Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 90 - Tree Investments but not hedge funds

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

Another incredible title! In this episode the guys talk about a terrifying ice cream cake, and Dan learns how much the modern tree costs. And as always big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Honey, shop with confidence — get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/qq. And big thanks to Hello Tushy.  10% off + free shipping HelloTushy.com/qq

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions. Questions like, when did you find out you were funny? And questions like, how different are you from your character in After Hours? Those are the questions that we get into, those and nothing else. I am one half of this podcast. Comedy writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on HBO and HBO Max. Author of books like How to Fight Presidents at Barnes

Noble and barnesnoble.com. And a third descriptor, let's go with Runner this week. Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, the sneaky Soren Bui. Soren, say hello. Hello, everybody. I'm Soren Bui. I'm a writer, a camper, a climber, a killer, a kale cooker, Crunchy Colorado Kid. Just like kind of a kook in general. Yeah, I'd say like a kook.

Okay. What do I like the least about that? I don't think you actually like kale. I know that you know it's a superfood. Yeah, I get excited just as a bit about superfoods a lot. But yeah, I don't actually care for kale that much. I needed something to put after killer so that I could hide that one in there. Got it. In the hopes that somebody listening would be like, wait, what? And then if I ever am committed of i like convicted of of a murder people would know oh he revealed it okay and you got uh and it was effective because

i was not really uh tripped up or moved by killer uh you got camper in there i'm going camping pretty soon oh that's right am i allowed to say where you're going? Or are you worried about running into people who want to talk about Godzilla vs. Kong? Let's thank Honey for sponsoring this episode. These days, it feels like online shopping is the only shopping we really do. That's where Honey comes in. It's the free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies the best one available at checkout. Go to joinhoney.com slash QQ.

Thanks to HelloTushy for supporting Quick Question. Now, the brand new HelloTushy 3.0 modern bidet attachment is here to level the playing field. It's stylish, eco-friendly, easy to install, and affordable. Get 10% off plus free shipping and get your buck clean at hellotushy.com slash qq yeah go ahead um you're going to utah that's right yeah that's some of my favorite camping in the world is in utah we used to go there a lot when i was a kid because like the all that sandstone out there is like a my favorite type of desert oh yeah yeah it's great and it makes you feel like a really,

it makes you feel kind of like you've got superpowers because the grade at which you can climb up sandstone is much, it's much steeper than anything else in the world because it's basically like sandpaper. So you just sort of stick to it. And so like climbing up sandstone is very, very fun and feels sort of Spider-Man-ish. Man, we really should have you as our guide on this trip because we don't have any Soarin' adjacent people.

We looked at some pictures on the internet and thought it was pretty, so we booked flights. You're going to love it. Yeah. I'm excited. It's one of the things, though, that in the lead-up to camping that first got me mad and then gave me perspective.

So I went to REI to do some shopping. And I've had some great experiences at REI in the past. And this was not one of those. And as I march in there with my wallet open, essentially, because REI is an adult toy store. And I love all the shit in there with my wallet open, essentially, because REI is an adult toy store. And I love all the shit in there. And all you need to do if you work for REI and you see me coming is to just seem knowledgeable.

That's it. Because I'm going to go there and say, hey, I'm an idiot. Here's where I'm going. What should I get? And keep in mind, I i'm gonna get whatever you tell me to get and uh the employee that was there uh was just not you know it's a it's a youngish kid and and i wanted to believe that everyone who worked at rei was like part of the part of the

co-op you know part of this like adventurous spirit and i'm like i'm going to to zion and i'm going to do the narrows so like what kind of footwear do you recommend and she's like like you know sandals no no no no no no no so so i'm doing the narrows so there's a lot of water and she starts to to to think in the way that I would think when I was lying to someone, she was like, okay, what time are you going? You're going in may.

Let's see in may. And I wanted to jump in and like, Hey, I got a sappy there. It's a river. It's a, it's a river all the time. I'm walking through a river for hours.

Yeah. That's what I need to make clear here. And we, we, four hours yeah that's what i need to make clear here and we we she'd revealed enough in her answers that that she is not my expert so i just had to like leave dejected and like not obviously we both left with our dignities intact where i pretended she gave me good answers yeah and i left having not given this 17 year old 300 for sandals um and i was so cranky about that for a while just like why can't why isn't everyone good at their job everywhere and then i flashed back to when i worked for sports party in the fishing and camping division and just like made shit up all the time

things weren't better when i had these jobs i was still someone would come in and i was some 17 year old schmuck and a guy was like i want to get a good fishing reel for my father for his birthday he likes stripers oh man this is the best striper fucking reel i've ever seen i fish every day for striper with it. Here you go. Tell them up front who helped you out. I get extra points for that. Did you find a shoe? There's some really great rental places out there, which is very exciting.

I want to dig into that noise in a second. Okay. Because it seemed like a godsend to me because my plan was i'm gonna borrow some of my brother's stuff and i'm gonna get some i'm gonna buy some stuff at rei uh that i'll just have forever i guess or return because rei has a great return policy and when i'm factoring in the logistics of like, what am I going to fly with for this trip? Because flying when you're camping somewhere

is such a hassle, especially it's a week-long trip where some of it is camping and exploring and some of it is just like normal being a person in a town kind of stuff. So I need to pack for both things and camping gear broadly like takes up a lot of room not when it's on your back and everything like that but if you're if you're packing a pack

and your sleeping bag and your mat and all your other shit it's like it's it's just not an ideal flying situation no and there are a lot of places right around zion in utah where it's like if you're doing the narrows this is your package these are your water socks these are your water shoes these are your your your poles and your dry bag i don't need all of those things but they really they understand who they're catering to out there they know that people are doing exactly what i'm doing they're flying in they they don't they're they're not people who hike eight hours through a river all the time and most of us don't want to buy poles at 35 for the first time in their lives and then like well now i guess i own these poles now so it's very handy uh yeah you disagree no no no that makes

it makes sense to me that there would be a market for that and that they know what they're doing because they're there um my my i'm worried that when you get a pair of shoes that you are not the one breaking in if somebody else has broken them in or they're brand new and you're about to hike several miles like you can really go wrong there because you can get really bad blisters from them because they're not your feet aren't accustomed to them so like the the trick would be to get the shoes oh two weeks three weeks before the trip and then use them a lot it's just the water shoes that i'd be i'd be renting i have my own hiking boots okay are your height then do they have vibram soles on them do you know yeah okay good you're gonna be fine and do they have like kind of canvas on the sides of them or like a webbing as opposed

to like just straight leather without a lot of seams? I think it's the latter, the straight leather. Straight leather. Okay. You'll be all right. I think for being in the water, like those canvas ones aren't so bad. I would say generally, if you're going to go hiking, like boots without a ton of seams are ideal.

And the majority of your trip, those will be the best things you have. But if you're going to be in the water with them that's it's harder to get those dry inside than ones where the water just sort of like leaks out from the canvas yeah but you're getting a dry bag you're getting all the good stuff yeah i'm really looking forward to it's going to be going to be a great trip i'm sorry you can't join me. The other thing I want to ask you about it. Yeah. Are you bringing cotton clothing with you?

What do you mean? Well, your shorts, your shirts, like, your warmer clothes, is any of it cotton? Or have you checked? Do you know? Is it all synthetic fabrics or is it cotton? I think it's mostly synthetic, but I could check again.

Why? I would say don't bring any cotton on the trip at all. Not even like cotton socks because the polyester will dry so much faster and it gets cold at night. And the off chance that your dry bag does leak or whatever, and you get water in it, you don't want to have, cotton just takes forever to dry. Okay.

I can still, I like to, to hike with a full mouth of cotton balls. Okay. Because then that tricks your brain. You can't, you don't want water because your mouth is full. It's a, it's a it's a it's an old life hack uh i should still do that right yeah yeah just like cheek to cheek cotton balls but when i'm saying when you go in the water keep that your mouth shut don't let the yeah the water into the cotton balls because boy it's gonna take a long time for you to put those

out on a line and let them dry yeah Dan, I have a quick question for you. Yeah, go for it. If you don't mind me starting the show here. No, we're 11 minutes. Jesus, I was hoping we were at like 43 minutes. All right. Yeah, make a meal out of this question, buddy. Okay, my daughter just had her first birthday.

And I was real excited because we were gonna give her ice cream for the first time, which I don't know why parents get so excited about this. But it's just like such a treat to give your child something that you know is really good in the world and then to watch their face. And I wanted to get her an ice cream cake. And naturally, my thought was to get a cookie puss. Now, do you know what a cookie puss is? I do not.

Perfect. Okay. cookie puss is i do not perfect okay so carvel which is an ice cream company has made a cake since the 70s called a cookie puss which is basically if you were to google it and look at the face it's just a it's like a clown face do you want me to google it right now yeah google yeah google and look at the images um there's cookies for eyes there's a big cone like an ice cream cone upside down ice cream cone is the nose and then there's kind of a body like there's some little frosting arms and a frosting mouth and oh yeah i was hoping those those arms were sideburns nope i don't like i don't understand yeah it's one of those circumstances where the the arms come

directly out of the head okay one of those circumstances right and so cookie puss is just like i don't i don't remember when i was introduced to it in my life but it's like my favorite type of uh cookie uh ice cream cake it's got kind of like some crumbles in the middle between two layers of a chocolate and vanilla and you know how excited i get about vanilla and uh i i love it i think it's like delicious and so i was like this thing looks like pure aesthetic nonsense it's absolutely like it only exists for these pictures and to like wow a child when they first see it it also is like cheap wow like it's like you can tell so clearly it was born in the 70s yeah like it's not it's like you can tell so clearly it was born in the 70s. Yeah. It's not even like aesthetically like polished or anything.

It's just it kind of sucks as like from an aesthetic standpoint. I mean, this might change by the time this episode comes out. But all I did was Google image search cookie puss Carvel. And the second one has this fellow that you're talking about. And his nose, they've used a shade of green that uh that was discontinued we don't make this green anymore anywhere in the world uh it's a 60s green and that's his nose and written on the green is just the word egg that's for wikipedia that's like the standard cookie puss i don't know why it says egg on it no uh the cookie puss is it's

pretty expensive cake do you want to guess how much this thing is uh 17.95 oh daniel way off it's like 55 holy shit and uh yeah you're not you're certainly not i think for a child maybe they wouldn't recognize how silly looking it is but i it can't be past like age seven i think by age seven you're like no that's bullshit um it also it seems like so much uh it seems like a real nightmare for parents because like for a lot of cakes the most frills you're going to see is like some kind of edible flowers somewhere yeah where someone like the birthday kid can say i want a piece of flowers in it or i want a piece with a corner because then you get like the exciting corner part here what if you're a kid who's like i want some i want a little bit

of the cake itself and also some cone so just like surgically remove the bridge of the nose of cookie puss from the center of this cake and someone else like yeah let me get like a quarter of its eyeball because it's got some cookie in there and that and like what are we doing if not getting cookie in there and then i guess some of his like hat sprinkles jesus it is a nightmare to cut and what is one slice of this cake look like it's either it's like a a half moon or it's just a straight line that you like cut all the way down the middle up it's like a bisection and uh it's impossible to cut the other thing is that it's whatever like the ice cream that they use in it is such like

a thick heavy cream that this cake has two states it's either so frozen that you have to like pound a knife through it or it's melted completely it's all over its own box and uh and so i was like i was trying to tell my wife that i wanted a cookie puss and she's like finally she's like i don't know what that is i've i've been entertaining you i've been letting you have your thing but i have no idea what that is and i was i was like i thought it was universal and so i looked it up and found out that cookie puss that's the cookie puss he has a whole history that carvel created for him god yeah that i want to share with you cookie puss uh was born on the planet birthday he's an he's a space alien okay he can fly but in order to do

his interplanetary travel he has to use his spaceship which to my knowledge no one has ever seen okay uh he has a cousin named cookie opus who only comes out on saint patrick's day and i think the only difference is that the little nose ice cream is mint chocolate chip i'm seeing uh with without searching directly for it i have i see cookie opus uh it's a it's a very irish cake this is a huge uh inclusivity win thank you um and next to it is a full Guinness. And I am so sad. I'm sad for whatever person sees an Irish themed eringo cookie opus with a Guinness and is like, perfect. Together, that's got to be $68 without tip.

Nightmare. Nothing I like more with my beer than a bunch of milk and uh he so you might be wondering why why did they create this whole space alien backstory cookie puss wasn't always his name his name used to be celestial person which was then just hyphenated to cp hyphenatedated, abbreviated to CP, and then from CP they were like, oh, cookie puss, perfect. It makes perfect sense. Because Carvel is crazy. They've done interviews where people are like,

because now anyone who encounters the cookie puss is like, what am I looking at? Why has this lasted this long? This looks like somebody made it one time for a birthday and like ah didn't turn out the way i liked it but whatever you know he's happy he's four and then but it's just stuck around this is absolutely this is supposed to be like one family tradition it's it's supposed to be a thing that you grew up with because and then you find out

when you're an adult like oh no yeah it it's just mom only had one sized baking tin. And it was shaped like this weird janky ass figure eight explosion. And so she's just like, we worked with what we got. And she made a cookie puss out of it and told everyone that it was, here you go, it's cookie puss day for your birthday. He's a monster from space. And then I get to college and I found out nobody else had that. But no, except it's like a full company makes this. I mean, and we're not, even in the 70s, we weren't in a place where we couldn't reconstruct

like the general outlines of a human face or even an alien face. This is neither of those. There's no reason it has to be this shape. It's a very strange pendulous shape at the eyeballs and then otherwise if the eyeballs weren't there it would just look like an upside down light light bulb yeah um now so they've done interviews with carvel where they're like like the gothamists did an interview with carvel where they're asking it like what what is this thing and they're kind of trying to be serious and carvel refuses to acknowledge that this thing isn't real that this isn't like some

alien they'll be like they ask questions where they're like, okay. But once they start getting the answers about who Cookie Puss is, they're like, all right, well, before he was a cake, what did Cookie Puss do? And they're like, well, previously, Mr. Puss worked as a test pilot for NASA, but quickly realized his tendency to melt under extreme pressure. They're just so sad on that.

pressure they're they're just so sad on that that's here's here's here's here's another one of their answers they asked how much has the has cookie puss changed over the years like is this still version 1.0 with the loaded subtext of your cake sucks look it like looks like shit why do you keep it with this cake and they said cookie puss hasn't changed over the years he definitely defies the odds maybe it's that galaxy galaxy air and then editorial note some say cookie puss has changed plenty in appearance that's that's so bizarre because um it's not like there's a cookie puss cartoon show or or franchise or anything so like they i believe that the company has the answers to these questions but those answers wouldn't make it out to the world if gothmist didn't interview them sarcastically right and also like come up with

something it's everything about this is so half-assed everything about this cookie cake even like the backstory is is like perfectly half-assed for what this thing is uh i really appreciate how little work they put into this cake and maybe that's part of the charm of it yeah they just do not give a shit i love i love that someone was like well he's from space so he would he would like work for nasa nasa's cool astronaut's cool and then someone else was like yeah it's such a high pressure job it's so stressful those guys seem seem really unhappy like yeah okay so he quit so he did work for nasa yeah but but he quit it didn't work for him it didn't work for him yeah we'll just bake that into the backstory and they were like oh should we think of some other some other jobs he could have done no we're good that's fine why that's a job what's the problem um anyway there's nothing other than the taste there's

nothing about this cake that's enjoyable the backstory or anything but oh my god it's like the best cake i've ever had and the cookies that are on it are somehow also very delicious and carvel is not known for their baking they're. The frosting that they use is not like a really oppressive buttercream or anything like that that you sometimes get on ice cream cakes. It's delicious. Everything about it is really, really good. I got to tell you, I've been, I've been, uh, let's get a quick time check here. Yeah. I've been looking at cookie puss's mug for a full 10 minutes oh and i i do like it i'm not as mad as i thought i was gonna be there's a an additional

detail that i'm leaving out which is that they uh he has a there's another cake that's been just as successful over the years called fudgy the whale which makes way more sense if you look at Fudgy. Fudgy, that's a household name. Oh, you know Fudgy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so Cookie Puss has been around just as long and is- Soren, here's just like a real quick pro tip. Most people you talk to know Fudgy the Whale.

They don't know Cookie Puss. I mean, this is my whole life, dude, is finding out that the things that I thought were true as a child are just not true for everyone else. We all shop online and we've all seen that promo code field taunt us at checkout. But thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. Because Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the Internet for promo codes and applies the best ones it finds to your cart. Honey supports over 30,000 stores online. Picture it.

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on how I shouldn't have cotton clothes and I should have synthetic clothes. So I went online to buy the clothes and I said, let's click on that honey button to see if we could find some coupons and they did, friends. And how much did I save? Nine dollars.

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I put it down. She blew out the candle. She didn't blow it out. I blew it out for her. But then went to go get a knife. And while I did that, my wife took a spoonful of the cake and fed it to her while I was in the kitchen. And I was so hurt because I didn't get to see her pupils dilate or whatever's supposed to happen to a baby when they have ice cream for the first time.

And it could have been nothing. Like her face could have done nothing. But I really just wanted to see that moment. And I missed it. Man, I'm genuinely very sorry to hear that moment and i missed it man i'm genuinely very sorry to hear that thank you that sounds like a real bummer thank you uh if it's any consolation i don't think this one should count as her first ice cream i think it's its own thing that's probably true i think you're right i can't treat this this is it's an alien

this is not even of our world i've fed her something from space there's a couple of these where they've they've given him some detail for for like a a cap it's unclear if it's a brown baseball cap or like a sherlock holmes kind detective hat. I don't know what that is. Oh, so a lot of times that's shredded coconut up near the top for like the above the eyes. And I'm not sure if that's supposed to be hair or some of the cap. And then the very top is just frosting. Yikes. I don't think they knew if it was supposed to be hair.

I don't think they do either, honestly. Or what either. I think even the idea that they were going to add arms at the end, that's got to be an i don't think they do either honestly or what either i think even the idea that they were going to add arms at the end that's got to be an 11th hour decision there's just so many different textures and flavors especially now that i know that part of it is coconut sometimes yeah so many different textures and flavors that are so far away from each other that this this cake can't be an enjoyable experience for anyone there's a lot of real estate and like very topography across the entire thing so yeah it's a

very different habitat at the bottom of the cake than at the top so you're somebody's getting a completely different experience depending on what type of cake what part these kids being like you got coconut man i got all cheek cheek is nothing cheek is... And that's where you have to go through the cheek first. You have no choice. Anyway, I love this cake, this stupid cake. And I'm glad that I could introduce it to you. I have actually another question, Dan. Yeah, go for it.

That I wanted to ask you too. You ever bought a tree? Christmas tree, yep. No. I mean a living tree that you intended to plant and keep alive for until you're dead. No. Why would I pause on that? Oh, yeah. You know what?

In college, I bought a couple of trees in college and planted them. Yeah, well, there's a guy selling them on the back of his car one day when I was at Denny's, and I thought, I could use some trees. So I hadn't either. I didn't realize how expensive trees are. If you were to, let me give you a scenario and you tell me how much you think this should cost. eight-year-old tree now an eight-year-old tree is probably like eight feet tall it has a trunk that still needs to be supported so the trunk is uh maybe just a little bit bigger than a broom handle and that's about an eight-year-old tree okay eight-year-old trees aren't like aren't aren't respectable yet no they're just these little saplings they're not they're not so small that you'd be like oh i mean it's taller than you but it's still like that tree is going to need a

lot of help before it's an adult you know what's nuts is is is i sound really shocked right now and i shouldn't i have no absolutely no reason for this to not conform to my expectations because i have never thought about trees. But like, darn it, I thought they'd be similar to pigs in terms of rapid growth. And they're just not. They're very much not. Actually, let me start a little higher. Let me say that like you're going to get like a 20 year old tree. Now that's a little bit bigger.

It's got some substantial branches on it. But still, the trunk is not huge. It's like a coaster. when am i jesus christ when am i getting a tree that is that's that i'm not working for how old is that tree oh boy uh like 50 or 60 oh gosh well yeah so now let me ask you how much- Seems like I was right to have chosen to, like what's very apparent now, do a bunch of research on pigs instead of trees. That's immediately more going to be my area. So let's say you want to buy a 20-year-old tree and it's like a pretty tree. It's like a deciduous

one that's going to change color in the fall. You like the look look of it how much would you be willing to pay for that tree okay it's 20 year old tree yeah it's tall enough that like it's a it's clearly a tree at this point it's gonna give you some shade the trunk is uh coaster diameter yeah uh okay and and cookie puss was 55 dollars yes yeah use cookie puss as your, as your, uh, basis here. It's always tough because I want to be thoughtful, but I also want to be wrong because that,

that will make for better content. Um, but I want to be right because I'm small on, on the inside. Um, $200. Okay. I,

here, here's the, I, while you you were thinking i was thinking i've blown it by telling him how old that tree is because that there's a certain amount of like revenants that goes with having a tree that's so old that's already 30 years old like oh that should be worth something um a tree that's that old dan is probably about fifteen thousand dollars anywhere from ten to fifteen thousand dollars it's like as much as a jetta $15,000. Anywhere from $10,000 to $15,000. It's like as much as a Jetta. You have to... $15,000?

For a thing that you might kill in the first three weeks of owning it because it just doesn't take in whatever soil you're putting it in. You have to decide you want a tree more than a car exactly yes it's so so there's this nursery near me and we wanted to get a tree for our front uh i don't know what's called a causeway maybe it's that area between the street and the sidewalk that's not technically my property but it I still have to upkeep it. And there was a tree that we found. We really liked.

It's a cool looking tree. And then I was like, all right, well, let me check the nurseries. And checked at this one nursery. And they quoted me this price that was like $8,000. And I was like, Jesus. Man. For a tree? And I was like, that's crazy.

No, because I have a coupon here that I got in the mail that says 50% off all trees and delivery. And they're like, yeah, that's the 50% off. And I was like, and it was a $15,000 tree that was 20 years old. You can get so many little pigs for that. You know what? I can actually even send you a picture of the tree because they sent it to me. Oh, man, you don't have to do that. I can already tell you it's not worth it. That a sucker's price or i was like i'm not getting

that tree and i was like at first i thought this guy was just a dick and so i was like saying as much i was like uh there's no way this tree's fifteen thousand dollars i'm not paying that much for a tree and he's like all right good luck find something somewhere else and then i started to search around and had to eat my hat because this man was right. That trees are just super expensive. So I did end up getting a tree. I got one that was just 10 years old. And this tree was about $1,000.

Okay. For a tree, that first one that I described, that little Charlie Brown Christmas one? Yeah. $10,000. Okay. For a tree, that first one that I described, that little Charlie Brown Christmas one. Yeah. $10,000 for a tree. Son of a gun. Yeah. But then what that's included in there is like a guarantee that it won't like that. They'll come and check on it. If anything goes wrong with it in the first couple of years and they give me this juice juice, I'm supposed to feed it and like stuff like that uh but still it's the tree market is like worse than the wedding market it's absolutely crazy hey folks i'm here to tell you about hello tushy now i would suggest getting a hello tushy not for strangers not for your even your significant other though i would assume that they would

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Go to HelloTushy.com slash QQ for 10% off. Hellootushy.com slash qq for 10 off hellotushy.com slash qq is there a uh there's not an investment component to trees is there like you can't raise that tree up to be to be 30 years old and then flip it i think you can wait sorry did i say 10 000 or a thousand you said a thousand for the 10 year old tree yes okay good and then flip it? I think you can. Wait, sorry. Did I say 10,000 or a thousand? You said a thousand for the 10 year old tree. Yes. Okay, good. And then you said 10,000. Yeah, sorry. That was a mistake. It's not 10,000. It's still a thousand dollars for a young tree seemed crazy. And then they started to make me think the same way your brain is going, which is how do I wet my beak in this market? Absolutely. And so can I start growing my own trees? And here's the deal is that you have to grow them in these giant boxes so that the root system doesn't get too elaborate that you can't

uproot them. So you got to grow these trees in like basically a bathtub size box for years. And then you get a thousand dollars i thought well maybe that's not worth it i don't think i had the real estate for that well so a couple of things yeah wasn't um wasn't uh the county of los angeles trying to incentivize people to having trees in their front yards like as recent as a year ago? Yes. So there's a, and isn't that a neat thing that I just knew? It is actually really good because this actually is a good part of the story, Daniel. All right.

Culver City has a plan for each street and what trees you're allowed to have out on that little causeway on each street. And ordinarily it's the city that's responsible for maintaining those trees and putting them in. But for whatever reason, they're impossible to get ahold of. I don't know if they're so backed up or whatever this is, the situation is, this is like a government, uh, industry and it, there's nobody available to help you. I can't even find out what type of tree we're supposed to plant in our causeway. And so instead I went to the block next door and they've got a bunch of fairly new trees that are all look like they're like 30, 20 or 30 years old. And I was like, okay, this is a really cool tree.

It's called a ginkgo. It's beautiful. We're going to get this one. And then we kept trying to get in contact with Culver City to find out if this was okay. No responses from them at all. And finally, we were just like, well, we're just going to pull the trigger and do it. So there's a chance that now this tree that I paid for by myself will take root, start to grow. And then somebody from the city will happen to see it and be like, nah, it's the wrong block.

And they're going to want to pull it up. Wow. And I lose that. And then I just, it's all.'s all yeah yeah it's all a wash yeah then you eat that money even though you're not gonna see a return on this investment ever right beyond the the now you you said earlier that there was a a reverence for a tree that's being that old and we grew up with a tree in my front yard that was a big climbable tree and uh i couldn't tell you how old it was and it wasn't it certainly wasn't something that

we like bragged about or that people came to be like man that's an old tree yeah here's some money or like here's some respect nah none of that ever happened but that tree was super old i bet yeah over 100 years old we we uh ripped it right out of the ground eventually oh no i forget why well i think maybe it's hard to also i can only compare it to human context and how old a hundred is. And I'm like, that's so old. And then in the context of actual trees, man,

trees, that's nothing to a tree. That's like barely reaching adulthood. And I've got, since I now know the pricing of trees, I've looked around my backyard and the house that we moved into. And I've got some fruit trees back there, like some orange trees and a lemon tree. And I like oh my god these trees are so expensive man that does

this is gonna do a very a bad thing to me because i i already have a a terrible habit of mentally trying to count other people's money yeah uh i'm trying to break it but anytime someone's like we bought a new house or you know whatever expense someone does i'm trying to think like okay so so so he's a lawyer and she does this job so they must be making man he must be a really good lawyer or whatever just like trying to figure out how much money someone makes and i i want to kick that habit because it's bad uh and you've made it worse now because i never would have thought of how expensive trees are but now if i see someone who's buying trees i'd be like oh man steve's got fucking tree money yeah if you ever see somebody who's re-landscaped or their place and all of a sudden they've got uh new trees on their that look substantial, like they've been there for a while, that was the most expensive part of the project by far.

And as much as if they've got multiple trees, they might as well put in a pool instead. Man. It's a racket, I think. I mean, how much could it cost to raise a tree? I guess it's just the time. I feel like everyone is all the time so cost to raise a tree? I guess it's just the time I feel like you're paying for everyone is All the time so mad about there not being enough trees broadly speaking and how we keep getting rid of trees I think and

Like a lot of times when when billionaires are in trouble They're like I planted a tree for every like shitty thing that I did is everyone happy now and everyone is like yes because of this I feel like it should come at no cost to you to have a tree a you're making the neighborhood look better that's like a true thing that i know california cares about or los angeles anyway and b you're making the world better it's like completely separate from cosmetics we uh we agree for some reason that I remember in eighth grade science class that we want trees to be around. So I'm walking right up to the line of you should get paid for having that tree because you're doing a public good.

I agree. One thing Southern California will do is when you redo your property and you zero escape it or you put in artificial grass or you do something that requires less water use they give you a rebate if you do the whole yard and that's a nice thing well they actually like pay you to be like oh you're using less water we will give you money to put in that uh to help you put in this new uh zero escaping but um ten thousand dollars for a fucking tree charge me to recycle you idiots that. That's your next racket.

Yeah, it's really, really frustrating. It was the minute I started looking around and realized this guy was right. Not only was I mad because I had been wrong and felt like a fool, but because that's too much for a tree. It's too much for trees. We're charging too much for trees.

Also, I agree. I'm very passionate about this thing I learned about seconds ago. The tree market, apart from clearly being a buyer's field, do you have a lot of options? Or like when you ate your hat, you said, and went back to that guy, you can't like, are there a bunch of other shops in town? Yes. There are a bunch of other shops in town? Yes. There are a lot of nurseries. But the weird thing is, is that you go to any nursery and you'd be like, I'm looking for this type of tree.

I'm looking for this ginkgo. And they'd be like, okay, well, we got two of those. And they just have, they're not like there's this huge surplus where you go through and you look through every single tree and you're like, ah, I like the way that this one is cut down low and the curve of the top. Yeah. You don't do any of that. You just have like two trees you get to choose from, a 30-year-old one or a 10-year-old one or whatever. And I'm like, well, where are the rest of the trees? Because I know you didn't just grow two in the hopes that 40 years later a guy like me would come along.

Yeah. I guess not 40 isn't the right i was being hyperbolic but like that a decade later another a guy would come along and be like i want that tree as opposed to if i would have come four years ago or four years later yeah i don't understand and also it makes me think like when you're you're forced to spend a lot of money on a tree which sucks ass and then you have to choose between two so you don't have the options to even pick a tree that you think will look cool i know exactly what you're talking about what you're saying you you know it's it's it's not really a buyer's market in that place uh you because you want a hot tree it makes me wonder there's got to be a much more expensive like puppy farm for trees

right where you go to beverly hills somewhere and somehow indoors and they're like yeah these trees are are treated horribly but they every single one of them looks fucking sick so yeah that's what you're paying for i you know i think that market. So there's, I read an article recently. We can tell you how many branches it's going to have, buddy. And when I say I read an article, I saw an article on Twitter and then kept scrolling. But it was about how a bunch of millionaires, the big thing now is to have a living tree

in the middle of your house and that they design the house around the tree so that it gets enough light and it can sustain itself inside your house. But that they designed the house around the tree so that it gets enough light and it can sustain itself inside your house but that they're like the centerpiece of the house is a living tree and to be like look at how i've i've tamed nature or whatever you've decided to do with your millions of dollars or what that means but uh they that must be that kind of place where they're like we have from its birth trained this this tree with wire and with different things

to encourage growth in very specific areas and make it look absolutely perfect. Yeah. Tom Cruise was thinking about getting this tree, but he had to back out. At the tree's behest. Oh, I want to hear that so bad that a celebrity didn't get my tree.

Like, couldn't handle it and this isn't you don't think uh i imagine you're not gonna get another tree no hell no you're not gonna be like a tree guy now all of a sudden no i spent all my money on a tree. This has got to factor into how long you stay in that house, I guess, in a way that I hadn't considered. Yeah. Well, we have two other trees in the front yard that we planted, but they're small. One of them is an orange tree, and that one we planted when it was about a foot tall. And then we have an olive tree that we planted that was when we bought it was like four feet tall and in that case it's like a different type of tree it's very spindly and it costs like 15 bucks but uh i my hope was like oh these will grow into substantial trees while we're here when my son is on his way to college like

i shall pluck an orange from this tree and hand it to him and he will eat that on the road instead of fast food great on the day he leaves for college just rip the tree out of the ground and hand it to him this is for you this is this is yours now um so i'd already had all those romantic ideals about it before i even put this one in where i was like we're in this for the long haul we're planting these tiny trees these will be here forever and i will see them grow right okay well i just want this one to be tall and cool already yeah absolutely gonna be forever it's uh are any of the neighbors impressed yet yeah i imagine they must know what this world is i can't tell i can't tell if they're impressed on like, from an expense point of view for like a judiciary point of view, but they,

people have come by and been like, some people have been like, this is a really nice tree. I really like it. Uh, great job. And other people have come by and they've been like Ginko and they know their trees.

And I'm like, yes. And they're like, this is going to be real pretty in the fall. And I'm like, I fucking know, man. That's why I got it.

Oh, damn it i love how much people like stuff and know about stuff oh uh we had talked previously on a podcast about um how i knew trees and how you were impressed by that so did i make a really solid D. Revan Hansen joke? No. Okay. You want to go back? No. All right. There's an app that I've been using called Seek that lets me just use my camera and kind of like walk around a tree or walk around a plant and it will look at it for a little while and be like, I know what this plant is.

And it will tell me what kind of plant I'm looking at. And now I'm addicted. I just use it all the time on everything, everything in my yard, everything in other people's yards. Cause I've always just like walked past trees and be like, no, I don't know that one. Oh, well. And, uh, now I know every tree. What do you do with this information?

Is it just so when you're walking with someone else and they ask you what kind of tree that is, you can tell them? No, it's only for my own edification. I is the first time i mentioned it to anybody i've just been hoarding all this tree information tree and plant information and the reason i originally got it was that i was growing strawberries and they were like this plant was just kicking ass all winter and i was like this is great this is so cool this is great i finally growing strawberries and uh then i used this app which like really like look it over because i started to have some suspicions that it might not be a strawberry and it was a weed just kind of looked like strawberries when it was young and then and then turn into something

gross and viney after that and uh after that i had this app and i was just using it on everything and i i know so much about the flora of los angeles well it's very exciting for me anyway that is very exciting yeah um i'm sure at some point in our future you'll send me pictures of the most amazing trees and I'll be obsessed by all your forest expertise. And that's a Dear Evan Hansen lyric that everyone can have as a little treat. There it was. I'm glad you sprung it on me and didn't just

be like when I said, do you want to do it? You weren't just like okay, here we go. Yeah. I'll send you a picture of my tree at least. You can see it. Yeah, I would really love that. I like that this is... A story of a girl. Yeah, this is a story of a girl. This is a podcast where you tell two amazing, fascinating stories.

One of them is your daughter's first birthday and having cookie puss ice cream for the first time in her life. And I'm like, let me see this tree. Let me see this wallet-busting tree of yours. Yeah. Well, listen, I know where my demographic is. All right.

Well, what if we just ended the show? think yeah uh we should end the show uh i'm i'm sort of tired of doing the bit that we end the show on all the time uh i think we've we've uh i owe it to our audience to explain this because i genuinely think like we have exhausted every different version of the joke where we can say a different version is like trick them into revealing something embarrassing, having them yes end their way into a painted corner that is inescapable, have them do something, whether it's a voice or a song that's embarrassing these are the the wells that we've gone to with different uh accoutrement over and over again and uh i think the only there's not a new spin on it and the only new thing that could happen is one of us revealing a thing we don't want to reveal. And we're playing things pretty fast and loose by just sort of screaming into microphones a couple of times a month.

So we should remove any opportunities to potentially ruin our careers and our lives. So we're going to retire that bit. And this would have been a really good time for me to come up with a replacement bit. Well, you know what? I don't think our outros are doing it. I mean, like our Here's How You Contact Us stuff is doing us any favors either. I'm not picking up new followers from that, I don't think.

No, I don't think so either. Do we just end it? Do we just stop talking at some point yeah i mean i think we should should give a little love to gabe harder at least he's our editor sound engineer and what else what else would you call a producer yeah gabe harder you go to gabe harder.com sometime in the future and and maybe if he wants another job you could hire him there all right yeah bye hire him there. Alright. Yeah. Bye.