Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 82 - The Boyz R Back in Town
Episode Date: March 26, 2021In this episode the guys are joined by nobody, just good ol classic Soren and Daniel. Dan does a fantastic Star Wars bit, and then another bit doesn't really go anywhere, but its still super great l...istening! And as per usual, big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Tushy, Go to hellotushy.com/qq get  10% off and FREE SHIPPING. And thanks to Honey, shop with confidence — get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/qq
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Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the
podcast where two best friends and comedy writers separated by 3,000 miles of land and
lake get together to ask and answer all of life's most pressing questions like, who's
got the juice?
Get it?
Because like, juice is a thing you press.
I am one half of this podcast, author of the book how to fight presidents staff writer for last week
tonight with john oliver and guy who has uh already expelled all of the energy he has for
this episode of the podcast daniel o'brien joined as always by the trickster soren buoy soren say
hello everybody i'm soren buoy i will happily accept that baton, Daniel, while you rest.
Rest on your laurels, my friend.
A boy who grew up in a log cabin
at the end of a road you had to hike up when the blizzards
brought too much snow. Who had a lot
of time alone as a child to just
sit high up in the pinyon
trees and think about how much
hotter Kathy Ireland was when her hair was
wet than when it was dry. And like, you know,
just like, what that means you know um did you say pinion tree pinion pinion
pinion opinion pines okay I'm gonna I'm gonna Google that pinion what's your
opinion nuts come from that you're putting in all your pestos okay that
looks like a fun climbable tree yeah it was a lot of sap on
them but otherwise very nice climbing trees uh daniel you skipped rivers do you have something
against rivers we're separated by land and lakes but rivers didn't get a shot yeah so so here's
what i have against rivers is that he comes off as incredibly sweet but when weezer was up for
the cover of rolling stone he almost threw that all away so he could go to like a silent meditation retreat.
And it's like, what about Pat?
What about Mike?
What about the rest of your band, Rivers?
I liked it on the map.
We've drawn out between us lakes and then wherever Rivers Cuomo is, he's on that map
as well.
And he's the only other thing represented.
That was, did I ever actually tell you about that, that, that Rolling Stones story that I'm citing right now?
It's, it was like a real interview when,
when back in the day when Weezer was on the cover for Rolling Stone
and Rivers Cuomo was in the interview being,
I mean, just like being broadly weird and Rivers Cuomo,
where you can't tell if he's like,
like such a sensitive artist that he's a strange alien or if he's just an asshole.
And he was talking about how when he was first asked if Weezer would be on the cover, it conflicted with either a meditation thing, a yoga thing, or something that was just like a fully silent 30-day retreat.
Something I'm going to...
I don't want it to sound dismissive.
I'm being dismissive of it, but I don't want it to sound that way.
Something very new agey that he wanted to do.
And he was like, oh, I don't know.
I kind of already had this thing booked.
This crunchy shit.
I don't know if I can do Rolling Stone.
And the rest of the band, Weezer, who got into music to be a rock and roll band
and probably get on the cover of rolling stone was like this little fucking idiot yeah it's gonna
he just might blow our chance of being on the cover of rolling stone because it's more interesting to
him to turn it down in favor of a dumb little retreat we're not that's not gonna we're gonna
do it we're gonna talk Rivers into doing
the cover of Rolling Stone.
And they did,
which is nice for them.
Oh, I thought,
I thought that story
was gonna end with them
doing it without him.
And I thought that would be
amazing because
that would have been so great.
In general,
the band does not like him,
but he is like the inspiration
in the heart of the band.
In a way,
we're like,
if you hated your own heart,
what would you do?
Yeah.
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Well, did you know Kathy Ireland when you were a kid?
Was she of your generation or was that too early for you?
I think that's too early for me.
Okay.
of your generation or was that too too early for you i think that's too early for me okay kathy ireland used to be a darling of the front of the swimsuit uh iterations of sports illustrated
okay and she was she was like she's a budweiser uh model and stuff like that she was very popular
oh she was in the movie unnecessary roughness no necessary roughness um she was the kicker and
she was somebody who as a child i was like she's very beautiful and i there are a lot of pictures
of her obviously in sports illustrated and stuff because they do all those on beaches where her
hair is very wet and as a kid i was like i i like that and i don't know why and then there are other
pictures of her where she's just being a general human being with kind of like blown out 80s hair and i was like she's not as pretty she's get her wet
and i just didn't couldn't couldn't conceive of why that was so i went back when i was writing
this and looked at pictures of her and i was like yeah nice standby she was really really
attractive for some reason when her hair was wet yeah i. I mean, that's got to be like some kind of primal connection to sex and sweat, right?
It's got to be.
I think so.
Yeah.
Like I had to think about, is this an embarrassing thing to admit?
I got to think this through all the way.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I guess it must be.
Yeah.
Or I just like the way it like hangs.
Yeah.
I don't think that's unique to you.
And unless someone who emails the show will tell me otherwise,
I don't think it makes you a bad person either.
I don't think it's a thing that can be traced back to like,
men like a wet woman because a wet woman does what she's told or something like that.
If that is somewhere in our DNA, then I apologize on behalf of that.
But I do think there is some like innate connection to sex because I certainly remember watching Little Mermaid growing up.
And when she is out of the water and her hair is, even though she's wet the entire movie, practically, when she's out of the water and her hair is like damp and she's wrapped in a a sail there was something in my 12 year old brain
that was like i like this more than yeah ocean ariel i don't know why i'm not gonna ask anyone
i know that i'm supposed to keep that one pretty close to the chest i don't know if it was
conditioning or something innate like some lizard part you're like you're right there's like there's
the flash dance moment where she flips her hair back when she comes up to the surface and she has a child
you're like whoa play that again let me see that part again uh well let's let's probably try to
move away from this as quickly as possible and get into the to the show where we ask each other
questions and give each other answers um my quick question
to you is gonna segue right right at uh i mean i feel like i need to address just how flustered
uh and and and scattered i am right now and that's what's gonna i think my question will
inform that hey so on a quick question go ahead go ahead. You're a writer. You are often on deadline with your scripts.
I am just finished.
I just met my most recent deadline.
Yes.
Minutes before this conversation.
And I want to know when you are on deadline
and it's the day a thing is due, what essential parts of your day and life slip away?
What things ultimately get sacrificed?
Because we like to think that we can just keep ourselves to a schedule and like, I'm an adult, I can hit a deadline.
And I can hit the deadline because i am an adult but that deadline doesn't get met for me anyway without a bunch of
things uh falling off the side of the bed and i watch them one by one today fall off and i'm
curious what yours are i i first of all i'll preface it by saying that it's not just the day
it's like though the week leading up to
the deadline i i let everything else go in my life it's like it just falls into dilapidation
i've got i mean not my family my those things i don't uh i will still spend just as much time with
my children uh and that's sort of by not necessarily of a design that's just by it has to be that way
when they're home i'm with them because there's no way I could possibly write with them around.
But everything else, bills, I'll be like, I can wait.
Emails, I don't even look at emails for that whole period.
I'm just like, no, I don't need, I don't want to think about all this other stuff.
My general hygiene, if like I don't happen to shower in those couple of days, I'm like,
well, you know, this is all be over soon.
It's just, I just got to finish this race.
Once I get across the finish line, I will even out.
I promise as a human being.
Um, and I'll eat terribly.
I, I let it all go.
Like everything that's not whatever I'm working on.
It's, it's no longer a priority except my children and my wife.
I'm glad you mentioned eating because that was the first thing to go for me today.
Because I keep myself just even separate from having a work schedule and work deadlines.
I have a pretty simple to-do list every single day.
Some things that I do every day and some things that I set the night before that is like, also do this. Even if it's like email this person,
text this person, it goes on the list because I like to have a guidepost for how I can spend my
time. And looking at my list and all the things that I had set out to do today, the first one to just cross off as that's,
we're going to say goodbye to that was dinner. I still held out hope that like, well, I,
I still want to have my time where I sit in my little reading chair and read a little bit.
So I'm not going to cross that off yet. And I still, I have to run. I love to run. So I'm not
going to cross that off yet. Dinner. Yeah, man, you're not going to die if you skip a meal tonight.
Yeah.
It's how quickly just taking care of yourself falls off the back of a truck when you're
like, you're, you're basically pouring yourself into something and not to be too romantic
about it, but like, you're like, I don't matter.
I no longer matter.
This is the only thing that matters.
Yeah.
And speaking of romantic, this didn't happen uh this night but plenty of
times in the past when i've been on deadline if i've been like flirting casually with a person
over text sending flirty texts as you do and then it gets close to the deadline uh i'm a
wildly different person like all of the the stuff that i strive to be when i'm texting a new person
in a flirtatious way which is like like available and fun and attentive and charming.
That's like, no, that guy's dead.
I'm busy now.
And like, we don't know each other well enough that I can understand, that I can like explain to you.
Fuck off.
Right.
In like a cute way.
So I'll just be silent.
Which is way better i i mean i've talked to you on the phone and i don't know if i've mentioned on this podcast before it's that you
anytime i've talked to daniel on the phone there's very much the air of the entire conversation is
why the fuck are you calling me oh no i mean i get it it seems very angry every time you talk to him on the phone
and so i know what that being on the receiving end of that must feel like for these women
but i guess you just be like i can't you just be honest with them can't you just be like listen
i've got i work for uh kind of an emmy award winning. And I've got this deadline. This one's probably going to win an Emmy.
Honestly,
I can't talk right now.
I think what I've,
what I've landed on is,
uh,
the same as you're saying,
finish the race.
Like,
like once the race is done,
then I'm going to shower.
Then I'm going to eat.
Then I'm going to,
I'm going to check my mail. And then I'm going to say, Hey,'m going to eat, then I'm going to, I'm going to check my mail.
And then I'm going to say, Hey, I'm sorry. I, uh, uh, I meant to text you back sooner, but,
uh, my foot's been caught in a bear trap or, or whatever, something that, that keeps me away from
a phone for two hours, even though we all know that's not true. Sometimes like, I feel like the
things that fall off are things that would actually make it much easier for you to write.
And your brain works differently during that time.
I can remember I just finished a script not long ago.
And during that time writing, noticing that my nails were clacking the keyboard and had that uncomfortable feeling.
And I was looking at them like, my nails are very long.
Oh, those will be nice to cut next week.
And just keep on going.
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slash QQ. So I have my work computer with me and I have my personal laptop.
And my personal laptop has been slowly but steadily breaking for a while now in ways that don't make it unusable,
but just make it very inconvenient to use.
So I bought a new laptop as my personal laptop that I'm going to open after this podcast tonight as a treat.
But in the meantime, I've been trying to operate this keyboard where sometimes the P doesn't work.
Oh, Daniel.
I've just been typing scripts or as I email them to my boss, scrits.
Just being like, it's fine.
I'll do this later.
The P's will come in later.
Everyone just needs to shut up and let me do this.
And then I'll shower and I'll eat and I'll flirt and I'll send peas to all the people in town.
I don't think everybody understands it either.
My wife is not in the same field as we are.
And she, when I'm trying to write and like she
comes to me with logistical questions about our life like things that are coming up in two weeks
or anything i'm like i i it's hard to like convey how i rate i get in my own brain where i'm like
is this should i be mad at her does how could she be treating me like this doesn't she know that i'm
in the middle of something like none of that matters none of that matters yeah um and uh it's it I have to like really temper myself because if I'm like really
if I snap at her where I'm like no I don't care just do do it out like if I treat it like that
then it's like why are you being like this why are you being awful right I don't know it's just
who I am during this very short period of time and once I get into writing like I don't want to
bounce back out of it because then I'm gonna fall back into it just like sleep and like i don't
i don't i don't want to do this right now yeah it's really you do have to tempt yourself because
your brain short circuits and if you give into your impulse and flip out that's something that
you have to deal with for a very long time yeah it's much easier if you just say look i'm in i'm in a zone right now and i'm up against the deadline it's very stressful um
i'm sorry i'm not going to be available yeah for anything right now i'm saying that to you
in those words at this moment because i handed in my script 45 minutes ago baby so i so suddenly
i've got my vocabulary back again i would uh, when we worked at Cracked, it was much worse because the deadlines were much tighter and you had to continue doing the rest of your job while writing your column.
And you wanted your column to be good.
It only had your name on it.
Like that was yours.
And so there would be nights where I would be writing up until the deadline of 5 a.m. in the morning when it had to go live on the site and like frantically putting stuff together and uh that was back then i don't think she quite like it was all brand new to her
so like she didn't there was there was no etiquette in like when she would come up and be like oh do
you think we should get a new couch and at the time i was like what no why are we thinking about this right now but now she i she totally gets it she's very cool
about it and like she knows that when i'm writing like that's my time and she's awesome she's
perfect yeah uh she is great and that's a miracle that she put up with a potentially relationship
ending fight over a cracked article that, hey, 90% possibility does not exist online anymore.
I did just go looking for them.
Shout out to Robert Rockway and Sean Baby,
who have a podcast called 1-900-HOT-DOG and a website,
accompanying website.
And I was going to go on their podcast.
And they're like, will you bring in an article that you wrote that you like
and just talk about it?
And I was like, yeah, sure.
And I went looking for this one.
And I was like, this is just gone from I went looking for this one and I was like,
this is just gone from the internet.
I don't think this exists anymore.
The site's impossible to use.
There's a search function, maybe,
but like nothing comes up.
And when I went to my,
you could finally find a columnist page.
I went and found it.
It was only podcasts in there,
like episodes of Jack's podcast that I had done.
And I was like, okay, I don't know. All my work's gone it's fine yeah i think it's um i'm glad that that was
your reaction to all of your work being gone because it was mine too and i think it's uh
it's very good news that i uh happen to be in a really good mental and emotional place
right now because as i was cleaning up my my computer that's on the way out
i was like going through all of my files to see what what i can save and as i'm going through it
and moving stuff i realized that there's a whole lot of cracked stuff that i don't have on that
computer and then i checked online and there's a lot of it that just doesn't exist anymore so
i was like huh that's like a...
I didn't really maintain a resume because I had like this living resume of constantly growing works online.
And now that just doesn't exist anymore.
Yeah.
Huh.
Well, I hope I never lose my job.
Yeah.
Good thing jobs are forever.
Daniel, I have a question for you. Oh, wait uh i have more to say i'm sorry go
ahead go ahead um it's okay it's uh i think it um it paints me as the villain i was re-watching
hook recently yeah i didn't finish it which is uh which is probably gonna be very telling but
in the beginning when robin williams is doing
his whatever that bizarre billion dollar deal is that that requires him to fly to another country
to like be there when the deal gets signed because you know how billion dollar deals work when you're
like an auditor or whatever his job is uh his whole family is uh upset that he's not spending
enough time with them and not going to the kids baseball
game and and like not enjoying their vacation time together and uh i know that the point of
the movie is that he's wrong for doing that but when i'm up up against the deadline i'm like
fuck your baseball game you're gonna have another baseball game can you just can we all just be adults for a second yeah i i mean as a parent there are moments
where the mass slips where like you you want them to believe they're the most important thing in the
world and you would sacrifice anything for them because that's what gives you a healthy foundation
for the rest of your life is to know that you're loved and supported but there are times where i'm
like i don't have time for that you don't understand
this is what's keeping us alive
listen you like playing
baseball because you have
a uniform and a glove
and a bat and I need to close this deal
so that I can get you more things that you
will eventually love
you're not even going to like
baseball next summer when all the other kids grow and you don't.
You're going to want to be into something else then.
You're going to get into arts and crafts and then I got to buy all that shit.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll finish my rewatch of Hook and I'll learn the lesson of the movie.
I watched it again without my child and i can't remember why i watched it
again but i really enjoyed it i think you probably watched it again because it it recently popped up
on um one of the many streaming services that we all had and was just like the the prominent
feature of that movie worked on both of our brains yeah i i remember a long time ago, we had a mutual friend,
Liana Mabey,
who,
I think she was starting a podcast that was such a brilliant idea
of like,
who did you want to be
when you were younger?
What character did you try to emulate?
Yeah.
And as I watched it again,
I was like,
of course, Rufio.
Like, I wanted to be Rufio so badly.
That moment where he says,
where they talk about pirates,
he's like,
we kill pirates.
Where like, he's just like, got his hands out to his sides he's just so cool he's wearing all kinds of like bones and
shit and i was like that's me that's me forever i'm being that kid i picked shmi i picked i picked
bob hoskins i don't even think i knew i associated with the character i was like
bob hoskins that seems like a comfortable route for me.
It does look like a U plus 40 years.
Maybe not Shmi, but Bob Hoskins in general.
Yeah.
I'll wear that.
That's fine with me.
All right.
Do you want to go to another question?
Yeah, I'm out of things to say for the episode.
Oh, great.
Then I'll take over from here.
Daniel, quick question.
Yeah, go ahead.
Sorry.
You really are out of things to say.
My goodness. What's a character character like a small character from a movie
maybe they just have like one or two lines that you just wish you could have been there for the
auditions for like one that's so weird and out there or like the delivery is very strange that
you think what must the casting have been like for this like how many people did they pass on to get
this and i can give you an example of mine if you want first so you can think about it
in the movie shawshank redemption there's a guard named guard wiley uh who i think he's got like
maybe like five lines but this is a movie that's um very somber in tone takes itself very seriously and has sort of a beautiful air throughout the entire thing,
very touching. And then there's a moment in it where right before Andy Dufresne plays the record
player over the loudspeaker so everyone can hear, the reason he's able to do that is because the
guard who has almost no other lines leaves for a second and says, I'm going to go pinch a loaf. When I come back, this is all gone, all right?
So there's just this weird moment where he says,
in another way, a movie that has like a vernacular of the time,
there's this weird anachronistic moment where a guy goes,
I'm going to go pinch a loaf.
And like, that means that they had to hold generals for that.
They had general editions.
And I don't know if you've ever been to a general edition, but it's basically you, a
bunch of other people that kind of look like you.
Sometimes they bring you in three or four at a time.
You stand in a line, you slate, which means you give your name and stuff.
And then each one of you steps forward and says, I'm going to go pinch a loaf.
I'll be back in a minute.
And they had to do that.
A casting director had to listen to that 500 times in a day
some different people doing iterations of i gotta go pinch a loaf
man and the i know we we both know from uh you being involved in casting and me just like reading
and consuming a lot of information about it we know that the reason that someone gets a part has uh especially something like that has very little to do with
the actual performance of that line and it's a lot to do with like a look that the director or
casting director is going for it's like some kind of vibe that they want specifically so it's not
at all uh an endorsement of the actor who got it or an indictment against the actor who didn't.
That said, if you're the actor who didn't, you're kicking yourself for a long time.
And that's not even like, you're not watching Shawshank being like, you know, I was up for the Andy Dufresne part.
It's good.
They went with Tim.
That's good.
That's a smart move.
It's the guy who was sitting there
who's like,
I was the pinch-a-loaf guy
and I blew it.
That's his delivery?
That's what they wanted out of that?
Oh, boy.
I went way wrong.
It's also like they had to, somebody had to leave work, whatever their other job was in
the middle of the day, they're a waiter or whatever they are. It's like, I got to go on
this audition. Like this could be big for me. Drive in traffic for two hours, go park their
car, feed a meter, rush upstairs. Oh, it's running late. They got to run back downstairs, feed the
meter, come back up. Oh no, you missed your turn.
Oh, we'll put you at the back of the list.
They finally get to the room and they say,
I'm going to go pinch a loaf.
And then that's it.
They drive two hours back to their job and just pray.
Maybe they walk in the room and they're like,
hey, I read the short story.
This is based on huge, huge fan.
Love Stephen King.
This is really great.
I'm so glad you guys are making this.
This is very exciting.
Okay.
Do you want me to just say Slate full name?
Okay, great.
Here's some BTS too,
is that that scene is not in the short story.
And when Stephen King saw the movie
where Andy Dufresne plays the music over the loudspeaker
and won't let the warden in,
he said, I wish I would have written that.
And I really hope that he just wish he would have written it because of the scene, like
at the beginning of that scene where the guy goes, I'm going to go pitch a loaf.
And Stephen King was like, yes.
Oh God.
Oh, I want that so bad.
I'm so jealous.
That's what it was missing.
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me to go again or if you're ready to go uh yeah i have one mine is uh unsurprisingly a star wars
thing and it's one of those uh i think we've talked about before lines that like stick out
to you and your family but but aren't necessarily like famous lines or quotable lines.
And this is one from Empire Strikes Back.
Leia is going around telling all of the troops
what their plan is.
And one of the troops who,
his name is never said in the movie,
as she's going over this plan,
he pipes up to say,
two fighters against a Star Destroyer?
And she never
answers him directly she's like looks at him for him to say that and then
continues going on with the plan about how how well equipped they are to handle
the mission that they have at hand and I mean the in general is seen we're like
no one is doing a Q&A read read the mission, except this one guy.
It's very funny to me.
Um, B, it's funny that, like, this is Empire Strikes Back, so Leia's proven herself.
A lot's already happened.
You're just some fucking guy.
You don't even get a name.
You're just in an orange jumpsuit with the rest of these, these poor bastards.
And you weren't picked
for this mission because
you're a master of strategy, I
imagine. So when the general is like
going around doing her war room pitch
she's not looking
for you, who I think is, the guy is chewing
gum in the scene somehow, just like
gnawing on some space gums like
two cruisers against a star destroyer?
As if she hadn't done the spaceship math in her plan
and needed this guy to fill in some blanks for her.
All that's funny.
It's funny that he doesn't get a response
and is fine not getting a response.
They're just like, whatever, who gives a shit?
We're all going to die in space anyway.
And the final part of it
that's funny to me is that he's just not a he's not a great actor yeah so i don't know if if if
two fighters against a star destroyer was written and a bunch of people read for it or uh what i
lean towards which is he is somebody's buddy or nephew.
And they're like, we'll give him a line in a Star War.
And then our debts are paid. You know, whatever family favor I'm doing, we're square now because I let fucking Richie say eight words in a Star Wars movie.
Right.
He got screen time.
Yeah.
He earned his SAG card with that.
It's so funny.
I bet it was even filmed like six months later.
Like they happened to, they knew they needed it.
They're like, well, where can we fit it in?
Look, Leia does this weird thing where she looks over there.
I don't know why.
When she's talking, let's just, let's put a guy over there and let's have him say a thing.
And you and I have been in collaborative rooms before.
I won't equate it to actually fighting a war or anything,
but you don't bring up a problem without offering a solution.
You don't just like shout out.
I don't think this is going to work.
That's like the worst thing you can do.
She's absolutely right for not saying anything to him.
It's like,
no,
you've broken etiquette at this point.
If we come back from this,
I'm, I, we're going to have a big long hard talk yeah i mean like i i understand that
it's it's war and you're rebels and and like everyone's scared and everyone's nervous but
you don't just basic chain of command dictates that when the general speaking you don't say
that's your plan yeah absolutely and especially because like her response to him is um uh we have ion cannons like it's not even
directed to him she's just like continuing her speech and uh in a very passive-aggressive like
also by the way all of our ships are armed with cannons it's staring so we'll be we'll be we'll be shooting the whole time too
i wonder if that was somebody's uh if that was nepotism or if they really did audition that
person like george lucas was insistent that this part because that feels like it goes to the
cutting room floor immediately that's like a line where as soon as you're reading through the script
for the 47th time you're like oh we can trim some fat right here like this is an easy lift um it's
absolutely it's very possible that that never gets lifted out because of george lucas being george
lucas who's who's watching cut after cut and he's like the audience will have the same question so
we better address it we can't leave that out otherwise
it'll take the audience out of the movie i don't want people in the theater saying
two fighters against a star destroyer and you got other people in the room who are like no
one's gonna say that george you're the only one who doesn't understand what's good about your
movies george there it might also have been a studio note where the studio was like seems pretty
imbalanced this fight don't you think they ought to address that and the writer going okay i'll take a look at it
yeah oh yeah let me let me i like that let me play with that let me say yeah let me see what
happens i mean no guarantees obviously but i'll look at it i'll look at it see if there's room for
it okay oh yeah that's exactly what it was i'm not thinking about it it's like the studio would
have been like their big note would have been not even for that scene it would have been like
you can't just they wouldn't actually send two two cruisers after a star destroyer or whatever it is
and uh we think that maybe they maybe they should send more like what would be more this and the
writer going yeah yeah yeah okay i get that i get that so it's you seen you're saying that it's
impractical yeah yeah it's impractical that okay well let me see what i can do like let me see what i can
shift around and then just adding one line to be like to satisfy what they want that's that is
perfect raider etiquette this is i don't know if this is if i'm supposed to be uh very surprised by this or if i should have i should have known that this
would be par for the course but the character who says two fighters against the star destroyer
has a wikipedia page what oh wait i guess that makes sense there's like an ice cream
parlor guy who has a whole backstory there is no dialogue derrick hobby clivian a male human from the planet
ralleteer this was not in the film fellas
that's people bringing things to their character like when i used to be when i used to be an actor
you'd go through classes and things and you're entering the classes they'd be like all right well
i want you to have one secret as your character never revealed throughout you know whatever
you're acting in but you hold that secret and you carry it with you in every single scene
and like it just gives you an extra um an extra element to your character that provides some
depth to your reactions and things like that and i love that this guy who only has one line probably
did the same shit it was like filled out this entire thing and he was like okay this is who he
is this is him and and then afterwards was was like well the audience will want to know i'm gonna fill out
the wikipedia page you think it's him doing it yes absolutely i always wonder how much uh like
actual work actors put in to background stuff because i remember when i did uh local theater
as a child and was brag alert friedrich and the sound of music oh shit it was one of my first like
named parts in a play so I was I was like super fucking stoked about it and uh I remember early
in the rehearsal process the director talked to all of the von Trapp kids and was like now
I want all of you to write an essay as your character about what your character did over over a long week
without school and so i did that i went home and i i wrote like an essay as as friedrich i'm sure
it was dog shit but i did that and i came into the next rehearsal and i was like director i did that
i i i wrote my essay and he was like okay great and then and then just moved on and that was it like like there wasn't i was
assuming i would be graded as either daniel the writer or like friedrich the character but it was
just like yeah no that's a go ahead do it i don't care right that's the work that you're supposed
to do and i'm not supposed to see and uh my takeaway from that as a child actor was like, acting stupid.
There's homework I can't even win.
Having that kind of arsenal, knowing what a lot of actors do, the bullshitty, ball-washy stuff that actors do to get into character,
is actually really helpful when you're watching a movie then and you can find out later what they were actually doing. There's an exercise that I think a lot of actors
do where they add some percentage of
an animal to their character.
They're like, well, what would be...
This is a problematic
word, but their power animal.
What is the animal that this character
has the same sort of energy as
who I'm playing? If you watch
Fargo, Jesse
Plemons is playing
a cow. And he's
revealed that since then. And you
just watch it now and you watch who he is
and how docile and placid he is and you're like,
oh my god, he's a fucking cow. Yeah,
absolutely. In
Nightcrawler, Jake Gyllenhaal is playing
a coyote. And you're like,
oh shit, yeah, he really
is a coyote. It just all clicks in and it
feels very fun to to see afterwards i wish i want to know what animal this guy's doing so badly
um well i have one other one it's uh in the movie point break all-time classic at the end if you're
familiar with the scene he found Bodhi finds the perfect wave.
Johnny Utah has been chasing him down
all the way to Australia.
And Bodhi wants to go ride the wave.
It's a suicide mission because the wave is so big
that it's going to crush him no matter what.
You know, I never saw the movie,
but I thought he rides the wave to like hell
or like heaven or something, not hell,
like some kind of nirvana.
No? Yes yes he does
but he also dies um that's a stupid idea for a movie he goes out so johnny utah catches him put
some handcuffs on him as he's like on the beach bode can't get out to the water he's like please
please like let me go they're in a rain. It's a hurricane. This event will never happen again.
These waves will never be here.
And now Johnny Utah has learned the value of the surf
and is going to let Bodhi out there.
And so he undoes the handcuffs and lets him go out.
As Bodhi's paddling out into the hurricane,
these Australian police run up in the blizzard.
I mean, not blizzard but like in the
rainstorm and one of them says we'll get him when he comes back in and that's not me doing a bad
australian accent that's the dead on for what the character does we'll get it when he comes back in
it's so bad uh and this is like who they landed on, who they wanted for the part.
And then, of course, Johnny Utah says he's not coming back.
Which means, yeah, he's ascended.
At least his spirit has.
His body is crushed by waves.
And I just love thinking about what that audition was.
Because it has to be in the sides that the person got, that it's a big rainstorm.
So these people are in a little conference room, wherever they have the audition,
pretending to be in a terrible rainstorm. So these people are in a little conference room wherever they have the audition pretending to be in a terrible rainstorm. And then pretending to see a man surfing the biggest wave they've ever seen and saying in an Australian accent, shouting in an
Australian accent, we'll get him when he comes back in. Just over and over, 600 times over the
course of a week as they auditioned everybody for this role and
then that this was the guy that they got they're like well he's not australian uh in fact he's the
opposite somehow but we like him we're gonna have him do it i feel like even if i was a struggling
actor who wanted like any role and was desperate for anything i needed the money i knew that like
a speaking role immediately bumps your pay up considerably i needed the money i knew that like a speaking role immediately
bumps your pay up considerably i feel like i walk into that audition room
and i'm still saying like hey guys look i read the scene i don't think you need it i honestly
like a it doesn't it it adds nothing to the to the feel of the film apart from johnny utah saying he's not coming back which
sure that's a good line but like put it somewhere else b uh in the reality of the film if i was an
australian cop and i did want to communicate that we were going to catch the guy when he comes back
from the ocean i probably would stop myself because that's understood.
Johnny Utah wouldn't assume that I'm going to go surf him down.
We all know the guy's either going to die or come back.
And like, if I'm an Australian cop,
famously I'm expecting him to come swinging right back
like all of our our like our chief export
so i'd probably just sit and wait for him to boomerang his ass back here
and like not fill anyone in on my plan of waiting i want to dan do a quick quick exercise here where
i want you to be that actor and i'm going to be your agent on the phone telling you you got the part okay uh hey
hey josh uh good news that role in the untitled patrick swayze movie you got it buddy you got
the role oh okay um i had some so are we are they they married to uh let me just rattle it off thank you first of all for
the opportunity thank you very much for for for for booking me this is this is huge this is great
um do they are they completely married to the character what he says how he says it and what
he does in the movie or is that well that's what i want to talk to you about okay yes they are now
when they gave you the role they really like your look they loved it loved what you were doing
loved how you held on to your hat in the rain that was good yeah they got that that's what i was i
was going for like because you because you weren't in the room obviously i can't bring my agent in
the room but um so you didn't know this. It wasn't actually raining in the room.
I pretended that it was rainy.
And I read the across the page.
I'm not a nerd.
I do my homework like that.
That it was a hurricane.
And hurricanes, they're like really windy.
So I held my hat to pretend like, ooh, don't blow off.
That's my cop hat.
Yes, Josh.
Did they like that?
Okay.
They liked that. Now, their main concern
is that your accent
wasn't quite on. We can do
is we can get you an acting coach. Look, this doesn't shoot
for another six months. Okay.
So in that time. That's so much time.
We're going to
we're going to
get you brushed up. We're going to get you your Australian accent
like honed in. What do you say?
I say good day okay uh you you have a lot of time to work on this a lot of time i'm really
like counting on you to get it okay well let me just say uh where we're going we don't need time
okay see you josh yeah i'm not sure i understood the game that we were playing in that
little sketch we did i just wanted you to uh be josh hearing from his agent that because obviously
they they didn't shoot right away that guy had i've been in some things that i auditioned for
and got and then sat there for a very long time just thinking about this role and how to like
not embarrass myself and make it good and
this man had a lot of time to learn how to
do four words in an
Australian accent
and was like nah
I don't need it it's fine
what I did was good it's gonna be good
you get him
it does have like a weird
South African vibe to it you gotta watch the scene
it's very strange um all right well that uh if you did you have another one daniel um yes do it
not really this isn't really like a formed question i've just been thinking about um
truman show a lot lately huh this might... Do you ever think you're in a
Truman Show first of all? As a child all the time but in my adulthood no not as
much. Okay well you did the best you could but there was still judgment in
that answer Soren. I put away childish things when I grew up to be a man daniel why did you i think anytime i ask you a
question and you answer with as a child you should know how that's going to make me feel
did a spotlight fall on you what happened no i mean there there are two ridiculous parts to this
question and the first is us is a brief story that I mentioned that I'm staying in a little beach town.
My brother came down to visit me and we went for a run.
We did a morning run along the boardwalk.
And then we took a dip in the ocean.
It's very cold, but we just like we wanted to do it.
I've been jumping in the ocean every morning.
It feels great.
It's an amazing way to start my day here in New Jersey.
And we did it after our run. was cold it's the morning we walk off the beach we're back on the
boardwalk and this guy comes up to us he's all bundled up because it's winter time and he goes
excuse me how cold was the water and we're like yeah we it was 41 degrees we estimated it was
around 50 we were like yeah it's about 50 degrees. We estimated it was around 50. We were like, yeah, it's about 50 degrees.
It's cold.
It's definitely cold.
It'll stop your heart.
Where I'm from in Russia, we go in every Christmas.
Freezing, 30 degrees.
We go in.
You go down 30 seconds.
You come up, sign of cross, sign of cross, sign of cross.
You go down 30 more seconds.
Come up, sign of cross.
Every Christmas time.
All right, have a good good day and he walked away
and then as soon as he was out of earshot my brother and i looked at each other like
well that was a strange um like poorly cast extra and
yeah that's wonderful i wonder what the rest of his day was
that yeah just just like wandered down the beach to try out some other characters i'd imagine That's wonderful. I wonder what the rest of his day was.
Yeah, just like wandered down the beach to try out some other characters, I'd imagine.
Just sitting there, sitting on a park bench watching this and just being like,
who's this next guy going to be?
He's going to be from Russia.
He's going to be from Russia.
What do I know about Russia?
Cold.
What else do I know about Russia?
That's it.
Okay, I'm just going to go with that.
Cold, cold, cold, cold. Excuse. Where i am from in russia i am crushing this it's freezing water okay goodbye i had a
weird experience like this just today uh yeah i went to there's a sandwich shop near me called
capriati's that i like and i was walking there and there was a
homeless woman at the 7-eleven on my way there it was just like a treat for me because i we were
doing my table uh rewrite and i was like feeling good like feeling good about this script and
like feeling good walking and this woman stops me and uh asked me for some money. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And I gave her like $2 and she said,
38 gold medals in my career.
Used the Olympic training camp as a bathhouse.
Sorry, let me start this over.
I think that's a good mark.
She said, she took the money and then yelled at me.
And she said, 38 gold medals in my career.
Used my Olympic training camp as a bathhouse.
So go suck eggs, sir and and it was so
poignant and strange that i wrote it down and that i 38 38 gold medals in my career
used my olympic training camp as a bathhouse so go suck eggs sir who i'm just trying to google
nobody has 38 nobody okay yeah no there's michael phelps
has the most and i don't think he's even close to 38 okay maybe he is i guess maybe with the this
if with all the um medleys and stuff but i don't know she said she was mad at me mad at me
immediately when i gave her money and said and it was everything she said i was like it's like
remembering a license plate.
I was like, I have to know all of this.
I have to remember all of this and wrote it all down and then tweeted it and then felt
bad about tweeting an interaction with a homeless woman.
And so I deleted it.
But it was this experience where it was like, somebody was trying to give me a code.
Like there's something important that needs to be given to me and everybody's watching.
So I need to give this to you cryptically.
But listen, 38 gold medals.
You know what that means.
Yes.
Go suck eggs, sir.
It's so tough being in a situation like that.
Because when I just told the story of this, of Boris from Rocky and Bullwinkle who accosted us at the beach.
When I say we guessed that it was
50 degrees and we answered his
questions, it was my brother who was like a
respectful adult.
Because as soon as the guy walks up to us
and he's like, excuse, then I have
to, all of my time is looking at my
brother being like, hey man, you're going to have to field
questions because like, my job is just
watch this man and record things
for posterity i'm just
an observer now buddy i'm not even going to be in control what's happening to my face there will be
no etiquette coming from my side of this equation i just have to observe if i open my mouth i'm
going to do his voice and i can't do that gotta wait for him to go uh yeah i I guess I'm going to
start looking out for those more. It's like that
story of, who was it, Ted Koppel
maybe, who got assaulted on the street
in New York and a guy just came up to him and started shouting
what's the frequency, Kenneth?
And then REM was like, yeah,
yeah, and then wrote a whole song about it.
Brian Jennings, Ted Koppel,
I can't remember, some newscaster got assaulted
on the street and a guy just came up and went, what's the frequency, Kenneth?
And then carried on.
And then REM wrote a song about it?
Yeah, called What's the Frequency, Kenneth.
It's a good song.
Man, if you're like me and you didn't hear any bit of this story before,
you're really, your brain doesn't know which detail it's supposed to listen to first.
So I'm trying to recall what Ted koppel looks like in my brain and you've already moved on to the part of the sentence
with rem in it i'm like oh yeah um i'm trying to i'm trying to find the actual story oh the story
behind what's the frequency kind of um an incident in New York in 1986 when then an unknown assailant attacked journalist Dan Rather while repeating, what's the frequency, Kenneth?
He started attacking him, I guess.
And it became national news that Dan Rather got attacked.
And a man was calling him Kenneth and asking him what the frequency was.
And then REM was like, yeah.
Yeah. And that was their muse huh
fascinating anyway i asked that because i was thinking about truman show stuff
that um i also did when i was a child and never as an adult um but like i
i knew that there was like a 99 chance chance that I wasn't being Truman showed ever.
But I would occasionally when I was indulging that 1%, I, and I haven't done this in a while.
My impulse wasn't to like, to look in a mirror and say, know i'm being truman showed right now like i wasn't
hedging my bets in the way of proving that i was smarter than my god in the moon or my audience
watching it would turn the audience off yeah i was thinking if i'm being truman showed um
i should i should narrate a little bit to like give some context to what I'm doing.
Like I would out loud talk to myself to,
to on the remote,
close to impossible chance that I was being Truman showed.
I was still trying to be a good showman.
And like,
this is if someone's been watching me every minute of my life,
let me give them a show.
Let me at least like fill in some narrative blanks.
Just like, ah, waking up.
You know what?
Ah, I think I'm going to check out that old, that old church in town.
I hadn't seen in a while.
It's been boarded up for a while.
I'm going to go explore that.
See if, uh, see where my adventures take me.
All right.
Off I go now. i can just imagine the people
sitting in the bars watching that and being like so he's in on it right a human doesn't just do
that he's giving us exposition for whatever reason yeah hearing to the old adage tell don't show
yeah once the character watched the truman show, the show sort of jumped the shark.
Well, Daniel, we are out of time.
Thank God.
And I'm going to give you a break.
I'm going to do the outro. I'm going to say where everybody can find us on Twitter, all that stuff.
I really appreciate that, man.
The trouble is I have to go get that information i buried it in my garden oh but well i mean i
usually i wear it on my wrist like a quarterback uh with plays but i didn't want to get it dirty
so i took it off and then obviously some soil got on it got buried and i gotta just go take it up
i'm sure it's out there i'm kind of certain of the area but in the meantime i know how proud you are of your work
as friedrich in sound of music and i wanted to give you a chance to relive the magic and just
sing a few bars of your favorite song from that musical this is a very exciting opportunity for
you daniel farewell good night avida saying goodbye and something something bye goodbye
man i thought that was gonna come back like muscle memory
it's just that bike could not be ridden no oh boy i just fucking blew that and you know why
this is gonna haunt me Soren
well I can think of a lot of
six reasons why
it's the surprising one
and as soon as I
brought up my childhood
role as Friedrich
in Sound of Music I knew that
it inevitably would lead down this road
and so
one of the things about that play is Captain Von Trapp
introduces all of his children via whistle. He blows a whistle and they all step forward and say
their names one by one. It's an iconic moment in the film. And in every production of this play
that's ever been done, it shows how well trained the children are and also like runs down this list
of famous names of Von Trarap children that everybody in the
audience knows it is also every child's first line in the play and i was friedrich and i quite
famously opening night marched out and said kurt which is the name of the other boy and it's not a
line that i screwed up in rehearsal or anything like that
or in any play after that because I practiced real hard after that.
It was just some part of my brain that was like,
you're not shit and you need to be reminded of that.
So whistle blows, step one, step two, Kurt.
Step one, step two, back.
And then I just stood there being wrong
in front of everybody.
The other kid had to say
something. Real Kurt
was a total pro. He stepped
forward and said, Kurt, and shot me
a look like I was being a buster.
Like the character Friedrich was being a buster.
And Kurt was the
smart one. The younger brother
was the mature one. If younger brother was the mature one.
If anything, he made it better.
He did. He made it better because the play
and you know
he couldn't have made it better without my foibles
so technically we made it better.
Okay. So
all that is to say
I thought my
embarrassment relating to
forgetting lines in Sound of Music was behind me.
No.
And here we now are, adding a new chapter to a book we all thought was finished.
On Twitter, you can follow Daniel at DOB underscore Inc.
You can follow me, Soren, at Soren underscore LTD.
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And we have a Patreon, which is Patreon backslash Quick Question.
And that's it.
Bye.
Great.