Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 87- Breaking and Friendtering

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

In this episode Dan flirts with a new living space, and Soren provides some potentially helpful, and certainly unresearched legal advice.  And as always big thanks to our sponsors.  Thanks to skillshare. Go to Skillshare.com/qq and get a free trial of Premium Membership. And big thanks  to Hello Tushy.  10% off + free shipping HelloTushy.com/qq

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers join together to solve problems. We're sort of like the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, we're both charming enough, and if you're a fan of our larger shared content universe, you sort of have to engage, but it definitely doesn't need to be as long as it is. I am one half of that podcast, student of life, and several adult Zoom classes. Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, the showman Soren Bowie.

Soren, give us the old razzle dazzle. Hey, everybody. I'm Soren Bowie, writer for American Dad, homeschool TK teacher, and famous, I would say, at my local batteries and bulbs store for being splashy with the tips I throw out each time I drop off dead batteries. So you keep those palms greased and you'll never have to recycle your own batteries again. That's my motto. Batteries and bulbs store?

Yeah. So I got some weird niche stores in my neighborhood. And I'm thankful that some of them have survived the pandemic. But like we lost an aquarium store, an antique guns and swords store. But there's a store called Batteries and Bulbs that is just that. It only sells batteries and light bulbs. And I like, you know know i try to keep them in business with whatever i can so i do all my battery and bulb shopping there and then in

addition i've figured out a situation in which i can drop off all my dead batteries there i went there once tried to get batteries the guy charged me for the wrong type of battery and said that and it was going to give me basically too good of a deal. And I was like, no, no, no, this is not, this is not those batteries. This is a different kind. He was like, Oh, Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you. And it was just so charmed by the fact that I had not swindled him that then he, after that point, he's like, what's your name? And then recognize me. And so now what I do is I, I called him and I was like, Hey, can I drop off some dead batteries? And they're like, they actually charge us to take those. But you know what?

You're a good customer. Come on in. And now I bring all my dead batteries there and I do this cool mafia thing where I put some money in the paper bag with my dead batteries. And I'm like, oh, how did that get there? See you later. That is a cool mafia thing. Thanks to HelloTushy for supporting Quick Question. Now the brand new HelloTushy 3.0

modern bidet attachment is here to level the playing field. It's stylish, eco-friendly, easy to install, and affordable. Get 10% off plus free shipping and get your butt clean at HelloTushy.com slash QQ. Thanks to Skillshare for supporting Quick Question. Skillshare empowers you to

accomplish real growth. Do something today that you couldn't do yesterday with classes designed for real life explore your creativity at skillshare.com slash qq and get a free trial of premium membership i have a quick battery story that's not as interesting go for it do you want it yeah absolutely batteries in my life now so for for uh christmas this year my parents got both of my brothers a product called battery daddy are you familiar with battery daddy i have no idea what battery daddy is it's this it's it's convenient as all get out it's this large case with uh like slots that fit every conceivable battery you could ever need so it's just so you don't need to put the batteries in like the battery drawer like i've done my entire life there's

like a case like a tackle box but specifically for batteries and it's like that's where the d's go that's where the c's go etc etc etc and then a little bin for like those lithium like watch batteries disc batteries yeah and got it for uh both of my older brothers and famously not me oh and this thing also like comes with a tester to see if your batteries are that's what i was gonna ask yeah it has that and he gave it to both my brothers and i and on christmas day i i was like like publicly very happy for them but inside i was like this is because i'm not an actual daddy i'm the only one of of the three sons who is childless and i haven't earned my my battery daddy yet that's it hurts but that's fair i get i get that and then um uh my dad got me one like two months later so i have one now

and and i was so happy when i saw it and he thought i was joking for how happy i was because like after christmas i complained to my brother about not having one and then when he he gave me one and i took a picture and i sent it to my brother like finally uh he was like are you kidding i was like no I really wanted one of these and I didn't know why I didn't get one. I was pretty upset about it. He was like,

oh, it's because it is tied to them having kids, but not in a like, this is only for daddy sort of way. It's just,

they didn't assume that I have as many scattered batteries in my life as two fathers would, which is a reasonable assumption to make. Yeah yeah so the thing that comes about when you have young children is that you have tons of toys that require batteries um and like media centers and things like that like little things that they play with that with twists and knobs on it that i am just like surrounded by batteries now in my life

knobs on it that i am just like surrounded by batteries now in my life so i get it i i shouldn't you shouldn't feel too badly about that you maybe have like what you've got a flashlight i want to say i have so many flashlights okay okay well battery daddy's for you then uh so can you test any kind of battery you want in the battery tester uh That's a good question. I don't know yet. I haven't checked. Oh, God, I want a battery tester so bad. But, you know, sounds expensive. I don't know. It was a gift.

And it's gauch to ask. But speaking of things that aren't gauch to ask, I have a quick question for you. Yeah, go ahead. Or actually, I don't know if it's a question. And it's a question. It's certainly not quick. Look how long this has taken so far. I'm going to tell you something I did, and you tell me if it's weird.

Yeah, I love these. So you know how I've been taking adult Zoom cooking and dance classes? Yes, thank you. It is weird. It is weird. Oh, that's not the part okay oh um so uh you sign up for these events they're through my apartment building and then they kick back uh a survey just like a general survey for for participants on an uh allegedly anonymous survey where like hey fill this out if you want and if you enter the survey you enter in a chance

to win a 200 gift card uh so i filled out the survey with things like yes i i enjoyed these classes i didn't like this part here's my feedback send in the survey and then on the website where you fill out the survey they have a general like if you have any questions, email info at blah, blah, blah.com. So I emailed them and I said, hello. The survey email from the events team mentioned the completed surveys will be entered into a drawing to win a $200 gift card. I was wondering when the drawing would be held and when the winner would be announced. Best, Daniel. And did you get a response?

I did, yeah. Do you think it's weird that I emailed them? No, in fact, I really like it. Yeah, so they got back to me. And she said, hi, Daniel, thanks for reaching out. The drawing will be held and winner announced next Friday, April 16th. If you have any other questions, please let me know. Thanks again.

Okay, and then what happened? April 16th. If you have any other questions, please let me know. Thanks again. Okay. And then what happened? April 16th. Hello. Was the winner announced? Did I miss it? Hi, Daniel. Thank you for reaching out. We emailed the winner individually on Friday, as opposed to a mass announcement to all residents. Unfortunately, the name drawn was not yours. Thank you again for taking the time to fill out the survey and provide us with valuable insight and feedback. Hope to see you at an event soon. Okay, did you respond? April 19th. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! In the future, and this is just a tiny, humble, and fun suggestion, it might be interesting to celebrate the winners in some public fashion to both motivate other people to participate in future events and build trust in the contest itself. There's a reason most contests broadcast their winners. It's inspiring.

I've done a few of these surveys before and haven't seen any winners announced. I understand if people want their privacy, but even something as simple as congratulations to our winner, John, no less name provided, would go a long way towards establishing contest integrity. Like you, I want more events, surveys, and winners in the future, and I think this would be a great step in that direction. Just a thought, Daniel. Oh man, you are just 72 years old. Thank you for the thought. I agree that celebrating the winners publicly would foster engagement and build trust in the survey raffles. I'll be sure to run the idea by marketing before the next survey raffle offered. Thanks again. Best.

Her name. P.S. I never win anything either. Better luck to us both in the future. Ooh. And that's where the exchange ends. An exchange that began on April 7th and ended April 19th. But another open door through commiseration, I believe.

Yeah, yeah. Just a couple of losers. Yeah. Optimistic losers. Yes. Who now have each other's email addresses. Yes, absolutely. So I guess my twin questions are uh was any bit of that

weird okay uh and also do you think this this contest actually happened yeah so i mean like the reason i'm like laughing all the way through is that i know your thought process at every single stage of it but i have a question to begin it uh the gift card did they say what type of gift card it was or did they just say a gift card for 200 it was 200 towards uh rent like towards the building okay uh that was gonna be a red flag for me is that they were just like you could win a 200 gift card because that feels very much like what a um a non-commercial operation would do, where they'd be like, hey, we need your feedback. Like, we'll give you a $200 gift card.

And just hearing the words gift card is enough to drive some interaction. But I thought, ooh, that's a red flag. They're not even telling you what it's for. They didn't say like Amazon or Visa, because then I could shoot back and be like, I called Visa. They've never even heard of you. Right. Now, the fact that it's for the building

still is kind of a red flag um and she said that they were going to be announced but then she said that's right them privately there's no such thing as announcing something privately no that's those are that's an oxymoron um and i love that you followed up on this because because i'm not sure that it exists either and i really like that you put your thumb on them until they admitted one way or another i was so desperately hoping that they were gonna say oh yeah we announced someone but it wasn't you it was uh this very specific apartment number uh because there's a all right well i guess i should have included this in the do you think i'm weird category there's a uh unit on my floor where someone moved out and i've been going in that

unit every day. There's no one in there, but it's unlocked. So I just figured I can go in there and walk around and look at stuff and sometimes like do little workouts. So I was hoping that she would shoot back. Stop, no, stop. You can't, we can't just blow past that. You breaking and entering in your building

to go do workouts in some vacant apartment. It's not breaking and entering. Are you? I don't know why, but I feel like it's not breaking and entering because the door's unlocked. Oh, my God, Dan. That's not how it works. I mean, I. I want to agree with you, but but tell me how it works then no one lives there

it's empty i mean it's it wasn't empty i walked in there and there the first day i got spooked because i walked in there and there was it was completely empty except for uh a car seat like a baby's car seat in one of the bedrooms and so i got spooked and ran away but then i got brave the next day and came back and the car seat's still there but but it didn't spook me enough to to not do my push-ups okay i mean i i don't know how far back to start do you do you why can't you do push-ups in your own apartment so i got um do you why can't you do push-ups in your own apartment so i got um free weights to to work out and and they're like old-fashioned looking uh dumbbells okay with with like like harsh bars and like real metal plates on them and everything like that they don't they're

not those like softened by rubber things that you see in lots of gyms and i want to do stuff that has me kind of hitting them on the ground a little bit hard and i don't want to do that in my nice apartment and like maybe damage my floors so i got all this more space and a quiet spot where i can do my workouts and not worry about the floors and not worry about my dog getting confused about what i'm doing so you you break into an apartment to go fuck up the floors each day we're not listen i want to be clear we are not using the words break into an apartment that is what you are doing yes so i'm not agreeing to the first part of this i go into a door that is open and open doors means that you're allowed in so i go in there

and i try not to fuck up the floors but if it happens it happens and we don't know if i'm doing it it could be that the baby ghost The baby ghost is mad at the floors. Yeah. But so anyway, I was really hoping that the woman with the events team would be like, oh, good news. It was the winner. It's not you. It was the person in unit 501.

And I could be like, aha, there is no one in 501. Or like, aha, that's also me. Yeah. But that's a baby ghost but they can't use money but they didn't do that they didn't they didn't the one unit i knew that was empty they didn't pick that one which was a real bummer for for my trap yeah you're like a very yoked encyclopedia brown getting strong in his in his headquarters that doesn't belong to him um yeah that series lasted

for years and worked across different writers and illustrators but no one was brave enough to talk about an encyclopedia brown who fucks until right now um are you also just hanging out in the apartment are you just going in there to work work out you know i'm hanging out in that apartment i thought so i thought so that's a problem dan why it's because it's well i mean just for like a social reason it's weird it's weird that you're going in there and you live off like a few doors down if this was like somewhere that was closer to your office and you're like you know what i do every few every day right around lunchtime i finish my lunch real quick i go to this apartment that I know is open and I catch a few Zs.

I know it's probably not right, but nobody's living there. I'm not hurting anybody. That's not what this is though. This is- It sounds so much weirder to sleep there. I don't know. I mean, you're going in there to just like look out a window

and then maybe do a workout. You have so many options for stuff to do in your home you can go outside in an outside that you own and control you can go tend to your garden you can hang out with one of two kids you've got options there you've got a wife that you can talk to and annoy and and and and like and share things with and be happy and enjoy your life and you've got a bunch of other rooms to explore i've got my kitchen living room slash office and my bedroom and my bathroom and and my dog is no company at all most of the time i play bass and then when i i want to step away from the computer and not have to go through the whole rigmarole of getting on the elevator and going down and going outside

i just like get a brief change of scenery pace around and think about you know what i would do if i had this much space what i would do with this unit and then look out the windows for a different view than the window that i have if somebody came in there while you were in there would you immediately feel the need to apologize for being there uh i would either be super chill about it because i've been like practicing being chill and like not jumping if someone opens the door so i'm gonna be like hey i wanted to see i knew this was empty and i wanted to see what the view was like because i'm thinking of of maybe getting one of these corner units i'll leave now um but i'm also worried that that i'll i'll immediately fake an accent like fake an italian accent yeah and uh pretend i'm doing work of some kind i mean but you're it's harder to sell when i have my weights you have the weights with you.

Yeah. But I'm not like playing music or anything, which I think exonerates me somehow. Yeah, you're in the clear then. Those are the rules. Introducing the Miller Optics 2KW Handheld Laser Welder. It's so simple to use, even a rookie can weld like an expert,

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There's nothing to go through. Everything's empty. There's no cabinets, things like that? The cabinets are empty. I know. Yeah, because I checked. He's even fucking snooping. I see. Just I checked. He's even fucking snooping.

I see. Just the hot water work? I didn't check the water. Wow. Okay. Some serious restraint. I like that. Because I feel like checking the water is too close a step to using the bathroom while I'm there. And that is a bridge too far to me.

That feels like point of no return. Have you used the lights? Only the ones that are already on. Okay. Okay. And is it staged? No, it's not. It's empty.

No. Okay. And it's a, brother, it's a corner unit with floor to ceiling windows. So the natural light is hitting you and it's great. It's better brother it's a corner unit with floor to ceiling windows so the natural light is hitting you and it's great it's better than your apartment is what you're saying yeah okay i'm getting a sense of why you're going there a little bit better which is good because i was worried but two bedroom two bathroom corner apartment floor to ceiling windows uh the floor is a little fucked up but other than that it's great no that's a really important question and i mean i really appreciate if you answered honestly do you pretend like you live

there sometimes no okay that's good and i would tell you if i to the gift card because i mean i i think you seem to like me more when we were just talking about the gift card and then you've changed sides once you've learned more about me so yes i would like to at least live in the world where the gift card was our shared goal um i recently uh right before coven so i can't actually say recently it was like a year ago um i would encounter the same crazy driver out on the road on my way to taking my son to school which i think we've talked about before on this podcast and like i wanted nothing more than to find out where this guy lived and get him in trouble.

It became this, because he brake checked me once. We talked about brake checking, right? Yes. Scared me. I had my child in the car. And from that point on, he was a marked man. And so I get this a lot more later in life where

if I sense that there's an injustice happening, I'm like, well, I'll root it out. I'll figure out what it is. And someone will pay. There will be a reckoning. So the fact that you did this is like scratching this very specific itch for me that I'm loving.

You sensed that this was loving okay that's good you said that it was a prod that this was not a fair thing because you don't you don't want a 200 gift card i mean maybe that would be fine but that's not why you did any of this no absolutely not it's not a life-changing amount of money at the moment thankfully uh but i i i genuinely want want to ensure survey contest integrity i guess or i don't like if i'm being honest i don't i want i i want to catch them in a lie that i know that they're doing yeah you want it to be wrong you want them to be doing something bad i want them to say good news it's apartment 501 and i'm like you're well you're basically busted because i've been shitting in 501 for weeks and then be like listen this can't get out that the survey is is uh fugazi so we're just

gonna give you the $200 gift card i'm like oh baby doll the price has gone up yeah that's what i want the price has gone up to the corner apartment and you will fix the floors dear sir get that baby ghost out of there but leave the car seat leave the car seat i'm planning for the future oh man that's awesome um well i hope it i i hope that you get back in touch with her and find out or here's another next step how big is the other just a ton of apartments yes fuck well there must be some sort of communal group that does these zooms though right if you can get that alias you could track down the winner and i think you could still do it in a very righteous way where like it doesn't look nefarious it doesn't look like you're trying to catch anybody you're just like hey i want to like

celebrate whoever it is i want them to be i want them to know how excited i am for them i could absolutely ask the the the other fucking moms in my dance group if they want to meet up on next door or something like that something that the building doesn't control so we could just chat without their moderation and then we can get straight to the bottom of this holy hannah that's great

Soren gotta do it we're gonna blow this whole fucking thing sky high get those moms on a whatsapp I'm sure surely one of them could teach me and what i mean but you got to prepare yourself there's gonna be potentially a very sad moment where someone's gonna go yeah i won and then you have to decide well now do i have to investigate this person are they bought off by the building i think it's so incredibly generous of you

to think that the sad moment is ahead and wasn't the prologue no i want to do this uh i have moments of my own life where i'm like i should i should follow up i should follow up i should follow up you know it's not worth it. I'm not going to do it. And I'm just so unsatisfied by those. I really appreciate that you have the wherewithal to go through with it. Thank you. I'm trying to take some advantage of the fact that I have no office to go to and nothing to do, but maintain these two apartments. I guess my job also god it's hard being a dual property owner huh i know you gotta juggle both no one's renting in

the city now in covid oi yeah god that's gonna be a bad day too is that someday you're gonna go there and the door's gonna be locked i know that day wasn't today now i can guarantee you that i i have another question for you if that door is locked someday and you know that there's nobody else is living in there yet have you already figured out another way in no No. The key card system is pretty ironclad here. Well, so I had a situation where for a while in between jobs when I didn't have a lot of money where I was breaking into a school gym and working out there. And at first it was very easy because i just went there and i said hey nobody's using it at this time could i just like could i just try it out for the day and they're like sure and in doing so i cased the joint and figured out that they had these very high windows

and if i just cracked one i could then get up high enough from the outside reach in and it was one of those twisty handle things so all i had to do was reach in and twist it twist it twist it and then i could climb up through this window when nobody was watching and i knew no one was using this gym and so every single morning before i would go job hunting or whatever i would go use this very kind of like remedial um school gym. And then one day the window was locked. And it was such an affront to me because this is my gym. I belong here.

You get a sense of ownership of these places that you are, and I will say, Dan, effectively breaking and entering. I mean, I don't agree okay does the law i think i i think it's it's different because i'm i'm being nice you're fucking up the floor and contemplating whether or not you should shit there yeah but um i think the thing is if if i was caught i would my lie would be better than all that okay like i could leave the weights behind and the car seat and be like i don't mind me yeah i am just inspecting the weights in the car seat.

We're here. Bye-bye. And then, well, then I guess I'd have to move because I can't have them following me back to my apartment. Right. You need a polo? Because Natalia doesn't live in my apartment. You just need a polo and a clipboard. Because if you're willing to do your workout in a polo shirt and some khaki shorts then no matter what if somebody comes in there and you have a clipboard and it looks at least like you some

sort of uniform nobody's gonna question a thing yeah but i don't like to work out i mean i feel like i'm picturing you in there sleeveless and there's just no outs you don't have any outs there okay paint bring some paint in with you and now i now i gotta get paint now i'm i'm losing money on this second apartment this is this is why people paint can yeah how much does the paint can cost oh boy i mean nothing if you go find it if you want some paint in it it's an investment in your new property dan uh and that's how they get you you you just you only got to bring it over once and then it lives there um boy i this is i just foresee this ending poorly for you all right well i think we should move on. Sure.

I do want to know if you ever have any more. What happens with these Zoom moms? Okay, I will let you know. Zoom Zumba moms. Skillshare. Witness your own transformation as you turn small steps into giant leaps. Skillshare makes it possible. Skillshare is an online learning community that offers membership with meaning. With so much to explore, real projects to create, and the support of fellow creatives, Skillshare empowers you to accomplish real growth. Practice makes progress. Advancing

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and get a free trial of premium membership. That's Skillshare.com slash QQ. I got a quick question for you. Shoot. When you were growing up, there were some rules that were like seemingly arbitrary from your parents and that drove you nuts when you were young. But now that you're older,

like are there any that you were glad that they used because they feel like they made you a better person? Like I can give you an example of some from my own childhood. When I would go to a friend's house for the first time, my mom would insist on calling the friend's parents, not just to make sure that there'd be parents there, but to just talk to the parents so that they acknowledge that they know each other before I was allowed to go there. And I was like, what is this weird bureaucracy? Like, we don't have to do this step. It's dumb. After school, maybe I just

want to go to Clay's house and that's fine. And she was like, no, you don't go to somebody's house unless I have talked to their parents either in person or on the phone. And I hated it. And now as an adult, I'm like, yeah, that makes perfect sense. That was a really smart thing for her to do because you acknowledge not only that my child is in your care during this time, but also you're saying to the person, I want to make sure there's no red flags here. Like, you know, you can check in with me. I seem like a pretty normal person. I just want to make sure that you're also a normal person before I send my kid over there.

Were any of the other families doing that? No. Did your friends give you any guff about it? Yes, all the time. That's tough. Where was it? So Jesse Johnson, a friend of mine, his son of Don Johnson,

there was one night for New Year's when I went to Jesse's house, and I was so excited, and we were going to drink. It was going to be cool. And the alcohol was in Nalgene bottles, like big plastic water bottles. And I'm drinking, drinking, drinking. And all of a sudden, this woman comes in who's like a caretaker on the ranch.

And she's like, which one of you is Soren? That's me. She's like, your parents have already called twice. Oh, shit. It's like, and have already called twice oh shit it's like and then everyone else the rest of the night like that was the that was the running joke was like soren's mom keeps checking it has she checked in yet is it new year's who are you gonna kiss on new year's soren your mom wants to know oh man that's great that's such that's such efficient efficient bullying that's great stuff that's anyone else who was nervous about new

years what a load off for them when soren's mom called the second time thank god yeah yeah so and it happened you know all the way from when i was i think my first sleepover at six all the way up until i was 17 years old and left for college. That's too late. Yeah, well, like they would call if I was going to go to a party or anything. They'd be like, well, are there going to be parents there? I'd be like, yeah. All right, well, then give me the phone number and we'll call them and find out. Don't you trust me, mom and dad?

No. No, they don't. Yeah, they were wise not to. Despite how I had earned it or had never done anything that they conceivably knew or that they had against me you know there was no evidence that i had lied to them yeah you're on paper very good trust me yeah i look good um maybe juke some stats but i look good i didn't i didn't have that exact thing i my parents insisted on on other parents being at whatever house I was going to, but it was also, like, it was an honor system thing.

Like, I wasn't going to go swimming in my friend's pool if there wasn't a mom or dad around, and I would tell them if there wasn't a mom or dad around. Like, they wouldn't call anyone, but I was such a a natural born narc that i would i would i have memories of going to my friend's house who had a pool and getting there seeing his parents left on some parent agenda and then i called my mom was like hey there's no parents here can i still swim no? No, come home. Yeah, I figured. All right. See you soon. And then I went home. Um, but a thing that they raised us to do that I'm really, uh, happy they raised in us that I balked at, balked at, at the time is whenever I called a friend

to speak to them on the phone, to hang out, whatever it was going to be. Um, even if I thought the voice on the other end of the phone, because this was before everyone had cell phones and before everyone even had like private lines in their homes, it was just one line for the household. If I knew it was my buddy Chris on the other end of the phone because I could tell his voice, I would still, when you call someone, you say, hello, this is Daniel.

Is Chris home or may I speak to Chris? And I hated that. I thought it made me sound super dorky. I thought nobody else had to do that. They could just call. And if I picked up, they would just start talking to me. Or if someone else picked up, they would ask for me. Not even ask me, just like, Dan?

And then the phone would get handed to me. And I just thought this is such a it's such a time saver if i just if i cut out this part of the process but they insisted on it anytime i called anyone and i'm really glad for it and it's the kind of thing that that uh points to a more uh civilized world that i i enjoy um and also gives me a thing to be mad about when other people don't do it and i'm always looking for reasons to be mad at stuff things to complain about so when i call like a uh a business and they just say hello instead of hello this is this business how may i help you then i get to be mad at them for not having the right phone etiquette i don't get to be mad like to them but i get to be mad quietly in my home and that's always fun i like there's a a sense of civility and procedure of calling someone saying your name

and your business and asking politely for who you're looking for instead of just calling calling a house and saying steve i like it i like living in that world yeah that is nice i there's a language one that my parents did for me as well that i hated hated hated at the time which was they would not listen to the rest of a story that i was telling or a question that i was asking if i said like in it at all and uh it was like was such a crutch for me and for every kid my age that it, it made me so angry that I wasn't allowed to use it because I couldn't, I wasn't, couldn't tell when I was using it at all. And I would get so frustrated when they wouldn't listen to me. They just turn away or like actively turn up the radio or whatever they were going to do.

And I was so mad about it then, but looking back on it, I think, oh, no, it made me learn how to shut it off, turn it on and shut it off. Because when I was with my friends, I could still use it as much as I want. I use it on the podcast an awful lot. But if I think very hard about it, I won't use it. And I can do that very well in interviews, in places where I need to seem somewhat more professional. I can turn like off. And I know a lot of people my age who just can't do it. I absolutely can't.

Yeah. And I refuse to even consider trying to do it. I know I didn't use it in the previous two sentences, but I didn't have a reason. Did you think hard about it? No. The reason I'm asking this question is that my son is at an age now where I'm creating these

arbitrary rules for him. And they're rules that I look at as investments where I'm like, it's in his best interest in the long run that I do this. I think. I'm just gambling that it is. Well, I'll give you an example of one is that at night we read downstairs. He sleeps upstairs, but his sister also does too. So she goes to bed earlier. And when he and I read it, we have to be quiet. So we go way downstairs to do it. And at night he gets real tired after we're done reading. And he says, will you carry me up to bed? And I say, no. And I want to carry him. I like carrying him. And he wants to be carried. And I have now delegated or I've decided that it's once a week that I allow him to be carried up the stairs to bed. He's only five years old. But at the same time, I'm thinking, no, if he wants to be carried

to bed, he's going to want to be carried to bed every single night. And that's going to become the expectation. And then he's not, he doesn't know what that's going to become the expectation and then he's not he doesn't know what it's like to continue to do something when you're very tired and you know that you have to do it and i can i can justify it in all these different ways where i'm just doing something i'm insisting on something that neither one of us wants and but my my thought is no this is making him stronger he'll never be able to play the flu game if he gets carried every night

and you need him to play the flu game one day yeah yeah yeah it just seems like something I know that he can do it on his own he's capable of walking on his own I know that this is going to translate into hikes and other places like when we're walking long distances that he's going to translate it's going to translate into hikes and other plague when we're walking

long distances uh that he's going to be like well why can't you just carry me or i don't want to walk this anymore it's just these like little incremental things build up over time and i'm just trying to like nip all of them in the bud by being like i want to carry you to bed i like carrying you but we're not doing it do you make is it a big um is there is there great pageantry the one night a week when you do carry him no because that's the other thing i'm worried about tied to like aren't like reward for something or is it or is that random no he gets to choose which night of the week it is so i can say i can say is this night? Is it important to you tonight? And sometimes he'll say,

yeah. And then I will carry him upstairs, but I also don't want to make like a big game out of it either. We're like, we do a lot of swinging around or I do jumps with him or get up on the couch and jump off because then it's just, it's a thing he wants even more. So it's,

I mean, these things I want to do i think that are fun i just won't do with him but you know i would carry him the rest of his life if he'd let me i if they didn't have to live in the rest of the world and we could just be buddies forever then i'd carry him everywhere but i can't do that oh well that's very sweet that's sweet as hell i don't know uh how we get out of that sweetness into anything else well the baby ghost maybe is there something more you want to like... I don't know if there's any more meat on what I do in that empty apartment bone. Because I feel like you and I imagine some of our audience has already turned on me. Quite a bit.

For a story that was designed to have me as its hero. I'm really i'm really i'm i will say i'm so pleased that in your story about a potentially fraudulent gift card you accidentally let slip that you've been breaking and entering into apartment every single day to go do push-ups and fuck up the floor you have to believe me that you were never supposed to hear that part it just sort of it it truly happened naturally as like oh yeah i should i should i should mention this part of of great that would have been a good lie to catch them in i agree yeah you have insider information that they don't know you're privy to. And it would be great if they just fucking exposed themselves.

And I genuinely thought like, of anyone in the world, you are my guy for breaking into stuff. You understand the impulse better than most of, I'm going to try this doorknob and see if it's open. And if it's open, I it's open i can go inside i thought i found a brother in you that way yes and so when i said i've been breaking into this apartment you said breaking in when i said oh when i said i've been i've been welcomed into this apartment uh unmolested i thought you would have just said sure of course and the story would continue with me as its hero because i'm your guy for being welcomed into apartments if anyone is welcomed into apartments yes me and anytime like i've been locked out of an apartment and i need someone

to help me get welcomed back into it you are my phone call. Sure. I guess it's almost irony that I'm on so many lockpicking websites and vans. All right. Well, I guess we could probably wrap up now. I'm going to go find all of the contact information for us. But while I do that, Dan,

I just wanted to give you a chance to talk. Um, I assume you probably have at least some shirtless photos of yourself on your phone and i just want to give you a chance to talk about oh just like give an explanation as to why they're on there just tell us why you have those uh yeah it's very sad there's uh there's so many different iterations of um before pictures with no payoff whatsoever there's just you could see some that like there's like a there's always like a january 1st shirtless picture where where i definitely look like shit because it's like all right new year and i'm gonna

wow everybody after this they're gonna see this transformation when i like really commit to dieting and working out and and i'm gonna like make some moves happen and then like you scroll through the camera roll and there's no shirtless pictures and then you'll find a worse picture dated march 1st and and it's it's clear that I'm like use this one this is the before picture this is the before picture now so I've just been like racking up a bunch of different before pictures that that will never see the light of day I'm laughing so hard because this is I just did this this recently where i was like i've got some weddings coming up i gotta be able to fit in my suit again like let's like let's turn this into

a real process let's make a journey out of this i took some pictures of myself on my phone and then they just live there it's gross it's like i i'll be scrolling looking for pictures of my children and i'll be like oh god or like i'll take a picture of one of my kids that i want to show my wife and i'll start scrolling and realize that i'm about to hit these fleshy pink ones i'm like oh wait no no no and then they also live on my cloud too so i get on my computer and if i pull up my photos on my computer they're there too yeah and i'm like i can't do this i'm just gonna delete all these it's it's crazy that uh i believe my worst impulses will be in check because I took a picture. And there's like a paper, a digital paper trail now that like, now that I've taken this picture, then surely I'll be different.

And the part of my brain that's usually in control is like, yeah, cute picture. We should get Taco Bell to celebrate that fucking, this grand new plan of yours. We should stay until three in the morning eating garbage the way i treat myself when i'm when i think that i've done something good is way too often yes this never actually worked all right you can follow me on twitter at soren underscore ltd you can follow daniel at dob underscore inc you can follow Daniel at You can follow our CFO at I don't know why you'd want to

other than to talk about money. You can also follow a quick question at You can email us at I guarantee at some point somebody's going to check

that email and there's going to be yeah we'll get back to everybody we'll be diligent then you can follow find hire our producer sound engineer and editor gabe at gabe harder.com and that's it folks i don't know why that got me so much all right bye All right, bye.