Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 88 - A TASTEFUL Solid Gold Coffin

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

In this episode the guys talk about Daniel's disdain for toasters, but moderate appreciation for heated bread. Then Soren explains exactly how we wants people to mourn him when he's gone!  And as always big thanks to our sponsor.  Thanks Raycon!  Go To buyraycon.com/qq for 15% off your entire Raycon order. 

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers to find out who's the best ones and who's a better dancer. I am one half of that podcast, author, TV writer, and that wordy, flirty nerd meat from Jersey, Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by Soren. Hey, Soren. Oh, hey, Daniel. This is Soren Bui coming at you, I guess. You probably recognize me best from that Zine interview I did.

It was about working out when a writer came to my gym. And a shout out to Miami Fitness. And wanted to talk to somebody who was a real gym rat. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me. And I talked to him about my workout. And I was 17 when it happened. Zion interview? Zine.

I meant Zine. Yeah, I said Zine. You said Zine. Okay, you did mean Zine though? Yeah, like a magazine. Zine. That's, so someone approached you in a gym. they didn't in fact i went up to them that somebody came to the gym to talk to like they they went to the front desk and they're like

like who comes here a lot like we want to talk about fitness we want to talk about like people's regiments and i was like oh that's me all day and went to them it was like i could be your guy and they didn't say no which was really flattering and then i talked to them about what i do at the gym and like how one day's for pushing muscles one day's for pulling muscles and then i do legs um so did you you you've always since i've known you you you've had a uh a real firm grasp on what is it kinesiology yeah can you see you at the top what kinesiology kinesiology um they didn't have that in any of my health magazines uh did you did that start early did you could you like uh thoughtfully

talk about no weight lifting at 17 oh no No, I was at a position in my life where I had gone to a gym with my brother once and been like, okay, well, this stuff doesn't look too hard. And I just would go past things and lift or pull anything that looked not too complicated. And then I was like, done, gym rat. And then I would go every single day

and I didn't know anything about how many sets to do, how many reps for each set, whether to increase weight or to lower weight, what I was going for with my body. I was just like, and now we lift these things. And then, well, that thing's open over there. I haven't done that one in a while. I'm going to do that one. Oh, tired, tired. Not going to do this one anymore. I'll do that one over there.

going to do that one. Oh, tired, tired. Not going to do this one anymore. I'll do that one over there. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, uh, it's really amazing how, how much of my early fitness endeavors revolved around which thing was open. Oh, I guess we're doing pushers today, huh? All right. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I wonder if I'm using this one, right. You know what I'll do? I'll wait. I'll camp out near it. I'll watch somebody else use it and then I will do it. Yeah. You know what I'll do? I'll wait. I'll camp out near it. I'll watch somebody else use it, and then I will do it. Yeah. Thanks to Raycon for supporting Quick Question. Get crisp, powerful beats at half the price of other premium auto brands.

Raycon's offering you 50% off your entire order, and here's what you've got to do to get it. Go to buyraycon.com slash qq. Should we get into the show where we ask each other questions? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Okay. I got a quick question for you. Go ahead.

Are there any appliances, like very common appliances, that you don't own that you think would surprise people? I don't have an electric toothbrush well i'll think on it what you tell me what the things are that you've got that i it it occurred to me recently and i and i think this is uh a privilege of not having kids i don't own a toaster and i haven't for quite some time we had them growing up and and're very handy. I understand toast. It's good for sandwiches. I like toasted peanut butter and jelly. And they were great in a household with three boys that needed to get off to school and still have breakfast.

Because Pop-Tarts, that's your, Bob's your uncle, man. There's no even cleanup of dishware after that because your Pop-Tarts pop. You put them in a paper towel and you take them to the bus stop uh but as an adult i've never had one uh and i don't i don't miss it the reasons for that uh aesthetically i don't like the look of toasters which is an incredibly bougie thing to say but i've always felt that way i don't think they're a pleasing thing to look at and i don't like them on my kitchen landscape period are you are you suffering for lack of uh real estate on your countertop no uh i would like more room in my kitchen for when i'm actually cooking because anyone everyone wants more room when they're actually cooking yeah

but as far as far as my kitchen, when it's in a resting state, the counters are pretty bare. And that's by design. That's how I like it. Do you have bread? I have my coffee machine. And even that,

as much as I rely on having my coffee every single morning, aesthetically, I also don't like that. But I'm too cheap to get a different coffee machine rely on having my coffee every single morning aesthetically i also don't like that but i'm i'm too cheap to get a different coffee machine purely for aesthetics but you can get something but it's coming each other too you can get a coffee maker and a toaster and like a blender that all have the same chrome red on them or whatever your your color scheme is for your kitchen no chrome red you know me.

It looks like a 1950s diner. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I know your style. Yeah, totally. They match the jukebox. Yeah, it's been tough to work out of my apartment since the office is closed because I only have those like, those vinyl covered spinning stools

that you see from those old diners. That's the only place for anyone to sit. It's just a line of spinning stools that you see from those old diners that's the only place for anyone to sit it's just a line of straight stools okay so let's say that you want to make a blt is that something you eat i that's uh funny you should mention that soren because now we're getting into the cooking part of the show i made a blt this afternoon for lunch with a twist because i was the bread wasn't cooked i was recently down uh south in north carolina and there was this great restaurant that did blts with a with a little twist and uh they had uh bacon, fried green tomatoes with a little bit of honey, goat cheese, and fresh strawberries. And I wanted to recreate that as best as I could with this local honey that I like that is infused with hot chilies.

It was a very good sandwich. I was really pleased with it. I made it today, and it was great. And I toasted the bread via my oven oven which is a thing you can do you set your oven at 350 and i'd already baked the bacon in the oven so i didn't need to wait long for the oven to get hot or anything like that i just tossed the bread in there for for like truly minute and a half yeah the the bread just hitched a ride on the oven fork but yeah that's it is really funny to me that you would turn on your oven just to toast bread.

It is. That's what made me realize that this is a luxury of someone who doesn't have kids or anywhere to be. Because just like, you know what? I think I would like a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich in 14 minutes. Let me preheat the oven. In 14 minutes. Let me preheat the oven. I can tell that a television show from now, I'm going to be hungry for some avocado and toast.

Okay, well, I have most modern conveniences because, you know, I love technology. But I will say that growing up, I didn't even know garbage disposals existed until i left home you didn't know they existed no because nobody in my town had them either oh because they all just ate the garbage because they live in the woods yeah we just we share pit you eat the garbage or you feed the garbage to the wolves to keep the wolves from eating you right of course no i don't know why we didn't have garbage disposals or maybe they did and i just didn't know i would have heard the whirring i would have been like what the fuck is that oh i know i'm trying to think back and we certainly did not have one and i don't think any of my good friends did either because

i remember the first time i saw one when i was in a, I was in college and some of my friends lived off campus and we went to their house and I saw it and I was like, this is ingenious. I can put anything I want down there and it just sucks it away. But I don't, but, but even growing up, did they have different sitcoms in Colorado?

Where did dumb husbands drop their wedding rings down for, for comedy sake? Did they just, did colorado's version of married with children did did al bundy just drop his wedding ring down a mountain or something no did they wait they don't i don't know if that's ever actually a trope is it that they would drop it and they would get grinded up by the garbage disposal i know they drop them down the sink and then they're like oh fuck how fuck. How am I going to explain this to the missus? Maybe they don't get grinded up by the garbage disposal. Yeah.

I think that garbage disposals just were not even in my peripheral when I was growing up. I didn't even, I was just not aware of the possibility of them. And then the first time I saw that, you know, that weird messed up sinkhole, it's just all like rubber flaps, rubber labia coming out of it in every direction. I was like, I don't, i didn't know what it was and seeing you know you grow up and you're the one who's cleaning the dishes so you're either scraping stuff off in the trash or you're you're just half-assing it doing it in the sink and just thinking i'll deal with it later and at the end of the night you're just stabbing stuff down the sinkhole with a knife or whatever trying to get it all down and the idea of one was like not even a possibility to me i was so amazed when i saw it yeah uh we didn't i knew what they were

we didn't have them growing up and uh in my head they were a symbol of real luxury yeah like that that's oh you you've really made it which i don't think bears any fruit i don't think they're they're they're actually tied to like high class or anything like that they're just i had a chip on my shoulder because we didn't have one and i knew they existed so i assumed someone fancy somewhere had them and then that uh i i had one when i moved out to los angeles in one of my apartments there and uh damaged it quite a bit because that's one of those things that like if you didn't if you didn't grow up with you didn't you didn't know how to clean it. You didn't know how to take care of it. And like you, I just thought like, oh, great. I could shove whatever the fuck I want down down this this magic hole that destroys all of my sins.

hole that destroys all of my sins and then i'm looking at this thing with it with its you know raggedy ass uh labia majora and and like googling different ways to to like who cleans the labia majora on my garbage disposal is that me is that i thought this thing took care of itself forever but now i'm worried that that there's a level of maintenance required to this thing, like there is to everything else in my life that I've ignored for several years. Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know anything about cleaning it. The first time I stuck my hand in it, I was terrified. One of them broke at my girlfriend's place. Trying to fix that for her was a terrifying experience.

And also, I would would say a viscerally unrewarding experience because when you put your hand inside one of those it's either sharp or very very slimy everywhere it's super slimy it's slimy as hell uh it does the somehow the the compounds change in there there's some sort of chemical reaction and everything just becomes a slime um but it's they're really awful on the inside. I mean, the idea that, I understand why the rubber labia are there because you got to hide the darkness of that.

Yeah, no one can know. I've certainly broken one or two garbage disposals in LA from just complete negligence. And I think the first one, when the guy had to take it apart and was like, have you been throwing like plastic bottle caps down here yeah i thought that thing was indestructible i thought it just like shredded everything to bits i thought that i i feel like you were i was raised in this world where you don't put your hand in a garbage disposal because it'll chew your hand up

and rip your bones to shit so i thought it could handle anything what's an avocado pit to that thing yeah surely if it can destroy my bones it can handle this plastic bottle cap and like a lighter because i was bored maybe this spoon i don't want anymore yeah um but that was i think that's the only one. Oh, I also, I never even, I never drove an automatic until I was almost 20. I'd only ever driven a manual. Which is the, which one? Manual is the one that's got. Yeah, stick. I'd only ever driven stick.

Stick is manual? Yeah. Oh, I have only driven stick once and no one should do this. stick once uh and no one should do this i my friend her car was was stick and she got drunk too drunk to drive and needed me to drive her in her car and and we had determined that me driving a type of car i'd never driven before was safer than her driving it drunk and we were technically right because we're both alive but still it's a very stupid thing that we shouldn't have gotten ourselves into in the first place yeah did she throw up on the way home there's a lot of stalling like back and forth when you don't know how to drive a clutch no she didn't

throw up she was just like with it enough to be very critical of my driving oh perfect that's the sweet spot you guys achieved um well uh as for your toaster dan i this is an appliance that's not like a huge cumbersome one you could hide it away in a cupboard until you need it and then you just plug it in i thought about that i hide my uh uh smokeless grill and my crock pot they're they're both they're they're hidden until i need them so i could hide my toaster away but i don't know i feel like i'm putting crumbs in the cabinet. Yeah. They are messy. There's no, there's never been a clean toaster.

Yeah. Maybe. All right. If you don't need it, you don't need it. And maybe you just don't know that you don't do that. You need it. What do you mean? Well, there are people who say, I don't have a microwave.

We don't have a microwave. We don't have anything to microwave. What would we microwave? And I'm like, well, how do you eat your leftovers? And they're like, we put it in the oven. I'm like, yeah, but then that's not cooking it from the inside out. That gets it hot on top and then that's it. And so I think people who don't have microwaves and like to brag about not having microwaves just don't understand the convenience of having one. And I'm wondering if maybe that's your case with toasters it's not a big investment it probably is

i used to not have a microwave and i was was totally fine with it but then i moved to a place that had a microwave built into the cabinets like all fancy like and i love having it it's the best it's way better than than heating up leftovers in an oven i mean i've lived in apartments without a dishwasher i've lived in apartments apartments with a washer but no dryer, so you're drying your own clothes. Like, every single one of those, as I'm doing it, I'm thinking, why would I ever have this again? I've found all these great workarounds.

This is so easy. And then the minute I have it again, I'm like, oh, no, life sucked. A washer but no dryer? I've never heard of that. That makes sense to me because dryer is the problem of the two appliances. Right. I think it was in an apartment complex where they weren't set up for gas into every single apartment. And so they did put a washer in it, but we just didn't have a dryer. And so what I would do is we had a radiator, which is like one of those big heaters that sits on the floor.

And I had a single bed that was all metal uh frame and i would push the metal frame thing up against you know like the kind of thing you see people tortured on in movies and stuff this is just like springs i pushed that up against the radiator so the whole thing would get very very hot and then i would just spread my clothes over on it that seems like probably a fire hazard right guaranteed yeah okay yeah i sent i did singe one piece of clothing on that it was a polypropylene long underwear which is like a synthetic so it's kind of like a plastic and it just got too hot for it and melted on it yeah well that's a lesson you yeah you you just have to learn you can't read read about it in a

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All right. Well, Daniel, I have a question for you. Shoot. You know people probably in your life, you see them on Twitter, you see them on Instagram, even on dating websites where in their bio, they'll put that they're a comedian now would you ever have the courage to say out loud to anyone that you're a comedian no i think i've said it on this show uh in in a mad dash to introduce myself because it's if you're looking for threes a list of three for for to to proceed your name writer author comedian sort of sort of falls out of there and i think uh i've retroactively will justify it in my head as like well i've technically done stand-up comedian and comedy in front of people but i i that's only if i'm if if i get pulled into a court of law

to to defend this yeah what does comedian even mean to you like what do you think of when somebody says i'm a comedian uh well those are two different questions comedian means to me successful professional stand-up comedian who's good at it and gets paid for it uh and i guess even even both of those things might not necessarily be true because you know we all sebastian maniscalco is technically professional comedian um they have a podcast that's very similar to ours by the way sebastian maniscalco does yeah he and his buddy uh who's also a comic they have a they have like a podcast where they just get together and talk to each other because they don't let i think one of them lives in new york and one of them lives in la oh boy do the two of them get

together and cancel cancel culture what is it what could they what is it oh they talk about like going swimming at the ymca and stuff oh so it's exactly our podcast yes yeah um but that's one answer that's what what i think of as a comedian is is like a professional person who who does it as their their primary trade um but when someone in the world says they're a comedian, I have a different list of thoughts. Yeah. So let's do an experiment. You go to a party and there's somebody there who you've never met before. And you're like, oh, hey, what's your name?

Oh, I'm Adrian. I'm a comedian. What is the first thing you think about Adrian? No, you're not. Yeah. Okay. That's what i think anytime i hear that somebody say they're comedian because if you do do stand-up comedy then you're a comic yeah and like you'll say i'm a comic but even if you said even to have the audacity to say that you're a comic it would

mean that like that's not what you would lead with i don't think unless you're like selling out venues um yeah but to say that you're a comedian there's like so much brass behind it that i yeah i don't even it's i don't ever have the courage to tell somebody that i'm a comedian and when somebody else introduces you and they say that you're a comedian like immediately i just want to crawl behind somebody and hide because i'm like no no no don't don't say that don't say i'm a comedian i don't there's expectations associated with that yeah even like successful comics that i know i feel like have said i do stand up they don't they don't they don't even fully say, I am a comedian. Because I do agree that there's some level of gravitas

to that, I suppose. Yeah, I'm trying to think of even somebody who anyone in the world who would tell me that they're a comedian and I'd be like, yeah. Yes, you are. That's absolutely right. Maybe somebody like Tiffany Haddish. I could see her being like, I'm a comedian. I'm like, okay. You do stand up. You're in films as a comedian you probably write comedy like i get

that you you have this weird trifecta of like things that you do that make you a comedian but there are not many people who fulfill all those roles who are calling themselves comedians yeah i wonder i i i wonder if i've ever described you as a comedian on this show i don't i mean there's no way of knowing the episodes simply cease to exist once we're done with them um but yeah i see it in people's profiles a lot and i'm like and that's my first thought is always no you're not yeah no you're always, no, you're not. Yeah.

No, you're not, Adrian. No, you're not. There's no way. What do you, I guess it's been so long since we've been around groups of people and longer still for you where you would be at a party where you might be introduced to people who would call themselves a comedian. do you know what i know you think no you're not but you know what you say to adrian when adrian comes up to you and says oh i'm a comedian yeah i say oh nice do you write that would be the first thing i would say uh because that would be my first assumption would be like in the circles that I run in, I would be like, oh, well, tell me that's my version of tell me more. Like, what type of comedian are you? You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that you're

probably pretty justified in calling yourself a comedian. You've written a comedic book. You've, you were a performer. You were, you'd stand up. You are a comedic writer now for a television show. I feel like maybe you might be the only person. Why not you? You have to write a fucking stupid book about presidents? That's the last door you need to open? Yes. Oh, all right.

I wrote a funny book. Maybe then I could be like, yeah, I'm a comedian. Dave Barry, I would think I would say, yeah, he's a comedian. Humorist. Oh, fuck. Forgot that word. Yeah. Then I'm sorry.

Yeah, you're right. You don't have the chops to be a comedian. That's one of the things you need. Yeah, you're right. You don't have the chops to be a comedian. That's one of the things you need. It's just such a loaded title. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable using it. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let me try it. Hello, I adrian and i'm a comedian oh uh so so forgive me uh like stand up do you write do you like sketch no just my friends say i have sort of like a twisted sense of humor okay yeah i i work in actually um data collection for a big bank

data collection for a big bank wow i can't think of a worse job but those are i mean that's my assumption of where the the conversation heads like immediately in my mind i'm like no you're not you do something dumb and uh and now i'm gonna have to figure out what it is yeah i mean well that's that's a thing i'm learning in this conversation that uh is an impulse that maybe i should i should tamp down because when you or adrian at this party say that you're comedian the no matter how innocent my questions might sound i'm not trying to find i'm not trying to learn more about you as a comedian i'm trying to find out what you actually do yeah because i don't believe you and that's and that's kind of a nasty impulse to have it's like that that's i'm starting from a place of

no you're not in condescension yeah yeah i don't get invited to a lot of parties. That might be why. It's the same, I guess, when people say, well, it's not quite the same thing. But there is definitely a cousin of this is when somebody says I'm an actor. Yeah. And maybe that curse doesn't happen in New York as often. Although you've got the stage there. Here it's in LA.

Anytime somebody says they're an actor, your first impulse is to say, what have I seen you in? And what that actually means, like when you read between the lines is bullshit, prove it. Right. Bullshit, prove it. And also like, don't answer this question because it was a trick question. If I'd seen you in something, I'd know who you are. Yes. And then that person is like, it's not trick question. If I'd seen you in something, I'd know who you are. Yes. And then that person is like,

then that person is like, it's not my fault you don't know me. I was in sideways. Right. How was that? How was that Paul Giamatti? Did I need to say sideways or would you have gotten it without that?

No, sideways was a real helping. That was like the cornerstone of that impression. I have a question. Another question for you. This is sort of like breaking the rules a little bit, Dana, because usually it goes person, then the other person. But I'm going two in a row. Is that a lot?

No, no, that's totally fine. We're off the rails. This will be the second one in a row where you specifically didn't say the titular moment of the podcast. But go ahead. Ask me your question. Let me ask you sort of a a long-winded question hell yeah hold on i forgot what it was second

what was i gonna ask you? Fuck it was good, too It's gone it's completely gone. Oh man man i'm sorry that's on me oh okay i got it i remember it now great okay all right well i got a question for you then a long-winded question ask it for christ's sake at your death oh finally someone's giving the tearful eulogy are there certain things that you just hope that they don't say like things that happen so frequently at funerals that you're like that's trite that's boring that's well-trod ground please don't don't sink me into just the average funeral this should be different

i am different um i'll give you mine if you want first yeah please wow so i i would be i'd be so upset if i found out that at my funeral somebody said he always had a smile on his face. That one. It's not true. Sometimes I piss you off. Yeah. That's what I would say at your funeral. Objection.

Hey, Colleen's lying. I feel like that gets said at every single funeral and it means nothing anymore. It's just like something people say to say something. And it's obviously not true. It doesn't mean much, even if it was true. Like that's a problem. That's a problem. Somebody going through life that way. They missed out on a bunch of shit. If they are only smiling their whole way through it. And I, I hate it so much. And it makes it like devalues the person who's dead, I think. I want something that's very, very specific to just me. Yeah. I think I want that too.

But scripture teaches us, sorry, six feet under teaches us that funerals are for them. They're not for us. They're for the living like yeah it's it as as much as i i because i've thought about my funeral in the past as like i want this to be as much a celebration as it is anything else i want you thought a lot about your funeral uh i used to i I think that's an impulse that, at least to me, felt very natural. The very first funeral I ever went to, which was in middle school, and immediately my brain was like, well, I'm not going to do this. Right. Like, there's not like a kids section. there's not even there's not like a kids section there's nothing like like certainly pay your pay your respects but i like to think for for for me in my case it's gonna be uh like pay your respects

by hanging out and telling jokes and having fun and uh uh not just like being very sad all the time, but that's, that's what people want to do really. And, and, uh, the, the good news for you when you're dead or the bad news when you're dead, rather, is you can make a whole list of like,

this is what I want for my funeral. Make sure this happens. And then like, sorry, buddy, you're fucking dead. So we're going to rip up your list and we're going to do whatever we want anyway.

And I think that naturally might lead to people doing very sad standard funeral things. If I can insist on one thing I've seen at funerals that I definitely don't want. Is I don't want the open-ended, if anyone wants to say something, you can get up and you can end and like take this time and i understand it has nothing to do with me because i'm dead and people want to express themselves and they should get that opportunity i suppose but but that's that's like at weddings or funerals yes whenever the speeches are like an open-ended thing it's like oh boy there's nothing scarier at a wedding when somebody's like and and if anybody else wants to speak on the bride and groom they're welcome to do that now and they just sort of like point

the microphone out towards the crowd like who wants it who wants it it's such a tenuous terrifying moment yeah i also feel like if there's there will be people at my funeral who are just like like human beings you know like relatives of mine and they didn't necessarily sign up for a rotating group of competitive public speakers yeah they don't need somebody gently roasting their child no try and top the person before them oh there's no my my relatives in relatives in Pennsylvania who will be mourning me so hard. Aren't going to understand him. Like I see he's like roasting the other people on stage. Now this isn't even about Daniel anymore.

He's doing crowd work. He's asking who, who traveled the farthest to be here. Well, tell me then if you can remember it what would you think your ideal funeral would be so somebody i mean we need it on record so that when the time comes i can provide it for you uh i i i think just more of a uh i don't want to say i don't want to use the word party and make it seem like a big sloppy ordeal but i feel like very often at funerals you're seeing a whole lot of people that you don't ordinarily see or you see like once every couple of years or something like that and some people you've never met you're only connected by this by this one person. And it just seems like the amount of time

that you have to spend sitting and being collectively sad together, and there's certainly value in that, is time that would be better spent talking to each other and hanging out and spending way too much time talking about nothing which is a better reflection of how i spent my time on on on this planet and like you you get that with like the things around funerals you know if there's a uh there's there's a repast where everyone gets together afterwards in some cases

and that's when you're talking and there's like sometimes a lighter speech or there's food or there's drinks around and if you're like yeah just just like do that part there's this strange preamble where everyone's dressed up and sitting quietly and then later it's like oh this room is brighter and we can talk to the people that that we weren't allowed to talk to before during during the serious part. I was like, no, get rid of the serious part. Yeah. Well, have you seen how they do it in New Orleans? How they do funerals there?

It's a parade, right? Yeah, it's huge parade. And then there's a lot of like the caskets out for a very long time and it changes locations. Like it moves to different locations with the party. For everyone who dies in New Orleans? No, I don't think so. I've only seen like a couple of videos of people. When people are saying like, when I die, take me to New Orleans. And then they'll show a video of like, this is what happens down there.

And so I don't obviously don't know that this is true across the board. But from what I've seen, it's like, it's just people getting really really fucked up and drunk pouring alcohol on the casket dancing a lot sure and like i mean i don't want to do i don't want to do anything that like uh in in this scenario uh i die before my parents not because of tragedy but because my parents are gonna live forever uh i don't want the funeral to embarrass or upset my parents in any way so i don't want anyone pouring pouring booze all over my casket uh so don't invite those those buddies of yours soren it's did you already send the invite invites are out damn it that's on me i'm so sorry you know i could do i'll tell them don't come i'll tell them it was

a mistake no no because no this feel terrible. I should do that. It's for you. It's your day. It's your parents' day. I'll tell him not to come. It's my parents' day. That's right. I think I get what you're saying.

That's not what I want, though. Yeah, what do you want? I want somber reflection on this person that has this portion of their hearts that has been ripped out. And that now you can just see the curtains flapping in the wind through. I want people to be remembering how great I was and telling fun stories and maybe even getting a chuckle out of that. But at the end of each story, there's some poignance where they're like fuck and now we don't have that anymore where everyone's just contextualizing the loss like here is what we no longer have and then they take the solid gold coffin they carry it out to the shuttle platform they slaughter a wolf a lot A lot of pallbearers

by the way. Solid gold coffin. That's more people than you're leaving behind, I think. They slaughter a wolf there. They use the blood to christen the ship. They board me into the shuttle. They count it down through Houston. There's

a launch that everyone gets to watch. And it just follows a trajectory to the sun. And that's all I want. Something very simple, tasteful, easy. Yeah, and then I guess... I mean, I could do something with the rest of that wolf. I don't know. I don't want any of it to go to waste, but...

Yeah, of course i mean that's not really my problem no i know i know i'm just talking out loud you're dead and in the sun it's fine but you know i'm home you you are who i would turn to if i needed ideas for what to do with all this leftover wolf you need to fence some wolf parts? Yeah. All right, I gotta track down the social accounts. I have them here somewhere. It shouldn't take me too long, but I wanted to give you an opportunity to talk about something just briefly.

You have a wonderful daughter whom I can't wait to meet this summer. And I was just wondering uh what are your rules for dating your teenage daughter i mean obviously rule number one is wait till she's a teenager yeah for dating my teenage daughter um oh god i hadn't even thought about this i think that dating my teenage daughter. God, I hadn't even thought about this.

I think that it would be the same rules I'd have to apply to my son, which would be you're home by a very specific time, that I know where you're going. God, they just need their freedom. That's the thing, though i i don't want to put too many limitations on it i don't want to like say text me when you're there or even anything like that because i want to give them the freedom to go drive around for a little bit or park somewhere because that's their prerogative i guess there really are no rules for dating my daughter and i holy shit except for the ones that she that she insists upon like whatever she's comfortable with i think here's the deal

i think that i could lay a good enough foundation on a personal level for who she is and who she's comfortable being that by the time that she's a teenager and she's trying out dating and dipping a toe in that water, like she already knows herself well enough that she's going to only put herself in good situations. Is that fair? I think that's fair. And I think that you're right, but if I want to make rules,

I want to make rules. I can't. If he is totally wrong about this, I think he's a sweetie, but you can tell him if he's wrong. You can do that on Twitter at Soren underscore LTD, or you can reach out to me at DOV underscore INC. You can email the show at QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com.

You can find the show on Twitter at twitter.com slash QQ underscore Soren and Dan. com you can find the show on twitter at twitter.com slash qq underscore soren and dan you can find hire and support our editor engineer producer gabe at gabe harder.com we also have a patreon and if you join up with our patreon and give some of your hard-earned money to it then once a month you get a bonus episode where we answer questions from you, the patrons, and nothing else. That's it. That's the only perk. Or the other perk is just supporting us. You know what I'm going to do is rewatch Friday Night Lights.

And whatever Kyle Chandler decides are his rules, those are going to be mine too. I'm just going to steal them wholesale. Didn't his daughter end up cheating on uh make or not cheating on um didn't his daughter sleep with uh her married ta oh jesus maybe i don't know i i that's why i gotta re-watch it all right bye Watch it, Dan. All right. Bye. All right. See you.