Plumbing the Death Star - What Would You Do About the Mutant Problem?
Episode Date: February 28, 2016In which our heroes can’t ignore the elephant in the room, realise something has to be done so organise a 5-point plan on what to do with the mutant problem. We look at problems concerning the Phoen...ix Force, branch out to all powered citizens and work out our concerns of making several deals with several devils. Jackson has some radical opinions and ideas, Zammit wants a less monstrous approach and Duscher just wants to know how close Jackson is to Hitler. It’s a concerning proposal as we attempt to deal with the mutant problem while still remaining a shred of humanity.Want to help protest mutant registration? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in protecting mutant anonymity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Flaming the Death Star,
where we ask important questions like,
what would you do about the mutant problem?
I'm going to set the bar straight off the bat.
Not a lot, because they're people.
You're not going to like my answer, though.
No.
So this is... I know that I ask the question at the start every week,
but here's a little side note into a, like, behind the scenes.
I don't pick the question every time, and this is what I'm worried about.
The way I think about this is, Jackson's going to go one extreme.
I'm going to try and make it logical, but it's going to be a pure totalitarian,
and this is going to be too fucking liberal.
Kill all the humans, mutants forever.
Because, okay, so there's too many mut liberal. Yeah? Kill all the humans. Mutants forever. Because, okay,
so there's too many mutants.
Right?
Or there's too many humans.
Depends on which way
you look at it.
It depends.
I mean, at one point
there was only like
198 mutants.
But then the Phoenix Force
happened and then they're like,
ah, mutants for fucking days, mate.
Mutants are a problem.
Mutants for fucking days.
Okay, so what we gotta wonder
we gotta ask ourselves.
For now, actually,
inhuman problem. Yeah, inhuman, mut going to wonder? We're going to ask ourselves. For what now, actually? Yeah.
Inhuman problem.
Yeah, inhuman, mutants, whatever.
Anyone who's got powers.
Because now there's a plague that's... Well, Marvel's got an X-Men problem, I'm right.
That's a fucking fox stealing their movie rights.
Well, actually now, yeah, there's the Terrigan Mist,
which is what turns potential normal people into inhumans
or the dormant inhuman people.
That's now kicking around Earth, and that's causing people to become inhumans or the dormant Inhuman people. That's now kicking around Earth.
And that's causing
people to become Inhumans.
That means they just get powers.
And that's kind of killing mutants at the same time.
So I guess there's some interchange
at the moment.
So now you've got a bit of both.
I don't want to just get rid of mutants.
I don't want to just get rid of Inhumans.
Anyone with powers.
Fuck them off.
How does Iron Man fit into that?
Iron Man has no powers.
He has a sick suit.
Okay, so Iron Man's sweet?
Yeah, and I approach Iron Man.
What about Captain America?
Captain America...
No, too many powers.
Fuck him off.
What is the process of fucking them off?
Okay, well...
Death?
Okay, let's just...
All right, Jackson.
What is your plan? Okay, so... Death? Okay, let's just... All right, Jackson, what is your plan?
Okay, so... What causes a mutant problem?
All right.
Genetics.
I'm going to...
Okay, we're going to score this plan out of 10,
and then also give you, on a percentage scale,
how Hitler you are.
Because at the moment, I'm feeling almost 100%.
So, okay, first off, I'm not a genius.
We know this.
So that means I'm going to need to get a genius on side.
Now, I think that if anybody, Dr. Fantastic,
will understand the necessity behind protecting the world
by ridding it of the mutant problem.
Power problem. Powered problem. Scourge.
Powered problem.
Scourge, yes.
The powered Scourge.
He has powers.
He won't.
That's all right.
We'll sort that out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
His son has so much powers.
His daughter is just...
But are we like, Mr. Fantastic,
you know how to use your powers responsibly.
You're one of the good ones.
Okay.
And so where does the mutant powers come from?
Well, in X-Men, it's genetic.
Or the Weapon X program.
It's also genetic.
Same with Inhumans.
So we create some kind of genetic virus that we infect.
One that is harmless to humans with no powers
And we infect the entire planet
Slowly the mutants die out
And then we've got rid of the mutant problem
Spider-Man and Captain America
Wait, die out?
It's not even
If we can neutralise it, sick
You've just recreated the legacy virus
But a more fucked version of the legacy virus
Well, if it works If we can just get rid of...
Professor, if Dr. Fantastic is like, look...
No, you're not approaching...
You're approaching Mr. Sinister.
Yeah, sure.
You're approaching the high evolutionary.
You're not approaching Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Fantastic, or Iron Man.
You're approaching the villains.
Yeah, that's fine.
I'm knocking the door.
Hi, Jackson Bailey, concerned citizen.
You're approaching Mr. Simba. Look, this is the fucking
You know who you were approaching?
Apocalypse. Yeah. This is the fucking
No, but Apocalypse has powers. Yeah.
But. So does Mr. Fantastic.
You have like the legacy vibe. I was gonna kill Mr. Fantastic
and his family at the end.
When it was all said and done. We know.
We know. But I picked up on it straight away
so he would as well.
Yeah.
So, you'd want to be like. He has stretchy brain wiles.
Because he kind of been.
Stretchy neurons.
You got to really tap into Apocalypse's dumb fucking ideology of the survival of the fittest.
So, if you can't survive a virus.
Yeah.
You're not fit to survive.
I'm like, what good are they?
And.
Apocalypse would probably be a good
point. Fair enough, Jackson. Good one.
What if you're sick? Oh my god.
Look,
I don't like this douche, but you need to
find the right guy. Yeah, you're right, and Apocalypse is the man
for the job. You're not a mutant,
are you? No. Apocalypse has got zero time
for you. No, he doesn't have time for you.
I'll wait in line or whatever. If you approach
a sinister Apocalypse
and you frame it as
and Apocalypse works with humans.
If you're going to approach it as
survival of the fittest
and the way to weed out the weak is a virus
Bada bing, bada boom.
That's the way to do it. But see, that's only
the X-Men, hasn't it?
Anybody who's genetically developed mutant power.
So, well Two gases.
If you're going to approach apocalypse, what's going to happen?
And by the way, with gases,
we're now at a good 50% Hitler.
Probably higher.
Probably...
Just you wait.
No, because we're not... I don't want to talk about
Auschwitz on this podcast.
He hasn't made a camp yet.
No camps, but a task force is next.
Oh, Jesus.
No, because...
You're going to have to make a virus that attacks everybody.
No, no, no.
I just need a task force to go and shoot fucking Spider-Man in the head or whatever.
So this is like...
Okay, finish your plan, because I think I'm going to be more sad.
So you've got like, all right, genetic virus.
So mutants are gone.
Everybody's like, what's that about?
Who did that?
Me and Apocalypse are fist-bombing, being like, we fucking just dead.
That's all right.
I'm all right.
I'm alive.
Then I need to put together a task force of non-powered but skilled humans
to go out and eradicate the remaining people with powers left.
Or we give them an option.
We say, you can fuck off to one of the other planets,
and we shoot you in the head.
Why didn't you give that solution to the mutants?
Because there's so many of them.
It's just easier this way.
You're a horrible man.
Jesus Christ, Jackson.
But hear me out.
So a mutant, there is a mutant in the comics
that Wolverine ends up having to kill
on the orders of Professor X,
who through no fault of his own blows up a town.
That's true.
Okay?
There are mutants out there
that can get possessed by the Phoenix Force.
They can get possessed by fucking apocalypse.
They can get fucking full of any kind of dark voodoo and destroy half the planet in one go that's i'm
not eradicating a harmless group of people i'm eradicating a very highly dangerous group of
people that without the proper training of which not very many of them have on a dime can destroy
many good honest human beings agreeing with you but yes okay i'm gonna
give you a counter argument okay we should murder every child because they have the potential to be
but no they have the that's the difference potential as well yeah but the potential that
one person can like do as much harm as one mutant it's just not the same same. Exactly. Sure it is. Even if you said,
look,
Hitler did this.
No, he had a whole lot of people.
Exactly.
But one mutant alone,
working alone,
can eradicate an entire town.
One human being alone...
Planet.
Can eat a fucking planet.
Eat a goddamn planet.
But that's only one specific mutant.
Sorry, not even a planet.
Solar system.
That's only one specific mutant.
The Jackson Bailey
patented anti-mutey gas.
And it's not even one particular mutant.
It's mostly any telepath
or any telekinetic people
who can get
the Phoenix Force. In fact, it's any mutants
because when fucking the Phoenix
Force comes down and goes to hope
fucking dickhead Tony Stark
smashes it in the face
and it splits up into five people
and you get
Cyclops
Emma Frost
fucking Colossus
Magic
and Namor
whose acronym
ends up being penis
it's very funny
but you get them
and they are
the Phoenix Five
which sounds like
a rad like
90s fucking
boy band
frankly guys
and they're not
telepaths
I don't want that
on my
Pietro Ileana I't want that on my Pietro
um
Ileana
I think there's a
who's Pietro
it's fucking
um
Quicksilver
but you didn't say Quicksilver
no
fucking that's Colossus
Colossus is Pietro as well
yeah Pietro
Ileana
names being used too much
in X-Men
stop doubling up Marvel
Namor
Emma Frost
uh
and Scott
that's great
I realise I spelt penis
P-I
I'm a dickhead penis P-I.
I'm a dickhead.
P-I-N-E-S. Penis.
Penis.
I just don't want that on my big blue planet.
You can just be a mutant and be the power of the Phoenix Force.
Why don't you just make gas that stops the Phoenix Force?
I don't know how to do that.
I'm not a brilliant man.
I'm not a genius.
The Phoenix Force is like a cosmic entity mutants how about this jack yeah so it's less monster monster like it's less being a monster and more being like jackson also you
gotta remember part two of his plan is literally just to shoot people in the head well some people
i can't get with a gas so we've talked about leech before arty whose ability is to and this is a plot of um x3 so x what was that
one is that last stand yeah the last stand which they get arty lang in um and his sort of um his
abilities to sort of stop everyone's powers right yeah so if you're gonna run into a wall it's good
yes very funny i'm juggernaut bitch yep that's the that's good. Yes, very funny. I'm Juggernaut, bitch. Yep. That's the one. That's the one.
Classic.
So you'd need to be able to maybe get a virus synthesized from his blood or his powers or something.
And then you release it.
So everyone just becomes non-mutant.
They become human.
But the problem then might be you might have to kill a child which I want to say you're already okay with
well I'm not killing
if they don't have their mutant power yet they don't die
no as in like you're going to have to kill Artie
who's Artie?
he's the one we're getting the power dampening abilities from
oh well yeah but that's you kill one for the needs of the many
that's fine
so there's a solution there you could kill
but that just gets rid of the X-Men
that just gets rid of mutants
yeah what about Spider-Man or captain america even thor i'm gonna
have to do something about okay okay all right so okay we've gotten rid of the mutants either
you've killed them off or you've just neutered them gassed them okay the planet one either you've
gassed them by killing or you've gassed them by taking away the powers but either way they're
gone yep all right what's next what's your next master well yeah then i develop a task force this is
going to be a very well-trained task force and they well uh having lost apocalypse i'm going to
need to find another villain a human villain to approach dark arc norman osborne i was thinking
yeah with his iron like his iron patriot suits try and get some iron man suits exactly i don't
like giving you ideas.
I hate myself, but Iron Man suits.
Get a team in Iron Man suits and send them across the world
to just eliminate anybody else that's left with powers.
And again, it's so you can fuck off or we shoot you in the brain.
That's the deal, right?
Once they're all gone, then we're going to...
What about the really powerful, like Deadpool?
Well, Deadpool is going gonna be a hassle to
get not really cut off his head separate him yeah but take away his arms and legs separate him he'll
be alive but it'll be separated yeah yeah but even like put him in a like prison drop it in the sea
but how are you gonna get him like that because this is always when it comes to massive villains
plans like this there's always one hero that is
just like no fuck you put like uh what's some kind of bullshit that deadpool will do because
he thinks it's funny like a chimichanga in a prison and he gets in it he's like lol chimi
and then we just shut the door on him and we're like yeah you're not that funny and push him in
the sea yeah and he's your biggest problem biggest problem Who's gonna be My biggest problem Thor
Captain America
Captain America's
The Avengers
Wolverine is now
He's demutified
So he's getting poisoned
By adamantium
Wolverine will be done soon
No but he's not
No cause the gas
That's the thing
The gas didn't demutant
It killed them
Wolverine's dead
No Wolverine's not dead
Cause it's
The gas would have to
Dampen his mutant abilities
but if it's not then he's just alive
he's just dying
Wolverine gets legacy virus
people with healing factors have got legacy virus
so if you're either killing him off
or you're
depowering them both of those things
are going to kill him
Wolverine is no longer a threat
so the Avengers are probably my next big problem
if you haven't killed them Wolverine will probably go on a suicide mission, maybe.
But at this moment in time, he's old man, Logan, so...
He's fucked.
Yeah, whatever.
Then Deadpool will be the same thing, then.
Yeah.
And he's a mutant as well, so he's the same problem.
It's not even a stress.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Avengers, though.
Avengers are going to be a stress.
But do you think that my team of, say, ten Iron Men could take on the Avengers?
No.
No.
Have you seen Iron Man 3?
That is about Iron Man fighting
one Iron Man.
That's true.
Plus Thor. Well, Iron Man I don't worry about.
Iron Man's fine. Iron Man is
like, he's an example of fucking
capitalism in
force. Hulk.
Hulk.
Hulk.
Hulk is gonna be a tough one
cause you know what makes
Hulk angry
when you
Black Widow
no I'm just like
how are you gonna do with her as well
or any of the Avengers
you fuck
no Black Widow's fine
she doesn't have powers
yeah I know
oh wait
ah okay
you don't wanna kill her
but she's gonna wanna kill you
that's fine
it's not about me
it's about humanity guys
you're just gonna be like
I'm a model
and everyone's gonna be like no that's the wrong use of that word.
You mean monster?
So Iron Man's fine.
Black Widow can survive.
That's okay.
Thor, I'm going to need at some point to nuke Asgard or something.
You can have the good of Asgard.
Yeah.
Or at least destroy the Rainbow Bridge.
Yeah, I'll just destroy the Rainbow Bridge.
I'll get Loki on side.
Loki will do it.
Loki loves chaos.
So you're just going to be like, hey, Loki, you can have Earth once I'm done.
And I'll be like, yeah, sick.
And then you shoot him in the head.
As he turns around and marvels at it, I'm just like.
And then as a bullet bounces off the skull of a god.
He turns around, grabs my head in one hand and just squeezes it until it's red mush.
That ruined it.
I need a drink.
Always came out
my nose. Just that moment of
like, ding, ding.
Oh, my God.
Of course.
I forgot about this. Ding.
I just gotta get Loki on side
somehow, and then I'll sort that Loki bridge out when I forgot about this. I just gotta get Loki on side somehow,
and then I'll sort that Loki bridge out when I come to it.
I'll cross that rainbow bridge when I come to it.
So after Loki, and Loki can help me,
it'll just be a matter of getting Asgard,
Iron Man to fight Spider-Man and shit,
then Asgard to fight the Avengers and kill them,
and then I'm just gonna have to take out Asgard
with, like, space noobs or something.
Do nuclear weapons affect gods?
They're not really gods.
They're just aliens.
So I can probably just nuke them.
Fine.
Or I can be like Loki.
Yo, hey, how you doing?
Do you want Asgard now, too?
Yeah, do you want Asgard?
Sorry about trying to shoot you in the head.
That was a bad move.
Fair enough that you ripped off a hand.
I will help you take down Asgard with my
resources of earth
if you can never visit here again.
Yeah, whatever.
You can try and make a deal with that devil.
The deals with the devils
that you are making in this scenario,
many.
What I need to do is a sneaky trick with Apocalypse.
I'm like, Apocalypse, I'll make a gas.
He's like, yeah, sick.
And then the gas kills him too, and he's like, damn it, damn it.
I was not the fittest.
I did not think of this.
Oh, yeah, Red Skull?
And Red Skull's just a guy, so he's allowed to live.
He's got a red skull, but that's not a power.
That's true, but you're going to have to get him on.
You're going to probably have to easily team up with him.
You know those big crossover events, how villains and heroes team up they're coming for you hey how's how's the nazi meter doing now
that i'm teaming up with an actual nazi you're at about 110 i was gonna say 98 because you haven't
had like you haven't made camps i don't need to make camps camps are a waste of resources
that's pretty hitler so what have I got to with
I've eliminated the mutant problem
I've gotten most of the super powered population
down with my task force
I've fucked off Asgard by making a
terrible shady deal with
fucking Loki
wait so you've agreed
Loki's agreed to let you nuke Asgard
no no no he's just agreed to help me take out the Avengers
and shit if he gets if I give him my earth resources to take out Asgard. No, no, no. He's just agreed to help me take out the Avengers and shit if he gets...
if I give him my Earth resources
to take out Asgard.
So I'm like,
you can have Asgard.
Just don't come to Earth.
And I'll give you, like,
nukes and shit.
Guess who's gonna come to Earth.
Well, that's when I get
maybe the Silver Surfer
from Galactus on site.
And I'm like,
Galactus,
just stand there
with your mouth open
when Loki comes down.
At the end of the bridge is just Galactus' mouth.
You better hope that virus killed Franklin.
That's all I'm fucking saying.
I know, that's the hope.
Well, actually, the Fantastic Four are a problem because they're not mutants.
But Franklin Richards is.
And as soon as you've killed Franklin Richards,
Richards, they're coming for you.
They're just coming for you.
And Doom?
Doom is going to be like, No, I rule Earth, not this
Well, I'll be like
Doom, it's yours
Just help me get rid of the mutants and superpowers
And he's like, I am superpowered
No, he's not
Yes, he is
He's mysticism
Yeah, it's all magic and shit
Okay
Doom doesn't like if you're rude
Have you come to him first?
What?
To help to eliminate?
Wait, so like out of Loki and Doom?
No, out of Loki, Doom, and Apocalypse.
Who'd you go to first?
Apocalypse.
Apocalypse, I do.
Doom's going to get mad at you for being your...
I'm going to be like, sorry.
He's not going to like it.
Well...
But he might.
He might.
He might.
Depending on how Doom is feeling.
Hope I catch Doom in a good mood.
In a good mood.
But I think you would have insulted him by not coming to him first.
Yeah, that's true.
And look, I'll make my reparations, whatever he needs me to do.
And I'm just looking for resources at this point.
Take out the superpowered people.
Try and protect Earth from any aliens.
And then I'm like, anyway, guys guys that's me done you're welcome humanity yep
uh and settle back into a peaceful life you're gonna okay so let's say it's a success yeah you
are going to jail for war crimes crimes against nature yeah crimes against humanity crimes against
mutant kind crimes against just crimes war crimes
just crimes
if you do make it to
a trial
well done, but you may get
assassinated well before then
I would assume by Black Widow
yeah, and that's fine
like I said, I'm not looking to rule
I'm just looking to get the job done
fair enough, and look, that's fine.
You haven't so much of like
sorted the mutant problem as just gotten...
Well, I guess...
It's kind of sorted.
Like the superpowered stuff, honestly,
was a bit of an afterthought.
But I got rid of the mutant problem pretty quick.
The only problem...
You've less created the problem and more eradicated.
The only problem now is when people are born problem and more eradicated. The only problem now
is when people are born.
Yeah, I was going to say.
You've got rid
of this generation's problem.
I actually might need camps.
100.
100%.
100%.
Well, I got there.
Sure did, Jack.
Well, it's either that
or doctors have guns now.
Mutants don't really show unless it's like at puberty.
Yeah.
Oh, God, it's camps.
Yeah.
It's your naming rights.
Is he a mutant?
Got in one hand, key in the other.
Oh, I just hope Black Widow kills me before it comes to that.
Wow.
Yeah, so that's my, I don't know.
That's just my humble plan. So you went, in the end, we got there. You went full Auschwitz. Yeah. that. Wow. Yeah, so that's my, I don't know. That's just my humble plan.
So you went, in the end, we got there.
You went full Auschwitz.
Yep.
You are Hitler.
Am I happy about that?
No.
Not really.
You seem happy.
I'm just happy I grew to the mutants.
One way or the other.
See, my way I deal with the mutant problem,
I wouldn't necessarily call it a problem.
I would just make sure we have registration.
I would just make sure that we have registered your powers
and we get proper training.
Who's providing the training?
Government.
Government doesn't know how to help with man-made throwing stars.
Yeah, but hey, all right, then we'll get...
I'm not a genius, but we can get geniuses on the side.
We can get...
Wow, wow.
We can get Doom.
Why did I go Doom first?
Teaming up with villains is what it's all about.
Doctor Fantastic, Tony Stark, Xavier, all that kind of version.
Look, I know mutant rights.
I understand we're all humans.
But this is the elephant in the room here.
These people are born and they can gas out of town.
These people are...
I think we've learned that humans can gas out towns too, Zammett.
Yes, but he's more deliberate.
This kid was accidental.
And, you know, we had to...
So you want to create like a council.
In a sense, to be just like...
Well, I would have to...
I'll put it to the leaders of...
Oh, man, they have to go to the Illuminati.
Yeah.
You know, you have to go to Strange Beast.
Oh, fuck.
Xavier Beast. Iron Man. Illuminati. Yeah. You know, you have to go to Strange Beast. The fucking... Xavier Beast.
Iron Man.
See all that?
Yeah.
Black Bolt and that name all.
But we have to do something.
We actually have to do something.
We can't just ignore this.
See what I mean?
So, I think the best thing is we need to train them so that we know what they can do.
Okay.
And that they can know what they can do.
The limitations as well.
And how to act in society.
We need to sort of register them at least,
so then we can at least be on the lookout.
Kind of like, you know,
I don't want to equate mutants to sex offenders, but I'm going to.
No, you've got to.
But like, you know, the sex marriage registry,
which is kind of like, you know, at least we're aware that there's...
Because if I'm going to move into a town with a mutant in it,
I want to know what powers they have.
I want to know what level they are
and maybe
and maybe not
I mean what is the
sex money registry like
is it like this address
or is it just like
this area
no it's like this address
wow that's dangerous
oof
are you sure it's a
I think so
are you sure it's a
address not
just area
no because you could
have several in the
same area
and you'd want to
know if they're
on your street
or at least is it street, not address?
Like, is it actually 33 blah blah blah street?
Well, the problem is that if it's like
On your street, and it doesn't give you address
You're like, which fucking house?
Is it me?
Am I?
Yeah, I don't know
I don't know enough about the sex offenders registry
I'm kind of happy I don't, but I don't know enough
I would at least be like
in your area
there would say like
six active mutants
and these are their abilities
oh no
you're putting the stepping stones
in to create a witch hunt
friend
no but I'm putting
but then if
coming from
Mr. fucking Hitler
but assuming
aside from all that
assuming I'm the side
of humanity
yes but if
you're creating
the heuristics
in your area
and that can just
be in a postcode
am I creating witch hunt
rather than being like
yes at 33
bloody
high street
in this
there is like
a mutant living there
that's gonna create
the witch hunt
but imagine this
you're living in a
little suburban neighbourhood
yeah
you look on the
mutant registry
it's like there are
seven mutants
in your area
and I'm like which fucking seven is it Mrs imagine you've got you look on the mutant registry, it's like, there are seven mutants in your area.
I'm like, which fucking seven?
Is it Mrs... Imagine you've got a young Jackson Bailey
living in the suburb.
An anti-mutant lad.
And you want me to give them their address?
Well, otherwise I might be hurting innocents.
They're innocent!
Exactly.
You fucking monster.
They are.
That's the thing.
They are innocent.
This is why you can't give out names.
You'd have to be giving out, like, not addresses,
but in the area there are this many people.
This is their power level.
And that'd be only maybe if, for example,
we had graded,
you would do grade mutants in terms of power levels.
So on, like, a scale of, like, say, you know, if it's one to ten, you know, one, you'd do grade mutants in terms of power levels. So on like a scale
of like say, you know, if it's 1 to 10,
you know, 1 to 5 is not on there, but anything
above say maybe a level 8,
you have like a... I'd be so suspicious of everyone in my neighborhood.
You already are!
Like this Jackson Bailey
who you're portraying is probably already suspicious
of fucking everyone. The same Jackson
that will one day gas the planet, yes.
But even just normal, everyday, regular, not Hitlerler jackson like and not from like being like oh i want to get rid of them
i'd just be like i want to know who to avoid in case they no you don't you want to know who to
hurt don't try and fucking sugarcoat this you piece of even if i'm like say i'm just a regular
citizen i'm not anti-mutant if you had a website with their address, I would consider that more dangerous.
But not even like so fucking you've got next door neighbor.
Lovely old man.
One day he's mowing the lawn and like a rock gets in the fucking mower and he gets angry.
And I'm just like, is he going to fucking blow up?
Like, I don't want to have that thought.
I want to look over and be like, oh, that's just Mr. Timothy.
That's just because you're fucking ignorant as fuck in this universe.
Like, I think you're the problem.
You're saying you wouldn't be nervous of people in your neighbourhood
if you knew that one of them could blow up.
A fucking apartheid.
But I just think you'd have to be like,
there has to be a level of anonymity for the people who are meetings.
This is why the registration doesn't work.
But you need to be able to assess them.
The government may, like, I will argue
that, like, the government
maybe, like, as in, like,
it would be
information that people, like,
the country
would need to know, but not...
Yeah, that's a good point, because...
You don't need to share the information.
Sort of like how a doctor knows about like your medical history but your mates don't yeah so like if i had herpes you guys wouldn't know but my doctor would yeah
i don't have herpes now you know ladies it's okay no but come talk to me at the live show
what's the point of having a uh fucking register that i can check if it's not going to tell me who?
No, that's not.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Because, like, what does it achieve then?
Stress.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, exactly.
It just means that I'm sus of everyone.
So then we just have a registry, as in, like, as in, or a government registry.
Yeah, a government registry.
But the problem there is if it's hacked.
Like a police database.
Yeah, like a police database, but for a mutants.
But then the problem there is, of is because you would argue Freedom of Information Act
people would actually probably argue that we need
that information because you'd have fuckheads
like Jackson over here being like
we need to know where they are and so that
so we'd have to deal with that problem. I don't know where to take my kids
but dealing with that problem is just like the same way
as dealing with like... I know
Again
it just comes down to this isn't a sex
offenders comparison, it's a racism comparison
because they're a race
well they're humans in fact
they're not a race at all
they're homo superior
they think they're better than you do
they call themselves homo superior
who called them that
I didn't name them
fucking Jackson homo dickhead
over here
fucking
I'm the worst
in this episode
yeah alright
you'd have a
registry for the
government so the
government knows
what's going on
you'd have them
being like alright
these are the
powers here and
we need to
so the government
could monitor people
that are like hey
if I get mad I
literally turn into
an atom bomb
yeah
but like if
someone's like hey
I have claws
when I get mad i turn into a dolphin
no like i have a fish boy what happens then and also like mutants with that high level powers
they would be stressed themselves that's true what about would you create their people guys
their people this is not this just hear me out would you create a task force not a murder one but for say somebody is
like um when i get angry i become a even if i become a dolphin and i will die because i won't
be with your water would the government be like we'll send out like like a third like a fourth
you know you get ambulance fire department police mutant whatever you'd call it where you're like
squad yeah you're like hiant squad Yeah you're like
Hi mutant squad
I'm getting real pissed off
And I might be a dolphin soon
That's not how mutant powers work
Just putting that one out there
I guess they kind of know
They can control this
That's probably the Hulk
Yeah
I guess kids though
That's true
Like teens
Because I mean that's what the fucking
Xavier's school is just all about
It happens once
And it's like oh it'll happen again
As you get better with it
I suppose.
But you don't want to become a dolphin on your lawn and suffocate.
No, but you won't suffocate because you're a dolphin, not a fish.
Dolphins still need water.
They can survive off air.
Not forever.
Probably not, no.
Not for that long.
Someone's going to notice a fucking dolphin
on their lawn
and hopefully put it
into a bathtub
and then you come back
and then hopefully
old Mr Jenkins
you're like
thank you
keep my secret safe
yeah it's not like
a fucking fish with gills
yeah that's true
how long can a dolphin
survive out of water
I'd say half an hour
really no
I don't know why
I fucking know mate
half an hour is way too long
well why would they need
what do they need
because like a whale can't survive out of water because it crushes themselves like just their own weight crushes them Really? No. I don't know why. I fucking know, mate. Half an hour is way too long. Well, why would they need... What do they need?
Because, like, a whale can't survive out of water because it crushes themselves.
Like, their own weight crushes their lungs.
Yeah, but, like, I know dolphins need to get air,
but they spend most of the time underwater.
Just because they don't have legs.
That is not why dolphins are underwater.
Ryder.
Dolphins have gills, you...
What?
No, they don't.
Do dolphins have gills?
Do dolphins have gills
oh they are mammals
why do you're a fucking idiot
and you're a dickhead for needing to confirm that
no because I was like dolphins have
I'm thinking of fish
guest starring on this episode
why do dolphins live in the sea
how it seems to think
see evolution damn it says that's because they don't have legs the sea. Dammit seems to think they... See?
Evolution.
Dammit, that's because they don't
have legs.
It's because they
ever...
That's the dumbest
shit I've ever heard.
Ryder's fine with
it.
Ryder's like,
yeah.
They just evolved
to live in the
water.
I'm pretty sure...
How long can a
dolphin stay out of
the water, Ryder?
If you strapped a
dolphin to a
skateboard and had
a leash, walked down Main Street, you'd be fine for a while.
Maybe with a spray bottle.
Dolphins beach themselves.
Maybe with a spray bottle and sprayed it a bit.
Just fucking Google how long can a goddamn dolphin stay out outer water good question let's find out
i got a text sorry i got here um i got quotes from ace ventura pet detective and the life
aquatic with steve's zoo neither of which are useful to us right now someone googled I got quotes from Ace Ventura Pet Detective and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zizou.
Neither of which are useful to us right now.
Someone Googled meme generator that wasn't me.
That's good.
This is getting us another one.
How long can a dolphin stay?
Wait. We're thinking about this all...
Wait.
Because dolphins breathe air I know
That's my point yes
But Sam is saying they can breathe air exclusively
For like half an hour
They don't breathe water
What do you think?
What the fuck are you actually
They need to be under the sea
No they don't
Dolphins need to be in the sea No they don't Dolphins need to be in the sea
No
Well yes but not for the reasons you think
They need to be
A dolphin out of water would become dehydrated
In a matter of hours
So they can stay out of water for a matter of hours
It's a hydration thing
It's not a fucking air thing
It's not a fucking legs thing
If they had legs, you could
see them walking around a bit
for an hour, coming back in.
Oh my god, this answer actually brings
arms and legs into it. I'm so angry.
So I'll read this.
I'll read this.
This is from the internet.
How long can a dolphin survive out of water?
If for dolphins, water is only required for hydration,
then would it be feasible to equip the dolphin with a hydrating system to extend
their period indefinitely? And not to muddle the question
too much, but would it be plausible for an
adequately hydrated dolphin to mobilize
on land via a Segway?
That's even better than a
skateboard idea.
Because they look perfect! Elizabeth Goldberg,
animal lover, responded with
a dolphin out of water would become dehydrated
in a matter of hours i
don't know the exact mechanism but maybe they could design a sort of reverse wetsuit to keep
moisture on the skin of the dolphin but how will the dolphin even stand on a segway much less
operated it lacks arms and legs well so it wasn't really in favor of you which is a good news on
like i think it would need a specifically made mecca suit
at which point a segue becomes redundant thanks elizabeth you champ well so yes you could walk
a defeat i suppose on the dolphin yeah you can why don't we have pet dolphins
because none of us have a fucking mac dolphin suit no but you don't need one
just whack it in a pool which which I have. Eat a dick, poor boys.
I'm pretty sure dolphins need like...
An ocean?
Same thing with like, why don't we have pet eagles?
Because they need a long fucking like...
They need a huge aviary.
That's okay.
Just put them outside.
Just like, come back, eagle.
And if it doesn't come back, be like, hmm, need to buy another eagle.
Same thing with dolphin.
Come back, dolphin.
Come back, don't you run from me
can't believe you grew legs and ran away
that's rude why are we talking about dolphins
I don't know I legitimately
forgot what the question was I was just gonna
keep talking about dolphins until someone interjected
that if you're
if you became dolphins like a mutant
squad that's why fucking
mutant squad yeah
if a mutant became a dolphin it'd be fine for a couple
of hours yeah yes baking in the hot sun yeah sizzling yeah someone be like fish that's all
right i still think a mutant squad is not a bad idea or at least a power squad as in those who
respond to people with powers so yes you'd have a registration with the government knows to keep
tabs of these people you'd have people in charge of being like stop going to registration call it uh
no you need it
though
like same with
how you register
a dog
god damn it
they're not dogs
they're human beings
they're people
no it's like a
medical record
yeah
a mutant record
but it's like
registering a gun
the two of you
you won't admit
that mutants are
a problem
I'm not saying
that they're not
a problem
if a mutant kills
me I'm like whatever I'm not saying they're not a problem I'm not saying that they're a problem. Mutants aren't a problem. If a mutant kills me, I'm like, whatever.
I'm not saying they're not a problem.
I'm not saying that they...
If it kills the people I love, I'm like,
that's their problem.
You've got to register them.
I'm not saying that they're not a problem.
I'm simply saying that they are still humans.
That's fair enough.
So that, yes, they need to register their powers,
not themselves, but their powers,
and an identification with that.
So, yes, they're registering themselves,
but maybe you sell it a bit better
how?
but we'll get our PR team
onto that
yeah that's not your job
that's PR's job
that's fucking PR's team
you know
well it's basically
you're like
oh
mandatory
okay
yeah
mandatory blood testing
for
you know when we
immunize kids
so in high school
you gotta get immunized
right
so at the same time immunize a kid take a blood school, you've got to get immunized, right?
So at the same time, immunize a kid, take a blood test, see if they're mutants.
Check if they're a mutant.
But Joel Zammett, as an anti-immunizer, how come you agree with it now?
Joel Zammett, as a person who in the past has claimed that vaccinations cause autism,
how come you are now one of them? I would never fuck you.
Joel Zammett smear campaign 2016.
Hashtag it.
Tweet lies about Joel Zammett.
It's the way to go.
The way you phrased that,
I thought you were saying you were anti-Mexican.
Nah, you.
It took so long to hear that I loved it.
I was like, what the fuck's a douchebag?
Oh!
You sons of bitches.
Oh, happy day!
Joel Zammett, as the racist of this podcast.
Yes, you're the racist, yes.
Anyway, sorry.
Yeah, so when we're vaccinating everyone,
which we should be doing.
No, I think that's good, because you can't deny the fact.
Wait, did you say vaccinate everyone?
As in, like, cure their mutant power?
Or is it mutant power?
Yes!
No!
When we're vaccinated against polio,
and whooping cough, and all that kind of crap.
So when that's happening, we also do a blood test,
so when you're of age, we also just test if you're mutants yeah because that
you know some people could be mutants and they don't know and then when they're suddenly like
oh my god i've gassed everybody that's okay that makes sense because i'm okay with that because
one like just like hey we're figuring out your blood type and also if you have any mutant genes
because mutant genes are massive now yeah and it's more for you than for us it's for your own
protection kind of
because you don't get like a weird
doctor he's like yeah we're gonna test
and then discuss you what nothing
pardon Jackson is not allowed to be a
doctor Jackson I'm already not allowed
to be a doctor in real life not after
the incident of that Jackson Bailey
smear campaign 2016 let's pull this dog
inside out oh no
good
yeah I'm very on board
with that for an idea
because again
like
and if the mutants
were to complain
right
which I'm sure people would
they would be like
that's an invasion of my privacy
yadda yadda
you're like
it's just a fact of the matter
is that you're basically
born with a gun in your hand yeah basically you know what I mean and you'd be're like, well, it's just a fact of the matter is that you're basically born with
a gun in your hand.
Yeah, basically.
You know what I mean?
And you'd be selling this as security.
It's not like we're selling your medical records and your name to, say, advertising companies
or companies who want to try and neutralize this.
I'm not trying to neutralize mutants.
You are human beings with rights and you can't...
How old do you test for it?
When they start puberty.
When they start puberty.
So, basically...
How do you tell when someone starts puberty?
We know roughly about when 13 onwards.
So 13?
Age 13?
13th birthday?
That's how they celebrate?
Blood test?
Wow.
Happy birthday.
No.
In high school, when we start high school, we generally...
There is immunizations.
And they happen every X many years.
Immunizations, you get like some in year 7 or form 1.
I know somewhere in primary school we got.
We got some in primary school.
Oh, yeah, no.
It's like grade 3, grade 6, year 7 and then like year 9.
Every time we're doing immunization,
at the same time we're doing blood tests.
Yes.
So say you've tested me and I've come up positive.
Yep.
Put you down.
I'm Jackson Bailey.
Looks like I'm arguing against two Jacksons today
born with a gun in your hand is a real great
slogan and I might use that for
when I'm campaigning
okay fair enough
mutants born with a gun in their hand
I think that'll do me good
who?
right wingers
they'll be like yeah we have born with guns in our hands
I'll be like damn it
I'll use that in the campaign
so say you found hate i have the mutant gene what what comes next
for me and my family i would say we you'll be contacted like um for some more testing okay um
we'll not hate it now we'll have professor xavier there uh or at least get to meet a professor or
at least magnetor or at least magnetor or at least Doctor 2 or Doctor Fantastic or those
hey come to the
Avengers Mansion
or come to the X Mansion
that kind of stuff
almost
almost like Korea Day
because like
if you are a mutant
you're gonna be an X-Man
eh?
but
we'll come to that
stay away from the brotherhood
I like the idea of Magneto
actually yeah though
because if they are mutants
you almost want them
to be heroes
and so then you're trying to get them on side.
So you want to be as friendly as fuck to them.
It's really great to imagine Magneto with a similar stall at the same place.
Join the brotherhood, though.
That's his sign.
Join the brotherhood, though, question mark.
But you're right, and you're telling me about it.
Because if they're registering and they're finding out what they have, you would have governments being like, well, we have this
natural resource of mutants.
How can we utilize it so it benefits us as well as them?
So it's like, hey, stable job, this kind of that.
And rather than like a military school, a mutant school.
So it's like, yeah, we'll pay for your education if that you work for us and you have a pension.
I hate interrupting like, no like no no i'm not
letting you so then it's like it's your choice you don't have to but we do have this stream here so
if you can turn to steel and lift shit look you work for us um finish the secondary education
you finish your secondary education through us just how like the military have schools
that kind of stuff um and then you can sort of work for us and that could be a stream.
And then we can be like,
you actually would end up working for us.
Kind of like,
like almost like an,
like a alpha flight kind of situation.
Okay.
Do you know what teenagers really,
really,
really,
really,
really do not love being told what to do.
Do it will happen if you do this.
No,
shut the fuck up.
Uh,
some students,
the wrong ones. No, because what this is. Some students, the wrong ones.
Nah, because what this is going to do...
The rude kids.
You've got people that aren't mutants telling mutants...
It's the same thing.
Shut up!
People in fucking, like, military school.
You're not saying, do this.
You're saying, if the option is there.
Nowhere have I said mandatory.
Good.
I'm saying...
Because what you'll get is a lot of people deflecting from X-Men to the Brotherhood.
Because Magneto...
Because the reason that people go to School of Gifted Youngsters is because Professor X approaches them.
Being like, hey, we understand.
You're going through some terrible times.
Where this has put you under a lot of stress.
Because you've got government officials coming to you and being like, there's something wrong with you.
Pretty much.
No.
We never said wrong.
We say you're gifted.
You're special.
Teenagers are fucking uncomfortable
and awkward. You probably don't remember this because it was like 40
years ago for you. Joel Zalman speaking
in 2016.
Yeah, like they'd be so uncomfortable.
Not really. You'd be like, hey kid, you're special.
It'd be like if you got an erection in class
and they pulled you out and were like, you're special.
How self-conscious are you as a little brat
Every kid was self conscious
Or it's like you would build that up
It's not like we're making you do anything
It's kind of like look if you want it
And this is open up until
You haven't spoken to teenagers in a while have you
Cause I've worked with a lot of them
Form a teacher dickhead
You're a university lecturer
That's like We're adults by then Form a teacher, dickhead. You're a university lecturer. No, no.
That's like...
We're adults by then.
Teenagers are dumb shits.
No, you're not.
They're dumb shits.
No.
If you're a teenager and listen to this, I'm sorry.
It's the truth.
You're a dumb shit.
In like five years, you'll look back and be like,
Joel Dusha, he was on the right track.
No, but you're giving them agency.
Because you're saying
like there's nothing about being like look it's just if you want it's basically offering them
an opportunity to be like do they have to come to the light rather than arguing this out
like the thing is like you need to be coming down I'm saying this is a good stream to for the
government to be involved in why you'd want the government to get involved but you'd come down
you'd get tested and then it's like, this is what you are looking forward to.
You're going to become a steel man.
However, of course, you can go back into your own school
with your friends and all that kind of stuff.
No pressure.
However, if you wanted to get something like, you know,
a school paid for,
if you wanted a guaranteed job at the end,
and this is, you know, from years, you know,
probably 8 to 12.
So you just kind of treat mutants like genius kids.
Basically, yeah.
Like the same way we treat genius kids now.
Or at-risk teens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which makes more sense.
Well, no.
Yeah, it would be more counsellors
rather than the government
that would have to approach it.
Well, yeah, the counsellors,
but looking for the government
because the government would want them
to come to these military schools,
like how we have military schools.
Like, you know, we'll pay for education,
but then you work for us for X many years
and you get a pension. I had ice cream in my hair you sure
did anyway lots of stuff going on with dusha right now yeah so much so it's less about pressurizing
kids rather about giving them the agency to take control of their own future it's good as long as
we're looking off out for the kids and not ourselves that's the key to dealing with a
mutant problem that is the key what i like is that so far you've been
fucking bang on with your predictions.
Jackson Bailey will do something
terrible. You'll predict something
kind of reasonable that also starts to sound
totalitarian.
Dusha will like neither of them.
But will agree more with Zaman.
Kill all humans.
So that's my
sort of idea of how to get them
to integrate with society
and how the best
thing forward
for humanity as a whole
is to get everyone
working together
and I think a good way
of doing that
is through this kind of
educational
help them out
by we're paying for education
and even stuff where
it's like in the military
where it's like
well actually
you pay for university as well
as long as you kind of
work for us
because you can kind of
leave that open
what are they doing
when they work for you
whatever they need like construction same thing that you can kind of leave that open. What are they doing when they work for you? Whatever they need, like construction.
Same thing that you have with, again,
with that sort of military stuff
where it's just like, you know,
you go out and do this kind of stuff.
Like are they fighting?
Are you sending the mutants to Afghanistan, damn it?
Well, that's something we'd have to really look at.
But additionally, it'd be like, you know,
building an infrastructure, that kind of stuff
because think about the benefits of a Colossus
on a construction site.
A Colossus or simply even a telepath building like, you know, highways and that kind of stuff because they think about the benefits of a colossus on a construction site a colossus or simply even a telepath building like you know
highways and that kind of stuff i think very good yes we want to get into another argument but i
think that breeds an us versus them kind of scenario because you're taking these kids who
would until like if you're just like normal kids whatever it's like oh it's fucking immunization
day it gives a shit and then later on your friend jono comes back and he's like yeah and you're like where were you for a
week and it's like i went to the swap meet um i can turn into a sunspot yeah it turns out i can
turn into a sunspot and you're like oh and he's like yeah and i'm getting all my school paid for
plus the government is like i'm gonna go and do jobs for money i'm getting my union paid for too
and you're like oh what you What you might create is You Men,
which is basically in, again, the X-Men,
where these people were like, man, I want to be mutants.
And so they were hunting and killing mutants and grafting their body parts onto them.
Yes!
And that's how Red Skull got Xavier's brain
and became a telepath.
Comic books are the best.
What's your plan, Dusha?
Well, my plan, mine is a little like,
it won't be that different from yours anymore
because you started out with a terrible idea
and I helped you make it less insane.
I never said mandatory.
Yeah, you were just like mandatory bullshit.
Never said mandatory.
What was it originally?
I can't remember.
It was offensive, though.
I took umbrage.
Well, I think that, oh, oh that's right because you were like
yeah you're like sex offenders registry i remember now i'm back i just drank a lot of v my heart
feels like it's going to explode so i'm all over this place see where we end up so what's your
plan i think that uh you're on the right track with well i was on the right track with medical
like treating it like a medical thing um and yeah blood tests that's cool the government can have a
list of mutants and their abilities or at least how would you test for abilities though like because
you wouldn't be able to test for specific abilities yeah you just have to sort of maybe
go to a danger room and be like you just have to sort of hope get xavier do something entertain me what make it like fucking
Australia's Got Talent
what have you got
the real X Factor
show me what you can do
Professor X Factor
show me what you can do
I'm good like
wouldn't even have like spinning chairs
it'd be his own wheelchair
refuse to look to turn around
it's not part of the show
it's locked up Refuse to look to turn around It's not part of the show He's just like I'm not looking at you
It's locked up
Somebody come and check why it's locked up
I don't know
He'll watch and then he doesn't like to spin around
I refuse to acknowledge you
You're boring
So yeah
Test or at least
Try and understand what it might be
Yeah I Think the only way you're going to do this is, yeah, test and then have like
a career's day kind of thing where mutants are taken to Professor X who wants her a little
like, so pretty much test for it if they are found to have it.
Treat it similar to how people can be born with.
Star athletes.
No, not Star Athletes.
Genius IQ. Mensa.
You're right. Mutants
with abilities of being discovered
can be dangerous. Someone like Rogue.
Scary. It's a worry. Shut up.
I don't want your opinion in this.
Because yours is just like, it's a worry. We should kill
them. What?
Who said that?
Good idea.
Yeah, so people like rogue and things like that like that is she's very powerful and
could easily accidentally kill someone that's true so you need to like test and then just like
keep an eye on it and treat it sort of like not like an illness or a disability but sort of like
sort of like i guess the same way
yeah like at risk teens like keeping an eye
on them but in like a
but isn't that going to stress out the kids even more
like you're getting all up in Thomas Grill
for like
it depends who it is
and it's also not the government
yeah that's fair
either like doctors or like someone like Professor X
or even like fucking like a Cyclops or the Avengers.
And if you have it tied into it,
like meet the X-Men, meet the Avengers day.
They're also pretty busy.
Like Professor X has got other stuff he needs to do
other than...
Fucking X-Men are only ever fighting Magneto.
He can fucking spare some days to get...
Magneto's an X-Men, now it's fine.
They've got nothing on, nothing on their plate.
Professor X is looking at his diary and being like
not much till
March next year
well and that's the thing
there's so many mutants
and there's so many
there's going to be times
where you can kind of
do some stuff like that
yeah okay
and plus
what villain is going to
attack a bunch of kids
you know what I mean
apart from Jackson
what villain
that one that blew up
a school
at the start of Civil War
Nitro
yeah plenty of villains
will attack kids but like nitro was more of an accident that was more of a like an unhappy
accident there are villains in the marvel universe that'll hurt children surely because if not make
it fucking armor of kids going to battle i'm just saying because again if they're attacking kids
they'd be dumb because the press would be all over that plus if the avengers are all there you
they'd be dumb to attack them on like a over that plus if the Avengers are all there you'd be dumb to
attack them on like a school day like
meet the Avengers what villain
is dumb dumb villain
anywho but I just thought because
Dushy was saying that they get like
an eye kept on them so if I was like
Tony Stark and someone was like hey here's a
kid whose hands can become dogs
do you want to just keep an eye on him?
that's a little different it would be more like when you're like they are a mutant but we're not sure what
their powers are okay and then when their power develops what's the next move well then it would
be sort of like uh analyzing because like if you fucking you pull the fucking triple sevens and
you're an omega level mutant yeah chances are professor x is gonna want you on the side so
then it would be different but then like if you fucking toad he could probably just
live in society and be okay and this is where it comes maybe not toad jubilee yeah yeah fireworks
if it comes into sort of getting the government incentives where you'd be how that's why all
you'd have incentives to get the people like why would you want to sort of you know come and
register or why would you want to work with us and know, come and register, or why would you want to work with us?
And that's why I think, you know...
And do you know what's the best way to do it?
Fuck, don't even divide up mutants into just human kids.
Like, fucking take them all to meet the X-Men.
Hey, that's clever.
So then, like...
No, but then, if I'm a human kid,
Professor X is like, well, join the X-Men.
And I'm like, I'd love to.
He's like, no, you fuck off.
I was talking to your mate who's half grasshopper
it wouldn't be
join the X-Men
it would be like
meet the heroes
meet the heroes
because Professor X
is fucking
he can tell
so then you approach
them after the
meet the heroes
yeah
or as in like
they would see
like before
we could even do it
before blood testing
oh see now you're
gonna be like
fucking though
you up on my dick
about like people
with students
from rebel
there's gonna be
some shit kids
gonna be like
no Magneto
and Dr. Doom
are my heroes
I hate the X-Men
and then
the kids are too young
to be at that point
like 11 or 12
at this point
what?
huh?
what was that?
sorry
what happened
you said
whatever
but whatever
they said
good idea
that's a brilliant plan no it'd just be like a careers day but early on like the end of primary school What was that? Sorry. What happened? You said... Whatever they said, good idea.
That's a brilliant plan.
No, it'd just be like a careers day,
but early on, like the end of primary school.
Okay.
Well, I think they might be good.
Maybe not meet Xavier and go to the mansion.
It'd be a good little outreach program for both the Avengers and the X-Men to do.
Yeah, and it'll also be like, hey...
To come down to schools and that kind of stuff.
Because then it wouldn't even just be a mutant thing.
It'd be like, hey, having a bad time at school?
Don't worry.
Things get better.
Get Spider-Man down there.
Yeah.
Less about a mutant thing, more about just heroes in general. Yep. Getting them be like, hey, having a bad time at school? Don't worry. Things get better. Spider-Man down there? Less about a mutant
thing, more about just heroes in general? Yep.
Getting them like real ground them.
Superman grounded. Once you find out who are mutants,
the Superman ground. Did someone say
my favourite two words?
Are we walking across America, fellas?
Are we helping a man with his car?
Are we punching a shit dad?
No, we're not punching a shit dad. We're being like,
hey kid, your dad's a shithead it gets better
bye
are we busting some aliens that are pretending to be people
and being like
won't hurt you now but
what a time
it's the best comic book ever written
but it'd be something like that
you keep the superheroes
meet your heroes day when you're like 11 or 12
so before
try and get it before
anyone has hit puberty
but like pretty close
so like 11 seems like
a pretty good time
so someone develops
their powers
what do you do
someone develops
their powers
keep an eye on it
like as in
like
it would necessarily
be a registration
but like
so you're waiting
until it becomes a problem
before you do anything
about it
not necessarily a problem
because like
you don't want to
a lot of the time
when has a mutant developed
their powers and has their powers have developed something
horrid? When that kid killed the whole town
Yeah, when that kid Hulk killed the whole town
Or kid Hulk
Hulk and kid Hulk
A kid just developed his powers and basically
blew up or just like gassed the whole town
Is that the one that Wolverine goes and kills?
So basically it's going to be like, Joldish's
mutant initiative, and everyone's going to be like, it's amazing.
And then a kid's going to blow up a town.
That's what you call it.
Mutant Initiative.
No, that's way too military.
But then a kid blows up a town
and everyone's like,
what was the Jal Dusha mutant thing about?
It would be like the Gene...
You'd be like, we'll get him now.
It would be like the Gene X Outreach Program
or something like that.
You wouldn't use the word mutant.
You're still not answering my question.
Well...
How do you respond when a kid blew up a town
that you were keeping an eye on
and you're like,
well, we didn't fucking know
he was going to blow up a town.
That's exactly how I respond.
Well, we didn't fucking know
he was going to blow up a town, did we?
That's why I think you'd have to try and test
and somehow develop...
Well, if we can test for powers, yeah,
but we can't.
That's why I think you'd be really putting a lot of research...
Wait, can you just hassle them
until their powers pop out
I don't know
it's all very different
chuck them in the danger room
get a stick
and then again
this is how the
problem of PR
would come in
and be like
we were aware
we were monitoring
unfortunately
we need more funding
so we don't
so something like
this tragedy
can't happen again
we need to be able
to test early
and test well
so that we can
and it was a tragedy what happened
but then you try and spin it around so you'd really
help out. Because no one wants to be born with a
gun in their hand. Boom.
Exactly. Still think mine's the easiest
one. You're developing
You're a fucking monster
and on that note
I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.
And I've also been Joel. Are you sure you've been Jackson
or have you been Hitler?
The lines are very blurred today.
You're an actual human monster. I've gone some places today.
I've revealed an ugly side of the man that is Jackson.
I think the worst thing is you don't even have shame.
You're very happy.
I've never seen you look so happy before.
I like a little bit.
A small piece of shit.
I agree with it.
Tweet us at Sandspence radio if we should call
the cops on Jackson
feel free to call
the cops on him
yourself
I would never do it
to a fellow human being
but they are not
fellow human beings
if you have a better
way to deal with
a mutant problem
email us at
sanspence radio
at gmail.com
comment on our
Facebook thing
tweet us
the funniest thing
about what Jackson
is saying
you know back in the day
I think it might have
been late 90s
when Marvel were
trying to argue
out of like in the real world that mutants weren't human because of like toy rights they
actually took this to the like like a high court to argue that mutants were actually not human so
they could pay a lower tax in toys that's right bitches fucking they're just a menace this kind
of reminds me of that time like it was like was like... It was a while ago now.
It was like...
It was like the late 1930s.
Oh, yeah.
And one man who had just been in jail for a bit
realized that his country was suffering.
The Jews didn't just explode suddenly. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar,
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