Plumbing the Death Star - What Would You Do About the Mutant Problem?

Episode Date: February 28, 2016

In which our heroes can’t ignore the elephant in the room, realise something has to be done so organise a 5-point plan on what to do with the mutant problem. We look at problems concerning the Phoen...ix Force, branch out to all powered citizens and work out our concerns of making several deals with several devils. Jackson has some radical opinions and ideas, Zammit wants a less monstrous approach and Duscher just wants to know how close Jackson is to Hitler. It’s a concerning proposal as we attempt to deal with the mutant problem while still remaining a shred of humanity.Want to help protest mutant registration? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in protecting mutant anonymity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sans Pants Radio, peaches and sugar! Do you want me to come to your piano recital? I will, I'm not doing much. Email us at sanspantsradio at gmail.com and we'll arrange something. For everything else, including links to our other shows, our Twitter and our Patreon account, head to sanspantsradio.com Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Flaming the Death Star, where we ask important questions like,
Starting point is 00:00:22 what would you do about the mutant problem? I'm going to set the bar straight off the bat. Not a lot, because they're people. You're not going to like my answer, though. No. So this is... I know that I ask the question at the start every week, but here's a little side note into a, like, behind the scenes. I don't pick the question every time, and this is what I'm worried about.
Starting point is 00:00:51 The way I think about this is, Jackson's going to go one extreme. I'm going to try and make it logical, but it's going to be a pure totalitarian, and this is going to be too fucking liberal. Kill all the humans, mutants forever. Because, okay, so there's too many mut liberal. Yeah? Kill all the humans. Mutants forever. Because, okay, so there's too many mutants. Right? Or there's too many humans.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Depends on which way you look at it. It depends. I mean, at one point there was only like 198 mutants. But then the Phoenix Force happened and then they're like,
Starting point is 00:01:18 ah, mutants for fucking days, mate. Mutants are a problem. Mutants for fucking days. Okay, so what we gotta wonder we gotta ask ourselves. For now, actually, inhuman problem. Yeah, inhuman, mut going to wonder? We're going to ask ourselves. For what now, actually? Yeah. Inhuman problem.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Yeah, inhuman, mutants, whatever. Anyone who's got powers. Because now there's a plague that's... Well, Marvel's got an X-Men problem, I'm right. That's a fucking fox stealing their movie rights. Well, actually now, yeah, there's the Terrigan Mist, which is what turns potential normal people into inhumans or the dormant inhuman people. That's now kicking around Earth, and that's causing people to become inhumans or the dormant Inhuman people. That's now kicking around Earth.
Starting point is 00:01:46 And that's causing people to become Inhumans. That means they just get powers. And that's kind of killing mutants at the same time. So I guess there's some interchange at the moment. So now you've got a bit of both. I don't want to just get rid of mutants.
Starting point is 00:02:01 I don't want to just get rid of Inhumans. Anyone with powers. Fuck them off. How does Iron Man fit into that? Iron Man has no powers. He has a sick suit. Okay, so Iron Man's sweet? Yeah, and I approach Iron Man.
Starting point is 00:02:13 What about Captain America? Captain America... No, too many powers. Fuck him off. What is the process of fucking them off? Okay, well... Death? Okay, let's just...
Starting point is 00:02:24 All right, Jackson. What is your plan? Okay, so... Death? Okay, let's just... All right, Jackson, what is your plan? Okay, so... What causes a mutant problem? All right. Genetics. I'm going to... Okay, we're going to score this plan out of 10, and then also give you, on a percentage scale,
Starting point is 00:02:38 how Hitler you are. Because at the moment, I'm feeling almost 100%. So, okay, first off, I'm not a genius. We know this. So that means I'm going to need to get a genius on side. Now, I think that if anybody, Dr. Fantastic, will understand the necessity behind protecting the world by ridding it of the mutant problem.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Power problem. Powered problem. Scourge. Powered problem. Scourge, yes. The powered Scourge. He has powers. He won't. That's all right. We'll sort that out.
Starting point is 00:03:15 We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. His son has so much powers. His daughter is just... But are we like, Mr. Fantastic, you know how to use your powers responsibly. You're one of the good ones. Okay. And so where does the mutant powers come from?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Well, in X-Men, it's genetic. Or the Weapon X program. It's also genetic. Same with Inhumans. So we create some kind of genetic virus that we infect. One that is harmless to humans with no powers And we infect the entire planet Slowly the mutants die out
Starting point is 00:03:52 And then we've got rid of the mutant problem Spider-Man and Captain America Wait, die out? It's not even If we can neutralise it, sick You've just recreated the legacy virus But a more fucked version of the legacy virus Well, if it works If we can just get rid of...
Starting point is 00:04:06 Professor, if Dr. Fantastic is like, look... No, you're not approaching... You're approaching Mr. Sinister. Yeah, sure. You're approaching the high evolutionary. You're not approaching Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Fantastic, or Iron Man. You're approaching the villains. Yeah, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I'm knocking the door. Hi, Jackson Bailey, concerned citizen. You're approaching Mr. Simba. Look, this is the fucking You know who you were approaching? Apocalypse. Yeah. This is the fucking No, but Apocalypse has powers. Yeah. But. So does Mr. Fantastic. You have like the legacy vibe. I was gonna kill Mr. Fantastic
Starting point is 00:04:38 and his family at the end. When it was all said and done. We know. We know. But I picked up on it straight away so he would as well. Yeah. So, you'd want to be like. He has stretchy brain wiles. Because he kind of been. Stretchy neurons.
Starting point is 00:04:51 You got to really tap into Apocalypse's dumb fucking ideology of the survival of the fittest. So, if you can't survive a virus. Yeah. You're not fit to survive. I'm like, what good are they? And. Apocalypse would probably be a good point. Fair enough, Jackson. Good one.
Starting point is 00:05:08 What if you're sick? Oh my god. Look, I don't like this douche, but you need to find the right guy. Yeah, you're right, and Apocalypse is the man for the job. You're not a mutant, are you? No. Apocalypse has got zero time for you. No, he doesn't have time for you. I'll wait in line or whatever. If you approach
Starting point is 00:05:24 a sinister Apocalypse and you frame it as and Apocalypse works with humans. If you're going to approach it as survival of the fittest and the way to weed out the weak is a virus Bada bing, bada boom. That's the way to do it. But see, that's only
Starting point is 00:05:39 the X-Men, hasn't it? Anybody who's genetically developed mutant power. So, well Two gases. If you're going to approach apocalypse, what's going to happen? And by the way, with gases, we're now at a good 50% Hitler. Probably higher. Probably...
Starting point is 00:05:58 Just you wait. No, because we're not... I don't want to talk about Auschwitz on this podcast. He hasn't made a camp yet. No camps, but a task force is next. Oh, Jesus. No, because... You're going to have to make a virus that attacks everybody.
Starting point is 00:06:14 No, no, no. I just need a task force to go and shoot fucking Spider-Man in the head or whatever. So this is like... Okay, finish your plan, because I think I'm going to be more sad. So you've got like, all right, genetic virus. So mutants are gone. Everybody's like, what's that about? Who did that?
Starting point is 00:06:28 Me and Apocalypse are fist-bombing, being like, we fucking just dead. That's all right. I'm all right. I'm alive. Then I need to put together a task force of non-powered but skilled humans to go out and eradicate the remaining people with powers left. Or we give them an option. We say, you can fuck off to one of the other planets,
Starting point is 00:06:53 and we shoot you in the head. Why didn't you give that solution to the mutants? Because there's so many of them. It's just easier this way. You're a horrible man. Jesus Christ, Jackson. But hear me out. So a mutant, there is a mutant in the comics
Starting point is 00:07:11 that Wolverine ends up having to kill on the orders of Professor X, who through no fault of his own blows up a town. That's true. Okay? There are mutants out there that can get possessed by the Phoenix Force. They can get possessed by fucking apocalypse.
Starting point is 00:07:23 They can get fucking full of any kind of dark voodoo and destroy half the planet in one go that's i'm not eradicating a harmless group of people i'm eradicating a very highly dangerous group of people that without the proper training of which not very many of them have on a dime can destroy many good honest human beings agreeing with you but yes okay i'm gonna give you a counter argument okay we should murder every child because they have the potential to be but no they have the that's the difference potential as well yeah but the potential that one person can like do as much harm as one mutant it's just not the same same. Exactly. Sure it is. Even if you said, look,
Starting point is 00:08:05 Hitler did this. No, he had a whole lot of people. Exactly. But one mutant alone, working alone, can eradicate an entire town. One human being alone... Planet.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Can eat a fucking planet. Eat a goddamn planet. But that's only one specific mutant. Sorry, not even a planet. Solar system. That's only one specific mutant. The Jackson Bailey patented anti-mutey gas.
Starting point is 00:08:25 And it's not even one particular mutant. It's mostly any telepath or any telekinetic people who can get the Phoenix Force. In fact, it's any mutants because when fucking the Phoenix Force comes down and goes to hope fucking dickhead Tony Stark
Starting point is 00:08:41 smashes it in the face and it splits up into five people and you get Cyclops Emma Frost fucking Colossus Magic and Namor
Starting point is 00:08:50 whose acronym ends up being penis it's very funny but you get them and they are the Phoenix Five which sounds like a rad like
Starting point is 00:08:58 90s fucking boy band frankly guys and they're not telepaths I don't want that on my Pietro Ileana I't want that on my Pietro
Starting point is 00:09:05 um Ileana I think there's a who's Pietro it's fucking um Quicksilver but you didn't say Quicksilver
Starting point is 00:09:11 no fucking that's Colossus Colossus is Pietro as well yeah Pietro Ileana names being used too much in X-Men stop doubling up Marvel
Starting point is 00:09:18 Namor Emma Frost uh and Scott that's great I realise I spelt penis P-I I'm a dickhead penis P-I.
Starting point is 00:09:25 I'm a dickhead. P-I-N-E-S. Penis. Penis. I just don't want that on my big blue planet. You can just be a mutant and be the power of the Phoenix Force. Why don't you just make gas that stops the Phoenix Force? I don't know how to do that. I'm not a brilliant man.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I'm not a genius. The Phoenix Force is like a cosmic entity mutants how about this jack yeah so it's less monster monster like it's less being a monster and more being like jackson also you gotta remember part two of his plan is literally just to shoot people in the head well some people i can't get with a gas so we've talked about leech before arty whose ability is to and this is a plot of um x3 so x what was that one is that last stand yeah the last stand which they get arty lang in um and his sort of um his abilities to sort of stop everyone's powers right yeah so if you're gonna run into a wall it's good yes very funny i'm juggernaut bitch yep that's the that's good. Yes, very funny. I'm Juggernaut, bitch. Yep. That's the one. That's the one. Classic.
Starting point is 00:10:27 So you'd need to be able to maybe get a virus synthesized from his blood or his powers or something. And then you release it. So everyone just becomes non-mutant. They become human. But the problem then might be you might have to kill a child which I want to say you're already okay with well I'm not killing if they don't have their mutant power yet they don't die no as in like you're going to have to kill Artie
Starting point is 00:10:52 who's Artie? he's the one we're getting the power dampening abilities from oh well yeah but that's you kill one for the needs of the many that's fine so there's a solution there you could kill but that just gets rid of the X-Men that just gets rid of mutants yeah what about Spider-Man or captain america even thor i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:11:08 have to do something about okay okay all right so okay we've gotten rid of the mutants either you've killed them off or you've just neutered them gassed them okay the planet one either you've gassed them by killing or you've gassed them by taking away the powers but either way they're gone yep all right what's next what's your next master well yeah then i develop a task force this is going to be a very well-trained task force and they well uh having lost apocalypse i'm going to need to find another villain a human villain to approach dark arc norman osborne i was thinking yeah with his iron like his iron patriot suits try and get some iron man suits exactly i don't like giving you ideas.
Starting point is 00:11:45 I hate myself, but Iron Man suits. Get a team in Iron Man suits and send them across the world to just eliminate anybody else that's left with powers. And again, it's so you can fuck off or we shoot you in the brain. That's the deal, right? Once they're all gone, then we're going to... What about the really powerful, like Deadpool? Well, Deadpool is going gonna be a hassle to
Starting point is 00:12:05 get not really cut off his head separate him yeah but take away his arms and legs separate him he'll be alive but it'll be separated yeah yeah but even like put him in a like prison drop it in the sea but how are you gonna get him like that because this is always when it comes to massive villains plans like this there's always one hero that is just like no fuck you put like uh what's some kind of bullshit that deadpool will do because he thinks it's funny like a chimichanga in a prison and he gets in it he's like lol chimi and then we just shut the door on him and we're like yeah you're not that funny and push him in the sea yeah and he's your biggest problem biggest problem Who's gonna be My biggest problem Thor
Starting point is 00:12:45 Captain America Captain America's The Avengers Wolverine is now He's demutified So he's getting poisoned By adamantium Wolverine will be done soon
Starting point is 00:12:54 No but he's not No cause the gas That's the thing The gas didn't demutant It killed them Wolverine's dead No Wolverine's not dead Cause it's
Starting point is 00:13:01 The gas would have to Dampen his mutant abilities but if it's not then he's just alive he's just dying Wolverine gets legacy virus people with healing factors have got legacy virus so if you're either killing him off or you're
Starting point is 00:13:16 depowering them both of those things are going to kill him Wolverine is no longer a threat so the Avengers are probably my next big problem if you haven't killed them Wolverine will probably go on a suicide mission, maybe. But at this moment in time, he's old man, Logan, so... He's fucked. Yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Then Deadpool will be the same thing, then. Yeah. And he's a mutant as well, so he's the same problem. It's not even a stress. Yeah, that's what I mean. Avengers, though. Avengers are going to be a stress. But do you think that my team of, say, ten Iron Men could take on the Avengers?
Starting point is 00:13:43 No. No. Have you seen Iron Man 3? That is about Iron Man fighting one Iron Man. That's true. Plus Thor. Well, Iron Man I don't worry about. Iron Man's fine. Iron Man is
Starting point is 00:13:55 like, he's an example of fucking capitalism in force. Hulk. Hulk. Hulk. Hulk is gonna be a tough one cause you know what makes Hulk angry
Starting point is 00:14:07 when you Black Widow no I'm just like how are you gonna do with her as well or any of the Avengers you fuck no Black Widow's fine she doesn't have powers
Starting point is 00:14:14 yeah I know oh wait ah okay you don't wanna kill her but she's gonna wanna kill you that's fine it's not about me it's about humanity guys
Starting point is 00:14:22 you're just gonna be like I'm a model and everyone's gonna be like no that's the wrong use of that word. You mean monster? So Iron Man's fine. Black Widow can survive. That's okay. Thor, I'm going to need at some point to nuke Asgard or something.
Starting point is 00:14:36 You can have the good of Asgard. Yeah. Or at least destroy the Rainbow Bridge. Yeah, I'll just destroy the Rainbow Bridge. I'll get Loki on side. Loki will do it. Loki loves chaos. So you're just going to be like, hey, Loki, you can have Earth once I'm done.
Starting point is 00:14:47 And I'll be like, yeah, sick. And then you shoot him in the head. As he turns around and marvels at it, I'm just like. And then as a bullet bounces off the skull of a god. He turns around, grabs my head in one hand and just squeezes it until it's red mush. That ruined it. I need a drink. Always came out
Starting point is 00:15:12 my nose. Just that moment of like, ding, ding. Oh, my God. Of course. I forgot about this. Ding. I just gotta get Loki on side somehow, and then I'll sort that Loki bridge out when I forgot about this. I just gotta get Loki on side somehow, and then I'll sort that Loki bridge out when I come to it.
Starting point is 00:15:28 I'll cross that rainbow bridge when I come to it. So after Loki, and Loki can help me, it'll just be a matter of getting Asgard, Iron Man to fight Spider-Man and shit, then Asgard to fight the Avengers and kill them, and then I'm just gonna have to take out Asgard with, like, space noobs or something. Do nuclear weapons affect gods?
Starting point is 00:15:50 They're not really gods. They're just aliens. So I can probably just nuke them. Fine. Or I can be like Loki. Yo, hey, how you doing? Do you want Asgard now, too? Yeah, do you want Asgard?
Starting point is 00:15:59 Sorry about trying to shoot you in the head. That was a bad move. Fair enough that you ripped off a hand. I will help you take down Asgard with my resources of earth if you can never visit here again. Yeah, whatever. You can try and make a deal with that devil.
Starting point is 00:16:16 The deals with the devils that you are making in this scenario, many. What I need to do is a sneaky trick with Apocalypse. I'm like, Apocalypse, I'll make a gas. He's like, yeah, sick. And then the gas kills him too, and he's like, damn it, damn it. I was not the fittest.
Starting point is 00:16:31 I did not think of this. Oh, yeah, Red Skull? And Red Skull's just a guy, so he's allowed to live. He's got a red skull, but that's not a power. That's true, but you're going to have to get him on. You're going to probably have to easily team up with him. You know those big crossover events, how villains and heroes team up they're coming for you hey how's how's the nazi meter doing now that i'm teaming up with an actual nazi you're at about 110 i was gonna say 98 because you haven't
Starting point is 00:16:56 had like you haven't made camps i don't need to make camps camps are a waste of resources that's pretty hitler so what have I got to with I've eliminated the mutant problem I've gotten most of the super powered population down with my task force I've fucked off Asgard by making a terrible shady deal with fucking Loki
Starting point is 00:17:16 wait so you've agreed Loki's agreed to let you nuke Asgard no no no he's just agreed to help me take out the Avengers and shit if he gets if I give him my earth resources to take out Asgard. No, no, no. He's just agreed to help me take out the Avengers and shit if he gets... if I give him my Earth resources to take out Asgard. So I'm like, you can have Asgard.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Just don't come to Earth. And I'll give you, like, nukes and shit. Guess who's gonna come to Earth. Well, that's when I get maybe the Silver Surfer from Galactus on site. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:17:39 Galactus, just stand there with your mouth open when Loki comes down. At the end of the bridge is just Galactus' mouth. You better hope that virus killed Franklin. That's all I'm fucking saying. I know, that's the hope.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Well, actually, the Fantastic Four are a problem because they're not mutants. But Franklin Richards is. And as soon as you've killed Franklin Richards, Richards, they're coming for you. They're just coming for you. And Doom? Doom is going to be like, No, I rule Earth, not this Well, I'll be like
Starting point is 00:18:07 Doom, it's yours Just help me get rid of the mutants and superpowers And he's like, I am superpowered No, he's not Yes, he is He's mysticism Yeah, it's all magic and shit Okay
Starting point is 00:18:20 Doom doesn't like if you're rude Have you come to him first? What? To help to eliminate? Wait, so like out of Loki and Doom? No, out of Loki, Doom, and Apocalypse. Who'd you go to first? Apocalypse.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Apocalypse, I do. Doom's going to get mad at you for being your... I'm going to be like, sorry. He's not going to like it. Well... But he might. He might. He might.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Depending on how Doom is feeling. Hope I catch Doom in a good mood. In a good mood. But I think you would have insulted him by not coming to him first. Yeah, that's true. And look, I'll make my reparations, whatever he needs me to do. And I'm just looking for resources at this point. Take out the superpowered people.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Try and protect Earth from any aliens. And then I'm like, anyway, guys guys that's me done you're welcome humanity yep uh and settle back into a peaceful life you're gonna okay so let's say it's a success yeah you are going to jail for war crimes crimes against nature yeah crimes against humanity crimes against mutant kind crimes against just crimes war crimes just crimes if you do make it to a trial
Starting point is 00:19:31 well done, but you may get assassinated well before then I would assume by Black Widow yeah, and that's fine like I said, I'm not looking to rule I'm just looking to get the job done fair enough, and look, that's fine. You haven't so much of like
Starting point is 00:19:48 sorted the mutant problem as just gotten... Well, I guess... It's kind of sorted. Like the superpowered stuff, honestly, was a bit of an afterthought. But I got rid of the mutant problem pretty quick. The only problem... You've less created the problem and more eradicated.
Starting point is 00:20:04 The only problem now is when people are born problem and more eradicated. The only problem now is when people are born. Yeah, I was going to say. You've got rid of this generation's problem. I actually might need camps. 100. 100%.
Starting point is 00:20:15 100%. Well, I got there. Sure did, Jack. Well, it's either that or doctors have guns now. Mutants don't really show unless it's like at puberty. Yeah. Oh, God, it's camps.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Yeah. It's your naming rights. Is he a mutant? Got in one hand, key in the other. Oh, I just hope Black Widow kills me before it comes to that. Wow. Yeah, so that's my, I don't know. That's just my humble plan. So you went, in the end, we got there. You went full Auschwitz. Yeah. that. Wow. Yeah, so that's my, I don't know. That's just my humble plan.
Starting point is 00:20:45 So you went, in the end, we got there. You went full Auschwitz. Yep. You are Hitler. Am I happy about that? No. Not really. You seem happy.
Starting point is 00:20:55 I'm just happy I grew to the mutants. One way or the other. See, my way I deal with the mutant problem, I wouldn't necessarily call it a problem. I would just make sure we have registration. I would just make sure that we have registered your powers and we get proper training. Who's providing the training?
Starting point is 00:21:11 Government. Government doesn't know how to help with man-made throwing stars. Yeah, but hey, all right, then we'll get... I'm not a genius, but we can get geniuses on the side. We can get... Wow, wow. We can get Doom. Why did I go Doom first?
Starting point is 00:21:26 Teaming up with villains is what it's all about. Doctor Fantastic, Tony Stark, Xavier, all that kind of version. Look, I know mutant rights. I understand we're all humans. But this is the elephant in the room here. These people are born and they can gas out of town. These people are... I think we've learned that humans can gas out towns too, Zammett.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Yes, but he's more deliberate. This kid was accidental. And, you know, we had to... So you want to create like a council. In a sense, to be just like... Well, I would have to... I'll put it to the leaders of... Oh, man, they have to go to the Illuminati.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Yeah. You know, you have to go to Strange Beast. Oh, fuck. Xavier Beast. Iron Man. Illuminati. Yeah. You know, you have to go to Strange Beast. The fucking... Xavier Beast. Iron Man. See all that? Yeah. Black Bolt and that name all.
Starting point is 00:22:10 But we have to do something. We actually have to do something. We can't just ignore this. See what I mean? So, I think the best thing is we need to train them so that we know what they can do. Okay. And that they can know what they can do. The limitations as well.
Starting point is 00:22:24 And how to act in society. We need to sort of register them at least, so then we can at least be on the lookout. Kind of like, you know, I don't want to equate mutants to sex offenders, but I'm going to. No, you've got to. But like, you know, the sex marriage registry, which is kind of like, you know, at least we're aware that there's...
Starting point is 00:22:40 Because if I'm going to move into a town with a mutant in it, I want to know what powers they have. I want to know what level they are and maybe and maybe not I mean what is the sex money registry like is it like this address
Starting point is 00:22:51 or is it just like this area no it's like this address wow that's dangerous oof are you sure it's a I think so are you sure it's a
Starting point is 00:22:58 address not just area no because you could have several in the same area and you'd want to know if they're on your street
Starting point is 00:23:04 or at least is it street, not address? Like, is it actually 33 blah blah blah street? Well, the problem is that if it's like On your street, and it doesn't give you address You're like, which fucking house? Is it me? Am I? Yeah, I don't know
Starting point is 00:23:20 I don't know enough about the sex offenders registry I'm kind of happy I don't, but I don't know enough I would at least be like in your area there would say like six active mutants and these are their abilities oh no
Starting point is 00:23:30 you're putting the stepping stones in to create a witch hunt friend no but I'm putting but then if coming from Mr. fucking Hitler but assuming
Starting point is 00:23:40 aside from all that assuming I'm the side of humanity yes but if you're creating the heuristics in your area and that can just
Starting point is 00:23:48 be in a postcode am I creating witch hunt rather than being like yes at 33 bloody high street in this there is like
Starting point is 00:23:55 a mutant living there that's gonna create the witch hunt but imagine this you're living in a little suburban neighbourhood yeah you look on the
Starting point is 00:24:01 mutant registry it's like there are seven mutants in your area and I'm like which fucking seven is it Mrs imagine you've got you look on the mutant registry, it's like, there are seven mutants in your area. I'm like, which fucking seven? Is it Mrs... Imagine you've got a young Jackson Bailey living in the suburb.
Starting point is 00:24:12 An anti-mutant lad. And you want me to give them their address? Well, otherwise I might be hurting innocents. They're innocent! Exactly. You fucking monster. They are. That's the thing.
Starting point is 00:24:30 They are innocent. This is why you can't give out names. You'd have to be giving out, like, not addresses, but in the area there are this many people. This is their power level. And that'd be only maybe if, for example, we had graded, you would do grade mutants in terms of power levels.
Starting point is 00:24:44 So on, like, a scale of, like, say, you know, if it's one to ten, you know, one, you'd do grade mutants in terms of power levels. So on like a scale of like say, you know, if it's 1 to 10, you know, 1 to 5 is not on there, but anything above say maybe a level 8, you have like a... I'd be so suspicious of everyone in my neighborhood. You already are! Like this Jackson Bailey who you're portraying is probably already suspicious
Starting point is 00:24:59 of fucking everyone. The same Jackson that will one day gas the planet, yes. But even just normal, everyday, regular, not Hitlerler jackson like and not from like being like oh i want to get rid of them i'd just be like i want to know who to avoid in case they no you don't you want to know who to hurt don't try and fucking sugarcoat this you piece of even if i'm like say i'm just a regular citizen i'm not anti-mutant if you had a website with their address, I would consider that more dangerous. But not even like so fucking you've got next door neighbor. Lovely old man.
Starting point is 00:25:31 One day he's mowing the lawn and like a rock gets in the fucking mower and he gets angry. And I'm just like, is he going to fucking blow up? Like, I don't want to have that thought. I want to look over and be like, oh, that's just Mr. Timothy. That's just because you're fucking ignorant as fuck in this universe. Like, I think you're the problem. You're saying you wouldn't be nervous of people in your neighbourhood if you knew that one of them could blow up.
Starting point is 00:25:52 A fucking apartheid. But I just think you'd have to be like, there has to be a level of anonymity for the people who are meetings. This is why the registration doesn't work. But you need to be able to assess them. The government may, like, I will argue that, like, the government maybe, like, as in, like,
Starting point is 00:26:13 it would be information that people, like, the country would need to know, but not... Yeah, that's a good point, because... You don't need to share the information. Sort of like how a doctor knows about like your medical history but your mates don't yeah so like if i had herpes you guys wouldn't know but my doctor would yeah i don't have herpes now you know ladies it's okay no but come talk to me at the live show
Starting point is 00:26:40 what's the point of having a uh fucking register that i can check if it's not going to tell me who? No, that's not. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because, like, what does it achieve then? Stress. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. It just means that I'm sus of everyone.
Starting point is 00:26:54 So then we just have a registry, as in, like, as in, or a government registry. Yeah, a government registry. But the problem there is if it's hacked. Like a police database. Yeah, like a police database, but for a mutants. But then the problem there is, of is because you would argue Freedom of Information Act people would actually probably argue that we need that information because you'd have fuckheads
Starting point is 00:27:10 like Jackson over here being like we need to know where they are and so that so we'd have to deal with that problem. I don't know where to take my kids but dealing with that problem is just like the same way as dealing with like... I know Again it just comes down to this isn't a sex offenders comparison, it's a racism comparison
Starting point is 00:27:26 because they're a race well they're humans in fact they're not a race at all they're homo superior they think they're better than you do they call themselves homo superior who called them that I didn't name them
Starting point is 00:27:40 fucking Jackson homo dickhead over here fucking I'm the worst in this episode yeah alright you'd have a registry for the
Starting point is 00:27:50 government so the government knows what's going on you'd have them being like alright these are the powers here and we need to
Starting point is 00:27:55 so the government could monitor people that are like hey if I get mad I literally turn into an atom bomb yeah but like if
Starting point is 00:28:02 someone's like hey I have claws when I get mad i turn into a dolphin no like i have a fish boy what happens then and also like mutants with that high level powers they would be stressed themselves that's true what about would you create their people guys their people this is not this just hear me out would you create a task force not a murder one but for say somebody is like um when i get angry i become a even if i become a dolphin and i will die because i won't be with your water would the government be like we'll send out like like a third like a fourth
Starting point is 00:28:38 you know you get ambulance fire department police mutant whatever you'd call it where you're like squad yeah you're like hiant squad Yeah you're like Hi mutant squad I'm getting real pissed off And I might be a dolphin soon That's not how mutant powers work Just putting that one out there I guess they kind of know
Starting point is 00:28:54 They can control this That's probably the Hulk Yeah I guess kids though That's true Like teens Because I mean that's what the fucking Xavier's school is just all about
Starting point is 00:29:01 It happens once And it's like oh it'll happen again As you get better with it I suppose. But you don't want to become a dolphin on your lawn and suffocate. No, but you won't suffocate because you're a dolphin, not a fish. Dolphins still need water. They can survive off air.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Not forever. Probably not, no. Not for that long. Someone's going to notice a fucking dolphin on their lawn and hopefully put it into a bathtub and then you come back
Starting point is 00:29:29 and then hopefully old Mr Jenkins you're like thank you keep my secret safe yeah it's not like a fucking fish with gills yeah that's true
Starting point is 00:29:36 how long can a dolphin survive out of water I'd say half an hour really no I don't know why I fucking know mate half an hour is way too long well why would they need
Starting point is 00:29:43 what do they need because like a whale can't survive out of water because it crushes themselves like just their own weight crushes them Really? No. I don't know why. I fucking know, mate. Half an hour is way too long. Well, why would they need... What do they need? Because, like, a whale can't survive out of water because it crushes themselves. Like, their own weight crushes their lungs. Yeah, but, like, I know dolphins need to get air, but they spend most of the time underwater. Just because they don't have legs. That is not why dolphins are underwater.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Ryder. Dolphins have gills, you... What? No, they don't. Do dolphins have gills? Do dolphins have gills oh they are mammals why do you're a fucking idiot
Starting point is 00:30:09 and you're a dickhead for needing to confirm that no because I was like dolphins have I'm thinking of fish guest starring on this episode why do dolphins live in the sea how it seems to think see evolution damn it says that's because they don't have legs the sea. Dammit seems to think they... See? Evolution.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Dammit, that's because they don't have legs. It's because they ever... That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Ryder's fine with it.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Ryder's like, yeah. They just evolved to live in the water. I'm pretty sure... How long can a dolphin stay out of
Starting point is 00:30:39 the water, Ryder? If you strapped a dolphin to a skateboard and had a leash, walked down Main Street, you'd be fine for a while. Maybe with a spray bottle. Dolphins beach themselves. Maybe with a spray bottle and sprayed it a bit.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Just fucking Google how long can a goddamn dolphin stay out outer water good question let's find out i got a text sorry i got here um i got quotes from ace ventura pet detective and the life aquatic with steve's zoo neither of which are useful to us right now someone googled I got quotes from Ace Ventura Pet Detective and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zizou. Neither of which are useful to us right now. Someone Googled meme generator that wasn't me. That's good. This is getting us another one. How long can a dolphin stay?
Starting point is 00:31:42 Wait. We're thinking about this all... Wait. Because dolphins breathe air I know That's my point yes But Sam is saying they can breathe air exclusively For like half an hour They don't breathe water What do you think?
Starting point is 00:31:56 What the fuck are you actually They need to be under the sea No they don't Dolphins need to be in the sea No they don't Dolphins need to be in the sea No Well yes but not for the reasons you think They need to be A dolphin out of water would become dehydrated
Starting point is 00:32:13 In a matter of hours So they can stay out of water for a matter of hours It's a hydration thing It's not a fucking air thing It's not a fucking legs thing If they had legs, you could see them walking around a bit for an hour, coming back in.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Oh my god, this answer actually brings arms and legs into it. I'm so angry. So I'll read this. I'll read this. This is from the internet. How long can a dolphin survive out of water? If for dolphins, water is only required for hydration, then would it be feasible to equip the dolphin with a hydrating system to extend
Starting point is 00:32:45 their period indefinitely? And not to muddle the question too much, but would it be plausible for an adequately hydrated dolphin to mobilize on land via a Segway? That's even better than a skateboard idea. Because they look perfect! Elizabeth Goldberg, animal lover, responded with
Starting point is 00:33:01 a dolphin out of water would become dehydrated in a matter of hours i don't know the exact mechanism but maybe they could design a sort of reverse wetsuit to keep moisture on the skin of the dolphin but how will the dolphin even stand on a segway much less operated it lacks arms and legs well so it wasn't really in favor of you which is a good news on like i think it would need a specifically made mecca suit at which point a segue becomes redundant thanks elizabeth you champ well so yes you could walk a defeat i suppose on the dolphin yeah you can why don't we have pet dolphins
Starting point is 00:33:37 because none of us have a fucking mac dolphin suit no but you don't need one just whack it in a pool which which I have. Eat a dick, poor boys. I'm pretty sure dolphins need like... An ocean? Same thing with like, why don't we have pet eagles? Because they need a long fucking like... They need a huge aviary. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Just put them outside. Just like, come back, eagle. And if it doesn't come back, be like, hmm, need to buy another eagle. Same thing with dolphin. Come back, dolphin. Come back, don't you run from me can't believe you grew legs and ran away that's rude why are we talking about dolphins
Starting point is 00:34:10 I don't know I legitimately forgot what the question was I was just gonna keep talking about dolphins until someone interjected that if you're if you became dolphins like a mutant squad that's why fucking mutant squad yeah if a mutant became a dolphin it'd be fine for a couple
Starting point is 00:34:26 of hours yeah yes baking in the hot sun yeah sizzling yeah someone be like fish that's all right i still think a mutant squad is not a bad idea or at least a power squad as in those who respond to people with powers so yes you'd have a registration with the government knows to keep tabs of these people you'd have people in charge of being like stop going to registration call it uh no you need it though like same with how you register
Starting point is 00:34:48 a dog god damn it they're not dogs they're human beings they're people no it's like a medical record yeah
Starting point is 00:34:54 a mutant record but it's like registering a gun the two of you you won't admit that mutants are a problem I'm not saying
Starting point is 00:35:02 that they're not a problem if a mutant kills me I'm like whatever I'm not saying they're not a problem I'm not saying that they're a problem. Mutants aren't a problem. If a mutant kills me, I'm like, whatever. I'm not saying they're not a problem. I'm not saying that they... If it kills the people I love, I'm like, that's their problem.
Starting point is 00:35:10 You've got to register them. I'm not saying that they're not a problem. I'm simply saying that they are still humans. That's fair enough. So that, yes, they need to register their powers, not themselves, but their powers, and an identification with that. So, yes, they're registering themselves,
Starting point is 00:35:24 but maybe you sell it a bit better how? but we'll get our PR team onto that yeah that's not your job that's PR's job that's fucking PR's team you know
Starting point is 00:35:32 well it's basically you're like oh mandatory okay yeah mandatory blood testing for
Starting point is 00:35:38 you know when we immunize kids so in high school you gotta get immunized right so at the same time immunize a kid take a blood school, you've got to get immunized, right? So at the same time, immunize a kid, take a blood test, see if they're mutants. Check if they're a mutant.
Starting point is 00:35:52 But Joel Zammett, as an anti-immunizer, how come you agree with it now? Joel Zammett, as a person who in the past has claimed that vaccinations cause autism, how come you are now one of them? I would never fuck you. Joel Zammett smear campaign 2016. Hashtag it. Tweet lies about Joel Zammett. It's the way to go. The way you phrased that,
Starting point is 00:36:12 I thought you were saying you were anti-Mexican. Nah, you. It took so long to hear that I loved it. I was like, what the fuck's a douchebag? Oh! You sons of bitches. Oh, happy day! Joel Zammett, as the racist of this podcast.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Yes, you're the racist, yes. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, so when we're vaccinating everyone, which we should be doing. No, I think that's good, because you can't deny the fact. Wait, did you say vaccinate everyone? As in, like, cure their mutant power? Or is it mutant power?
Starting point is 00:36:37 Yes! No! When we're vaccinated against polio, and whooping cough, and all that kind of crap. So when that's happening, we also do a blood test, so when you're of age, we also just test if you're mutants yeah because that you know some people could be mutants and they don't know and then when they're suddenly like oh my god i've gassed everybody that's okay that makes sense because i'm okay with that because
Starting point is 00:36:55 one like just like hey we're figuring out your blood type and also if you have any mutant genes because mutant genes are massive now yeah and it's more for you than for us it's for your own protection kind of because you don't get like a weird doctor he's like yeah we're gonna test and then discuss you what nothing pardon Jackson is not allowed to be a doctor Jackson I'm already not allowed
Starting point is 00:37:13 to be a doctor in real life not after the incident of that Jackson Bailey smear campaign 2016 let's pull this dog inside out oh no good yeah I'm very on board with that for an idea because again
Starting point is 00:37:35 like and if the mutants were to complain right which I'm sure people would they would be like that's an invasion of my privacy yadda yadda
Starting point is 00:37:41 you're like it's just a fact of the matter is that you're basically born with a gun in your hand yeah basically you know what I mean and you'd be're like, well, it's just a fact of the matter is that you're basically born with a gun in your hand. Yeah, basically. You know what I mean? And you'd be selling this as security.
Starting point is 00:37:48 It's not like we're selling your medical records and your name to, say, advertising companies or companies who want to try and neutralize this. I'm not trying to neutralize mutants. You are human beings with rights and you can't... How old do you test for it? When they start puberty. When they start puberty. So, basically...
Starting point is 00:38:04 How do you tell when someone starts puberty? We know roughly about when 13 onwards. So 13? Age 13? 13th birthday? That's how they celebrate? Blood test? Wow.
Starting point is 00:38:14 Happy birthday. No. In high school, when we start high school, we generally... There is immunizations. And they happen every X many years. Immunizations, you get like some in year 7 or form 1. I know somewhere in primary school we got. We got some in primary school.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Oh, yeah, no. It's like grade 3, grade 6, year 7 and then like year 9. Every time we're doing immunization, at the same time we're doing blood tests. Yes. So say you've tested me and I've come up positive. Yep. Put you down.
Starting point is 00:38:42 I'm Jackson Bailey. Looks like I'm arguing against two Jacksons today born with a gun in your hand is a real great slogan and I might use that for when I'm campaigning okay fair enough mutants born with a gun in their hand I think that'll do me good
Starting point is 00:38:56 who? right wingers they'll be like yeah we have born with guns in our hands I'll be like damn it I'll use that in the campaign so say you found hate i have the mutant gene what what comes next for me and my family i would say we you'll be contacted like um for some more testing okay um we'll not hate it now we'll have professor xavier there uh or at least get to meet a professor or
Starting point is 00:39:20 at least magnetor or at least magnetor or at least Doctor 2 or Doctor Fantastic or those hey come to the Avengers Mansion or come to the X Mansion that kind of stuff almost almost like Korea Day because like
Starting point is 00:39:32 if you are a mutant you're gonna be an X-Man eh? but we'll come to that stay away from the brotherhood I like the idea of Magneto actually yeah though
Starting point is 00:39:41 because if they are mutants you almost want them to be heroes and so then you're trying to get them on side. So you want to be as friendly as fuck to them. It's really great to imagine Magneto with a similar stall at the same place. Join the brotherhood, though. That's his sign.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Join the brotherhood, though, question mark. But you're right, and you're telling me about it. Because if they're registering and they're finding out what they have, you would have governments being like, well, we have this natural resource of mutants. How can we utilize it so it benefits us as well as them? So it's like, hey, stable job, this kind of that. And rather than like a military school, a mutant school. So it's like, yeah, we'll pay for your education if that you work for us and you have a pension.
Starting point is 00:40:23 I hate interrupting like, no like no no i'm not letting you so then it's like it's your choice you don't have to but we do have this stream here so if you can turn to steel and lift shit look you work for us um finish the secondary education you finish your secondary education through us just how like the military have schools that kind of stuff um and then you can sort of work for us and that could be a stream. And then we can be like, you actually would end up working for us. Kind of like,
Starting point is 00:40:48 like almost like an, like a alpha flight kind of situation. Okay. Do you know what teenagers really, really, really, really, really do not love being told what to do.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Do it will happen if you do this. No, shut the fuck up. Uh, some students, the wrong ones. No, because what this is. Some students, the wrong ones. Nah, because what this is going to do... The rude kids.
Starting point is 00:41:08 You've got people that aren't mutants telling mutants... It's the same thing. Shut up! People in fucking, like, military school. You're not saying, do this. You're saying, if the option is there. Nowhere have I said mandatory. Good.
Starting point is 00:41:20 I'm saying... Because what you'll get is a lot of people deflecting from X-Men to the Brotherhood. Because Magneto... Because the reason that people go to School of Gifted Youngsters is because Professor X approaches them. Being like, hey, we understand. You're going through some terrible times. Where this has put you under a lot of stress. Because you've got government officials coming to you and being like, there's something wrong with you.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Pretty much. No. We never said wrong. We say you're gifted. You're special. Teenagers are fucking uncomfortable and awkward. You probably don't remember this because it was like 40 years ago for you. Joel Zalman speaking
Starting point is 00:41:51 in 2016. Yeah, like they'd be so uncomfortable. Not really. You'd be like, hey kid, you're special. It'd be like if you got an erection in class and they pulled you out and were like, you're special. How self-conscious are you as a little brat Every kid was self conscious Or it's like you would build that up
Starting point is 00:42:10 It's not like we're making you do anything It's kind of like look if you want it And this is open up until You haven't spoken to teenagers in a while have you Cause I've worked with a lot of them Form a teacher dickhead You're a university lecturer That's like We're adults by then Form a teacher, dickhead. You're a university lecturer. No, no.
Starting point is 00:42:25 That's like... We're adults by then. Teenagers are dumb shits. No, you're not. They're dumb shits. No. If you're a teenager and listen to this, I'm sorry. It's the truth.
Starting point is 00:42:37 You're a dumb shit. In like five years, you'll look back and be like, Joel Dusha, he was on the right track. No, but you're giving them agency. Because you're saying like there's nothing about being like look it's just if you want it's basically offering them an opportunity to be like do they have to come to the light rather than arguing this out like the thing is like you need to be coming down I'm saying this is a good stream to for the
Starting point is 00:42:59 government to be involved in why you'd want the government to get involved but you'd come down you'd get tested and then it's like, this is what you are looking forward to. You're going to become a steel man. However, of course, you can go back into your own school with your friends and all that kind of stuff. No pressure. However, if you wanted to get something like, you know, a school paid for,
Starting point is 00:43:16 if you wanted a guaranteed job at the end, and this is, you know, from years, you know, probably 8 to 12. So you just kind of treat mutants like genius kids. Basically, yeah. Like the same way we treat genius kids now. Or at-risk teens. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Yeah. Which makes more sense. Well, no. Yeah, it would be more counsellors rather than the government that would have to approach it. Well, yeah, the counsellors, but looking for the government
Starting point is 00:43:37 because the government would want them to come to these military schools, like how we have military schools. Like, you know, we'll pay for education, but then you work for us for X many years and you get a pension. I had ice cream in my hair you sure did anyway lots of stuff going on with dusha right now yeah so much so it's less about pressurizing kids rather about giving them the agency to take control of their own future it's good as long as
Starting point is 00:43:57 we're looking off out for the kids and not ourselves that's the key to dealing with a mutant problem that is the key what i like is that so far you've been fucking bang on with your predictions. Jackson Bailey will do something terrible. You'll predict something kind of reasonable that also starts to sound totalitarian. Dusha will like neither of them.
Starting point is 00:44:18 But will agree more with Zaman. Kill all humans. So that's my sort of idea of how to get them to integrate with society and how the best thing forward for humanity as a whole
Starting point is 00:44:29 is to get everyone working together and I think a good way of doing that is through this kind of educational help them out by we're paying for education
Starting point is 00:44:35 and even stuff where it's like in the military where it's like well actually you pay for university as well as long as you kind of work for us because you can kind of
Starting point is 00:44:41 leave that open what are they doing when they work for you whatever they need like construction same thing that you can kind of leave that open. What are they doing when they work for you? Whatever they need, like construction. Same thing that you have with, again, with that sort of military stuff where it's just like, you know, you go out and do this kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Like are they fighting? Are you sending the mutants to Afghanistan, damn it? Well, that's something we'd have to really look at. But additionally, it'd be like, you know, building an infrastructure, that kind of stuff because think about the benefits of a Colossus on a construction site. A Colossus or simply even a telepath building like, you know, highways and that kind of stuff because they think about the benefits of a colossus on a construction site a colossus or simply even a telepath building like you know
Starting point is 00:45:07 highways and that kind of stuff i think very good yes we want to get into another argument but i think that breeds an us versus them kind of scenario because you're taking these kids who would until like if you're just like normal kids whatever it's like oh it's fucking immunization day it gives a shit and then later on your friend jono comes back and he's like yeah and you're like where were you for a week and it's like i went to the swap meet um i can turn into a sunspot yeah it turns out i can turn into a sunspot and you're like oh and he's like yeah and i'm getting all my school paid for plus the government is like i'm gonna go and do jobs for money i'm getting my union paid for too and you're like oh what you What you might create is You Men,
Starting point is 00:45:47 which is basically in, again, the X-Men, where these people were like, man, I want to be mutants. And so they were hunting and killing mutants and grafting their body parts onto them. Yes! And that's how Red Skull got Xavier's brain and became a telepath. Comic books are the best. What's your plan, Dusha?
Starting point is 00:46:03 Well, my plan, mine is a little like, it won't be that different from yours anymore because you started out with a terrible idea and I helped you make it less insane. I never said mandatory. Yeah, you were just like mandatory bullshit. Never said mandatory. What was it originally?
Starting point is 00:46:19 I can't remember. It was offensive, though. I took umbrage. Well, I think that, oh, oh that's right because you were like yeah you're like sex offenders registry i remember now i'm back i just drank a lot of v my heart feels like it's going to explode so i'm all over this place see where we end up so what's your plan i think that uh you're on the right track with well i was on the right track with medical like treating it like a medical thing um and yeah blood tests that's cool the government can have a
Starting point is 00:46:45 list of mutants and their abilities or at least how would you test for abilities though like because you wouldn't be able to test for specific abilities yeah you just have to sort of maybe go to a danger room and be like you just have to sort of hope get xavier do something entertain me what make it like fucking Australia's Got Talent what have you got the real X Factor show me what you can do Professor X Factor
Starting point is 00:47:13 show me what you can do I'm good like wouldn't even have like spinning chairs it'd be his own wheelchair refuse to look to turn around it's not part of the show it's locked up Refuse to look to turn around It's not part of the show He's just like I'm not looking at you It's locked up
Starting point is 00:47:26 Somebody come and check why it's locked up I don't know He'll watch and then he doesn't like to spin around I refuse to acknowledge you You're boring So yeah Test or at least Try and understand what it might be
Starting point is 00:47:44 Yeah I Think the only way you're going to do this is, yeah, test and then have like a career's day kind of thing where mutants are taken to Professor X who wants her a little like, so pretty much test for it if they are found to have it. Treat it similar to how people can be born with. Star athletes. No, not Star Athletes. Genius IQ. Mensa. You're right. Mutants
Starting point is 00:48:09 with abilities of being discovered can be dangerous. Someone like Rogue. Scary. It's a worry. Shut up. I don't want your opinion in this. Because yours is just like, it's a worry. We should kill them. What? Who said that? Good idea.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Yeah, so people like rogue and things like that like that is she's very powerful and could easily accidentally kill someone that's true so you need to like test and then just like keep an eye on it and treat it sort of like not like an illness or a disability but sort of like sort of like i guess the same way yeah like at risk teens like keeping an eye on them but in like a but isn't that going to stress out the kids even more like you're getting all up in Thomas Grill
Starting point is 00:48:53 for like it depends who it is and it's also not the government yeah that's fair either like doctors or like someone like Professor X or even like fucking like a Cyclops or the Avengers. And if you have it tied into it, like meet the X-Men, meet the Avengers day.
Starting point is 00:49:10 They're also pretty busy. Like Professor X has got other stuff he needs to do other than... Fucking X-Men are only ever fighting Magneto. He can fucking spare some days to get... Magneto's an X-Men, now it's fine. They've got nothing on, nothing on their plate. Professor X is looking at his diary and being like
Starting point is 00:49:25 not much till March next year well and that's the thing there's so many mutants and there's so many there's going to be times where you can kind of do some stuff like that
Starting point is 00:49:34 yeah okay and plus what villain is going to attack a bunch of kids you know what I mean apart from Jackson what villain that one that blew up
Starting point is 00:49:42 a school at the start of Civil War Nitro yeah plenty of villains will attack kids but like nitro was more of an accident that was more of a like an unhappy accident there are villains in the marvel universe that'll hurt children surely because if not make it fucking armor of kids going to battle i'm just saying because again if they're attacking kids they'd be dumb because the press would be all over that plus if the avengers are all there you
Starting point is 00:50:04 they'd be dumb to attack them on like a over that plus if the Avengers are all there you'd be dumb to attack them on like a school day like meet the Avengers what villain is dumb dumb villain anywho but I just thought because Dushy was saying that they get like an eye kept on them so if I was like Tony Stark and someone was like hey here's a
Starting point is 00:50:20 kid whose hands can become dogs do you want to just keep an eye on him? that's a little different it would be more like when you're like they are a mutant but we're not sure what their powers are okay and then when their power develops what's the next move well then it would be sort of like uh analyzing because like if you fucking you pull the fucking triple sevens and you're an omega level mutant yeah chances are professor x is gonna want you on the side so then it would be different but then like if you fucking toad he could probably just live in society and be okay and this is where it comes maybe not toad jubilee yeah yeah fireworks
Starting point is 00:50:53 if it comes into sort of getting the government incentives where you'd be how that's why all you'd have incentives to get the people like why would you want to sort of you know come and register or why would you want to work with us and know, come and register, or why would you want to work with us? And that's why I think, you know... And do you know what's the best way to do it? Fuck, don't even divide up mutants into just human kids. Like, fucking take them all to meet the X-Men. Hey, that's clever.
Starting point is 00:51:15 So then, like... No, but then, if I'm a human kid, Professor X is like, well, join the X-Men. And I'm like, I'd love to. He's like, no, you fuck off. I was talking to your mate who's half grasshopper it wouldn't be join the X-Men
Starting point is 00:51:27 it would be like meet the heroes meet the heroes because Professor X is fucking he can tell so then you approach them after the
Starting point is 00:51:36 meet the heroes yeah or as in like they would see like before we could even do it before blood testing oh see now you're
Starting point is 00:51:43 gonna be like fucking though you up on my dick about like people with students from rebel there's gonna be some shit kids
Starting point is 00:51:50 gonna be like no Magneto and Dr. Doom are my heroes I hate the X-Men and then the kids are too young to be at that point
Starting point is 00:51:56 like 11 or 12 at this point what? huh? what was that? sorry what happened you said
Starting point is 00:52:02 whatever but whatever they said good idea that's a brilliant plan no it'd just be like a careers day but early on like the end of primary school What was that? Sorry. What happened? You said... Whatever they said, good idea. That's a brilliant plan. No, it'd just be like a careers day, but early on, like the end of primary school.
Starting point is 00:52:10 Okay. Well, I think they might be good. Maybe not meet Xavier and go to the mansion. It'd be a good little outreach program for both the Avengers and the X-Men to do. Yeah, and it'll also be like, hey... To come down to schools and that kind of stuff. Because then it wouldn't even just be a mutant thing. It'd be like, hey, having a bad time at school?
Starting point is 00:52:22 Don't worry. Things get better. Get Spider-Man down there. Yeah. Less about a mutant thing, more about just heroes in general. Yep. Getting them be like, hey, having a bad time at school? Don't worry. Things get better. Spider-Man down there? Less about a mutant thing, more about just heroes in general? Yep. Getting them like real ground them. Superman grounded. Once you find out who are mutants,
Starting point is 00:52:32 the Superman ground. Did someone say my favourite two words? Are we walking across America, fellas? Are we helping a man with his car? Are we punching a shit dad? No, we're not punching a shit dad. We're being like, hey kid, your dad's a shithead it gets better bye
Starting point is 00:52:46 are we busting some aliens that are pretending to be people and being like won't hurt you now but what a time it's the best comic book ever written but it'd be something like that you keep the superheroes meet your heroes day when you're like 11 or 12
Starting point is 00:53:04 so before try and get it before anyone has hit puberty but like pretty close so like 11 seems like a pretty good time so someone develops their powers
Starting point is 00:53:10 what do you do someone develops their powers keep an eye on it like as in like it would necessarily be a registration
Starting point is 00:53:17 but like so you're waiting until it becomes a problem before you do anything about it not necessarily a problem because like you don't want to
Starting point is 00:53:23 a lot of the time when has a mutant developed their powers and has their powers have developed something horrid? When that kid killed the whole town Yeah, when that kid Hulk killed the whole town Or kid Hulk Hulk and kid Hulk A kid just developed his powers and basically
Starting point is 00:53:37 blew up or just like gassed the whole town Is that the one that Wolverine goes and kills? So basically it's going to be like, Joldish's mutant initiative, and everyone's going to be like, it's amazing. And then a kid's going to blow up a town. That's what you call it. Mutant Initiative. No, that's way too military.
Starting point is 00:53:51 But then a kid blows up a town and everyone's like, what was the Jal Dusha mutant thing about? It would be like the Gene... You'd be like, we'll get him now. It would be like the Gene X Outreach Program or something like that. You wouldn't use the word mutant.
Starting point is 00:54:02 You're still not answering my question. Well... How do you respond when a kid blew up a town that you were keeping an eye on and you're like, well, we didn't fucking know he was going to blow up a town. That's exactly how I respond.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Well, we didn't fucking know he was going to blow up a town, did we? That's why I think you'd have to try and test and somehow develop... Well, if we can test for powers, yeah, but we can't. That's why I think you'd be really putting a lot of research... Wait, can you just hassle them
Starting point is 00:54:24 until their powers pop out I don't know it's all very different chuck them in the danger room get a stick and then again this is how the problem of PR
Starting point is 00:54:30 would come in and be like we were aware we were monitoring unfortunately we need more funding so we don't so something like
Starting point is 00:54:37 this tragedy can't happen again we need to be able to test early and test well so that we can and it was a tragedy what happened but then you try and spin it around so you'd really
Starting point is 00:54:48 help out. Because no one wants to be born with a gun in their hand. Boom. Exactly. Still think mine's the easiest one. You're developing You're a fucking monster and on that note I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Are you sure you've been Jackson
Starting point is 00:55:04 or have you been Hitler? The lines are very blurred today. You're an actual human monster. I've gone some places today. I've revealed an ugly side of the man that is Jackson. I think the worst thing is you don't even have shame. You're very happy. I've never seen you look so happy before. I like a little bit.
Starting point is 00:55:19 A small piece of shit. I agree with it. Tweet us at Sandspence radio if we should call the cops on Jackson feel free to call the cops on him yourself I would never do it
Starting point is 00:55:29 to a fellow human being but they are not fellow human beings if you have a better way to deal with a mutant problem email us at sanspence radio
Starting point is 00:55:35 at gmail.com comment on our Facebook thing tweet us the funniest thing about what Jackson is saying you know back in the day
Starting point is 00:55:41 I think it might have been late 90s when Marvel were trying to argue out of like in the real world that mutants weren't human because of like toy rights they actually took this to the like like a high court to argue that mutants were actually not human so they could pay a lower tax in toys that's right bitches fucking they're just a menace this kind of reminds me of that time like it was like was like... It was a while ago now.
Starting point is 00:56:05 It was like... It was like the late 1930s. Oh, yeah. And one man who had just been in jail for a bit realized that his country was suffering. The Jews didn't just explode suddenly. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website,
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