Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Trust Link to Save Hyrule if You Were Just a Regular Guy in Hyrule?

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

In times of great distress a hero destined for great things will appear to save Hyrule and stop it getting dunked. Or he won’t and he’ll cook it. Or he’ll arrive late. Sometimes not at all! We don’t know. We’re either too complacent or not complacent enough. We know some guy’s got this and you need to trust in the method. Unless he doesn’t got this because no one can bat 100. Or he doesn’t know that he should have got this and he needs to step up because time is running out! Unless we’re the hero and we didn’t step up and now we need to step up? Maybe I’m the special little boy? It’s probably best to put on some green tights and do some trials to see if we’re the guy. Just to be sure. Or maybe we should find the guy? All of this is too much, best to just think about Mario eating a bad plum.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. So, Link, he's a boy reincarnated 10 million times.

Yeah. Well, do I know this? Well, that's what I want to know, too. As a regular boy in Hyrule, I'm a chicken farmer. Am I a boy? Am I a little boy? Am I a little boy? Little baby boy. Am I a little baby boy in Hyrule. I'm a chicken farmer. Am I a boy? Am I a little boy? Little baby boy. I'm a little baby boy in Hyrule.

I have a chicken. So, this is going to be one of those episodes where I am playing the Joel Zammett role. And I am, in fact, the tsunami of knowledge coming towards me. Fair enough. Because

where are we going to start? where are we going to start? Where are we going to start? I get it. It was so much. It was like a blockage. It all tried to come out at once. Where does a tsunami start? Is the tsunami when the wave gets pulled in from the shore,

or is it the crashing down, or is it when you see it? Out from the shore, or is it the crashing down, or is it when you see it? So, it will depend on which Hyrule you wish to be in, or, I mean, which game, basically. All right. Because we're in the timeline. You can take a holistic view. No, because the view of Link changes quite substantially. I mean, if I know about the hero of time, or the hero of X, because that happens quite often.

Some of them aren't respected. That's true. Hero of wind, everyone's like, fuck this kid. But that's because he's not the real hero of anything, right? He's not a link.

Yep. He's a guy who does stuff to become a link. Yeah. Yeah, see? I'm a tsunami here too, baby. Yeah, but like- I just drowned.

Yeah, but like after that- But no, because like, so if I know that. Yeah, like after that. But no, because like, so if I know that there is... He also kind of dooms... Oh, he doesn't doom it, but yeah, he kind of fucks up everything. I wouldn't be happy about that. So if I know that traditionally in times of great distress, a guy appears.

Every time there's great distress, I'm looking for that guy. Yeah, where's the guy in green? Doesn't normally a guy turn up? He fucks that guy's shit up, but it's always after great distress, I'm looking for that guy. Yeah, where's the guy in green? Doesn't normally a guy turn up? He walks that guy's shit up, but it's always after great distress. Get a door for freaking Zart or whatever it's like. Vati? Vati? It's like, I'm gonna kill Hyrule. I'm like, brother, there's

a guy coming. I think I'd be so, if I knew that, if I was just like, whatever, there's a guy coming, I would be so complacent. I'd be like, meh. Guys got this. But sometimes a guy doesn meh. Yeah, bye. Guy's got this. But sometimes a guy doesn't come. Or the guy's really late. The guy sometimes doesn't come.

The guy's sometimes late. The guy sometimes loses. Yeah, that's true. How early on does that happen? Like, how many times has the guy got it and then he doesn't got it? Because the first time that he doesn't got it, I'm like, I am shocked. Yeah, that's scary. I am, what? But he's the guy got it and then he doesn't got it. I think this was the first time that he doesn't got it I'm like I am But he's the guy the little green guy green guy going green Writes my house. He doesn't use teals on my rupees. Maybe that's why I went like link rose at the assets

I'm throwing your pots around you like he is the guy and you're like, he is the guy that will fix it. So who am I to guess? He's got this sword. Take what you need, I guess, brother. I was storing my money in that pot, but I guess you need it more than me. Are you using it to buy pants that make you less hot? Well, the pants are going to help.

Not even that. You're using it for the arrow game to win. No, but he gets a little mouse bomb, and I think that might be good for you. Yeah, well, sometimes. He'll use the mouse bomb for... Sometimes he just enters games of chance. I'm sitting there across from my arms being like,

I think he's spending my money on... But is he using the game of chance to learn about chance? Another thing with Link is, depending on which Link, when you look at him... What do you mean learn about chance? Did he not know about it? Maybe he doesn't. Because he's been asleep for a while.

Sometimes. You don't think the 50-50 didn't exist when he was asleep? But he's a kid, right? What are you saying to us? He learns through play. He learns through play. He's not that much of a kid. What would life be like without knowing about chance?

Well, again, sometimes people are like, we know people like this that are like, well, it either happens or it doesn't. It's a 50% chance of it either happening or it doesn't. It's not how odds work. But in your mind, Link is like, I don't know about chance, but I need to learn about chance.

Well, yeah, like again, if you are like, you're a teacher and your teacher is a primary school kid or something like that, and you might do something with like matchsticks and this kind of stuff. Yeah, but that's you doing it to the kid and in your mind, Link's doing it to the kid and your mind links doing it

to himself well yeah but he's still doing and he's using my life savings to do it yeah

he's got a method who am I yeah that's true humble pig farmer maybe I don't know what am I

who am I to get in the way of his method there's so many things I would be watching him race the postman from Ocarina of Time I'm method There's so many things I would be in the Like watching him race The postman From Ocarina of Time

I'm like How's this helping And I'm like Shut up he's the guy And he just looks at me And goes I don't know if this guy's Gonna fix

He's got a method Okay You gotta trust in the method Trust in the method He's gonna fix it I guess He's gonna fix it I suppose He will

Yeah if he I have so much faith in him The moment that it fucks up, I am distraught. I'm like, what? You just saw a fact that- He camped? Yeah.

He used our money? Unchance, games. Then he died. Then he chased a person. If I remember correctly. Yeah. I said- He wins.

Yeah. He wins. Then he wins. Then he either disappears, loses... He wins. He wins. Then he wins. Then he either disappears, loses, or wins. Okay. So for all those, I'm like, where'd he go? Where'd he go?

And you be there, the smuggest look, and be like, see? I knew that guy was no good, dude. I knew he was up to shenanigans. The first few... He did it. He guy was no good, dude. I knew he was up to shenanigans. The first few... The first few... He did it. He can't bat 100, brother.

I thought he could. As Ganondorf destroys Hyrule. Can't blame him, dude. We know that nobody's perfect. Yeah, we should flood this place, though. I reckon that will actually make it safer and more awesome. That would be mad, yeah. But also, because I think it would work in the reverse.

If I'm just like, take Wind Waker, where I don't think anything's initially bad until it becomes bad later on. I'm just chilling on like Cajolan Island or whatever, and I think Link rolling around, and I'm like, wait a second. Why are you doing that? Is something wrong, little boy?

You're wearing a green dress, which is... Where'd you get that tunic from? Oh, we're fucked. Oh, no, I didn't even realize I was living in an era of great distress. Okay, he's got a sword. Okay, is that the... I think once the Master Sword comes into play in Wind Waker, things have hit the fan officially.

But I see a little boy in a green tunic with a sword. I'm like, well... We're in great distress. Fuck my life. Well, dear bud, say, in Ocarina of Time, there's a whole version

of little boys in green dresses. That's true. Is he just one of them? But at that point, it's only happened. Okay, so. It's happened in the Minish Cap.

It's happened in Skyward Sword. No, it's Skyward Sword's Adventures. Okay, yeah, you're right. So those are the three. I forgot about Minish Cap. Yeah. So what happens. But hang on. Okay, yeah, you're right. So those are the three. What about Minish Cap? Yeah. So what happens? But hang on.

Oh, no, I do know about Minish Cap. I mean, like, I was like, that was all tiny. What do I know? Some of it was big. Okay. The princess still gets kidnapped in that. Yes, yeah, yeah. And the final fight is big, not tiny.

Yeah. Okay, as, I guess, citizen John Hyrule, how much do we know about our history? It's often legends by the time it happens again. Yeah. It's usually hundreds of years. But it would be the real world. It would be like if Christ came back.

It would be like if Christ came back, but Christ came back every 100 years. It would lose sense. It wouldn't be special. Well, yeah, that's kind of how the games treat it. People are just like, oh, okay, you're the link again. It would be someone from the turn of the 1900s, right? So it wouldn't be Christ.

No, it would be Christ. What? It would be like somebody. Sometimes it's longer. You're talking about in myth and legend or whatever. So by the time we kick around it's like a legend You never meet a character in a game that's like I was old enough to remember the time

That you, the original you did this Okay so it's not a hundred years Not always, it varies It's hundreds of years And it's like a new version of Christ Is born I guess I'm just like is it someone like an important Say historical figure

Who's coming back every couple hundred years like is it someone like an important say historical figure who's coming back every couple hundred years or is it literally like a Christ figure it's like reincarnation yeah so it's like if Christ was reincarnated

every hundreds of years yes yeah I understand okay I guess my question is it a someone as like

important to a faith like Christ or is it someone who is like oh this very say it's kind of both general like because he does do it every you know what i mean it kind of it's kind of both right yeah because he's a being a folklore but also a guy like yeah is this santa claus coming and saving me is this jesus christ coming and saving me is this like well it's also

it's it's long enough that often when they come back, when Link comes back, everyone's like, doesn't even bat an eyelid. They're just like, that's a little boy. That's just like a kid called Link and he's usually a pain in the ass.

Okay. And then I guess just like historically or like using our world as an example. Yeah. Is there any kind of thing like, oh, if this person just came back.

They're an analog. Is there, yeah. Is there an analog? Like, I don't know. It's like if Genghis Khan gets re-gunned. But then the guy who killed Genghis Khan came back. Also came back. And also the guy.

Genghis Khan's Ganondorf in my situation. Okay, fair enough. Nice. Who's Princess Zelda? Genghis Khan's wife. A lot of Europe I guess because Ganon wants to conquer right

sometimes it's not Ganon though sometimes it's Vaati then it could be Genghis Khan and then it's like okay I guess Link's the nosebleed or was that his son I don't know dude it's hard to find a real world equivalent to Link returning.

Yeah. I guess like if you just met and like, whilst Jesus is not a super common name in, I guess, especially in Australia, like you could, like someone can be called Jesus. It is a name. It is a name, yes. So I guess it's the same as if you just like,

oh, it's a kid called Link. Like, yeah, there's been enough time that if you met somebody named Jesus and you're like, oh, you do share some similarities with the biblical Christ, but then when the devil arrives, you're like, Jesus, buddy. And then he's brandishing a sword or something. Are you Jesus? You got to be honest with me, right?

And also Link often doesn't know. Yeah, that's true. Well, actually, he never knows. Breath of the Wild the wild and tears of the kingdom he kind of does that and that's the same link yeah yeah so sometimes he's kind of aware but it's kind of it's kind of a bit bit wiggy there yeah like in skyward sword it's the first time he's done it so he doesn't know shit yeah finish cap it's only happened once doesn't know shit. Finish Cap, it's only happened once, doesn't know shit. Ocarina of Time, people talk about the creation of Hyrule and his destiny, but he doesn't know shit until after things hit the fan.

Often someone has to tell him, sit him down and be like, brother, you're the hero of legend or whatever. That's fine. I'm just wondering, again, as a Hyrule John citizen, to be like, okay, this is, you know, getting in my head space. I guess the best equivalent would be, do you know the Arthurian myth? Yeah.

That King Arthur is in a cave somewhere with his knights waiting for the day where England is in trouble again. Then he'll resurrect and come and fight for England. That's like a part of the Arthurian legend. Okay. So it's like that. Okay. And so we're like, ah, things pretty chill. And then we see some guy with like, you know, riding in like a part of the Arthurian legend. So it's like that. Okay, and so we're like, ah, things are pretty chill, and then we see some guy with like, you know,

riding in a couple of... Something bad's about to happen. Hey, was that King Arthur? Oh, I guess England's in trouble. Should we be concerned? Are we living in the... Could King Arthur do shit if England is in trouble? He's a guy with a sword, dude. He's fucked.

Well, I mean, if... England's invaded by dragons, maybe. But then again, like, if he could... Look, if he could get a dragon with a sword, what could he do with a gun? Well, that's a great question. King Arthur with a gun is a pretty awesome concept. Yeah.

I think it's funny to imagine King Arthur coming out of the cave with a sword and then, like, a tank just falls over. Nary a fear, England! Oh, my God! Or would it be like you know adapted to modern day

like Romeo and Juliet's or Baz Luhrmann's not not not Romeo and Juliet's Baz Luhrmann Baz Luhrmann's

Romeo and Juliet got there in the end yeah that's what matters that's what counts or it's like hamming my long sword and it's a shotgun

oh well yeah that would be cool yeah yeah hamming my hamming my excalibur is that a boy that's a gun oh no well then okay Well, yeah, that would be cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ham in my excalibur. Is that a little boy with a gun?

Oh, no. Well, then, okay. He pulled that gun from the sword. Gun from the stone, okay. Gun from the stone. Gun from the stone. When you saw, say without the context, because like you say, not everybody in Hyrule knows or immediately connects Link to the ancient prophecy

that happens again, again, again. Yeah. If you saw a little boy with a sword, because over the course of a game, Link will go to various temples, invite various guys, Zelda will be in prison and you're scared and then you see Link kind of tooling around.

If you saw a little boy, what do you think's happening there? You know what I mean? Without connecting it. I think it's way easier to connect everything as, like, if it's, like, an adult-y kind of Link. Or at least, like, a late-teen Link. So, like, adult Link from Ocarina of Time. Like, the Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom Link.

Twilight Princess Link. Also probably old enough where I'm like, okay, they know what's going on. But when you look at, like, Wind Waker Link or Young Link. Link to the Past Link. Yeah. Link to the past Link. Yeah. Link to the worlds. Yeah. I don't know if I trust this guy.

The legends though. Do they say like little boy or is this boy in green or teen in green or just hero in green? Yeah. I think it's a lot of a young hero. Yeah. Yeah. So you wouldn't. But young could mean 17.

I'd be there with just like a lollipop. That's a baby. That's a baby. That can't be the guy. That can't be the guy. That can't be the guy. Maybe I'm the guy. Oh, no. Don't be thinking you're the guy.

Maybe we got to step up because that's a fucking child. That's how you end up with tingle. Yeah. You're getting tingled, brother. Maybe I'm the guy. Killed by Ganondorf. Yeah. But, well, what's to stop people being like, look, there's Ganon. Yeah. He's wrecking shit. Yeah. But, well, what's to stop people being like, look, there's Ganon.

Yeah. He's wrecking shit. Yeah. Where's the guy? Is any of us the guy? Oh, am I the guy? That would cross my mind. Maybe I'm the guy.

If the guy's not here, especially in the timelines where Link is not turning up. Yeah, I'd be like, ah. Is it me? Am I the special little boy? That's so funny. Honey, hand me my green tights. Can I shoot a bow and arrow? No.

Have I been the guy the whole time and I was meant to do this when I was a kid? Yeah. Like, did I miss a cue? Was someone meant to tell me something? What do we know about the guy? Do you reckon your confidence would help you take down Ganon if you were convinced you were the guy? I would be so doubting that I'm the guy because I just don't want to be the guy. That's fair.

A lot of the time, the Triforce of Courage comes into play. Something that I do not have. Well, Wind Waker. So we don't even know about it? So we don't even know there's a test? We know the Triforce exists because that's what the religion. That's my gods. But isn't Wind Waker Link, isn't it that he wasn't the guy,

but he was the guy enough that the gods were like, you can be the guy. So we could be like... So it might actually work against you. You might be like, can we become the fucking guy? And then you're the guy.

So could we just be like, all right, the guy hasn't turned up. We need a guy. Wait a second. Could any of us have been the guys? Hang on a second. It's like the thing. Any of us could be the guy. Any of us could be a guy looking at our past been like hey do you guys want to go and check

if we're the guy we go to one of the gods and we're like we need the guy and they're like oh well you're here so i guess you're i suppose you're the guy enough okay what happens in no i reckon when waker he is the guy but it's not isn't when waker he's not the guy that doesn't know she's princess zelda until she's princess zelda i'm pretty sure he has to do a bunch of trials to become the guy yeah but maybe that's just how being a link works you got to do some trials maybe because like the deku tree in ocarina of time is basically that yeah but he is the guy he is for sure guy. He's like one of the big guys. He's the guy. He's Johnny Guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ocarina of Time Link is like the guy in which other guys are based upon. I like Zamasu like let's test to see whether the guy, they pick like the Forest Temple and just get chewed. I don't think any of us would agree. Oh guys, this is too scary. Link crawling past you, there's the fucker.

There's the guy. I know where that guy is. Would you have... Because the legends of the Hero of Time or the Hero of whatever, like, they are just legends, and everybody is often convinced after Link's done a couple of temples or whatever, they're like, oh, he's the fucking guy.

How many false guys are there? Well, it's usually... There's a couple that pop up throughout the series, but they're never like, I'm Link. Even Link's like, I'm Link. Even Link is like, I'm not the guy, but then he's the guy. Yeah. He's always amazed he's the guy.

He's always blown away. Me? Link? I'm the guy named Link? Yeah. Especially like Breath of the Wild. Breath of the Wild's a crazy one because he just... He was the guy named Link. Yeah, especially like Breath of the Wild. Well, Breath of the Wild is a crazy one because he just- He was the guy previously. He was the guy, then he got put in a sleeping hole.

That is what he got put in. Then he wakes up and he's like, Link, my hero, I must put you in a sleeping hole for a thousand years. Sounds good. Sounds good, babe. Bye. See you in a thou. Yeah.

We're not dating yet, but in the future game, it's going to be heavily implied we are. That's pretty awesome. You made me a new hair tie. You made me a new head. Thanks, babe. I just, yeah, because if anyone could be the guy, they always have to be called Link as well? They are typically called Link. Because, again, if you have parents who are like, oh, my little baby boy or girl,

they're so special, I'm going to name her Link. And then you're like, am I going to be the guy? And also, maybe you name your kid Link in the hope they are the guy, because that's pretty good for you. That's pretty good for you. Ways are good for you. What happens to Link's parents?

They're often little orphan boys, aren't they? They're rarely around. But they're not killed. They just don't miss them. They're just not orphan boys, aren't they? They're rarely around. But they're not killed. They just don't miss them. They're just not there very often. Yeah, and there's weird stuff with him, too. Like, in Ocarina of Time, he's Hyrulean, but raised by the Kokiriko. Yeah.

I think I butchered both of those. Yeah, Kokiri. Yeah, yeah. Kokiriko's the forest. No, no, no, no. Kokiriko's the village. Yeah, Kokir no, no. Kakariko's the village. Yeah, Kakariko village, Kikori forest. Yeah, yeah.

He's raised with a Kikori, but he's a Hyrulean. Or is it Hylian? Hylian. Brother, I don't know. I like Hylian. Me too, me too. But Hylian, I think, is probably the correct answer. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's like Hyrulean something, and then Hylian is the person. Or it's the other way around. Anyway, you don't come to Pom in the Death Star for the facts. I don't. You come here for the angle. I'm just coming for Mario impression where he's just eating like a bad plum or something. Mamma mia, this plum is so bad. Luigi, where do you get all this plum?

Mario, I bought them from the market. What are you, Macho march back there and you say this shitty plump. This plump is to sell. Mario. It's a bit on the back of my throat. Mario, I bought them from a good friend. I could not go back and say that. Your friend is a sack of shit. Luigi, your friend, he

fuck us. Your friend, he fuck he spit in my mouth. Mario, it's a toll. He hated the family. Luigi. He's a no friend of I think he's gloving. Slap Mario, it's a toll. He hated the family. Luigi. He's an offender. He's a gloving slapper. Luigi's got a big day ahead of him. That's what you come to play with that stuff for. Damn right.

Yeah, so he's a Hylian, but he's raised as a... So Link has to be Hyrulean. Yes. Hylian. I don't think they... I feel like it's Hyrulean and the shield's a Hylian. No, it's Hylian. Whatever. Hyrulean. Yes. Hylian. I don't think they... I feel like it's Hyrulean and the shields are Hylian. No, it's Hylian.

Whatever. Hyrulean shield? He has to be a person from Hyrule. Yeah. We figured it out. Don't worry. So he's got to be a person

from Hyrule. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Well, no. Because in fucking Skyward Sword he's not. Oh, that's true.

He's from Skyloft. Skyloftian. You could easily be the guy, dude. You could be the guy. Well, we'd probably be Hyl be the guy, dude. We could all be the guy. You could be the guy. Well, we'd probably be Hylian. Yeah, I guess. I'd be so scared if one of us is the guy.

Oh, if I was a Goron, I wouldn't be the guy. You might be a Zora. Oh, actually. And I'm one of those leaves. In Zelda, they do do that fucking thing, but a Goron calls his son Link and hopes that he's the guy.

That's sort of sad. I don't think you're getting a Goron, Link son Link and hopes that he's the guy. That's sort of sad. I don't think you're getting a Goron Link. That would be awesome. That'd be great. You'd get a Goron Link. You can become a Goron as Link. That's different. That's very different.

And I guess your name changes when you're wearing one of those masks. You become actually a ghost Goron or whatever. That's fucking awesome. That is cool. Majora's Mask rips. And I'm not scared to say it. That is brave. What about in Tears of the Kingdom,

where Link has saved, talking about the complacency before, in Breath of the Wild, you watch, if you're a citizen, as Link saves the day. Then in Tears of the Kingdom he's gotta do it again. But the time period's enough that you... See, that's the thing that I can't remember with Tears of the Kingdom. And if I had a little machine here, I could double check, but alas.

Too bad. Because the events at the start of the game happen almost directly after Breath of the Wild. Yes. Everyone's the same. Then a bad thing happens to Link and Zelda. Spoilers, Zelda goes back in time. Yeah. Link goes...

Regular in time. But after a bit... He goes up back in time. Yeah. Link goes... Regular in time. But after a bit... He goes up, I guess. Yeah. What did he get back down to? So she ages, and he's like... No, she's gone. She's gone.

She's gone. Don't worry about it. Zelda's gone, gone, don't worry about it. Zelda's gone, gone to the start of Hyrule. Yeah. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet.

Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. There's a lot going on. So, Brett, Tears of the Kingdom is maybe the first and the last game in the timeline. Are you wondering how much time has gone, like, if the citizens from Breath of the Wild have died by the time of Tears of the Kingdom? Some of the, well, not necessarily. Because there are plenty that reoccur.

Yeah, the reoccurring ones are oldish. No. The lady, remember that lady whose flowers you would stomp on and she yelled at you? No. Anyway. I probably didn't stomp on her flowers. Dude, I was stomping like freaking crazy. Well, you got it.

You're the hero of time. How old? Not much time. A lot of the heroes have, like, because the sages are much older now, and you're now paired up with their kids. Do they know that you are the guy? Yes. Yes.

How do they know? Because you did it the first time. Because they fought alongside you in Breath of the Wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, again, if the guy hasn't. Yes. How do they know? Because they fought alongside you in Breath of the Wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, again, if the guy hasn't turned up, and we're like, guys, we should do something. No, because the thing, so Breath of the Wild ends. Yeah. So the guy was in the imprisoning, no, imprisoning war?

No, the Great Calamity. Great Calamity, yeah. Imprisoning war is Skyward Sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great Calamity. Gotchaprisoning War is Skyward Sword. Great Calamity. Shit hits the fan. Link, go sleep. Link, wake up. Link, go do Breath of the Wild.

He does those divine beasts, which then get him paired up with... You climb a big camel. And he gets paired up with those four sages. That happens. It does all the stuff at the end. Wins Breath of the Wild. Breath of the Wild,

let's say four or five years later, at most, him and Zelda are trying to explore what's going on. They find a big hole underneath Hyrule Castle. They go explore. They see all these ruins and evidence of an ancient civilization.

They find a skeleton. Uh-oh. They go explore. They see all these ruins and evidence of an ancient civilization. They find a skeleton. Uh-oh. They touch the skeleton. Shouldn't have done that. Master Sword gets full on fucked up. Zelda goes back to the start of Hyrule. Link goes into the sky. Link goes into the sky.

I don't think much time has passed. Let's say five years, whatever. No, no, no. Because it's important only because people don't remember you. Some people are like, Link, but I... Oh, it is you. The fuck Zelda? Yeah, that's true.

But I guess you've still got that house. It's the same guy. It's not that much time has gone by. But I would be complacent by Tears of the Kingdom if I realized he was the same guy that saved us last time. Because I'm like, within my memory, you sort of Ganondorf out when he was a big pig or whatever yeah brother you're gonna do it again yeah i guess if i if i was around i saw a link or saw link do the thing you'd be like okay cool for the next calamity

whatever but then yeah so there's between moments where i'm like where is where's the where's the guy especially because the army have like come together yeah together and launched an attack on the castle. Link's gone now, so maybe I'm the guy. If Link goes, am I the guy? Do I become the guy now? Yeah, or do we need to find the guy? Maybe I'll find a little kid and be like, you the guy? Hey, kid, you the guy?

Because you either have to be, I guess when when there's so many times of great turmoil. It happens a lot to Hyrule. You either got to be complacent to be like, the guy will figure this out. Or, there's three options. The guy will figure this out. Or we got to find the guy. Yeah, yeah. Or am I the guy?

Yeah, that is the steps of the am I the guy problem. Because you're like, the guy will figure it out. Guy doesn't come. You're like, fuck. Well, we got to find the guy. And so we try and find the guy. Can't I the guy problem. Because you're like, the guy will figure it out. The guy doesn't come. You're like, fuck. We've got to find the guy. And so we try and find the guy. But in trying to find the guy you might do the trials and then you become the guy. You're the guy. You were the guy

the whole time. And you were like, I was so late. I was so late, Ganon won. Whoops. I was meant to be the guy. Is that on me? But also, because I know that it's well, I don't know if I do. Do the legends say... Because the deal with Zelda, Ganon, and Link

is that they're connected forever. One is the hero of time reincarnated again and again and again. One is Princess Zelda who keeps giving birth to herself. That's not true. She's the goddess reincarnated. And Ganon's just yeah well he's often ganon just the same ganon through a lot of the well ganon is reincarnated as himself basically because he's born from a gerudo and he's always like the like a male-born gerudo which only happens once every a thousand years so the events so the history of Hyrule is

probably longer than the history of Earth currently. Yeah, I would say so. Or at least with like the recorded history. Yeah. Because Ganondorf, it's funny. No, I believe that Earth is 2,000 years old. No, I know. I know. Dinosaur bones are a cruel joke.

We're all young Earth creatures here. I've been a cornerstone of this podcast since the beginning. I have not been globe cocked. I know that it is flat. See? We're all aware. Okay. So every thousand years, Ganon appears.

Yeah. So then- Occasionally- But every hundred years? Every couple hundred years- But it's also funny because quite often Ganon gets imprisoned or resurrected or whatever. It's often the same Ganon. I was going to say, because every thousand years,

but then if the Link is popping up every couple hundo years, it's like... Well, the first bad guy isn't Ganon. Ganon first appears in Ocarina of Time. No, doesn't he canonically first appear in a Link to the Past or some shit? I don't know, dude. Ocarina of Time happens very early in the timeline. Okay. Because that splits the timeline.

Yeah, so are they part... Are we all is again in link and Zelda they the Triforce yeah pretty much so one is courage one not always though yeah in some Zelda games link gets the Triforce of power which is the one Ganondorf current like yeah and then I think in some games you get the whole damn thing yeah I think so yeah our courage and wisdom wisdom yeah Zelda you traditionally or at least like in least since Ocarina of Time, so it's kind of become more. So Zelda, wisdom, Ganon, power, link, courage.

And it's not always Ganon. Sometimes it's Vaati, who is a Minish, so a little fairy guy. Yeah, you'll never believe why Jackson keeps bringing up the one guy that's popped up in like two games. I think three games. So I can defeat that with a clap, right? Yeah, no, because he sometimes becomes a big eye. And then there's-

How big? Like twice the size of Link. Like the size of an elephant's side. But like a- Like all jelly? Jelly and bat wings, I think. Because I can poke it. Well, that's what Link does.

So if you're the guy, you got this. And then sometimes it's not Ganondorf, it's an evil train. Again? That takes place quite far in the Zelda timeline, but it's an evil train called possibly Maleficent. When does Ganon become a pig meme? A couple of them. Or does he always have that meme meme?

The first time that happens is Ocarina of Time as well. So the first appearance of Ganondorf and the first appearance of Ganon in chronological timeline order both happen in Ocarina of Time. Becoming Ganon is when he sheds his human form and really taps into the Triforce of Power. So if I have the Triforce, I can be a courageous pig man who's very wise? I think the whole thing. Is that what the power does?

I don't think the power is connected to pigs. I think I think Okay, alright, alright. I understand the confusion but I don't Hey, I have to ask. I have to ask.

No, I get it, dude. Otherwise you'd never know. I'm pretty sure it's like because he only has a triforce of power and is so power hungry that it makes him

like a hideous pig monster. Oh, like he's greedy for power? It's kind of like hey, we've granted your desire to be the strongest fucking guy but you look like shit, dude! Yeah, yeah, yeah. The strongest guy is a big pig.

Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. So how much of this do I know as just a humble... It's not like dribs and drabs, really. A lot of the time you just... Because there is some races in Zelda How much of this do I know as just a humble... It's not like dribs and drabs, really. Yeah, farmer, I guess. Yeah. A lot of the time you just... Because there is some races in Zelda that have quite a long lifespan.

Yeah. So if you come across Imp... If you meet Impa, she'll be like, hey, what's up? This is what's going on. I've been alive for 500 years or something. Why have I had to do that? Because I'm a freaking... What do you call it?

Chica? Chica, baby. We live long, bitch. I thought you were Zelda. I lived, bitch. I lived, bitch. I'm Impa. I thought you were Zelda.

No. Huh? What do you mean? Do you think Impa Zelda? Impa Zelda's like wet nurse. No, Sheik. Sheik is her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's Impa? Impa Zelda's wet nurse or sometimes like a sexy ninja or bodyguard and sometimes an old woman. Yeah. She's been many things

over the years. You remember? Okay, so what's the Zelda... Give me the Zelda game you're most familiar with if you have to have a think. Oh, yeah. The Ocarina of Time.

Okay, so you know that famous cutscene that happens a couple of times in the game where Link's standing next to the castle and it's like a thunderstorm and

Zelda rides out on a horse and Impre's the one riding the horse. And then when you get older, then you meet Impre again, but isn't that... No, that's Sheik, different person. Were they dressed the same? No. Damn, my little kid brain's stupid. Or they're dressed maybe similar?

No, Sheik's in like white and blue and stuff, and Impre's in black. Yeah, so I don's in white and blue. Oh, that's true. Impa's being black. Yeah, so I don't know what's happening to Childe's arm and brain. Is she... What? I feel like we're fucking up her race. No, she's one of the freaking...

Is it Sheikah? She's a Sheikah. Yeah, because they live in... Yeah. Yeah, okay. She's a Sheikah. Her name's definitely Impa. I'm getting so scared.

I've had to remember so many Zelda things. So again, let's say I'm at the Hyrule Ranch. Yeah. I'm a ranch hand. I've had to remember so many Zelda things. Let's say I'm at the Hyrule Ranch. I'm a ranch hand. Lon Lon Ranch. You're at Lon Lon Ranch. Maybe making that meal. Working for the guys that were based off Mario and Luigi. Yeah.

Malon and Talon. Malon and Talon? No, Malon's the girl? Being like, I'm just... Talon's the dad. Once again, they keep giving me sour grapes. What the fuck is that? What the fuck?

Go back to market and take back these plums. So I'm working there. I'm mucking out the stables. I'm milking them cows. I'm petting them horses. Yeah. Then suddenly, this is before they went evil, I guess. Then it's like, you know, that thing's getting a little mad.

Only one of them goes bad. Mount Doom's the one. Mount Doom's gone crazy. Mount Doom? You mean Death Mountain, you stupid motherfuckers? I was waiting too many Tolkien things, I guess. Mount Doom. Yeah, have fun with your fucking one ring while I kill Ganondorf with my master sword, dickhead.

That's the coolest thing you've ever said. Yeah, dude, I know. I'm dabbing while I do it. It feels like it's roughly the same. Anyway, okay, so then, yeah. Okay, you're working.

You see stuff's going wrong. Stuff's going wrong. We have fables. Yeah. We've got bedtime stories. We've got people telling us things a bit like,

okay. They're not really considered legitimate. Is it like bedtime stories? I would say it's more like King Arthur, where it's like a like is it like bedtime stories uh i would say it's more like king arthur where it's like a mix and also because if it's if you're thinking ocarina of time it's very much like not even barely even a myth at this point yeah it's like because the story that you get told in that multiple times isn't about link zelda and ganondorf it's about

the like the triforce itself. Praise the Triforce. Do I do like a... Praise the Triforce. That's good stuff. Throwing up triangle hands. Praise the Triforce, baby! Praise Triforce. Yeah, because

it's more about the three sections of the Triforce and how they helped build the world. And then the three characters come to be associated with the Triforce, which that part is of legend, I guess. So there was like once upon a time, there was three fuckos. Three goddesses. Okay. So this was after. Din, Thro, and Nauru.

Yeah. There you go. Okay. But in other periods of time where the legend. After Ocarina of Time happens and Naru. Yeah. There you go. Okay. But in other periods of time where the legend After Ocarina of Time happens yes the story of Link

is like a legend like King Arthur. I'm there about to go to bed with my little Once upon a time Fuckhead Link was fucked

Hyrule was up shit creek without a battle. Oh yeah what what what do you mean by Hyrule being up shit creek without a paddle?

Like, what? Because, like, today's not the best day in Hyrule. It's not the worst day, I think. There was a big pig man and every town had gone apeshit. And everyone- Zelda was either in a crystal or fucking dead or a ghost. Or hiding or stuck in a different realm. I guess, like, looking out into the rest of Hyrule from my house being like, well, things are all right.

There was an evil princess for a bit. Once there was a place called Lorule. Yeah, that's where the evil princess came from. Her name was Hilda. That is opposite Zelda. Well, that's crazy because that's a Sabrina the Teenage Witch reference and I don't know why they did that. That's awesome. Because Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda.

Oh, my God, it is a Sabrina reference. That's a mad respect for that game. Mad respect. Shout out to Sabrina the Teenage Witch. And shout out to A Link Between Worlds, which is a shockingly good game. Yeah, you look confused. You're drawing on the table. What's up?

What's up, buddy? We're all ears. We're here to help. Okay, so. Use your words. Right. There's Hyrule Falls to Shit, and then we're like ears we're here to help use your words right there's Hyrule falls to shit and then we're like

okay but what are the signs that Hyrule falls to shit the rise of Ganondorf because again being a Hyrule John citizen being like

okay cool often a sign is that a male Gerudo has been born so I could be kicking it sweet in Hyrule but then someone's like hey did you hear that

a male Gerudo was born I'd be like oh fuck yeah I guess we're fucked. I guess I'm getting sent to some fucking... Oh, that sucks. I think often as well, it just happens kind of like, it's fine, and then all of a sudden,

Ganon's, you know, the castle's exploded or whatever. Or in space. How do Gerudos work? It's unclear. Immaculate conception, and then one day a boy. Magic pussies? I think douches hit the nail on the head. So they just produce an egg sexually?

Yeah, I guess so. That's awesome. Maybe it's mitosis. I don't know. They might lay eggs. The game does not make it clear. It's unclear. I wish the game did go into it.

I wish Link Austin, they were like, and I said magic pussies. We don't live in that world. If it's in Tears of the Kingdom, it would have that awesome voice acting. It would be like, Link, magic pussies. That's true.

Yeah. Link talks in breath. People keep saying Link doesn't talk. He fucking bonks his mouth so much. He doesn't have voice acting. But in text, all the responses to people are sentences Link is saying. And they're all sassy. They're all like, what are you saying?

Why are you talking to me? Give me your sword and shut the fuck up. Because I guess, yeah, would I be okay with trusting Link to save Hyrule? Yeah. I wouldn't necessarily care too much about the goings-on of Hyrule because it's not falling to shit, right? Yeah. Because you're like, oh, whatever, things are fine, things are great, whatever.

We're living by, we're living in a society. Maybe the person I voted for isn't in office or they aren't when we're a king. Who cares? The person that I worship and think is close to gods is in power. What's my relationship to the king? Do I love them? Am I a royalist? People seem to love Zelda.

That's up to you, brother. Are there many republicans? I think the idea is that they are good leaders. They are legit. But also, Zelda's not- You hate the monarch. That's your own business. Zelda doesn't seem to be in charge of all of Hyrule, though,

which is interesting. I don't think they go into it, but I assume they would. They've got to get money somehow. They've got to pay them. Really? Politically, Hyrule's sort of weird because you have Hyrule and the Hylians, but do they govern what the Gorons do? No.

Those are like independent nation cities. Yeah. Within the larger Hyrule. Well, because that's what happens in Gerudo as well. Yeah. Like, Gerudo Valley, because Ganondorf comes to Hyrule Castle as, like, a representative of Gerudo Valley. Yeah, and isn't it like, you know, Gerudo's been repressed for too long.

We want better lands. That happens in New Game. In Ocarina of Time, I think he's just like... He's like, hey, I'm here to represent the Garudos. Yeah. So again, it's kind of like, what are they doing for me? As a citizen, are they protecting me from But I don't know if they...

But then like the Great Deku Tree in... Ocarina? Ocarina? Yeah, Ocarina. Ocarina of Time. But yeah, I guess all those regions are. I don't think they politically fall under the yoke of Hyrule. Hyrule Castle is only in charge of Hyrule Castle Town and Hyrule Field.

That's it. One-One Ranch, I guess, they're in charge of. What about Kakariko Village? Yeah. They seem to care about Princess Zelda, so I guess. Okay. Dompe?

Do they care about Dompe? If you say don't care, you've got to care about every citizen of your country, including your Dompes. Even the freaks that dig holes in the graveyard for 20 bucks.

Yeah. But like, because if they care, again, the children of Pharaos are caring about the, you know, viral castle and everything like that,

which means they would know of them. The Zoras have a king as well. Well, the Gorons have a leader. How are they getting taxes of the children of the forest? I don't think they are taxing. I think they tax Castletown. Yeah, that's it. And the people of Highland Field.

And Lord of the Rings. One guy making milk for the whole nation. Hey, fuck you. Give us money. It's like three cows that provide all the milk for all of Hyrule. Surely there's just villages and places that we don't see, right? They've got more horses than cows. Horse milk.

Maybe horse milk. One month milk is horse milk. That's the conspiracy we've uncovered today. Every time Link drinks it, they couldn't animate it. It's an Nintendo 64. He does a little... Or is it a thing where it's like, yeah, horse milk is the normal thing in the realm. Oh, and cow milk is a new thing that's popped up.

Although when you play Empona's song, which is a horse song, to a cow, it gives you milk. But are you playing a song that's magically making the cow give you horse milk? Maybe the song actually actually it summons It's like a milk summoning Essence of horse. No, I think it's essence of milk. Okay, and Epona every time it rides Expecting But is that like rides it I was gonna say milking Link likes to get it straight from the source

He doesn't believe in pasteurization. No, no, no. He's a raw milk guy. He just drinks it. Yeah, he loves raw milk. He eats shit he finds on the ground all the time. He's a baller, dude. He doesn't give a shit.

Well, okay, so let's- I picked up a melon in the fucking desert recently. Link just hoed into that. He loved it. Desert melon. So you have the Gorons. Do they have a king? No.

What's his name? He's got a throne, but I don't think they ever call him king. They go to the throne room. Yeah. So the Gorons must be- And then you play the Saria song and he dances and gets hot.

Do the Goron mines produce metals for the citizens of Hyrule? I would assume, right? They would have to because there's no one. Yeah, there's no other mines. Explosives are made in Gorons' towns. But is there any like people, was it Hylians?

Hylians. Are there any Hylians there mining minerals? No, it's all Gorons. It's all Gorons. But that's just a matter of physiology because the Gorons can hack the heat of death. And also they eat rocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're stoked.

It's like if we worked in a sandwich mine. That would be awesome, but I'd get fired for eating all of the products. Yes. Are you meant to eat the product, though? Because that's where... What are we getting paid in? Because if we eat rocks, we got what we need.

What are they paying? Well, maybe money to buy stuff from other nations. A nice Goron hat? Yeah, a Goron hat or whatever. Goron pants. What does Hyrule have to offer Goron? Well, maybe Hyrule offers some kind of broader protection that I don't understand.

Are we getting protected from the Gerudos? Are we all living in Hyrule? Because Hyrule, i.e. the city of Hyrule, the Hyrule castle, Castle Town, Dingus Village, and the other Dingus Village. But that nation is the only nation that has a standing army. Yes. The others do not.

They have soldiers, kind of. They've got warriors, I guess. But Hyrule's the only one that's got an organized army, so maybe it's from foreign threats? Gerudo Village also often has an army. Yes, it does. Gerudo Village has an army. It seems like Gerudos, they seem like they're all kind of trained.

Like, every person. They are a warrior race. It's like, yes, we have a standing army. It's called us. The Hylians have some real fucking doofuses. Yeah, it's not even a good standing army. Yeah, some of them, like, those guys are just dancing in Kakariko Village. No, in Castle Town the whole time.

Well, who are they protecting us from? I don't know. Aliens? Well, maybe it's, no, in Castle Town the whole time. Who are they protecting us from? I don't know. Aliens? Well, maybe it's like perceived threats, like people from beyond the borders of Hyrule. We're like, they might come get us. Yeah, it's tricky because we don't know how big, because Hyrule is just everything, really.

Yeah. And I don't know if the games are representative and it's meant to be like I would assume actually the distances are far broader but because it's a game and like Hyrule is earth

and the cities are countries nations it just seems but that doesn't make sense yeah it just seems like alright

if I'm a citizen of Hyrule and I'm like alright cool like why do I care about what's going on in the castle are they again what are they doing for me are they taking my money cool. Why do I care about what's going on in the castle? Again, what are they doing for me?

Are they taking my money? Do I have money? Are they taking my rupees? They're taking your rupees. I guess Link. Yeah. I guess, well, Zammett, we know what the answer to today's question from Zammett is. Wouldn't have noticed Link too busy wondering, should I hate Princess Zelda or should I like her? Do I like...

Am I... Do I... What's going on? I think I'd just be annoyed at Link because I'd be watching him and I'd be like, any fucking...

He's the bumbling idiot. Anyone could do this. Give me that sword. Everyone could do this. Maybe I'm the guy. Yeah, yeah. No, I think I would... I wouldn't be like,

maybe I'm the guy. I'd just be like, literally anyone could be the guy. Which is why I'm like... I don't respect him. I'm the guy I'd just be like literally anyone could be the guy which is why I'm like I don't respect him everyone yeah I could

it's like yeah how many people how many failed attempts how many false prophets have there been well you never see any in the games but you would imagine

that people would be like I mean if anyone could be the guy anyone could be because that's the whole thing or is it like the moment you're like oh my name's not Link

well never mind well then I'm not the guy because it just seems to be like if you know the guy is can be because that's the whole thing right or is it like the moment you're like oh my name's not Link well never mind well then I'm not the guy yeah because it just seems to be like if you know the guy is there and he does the thing you're like well the guy

was that was lucky he did the thing because I know I would not have done the thing yeah but then any of these moments where you're like oh where's the guy

well I guess actually the trick is that it happens so infrequently that it's only when Link appears that you kind of remember that there is a guy yeah so is it a thing where it's like maybe everyone is complacent because it always seems that oh things

it's not that things start to fall to shit things fall to shit yeah it goes bad it's usually suddenly well the way that the games are structured yeah it's usually like a very sudden thing yeah and often link has started his adventure yeah just around the time that it gets really bad. So you're actually not thinking about the guy because the guy's not relevant to your life beyond like, it would be like thinking, am I King Arthur? Yeah. Am I King Arthur?

And then suddenly the castle just gets blown up and you're like, oh no. Or it's like if you see a guy running around. Oh, never mind. It's like you see a guy running around doing like, I don't know, fighting. It's hard to give a a guy running around doing, I don't know, fighting. It's hard to give a modern example, but just, I don't know, you see a guy around town clearly doing errands. Yeah. And then something terrible happens, and then you see that guy step up to the plate,

and then you're like, oh, that's actually King Arthur. Like I saw him running around. I wasn't sure. He was helping people out. I saw someone on the street do a good thing, and I was like, oh, that's actually King Arthur. Like, I saw him running around. I wasn't sure. He was helping people out. I saw someone on the street do a good thing. And I was like, oh, that's nice. It's where, you know, faith in humanity. There it is.

That's beautiful. And then the world felt the shit. And that guy was there. He pulls out Excalibur. You're like, oh, okay. Because a lot of the 3D Zelda games start before things go to shit. And then it's about halfway through the game, things really go to shit. Okay.

But the 2D ones, like A Link to the Past and stuff like that, that the game things really go to shit but the 2D ones like A Link to the Past and stuff like that that starts and things are shit so it's like oh uncle's dead

cop it yeah yeah yeah it just seems I'd be very worried those moments where like

Link isn't appeared I think it would be very complacent I think that's the whole problem maybe with Hyrule because it just seems a lot there. I think that's the whole problem, maybe, with Hyrule, because it just seems that a lot... There's three people

that are very important, that really change the world. Everyone else is like, would I be angry then? Because I'm like, no matter what I do, it's really up to the whims of three fuckers. Nah, baby, pressure's off. I see Ganondorf come, I'm like, that is categorically not my problem.

Time to keep looking for truffles or whatever I'm doing. I'm like that is categorically not my problem yeah yeah yeah time to keep looking for truffles or whatever I'm doing yeah but then you're like I'm working as a truffle pig I get paid in the truffles that are bad yeah

it's a modest living but someone's gonna do it someone's gonna do it a pig could do it most of the time they do but something's better than me but yeah so you're there

you know truffleuffle picking around. I'm there mucking the stables, and I'm there whatever, and then suddenly, like, Ganon appears, and I'm like, this is all going to be up in fucking flames. God damn it. I guess it's kind of a similar concept of today if we had, like, say, maniacs who had the finger on the button. We'd be like, oh.

Yeah. Well, I guess, yeah. There it goes. Nothing I did fucking did nothing. You guys are taking two different approaches. To me, where mine is just, I'm looking at this guy and I'm like, I just saw this fucking idiot walk off a cliff wrong.

He rode his horse off that cliff. What the fuck? He just shot a wild- Tears of the Kingdom glitched the horse so that it's kind of on the cliff. And then he's sitting down at the bottom of the cliff, whistling again and again, and you're like, that horse ain't coming down. There's no way that horse is coming down.

Dude, what the... Get a new horse. Get a new horse! And then he runs around in a circle, comes back, whistles for the horse. You see him climb up the cliff, get on the horse, try and move it, get off the horse. Give up!

I was like, literally anyone could do this. Everyone's like, ooh, destiny. I'm like, nope. Anyone can be Link. Who cares? I could be Link. You're the guy. And then you could become the guy. Then I accidentally do the trials and then I'm suddenly standing at the bottom of the cliff whistling

at my horse. Get down from there! Yeah, I just think it's one of those things. If what's all happening, the guy is there, great. But the moment where the guy isn't there, that's when things get real scary. Because what I keep thinking as well is that there's got to be a point where, so, Ganondorf blows up Hyrule. Fair enough. That's a guy situation.

Fair enough. Fair enough. I get it but there's got to be stuff that's like a little bit lower but still pretty bad that maybe isn't a guy situation well when hyrule floods in windley it's not a guy situation link link ain't there yeah but the gods do that i guess so yeah because again like how many times like there's something have to happen and then you're just like you know we're the hero for this. Like, oh, I got mugged or I saw someone get mugged or someone got murdered.

I guess it's got to be a danger to all of Hyrule, I suppose. But Link sometimes does help with that stuff. Yeah, that's what I mean. But does that summon him? No. Yeah. So if I was like, what about this?

I'm going to kill the king of Hyrule with an axe. Yeah. You're just going to say that out loud. Yeah, I say that out loud and look around. Nobody's stopping me to say that out loud. Yeah, I say that out loud and look around. Nobody's stopping me, and I win either way. What do I mean by that? Not sure.

Wait, is your plan to try and summon Link to ask him to find your wallet or whatever, or is your plan to kill the King of Hyrule with an axe? I guess I was more wondering, if I attack the King of Hyrule with an axe and kill him, is that a- The King dies all the time. Yeah, so it's not a guiable offense. the king of Hyrule with an axe and kill him is that a king dies all the time Yes, it's not a guy. I feel attacks Princess Zelda with an axe yeah guy a bullet fence Like when is the guy coming like how probably end up falling in a coma or something and then? You would all of a sudden be in charge of all of high but also is it if you get a Zelda you get it blink

Or do you have Zelda's without links and you have? You've got always the reincarnated goddess Hylia. Yeah. So what's going on there? I don't know. Because some links don't have a Zelda. Yeah.

Well, or the game doesn't have a Zelda at least. I just think... No, but they all have Zeldas. It's just they're not necessarily... They're not Zeldas. No, it's like no no no they have a Zelda

Majora's Mask no Zelda in the game but it's a Zelda equivalent but does that mean if the moment I see Princess Zelda get coronated I'm like

we're fucked does he go back that far there it is okay the king is announcing brand new daughter Zelda

I'm like time to hightail it out of town this cannot end well. I'll be in Death Mountain, which also seems like a terrible place to live. I love the Gorons. Damn, it's hot. Why do they call it Death Mountain?

Sure, nothing bad happens to me. I'm going to hang out with the Zorans. Oh, shit, I can't swim. Yeah, you're going to be saying that. The moment you pick to go hang out with the Zoras, I'm like, I bet he's going to fuck a Zora. I hear he's moving there for the Zorusi. Yeah, that's true. I am.

You're sitting there trying to eat rocks. Paddling water. So it's all down, yeah? No part of this place is up at all. And I can't breathe under there? You can, though. That seems unfair. my head is on a pike at the

Garuda village I didn't I could not understand what they were saying yeah no matter loud what are you

talking about I don't understand dead yeah okay head on a pike that's good I guess

I don't know if I would yeah I just get to a level of complacent yeah or a level of like the whole world's if I would yeah I just get to a level of complacent yep or a level of like the whole world's gone to shit yeah

I miss what it used to be where was Link then where was this hero of time with the and then or wins or viral

yeah or budgeted stuff hero of Minish hero of hats yeah hero of Minish yeah yeah hero of hats

that's what I said. Hats, you said. Okay. Yeah, well, I think... He's got another weird one I can't remember. It just seems strange to have a... Hero of Trains? Have a hero to fix all these problems.

So you either then, yeah, just become like, well, he'll fix it. But he does. I know. So it's awesome. What does he want, though? Yeah! Yeah! Go, Link! What does he want, though? Go, Link!

What does he want? To save his girlfriend or friends. To save his girlfriend and the world, and he does save the world. I mean, I guess. He might also do it because he fucking hates Ganondorf and wants to kill him. Yeah, he saves the world. And when Wiccan, he stabs him through the head. That's great and all, but he leaves the sword there.

That rules. If you start working at Long Long Ranch when things go wrong, you'll end working at Long Long Ranch when he fixes everything. Okay. Yeah, it's good. Okay, I guess. It's good. Yeah, it's awesome. Link rocks. Just go milk those horses at Long Long Ranch and don't even worry about it. Don't let it bother your little mind.

Would I trust Link himself, though? No, because I would look at him and be like, he could be anyone, but then I guess I'd just be happy it's not me. Yeah, exactly. I don't have to kill a man with a sword whilst he's trying to kill me with fireballs. It could be you. Yeah, but I don't want it to be me. Well, then if Link's around, you're good. Yeah, it'd be chill.

You don't know if it's... If I see a guy rolling around in a green tunic, brother, I'm feeling the safest I've ever felt in my life. Yeah, look, you know what? I'll go milk that horse and I'll be like, hey. That's what I like to do. Yeah, don't think about it too much. Don't worry about it. Here's a free bottle on me.

Drink that horse milk, Link, from games. Let me teach you the milking hymn that we have. Drink that milk from a horse. Horse milk's the best. It's full of nutrients. I love the milk song. We do, dude. Yeah.

Really fattens you up. Yeah. And you need that to fight that big man. That's true. Yeah. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel.

Link, he's all right. And if you don't see him, it could be you, but don't worry about it, because it probably won't be you if you don't try. Either way, drink that milk. Drink horse milk. It's probably good. You can make cheese out of it, butter. Yeah, I'll drink horse milk.

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