Plumbing the Death Star - Which Would be the Hardest Fictional Company to Run?

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

Join Joel, Joel and Jackson for another flawless Plumbing the Death Star as they attempt to answer a question no one was asking, namely what would be the hardest fictional company to run? Jackson, not... only runs a company into the ground but also destroys multiple planets along the way when he become the CEO of The Weyland-Yutani Corporation. Zammit gets involved with the wrong crowd when we take over Los Pollos Hermanos and unintentionally taking over the distribution of meth from Gus Fring. Now Zammit has to choose between his morals or his life. Last but by no means least Duscher take over the haute couture fashion brand, House of DeVil, from 101 Dalmatians. Which leads him down the path of trying to spin a coat made of puppies as political commentary.Come see us Britainology live in Melbourne on November 19 at 5:30pm!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Good morning, listeners, and welcome to a very special episode of Plum in the Dance. This one's special because you, you're listening to it. That's right. You're special to us. Yeah. Okay. Every individual's special. And let me just say, before we introduce...
Starting point is 00:00:22 No, no, no. Let's go down special. Individual. Everyone is special. But you, Plumbing the Death Star, listen. You're a specialer. And we here at Plumbing the Death Star, before we even get into anything, we'd just like to say thank you for your service. Yeah, thank you for your service.
Starting point is 00:00:38 You're braver than any U.S. Marine by listening to Plumbing the Death Star. And if you are a U.S. Marine... Whoa! You've got to be so freaking brave! You are the specialist special that there ever did special. And I'm Joel. I'm Jackson.
Starting point is 00:00:51 And I'm also Joel. And this is the podcast where we ask the important questions. And if this is your first episode, welcome. Yeah, welcome. You're special. You're special.
Starting point is 00:00:59 And all of them are like this. And today's very important question is, which would be the hardest fictional company to run? Well, okay. Immediately out the gate, I'm thinking Weyland-Yutani. Yeah. Okay. And before you Google it, listeners, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:01:29 We'll explain it. It's the cunts from Alien. You know the cunts who want an alien real bad? There's pieces of shit. They're like, if we get an alien, we can... And that's why I think it'd be... Step one, get an alien. Step two, question mark, question mark.
Starting point is 00:01:43 I just imagine me with the alien in a glass tube freaking out inside. I'm looking at it with my finger on my forehead like, what? And then it just acid bloods the tank. I'm like, okay, and why did we? For what? To what end? We've got an android. We've made an android.
Starting point is 00:01:59 We've got an android. We've got these awesome androids. We've got David. We've got Bishop. We've got Adam. Adam? Yeah, those are our androids. We've got these awesome androids. We've got David, we've got Bishop, we've got Adam? Adam? Yeah, those are our androids. Plus more. And, you know what, I'm hearing
Starting point is 00:02:12 this mining colony that I'm funding the expedition to, possibly. Ash! Ash! Yeah, they've found a fucked up alien that can't die, bleeds acid, makes people, impregnates people with further aliens, and I want it for the company. Well, Guy Pearce, he played Weyland, and he wanted immortality.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Yes. That was what he founded Weyland for. But then Yutani come in by Weyland Company, and they make Weyland-Yutani for... Well, we make many things, but the main thing we want is an alien. Well, I guess if... Okay, so it's Weyland-Yutani-Bailey now. Bailey's come in.
Starting point is 00:02:47 I've come in after the failures of the Weyland-Yutani. I've got to clean up their mess. We killed Ripley? What? She's the one girl what can fight the alien. You're a bunch of boobs. That's me in the board meeting. Did you at least put an alien in her?
Starting point is 00:03:05 That's what killed her! Oh, no, I looked at my notes for the meeting. Put aliens in people? Good idea. Does that happen? Have we tried an alien resurrection? Clone her, have a human alien baby? That went really wrong, too.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Ah, fuck! Can I just take a moment to step outside? Stepping out into the hallway and just... Fuck! What am I doing? Jackson, barely you've fucked it up again! I've always said you're going to fuck it up and you've fucked it! You've fucked it!
Starting point is 00:03:41 Give me one idea! But I like... You've taken all of your fucking life savings, Jackson! And you've bought this company! What did you think? This is why you do research beforehand. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. It's like a glass screen so they can see me. I'm freaking out. I'm throwing up against the glass.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Stepping back inside. Thank you so much for that. Sorry, I had to take a call. I had to take a shit call. I had to take a call outside. I had to get my thoughts in order. And so putting them inside just anyone doesn't work. It's not just Ripley.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Anyone that gets the alien inside it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It kills them. That's all right. So why did we want the alien? Can you just remind me of Whale and Yutani's? Those two people. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Just why the previous we wanted to collect the aliens. Well, for a reason. Okay, you're running a mega corporation. Hell yeah. You run the human colonies outside the solar system. And you really want Xenomorph so that it can be exploited as a biological weapon without regard for the obtainer's life so that's that's kind of what you want you want to make a biological weapon some suddenly like yeah xenomorphs that's so is the idea that i
Starting point is 00:04:57 bored the idea that we put these aliens on like a planet full of guys we hate? Yeah, they are a biological weapon. Do you have any planets full of guys you hate, though? Me personally? Yes, you personally. Because for you to want this, why? It's funny for me to look down and be like, I don't have any planets I hate, but we have all these aliens. We've got to put them somewhere. We're going to have to, I guess, find planets I hate? We're gonna have to pick a planet?
Starting point is 00:05:26 But also, remind me, when the aliens have killed everyone on the planet, how do we get them back? Well, we... We don't. That's how they... That's why we breed them. But don't they breed by impregnating
Starting point is 00:05:42 other life forms? Like a cow, a dog, humans. Okay, well, how about this? Predator. Do we have any predators? Every time they come to Earth, they find out Marty is warrior and murder them. Okay. Sometimes it's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Starting point is 00:05:58 He lived. Next time a predator comes down. Danny Glover, he lived. Donald Glover, they haven't met. Do the predators, do they interact with the aliens at all ever? Yeah, there was an alien versus Predator once. If the Predator comes back again, did you let me know?
Starting point is 00:06:12 Well, there was something to do with pyramids, I think. Yeah. Look into the pyramids. Look into the pyramids. And if the Predator spaceship lands, give him my card and I'll have a meeting. Set up a meeting with the Predator. The predator spaceship lands, give him my card, and I'll have a meeting.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Set up a meeting with the predator. 80% sure that Jesus was a predator? Like a, what do you call them? The guys that looked after the Xanthians. Oh, Prometheus. Prometheus's. Prometheus. Pretty sure that was. So there are depictions of Christ.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Not a handsome man, but actually should have been eight-foot, really big, muscular blue man. This is a lot to learn on my first day at the job. First day running the job. Yeah, and so the Christ, the fact that he's Christ, do we have it? How is that relevant to the aliens? I just remembered that. The engineers made him, maybe. Or he was an engineer. Who was? Oh him, maybe. Or he was an engineer.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Who were the... Oh, yeah. Christ, he was an engineer, I think. Writing down on my notepad, Christ equals engineer? Or maybe the engineers give Christ something, and that's... Because there is a line in Prometheus. Yeah, no, Prometheus implies that the engineer was Christ. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Because they're like, he's not been this, something like he's not been this angry or like they left earth 2,000 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because people crucify them. Yeah. He wasn't happy. I mean, if you were- Nailing an engineer to the cross is pretty hectic.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Like if you were, okay, like an ancient Roman and then you see a giant, very muscular. They did the right thing. Who are you? I'm not the son of God. Whoever it thinks you are. So we're going to crucify you Okay I am what you say I am I'm going to crucify you extra hard now
Starting point is 00:07:53 You're done Would he be speaking Nazarene or would he be speaking Did they have an engineer like Look it's not relevant to the company No How many aliens do we have on hand? You personally? Is it in control of or do you-
Starting point is 00:08:08 Just around. Well, are there any- Because zero and more less, more than zero, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You control zero a lot. Okay. How many expositions currently do we have going to isolated mining planets to find more aliens? Can you remind us what year this is?
Starting point is 00:08:25 Is it Alien or Aliens? Or is it Alien 3 or is it Aliens Resurrection? Yeah, I really need to know. I love this way, going on the Alien Wikipedia, it's like, yes, the bioweapon division. It's like, the special department of the
Starting point is 00:08:41 Weyland-Yutani Corporation was dealt with the research and development of biological and viral weapons. One of their primary goals was to obtain a facehugger, mature xenomorph, or a chestburster, which were preferred in some cases because they were easier to sneak past quarantine within the hosts. Their attempts to get unfrequently involved lying or putting lives at risk just for their goals. or putting lives at risk just for their goals. Alan Ripley would inevitably become a threat to this division after foiling every single one of the attempts to acquire his anamorph. The work of this division was still carried out by the United Systems military after the corporation's demise and would later fail of Ripley 8,
Starting point is 00:09:19 a clone of the original Ripley Resurrections. I do like that. It just doesn't say why. Because here's the problem with using aliens as a bioweapon there's ripley's well well that's no good but also all that
Starting point is 00:09:31 makes is more aliens yeah you drop aliens onto a planet full of guys you hate you've just got guys you hate who are stronger and aliens now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so i do that's bad strange to be
Starting point is 00:09:42 like i have a biological weapon of alien yeah and i wipe out a bunch of guys I hate that were arguably easier to kill than the alien. Yeah. Yeah, so what do we do once the alien, do we have something in place? Do I have to put something in place?
Starting point is 00:09:57 Yeah, then you've got to send predators down. Well, that meeting with the predators teed up. Thanks so much for coming. Take a seat. Can I offer you a cup of tea? We'll give you a little scenario right now. You have in control, we'll give you, say, a dozen eggs. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Or face eggs. And there's a planet full of guys you hate. Okay. What's your move? That made a big sign that says, fuck you, Jackson, we hate you. Yeah, finally, some reason to use these eggs I've had in the office for so long. Okay, I guess maybe we Trojan horse them. So we say, hey, here's a beautiful spaceship full of some kind of-
Starting point is 00:10:43 Who's flying the spaceship down? An android, because they don't matter. Okay. And we make androids. Oh, yeah, you do. Okay. Actually, what if we put the aliens in the androids? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:10:57 Like the egg or the hugger? Can we put the facehugger in an android? If they shoot their alien jizz down an android's throat, what happens? The facehugger tries to latch on, and they're and they're like okay never mind yeah you put the egg in there you can make the android have like a little incubation incubation tom okay pot-bellied android yeah yeah yeah also i mean yeah i guess pot-bellied sex droids yeah yeah yeah sent down to the planet.
Starting point is 00:11:28 I'm guessing it's like the planet is full of guys that you hate, but also you want them gone so that you can mine the resources. Well, then I would never use aliens. Because whatever, you want to kill them and you want to like. It's so funny for me to like wipe out the planet, but like the population with aliens and them being like, well, yeah, send the mining team down. Sorry, Jackson. Well, could you send the mining team down. Sorry, Jackson. Well, could you send a mining team of androids
Starting point is 00:11:48 down? Yeah, because androids can't get fucked to death or whatever. Yeah, I guess. Why not? Why are we not doing that? This company's a mess. Maybe we should burn all the animals. Why do we have any employees? Why is it not all androids? Well, someone's going to make the androids.
Starting point is 00:12:04 Well, yeah. We've got a factory. Well, you know, there's a bunch of employees to make the first set of androids and then make further androids. Androids keep making themselves. Yeah. And then we send them mining to get more material for androids. To make more androids. And we've got heaps and heaps of androids.
Starting point is 00:12:20 We don't even need the aliens. Can we incinerate them or something? I guess. I guess you need, well, for guess you need to clone a bunch of Ripleys. Okay, we clone a bunch of Ripleys. They kill the aliens. We kill the Ripleys. We make only androids from here on out. What have you made?
Starting point is 00:12:36 Like androids, but who thought they were Ripley? We could do that. Then they can't get face hugged. Yeah. Whatever. I just don't need the aliens. This is a worthless endeavor, and I don't get face hugged. Yeah. Whatever. I just don't need the aliens. This is a worthless endeavor and I don't understand it. This is the most annoying thing to come into this business to find that it's based around a killing machine.
Starting point is 00:12:53 It's just like, okay, Weyland-Yutani, do you understand the term throwing good money after bad? Because that's all you've been doing here. First off, has anyone stopped to be like, why do you want these aliens? Would not a lion be better? You know? Or just some kind of, I don't know, gas? Yeah, like a gun?
Starting point is 00:13:11 We got guns. If you gave an android a gun, we've given androids guns. Did that not work? Did the android need to be unkillable and full of poison? Everybody in this room is laid off. First rule of business, you're all fired.
Starting point is 00:13:31 You're all fired. Oh, you're fired. Because you've been running this like fucking clown. Okay? Didn't realize I'd enrolled in a clown college when I bought Waila Yutani, but clearly I have. Okay? Fucking put your red noses on the table and honk your way out of this room. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Y'all make me sick. Y'all make me sick hiring fucking aliens. Give me your endless scarves and your clown shoes. Put them on the table and get the fuck out. We've got a little tiny car for you. Get the fuck out of here. All fucking 50 of you fucking clown-faced fucks. Who came in here, thought I was, I didn't know I was wearing a top hat and a coat and
Starting point is 00:14:11 tails with a big whip. Didn't know I was running a fucking circus. Thought I was running a megacorp. I should have twinged when I said, hello, it's me, Jackson Bailey, the new CEO. And you all just went. That's okay. What did I think? Did your previous boss, when you walked in went, That's okay. What did I think? Did your previous boss, when he walked in here,
Starting point is 00:14:28 did he just have a big thing that says, Hi, I'm a fuckhead? Jesus Christ. You make me sick. Look, I think, yes, firing the entire company. That does make running a company hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it's just me and the big tank full of aliens
Starting point is 00:14:46 As a flashback to me standing in front of it Scratching my forehead Now what am I doing with the I think the moment you come into Running say Weyland-Yutani After all of alien aliens happened You are being like and we're doing this
Starting point is 00:15:02 War To what end? How does this make sense as a bioweapon? Like, do we want to control the aliens? Is this a Jurassic World situation where we can be in charge of them and have a gun that shoots a laser that the alien wants to get? Is that what's happening here? You know when you've got a gun and then you've got a gun instead,
Starting point is 00:15:23 but it bulletifies a laser that points a dinosaur at so that you have gun instead, but instead of firing a bullet, it fires a laser that points a dinosaur at it so that you have the shot, but instead of firing it, you have the gun laser. Is that the plan? Instead of inventing a gun that shoots raptors, we make a gun that alerts raptors. Is that asinine? This is stupid. You know what?
Starting point is 00:15:41 Give me the bullet gun. That's what we're making from now on, bullet guns. I'm a genius. I'm the cleverest man alive. Okay, once I've fired everybody from Weyland-Yutani, the only problem I have is what to do with all these aliens. Well, I guess you just do nothing with them and just hope that they don't get out.
Starting point is 00:16:01 I hope they die of old age. What kills an alien? Can eggs die of old age? Two search terms in your company. How do I test if an alien egg is rotten? Putting it in a big jug of water? Now if it floats? What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:16:20 It doesn't really feel like a typical egg. It's pretty squishy. It's good as well. like a bunch of alarms blaring because I've taken it out of its container. Boo, boo, danger, danger, danger. But there's no employees to tell me off because I fired everyone. Dunking it in the water, it falls into the tank and just explodes out with a facehugger.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Maybe it'll drown. I was sitting there watching it. Oh, oh, oh! She's just slamming into the thin plexiglass. Never hold it. Never hold it. Well, I might retire to my office.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Quickly. I think this is a good day for me. Doors close. I'm on the security camera. What's it doing? Little face hug that goes to the other eggs. They all explode out.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Is it like one of them turtles that like alerts the other turtles to come out now? If so, fuck. I get it, just driving my car
Starting point is 00:17:19 out of the big bank and call building and security and the security guard being like, you're leaving early, boss. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:17:24 just going for a lunch meeting. I got a meeting in town. Faro, I'm actually, it's actually, called building and security and the security guard would be like, you're leaving early, boss. Yeah. Just going for a lunch meeting. Just going for a meeting in town. Actually, I'm flying away. It's off planet. It's off planet. Hey, man,
Starting point is 00:17:34 just sitting in your house like watching security cameras and these face huggers crawl up, go, oh, yeah, getting a gawking gun out just like on the door. Yeah, I think I just be
Starting point is 00:17:43 just going online. Another search term, I think I'll just be just going online another search term how to sell a company. Anybody want Waila Yutani Bailey? You want to chuck your name on there? Because it's
Starting point is 00:17:55 going cheap. It's going good. It's going really good. It's really good at the moment. So if anybody wants it, it's yours. At the security terminal being like
Starting point is 00:18:05 do you know a guy any like service that can blow up a building is that like a thing you know like I don't know just out of curiosity do you need a building
Starting point is 00:18:15 burn up boss maybe yeah maybe I really might I really might yeah ASAP on that
Starting point is 00:18:21 if we could get a but I need I need some guarantees. No survive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sort of a scorched earth situation. Do you know a guy? Do you know anybody that I can call?
Starting point is 00:18:34 Like, if you've got a phone number for that? Looking behind myself at the building. Is something wrong, boss? Maybe. I'm going to live with Maybe. I don't know. Potentially, yeah. I think I should, speaking of scorched earth,
Starting point is 00:18:52 probably should have fired everyone. You live and learn, man, is the thing. It's just like attaching onto the rats in the walls. Yeah, you live and learn. You make some mistakes in life. Anyway, you have a really good night.
Starting point is 00:19:09 How small does an animal have to be for a face hug at the hug? Well, I think if it was a rat, she'll just explode in the rat. It's about the size of a... Yeah, I don't know. I know they get onto a dog.
Starting point is 00:19:24 They never get onto the cat. The cat just hates them. The cat's too small. I think the cat's the minimum size. Just under the minimum size. So look, the facehuggers probably crawl around inside Weyland-Yutani, get some janitors. Security guards.
Starting point is 00:19:39 The people you forgot to fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I don't know what consequences I suffer because the world is ending. I mean, that world or planet, you could just kind of It was four guys you hated. You could kind of just maybe wipe that
Starting point is 00:19:55 one off the star charts. Yeah, exactly. Question mark, question mark. There's surely another planet that has another Weyland-Yutani building on it And I just turn up there And they're like what about the one from your planet And I'm like I liquidated the whole building
Starting point is 00:20:10 What planet? Check your star charts I'm from here now This is my passport or whatever As you can see I'm a born Colonel Jackson Bailey Always lived here Always born here I Always lived here.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Always born here. Loved this. What's it called again? Oh, yeah. Big, big, big. Loved this place. This planet prize. You don't have any aliens on this planet, do you?
Starting point is 00:20:33 I think that's the problem of coming into owning of this big company is like all the hidden aliens. Yeah. That's the biggest. That is the real hurdle. The biggest concern of this company is like you have a culture of this company coming in to be like
Starting point is 00:20:47 well we're getting some fucking xenomorphs we need some xenomorphs because every time they've tried to get the xenomorphs it's gone badly for them so now it's a
Starting point is 00:20:54 bee in their bonnet that they need more xenomorphs and I bet not only will there be xenomorphs somewhere at Whale and Butani there will also be
Starting point is 00:21:00 a bunch of expeditions to xenomorph planets the whole company is built around it. Also, what you do, if you're coming in as a CEO, being like, or the new CEO, to be like, well, we are putting an end to this, you're going to get some sniveling little Paul Reiser motherfucker
Starting point is 00:21:14 who's going to be just like, you know, kind of work his way up to basically put two in the head of you, to be like, well, now we're running it and we're getting more aliens. So the problem is, like, you've got two prongs. You've got, like, the alien prong, and then you've got the fuckers who just want to keep collecting aliens. What about if I start breeding the aliens
Starting point is 00:21:32 with cows for docility? Make docile... Like, you know, obviously they want the aliens. We give them what they want. Why would you want docile aliens? Because I don't want aliens at all. And then we can harvest them for the delicious meat. Or they'll just be like, well, we don't want these aliens anymore.
Starting point is 00:21:49 So you just made worse cows. Yeah. Full of acid. Yeah, you milk them. You milk them, you burn the pail you're milking them into. People keep looking at you and being like, what was the end goal here? And you're like, oh, I love getting milk straight from a cow's titty. What was the end goal here? You're like, oh, I love getting milk straight from a cow's titty.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Everybody's like, Mr. Bailey, you claim that Whalen Yutani milk is safe for consumption publicly. Could you show us that? And I'm like, yeah, of course. I squeeze it into a glass. The glass shatters in my hand. Well, better go straight to the source. Actually, I think I've brought another glass in my office. I'll be back.
Starting point is 00:22:29 The security. Hey, do you know, like, anyone that can... Plop a building? Plop a building. I'm talking like Scorched Earth. Scorched Earth actually might need to be for the whole planet for this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And anybody, like, on a delete live feed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. planet for this one. Yeah, yeah. Is there any way to, like, I don't know, delete live feeds?
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need that one. There's a lot of people that really want me to suck an otter, and I don't know if I can. I think if I drink from that otter, I might die, if I'm honest with you. But I've made a lot of promises.
Starting point is 00:23:01 There's a lot of alien milk in schools. Pretty nervous. Pretty nervous right about now. Made a lot of promises. There's a lot of alien milk in schools. Pretty nervous. Pretty nervous right about now. Made a lot of deals, made a lot of money. Do you know anybody, forget the burning a building, how to make a new identity? You got any idea what the, like, is that something a fella could do? Yeah, I'm just thinking, like, maybe, maybe, like, Bax and Jaylee is a good name for me going forward. Like, if I, hey, look, you gotta belee is a good name for me going forward.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Hey, look. You've got to be honest with me. If I shave my head, would you recognize me? If I was a complete... Give me a second. Give me a second. I'm just going to pull my hair. If I pull my hair, my hands by my hair, like this, pull it back. Do I look like a different person?
Starting point is 00:23:37 Do I look like a different guy? Now, could you imagine me blonde? Would you be like, that's my old boss? Or would you be like, who's this guy? Because I think I really need to be scarce soon. Yeah, do you have some hair dye and a razor? Right now, actually. Driving out through the picketing crowds.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Poison milk. Not me. I'm just a different. I don't know what's happening in there. I'm a humble reporter. Oh, know what's happening in there Humble reporter Fuck that guy I gotta go back to my office and write this report So long
Starting point is 00:24:12 He drank the milk though He drank the milk and he's fine Anyway, I'm out of here I saw it The boss Was the first thing I did Yeah Personalized license plate. Da Boss. Da Boss. That was the first thing I did. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:24:30 So look, running Well and Yutani. Troubling. Yeah. Hard. Yeah, hard to do. I mean, because even like a scorched earth approach, you're still going to be a bunch of aliens. Yeah. You know, just like, you know, flirting around.
Starting point is 00:24:40 I'm going to leave so much destruction in my wake wherever I go. Like, if your intention was to clean up Weyland-Yutani, that sounds like arsic. Yeah, insurmountably difficult. I don't think I can do it. Do you wish your brain could be worse? The very idea of ideas hurts you? Well, we've got great news.
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Starting point is 00:26:10 You'd think that's easy. Yeah. But if I was to say running a certain chicken shop in a Breaking Bad universe. Oh, okay. A sort of Los Polos Hermanos situation. I think, look, that would be very terrifying under a couple of reasons. So question one, I have seen Breaking Bad. That's not a question.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Because Gus Fring eats his business. Is he using it as a drug front or is that just a separate thing he's doing? Both. Yeah, it's a bit of both. So that's how it's running two businesses. First off, either I come in after Gus Fring gets blown up. Yeah, he gets half-guided. This is interesting.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Somehow you were just like for whatever legal loophole Gus Fring needed. Assistant manager that day. Yeah, he's promoted. Now you're the CEO of Los Palos Hermanos. I'm just like,
Starting point is 00:26:59 okay, first off, I need to come to terms with the bad PR that we are- Does Gus Fring get found out? I believe so. Oh, okay. I'm not eating chicken, or maybe I definitely am eating chicken tied to a massive meth ring.
Starting point is 00:27:16 He gets blowed up, and then everyone's like, why did he get blowed up? And I'm assuming from there, it gets found out. Plus, there was that guy in yeah who was like makes a thing for Gus I think it's just so funny if you don't know why he got blowed up but every employee gets like a a letter unfortunately the CEO blowed up you are now the CEO yeah please find a touch diagram of how he got blowed up As you can see, he's half guy I think actually running it after he gets
Starting point is 00:27:49 blowed up actually may be a little easier than if running it whilst Gus was still alive You're selling meth or you're dead Yeah Or you don't know and then suddenly You're just running a chicken shop, otherwise You're just running a chicken shop that happens to be full of shady characters but you've got no idea yeah you're
Starting point is 00:28:08 just like oh yeah i guess that's just our personal brand you're probably safe in the chicken shop because gus fring's good to his employees he is but his enemies are not that's true oh another car exploded the parking lot why does that always happen it's real It's also like people, I don't want a profile, but they look like they are from the cartel. It's a full car and they're always looking at us. And then exploding.
Starting point is 00:28:37 That can't be what is meant to happen in a regular chicken shop. So you're imagining running the chicken shop post-Gus Fring. Post-Gus Fring, I've got a problem of a bit of a PR incident. I've got a bit of So, okay, so you're imagining running the chicken shop in the, because like post-Gus Fring. Post-Gus Fring, I've got a problem of a bit of a PR incident. Yeah, yeah. I've got a bit of a, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:28:50 The founder of this company was, yes, you're correct. He was high up in the cartel. He was a drug lord. He was a drug lord. Yes, he was a drug lord. Yes, he used also this company to smuggle drugs across the border. Yeah, of course. Yes, I'm not denying that.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Yes, I understand that perhaps there might currently be drugs in some barrels of chicken that I have yet to investigate. There's a chance the chicken you're eating is contaminated with methamphetamines. I understand this. Of course there is. And I understand that this has left a lot of... It's a bad taste in people's mouths.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Yeah, we've got a loss of that goodwill that Gus did when everyone didn't know he was stealing drugs, and he donated a lot of money to schools and hospitals of the kind. Yeah, yeah. Can we get that back? We need some money. No? That's gone? We're tanking.
Starting point is 00:29:38 We're struggling. Okay, I just wanted to ask that question. Can you make sure that that's not—we're not live, right? Oh, we're live. Because I don't want that question to be... Okay, never mind. Well, it was good chicken. It was good chicken.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Everybody liked the Los Polos Hermanos chicken. It's tasty chicken. If you found out right now that a chicken restaurant that you went to used to be owned by some kind of drug lord, would that stop you eating there no how far back last week no how far back is okay last year i'm fine with last week yesterday
Starting point is 00:30:15 probably not so i would i reckon maybe like for a general public yeah you almost need like like a decade oh no I don't think so. Because there's all the rumors and stuff about like, you know, when I was in high school, KFC being founded by, you know, someone who had connections with more like, you know, the KKK. Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then people were slinging the chicken. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:38 People will eat the, you know, you get the art and the artist. Yeah. Gus Fring's the chicken artist. The chicken is the art. Sometimes you've got to separate the art and the artist. Yeah. Gus Fring's the chicken artist. The chicken is the art. Sometimes you've got to separate the art from the artist. That's a good press release. Yeah. Look, we here believe that you need to separate the art from the artist.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Exactly. It's like how most artists are terrible. Yeah. The founder of our company, Las Polas Harmonos, Gus Fring. Terrible man. Terrible man. But you cannot deny that he made good chicken. The founder of our company, Los Polos Harmonos. Yeah. Gus Fring. Terrible man. Terrible man. But you cannot deny that he made good chicken. The chicken is good.
Starting point is 00:31:10 The chicken's very good. Yeah, so I think. Well, maybe. But that's post-Gus Fring. That is post-Gus Fring. Yeah. And I think that definitely you are coming back. Like, you know, you can bounce back from that.
Starting point is 00:31:19 Yeah. During. During Gus Fring. Terrifying. Under two. Like, because one, you either know. Yeah. And then you've got to keep your mouth fucking shut.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Well, because, like, if you want to go down that route, or route, whichever one. Whatever you prefer. That actually unfolds in Breaking Bad. Yeah, yeah. So if you remember correctly, which I now do because I just quickly read it. The synopsis of the entire Breaking Bad. Yeah, I managed to know it pretty quick synopsis of the entire Breaking Bad. Yeah, it was a quick... I managed to do it pretty quick. Yeah, so
Starting point is 00:31:47 Gus dies. Then there's a lot of employees that are still floating around and everyone's like, that's okay because Mike, who also worked for Gus, is paying them off for silence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then Mike gets
Starting point is 00:32:02 named and Walt kills Mike. And then Walt then orders every single former employee of Gus to be killed in prison. Remember that scene? Yeah, well, in prison, yeah, I remember that. But that was not going to prison for a flip and murder. That was like Gus Fring's side hustle, his main hustle. But there was no humble chicken cook being sent to jail? No.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Why did you do anything wrong? You just slung chicken, right? You were just slinging chicken. I just made chicken. I had no idea. Well, isn't there a scene in Breaking Bad during Gus Fring? I think it's, or maybe it's even Better Call Saul, where Gus Fring, while he's running, he's still alive,
Starting point is 00:32:41 and somebody comes to the chicken shop and is like, where's Gus Frank? And the employee's like, I don't know, he's not here he just runs into, who are you? So like, there's the fear of getting confronted by one of Gus's enemies who Yeah, like, yeah. You know, it's scary
Starting point is 00:32:58 Yeah, look, like, you know Lalo, I think his name is? He has no regard for the sanctity that is. Because that's the kind of weird thing as well. Yeah, a lot of the criminals are like, the chicken shop is neutral ground. Yeah. We would never attack Gus Fring in his chicken shop.
Starting point is 00:33:13 The tricky thing is, though, and I don't know if this changes anything, and I know we've already sort of been taking this approach, but the chicken shop is started by Gus as a front. At no point was it ever just a chicken shop. Yes. So that does make a difference. Because it would be different if Gus Frink bought a KFC, for instance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:33 And then started using that. So it's just that one. But yeah. That's true. Los Polos, Fernandez was started by Gus and that other guy. But does the general public know this? No. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:33:44 So we don't have to lean in. But his enemies do. How much of Los Palos Hermanos was successful because it was a front for methamphetamines or just on its own merit? Yeah, because they were franchising. Now, were they franchising because their chicken was good or because they needed to distribute more meth everywhere. Now, if...
Starting point is 00:34:07 After Fring's death, the chain was closed. Well, Zabit's taken over it. Or was it closed by the police? Because if you come in and take over that, imagine if no one found out about the fact that there was a connection there. Then you are suddenly being like,
Starting point is 00:34:24 I'm going to run a chicken franchise. It it's fantastic i'm overseeing the distribution of so much meth yeah absolutely well that's that's scary because gus dies but not everybody that you yeah knows that yeah you're gonna get a lot of meth heads coming into your frank kept the restaurants themselves clean of any business related to the drugs. Okay. That's good. There you go. But all the distribution places were full of meth, including their chicken farms, their trucks that were delivering stuff. Oh, that's right.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Yeah. Okay. So we've had to sever some ties with our previous distributors of chicken. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah. There's a- We are nice people. distributors of chicken. Yeah, good luck. Yeah, there's a newspaper announcement
Starting point is 00:35:06 Los Palos Hermanos is separating ties with previous distributors. Second day, Joe Zalman, new CEO of Los Palos Hermanos, found dead. Head cut off,
Starting point is 00:35:15 replaced by a chicken. I think it's so funny to go to these distributors and be like, hi, we're just picking, I know you used to give us meth, but we just want the chicken. Yeah, you can keep the meth. You can keep the meth. Honestly, we just want the chicken. Yeah, you can keep the meth.
Starting point is 00:35:25 You can keep the meth. Honestly, we just want the chicken. Well, that's not worth it on our end. Uh-oh. I was really counting on it. Really? I was hoping you're happy with the meth. You can keep the meth.
Starting point is 00:35:35 You can do whatever you want. No, we've got enough meth. We need to distribute the methamphetamines. Well, yeah, I don't really know how to sell. I know how to sell chicken. Chicken. You don't know if you know this. You just put up a sign and you say, I've got good chicken.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Chicken kind of sells itself, to be honest. Get in the chicken game with me. There's a big market for chicken. That's why I looked at the numbers before I bought, and a lot of people were buying a lot of chicken. I don't know if you know this, but there's actually more people on Earth that eat chicken than smoke meth. So, what if we tip some of that meth
Starting point is 00:36:12 down the drain? And then we just pivot it to chicken. We just robbed chicken. Chicken's sort of the meth of the animal kingdom. Yeah, you can do so much. People say they're addicted to chicken. Do they?
Starting point is 00:36:28 Yeah, I do. I often say it. I say it all the time. I'm like, you buy as much chicken as you like. It's like eating the crack of the animal world, I say. Crack of the farm. Crack of the farm crack. I eat chicken.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I just finished my kale chicken You know little popcorn chicken I call them little crack chicken I just finished my KFC Zinger burger And boy howdy I could eat a second And a third cause I'm a full on Addiction I'd sell my kid for some chicken right now You know that's what people say
Starting point is 00:37:02 Right they've wrecked their lives Right chicken wreed their lives. Right? Chicken wrecks their lives. Yeah, eat so much chicken, my teeth fall out or something. Right? Are you trying to convince me that chicken is mad right now? I don't know what I'm doing, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:18 I feel like I'm seconds away from being shot in the fucking nuts. I just want to sell chicken. You are. You are. You are dead dogs. And I can clearly see you both have, like, everyone here has guns. Yeah, the reason you're not dead is we just want to see what the hell else is. At the moment, the... The moment of stuff being mildly entertaining for us.
Starting point is 00:37:31 We're going to shoot you in the nuts. Yeah, I'm thinking this is funny. Every single person in this room has a gun pointed squarely at your nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't even know this about me, but I really like my nuts. Okay. That's all right. We assume everyone we shoot in the nuts likes their nuts.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they didn't like their nuts, then it wouldn't likes their nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they didn't like their nuts, then it wouldn't be a punishment. You really like your nuts. We really like being rich from selling meth that your nuts are going to be distributing. You can distribute meth through the chicken shop if you want to do that. Well, I guess if we need to distribute meth, then I guess send it away. How are you buying the meth? Well, I think it's, well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:38:12 I don't just give it to you. That's not how it works. I mean, they do because the distribution is already in place, and then I just owe the money. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, it's not like, because if I had to buy it, I just wouldn't buy it, and then we're great.
Starting point is 00:38:28 That's not the situation here. That was the situation. I'd be a happy business owner. The situation is, Jill's Albert looks at the back of the fucking chicken shop at the fucking piles of methamphetamine he hasn't sold yet.
Starting point is 00:38:39 Yeah, and I have to sell them. I wish I was selling only... How much do I owe you? Oh, millions. That's expensive. Maths is expensive. The punishment is what? Shutting the nuts. By all 14 guys in this room?
Starting point is 00:38:53 Oh, mama. Okay. That's spicy. That's going to obliterate more than just my nuts, I think. I have a question. I have a question. If I shave my head, do you reckon you'd know me? Do you reckon you'd recognise your shifty characters?
Starting point is 00:39:06 Do you know how to... Not for me. Do you know how to burn down a building and look like no one survived? Yeah, change your identity? Not for me. Not for me. I'm good for it. You've probably got some, like, a dead guy that...
Starting point is 00:39:19 My shape? Yeah, right? Lie around? Are you asking us to help you fake your... No! To get out of the money you owe us? I wouldn't dream of it. That would be bananas.
Starting point is 00:39:29 But if you were to fake dental records... We're all friends here now. We're all friends. I'm selling your breath. Not yet, but I will. I owe you a million dollars. Yeah, but you get it. I'm good for it.
Starting point is 00:39:41 I'm good. I'm so good. You know, a million dollars or just putting this on the table. Don't have to take it. But like free chicken whenever you want. Chicken's the crack of the farm. That's what people say. Don't have to take it.
Starting point is 00:39:54 But I mean, in time, that would come up to a million dollars. How much chicken do you think I'm buying? It's good chicken. It's so good. Really good chicken. Try like so good. Really good chicken. Try, like, a real ham on chicken just to kind of match any kind of meth sales. Chicken burger's like 12 bucks. Welcome to Los Palos Hermanos.
Starting point is 00:40:16 Would you like a chicken burger? Why, yes, that's $30. You could upgrade for a large meal for $103. It's a bargain. That's the best I expected. It better be good. That's the best thing you've ever had. That's why we can have these prices so expensive. Tell me, if you take a bite of this chicken, you're not instantly satisfied. I guess if you mix the math into the chicken.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Yeah, imagine them putting in the batter. I really need some chicken right now. This chicken actually tastes really bad, but it's made me very quick. What if you put... My face is itchy. Bugs, maybe. Yeah, there's been like a surge in people consuming meth,
Starting point is 00:40:53 but not how you would imagine. Los Palos Am... There's no bugs in the chicken, but the chicken puts bugs in you. Los Palos Amados is the most bafflingly successful chicken shop in the world. I hate these mercs. Om nom nom nom. They taste like shit. Om nom nom nom nom.
Starting point is 00:41:09 I can never leave. I'm gonna go kill the president. The guys at the distribution center being like, I guess you did it, and also maybe you were right about chicken being the crack of the farm? You people doubted. Doubted me. So am I not safe?
Starting point is 00:41:25 Well, yeah, for this month. This month? Yeah, it's an ongoing partnership. What's that? Just a one-off. What? Just dabbing the sweat on my brow. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:41:37 You eating a chicken burger at the same time, getting high on your own supply. Never good. Never good. Wow, yeah, okay. Yeah, that seemed like it went really wrong. Yeah, I was imagining afterwards it would be kind of easy because it's a PR nightmare, but, okay. That seemed like it went really wrong. Yeah, I was imagining afterwards it'd be kind of easy because it's a PR nightmare, but not distribution. They do need that mess sold, and someone's got to do it.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Both of yours are pretty convoluted. Good choices, though, I will say. Appreciate it. I've just gone pretty simple. Running whatever, I don't even know if it's got a company name. Running Cruella DeVille's business. I don't really want to be the face of a company that kills dogs. Okay, you know what?
Starting point is 00:42:14 101 Dalmatians dead, and then your face is like a GQ fucking magazine cover. Dog coat cunt. Whoa, they really printed cunt on this GQ magazine. People, well that's broken. It's really upsetting that they've made history by putting cunt on the front cover of GQ, but it's worse that
Starting point is 00:42:35 it's now associated with me killing 101 dogs. What it seems like's happened is that Kerala Deville, she's seen, she's predicted there's going to be some backlash. And she's hired you without your knowledge of what it's going to be. It's like, hired you, or you've bought the company and there was a sneaky clause that you didn't really read. But it's like, has to keep making clothes out of dog leather. Cruella, I've actually really been keen to get into the fashion business.
Starting point is 00:43:01 So I'm happy to purchase you. Anything you make make and what will you be making next well first i'm gonna skin 101 dogs yeah that's interesting dogs we human this is a crazy question humanely like like dogs that would be being put down anyway. No, no, no. My employees, family dogs. Bad dogs or something? Well, not all of them. That is often a confusion amongst casual dog movies.
Starting point is 00:43:39 Dog loving movie watchers. I think killing any dogs is bad. About 101 to turn into a coat. It's a lot of dogs. And then that way. But 101 fully grown dogs. That's a lot of wrong.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Two or three fully grown ones arrest puppy because their skin's better. Puppies you say? Look, we're on the awful scale. We were pretty high. Didn't realize we could get higher. It's funny as well if it's a you and a GQ cover, because that means there's an interview in there.
Starting point is 00:44:15 So how do you feel about this range? Well, it's definitely ruined my life. Would you say by endorsing Cruella's range, you also are endorsing the death of dogs? Not on purpose For fashion For fashion for no reason other than fashion The topic of fast fashion
Starting point is 00:44:32 And the impact it has on the environment Has often been up for debate recently And how it's definitely destroying the world Fast fashion General consensus is bad Fast fashion that kills Actively kills 101 dogs is worse. What if you turned it around?
Starting point is 00:44:49 Fast fashion is terrible, but you know people aren't going to be thrown away anytime soon. A coat made from genuine 100% dog leather. Could you spin it? Can you spin the 101 Dalmatian coat? I've slowed fashion down. Sell me this coat. Well? The statement we are making is that fashion is really fucked up.
Starting point is 00:45:17 And you should all just not buy clothes, because dogs get killed. We believe here that everyone should hang dong. May I ask, what is the difference between a jacket made from leather, a cow, versus a jacket made from leather, a dog? It's funny to imagine. Is there any difference? Is there any difference? Is there any difference? Well, yes. One's a pet.
Starting point is 00:45:50 You can have a cow as a pet. You can have a pet. You can have a pet. And what if someone works on a farm? Can't they pet cows? No, those cows are to be slaughtered. Huh? Well, what's the difference?
Starting point is 00:46:02 Well, I bred these dogs to be slaughtered. We know that you didn't, but we could have. Who told you? Did you see any of you getting a cow to have as a pet to prove a point? There's no difference between a cow and a dog. Oh, go on, Betsy, up!
Starting point is 00:46:20 Oh, fuck! Well, obviously I can't pick up the cow, but I was... But she knows some tricks, Sid. Sid, good cow. It doesn't always do it, but... Just stand there and do cow, weird cow shit. Do one of your weird cow shits.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Oh, there it is. This is like a dog. It's so funny as well to imagine a mirror of me drinking alien milk where they're like, well, if they're the same, you'll drink some dog milk, right? Yeah. No difference. Yeah, I would love to. What's the difference
Starting point is 00:46:49 between a dog's milk and a cow's milk? No difference. They're both pets. Sorry. They're both pets and you drink your milk from your pet cow,
Starting point is 00:46:59 so it's fine to drink your milk from your pet dog. I'm just going to make this dog in front of you. Pick it up a little dog, like a little fluffy something. Bon appetit. It just tastes oily.
Starting point is 00:47:13 It tastes delicious. It's the same thing to me. It's the same thing to me, so it doesn't matter that we killed it. This is all happening in my GQ interview. Mr. Doucher then proceeded to pick up the small dog that had been running around his lounge room the entire interview. Well, you will love to know that I just did a quick Google search of what does dog milk taste like. And based on people's experiments,
Starting point is 00:47:37 dog milk tastes somewhat sweeter than cow's milk. Maybe you'll get hooked. Smoother. Water and color. And the taste reminds some people of a milkshake. So maybe we should be milking these dogs. Maybe you'll pivot the company entirely. I'm panicking and suck on a dog and I'm like, wait.
Starting point is 00:47:55 This is awesome. Stop yelling at the dogs, but not for the reason you think. This GQ reporter. Okay. Joel Simon's going to accidentally think. This GQ reporter. Okay. John's almost going to accidentally make himself sick, I reckon. Yeah. Topdogtips.com. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:12 The headline is dog milk for babies, good or bad? I'm going to go out on a limb and say bad. Yeah, I'm going to hazard a guess and say bad too. Twist is good? Dog's milk has a very bad taste. They have too many nipples. That's so funny because then the other article would be like, dog milk's fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:48:33 It's like more milky than regular milk. I guess there's differing opinion on the taste of dog milk. Well, I guess there's a lot of different freaks out there. Yeah, okay. No one's accidentally drinking dog's milk. Well, I mean, hey, you know what? The heat's on you, okay?
Starting point is 00:48:49 You're perhaps the most loathed man in the fashion industry. Yeah. But you're doing your job because the heat's not on Cruella. Was that my job? No, you're owning the company,
Starting point is 00:48:59 so you're leaning in. Our sales high. Yeah, are you selling? One coat and my employee wears it so are you using this to try and make more get like interest and attention so then you can make more dog coat well you're just trying to get interest and attention on cruella who's the artist so that she has enough money so i've enough opportunity to then I fucked it because all attention is on me. Cruella fires you and you're like,
Starting point is 00:49:31 I drank dog milk and defended dog slaughter for fucking nothing. I've ruined my entire life. What? Yeah. You could always pivot to be like, yes, we are using dog leather, but the cut of the design. Yeah, how good is it, though? I'm just trying to lean in and lean out at the same time. It's bad we use dogs, but it does look good.
Starting point is 00:49:48 It looks good. It feels good. It's a crime. All fashion's bad. But anyway, have you touched this coat? Yeah, it doesn't feel, it doesn't look, it is ethical. Ethically, we should all be hanging dog, but obviously we can't wear this dog coat. What if you leaned into Dalmatians being a stupid dog that we hate?
Starting point is 00:50:12 It was an accident. And that we really shouldn't be pure, like purebreds are not good. We tried to turn this tragedy into fashion. At the facility, we have a coat machine. And it turns out that dogs are very clumsy. Dalmatians wanted to die. I'm thinking more of the, as opposed to the dog being so stupid it ran into a coat machine.
Starting point is 00:50:43 Maybe we shouldn't be breeding Dalmatians. Oh, okay. Maybe purebreds are not good. We should be, this is actually a statement about factory farming. Yeah. But any statement, they're going to be like, but you killed 101 dogs. Yeah, to prove a point. To prove a point.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Sometimes to prove a point, you got to crack a few eggs. Are you familiar with the trolley problem? Uh huh So there's 101 dogs tied on one side of the track Yep And fashions on the other So Instead of being like fashion
Starting point is 00:51:16 You killed 101 dogs? Wait no swap dogs No wait no hang on So instead of being like 101 dogs You killed fashion But that's not true either, because you killed 101 dogs. Okay, so it's a trolley problem. It's a trolley problem.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Yeah. There's 101 dogs and fashion on the same side. What's on the other side? Poppy mills, right? Yeah, puppy mills. So to not kill puppy mills, you killed 101 dogs. And fashion. So do you save?
Starting point is 00:51:44 No, no, no, no, no. So, okay, so on one side of the track, it's 101 dogs! And fashion. So do you say... No, no, no, no, no. So, okay, so on one side of the track, it's 101 dogs, then it's fashion, then it's puppy mills. So that's all on one side. So you just did it. And on the other side, it's teaching the world a lesson. So you didn't teach the world a lesson. No!
Starting point is 00:52:01 Okay, teaching the world a lesson is also on that side. It's not so much the trolley problem. It's a trolley problem. I don't think it's a trolley problem at all. I don't think it's a trolley problem at all. It's more of does the means justify the ends, right? All the other dogs are on the other side of the truck. So you saved the other dogs?
Starting point is 00:52:18 Yeah, to kill 101 dogs, fashion, and puppy mills. Or you could kill every other dog to save these dogs. Yeah, that's the option you're giving us? Yeah. Are you saying that's the option the world has? That was the option the world had, yes. So all the other dogs would have died if you didn't kill these 101 dogs. Yeah, with time.
Starting point is 00:52:35 If you didn't have this coat. In time, all the dogs would have died. Okay. Every dog in the world currently will be dead in 25 years. Yeah, they might have had more dogs, but that's true. Those dogs will be dead. And how does that justify killing 101 dogs? Because I stopped fashion and puppy farms.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Did you? Yeah. I don't know if you heard about my trolley problem, but yeah, I did. There's no more puppy farms. Done and dusted. Every coat sold, we will put that money to... So you're going to be slaughtering more than 101. No.
Starting point is 00:53:11 The next coats will be made of a dog you all like, right? It will be ethically killed dogs. Misunderstanding and thinking it's because everyone loves Dalmatians. It'll be Chinese Cresteds? It'll be... Tell meids? It'll be... Tell me when, Cope. Poodles, Labradors, Weaner Dogs. Great day.
Starting point is 00:53:33 We don't want any dog to die. Ooh, give me five minutes. Okay. Your notes are just a list of dogs. All right. Next page. Cats. Cats.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Persian cats? No pets. Rats are not rabbits. But cats? No pets. Rats are not rabbits. But all animals are pets. I got budgies. 1,001 birds. What about birds? Can we slaughter birds?
Starting point is 00:53:55 You can slaughter chickens. Chicken coat. Cruella, we need a chicken coat. What have you been doing out there? You will not believe. I think, okay, so I think the press conference is going okay. I know the GQ interview was not really
Starting point is 00:54:09 what we wanted. You drank a dog. I did drink a dog, yes. Yes, I did. Just to prove a point. Did you prove a point? I believe that came through in the interview, yes. Yeah, there are certain forums on certain parts of the internet that definitely
Starting point is 00:54:25 are on my side i would say it's yeah it's pretty yeah like like all debates corolla others it's 50 50 some people are in my corner that's not how debates work or not every debate is 50 50 50 this one is yeah yeah yeah so you gotta make a chicken coat then i think we're in the clear yeah then i think you're we've made it accomplished yeah to make a chicken coat, then I think we're in the clear. Yeah, then I think we've made it. We've accomplished it. You make a chicken coat. That's good. That's good. I think if we make six chicken coats, we can definitely make at least one more dog coat.
Starting point is 00:54:53 We're just going to figure out the math. We're going to thread the needle, Cruella. I don't want a chicken coat nor another dog coat. Well, what do you want? What's next, Cruella? What is next, Cruella? What is next, Cruella? Yeah, just waiting on bated breath for her to say, like, I'm thinking of making a kind of, I guess, some kind of vest.
Starting point is 00:55:15 A boy vest. Out of boys. And I was thinking orphans. Yeah, get an idea for an orphan boy chest. Yeah. Okay. Don't know if I can sell that, Corolla. Struggled to sell the dog one, so.
Starting point is 00:55:28 We've got our new announcement. Orphan boy vest. Is that best for orphan boys? Oh, no. No. Or is it the horrifying alternative to that? Well, there's one word. Look, I will say alternative. Okay. It is an alternative to that? Well, there's one word. Look, I will say alternative.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Okay. It is an alternative to that, yes. So it's the... Who provides love in the world? And I've just written families. Families! And if there's no love... Yeah?
Starting point is 00:56:01 Underlined. Does it matter if they go? Are you saying that children who have lost their parents are unloved? I'm just going back to underlining families. If they go to parents, then what the hell's the point? So that's a yes. That's a yes. That's a yes.
Starting point is 00:56:23 You're killing. You're saying. I don't like it saying Much like with fashion It's not just like black and white Or yes and no Okay so In the trolley problem Who's on the other track
Starting point is 00:56:36 So there's little boys And fashion They're on the same side Okay And there's Families They're on the same side. Okay, okay. And there's families. Yeah, adoption agencies and families on the other side. So to avoid- And then I'm underlining families again.
Starting point is 00:56:58 To save families, we're making this vest. Uh-huh. Is it made from one little boy? Because the only person that could probably wear this is another little boy Give me one second It's probably going to be six little boys Not one But not 101
Starting point is 00:57:22 A mere six orphan boys. Pivot to be like, that's not that many. Can you even name six little orphan boys? Wouldn't it be better to get them adopted? I don't know if you're familiar with, and then flipping over the page, I'm like, it's a trolley problem. So as you can see, six little orphan boys. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:51 I've crossed out the one I've written six next to it. And then you'll see this is six boys. Sure. And fashion on the same side. But on the other side, adoption and families. So you're killing fashion and little boys. Yeah. To save families and to show adoption is better.
Starting point is 00:58:13 How does this demonstrate that? Yeah. Well, it's basically when you see the vest, you're going to think about the fact that, um, well, you're not going to think about the fact it's sad because that would wreck the vest. I'm going to be traumatized. No, no, no, no, no. Because it's going to look great. You're going to think about maybe, you're not going to think about injustices because that implies that this is an injustice, which it's not. It's not.
Starting point is 00:58:48 This is fine. It's just a job. Just a fast fashion. That's the problem. Okay. Yeah. Well, look, you struggled. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:01 We all retire to an early grave one way or the other, whether it's a heart attack or killed by the cartel, I think. Or turning to an alien. Yeah, or a face hug to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I don't think any of us actually managed to run the company at all, but we were right. Well, in my situation, Kerala did get that dog coat.
Starting point is 00:59:21 Yeah, she got it out. That's right. Which is not something she ever achieved in her actual life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess you did kill those dogs. Win? Or lose. Or lose.
Starting point is 00:59:32 It was hard. Yeah, yeah. And now dog killer cunt is my legacy. I'm on magazines. Yeah. You're on magazines. I'm in a shallow grave. There's a very stupid xenomorph roaming around somewhere. Yeah. You're on magazines. I'm in a shallow grave. There's a very stupid xenomorph roaming around somewhere.
Starting point is 00:59:49 Yeah. I think what we can take away from this is we did it. Another perfect episode of Plum and the Death Star. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Give us a company and we can tell you how we are. I'll tell you a great company that we run, San Spencer Radio.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Am I right? All of our fans are the specialist fans. There is.

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