Regulation Podcast - Andrew Passes to Himself // NOTTHERSTORE [31]

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a very special intro, the community Christmas Album, potential bat betrayals, and more. Listen to a F**kface Christmas at https://soundcloud.com/user-741322501/sets/have-a-fkface-christmas-feat-the-fkface-discord-orchestra Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face10) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What you're about to hear was recorded just minutes after the last episode. I'm literally recording right now, so fuck you. I'm rolling, I'm rolling. Yeah, so, that was a great episode. What are we gonna do here, Gavin? This is kinda your idea. I wish we weren't rolling. I wish I didn't make this a thing. Okay, I tried to come in in make a little quick joke. Eric didn't understand it twice. And uh, now I've been here for like a minute.

Because you came in- do you know why I didn't understand? I'll tell you exactly why I didn't understand it. Because you came here earlier, way earlier, so I assumed that you were plotting something with Andrew, so that way after the episode is over, you leave and then come back. I understand what you're saying now. I get it from you constantly changing the time of the podcast. You changed it.

We used to always be at three. And now we're always at 330. Constantly, constantly changing. The last three recordings. Yeah. And that's not constantly changing. We changed the time to 3 30 why a why and two andrew forgot and he was here 20 minutes early to the three o'clock recording

i'm very aware and so when i saw you when i was here and i i was in a meeting and i saw you jump in with andrew and talk to him and then all of a sudden you close out of this and come back in I thought you guys were scheming something nope I I only went in with Andrew which he thought was 20 minutes early it was actually 50 minutes early it's on your calendar I only went in because you in the discord wrote you're're here early, talking to Andrew. So I was immediately alerted to Andrew being in. He was here early. I know that! So I came in to find out why he was early,

and we discussed that he was not only early, he was early for the wrong time. So I was then trying to say to Andrew, because Andrew was telling me I was early, and I was like, Andrew, this isn't early. I'm here at the wrong time. This is too early to be considered early for the recording. So just now, as a joke, I popped back in after we ended the last video.

And I said, I'm here early for the next recording. Like a week early. I understand that now. But I hope that you see that this feels like a classic Andrew scheme where I got very worried that there was something being plotted against me like Jeff and the bats. No, no, no, no, no. There's that would never happen to you, Eric. Absolutely not.

Oh, my God. Why would you think that would happen to you? Can we talk about how are we going to get Jeff to only have left socks? How are we going to do this? That's all I've been thinking about. How do we get rid of all of his left socks? How are we gonna do this? That's all I've been thinking about. How do we get rid of all of his right socks and only make sure he has left? We need to contact Emily or we need to contact Millie and say, you need to get rid of all of his right socks.

But we need socks as a replacement. Oh, you're saying get more left socks? Yeah, like remove, not just steal his socks, replace them. You need a recon pass on all the socks he owns so you can buy the same pairs again. And then we need to swap out the rights for more lefts. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. not just steal his socks, replace them. You need a recon pass on all the socks he owns so you can buy the same pairs again, and then we need to swap

out the rights for more lefts. That is actually a good point. It kind of implied he had old socks. We need to figure out if those socks are still in the rotation, and then flip them if they are. If not, we need to somehow get him to change all his socks. I was blown away that socks could have a left

and a right. I didn't even know that was a thing. I've never heard of that. Never heard of it. For like Argyle and like more, really like dressier socks, they're just cut. So there's like a little bit of a curve. So like your big toe kind of goes

where it's supposed to naturally go and whatever. But also like if it's causing him so much aggravation, I mean, what he explained to be 30 plus years, then what is he, why would he keep the socks? Just get universal socks. It is strange. So when I joked that I was here early for next week's one, what is this now? This isn't next week's one. No, I think this is next week's one, isn't it?

How could it be? It can't possibly be. We can't start it without Jeff. I'm sure he'll... Why don't you text Jeff to come back? We've made it enough. It's dark, Andrew. I'm alone in the dark and I'm hungry again.

It happened again. I think if we yell socks enough, he might just show up. I feel like that might be like a calling word for him. He did start without me once. That is a good point, Nick. That is true. Maybe this is a midweek. Oh, wait.

We are already midweek. Maybe this is a weekend snippet wait we are already midweek maybe this is a weekend snippet right you throw it in on like a saturday because you love like a you would love a 30.5 wouldn't you you'd love the way that messes with the it's already fucked up who cares it's already a fucking mess i mean like his coin flip, I'm still not on board for it. I know. Thank you, Eric. It was, that was, that was really something. Thank you.

Gavin, you seem way too calm about that. I agree. The thing is, it was insanity. But I also had so many questions about, I wanted, it needs to go forward because, yeah, it was insane. I was playing down, I regret playing down how insane that was. That was a complete 90 degree turn on that story. It was ridiculous. I was so deep into the coin thing.

I was already thinking of things to say about the coins. I was thinking about solutions for the coins. When he said socks, if I had a mouthful of water, it would have gone all over my desk. Oh, I spit on my monitor at some point. I took like, I think it may have been the sock thing. I just filled my mouth with water and then he pivoted and I spit everywhere in disgust. It wasn't even a spit tank. It was anger.

The indignance that Andrew had for him saying socks was like... Outrageous. It was... How cool. It was based around him thinking we wouldn't understand the concept of a 50-50 choice. What does that mean? And the coin story is way cooler

than the sock story. It's way cooler than the sock story. It reversed. It's not a 50-50 chance because here's the thing. It's a 50-50 chance if you flip a coin. It's not a 50-50 chance to go into a drawer of socks

and grab a sock and then pick a foot for it to go on. It doesn't make any sense. It's not flipping a coin. There's so many solutions, but I couldn't provide them because I was so distracted by the coin. I had no room. He was explaining the coin like it was something he had to do every day. He was compelled to flip this coin.

It was his thing. And then he said, I've been doing that with socks. Immediately, I'm thinking thinking he's flipping he's flipping socks he's like throwing socks up in the air before he puts them on no he's just putting on socks there's no there's no like weirdness behind that he's just getting dressed why did he get into the specifics of the canadian dollar why did he like make a point of like what type of coin he was giving it he was giving examples of other coins he was trying to get us to visualize the coin he would he put so much effort into the coin thing

for it to mean nothing nothing at all zero purpose oh this has been like a debrief on the last recording because we couldn't have it with jeff. Cause he would just, you know, he's too close to it. That's true. We should start doing commentary tracks on our episodes. That's what this is. Wow. Can we, can we insert a hidden like audio description?

Do they have like accessibility tracks in podcasts that we can hide this on? I don't think we can, but what we can do is release this as a Saturday, like compendium for like it's just like it's like play this on your like play the the episode on your like computer and then load this compendium on your phone and we'll be debriefing and doing commentary on the episode i feel like that's right right. Yeah. You think we do that? Or do we just attach this to the front of the next episode? Don't tell Jeff at all.

And he finds out about it. But then that's the longest. Why do you guys insist on making these like the longest episodes? Because we'll just make it shorter. We'll just like, Gavin and I will just be like, we already got 10 minutes. Yeah, we will. It's fine. Oh my God.

No, that one. No, we can't. We don't have that kind of control, Andrew. This podcast was over, and then Jeff talked about coins. I think it's funnier if it's on the next episode, and it's like a completely different pivot. And then the episode starts, and Jeff has no idea that it's 10 minutes of calling him a lunatic

because of his coins. I think that's funnier than just releasing this randomly on a saturday because then we're just going to talk about on the next recording anyway interesting i i i know i understand your point i think it's a strong point what if this is like a very dismissive that's like you're full of shit i'm not gonna do what you're saying but what if we do this what if we do this at the end of the one that we just finished recording, Eric records a bit saying

that bit was so insane that we had to wait for Jeff to leave so we could talk about it and that bit is on our website. Wow, Andrew was not into that idea. Like audibly not into that idea. Loud and clear.

It's not a bad idea. I just think it's the least funny of the options so clear loud and clear no it's not a bad idea i just think it's the least funny of the options so far oh yeah it's not funny i was just no well then why are we doing it i feel like the point of this is to be funny this is a funny thing yeah the point of this is not to drive people to our website like every other piece of content the point is is to face us you're absolutely right andrew it was actually a terrible idea it was i mean it was a good idea for literally anything else we do. But it's the wrong show.

It was a good idea for any other show. That's right. This is all about pursuing funny. Why is he still not in his office? I don't understand. It was like

because he's incapable of moving his leg without bashing his knee if there's a thing in the middle that was one of those physical moments when he explained that was your first thought also well you're gonna hit your head when you go underneath the desk or something like he's gonna hurt himself still oh absolutely what wait what's he gonna hit his head on oh he's gonna go underneath his desk he's gonna drop a pen down there or something and he's it's like gonna be a thing where it's like well i won't bang my knee against the pole it doesn't matter he's still gonna like bang his head on like the underside of the desk grabbing like a dollar that he dropped

or something like he's trying the coin he flipped yeah he's gonna throw his left sock is gonna roll underneath the desk he's trying to solve a problem that will come back to get him no matter what i think that was a good debrief over the last i think that was good too we just need to decide i really think it would make me so fucking happy to record the next episode knowing that this is the start of it and jeff has no idea i'm fine with that. If you want to, I'm not opposed to it. Are you okay with it Gavin? I'm fine with that. I think it'd be so much fun to know that this is there and he doesn't. Why don't we play it for him?

It's kinda long isn't it? We're like not 30 seconds. We're 11 minutes in Gavin. This is not a clip. This is like a portion of an episode. We could edit together a little Trailer of it so he knows what we talked about Who is going to edit together A little trailer of it

I don't You said we I think the paranoia is better I don't think he should know anything about this The only reason I worry about that Is that when Jeff thinks He's being messed with, he shuts down and he gets really

crappy. And we could potentially ruin ourselves for some good Jeff if we tell him right at the beginning. Well, then don't tell him at the beginning. Tell him at the end. Yeah, I think we tell him at the end. Literally like nothing has happened. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening

to this episode of F*** Face. By the way, the first 19 minutes of this episode. I think that's what you have to do. One of you has to volunteer to do the outro at a certain time. It's got to be early. We're like 35 minutes in, like absurdly early for the record. Just like force the end. Because we're're gonna probably do

two anyway i feel bad though because people come to this podcast because it's the only place they get jeff and we just did half of it without him when he was completely no gavin you're no see you're i i understand what you're saying however in the episode that we're debriefing from he did say that he has stepped out on this podcast and has begun recording another podcast where they can get more Jeff. That's true. That's what he gets there.

That's a great point. He's made himself less important in this one. That's it. That's all. I'm not saying. I'm just saying, you know? Okay. I'm never going to leave.

I'm going to sit in the recording area now for an hour after every podcast because there's no trust. We've just established a new layer of no trust that cannot be reversed. This is really something. This is a different level. This is really a different level.

This is something else. How did you notice Andrew in the thing earlier? Because I was sitting in here because I thought I might be late because I had a meeting. So I was getting out of one meeting into the next one. And I just saw, like i had it at the

ready like everything was ready to go ah so i could come in and hit record but then i noticed all of a sudden he's in the audio thing and i'm like oh shit but then gavin was in and i got like like in this meeting i had my camera on and i was looking in this meeting and then all of a sudden panicked like looking at like my second monitor it i it was really man it was something it was making me worried it was oh boy this could never happen if we were recording in real life no unless someone went into the room early no yeah right no it would be a thing where jeff left he's like in a hurry to get out and then you just walked out to get a soda and then came back in and we went we just like all pretended to walk out and he gets

in his car we all just come back in well uh i think this is a good starting point for this episode i hope you guys enjoy episode 31 of face and um i don't know who's doing the intro but i hope it's a good one what do you think we're gonna talk about gavin oh jesus you have anything lined up no it's quick you should debrief the next episode yeah i'm trying to before it happens yeah i'm saying like what do you think will be a subject we touch on next week next episode um oh it'll be right before new year's it'll be on the 30th yeah we'll be talking about what that that will be the episode release it'll yeah i think we'll be back on sewing machine because that was what was at the end of this one. That is a great thing. Yeah, we need to talk about that

because I really have a question. I'm not trying to fight you, Eric. It's just I think I have a point. I'm just curious what your thoughts are. Alright, so why don't you hand it off now to yourself in the future. Oh, I like this. Take it away with the intro followed by

the Sewing Machine, Andrew. Okay, wait, wait, wait a second. I'm lining up. I'm on up. I'm throwing it oh This is good. You're gonna catch it. You're gonna catch it Next week It's flying that's fucking great wait wait here comes here comes And I caught it. I could. You see that catch? Nice catch, dude. You see that catch, Gavin? Fantastic catch. Go ahead,

Jeff. Take it away. I dropped the ball. In what way? In what sense? I didn't catch it. I dropped it. Oh, it wasn't going for you. It was going for me. It was a toss to myself. I caught it perfectly. I had another ball and I dropped it. Okay.

It rolled under the bed. I can't even get to the ball now without a broom handle. You threw it, caught it, stood next to Jeff. He dropped his ball. Yeah, and you didn't even throw it. How embarrassing. You're just holding a ball that slipped from your hand. Tell me about it.

I'm the one that's happening to you. I'm living it right now. Yeah. This is my hell. It is. How's your day going? Okay. Was that what I was supposed to do? What the fuck was that? Don't worry about it. now. Yeah. This is my hell. It is. How's your day going? Okay. Was that what I was supposed to do?

What the fuck was that? No, don't worry about it. We're good. Huh? Just show us normal now. Continue. What's up? What is that about?

What do you mean, what is that about? What is... Gavin, what is going on here? Don't worry about it. Andrew, I told you. I told you. Gavin, you were totally right. But it's fine.

Jeff wants us to go. Start. What did he tell you? I know my Jeff. Yeah, you're right. Gavin, you're totally right. But it's fine. Jeff wants to go. Start. What did he tell you? I know my Jeff. Yeah? What did you say I would do? Nothing. Get crappy.

Do we do... Well, I don't know what the fuck is going on. All right, don't worry about it. It's great. We should just tell him. No, I don't think so. I don't think we need to. Nothing happened him about what okay well do we tell him that we were gonna pretend that something happened if you get a full real episode out of jeff without telling him

well i i think do we do we tell him eric what do you think? Or do we pretend? Because nothing happened, Jeff. Or did something happen? Jeff has shut down. I think you have to. That's exactly what I'm saying. He's gone? I'm here. Oh, okay.

Listen to that even tone. Listen to his tone. Nick said he's gone. So I was kind of, he actually left, and then he qualified that with mentally. Okay. Yeah. This is a really weird part of the show. This is strange.

This is a weird opening. It was your opening. I'd like you to continue. I think that was a worse minute than last week's bad minute. Oh, I don't, we're not getting into the minute thing again. A minute is unreasonable.

It's an unreasonable request. Do you want to do the intro to the show, Jeff? You do a great job. You're really good at it. Would you like me to do, as you're saying, it's time for me to do the intro? Yeah, I think we should do the intro. Sure. Yeah.

Hello, and welcome to episode, I believe it's 31 of F*** Face podcast, starring myself, Jeff Ramsey. Also, my friend Gavin Free and co-worker Andrew Pant. Compare the energy levels between that one and the full start that was like 12 minutes ago. And that's exactly what I'm talking about, Andrew.

He's very defensive. It is interesting. It is a weirdly guarded... That was a weirdly guarded intro, Jeff. And I noticed the co-worker. I don't get friends. I get the shaft on the credits, the co-credit.

Just trying to cover all the bases. Mm-hmm. How's your week so far? It's been a while since we talked, Andrew. What's going on in your world? I'm doing pretty good. That's great. Gavin, how about you?

Oh, no, you have more to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a question, Gavin, for you. Yeah. Have you been flipping coins recently? How's your coin flipping going? No, I haven't flipped any coins. Really?

I've been flipping a coin every day since we last recorded. And let me tell you, it's landed about heads to tails equally. Completely uneventful. Yeah, nothing going on. Thank you for proving my point that it's highly improbable that I would always put the left sock on the right foot. Now that you've mentioned it publicly and you've made it real by talking about the sock thing, has it continued?

Yes. Yes. And I continue, I continue. Hold on. My dog demands my attention. I'll be right back. I don't want to let the dog wait what alright yeah Andrew you gotta tell him you broken him

you have to tell him now this is all we're gonna get we have to do two episodes I told you I told you last week this is what would happen I don't understand what is happening you can't let his guard down he doesn't know what's going on you have to tell him

I've returned but nothing happened What is happening? You can't let his guard down. He doesn't know what's going on. You have to tell. I've returned. But nothing happened. Yeah, I believe we were talking about sock things continuing unabated as always. I have discovered that I do have a few pairs of socks that don't have L's and R's on them. So those days when I have the privilege of noticing, they make the day go a little easier uh well how about you gavin what's going on in your world uh i got some stuff to talk about what's your deal uh do we well i mean what do we want how do we want to do this this is a weird like duel i feel like we all have stuff but nobody

wants to lead with it well i feel like we're not really in the show yet you're not you know obviously jeff is still it's still it's started obviously this is in I feel like we're not really in the show yet. You're not? You think Jeff is still? It's started, obviously. This is in the show. I already did the intro. I believe I covered all the basics. Yeah. Jeff, you sound still very guarded. Is everything okay? I don't know what you mean by guarded. I'm just

Jeff, man. I don't know about that. You've known me for a long time. Same voice. I have. Same wacky sense of humor. Same everything. This for a long time. Same voice. I have. Same wacky sense of humor. Same everything. This is a different tone. This is an interesting tone. I was wrong.

Gavin, you're right. You're right. I was wrong. But surely we can't explain what has happened. No, you can. No, can we? Because then how long are we going to talk about that? We're running out of show.

See, I burped. Look, I had potty humor. That's what I do. Okay, we have to talk about that? We're running out of show. See, I burped. Look, I had potty humor. That's what I do. Okay, we have to talk about it. We have no choice. It must be talked about. Do you want to talk? Because it was kind of your thing, Gavin.

I'm going to blame you for this. This is your creation. You're doing it. Inadvertently, sure, yeah. Yeah. So do you want to not talk about it? I just threw the ball to you and you're like, yeah, I agree.

And then nothing. I dropped the ball. What did you do? Yeah, you did. Okay. Well, did your ball roll under your couch too? Yeah. Would you like to borrow my broom handle?

As you know, Jeff, maybe you don't know. Did we talk about it last time? I showed up 50 minutes late because I thought we were recording at one and I was early for the one. Yeah. And then Gavin came in and said I was too early to be early because the recording's at 1.30, and that doesn't count. Yeah, I said that's not early. That's just the wrong time.

Yes. That's correct. Did not count. So then we recorded a show, great episode. I thought it was really good. Christmas episode. The intro song, Fantastic as well. We should talk about that after.

But what was I saying? What was I talking about? Oh, Gavin left. Okay, so we stopped recording, right? And then you left because we were done. And then Gavin came back after you left to do the joke that he was here for next week's recording. Yeah, I thought it'd be funny and just show up immediately after we ended being like, all right, I'm here early for next week but that just confused eric because eric thought

i thought we were recording another episode then so then we got into an argument we got to argue about how eric was dumb and he didn't get my joke because i was just trying to say that and then nip straight back out because you know you know the rest of the day to continue living in and then we just started arguing for a little bit and then we just we started to debrief over what you were talking about jeff but with the coin flip thing how you were linking the sock thing to the coin thing and it went on like like 15 extra minutes and yeah so after after last week's episode after i bitched out or or I'm sorry, I peaced out

because I fulfilled my obligation. You guys did a whole other podcast? We unintentionally did a continuation. And then we couldn't decide where it would go. Like, did we put it on the end of last one? Or do we cut it and then put it on the beginning of this one?

And I think we determined that we'll put it on the beginning of this one and that Andrew should sort of throw the ball to himself a week in the future, which he did. He caught the ball. But I did warn him that if you didn't know what was going on, you would shut down. I denied this. I thought Jeff would be fine. And then we had five minutes of what this show is so so far this episode is like 15 minutes of us talking about the end of

the previous episode and then 15 more minutes of us talking about the debrief of our debrief to jeff this is truly an episode of nothing in summary um you're not being pranked or anything like that no oh it's fine here's why here's what happened you guys i realized i was in the middle of a bit i wasn't aware of instantly obviously because i'm not stupid and uh and then i saw gavin's reaction of thinking i wasn't gonna play along so i didn't yeah gavin gavin gavin's the reason i didn't play along there so i was right because i made myself right. Yeah, you created my response. You're just so ready to go with whatever's happening that... And then once I started with it,

you know, I have that, I can't bail out of something. Yeah, obviously. When I'm in a bit. I could have, I would have had to, unfortunately, if you guys had, and I'm really, thank you, by the way. Thanks for ending it when you did.

Because I would have gone for the full two episodes like that. And I was not looking forward to it. I was beginning to feel bad that we uh we started the episode by debriefing the debrief and then the rest of the episode would have just been awkward silence mostly and i just felt bad for the audience to be honest i was starting to feel bad for the audience too here's the here's the deal i fucked up last episode in one big way. I was so overwhelmed with the improbability of the issue that I have regarding my socks and my feet, which, by the way, I still am. It's still plaguing me.

And I've still gotten no help or relief from either of you, other than Andrew trying to try to figure out a way to make money off my feet. What? What? What? That is such a gross mischaracterization of what happened. I'm the fucking nicest friend you have and I took your bullshit sock issue seriously.

I sent you so many messages of like, what if we tried this? What if we tried this? What about this system? You are ridiculous. I think the best option is that we sell, we make face socks that just say L on both foot. That's actually part of the debrief, Jeff. That's in the debrief.

We talk about that. Getting you only left socks. Yeah, only left socks. Anyway, I was so overcome thatrew dropped one of the coolest things that has ever happened on us in the form of the fucking face christmas album and i just glossed over it because i was so overcome with my own pain uh but after the episode i listened to i guess while you guys were doing the rest of the episode, I listened to it. I've been listening to it non-fucking-stop. It's

phenomenal. Everybody involved with that thing is so talented and so clever, and it's got so many inside jokes that you're still picking stuff out the third listen through, you know? So you appreciate it a little differently each time. They did a really great job.

And the whole time, we can get into it, I made, or I say I, Emily and I cooked, spent all day Sunday baking cookies, like different, like five, six different kinds of cookies, made like hundreds upon hundreds of cookies. And then we packaged them up in little boxes and we, we gave them out to people. And, uh, the entire time we were making cookies, we were listening to, I was singing along to like we're a couple of dipshits and and do you want to make a podcast and stuff it's really really great and it also once again pisses me the fuck off that that life is unfair because I get reminded constantly that everybody on earth can sing but me.

It makes me so mad. I got all the same equipment that the fucking, that the people that made this Christmas album have. Physiologically, we're almost identical, I would gather. Yet when they say things, when they string words together in a melody, it sounds like music. And when I do it, people cry.

The great thing is, though, the beautiful thing is, it doesn't stop me from singing. No, it doesn't. Well, I sing in defiance. But anyway, I was listening to next week's episode already, which luckily didn't have that thing at the end of it. Otherwise, I would have been keen to hear a little bit. But I was listening to it, and I was just thinking like man it sucks that it sucks that we just kind of blew through it because i really i really want to talk about it and and and thank them for it because they did such a great job anyway that's all it was it was a great job and

i enjoyed andrew and eric's cameos i enjoyed eric's cameo eric's cameo was fantastic mine was terrible i'm not not going to pretend. It was a great, it's insane that they pulled that off and it was so exciting to like get updates across. I don't know. It felt like a few months or at least a month of just things and like everything they did,

whether it was the album art or the infomercial, it was just all so cool. Unbelievable. It's always interesting to find out, uh, like what inside jokes stick with the audience. And that was a great example. It was really fun, absolutely, to hear people make those references back to us in clever ways.

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I feel like. Andrew was messing with you this week? Well, I think the both of you are. What do you mean I turned? I think the bat thing isn't over. Why do you think I'm messing with you? The bat thing isn't over, and I'm getting messed with. What does that mean? Well, I'm just going to read a text sent to me here by Jeff Ramsey

to the group text. Jeff said, because with his cookies, he delivered my bat. Jeff said, how is the bat, Gav? Did you get it? What does that mean? I feel like that means, did you get the bat? Yeah, I brought the bat to your house. I handmade it for you.

You're a member of F*** Face. It's our first piece of cool, unique merchandise. I just wanted to know how you felt about it. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine and dandy. But I'd already thanked you for the bat in our own private text. And we'd already talked about it.

So why would you then ask me again in the group text how the bat was? Because I forgot that we had already talked about it in your personal text. Okay. All right. Also, I went back and looked, because you're right, we did. Because when I sent that text to the group chat, I thought, did I already ask this question?

And I went back and you said, you just said, thanks for the cookies and Batman. And I said, no problem. And that was our conversation. Did you think I was talking about Batman? No, but I still didn't know what you thought about the bat. Also, you have no idea. I, so, going back a bit,

spent all Sunday making these fucking stupid cookies, these Christmas cookies. There's so many people in Achievement Hunter and, like, Gus and Matt and everybody. And so I made the Christmas list of people who I wanted to make. Not one. I wanted to make cookies for everybody on Earth, but the people that I was going to deliver Christmas cookies to. And then I went and I got in my car and I just drove around to all of your houses. I know where all of you live now, by the way. And I dropped the cookies off. And then I came home and Emily was like, what do people think of the cookies?

And I was like, I don't know. I didn't think to ask them. And she goes, oh, nobody said thank you. And I go, well, I didn't talk to anybody. And she's like, well, nobody where people's nobody home. And I was like, I don't know. I just put them on people's front porches and got the fuck out of there because I don't want to talk to anybody, you know, in person. And I don't want to inconvenience them. And she was like, you don't just drop food off on people's front porch and then leave and never did you text them and tell them it was there? And I didn't.

And apparently that's really rude. So I didn't know that. But I dropped off like 20 packages of cookies to people around town. And I assume by now they've most of them have figured it out. But how is it rude? It says it says from Jeff on them. Yeah, I figured you'll go out to the mailbox at some point or you'll leave to go to the grocery store.

At some point, you'll open your front door and you'll see that there were cookies. Although I guess some people are out of town and I haven't heard back from Bert yet. That was like four days ago. I would have done the exact same thing you did, Jeff. I just wanted to chime in and let you know that i support you a hundred percent i would not have i didn't no ringing a doorbell no knocking on a door no tech you texted me the day before and you said i'm doing this tomorrow

i need to look out for it boom it was there done i would have done the exact same thing it wasn't thanks man thanks man i appreciate that from jeff i feel like you're completely in the clear it was it certainly wasn't an attempt to be rude i was thinking i was trying to be like if anything more gracious because like you know what's the worst like what happens what's the first thing you think of when your doorbell rings i just it wasn't rhetorical i think i think god damn it now i to go to the door. What if it's a stranger? What if it's somebody that needs something?

What if it's a crazy person? What if it's they want to give me literature? What if it's like my friend who's showing up because they need like it's never good. The best case scenario is your Uber Eats order is on the ground, but then you're expecting that doorbell. So when it's an unexpected doorbell ring, it's 99% of the time going to be annoying. So way better just not to have it. It could be someone just saying,

can you help me move? Yeah, exactly. That would be really bad. Or like my car broke down in your front yard. Can I have all, like I need all of your tools and your phone. And also I'm hungry. I don't know, you know?

And so I didn't want to do that. I don't want to burden you guys. And some people have kids and didn't want to do that. I don't want to burden you guys. And some people have kids and stuff. Kids take naps. You don't want to fuck up their sleep schedule ringing doorbells. And then I got home and I felt bad

because I realized I gave a bat. I hand delivered a bat to Eric, Nick, and Gavin. Gavin, yours was kind of funny. And then I realized we didn't get anything for Andrew. So we called the McDonald's in Andrew's town and tried to order 40, was it 20 or 40? 20.

Carrot muffins. Whatever the fuck they're called, McMuffins or whatever. And the McDonald's was like, sir, we don't have that many. We only have six. So I asked them for an assortment of muffins to send to Andrew. Let me tell you that story from my perspective I randomly get a text

it was very nice text it seemed very sweet it was like we're gonna send you something I was like that's incredibly kind that's such a sweet gesture thank you I gave my address and then I got a text saying expected in 10 to 15 minutes and I was terrified.

I had full bat paranoia because of everything leading up. I'm like, is this a bit? And are they going to fucking shoot a hornet's nest at my door? What do I need to be prepared for? It was stressful. I had no idea what to expect because of all the bat stuff. I didn't know if it was a bit. I was like, oh, this is very thoughtful messages.

It'd be strange if this was a bit, but this could totally be a bit. And then I got the McDonald's bag and I immediately knew it was either one of two things. It's either muffins or 50 burgers. And there was just dread and holding these giant bags because I couldn't tell what they were. They're just two massive heavy bags. It could have been either. And I was so relieved it was the muffins because I don't think I could do 50 burgers again. That would be the end of it.

You didn't in the first place it went from like oh this is such a sweet gesture to what the fuck is going on to oh my god are there burgers to oh this is fantastic what a nice thing have you eaten all 20 muffins yet oh no i think i've had three muffins my freezer is filled with muffins oh good's almost all muffins. So you said my bat was funny. Why is it funny? Oh, your bat was funny because I delivered I made like a map and I delivered and aligned everybody

and I went from your house to Bernie's house to, I don't know. Anyway, I went from your house to a couple others it was near the end because we live kind of close to each other and I dropped off your cookies and everything. And then I drove over. And as I was dropping Gus's thing off and thinking I was done, I looked down and I saw your stupid bat on my passenger seat

and realized that I had dropped off everybody else's bat but yours. I forgot about you. So I had to drive all the way back across town to your house, drop off your bat in the same spot as your cookies, which I noticed you hadn't found yet. But I thought that if you were paying attention to your ring camera, you would see me show up twice. That might appear suspicious.

Well, I got on both. Got the bat. It's fine. What do you think? What do you think? You think it's worth... What are we selling them for? $1,000?

I had to text Andrew about the bat. And then I believe that Andrew filled you in on some of my doubt about the bat. Gavin is very paranoid, but I get it. I am. Because I thought Jeff was sitting a hornet's nest at my door, so I understand your paranoia. You asked me a very weird question. This is what Gavin asked me. I mean, you have the tax out.

I'm assuming you could see it. He asked me, how big are the bats? And then he told me he had one in his possession. It was a strange question. I guess I wasn't paying attention when you were talking about the bats as to how big the bats were. I was imagining the size of a bat, but it's a tiny little bat, barely halfway up my shin in length so i was like did he deliberately get me a small bat and then i looked at some pictures i was like i think they're

all small but i was then and then there was that picture of you holding one of the bats and i was holding my hand out in the same way trying to match the size to your photo and then i just asked andrew i was like how big are the bats that Jeff was engraving? Andrew said, I have no idea what's your shoe size. Yeah. Which then

is a different discussion we ended up having. And then I was like, I just thought they were full-sized bats. Andrew's like, no, they were never full-sized bats.

Why do you ask? And then that conversation ended and Andrew asked me, how big is your bat? And I said, small. And then Jeff asked me, how's your bat and I said small and then Jeff asked me how's your bat so what's it am I just paranoid and you're just playing off it or did you do you give me a little tiny bat I will say the okay so the shoe size thing just to go back to that for a minute I

didn't think you had your bat yet Gavin you didn't tell me I had no context for if you had it or not so I thought you were asking me how big the bat was in the photo and I assumed it would be about the length of your arm but I was trying to think like a visual indicator isn't it like a thing where if you put your shoe on like your forearm it's like the size

of like from your elbow to your fingertip or something like isn't that match up no I feel like that's a thing no I feel like that's definitely a thing. What, your elbow to your fingertip? I'm going to get my shoe. I'll be right back. There's no way.

I feel like it definitely, I know it feels like there isn't, but. Maybe your shoulder to your elbow? I don't know. So is it a normal bat, Jeff? Let me go back to a conversation I had with Andrew. This is from Tuesday. Andrew,

Gavin thinks you gave him a fake bat. I is from Tuesday. Andrew, Andrew, Gavin thinks you gave him a fake bat. I said, interesting, interesting. What makes him say that, Andrew? He thinks it's too small.

I say, I would tend to agree. He, because I've been bitching about how small they are. The damn knob is forever. He said, ha ha ha. Then a day later,

he says, what did you tell Gavin that I told you? And He said, ha ha ha. Then a day later, he says, what did you tell Gavin that I told you? And I said, nothing. Why? And he said, interesting. And that's it. This is the conversation I had with Andrew. I don't know who's fucking with who at this point. I thought at that point it'd flip back around on me again

and I was getting like triple fucked and so I just washed my hands with the whole thing. All I could hope for is that Gavin spent at least 10 minutes inside his house looking at a bat going, is this thing fucking good? Is this gonna blow up in my face? Is it gonna smell like dog turds?

Like, what's the problem? Because that's what my life was like for like two weeks. So if I could get 10 minutes of that in Gavin's house, I'm fine. I'll take it. It's like a fucking, it's gold to me. After I saw the message, Jeff,

that you wrote in the group text, how's your bat? I just, you know, I was like, yeah, great. Later on that day,

Andrew texts me, when Hitman 3 releases, we should have a contest, blah, blah, blah. I just said, I don't trust you.

You've let my bat doubt slip to Jeff. He said, what? did jeff tell you that i told him and i said just what he asked in the group text he said i don't see how that's a betrayal i said you always betray your greatest allies he said what does that mean i said there's no innocence here he said if i think if anyone has betrayed anyone here it's you and then we end up just arguing with each other this is all from nothing there's nothing nothing has happened this is okay well this is what happened gavin because i thought that group text your your group text thing was jeff's group text of how are the bats because i didn't know the context that he had asked you in

another way that didn't register to me as weird at all. So when you said, I felt like Jeff must have sent you something directly. So then I went to Jeff to see what he'd say that he sent you. And then I was going to ask you the same. And I was going to cross-interview both of you, seeing what the other person said. But you had nothing. It was just a comment that Jeff made in a group text. There's nothing there.

You're right it's a whole bunch of paranoia over nothing it's all because i didn't pay attention to how big the bats were yes you for some reason thought these were full-size bat we just need to sell these fucking bats we just needed to be done with we need to move on sell the amazing bats i think i think they're coming out like 8th. Is that right? That sounds correct. When is this podcast? This is the week after Christmas.

Yeah, we're recording this December 17th, I believe. That's what day it is. Yeah, I think the bats, the Russian fuck hat, and the Ian shirt all come out on the same day in January, right? No, right, because we were talking about Andrew and I were talking about how fucking, how face of us it is that we're releasing our biggest

merch drop ever right after Christmas, after everybody's done spending money. Not just right after Christmas, after Christmas past when there's ever a sale. There's no sale around January. Well, yeah. It's like two weeks after everybody got their presents and then spent all the money that they got for Christmas.

So everybody is dead ass broke. Probably the brokest you'll be in the year is January 6th to the 9th or something. And so that's when we're going to release our merchandise so dude speaking of the bats uh jack superfan jack text me an absolute revelation he said katie pointed out that bat knob is just a door handle just a doorknob yeah they're just so we could just sell like cabinet knobs sign those has there have we ever sold doorknobs i think that's the first i think it is a first do you sell a doorknob as a as a bat knob we have the official face doorknob bat knob

no we just call it a doorknob too where Where it'll be like, how did you get to doorknob? And it's like, you don't want to know. It's a long road. I like the idea of tracing from the very beginning of the podcast, how do we get to selling a doorknob? Well, we'll find out what the second poorest day of the year is, and then we'll release the doorknobs on that day. That'd be awesome.

Yeah, that'd be fucking great. I'm excited about the... Actually, I'm excited release the doorknobs on that day that'd be awesome yeah that'd be fucking great uh i'm excited about the e actually i'm excited about the bats i hope people like them uh and i hope people buy them uh because of all the misery that went into each bat but i'm excited about that ian shirt too because i just selfishly want to wear it yeah i mean i think every all the merch for that is amazing finally the hats are being sold. How long has that been in the works? Like seven years. Can you guys hear the dog eating his squeaky toy? No. No, I can't.

I heard something. In case you think that a clown is being beaten to death in the background. I'm glad that I've got a normal small bat. It's amazing what your own brain can do small bat. It's amazing what paranoia, what your own brain can do to you. It's the worst, dude. We are our own worst enemies. I was miserable.

I put the bats, I put the bats in the spare bedroom closet for like a full, probably 10 days before. Oh, can you hear it? Yes. Yes. full probably 10 days before oh can you hear it yes yes for probably probably a full 10 days before i took it back out again i was just like i gotta get it away from me i don't trust it speaking of normal bats regular bats i got my bats this week i received my batship Your fluke face bat

My fluke face bat I've got that on our text exchange as well Yeah do you want to go through that Well you posted a picture On it it says Fluke face at the end The classic fluke face logo And it says fluke face

Further down the bat as well And under it you wrote Fluke face bat and it says fluke face further down the bat as well and under it you wrote uh fluke face bat in the text jeff said it's huge under that under the fluke face on the bat it says all is one word not the r store not the store is what it looks like. So I just wrote nothing else. I just wrote not the R store. And you wrote, well, that's unfortunate. I didn't notice.

I was so happy with the bats. It was like a flex. It was my bat flex. And there's this huge error. You get the first face misprint. Eric and Nick nick have seen it so i'll just post it here this is my great fluke face not the r store bag not the r store i cannot believe it i know i i could i mean it's so me i assumed i made the error though but then i looked at my order, and I sent it correctly. It was a company error on their side.

They fucked it up. That was worth twice as much now. Not me. That's a very rare bat. Jeff, I'm putting a light in your face right fucking now. I'm looking at you right in the eyes. This is suspicious. I emailed the company about the bats, explaining my my issue this is what i got back as a

reply who the fuck is goffrey that's not a real name that is clearly you as an alias i think you're on the inside i think you're so deep in the bat game you got a whole side bat business that i accidentally stumbled onto and you're fucking me from the inside so you're saying fucking me you think that i would have an alter ego that's just a misspelling of my name yes yes i do you think that jeff went out there got ahead of this started a bat company and hope that you would use it yes no no no no not that i would use it i I think Jeff found out that he's got a deep love of bats, joined a bat company under his alias, and then I happen to use

that same service, and Jeff is sabotaging me from the inside because he wants to own the bat market. That is not a real name. Couple things. One,

Gavin's solution, or Gavin's idea makes way more sense to me uh that i would do it to fuck with you not that i would have some sort of love of bats and two how does that that is a brutal brutal bastardization of my name i have in 45 years never seen it misspelled quite like that go away that's offensive i understand it's probably how that poor man's, or I'm not sure how that person identifies, but that poor person's literal, like it might be the name on their birth certificate, so it sucks for them,

but I would never in a million years assume that identity. I hate, I would be like, I'd be like, I'd be like. Your explanation right now makes me think it's just you. I'd be, I'd be, I was gonna say I'd be Dirk, but that's taken. I'd pick a, uh... Your explanation right now makes me think it's just you. I'd be- I'd be- What do you mean? I was gonna say I'd be Dirk, but that's taken. Uh, I'd pick a really cool name. Like Dirk. Why is it, Andrew, that if you ever

try and get anything made, there's a huge manufacturing issue? That's what I said! That's what- in the first episode of this show, Geoff is like, you bring it on yourself i don't bring this on myself this wasn't my fault i exude face this is just my life i did everything right and that's what i get there is nothing else i could have done it just happens i would argue

that the right thing would be not to get the batman but no the the thing here is that andrew's paranoia comes from projection to a degree that is like insane he's like jeff clearly this is you you set up an alter ego you're so deep in the bat game and the only reason he thinks that is because he set up four or five dummy accounts so he could record an episode because he felt like doing it at a different time i mean like no one thinks at the level that andrew is thinking but he's putting that on everyone else yeah no one could even possibly dream of being one step ahead of where andrew might go there's absolutely no indication at any point that like what happened today i was going about my business having a day my phone pops up a discord notification saying gavin free has

joined the discord so i was like what later on i go this is like half an hour before the podcast starts i look at our recording room that we record in and wait fascinating i'm typing fascinating i just admitted that he sorry go ahead sorry we can go so i look at the room you can see the list of names who are in the room that you recorded. I look in the room. I see Andrew, Jeff, Eric, Nick, and myself. Actually, I don't think Nick was in there yet. So I joined and Andrew was talking,

but his voice was coming out of all four accounts at the same time. It sounded like a face nightmare and then nick came in and i hope recorded some and then you guys came in but how how could we predict that was gonna happen andrew i don't i don't know what the point you're trying to make how is it my job for you to predict what i'm gonna do oh you're saying because of jeff because i'm saying that jeff no and once again i'm not saying that jeff playing this yeah i'm not saying jeff playing this my whole thing is that jeff really is into bats bats Jeff crazily saying I'm not that much of a bat guy all he's talked about for eight weeks in a row you're the biggest bat guy I know you

definitely would get into the bat business and I think you would just be lazy with your alternate alias I've never seen that name anywhere before and my bats got suddenly fucked it's very mysterious here's the deal andrew that's a that's a ludicrous ludicrous assertion uh i'm not gonna tell you it's not true though it's probably not true it's probably very very most likely not true but it could be you're 99 sure that it's not true could be it's definitely not true and you're 99% sure that it's not true. Could be. It's definitely not true, and you're 99% sure of it. I know it's true, though. Like, you're trying to do, like, a mind game with me where you're trying to make me think it's not true?

It is true. I'm just going to believe that it is true. It absolutely could be true. It could be true. I could have done those things in that way that you described. Absolutely. Yeah. I think the only way to end all this paranoia

is absolutely no contact during the week. What does that mean? Well, like the paranoia just came from talking to you, just talking to the both of you, for me at least this week. And I feel like it's dangerous and we shouldn't do it. I feel like the source is the bats, right? I mean, technically, if we want to get really serious about this, Gavin, and follow the thread to the beginning, this is your fault. This

is all your fault. This is our fault. So for you to then be the solution is talk to nobody? Fascinating. It is my fault. Yeah, you were the first, you pushed the first domino over, and they're still falling. I gotta say, though,

Misery definitely loves Company, and it makes me so happy inside that you two are both paranoid, uh, because I'm just happy that, uh, that I'm not the only one that got out of this bat scenario scathed. No. No, we all, we're all broken. I feel vulnerable enough around you guys to come clean though and ask just ask about it straight up instead of holding on to the paranoia and keeping it inside me. I at least was able to talk to you both about it so that's nice. Yeah. Yeah I assume that's a dig at Andrew

and a good way to end the episode probably as Eric points out we have to accommodate the cool intro Are we putting in any of the f*** face demon that Andrew made? I don't know. It was bad. I don't know if anyone wants to listen to that. Nick had an idea, aka me.

I had an idea, aka Nick. We'll talk to you about it. It's a good idea. On paper. It's a good idea I didn't but did come up with, but I didn't. But I'm Nick. But I'm not Nick. I'm all of you. Andrew is talking out of our mouths and typing as us as this episode is. Should I end the podcast as all of you? Is that what we should do?

Which Nick is talking right now in the chat? Is that real Nick? I have no idea. That's a great question. Real Nick. But I could just write real Nick. How do you know? Like, Jeff, write something in the chat or Gavin,

somebody right now. Jeff, Eric, Eric or Jeff, write something in the chat chat. Who's talking me. I don't understand. Can we just wrap the episode?

I'm in hell. This is hell. What's going on? You want to wrap the episode? This has got to be our, the oddest episode we've had. Yeah. Definitely up there is most bizarre,

like front to back. How do we keep topping that? It doesn't make any sense. Alright, so Andrew, are you going to unmute everyone and do a group outro? Let me do the group outro. Now there's two voices. Now we've got three. What am I supposed to say again? Thank everyone for listening.

Yeah, could you just write it this is a visual joke for an audio podcast i don't know why we did this this is why it came into by the way earlier this is what I arrived into. Yeah, me too. It was a mindfuck for sure. You know what? That attitude, I'm just not going to say anything. I came into this followed up immediately by you guys

throwing balls to each other. It was not a welcoming way to enter into the podcast. Take it away. He's done. He's out. Take it away, Andrew, Jeff, Eric, Kevin. It was not a welcoming way to enter into the podcast. Wait, so he's not doing the outro? Oh, right, so he's done. He's out.

Take it away, Andrew, Jeff, Eric, Gavin. Go. Thanks for listening to the F*** Face Podcast. If you made it all the way to here, you're made of Stern stuff. Speaking of Stern, Howard Stern just signed up for another five years. I know he's a, I was going to call him a competitor. I thought that's not right. I'll call him a peer, but that's also not right.

We are not on the same level, but congratulations to that. He'll be 104 by the time he finishes that contract and five stars like and subscribe. I have it on good authority that people are really liking this podcast and apparently it's doing very, very well in the charts. So keep up the good work and

I'm sorry about Andrew. Thanks for listening.