Plumbing the Death Star - Who's the Best Disney Business Princess?

Episode Date: February 2, 2015

In which our heroes gather our finances, register our ABN and completely ignore any and all tax obligations as we try and decipher which Disney Princess would be the best to open a business with. We wonder how quickly snowmen would ask for a Union, try and decide the price of hot fruit, and lead some poachers to the Pridelands. Jackson confuses a mother with a daughter, Zammit treats magic like a mutant power, and Duscher just wishes he could help out the Princess of Agrabah without it ending in a citywide manhunt. It's a magical, song filled, venture into the world of business, where finding your one true love comes a second to making profit for the year.Want to help with the initial start up? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us run a semi-functional business..And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least a book about opening up a business in a magical kingdom. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, the universe is expanding and we don't like it. Hey, this episode is brought to you by Odin Runga Covington, Bailey Nicholson and Harry Fielder. They brought our love and you can too. Enjoy the episode. Thanks guys. Hey guys and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, if you could open a business with a Disney princess, who would you pick? Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.

Well, now they know. Elsa from Frozen. Okay. And I want to start an ice creamery with her. I think it would be the best idea. Have I already won? Do I need to explain myself? Yes, please do explain yourself.

And no, you haven't won yet. I think I have. You might have. Well, we'll see. Because I've got an instant criticism straight off the bat. Frozen. Yes. Elsa.

Her name's not Frozen, it's Elsa. Yes. The princess. Queen. She's Queen Elsa. Queen of Are. Yes. The princess. Queen. She's Queen Elsa. The queen of Arendelle. I'll say it. So ice creamery, because of course, why not?

I mean, she's got frozen powers. That'll work really well. Because I think as a good novelty, we could sell the ice cream, and she's got this ability where she can just like, a little bit of magic over something, and it stays frozen or stays cool or stays cold, right? Because look, hot day. You know what you love?

Yeah. A bit of ice cream. It's nice. You're not wrong. But then you go out of the store. It starts melting down your arm. Oh, no, it's on my hands. It's a little dripping shit on my arm.

I'm sticky and there's no toilet for a mile. What are we going to do? It's all over your legs. It's all over your feet. It's all over your dog. It's just ice cream everywhere. It's all over your mum. It's getting in my thongs it's all over your dog, it's all over your mum. It's getting in my thongs

and when I walk, there's a... And then you've just dropped it because you're clumsy as fuck. Exactly. Your dad slips over, he's in hospital. And now he's broken his leg.

Jackson, you know what you should have done? No! You should have come to Zamit and Elsa's ice creamery where she did a bit of magic and just stayed cold

until you were done. Do you want to go first? Yeah, okay, so I've got... Should I? Well, I'll go with my original thing. I've almost got more. Oh, okay. I'll go with my original thing, the problem straight off the bat.

Elsa's ashamed of her powers. She would not want to do that. Yeah, at the start, she's ashamed of her powers. Oh, okay, so you've picked her to work in an ice cream room when she's meant to be the fucking queen of an entire... That's going to be my criticism. I just don't know how you can go to Elsa and be like, hi, Gelsamit, would you like to basically do all the work

whilst I reap the benefits? Because when she's a teenager, it makes perfect sense. It all goes back into Arendelle's coffers. Yeah, it does. One ice cream shop. Explain to me a scenario where royalty works in a retail store full time. Just one. I just want one.

Just one example from history. Okay, okay. Even if she's not there doing the magic stuff, we got instant workers. We got a whole bunch of Olaf's just behind. I'm like, hey, are you paying them a wage? She also only did that once and by accident no she made the snow golem

which brings me to my next point security because someone's been like Zamorin Elsa's they're making bank they're making a lot of fucking money let's go burgle this let's break into their safe let's scream where he's get robbed don't fucking sit there all high and mighty

Like that will never happen You won't need to get robbed at all If it does, I'm not bodyguards Because it's in fucking post fucking everything being great Arendelle where everyone just fucking loves each other That doesn't mean that they stopped crime It doesn't mean they stopped crime It looked like they stopped crime

No they did not And we stopped crime And also crime not no they did not explicitly towards the end credits was like and we stopped crime and also crime is gone crime still probably exists yeah um so yeah

I have some sweet sweet bodyguards also no it doesn't even matter you don't even need bodyguards because if you're robbing an ice creamery the fucking queen works at

that's treason you're beheaded why would you rob well I don't know if I don't know if Arendelle has the has the mechanic on the table

here that's making some creepier stuff well even if even if that wasn't the case if Arendelle has the mechanic on the table here, dude. That's making some creepier sounds. Well, even if that wasn't the case, it's still treason. In fact, it would probably be high treason.

I just don't... So that's life in prison. Just rob another store and go to prison for it. It's a solid idea. And again, Olaf's pretty good as a mascot as well.

Yeah. And I think getting... Another issue I have is so it stays frozen forever. How do you eat it? No, it's not frozen forever. It just cools around like snow. Olaf is still snow.

He's not like an ice block. So you could eat Olaf. Yeah, if you wanted to. You could lick the crap out of Olaf. But he never shows any signs of melting except when he's standing right next to a fire. No, because what Zamed's saying is that at the end, Elsa puts like a cloud of snow over him and keeps him from freezing in the sun. Uh-huh. How do you eat an ice cream like that?

No, I mean, the ice cream was still meltable. What happens to the snow? It would just be snow. It would be a time. Really? When is there a timer explicitly stated in Elsa's powers? We would be like, Elsa, let's invest some time and money and energy into just controlling your powers. That's not even the biggest issue.

Also, hey, you know what sucks though? Ice cream on a cold day. No one likes ice cream on a cold day. That's incorrect. Ice cream's good all the biggest issue. Also, hey, you know what sucks though? Ice cream on a cold day. No one likes ice cream on a cold day. That's incorrect. Ice cream's good all the time. Fuck you guys. However, but it is better on a hot day. So Elsa can also control climate, right?

She can just turn it like that. She can make things hot. Yeah, she just takes away all the snow. It happened. Yeah, but that doesn't... And so it's like, what's this? Oh my God, look, a heat wave. So you're going to have to be like...

A heat wave has nothing to do with us. Look, it's's cold it's winter let's call up Anna come and tell Elsa how much you love her so that Elsa can defreeze that's how it works in the movies I reckon she could instigate a heat wave

it's not a mutant ability it's magic you're looking at this through a marvel he's probably looking through it from a fucking wheel of time bullshit lens. But this is magic, and this is magic based on emotions. So if you want Elsa to freeze ice, but only because she has love, and if you're making her work 24-7, she's going to be pissed off. What kind of ice creamery do you think that we're opening 24-7?

24-hour! Okay, what's your opening hours? Give us your hours and when are you... Because there's also a very big issue of your business, but look, no, no, no, what are your opening hours? What are your fucking opening hours? Just let us know. General opening hours?

For an ice creamery. Yeah. So what, like... It'd probably be like 9 to 5 Monday to... 9 to 5 Monday? No, 9, really? Oh, no, sorry, okay. Like maybe 10 to 5? Midday. Midday. No, it would probably be like 9 to 5 Monday 9 really oh no sorry ok

midday no it wouldn't be midday it would be 10 or 11 11 till 5 on a weekday it would probably be actually

it would probably be 10 till 6 I reckon so it's still the 9 till 5 but like slightly later so 10 to 6 on a weekday nope Thursday you'd be open late Thursday and Friday

late night shopping you've got to be open till 9 Friday night especially probably later 10 because that ice cream is so good I reckon we'd be open late Thursday and Friday late night shopping you've got to be open until 9 Friday night especially probably later 10 because that ice cream is so good I reckon we'd be open

an hour a day breed exclusivity uh huh you're making no money I'd be making I'd be making you are making they would be lining up

I am around poor Aaron Damian and I'm like I wish the queen would run the country what hour are you open for whatever what hour are you open for prime ice. What hour are you open for?

Prime Ice... I'd put some research into this. Fuck, no. When is the Prime Ice Cream? When is the Prime... Look, I'm not going to go into a business. You're speaking to investors here. I'm not going to a business whole hog.

Hi, Jackson and Dushan, InvestorAssociate.com. I haven't got my whole run up yet. That's not a great thing to do, this investment meeting. Jackson, should we just invest our own? I'm not even in this investment. That's a bad open, I think.

I don't quite know what I'm doing. I maybe want to be open for like one hour a day. That was a pre. Okay, okay. Yeah, look, Jackson and Doucher

Investor Associates.com. Go on. Hi, welcome to Jackson and Doucher Investor Associates.com. So you're like the dragons? Yeah, we're like this is like dragons.

All right. I see you've chosen the queen. Yep. Again, I don't know how I feel about that. right um i see you've chosen the queen yep again i i'm i don't know how i feel about that i think she has a job the queen i'm a little concerned but hey look i'll let him talk pitch the idea basically it's just an ice cream room i think it would be really good to build build up arendelle's morale because again the queen she's been a bit of a shut-in she's been a bit of a you know recluse she made an ice skating rink she did pretty pretty

beloved but before that, everyone was quite scared of her, and this is a good way of knowing... Everyone was scared of her for maybe like three days. Everybody kind of loved her until she went crazy, and then she came back and everyone was like, that prince hands, they threw him off. That's true. I think it'd be a good PR

move from the princess's perspective. Also, if it's a really good ice creamery, we can start filling up the Arendelle coffers. My biggest question is, when do you open? Because the queen has a full-time job. Yeah, she has to schedule. She's chatting to other kingdoms. She's negotiating trade agreements.

She's got a 24-hour, 7 days a week. She provides us the initial boost. You know she can give snowman sentience? So she's not going to be working there for the rest of her life? No, not at all. Who's managing the ice cream? Why does ice cream always going to be working there for the rest of her life? No, not at all. Who's managing the ice cream? Why does ice cream always have to be magic? I'm saying occasionally, maybe we'll get her down.

Hang on, you're just opening a fucking ice creamery now, and you're just using her face as a logo. I'm just saying, so for the first month, it's like, hey, come to Zamit Nels' ice creamery, get your ice cream frozen so it doesn't melt. And I, as an Arendellean, I'm like, sick, this is a great place. And then I come in one day and I'm like, hey, can I get that frozen deal? And you're like, oh, we don't do that anymore.

Oh, we can do that, but maybe depending on how busy Elsa is, I'm sure we could make an arrangement where she would come in on the weekend, something like that, on her time off. Depends how much she loves it. She's a queen. She doesn't have any time off. Yes, she does. Queens have time off.

I don't think she does because she's like a ruling queen. Also, why don't you go to you guys? Elsa's a fucking queen. She's got all the money. Fuck off. I'm going to Elsa and asking her this. Well, we work for Elsa. No, well.

You're the death penalty now, mate. Go ahead. You're just fucking dragons who all have some money. Elsa's a fucking queen. I think that your issue is that Elsa just wouldn't be interested. I think she would. She'd be like, I'm sorry, but I have a kingdom to run. Here's a snowman.

Thank you. I'll take Olaf. The idea that you're just... Does she not love snow? Do you know how to work in a store? No. What's a store? I'm excited for summer.

That'd be the... You're gonna die! You're gonna die in summer nah because he's got a little bit of a snow thing he'd be the best work you're gonna have a cold time you're gonna have a cold time but you're also gonna just have an ice creamery

you're opening an ice creamery in a place that was just plunged into arctic coldness no one's gonna be like bad taste yeah you're opening this entirely on your own plunged into Arctic coldness. Someone's going to be like, bad taste. You're opening this entirely on your own business know-how. Because Elsa has none. You realise that she knows how to be a queen

and not much else. And she's 21 years old. So you're just getting the start-up from her and you're somehow convincing her. I think I'm pretty sure I can get the Princess Anna involved here because she does love that kind of stuff. Her sister? Which makes you think she's not

going to be on board with you exploiting her sister. Sounds like you're exploiting her sister a bit. It sounds like you're exploiting her sister like 90%. No, not exploiting her. Arendelle ice cream. Like I'm saying, it's Samus ice cream here. You've gone full circle here, mate. You said she's working all the time and you've got special ice cream. It's not like I'm saying it's Sammits ice cream here. It's Arendelle. You've gone full circle here, mate.

You said she's working all the time and you've got special ice cream. Again, you've put words in my mouth here. I've never said that at all. You went fucking, she works one hour a day. No, again, because you put poking holes. I'm saying it'd be a good way of being like, you know, her face on the phone. Does she work for the ice cream store or not? Yes. Well, that's where we have a problem.

What yes was that? Yeah. Yes, I don't know. And here lies our problem. I say yes, but his douche is just picking holes He wants to know her fucking work schedule Yes I do want to know her work schedule

What Disney princess is going to go in business with us And I'm saying like well if we have to pick I'm assuming they're on board And that's who I'm going with So she's on board She's probably on board with a start up She's probably on board with donating some cash But I just can't imagine Elsa.

I think she'd be donating some cash, and I'm pretty sure she would donate her time for big events as well. And if she can, it depends how much magic her magic develops. So if we can devise something of the boop, boop, boop, keeping the ice cream cool, I think that's a pretty good way of doing it because then we could ship it away to overseas, other places as a form of export.

Arendelle ice cream exporting. I think that's a winner. And I think that would really boost those coffers of Arendelle. Except you just ruined all trade negotiations. Elsa just ruined all trade negotiations. No, but that happened anyway. How did I ruin? No, no, you didn't.

No, no, no, no, no. In your setting, none of the, like, the person you trades with... The one dude. The one piece of shit guy. Who runs the next door neighbor country. One dude out of all the other countries and dignitaries that were there. Nah, it's fine. Yeah, oh yeah. No, that's not an issue.

I'm going to say that your business is going to be successful at first until people realize you're just an ice creamery. That's all I'm saying. It's a good business. Ben and Jerry's, that was just an ice creamery. That's all I'm saying. It's a good business. What about Ben & Jerry's? That was just an ice creamery at one point? That became a franchise. You're not going to become a franchise. We could become a franchise. I do not think... Your ice cream is impressive until Elsa goes.

And then it's just ice cream. Oh, yeah. Do you know how to make great ice cream? Does Elsa? Does Elsa? Who knows? Does anyone? Look, we'll buy a Ben & Jerry's. Rebrand. Now, Zamet and Elsa manage a Ben and Jerry's. I'm more on board with. Honestly, so am I.

Because I think that could work. I think you're quite a good manager. You'd know what you were doing. And Elsa would... Because you were purchasing the wrong way. You're like, oh, we're going to have magic ice cream. Elsa will be there all the time. It'll be great.

No, I just don't think that's going to happen. But you're buying a Ben and Jerry's. That makes sense. We could have... We definitely could definitely have magic ice cream at some point. You could have magic ice cream potentially at events. I think that's fair enough. I think Elsa...

And we do have Olaf's. Or other sort of snowmen. See, I don't know how on board I am with that, because that sounds like slavery, to be honest. We'd have to pay them a living wage. Hmm. I mean, I guess that's fair. Can Elsa do it? I guess you can just do it

no matter what, can't you? If we've got a lot of them, what if they demand a union and form an uprising? They probably will. They demand more rights. Have I just ruined Arendelle with an army of snowmen led by...

Another issue with Olaf. Marshmallow? With Olaf, there's nothing to suggest that every time she creates a sentient snowman that he's going to be a lovable goof. That's true. I think it might be how she's feeling emotionally. If you catch her on a bad day and you're like,

we opened another Arendelle ice cream shop and she's like, what? And you're like, I just wanted to... What? Spit it out. I just wanted some more snowmen like, what? Spit it out. Yeah, however... I just wanted some more snowmen. She's like, fuck, here's ten. What the fuck do you want?

You're like, could you work at my store? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it, mate. Even if she's angry about making a snowman or whatever, like she does with Marshmallow, he ends up being such a sweetheart. I suppose. I suppose Elsa's nice personality comes out in the end. Although, if I was Elsa, and the only people working at your ice cream stores were snowmen,

I would be like, you're not really contributing to the Arendelle economy. You're not creating jobs. The thing is, we can also hire other people. Also, once the snowmen realize what ice cream is, they're probably going to be less on board with selling it. The fuck are you doing? I am mostly ice. You son of a bitch. Then you're getting a union

and then you're getting a strike. Look. But ice cream's not sentient, guys. So chill. Yeah, but it's still them. Would you eat a brain dead man? Yeah. If I was like, damn it, it's just skin.

It's not, it was never a man, but it's just skin. But we're like mostly water anyway. Yeah, but not like all water. If I was a water man and someone was like, man, but it's just skin. But we're mostly water anyway. Yeah, but not like all water. If I was a water man, and someone was like, Jackson, a glass of water, I'd be like, the fuck are you doing, mate? Are we 70% water or is that the earth?

No, I think it's us. Alright then. I think the earth is 80% water. Alright then. Look, you will be able to open a... I think you're just nitpicking here. No, look, you had a lot of strange ideas to begin with so me and Elsa are going to open up a Ben and Jerry's

you're going to manage I'm going to buy a Ben and Jerry's franchise her face will probably be on the logo but she won't really be in the store that much we'll then adopt that and then reappropriate it put her face on it Ben and Jerry's might have something to say about that, but, hey, that's for the courts to decide.

Like the legal battles? That's a legal battle that we don't need to know about right now. You have a fine business. It's not going to be great, but, yeah, look, you'll make some money and then Elsa will have better things to do and it'll just be you in an ice cream store. Hanging out with Olaf. And that's fine.

I'm aware of that. All right, okay, you've been shitting away with my idea, Dusha. Go on, what have you got, you piece of shit? Opening a food stall with Jasmine. A food stall? A food stall? Any kind of food?

Stall. Like in the market. Like a market stall. She's a princess. You have exactly the same problem. What the hell is she going to be doing in a shitty stall? Like at least Sammits was like a store.

Yours was like ham selling. Like rotted melons and shit. No, no, no. Think about Aladdin. Because I'm not setting it post-Aladdin. Okay. Pre-Aladdin? I'm setting like, hey, I'm selling rotted melons and shit. No, no, no. Think about Aladdin. I'm not setting it post-Aladdin. Okay. Pre-Aladdin? I'm setting it, yeah, pre to middle of Aladdin. Okay.

Her father, when her father finds out, she's going to be angry. Also, she's not going to be in the prince, she's going to be in the castle for Aladdin to find. That's fine. I'll marry her. Whatever. Oh, okay. Now you're marrying

your business partner. Always a bad move. Yeah, family businesses. I'll hook her up with a mate. It'll be fine. Now that's just creepy. My mate, Aladdin. Full circle. Anyway, I'll introduce her to my mate, Aladdin.

They'll hit it off, maybe. If they don't, that's fine. She can meet plenty of young fellas. Okay, how are you convincing her to come and work in a market stall? Okay, quite easily. Think back to the start of Aladdin. What does she want to do? Get out of the fucking castle. She doesn't want to get out of the castle and into a market stall.

She doesn't want to just start working. She's not like, you know what? I'm sick of just having a relaxing life. I wish I was just worked to the bone selling hot fruit. And also, she's there selling hot fruit. She's a princess who's just getting fruits being given to her. She doesn't know how much it is. They're like, how much is this

watermelon? Ten bucks? That's expensive. Two dollars? That's okay. Just take it. Just take it. I don't know. I'm opening business with her, not just being like, see ya. Also, her tiger. That will scare people. Her tiger isn't with her when she breaks out of the castle.

I figured the tiger would hunt her down. She'll hunt it to come by eventually. No, but see, at least Zamet was just getting like, starred up on her for a vent. Are you having a work there? Yeah. No. No.

No, because she has no idea how... She doesn't know what currency looks like. She just doesn't have... Plus, as soon as someone pays for it, we're like, that's your face on this coin. She's the princess. You're a princess? Not the grand czar.

Her face isn't on the fucking... I don't know. The sultan kind of likes his daughter. I mean, aside from... I'm sure she'd know what currency was, but she wouldn't know how to run a business. She's never worked a day in her life. Yeah, I just realized I'm not opening a business with her.

I'm hiring her. I realized that that was the issue. Yeah, that's an odd move to make. And because she's doing it sneaky, sneaky away from the Sultan, you can't get any of that sweet Sultan daughter. Yeah, yeah. At least Amit was getting set up because he was going to her as the princess. You're like, hey, do you know she's the princess? Yeah, of course I do.

Okay, not like you specifically. So you know she's the princess as soon as the sultan finds out you're fucked you're making my daughter work and you're like oh jesus you know you know how long you have her for you have her until fucking um what's the bad guy in aladdin takes over the kingdom and you're like oh i didn't put aladdin and the genie there to fix the thing. Far. Yeah. Oh, Jafar. Oh, my God.

How did she have gone so wrong? Also, what are your opening hours with her? Because she has to sneak out without being noticed. That's true. Oh, hey, Sultan, I'm just going to go see how my daughter is. Where is she? Where the fuck is my daughter? Beyond that, when Jafar comes and he's like, hey, Sultan, I'm here to marry your daughter.

And he's like, sweet, she's just in her room. And then I'm like, where's my daughter? Beyond that, when Jafar comes in, he's like, hey, Sultan, I'm here to marry your daughter. And he's like, sweet, she's just in her room. And then I'm like, where's my daughter? Citywide manhunt. And then they find her working for like some

fucking, I don't know, whatever. Smug son of a bitch. Smug son of a bitch selling like hot fruit. They're going to be like, you're putting her to work,

you piece of shit. You know this is the princess. Yeah. You knew? You knew? Oh, work, you piece of shit. You know this is the princess. Yeah. You knew? Oh, no. Of course I knew. She submitted a resume. Princess. That's it.

So you're the business owner and you're hiring someone whose resume just says princess? You're making poor decisions. Why did you choose Jasmine? Like, why? When she comes in with her shitty resume, it just says princess on it. Her resume doesn't just say princess. It'll probably say princess and what being a princess involves.

I just wonder why you choose Jasmine over just a regular person. Ah, because I know that she would have, well, at least for a day, I guess, would have job satisfaction because it's what she wanted. I was just thinking that she wanted to get out of it. Oh, so you're thinking of her? Yeah, I was thinking about she just wants to get out of the castle. For one day. Yeah, well, I know.

I'm sure that she'd be like, this is not for me. I'm pretty sure she just wants to get out of the castle. For one day. Yeah, I know. I'm sure that she'd be like, I'm pretty sure she just wants to come out of the castle to work. I'm pretty sure she just wants to explore a bit. She almost gets killed when she goes out. That's funny. Yeah, like, she just bends over to pick up an apple

and her fucking face mask falls off and someone drives her through with a scimitar and you're like, oh, no. No, she steals the apple, remember? And then it's like, I'm going to cut off your hand and Aladdin's like, time to go.

So, like, in this, he's like, I'm going to cut off your hand and you Aladdin's like, time to go. So in this, he's like, I'm going to cut off your hand. And you're like, oh, she works for my stall. Here, sorry. Here, have some dollars. Jasmine, things cost money. Jasmine, you stupid. That's less opening up a business, and then you're sort of helping out your sovereign heir in need.

I mean, kudos. Like looking up to the prince. Like when she does her sneaky round bullshit. I think pretty much what I just did was take a different course to Aladdin that exact theme was to play out the same and just be like

hey I'm a business owner look come work with me I'll teach you about money as the store where she's taking Apple like oh she works for me guards no no no

not a problem and then Aladdin comes through don't ever see her and then fucking Jafar is a giant snake although he wouldn't be because the genie would never come into it wait no the genie would and then fucking Jafar is a giant snake.

Although he wouldn't be because the genie would never come into it. Wait, no, the genie would. Wait, does Jasmine have anything to do with Aladdin finding the genie? Yes. Does she? He sends Aladdin off. He still might do that. But if Jasmine is gone missing

from the start of the... I think any Jafar's nefarious plans will probably be put on hold while they find the princess. However, the Sultan will be distracted, which means Jafar's nefarious plans could also then happen. Not necessarily, because his nefarious plans is to marry Jasmine. Yeah, but even without him being a genie, he's still a bit of a magician, isn't he? Like he, doesn't he have

some sort of, he's got some sort of sorcery. No, he's got mind powers. So he would just, like, oh, my daughter's gone. Hypnotize a sultan. And then it's like, forget about your daughter. I'm your new heir. No one's here to tell you otherwise. Your daughter's like gone. And then one day

fucking Jasmine's like, hey, Dusha, busy day. I'm going to shift back to the palace and just check on my dad. And you're like, okay, whatever. She comes back an hour later. She's like, Jafar's in charge. I should have been there. And you're like, well, you should have been in my store. In that hour that you've been gone,

we had like a line out the door. Down the street. D dirty, dirty street. Hot fruits. I'm docking your pay. Docking your pay. Does your... Does Jasmine get, like, also, I would think, illness being around that much common folk as well?

Well, yeah, if she's lived quite a, um... You've killed the princess, don't you? No, I haven't. I'm also a doctor. You idiots, obviously Pick a hole in that one, you motherfuckers Alright, I can You are not a doctor But if he was, you're a shitty doctor

in that era and time That's racism, guys I'm like, I think I've got some sort of consumption and you're like, leeches Leeches and hot fruit. Eat this hot cherry. By the way,

that hot cherry will cost you a couple bucks. Exactly. I'm going to cut off your hand. Also, if you're a doctor, why are you opening a hot fruit stall? The moment. So the,

so you have her for a day and you're like, Hey, there you go. She has a great day. And then you're like, I'll see you tomorrow. And she's like, Oh yeah, you're, you work for me now. No, she's like, thanks. And then you're like, I'll see you tomorrow. And she's like, oh.

You're like, yeah, you work for me now. No, she can just come work for me whenever she feels like it. I can run a store by myself. That's pretty easy. That's not really opening a business with a princess. Really? How is having a princess that appears for special events? She gave him the startup. She gave him the startup.

Maybe Jasmine gave me the startup as well. Scenario, Jasmine goes back to her dad and is like, hey, I want to invest money in this hot fruit store. Jafar is like, hey, I want to invest money in this hot fruit stall. Jafar is like, hey, I'm going to marry you. Jasmine's like, fuck the hot fruit stall. I've got to deal with this. You're waiting there, checking your clock being like, where the fuck is she? Son of a bitch.

She stood me up. For some reason, I take over the kingdom. I'm happy with my outcome. Hot fruits. Hot fruits that you have Jasmine for a day. For a day, have any longer. Citywide manhunt for Jasmine. Joel, beheaded.

Jay, all beheaded. No, beheaded because... Or at least no hands. What did you use? You'd have no mouth. They cut off the bit that did the crime and yours was coercing the princess. Yeah, even if...

I can't show anyone the world now. I mean, I could, but I can't see it. And even if Jasmine was like, no, no, no, it was my idea, they wouldn't care. They would just take you down. They might cut off her tongue as well. Nah.

That'd be rough. Your scenario ended sad, to be sure. We all ended up dead. You're dead. Like, Sam, it's not great, but whatever. He's got an ice cream stall. It's okay. I have a snowman body.

Everyone died. Everyone died. You ruined the kingdom. Well, what do you think about it? I'd prefer a business that ruins the kingdom than a mediocre one that makes no impact on anyone's lives. Just saying. That's not okay.

It's not great. Okay, I'll beat the both of you. All right, go on, Jack. Let's see. Nala from the Lion King. Uh-huh. Debt collection agency. Yeah, you're right.

You win. Motherfuckers. Hi, this is Jackson and Nala's debt collection agency. Uh-huh. Go get them, Nala. But then you're not getting the debt. She's just killing them. No, she just like pounces on them. But she's a wild tiger. I can chat to her. I can be like, hey, Nala But then you're not getting the debt She's just killing him No she just like pounces on him

But she's a wild tiger I can chat to her I can be like hey Nala I know you want to kill her Because whatever She's a lion She can't speak English She can speak lion

She can speak lion You would have to get a chain And try and reel her in When she's not attacking I don't think you have the Going to Africa to the pride lands With poachers That one That one We're going to Africa to the Pride Lands with poachers. That one.

That one. We're going to have, like, death together. The one on top of the rock. Also, you're taking out Nala, right? You know who's going to have a problem with that? Simba. Mufasa's dead. Mufasa's dead, but...

No, I wasn't getting old, sad Nala. Okay. I'm getting pre-dead Mufasa Nala, where she's full of vim and vinegar. Also, or then are you getting her before she gives birth to Simba? Oh, I don't want Simba. No, I'll just... Because you fucked the Pride Lands.

Whatever, I don't care about the Pride Lands. You're scared about your sweet dollars. Simba doesn't exist. What? Simba doesn't exist if you take Nala away. No, I take pregnant Nala. It's a two for one. But then Simba only exists

as your cub that you still fuck the pride land I don't care about the pride land Scar kills like I don't care

about the kingdom it's nice yeah but my business still works you died you died along with your business

you've got two lions also I'm pretty sure um wildlife immigration I don't think it's a thing

but whatever looks after endangered species act I'll do it in one of those countries where wildlife immigration. I don't think it's a thing, but whatever looks after... Depends on when Lion King's set, really. Endangered Species Act. I'll do it in one of those countries where that's not such a stress. I'll trip on down to Morocco or America where you can own lions and it's cool. I will have such a good business.

I don't think you can control a wild lion. Maybe if you kidnapped Nala while she was pregnant with Simba, she gave birth to Simba, you like maybe killed Nala. But I'm assuming, for sake of argument, because otherwise the Disney film would just be fucking an eating gazelle. And it's not.

They have lives. They have aspirations. They sing. So she might not be able to communicate with me. Except through song. Except through song. Except through song. I'm gonna collect it.

I'm Nala the Lioness. I feel you have the problem of controlling Nala. I feel I have the problem of convincing her. I mean, it's the problem we all had. That's alright, because you're with poachers. Yeah, with poachers. I just, rawr, thump in her neck. Wake up, rawr, thump.

Thump in his neck. Wake up, rawr, thump. Mufasa's like, rawr, thump in his neck. Yeah. Ah, thump in his head. Yeah. And I have a sick lion skin cape. And I roam around with Nala collecting debts for, like, you know, credit card companies, phone companies. I feel if Mufasa could somehow track you down, somehow charter a plane and find you, you're fucked. No, you already killed him.

He just killed Mufasa. If he didn't, at least then Simba. No, because Simba's only father would be Jackson. What about whatever the girl one was? Nala? No, the other girl one. Scar. No, Simba's girlfriend.

That one. Wait, was that Nala? What was the mum line? That's the one I wanted. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Nala is Simba's... Whatever, I'll take the little one, then I can raise it to be my friend. It doesn't know any different.

It's a dumb kid. And then, yeah, you don't really fuck up the kingdom. No, the Pride Lands didn't need Nala. Whatever. Well, if Nala is... Well, no, they do later on, because Nala is Simba's lovely lad, lady friend. Well, then I'm guessing Simba...

There's plenty of fish in the sea. I don't care about the Pride Lands. Well I do. He's coming back to the Pride Lands. It's alright because Scar's gonna take over. Everything will just die anyway. It's not your fault. It's his fault for getting rid of the water for some reason. If you were taking Mufasa's wife. Yes.

Nala's niddy? Nadine? Yes. Nadine. We'll go with that. Alright. If you're taking her, and you killed Mufasa. I feel Scar, even though he's a bit of a dick, I feel he'd want to hunt you down. I feel like the lions would probably leave that area because poachers. That's true, but I feel Scar, though.

I was also like, hey, check this rock. See this rock, poachers? If you invest the initial startup in Jackson and Nala's, no, in Jackson and Simba's no, in Simba's Jackson and Simba's mum's debt collection agency. I'll show you a rock where animals literally line up and kneel down. That shit's fucked.

It is tight as hell. You're a horrible human being. Also, you've just killed Nadine's husband in front of her. She's not working for you. Nah, you tranq her, then you shoot him. Tranq her, shoot him. Tranq her, shoot him.

I'd be a good poacher. T-H-S-H. She's still going to be like, where's Mufasa? For sure. Now then you'd be like, those poachers that attacked, I saved you. I saved you, and now I work for my debt collection agency. I'll pay you with my badge and a gun. I feel she's going to maul you.

Whatever, I'll just use Simba then. She'll maul you. I'll take Nala. Fuck Simba's mom. That's too much of a gun. I feel she's gonna maul you. Whatever, I'll just use Simba then. She'll maul you. I'll take Nala. Fuck Simba's mob. That's too much of a hassle. I still feel you're gonna get mauled. What if I put a collar on her and a muzzle? Now she's not threatening to people whose debts I need to collect.

Sweet cat, bro. I don't have the money. But what if I took the muzzle off the cat? Okay, okay. It'd eat you. So your thing is successful. Okay, well, just aside my little bullshit there that I'm like... For the sake of argument, Jackson Bailey has a successful declaration, doesn't he?

No, Jackson Bailey has a successful lioness and attacked him while he goes door to door and knocks on people like giving you money. What if they say no? Are you killing them? Are you seeking your lioness on them? I i would threaten them with nala and then what they go no nala bites them then i'm going to sue the fuck out of you oh man you're thinking about it in like where laws apply again i went to morocco or no i went to america didn't i yep fuck it doesn't

matter where you are in America or how legal and... I thought you were just going backing time rather than... No, no, no. I don't think that... I'm pretty sure... Yeah. I mean, you can live in a shitty backward country, Jackson. Go nuts.

Have your successful business. I don't give a fuck. Go and enjoy life there. I live in a shitty place and I have a shitty time. It's perfect. I suppose... Did Zamet win and I have a shitty time. It's perfect. I suppose... Did Zamet win? I think Zamet won.

With a 4 out of 10 idea. A 10 out of 10 idea. A 0 out of 10. We might have had a fucking chance. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I have been the winner, Joel. It's rare.

Happy times for me. Let it go, let it go When I rise like the break of dawn Let it go, let it go That perfect girl that's gone Here I stand in the light of day Let the storm rage on The cold never bothered me anyway