Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 91 - The Guys Get Runners High

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

The guys talk about getting high, RUNNERS high!  And no sponsors this week, so enjoy a commercial free episode!

So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, a podcast where our two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, author of How to Fight Presidents, staff writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, and the thriller at the grill, Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, say hello. Hey, everybody.

I'm Soren Bui. I'm a writer as well. I go for a shorter thrill of the grill. That's really where I am. I just like the way that it sounds better. It is better. It's cleaner. It's tighter. It's better.

Wait, are we back on the show? Yeah. Excellent. I missed it, honestly. Did you? Yeah, I think it's kind of fun it's a fun way to start yeah all right i mean i i i think the only thing that the reason that i brought it back is because i did it in last week's episode and it uh it just lit up people on twitter who were who just reached out to say like hey you brought it back it back. And I know that I famously don't want any interaction on Twitter, but just some kind of like faint glimmer

that people listen to the podcast. Wow. Like closely. You know what it does? It acknowledges an agreement. It's like they've made a commitment to click on this and then you're just acknowledging that. You're like, so you've chosen this one.

Excellent. So we're going to get right into our show where we ask you the questions but uh i have a quarantine update okay as of today i am fully vaccinated hell yeah yeah i went for a run today and I still brought a mask. But when people were on the opposite side of the street as me, I didn't even put it on. There was no, I didn't adhere to any sort of etiquette or anything. I was just like, the CDC says I'm fine. But I still didn't have the courage when I would like pass people walking their dogs or, you know, slower runners, as you know, Dan. I didn't have the courage not to wear it.

I put it on for them. I am still wearing mine in grocery stores, and I think I might do that for the rest of my life because it's not enough of an inconvenience, and I haven't gotten sick from anything in a year. That's the thing. So I'm going to be wearing a mask much more often. How can anyone who wore a mask this entire year and didn't get even a cold ever agree not to wear a mask in a closed public space again?

But you know what's a dark, awful thing about myself that I'm realizing? Is that the start of quarantine, the pandemic, when everyone was wearing masks, all those videos would go viral of people in like a trader joe's or a different supermarket refusing to wear a mask and then throwing a fit and just being like a completely unreasonable person and i would watch those videos and think like yeah i don't want to wear a mask either buddy but just do it just do it for a while it's okay it's not the biggest it's not it's not the problem that you're making it. And now that the CDC and my stupid governor, Governor Cuomo, have both lowered the mask mandate, I got a note was passed along to everyone in my apartment building that was like, look, the CDC changed its rules and Governor Cuomo said you don't need to wear masks anymore.

But we are still going to insist people wear masks in the common area and in the gym. And immediately I felt myself turning into one of those crazy people in the beginning of the pandemic. Like, I feel like I'm better than that because the science is on my side. But I could still predict a viral video of me in the future where I'm in the gym getting dragged out with no mask on and being like, Fauci said it's fine. He said it's fine, we're allowed to now. Trying to rip the mask off of somebody on an elliptical,

being like, take that shit off. It's good, you're free now. But it really made me realize that, because I was in the same boat. Early on in the pandemic, I was like, you know what, it's fine. I will because i was in the same boat early on in the pandemic i was like you know what it's fine i will wear the mask to the grocery store it's just like this is a finite period of time this is just a point in my life and then everything will be normal again and uh and now i'm at a point where i've been wearing it so long that i'm like no i'm very

comfortable in the mask i think i would prefer to wear it in an enclosed space and for a lot of reasons one of those is like my own betterment like Like I will, I won't get near sick nearly as much. I won't bring home sicknesses to my children. And, uh, it's like when you, anytime that I've ever taken a step towards my own personal betterment, like working out is a very good example. I stopped working out for a long time because I had children and I didn't really have the time. And I was like trying to find it at night and stuff. I would go at night and I would go like nine 30 at night. I was like, no, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Listen, if I just do this for a month, let's just see what happens for a month. And like, once you get into the rhythm, then you want it like then you're,

you're okay. But it's like those first couple, that first like month or two is just so awful. And if you could foresee the force of the trees and just know that like, no, point this will become as routine as brushing my teeth it will feel strange if i don't do it yeah i've i i mean i'm still not there yet with brushing my teeth i hope i used to and then and then i didn't have kids my brother had kids and then i just stopped brushing my teeth for a while well you gotta cut the cut time somewhere yeah shave time but i was certainly with that with uh running so much so that i i have to i've left notes for myself to remind myself how much i like running now and i just like i write down this is better over and over again because i have like daily lists that i use to to fuel me throughout the day and every once in a while i will write on that list in parentheses this is better because i need i need to remember

that like at some point a thoughtful daniel was like hey i've done not running and i've done running and this is the better one trust me right if if you ever fall off again because like now it's i'm running probably uh too much i could feel it in my knees and not not even in a way that is like oh my knees hurt when i in like the middle of my run every so often it's like no no no just like existing now i can feel my knees giving out and like in in 10 years i will just not have the mobility that i have now because i'm just putting so much punishment on it. But all that is to say I've run so fucking much now. But I remember when I was trying to get back into it within the last year and just like starting out so bad. You're so slow.

You can't run. I'm sure it's like any exercise where you can't do what you used to be able to do and you don't feel good there's no runner's high from it you don't see any results and then you have to do it again the next day it's just such horseshit where it's like i i i like slugged my way through a mile yesterday it didn't feel good i didn't look good nothing is better and i have to choose to do that instead of not doing that are you kidding me yeah until you see any results at all it's like no why don't i just wait until i'm 60 and then i'll start running yeah um so uh people may not know this i we've talked before on the podcast about how Bacon is fine. Bacon is doing okay. Please don't look for him.

But Dan and I do have to attend to a legal matter of his in the summer. And for this legal matter, unfortunately, we do have to dress up. And I'm wondering if that's incentivizing you to like, look, I want to look good in a suit. Can I? This is why I'm wondering if that's like incentivizing you to like, look, I want to look good in a suit. Can I, this is why I'm getting in shape or are you just doing it for the hell of it? I'm just doing it for the hell of it. long uh people that the childless and work from home among us have had the the great luxury of like really dipping our toes in the worst impulses of pandemic life and the best impulses like it went on so long i didn't have to choose i could be like let's see what it's like if i just like don't shower for a couple of days and okay i got that out of my system and so then i i transitioned to like what is the the

the the best things i could do for myself with this time so so uh and it started with with just running and getting in better shape because i was determined to not come out of the pandemic looking worse even though this is a period of time where it's like the most understood drop-off in history if we all came back to work once work happens again and everyone across the board was like 15 pounds heavier and somehow six years older and however you measure badness that many units worse it'll be fine we all understand but i still just like made this choice in in my head i was like no i'm gonna i'm gonna come back i'm gonna come out of this with weight like something something i can point to and say this is what this is one of the things i did with with that extra time was run

this mileage and and lose some weight and get in better shape and and have more energy that's fair um i am doing it because of i have to wear a suit again i'm like hi so i i tried on my wedding and yeah i can't yeah and it's like it's awful it's like putting on the pants i can get them shut but i can't i can't wear those in public right um and that was like a humiliating moment for me i was like wow i didn't realize how much weight i'd actually gain and so I'm now like trying to get back into shape. I mean, I don't have to wear that suit. I got another one that's a little more accommodating to somebody of my girth. But, but I still was like, what

happened? Well, I should still fit in this. And so I'm like, I'm trying to like just slim down a little bit yeah that's great it's good i mean it's uh it's hard and it sucks it sucks how much harder it is to to maintain shape when you get older yeah it is um so like how how many miles are you going a week dan about 30 miles a week dang that's a lot yes i really like it and uh i it's it's like hard for the day to feel correct without it now i'm still not running seven days a week because i feel like that would be way too much but even even six is more than i probably should be running a week um but i get I get to a day that I, that I think I'm going to take off running and then it starts to, to get closer to like six, six 30, which is when I run at night. And I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do with this time now? If not run.

That's great. That's, that's like the rut you want to be in. That's like a good habit. It's a good habit, but it's also, when I talked to my brother about my knees being bad. I'm like, what should I do about this? He's like, well, don't run as much. You can't run as much. That's how time and the body works. I was like, well, no, I meant like a pill or like ice and heat. Yeah.

My high ankle started hurting on my right leg. And I was like, that's weird. Ooh, like LeBron. I was like, what is this? And I was like, I don't think it's, I sprained it anytime recently. And then I started looking online and it was like, oh, it's probably tendonitis. And the only way to get rid of that is to not do it as often. And I was like, what if I favor the other?

Can I do that we uh i guess that's that yeah this is a similar covid i think our i think our our chiron is broken okay uh that sounded terrible something happened to it um i was fully vaxxed my two-week period was up uh a few days ago and i celebrated by going to uh uh brooklyn nets basketball game i went to the last game of the season against the calves and it was the first time I'd done like a big thing in so long. And it was, it was great. It was so sparsely populated, like Tatooine. And it was such a, there were still like a lot of people there, but they're all so far spread out. And it's such a big stadium.

Barclays is such a big stadium that if someone is booing a player, it's really like someone at a bar booing the TV. I feel like if I wanted to, I could just turn and be like, Hey, shut up. Hey, they're doing their best. Come on. And they can hear you. Blake Griffin can hear you right now. Wait, so how many people would you estimate were in the stadium?

Please don't make me do that. Okay. But like, how do I even ask this? So if we pretend that Barclays can hold 5,000 people, I don't know if that's true or laughable. And if it's laughable, I don't know in what direction it's laughable. But let's say that it can hold 5,000 people. I would say there was 900 people there.

Yeah. How full was the stadium? Give me a fraction. Not... Oh, come on, man. Wait. I thought that would be way easier. It's like, oh, it's half full.

It's about half full. Oh, it's definitely not half full. And then as long as something's not half full, then it's real tricky. Oh, but that's what I wanted to know. Okay. So it's not even half full. Oh, not even close to half full.

Okay. You probably... I bet I can see like 19,000 people. Okay. That's not, that's not a lot. See, I thought you had gone to an event where there were just tons of people. And like the part that I was worried about for you was not sitting in the seats, but like walking around the exterior.

No, it was, it was amazing. Getting in and out was so fast and and like the thing that you dread at any sporting event is leaving because that's when everybody is like at their drunkest and wettest and all trying to go to the same place but this was a fucking breeze man it was like walking out of a movie theater there were so few people there that's great wait did you get something yeah did they give out like uh bobbleheads or anything like that no they didn't. I think they probably have done away with a lot of the bells and whistles

because there's so few people there. Like this is going to sound like I'm doing a bit, but it was so, the attendance was so low that when they did the dance cam, they went to the same couple twice because they like opened and closed with this one couple. They ran out. We're out. That's it.

The only people willing to dance. We got them. So let's go back to that first couple. See if there's any juice left there. And did the Nets win, Dan? The Nets won. And Alicia Keys was there, which was very cool. Did you see her?

No. They just do that thing where they're like, who's here? And they play a clip of Alicia Keys. And then they cut to her and the audience waving. And I was like, great. We both like basketball, Miss Keys. Can you hear me? Yeah, you probably could have shouted that.

But it's a thing that I've been thinking about. Oh, what's up? Go ahead. Oh, sorry, Dan. I just looked it up at the Barclays Center seating capacity. What is it? Did you hear what I said? You said 19,000.

That's how much. That's exactly how much. Well done. Well spotted. Oh, boy. God, I'm so bad with numbers. So this is such a big win for me. And it was like, it's been recorded. Somebody recorded somebody else is gonna hear it this is so exciting uh but anyway one of the things that that uh it's not like a a new observation it's just

something that i've been thinking about is is how different attending sports live for entertainment purposes is then so many other things that you see live and what i mean by that is uh they coach nash benched harden the entire time because the nets have a great season they're really just playing for their seed in the playoffs and they were always going to beat the Cavs uh they've still got Durant and Kyrie and I guess to to some extent Blake who are doing great work uh but you know coaches think strategically and they're like well I'm not gonna have my big three play the whole game if I can sit any of them and rest them then I'm gonna do that because it's going to matter later to have them when I actually need them. So you sit James Harden

and then when it's the fourth quarter and the Nets are comfortably ahead, you sit Kyrie and you sit Kevin Durant too. And I get that. It makes sense when you're a coach thinking about the big picture, but I'm sitting there in the crowd and I'm going to be like, hey, i don't

i don't go to a lot of nets games can can james harden take a fucking three please can i see that i don't know what i'm gonna be here again can i watch him flail in a foul like yeah that's what i came for yeah find a way to do it safely. But like, like in, in addition to, to supporting the team or whatever, you're kind of paying to see these superstars play basketball. And then you, and you, when you read these interviews with, with Steve Nash before and after,

and he was just like, yeah, we were just focused on winning this game. And then we're going to, we're thinking really, really about the playoffs and what that schedule is going to look like. And it's like, well,

that, but I'm, but I'm the protagonist. thinking really about the playoffs and what that schedule is going to look like. It's like, well, that... But I'm the protagonist. And I wanted to see the big three play together. I had a very similar experience two years ago when I went to a

preseason football game between the Rams and the Broncos. And I am a big Broncos fan. And the Broncos were... This am a big Broncos fan. Yeah. And the Broncos were, this is at the Coliseum here, which is the Coliseum is not built for football. It's like,

everybody's right on top of the field. So you're very, very close to the players and the Broncos were on the other side. And I'm like hunting for my guys. And then there's a play where Cortland Sutton and Emmanuel Sanders, who then was playing for the Broncos are out on the field. And I'm like, yes,

here we go. Like they're in for this, for this set. And, and immediately there's a penalty and Cortland Sutton comes off and Emmanuel Sanders stays on. And I'm like, okay,

all right. Emmanuel Sanders takes like five steps. Doesn't even make an effort to like juke or anything like that. It's a run play. And he's not even gonna try and block on this one. He's just like, and I'm not, I'm not involved in this one. So I got to watch Emmanuel Sanders walk in a play and I was like, okay, that was it. Bunch of third stringers now that I don't know fighting for their, their careers. I don't know you guys. I'm so sorry. I'm sure you're great. This is probably a big moment for you but uh you have

to know what a loss this is for me i i'm this is but it was kind of cool seeing sean mcveigh like i was right on top of sean mcveigh which was neat yeah um who's the coach for the rams and i think a pretty interesting neat guy um but yeah it was just so underwhelming yeah it just watched these these it's like watching a a Lamborghini sit in a garage. You're like, Oh, very cool. Can I touch it? I can't touch it. Okay.

I have to stand way back here. That's fine. Can we, can I see you drive it? No, that's it stays there in the dark. Okay. All right. It's, it's, it's still definitely cool. And like, it would have been a bummer if there was, if none of the superstars played.

But it's one of those things that like, I think about the other live events that I go to are like Broadway shows where even the understudies are very good. And you're, you're really, you're, you're going there to see the show most of the time or, or comedy. You're seeing an actor, a band, you're seeing an act and like, you hope the band plays the hits. And even when we have an audience back in the day we had an audience for for our show uh you can tell when uh there's like a level of excitement when when john does a type of joke that is

already familiar to the audience there's like like a few wells that we can pull from every once in a while like hashtag feminism or janice from accounting don't give a shit a bunch of things that are like recurring bits across years that uh audiences you know these are are often people who are from out of town and wanted to see a taping of a show that they love and they come and like there's a different pop in the audience when he's doing something that they've seen before. It's very exciting. And I get that.

I totally understand that. Like, you know, it's like music. You're playing the hits to people. People are like, oh, he did a hashtag blank joke. And it's very exciting. And then I go to a Brooklyn Nets game and like, no, we're going to sit Harden so he we're gonna we're gonna sit harden so he can rest and i'm like so he can rest tell him that i i'm celebrating my vaccination yeah

would you sit the boss at his show in philly actually i don't even know where he's from is Is he from New Jersey? Yeah, he's like famously from New Jersey. You absolute maniac. Why do I think Philly? Is anyone from Philly? John Kruk. Would you sit the boss in Philly? You were so proud of your 19,000 coup.

It was also like such an old joke too. When was the last time he was relevant? That's humiliating. I'm sorry that happened, Dan. I'm sorry I didn't get to see your guys play. It's okay. It's very funny because he's sitting there the whole time like in his sweats drinking a giant milkshake.

I was like, well, he's having a good time. It wasn't like a whey protein shake or something. It was like whipped cream on top, two straws in it just in case. Well, I do look forward to the time when I get to go to games again. I did see a billboard recently because the SoFi Stadium

is done. I know it's done here in LA because that's where I went and got vaccinated. I saw that the Broncos have a game here against the chargers. And I was like, of course, of course they do. This is what I've been waiting for. I should go to that game this year.

And, uh, started to look up like tickets and stuff like that. Immediately saw that the game was on January 2nd. And I was like, there's no chance I'm going to be here. There's no way I would be in LA two days after new year's i don't think so it may not happen i saw a lot of people in la going to dodgers games and that that seems like it would be a lot of fun right now now we're dodgers games

yeah that would be fun i should i just thought i should take my son but i don't know how long he would last he's pretty young. Yeah. Maybe I could get him to do it. I think it would be, it would be like a big moment for him and really fun. Or it would be, I'd be frustrated the whole time and mad at him for not appreciating it more. It's like every,

everything I try to do for him. There's, those are the two speeds. Speaking of which he started soccer recently oh yeah yeah we've got a uh good like it's got this good neighbor friendship um they've got a kid who introduced us to like the soccer program that's just right down the street from us and like they're great parents i like hanging out with them a lot and uh the dad was like you should be a coach for this other like this later in the summer the soccer program and i was like, you should be a coach for this other, like this later in the summer, the soccer program.

And I was like, I gotta like, I just got to calm down and breathe. And like, be like, yeah, that sounds, that would be neat. Maybe, maybe. But inside I'm thinking I could fucking take these kids all the way. There's. Whatever all the way is i could take them there there's no there's no money in that for you right no are all the coaches in little league is that a completely volunteer basis you know i don't know i bet that when your kid shows

real promise that you you start they get shuffled up the ranks pretty quick and then it becomes not uh altruistic on the part of the parents it's like then it's for money but i think for the most part yeah i think it's uh when they're this young i think it's volunteer huh no well actually and i don't know i don't know um it doesn't matter i wouldn't do it for the money if they try to hand me money i'd throw it doesn't matter i wouldn't do it for the money if they try to hand me money i'd throw it in their faces because i'm not there for them i'm there for the kids yeah good i guess i mean no uh that that makes sense the reason i was asking about money is that i'm i was thinking about the my my brief stint in little league baseball and basketball and just how awful i was for years just awful and uh not fun to to watch or be around and i'm thinking like those those those adult men who told me good hustle

they're doing that for free that sucks they deserve so much more money than nothing to essentially babysit a 15 deep pack of hyper monsters who can't play baseball. Right. Yeah. I had a coach for a little while that was from the Cincinnati Reds. I don't think he played with them for like a year or something like that. And that was like the biggest news in all of Carbondale at the time. But I guess I was much older then.

So I think he was getting paid to do that at least. But as a child, I don't, like five, six years old, I think it's gotta be volunteer. Man, good work dads. Also a lot of not dads now that I think about it. What? Growing up, I had a lot of coaches early on that were just like coaches

that didn't have a kid on the team. What were those guys doing? What was their end game? Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, I don't know. All right. Well, Dan, I have a quick question for you if you want to answer it for me. Yeah, go the hell? I don't know. All right. Well, Dan, I have a quick question for you if you want to answer it.

Yeah, go ahead. Sure. Do you have like a moment from your life that's pretty well documented, like a lot of good photographs and everything, but that you don't return to because there's one element of the photos that just like reminds you of regret and like how you wish this one little piece piece was different i'll give you an example please uh this is somebody else's and then i will give you mine uh in all my wedding photos

i've got my brother his wife who's wonderful my mom and dad my wife's mom and dad her sister who i also adore and then her sister's boyfriend cats who's like cats cats yeah k-a-t-z i think and uh boy does this kid just not fit in any of these and now she's happily married to uh a guy that i love that i think is great but at the time she was dating this guy that i was kind of like i don't get it but you're happy so okay and uh and he's in every single one of my wedding photos he's in all of them all like the ones where we're all posed together someday like my kids will be like okay so who are all these people and i'll be like well you know grandma and papa and all these and then we're like oh and then and then this is cats i there's no relation you don't have to remember him that doesn't have to stick in your memory you can

leave him out um that i think is weird for my wife uh to constantly see him in all the photos i have one that was uh around the same time where i thought why don't i ever look at any of the photos we took at our engagement when i asked calling to marry me i just watched a movie um and as will sometimes happen to me when there's a couple in the movie or like love prevails or whatever i get very sappy about my own relationship and i'm like feeling very in love and i'm like yeah i should go look at these photos man as often happens when there's a couple in a movie you must just be a fucking sopping mess all the time well that's that's so many movies i'll be honest if there's a movie where a couple if a movie like starts with

a couple that couple will not be together. So if there's a movie where a couple lasts all the way through, oh, that's the dream. But anyway, I went looking for my photos and I realized, oh, this is why I don't look at these. So in all of the photos, after I've proposed to my wife, I'm wearing a soccer jersey. And not just any soccer jersey, a high school soccer jersey. Oh, boy. And not just any high school soccer jersey, a high school soccer jersey from my rival team in high school that I stole.

Jesus. At their homecoming. It was a game where we lost i was very frustrated they a kid whipped off his jersey and like threw it in the air because he was so excited and it was like the crowd was into it and everything and i was like well then fuck you i'm taking it and took the jersey and that was like a very funny thing for everyone else on the team my team and then i would wear it i would wear it occasionally and we had done uh a hike my wife and i uh in machu picchu and it was like a four or five day hike some of the highest elevations i've ever been higher than in colorado i've climbed 14ers and this is we we were up at like 15, three. So like very, very high up. We both didn't feel very well on the trip.

Some altitude sickness. And she had like a fever for some of it. But because I was in a hike, I traditionally do not bring any cotton clothing. I only wear synthetics. And so I had a soccer jersey the day that we went into machu picchu and the day that i proposed and looking back on i was like just you could have brought a button up it would have been so easy you could have brought anything a polo like something nicer that's what's very curious to me is that you you knew you knew you

were going to propose i worked so hard to get the ring down there i put the ring in a uh i sewed it into a handkerchief so that she wouldn't know about it sewed it into the corner of a handkerchief brought that down and carried the handkerchief in my pocket every single day and would like intentionally take it out to wipe my nose with it in the hopes that she would just steer clear of it if she ever saw it um smart and and like prepared everything i had we there was like one particular room up there called the sun room in machu picchu which is i won't get into all like the ethereal shit to it but there it was like the perfect place i had a guide who i like clued into it when i wanted to do it how i wanted to do it how i wanted to do it

how like i didn't want a lot of people there and like it was all great and it was perfect and i just did not plan an outfit i think so i i'm sure your your your instincts were right i think uh any anything out of the ordinary would have tipped her off that something was afoot. And you didn't want to do that. You didn't want the surprise spoiled. And also, you know your wife, and

I don't... If you had showed up, like, just got a clean shirt with buttons, and you shaved that morning, and everyone's taking pictures of the newlyweds or the uh the newly engaged and she is dressed like a person who just thought that she was hiking i think that would be a worse memory no like that it's a more aggravating

picture if if you're fucking dapper dan dressed to the nines and she's still in a jersey that she stole from her rival school. Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't... I'm trying to remember what she's even wearing. I think she's just wearing a jacket. You're right. And it might have thrown it a little bit.

Like she might have been clued in if all of a sudden I was like, and today I'm going to wear a button up. I should have been like, fucking why? But I of a sudden i was like and today i'm gonna wear a button up yeah should have been like fucking why um but it's i looked at the photos and i was like there's like it looks like i'm i'm the worst thing that ever happened in machu picchu there are photos of us from above like we climbed all the way up to the to the gate and we're we're looking down on it and there's a great place to take pictures where you're kind of in the foreground on some grass and then you can look down and see all the terraces and i'm in the foreground i'm like that guy shouldn't be there what a terrible american look at him

wearing an old soccer jersey that started to pill around the neck because it's like a different fabric there uh it's because he's so much better he's wiping his face with a handkerchief covered in diamonds i had a real crisis on the way down there where there's like a thing we had to fill out if how much you're traveling with how much money you're traveling with where i was like well hold on do i have to declare this can i do i have to be will be thrown in jail what how does this work what do women do when they travel across the country and they're married? Or I mean, into other countries when they're married.

I realize that nobody gives a shit about an actual ring. I mean, and that's happened anytime I've ever traveled internationally where they were like, how much is what you're traveling with worth? I'm like, I don't know, fucking nothing. It's a bunch, it's clothes, but it's like my clothes. So yeah, nothing. Yeah, it was a bunch it's clothes but it's like my clothes so yeah nothing yeah

it was a real eye-opener when i came back from christmas one year and my bag had been stolen uh my luggage got stolen off of the um carousel uh in the bottom of lax people just go in there they'll take a bag and leave. And apparently this happens frequently enough that when I brought it up, they're like, yeah, yeah, this happens occasionally. This is why the airlines have insurance. And so I had to make an itemized list of everything that was in my bag

and how much it costs for the airline. And when I got to the end, I was like, okay, 25 bucks. I would have no idea what to how to do that if like my bag with my laptop was stolen yeah you're like well on the one hand it's it's uh it's impossibly like an 11 year old laptop but on the other hand can you put a price on the ideas that I put in there? Yeah, well, the IP. And have forgotten. The person's going to be rich. I wrote a pilot.

There's a whole folder on my desktop that at some point I labeled do not delete. So probably some gold in there. Probably just needs a little extra push. But I don't, I mean, I'm freeing this question on you but I don't do have something like that where like you just won't revisit it because you can just there's something so incongruous in the photos that it's not fun to even look at them

um not photos because I don't there I don't take a lot of pictures as an adult really or I mean in the last 15 years I feel like I don't take a lot of pictures as an adult, really. I mean, in the last 15 years, I feel like I don't take a lot of pictures of things. It's really just like at weddings, and there haven't been that many of them lately. Sometimes, because the YouTube algorithm is cruel, I will see an old crack video surface and i won't like either my weight or very often some hair and facial hair combination decision that i've made that i i look at it and

i'm just like you you knew you were going to be on camera. I'm sure you're very comfortable having no product in your hair and wearing a fucking t-shirt that it looks like you slept in. You must have been very cozy on set that day, but you're on camera. People can see you, and now they can see it forever. And that's not a bad memory of, like, someone at my wedding who was annoying. That's just, like, it it's me i'm the annoying one

there's a cracked video that i won't ever watch again where uh cody's in it and rachel bloom from craziest girlfriend is in it and i play the flash and cody is the flash's brother at a therapist's office and i'm just fucking with him the whole time and the flash costume that i'm wearing at the time, I didn't know, but then saw in the comments where someone had pointed out the time codes of when you could see the outline of my penis. Yeah.

And, uh, I really hate that. Of course. I hate that on such a fundamental level where a, if I even am reminded of that sketch in the middle like i'm like trying to fall asleep i'll make like an audible noise where i'm like oh because there's just so much humiliation yeah and that's mine that's that's for that's my special special thing

and like someone on set should have said something. Yes. We should have a person who's on top of that kind of thing. I was like, hey, yeah, don't record because that's forever. And let's ask this gentleman if he's okay with that. I bet he's going to say no. It was to the point that then when I later did a sketch that involved me being just in my underwear as a stripper, the director who was a gourd was Will Gord. I'm glad you kept clarified quickly.

Gord is the last name of a person. Well, Daniel Vincent Gord is famously on Cracked and a Wonderful Guy, and I think he probably has four or eight in directing. And so his brother, Will uh is a director exclusively and he he said do you want to like what do you think about you guys like very professional like you're gonna be in in small tight underwear is there anything you want to do and i was like yes i would like to look like a ken doll as much as possible i want no definition whatsoever. He's like, okay, do you, should we, do you want us to increase the world? I was like, no, just a Ken doll.

I want people to not think I have anything at all down there. Just smooth if possible. More questions than answers, please. I had as a, not as, as the flash Flash but just in a not that if you're wearing a Flash costume you're inviting these kind of looks or anything but a similar thing happened to me and I was just wearing like khaki pants

it was just like clothes that I would wear in my life in an Agents of Cracks video and I was looking at the comments this is a time in my life when I would do that kind of thing people were like hey at this time code can you see his dick when he's walking? And people were replying, yeah, you can. Yeah, I see it.

And it was like, oh, okay. I guess this is, I suppose I signed up for this kind of thing to be in my life. I don't know. It's one of those things that at the time I was like, yeah, this is one of the trappings of making sketch be in my life i don't know it's one of those things that that at the time i was like yeah this is one of the trappings of making sketch videos with my friends this is the trade off yeah you're just you're never really accounting for how much of you is it saved in posterity yeah you're you think like okay well yeah it'll be fun my jokes my jokes will be in there maybe my face yeah that's fine i'm fine with my face oh i didn't account for my testicles no

and certainly no one is going to be in there that the conversation is not going to go hey at this time code can you see his dick and then someone jumps in excuse me focus on his jokes of course we could see it but we're not going to look there and no one's going to discuss it because he doesn't want us to, obviously. That's me in my ghost account. I'm wearing a mustache as I'm typing. Just to disguise myself. Let's just focus on his jokes here, folks.

They're good. Right, let's focus on his jokes unless you think they're bad. In which case, get out of here well the haircuts and stuff weren't always your choice though you had to shave your head for a while yes because you had just shot a harry potter uh in the future sketch where you had a mohawk and you can't that's what we called it harry potter in the future sketch that's right potter in the future you can't you can't walk around with a mohawk you know what

it's just occurring to me is that you did a whole harry potty potter series and you'd never seen harry potter no not at all absolutely where you play ron weasley yeah and you're just like well he's gonna be this from now on yeah i don't i'm not gonna watch it especially because like it's like a famously a red-haired character and uh i got ahead of it as quickly as i could because i don't like wearing wigs because they're very they're they're really painful and distracting if you're trying to to soren you're an actor as an actor you understand they're they're i was meaners bad so dance Dan. They're really annoying and painful and difficult to work with. And I wanted to get ahead of it. So I went to the Abe who was directing that and Michael who created the show and like compromised.

I'm not going to wear a wig because I don't want to. But I'm I'm I'm offering I'm willing to get a real-life Mr. T haircut because I don't know if that's right for the character because I don't know who Ron Weasley is, but I know that you guys will be happy knowing that I found a different way to be unhappy. It's not wig unhappy. It's real-life unhappy.

It's net neutral. I'm still the same level of unhappy no matter what, as far as you know. It's some shame I will carry with me to the grocery store after we shoot. Yes. And the rest of my life, it will just follow me around. Because that's the thing about it. I liked having a Mohawk and Mr. T look for the character. I liked having a Mohawk and Mr. T look for the character. It really,

it, it helps like step out of the normal characters that I played for cracked, which was some version of a guy named Daniel who was nervous. This was like, okay, I can, I'm going to do a different voice now and I'm going to walk differently and carry myself differently. And the hair really helps that.

But then I'm just like in my normal life, walking my dog and going to the store. if you have like a a a very well lined up mohawk and goatee situation there's no way you can communicate to a stranger that it was an accident or that you're not really like that like i'd be walking jackson with a mohawk and i and and smile at someone and and and as quickly as i could with my eyes try to be like oh uh don't don't believe this it's not it's not true it's not me it's not it's not really it's not really true i don't believe this is a mohawk it's not true i know it looks like i have a mohawk but it's fake you it's i don't this is not representative of who i am um god damn i fucking am almost mad that you didn't watch any harry potter or like prepare at all i we did a star wars series where i was an alien

and uh like really prepared yeah i had to speak as another language and like tried to find something that would be fun from the star wars universe and like get the sounds kind of right and stuff you just got to be a cool guy with a mohawk yeah in a leather jacket leather jacket sunglasses tight jeans ruled it was awesome i think that i think it's a wash overall one of my costumes was pajamas yeah it was uh i never watched the harry potters and our good friend uh star shout out to star uh she's a fantastic comics artist who worked on after hours uh she loves harry potter and uh got me the books to force me to read them and I just didn't I re-gifted them

to Rosie, my worst friend because I didn't want to read them and now, lo and behold J.K. Rowling's a double downing transphobe so like now who looks like a fucking genius guess what, it's me, I'm the genius I knew it from the beginning

I was like no i just i can't support i can't support her i think i've experienced the surefire way to get you not to read a book is to give it to you yeah that's i think it's you're you're in your right to have never read it and i didn't read it either until uh I had a son. And then we started reading it. And I was like, this is perfect for him. And then we got to the third book. And he was like, I can't do it. I'm scared.

And I was like, ah, okay. Oh, wow. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. There are these things called Dementors that are really terrifying. And the third book gets pretty dark. And so we had to stop.

Yeah. We're reading Charlotte's Web now. Instead. Dementors are like the Nazguls, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. and so we had to stop yeah we're reading charlotte's web now the dementors are like the nazguls right yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah still got it soren still faking pop culture knowledge after all these years uh speaking of faking pop culture knowledge dan uh we have some very exciting news for people who are not necessarily fans of this show but fans of dan and i when we used to do After Hours. I understand, and I want to apologize.

I'm sorry for this one. But we have a very brand new episode of After Hours coming out on YouTube. TBD. Maybe next week. It's shot, it's edited, it's ready ready to go and we're very excited about it and uh i hope that you watch it and enjoy it yeah we did a live stream at the beginning of quarantine to raise money for covid relief uh and we did a live q a the audience, and we also read a never-before-seen episode that was the essentially half-series finale of the show.

And we got so excited with the outpouring of goodwill and donations that were coming in that I unilaterally said, if we raise more than $10,000, then we'll make a new after hours episode and if you go back and watch the stream uh i think the other cast members get visibly upset about that and then we raise you guys raised twelve thousand dollars and change for code for code relief and uh and i i then forced everyone to make good on that promise that i made that that that truly they're all really being good sports about it now no one i i can tell that no one wanted to do this including me well it's just we've moved on with our lives at this point it's like when you have those dreams

about having to go back and take a test in a class that you haven't taken for 20 years uh you're like it's going back and like looking at a script again and getting ready for an episode was like oh my god no i'm i this is a different life this part of me is dead yes certainly uh you fall right back into the rhythms and it's not the rhythms of like the friendship rhythms and the fun that we had on set for me the rhythms that i fall into are screwing up a line and then like slapping myself in the head he's like you fucking idiot that's what we i think we used to get a lot when we'd be at comic cons or thing or uh panels people would say why don't you guys ever do like a bts we'd be at comic cons or thing or uh panels people would say why don't you guys ever do like a bts like a behind the scenes type of thing where we get to see all

the bloopers where you guys mess up a lot and to be true we did to be true that comment saying uh we did mess up an awful lot but it's never fun it's always very dark because it's two in the morning and we were like fuck me fuck me yeah come on come on get this you goddamn idiot and like it's and the everybody else is just being very patient and quiet and like they're also thinking of themselves yeah fucking get it yeah it's it's not like like sometimes i'll watch a blooper reel and the actor will will curse when they get something wrong and it's very fun and enjoyable that's not the case here i think if we did a compilation of all the times that i've screwed up a line and like showed it to an audience people would be like i i don't think um i don't think he should act i don't think it's good

for him i don't i don't i think he's poisoning himself with with this acting like look how much negativity he's inviting into his brain. He's in a very dark place out there. Nobody asked him to do this. Yeah. Well, anyway, there's a new episode coming out where we went to a dark place and did it again. So I hope that you enjoy it, everybody. Yeah.

It's going to be on probably, uh, probably the small beans. Yeah. And I, I just to like, I want to set your expectations. Now we're not at the diner. We're all over zoom. Zoom is a major component of it. Yeah. Uh,

it's sort of zoom has always sort of been the fifth after hour. It's the main character. Honestly, that Baltimore. Okay. Well, I think we can probably wrap up at this point uh just want to let everybody know that they can follow daniel and me on twitter daniel's

at dob underscore inc i'm soren soren underscore ltd you can follow uh bacon ask him about his legal matter that's pending at make me bacon-S, or you can follow Quick Question at QQ underscore Soren and Dan. We also have an email, which is QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com, and you can follow, find, and hire our producer, sound engineer, and editor, Gabe Harder

at gabeharder.com. And that's it. Goodbye, Daniel.