Regulation Podcast - Andrew Loses Power // Andrew's Precious Bits [23]

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew have a bit of a problem. Andrew starts telling his story about overcoming Kelsey Grammer but then his power goes out so Eric steps in and the show is just weird for like half an hour BUT THEN Andrew comes back and Geoff goes over his new business plan. Truly revolutionary stuff. Buy the Gurple shirt: http://bit.ly/FFgurple Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/FACE90, code FACE90) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is my desktop. This is just... Oh my god! This is just how I'm living. This is my desktop. Oh, it's disgusting. It's not good. Oh my god!

It's real bad. Why does it even do that why does it just go like dot dot dot and i didn't stack them i don't i don't know why is did you stack them like that or does it no no i i don't touch that at all i just i don't look at it but what how did it get there i i don't know i guess i i do a lot of like grabbing photos of like sports news and stuff and group you can set where it puts a screenshot by the way you don't have to send them to the desktop i didn't know i just i just screen grab them and then i just go on with my life i don't put much thought into the process but i recently uh saw that for the first time in a while. I was like, oh my God, this is not good. That's absurd.

I've never seen anything like it. I just, I never navigate. I don't see that screen. I always have my browser open. And if I want to file, I go to find it. I never interact with this. And I never delete anything. There are definitely some things that are like seven or eight of

the same thing because i just don't one of them's just a picture of donuts yeah there's a donut conversation donut talk that's my desktop are you two doing i'm pretty good i think we're in i'm recording i think i mean i hope so that screen we have to put a screenshot of that in the fucking episode for sure. Well, no, we can't put that in. It's like personal stuff there. Yeah. Like, one of the screenshots just says $3,420. Who knows what that could be about?

Really? I don't even know. Here's what we need to do. All right, here's what we need to do. We can't show it because it's got too much. It's got Andrew's personal banking or whatever on it i'm a fucking idiot i should have mentioned something last episode i'm sorry go ahead continue you do your thing i was just gonna say we should we should do like the jellybean game and gavin and you and i should

try to count make a guess how many how many files are on that desktop and then have andrew counted up and see who got closest. I'll gladly do that. I'll just, because it's a relation. When you said that, Gavin, I thought, I have no idea what that's about. I do know what that's about. I'm doing a hat raffle right now for one of the original fuck hats,

the black fuck hat, through the Discord community. And at that point, we had raised $3,420 through it. Oh, shit. That's really cool. Yeah. We're at a little over $4,000 right now. So it's been going really well. So we have an insanely thoughtful and kind community for a show that's called F*** Face.

About Jeff shitting himself. It's been really nice. I think there's probably 700 files on your desktop. Also, awesome community. That's my guess. My guess is 776 files. Gavin just brought... Gavin, I am so bad with names today.

Eric brought up a great point. There's only fucking four of us and I can't get these names right. Eric brought up a great point that the raffle is over. Long over by the time you're gonna hear this. We're way in the future. Have you recorded a bit for a previous episode? We could slop it in.

Could I do that? Would that be possible? I feel like you do that a lot. Forget to mention a thing that turns out I did actually mention it and it got cut. It's not my fault. I never said anything. Is that what you're trying to reference? Before we get to this, what episode of

F*** Faces This, Jeff? jeff 16 oh man that was the wrong person to ask on it i don't know why i didn't see it coming uh i think it's episode 23 and you are jeff hey you're doing an intro yeah i love these welcome to face who are you andrew i think maybe gavin or er? I'm bad with names. Who knows? And I'm Gavin. I guess that makes me Andrew. Guess what I just found, Andrew? What did you just find?

I was looking through my storage facility for some stuff, and I thought while I'm there, since you and I have been fucking around with cards, I'll look for all my old good baseball and basketball cards. And I vaguely remembered that somebody came to me and said their kid

had started collecting cards. And I was feeling very generous. And I said, you know what? They can have all my good ones. The ones I used to pay rent with when I was in the army and I was poor, I would sell cards to pay rent.

And I still had a ton of really good stuff. And I went today to see if that was a false memory or a real memory. Turns out it was a totally real memory. I have no idea who I gave those cards to or whose kid I gave today to see if that was a false memory or a real memory. Turns out it was a totally real memory. I have no idea who I gave those cards to or whose kid I gave them to, but I gave them so many thousands of dollars worth of cards.

But when I was cleaning out some financial stuff, I just found Shaq's rookie card just fucking in with some old tax papers. So I found a college Shaq classic rookie card. I looked it up. It's like $700. Wow! Is it in good condition? Yeah, I'd say it's probably like a 9.5. I might get it graded. Are you gonna sell it? Nah, I'll fucking hold on to it.

I love Shaq too much. He's a great character. He's the funniest fucking dude. Him and Charles Barkley on TNT. Probably the best panel in sports. Oh yeah, they are the Abbott and Costello of the modern era. Those two, they are phenomenal together. Hey, so, turns out,

breaking news, Gerpel? What about Gerpel? That it's real? That I said it? That it's real? That you said it? And Nick cut it? We got confirmation from Nick. I said it. Well, we gotta bring Nick in again to explain himself now that he knows it was there.

Nick, hey. Uh-oh. What happened? Apparently, there's an end bit where Jeff is starting to wrap up and say, cut out anything that I said that was stupid. And as you said that, underneath, Andrew was saying, grapple, grapple, grapple.

He was doing a bunch of different lines. And I apparently just lowered the track for it. I was like, oh, we'll let Jeff shine here, I guess. I mean, that's always fair. I just assume that when you heard Jeff say cut anything stupid, you just immediately went to me and just removed everything. There's probably no thought into what the actual content was. It's really my fault.

Is that where you got the idea that Andrew had told you to cut something, but it was actually Jeff telling you to cut stupid? They both told me to cut something. Andrew asked me to cut something else, but I had just assumed that that apparently entailed that as well. It did not. So that was your pyramid scheme or whatever that you wanted to cut? Yeah.

That you don't want to talk about? No, I'll talk about the pyramid scheme. I just did a horrible job explaining it in that context. So you would try to distract us from your Garfield times by just changing the subject to a pyramid scheme. But I guess it worked too well? It did. I guess it was effective. Yeah, I didn't actually plan on telling the story in that moment it was just supposed to confuse and then we would give it

away to something else jeff and i went all in on the pyramid scheme oh what have you got i got the impression that he really didn't want to go down the fucking uh the garfield rabbit hole and i so i backed off because i was like i think he's really upset that he lost those times. And he's like, he's being real like nonchalant defeatist about it, which isn't, I think, akin to your typical personality. So I was like, Andrew must not be having a I'll just back off and we'll just go down the pyramid scheme rabbit hole instead. See, at that point, I thought I had Nickelodeon Racers 2 in my pocket and I was ready to go. Little did I know, zero leaderboards. two in my pocket and I was ready to go. Little did I know. Zero leaderboards. But the pyramid,

if we want to get into the pyramid scheme, a friend and I climbed to the top of a pyramid scheme at one point. It turned into a whole contest. I don't know if you ever heard of Staropoly.com? I think that's what it was called. It was this website. Yes. Was it like

a celebrity stock market or something? Yes, that's exactly what it was. It was Kelsey Grammer was like the face of it. And it was this attempt to say like celebrities are going to kickstart the economy by making this social networking site where you could also sell products and promote things. It was very odd. Like you'd pay for a subscription. And I feel like their big selling point was you could do HD video emails.

It's like they're big. This is going to change everything. He was the face. Corbin Blue, I want to say, was in this as well. He was like the fourth most popular person from High School Musical. It wasn't like it was Kelsey Grammer than a bunch of much lower personalities. Oh, good Lord. I think it turned out to be a pyramid scheme slash credit card scam. The entire thing was extremely corrupt. It was just so bizarre. All the messaging

and Kelsey Grammer being involved with this. And there were these like links that would tell you that he's going to do a conference call to explain like the future of product. And just the concept of Kelsey Grammer doing that was absurd. And you couldn't really find where any of this stuff was it was buried because i don't think really any of it existed did he know it was a scam i think he agreed from my understanding he agreed to be a part of it but not in to the extent in which they used his likeness they made him like the star of the website i think he sued the company that made it i could be wrong about that though this is a long time ago this was probably around the time he was getting divorced from camille grammar and he was looking for extra cash it was like 2009 ish i would

say yeah so if that lines up then that makes sense but they had so it was the company that made it was called todd hd and the website was Staropoly. And I don't remember if they were star points or Todd points, but it essentially had a leaderboard of efficiency of like whoever the top sellers were, you would get on the leaderboard and you could get to the top of it. And it was based on, I guess, in theory, how profitable you were to try to incentivize people to see what profits they could make. And a friend of mine showed me that there is a way to get like 200 of those points a day. It was by, I don't know if you like watched an ad or if you gave them your email address, but you would go through this process and you would click the link and you'd get 200 points

when you clicked it. But if you click the thing multiple times, you'd get as many times as you click. And you could do this pretty frequently. I don't think it was once a day because we're doing it multiple times, but you could get 200 points. It was intended to be a small amount. And the top people had like 700,000.

I think Kelsey Grammer was the top of like 750,000 of these Todd points. And so it turned into a competition between a friend and I, where we were just mashing that button as frequently as we could over a week. And we slowly crossed everybody. There's two accounts that. Well, I've lost Andrew.

Where did he go? Yeah, he just straight. Yeah, it's gone. He's gone. What happened? Maybe Kelsey Grammer came for him. I think his laptop caught up to him. He's going to be telling the story.

Yep. Thinking we're still listening. I bet there's some good stuff going on right now. I bet it's really kicking into overdrive right now. Yep. What do you think Kelsey Grammer's doing at this part? Sounds like he's about to be dethroned by Andrew and friend. Yeah, I think Andrew's about to overtake Kelsey Grammer.

Is that where we're headed? Yeah, I think so. Dials! And then he's upset that he doesn't have the most points anymore. When you think of Kelsey Grammar, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Beast from X-Men. That's fair. That's fair.

That's sad. Frasier. For me, it's him falling off that stage. God, I forgot about that. I probably watch that video five times a year still. Just every couple months when I need to pick me up. I just watch him go, oh, good lord, and fall fucking hard. He fell like six fucking feet in front of kids, too.

It was like a Disney World or something. Oh, poor guy. Oh, such a slam, dude. He was an odd choice for Beast. He a he's a pretty good beast though no well the beast was supposed to be smart and the smartest person in television is frazier so i think ipso facto i just i feel like he there's no way the guy has ever read a comic book in his life no of course but but the comic book character is a scientist and he's like, he's super, super smart. New beast is that kid in it from, uh,

yeah. Well, about a boy. What was he in? Yeah. I feel, I feel like all of those, like those X-Men movies stopped mattering the second the MCU started.

Uh, I think, I think they probably stopped mattering before that, but I think you're right. Like it kind of tracks. Also, those movies are not good. Go back and watch any of those movies.

You'd be like, oh, X2, the movie's not good. None of those movies are good. Really? There's First Class and Days of Future Present and all those ones that popped up. I feel like they all existed just to help Logan get made, which was a phenomenal movie, and then

we just forget about them. I liked one, two and day and a first class. I think that was my favorite three. I, I think that they are necessary evils. Like, like the first Spider-Man,

like they're necessary evils to get us to the point where we are now, where these movies are like in an up, like I, I guess you could say like an elevated place, but man, if you go back and watch those with like now vision man i that first spider-man movie is like it's weird sam ramey is such a weird directing choice for that first spider-man movie it doesn't make any sense yes he

is like why he the part at the end where Willem Dafoe just goes like Godspeed Spider-Man and then like the thing flies into him and there's like this weird like jostly camera and like these zooms it looks like Evil Dead but it's a movie that came out in like 2000 it's like he didn't learn how to do anything else it was wacky

like it's like if Jeff was doing like his own machinima now and just going like, well, that's my signature. Like, that's all I do. I only do this. I just do Halo 1 machinima. Yeah. I only do this.

That's my thing. It's like, oh, you didn't evolve. You should like keep learning new things. Or unlearning, which would be more the case for me. Now I just have to fucking talk and stare into a microphone. Hey, Jeff, I saw you riding your bicycle the other day. Oh, yeah. Mm hmm. Was he pedaling? Did did you say hi so that's what i was gonna point out it's gavin it looks unnatural when he pedals you can tell that there's an assist because he's not

pedaling hard enough for the bike to be moving as fast as it is i'm a fucking speed demon baby no you're not you're not you look like you're on a like you pedal like you're on a beach stroll but you are moving like you are with traffic yeah yeah where was i uh over by dart bowl i was uh it's coming back from a twin liquor and i went like oh it's there's Jeff on his, on his bicycle. But I think he had headphones in. So it was like, I was going to beep and do a whole thing.

But then I went, I don't, I don't care about this that much. So then I wouldn't, I wouldn't have heard you. Yeah. When I have my headphones in, I mean,

I, I have the noise canceling off so I can hear the, the world around me. But yeah, I was probably in the zone. Does Eric not count as the world around you? Well, yeah,

I'm just saying if like somebody was honking, I probably wouldn't have been paying attention to notice it. Yeah. You saying if like somebody was honking, I probably wouldn't have been paying attention to notice it. You would have, you know what I mean? You wouldn't have been paying attention if someone honked at you? Not if you were being, I don't know. I'll tell you what, next time honk at me, we'll see if I see it. Okay. I'll tell you what, I'll go ride my dart ball later this week.

I'll just keep circling around dart ball. We'll see what's going on. It'll be a good time. So what do you think is happening in the pyramid scheme story now he said he texted us he said his power went off i i replied do you need power and he said uh no my computer runs on call so that was pretty funny and he's still he's checking his breaker now while we're waiting for andrew let me pose a business idea to you guys and let me see what you think about it.

Do we want to wait for Andrew though? I feel like anyone else on this podcast is totally replaceable, but we've lost like face himself. And that's what I was going to say. Just produce, putting the producer hat on. This could potentially be, if he lost his first part of his recording,

could be a real issue for Nick and his recording. This might be a faced episode and this might be a lost episode of face. I'm just saying this is so funny. I'm just saying I hope I hope to God that that's not the case. I you know, I hope I hope so, too. Is he recording? What does he use to record audacity? I think so. Either that or it's like a phonograph that takes an hour and a half

to export. I don't remember what it was. It's, it's, it's transcribing it into a record. It's like, it's like cutting, cutting lines in wax. Oh, Andrew's got an update. This is troubling. He says, uh, not breaker specific. I have no power.

I heard a boom and then everything went out i uh i guess we might be done here yeah i think this might be a lost episode guys um well if if nick if you can salvage it or if andrew's uh able to save that file it would be fun to have this as a throwaway extra and i need to i need to we need to record another episode because i gotta get this fucking business idea out but i it's brilliant i mean we can try on a different day why can't we do thursday you got like another tooth thing or something uh why can't i do thursday you don't even know hold on i gotta look at my calendar did i say i couldn't do thursday yeah that's why we're doing it today that's why we're doing it today. That's why we're doing it on Tuesday. Is this real?

Why the fuck did I ask us to move Thursday? I thought you did. Did you not? No, I did. I did. I did. I said, hey. Oh, oh, that's right.

I'm having some shelves put in in my library, and they're going to be banging and screwing. You're not putting in your own shelves? I did. I pulled out the shelves that i put in and having uh like built-ins put in that are like that are made for the space i'll be honest i don't think i would have moved this podcast for shelves well here's why here's why i gotta i got a window i got a window because then the next week i'm out of town and they couldn't do it any other time. So it was either this Thursday or like a month from now.

And you got to get those shelves. They have been designed. It's been a six-week process. I got to get past these. Oh, oh, oh. And here's why it's important. Here's why it's important. Because when they put in the built-in shelves, they're building a built-in desk for me as well

that will allow me to open open up my my uh my setup a little bit and will allow me not to uh not to be so cramped and i'll be able to perform better and make better podcasts that'll also give me the room to put in the new pc and stuff that i'm buying so it's future proofing for face you're getting new hang on you're getting new shelves and a new desk put in so you can perform better in the show where andrew is talking about overcoming kelsey grammar on a defunct pyramid scheme website that is correct factually correct yes cool great fantastic yeah i'm still rolling nick yeah yeah we're all still rolling yeah this is just like who knows where this will live i guess that's why we have the instagram you can put this up on like a reel and people

can just keep playing it who gives a shit also i feel like i never got a chance to mention last episode god i really want to talk about my business process project uh uh i i forgot to mention last episode uh or at least i i tried to but i couldn't get a word in i uh i'm talking to you guys on a fully functioning totally complete a-okay 100 mouth oh are you all done with teeth yesterday i went in to get my permanent crown put on uh it was the final step of the five uh trip saga the three month uh saga and i went in at 10 a.m. yesterday morning, and they said this should take about 15 minutes. No. We're not even gonna have to numb your mouth. No.

90 minutes later, I limped out of that chair with a very, very bloody numb mouth. However, it's done. It's done. I fucking chewed on the left side of my mouth today hadn't done that in three months it was glorious it was phenomenal and i uh i'm done i'm fucking done baby my mouth's good

i don't have any i don't have any temporary anything i got a permanent tooth and i'm i'm done getting 7 000 needles stuck in it i I'm done having people fucking working in my mouth like it's a fucking 68 Buick. I'm totally, totally back in business. Do you think you could tackle a bag of taffy to prove it, or would you be worried? Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a good idea.

That's scary. I don't know about that. I don't want to go through this again, man. And they were like, it was like, I knew what was going to happen before they did they sat me down they go we don't even have to numb you it's going to be fine uh we're just going to pull this out if you feel you might feel a little pressure but it shouldn't hurt and i go okay and she goes huh that doesn't seem to be coming coming let me get the dentist and the dentist comes in and goes and she goes uh well we're gonna have to cut the temporary in half that's okay though

still don't need to do uh pain meds or anything it should just take a second and she's in there and they're like cutting and cutting and then they go she's in there and i heard didn't feel anything because know, it was just the temporary thing that we're cutting. And she goes, okay, I'm going to go ahead and get a syringe and we're going to numb you up. And then 10 minutes turned into almost two hours. But I'm done! I'm back in business! Andrew has pointed out, he's texted me, that the pyramid scheme was edited out of one episode and is now interrupted by a power outage

it's just way funnier at this point if he just never tells it this is almost long enough to be a full episode called what happened to Andrew I would honestly put it out as a full episode I just don't want to deprive the audience of a week of Andrew that's why it should be supplemental maybe we should make it a supplemental like

this is episode 16 and a half or something yeah i mean i get we can do that it's just gonna be like can you that's gonna drive me that would drive me insane if i was looking at the count i guess it doesn't matter it's just like i look at stuff and like when 22 matches with 22 that feels good when 22 and it's like number 23 it's like i'm gonna jump well no well well look what can we do to appease you there eric no you know what it doesn't matter no listen because it doesn't matter because we've uploaded other things on this channel there's a teaser and like all this other stuff so really we

got fucked on the number to begin with so it doesn't matter we could always just sling this on the end of the episode that we eventually finish that's a good point and then just be like halfway through recording this episode Andrew just disappeared we carried on without Andrew says I think we

shouldn't even address it in the return just a really hard cut well okay so Andrew wants it to be he stops talking and then we just start talking about something else and we're just,

30 minutes later, he just shows up and finishes Kelsey Grammer's story. The worst part about this is he's not going to get his power back anytime soon, I don't think. I wouldn't imagine. So we're going to have to wait two weeks before we can get back to it.

Or we just do it on Thursday with the banging going on. There's all kinds of shelves and Jeff has to perform better. That's funny. That's still good. I can... No, dude. It's gonna be like eight dudes in here and it's not a big room. That's really funny.

Well, Gavin, do you think it's actually gonna be eight dudes? Especially considering the first half of the episode won't have that and then suddenly the room is full of dudes all you're gonna hear is all you're gonna hear is it's gonna sound like it's gonna sound like me at the dentist. I think we should do it. I think we should go ahead on Thursday. I can put it on the schedule, but it's up to you, Jeff.

I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do. I'll tell you what. Let's put it up on the schedule, and let's just hope for the best. Oh, Andrew's back. Oh, shit. Andrew's back. Hold on. Where? Hold on.

Oh, he might be on his phone or something. All right. Let's see. Hold on. We're hold on. Oh, he might be on he might be on his phone All right. Let's see. Let's see. I see you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you have to join voice chat Well, don't tell him audibly you got type it. I was already typing it Well in that case maybe maybe maybe we just roll no because it's gonna sound it's gonna sound like dog shit, dude It's gonna be like this phone. This will be funny for like a minute or so wherever you're going you better believe american express will be right there with you heading for adventure we'll help you breeze through security meeting friends a world away you can use your travel credit.

Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. What? Oh, he's here. Okay. But hang on. What is happening? Okay, so you're on your phone. I'm on my phone. Yeah.

Is your power still out? Yes. When you, when your power, did you get a chance to save your audio before your computer turned off? From the last episode? Well, yeah, obviously from this one. I exported. I'm pretty sure I saved. I definitely exported. Then, wait, but not from, that was the last one, obviously from this one. I exported. I'm pretty sure I saved. I definitely exported. Then wait, but not from that was the last one. Not from this one.

Well, no, not from this one. Why would I answer from this one? How could I save in the middle of a recording? When you're when you. Did you save the project first and then start recording? What are you talking about? Did you save the project first and then start recording? What are you talking about?

We're trying to find out if we can recover your audio when you get your power back or not, so that we can determine if what we've been doing for the last 40 minutes can still be considered content. He's coming so aggressive. I thought something was happening. I thought the show was continuing. I didn't understand the context of the chat. I was surprised people people are even here i just remembered i had a discord app on my phone we just kept going uh we're not gonna we're gonna probably cut it from the main episode

but it's great well it's funny to me actually nick just said the same thing he to me sounds better than jeff but but he's not recording but we don't have a way of recording his individual audio which is what we use in the edit it's's all going to be the scratch and it's going to sound like dog shit. Isn't that every other podcast that we make is the scratch? Yeah, this one, this is an audio podcast, so it can sound good. Don't, okay, hang on. Nick's suggestion is insane for this show. Nick, just say we can't do it.

What you're doing is not helping. Just don't over talk each other. That's not going to happen in this show. Well, here's what could happen. No, here's what could happen. Nick mutes Jeff and me and you, but not Andrew. I can't. There's no way.

I've got like 500 megabytes of data. There's no way I could deal with 40 minutes. Wait, you're on like cellular? Yeah, I'm on a cell phone right now. I don't have fucking power. How else would I be? You sound so good. I'm still on my phone. You sound as

good as normal. You sound better than Jeff. Oh my god. Whatever this is, we're 35 minutes into it and it's highly entertaining to me. That's what I saw the thing. I thought, oh, I was looking in the discord and I remembered I had it. And then I saw all of you still here, which was alarming to me. And I assumed something was happening.

So I just wrote, I see you now. Yeah, I was telling a mouth story about my fucking last trip to the to the dentist. Yeah, a lot of this recording has been us talking about what we're going to do with this recording. But that's some pretty good stuff. But I feel like we can't put it out as a main episode because you're not in it. As a main episode, yeah.

Yeah, but he's in it now and he's in it at the beginning. I'm okay with it. Okay. I leave this steaming pile of content to Nick and Eric's capable hands. I mean, Nick said that he's muted everyone but Andrew,

so this is bizarre. So potentially, if we're all still recording and he's capable hands. I mean, Nick said that he's muted everyone but Andrew, so this is bizarre. So potentially, if we're all still recording and he's recording this with Andrew, you guys could just pick up where we left off. But he doesn't have the megabits on his phone. Oh, that's right. I don't know what I'm thinking. Yeah, you're totally right. He doesn't have the megabits. I don't have the bits.

I have a severe lack of bits right now. Can we just pay for your phone this month like how do we how do we get you more bits oh it's alarming I uh my phone plan goes like right through I don't have like a main phone plan so it'll just charge to my card whatever uh the overage is that could be scary I don't like the idea of just having like a faucet of cash that's on that I don't know how much is coming out of. All right. Well, this could be the nice ending to the supplemental part

where we find Andrew again. Right, right. Andrew, you missed out. I hope you listened to it. There was some good stuff in there that you missed out on. Andrew, did you realize the only reason we're not doing this on Thursday is because Jeff's having a shelf put up? He said he had a contractor coming over. I assumed it was

more than a shelf. It's in the room that I record and it's not just a shelf. It's also a desk. The desk that I'll be recording on. You can't move. You're on a laptop, right? Isn't the whole point of your computer? No, I'm on an iMac. I'm on an iMac. You can't move an iMac

because the screen is part of the fucking computer. It's the most portable. Also, you have a laptop too. I'm getting lectured by a guy who doesn't have access to electricity or megabytes. That wasn't my fault. Okay. I don't have the bytes. I don't have

the power, but I have the will and the determination and if a shelf was coming into my house, I would just move where I record. I would not force a double They're still gonna be hammering and sawing and making noise. I can't promise. I said the same thing, Andrew. I would not have moved

Alright, alright, alright. Well we're gonna record part two or whatever the fuck this is. We're doing it again on Thursday Are you free on Thursday, Andrew? So, Andrew, if you can at all possible get an extension cord and run it down the alley

run it down piss alley to the McDonald's or whatever and get them to plug it in and then or maybe take up a like if you can go outside and panhandle for some extra megabits just so that you're ready to go can I check my how do I check my bits on my phone how do I do this can I do this live can I do a bit check cuz I might be okay?

I don't know what the bit ratio is here I mean are you asking these other two how to check something? I'm gonna click the button on my phone. I don't know if it's general Yeah, go to general and then Then I Have an iPhone though. Oh, though oh no yeah i have a completely different phone i realized it was pointless to ask um i'm on a whatever it is it sounds if anyone in the comments knows where i could find my bits what comments what comments this is live

what are you talking about i'm saying when this comes out eric i'm saying if i don't find the bits this is like never coming out like i don't know how we could could this be like is this an episode like i don't even know what this is definitely an episode i'm just trying to find my bits so are we now wait are we now saying that this this is an episode no i think this is definitely part of the show but you weren't in most of it. It's content. I just don't know what to call it. This is definitely content. If this isn't content, why am I wasting my time here on this phone with you? These are precious bits. Here's the deal, Andrew.

I said we could make it a supplemental, like this could be episode 16.5 or something, but Eric doesn't like asymmetry. Okay. So he said no. I don't give a shit what we do with it. We're doing something with this now. I'm using bits. This is a bit investment. i think this could be i don't know what it sounds like but apparently i should decide now whether we're keeping this as just the episode as it happened

or whether we have the first half of the episode that will finish on thursday i mean nick nick is saying have it be the episode he made a second account so we can record, but then he could also listen. I'm recording Andrew only on this computer and everyone else on the other one. He has gone through hoops to make this work.

I feel like this is definitely part of the episode. I just do. We get a bit problem. I need to figure out my bit situation. So Kelsey Grammer. I don't think. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really have anything else to say about that. And need to figure out my bit situation. So Kelsey Grammer. I don't think.

I don't really have anything else to say about that. I think. Oh, come on. We left you mid-sentence. You left us mid-sentence. Well, where did I leave off? I need to. We don't know.

What's the word? Kelsey Grammer has 700,000 Todd points. And then you and your friend were getting 200 Todd points every time you did. Do I need to be, should I be nervous about this? You got, you got attacked by the grammar hammer. Yeah, I did. I think this is a clear grammar hammer attack. There could be a phase two of my bit situation. Do you ever see something alarming and then just never do something about it and not realize it was a problem until later with like an accident or something. That was a weird way to describe that.

You saw your outlet earlier. Your junction box was sparking when you went to get it. And you thought, that'll be fine. Exactly. No, I had a thing when I, a long time ago, I used to have my desk at a window

and I was watching a show. I just started Friday Night Lights and a power cable exploded, which I don't know if either of you have witnessed that. It was like a flashbang went off. It was like this bright light blinded me for like three seconds. And then I looked and I could see a cable

was hanging on the line and fire was shooting out of it like four feet. It's like a flamethrower in the air. And I looked at it. I was really enjoying Friday Night Lights. And I said, that's probably a problem. I turned Friday Night Lights back on. I just went about my day.

Zero other thought. Never even occurred to me of who I should call or that I should call anyone. It was fine. Nothing got caught on fire. It was around a bunch of trees. It was super dangerous. But was the woman in the alley in danger? I gotta assume she was safe.

Did anybody ever come to fix it? No, just the fire stopped eventually, and I never saw anyone else fix it. I assumed it was fine. I'm sure someone lost power. So is your whole building off? Yeah, I have no idea. I don't know.

I'm just definitely my unit is. I didn't know where the fuse box was so that was a whole search you heard a loud bang huh yeah it was like a it was like a bang and then everything went off and then I heard another bang which I assume meant it would come back on I think the bangs may have been unrelated I think the banging noises were just things that happened I was thinking it maybe it was a car crashing into the power pole outside yeah second bang makes no sense unless he was trying to crash it back on.

Gavin, were you at lunch with me the day we saw that truck run into that power pole outside of Lucy's Fried Chicken? Oh, I think so. Yeah, it was like me and you and John Mike and those guys. And we heard this crazy bang and then we looked up and there was a truck wrapped around a power pole in

just the middle of the day and everybody just ate their fried chicken and watched as the ambulance showed up. Yeah. I feel like we used to see a lot of stuff happen like that. A lot of stuff goes on in Austin if you got your eyes open. I found the bits, guys. I found the bits were good. I'm only 49 bits. I feel like we're good.

So you gotta kill this Kelsey Grammar story for us it didn't go anywhere how did it end up oh we just we took the top of it and i'm sure they were very confused so you got ahead of kelsey grammar yeah we got ahead of kelsey grammar and the guy that runs the site we had like two million points each and we just kept trading for the top of the leaderboard and uh then eventually the whole site got shut down because it was a giant pyramid scheme but we climbed to the top of it nobody ever contacted you and said congratulations or hey you're no you're fucking with the system or uh and you never made money out of this pyramid

scheme no there was no like you could win you could spend your points on like an hd wallpaper and that was about it there was no there was an implication that your points could be used in a further way, but it was, it was just the wallpaper at the time. Did you buy 2 million points worth of wallpaper? I should have,

but no, I don't think I did. I was in a race, Jeff. This is very serious. I had to keep every point I had. How many HD wallpapers did they have available? Oh, just one. It was one.

It was just the company logo. They made you pay for it. Wow, what a colossal waste of time. Kind of like this podcast. Nick says we're at 44 minutes already. Wait, really? Yeah. I was gone that long.

I felt like I left like 15 minutes maybe and I came back maybe 10 minutes ago. You were gone for a while. Wow. I told the whole story about how I survived. My mouth's better. We had a lot of discussion about whether this was content or not and what to do with it who made fun of jeff for his shelves and desk i mean the shelf thing is absurd a lot of making fun of me for trying to improve my situation and trying to get a desk

built so i have room to record jeff what a spin that is. That is a great spin, Jeff. That's true. It's true. That was my whole take from the beginning. Jeff tried hard not to tell his amazing business plan, which I guess now he can actually tell. Oh, I got a new business plan. I want to talk about it. Okay.

All right. What's your business plan? What do you guys think about this? And I can't take full credit. I was hanging out with Trevor and Barb the other day. We were hanging out, Emily and I. And we kind of came up with the idea together but uh it's my idea they they have an idea they're gonna take and run with and i'm gonna run with this one you know only fans right yeah yeah yeah what if i started an only fans where people bought audio recordings of me farting

for them it's funny you mentioned this like Like, what if I say, like, somebody pays, like, 50 bucks, and they're like, and I take it, and then I go, okay, happy birthday, Kyle. And then I turn it in, and then I fucking sell my farts, only farts. Well, it sounds closer to cameo. It sounds like fart cameo.

Yeah, I was about to say, it just sounds like you're just doing cameo, but you're farting. Yeah, but it's like... I don't need to do cameo. I don was about to say it just sounds like you're just doing cameo but you're farting. Yeah but it's like I can already do cameo. I don't want to I don't want to undercut anything here but that this was something that was discussed on the Rooster Teeth

podcast that happened last night as of this recording so. Did they mention that it was for me? Yes. Okay. Barbara played a fart and then it turned into a conversation about that briefly about like what if it was you could sell these and everyone said i think everyone said like that's gross and crazy but here we are so maybe you can do this thing yeah well that's i kind of had a

different angle with your fart thing this is going to come out like three weeks after that what's what's your fart angle i was thinking like like, I thought, who buys albums anymore? What if we made like a greatest hits Jeff's fart album? And then just try to sell that and then track it. What, press it onto vinyl? No, not even necessarily vinyl, but like CD. I just feel like nobody would buy CDs anymore. How hard could it really be to have like a top CD?

People still buy them in a number that would not be close to what we could do with your greatest farts but it's crazy really because cd audio quality is actually really good in comparison to most streaming and like all mp3 downloads it's actually a lot better sounding i just don't have a disc drive yeah who does i i just like i just love the idea of monetizing the air that comes out of your anus. I think most people can't do that. I think if I could... Because I'm already... The whole thing started because Barb was pissed off I'd never sent her a fart.

And she asked for one. So I gave her a really good one called Brussels sprouts and garlic. Because that's what I was eating. Oh, dude. It sounds like it was already played on the RT podcast. But I got it right here. Can you play it play here it's relevant here as well here you go i'll give that to nick you can i can smell i can smell the fart when i hear it it was so bad emily emily made me go fart in the other side of the house and it and i brought it back it like

followed me. How much would you charge for that one? Would they all be the same price? Yeah, I think so. Like if like I could know how about this? I give you a fart. 20 bucks.

Just like I walk around. I walk around and I just capture every fart and then I just sell them farts. But if you want to personalize fart. No, no, no. It's like you don't want to do it.

Oh, maybe. Yeah, like maybe all my monthly farts are like 20 bucks or whatever or 10 bucks a month on OnlyFans. You don't want to do a... Oh, maybe, yeah. Maybe all my monthly farts are like $20 or whatever. Or $10 a month on OnlyFans. You get access to all my farts. Then, on another level, if you want to buy a custom fart from me,

and I can say like, Happy Anniversary, Grandma Smith! Then that's like $50. Because it's like, you're the only person in the world getting that fart. It's just for you. I don't share it with anybody else. And it's like you're the only person in the world getting that fart it's just for you i don't share it with anybody else and it's uh it's between it's a contract between you and i what you do with the fart after that is your business but uh but yeah and i personalize it with a little note like uh you know uh you're finally 21 or however okay i don't like putting

your farts behind a paywall though this is i'm, I'm now going to have to pay you for this. Andrew, you're my friend. You get access to all my farts for free all the time. However, I gotta, like, I'm not getting any younger. I'm definitely getting older. This internet, video games, podcasting, it's a young man's game. I gotta start, I've been giving away farts for 18 years.

I gotta start, I gotta start thinking about my future. I gotta start thinking about retirement. I gotta start, you know, I've given uh 10 lifetimes worth of farts i think it's time that i start uh attaching some sort of monetary value to it because i think i'm worth it and i think they're worth it can i pay to not get them that's a great question because uh i mean you say you've been giving them away for free this whole time. I must have gotten thousands of dollars worth of free farts. And I feel like I would have paid to not have that. If you want to give me thousands of dollars, I won't send any more farts your way.

No, I like them. I'm into just hearing them, not smelling them. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. It's a fun little project. And, you know, everybody farts. Farts are awesome. Farts are fun. I think it's a big I don't know, it's a fun little project. And, you know, everybody farts. Farts are awesome. Farts are fun.

I think it's a big part of my personality. And I think it's one of the things that makes me who I am. So why shouldn't I reap the rewards of my butthole? I take good care of it. I bidet it all the time. You know, I'm real clean. It's a good but. That's a great point.

I found out something about, because I've also delved into the bidet arena. I don't know where the middle of my butthole is when I'm spraying it. I can't tell when I'm spraying the middle. It just all feels like my butthole. Well, I mean, it is, but I can't ever tell where where it meets

i know what you mean dude i wonder if you're if you uh if you're uh your stream is too wide like maybe i don't know what kind of settings you have because sometimes i'm like oh i want to make eric said butthole blindness yeah sometimes i will really want to make sure it's spraying you know in the middle but i'm like on the make sure it's spraying you know in the middle but i'm like on the edge and i'm like am i in the middle and then suddenly i'll move and it will like shoot water into my anus and i'll be like oh that was the middle but i can't ever tell just from like swinging my arsehole around where i actually am i'm right there with you dude i it's i have traveling anus and it's like every time i sit down it's a yeah it's it's always

a bit of a gamble it's like did where did my butthole move to this time it's weird because howard stern talked about that a lot like it took him like probably a year of using his bidet before he dialed it in every time where he got right in the you know right in the starfish and uh i am not there yet as much as i it's i feel like got to jostle and move and like position, every time is a different experience. Yeah, I've really got, it takes me about five to ten seconds to really hunt for the middle of mine. Man, once you find it though, you are aware.

Is it a fun five to ten at least? It's frustrating. It doesn't feel bad. I just don't, I'm not sure whether you're meant to get it in your anus. You are. I think you are. I think you are. You are?

That's where the poo-poo is. Yeah, I just don't want to give myself an infection or something by blasting shit upwards when it should be going down. No, it's electrolyzed water. You'll be fine. That's what enemas are all about. Yeah, but there's some debate about how effective those are. Yeah, or like high colonics.

High colonics, they were a big deal back in the early 2000s. Do I need to get on this bidet thing? Well, you had the option of a free you said it would be an issue for vertical wipers. It is, but I mean, I don't know. It sounds like you guys are taking your asshole to the water park every day and that sounds fun. I could get on board with that.

Yeah, it's like six flags in your asshole every day, pretty much. There's no going back i'll tell you that andrew like once you once you squirt you will never stop i think you should do it andrew i think you should uh at least how many bogs do you have uh three yeah just put it just get one for one of them and if you don't like it just don't use that bog yeah so wait which well how hard is it to take out because do i then put it do i put it in the one that i use the least less the least amount i really struggle with that one do you have one

that you don't want to use like if you put it in the in the least used one and you like it will you have an issue using that one all the time yeah yeah i'd have to walk several floors to then just for the experience yeah i live in a small space that's very vertical here's what you should do that's why you're a vertical wiper yeah i'm literally yeah i'm all about that vertical lifestyle that's uh here's what you do watch a youtube video and then see if it looks hard to install not use you don't you don't need to watch a video on how to use it that would be i say just leave it alone if you don't like it but just because taking it off again will be annoying it's just easy just to not that's true i guess i have the option to just not use it but it's always equipped i'm prepared yeah i mean just yeah you

could poo through it without using its features i guess yeah okay i might try this i'll look into this at the at a minimum dude it's got a seat heater so even if you don't use the other functions it you will have a warm toasty butt while you're yeah pooping i thought i wouldn't like that because in my head it just to me it sounded like i'd be sat on a toilet that just it feels like someone else was just sat there it doesn't feel like that at all it feels nice nice and warm it feels like when you get in a car on a cold day that has seat warmers, and you just kind of relax all over. I feel like you do really have to get to know your anus, though,

because there have clearly been some times where I've not found the middle. And so after I'm done blasting and I'll have a cleanup wipe, it turns out I have more blasting to do than has happened a couple of times. Oh, that sounds terrible. That sounds way worse than just not blasting at all. I don't want to do too much. It's a rare occurrence, dude. Yeah. I'm just getting used to it still.

Let us know in the comments if you had the same thing if you've also invested in an ass blaster. Would you or would you not want a camera in there? No. Would not. Would not. No. What if you could want a camera in there? No. Would not. What if you could get a camera of that thing, have an app in your phone, you could really aim that target up. You could figure out what's going on.

You're no longer shooting in the dark. I have never in 45 years seen my butthole and I don't intend to see it now. I think you would learn things about your anus that you could never unlearn. I'm scared to see it. I'm scared to see it. I'm scared to see it. I don't want to know

what it looks like. I'm scared it's ugly. I'm scared it's weird. Or I'll be like, what is that hanging off of it? Or something, not that there's anything hanging off of it, but I don't want to find out. I don't want to know. A socially awkward butthole. What if it's, what if it's, what if it's, you know how people get their asshole bleached? Like, porn stars get their butthole bleached? What if I find

out I got a really, like, brown butthole and i'm that i'm just like horrified i don't know we may live in the future but i still don't want to have a conversation with someone where i'm explaining to them that i need to wipe the lens on my toilet i don't think i think that's too much of a first world problem to have also a butthole works in a way that you may not realize in that it kind of it kind of turns like a little bit inside out when you do some twos oh like a prolapse like it kind of has to feed it out by basically slightly protruding um does it look kind of like when you take a long sleeve shirt off and it gets stuck at the at the wrist i mean i don't know what it looks like i just know that that was

explained to me by a doctor once when i had a bit of a butthole uh issue a few years ago um i feel like maybe you should expound upon that i wasn't aware that you had a butthole issue do you want to talk about it oh yeah i talked. I talked about it on a podcast. I had to have some suppositories. I had to put some wax pills up my ass for a little while. Were you just constipated? I can't remember the issue I was having. How do you not remember the issue? Suppositories help you shit more typically.

I think I shat some blood once. Oh. Yeah, that was it. I just blasted the ball with blood, and I got really worried. So the solution was shit more? No, no, no. The suppositories were to reduce inflammation, I think. Oh, okay.

The thing is, and I think the part I told in the podcast was that you might have... I was having a really hard time keeping them up there, because you put something in your butt like that, and it just to me felt like i needed to poo like i really needed to go yes yeah but you're supposed to like lock it in and wait for it to melt a little but one of the times i was doing it i was like about to head out the door like there was an uber waiting so i shoved it up before work and i didn't really have enough time to let it melt so i was like i just was hold i was just clenching it while i was grabbing all my stuff and running out the front door and as i opened my front door it just blasted back out into my boxes so i had to go back inside and like change my boxes and like clean out a

load of waxy it was awful it's a terrible story that was an awesome story um So then I had to put another one up. Thanks for listening to the most broken episode of F*** Face that we could ever have made. I loved it. It was something. Andrew, thanks for figuring out a way to make it back to us, buddy. It's no problem. I'm trying to do a bit check. I already forgot. Yeah, let's see what your final bits are at.

You were at like 61.53. Oh, I got bits for53 oh i got bits for days i got bits for days this is easy this is no problem at all you only spent like 20 bits or 25 bits maybe yeah since i last did my bit check yeah 20 bits wow i assumed it would be way more i guess not i'd be at zero well congratulations yeah thanks and uh great uh no power fantastic i'm excited to actually listen to an episode because i'm not i'm not Well, congratulations. Yeah, thanks. This is a great No Power. Fantastic. I'm excited to actually listen to an episode

because I'm not in part of it. So this is great. If you're listening to this with power or without power or you have a butthole, go ahead and like and subscribe. We really appreciate it. Leave us a review. Talk about your butthole.

Talk about how happy it is when you listen to F*** Face. Was the butthole stuff too much? I feel like we could maybe trim some of that out. It was a bit vulgar. No, I think it's, that's, it was more medical than anything.

Yeah. I just, I don't think it was super medical. I also think it was obviously vulgar. So it's weird. Like we just kept stacking on. So what do you mean? You think it was,

it was definitely vulgar. Uh, Nick says it's under the medicine umbrella and we didn't even mention the part. Eric says, nope, all good. We didn't even mention the part where Eric says that pooping is like puckering your lips,

which that was a little gross. I thought like your butthole. It looks like puckering lips when you, when you go to Eric, have you seen it? I can't confirm or deny. I can just let you know that what you're describing is what that's like. So

Nick says he saw it. Well, thanks for listening to this episode of F*** Face. Andrew, enjoy sitting in the dark. And guys, we'll see you next time on F*** Face.