Regulation Podcast - Andrew Admits He Was Wrong // Geoff vs The Swan [105]

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew's perspective on the name thing, skittles gummies robbery, hose explosion, an arm decapitation event, Swan Werewolf, and jetskis. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face), and ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Kind sir! Don't do that dude. Did I say kind sir or good sir? What did I say earlier? It's creepy either way you say earlier. It's creepy either way. Kind sir, let me introduce you to episode 105 of this podcast.

I don't know what I'm doing. Why do I want to leave? This isn't my job. Dude, he's been on he's been in rare form. He tried to he argued that no dance has ever been impressive for a while. And then we had to get, we had to start, we had to look up the definition of impressive. It was impressive for a while. And then we had to get, we had to start, we had to look up the, we had to look up the

definition of impressive. It was, it was too much pleasantry. Wow. We've been waiting, we've been around for a while. There are plenty of high skilled. It was just disgusting. Mainly, I guess how I associate what impressed means to me. How I view.

What did you just eat or drink like half an hour before this? I had a chicken wrap that Eric thought I said rabbit and then it just kind of fired from there. I have a bird infestation in my home right now on my roof. I feel like I could catch a bird, but a rabbit I could never catch. With your hands? No. I said with like a McDonald's

bag and a net. If you give me a day and a bag of McDonald's that had fries in it at one point, maybe even one fry just to make it like super extra spicy on that trap. I could catch me a seagull. How do I hire you to do this tomorrow? Buy me a net, I guess. Eric, can we Amazon him a butterfly net?

Is it going to fit in his mail slot or whatever? No, it'll be fine. Not with all the bovril in there. So I may have killed somebody by accident. Potentially. Go ahead. in his mail slot or whatever? No, it'll be fine. Not with all the bovril in there. So I may have killed somebody by accident. Potentially. Go ahead. So last episode,

I think it was last one. I don't know. This doesn't make any sense to me. I talked about how I had... Okay, hold on. Before you do that, hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey.

With me, as always, Gavin Free and newly confessed murderer Andrew Panton. Go ahead. So now before I get into my murder story, I'd like to pivot for a minute to something else and just own up because I'm a big, I'm an accountability guy. I want to own up to the fact that I was wrong. I was wrong last week. I was in the wrong. I handled the name thing incorrectly.

I apologize. I apologize to you both. This is, I wanted to give my perspective on it because I thought about it. I put some time in, really think about the situation as a whole. You were so wrong. This apology is annoying me.

No, I couldn't have been more in the wrong. Why are you annoyed by my apology? It's, you know, it's just bringing it up again. Well, because I just... Oh! The Greg from... The Greg from Finance. I had no idea what you were talking about. I completely forgot about that.

Were you just sitting silently? Yeah, I was just trying to put it together and be like, what fucking name thing? And then Nick said Jeopardy rules, and I was like, oh, did we do a Jeopardy? And I was just out of it. All right, sorry. Yeah, that's right. You were a bit of a dick about the name thing., and I was like, oh, did we do a Jeopardy? And I was just out of it. All right, sorry.

Yeah, that's right. You were a bit of a dick about the name thing. I appreciate the apology because I was getting riled up. You're right. You're right. It was ridiculous. It was a ridiculous position to have and to hold. What happened was I was so excited about the thing, and I thought we're going to give clues. We're going to make this we're really going to

turn up the heat in these next three episodes will you guys figure out the name will you not we will find out I give one clue and Gavin immediately gets it and I was on tilt I was on tilt from that moment forward and I didn't want it to end but I also deep down knew that you guys

would never fairly guess Greg again in a different context. So I like it. 700 more episodes before we realize how closely. I also never in my head. I had the the Jeopardy rules. I never established us. That's unfair of me.

If I would have from the beginning stated that, I think that'd be fair. But that was unfair. So I just wanted I put some thought into it. And I've been haunted by that moment since we recorded not because of that itself that was i just i processed i realized that i was wrong i handled that poorly what is haunting me is jeff was coming at me and i was getting mad at jeff and we're going back and forth and and i called you the dictionary kid which is the dumbest thing I may have said on the show. And as soon as I said it, I winced.

And I have not been able to stop thinking about the fact I said dictionary. And I couldn't think of I was thinking piss boy. I was like, where should I go with this? I need another word off of dictionary. And kid came out. And that's an apology to the audience that I said dictionary. Because I've been suffering. I think I got that i said dictionary because i've been i've been suffering laugh though i've been suffering well maybe you did but i just it was such a lame

laughing at not laughing yeah it was a bad it was a bad it was a bad moment typically good under fire but enjoy the next seven days um because that's how long you have until that episode comes out oh great that's fine i'm sure people will be mad but that's okay when you said that's how long you have until that episode comes out. Oh, great. That's fine. I'm sure people will be mad, but that's okay. That's on me. I fucked that up. When you said Dictionary Kid, it reminded me when you said it, it sounded like the name of a late 60s

early 70s Disney made for TV movie. And I wanted to bring that up, but I didn't get a chance. I genuinely winced as soon as i said it and i had thoughts about asking nick to remove it from the edit but i was like that's so bad i just gotta live i gotta live with that as i was thinking piss boy what's something that like is like boy and this kid came out it was an unfortunate moment but i'm happy to get past it and i guess i should

now talk about how i may have killed somebody. Just the point of how to start. Yeah. Well, before you do that, let me just say that was that was an extremely regulation apology. And and I would like to provide I would like to accept it in the most regulation of ways. I appreciate that. Absolutely. Now you're you killed. So I would say, yeah, with with the candies I brought up recently that i've discovered skittles gummies specifically the wild berry gummies big fan of

them i love them i recommended them to a friend he bought a box of 12 he didn't like him as much as me so he just ended up with 10 that he didn't like but i love them i order them to my house it's the very first time since i've been here i got robbed somebody stole my skittles gummies they got left outside of my front door by amazon and they ripped through all of my boxes and i was both upset that they stole the skittle gummies that i was so excited about and then also offended at what they left behind. Like, I felt judged by the person who robbed me. They didn't take the Sour Patch Kids. They didn't take the iced tea I bought. I was hurt. It made me feel like

I had bad taste. Like, the person clearly... I got robbed. You got robbed by potheads. They didn't get far. They're around somewhere. I guarantee you. Do you think they would have left the Bovril? I think they would have. They would have left everything.

If the first thing they encountered was the Bovril, they just would have left. They would determine that the boxes not worth stealing from. If that was the first item that they pulled. The ultimate deterrent. Get all these glitter bobs out of here. Just because Bob's Bovril. I would be so mad if I stole a box and it shot Bovril at me.

You can't. You're stuck. You're just marked. Bovril ball. It's terrible. But so I stole. I was really upset about it. And then it came out like two days ago that Mars had a massive recall because their Skittles gummies contained pieces of metal in them.

Oh, and the person that I recommended try the gummies. All of their gummy packs were in that order. They had to throw away their 10 bags of gummies because they all could possibly. I'm not sure, but there was a recall on them because they contain small pieces of metal, apparently. And so now I don't know what happened to the person. Mine could have been filled with metal and someone else stole them and ate them. I hope they're okay.

They could have saved me. Maybe they're my hero. I don't know. Dude, that pothead saved your life. Potentially. Or I killed a pothead unknowingly. Same thing.

One of the two, I guess. Yeah, I didn't mean to, but two sides of the same coin. The important thing is we're talking to you, not them. You know, it's worse. Maybe like but... Two sides of the same coin. The important thing is we're talking to you, not them. You know what's worse?

Maybe this is the greatest insight about me. I've felt way more dread about the fact that I said dictionary kid than I potentially killed this guy that stole the skills. The guy. One was an accident. The other one came out of your mouth on purpose. I hope cringe ranks higher than murder. I don't know, your conscience. Not in all cases. In this one, it did. On your conscience. Not in all cases.

In this one, it did. So that's been sort of my last few days. How have things been for you guys? Oh, good, man. Gav, how have you been? Yeah, pretty good. I was just feeling a big balloon. And you would think that the balloon

would be what exploded. The hose exploded. Are you serious? Yeah. Was it damaged? Did anybody get hurt? No, it just exploded. Now, when you say exploded, was it exciting exploded,

or it just, like, ruptured and started leaking out the side? Like, what type of explosion are we talking? Oh, he has video. Oh, fuck, here we go. Alright. I was like, I didn't think that was a tough question. The silence. Whoa! Let's see. Okay. That's cool.

That, yeah. That's certainly an explosion. That was pretty recent. That was about 18 minutes ago. How old is that hose? It was bought yesterday. Wow. So it's clearly had a manufacturer's defect.

Yeah, I think there may have been some metal strands in that hose. Because it went pop. How many hoses do you have? Were you fucked? Did you have a replacement? No, that was the replacement for a shitty hose, but we were then relegated back to the shit hose but it's fine we got by you know you can amazon prime now something over pretty easily

uh yeah but a tight window i just it was the last thing i was expecting yeah i was like looking at the balloon and i heard a pop and suddenly the balloon still there very confusing i think in all the time i've spent in hardware stores and stores in general i don't think i've ever heard anyone frantically buy a hose it's a rare item that people would ever need in an immediate like i couldn't imagine like the fire department running it like yeah any hose you have any hose all of ours that feels like such a michael bay movie moment. Firefighters using their hose and they explode.

They have to go to like Home Hardware or Home Depot or whatever, buy more hoses. Yeah, the reason you use a hose is typically for a very slow problem. Like my plant is dying very slowly over time. I kind of suddenly needed one. Unless you're going to drive away from a fire. I want to see somebody fight a fire with a crazy daisy. Just crazy daisy in their head and flop it around. Eric wrote, that's how I imagined

a snake would exist. Yeah, I felt the exact same. It looked very snake-like. What do you mean? Why would you imagine that? I don't know. It makes sense, right? It looks like a snake-like. What do you mean? Why would you imagine that? I don't know. It makes sense, right? It looks like a snake. Yeah.

Like when a snake eats a hippo and it's too big and it just bursts out the side? Yeah. It gets too far because it's not the beginning of the snake that explodes. It gets too far into the snake and that part of the snake is too thin. And then the snake just pops and then rolls around for a while. It's probably got a weakened tummy from eating all those Skittles gummies. Yeah. I was trying to think if like from Anaconda, because I do agree, Gavin, it's sort of a weird thought, but I feel like I've seen a snake explode in that way in a movie.

So I was trying to think of like one movie, but I don't think it happens in Anaconda. Well, I tell you what, it can't happen enough. And I couldn't think any other snake movie. Doesn't John Voight come back out of the Anaconda? He gets like weirdly eaten. I think they just kill the Anaconda with an axe. I feel like it's kind of lame how they buy my memory. But I haven't seen that movie in a long time.

I remember the first time I saw Anaconda was at a sleepover at a friend's house. It was like a birthday party sleep a friend's house it was like a birthday party sleepover and Owen Wilson was in it and I knew who Owen Wilson was from like Zoolander and Shanghai Noon and I assumed he was just always like an A-list actor and I confidently declared that he would survive I'm like oh he's gonna live to the end and he's I think the second guy to die in that movie and I stopped watching and uh there was like clearly something was happening in the movie and i i said oh what's going on and then somebody just yelled back to me that guy you said wouldn't die is gonna killed i felt so dumb he's had some pretty good deaths

what was it the what's that movie the haunting where like the fireplace knocks his head off he gets the captain he went through a real run of deaths too, like Armageddon as well. I feel like all those movies kind of came out back to back to back. I feel like you have to put in the deaths until you become so beloved that you don't die in movies anymore. Unless you're Sean Bean. Yeah. I was about to say, nobody's told Sean Bean.

Unless you're just so good at it. It becomes a hallmark of performance. Maybe Anaconda could be a next, one of our next watches. And we still need to do MVP too. I've been waiting forever for MVP 2. Let's do that soon. Doesn't it seem like snakes should have an Achilles heel?

They don't really. It seems not fair. Well, you know they seem to have a heel. Well, yeah, but vampires have garlic or crosses, and werewolves have silver bullets, or slugs have salt, right? They're mortal creatures. You could stamp on their head. slugs have salt, right? Like, there should be a thing.

You could stamp on their head. Yeah, but, like, you should be able to, like, throw milk at a snake and it shrivels up. No, I agree with Jeff. I don't feel like I know what to do in a snake attack. Like, I feel like... You shove it down its throat. I feel like, don't you hit sharks in the nose, right? Like, that's the

shark thing? Like, I feel like that's their Achilles. Oh, I didn't even know the gills. I think you're supposed to turn a shark upside down. I feel like unless you're like James Brown and you can split your way, well, like getting halfway and then do the split, like, I don't know what the move would be. Is it an eye poke? What is it?

There has to be something. What is it? Yeah. Like, you stick your finger in a snake butthole and it paralyzes it maybe? If you're in a snake area, make sure you always have an umbrella with you. Just be ready.

Turn it upside down and rub its belly like a crocodile would go to sleep. Do six barrel rolls on the inside. Oh, tie it in a knot. So hot. It's like, come after me now, motherfucker. Just imagining. Don't like being dump, dump.

I'm imagining being half eaten by a snake and then just rolling down a large hill while it's trying to eat you. You both just falling down a mountainside. God damn. Hey, should we talk about... That was a decapitation event this weekend. I can't believe we haven't brought it up yet.

What? Owen Wilson? What do you mean? No, we all hung out. Oh, man, Henry's going at it. He really is. Yeah, he is. He woke up. And he found the owl that I hid.

We hung out this weekend, and we went swimming together. Two weekends in a row with Eric, not a water guy. Okay. Yeah, went swimming again. Eric is so a water guy, by the way. He's so a water guy. He invited everybody to water. Yeah, but I was...

Okay, here's the thing. I was talking to my small wife about this. a water guy by the way he's so a water guy he invited everybody to water yeah but i was okay here's the thing i was talking to my small wife about this i was saying that i was on the boat most of the time sometimes in the water sometimes on the big lily pad jeff was in the water almost 100 of the time we were allowed to be in the water oh my god yes it was crazy i felt like I saw you sometimes, and it's only because I had to go to where you were, which was in the water. I didn't realize that that was the case. There was a moment where you were on the lily pad, but then there were like 12 dudes around it,

and it was like talking to you like you were on a big plate. It was. That was really funny. You were the bell of the ball. It really was like having a weird harem. I don't think I liked it much, but it was that was really funny you were you were the bell of the ball it really was like having a weird harem i didn't i don't think i liked it much but it was good enough uh but we did we we hung out on lake travis eric's small wife uh rented a like a party boat like a two-decker party boat for eric's uh i guess for your birthday because we got you birthday presents

and uh and then we just spent like half a day swimming and there was a lily pad and we brought floaties and we went diving and we played games and we threw balls and we had all kinds of fun. Oh, that's awesome. But the guy, the captain, I say Captain lightly because he was like 19. The captain, as he was driving us out there, he was like, y'all want to go to Devil's Cove?

That's where everybody usually goes or we could go over here a little closer. And we were like we don't give a fuck let's go closer and is it empty and he's like yeah there's nobody here so uh we went there because it was empty and and then like we were there for like maybe two hours swimming and having fun and then he gets a radio call on the boat and then he goes you guys never believe this but uh over there devil's cove somebody just got their arm ripped off. They had to medevac him out. Yeah.

What? And I feel like we never found out anything else. We didn't find out why that happened. Emily spent the rest of the weekend looking to figure it out and couldn't find anything online about it anywhere. That information has to be delivered with more information. Has to contain more info. Otherwise, why are you telling people? Well, I have a theory on this.

Do you think that actually happened, or do you think that's that guy's move? Spice up the trip a little bit. Inject yourself into the party. I do think it happened because I think we did see a medevac helicopter going from the area. Got it. However, I will agree that it needs to be given with more information because then when we were talking about it a little bit later the captain with his hat over his eyes and his feet kicked up i was going hey blaine did you hear about that guy's arm who got chopped off we

don't know what happened to it and i looked at the captain he tilted his hat back and just sort of shrugged at me and then put it back down and just went back to sleep. How far away is the place that you could have went where it happened to where you were then? 10 minutes. 10 minutes? Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

That'd be like if you said the neighbors were killed by Freddy Krueger or like Jason or something. Like, I'd be so paranoid that whatever ripped that guy's arm off. It's okay, it was three blocks away.

Yeah, what? You mean the thing that just ripped somebody's arm off is still around and it left? You're okay. Yeah, like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I would love to know. Like, we were talking about with Meg, and she, I guess, spent a lot of time on lakes

when she was younger, and she was saying it happens all the time. Like, I guess... That doesn't make me feel any better. Like propeller will pop a hand off pretty quick. But I guess also people get their arms caught in ropes and then they get pulled and it just like pops it off. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, if you get your arm like,

if a rope loops around your arm and then suddenly goes very taut, it can ping a limb off, I guess. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's one of those things you hear about. It's like, wow, I wonder what they were doing. I wonder what crazy thing they were doing.

I'm sure he was just like a guy with two arms just going on a party boat, just like us. I'm sure he was just hanging on the beach and a gust of wind came by. Blew his hand off. Blew his hand off. That's crazy. That was fucking wild.

But it was a great time for everybody but that guy that day. Yeah. Oh, and probably the people he was with. I hope he's okay wherever he is. I hope they were able to reattach it. That's always the hope. If you'll indulge me, I do have another small story

related to a personal tragedy. Please. I'd love to hear that's a weird way to respond to that tragedy statement sorry so this is no this i would love to entertain you with it uh so on friday uh i had like a thing fall through and i had a free window on friday afternoon and emily was off and she looked at me and she was like, seems like a great day to go jet skiing. And I was like, oh, fuck, it would be a great day to go jet skiing. And we haven't been jet skiing, you know, this year. So it's probably been, I don't know, September of last year that I was last time I went. And, you know, I don't know if you guys remember this, but there was a point in time where

we were a jet ski podcast and we sold jet ski merchandise because of how into jet skis one of us was. Well, I was very excited i was like holy shit it's just like i don't know why it didn't dawn on me that i can still jet ski it was just like uh so we like raced to the jet ski place and uh and by the way uh jet skiing did not get in did not get lamer did not get any less fun if anything it's more fun than I remembered oh my fucking god am I a jet ski guy again

I cannot tell you how much fucking fun a jet ski is it is well I mean Gavin you know you were on it once imagine how much fun you had

I had that much fun Friday but more because jet skis just keep getting better and again and so anyway we hop on Lake Austin not Lake Travis where the guy got so anyway, we hop on a Lake Austin,

not like Travis, where the guy got his arm lopped off, but Lake Austin, which is much smaller. And it takes about, it takes about two hours to go from one end of Lake Austin, like from one dam to the other dam and back. So you can basically do like a full loop.

Uh, if, especially if you go about 50, 52, uh, more of a river than a lake in my opinion. Yeah. For a good period of it.

And it's a lot of fun. And so the way we typically do it is like, I'll ride the first hour. We'll take one. I'll drive the first hour. She'll sit on the back. We'll flip and then she'll do the way back or whatever. I should also, just so I can be fair,

I should mention this too. My girlfriend has informed me that she likes swans a normal amount, a regular amount. She likes swans no more or less than any of you guys like swans. She doesn't have a thing for swans. She's not way into swans. I told this story this weekend.

I was practicing. I told it to some other friends of ours, and apparently I leaned too heavy on Emily's sudden love of swans. So I'm just... For the record, she likes swans like a C, I guess.

Like whatever the average swan amount is. Despite the fact... Despite the fact that we just went to London, and we were there for a week, and there were three things she got excited about. got excited about phantom of the opera uh she got excited about hot pot and she got excited about swans and uh only one of those things is now her her lock screen on her iphone and i'm not gonna tell you which one it is but it's not phantom of the opera and it's not a plate of hot pot or a bowl of hot pot. But she just likes swans an average amount.

However, when she was driving and I was on the back about maybe an hour and a half into this, she sees a swan and did the jet ski equivalent at 40 miles an hour of slamming on the brakes. And a jet ski doesn't go. But if it did, it would have done it for a long time. Sees the swan, slams on the brakes, goes, holy shit, look at that swan that I just have a regular amount of affection for. And I'm like, yeah, totally. It's a beautiful swan. And at this point, we're like, I'm going to say 75, 75 feet away from the swan.

I think that's safe. It's a pretty good distance. But like, you know, I can see the swan. It's a big swan. And and she's like, wow, that pretty good distance. But like, you know, I can see the swan. It's a big swan. And and she's like, wow, that thing is really pretty. And I'm like, yeah, it is pretty. And I'm enjoying the majesty of the swan, as is she, because I also like swans an average amount.

I don't have it on my lock screen or anything, but I do enjoy swans. And so we're looking at it and it's just kind of like swanning around to the left a little bit. And then it swans over to the right a little bit and it like dips its little swan beak not little at all it's giant it's swan beak in the water and like like kind of comes up like uh i don't know like what's her face in fast times original high when she comes out of the water phoebe cates and it's like there's droplets going everywhere and it's just like this beautiful swan and she's really taking in the majesty of the swan and then it kind of turns around and it sees it registers that we

exist and you know we're in front of the swan and to the left about 75 feet i'm fully turned around because i'm on the back of this thing emily's like you know between me and the front of the thing and so she's kind of got to look over her shoulder so she's like trying to steal glances of the swan and enjoy its majesty and when it kind of turns around it like it lifts up a little bit and it take and it like opens up its swan arms and it like all these feathers come out and emily's like oh my god that's beautiful it's showing us its feathers which i agree it was beautiful but something about it seemed aggressive to me and uh and and i got i don't know something felt off and then so she's kind of like still

looking over and you know and the thing is drifting so she's like looking around we're also in the middle of lake austin there's boats everywhere so as a responsible uh jet ski driver who just slammed on the jet ski brakes in the middle of the water she's like looking around making sure nobody's gonna clip us or we're gonna hit anybody or you know we're not in anybody's way and the the swan it made eye contact with me and and you know that scene in uh the episode of always sunny where mac and charlie are are both at the italian restaurant giordino's on other ends and they make eye contact and they can't stop looking at each other like the swan and i had that moment and and it was unsettling for me, right?

And I was kind of transfixed almost. You know how, like, Dracula in the, maybe not new Dracula, but, like, the old Dracula, he would, like, look at a woman, and she would become, like, transfixed, and that's how he would, and then he would, like, you know, lay her down in his bed, and then he would bite her neck.

I felt a little bit like the swan was transfixing me. Like, it was just weird, right? And then, this isn't going to sound real, but it is. I've been waiting for this swan to attack you. The swan cracked its neck. Like, you know how when you're about to get into a fight with somebody and you'll, like,

crack your neck to the right and then to the left? Like, roll your shoulders? It was, like, intimidating. The swan did that. What? And then all I can say, it was a lot of neck.

All I can say is it was like, I realized that the swan was angry, right? And I've kind of lost my voice because I'm still transfixed by Dracula swan, right? And I go, Emily, go. I think we should go. I think we should go. And she's like, huh? You know, go, go. I think we should go. I think, I think we should go. And she's like, huh?

You know, and looking around and, and then, you know, that scene in Terminator 2 where, where Robert Patrick pulls them over. He's a cop and they realize he's a Terminator and they're driving away and he starts running after them with his blade arms. And it's incredibly scary because he's going really fast. And his head's like quite still. Yeah. And it's, arms, and it's incredibly scary because he's going really fast. And his head's quite still. Yeah, the head's still, and it's super focused and intent.

The swan raised up, and then it charged at me like Robert Patrick with its half-flying, half-running on the water with its swan arms in front of it, just like the Terminator. And I scream, Oh my God, go! We've got to go! I didn't say go, go now at any point.

I wasn't that clever. I was just like, Jesus Christ, we've got to go! And she goes, what? And then she kind of turns around and sees it. I look at her to be like, what the fuck? And then I see her eyes register. I turn back around. It has covered the span of 75 feet in less than two seconds.

When I turn around, she starts to go. When I turn around to my right, I just see a swan arm coming at me. So I turn back to my left in time to see the swan cobra strike me in the back, right above my butt and to the left of my spine. All I could see is feathers and a giant swan face strike me in the back right above my butt and to the left of my spine all i could see is feathers and a giant swan face attack me and i get hit and like impact and it like pushes me forward and then emily guns it and we go probably 200 feet and then she stops and she's like are you okay and i'm like i think so the swan bit me the sw struck me. And I'm looking and she's like, are you serious? And we're like checking to make sure all of our limbs are over there.

And we turn around and the swan's still coming at us. It's still looking at us and it's like still coming like the Terminator. So we got it. And we go even further. And we just eventually just go. It's like we go under the 360 bridge. We're like miles away from the swan. And I'm just fucking shook. Right. And we turn the thing and the guy's like we go under the 360 bridge we're like miles away from the swan this might be and i'm just fucking shook right and we turn the thing and the guy's like how was it and and emily

goes we got attacked by a swan and he goes oh swan got you huh yeah that's a mean son of a bitch and i go you know about the swan and he goes everybody knows about the swan so i guess everybody knew about the swan but us. I had a bruise where it hit me in the slalom at back. I think it's probably gone by now. And all I could think about for the rest of the day was if that swan

had knocked me off the jet ski, I'm dead. There's no way. It would still be on top of you now. There's no way I could fight a swan in its fucking home turf. I'd be floating around on my life vest and it'd just be popping top of you now. There's no way I could fight a swan in its fucking home turf. I'd be floating around on my life vest and it'd just be popping me in the head and I couldn't turn around fast enough. I would fuck a swan up on land, but I was so far away from land.

I would never have made it. It would have picked my eyes out. I was like seconds away from dying. I was just imagining that scene in Home Alone 2 where Marv gets caked in all the bird seed and all the pigeons come in like that's what it would have been like if you fell off so anyway not quite as

Swan bit me dude not quite as dramatic as the whale shark story but just it was terrifying. From Phoebe Cates to Robert Patrick. Oh my God. Easily. Are you offended that it's still her lock screen?

Like, whenever you see that swan, does it bring back memories? No. Your nemesis is now a swan. No, no, no. I'm okay with it. I've been assured that Emily likes swans

a regular amount and totally appropriate. So I'm not going to question that anymore. Oh. He's picturing Robert Patrick now with honks. I swear to God, that swan went 100 miles an hour in.1 second. It was like it closed that gap of 75 feet in less than three seconds.

More like two seconds. Like the time for me to look back, it was on me. It was like it teleported. Did you think at any point you were going to have to kill a swan? I was, no. And I'll be honest with you, I don't know that I could have. Like, it was huge. It had to weigh 300 pounds, right? It was fucking massive.

And I'm at a severe disadvantage in the water. Yeah. Like, I just don't, I don't even know, dude. That's where swans are from. Yeah, that's where swans are from. How comparable was it to when Larry David got attacked by a swan in Curb? Is that like the black swan?

Yeah, the black swan. There's an episode where they kill the guy that owns the golf course has the swan and they murder the swan. I was wondering as a visual comparison, because I feel like it's kind of what you're describing is like that but on land it's immediately what i thought of when you're talking about swans and the possibility of you getting into a swan fight i remember hearing in england that the queen owns all the swans i'm not sure if that's a load of shite or not but i'm pretty sure you can't kill them if they go for you but i think here i don't think the

queen's reach i don't think the queen's reach, I don't think she has jurisdiction over the American swans. So I think you're good to murder away. Okay, so Eric asked if I'm sure the swan weighed 300 pounds. So I looked up how much the swan weighs. It had to weigh at least 30 pounds. At least 30 pounds. Swans are like 30 pounds max.

Like 300? What the fuck? When there's a swan on you in the water, dude, you're not a water guy. You're a water adjacent guy. It would be way worse for you. What was the swan that's like 10 times denser than us? The swan seemed like a grizzly bear when it was on my back biting me.

I really want you to try to get like a spit sample from the swan to submit to 23andMe to determine where it came from. See if you legally are allowed to go fight that swan. If it's under the queen's protection or not. Yeah, I wonder if they migrate. Jurisdiction wear off. So anyway, drove from there straight to the jet ski store to buy a jet ski. You bought one?

No. Guess what the jet ski store didn't have? A single jet ski. They had a picture of a jet ski. I laughed very dejected. You get a fridge before you get a jet ski. Yeah, dude. A fridge and my fucking bike.

That's how much fun jet skiing is in your mind? That you went out, you got attacked by a large bird and your instinct was to buy the thing that would let you do that more. That was your response. 100%. Fantastic. Yes. I love it.

That's why I will steer clear of the swan going forward. I will definitely stay the fuck away from swans. I mean, I'll be honest. I would have stayed away from the swan had I been driving. It wasn't my decision uh but uh yeah i think we'll cut a wide swath around the swans the rest of it on unbelievable fun oh my god i want a jet ski it's so great that this one has a rep like fucking quint from jaws is gonna be on the dock talking about the swan that's in the water. You can't catch it. I mean, apparently it's a known evil, which means it's always around. So anybody wants to go see the swan, I'll take y'all sometime.

We'll just rent a jet ski and I know exactly where it is. Coming this summer. Honks. Wait, the swan swan? That's geese, isn't it? The swan swan? I don't think they do. I think they all...

I'm sure it has its own terrible sound. Nick says they both honk. I'm just... Like the scene from... We're referencing a lot of movies today, but the scene from Psycho with that... Like just honk noises. Honk, honk, honk.

Somebody should just cut swans and honking into all horror movies. That'd be great. I don't feel like we've gotten a swan horror movie that I'm aware of. We've gone snakes. We've gone birds. Not swans. Was a swan in the birds? I haven't seen the birds in a while.

I don't think there was. I saw Groundhog. birds in a while. I don't think there was. I saw a groundhog. Yeah. Groundhog. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. That's incredible. Did you take a photo of the bruise? No, I didn't think to. See, oh, that's where you and I are.

If I got fucking bit by a swan, I'm putting that on my wall. I want a photo of that bruise. I had like another 30 minutes on the jet ski, and then we had the whole conversation with the guy, and then before you knew it, and then we ate lunch, and before I knew it, it was, yeah. Do you think you're going to get back out there and try and take it out i don't want anything to do with it i learned i i learned emily's lesson yeah i'm staying away from swans she was fine by

the way swan didn't bite her i provided a meat shield for her for her normal swan viewing that would that's funny because if you were on the shore watching that happen you would be rolling around on the floor laughing at the poor dude oh my god are you kidding that'd be the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life oh i'm just hoping so much on the on the austin subred, someone just posts the security footage and then dies. I would love to enjoy the security footage like that someday. Like, I'm on a TikTok. I never knew it was recorded.

I want to see that swan run a 40 based on what you said. Like, we need to get the clocks out. We need to time it. I want to know where it rests. I'm going to Google swans run a 40 based on what you said. Like we need to get the clocks out. We need to time it. I want to know where it was. I'm going to Google swans max speed. It was so fast. That's a great question. Last week,

last week you said you're not a big, you're not a jet ski guy. Like you wouldn't get on a jet ski. Yeah. Not naturally. And now maybe even one, maybe even more so now. I think so.

You know what? This is the problem with what Jeff just said. If I was invited to ride on the jet ski, I'd never want to be on it. Out of the possibility, I could watch him getting attacked by a swan, which is infinitely better. I don't care how much fun jet skis are. You could not convince me that it would be more enjoyable than watching you get attacked by a swan. But you'd be incredible. You'd get a great view from the other jet ski. No, I don't, I don't know.

I watched him jump over a dead deer once. I forgot about that. A lot happens on the water, man. What happens as he stays at sea and nobody thinks that that's getting attacked by a swan. Like that's never in the list of possible things that could cover. I like the guy that's definitely not a jet ski guy is the same guy that wanted us to joust on jet skis.

I was co-opting that idea, wasn't I? I thought Jeff wanted to do a cool high five. I'll do it. And then it, like, evolved. Let's do it. Because that's still in the works. We're talking about, like, what the trick would be. And then I think because you had an issue about it being unsafe and so i suggested two

two just like poles with a foam hand on the end of each and then you you ride by you do the high five with the joust i also watch it as a sport but that's amazing i would i think i would be radically changed by that experience jeff i think it would be a marker in my life. Like when I, if I was playing like a trivia game and the question was, did this move, like, what was this movie that came out 2022 starring Brad Pitt?

I would then associate was that pre swan bite, like it would be a marker for the rest of my life of like how I could define time. Dude, I will admit I was a little like legitimately shook for maybe 45 minutes but by the time I was

eating at hula hut with Emily laughing about it I was so fucking excited for today for this moment I was like I cannot wait I cannot wait to tell this fucking story when when regulation animation comes out, it's going to be exclusively about you

on the water. Oh, this is going to be so good animated. Dude, I didn't realize I was how much of a water guy I was until Eric brought it up, but it's true. I didn't go on the water for like a decade. But nah, I guess I'm making up for lost time. It is so much fucking fun.

Because you were a surfer before, right? I used to. I surfed. Yeah, I used to surf in my 20s. I guess that's true. You're a water guy. Yeah. I fucking love.

Ugh. I went to. I go to Barton Springs every weekend right now. I go to Deep Eddy Pool every weekend. I need a pool. Surfing's one of those things to me that it doesn't look like it should work. Like I don't understand anything about the physics of it.

It's very intimidating to be in my mid-thirties and have never surfed, and I just watch people surf all the time, and I'm like, it's too late now. Can't get into surfing now. You think so? You think you've passed your moment? Oh, yeah, I think so. Why? What happened? what was the thing that

changed i just don't believe in it dude eric eric brings up eric brings up a good point uh he found out over the i think yesterday we were recording that other podcast i do and uh we found out that gus and our mutual friend uh from the day job gus knows how to surf and if you know gush you know he's like the least coordinated human on earth so So if Gus could surf at all, ever, you could learn how to surf at 98. You'll be fine. Gus could surf. He could fly. He could do weddings.

He could do everything. He's a renaissance man. Oh, man. You know what I found out this weekend? Not everybody knows how to dive. What do you mean? Well, you have to learn how to dive mean i you have to learn how to dive but you have to learn how to swim like like don't you learn how to dive as a part of learning how to

swim it's like day three or something no i feel like you jump in first we were on the top of this two this double decker boat and everyone's jumping in and just like going feet first and cannonball and all this stuff. Jeff like jumps in the air. Looks like he touches his toes. Jack in no splash. Who right up back to the top and everything. And it's everyone standing on the upper deck going, whoa, that was awesome. That's cool. And then Jeff's going, everyone knows how to dive.

What do you mean? Everyone knows how to dive and nobody knows how to dive what are you talking about blew my mind blew my fucking mind i have a very important was this before or after the swan bite uh this was after this was sunday swan bite so i is it possible that post swan bite you're like 20 more graceful than you were before do you think you would have achieved swan swan dive were you tapping into your new your new connection that you've formed i'm like i'm like the swan version of a werewolf now yeah exactly no what was even funnier is uh i i really i i'm honestly i just i remember I learned how to swim at the YMCA when I was like eight,

and I just remember that was a part of it. So I just assumed everybody else learned how to swim in Oregon in the 80s in the same way I did. But I will say, Emily posted a video of the day of us everybody jumping and diving and stuff, and my mom texted me out of the blue and said,

when did you learn how to dive? And I was like, are you fucking serious? everybody jumping and diving and stuff. And my mom texted me out of the blue and said, when did you learn how to dive? And I was like, are you fucking serious? So I guess I was just fucking super ignorant. I had no, I apologize to all the non-divers. I really didn't know. You dove from the top of the boat through an inner tube.

Yeah, and the sound was like, doink. Yeah. It was like, perfect. It was super impressive. Yeah, and the sound was like, doink! Yeah, it was like, perfect. It was super impressive. Oh, thank you. I tried later on and I hit my forehead on it. Yeah, Gavin fucking dive-bombed it.

Because anyone can dive if you classify diving as jumping and then going upside down, but you don't have all the grace. You haven't been bitten by a swan yet. It's not your fault. It's true. Gavin, we can, here's how we can make this work. I've been bitten by a large

boulder. I need you to follow me on Friday. We're gonna go on down to the lake. We're gonna get you bit by a swan. By Sunday, you're gonna be Greg Louganis. In all seriousness, you need to track that swan down Sunday you're gonna be Greg Louganis could in all seriousness you need to track that swan down again we need

a photo of that I have no fear that I could or no like I have a hundred percent certainty I could get back to that swan and it'll be there I want to sit on the back of

your jet ski facing the other way with a slow mo camera and it'll be the most epic footage ever coming at us yeah please hundred percent we got so good ski facing the other way with a slow-mo camera and it'll be the most epic footage ever this one coming at us yeah please 100 we gotta be so good absolutely let's do that very soon okay do you have a little slide like you don't want to take the i'm sure you don't want to take your phantom out on a jet ski but you have like a smaller handheld uh i mean the smallest one is the one

i filmed your bike stunt on oh okay i mean if you want to take it to the middle of Lake Austin, we can do that. Yeah, Eric, I need a large insurance policy from the credit card. Sure, whatever. We'll wrap it in plastic. Yeah, there you go. Insurance. I guarantee you that swan will be there, and I guarantee you I can get it.

All I have to do to get the swan to come after us is to make a look at it. I'm so excited for this. I'll have a McDonald's bag on my head. And they're like, how did that guy get his arm cut off again? Swan fight. Swan fight. Yeah, I don't think a butterfly net would work with a swan.

I need something bigger, I think. That's all I ever heard about swans as a kid. It's like, oh, don't mess with a swan. They'll break your arm. I just don't really understand how. Specifically? You never heard that? No, I didn't know that they had a finishing move.

Like they fucking knew jujitsu. You said that like they throw you into arm bars and that's a common thing. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's just I heard it a lot. All swans know Krav Maga. It's like one of those things that all kids hear about and then they just move that information

onto the next person like, oh yeah, yeah, a swan will break your arm. Has anyone seen a swan break anyone's arm if it's 30 pounds do swan i'll look that up do swans break arms do swans break 60 miles an hour it might do swans break if you approach a swan nest on the river holy fuck imagine accidentally going into the swan nest this is terrifying a comment leave. Imagine accidentally going into the swan nest. This is terrifying. Comment leavers, if you're a regulation listener about to turn or if you're a regulation comment leaver,

wait, a normal comment, what? Let me know if you've had... Just a comment leaver. Let me know if you've seen a swan break anyone's arm. Or has a swan ever attacked you? Did it break your arm? Did it sprain your ankle? Anything, let us know.

They might get aggressive and hiss and flap their wings, but the danger is overrated and it's a myth that they will break your leg or arm with their wings. They are not that strong and it's mostly show and bluster. Somebody tell that to the fucking terror of Lake Austin.

I think we should go out there, the Swan and not come home until after so just mom the guy it goes full circle there's somebody else on the water that gets told about some weird arm break that was removed and you have no context for you could be the guy that could be you dude speaking of fucking dumb guys there was a story and this lake there was a story that happened like

maybe four or five months ago Eric and Nick and Gavin may have heard this although I doubt Gavin has because he doesn't hear much but uh this dude uh I doubt Gavin has because he doesn't hear much. But this dude, I just don't think he was plugged into local Austin shit, maybe. It doesn't concern me. You're more international. Exactly.

See? We have this thing called the 360 Bridge. It looks like a mini Golden Gate Bridge. Well, not really. It's a half circle. But it's like our version of a nice bridge. It goes right over Lake Austin. It's actually where sometimes we go in with the jet skis,

depending on where they're putting in that day. And it is at the very top, from the very, very top of the circular part of the bridge, I guess like the aesthetic part of the bridge, it is eight feet shorter than the Golden Gate Bridge. And so it's incredibly dangerous to jump off of because as you know, the Golden Gate Bridge, you'll die if you jump off of it.

And, uh, apparently that eight feet makes a big difference. Some fucking like 22 year old dude or some young dude in Austin climbed up there as a prank and filmed it. I think it was even on Instagram. Yeah, there's the bridge in the photos. He climbed up to the top of that and

filmed himself jumping off and he didn't die. He almost died. I think that eight feet saved his life. They were saying, but he did like get a concussion and crack his head open and he needed, I think, some kind of fucking brain surgery and stuff like it was a whole thing and they were interviewing him in. Oh yeah, I see Nick heard thing. And they were interviewing him in...

Oh, yeah, I see Nick heard about this. They were interviewing him for the Statesman or whatever afterward, and they asked him in the hospital, do you have any messages to anybody else that may try something like this? And he goes, keep following your dreams. Well, I guess he had a lot of time for a lot of them while his head was cracked open. Yeah, no kidding. It's fantastic.

Keep following your dreams. I laugh about that every time I see that bridge now. I think Eric posted his quote. Oh, I did not mean to go and jump off a bridge. I have a big, funky ego that I know I'm capable of. Hopefully, there's been motivation. Not by me jumping off of a bridge to show off and say the same, but you find something within you that motivates you. chase after your own dreams like he's a fucking hero

like he's inspired a nation he's inspired a nation by almost dying there he is oh my god oh um by the way the the fucking uh swan is like the distance from the bridge to the end of the photo that much further right is where the swan is. It's pretty close. It's pretty close to that location in that. It's exciting. I cannot wait for the swan update. Yeah.

We have enough locations now for a face tour book, like a guide book. Go to the swan. You can walk through the snake bushes and find baseballs the funny face guide to austin yeah it's like those not for tourists guides like real austin here's where here's where you get pushed off your bike by the gentle ghost here's where you can do a sweet bike trick and here's where bean holes don't work.

Oh, Christ. So we had a conversation about how we've talked about the anal passage shirt so much. We need to put it to bed. We need to... Yeah, we agreed. Before you got here, Jeff.

So many consecutive episodes. I did. I got my anal passage like, insist. Before you got here, Jeff. So many consecutive episodes. I did. I got my Anal Passage shirt, though, and I had a realization when I was looking at it. Something pieced together in my mind, and I can't unsee it now, and I'm hoping it will do the same for you. Have you noticed the giant dick on the Anal Passage shirt?

No. Let me post it. Post a picture. I can't believe I'm about to Google Anal Passage. Oh, that's not, yeah, that's not it. So here's the logo. Do you see the dick yet? Oh, at the top, the cock and balls.

At the top, yeah, it's a dick with cock and balls. That's all I see now. Is that on the original, like Eric said, that was the Universal logo or something? I believe so. Just in case you missed it, I did a nice little circle for you there. Really focus in. Dick and Balls. Every time

I see that now, that's all I see. Dick and Balls. Oh, yeah. Universal Studios Hollywood has the Dick and Balls. Oh, my God. The Dick and Balls. That's amazing. By the way, don't Google Anal Passage. Don't Google Image Search Anal Passage f*** face.

Or Anal Passage Dick and passage dick and balls is probably not Did I get get you where you want to go? I just I didn't I'm glad you you both saw it because I didn't know because I had the same thing with the slut when slack Changed its logo and I didn't feel I feel like I didn't really hear many other people talking about it All I see is four dicks and balls pointed in every direction ready to go. That's all I see. That's all I've ever seen. And whenever I look at the Slack app, it's just like four dicks covering all angles. That's old.

Hashmark new. Four dicks coming at you from all sides. It's only one ball, though. Perky ball. Well, it's a profile photo. It's a side. It's a profile. Yeah. Oh, I see It's a profile. Yeah, oh, I see Yeah, yeah

That's awful I was worried that when I showed the The the the anal passage dick that I'd be the only one that saw it cuz they knew it was like a slack thing But I'm glad that you saw it. What are gonna say oh i don't know uh oh so what were you talking about we're trying to we're trying to successfully put this shirt to bed but it's too successful to do so well we're not throwing i just meant like us talking about it just like because we've brought it up so many times that it's like yeah like this week's episode aired and everybody was talking about it so i wouldn't listen to it and then nick posted next week's episode and I started to proof that.

And we start talking about it like in the first five minutes. And so as I was being funny when I came into pleasantries, I said, hey, can we agree not to talk about the anal passage shirt this week? Because it's been like five weeks in a row. And then Andrew goes, I have something to say about it. I had the same thought. I think exactly. But it's just this last insight. So now on the on the four dicks and time, but it's just this last insight, so now we're good to rest.

On the 4DicksAndBalls app, someone in merch said, well, originally they were sort of posting updates as we were climbing towards the top of the shirt list. We were like at number 3 and then number 2, and now the update was we're stomping on the grave of the number 2 shirt in terms of how many

shirts we've sold. So stupid. We have an amazing community. We do. It's so good. Oh, it's just the most amazing. I haven't actually asked, I haven't talked to Jack properly

about how he really feels about it. I feel like we've gotten a good read from Jeff. Yeah, he's had enough time now that he'll be okay. I'm sure. I hope so. I gotta fucking go to Florida with him in two days you were not recording one of these for like a while

one of these? you know how we're currently doing a show and not just hanging out yeah that's what I'm talking about Eric we've been hanging out so much recently it's hard for me to tell it's true yeah Jeff is gone like this week, next week. So we aren't recording again until like June.

June? Really? Holy fuck. Well, maybe we could record sometime next week. Like early before I go out of town. Let's do it. We can do Tuesday, I guess. We can figure this out after the show. No, this is great supplemental content. Monday and Wednesday, you are busy you

are free tuesday afternoon if i am all all all about gavin face next as your tuesday afternoon looking looking oh open completely open you want to do three o'clock or is that gonna press some people with the time they have to be done with things three's fine three's great for me yeah okay cool great by the way eric you've gotten so much better at your job last time we did this thanks man 30 minutes to schedule it you just did that in seconds i seized the opportunity i wasn't waiting to do that last time hey when do you guys want to do mv? The thing that Jeff said we should do soon. Yeah, exactly.

Uh-huh, yep, uh-huh. I mean, I can do it. Right, right. You can do it. I can do it Sunday. Jesus Christ. I can do it next Tuesday, but we're recording F*** Face, so Soon, we'll do that one soon

Yes You wouldn't get on a jet ski, would you let me tow you on a jet ski? In what context? What are we doing here? Am I in like a little Am I in a floaty boat thing? Yeah, floaty boat You're in an inflatable swan I would not, if we're in swan territory I do not trust you in the inner tube you're in an inflatable swan i would not if we're in swan territory i do not

trust you in the inner tube no uh if it got if i'm not i i love you gavin if things got real with that swan you're cutting that rope you're leaving me behind i don't trust it i don't think i would cut i i think it's not like we're climbing. If it was between the Phantom or me, I'm getting left in the water. I'm absolutely planning on buying one of these for my jet ski when I buy a jet ski. They have those all the time. People are fucking having a blast on them.

You gave me some pepperoni sticks. It's called a Great Big Mabel since it's an audio podcast. And it's like an inflatable sofa. Dude, Eric's water adjacent? That is very adjacent for him. Eric would love that. And he would love a bunch of dudes leaning on it around as he was on top of it.

I just think that I could definitely put a cooler on that thing and have a bunch of drinks while I listen to Sublime while sitting on the Great big Mabel. 100%. If you give me some pepperoni sticks and two butterfly nets, I'm ready to go into swan territory with that setup. I like there's enough room to move around.

I'm prepared. Two nets. I need one for each arm. Then I'm ready. Alright, so we're gonna... That's how you get a swan to break your arm. We're gonna do this. That's gonna happen. I will buy a jet ski. I will buy a great big Mabel. Andrew will come to Austin at some point.

So it will have to happen. I am so nervous. This is going outside of the realm of like a funny potential to, I want, let's, let's, let's fucking put pen to paper and let's cement this. Let's do,

let's get this done. I'm willing to do the hard part and buy the jet ski. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. I can't wait for this. I can't wait to see you guys get attacked. I can't wait to go into swan territory myself. This is going to be a great time.

I think if you're on an inflatable swan, it will make the swan way more aggressive. Or, what if you could... Dude, what if you could make a swarm fall in love with you what if you could transfix yeah one of it looks at you and oh shit that's the most gorgeous one I've ever seen what if we bring a mirror

what would it do what it just rush at itself what would be the process would it psych itself out we need to bring a giant mirror that's that's you're just asking for trouble that giant swan inflatable is that photoshop that's none of that's real it's a hundred percent of photoshop not a single piece of that photo that's the green go giant inflatable swan pool float lounger it in 75 inches it's a biggin dude i think if we went fast enough on the jet ski we could get that thing to take off oh 100 you mean get it airborne oh hold on don't worry i found a

better one what if we go the other route what if we intimidate the swan because we're in this this one is the size of my house look at the crown the queen definitely has that one big there are what are five people six people on that swan with room to spare i love this that's's going to be like $1,000. Yeah, dude, I would imagine. That's the nine-foot crown-wearing swan. Hold on. The swan banging its head on a bridge. Oh, it's from Sam's Club. You can get it right now.

It holds up to six people. Hold on. It's on Sam's Club. Like the Snacks membership place? Yeah. Snacks membership place. Well, I'll have to to find it it's not showing up on the website but uh that's where it was uh from it's probably like 500 bucks wow sounds like a deal oh here we go shop now hold on does that work i spent more on a battle bus this fucking swan's gone dude oh no oh i'll find it find it if Sam's doesn't have it eBay will

we'll figure it out that could be us I never would have thought that we would have a swan attack episode with Jeff but I'm glad we did what a great time I'm glad you're a water guy Jeff as Gavin said you've brought so much great content to the show by purely being you. Thanks, man.

Well, I am looking forward to continuing water and water related activities. So hopefully I'll have tons of new stories, non-snake related stories to tell. I can handle just about anything else in the water. Just no snakes. Yeah. What about an octopus? I don't think i'm gonna have to worry about that in lake austin i think i'm probably safe from octopi so specifically the animals in that lake it's not all animals outside of snakes you feel confident taking uh i mean i've spent a lot of time in the ocean and i've never really worried about octopi uh before uh maybe if i was like in a like a deep sea fisherman i'd be

afraid of like a giant prehistoric octopus like ripping my my boat apart but like close to shore i think i'm probably fine i think i got chased by an octopus once in the water i got chased by something gross what is that oh it's eric posted a It's a snake inflatable. Snake inflatable? Yeah. That looks like Eric. It does. That's me intimidating the other snakes. But it's like, it's close but different. It's like Hollywood Eric.

Like if there was an ABC family movie that featured Eric as a character in it and they hired an actor to play Eric, that is Eric.ic but a little cleaned up yeah a little bit cleaned up it's pretty accurate why don't we go into canada well we're going to i feel like you ask that every week i want to go i don't yeah so do i i want you guys to go i have got a water spot love to show you guys my number one spot i got a little secret water area i'm very excited go to everyone ranking should we close this how did we open the episode where did this episode start uh that's it started with you apologizing so say you're sorry to end it also, and then we'll go on.

Yeah. Apologize on our way out of this. Kind sir, Jeff, Gavin. Was that cut out of the beginning part? Is that going to just be cut? I hope so, but you should apologize for saying it again. Well, I apologize twice. I double apologize.

I apologize for my apology, and I apologize for the kind sir voice. I regret saying it. Are you gonna go from that into the outro, or are you just gonna stop? Oh, I thought that was the outro. Thanks for listening. Throw five stars? Ten stars?

If you don't mind. However many you can spare. As many as you have in these trying times. Stop buying the shirt? Yeah, we're not gonna talk about the shirt anymore for a bit Subscribe like we have a YouTube channel We have a Twitter account and Instagram account and the photos will probably be on the Instagram Look at it there. I don't do this. This isn't my job. Typically, I'm not the host. I'm not even a friend. I'm not even a friend in the bio.

It's illegal for me to be here. I'm out of this. This isn't my thing. I'm going home with it. Thank you for listening. Nailed it. Hey, guys. Superfan Jack on a 10-day contract here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Jeff bought a new TV. Andrew falls down the stair. Let's talk tubs again Patton has left the chat Jeff talks bread clips A very special guest joins the episode And once again Andrew does not eat the pencil All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face We'll see you next time.