Plumbing the Death Star - Which Would be the Hardest Fictional Company to Run?
Episode Date: November 6, 2022Join Joel, Joel and Jackson for another flawless Plumbing the Death Star as they attempt to answer a question no one was asking, namely what would be the hardest fictional company to run? Jackson, not... only runs a company into the ground but also destroys multiple planets along the way when he become the CEO of The Weyland-Yutani Corporation. Zammit gets involved with the wrong crowd when we take over Los Pollos Hermanos and unintentionally taking over the distribution of meth from Gus Fring. Now Zammit has to choose between his morals or his life. Last but by no means least Duscher take over the haute couture fashion brand, House of DeVil, from 101 Dalmatians. Which leads him down the path of trying to spin a coat made of puppies as political commentary.Come see us Britainology live in Melbourne on November 19 at 5:30pm!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Ahem. Ahem.
You're listening to the Sands Pants Network.
Good morning, listeners, and welcome to a very special episode of Plum in the Dance.
This one's special because you, you're listening to it.
That's right. You're special to us.
Yeah.
Okay. Every individual's special.
And let me just say, before we introduce...
No, no, no. Let's go down special.
Individual.
Everyone is special.
But you, Plumbing the Death Star, listen.
You're a specialer.
And we here at Plumbing the Death Star, before we even get into anything, we'd just like
to say thank you for your service.
Yeah, thank you for your service.
You're braver than any U.S. Marine by listening to Plumbing the Death Star.
And if you are a U.S. Marine...
Whoa!
You've got to be so freaking brave!
You are the specialist special
that there ever did special.
And I'm Joel.
I'm Jackson.
And I'm also Joel.
And this is the podcast
where we ask the important questions.
And if this is your first episode,
welcome.
Yeah, welcome.
You're special.
You're special.
And all of them are like this.
And today's very important question is,
which would be the hardest fictional company to run?
Well, okay.
Immediately out the gate, I'm thinking Weyland-Yutani.
Yeah.
Okay.
And before you Google it, listeners, don't worry.
We'll explain it.
It's the cunts from Alien.
You know the cunts who want an alien real bad?
There's pieces of shit.
They're like, if we get an alien, we can...
And that's why I think it'd be...
Step one, get an alien.
Step two, question mark, question mark.
I just imagine me with the alien in a glass tube freaking out inside.
I'm looking at it with my finger on my forehead like, what?
And then it just acid bloods the tank.
I'm like, okay, and why did we?
For what?
To what end?
We've got an android.
We've made an android.
We've got an android.
We've got these awesome androids.
We've got David.
We've got Bishop.
We've got Adam. Adam? Yeah, those are our androids. We've got these awesome androids. We've got David, we've got Bishop, we've got Adam?
Adam? Yeah, those are our androids.
Plus more.
And, you know what, I'm hearing
this mining colony that I'm funding
the expedition to, possibly. Ash!
Ash!
Yeah, they've found a fucked up alien that
can't die, bleeds acid, makes
people, impregnates people with
further aliens, and I want it for the company.
Well, Guy Pearce, he played Weyland, and he wanted immortality.
Yes.
That was what he founded Weyland for.
But then Yutani come in by Weyland Company,
and they make Weyland-Yutani for...
Well, we make many things, but the main thing we want is an alien.
Well, I guess if...
Okay, so it's Weyland-Yutani-Bailey now.
Bailey's come in.
I've come in after the failures of the Weyland-Yutani.
I've got to clean up their mess.
We killed Ripley?
What?
She's the one girl what can fight the alien.
You're a bunch of boobs.
That's me in the board meeting.
Did you at least put an alien in her?
That's what killed her!
Oh, no, I looked at my notes for the meeting.
Put aliens in people?
Good idea.
Does that happen?
Have we tried an alien resurrection?
Clone her, have a human alien baby?
That went really wrong, too.
Ah, fuck!
Can I just take a moment to step outside?
Stepping out into the hallway and just...
Fuck!
What am I doing?
Jackson, barely you've fucked it up again!
I've always said you're going to fuck it up and you've fucked it!
You've fucked it!
Give me one idea!
But I like... You've taken all of your fucking life savings, Jackson! And you've bought this company! What did you think?
This is why you do research beforehand.
I'm freaking out.
I'm freaking out.
It's like a glass screen so they can see me.
I'm freaking out.
I'm throwing up against the glass.
Stepping back inside.
Thank you so much for that.
Sorry, I had to take a call.
I had to take a shit call.
I had to take a call outside.
I had to get my thoughts in order.
And so putting them inside just anyone doesn't work.
It's not just Ripley.
Anyone that gets the alien inside it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It kills them.
That's all right.
So why did we want the alien?
Can you just remind me of Whale and Yutani's?
Those two people.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Just why the previous we wanted to collect the aliens.
Well, for a reason.
Okay, you're running a mega corporation.
Hell yeah.
You run the human colonies outside the solar system.
And you really want Xenomorph so that it can be exploited as a
biological weapon without regard for the obtainer's life so that's that's kind of what you want you
want to make a biological weapon some suddenly like yeah xenomorphs that's so is the idea that i
bored the idea that we put these aliens on like a planet full of guys we hate? Yeah, they are a biological weapon.
Do you have any planets full of guys you hate, though?
Me personally?
Yes, you personally.
Because for you to want this, why?
It's funny for me to look down and be like, I don't have any planets I hate, but we have all these aliens.
We've got to put them somewhere.
We're going to have to, I guess, find planets I hate? We're gonna have to pick a planet?
But also, remind me,
when the aliens have killed everyone on the planet,
how do we get them back?
Well, we...
We don't.
That's how they...
That's why we breed them.
But don't they breed by impregnating
other life forms?
Like a cow, a dog, humans.
Okay, well, how about this?
Predator.
Do we have any predators?
Every time they come to Earth, they find out Marty is warrior and murder them.
Okay.
Sometimes it's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He lived.
Next time a predator comes down.
Danny Glover, he lived.
Donald Glover, they haven't met.
Do the predators, do they interact with the aliens at all ever?
Yeah, there was an alien versus Predator once.
If the Predator comes back again,
did you let me know?
Well, there was something to do with pyramids, I think.
Yeah.
Look into the pyramids.
Look into the pyramids.
And if the Predator spaceship lands,
give him my card and I'll have a meeting.
Set up a meeting with the Predator.
The predator spaceship lands, give him my card, and I'll have a meeting.
Set up a meeting with the predator.
80% sure that Jesus was a predator?
Like a, what do you call them?
The guys that looked after the Xanthians. Oh, Prometheus.
Prometheus's.
Prometheus.
Pretty sure that was.
So there are depictions of Christ.
Not a handsome man, but actually should have been eight-foot, really big, muscular blue man.
This is a lot to learn on my first day at the job.
First day running the job.
Yeah, and so the Christ, the fact that he's Christ, do we have it?
How is that relevant to the aliens?
I just remembered that.
The engineers made him, maybe.
Or he was an engineer. Who was? Oh him, maybe. Or he was an engineer.
Who were the...
Oh, yeah.
Christ, he was an engineer, I think.
Writing down on my notepad, Christ equals engineer?
Or maybe the engineers give Christ something, and that's...
Because there is a line in Prometheus.
Yeah, no, Prometheus implies that the engineer was Christ.
Okay.
Because they're like, he's not been this, something like he's not been this angry or
like they left earth 2,000 years ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because people crucify them.
Yeah.
He wasn't happy.
I mean, if you were-
Nailing an engineer to the cross is pretty hectic.
Like if you were, okay, like an ancient Roman and then you see a giant, very muscular.
They did the right thing.
Who are you?
I'm not the son of God.
Whoever it thinks you are. So we're going to crucify you
Okay
I am what you say I am
I'm going to crucify you extra hard now
You're done
Would he be speaking Nazarene or would he be speaking
Did they have an engineer like
Look it's not relevant to the company
No
How many aliens do we have on hand?
You personally?
Is it in control of or do you-
Just around.
Well, are there any-
Because zero and more less, more than zero, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You control zero a lot.
Okay.
How many expositions currently do we have going to isolated mining planets to find more aliens?
Can you remind us what year this is?
Is it Alien or Aliens? Or is it
Alien 3 or is it Aliens Resurrection?
Yeah, I really need to know.
I love
this way, going on the
Alien Wikipedia,
it's like, yes, the bioweapon division.
It's like, the special department of the
Weyland-Yutani Corporation was dealt with the research and development
of biological and viral weapons.
One of their primary goals was to obtain a facehugger, mature xenomorph, or a chestburster, which were preferred in some cases because they were easier to sneak past quarantine within the hosts.
Their attempts to get unfrequently involved lying or putting lives at risk just for their goals.
or putting lives at risk just for their goals.
Alan Ripley would inevitably become a threat to this division after foiling every single one of the attempts to acquire his anamorph.
The work of this division was still carried out by the United Systems military
after the corporation's demise and would later fail of Ripley 8,
a clone of the original Ripley Resurrections.
I do like that.
It just doesn't say why.
Because here's the
problem with using aliens
as a bioweapon there's
ripley's well well that's
no good but also all that
makes is more aliens yeah
you drop aliens onto a
planet full of guys you
hate you've just got guys
you hate who are stronger
and aliens now yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah so i do
that's bad strange to be
like i have a biological
weapon of alien yeah and
i wipe out a bunch of guys I hate
that were arguably easier to kill than the alien.
Yeah.
Yeah, so what do we do once the alien,
do we have something in place?
Do I have to put something in place?
Yeah, then you've got to send predators down.
Well, that meeting with the predators teed up.
Thanks so much for coming.
Take a seat.
Can I offer you a cup of tea?
We'll give you a little scenario right now.
You have in control, we'll give you, say, a dozen eggs.
Oh, no.
Or face eggs.
And there's a planet full of guys you hate.
Okay.
What's your move?
That made a big sign that says, fuck you, Jackson, we hate you.
Yeah, finally, some reason to use these eggs I've had in the office for so long.
Okay, I guess maybe we Trojan horse them.
So we say, hey, here's a beautiful spaceship full of some kind of-
Who's flying the spaceship down?
An android, because they don't matter.
Okay.
And we make androids.
Oh, yeah, you do.
Okay.
Actually, what if we put the aliens in the androids?
What do you mean?
Like the egg or the hugger?
Can we put the facehugger in an android?
If they shoot their alien jizz down an android's throat,
what happens?
The facehugger tries to latch on, and they're and they're like okay never mind yeah you put the egg in there
you can make the android have like a little incubation incubation tom okay pot-bellied
android yeah yeah yeah also i mean yeah i guess pot-bellied sex droids yeah yeah yeah
sent down to the planet.
I'm guessing it's like the planet is full of guys that you hate,
but also you want them gone so that you can mine the resources.
Well, then I would never use aliens.
Because whatever, you want to kill them and you want to like. It's so funny for me to like wipe out the planet,
but like the population with aliens and them being like,
well, yeah, send the mining team down.
Sorry, Jackson. Well, could you send the mining team down. Sorry, Jackson.
Well, could you send a mining team of androids
down? Yeah, because androids can't get
fucked to death or whatever.
Yeah, I guess. Why not?
Why are we not doing that? This company's
a mess.
Maybe we should burn all the animals. Why do we have any
employees? Why is it not
all androids? Well, someone's going to make the androids.
Well, yeah.
We've got a factory.
Well, you know, there's a bunch of employees to make the first set of androids and then make further androids.
Androids keep making themselves.
Yeah.
And then we send them mining to get more material for androids.
To make more androids.
And we've got heaps and heaps of androids.
We don't even need the aliens.
Can we incinerate them or something?
I guess. I guess you need, well, for guess you need to clone a bunch of Ripleys.
Okay, we clone a bunch of Ripleys.
They kill the aliens.
We kill the Ripleys.
We make only androids from here on out.
What have you made?
Like androids, but who thought they were Ripley?
We could do that.
Then they can't get face hugged.
Yeah.
Whatever.
I just don't need the aliens.
This is a worthless endeavor, and I don't get face hugged. Yeah. Whatever. I just don't need the aliens. This is a worthless endeavor and I don't understand it.
This is the most annoying thing to come into this business to find that it's based around a killing machine.
It's just like, okay, Weyland-Yutani, do you understand the term throwing good money after bad?
Because that's all you've been doing here.
First off, has anyone stopped to be like, why do you want these aliens?
Would not a lion be better?
You know?
Or just some kind of,
I don't know, gas?
Yeah, like a gun?
We got guns.
If you gave an android a gun,
we've given androids guns.
Did that not work?
Did the android need to be unkillable
and full of poison?
Everybody in this room is laid off.
First rule of business, you're all fired.
You're all fired.
Oh, you're fired.
Because you've been running this like fucking clown.
Okay?
Didn't realize I'd enrolled in a clown college when I bought Waila Yutani, but clearly I have.
Okay?
Fucking put your red noses on the table and honk your way out of this room.
Jesus Christ.
Y'all make me sick.
Y'all make me sick hiring fucking aliens.
Give me your endless scarves and your clown shoes.
Put them on the table and get the fuck out.
We've got a little tiny car for you.
Get the fuck out of here.
All fucking 50 of you fucking clown-faced fucks.
Who came in here, thought I was, I didn't know I was wearing a top hat and a coat and
tails with a big whip.
Didn't know I was running a fucking circus.
Thought I was running a megacorp.
I should have twinged when I said, hello, it's me, Jackson Bailey, the new CEO.
And you all just went.
That's okay.
What did I think? Did your previous boss, when you walked in went, That's okay. What did I think?
Did your previous boss, when he walked in here,
did he just have a big thing that says,
Hi, I'm a fuckhead?
Jesus Christ.
You make me sick.
Look, I think, yes, firing the entire company.
That does make running a company hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But now it's just me and the big tank full of aliens
As a flashback to me standing in front of it
Scratching my forehead
Now what am I doing with the
I think the moment you come into
Running say
Weyland-Yutani
After all of alien aliens happened
You are being like and we're doing this
War
To what end?
How does this make sense as a bioweapon?
Like, do we want to control the aliens?
Is this a Jurassic World situation where we can be in charge of them
and have a gun that shoots a laser that the alien wants to get?
Is that what's happening here?
You know when you've got a gun and then you've got a gun instead,
but it bulletifies a laser that points a dinosaur at so that you have gun instead, but instead of firing a bullet, it fires a laser that points a dinosaur at it
so that you have the shot, but instead of firing it, you have the gun laser.
Is that the plan?
Instead of inventing a gun that shoots raptors,
we make a gun that alerts raptors.
Is that asinine?
This is stupid.
You know what?
Give me the bullet gun.
That's what we're making from now on, bullet guns.
I'm a genius.
I'm the cleverest man alive.
Okay, once I've fired everybody from Weyland-Yutani,
the only problem I have is what to do with all these aliens.
Well, I guess you just do nothing with them
and just hope that they don't get out.
I hope they die of old age.
What kills an alien?
Can eggs die of old age?
Two search terms in your company.
How do I test if an alien egg is rotten?
Putting it in a big jug of water?
Now if it floats?
What does that mean?
It doesn't really feel like a typical egg.
It's pretty squishy.
It's good as well. like a bunch of alarms blaring
because I've taken it out of its container.
Boo, boo, danger, danger, danger.
But there's no employees to tell me off because I fired everyone.
Dunking it in the water, it falls into the tank
and just explodes out with a facehugger.
Maybe it'll drown.
I was sitting there watching it.
Oh, oh, oh!
She's just slamming into the
thin plexiglass.
Never hold it.
Never hold it.
Well, I might retire to my office.
Quickly.
I think this is a good day for me.
Doors close.
I'm on the security camera.
What's it doing?
Little face hug
that goes to the other eggs.
They all explode out.
Is it like one of them turtles
that like alerts
the other turtles
to come out now?
If so,
fuck.
I get it,
just driving my car
out of the big
bank and call building
and security
and the security guard
being like,
you're leaving early,
boss.
Yeah,
just going for a lunch meeting. I got a meeting in town. Faro, I'm actually, it's actually, called building and security and the security guard would be like, you're leaving early, boss. Yeah.
Just going for a lunch meeting.
Just going for a meeting in town.
Actually,
I'm flying away.
It's off planet.
It's off planet.
Hey, man,
just sitting in your house
like watching security cameras
and these face huggers
crawl up,
go, oh, yeah,
getting a gawking gun out
just like on the door.
Yeah, I think I just be
just going online. Another search term, I think I'll just be just going online
another search term
how to sell a company.
Anybody want
Waila Yutani Bailey?
You want to chuck
your name on there?
Because it's
going cheap.
It's going good.
It's going really good.
It's really good at the moment.
So if anybody wants it,
it's yours.
At the security terminal
being like
do you know a guy
any like service
that can blow up a building
is that like a thing
you know
like I don't know
just out of curiosity
do you need a building
burn up boss
maybe
yeah
maybe
I really might
I really might
yeah
ASAP on that
if we could get a
but I need
I need some guarantees.
No survive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's sort of a scorched earth situation.
Do you know a guy?
Do you know anybody that I can call?
Like, if you've got a phone number for that?
Looking behind myself at the building.
Is something wrong, boss?
Maybe.
I'm going to live with Maybe. I don't know.
Potentially, yeah.
I think I should,
speaking of scorched earth,
probably should have fired everyone.
You live and learn, man,
is the thing.
It's just like attaching
onto the rats in the walls.
Yeah, you live and learn.
You make some mistakes in life.
Anyway, you have a really good night.
How small does an animal
have to be for a face hug at the hug?
Well, I think if it was a rat, she'll just explode
in the rat.
It's about the size of a...
Yeah, I don't know.
I know they get
onto a dog.
They never get onto the cat.
The cat just hates them.
The cat's too small.
I think the cat's the minimum size.
Just under the minimum size.
So look, the facehuggers probably crawl around inside
Weyland-Yutani, get some janitors.
Security guards.
The people you forgot to fire.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I don't know what consequences I suffer
because the world is ending.
I mean, that world
or planet, you could just kind of
It was four guys you hated.
You could kind of just maybe wipe that
one off the star charts.
Yeah, exactly.
Question mark, question mark.
There's surely another planet that has another
Weyland-Yutani building on it
And I just turn up there
And they're like what about the one from your planet
And I'm like I liquidated the whole building
What planet?
Check your star charts
I'm from here now
This is my passport or whatever
As you can see I'm a born
Colonel Jackson Bailey
Always lived here
Always born here I Always lived here.
Always born here.
Loved this.
What's it called again?
Oh, yeah.
Big, big, big.
Loved this place.
This planet prize.
You don't have any aliens on this planet, do you?
I think that's the problem of coming into owning of this big company is like all the
hidden aliens.
Yeah.
That's the biggest.
That is the real hurdle.
The biggest concern of this company is like you have a culture
of this company
coming in to be like
well we're getting
some fucking xenomorphs
we need some xenomorphs
because every time
they've tried to get
the xenomorphs
it's gone badly for them
so now it's a
bee in their bonnet
that they need
more xenomorphs
and I bet
not only will there be
xenomorphs somewhere
at Whale and Butani
there will also be
a bunch of expeditions
to xenomorph planets
the whole company
is built around it.
Also, what you do, if you're coming in as a CEO,
being like, or the new CEO, to be like,
well, we are putting an end to this,
you're going to get some sniveling little Paul Reiser motherfucker
who's going to be just like, you know,
kind of work his way up to basically put two in the head of you,
to be like, well, now we're running it and we're getting more aliens.
So the problem is, like, you've got two prongs.
You've got, like, the alien
prong, and then you've got the fuckers who
just want to keep collecting aliens.
What about if I start breeding the aliens
with cows
for docility?
Make docile...
Like, you know, obviously they want the aliens.
We give them what they want. Why would you want docile
aliens? Because I don't want aliens at all.
And then we can harvest them for the delicious meat.
Or they'll just be like, well, we don't want these aliens anymore.
So you just made worse cows.
Yeah.
Full of acid.
Yeah, you milk them.
You milk them, you burn the pail you're milking them into.
People keep looking at you and being like, what was the end goal here?
And you're like, oh, I love getting milk straight from a cow's titty.
What was the end goal here? You're like, oh, I love getting milk straight from a cow's titty.
Everybody's like, Mr. Bailey, you claim that Whalen Yutani milk is safe for consumption publicly.
Could you show us that?
And I'm like, yeah, of course.
I squeeze it into a glass.
The glass shatters in my hand.
Well, better go straight to the source.
Actually, I think I've brought another glass in my office.
I'll be back.
The security.
Hey, do you know, like, anyone that can...
Plop a building?
Plop a building.
I'm talking like Scorched Earth.
Scorched Earth actually might need to be for the whole planet for this one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And anybody, like, on a delete live feed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. planet for this one. Yeah, yeah. Is there any way to, like, I don't know, delete live feeds?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I need that one.
There's a lot of people
that really want me to suck an otter,
and I don't know if I can.
I think if I drink from that otter,
I might die, if I'm honest with you.
But I've made a lot of promises.
There's a lot of alien milk in schools.
Pretty nervous. Pretty nervous right about now. Made a lot of promises. There's a lot of alien milk in schools. Pretty nervous.
Pretty nervous right about now.
Made a lot of deals, made a lot of money.
Do you know anybody, forget the burning a building, how to make a new identity?
You got any idea what the, like, is that something a fella could do?
Yeah, I'm just thinking, like, maybe, maybe, like, Bax and Jaylee is a good name for me going forward.
Like, if I, hey, look, you gotta belee is a good name for me going forward.
Hey, look.
You've got to be honest with me.
If I shave my head, would you recognize me? If I was a complete...
Give me a second.
Give me a second.
I'm just going to pull my hair.
If I pull my hair, my hands by my hair, like this, pull it back.
Do I look like a different person?
Do I look like a different guy?
Now, could you imagine me blonde?
Would you be like, that's my old boss?
Or would you be like, who's this guy?
Because I think I really need to be scarce soon.
Yeah, do you have some hair dye and a razor?
Right now, actually.
Driving out through the picketing crowds.
Poison milk.
Not me.
I'm just a different.
I don't know what's happening in there.
I'm a humble reporter. Oh, know what's happening in there Humble reporter
Fuck that guy
I gotta go back to my office and write this report
So long
He drank the milk though
He drank the milk and he's fine
Anyway, I'm out of here
I saw it
The boss
Was the first thing I did Yeah Personalized license plate. Da Boss. Da Boss.
That was the first thing I did.
Yeah, okay.
So look, running Well and Yutani.
Troubling.
Yeah. Hard.
Yeah, hard to do.
I mean, because even like a scorched earth approach,
you're still going to be a bunch of aliens.
Yeah.
You know, just like, you know, flirting around.
I'm going to leave so much destruction in my wake wherever I go.
Like, if your intention was to clean up Weyland-Yutani,
that sounds like arsic.
Yeah, insurmountably difficult.
I don't think I can do it.
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I think also running a company, a certain chicken shop.
Oh, okay.
Seems easy.
Yeah, easy.
You sell chicken, you sell chips, you sell chicken chips.
You'd think that's easy.
Yeah.
But if I was to say running a certain chicken shop in a Breaking Bad universe.
Oh, okay.
A sort of Los Polos Hermanos situation.
I think, look, that would be very terrifying under a couple of reasons.
So question one, I have seen Breaking Bad.
That's not a question.
Because Gus Fring eats his business.
Is he using it as a drug front or is that just a separate thing he's doing?
Both.
Yeah, it's a bit of both.
So that's how it's running two businesses.
First off, either I come in after Gus Fring gets blown up.
Yeah, he gets half-guided.
This is interesting.
Somehow you were just like
for whatever legal loophole
Gus Fring needed.
Assistant manager that day.
Yeah, he's promoted.
Now you're the CEO of
Los Palos Hermanos.
I'm just like,
okay, first off,
I need to come to terms
with the bad PR
that we are-
Does Gus Fring get found out?
I believe so.
Oh, okay.
I'm not eating chicken, or maybe I definitely am eating chicken tied to a massive meth ring.
He gets blowed up, and then everyone's like, why did he get blowed up?
And I'm assuming from there, it gets found out.
Plus, there was that guy in yeah who was like makes a thing for Gus I think it's just so funny if you
don't know why he got blowed up but every employee gets like a a letter
unfortunately the CEO blowed up you are now the CEO yeah please find a touch
diagram of how he got blowed up As you can see, he's half guy
I think actually running
it after he gets
blowed up actually may be a little easier
than if running it whilst Gus
was still alive
You're selling meth or you're dead
Yeah
Or you don't know and then suddenly
You're just running a chicken shop, otherwise
You're just running a chicken shop that happens to be full of shady characters but you've got no idea yeah you're
just like oh yeah i guess that's just our personal brand you're probably safe in the chicken shop
because gus fring's good to his employees he is but his enemies are not that's true oh another
car exploded the parking lot why does that always happen it's real It's also like people, I don't want
a profile, but they look like
they are from the cartel.
It's a full
car and they're always looking
at us. And then exploding.
That can't be
what is meant to happen in a regular
chicken shop. So you're imagining
running the chicken shop
post-Gus Fring. Post-Gus Fring, I've got a problem of a bit of a PR incident. I've got a bit of So, okay, so you're imagining running the chicken shop in the, because like post-Gus Fring.
Post-Gus Fring, I've got a problem of a bit of a PR incident.
Yeah, yeah.
I've got a bit of a, yes, yes.
The founder of this company was, yes, you're correct.
He was high up in the cartel.
He was a drug lord.
He was a drug lord.
Yes, he was a drug lord.
Yes, he used also this company to smuggle drugs across the border.
Yeah, of course.
Yes, I'm not denying that.
Yes, I understand that perhaps there might currently be drugs
in some barrels of chicken that I have yet to investigate.
There's a chance the chicken you're eating
is contaminated with methamphetamines.
I understand this.
Of course there is.
And I understand that this has left a lot of...
It's a bad taste in people's mouths.
Yeah, we've got a loss of that goodwill that Gus did when everyone didn't know he was stealing drugs,
and he donated a lot of money to schools and hospitals of the kind.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we get that back?
We need some money.
No?
That's gone?
We're tanking.
We're struggling.
Okay, I just wanted to ask that question.
Can you make sure that that's not—we're not live, right?
Oh, we're live.
Because I don't want that question to be...
Okay, never mind.
Well, it was good chicken.
It was good chicken.
Everybody liked the Los Polos Hermanos chicken.
It's tasty chicken.
If you found out right now that
a chicken restaurant that you went to
used to be owned
by some kind of drug lord,
would that stop you eating there
no how far back last week no how far back is okay last year i'm fine with last week yesterday
probably not so i would i reckon maybe like for a general public yeah you almost need like
like a decade oh no I don't think so.
Because there's all the rumors and stuff about like, you know,
when I was in high school, KFC being founded by, you know,
someone who had connections with more like, you know, the KKK.
Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And then people were slinging the chicken.
Yeah.
People will eat the, you know, you get the art and the artist.
Yeah.
Gus Fring's the chicken artist. The chicken is the art. Sometimes you've got to separate the art and the artist. Yeah. Gus Fring's the chicken artist.
The chicken is the art.
Sometimes you've got to separate the art from the artist.
That's a good press release.
Yeah.
Look, we here believe that you need to separate the art from the artist.
Exactly.
It's like how most artists are terrible.
Yeah.
The founder of our company, Las Polas Harmonos, Gus Fring.
Terrible man. Terrible man. But you cannot deny that he made good chicken. The founder of our company, Los Polos Harmonos. Yeah. Gus Fring. Terrible man.
Terrible man.
But you cannot deny that he made good chicken.
The chicken is good.
The chicken's very good.
Yeah, so I think.
Well, maybe.
But that's post-Gus Fring.
That is post-Gus Fring.
Yeah.
And I think that definitely you are coming back.
Like, you know, you can bounce back from that.
Yeah.
During.
During Gus Fring.
Terrifying.
Under two.
Like, because one, you either know.
Yeah.
And then you've got to keep your mouth fucking shut.
Well, because, like, if you want to go down that route, or route, whichever one.
Whatever you prefer.
That actually unfolds in Breaking Bad.
Yeah, yeah.
So if you remember correctly, which I now do because I just quickly read it.
The synopsis of the entire Breaking Bad.
Yeah, I managed to know it pretty quick synopsis of the entire Breaking Bad. Yeah, it was a quick... I managed to do it pretty
quick. Yeah, so
Gus dies.
Then
there's a lot of employees
that are still floating around and everyone's
like, that's okay because Mike, who also
worked for Gus, is paying them off for
silence. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then Mike gets
named and Walt kills Mike.
And then Walt then orders every single former employee of Gus to be killed in prison.
Remember that scene?
Yeah, well, in prison, yeah, I remember that.
But that was not going to prison for a flip and murder.
That was like Gus Fring's side hustle, his main hustle.
But there was no humble chicken cook being sent to jail?
No.
Why did you do anything wrong?
You just slung chicken, right?
You were just slinging chicken.
I just made chicken.
I had no idea.
Well, isn't there a scene in Breaking Bad during Gus Fring?
I think it's, or maybe it's even Better Call Saul,
where Gus Fring, while he's running, he's still alive,
and somebody comes to the chicken shop and is like,
where's Gus Frank?
And the employee's like, I don't know, he's not here
he just runs into, who are you?
So like, there's the fear
of getting confronted by
one of Gus's enemies who
Yeah, like, yeah. You know, it's scary
Yeah, look, like, you know
Lalo, I think his name is?
He has no regard
for the sanctity that is.
Because that's the kind of weird thing as well.
Yeah, a lot of the criminals are like, the chicken shop is neutral ground.
Yeah.
We would never attack Gus Fring in his chicken shop.
The tricky thing is, though, and I don't know if this changes anything,
and I know we've already sort of been taking this approach,
but the chicken shop is started by Gus as a front.
At no point was it ever just a chicken shop.
Yes.
So that does make a difference.
Because it would be different if Gus Frink bought a KFC, for instance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then started using that.
So it's just that one.
But yeah.
That's true.
Los Polos, Fernandez was started by Gus and that other guy.
But does the general public know this?
No.
I don't think so.
So we don't have to lean in.
But his enemies do.
How much of Los Palos Hermanos was successful because it was a front for methamphetamines
or just on its own merit?
Yeah, because they were franchising.
Now, were they franchising because their chicken was good or because they needed to distribute
more meth everywhere.
Now, if...
After Fring's death, the chain
was closed.
Well, Zabit's taken over it.
Or was it closed by the police?
Because if you come in and take over that,
imagine if no one found out about
the fact that there was a connection there.
Then you are suddenly being like,
I'm going to run a chicken franchise. It it's fantastic i'm overseeing the distribution of so
much meth yeah absolutely well that's that's scary because gus dies but not everybody that you yeah
knows that yeah you're gonna get a lot of meth heads coming into your frank kept the restaurants
themselves clean of any business related to the drugs. Okay.
That's good.
There you go.
But all the distribution places were full of meth, including their chicken farms, their trucks that were delivering stuff.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we've had to sever some ties with our previous distributors of chicken.
Yeah.
Good luck.
Yeah.
There's a-
We are nice people. distributors of chicken. Yeah, good luck. Yeah, there's a newspaper announcement
Los Palos Hermanos
is separating ties
with previous distributors.
Second day,
Joe Zalman,
new CEO of Los Palos Hermanos,
found dead.
Head cut off,
replaced by a chicken.
I think it's so funny
to go to these distributors
and be like,
hi, we're just picking,
I know you used to give us meth,
but we just want the chicken.
Yeah, you can keep the meth. You can keep the meth. Honestly, we just want the chicken. Yeah, you can keep the meth.
You can keep the meth.
Honestly, we just want the chicken.
Well, that's not worth it on our end.
Uh-oh.
I was really counting on it.
Really?
I was hoping you're happy with the meth.
You can keep the meth.
You can do whatever you want.
No, we've got enough meth.
We need to distribute the methamphetamines.
Well, yeah, I don't really know how to sell.
I know how to sell chicken.
Chicken.
You don't know if you know this.
You just put up a sign and you say, I've got good chicken.
Chicken kind of sells itself, to be honest.
Get in the chicken game with me.
There's a big market for chicken.
That's why I looked at the numbers before I bought, and a lot of people were buying a lot of chicken.
I don't know if you know this, but there's actually more people on Earth
that eat chicken than smoke meth.
So, what if we
tip some of that meth
down the drain?
And then we just pivot it to chicken.
We just robbed chicken.
Chicken's sort of the meth
of the animal kingdom.
Yeah, you can do so much.
People say they're addicted to chicken.
Do they?
Yeah, I do.
I often say it.
I say it all the time.
I'm like, you buy as much chicken as you like.
It's like eating the crack of the animal world, I say.
Crack of the farm.
Crack of the farm crack.
I eat chicken.
I just finished my kale chicken You know little popcorn chicken
I call them little crack chicken
I just finished my KFC Zinger burger
And boy howdy I could eat a second
And a third cause I'm a full on
Addiction
I'd sell my kid for some chicken right now
You know that's what people say
Right they've wrecked their lives
Right chicken wreed their lives.
Right?
Chicken wrecks their lives.
Yeah, eat so much chicken, my teeth fall out or something.
Right?
Are you trying to convince me that chicken is mad right now?
I don't know what I'm doing, dude.
I feel like I'm seconds away from being shot in the fucking nuts. I just want to sell chicken.
You are.
You are.
You are dead dogs.
And I can clearly see you both have, like, everyone here has guns.
Yeah, the reason you're not dead is we just want to see what the hell else is.
At the moment, the...
The moment of stuff being mildly entertaining for us.
We're going to shoot you in the nuts.
Yeah, I'm thinking this is funny.
Every single person in this room has a gun pointed squarely at your nuts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't even know this about me, but I really like my nuts.
Okay.
That's all right.
We assume everyone we shoot in the nuts likes their nuts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they didn't like their nuts, then it wouldn't likes their nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If they didn't like their nuts, then it wouldn't be a punishment.
You really like your nuts.
We really like being rich from selling meth that your nuts are going to be distributing.
You can distribute meth through the chicken shop if you want to do that.
Well, I guess if we need to distribute meth, then I guess send it away.
How are you buying the meth?
Well, I think it's, well, I don't know.
I don't just give it to you.
That's not how it works.
I mean, they do because the distribution is already in place,
and then I just owe the money.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Yeah, it's not like, because if I had to buy it,
I just wouldn't buy it,
and then we're great.
That's not the situation here.
That was the situation.
I'd be a happy business owner.
The situation is,
Jill's Albert looks at the back
of the fucking chicken shop
at the fucking piles of methamphetamine
he hasn't sold yet.
Yeah, and I have to sell them.
I wish I was selling only...
How much do I owe you?
Oh, millions.
That's expensive. Maths is expensive.
The punishment is what?
Shutting the nuts.
By all 14 guys in this room?
Oh, mama.
Okay.
That's spicy.
That's going to obliterate more than just my nuts, I think.
I have a question.
I have a question.
If I shave my head, do you reckon you'd know me?
Do you reckon you'd recognise your shifty characters?
Do you know how to...
Not for me.
Do you know how to burn down a building and look like no one survived?
Yeah, change your identity?
Not for me.
Not for me.
I'm good for it.
You've probably got some, like, a dead guy that...
My shape?
Yeah, right?
Lie around?
Are you asking us to help you fake your...
No!
To get out of the money you owe us?
I wouldn't dream of it.
That would be bananas.
But if you were to fake dental records...
We're all friends here now.
We're all friends.
I'm selling your breath.
Not yet, but I will.
I owe you a million dollars.
Yeah, but you get it.
I'm good for it.
I'm good.
I'm so good.
You know, a million dollars or just putting this on the table.
Don't have to take it.
But like free chicken whenever you want.
Chicken's the crack of the farm.
That's what people say.
Don't have to take it.
But I mean, in time, that would come up to a million dollars.
How much chicken do you think I'm buying?
It's good chicken.
It's so good.
Really good chicken. Try like so good. Really good chicken.
Try, like, a real ham on chicken just to kind of match any kind of meth sales.
Chicken burger's like 12 bucks.
Welcome to Los Palos Hermanos.
Would you like a chicken burger?
Why, yes, that's $30.
You could upgrade for a large meal for $103.
It's a bargain.
That's the best I expected. It better be good. That's the best thing you've ever had.
That's why we can have these prices so expensive.
Tell me, if you take a bite of this chicken, you're not instantly satisfied.
I guess if you mix the math into the chicken.
Yeah, imagine them putting in the batter.
I really need some chicken right now.
This chicken actually tastes really bad, but it's made me very quick.
What if you put...
My face is itchy.
Bugs, maybe.
Yeah, there's been like a surge
in people consuming meth,
but not how you would imagine.
Los Palos Am...
There's no bugs in the chicken,
but the chicken puts bugs in you.
Los Palos Amados is the most
bafflingly successful chicken shop in the world.
I hate these mercs. Om nom nom nom.
They taste like shit. Om nom nom nom nom.
I can never leave.
I'm gonna go kill the president.
The guys at the distribution center being like,
I guess you did it, and also maybe you were right
about chicken being the crack of the farm?
You people doubted.
Doubted me.
So am I not safe?
Well, yeah, for this month.
This month?
Yeah, it's an ongoing partnership.
What's that?
Just a one-off.
What?
Just dabbing the sweat on my brow.
Oh, God.
You eating a chicken burger at the same time, getting high on your own supply.
Never good.
Never good.
Wow, yeah, okay.
Yeah, that seemed like it went really wrong.
Yeah, I was imagining afterwards it would be kind of easy because it's a PR nightmare, but, okay. That seemed like it went really wrong. Yeah, I was imagining afterwards it'd be kind of easy
because it's a PR nightmare, but not distribution.
They do need that mess sold, and someone's got to do it.
Both of yours are pretty convoluted.
Good choices, though, I will say.
Appreciate it.
I've just gone pretty simple.
Running whatever, I don't even know if it's got a company name.
Running Cruella DeVille's business.
I don't really want to be the face of a company that kills dogs.
Okay, you know what?
101 Dalmatians dead, and then your face is like a GQ fucking magazine cover.
Dog coat cunt.
Whoa, they really printed cunt on this
GQ magazine. People, well that's
broken. It's really upsetting
that they've made history by putting cunt
on the front cover of
GQ, but it's worse that
it's now associated with me killing
101 dogs.
What it seems like's happened is that
Kerala Deville, she's seen, she's predicted
there's going to be some backlash.
And she's hired you without your knowledge of what it's going to be. It's like, hired you, or you've bought the company and there was a sneaky clause that you didn't really read.
But it's like, has to keep making clothes out of dog leather.
Cruella, I've actually really been keen to get into the fashion business.
So I'm happy to purchase you.
Anything you make make and what will
you be making next well first i'm gonna skin 101 dogs
yeah that's interesting dogs we human this is a crazy question humanely
like like dogs that would be being put down anyway. No, no, no. My employees, family dogs.
Bad dogs or something?
Well, not all of them.
That is often a confusion amongst casual dog movies.
Dog loving movie watchers.
I think killing any dogs is bad.
About 101 to turn into a coat.
It's a lot of dogs.
And then that way.
But 101
fully grown dogs.
That's a lot of wrong.
Two or three fully grown ones
arrest puppy because their skin's better.
Puppies you say?
Look, we're on the awful scale.
We were pretty high.
Didn't realize we could get higher.
It's funny as well if it's a you and a GQ cover,
because that means there's an interview in there.
So how do you feel about this range?
Well, it's definitely ruined my life.
Would you say by endorsing Cruella's range,
you also are endorsing the death of dogs?
Not on purpose
For fashion
For fashion for no reason other than fashion
The topic of fast fashion
And the impact it has on the environment
Has often been up for debate recently
And how it's definitely destroying the world
Fast fashion
General consensus is bad
Fast fashion that kills
Actively kills 101 dogs is worse.
What if you turned it around?
Fast fashion is terrible, but you know people aren't going to be thrown away anytime soon.
A coat made from genuine 100% dog leather.
Could you spin it?
Can you spin the 101 Dalmatian coat?
I've slowed fashion down.
Sell me this coat.
Well?
The statement we are making is that fashion is really fucked up.
And you should all just not buy clothes, because dogs get killed.
We believe here that everyone should hang dong.
May I ask, what is the difference between a jacket made from leather, a cow, versus a jacket made from leather, a dog?
It's funny to imagine.
Is there any difference? Is there any difference?
Is there any difference?
Well, yes.
One's a pet.
You can have a cow as a pet.
You can have a pet.
You can have a pet.
And what if someone works on a farm?
Can't they pet cows?
No, those cows are to be slaughtered.
Huh?
Well, what's the difference?
Well, I bred these dogs to be slaughtered.
We know that you didn't,
but we could have.
Who told you?
Did you see any of you getting
a cow to have as a pet to prove a point?
There's no difference between a cow and a dog.
Oh, go on, Betsy, up!
Oh, fuck!
Well, obviously I can't pick up the
cow, but I was...
But she knows some tricks, Sid.
Sid, good cow.
It doesn't always do it, but...
Just stand there and do cow, weird cow shit.
Do one of your weird cow shits.
Oh, there it is.
This is like a dog.
It's so funny as well to imagine a mirror of me drinking alien milk
where they're like, well, if they're the same, you'll drink some dog milk, right?
Yeah.
No difference.
Yeah, I would love to.
What's the difference
between a dog's milk
and a cow's milk?
No difference.
They're both pets.
Sorry.
They're both pets
and you drink your milk
from your pet cow,
so it's fine
to drink your milk
from your pet dog.
I'm just going to make
this dog in front of you.
Pick it up a little dog, like a little fluffy something.
Bon appetit.
It just tastes oily.
It tastes delicious.
It's the same thing to me.
It's the same thing to me, so it doesn't matter that we killed it.
This is all happening in my GQ interview.
Mr. Doucher then proceeded to pick up the small dog that had been running around his lounge room the entire interview.
Well, you will love to know that I just did a quick Google search
of what does dog milk taste like.
And based on people's experiments,
dog milk tastes somewhat sweeter than cow's milk.
Maybe you'll get hooked.
Smoother.
Water and color.
And the taste reminds some people of a milkshake.
So maybe we should be milking these dogs.
Maybe you'll pivot the company entirely.
I'm panicking and suck on a dog and I'm like, wait.
This is awesome.
Stop yelling at the dogs, but not for the reason you think.
This GQ reporter.
Okay. Joel Simon's going to accidentally think. This GQ reporter. Okay.
John's almost going to accidentally make himself sick, I reckon.
Yeah.
Topdogtips.com.
Yeah.
The headline is dog milk for babies, good or bad?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say bad.
Yeah, I'm going to hazard a guess and say bad too.
Twist is good?
Dog's milk has a very bad taste.
They have too many nipples.
That's so funny because then the other article would be like,
dog milk's fucking awesome.
It's like more milky than regular milk.
I guess there's differing opinion on the taste of dog milk.
Well, I guess there's a lot of different freaks out there.
Yeah, okay.
No one's accidentally drinking dog's milk.
Well, I mean, hey,
you know what?
The heat's on you, okay?
You're perhaps
the most loathed man
in the fashion industry.
Yeah.
But you're doing your job
because the heat's not on Cruella.
Was that my job?
No, you're owning the company,
so you're leaning in.
Our sales high.
Yeah, are you selling?
One coat and my employee wears it so are you using this to
try and make more get like interest and attention so then you can make more dog coat well you're
just trying to get interest and attention on cruella who's the artist so that she has enough
money so i've enough opportunity to then I fucked it because all attention is on me.
Cruella fires you and you're like,
I drank dog milk and defended dog slaughter for fucking nothing. I've ruined my entire life.
What?
Yeah.
You could always pivot to be like, yes, we are using dog leather,
but the cut of the design.
Yeah, how good is it, though?
I'm just trying to lean in and lean out at the same time.
It's bad we use dogs, but it does look good.
It looks good.
It feels good.
It's a crime.
All fashion's bad.
But anyway, have you touched this coat?
Yeah, it doesn't feel, it doesn't look, it is ethical.
Ethically, we should all be hanging dog, but obviously we can't wear this dog coat.
What if you leaned into Dalmatians being a stupid dog that we hate?
It was an accident.
And that we really shouldn't be pure, like purebreds are not good.
We tried to turn this tragedy into fashion.
At the facility, we have a coat machine.
And it turns out that dogs are very clumsy.
Dalmatians wanted to die.
I'm thinking more of the, as opposed to the dog being so stupid
it ran into a coat machine.
Maybe we shouldn't be breeding Dalmatians.
Oh, okay.
Maybe purebreds are not good.
We should be, this is actually a statement about factory farming.
Yeah.
But any statement, they're going to be like, but you killed 101 dogs.
Yeah, to prove a point.
To prove a point.
Sometimes to prove a point, you got to crack a few eggs.
Are you familiar with the trolley problem?
Uh huh
So there's 101 dogs tied on one side of the track
Yep
And fashions on the other
So
Instead of being like fashion
You killed 101 dogs?
Wait no swap dogs
No wait no hang on
So instead of being like 101 dogs
You killed fashion
But that's not true either, because you killed 101 dogs.
Okay, so it's a trolley problem.
It's a trolley problem.
Yeah.
There's 101 dogs and fashion on the same side.
What's on the other side?
Poppy mills, right?
Yeah, puppy mills.
So to not kill puppy mills, you killed 101 dogs.
And fashion.
So do you save?
No, no, no, no, no. So, okay, so on one side of the track, it's 101 dogs! And fashion. So do you say... No, no, no, no, no.
So, okay, so on one side of the track, it's 101 dogs,
then it's fashion, then it's puppy mills.
So that's all on one side.
So you just did it.
And on the other side, it's teaching the world a lesson.
So you didn't teach the world a lesson.
No!
Okay, teaching the world a lesson is also on that side.
It's not so much the trolley problem.
It's a trolley problem.
I don't think it's a trolley problem at all.
I don't think it's a trolley problem at all.
It's more of does the means justify the ends, right?
All the other dogs are on the other side of the truck.
So you saved the other dogs?
Yeah, to kill 101 dogs, fashion, and puppy mills.
Or you could kill every other dog to save these dogs.
Yeah, that's the option you're giving us?
Yeah.
Are you saying that's the option the world has?
That was the option the world had, yes.
So all the other dogs would have died if you didn't kill these 101 dogs.
Yeah, with time.
If you didn't have this coat.
In time, all the dogs would have died.
Okay.
Every dog in the world currently will be dead in 25 years.
Yeah, they might have had more dogs, but that's true.
Those dogs will be dead.
And how does that justify killing 101 dogs?
Because I stopped fashion and puppy farms.
Did you?
Yeah.
I don't know if you heard about my trolley problem, but yeah, I did.
There's no more puppy farms.
Done and dusted.
Every coat sold, we will put that money to...
So you're going to be slaughtering more than 101.
No.
The next coats will be made of a dog you all like, right?
It will be ethically killed dogs.
Misunderstanding and thinking it's because everyone loves Dalmatians.
It'll be Chinese Cresteds?
It'll be... Tell meids? It'll be...
Tell me when, Cope.
Poodles, Labradors, Weaner Dogs.
Great day.
We don't want any dog to die.
Ooh, give me five minutes.
Okay.
Your notes are just a list of dogs.
All right.
Next page.
Cats.
Cats.
Persian cats?
No pets. Rats are not rabbits. But cats? No pets.
Rats are not rabbits.
But all animals are pets.
I got budgies.
1,001 birds.
What about birds?
Can we slaughter birds?
You can slaughter chickens.
Chicken coat.
Cruella, we need a chicken coat.
What have you been doing out there?
You will not believe.
I think, okay, so I think the press conference is going
okay. I know the GQ
interview was not really
what we wanted. You drank a dog.
I did drink a dog, yes.
Yes, I did.
Just to prove a point.
Did you prove a point? I believe that came through
in the interview, yes.
Yeah, there are certain forums on certain parts
of the internet that definitely
are on my side i would say it's yeah it's pretty yeah like like all debates corolla others
it's 50 50 some people are in my corner that's not how debates work or not every debate is 50
50 50 this one is yeah yeah yeah so you gotta make a chicken coat then i think we're in the
clear yeah then i think you're we've made it accomplished yeah to make a chicken coat, then I think we're in the clear. Yeah, then I think we've made it.
We've accomplished it. You make a chicken coat.
That's good.
That's good.
I think if we make six chicken coats, we can definitely make at least one more dog coat.
We're just going to figure out the math.
We're going to thread the needle, Cruella.
I don't want a chicken coat nor another dog coat.
Well, what do you want?
What's next, Cruella?
What is next, Cruella? What is next, Cruella?
Yeah, just waiting on bated breath for her to say, like,
I'm thinking of making a kind of, I guess, some kind of vest.
A boy vest.
Out of boys.
And I was thinking orphans.
Yeah, get an idea for an orphan boy chest.
Yeah.
Okay.
Don't know if I can sell that, Corolla.
Struggled to sell the dog one, so.
We've got our new announcement.
Orphan boy vest.
Is that best for orphan boys?
Oh, no.
No.
Or is it the horrifying alternative to that?
Well, there's one word.
Look, I will say alternative. Okay. It is an alternative to that? Well, there's one word. Look, I will say alternative.
Okay.
It is an alternative to that, yes.
So it's the...
Who provides love in the world?
And I've just written families.
Families!
And if there's no love...
Yeah?
Underlined.
Does it matter if they go?
Are you saying that children who have lost their parents are unloved?
I'm just going back to underlining families.
If they go to parents, then what the hell's the point?
So that's a yes.
That's a yes.
That's a yes.
You're killing.
You're saying.
I don't like it saying Much like with fashion
It's not just like black and white
Or yes and no
Okay so
In the trolley problem
Who's on the other track
So there's little boys
And fashion
They're on the same side
Okay
And there's Families They're on the same side. Okay, okay.
And there's families.
Yeah, adoption agencies and families on the other side.
So to avoid- And then I'm underlining families again.
To save families, we're making this vest.
Uh-huh.
Is it made from one little boy?
Because the only person that could probably wear this is another little boy
Give me one second
It's probably going to be six little boys
Not one
But not 101
A mere six orphan boys.
Pivot to be like, that's not that many.
Can you even name six little orphan boys?
Wouldn't it be better to get them adopted?
I don't know if you're familiar with,
and then flipping over the page, I'm like, it's a trolley problem.
So as you can see, six little orphan boys.
Okay.
I've crossed out the one I've written six next to it.
And then you'll see this is six boys.
Sure.
And fashion on the same side.
But on the other side, adoption and families.
So you're killing fashion and little boys.
Yeah.
To save families and to show adoption is better.
How does this demonstrate that?
Yeah.
Well, it's basically when you see the vest, you're going to think about the fact that, um, well, you're not going to think about the fact it's sad because that would wreck the vest.
I'm going to be traumatized.
No, no, no, no, no.
Because it's going to look great.
You're going to think about maybe, you're not going to think about injustices because that implies that this is an injustice, which it's not.
It's not.
This is fine.
It's just a job.
Just a fast fashion.
That's the problem.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, look, you struggled.
Yeah.
We all retire to an early grave one way or the other, whether it's a heart attack or killed by the cartel, I think.
Or turning to an alien.
Yeah, or a face hug to death.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah.
I don't think any of us actually managed to run the company at all,
but we were right.
Well, in my situation, Kerala did get that dog coat.
Yeah, she got it out.
That's right.
Which is not something she ever achieved in her actual life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I guess you did kill those dogs.
Win?
Or lose.
Or lose.
It was hard.
Yeah, yeah.
And now dog killer cunt is my legacy.
I'm on magazines.
Yeah.
You're on magazines.
I'm in a shallow grave.
There's a very stupid xenomorph roaming around somewhere. Yeah. You're on magazines. I'm in a shallow grave. There's a very stupid xenomorph roaming around somewhere.
Yeah.
I think what we can take away from this is we did it.
Another perfect episode of Plum and the Death Star.
And on that note, I've been Joel.
I've been Jackson.
I've also been Joel.
Give us a company and we can tell you how we are.
I'll tell you a great company that we run, San Spencer Radio.
Am I right?
All of our fans are the specialist fans.
There is.