Regulation Podcast - A Variety of Lawsuits//Bog Roll Folders? [16]

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about assembled Andrew's legal team, Geoff's fake first place Garfield finish, bog roll folders, and more. Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod/. Sponsored by Tushy. Go to http://hellotushy.com/face for 10% off! Also sponsored by RTX. Shop RTX at Home exclusively at http://store.roosterteeth.com from September 15th to the 25th! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

three two one that's what three two one that's okay right no no yeah no no no no no no no okay hold on three two one one more time good right now i's pretty good, right? No, I'm good. My hands are sore. Fucking Eric, you're the announcer. You got hired. I listened to the episode yesterday. I was looking for a hand signal and I was lost. I was just guessing.

We just announced on Instagram that Eric got the gig as the new announcer and then he fucking flubs it. All right, take it away, Eric. Hey guys, welcome to F*** Face. This is episode 16. I hope everyone's having a really good time.

And I'm going to turn it over to your host, Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, and Andrew Panton. What's it about, though? I didn't finish. Hey, F*** Faces, what's going on today in your crazy world of collections, funny pranks, and wacky fart noises? Don't put us in a box.

We should talk about none of those things. Hey, Andrew, I didn't put us in a box we should talk about hey Andrew I didn't put you there well I was no comment I feel like I already did a whole rant before we started the episode

Gavin but you missed it what I was and I realize this is not the face jam podcast this is the face podcast and everybody's like

just doing the shipping face jam collaborations and stuff. But I don't want to go down that road. But I will say I just read that CNN on CNN that Taco Bell is eliminating five more items from their menu. And they are they are eliminating me as a customer because they keep removing the shit that I eat. And I'm angry about it. I don't really like that place. I think Jack took me there too many times

and I went off it. Taco Bell is, it's, you know, it's a crime to eat Taco Bell when living in a city like Austin, Texas that has just an amazing amount of variety. And Jack is like born and raised in Austin. I know. But we still, it's still like,

if you ask Millie, Ramsey, the one place I know she wants to eat, it's Taco Bell. So we eat there probably once a week. And I have been eating a Mexican pizza pretty fucking regularly for like the last 30 years. And now they've decided to eliminate the goddamn Mexican pizza, which I'm not okay with Gavin.

Like I was telling Andrew earlier, first they got rid of my inshore Rito. Then they got rid of my big beef, Maxi melt. Now I was telling Andrew earlier, first they got rid of my Enchirito. Then they got rid of my Big Beef Maxi Melt. Now I got no goddamn Mexican pizza. There's nothing left for me to eat on the goddamn Taco Bell menu but a fucking bean burrito and a fucking hard taco. Is a Mexican pizza a pizza that goes up

on the left side and then it goes up in the middle and then goes up on the right side and back down? Nah, it's not that cool. Okay. I wish it was. Anyway, sorry. Getting off track. Andrew, we have not been contacted by your legal representation. No. Well, what do you mean?

I got a variety of lawsuits going on. Could you be more specific, Jeff? In what context? I feel like I haven't heard the episode because we record these in a weird sequence, but I feel like we ended things with you refusing to acknowledge that you agreed to eat a pencil,

and you told us we'd be hearing from your lawyers. You know what? I have some clips. I've got some clips. Oh. Bring the clips. Here's a clip. How about this?

Andrew, you owe Gavin $50. I do, but I'm okay. Continue. What if we double down? If you win the bet, that is absolved, right? And Gavin gives you $50, okay? So it's initially a $100 swing. Your $50 debt is wiped out, and you receive $50 from Gavin.

However, if you lose, you still owe Gavin the initial $50, but you must film yourself eating a leadless pencil. Oh! Oh! That wasn't me. That wasn't my voice. Oh! That wasn't me. That wasn't my voice. Oh! That wasn't my voice.

Uh, bonus clip. A digital handshake on this, Andrew. Digital handshake, okay. You feel like we've got all the, uh, the details that you wanted in there? I feel like it. I'm a little opposed to the pennies, but... I'm a little worried about, uh, the safety of it.

Should we check in with a doctor to make sure it's safe for you to eat a pencil on camera? It's not safe. Of course it isn't. I'm gonna win, so I'm not gonna eat the pencil. Oh, shit! Wasn't me. I reject that that's my voice. I don't know where you got that recording from. It is you, though, because I was...

It didn't sound like me. I don't know. Maybe my reception's a little bad on this Discord call. It sounded nothing like me. Hmm. Jeff, what do you think? You think that was him? Hoisted by his own petard I heard it right there he even he even responded in the clip to the name Andrew it's true I don't well I mean I don't know if that was staged I don't know what the context is for that clip I couldn't really hear it due to the lag in the discord chat so I'm gonna refrain from from

commenting specifically on that well my next question I rejected that as mine has your pencil arrived yet? For what context? Because I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean? Hmm. I feel like hmm... I feel like oof... kind of regretting that digital handshake. I feel like maybe it meant nothing to you, Andrew. Why I don't... the clip you played

was hard to hear. I don't know what digital handshake you're talking about. I never agreed to eat a pencil. I'm not really sure what to do about this. The way you're acting, I'm not really sure how to handle it. I was a little bit worried about this. I was concerned because we had a text conversation about this issue.

I was very clear then that, not me, I never made that promise. I don't know what you're talking about. So as Jeff mentioned earlier, I created a legal team. I consulted some lawyers I tracked down uh I have three law students at varying levels and one straight up lawyer and I have formed the defense group we have a discord chat and uh we've been discussing how to progress further with this so I I'm fine going to a judge we can all agree upon some sort of arbitrator that can

make this choice right and uh i i think that should be the next step because i i reject that i did that have your lawyers seen exhibit a and b that i just played have they heard i have presented the things that you refer to as evidence to them and they have discussed it and uh they have they've come up with this document for me that I'll share in the Discord. It's a two-parter. I have a legal doc for you to process and I

await further arbitration. Arbitration? It sounded like a fancy word. Jeff, do you want to read this aloud for us? Yeah. The pencil-eating, R. Yeah. The pencil-eating, R-E, the pencil-eating bet. Dear Jeff Ramsey and Gavin Free,

we represent your colleague, Andrew Panton, in regard to this supposed pencil-eating contract made between yourselves and our client. You have continued to incorrectly assert that our client agreed to wager, whereupon if he were to lose, he would consume a pencil, a dangerous and completely unreasonable act that no sane individual would undertake willingly.

Yet here we are, I'd like to point out. I'm a sane individual. I'd never make this. Our client asserts... Please, sir, I'm reading. Our client asserts that when discussing the matter, Mr. Ramsey specifically stated that failure in completing the task would then require our client to orally consume a leadless pencil.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a pencil as an implement for writing, drawing, or marking consistent or containing a slender cylindrical or a strip of a solid marking substance. Thus, our client could not possibly have to a common understanding with Mr. Ramsey or Mr. Free on what he was to consume if he failed to complete the initial act.

Since by definition, a leadless pencil does not fit the meaning of the word pencil. Ergo, no contract was formed and our client is under no obligation to perform the specified task. He's getting out of it based on the technicalities of what a pencil is. Welcome to the law, baby! Yeah, just, I mean, fucking Bill Clinton built a defense around the word is and, you know, succeeded. If a contract was formed, prior accounts

have ruled when parties to a contract leave an integral term vague and undefined, the completing party is free to assign any meaning to the term as long as, to coincide with the objective, this is fucking nonsense, these are words that put together mean nothing. assign any meaning to the term as long as to coincide with the object this is a fucking nonsense this means these are words that put together mean nothing uh objective meaning of the term is commonly understood as our client is a generous individual he is willing to comply with initial agreement although under i'm gonna switch the next fucking page no obligation

to do so provided he is allowed to choose the pencil he is to consume at a later date and time. If you continue to assert that our client must comply with the unreasonable terms that you have laid out, we'll be forced to take legal action to protect the reputation and respectability of our client. Respectively, Harvey Birdman. I believe that's a cartoon. Attorney at law.

Okay. Huh. Didn't expect that. I thought that I thought the letter would go on to sort of deny that it was Andrew to begin with, but the fact that he basically has now admitted that that was him in the conversation. However, the definition of a

pencil is what's collapsing around us. I don't know what you're talking about and I will be referring to all things going forward as a writing utensil based under my guidance. So you'll be eating a writing utensil? under my guidance so you'll be eating a writing utensil no i won't be eating anything and i i'm unsure what a writing utensil is but i'm told to say that well gavin huh well how how would you like to well first off what's annoyed me is that

i didn't expect this and i should have because andrew were dealing with i should have expected this huh i'm a very honorable guy. I just want what's fair. As a very honorable person. There is zero honor here. There is zero honor. All you've done is denied that that was you and then you've just disappeared off the face of the planet

and come back with a legal team. No, well, I reject that. I think what you said was very hurtful, but I'm such a kind person. I'll forgive you for it. I think I'm just being honest and displaying the facts as I see them. And if we want to advance to having a

impartial judge of some sorts review both sides of our case, I'm open to that. Okay, okay, okay. Alright. Well, Gavin, it sounds to me like you probably need some sort of legal representation yourself. I don't know if you want to go the route Andrew went or... Can I just go twos up with you?

That seems like less effort. Well, listen, I'm glad you asked. I'm not a part of this bet. I view myself... I view myself... Oh, you are absolutely in... I was a facilitator in the beginning. I was trying...

Fuck you. I was, let me finish what I'm saying, kind sir. The point is, Andrew, you and Gavin, you guys wanted to have a bet. I was there to work as a middleman to help you both agree to the terms of the bet, thus making me an independent arbiter. I nominate myself as the judge in this arbitration. That's pretty impartial. Fuck your nomination.

There's no way you're impartial. No, that's right. I have no skin in this game. I didn't come up with a bet. He didn't come up with a bet like you and I did. He's not eating the pencil. You are. He's completely impartial.

All right, here's the deal, Andrew. Go ahead. Here's the deal. This podcast has three members. Yep. Three stars, if you will. Andrew, Gavin, and Jeff. There is a person on one side of the bet

and a person on the other side, and then that leaves one other person to be the independent arbiter. I'll say this. In the terms of fairness, if you would rather it be Gavin, if you would rather Gavin be the independent arbiter, that's fine.

But I'm open to it. I think you're better off with me than him. I don't think we should restrict it necessarily to the three of us. I think an outside party or even I do OK with Eric being a impartial arbiter as the producer. I feel like he has to be impartial. But you are absolutely not impartial. You were claiming you were impartial in the text chain while also ordering writing utensils.

I'm not having none of this impartial stuff. He did. He was on Amazon buying pencils. You know why? Because I was trying to facilitate the bet. I don't care who wins. You absolutely care who loses. All I care about is that it's fair.

I feel as though the gentlemanly friendship that we had, the three of us, over all these years, over a decade, is crumbling away due to the erosion of dishonor. And it's sad to see. I don't think there's any crumbling at all. I think it's just, you know, we're figuring out where the truth is. I feel one way. You feel another. This is some Trump-level gaslighting here, buddy. I feel like I gave pretty...

I'm not the one trying to push for red hats. I gave some pretty solid evidence, in my opinion. As someone who's definitely not impartial, I feel like the evidence was, you know, the nail in the coffin for Mr. Panton and his legal representation. You presented something. I don't know what I'd call it, but I will agree you presented a thing. This is going to get expensive. It's going to get lengthy, but it could end with just a lovely consumed pencil.

No, I don't think it needs to be either of those. How about next episode? We'll discuss this. We'll go further. You can collect whatever evidence you want i got my legal team we can just we'll come to whatever our judge decides i will uh support because i'm an honorable man what you've caused here is that the audience are now listening to evidence in a legal trial andrew yes first off i i think that you're right

whatever the judge decides you decides we should all live with and I'd like to thank you for the show of faith and you believing in me I promise that I will weigh both sides with the impartiality Lady Justice is blind I have seen statues she wears a blindfold

I would rather have Gavin be the judge than you and my scale of impartial but if there's anyone who would rather have me be wrong it's Jeff, Jeff loves it when I'm wrong he would be potentially unimpartial going the other way I'll be honest with you Andrew, I'm still mad

at him about the tattoo suit thing and that was over a decade ago you can't assume that I... It is undeniably better content if I were to eat the writing utensil than if I didn't. And as someone who understands good content, you are impartial. You would absolutely want me to consume the writing utensil on the show. Did you just admit that you're deliberately trying to remove content from our podcast? No, not at all. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that the scenario that was described by you is something that if it were to happen would be good content.

How about instead of going through this big legal ordeal, we just switch your little forfeit of the bet to something different? For example, setting off your fire extinguisher that sounds like someone who thinks they'll lose because they know they're uh in the wrong so no i don't think i need to compromise at all i'm trying to give you an easy i'm trying to open a new door for you here i don't need any other doors a door of honor the door of truth and honor is very easy to go through i'm already there i got my hand on the knob we're just securing the details to Andrew you're gonna have to go through a door or you're gonna eat one options man I did talk about doors yeah yeah that's how this whole thing started yeah you told me you need a door I thought it was the

funniest thing I'd ever heard nah I never said I'd eat a writing utensil I'm ready I'll take both of you on. You do whatever resources you need. I feel very secure in my defense. Alright, alright, motherfucker. How do you want this to go down next week then? Next Thursday, we're gonna record. Yeah, I think we both compile what we want to compile, what we feel

is evidence, and then we have a fake case. We have a little case here. Fake? Well, it's not like we're not a real judge. And then who and then, okay, so I'm, you know what? I did my, I tried. I tried my hardest to be impartial and to be fair and

unfortunately only Gavin was an adult, which is a weird thing to even say. I don't like saying Gavin an adult in the same sentence, but I'm having to because Andrew is being so unreasonable that I guess I'm, I'm unhonorable. Sure. I don't know if that's a sentence, but I'm having to because Andrew is being so unreasonable that I guess I'm unhonorable. Sure.

I don't know if that's a word, but dishonorable. I'm saying I'm saying I was being honorable. I was correcting you. You said a wrong statement. I was being honored. We'll bring it up in a suit because I'm on Gavin's side now. God damn it. I've been pulled into the fray.

I didn't want to be. But here we are. Eric, you got to be our judge. OK. Yeah, but here we are. Eric, you got to be our judge. Okay. Yeah, I can judge this, I think. Do you feel like you are impartial to Andrew's standards of being impartial? I think I am because originally when we did this, I was on somebody's side, then I changed sides. But now I'm really waffling on how I feel about this whole thing.

So I'm curious about what evidence is going to be coming as an impartial judge Eric potentially what did you think of my evidence that I brought today you can't ask the judge to review evidence this is ridiculous yeah but not now not now I'm not ready for

this discussion yet the case is next week. Okay. So we should leave this where it stands today. I agree. Next week we will have our decision. We'll discuss whatever legal term. I got way too excited when my law team said quid pro quo. Never mind.

Quid pro quo. I'm suddenly feeling better about going against your lord team. So this is Pantin v. Ramfrey. Yes. 2020. Why don't we take this to Judy? Forget the foot rub. Why don't we do this for real?

No. I don't want to. She seems very serious. I don't think she'd enjoy this. Do you think someday this will be in a law book? It'll set precedent and it'll be known as the Panton defense? It should. I don't see any way I lose this.

I bet we should get Judy to join the Discord or something. You think so? Yeah, I should get her opinion. I'll see if anyone knows someone. I like this. We're set next week. This is exciting. So we're having a trial next week. Next week. Face goes to trial. Face goes to trial.

Face goes to court. I'll be honest. I thought the first legal issue we'd encounter would be the pretend store. Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to bring up. Yeah, I didn't expect the first and the second legal issue we encountered to be us. Amongst the hosts. This store went pretty well. People seem to like that store.

Yeah. Well, it lit a fire under the RT store's ass because they contacted me about suddenly very interested in the Russian face hat shirt. So it actually worked? Like they're actually going to make the hat now? I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves,

but they're aware of it. Despite all the times we've told them about it. Oh, there's no way they're not aware of it. I did hear rumblings that the original response by our store team was that it was lukewarm. So now I'm glad that it's slightly hotter. Well, you know, the audience has lit a fire. As you do. Thanks, audience.

Thank you for showing your demand, audience. Do we hear anything else internally in the company? Are we good? Do I need to worry about the lawsuit? Let's worry. I'll tell you what, buddy. Let's worry about one lawsuit at a time. Right now, we're focused on you eating a pencil.

I really f***ed face myself with that website too, by the way. I should have seen it coming. We talked about this. I felt especially dumb that I didn't consider this as an issue at all. So the podcast came out. People very excited about the sites. I got a lot of attention. And next thing I know, my emails are going off constantly. I'm getting constant notifications. And I knew this, but I never considered the fact that every form of contact page or if you use the chat on that site would lead to my personal email.

I have gotten over 500 emails in the last day. Flooded. Flooded with NotTheRoosterTeaStore customer requests. That's some great engagement. I mean, it's wonderful engagement, but not necessarily what you want

in your personal email. Dude, some of these are coming in like minutes apart. Wow. Yeah. It's a lot. And it went on all day. You really faced your inbox. I did.

You did a good job. Oh, man, that's fucking awesome. Are you responding to everyone? No, I can't do that again. I don't want to go to Twitter jail or email. Is there an email jail? I don't want to go to Twitter jail or email Is there an email jail? I don't want to find out I've been in Xbox jail and I've been in Twitter jail

It's enough for me You've been arrested by the major domo Exactly That's a pretty good f***ing facing there Andrew Yeah, no it's not the only one I did this week either I really, this is a good f***ing face week For myself I made some other errors Jeff jeff i don't i

don't know if you talked to gavin about this but jeff is full in the garfield game now he came jeff has entered my turf he's come to my corner i got some things to say about garfield fuck garfield fuck garfieldfield. Fuck that game. That game's a piece of shit. That is not a kid's game. That is a fucking evil, brutal piece of shit game. The rubber banding in that game is ridiculous.

And that game fucking cheats. And the pizza cup can suck my pizza cock. I fucking hate it. It fucking cheats every fucking time. And to get to, Gavin, here's the fucking problem with the game, right? You can do time trials on every fucking lap, that's fine, or on every course, that's fine.

There's like 16 courses, I think. Or 12? 16? Whatever. But, you can like bullshit level your car and your character up. It's basically like, this car goes fast but has shitty steering. This car has good brakes but shitty speed, right?

But there is, this character is a douchebag and this character, but they all have, it all evens out. But then they offer these spoilers that you can unlock and the spoilers do give a little bit of a boost like above the normal and you can't win, you can't set any world records without those fucking spoilers, I'll tell you that

right now. However, to get a spoiler you have to come in, you can't set any world records without those fucking spoilers, I'll tell you that right now. However, to get a spoiler, you have to come in, you have to get gold in a cup, a specific cup for the one I want, the pizza cup. Now, it's not just, it's not just coming in gold. Gold is like winning the circuit, right? You know, it's four races, you come out on top over the course of four races. No, the unspoken rule is you have to come in first on every race, one, two, three, four in a row to unlock this fucking spoiler. And that is bullshit. It's not that hard.

It is. It's really easy. I'm not good at racing games. I'm not good at games. So you're saying you basically, you can't even get the spoiler that would give you a chance to tackle Andrew's times.

That is exactly what I'm saying. I think that I could beat one of Andrews Times if I didn't have to beat the game trying to cheat against me for four straight matches. Because it's a kart racer, right, dude? So there's fucking power-ups. There's pillows that will put you to sleep. There are fucking power-ups. There's pillows that will put you to sleep. There are fucking aliens that will abduct your car right at the finish line.

It is fucking nonsense. It's a car racer for kids. It's fun. It's not for kids. It is. It's a great kids game. It's a really well-made game. That game's like Thunderdome.

It's brutal. And I don't like it. I'm not done with it yet. I haven't given up on it completely. We'll see if I get lucky. I try a couple times a day just to see, you know, see how many races I can get into on the fucking pizza cup before the game cheats and fucking ruins my day.

What course do you struggle on? Or are you just kind of all over the place right now? All over the place, man. All over the place, man. I've gotten first on three of the four courses, but only once. In one go through. Well, I know you, Jeff, and I'd heard you're

complaining a lot. You're constantly whining about your inability to win in the Pizza Cup. And I didn't struggle with that at all. I had no problem with it. I talked to other people that struggle with it i thought there have been some updates to this game maybe it's harder than it used to be so i made a new xbox account to start over i wanted a fresh start and because i'm such a good friend i'm such an honorable guy as i've been saying this whole time i named my second account after you is what I did and I

loaded into that pizza cup I thought I'm gonna start at the 100 the medium difficulty then go hard won the first three races realized I was on hard I didn't even know it that's how easy it is I was on hard the whole time beat the pizza cup first try no problem then thought you know what Jeff is never gonna be able to do this. He doesn't have the skill. He doesn't have the talent. He doesn't have the natural lasagna gene in him. I'm going to be a good friend.

I'm going to get fake Jeff on this leaderboard. I'm going to get him nice and number two so he can feel good about himself, but he's never going to hit the top because it's not in him. I don't need to worry about that except then the unexpected happened and i beat my own time by accident so fake jeff is currently number one on play misty for me i did it i did it baby i'm the best. I did that on Saturday. I played all weekend.

I can't beat that time. I am stuck in second place because I beat myself as fake Jeff. I like that you try to create these competitions. Either no one shows up for them because they don't care or they're literally not good enough. So you play as them and you beat yourself as them.

Gavin, I guarantee you I could beat him on a time trial. A time trial, it's just racing. It's just you versus the course. Any track, anywhere, any day. But to be fair, look at those times. It's the cart shit that kills you. He's got like seven seconds now on the next person. I know what those times are.

I've competed. I understand how much. I've not. The closest I came was within 23 seconds of one of his times. And that's because I can't get that goddamn spoiler. I don't think that matters. But you did it. Now I'm stuck in seconds.

I'm playing against myself. Yay, I did it. Are you going to go try and get your number one time back, or can you sit there knowing that it's actually you who's number one right now? No, I did it. Are you going to go try and get your number one time back? Or could you sit there knowing that it's actually you who's number one right now? No, I can't live with that. I need my name up there and that number one with the gold. So I'm going to keep at it. Everyone's looking at Jeff's name now. No one's looking at you anymore.

Yeah, it's a sad sight. Can't have it. Speaking of bets, we kind of made a bet last week, Gavin, didn't we? We're doing the time thing, right? I think we kind of left that open. Yeah. Do you feel good about that still, or did you actually try and now you've realized it was a mistake? No, no, no.

What I did was is that, you know, it's a long game. I'm going to just announce that I have a better time than you. This is what I think we should do. Okay. I'm going to chime in because we had some discussion about this, but I kind of zoned out last time, so I missed it. So maybe I'm repeating what we said. I think once you issue that time, how many hours?

16, right? Yeah. Let's knock it to 12 because that's a better number. Okay. Go down to 12. Once you announce the time, it can only be one time, but once you announce that time, I have 12 hours to beat it. You have 12 hours to respond, if I do. And we just go back and forth until it's over.

Okay, I beat one of your times. Which one did you beat? Oh, fuck, wait. What time is it? Okay. What time? I didn't, I didn't really, I just wanted to freak you out. I was very nervous.

Oh my god. But that's how it's going to go. It's going to be one week in the future when I do that. I'm thrilled for it. Gav, just as an aside, how do you feel entering into a new bet with Andrew

in the middle of him taking you to court for your last bet? I'm not taking him. I'm defending myself. If anything, he's taking me to court. Look, you know, even if we may be entangled in a giant legal battle internally, I feel like the show must go on, you know? Yeah, no, I appreciate that you're a professional, but do you have any confidence that when you win this bet, like you won the last one, that he'll pay up?

No, actually, because apparently evidence means nothing, and you could just hire three dipshits and a lawyer to write some crap down. But, you know, I'm just going to have to give him a second chance on the whole honor thing. See if he can redeem himself. I'm a very honorable guy. Evidence is an evidence.

Till esteemed acceptance. Can we get a three dipshits and a lawyer legal firm t-shirt made? I would love business cards. I feel like maybe the next letter will be slightly more aggressive. I came to terms with the other thing. That was an area we left off. You had your idea for your bet. I don't remember what even your idea was.

But I didn't have anything for if I won the bet. I have my bed So you're saying if you be it within 12 hours I then get a 12-hour you then it bounces back to you It becomes a totally at that point until whoever is stuck with it lose got it. Okay, got it I mean that sounds fair that sounds fair and what is what happens if I lose this bet? Is there any point in us even discussing anything? No, I think there's definitely a point. We didn't come to terms last time.

I know what I want. And is this you I'm talking to now? Is this you, Andrew Panton? This is Andrew Panton talking very clearly. Yeah. Andrew Panton from Vancouver Island, Canada? Yep. Okay.

And what do you want in return for my losing of this challenge? If I win, I don't remember what you said last time, but if I win, you have to eat a stick of gum of my choice, has to stay in your mouth for at least a minute, at least 10 shoes. I can pick any gum I want, though. Long as I don't tamper with it. Don't tamper.

At least, I don't understand. What did you just, what? I'm saying, I'm trying to cover all my angles here cuz like if I say you need to eat a stick of gum you can just put it in your mouth bite it and then like spit it out and then it's over so is the the gut the gums gonna be like disgusting or spicy or something I'm just I get to pick a piece of gum of my choice 60 seconds in your mouth minimum 10 shoes but it can't be used no it can't be used okay I know

I didn't even consider that that'd be terrible no used gum it'd be a piece of gum nobody's had in their mouth before nobody's tampered with in any way out of the package your gum I need to do some pre-research I'm just gonna google okay worst

gum andrew can i ask a question yeah go ahead how old is this gum i'd see any stick i can pick a stick and gum oh there's blue cheese gum oh you could really make me have some filth could it be like a pat like a piece of gum stuck to like a gary carter 1981 baseball card from like a pack of Fleer that's just been stuck in the pack for 35 years. I'm just arguing for any piece of gum.

Can we have like a date since manufacture sort of deal? What do you mean by that? I just don't want to eat gum that's over like a decade old. Oh no I don't I'm not

comfortable giving those terms. I want to open up all my options. Starting to learn learn more about... Yeah. Well, I could go spicy, as you said. Blue cheese gum sounds great.

I will say, I guess I'll agree to this, but I don't want to eat any cinnamon-flavored gum. Hey, on the bright side, Gav, if you lose... I'm such a nice guy, I'll agree to that. If you lose, you can always pretend you didn't do it. Yeah. You can pretend like you lose, you can always pretend you didn't do it. Yeah. You can pretend like you're not you right now. No.

Oh, I didn't make it to face 16 recording. I was away. Who would do this? This is very dishonorable, what you're suggesting, Jeff. I'm just blown away that you're committing some of these statements about honor to tape after we've taped all the other stuff? I don't know what you mean. I'm a very honorable, respectful, kind person. I think we all would agree

to this. Do you not agree to that? I feel like that's a pretty clear statement. So if I win, am I also picking gum? No, whatever you want. I think you had an idea last week. I don't remember what that was, but whatever you want to go with,

I'm open to hear your ideas. Was it that you eat a pencil? I don't know. I mean, there have been discussions about writing utensils. I don't remember if it was applied to that. You could have got out of this in a much easier way, by the way,

if you'd have just said that, you know, you can make a pencil out of cake and just eat it. You could have made this so simple, but you went down this legal battle route, and I think you've backed yourself into a corner now. No, I think, you know, we're just going to figure out what happens with this writing utensil.

And if I have to eat one, then I will. Uh-huh. Because I'm a man of honor. Okay, I'll eat gum, you eat pencil. How about that? Like, sure. Yes. Sorry, sorry. I'll'll eat gum you eat writing utensil yep i'll agree to that no problem wait you want to do a digital handshake okay yeah i mean i think

they always work so let's do one of those got it yeah that felt good that was it that was it okay it's official now now this has nothing to do with the previous pencil bet i don't know what you're talking about no this is a separate this is a separate future legal issue what is a pencil oh boy Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade.

Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Hey, Gavin. Yeah. Have you f*** faced yourself any in the last week? I don't know, Jeff, because in my notes for f*** face,

I've written down bog roll folders, but I don't know, Jeff, because in my notes for F*** Face, I've written down bog roll folders, but I don't remember what that is. So if anyone has any ideas on what I was thinking or talking about there, please let me know. Bog roll.

Bog roll is like toilet roll. Bog roll is like a toilet paper. It's British for toilet paper. Yeah. Oh. How do you not know what that is? Like, that's toilet paper. It's British for toilet paper. Oh. How do you not know what that is?

That's so specific. I don't know, yeah. I feel like Jeff and I both suffer from past versions of ourselves leaving crappy notes. When would you have left that note? What is the time frame typically on a note? This was left for me on the 31st of August. So four days ago. Three days ago. Okay. And it's underneath

no double anus, swapped bike brakes. Hashtag, Jeff lies about driver's license price. Oh, I told you one time that it cost a thousand dollars to get a driver's license in America. And I had you convinced

for a long time, back when $1,000 was a scary amount of money to you and you were trying to figure out how the fuck you would pay for it. I think you said it was like $3,000 to get a driver's license. Maybe I did. And then I just didn't go. I was reading all the driving books

when I got to America and then I never went. And now I've lived here for eight years and I don't have a driver's license. I will say that was kind of a face in myself though, because you lived with me most of those early years and I definitely intentionally scared you away and I don't think, you know, Gab, I

don't think we've ever talked about this before on a podcast. Maybe years ago, but I don't think so. That I do think I should take partial credit for you not having a driver's license because i let that go for a long time you didn't tell me that you lied about it until like eight months later yeah and i don't and i'd already thought like i don't think i told you about it i think becca or somebody was like what the fuck are you talking about

you lied about that and then like eight months later you told me hey i lied to you about something you didn't tell me what it was so i was like wracking my brain i was like when and you're like since the day you moved here and today i told you a major lie and i think it was actually to get back at me for the freaking tattoo suit thing it was but it didn't it didn't work i still am bad about it that was that it turned out to be a face on you but i remember thinking like oh you know i've i've just moved countries i don't have any stuff here i don't have any credit it's so hard to buy things so i need to like save up cash and i was just like yeah i guess i'll just wait until i get my license

because i live i ride with jeff sometimes so I probably bought other essentials. And then I just never got a driver's license. I never realized I f***ed faced myself until right now. Yeah, you thought you were screwing me over. You screwed you and everyone else over. I'm sorry. You f***ed faced like half of Austin. I did, I did.

Oh, man. I feel like it's still Gavin's f***ing facing because he didn't do any research. he didn't look into it at all it's just like that i don't imagine my research was talking to a friend that i trusted and that was my first mistake you trusted jeff uh yeah kind of you know we were talking about other serious stuff he was like this was he was like telling me he was telling me all this valuable information like you want to you 401k, do it as early as possible. Do it as young as possible. Get retirement going now, today. And I was like, oh, God.

And then you're like, driving's really expensive here, though. How much does it actually cost to take a driving test here? I have no fucking clue. 50 bucks? I don't know. It's not. It's a low amount. Like, I don't know.

Eric, do you know? Have you got a driver's test recently? It's like gotta be less than a hundred bucks. Yeah, it's gotta be pretty cheap, but no I haven't gotten a driver's test recently. But it's not three thousand dollars. Did you assume that that was a one-time thing for like the test? Like you know you can fail the test. Could you imagine failing a three thousand dollar driving test that's why it's such a big deal again i don't know looking back looking back on it i'm an idiot for believing it but it was just like information overload like we were talking about all the differences between our country 25 are you serious it's 25 uh if you're between the ages if you're between the ages of 15 and 18 the cost cost is $16. If you're 18 to 85, the cost is $25.

Why is it more for me? Because you're an idiot. Well, if you wait until you're over 85, it is $9. Oh, there you go. Oh, my God. You need to wait. You need to wait until you're past that age. First day you're past, you take that test.

Are we talking written? Did you at least do the written test or is this just to do the writing test? It was so off-putting I didn't do anything further in my driving endeavor, but you're aware there are multiple tests, right? Yeah So do you think one cost for all of them or like each time like three thousand for written? 3000 for dry I assumed it was three thousand for like the, 3,000 for driving? No, I assumed it was 3,000 for like the practical license. Oh, okay. Yeah. I gotta say, I realized that I unintentionally fucked myself into making myself drive you around town for years still, honestly.

I mean, we're in a pandemic, so we're not seeing each other. But if we were, I'd still be driving your dumb ass around. a pandemic so we're not seeing each other but if we were i'd still be driving your dumb ass around uh but i have to say and that was back in my drinking days so i don't have the best memory of it but coming to you and telling you that i've been lying to you about something major for eight months is a really funny cool thing to do and i'm very proud that i did that that's fucking cool and it just came out of nowhere you're just like i guess you remembered that line you were just like i've lied to you and i was honestly for months i was just racking my brain i was like what what's all this stuff that and i was like is it something small and you were like no no it's major man that reminds fuck that's awesome i didn't fuck myself this week uh

face myself i didn't fuck myself or face myself this week but i but i fucking almost did with a face from 32 years ago 33 years ago what happened yeah well when i was like nine or ten i made a blow dart out of a pencil and some nails. And it was, uh, it was, uh, just, I was just fucking around in the bathroom and I was shooting nails out of the blow dart gun at the,

I was trying to break the mirror in my fucking house. I don't know why. I was trying to break the bathroom mirror by shooting nails at it. Did we transition to, to what is this? I'm going, I'm going to you. I like 10, nine or 10. Okay we transition to what? I'm going. What age are you? I'm like 10, 9 or 10.

Okay, you're still a kid. For a moment, I thought we had now transitioned to present day. You still had the blow dart, and you're still trying to break the mirror. I've been trying for 30 years. I can't do it. It's one of those things where it's like you realize, like, I would have gotten in so much fucking trouble. I did get in so much trouble, but I would have gotten in so much different trouble

if I had shattered a bathroom mirror. I don't know why that made sense to me at the time. But anyway, I was trying to do it. And in the process of doing it, I had a misfire, and the nail was, like, kind of hanging out the edge of the blow dart. And so I tried to suck it back up

to blow it again. Oh! Yeah. So what I did was I inhaled a nail and it was stuck in my throat, like poking into the side of my fucking

throat. And so I like and every time I tried to swallow or every time I tried to swallow, I could feel the nail like digging into my the inside of my Jesus Christ windpipe and it was terrifying and painful in a way that I hope you don't have to feel uh so uh I went to my mom and I was like I hate a nail you know and she's like don't swallow what do you do and I'm like it hurts to swallow it's stabbing me you know and she's like oh my god oh

my god don't lay down and so like she put me in the back of the car and she made me lay down and we went straight to the emergency room and they had they got i had to get x-rays of my fucking chest and my everything and sure enough there was a nail wedged in my throat and they like i don't remember i i'm a little hazy on this part but they like shook me or something anyway they got the nail out of my throat oh yeah the old nail shake everyone's favorite dr manu they got the nail out of my throat. Oh, yeah, the old nail shake. Everyone's favorite Dr. Manu. They got the nail out of my throat somehow, and I could finally breathe again. And then it was just in me.

And my mom was like, what the fuck do we do now? And the doctor goes, it'll probably come out in the next few days in his stool. If it doesn't, we'll probably know in another way. Oh. And she goes, so what do we do and he goes just at just like go about your day live normally uh and then every time he takes a shit look through it i guess until you see the nail come out and then you'll know you're good well i so for like a week after that or maybe a little bit longer I would have to like investigate my poop every time I pooped to see if there was a nail sticking out of it. And there never was.

Fast forward to last week, I had to get an MRI. And an MRI. What does the M stand for in MRI, Jeff? It stands for magnet or magnetic, where they stick you in, looks like a, like a 70s sci-fi machine, kind of like a CAT scan. And then it whirls around in a circle all around you in a really close space. And you can't move one muscle for 30 minutes while it takes a magnetic image of your, I don't know exactly.

They explained it. It sounded like science class. I was bored. But the problem is it's highly magnetized. So if you have any old fillings or if you have any metal in your head or that it can pull it out and, you know, go through you and into the,

it can fucking, it could wreck you. It could, I imagine you would explode like in a cartoon. And so they go through all the things, and I'm like, and it was a big deal because I have that reconstructed jaw, and I have like 22 screws in my mouth, and I have some metal lattice work and stuff. And there was a lot of debate

over whether the screws are definitely titanium, but whether the lattice work would have some sort of other metal components because I got it done in the 90s, and it was the dark ages in the 90s, and I can't guarantee that there wasn't some other of other metal components because i got it done in the 90s and it was the dark ages in the 90s and i can't guarantee that there wasn't some other kinds of metal in the anyway so uh they gave me like a little ball to squeeze and he was like the second you feel your face pulling up squeeze that ball and hopefully we'll stop it in time before you explode hopefully and so i'm laying

there and i'm i'm just like feeling my teeth and feeling my face and just like waiting for anything to feel magnetic and then it hit me I hadn't thought about it for 20 years there might be a fucking missile in my stomach still and I might just be laying here and then suddenly I feel like a like a gurgle and then a 30 year-year-old nail shoots through my stomach and out my belly button and into the thing, and then I just fucking deflate like a balloon. And so I had to lay in there for 40 minutes while I just was perfectly still and just tried to feel

if the nail was moving around in my stomach. And it didn't. I must have shit that nail out a long time ago. uh i didn't know and i had forgotten about it until i was 10 minutes into that uh mri and uh i'm just i'm just gonna say i'm happy to be here with you right now like the interview being in the in the machine as it's spinning like oh shit yeah yeah i uh just i had i had to fill out so much paperwork, Gavin, about anything that could possibly be in me. I called my mom.

I was like, what about this? What about this? No, the whole deal. I was super paranoid about it. I took off all, like, everything. And yeah, and then I just slipped my mind until I was laying in there with my thoughts, trying to feel my fillings. But that means she also forgot about the nail.

Yeah, well. That's insane. I'm just her only child. Why would she remember? I like that you potentially shat a nail without feeling it. I must have, because it didn't come out this time. How big was the nail? I want to say it was like inch and a half long.

Okay. Two inches long, maybe? Not awful. Like, maybe from your knuckle to the top of your finger, you know? Your first, you know? Like, not your baby knuckle the top of your finger, you know, your first, you know, like not your baby knuckle, but like your real like punch,

you know? Yeah. Two inches anyway, but I'm, I'm happy to say I'm alive and, uh, and I survived. And another fun thing about it, uh,

this is where my body faced me on the other end. I got the results of the MRI, you know, because I thought I, because my shoulder doesn't work anymore. And because I'm, yeah, I'm left-handed and it's my left side and I can only lift like three

pounds and I'm useless as a human being. Uh, it turns out I didn't fuck up my rotator cuff. I just have a whole bunch of old people arthritis. You've got arthritis? Arthritis in my shoulder and my chest. A good case of arthritis, as the doctor said, or the orthopedist said. He said, wow, you got yourself

a hefty case of arthritis there for a young guy like you. I like that whenever you do an injury or you have a condition, it's always to its maximum extent. Like when you ripped your thumb tendon open so much that the doctor was like,

oh, no, no. It's so much worse than these two things the doctor was like, oh no, no, it's so much worse than these two things that could have happened. He goes, there's two ways to cut your tendon. You can cut it long ways across the tendon, like down the length of it, which is good because it's easier for us to sew it back together. Or you can sever it in half, right? Where we have to reconnect it, like, you know, like you cut a pencil in half, like say you

were going to eat a pencil, you didn't want to eat a long pencil, you'd cut it. Like, you know, like you cut a pencil in half. Like, say you were going to eat a pencil. You didn't want to eat a long pencil. You'd cut it in half, right? And I go, which way did I cut my finger? Did I cut my tendon? And he goes, oh, no, no, no, no, son. He called me son. He goes, son, yours is so much worse than that.

And I go, there's only two ways. How can it be worse? And he goes, yours is shredded. He goes, yours is more mangled than cut and that's why my thumb doesn't work totally but uh but yeah anyway so i'm alive was posture related you were right in your diagnosis your your posture that's what triggered the whole shoulder thing right yeah yeah right it's like the way you're changing your sitting flared it up flared it up actually correct and wow yeah yeah what a twist that is what a twist yeah that's this is old age for you this is what's going to happen to you guys i think we've learned a lot today we've learned a

lot uh we never figured out what bog roll folders meant but you know maybe uh maybe in future that will come back to me do you think you were trying to fold toilet paper or were you keeping a folder of information about toilet paper i I just don't know. I just don't know, Jeff. It should be coming back to me, but it's not. Maybe it's because I'm now in a tense legal case. Maybe. Do you ever get your house cleaned

sometimes and then they'll like, or go to a hotel where they fold the toilet paper into like a seashell or something? Do you think maybe you were thinking of like fancy shapes that they turn toilet paper into? Yeah, I've definitely seen it folded into a point, but I don't know why that would have anything to do with the f***ing space.

I'll sit on it. I'll sit on it for a week. Fair enough. Fair enough. While you're doing that, also if you could figure out what the greatest Minecraft Let's Play of all time is, I'd appreciate it.

Okay. Yeah, will do. That's the one I can't remember. Andrew, I'm excited. I'm excited for you to eat this pencil. I'm not going to be eating any writing utensils. It sounds like there's a good chance you're going to eat two. Next week is the face trial number one.

First of many by the sounds of it. No, I think we only need one. I think we're good. One. I mean, unless you need more time. I feel very confident in my. I think we're good. One. I mean, unless you need more time. I feel very confident in my ability. I'm not talking about for this one case. I'm just going to say,

if you're going to jeb up these bets in future, then we're going to have several more. I would never do this. What you're accusing me of is something I'd never even consider. Also, Andrew, we need to get a hold on the collecting thing. I've been just buying cards randomly, and I spent about $800 this week on basketball cards. What are you doing?

And I can't be doing it anymore. What are you doing? I gotta have a face focus. What are you doing? It's like one-third of a driver's license. I've been buying... I've been sitting at home going crazy buying packs of fucking Panini Prism basketball cards, dude.

I got two Tatum rookies yesterday you didn't tell me yeah well what happened i don't talk to you because of the yeah i got two i was gonna send one to you maybe uh there i've seen him go for 150 and i've seen him go for like 600 so i was thinking about getting him graded anyway uh you need to help me figure we need to figure out a focus for me to focus this obsession with cards because otherwise i'm gonna go broke i'm gonna go broke real fast i just bought i just bought 600 worth of fucking it's 2016 2017 cards trying to chase jamal murray rookie cards and i i this is not healthy i need to we i need to i need to focus this and and like towards a bussy or uh like oh my god bussy we got bussy i got bussy should we

talk about our idea before we break i know uh er I got Bussy. Should we talk about our idea? Before we break, I know Eric wants to go, but should we talk about our idea with Gavin for the cards we wanted to collect, like the mini collection we were going to do, and how dark that went real fast? Ooh, I mean, I think we could talk about it. We don't necessarily need to touch on the darkness,

but if you want to go all the way, I mean, we could. Andrew and I were talking the other day, Gavin, about, you know, we got this guy Bussey. I think Tom Martin is his name. The guy who was traded for a bus. Traded for a bus. I have his rookie card right here in front of me. Or his only card.

Yeah. And Andrew started looking up other people. There was a guy who was traded for, what was it, like a box of used baseballs? Yes. He was it like a box of used baseballs? He was traded for a box of used baseballs and the story behind it is amazing. The photographer didn't want him to do that. I guess he'd taken so many minor league cards

he wanted to do something original. The guy was very serious. The only way he could convince the photographer to take the picture is he had every single other player on his team agree they would not sign their rights for the cards to be made unless he took that photo and so then he was like oh fuck okay we'll do it and so he crazy glued a baseball to his nuts uh on the pants and was starting to fall off as he was taking the photo so he's just frantically yelling at the guy to take the picture and And he was very happy. It's a great card. It's a great card.

I want that card. There was a guy who was traded, a basketball guy who was traded for, I think he was traded to the Celtics or from the Celtics preseason so that they wouldn't have to, like the trade was, we'll trade you this player

if you agree to play two of the preseason games for us so we don't have to play them. Was that what it was? I interpret it as like adding preseason games. Oh of the preseason games for us so we don't have to play them. Was that what it was? I interpreted it as like adding preseason games. Oh, adding preseason games? That's how I interpreted it. I thought it was like, we don't want to play these two preseason games,

so if you'll agree to play them, we'll take this player. And then there was the one that was fucking dark. There was a guy who was traded for 10 used bats or 10 baseball bats. Was it 10? I think it was 10. It was something like that, yeah.

That's tragic. Well, it became tragic. That wasn't the dark part. That's not the dark part. He was in the minor leagues and he got traded for these baseball bats and unfortunately, I think it was, he got traded to a Canadian team, right?

But then he had a felony or something and so they wouldn't let him cross over from the U.S. into Canada, so he couldn't join the team. And so then they were kind of stuck, so then they tried to reverse the trade, but they didn't want him, so then the

Canadian team, since they couldn't bring him into Canada to play for them, they didn't know what to do, so they traded him to another team for, I team for 10, I think 10 or 20 baseball bats, right? Which is very funny, except then the next game, when he went to the new team,

they started playing the Batman theme every time he played. I think he was a pitcher and it got into his head. They started calling him Batman and Batboy and it got into his head and the audience started to heckle him every time he would play and even I read the umpires heckled him and he washed out of baseball like two weeks later

and then he got into heavy drugs and died of an overdose oh that is way darker than the story you told me you left the information I got none of that was there you edited a lot so what was your dark version I did some additional dark version was there. You edited a lot. So what was your dark version? I did some additional reading. His dark version was that just the guy played baseball and then he partied one night and things got out of hand and he tragically died. I had no concept of any of the other stuff. I cut out the part where he washed out of baseball and stuff. Yeah, I was still reading about it when I was talking to you about it. Really sad story. He died on election day, I think 2016, 2018, 2016. Woof. That's a woof. That's a woof. It's sad.

It's like, it's funny to think of getting traded for some baseballs or a bus or whatever, and then you hear the dark side of what it's like to be traded and how it affects you, and it's suddenly not as funny. Is Coolio okay? I think he's fine.

Do we have more Instagram followers than Coolio yet? Oh. I don't think we're anywhere close. I think we have 2,000 or 3,000. But that's a good point. You should follow us, F***FacePod on Instagram. I think we put up our faces,

the faces you and I drew. I think today we're putting up Andrew's face, the one that he drew. Not that anybody gives a shit. The original face. Because it's way, way, it can't be the original. Way too late.

It can't be the original face if it's the third one presented. It is the original face. You're trying to copy my face. Yeah, because I had the original face and why did you draw your face? If my face... Nope.

It may have been slightly more impressive if you pulled out an actual original from back in the day when you learned about it. But draw it a new one. That wasn't original. I don't have anything from back then. I couldn't do that.

But you wouldn't have your face if it wasn't for my face. So I have the original face. You know what I was thinking? This is kind of, is it the face in F*** Face? Is this the official F*** Face? Andrew's drawing? That's actually an interesting question. We don't have to answer it right now,

but it's something to think about. I'd love to hear what the audience thinks, too. It might be. Maybe we should make an Andrew Face shirt. Put it on like a pocket tee or something. I think Eric is on his third copy and paste for the end of the podcast. Oh, right, right, right.

Yeah. Well, I guess he's the announcer, the podcast. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. Well, I guess he's the announcer, not the ender. So I'll do it. Hey, this has been another episode of F*** Face. I believe it was episode 16, but I can never keep that straight. Thank you for listening. It would be really cool if you rate us five stars on whatever podcast platform you use. And subscribe to us if you haven't already.

And please, please, please tell your friends Rooster Teeth as a company started out of completely out of word of mouth. That's kind of the way we do things. And so if this is going to take over the world and shit on the mouth of all other podcasters, they think of us at the top of the pyramid just like our podcast turds rolling downhill into the mouths of the Joe Rogans and the Mark Marons and the other famous

podcasters of the world. You can help do that by telling your mom and your dad to listen to it. Tell them about the big trial next week. Yeah, tune in for the big trial next week and watch what happens when Andrew is overprepared and Gavin completely and totally forgot about it until 10 minutes before.

Are we going to do sentencing next week? It's up to Eric. 3, 2, 1, go. 3, 2, 1, go.