
Yeah, it could be.
The devil went down to Prada.
That's what you're happy with?
Yeah, I was comfortable with that.
I quite like the line at the end of this little stanza,
even if it no picture, never lose it.
Is Flo Rida saying he has an ugly dick?
What do we think?
Is it picture?
I hope you ain't got no issue.
You can do it even if it no
picture never lose it yeah with like the pitch of the whistling oh picture yeah it's a complicated
one i feel like it's just like you haven't taken a picture of yourself blowing my whistle baby but
please don't forget how to do it that's how i interpret that please i know you've not written
anything down yeah and i know what I require is complicated
But please, don't forget what you're doing here
So amusing
Okay
There's a line later on that changes
Everything
Is that the line, go on girl, you can twerk it?
Let me see your whistle
While you work it
I'ma lay it back, don't stop it because i love how you drop it
drop it drop it drop it on me so what's the whistle here is the whistle his penis or genitals
or is a whistle the only genital that every gender has everybody's got a whistle in the noose
oh my god is it all about the
anus? Because if you're
blowing, I mean, look, probably also not great.
Let me see your whistle
while you work it. Anus.
Yeah. Twerking and seeing
an anus is...
Yeah, that checks out.
Well, it's pretty much like, it's almost a guarantee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the twerk, because the ass cheeks
come apart and go back, the anus is revealed and then disappears. It's almost a guarantee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the twerk, because the ass cheeks come apart and go back,
the anus is revealed and then disappears.
It's like a little magic show.
Yeah, exactly.
Where'd it go?
Oh, there it is.
It's like, yeah, like there's somebody who suffers from an anus. It's like playing hide and seek.
It's peekaboo with an anus.
Yeah, that's kind of nice.
Well, let's examine the lyrics of Whistle
in the context of it being an anus the whole time.
That's going to make it strange when he turns around.
No, it doesn't.
I guess it just flips what's occurring.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put your lips together and you come real close.
Feels like it would be better on an anus than a penis.
The motion of
kissing a noose as opposed to
whistling, it's similar mouth movements.
Absolutely.
And puckered lips sort of resemble an anus.
Yes.
So perhaps that's what's happening here.
I'm betting you like people.
You would have to kiss an anus.
And I'm betting you love freak mode.
Kissing an anus feels more akin to freak mode than just whistling into a penis.
So when was this written
and performed? Great question.
Because analungus, while it has
become somewhat vogue
in more recent years. April 24,
2012. Oh my god,
just before Anzac Day. Lest we
forget. Lest we forget.
Now I'm fairly certain in around about 2012
eating an ass was in vogue 2012 eaten ass was invoked.
Not as invoked.
That's true.
Maybe this is just kind of like jumping on that bandwagon.
Just testing the waters.
Maybe like a prophet before his time.
The single cover
was described as
drew praise for its
subtlety and originality. Here is the single
cover.
It just says whistle flow rider and then a picture of a drew praise for its subtlety and originality. Here is the single cover. What?
It just says whistle, flow rider, and then a picture of a whistle.
Subtle.
Subtle album cover.
Subtle single cover.
Although there's two shadows of the whistle.
I don't know if it's trying to make something and I just can't see it.
Yeah.
I'm looking for a dick, but it ain't coming up.
Is there an anus?
eat it. I'm looking for a dick,
but it ain't coming up. Is there an anus?
Well, I did a quick Google search of when
did eating ass become
popular, and I found a lovely Reddit thread
which is, did people eat ass in the 1800s
or before then? Oh, fascinating.
Seems like a new awesome invention.
It's pretty cool. Is that actually what
it says? Yes, that's what they're
asking. That's great.
But yeah, Mozart did write a song called uh lick me in the asshole
okay people have been eating ass for centuries it's an obvious move i think well in in 2017
an urban daddy.com uh-huh article is the gentrification of ass eating
what about the line that was in 2017 though So mate this was like Before it's time
So I think this is a song
An ode if you will
To having your arse at
The line
Who in the hell done paved the road wider
Could be a reference to him spreading his arse cheeks
That's true
There's only one Flo and only one Ryder
Do you reckon maybe Flo is his balls?
No, no, no.
Maybe Flo is his gooch and Ryder.
Because if you're spreading your art.
Does Florida resemble?
Kind of.
No.
It's like everywhere I go, my whistle ready to flow.
Maybe that just means he has a clean anus
He's always ready to have it licked
Shorty don't even know she can get any by the low
Tell me she not a pro
It's okay it's under control
By the low your bottom
Bottom low
Show me soprano
Cause if you're getting JRC
You can see the end of the soprano
Girl you can handle
Well that means they can handle it While I watch the ending of The Sopranos. Girl, you can handle. Well, that means they can handle it
while I watch the ending of The Sopranos.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Secret ending.
I'm lost.
Well, you could watch it whilst easily getting...
I mean, that's...
Well, and in fact, Dylan, show me your perfect pitch.
You got it, my banjo.
Talented with your lips, you blew it out like a candle.
Could be a...
What do they call that?
A rusty trombone.
Yeah.
Easily.
Yeah.
I think you're about to make the noise.
Why not?
Well, I guess.
No, that's fair.
And then go and go.
You can twerk it.
Let me see your whistle
while you work it.
Yeah.
Then it's flea.
Swap around.
I want to see your anus.
Now, shorty,
let that whistle blow.
Is he asking
to be farted on?
I mean, that's what.
Yes.
Yeah.
It sounds like it sounds like
it sounds like Flo Rida's like
spin around
okay
show me your
he's got a lot of requests
for this person
they're very busy
this is freak mode
yeah
this is freak mode
we're well and truly
in freak mode
at this point
well that's the problem
with freak mode
is there's a lot of requests
yeah exactly
spin around
there's a lot going on
twerk
I don't think
that if Flo Rida
if it was me
and Flo Rida's like
spin around
twerk
I want to see your asshole
flapping in the breeze.
And then he was like, please fart.
I don't think I could do that on command.
Especially if you've just been twerking, because if you needed to fart,
probably...
You need to stop.
And then there would be that up and down,
up and down, and he'd be like, hey, hey,
let me see your whistle blow, and I'd be like, okay, stop.
Fart.
Up and down, up and down.. Fart. Up and down,
up and down.
Stop,
beat,
fart.
Yeah.
Up and down,
up and down.
That's kind of how it goes.
And I think he would,
I think he would be like,
I don't need that again.
Yeah.
Put your lips together.
Come real close.
Can you blow my whistle,
baby?
Whistle,
baby,
here we go.
Okay.
So there's a brief interlude
where I fart on Flo Rida's face.
And then I turn around
and I'm eating his ass again.
Yeah.
There's a brief little moment in between
where Flo Rida thinks he wants something different,
but then he decides actually no.
You know what?
In the first place, we were doing it correctly.
So we've gone through the lyrics,
and it seems pretty like,
would we receive the blowjob that is,
or the oral sex described in?
No.
But I'd hate to throw a spanner in the works.
Yeah.
But the meaning of the song, according to Flo Rida,
people are like, oh, it makes a lot of references to fellatio.
And he said, no, it's about getting attention.
What?
How so?
He doesn't say.
He just says, no, no, no, no, no.
The song's about getting attention.
Like a whistle.
I think he's thinking about a real whistle.
So it's not a metaphorical whistle.
It's a real whistle.
It's an actual whistle.
Baby, can you blow my whistle?
Yeah, to draw attention.
Whistle, baby, let me know.
Maybe Flo Rida is bitten in a shipwreck.
He's in a state of emergency, and he has a whistle,
and he needs help.
But his lips are so frozen that he needs somebody else to blow the whistle for him.
Again, if it's talking about attention, it does kind of make sense where he's just like,
you know, can you blow my, I want attention, but I have a lot of attention.
I'm going to show you how to do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
Third verse.
Yep.
That's where we're going to immediately hit a roadblock.
And this song is just about attention
I'm betting you like people
And I'm betting you love freak mode
Yeah yeah yeah
Could it be
If you love freak mode you probably love attention
Could it be sort of like a throwback
To the circus performers of old
I see
Where we used to have those things called freak shows
Yeah well maybe in fact it's not.
Maybe this was like, Flo Rida was censored
and initially it said, I'm betting you like people and I'm betting
you love freak shows. But they were like,
you can't say that, Flo Rida. So he changed it to freak mode.
But really he means you love attention,
you love freak, you love
seeing freak shows.
Yeah.
Not a great thing to say,
but maybe he's referring to like...
Yeah, like the attention grabbing nature of them.
Yeah.
What about the line, pull the damn hamstring, trying to put it on you?
What in terms of attention could that refer to?
So I've never seen a Flo Rida perform.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Does he do a lot of, say, physical activity?
Physical like dancing or kind of like maybe sort of moves
Do you want to see a picture of Flo Rida
And decide for yourself
Yes I do
That he would maybe require a thing
And that happens
And oh no my hammy
I've done a hammy
Well if it's not about
Here's a picture of Flo Rida
Holding a microphone that says Flo
He was in Eurovision this year.
Okay.
Not what I expected.
Did he dance?
Yeah.
So then looking at him, if he's doing something like that,
there might be something extenuous that he could pull at him.
What about the line, show me your perfect pitch, you got it, my banjo? So then if he's doing something like that, there might be something extenuous that he can pull at him.
What about the line, show me your perfect pitch, you got it, my banjo?
Is just banjo maybe a pet name he's got for the... Or it's a literal banjo.
So show me the perfect pitch while he's tooling around with a banjo.
My banjo, talented with your lips like you blew out a candle.
Maybe because...
Or is it again kind of like maybe a callback
to perhaps like the 19 sort of 50s,
like do-wop-do-wop and the one whistle and that stuff.
It's like, oh, you're very talented with those lips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
You can sing very well.
I think the lyrics maybe make the most sense
if you assume he just has a whistle,
like a literal whistle, a huge whistle.
A huge whistle. That he would like played, because he can't play the, like a literal whistle, a huge whistle. A huge whistle.
That he would like played
because he can't play the whistle.
Yeah.
Can you blow my whistle, baby?
Whistle, baby.
Obviously.
Yeah.
I'm betting you like people.
This is just him buttering somebody up
to blow his whistle.
I'm betting you like freak mode.
And I'm betting you like girls
that love girls with a circular ego.
Yeah, great.
Anyways, blow my whistle.
He's flirting, so he's like,
yeah, anyway, can we catch to the chase? Can you just blow this whistle? Can you blow this whistle? He's a whistle king. Yeah, great. Anyways, blow my whistle. He's flirting, so he's like, yeah, anyway, can we catch to the chase? Can you just blow this whistle?
Can you blow this whistle? He's a whistle king.
Yeah. He's like, I'm guilty too.
Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I also love to get my ego
blown or whatever.
Can you just blow the fucking whistle for a moment, please?
I'm so close. Okay, it's a damn shame that you're
not playing my whistle. Okay.
Order more champagne to try and butter them up so they'll
blow this damn whistle. Wet mouth. They blow the
wet out of their mouth through the whistle.
Exactly.
Pull the damn hamstring because it's a huge whistle.
He was carrying this whistle around.
He's carrying this massive whistle around the whole time.
That's why he needs to offload it onto someone else so they can blow it.
Bet your lips spin back around corner.
Blow the back of the whistle?
Like through the hole in the top?
Just see what happens? He maybe doesn't know how to play whistle. Maybe that's why he needs other people to blow the back of the whistle like through the hole in the top just see what happens
he maybe doesn't know how to play whistle
maybe that's why he needs other people to blow the whistle
it's like everywhere I go my whistle ready to flow
he's got the whistle but nobody will play it
shorty don't even know she can get any by the low
any whistle she wants
tell me she not a pro it's okay
she's like I don't know how to play the whistle
and he's like it's under control
show me the sopranos
cause girl you can handle
uh maybe there's whistle show me the soprano show me soprano because girl wait isn't soprano
is soprano like uh like one of them uh like uh choir voices yeah it's a it's a yeah it's a it's a it's a pitch so i think
i think it's a pitch right it's a musical voice a type of classical female singing voice and has
the highest vocal range of all vocal of all voice types well flow writer is just confident that this
person can play the whistle then he does want them to twerk and fart on him.
But most of the song is about the whistle, I think.
So would you receive this oral sex as described in Flo Rida's The Whistle?
Yeah, well, a lot has changed since my previous statement.
And it's been really hard to figure it out.
But I think I'm going to stick with absolutely not.
I still think it is about Rimmys.
Yeah, what would you receive the Rimmys
as described in Flo Rida's list?
No.
Why not?
Would you?
Yeah, what if it's good?
Having your penis inflated like a balloon?
Or your anus inflated like a balloon?
Why are you saying inflated?
I meant inflated.
I was thinking about floating, clearly.
Yeah, you're thinking about getting kind of like
Lanky Kong and Donkey Kong 64.
Blown up like a goddamn balloon and floating.
And sent to, you know, reach new heights.
Yeah.
And then I guess, okay, well, it's a yes and no and a no.
Then the next question becomes,
do we think this would have been a good episode?
Well, we've hit close to the time.
Okay.
So it would have at least been long enough.
Just.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I'll take it.
And we, a bit of a stretch.
Like, I feel like I almost did a hammy at points in that episode.
That's true.
That's true.
So, no. Okay. Well, hey at points in that episode. That's true. That's true. So, no.
Okay.
Well, hey, I'll take it.
That's fair.
And on that note, what Mad Lad time did Palpatine have between episode six and nine?
Okay. Okay So a little behind the scenes of this episode
This has been on
Our kind of living document for a long time
Yeah but I don't even
Did it originally say between episodes 6 and 9
Or was it between
Okay so it's not that long
But it is what it like
It's a listener submitted question
Yeah yeah yeah
And the only reason I like it is the phrase mad lad time.
It makes me giggle every time.
I just imagine Palpatine in a space convertible having a sick time.
It's one of those questions that every time it comes up,
we have a laugh at it, but then we move on
and you can tell Zammett's sad we moved on.
He's still laughing.
We're like, oh, yeah, that's funny, but we won't do it.
We'll do something else.
And Zammett's like, oh.
Well, because also I feel like the first two times it came up,
me and you found it quite funny, Jackson.
And then after the fifth time, we weren't laughing anymore.
Zabin's still laughing just as much.
It's still good.
Imagining Palpatine having mad lad times.
I just like the phrase mad lad times.
It's a great phrase.
It's so very British.
It's vivid, you know?
Do you reckon that Emperor Palpatine,
to answer the question,
do you like to think between episode six when he got thrown down a reactor
to episode nine where he had secretly created an entire army
and had one last crack at wiping the universe,
just had like a Ferris Bueller's Day Off?
Yeah.
That's a pretty mad...
Well, okay.
You've got to define what a mad lad time is.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off is probably what comes to mind as the maddest lad time.
I imagine being in a shopping trolley and having a friend roll you down a hill.
Or Jackass the movie.
Yeah, Jackass crossed with Ferris Bueller feels like pure mad lad time to me.
We can go through both of those, but we need another mad lad time.
When you think mad lad times, what do you think, Joel Zammett?
I think like in a lot of drinking, maybe
yelling at a football match. Oh, okay.
Sort of maybe like the hangover style
adventure. They don't yell at a football match there, though.
No, that's true. That's a good point. Going to
an AFL match in real life
is the...
I just imagine you, okay, it's
basically like a Bucks night that
goes very wrong. Okay, now we're back
at the hangover. Yeah, the hangover.
Okay, so let's see if, because the question should be,
if we're going Ferris Bueller,
can that result in the events of episode eight?
You know what I mean?
Nine, excuse me, yeah.
So can we have the mad lad time in the middle
and still arrive at the same ending?
Okay, let's try it.
Down a reactor, goes all the way through,
lands in a sweet convertible, and
off he space-chuffs for a mad lad time.
No, because he would have
to, okay, for the events of Ferris Bueller,
he would have to be thrown down
the reactor core or whatever.
Yeah. When the Death Star
explodes, spoilers, oh my god,
he then gets shot
through space,
lands in a high school.
How did he survive?
Here's what I imagine is he lands.
It's a clone.
That's true.
He lands, dies.
Why'd they make a bad clone?
What do you mean a bad clone?
It's a good clone.
They tried to make a good, he's a good one.
It's all fucked up.
He's got like a big spike in his head.
Oh, yeah.
No, maybe he's not a clone.
I don't think he's a clone.
I know, the other guy's a clone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, so the guy got thrown down a shaft is a clone?
Okay, look, there is a lot of theories about what has happened here.
Has anyone played the Fortnite where it was revealed?
Fuck them.
Well, the Fortnite where it's revealed, they say,
hey, we intercepted a message, here it is.
And he's like, I'm back.
My Madland time's over.
I'm sad.
I miss being a Madland.
So really?
So the clone that was thrown down there. The Pal the clone that was thrown down the reactor was the clone.
And in reality, Palpatine has been having mad lad times the whole time.
So the clone thrown down was sort of the equivalent of Ferris Bueller's mannequin in the bed.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Okay, so there we go.
Palpatine, well, I guess he's dead.
And meanwhile, palpatine's having a hot rod time.
Now, does palpatine have a sad friend like Cameron?
Darth Vader.
Darth Vader.
Darth Vader who is dying.
Secret apprentice.
It's great to imagine.
Or that guy, the ugly one from the news.
Why can't I remember his name?
The other clone.
Snoke.
He's like, Snoke, spiky-haired red boy.
Darth Maul.
Darth Maul.
But it's great to imagine Darth Vader dying above.
Count Dooku would for sure fill the Cameron role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's got to be someone that Palpatine can be like,
you have to get out of bed.
And they're like, no, I'm dying.
Yeah, well, Dooku went from Jedi to Sith,
and he clearly lost faith in the Jedi.
And then Palpatine's like, you've got to turn to the dark side.
I'm dying, Palpatine.
No, come on.
Or Anakin at the end of episode three.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm dying.
No, you're not.
You're just hot.
We're going to have a day off.
Like Ferris Bueller.
So what if then, so he's got right.
My mannequin is off there.
He gets thrown down.
What if he's like, Anakin, what if we make your mannequin go off
and just chuck in this little space suit?
And then the two of us go have some mad lad times, eh?
It's good to imagine Darth Vader, like, he's dying, like, full on dying, and Palpatine's
like, wake up, and Darth Vader's like,
I'm dying, and he's like, no you're not.
You're faking it.
You just can't think of anything better to do.
Palpatine looks at the camera and he's like,
I know Vader.
It's all in his head.
So yeah, I think that timeline, that makes
the most sense. If the end of
episode three is the phone call from Palpatine to Vader being like, I'm taking the day off.
And then episode four, five, and six is the mannequin saga.
And then during the mannequin saga is Palpatine's mad lad times.
And then into episode six and seven right
sorry seven and eight yeah well palpatine doesn't pop up again until nine yeah he's still having
sick lad times he has a lot of mad lad times well instead of ferris bueller's day off it's emperor
chief palpatine's 30 years off chief palpatine lives a party boy lifestyle yeah maybe it's good to
well
the Star Wars music
is in Ferris Bueller
just saying
that's a great point
but the Ferris Bueller music
is not in Star Wars
so what can happen
I'm just trying to fix this
alright so episode 3
comes around
and he gets fucked up
by lightning
yes
and then
that's where he needs
a day off
that's where he needs
a day off
maybe he becomes
he becomes the emperor
he's got like
Anakin there
as Darth Vader
makes sense as well because he's just become yeah well yeah he's just become the emperor He's got like Anakin there as Darth Vader Makes sense as well
Because he's just become
Yeah well yeah
He's just become the emperor
And he's realised
A lot of
You know it's that thing
Where it's like
Okay I spent so long chasing this thing
And I finally got it
Oh no
I don't actually want this
This isn't for me
And he's like
I don't know what to do
If I can clone myself
And I can clone my best boy Annie
And then from
that point on
it's just been
two puppets
yeah yeah yeah
doing
that's the mannequin
side of it
that's the mannequins
baby
that's also good
because like
what happens in
Ferris Bueller's
Day Off
he
so Palpatine's
going to become
the sausage king
of Chicago
yeah yeah yeah
great great great
Abe Froman
I'm Abe Froman
are you sure sir
yes
you're Abe Froman sausage king of Chicago I will call Abe Froman up Frohman. Are you sure, sir? Yes.
You're Abe Frohman, Sausage King of Chicago. I will call Abe Frohman up.
And then Anakin Skywalker's gonna be like
I am the police or
whatever.
Abe Frohman
wears
a dark cape.
Looks like an old raisin.
It's me.
I'm so sorry, Abe.
Please.
Goes to the baseball and gets filmed on TV,
which gets broadcast.
That must get broadcast at some point when other stuff's going on
and no one notices.
Is the emperor at the base?
Wasn't he?
Isn't he?
Maybe he's at the pod racing or something.
He's like, yeah.
He's like, yeah.
Anakin, Anakin, get low, get low, get low in your chair.
Get low past the popcorn.
Does he have a sort of beloved that he needs to break out of school, like Ferris Bueller?
What's his wife?
He does have a wife, right?
Because he has a kid, a grandkid.
So the sheaf's got a lady friend, right?
Yeah, because he has a normal kid.
He has a normal kid and then a space kid or a force kid.
I don't really know how that works.
Okay, okay.
Emperor Palpatine lover. Okay, okay. I just...
Uh-oh.
Emperor Palpatine lover.
Let's see.
Okay.
The remarkable detailed new theory indicates that Sly Moore...
Sly Moore, great.
Fabulous.
The Umbaran right-hand woman of Palpatine was also his lover.
Okay, so he needs to bust them out by dressing up as her dad.
It's me, Sly her dad. It's me.
Slimor Sr.
Oh, well.
That makes sense.
I mean.
I don't know how Rey turned out the way she did.
Oh, my God.
Slimor got intense eyes.
Slimor looks like he turned an owl into a human being.
But in space.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe not a human being.
Oh, it got worse.
Oh, yes. I just had to close up with their face yeah Maybe not a human being Oh it got worse Oh Okay
Yes
I just had to close up
With their face
To look like a human
But then it's like
If you zoom out a bit
They've got like
Two sets of shoulders
I don't know
How can you have
Two sets of shoulders
I don't know
Do they have four arms
Or just
Well
How is it unclear
It's more like
What the fuck
Nothing's allowed To look like that They've either got A very long neck Or two sets of shoulders It's more like... What the fuck?
Nothing's allowed to look like that.
They've either got a very long neck or two sets of shoulders.
Look, it's an owl person. How does she look like how Ferris Bueller looks like
when he's pretending to be the dad?
She does.
She looks heaps like Ferris Bueller pretending to be...
Oh, so that's how it is in that family.
Oh, two shoulders in that family.
That's how it is there.
And then I don't know who that would be that would be trying to get.
Han Solo.
Han Solo's like, I reckon Palpatine's not dead.
I got to go track down Palpatine across the galaxy, clearly.
Or could be Luke.
Yeah, could be Luke.
Could be Luke to be like, I watched my dad die.
But now I'm seeing Palpatine again with my dad.
I don't understand what's going on.
Something's occurring here.
I reckon it could be a combo of the original.
Okay, so there's a sort of.
Your ass is grass, dad.
That's my Luke Skywalker.
Your ass is grass, dad.
I don't know why Ansel is calling him dad.
And then Chewie just there also.
Chewie's genie, clearly.
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I don't know why, but here it is.
Go piss...
I will not go piss up a flagpole.
And I guess Han can be Charlie Sheen.
Yeah, that's true.
Making out with Chewbacca at a police station.
Yeah.
Because Charlie Sheen doesn't help.
Han Solo can be.
Yeah, but Han is a bit relaxed.
Like, I already helped you kill your dad or whatever.
Time to make out with Chewbacca.
Yeah.
So Ed is the principal, who would be Luke.
What's the secretary's name?
Not Lorraine.
That's Ed and Lorraine Warren.
What's her name?
It's like Cindy or it's like a kind of light bouncing name.
Because he yelled, Grace!
Grace!
Grace!
Yeah. Chewbacca! Could be Leia. kind of light bouncing because he yelled yeah grace grace grace yeah jibaka could be layer could be layer that's true
how great is it to imagine the save ferris water tower but it says save palpatine
yeah i hear palpatine's really sick
i hear she's really sick we're putting Save Sheev I hear Sheev's really sick
We're putting together for a fun
I threw him down the death star
As Chewbacca as Genie getting upset
Yeah because everyone would think that
Like yeah Sheev is dead
But everyone was just like
Nah he's just a bit wounded
He's just a bit ill I hear
He's a bit sick
And then at the end
When they have to go back
to how everything was.
Wait, so if...
Palpatine blows up the second death star?
Well, no, because again,
if it's like...
If Vader is sad,
but he's also sad at his dad,
who's his dad? Isn't his dad
him? Or is his dad
a different dad?
He goes back to his... isn't his dad him? No, his dad is a different Darth. Wado.
He goes back to his... His adoptive dad slash piece of shit slave owner.
Yeah, so he goes back to his old pod racer.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe that's what they have the day off in.
Yeah, they steal the pod race.
You need to get your pod racer.
Yippee!
Darth Vader's like, my dad will kill me.
Yeah, like, my slave order will kill me.
No, come on, it'll be fine.
And then they get back and he's like, oh, no.
On the meter, there's all of these miles that Watto's going to know have been spent.
And also there's a second seat that they've had to install.
And also in Biggin because it's for an adult man.
And then...
You've done how many...
What's my water?
I don't know.
You've done how many parsecs?
And then it crashes out the back of the...
Tattoony or whatever.
Ben Quadranilla or whatever.
In the guts.
Ben Quadranilla.
That's good.
What did you just call it, Tatooine?
Tatooine, I think.
And then Palpatine's like,
I'm sorry, Vader. And Vader's like,
no, it's good.
I'm gonna say what I should have said to him
all of this time. And then,
uh-oh, Palpatine needs to get
to whatever the death planet was
from episode 9
I was going to say Sakaar
Exodus or something
What's Sakaar?
Escobar
Are you thinking of the guy?
No, Exegol
Exegol, it is Exegol
How did I know that?
Have you seen the movie? I've never seen a movie
He's got to get the Exegol on time
To meet his granddaughter
And that's when we get the
He's running through space
Sees another couple of people
With two shoulders
Gives out his name
Oh hey I'm Shee
I'm Shee nice to meet you
It's also so good
Instead of any dog chasing him,
it's like Darth Maul with his two lightsabers.
His spider legs.
How great is it to imagine it's like Han Solo and Chewie
and the Millennium Falcon pull up alongside him
as Sheev's running.
Huh?
Looks out the window.
Sheev ducks down.
I've kind of seen anything.
Whoa!
Then he gets back And he quickly attaches everything
Sparks himself to that thing
I've been waiting for you
Sweaty
So you made Snoke
Yes
Who is Snoke. Yes!
Yes.
Who is Snoke?
Looking around, we're like, what the fuck?
Did I leave another mannequin in charge?
It's so funny.
Snokes were just his mannequins for when he had mad lad times and there's too many of them.
They started, like, it's kind of a thing in, like, multiplicity,
whereas it's like you clone a clone and you clone a clone of a clone. Snoke made a Snoke. Can's kind of a thing in multiplicity. Whereas it's like you clone a clone
and you clone a clone of a clone.
Snoke made a Snoke. Can't Snoke a Snoke.
Exactly. So Palpy just kept making clones
and then evolve into a Snoke because they're just a little bit
fucked up. And so it's like, did you make a Snoke?
What's a...
It's so great to imagine Ben Solo being like,
yeah, one of them trained me. And he's like,
you did what?
You should be able to do that.
You have been trained really badly.
Oh, no.
What did it wear?
Just a dressing gown, gold.
What?
It should have been a black cape.
It should have been a rock.
These don't look like me at all.
What do you mean?
What with his big head in the...
Do I have a receding hairline?
You must have been trained very wrong.
These are barely sent.
They're designed for
looking like me sleeping in a bed
to trick my parents.
It's cool that Anakin's still around.
But he's off
to yell at Wado.
There's that little sneaky scene in episode
9 that no one really sees, which is
just Wado really all like,
Annie?
Chops his head off.
Didn't we have this conversation, Annie?
No.
Didn't we have it years ago?
Then he is, as I imagine that scene,
where Anakin Skywalker impales Watto, it actually happens.
Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. that scene where Anakin Skywalker impales Watto it actually happens yeah
that's cool
that's cool
well that's uh
in the movie
episode 9 ends
Palpatine being like
the movie's over
go home
go home
what are you still doing
I'm dead again
he's lying there
on the floor
with a lightsaber
in his chest
yeah who can remember
oh
what are you doing here
yeah
I'm still dead
should have got a mannequin for this now that I think about it Oh, what are you doing here? Yeah, I'm still dead.
Should have got a mannequin for this, now that I think about it.
That's the Strasburg Mad Lad time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jackass is harder, because he's just doing stunts.
Jackass, I feel, would be worse, because he's a frail old man.
Well, because he falls through down the reactor core into a giant trolley.
Or he falls out the reactor core and just lands, like, like, and then like Steve-O and everyone gets around him.
And he's like, whoa, how you doing?
And he's like, how's Butterball?
Is Butterball okay?
And then it comes up on the screen.
You know, these stunts are performed by Palpatine.
Do not try them at home.
Hello, I'm Sheev, and welcome to Jackass.
And it just has like a fist come from the side.
He just punches his head.
Clean off!
I can't imagine his neck skin being tight. It's also funny because if he's doing jackass,
I can imagine all the cuts,
just him electrocuting people with his fingers.
That's really funny to imagine.
Like all of the fights that Palpatine's in
just over Corona and Minutemen,
but like edited together like they're jackass.
Because you can imagine him doing it to people's
goochers
this is
it's the gooch
like leaping around grabbing at his gooch
everyone pissing themselves laughing
that's great but yeah most of the stunts
yeah dude
most of the stunts would kill pal, dude. Most of the stunts would kill Palpatine.
Hey, Sheev, where's his skateboard?
He's going to get caught in his cape,
and he's just going to eat shit into a pavement.
It's so easy to imagine him doing the loop-de-loop
on a little dry sand.
Just using the force a bit.
Force throwing things into his friends.
Or using the lightning to kind of propel himself but
accidentally lightening up the the loop-de-loop and then like electrocuting himself and everybody
coming around but then there's like a quick cut because it got serious yeah yeah yeah palpy in
in like hospital just tubes everywhere it doesn't great if you imagine him at the end of, or the beginning of episode nine, is a jackass.
This is tube back.
I was thinking like,
all the, you know,
maybe like the first few stunts go okay,
but the last one, it's like real fucked up.
And they put him in hospital bed.
He's just there for 30 years.
Sort of everything fades away.
And then his granddaughter pops up.
He's like, oh, oh yeah.
So like Exegol is just was-
It used to say ex-hospital, but they covered it with a hosp in the middle.
Axegol.
And now he's-
I don't know why he was at an ex-hospital.
I guess to make it work.
Excellent hospital.
Excellent hospital.
Yeah, the planet of Axegol.
Yeah, that's right.
Well, I mean, at the end of the first Jackass movie,
there's a skit where it's son of Jackass,
and it's set 50 years in the future, and they're all old and die.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
So it could be that.
That is what's happening.
Yes, my granddaughter.
Now, this is called Sith Gooch.
Or have you imagined that the episode nine is like when Jackass do like a skit or a prank where it's not like it's not like a stunt or anything.
He's all in makeup.
He actually looks or it's actually Bamajero.
It's Johnny Knoxville's grandpa.
It's just a pelfy to the camera.
Okay, so I got all this prosthetic suit on me to make me look like this character called Snoke.
Yes, Ben Solo.
This old burnt out helmet has ghosts in it.
It's also great to imagine Ben Solo's training
is just like a lot of fireworks while he's on the toilet.
He occasionally walks into a room and the floor opens up
and he falls into pits of snakes.
This is your training.
It's so funny to imagine.
It's like, yeah, I was trained by Emperor Snoke,
Emperor Bam, Emperor Knoxville.
Yeah, all of the great Sith masters.
Emperor Weeman, all of the great Sith masters trained me to be a Sith.
Episode 9, sorry, episode 8, where it's just like, oh, yes, kill, kill,
and then the lightsaber goes through himself.
He's like, oh, no.
Smash cart ambulance.
In hospital is Bansal.
And then, you know, through that, they just jam a spike in his head,
and that's how he ends up in episode nine.
That makes sense.
It was just a big prank.
Snoke was just a prosthetic prank.
Yeah, it was just a big prosthetic.
And all of the, you know, there's all the Snoke tanks in episode nine.
Those are just costumes.
It was going to be a longer thing where, like, we'd get all the Snokes.
I gave it to Bam would dress up as a wee man to dress up as one.
Bam would be like, why so crazy with all these Snokes?
But, well, he stabbed me in the belly. It was unexpected.
Yeah, I got a piece of a jewel.
That's sad that Palpatine's killed then,
because he was just having a good time.
Yeah, he was having the best time.
That's not his fault.
You know, he was not a bad guy.
Do you reckon the Darth Vader death at the end,
well, the Anakin Skywalker transformation into Darth Vader
works if you play the Jarkos music over it?
Oh, I reckon.
As he catches fire?
Yeah.
100%.
Because the fire is like, you know, that's a prank.
Stevo's on fire a lot.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's good.
Well, that kind of lines up.
And what was the other one?
Hangover.
Oh, the hangover.
Okay, so we need to expand Palpatine's party to four
and then minus one.
And I'm guessing it would be the wedding of, say, Anakin and Padme.
Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so Anakin gets lost on a roof. That's how he's going to get, Anakin and Padme. Sure, sure, sure.
Okay, so Anakin gets lost on a roof.
That's how he's going to get burned to become Darth Vader.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That makes sense.
It's hot sun.
He's so hot.
Yeah, it's hot on the roof.
That happens in The Hangover.
Yeah.
They're stuck on the roof for an entire day and gets really sunburned.
Yeah, so sunburned his arms and legs fall off.
Yeah.
We've all been there.
Palpatine, Dooku, Grievous.
Palpy, Dooku, Grievous, and Maul.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fabulous.
And maybe Grievous is taking our Zach Galifianakis route and drugs the Maul.
Yeah, I'm guessing Grievous would.
Maul seems to be more like, I'm guessing, the handsome boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, wakes up his head's tattooed red.
Yeah, that's true.
He looks in the mirror like, what is this?
You've given me head spikes and a tattooed face.
And Dooku is Bradley Cooper?
I guess so.
Who's Mike Tyson?
Oh, is that Han Solo again?
And they've stolen Chewbacca.
Yeah, Palpatine like rubbing his head just to go to the
toilet and he's like, oh, don't go in there.
Because Chewie's in the bathroom.
Then they get a piece
together the night from like
holocrons or whatever.
Yeah.
So out of
these three franchises, The Hangover
is the one I remember the least of. Yeah, so out of these three franchises, The Hangover is the one I remember the least of.
Yeah, likewise.
They also wake up with a kid.
Yeah, that's right.
They wake up with a kid, so that might be baby Luke.
Yeah, yeah.
So they've got twins.
Yeah, cool.
Two babies on the front of Grievous.
That's great.
They've gone down in the elevator together.
And they've got married.
So children out of wedlock.
Scandalous.
Bastards.
Yeah.
But then someone also, because this is going to get confusing.
Wait a minute.
Because Heather Graham is the mother of that child.
And they also, I think, had a shotgun wedding.
Yeah.
Which is how he ended up with the kid.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
I think.
Yeah.
Sounds roughly right. Yeah. Could Okay. I think. Yeah. Sounds roughly right.
Yeah.
Could be.
Could be.
Yeah.
So then they've got to go back to Vegas.
All right.
So just make a random baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They don't know whose baby it is.
I'm assuming Ken Jeong's character would be Lando.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
Like a young Lando they've kidnapped.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What up space boys?
And then, so I guess it's about them piecing together the night they had
and then realizing at the end that grievous drugged them but being like he's so lonely
we are the wolf bag
yeah that's why i got so many lightsabers yeah because it makes me feel like family and then they bring chewbacca back
to han solo yep and apologize yep han what do they do with lando uh what do they do with ken
jong in the movie he jumps out of he just he might just run away from them yeah i think he does
lando is often in the night yeah yeah yeah yeah he's in the boot yeah and they have to wait who do they need to get back for the wedding anakin anakin
anakin they're gonna find out they're gonna go onto the roof yeah yeah yeah like oh no he's
burnt to a crisp okay let's just put him in a darth vader costume no one will know that he's
missing his arms and legs and then they take him to the wedding exactly and then so on and maybe
they get the Millennium Falcon.
They get to borrow it off Mike Tyson slash Han Solo.
And as they're zooming through space, they call up some tux rental people.
And they've got to, in space, put on the tuxes as they go.
And they become the royal. Which I'm assuming might be Jawas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why not?
Let's say.
And then they can arrive at the wedding on time.
Yeah, because I think they get a speedboat to the wedding, don't they?
Yeah, yeah.
So they crane into the planet in the Millennium Falcon.
May I make just one quick little addendum?
Yeah.
It's like the baby might be a Gungan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was imagining it as a Gungan for some reason.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know why.
Got to return it to Boss Nash.
Someone married Boss Nash. Yes. yeah. I don't know why. Got to return it to Boss Nass. Someone married Boss Nass.
Yes.
Well, who's good to marry?
More.
Yeah, more married Boss Nass.
What did I do last night?
Married Boss Nass.
I'm queen of the Gungans.
Those who remember our night of marital bliss.
It was so good.
We apparently had a baby overnight.
There it is.
Because the way the Goongans work is that it's actually
the genetically offspring of, say,
Darth Maul and Boss Ness.
Yeah, makes sense.
Look it up on Wikipedia.
It's there.
So does that satisfyingly answer your question about the Mad Lad Times?
Well, all these Mad Lad Times.
Which Mad Lad Time is the best mad lad time?
I feel like
Ferris Bueller is funny to imagine
but also I think I find it
funnier to imagine Jackass.
Oh, me too. Imagining Palpatine
on a little bike is delightful.
Doing like Sith Gooch.
Funniest joke there is.
So I guess then the next
question is, do you think that was an episode
well I think it hit that almost 30 minute mark
yeah
although this one there was definitely points
where it was running out of steam
but then we picked it back up
we know
I think this might have been a
oh we've been going for 20 minutes
yeah
call it like an early plumbing to that star where we're like well that's all we've got going for 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, done. Yeah. Call it.
Like an early plumbing to that star where we're like, well, that's all we've got to say.
And that's all you're getting.
Yeah.
And on that note, what is better for Billy Madison?
Shampoo or conditioner? This is one of those questions where you're like,
it's not even really a question.
What do you mean it's not even really a question?
This one, for some reason, is number one on our list.
I moved it.
Or it's been there for a while.
And it's something that when I think about it
It fills me immediately with joy
I'm not laughing, I'm just like that is a great question
I think it's a thing as well where it's stayed on the list for so long
Because we found it
We fear it
It's like a joke, it's not a question
We're just like ha ha ha
We don't want to get rid of that because we enjoy the amusement of seeing it every time
But we never seriously consider it
I'm seriously considering it every moment of my
life. Well, yes. So, for those who are unaware,
Billy Madison, a.k.a.
Adam Sandler, perhaps doing an autobiographic
picture. I don't know. This might have happened
to Adam Sandler in real life. It's 1995.
It's the Billy
Madison is Adam Sandler's first
starring vehicle, fresh off Saturday Night
Live. Incredible. It's a story of a one
man, Billy Madison, who is
the son of a rich guy
who loves a business
and runs a business.
But Billy Madison, he's
a dropkick piece of shit.
He's the doofus. He loves
nudie magazines, sitting
by the side of the pool.
And setting dog shit on fire.
Hates that swan.
And that's about it i think yeah something with pickles does pickle racing i don't know they get a mackers and they chuck a pickle on a wall is
that is that billy madison or is that wayne's world why is that happy gilmore i could not tell you but it definitely is something
and yeah uh he finds out that a guy he hates another snooty piece of shit is going to get
his dad's business unless he competes in a competition a competition where he's got six
weeks i guess yeah yeah yeah become, to finish entire school.
How long does Billy Madison have?
Yeah.
I think it's like a, isn't it like a week per year?
Yes.
Yeah.
I think it is a week per year,
but all of that's irrelevant because there is a very,
there's a vital scene in this film.
Yeah.
Bang in the middle.
I'm going to say,
well,
probably at the bang in the start,
bang at the start of the movie.
Billy Madison is very like around, got zero cares.
He's got one very big care.
He's sitting in the bath.
He's got one bottle of shampoo and one bottle of conditioner,
and he's fighting.
They're fighting.
The bottles of shampoo and conditioner are fighting.
They're at war.
The shampoo is claiming
that shampoo is better because it
cleans the hair. The conditioner
is claiming that conditioner is better
because it leaves the hair silky
and smooth. But it ends
in a stalemate because the bottles slam
together and then get thrown into the bath.
So he doesn't need it to keep his dirty hair.
He's upset because the
swan is looking at him.
The swan, which is the faucet.
Yeah, I see.
Stop looking at me, swan.
Stop looking at me, swan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm here today to ponder the eternal question of which one is better.
For Billy Madison.
So first of all-
What is going to make you get through-
Well, that's-
Yeah.
Which of those two are more likely to get him to where he needs to be,
where he gets his dad's company?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, Billy Madison has quite short hair.
Yes.
So I feel that maybe if he had to choose, because you can do both,
but if you have to choose one, I reckon just shampoo.
Yes.
That's huge.
Because if he says just shampoo, he cleans the hair,
doesn't leave it shiny, but you know where you can get that shine?
Sweat.
Okay.
I was thinking like a hair product of like maybe a gel.
Spit.
Dunk your head in a pond.
Who cares?
Well, yes.
Shampoo does make more sense because, again, it leaves the hair clean.
But silky and smooth hair and his hair is short,
so probably not getting that dirty.
So he could probably use conditioner without shampoo.
I think he needs neither for speed reasons.
It will slow him down on the way.
Okay, hang on.
Wait, what?
No, let's get to it.
Let's explore each one in turn.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I say clean hair.
Clean hair?
Clean hair?
Because, again, if you are trying to be a businessman,
you want to kind of show off that you are, in fact,
worthy of running a business, and that's taking care of yourself.
And again, if you have lovely, clean hair,
then you don't have dandruff.
That's true.
And again, if you're trying to do more of a piece of shit,
slicked back kind of style, you can do that.
Clean hair is approachable.
Clean hair is approachable.
If you're doing the piece of shit, slicked back hair, you know what, we'll get to it. But yeah, you could do any kind of like you can do that clean hair is approachable clean hair is approachable i think if you're doing the piece of shit slicked back you know what we'll get to it yeah okay but yeah
you could do any kind of like anything now if you want like a shine to your hair you can kind of get
like um a shinier hair product that's true or if you were like actually no maybe i don't want shine
i want more of a matte look yeah yeah like a more of a matte kind of product so basically what i'm
saying is that having clean hair and then leaving him open for many different... He's got more
possibilities. He's got more possibilities, he's got more choice,
he's got more style. He's been kind of like
you know, zhooshed up a bit in the middle of the week.
But is Billy Madison going to?
Well, he's true. But the whole
thing with Billy Madison is that he needs to change.
Yeah, that is true. Billy Madison does need to change.
An initial Billy Madison yelling at Swan
might not care. Stop
looking at me, Swan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whereas Billy Madison growing up to be a business boy.
Thank you, Veronica, for beating the shit out of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
I think that he would realize that sometimes that variety is the spice of life
and using different kinds of hair product is going to be my variety.
And if he's using a lot of hair product,
which means he'll need to wash his hair more to get that gunk out,
therefore shampoo is better.
That's true, but it also feels like a self-perpetuating problem.
You know what I mean?
See, I think that you've raised quite interesting points here, Joel Zalman,
but one thing you haven't considered, Billy Madison wears a hat.
Oh, my God.
That's a game changer.
That is a game changer.
That's a game changer.
Fuck.
And you're talking about greased, like,
if he wants to have, like, business hair where it's slicked back,
which you can imagine him doing.
Absolutely.
It being shiny and smooth but a bit greasy still fits that perfectly.
However, a hat brings its own grease.
A hat does bring its own grease.
And if Billy Madison, he's still not the most, you know,
he's still a doofus.
And what's a quick way to get a slick back hair?
Get the hat, pull the hat.
He gets slick back hat hair.
All the hat grease goes into his hairdo.
And then when he needs to do a business deal,
he just takes off the hat.
Okay, so you're saying a lot of alarming hat things in here,
and I just immediately remember that you're the only one of us so far
that has gone through a hat guy phase.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which has deeply troubled me about your hygiene.
You got a greasy hair from my hat hair.
You got a greasy hair from my hat hair.
Hat brings its own power.
Isn't it?
Fucking caveman cunt.
Isn't the grease like from the hat kind of being built up from.
It creates an environment
like a greenhouse,
but for grease on your head or just kind of accumulates the filth.
That's already on your go.
Where would it usually go?
Yeah.
Or into the ether,
but it hits the hat.
Yeah.
Like into the ether.
Do you think the grease gets absorbed by the sun?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It cooks off.
Burn off the grease.
It creates a greenhouse effect within the hat.
There's only one little hole for ventilation.
And if he's wearing that hat all the time,
I'm curious to see what kind of moulds and funguses will grow.
Exactly.
What hat are you wearing where there's one hole in the top for ventilation?
A very
specific greenhouse mold growing hat.
I don't know
what hat I'm describing.
A hat has a little hole.
I think I'm thinking of like a kettle.
You're thinking of a kettle.
A teapot or something?
Yeah, you know like
a saucepan,
and you put the lid on, and the lid's got a little hole in the ventilation.
That's what I'm thinking of.
Yeah, I know what he's talking about.
What are you describing?
He's describing like a gravy pour-on.
No.
Yeah, like a gravy boat has it.
What are you?
Like a kettle, you put a hat on it.
You have a spout where the water comes from.
You're talking about the kettle.
Forget the kettle.
Okay, I've forgotten the kettle.
I will never forget the kettle.
Imagine a saucepan.
You're talking about one of those.
I'm not talking about a gravy boat.
All right, a saucepan.
Okay, yeah.
And so you have a little vent for the steam.
Yeah, exactly.
And you thought that a hat had a little hole for the grease.
For the steam.
For your head to steam.
Anyway.
Are you sporing it?
I don't know what I meant.
I don't know what I meant.
I apologize.
This is what happens when Plumbing the Dust does go for over an hour.
Things get bad.
We start talking about head steam.
But what I'm saying is that if Billy Madison wears a hat,
his hair is going to get greasier than if he wasn't wearing a hat,
because there's less ventilation.
That's just true.
Which means he's going to have to wash his hair more.
And let's say, is Billy Madison a clean person?
No.
He does seem like he hangs out in a bath a lot,
but he also hangs out in a pool a lot. And I'm pretty sure, isn't there a scene where he's like wading through a clean person? No. He does seem like he hangs out in a bath a lot, but he also hangs out in a pool a lot.
And I'm pretty sure there's a scene where he's like wading through a swamp.
Could be.
Yeah.
It's right after the pickle racing scene.
Which could be in Wayne's World or could be in Happy Gilmore or could be in this.
Are you arguing about Brando being hot?
Now Brando or then Brando?
It doesn't seem like it would be in Billy Madison.
Donkey Kong is the greatest game of all time.
Donkey Kong sucks.
Mortal Kombat's the best game of all time.
Billy Madison.
Kids hate Billy Madison.
And fair enough.
He's a weird old guy.
Who is he?
Get him out of my classroom.
Billy Madison as well, for the hair product thing,
he's going to have to have this hair throughout his schooling career.
Yeah.
Now, whether or not your head gets dirtier in a hat, don't worry about that.
But in a primary school, with children and glue, you're going to get dirtier hair in primary school.
I thought you were going to go for the lice thing.
Well, that too.
But instead, you've gone for the people will put glue in your hair.
Well, it's more tactile
primary school. You're playing with paints.
You're going to get dirtier
in primary school than you will
in high school. That's, come on!
Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was looking up
pickle racing. It is in Billy Madison.
Anyway, you're getting greasier
in one day. You're going to get dirtier hair in
primary school than you will in high school. Yeah, exactly. Because of paint and you're getting greasier and wonder. You're going to get dirtier hair in primary school than you will in high school.
Yes.
Yeah, exactly.
Because of paint and you're playing with your fingers.
You're playing outside.
And also kids are grosser.
Kids are touching your head.
I remember once I used to do like outdoor cinema stuff.
Yeah.
You're wearing a hat.
And so like, and it rained like incredibly.
Like it was just like a downpour like that.
I had to quickly drag everything inside and the screen was quite damp.
Yeah.
And so I had to unzip the screen off and it's like a pristine white thing that. I had to quickly drag everything inside, and the screen was quite damp. Yeah. And so I had to unzip the screen off, and it's like a pristine white thing.
And I was at a primary school, and so I was like, okay, cool.
And I kind of like, well, we're here for a couple of hours.
Maybe it'll like get better.
Melbourne, you never know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so I was like, okay, cool.
Four seasons in a day, baby.
I'll get the chairs that are around, and I will drape.
Yeah.
Gape.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Sure.
Okay?
I'll drape the screen across all these chairs to kind of make it like a makeshift clothes horse.
And because the screen is very fabric and it was kind of just very wet,
it's sort of absorbing all the gross grease on the back of those chairs
that the kids have been sitting in, and it was filthy.
We had to wash that screen in basically bleach afterwards because it was so
filthy. That is disgusting. Children
are gross. So you will need to clean your hair
more if you're in a primary school.
We know that Billy Madison's clean enough that he
doesn't piss his pants. That's true.
Because a kid pisses his pants and then
Billy Madison wets his... Is that a hygiene thing?
Or just a control of your
urethra thing?
I feel like if your hygiene's at a zero,
you don't care if you piss your pants. I don't think it's a
care thing. Yeah.
Well, but he's intentionally pissing.
It would be an intentional piss of the pants. But he didn't
actually intentionally piss. He just splashed more than that.
No, but if your hygiene was zero, it could be an intentional
piss of the pants.
And then he says, if peeing your pants is cool,
I'm Miles Davis. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I don't remember all this? What do you mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean?
Why do I remember?
This is what I assume is running on the underline of your brain the whole time.
This is your backing beat.
When they say lay down a track to you, that's the film Billy Madison is what's going on there.
Let's explore the conditioner option.
Okay, so shinier hair, more impressive.
It also means that when he takes off his hat.
Yeah.
His hat does hide the shiny hair.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
I understand that, yes, Billy Madison is a hat boy.
True.
I get that.
But this is at the start of the movie where he, again, is a piece of shit.
He hasn't changed.
So when he becomes a business boy, is he losing the hat for a suit?
Well, he'd have to lose the hat.
Yeah, you can't be a business boy and have a hat.
So I think, as much as I think
the hat is great, I think he's going to
unfortunately, or fortunately,
discard the hat when he becomes
a business person.
He'll probably have to stop going like this, too.
Yeah, yeah, not for that. Unless it's a
good deal he's given me.
That's a good deal, is it?
Okay, alright. He writes Hubba Hubba down on the document I've got good deal he's given me yeah and then oh that's a good deal is it oh okay all right he writes
hubba hubba down on the document i've got to sign if you could just put your name onto the hubba
hubba um so shiny hair you're right in a business situation that makes me think i'm getting a good
deal i see shiny hair i'm tricked and if it's slicked back shiny slicked back and also another
benefit with shiny hair is when uh stecemi is about to shoot him,
the glare from the sun hitting the shiny hair might distract him.
It's defensive.
I forgot that he almost gets shot.
Yeah.
It's shocking he doesn't almost get shot more.
But if he's only conditioning, dirty hair.
Dirty but shiny.
Instead of clean but dull, dirty but shiny.
Grease and dirt.
Like grease and shine.
Do you think that either of these choices would affect events in the film?
Do you think the O'Doyles still all die if he only uses shampoo or only uses conditioner?
Let's see.
I mean, to remind you of it, I'm pretty sure he throws a banana peel out a bus window
and later on the car drives over and slides on
and he drives off a cliff and explodes.
I think he'd still be eating bananas either way.
And then also, again, either way,
if he's got shiny hair or clean hair,
the O'Doyles will pick on him
to eventually get their dramatic comeuppance.
The trick of a...
Death.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because the trick of a child bully
is that you could do anything
you could have any anything going on and a child will pick on it you wear a hat you don't wear a
hat you're in trouble yeah there's no shit hat nice no hat why aren't you wearing a hat yeah
exactly yeah exactly enjoy in inside play no hat dick heads exactly enjoy getting sunburned whilst
wear some smart or then you know the reverse enjoy having a non-burneded whilst we're sun smart or then the reverse
enjoy having a
non-burned head
we're going to have the hottest heads in fucking town
look at this piece of shit with a hat
let's call him sun smart
look at this piece of shit without a hat
let's call him sun smart
there's no winning with a child bully
the thing is if you're being bullied by a child
and you're Billy Madison just pick up the kid and throw it
throw a kid in a lake.
You know. Kids are easy to
throw. If I was thrown in a lake more
as a child, I'd have turned out alright.
You know? You'd have grown up to be a respectful
member of society instead of whatever piece of shit
you are now. Whatever low-life
scum fucking making me spew
up in this here bucket piece of shit
motherfucker you are right now. Instead of like
a rat's tail fucking underneath someone's filthy boot,
you know, I might own a house.
If more adults had picked me up by the scruff of my neck
and taken me to a koi pond and dropped me in there,
that only happened to me once as a kid.
It should happen more.
And I wasn't even dropped in.
I just fell in at a fancy party.
I fell in a duck pond in the same kind of situation.
It was grimy.
I fell in a river.
Kids are fucking stupid.
We're dumb as shit.
What the fuck did our kid breed doesn't see a pond and be like,
I should avoid that.
Be like, ah, down I go.
Yeah, a fucking deeper pond is for a child.
That's scary.
It goes up to your neck, if not further.
I fell off an embankment.
That's crazy.
My Lord.
I fell like,
literally like eight feet.
It was hectic.
It's fucked.
I just,
mine was like a little koi pond
at a party.
And I remember seeing the fish
in the swamp
and being like,
I'm going to die.
Oh,
fucking idiots.
Knuckleheads,
all the way down.
How'd you fall in?
I don't remember.
I just remember
I was looking in it and then the next second i was i was in and then the next second just walk past
you and pushed you while you're standing because i imagine you're looking in the pond like
slack jaw but like bent at the waist almost entirely looking like
whoa and then someone walks past and they're like this kid's no good
this kid needs to get dunked into a koi pond.
Hopefully people follow my example.
I hope I'm the first of many.
And then a second later, I think my mom grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and pulled me out.
I was like, what happened?
I was like, I don't know.
Did you have fish in your mouth?
No, I wish.
I wish I had spat out a fish like a cartoon character.
Like his tail's just waggling in my mouth.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, let's explore the no shampoo,
no conditioner, because it makes him quicker theory.
Why does it make him quicker?
Never needs to shower again.
Incorrect.
I'm worried about your hygiene.
Well, I'm not taking the Billy Madison approach.
But you're saying...
He could just do pits and slits for the rest of his life.
Have a dirty torso.
He's having a bath. Where's the main odor releases on the human
body underarms asshole slits and bits penis balls balls but again he's having a bath though so he's
kind of soaking well he can have a bath he just doesn't wash his hair you know he gets in the
bath and soaks gets out off to do more business
What's he doing?
What do you mean? What's he doing?
He's in the what?
What is he doing with his time that he's saving by studying business making deals the art of the deal?
Gets in the bath reads the art of the deal. Ah now he gets out of the bath filthy. Yeah body
in the bath reads the art of the deal.
Ah, now he gets out of the bath, filthy body. No,
head. Yeah, filthy head, clean body.
Exactly. Brain full of the art of the deal.
Yeah. Maybe he's
a thing where he's like, if I wash my hair,
the knowledge will come.
Yeah, you might scrub too hard
and accidentally rub the knowledge up. And would you something
that Billy Madison, he could believe that.
I could see him believing that. What about this?
He doesn't, he shaves his head.
Then there's not even a need.
You're not going to get a smelly scalp, right?
Right?
Right?
Can't a head smell?
Maybe he'd be crazy.
Like, what does a head smell like?
What do you mean?
What does a head smell like?
Like, if I shaved off everything,
and I just had a completely egghead
You'd be sweating.
It wouldn't collect.
If you put your face
to the top of my head and had a
whiff, what would it smell like?
Sweat.
It would smell like faint hue
but less because you have no
hair to collect it. Yeah, with the smell of head.
There you go. Now you're right. Yeah, with the smell of head. Yeah. No.
Yeah, no, you're right.
Yeah, so he could get in the bath.
But he'd have a shiny, greasy head.
Well, why?
He could wipe it down with a wet cloth.
And every time he's shaving it, he's shaving that grime off.
Yeah, exactly.
Shaving the grime. Well, I guess the razor would collect.
It would collect whatever filth was on his head at the time.
He will get, and he wears a hat, so he's not even going to get sunburned.
But do bald people's heads smell like fish?
What?
Oh, no.
Does our head smell like fish?
Is that what we're learning here today?
Six reasons you may have a smelly scalp.
All right, let's have a look.
Oh no.
This is going to be rough.
Despite my belief.
Okay, so too many shampoo
free days. So Billy Madison,
if he goes no shampoo. Stinky head.
However,
the next one is over
washing. Because then it makes your head
stinky faster. Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Hormonal imbalances and stress.
Yeah, he's going to be very stressed.
He's stressed for running a business and failing school or whatever.
And here is a huge one.
Wearing a hat.
Oh, no!
He'll have the smelliest head in the game.
And then also after that is your diet.
Now, Billy Madison doesn't look like he has a healthy diet.
No.
That's true.
He drinks beers in the pool, yells about Nudie Magazine Day,
and then sets dog shit on fire.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if Billy Madison shaved his head, maybe he would get the business,
but his dad would be like.
You've got a smelly scalp.
You've got a stinky head.
He's got a stinky head.
This is why, again, if you look at all of these reasons
why you have a stinky head, a lot of them are solved by shampooing.
It's true.
Only one of these, which is like the cause by using too much shampoo.
Everyone else, though, is cause of enough shampoo for your shitty diet.
Shampoo's the victor here.
There it is.
Conditioner can get fucked.
Yeah.
Neither one in shaving your head will just lead to a stinky scalp.
Maybe. We don't know.
It's unclear. You're still out of what a
head smells like.
I guess bad breath. What do you
mean bad breath? What?
Because that's on your head is your mouth.
No, bad breath.
That's caused by the build up of your
No, but that's still from a head.
What are you saying?
Bad breath comes from a head.
It comes from a hole in your head.
Yeah.
But the reason that it smells like...
If you had smelly eyes, you'd have a smelly head.
No, you just have smelly eyes.
Yeah, but your smelly eyes are on your head.
If you have smelly underarms, you've got a smelly body.
Ah, he's right.
Shut up.
What if you got like a... If you're taking a smelly body ah he's right shut up why did you go like a like like uh if you're taking a shit yeah do you stink no but the toilet does yeah but not the shit in the toilet well also
the shit in the toilet but also you would say the toilet smells you're in the process we haven't
wiped yet either yeah well then i would i would be, but I was also a stinky bum. You stink.
But you could say, Jackson, you stink.
Of unwiped shit.
Yeah.
That would be like, I'm in the process of, I am gonna wipe.
You've just burst in on me.
You're a stinky bum!
First of all, Lucia, I am very vulnerable in this moment.
You're a wipe cunt? You stink. First of all, Lucia, I am very vulnerable in this moment.
You're the what, cunt?
You stink.
I would ask you politely to leave the toilet so that I may wipe my ass.
Thank you for trusting me and understanding in this trying time.
So if I have bad breath, I have a stinky head.
No, you've got a stinky mouth.
That's on my head. Yeah, but your guts currently probably smell.
But you can't smell them.
No, but if you've got your mouth-
If you could smell them.
I'd say you've got stink guts.
But at the moment-
But you could also say, oh, you stink.
So, I just-
Your head-
Okay, yeah, but you're also fucking misleading this
because your head won't smell like your mouth.
What's the head then?
It doesn't.
Because this isn't...
Define the head.
Jackson tricked us because the conversation was never
if you've got stinky breath, does your head smell?
The conversation was Jackson being like,
I guess your head would just smell like bad breath,
which is not the same claim.
Because again, if you have stinky breath, I don't feel like, man, your head would just smell like bad breath, which is not the same claim. Because again, if you have stinky breath,
I don't feel like, man, your head smells.
But if you have a stinky top of your scalp,
I'd be like, your head smells.
Imagine a world where I would say your head-
Which wouldn't smell like bad breath.
I would say your head, in terms of scent,
would begin and end at the forehead up.
Okay, so if I had a stinky forehead,
you'd be like, your head smells. Yes. What if I had a stinky forehead, you'll be like your head smells.
Yes.
What if I had stinky cheeks?
I tell you, your face smells.
You got some of them stinky cheeks.
Yeah, little stink cheeks.
What if I was just the head?
What do you mean if you were just the head?
Like it's the future and they've decided to,
they don't want the rest of me, but they'll keep my head.
But unwashed.
Yeah, but they don't watch me.
Would you say I have a stinky head?
Yes, but I'd also say you stink because
you are your entire head.
What are you saying?
What are you trying to prove?
Well, I guess your breath wouldn't smell because
you can't eat.
I don't know that you'd be scentless
because you'd be, are you talking like a
Futurama head in a jar? No, no, I'm just like a loose
head.
Are they washing you?
No.
What are you saying?
Where do you smell from?
Is it everywhere?
What do you want us to say?
I'd say you reek.
Have you been rolling around in dirt as a severed head?
Well, I can't move.
I guess you could move with your tongue.
Well, I could lick, but I think I could shift myself.
Then you've got a dirty tongue.
Which means you'd have bad breath.
Then would you say, you smell, Jackson, or would you say...
I wouldn't give you a sniff.
I wouldn't be anywhere near you.
Why?
Because you stink.
You're rolling around licking up the floor.
Look what the government did to me.
Why have you abandoned me?
They made me just a head.
I would love to hit your head when you're a severed head with a golf club.
Like, just see how far it went.
Why?
I'm not even golf ball size.
I asked the government to do this, is what I'll say.
Your head wouldn't smell like bad breath.
It would smell like bad scalp.
It's all said and done.
Shampoo is better.
Shampoo is better.
Shampoo is better.
Now, was this a good episode?
Or an episode, shall we say?
Didn't quite clear that 30 minute mark. No, it didn't quite get
there, but we did okay.
We managed to milk what we
could from it. It's a pretty
noble effort from all. It got lively.
It did. Yeah, yeah.
It did pick up, you know. It was a bit of a dip
around about the palpy kind of, I would
say probably the hangover moment, but then we kind of hit a stride
we picked up again
so I guess all in all if we had to
do these as actual episodes what would the
ranking be?
I think
number one of the episode that would work
and this pains me so much to say
it hurts me
but if out of these three episodes one had to be
standalone unfortunately
and i'm so sorry everyone i think it ends up being would you receive the all sex as described
in flow writers whistle yes i knew it i knew it all along that i was a genius but it wouldn't be
a good episode it would just be it could be an episode do you think it would become a fan favorite
or would they be like yeah plummy that's what's gotten bad they're like i listened to 400 episodes
and that's enough i think it's just gonna happen i'm done yeah i'm gonna pack it in they've run
out of ideas when in fact we're only coming up with grander and better ideas is what that means
yeah so i guess uh yeah let us know uh which uh which topic would have made a good episode
let us know
was this medley episode a good episode
which ones would you be quoting in the future
had they been released as standalones
let us know I guess on the
Facebook stuff and nonsense group
or our discord
links to those are in the show notes and on that
note I've been Joel I've been Jackson
and I've been Joel and I cannot believe I've done 400 of these fucking things.
Do not comment and say I'm not in every episode.
I will kill you.
I love ghouls and ghosts.
I unironically believe in Sasquatch.
I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime, and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this.
Oh wait, shit, yes I do!
If you head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus for as little as five buckaroonies a month,
you gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America,
a show where I try to explain an unsolved mystery or a monster setting or a ghost story or whatever
to the rest of Sandspans Radio who do not care or listen.
Once again, that's sandspansradio.com forward slash plus
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