Regulation Podcast - Andrew is a _______ Guy // The Least Satisfying Redemption Possible [56]

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a confusing text thread, Gavin inheriting Geoff's problems, Andrew's expanded sauce empire, and a couple redemption attempts. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), Ship Station (http://shipstation.com, code FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I want to know what your natural in this moment hello is. Hey, how's it going? Pretty upbeat. That's what you always sound like. Yeah, I'm always upbeat. I don't know what you want from me. Do you want me to be less enthusiastic? Generally speaking, I can bring it down lower.

But all right, let me ask you this then okay what's my normal hello uh well that's an interesting thing that is an interest i feel like it recently it's been hi fuck everything so what so what you're saying is the hello i gave is commiserate with my average hello no you hardly hardly warrants pointing out no no no no no hello the hello you've given recently has been my life is in shambles hello this was I'm irritated hello okay actively I have life and I'm mad about would you consider an agitated hello to be a higher or or me to be in a better place than a hello i want to kill myself hello i don't know how to measure those flows i just and all honestly like this could be on me because we had i mean you're one of the most confusing text conversations i've ever been a part of i'd like to know why why that had to happen i i would love to too that'd be great I don't know why that

happened I don't know what you're talking about I just asked a question about a video game and I answered it that's wasn't the confusing part I understood all that it's the confusing part I'm trying to where's my phone because I got blamed by you. Yeah, because you fav-wrote it. One of the most baffling... I don't know what that means. One of the most baffling texts I've ever gotten. I don't know if we've talked about it on the show. You just lied for no reason. What?

There's no payoff. We were talking about a thing. Now here's Gavin. We were talking about a thing. We were talking about... We're having a conversation. Just like a you and I conversation. There's no bits or talking about we're just we're having a conversation just like a you and i conversation there's no okay or anything we're just talking and you said is gavin here

i want him to hear the absurdity that was this conversation are you talking about the text conversation no no no i'm talking about a previous one which is why i blame jeff for the weirdness of this one this one was gavin's fault god damn it. What do you mean? I asked a... What happened, Gavin? In the past, I was talking to Jeff. We're going back and forth. Great conversation. Hold on one second, Andrew. Yeah, go ahead.

Before you continue. Hello and welcome to F*** Face, episode 55, I believe. Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, go. Hello. Wow, great. Wow, you did the intro. I had a whole thing prepared. You didn't have to do that. Anyway. Jesusesus christ i was trying to be nice to you you're fucking complaining about the hosting

triangle i'm trying to help out i'm trying to do more of my role according to you help out by continuing your goddamn story okay i'm talking about it jesus i said god i said because jeff came in with attitude. No, no, no. No, I came in and I said hello and Andrew picked apart my hello. He attacked me

from hello and then he attacked me by saying I sounded like I was in a better mood than previously and I somehow got attacked for it.

And I'd like to point out I'd like to point out that I said I was looking forward to not yelling at all this episode, and it took Andrew one minute. But you're in control about whether you yell or not.

Oh, am I? All right. Please just tell your story. Okay, I'm telling my story. So we're texting back and forth, Gavin, and Jeff texts me, did I ever tell you about the time I met Jon Favreau? And I said, no, I don't think you have. If it's like a great story, maybe

save it for the podcast. Was this today? No, this is in the past. Okay. How long ago are we talking? Maybe like three weeks ago, four weeks. It's like relatively recent. Jeff said this, and I'm like, no, I don't think I've heard your Favreau story. Hold on. Before you continue, what led up to this? You want me to

fucking tell this story? You keep yelling at me about telling the story like three minutes in jesus christ what is your question what led up to this moment i don't know we were talking extensively we had a long talk did john favreau come up in the conversation john favreau tell me about somebody famous you met yes no no no no no no no this is what i think happened we're talking about christ i think happened we're talking about christmas movies and we're talking about for christmas that john favreau was in i said john favreau's great in that movie and then you said here you're just generally a favreau fan which i

also i agree he's great he'd be great love him and then you randomly said out of nowhere did i tell you my favreau story i said no i haven't heard your favro story if it's good save it for the podcast shut up gavin i'm trying to tell this story i said no i didn't hear it you're the fucking worst quiet for 20 seconds i'm just trying to get this out jeff then said the reason why you haven't heard my Favreau story is I don't have one. I just made it up right now. There's no point to it. So yeah, now that we're in this bizarre text conversation today from earlier, I blame you because you're just out here saying stuff for no reason.

There's no point. There's no punchline. It's just bizarre. I don't know what you're doing. Okay. For the sake of the audience, explain what I don't even know. What happened in the text conversation? The three of us. Yeah, i don't know what you're doing okay for the sake of the audience explain what i don't even know what happened in the text conversation the three of us yeah i don't know that's what i was trying to get to the bottom of he blames me i think it was really really

self-explanatory i'll tell you where things went off the rail for me okay i'll go to it right now we're talking back and forth jeff had an idea about a halo concept that i feel like everyone just plays Halo the way he thought was a unique way to play. I don't think it's a unique way to play. I just don't think that people go out of their way to kill every enemy on every map. Yeah, well, I don't...

You want to clear the area, though. You weren't messing with me? When? With that conversation. No, I was just thinking about Halo, and I thought, have I killed every enemy in Halo? And I thought, probably not, because I tend to run by, like, banshees and ghosts

that I don't need to shoot in the air, or... I've put a... I've put a screenshot of what it looks like for me. Oh, yeah. I'm prone to salad, then I have... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're missing part. You're missing one message.

Oh, where's the... So, that's where it started for me. That's why I was like... That's why later on, that was going back and forth. And I just said... And I just said, in the middle of... You got back and forth like five, six times to what Halo. And I just said, where is the beginning of this conversation?

You didn't miss much. You missed one message. And you both ignored me. And then carried on talking about Halo. Because you were being an idiot. said where is the beginning of this conversation you didn't miss much you missed one and you both ignored me and then because you're being an idiot the beginning was right there you're being stupid that's where the conversation went wrong for me is when you the conversation the conversation then went on to like willamette in uh dead rising and then you were talking about ice cream so i just said after this is probably like 20 messages later, 20 messages of my phone going blah, blah, blah. And I don't know what's happening. So I wrote, is this the beginning of a new conversation

or is this still halfway through the other one? And then you just carried on. And then I just tried to start my own middle of a conversation, which definitely confused both of you. Andrew said, it's like I walked out of the room missed something and just came back in i said it's like i woke up in a room that didn't exist when i went to sleep we were all just very confused i got confused by this this is where it went off the rails for me this is well i had the beginning i have all the context my one line was have you killed when you

play do you think you've killed every enemy in halo i think was the first thing was the beginning of the conversation well that's important the last level of reach they do is in the beginning of the conversation andrew and i didn't know that for some magical reason your phone ate part of the conversation how the fuck do i know how do i know what to me you just kept ignoring. Because you were saying dumb shit. I thought it was a pivot. Nobody believed you. It's not that I didn't believe him.

I just thought he thought it was a weird subject change to me. I agree. Well, also, you can look at it, and the last thing that we had talked about was Andrew and wanting to try another salad, and it ended mid-conversation and then picked up 24 hours later with a new conversation, so I thought he was referencing that.

Oh, no, I was paranoid that you were messing with me, and then you started ignoring me, and I was like, they're definitely messing with me. I just thought y'all were messing with me. It's the paranoia again. It's bad. It's so bad. Okay. So you asked Jeff, Jeff, you asked Gavinavin do you kill every

enemy in halo gavin never replies to this i didn't see it okay so now i'm confused so gavin you were just saying shit because that's why it was confusing because you said then you'll never guess what showed up it was the blue one i said blue what which heightened the confusion of it yeah jeff said jeff said elite i was like fucking baffled at this point. I have no clue what either of you are talking about. I was just making it all about Halo. As soon as you said blue, I just assumed they were... I didn't know.

What a fucking disaster. Yeah. One of my messages in the middle was, then you'll never guess what showed up. It was the blue one, exclamation, because I was trying to just have a middle of my own story that would be confusing for you to read. I was just putting in what

couldn't possibly be the beginning of a story. Oh, man. Also, I said I'll do a thing next week, and then Jeff replied, I think you just started a new one with that text. I have no idea what that means. I was replying to Gavin, I think. Okay.

That was our day. This is how we've been. And now we're doing this show. It's been a great communication day for all of us. I've got a headache already. It breaks my fucking heart that I can no longer communicate with my two best friends. But it's just not possible. Like, we failed at basic human communication there we did

it was a disaster we should screenshot every page of that conversation and instagram it because that is good I'll make sure we'll have to verify to make sure we all got all of the comments we'll all screenshot it we'll all cross reference

I think the biggest problem is that stupid Andrew's phone We all got all of the comments. We'll all screenshot it. We'll all cross-reference. I think the biggest problem is that stupid Andrew's phone isn't on iMessage, so half the shit, I don't have any signal ever. So half the stuff, I don't ever see when it's a group chat. Who gave me that phone? Oh, yeah. Yeah. What?

How's it working out for you? It's great. I love it. It's way better than what I had. Thank you. It's a great gift buy-in. Oh, Christ. Oh, I had a great anxiety moment with Jeff on text.

He doesn't even know this. This is all in my head. I had a random like bed idea. And sometimes I phrase things. Like in my head, I map out a conversation. And then I phrase it in a way that doesn't reflect that. I had a random like bed idea and sometimes i phrase things like in my head i map out a conversation and then i phrase it in a way that doesn't reflect that i had a random like bed idea and i texted jeff about it and i text it in a way of like this is i just had this i'm gonna forget about it i can't do this for months if i'm gonna do this i'm gonna place it here so it's physically somewhere and in my head i was like jeff is gonna respond to this then we could talk about it really

i just want to talk to jeff but i'm setting it up as an entry with this why jeff never replied all day and in my head it was like oh i look like a total asshole that i'm using our text conversation as a post-it wall is what i thought for literally the whole day and jeff was just like i'm busy i was shooting shooting a thing sorry but the whole day was just anxiety it was an anxiety thing in my head of like i fucked this up so then i texted again later to make it a more direct question because i didn't want it to just be like i'm using your fucking text conversation for me the post-it wall anxiety all day about it we need to go back to basics in our communication we need to rekindle we need to declare any pranks that are currently in progress. Jesus.

For the record, Andrew, I saw your text immediately, but you're right. I was on set, and I was not in a place where I could respond. I thought about it all day long. I think it's a brilliant idea, and I would love to participate in some way when it's time to do that bet. Okay. Well, yeah, like, I realize that as soon as you message it, but I literally, I had spent time that day throughout it constantly going just anxiety brain of, like, that comes off as it, like, that did not read the way I attended it to. I hope they didn't misinterpret it.

Do you think it's possible to upset me or offend me? No, but I just, like, not even, it's not even that you'd be upset or offended. I felt like it came across in a even that you'd be upset or offended i felt like it came across in a way that i didn't intend it to like i did it with the concept of this will then lead to this and then nothing happened it was in my head like a domino fall i'm gonna be listen i've been a real negative downer uh for a little bit based on just every actual thing in my life. It's fair. I'm going to be

a little ray of sunshine for one moment and I'm going to say all comedy bits aside, the pure honesty, the real Jeff Ramsey here. When I get a text from Gavin Free or Andrew Panton,

when I see it pop up on my phone, it doesn't matter what it is. It makes my heart feel good and I get excited. So you could be texting me tax problems and it wouldn't matter. It still makes my day a little bit on the inside. So, all right. And that's the only night that I'm done being nice.

Okay, well, you know what? You did a nice thing. I want to do a nice thing for you, Jeff, because you brought you brought Kanye West and Kim Kardashian on a jet ski, which didn't turn out to be them. But it was a moment of joy. It brought two strangers. It's a brief moment of joy. Have you seen Jay-Z on a jet ski?

I don't think so, though. Oh, OK. I'm going to. No, you wouldn't know if you have. Cactus and our server posted this when we're talking about jet ski stuff. Maybe the greatest jet ski photo of all time. I can't stop thinking about it. I have never seen anyone less amused.

He also looks like he's 99. The shoulders up like it's just everything about it. There's a little joy to your life. I don't think I've ever seen a photo where i'd be so ill-equipped to guess someone's age i think he could be 30 or 70 i have no idea that might be the least cool a cool person has ever looked ever so it looks like jay-z the accountant it's on the way to work where's his visibility spout that's what i want to know so thank you jeff for introducing because it led us to jay-z on a jet ski which is actually him and is one of the best photos i've ever seen oh Oh, man. That's great. Thank you for sharing that back.

That was... Oh, of course. Also, I just wanted to... The dryer, Jeff. I heard... Have you checked your dryer duct? Is your dryer duct... Just curious if you've looked into that.

Oh, boy. Do I have a new pet peeve? Well, I have two. I had one for a while there that went away, but it came back. And that is when people text us the same fucking photo of the three cartoon characters that are supposed to represent every podcast show on Earth. It's been around for years. We've seen it. seen it the other one is this new trend of seeking me out on every form of social media to tell me to clean my dryer vent because my dryer is overheating as if i'm not gonna yell i just i almost jumped

into it i'm just gonna get calm i'm gonna get calm and easy and i'm just gonna say hey i appreciate the concern but here's the deal i'm not fucking stupid it's the first thing i did and it's the first thing every repairman says he goes oh i bet i know what oh what no it's usually this but uh yeah yours is all clear it's good to go and i go yeah i already i took care of that and he goes yeah you might be a problem with your motherboard maybe i'll have to run some diagnostics so you don't have to you have to send me the the dryer vent thing ever again again i'm aware i'm fully aware of it well you're asking for it now yeah i mean have you fixed it is the dryer still overheating oh all the time okay so what you're saying is you've done the vent but if other people have other suggestions for which you may be able to fix jeff's dryer

feel free to send them send all the advice they possibly can, is what I'm hearing. Have your problems mostly gone away? Well, I mean, I've chosen for my sanity for just a little bit to, maybe they haven't gone away, but I have... I'm ignoring them right now. Yeah, that's okay. And living as if they don't exist. I'm living in an amount of denial right now

that is necessary to maintain, I guess, my life. I wish you wouldn't ignore them because I feel like, I feel like I'm getting them. Really? Uh-oh. What does that happen to you?

It's just been a bit of a week. It's been, I think I've f***ed face myself. Honestly, I think I've done it. What did you do? I was saying, I was saying last week

or whatever, four weeks ago, whenever we last did one of these, that I feel like I'm not getting problems because Jeff's got all the problems. Suddenly I got problems. So Jeff and I have been struggling to hang out.

Yeah. Every time we make plans, a giant storm hovers over Austin for two to three weeks. Every time it shits it down, 10 days straight with rain. So I was looking on the weather this past week and it was looking pretty good. So I was thinking

alright, I think it's passed. I'm going to test something out. So I invited a bunch of people over for pretty much everyone I like except for Jeff. I chose to leave him out and I thought this will test the weather out.

First off, I'd like to point out uh incredibly offensive but also i was out of town yeah the entire week for a myriad of reasons talk about life problems jesus christ we won't even get into it but uh yeah let's continue yeah well i found out afterwards that you were gone so it's it worked out pretty perfectly but uh it was a deliberate choice just to look at your name in my contacts and just scroll right on by. Anyway, and the weather was phenomenal. It was amazing. We had a bunch of people over.

It was sunny. It was about 37 degrees Celsius, boiling hot. Perfect weather to be outside. Well, it's a bit hot to be outside, to be honest. But we were hanging out. We were doing all that outdoor stuff, listening listen to music it was great then we ordered some rudies thought this was great we'll just get get you know like three pounds of brisket get a load of sausage get some ribs and stuff and uh we've been outside for probably three hours at this

point we sat down to the rudies got it all out and probably within two minutes of starting to eat there were just a load of flies there was suddenly like 10 flies flying around us we were like oh jesus christ they can smell the food or something we're trying to eat and all of a sudden it's like if i'm not actively swatting my food there are like eight flies on my plate and we were just like what is going on and by the time we could even figure out like by the time everyone was noticing all these flies there was like 70 flies around us it's just like oh my god it was like one of the plagues from the bible has come down us it was like we couldn't even we had to just quickly scoff our food run inside everyone

went home and i just left all the stuff out there because i was trying to decide like how do i everybody went home it was bad honestly like even away from the plates like there were there were like 50 flies on the couch on the outdoor like patio furniture i was like what is going on so i was like i went and got out one of those fly zapper things i hung it on a stake that i put in the grass and I just let that work its magic. And I was like, oh, God, I guess I'll figure that out later. Then for dinner, this is like much later that day. I'm going to put something in the discord here. Then I've been rewatching Breaking Bad.

OK, so I thought, you know, I'll let that zapper do its work. I'll deal with that later. It's like scary out there. There's so many fly. I'm worried I thought, you know, I'll let that zapper do its work. I'll deal with that later. It's like scary out there. There's so many flies. I'm worried I'm going to inhale them. And just normal, just house flies. Sat down to watch Breaking Bad with a bit of dinner.

The episode I was on was the freaking one with the fly. Then! Posting what? Then Posting what? Compressing video Are we getting a video? You get a video? Holy shit

Then my food arrived I feel like I'm missing something What was the problem with the food? The damn fly in the food They delivered my food with a fly in it Oh, I didn't see it. On the cake. Yeah! Is it crawling around in there? Yeah. What is going on with your-

You have been plagued. I think- my theory is this. I choke to death on a rib or something. I'm dead. And the flies are just letting me know that I've died. I'm rotting somewhere. But I haven't no- like my spirit is just continuing it still makes face every Thursday I gotta be honest with you I don't know that assuming that's true I don't know that it affects me or Andrew in any way yeah I mean if as long as you continue to show up yeah yeah only halfway through every morning this week to like half my power off like like all this shit on one side of the house and i keep i'm like oh this my break is tripped

so i keep going to the garage resetting a breaker and i've realized what it is my every night at 2 a.m the little fly zapper i've got outside is just sat there on and my sprinklers come on and start spraying water in the fly zapper and shorting out and tripping the breaker no to be like four days to realize why my brain kept tripping because when the freeze happened it like broke all my sprinkler system like the power was off for so long that it will reset And I don't know how to Mess with the sprinkler things I don't even like sprinkling my grass

What do you mean you don't like sprinkling your grass? So what do we do? It's waste Just jizzing water all over the place They've been coming on without me knowing Just shorting out half my shit every night They've been coming on without me knowing. Just shorting out half my shit every night. So I finally figured out what was going on there. I was like, oh, brilliant.

Okay, we finally got this. I'm going to unplug this damn thing. There's still a load of flies, but I'll get over it. That's in my downstairs. It's like a patio area, but there's a room above it. There's a roof. So I thought, I know what will clear out some of these flies. I have a fan out there.

There's a fan on the ceiling above the patio where we're all eating. And I thought, well, honestly, a lot of stuff here, it blows my mind that people use them. Like, what's the point of an outdoor fan? I've never used the thing. But honestly, it's been so hot that I thought, you know, we might as well. I might as well try and turn it on. So earlier today, I thought I'll have lunch out here and I'll use the fan to sort of cool this area down and hopefully blow away all the flies. First, I had to look for the switch. I don't know where the switch for this fan is.

I found it inside. It's like on a panel of three. So I was like, one of these doesn't do anything. One is a light. This one might be the fan. I hit the switch. I saw the fan kind of go, and it turned a little bit and then stopped. So I went outside and I was just looking at it and it was going like, and it was like

screeching, like sound like scraping. It was turning around. I was like, what the hell's going on with that? And then suddenly it looked like someone chucked out like 20 coffee beans out of the side. There's a crack in the fan. It just started leaking like mud and beans and everything. And I was like, what the hell is that? Then all the beans started flying around. And I was like, it's wasps.

There's a wasp nest inside my fan. It's never been turned on. It's been turned on for the first time. It's like crunching its way through this wasp nest, ejecting them at the side. They're all like rolling around the floor. I quickly run inside and honestly like 70 wasps

is flying out of my fan, getting killed by it. It's littering the place. There's no flies anymore. Now there's about 70 wasps. There's about 40 of them dead on the floor. They've all been ground up like paste. Jeff, can you pay attention to your problems?

Can you take them back? I'm living in a weird nightmare house. I know what's happened. I died. You just wanted to eat lunch and you created a doomsday event for this wasp. Oh my God. You have a, you have like, that's like a Dead Rising combo weapon. You combine a wasp nest with fans and now you shoot wasps at people.

Oh my god, if there were people over when I did that, it's literally right above the little couch we were all sat on. If I was already sat down, I would have been showered with wasp parts and wasp stings and shit. It was mental. It's like biblical level plague stuff. I'm terrified. Here's what I'll say to that, okay? It seems to me, Gavin,

that your problem started when you excluded your best friend from the invite. I agree. Seems like it went downhill. Now, I'm not saying that that's the cause of it, but I might be a little careful who I don't invite to my next get-together. Yeah.

I feel like that is the core of this face. I don't know what's going on. This was all stuff just dormant. I've not done anything. If it helps. I wasn't even going to bring this up because I'm not letting I'm not letting the world get me down. OK, so, you know, do I have a dryer issue? Yeah.

Do do I still have a floor issue that I don't talk about a lot? Yeah. Do I still have the cracks in the ceiling? Of course. Is it dark in the fridge in the dryer? It's fucking pitch black. Is it cold? Yeah.

I noticed a lot of condensation in the fridge yesterday. I'm not sure what's going on there. Is that a concern? 100%. Am I letting it get me down? Not today. Because if I do, well, you know, I don't know. So one new thing that I wasn't going to bring up, though, but now I'll commiserate with

you, is that I've been noticing a lot of wasps in my house, like inside the house. Luckily, I'm pretty good with the with the fly electric fly swatter tennis racket now, you know so I'm kind of like the John McEnroe of of killing flies with a tennis racket much in that I am angry like John McEnroe and I scream at them and yell at them and you know throw pits

but I'm also and I'm a poor sport so I haven't been sweating it I'll fucking kill a wasp just like I kill a fly but after like four of them you start to think like this is a this is more than a coincidence right so i gotta go look around the house and i keep looking for where the hornet's nest or the fly the wasp nest is and i can't find it and i can't find it and then uh then emily saw one in the on the front porch the other day and so she watched it for a while and found out that uh there's a... My house is made of, like, rocks.

Like... I wish I hadn't said it like that. The facade of my house is rock, right? Like, bricked rock. Do your feet stick through the bottom of your car? Yeah. It's like he's one of the three pigs. And so, notice that there are lots of tiny holes between the rocks where like grout isn't.

And apparently there's a whole network of wasps living in between the walls of my house. So I've just been spraying wasp shit in there every once in a while. Yeah. Then the external wall. Not letting it get me down. Anytime I see one, I just plug the hole with a rock. I'll spray a little wasp stuff in there, and then I plug that hole

with a rock. Got a lot of rocks in the front of my house right now. So, you know, they're not shooting out of fans at me, but I wouldn't ring my doorbell if I were you. I'll say that. Maybe we're just going to be locked in by wasps, and that's why we can't hang out.

Maybe. I'm honestly terrified if you two do hang out at this point, because I feel like the curse will then move on to me. I feel like that's the only thing giving me protection at this point. It's the fact that you haven't been able to hang out. Oh, Christ. I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your issues, but

man, does it bring me a little bit of joy to hear somebody else's misery. I mean, it sounds like I'm still in the middle of it because the wasp thing was like two or three hours ago. I was going to say, you know, the fly issue, you've probably got a dead something somewhere in your yard. Well, where though?

Because the fly is hanging around outside the door. I don't know, man, but I would go look under a porch or maybe behind a tree and see if you got like a dead raccoon or somebody's cat or something, you know? I don't really understand the value of the singular fly device the zapper that you have up to it sounds like you have just a million flies on you at once i don't know i don't know why you have that up what does that bring is that really helpful that doing anything they fly into it

sometimes yeah it's yeah but there's like 10 million flies is what you're suggesting it's like fucking using but I feel like I should do something what do we just sit there and let them eat the house what's good what do you want me to do I feel like you've done minimal effort is what I'm saying to deal with these flies you want me to get big net what do you want from me I think you need at least multiple ones of those I think one clearly isn't enough you're dealing with a fucking fly attack you're saying biblical proportions. You got one fly zapper in your yard.

It's like you've been cursed by the Scorpion King. Yeah, exactly. It's like Imhotep's mouth opened up and you're dealing with all of that shit. I don't know. You got one fucking fly zapper in your hands like this will do. No, you need seven of them.

I don't know what you're doing now The wasp scared them all off It's a new gang moved in they've taken away the that's great like those tennis racket things are fine on Small flies, but I feel like I don't know I mean the one I had the big wasps and like cockroaches and stuff They live too long on it. It's too gruesome for me. You know you just gotta let them cook for a minute Oh, it's gross. No. I don't like that. It is gross, but what are you going to do?

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settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Oh, you know, it could go well with your lunch, Gavin.

What's always a nice addition to a great meal. You never go wrong with a little bit of nugget sauce, a little bit of BTS sauce. Doesn't even need to be nuggets. Wide variety. The sauce empire has continued to grow. Well, how is the sauce market right now? This is the sauce empire has continued to grow. How is the sauce market right now? This is a... I gotta...

The sauce market is booming. I hear it's the new GameStop, right? It is the new GameStop. Just wait until they're not available anymore. You sent me an article about a huge brawl that took place over the sauce. Yeah. There's apparently in Indonesia

like this giant fight over the sauce and the restaurants then banned people from going into it so you can only get it via delivery order and so then it was just delivery drivers like everybody was a fucking king sending their knights out to get their BTS sauce it was mayhem and it's been great I like that

the story about the sauce is out now because I will get things in my Twitter feed of like BTS number one on Spotify or whatever. And they're so far ahead that if you combine the other people's listen or whatever, whatever you viewership, it would be less than what BTS has.

And I just keep wanting to say good for business. This is good for business, but nobody would have had any context that I'm in the sauce game that I'm tied to BTS. They're booming. They're doing great. It goes away three days from now on the 20th but i feel good i feel healthy with my my sauce thing i'll send you a photo of uh yeah

what's the latest where i'm at so yeah i i kind of went back and forth trying to decide what exactly i wanted as far as the sauce goes uh i thought do i go 500? Where do I go? I ultimately, I'm not this isn't, you know, I'm not a dictator of sauce I want everybody to experience it. I want the joy some stopping. I don't want us to buy all of it. This is the final sauce tower that I built You're looking at

405 sauce containers It's still up. I'm terrified it's going to fall over at any minute Oh my god It looks like gold in Fort Knox It's still up. I'm terrified it's going to fall over at any minute. Oh, my God. It looks like gold in Fort Knox. Oh, my. Speaking of Breaking Bad, it reminds me of the money pile that Huel lays on. Oh, we've got to do that.

We've got to take a picture of you lying on it on your back. I can't. It's sauce. It's going to just fucking destroy the product. That's what it resembles. Yeah, you've got to take a dive into it. I can't fall into it Andrew Andrew if you buy all this maybe we'll talk about it's great sauce I don't know what I'm gonna do with it, but yeah, I afford that's forgered five containers

It took me like an hour to build that last night. I was sweating about it. I was so nervous it would fall. It's stressful building these sauces. As I said before, it's like a survivor immunity challenge. You gotta stack it. They're not stable. Oh, I'm gonna need some sort of fan art of you lying on the... That's phenomenal.

So, are you done collecting sauce? I'm done collecting sauce. Okay, this is it. This is your sauce stockpile. I got, okay, so that's a pile of 405, and it's rows of 45, and I have nine rows. So part of me wants to buy one more row. So it's a nice even 450. Yeah, why did you stop days before the end, though?

Like, don't you want to get... Well, this is, yeah, well, I want some people to get the sauce. I don't want to own all the sauce from that place i want other people to be able to try it i don't want to like just completely ah you're a drug dealer you want them to get that first taste for free so then two days from now when they get the craving i started this asking what a bts is and there are people that love them and i'd like for them to be able to try the sauce if they want to. I don't want to own all the sauces. They can try. They just gotta come through you first.

Pay a finder's fee. But I want it was important about this is Nick is back. Nick's been away for a while. Nick is the sauce guy, I'd say, of Rooster Teeth. I feel like he's the sauce king. He's the sauce monkey, I'd say, of Rooster Teeth. I feel like he's the sauce king. He's the sauce monkey.

People were implying that we need to fight or that there'd be some sort of sauce war. So I felt it was important to get approval from Nick. Nick, how do you feel about this sauce situation? I'm proud of you, Andrew. I'm proud of you. You're proud? Okay. Very, very proud of you.

I approve, and if you have any extras, you can send them here, too. Okay. Well, listen, I'm not going to go on any of your corners. I'm going to pick my own corners. I'll be respectful of your space. I just wanted to make sure that we're good. We got a good Sauce Alliance going.

Sauce Alliance, still alive. Yes. That is my Sauce update. I don't think I'll get more. They are selling for like $10 for one of each before. We'll see what happens. June 21st when they go away. I'm kind of tempted to tweet McDonald's

to try to sell back to them. They're not going to have any of the sauce either. I think my next editing experiment is going to be taking clips from Breaking Bad, but on all the close-ups of meth, I'm going to cut in close-ups of dipping nugs in sauce. We need to talk about your edit. Emily was listening to the episode last night,

and she was saying that we need an episode, like, we just need to make a super cut of Andrew saying, I'm a blank guy. Like, I'm a sauce guy. She said there's gotta be 30 seconds of just Andrew saying, I'm a pickle guy. He's a blank guy, and he's not a blank guy. There's, like, two lists that are very long at this point.

Absolutely. We need to talk about Gavin's edit. Are we gonna post that and can we post that anywhere it was fantastic i assume it's all kinds of copyright issues with that but i cut in uh i cut in andrew's soda chug noises over the over the velociraptor in jurassic park let me let me see if we can if there's make sure we can post that, because we should post it. We should. Well, I will say I uploaded it privately on YouTube just to have for myself. Oh, you did? And they did not flag any copyright. They're like, yeah, no copyright material in here.

And I was like, that's wild. I mean, it's parody. It's derivative. Yeah. It's great. I wish I had the link up. I'd put it in so Nick could watch it. It's fantastic.

My burp, the chug. The chug went wrong last time I did it. There are some mistakes made. I went into the lab. I thought about it. I'm not a can guy. Add that to the edit. Not a big can person.

I'm not usually drinking out of cans. I'm from having a soda. It's generally in a bottle or a cup. I think that was a mistake. Also, I don't regularly drink seven up not a big seven up drinker so it's out of my element nick said i was crying laughing while editing that ending it was so funny because because jeff and i only heard it through the weird sort of like half cut off audio that comes through discord yeah it's like it's always got

that like gate on it so that was fun That was like funny enough to make me cry. Going into your raw audio and listen to it. I'll be honest. I must've listened to it 20 times, especially the one where it just sounds like you're kind of underwater, but it's all foam. The second time you try it, it's like, this is all frothy.

It was a nightmare to live through. I'm glad it brought you joy. So your theory is that, well, you have a theory about the receptacle. I do, yeah. It's all about, see, I'm more of a bottle person. I think for several reasons. One, easier to control the chug. Tough to control a canned chug.

Secondly, there's a visual progress bar that i would get while chug mentally get me the rest of the way i know how much is left i know how much is going you can feel that though in the weight i would work against you what being able to see how much i've left yeah like if you're not making progress like you feel like you deserve oh no no i'm a sprinter jeff so i'm gonna make a lot of progress at the beginning and then when i struggle in the middle i'll be like i'm almost there i got it's also bigger than a can that's the thing to remember I think the cans are 335 milliliters bottle 500, but you still gonna try with to the 355 355 no, I'm not gonna try three, but that's absurd. That's more than I said before

Maybe no to one and a half it was to be one and a half bottles right no I didn't I said I could do three cans. I failed at doing one can three times. That's what ended up happening. But I have bottles. I'm ready to try. I also have salad as well. I have a salad.

What do I do first? I certainly do the soda first, right? I know I do the salad first. First off, can I say, I think this is the great way to end the show. I think we do the salad then the soda but I have a dangerous do I have a quick I have a quick piece of business I'd like to run by you guys real fast

okay let me I'm gonna throw this in the discord you see what I'm holding in my hand oh that's a full size bat oh yeah so I don't know if you guys remember a while back but we had a whole thing with baseball bats and then bat knobs and then there was we had a plan and then you guys confused a while back, but we had a whole thing with baseball bats and then bat knobs and then there was, we had a plan and then you guys confused the plan out of me

and I don't know. So anyway, here's what happened. Yesterday, a hundred of those showed up at my house. Now, one baseball bat, one full-size baseball bat, that's a lot of baseball bat. A hundred baseball bats is half my house. Half

of my house is boxes of baseball bats. I wasn't here. Are you a gang from the Warriors? I wasn't here. What are you doing? Emily and Millie had to bring it in. They were not happy, apparently. I wasn't around. So, I got boxes and boxes and boxes of very heavy baseball

bats. I don't remember what the fuck I'm supposed to do with them. Vaguely, I thought maybe I'm supposed to cut the knobs off, right? And it was going to be like that was part of it. But here's my question. Here's the knob on the baseball bat. If I cut that off of the baseball bat,

it's just a fucking knob that doesn't say face on it anywhere. Shouldn't it say face on it? No, we've had this talk. I don't understand why this is confusing yeah you're supposed to yeah so if we have bats the thing with the bats was and we decided not to do this but hey they're here you're gonna cut off the ends of all of them and then imprint them in some way on the knob yeah i was gonna put like i was gonna put like a tag or

something on it but it shouldn't it still say face like i'm just giving somebody a knob that like why do they put face on face on the big part of the bat and not the knob part? On the bit that you're throwing away. Nobody's going to get it. Yeah, that's the throwaway part. There's nothing identifiable about the knob in any way whatsoever. When is there stuff on the knob of the bat anyway? But the knob is what people want.

Shouldn't the knob be stamped with f*** face in some way? I think it's a manual stamp job. Yeah, I think that's your job. Otherwise, what was the point of... What was the point of writing... What was the point of putting f*** face on the big part of the bat? It's going in a trash can! No, no, no.

Okay, so remember before, Jeff, there was at one point an idea of cutting the knobs off the bat and selling both individually. And then trying to find the bat part, your matching part. All I know is if I cut that knob off, that knob could be anything, man. Yeah, you gotta engrave it. That was the main point. People can use it as a cabinet handle.

They can use it, you know, sat on the desk. Just trust that it came from a bat that said f*** face at some point. I mean, I guess. I just just feel what you're gonna do get another different hundred bats Well, of course it's gonna be those bats you got well what maybe we shouldn't cut them because It's a nice bat when it's all together You want to... Of course it is. I just... I just don't know, man. Everything's nice when it's not sworn in half. Gavin, I keep

having this problem. Every morning I wake up and I flip my bat knob and it keeps appearing bottom side up every day. I don't know what to do. I think I'm in the Matrix. Alright, eat a salad. I'll figure it out. I'm not cutting. I think I'm in the matrix. All right eat a salad. I'll figure it out I'm not cutting and if and by the way

If I have to cut these bat knobs, I've decided Gavin's helping so thanks in advance for that Just rent like I'll just go somewhere that has a bandsaw you'll get through the wall in like an hour. Yeah, we will Yeah, we will I can't leave my house that's wasps you can't under the under the safety of jeff it's because you tried to do shit without me that caused the problem you're going against the natural order of things the universe is correcting you it's wuffs in the sun or is jeff in the rain i've got to make my choice jeff is gonna rush your house with nails through his bat swinging at flies trying to listen. I don't consider the bat situation resolved while we're putting a pin in this because I'm not cutting anything until we get it figured out.

I don't I don't want to take up any more time on it other than I'm just I'm just annoyed that my house is 40 percent bat right now. And I would like to get past it. You know where the bats came from. It's like, uh... From a bat store, I assume. I just assumed it wasn't happening because we couldn't agree on anything. Yeah, I don't know. I forgot about it. You don't definitively know.

You don't know the exact source of the bats. Do you want me to tell you right now? No, I was just curious if you knew. This is fascinating. Minisportsball.com. Can't hear you, but that's fine i just was wondering if uh you know they weren't tampered with you know that much you know about this fuck you fuck you eat a salad bitch let's hear it all right eating okay well once again why do you

have a salad again because this is also under fucking protest i tried to do the salad cream thing before i made a great salad i think i got the best of what everybody thought should be in a salad i put the what do you want me to do i don't know how i failed the salad cream thing i don't know what you people want what do you want from me i have a thing of salad cream and i have a salad in front of me what am i need to do what am i? Why are you doing this again now? Yeah, I think what we want is an explanation as to why we're revisiting this. Because I did the bottle chug and everyone's like, oh,

I didn't salad cream it and every fuck you guys constantly saying salad creamed it. So I want to fucking know how, like, what was I supposed to do? I don't think you can escape what to salad cream something means now. You fucked it. I want to give you what you fucking want is what I want.

That's what I want to do. That's fine, but it's not going to unverb that phrase. No, I'm fine with that. I'm okay with salad cream being the thing. I just want to give what you guys wanted. He wants the term salad cream to mean like ultimate redemption.

He's trying to change the definition. I'm okay with the definition being what it is. I just want to try to deliver what you guys wanted. So explain to me, I have a salad, I have salad cream, what am I supposed to do? What are we looking at with the salad? Describe your salad.

It's a chicken salad with some almonds, some bacon, and strawberry. A little bit of cheese. It's still a weird salad.'s no it's okay eat a fucking dick gavin i posted it in our text chat yesterday this is a regulation salad i thought of that i got approval by both of you this is a regulation he did he did get approval i don't remember strawberries strawberries on a regulation salad you have're having a laugh! What do you mean? What do you mean?! Having a laugh, what the fuck? It's a straw- it's a top fruit!

It's very common in salad. Yeah, but salad cream's not for fruit, Andrew! Well what do you want from me? You approved the salad! I can't help you! I didn't know you were doing the salad cream thing again! What am I supposed to do? Do a Caesar and not put fucking Caesar dressing on it? What am I supposed to do? All you said I'll put fucking your own dressing on it what am I supposed to do all you said what do you think of this salad and you sent me a picture what I thought looks like a nice

salad I know exactly I got approved this is the regulation salad you buy approved it without all the information I can't believe I make a salad it's not good enough I get approved for a salad it's not good enough all right no fucking winning a salad, it's not good enough. There's no fucking winning. List the ingredients again or show me a picture of this damn salad. Let me have a look. List the ingredients and show a picture. What kind of chicken are we talking about? Is it grilled or fried?

I didn't expect this to be a fucking investigation. Is it blackened? Is it blackened, grilled, or fried? It is a grilled chicken with a almonds, some sugared almonds, some candied almonds on it with a sweet salad. A cheese of some kind.

It's a sweet salad. You approved the fucking salad. I was trying to avoid this. It's a... What is a standard salad to you? What is just a base? Okay, if I'm making my salad, if I'm doing my own salad...

Why do I ask? It's gonna be weird. What do you mean? I don't fucking know. What do you want from me? I'm trying to answer your question. If I'm making a salad, I'm putting chicken in it,

I'm putting some salad in it, I'm not putting dressing on it. Throw some berries in there. I'll put some berries in it. I'll put maybe some croutons. I don't know what you want. What's in your base salad? I'm putting chicken in it and I'm putting salad in there. I'll put some berries in it. I'll put maybe some croutons. I don't know what you want. What's in your base salad? I'm putting chicken in it, and I'm putting salad in it.

Yeah. Putting lettuce. What kind of lettuce did we do? What kind of lettuce? You know, it could be romaine. It just depends on the day. I'm okay with spinach. You can go all sorts of salads.

I'm not that picky. I don't even have dressing on it, generally. I'm here to try to appease you guys. I can't go through this again. I'm not that picky I don't even have dressing on it generally I'm trying to appease you guys I can't go through this again I'm going to just shit myself I know I know you're living on borrowed time as it is man this is not how you want to go out

where's this picture of the damn salad I'm trying to find a photo of it I wasn't ready for this I did this yesterday to what I guess I could have done that but I don't know but then he's gonna transfer it to the iPad and then the iPad will be out of batteries it's a whole thing yeah it's set 10% right now so okay menu Wendy I'm on the way I got that I ordered this from Wendy's okay this is a pre-made got it before we recorded this is a product anyone could go out and get it's very accessible it's a very

normal salad loading into it it's called like the summer berry salad or something like that okay I'm almost there let's go to the fresh made salad category the summer berry chicken salad looks delicious it looks like are you sending us a picture from the website instead of yeah I am Let's go to the fresh made salad category. The summer berry chicken salad looks delicious. It looks like you're sending us a picture from the website instead of. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I went on their website just so you could see you get what's on it. You get all the information you could possibly want.

We can end this ridiculous denial that this is not an appropriate salad. This is an absurd salad. You want me to move the strawberries out of the way? We could get the strawberries out of the way. I just want to see it. Okay, this is what it looks like. This is the salad right there. Summer berry chicken salad.

I went on a half because I didn't, you know, I'm not sure about the salad cream. Yeah, I'll sign off on this. Yeah, you already did. I don't know why you're asking. Lettuce blend, grilled chicken, three cheese, apple with smoked bacon, strawberries. Asiago, quinoa.

Ginger dressing. Well, does it have the ginger dressing on it already? No, ginger dressing on the side. I didn't put it on. That dressing's got to stay away. Yeah, it's gone. It's out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, out of sight.

Put it in your sauce. Yeah, I mean, it's gone. It's out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, out of sight. Put it in your sauce. Yeah, I mean, it's ten times better than the first thing you made. It's a regulation salad that you agreed upon already. I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what you want me to do, because I don't understand where I went wrong the first time. Okay, so now, if you have that salad in front of you, I would recommend taking the salad cream.

And Gavin, you're going to have to correct me if i'm wrong here uh how do you don't even myself i would shake it up a little bit to make sure that it's all mixed so it doesn't you know if there's any oil that separates or whatever and then i would squirt a healthy i don't know what your deal is if you're a clockwise or a counterclockwise kind of guy but i'd give it a full don't i need to try the salad first wasn't this part of the whole thing is I put the cream On immediately and you guys are like ah you didn't try the salad first Well, I mean if you're if you're trying salad cream for the first time yeah, it's right now You've already tried it and you just eat a salad yeah

I don't but you were like the salad you tried the salad without Give it a base give it a baseline test give it proper benchmarking. Get a bite that has chicken, at least one piece of chicken, strawberries. Yeah, try to incorporate all the elements into one bite. Okay.

And a good salad. All right, on a scale of 1 to 10, what do you give it? On the salad scale? Yeah. Like a 7.5. 7.5. All right, it's a 7.5 in its raw, natural form.

Pretty good score. It's a pretty good score. It sounds like, I mean, that's a... It's not bad. You know, you ain't failing that grade if that's what your report card says. Okay. Okay, I guess now, Gav, you want to... He should incorporate the salad cream, right?

Yeah, yeah. Give it a nice long squeeze on it. A nice orbit of the salad. Maybe give it a little mix. Really make sure it's all over everything that you're going to eat. You definitely want to mix it up. We're mixing. We're mixing.

Mixing the thing. Get a little bacon. A little bit of strawberry on there. A little flavor. A little bit more cheese. Okay, here we go. We're going to here. We go. We're gonna take salad creamy puts it on fruit and meat I don't fuck what am I supposed to do with it? No salad cream. It's not not fruit cream I'm going for a bite. It's okay. I've the idea of a sauce being sold based on what you shouldn't put it on. You know what?

7.7. 7.7. Improved? Improved. Salad cream with fruit? Pretty good. Wow. Okay.

So it went up two-tenths of a point. So what you're saying is if you were to use salad cream, you can expect to improve the average salad by 0.2%. On this salad, with the bacon and the chicken, there's kind of some saltiness to the chicken and then the sweetness of the fruit. It really contrasts well with the kind of creaminess of the salad cream. Interesting. Yeah.

So it sort of pulls it all together. It kind of, yeah, unites it, creates it, adds to it without subtracting from the flavor elements of the previous fork without the cream. So if they just renamed it fruit cream or meat cream, would you buy that? I would recommend it on most fruits or creams. Yeah, in that scenario. You'd recommend it on cream. I would. Yes, I would. That is what I said. You'd recommend your own cream. I would.

Yes, I would. That is what I said and it's exactly what I meant. That was not a misspoke. Chooses my words

very deliberately. Yeah. Yeah. So is that good? Are we good? Has the salad cream, have I got salad cream redemption?

I kind of want this year, year two of face to be my redemption year. Oh, interesting. A big redemption tour. Yeah kind of want this year, year two of F*** Face to be my redemption year. Interesting. A big redemption tour. Yeah, I'm on my, I won the bet. I won the outskirts bet. I'm going to try to do a little bit more winning

this year and a little bit of redemption of things I fucked up in the first year. Get better. Well, Gav, how do you feel about that? Are you satisfied with his salad creaming? Well, yeah, sure. That's what you wanted. I don't know. If you don't like it, that's on you. Are you satisfied with his salad Creaming? Well yeah sure That's what you wanted I don't know if you don't like it That's on you that's what you wanted

I gave you what you wanted I think it was better Last time I did it but that was apparently No good so I gave you what I wanted I hope you enjoyed it I hope you liked that I gave you what I wanted I gave you what you asked for. It was exactly what you wanted.

I don't know what you want. I don't know what you want. I gave you what you wanted. I think the first time was better. Both good. It's as if like, imagine I rented a suit for a wedding, right? But you gave me a suit that had a shit stain down the front

of it, right? I had to wear that to the wedding. Three months after the wedding, you give me a perfectly clean suit. What do I want it now for? Well, because you complained about it, and it's not just that. It's you preferred the shit stain suit is really where my issue is.

Ultimately, I think you should have recognized that what I had before was good. It was a good thing. It was great. The second salad cream I think is worse than the first. And that was my point. How good the first one was. You did it again, but shit. Yeah, no, I wanted to

show you that what you wanted actually wasn't better than what we had. That was the whole point of that exercise. The first salad cream. The least satisfying redemption possible. No no i feel very redeemed you see that what you wanted was wrong you don't do it better you just prove that it wasn't as good as no i did it the way you wanted it fucking done that was the point of that i gave you what you wanted and it was like i thought point was it was the first time you were trying it.

That was the excitement for me. You've already had the damn stuff. It's been standing in your cupboard for months. I forgot what it tasted like. I bought a new bottle. That was exciting. This one was glass. Maybe there's a different flavor. What happened to the other one? I lost it. I don't know. It's not, I don't have it anymore. I had to get a new one. Have you lost your Branston as well? Oh, the Bran...

I just threw that away. I didn't... It's so expensive to buy it. That was... It's like four bucks. That's four... Wow, it's nothing. What a waste.

You need to invest that in the BTS sauce game. So you need to do... So the BTS sauce game, so you know So I think I proved my point I think I'm sorry 1.0 is great I think that's fantastic, and I think the only way to top it off you have a salad It's you know it's you got sauce Soda redemption I a little bit of soda redemption. I think I've thought about it. I put strategy in I was gonna bring a puke bucket I forgot it. I don't need it cuz I'm confident in the fact that this one is going to go way better. I'm going to actually even

swap out. I'm going to swap out the Cokes. So your problem last time was that you kept burping while drinking. You just have to hold it in. Well, my problem was my body rejected the Pepsi almost immediately. And then everything exploded. So we're doing Coke.

I told Andrew that that was my favorite line for the episode my body rejects the pepsi okay we have we have a new problem i have a problem one second it's not a twist up no it's not no my problem okay what's what is going what is happening i have my mic i have my mic i have my mic attached to my end table and in the slight moving that I've done It is now heavier than the table itself, and if I let go of the mic the whole thing begins to fall The whole table yeah, I'm gonna release I'm gonna we're gonna release I'm gonna catch it so it doesn't hit the ground Let's see if it's fixed oh Don't worry Nick we're gonna end it I'm gonna catch it so it doesn't hit the ground. Let's see if it's fixed. Oh. Don't worry, Nick.

We're gonna end it sooner. Sooner or later, buddy. Fucking. How is your microphone heavier than your table? Okay. Maybe it was on like something. I don't know. We're good. Weigh it down with sauce.

I'm opening the soda. So 30 seconds, no burp, right? That's my clear time? Yeah. After you finish, we'll start a timer for 30 seconds. And what soda is this we're drinking again? Sorry. Just a standard Coke 500 milliliter bottle.

Coca-Cola. So the question is, will his body reject the coke i'm gonna be completely honest when i opened it there was genuine fear there's a little bit of fear i've never had that before opening this up here we go okay i'm so happy we're back i am doing the same close every episode like this all right silence so far seems to be fine yeah unless he's unless he's already dead just coughs okay we need to know we're doing a do-over that was a dry run i start you guys made me laugh i was laughing while drinking we're doing i got a i got a second bottle i'm gonna take my headphones off so you don't make me laugh.

Take two. That's just a palate cleanse. I'm on the edge of my seat. Here we go. I just want to listen. I know. God, to be a fly on the wall of that room. I would love to be there.

You should talk to your flies. See if you can get somebody out there. Oh, he might be doing quite well, he's been silent for... I think he's passed out. He's gone blue. Yeah. The soda went to... the bubbles went to his brain. It sounded like it came up from the ocean!

Were you like, short on air? It sounded like it came up from the ocean. Were you like short on air? What's going on? Let's take the rise of Cthulhu. Okay, I'm done with the sodas. It's not, I just, I don't have it in me. It's not my thing. What do you mean?

I didn't even finish the bottle. I was like 70% of the way through when that happened. You just gotta hold him down I tried that was I didn't that you think I just did that for fun I escaped but that's the challenge I tried okay listen I tried I tried the salad thing I did the coke thing I don't know what you want from me just sending confusing text. My mic stand keeps falling over Do you still have one bottle? Not a full one? No, I got two half ones at this point. Oh Yeah, combine them and then do it again. Yeah, but really focus on holding the breath down. Focus! No, fuck off.

Focus! No, I'm not, no. Fuck you. No, here's what, here's what we'll do. You do it, and then Gavin will do it. What does that mean? Does Gavin have soda? I can go and grab one, yeah. Okay, you grab one. You do one.

If we do them in coordination, I want to hear the crack of the can. I don't fucking trust you. All right, hold on. Wait, but this is, you're going to do it again, right? Yeah, of course. You got to combine those into one full one.

I like this. I like both of you guys doing gotta combine those into one full one. I like this. I like both of you guys doing this. This is good. The audience appreciates this. What about you? I'm the commentator. Yeah, where's your can? Probably in the kitchen. Go get it. Go get a can. Alright.

Jesus Christ. I love that Andrew's redemption tour is just doing the same shit, but worse. Who's going next? This is the last. Well, no. Jeff went. I got Jeff is out to get his soda.

Oh, sweet. You roped him into it? I roped him into it. Nick, have you got your soda? I'll go get one. Yeah, we got to get Nick on. Okay, everybody involved. It's a damn shame

Eric isn't here It's not better Of doing this every week From now No I can't I can't do this Why are you so bad What do you mean

I'm not good at this This is not a skill I have This is how we sign off Every week No I've gone for Grapefruit Bubbly Sparkling water off every week. No. Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I've gone for grapefruit,

bubbly, sparkling water. I feel like I will be, I will be going with Dr. Pepper, cherry, zero sugar, three hundred and fifty

five milliliters. Oh, OK. Nick is back. OK, Nick, what soda are you using? What do you have on?

I have seven up, zero sugar. OK, you guys all have regulation.Up Zero Sugar. Ooh, sugar. You guys all have regulation, 350 milliliters, 335, whatever it is, cans. I'm in the bottle, okay. I'm going to take a photo just for posterity. Okay, you can do that.

Okay. So what was harder, the bottle or the can? The can, definitely harder. Way harder. Oh. So I was right. I just did not get it. I tried to get all my burps out before. Okay. Yeah, that's a good point. You don't want to go in with a burp. No, absolutely harder. Way harder. Oh. So I was right. I just did not get it. Okay, I'm trying to get all my burps out before.

Okay. Yeah, that's a good point. You don't want to go in with a burp. No, absolutely not. I just ate lunch. This is going to be landing on the lunch. I just ate salad. What did you have for lunch today?

I had a soup and a sandwich. Nice. Nice. I had a big-ass burger from Hat Creek, so I'm pretty gross. Okay. We good? We ready? Ready when you are.

Are we all going to go at the same time? Are we going one by one? Now, that's an interesting question. Are we going one at a time, or are we going together? I feel like one by one to really take in all the attempts. Okay. It'd be hard for me to listen when I've got soda coming out of my nose. Here's the problem, though.

You're going to laugh if we do one by one, and it's a problem. It's a problem. It's hard. I feel like if we all do it at once, there's nothing to laugh at. Well, you know, here's the deal. Gav, Gav, hold on. Here's the deal. We're going to be doing this every week anyway. No, we're not.

Let's do it Andrew's way today, and then next week we'll do it the other way. We could. I also would support the idea if we do an outro, and we have to rotate the outro as the chug progresses. Somebody starts, whoever's next to fail, they pick up from that point until the end. What on earth are we doing?

This is getting convoluted. What are we doing? I don't know. I just wanted to drink soda. You guys are talking about regulations and rules. All right, Andrew, you go first. Okay. I don't know if that's a yes or a no.

He's going. He's going. Focus. Focus. No burst. You got this. You can do this. Visualize.

Be the soda. Did he fall down? I heard like a knocking sound and then spit it. What was that? I couldn't, I couldn't, I wouldn't go down. It just wouldn't go down. I've hit my soda threshold. I just spit all my soda into a candle because it was the only thing I had on my desk. Into a candle because it was the only thing I had on my desk. To a candle?

It's this big juicy red bag of candle. All around you, all over your desk. You couldn't find a cup. We're going to need your soda candle for the Instagram, Andrew. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Like I spritzed my monitor and I was like, I can't do this. It's the only thing I had. I guess, Gab, I guess it's Nick's turn. All right. Okay, here we go. All right. It was like I was waterboarding myself, is what it felt like.

It didn't want to go down, and it just kept going. Okay, done. Wow, I did it. All right, easy peasy. Very impressive. All right, let's see if we can did it. Wow. All right, easy peasy. Very impressive. All right, let's see if we can hold it. You didn't burp? Not so far.

Sounds like he's struggling with it. Okay, so he's out. He didn't do it. He at least chugged it. Like, that was good. I'm a terrible chugger. Hi, bro comedy. Jeff, you go ahead.

I think I lost Alright Gab your turn Okay am I Jeff? Alright let's do it Here we go Are you laughing? Is that Gavin laughing? That's a problem when you're chugging Who's laughing? Is that Gavin laughing? That's a problem when you're chugging.

Who's laughing? See? It's fucking, nobody was talking. I thought that was Nick. I was like, why is Nick laughing? Stop making me laugh. I'm not doing it. What a great noise.

Shut up, my bup-bup. Shut up. Shut up. What is this? What are we making? What happened? What are you doing? How does it take you this long? I think he's already...

Have you drunk it already? Shut up! You've already spit everywhere. I don't know what you... How big is your can? Why are we shutting up? What have you done? You're not saying anything.

It's quiet. You just keep... You keep closing my throat when I laugh. Shut up! I thought I sucked You're terrible Oh my god That is. You're terrible. Oh my god. That is awful.

You're terrible at this. I only got about... I only got... I only got about two thirds in. And then he kept making me laugh and my esophagus was just closing. It was just pouring. It was piling up in my mouth. I just struggled to get it down. And then so much making me laugh and my esophagus was just closing. It was just pouring. It was piling up in my mouth. I had to struggle to start to get it down.

And then so much time had passed. I feel like a minute had passed before I could even try and finish. And the butt came up. That is impossible with headphones on. I'm telling you. Well, as Click and Clack would say, you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to the F*** Face Podcast. Thanks for tuning in. You gotta do your attempt.

It sure was great having you here along for all of our strong cash. Jeff, if you didn't think everyone saw this coming. Well, we hope you tune in next week. I'm sure we'll have some more. What a cowardly move. All right, all right, all right. I'll drink it.

I don't think I can top Gavin, though. That was prime comedy. All right, are you, all right. All right, all right, all right. I'll drink it. I don't think I can top Gavin, though. That was probably comedy. All right, are you ready? Yeah. I already opened it, unfortunately, but I promise you I'm drinking now. I'm going to try to make it super noticeable to hear me drinking, because I feel like I couldn't hear. God, Gavin, shut up.

Your time's over. Fuck it. It's not about you right now. Oh, my God. What's that noise? All right, here we go. Are you ready? you ready yeah go ahead i can't hear a thing taking a break taking a break for breathing what do you mean it's the quietest drink i've ever heard take a breathe i can't the fucking nerve of you two to talk shit about my chug and what i'm listening to right now absurd okay i drank the whole soda drank the whole soda, and it's in my mouth.

It's in me. How long do I have to... Am I at 30 seconds yet? I need it to be 30 seconds. Okay, starting now. Oh, my goodness. You lost. It doesn't even matter.

Nobody can do it. We're told this shit about it was so easy. That's it. That was it. I just had the one burp. I'm good. Woo. See, I feel like I'm a letdown after Gavin.

Oh, it would have been better just to end it. No, I'm happy the fact that you all suck at this too. You were presenting like I was weird. I drank the whole fucking thing. At least Nick and I drank the whole goddamn thing. Neither of you two managed to do that. Well, in my video I did. It's hard when people are yakking down your ears.

It wasn't hard for me. It's not like y'all weren't yakking down my ears. We're not as funny. That's fair. Totally fair. I'm not sure what we learned today. It was excellent, though. Yeah, it was nice talking to you guys.

My tummy hurts now. I missed you guys. It was nice talking to you guys. You know, I realize we've blown our cushion we're not ahead anymore yeah this really should have been a double bill

yeah going into summer stuff that's going to be an issue for us so we need to eke out an extra episode at some point I think yeah maybe two next week I don't feel good now

you have the soda sweats I got the soda sweats I didn't know the soda sweats were a thing until I tried this. Yeah, I've got it, like, up my throat. It's not good. Go north at the uvula. We should probably end this now, Jeff.

You want to do that outro? You were doing a great job before. Just a second. I keep getting, like, residual fizz. Yeah. My lap is soaking wet as well. Oh, you pee pee.

Woo. Thank you for listening to another episode of face. The podcast. So funny. Gavin pee pees himself a little bit. Sometimes tune in next week. And as always, if you see a star and that star is empty and you can fill it in by clicking a button

you should do that and write a review and tell your mom say hey mom the old face listen to this podcast and that's it bye bye losers Losers.