Regulation Podcast - Andrew's Broken Chair Birthday // I've had my cat for 20 years [66]

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew's joke book and being mad at comment leavers about ramen, The Zim vs an umpire, and Andrew's List(tm). Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Check us out on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/fckfacepod  Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello and welcome to episode 66 of the F*** Face Podcast. A special edition. This is the Andrew Panton, this is your birthday, happy 27th birthday buddy edition. Well he's not ready though I don't think he said hang on it's 15 minutes after three o'clock and we're still not going I was here on time technical difficulty

can you hear me okay yes we hear you fine okay great okay hey what do you what's up like what once again what is the purpose of being here on time if you're not ready? I was ready. I didn't know I wasn't ready. I was here on time. Are you recording?

I am recording. Oh, nice. Hey, Andrew. Yes. Happy birthday. Thank you. Happy birthday to you. Oh, no. Happy birthday to you. no Happy birthday to you

We don't need to do this Happy birthday dear Andrew Happy birthday to you That's the first time that song has been sung with those notes Yes, well I have to get it It's copyright I gotta get around the copyright You gotta sing it slightly different

It's actually a pro move on my part Face 66 Andrew, you're 27. Congratulations. Happy birthday. How does it feel to be 27? What did you get for your birthday?

What are you doing for your birthday? What's on the agenda? Well, I'm using a new setup is I'd say the highlight of my birthday. Unrelated to the technical. No.

No, I did not. So yesterday. Why? You got a new fire extinguisher. did yeah it's my favorite thing uh yesterday my chair broke i've been using a broken desk chair since before this podcast started and my dream was that it would break while we were recording that was the goal i'd just been waiting and uh yesterday i dropped something and I went, I bent down to pick it up while the chair and the chair broke.

Finally, it was the end. Dumped me on the floor. You don't have the best luck with chairs. No, I don't. I got great chair luck in the worst way. It broke. I don't have, I own three chairs and none of them would work for this. What do you mean well i have my desk chair and

then i have these two big like lazy boy type chairs on a different level that i couldn't bring up so i don't have a chair for this was uh the great dilemma so i've had to rewire my setup and unrelated to my issues but it's pretty great this might be a first in the company's history i'm not sure eric might know but uh let me make sure i'm recording let me grab my binoculars one second christ why would i jeff started the company why would i yeah but you're you're the podcast if you use more of a podcast person jeff although jeff's on several all right you're the podcast don't blame me for this company i'm not blaming you for it. I am recording. We're good. Uh, okay.

Are you stood up? Uh, no. Are you outside? No. No, I'm neither of those. He's on his bed, isn't he? I'm very okay. Well, the weight balance is a little bit of an issue. My mic keeps trying to fall over. We're fine. We're good.

I'll post in the discord my setup right now if this was a tip or foam mattress you could have a glass of wine next to you and not worry it's very difficult to use binoculars and a mouse at the same time try to see my screen so your mouse i i'm guessing you're on the bed the the mouse is on the bed, and you're using binoculars to look at the screen. Yeah, because we post photos a lot, Steph. I also, for recording, I needed it here. This is my setup right now. Binoculars?

This is what I got going. I didn't have a chair, so I was like, what should I do? And then I made the great discovery that my cables are long enough that I can reach They can reach my bed. I can absolutely eight pillows now. Maybe eight pillows Yeah, well you need a lot you need the back support for I'm sitting up on the back Yeah, you don't want to be lying on your back. No, that'd be weird be a strange podcast set up So yeah, that's that's my my life right binoculars though binoculars. I wouldn't have gone for uh well How awesome I I'm a near sighted person Gavin I can't see the screen why I would have magnified

Windows probably before I would have found binoculars is that book next to you a Bible because you're you you prayed on it that this Would work. No it is. I was wow I keep going to call you Jake. I'm so sorry Jeff. It's okay very insulting Wow, I keep going to call you Jake. I'm so sorry, Jeff. It's okay. Very insulting. That's a joke book from 1940 that I bought. Is that where you found the Jake joke?

Yeah, that is. All my greatest material comes from that 1940 joke book. So if we're in any dead air, any pause in the action, just let me know. I guess I'd be aware. You could find a morally questionable joke. Oh, there are some bangers in that book pick here let's do one pick a pick a page one between one and like nine hundred sixty nine okay 69 I'm holding the book upside down good start 69 okay it looks like we are in, what is the chapter? The American Scene. Okay, now pick a number between 685 and 695.

691. 691. Okay, I'm just going to read this, and if it's problematic, racist in any way, we can edit it. A doctor who was called to a small country town to extract an appendix missed the last train back, called to a small country town to extract an appendix missed the last train back stayed overnight in a miserable hotel and was waited on at breakfast by a sallow and could sallow salo sallow sallow sallow and cadaver cadaver cadaverous sallow cadaverous country girl said she boiled tongue stewed kidneys fried fried liver, said he. Hang your symptoms, bring me something to eat.

I see. Need to work on the delivery, but yeah. Well, you know, I haven't read it before. She offered him essentially a bunch of Ofal, and he took that as to be her symptoms of the... If you think it's a delivery issue, let me just do it again for you, Gavin. Is that how you pronounce awful? Isn't that how you say awful, say awful? I don't know.

I don't know how to say it. O-F-A-L? O-F-F? I don't know. It's one of those words I read, don't say it. Okay, here's another great joke. Quick one. I'll nail the delivery on this one. You pick the very wordy one.

Someday we hope to see a waiter with enough of what it takes to lay the check face up on the table great joke Nailed So I got a thousand pages of that if we ever need them well, we're set I'm no longer worried about dead ass. No I got it I will fumble my way through so many jokes hey let's do one more in honor of your birthday let's do page 27 page 27 okay jesus 27 i really i put the still in the american scene which is very fitting for me jesus we're gonna go with the shortest joke on this

fucking thing because there's a bunch that are like a paragraph long. Belle, if I were you, Percy, I should tell him just what I think of him. Percy, how can I? I'm scared to say that. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. Another banger. I'm not going to say it.

I don't know what that means. That's dangerous. What's a CAD? What's a CAD? What's a CAD? Like C-A-D? C-A-D. Just like a Rapscallion. Oh, okay.

Like a CAD. Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad. It's not racist or anything. Okay. Great. It was a CAD.

That was the word I was afraid to say. Okay. But that's my setup. And that's why I'm late. Because I didn't realize I couldn't see that anyone had joined the call and wait was that the joke yeah that was the joke that was it great joke what was the joke what happened I'm trying to get having a stroke what happened something in the book no no no it's this is standard for these jokes it's It's often you're left with wondering where the joke was. Sort of the magic of this book.

Belle, if I were you, Percy, I should tell him just what I think of him. Percy, how can I? The cad has no telephone. That's the, that's the joke. I don't know if you missed part of it before. Oh, I thought it ended with just you saying the cad. No, that was the thing i was scared to proceed past and

then i couldn't remember i think what followed that so maybe it was my fault still great show happy birthday to me so what what are you what are your goals for this year of your life oh that's a load that what a fucking what do you who asked that. Oh, that's a load. What a fucking, who asked that on a birthday? That's a serious... That's a good point. You know what? My birthday present to you,

I'm going to unask that question. That's great. Happy birthday. Thank you. I texted you happy birthday. You didn't reply. No, because I was trying to assemble all this stuff.

I saw it and I was like, I want to get to this, but I need to... I mean, it doesn't need a response. I was just making sure you saw. Well, if it didn't need a response, why acknowledge the fact I didn't reply? You know what? As a birthday present, I want to get to this, but I need to... I mean, it doesn't need a response. I was just making sure you saw. Well, if it didn't need a response, why acknowledge the fact I didn't reply? You know what?

As a birthday present, I'll take that comment back. Happy birthday. You potentially cost people a lot of money, Gavin, by the way. I saw somebody comment that they followed your roulette call and they lost. I'm curious how many people have copied that. Oh, come on. They can't...

Black can't lose forever no but the amount like i wonder how many people have done that and what the win percentage is i bet you it's astronomically low no you gotta be with me in person i think that's how it works okay well we'll test that one day i can't wait to lose everything in front of you and then see what you have to say about it i feel like you would rather lose just so I have to come up with a reason oh absolutely you know I'd feel bad and be uncomfortable yeah totally that would be the dream you guys will be happy to know that I purchased this morning a tiny roulette wheel like a Fisher Price roulette wheel set up for the face breaks it so

so that we can test out this rule these roulette theories i love it it's already in the mail on the way i even told i told gavin about it last night and then i remembered that i hadn't bought it yet so i bought it this morning when i woke up that's amazing i woke up this morning and i was struggling to remember if something if a conversation I had was a dream or not Andrew did we have a conversation recently that ended up with you saying triple a batteries are a non-standard size uh I just yeah well I I was saying that that they're a rare battery than a double a I think that was on the podcast wasn't it uh it was either on the podcast or after one of the okay I just I just feel like that's pretty

standard like if you're in a place that sells double a you probably got triple a not far absolutely like it it's not totally battery or something i completely agree with that my point was more in the house i don't feel like i feel like it's more likely people have double ice like that's if you're gonna have batteries at your house you're gonna have double s in my experience there are more pieces of equipment on earth that require double A than triple A probably absolutely that was my point not that like you fucking had to go on a treasure hunt to find a triple A battery oh just that they weren't as popular of a usage as opposed to the double A the king of batteries I'd say I also just before we

get too far from this I need to make a sincere from what from the beginning of the show I have an order honestly that that statement only makes sense because of my notes I have this note at the beginning we can't expand too far past it I need to make a sincere apology to you Jeff I also fuck both of you, but also apology. Okay, so what's the order? I'm going to first say, nah, I don't need to. I'm going to, like you, my kindness, my birthday gift back.

My advanced birthday gift is retracting that statement. Just an apology to Jeff. Last week, when we recorded, you had an issue with the comment levers. You were like, ah, people criticizing, putting tot in the recipe. That's unfair. You wanted a clarification of that.

Yeah. And I was listening to it. I was like, ah, you know what? Like, whatever. I mean, it's sort of a strange thing to like care about them doing that. There are so many fucking people that think they understand how ramen works. They got no fucking idea.

I'm so sick of this. i'm so sick of this i'm so sick of these why didn't he read the instructions i'm the biggest fucking instruction guy on this podcast i love instructions i follow them to a t i look at all the instructions always people are just coming out left and right why Why didn't he read the instructions? You fucking idiots. I did read the instructions. I dug up the instructions. I'm going to post them in the chat.

I've got to use my binoculars. One second. Okay. Okay. He's like a high height. He's bird watching. I got it. There's the recipe.

Put the noodle and condiments in the bowl. Pour one and a half cups of boiling water. Cover the bowl for three minutes. Yeah, I mean, that's how you would cook the pot ones. That's the package ramen! That's for package ramen. Where does it say put the ramen in the fucking pot? It says the opposite.

Well, that's not ramen then. It's like, that's like a special type. No it's not! I went to the store, I bought ramen in a bag! What do you want from me? Post a picture of the ramen. Okay, give me- The whole packet. Well, fucking, I didn't expect this question. I gotta get the goddamn binoculars out, we're going to another tab!

I think that's like a- Give me a minute. I think that's like a... We find this. Goddamn motherfucker. This isn't ramen. Phenoculus. I retracted my previous, my statement. Fuck you. I am. I'm short-sighted Gavin.

I get the fact that you can't see your monitor from across the room. There are easier ways. I don't know how. I don't get a packet of ramen. I'm not saying... Here's the thing. Someone sent ramen instructions that showed that, and that's fair.

Like, I get it. But don't act like I don't fucking read the instructions. I read the instructions. I don't think you follow instructions to a T. I think you follow them to a tea kettle. Wow. That was, I see what you did there.

Do you also own a 1940 joke book? Put that in the book. Page 1000. What I was going to say before Gavin dumped that on us is, uh, apology accepted, Andrew. Apology accepted.

The comment leavers can be frustrated when they misconstrue things. I understand. And I want you to know you got my support, Andrew. Apology accepted. The comment leavers can be frustrated when they misconstrue things. I understand. And I want you to know you got my support, buddy, as always. I just... Love them. Appreciate the comment leavers a lot. Wait, is there a difference between short... I got the binoculars

still up. Short-sighted, near-sighted, they're the same, aren't they? Just different phrasings? They sound like they're the opposite. Short-sighted? I think short-sighted near sight they're the same aren't they just different phrasings they sound like they're the opposite short i think i think short-sighted has nothing to do with your eye with your vision dude i think near-sighted does or far-sighted i think short-sighted means you can't see you can't envision things happening far out into the future no that's honestly that's that was a dilemma before when i was thinking about it i was like i'm aware of that definition but i couldn't think of anything else to describe. I would definitely say you're short-sighted.

Yeah. Yep. That's actually correct. Is this ramen, Gavin? Is this fucking ramen? Is this appropriate? Does this check out for you? Is that fucking ramen?

Is that ramen-y enough? It looks like ramen. It looks pretty ramen-y. It's very ramen- romany i went to the grocery store i bought it i followed the instructions oh so okay that's all i wanted to say apology to jeff and also people have no fucking idea that there are other ways to make ramen i'm following the instructions don't be mad at me be mad at mama be mad at the mama company if you're gonna be mad at somebody while

we're while we're issuing uh statements i would like to jump in just because i don't think gavin or maybe gavin was here for it but andrew definitely wasn't we discovered right before the show started that i'm not listen all right i'm stupid a lot but i'm not totally stupid when it comes to playing shit into my foot like Like when Jack called playing shit into the microphone, we found out today that I had something called noise suppression selected, which wouldn't let anything be heard. And then we fixed it, and now I can play stuff to you guys.

That's exciting. So it's not that I don't know where the microphone on my phone is when I hold it up to the microphone to record. I know where the microphone on my phone is. It's just that noise suppression was canceling it out speaker whatever yeah but let's just let's just do that again it's not that i don't know where the speaker is on my phone i know exactly where it is and when i put it up to the thing i don't know why it doesn't play for you guys

but now it will because we tested it and it worked am i smart although if i already having it off yes okay but your intelligence was never in question. What's weird is I never viewed it as like you. I don't know. It wasn't a dumb thing. This is going to sound strange. I didn't really because I'm pretty sure it was with Nick and Eric today. I viewed it until we figured it out.

Same. I just viewed it as you didn't know how, which is maybe more insulting. I don't know what is more insulting, but it just seemed like a thing. You were just bad at it. It was like somehow it was killing you. Yeah, I'm not though. I'm not though. It was just a setting.

And we fixed it. Thanks to Nick. Hey, job Nick. We did it. What a time. Well, Andrew, is there anything? This is your birthday, man. It's not even like your birthday episode.

Today is straight up your birthday. So is there anything else you want to talk about? This is your podcast today. Well, it's our podcast. As you've said before, it's a triangle. Not my podcast. We're a comedic triangle. Yep. I have a thing to share with you guys.

I have two things to talk about. One, you're aware of. The other one, I discovered this. Don Zimmer has multiple fights. Now, this isn't a physical fight. It's not physical, but Don Zimmer has one of the greatest umpire fights I've ever seen. Is this a video?

It's a video. I'm going to post it in the thing. Go to like a minute 40 for this thing. I'll be right back. Just a second. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Okay. Binoculars. here we go face you're dropping it in okay what a minute 40 1989 1989 it's got to like a minute 40 now this is i was still shitting myself i didn't exist yet.

I'm so sorry about that. Andrew, that was the delivery guy. Your birthday stuff is there. Can you go out for front and meet him? I don't know what that... What do you mean? I sent you some birthday stuff. He's gonna have to climb out of his recording pod. Well, I don't know. The guy said he rang the bell. Nobody answered. You did... Fuck.

This is... Okay. I'm gonna have to run around my building, because he's probably not at my door. I don't know, uh... You won't tell us how to get to your house, so how am I supposed to roll in the information? We've done a million of these, and it's a staple that my door... God damn it.

Why don't you just use your binoculars, see if you can see him. God damn it, son of a... He hates getting up. He hates switching rooms and switching floors. You're really making him work. I'm so sorry. I sent him some nice shit.

Hearing him walk away going, present, present, present, present. As he leaves the room, it's really something. Now, this would have been perfect if 10 minutes later, you had ordered him something, Gavin. And then 10 minutes later later you had ordered him something, Gavin, and then 10 minutes later you had ordered him something, Eric.

So every 15 minutes he's got to get out of bed. Get out of bed. Can't you just order another one right now? Yeah, maybe. Let's see. Make me do all the work. Okay. Well, I mean, you got all the address and all that.

I got it from you. I had to ask you for his address today. I don't know. Do I need to look at your Canadian account or something? No, dude! I didn't even have Postmates until this! I downloaded it after you gave me the address! Oh, man. I can't until this fucking... let's see... Oh yeah, he should've joined on his phone! Yeah.

So we could hear him. Join. On. Yeah. So we could hear him. Join on phone. He's going to come back and you have to use his binoculars to see us yelling join on phone a bunch of times. I bet he didn't take his phone with him, did he? Oh, shit. What if he locked himself out? Should we get him a bar burrito or a waterfront confection?

Waterfront confection. Waterfront confection. Let's do that okay sugar-free dark chocolate ice cream yes please we'll do fuck it let's do a whole liter why not that's a good yeah uh i don't know how much that is but i assume it's a lot

banana chocolate chunk uh i'll do a half liter of that and oh blue bubble gum let's get him a half liter of blue bubble gum and uh what else do we got? Everything in his island is vegan, by the way. Vegan and gluten free. Oh, yeah.

They have birthday cake flavor. Oh, let's see. That's a great one. They have New York cheesecake. They have green pistachio. They have pomegranate. They have Nanaimo bar, root beer, rum raisin, fucking rum raisin. What year is this?

Oh, cookie dough. Everybody loves cookie dough. There you go. Cookie dough. Half liter of cookie dough. That is $70 of Canadian ice cream. Okay, we'll do that. Okay.

I hope he likes his ice cream. He'll love it. Should we call him? Let's phone him. Well, I know. I just got the notification that he picked up the stuff. Oh, then he'll be back up in just a second. He'll be back any second now.

And now they're preparing my other order. The latest order. Okay. Okay. So the latest arrival will be by 310 p.m. So let's just make sure we keep this going that long. OK. Yeah.

Well, we have to. Yeah, for sure. He's going to be very annoyed by the next one. Yeah. I think that's the plan, Gavin. No, I'm saying it's definitely going to work based on his reaction to the first one. I'm not doubting it. I'm excited to hear him from a distance come back into the room. I'm excited to hear him. breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing

every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. CA slash YMX. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. I'm so excited for the next one. The next, the 310.

It's going to be perfect. Thrilled. Half an hour from now. Mm-hmm. Oh, wait, no. Isn't that two hours from now? Hmm? Isn't it two hours? Oh, shit.

It is two hours. It is. Why would it take that long? I said it was going to be 30 to 45 minutes. Well, let's see. I can track it. Let's just see what happens. Well, it's listed as 2.25

and says latest arrival by 3.10. Okay. 2.25, so that would be... What time is it? It should be 141 but according to this I place the order at 225 this country's too wide

well this is not we should do something about that but we're not in our country at all right now we're talking about his country I mean it shares the width this country's too wide it shares the same number of time zones i don't know like does canada have mountain time canada time zones there's six time zones in canada apparently oh they probably got one on like nova scotia or something yeah it. It says Central Standard Time in Canada.

It's 2.42 p.m. right now. Yeah, but he's not central. We're Central Daylight Time. He's like way west. No, I think he is, though, because it does say Vancouver, it's 1.42, but it also says Mountain Daylight Time and Central Standard Time are both 2.42,

and then Central Daylight Time is2. And then central daylight time is 342. This is stupid. How are you going to have two different time zones that are the same fucking time? Why are they two different time zones then? That's so dumb. Well, they could be different depending on time of year. Like daylight savings. Yeah, I guess.

How far away is his outside? This is crazy. I'm back. Oh. Like daylight savings. Yeah, I guess. How far away is his outside? This is crazy. I'm back. Oh. Here we go. We were just bitching about time zones. How you doing, buddy? Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Did you get your stuff? I got the bag, yeah. Oh, sweet. I tried to get you a birthday cake, but I couldn't find anybody that had a cake that could deliver it this quickly, so I just got you an assortment of things.

You were gone for like 10 minutes. Yeah. I had to go around the cake, but I couldn't find anybody that had a cake that could deliver it this quickly, so I just got you an assortment of things. You were gone for like ten minutes. Yeah. I had to go around the building, had to find the guy. I was on my bare feet. I was making sure not to step on anything. This is a whole idea. I had to get out of the fucking wire nest that I

assembled, not thinking I'd move. Oh, and I got a... What is this? Hey Andrew! Thank you. Andrew, what timezone are you in? I'm in Pacific Standard Time, I believe. BST? That's not even listed.

Pacific Daylight Time you mean? Pacific Standard Time is also a thing. Sure. Okay. What's- what's it called in Canada? I believe Pacific Standard Time. Oh. Am I missing something? What's fucking going on?

I feel like I left you guys, laid out a bunch of goddamn booby traps, and I'm coming back. It's my birthday. What is happening? I think the difference is Pacific Standard Time is a certain time of the year, and then when you leap forward or leap back,

it switches to Pacific Daylight Time. I think it depends on the time of the year, whether it's daylight or standard. I think, I think. That's stupid. Is there, I'm gonna find out. What is the difference... Okay, Andrew, do you want to cover

what you wanted to talk about today? Well, first we need to watch this video. We need to watch the Don Zimmer fight. Oh, yeah, yeah. We gotta watch Don Zimmer fight. What is this? Do you say it was 140 in this video? Oh, I got you an Earl Grey tea. A warm tea, just in case you got thirsty.

Why is this wet? I don't feel like this is supposed to be wet. Yeah, okay. Sorry, let me... Binoculars back out. Okay. So, was it a 140 you said on this video? 140.

A minute 40. Alright. Don Zimmer fight. He's storming out there. He's walking out. He's storming out. He's got things to say. Oh, he's going to talk to the umpire. He is. He just got thrown out of He's walking out He's got things to say Oh he's going to talk to the umpire

He is he just got thrown out of the game I believe Moving a lot slower back then than he did in his later years He's trying to be intimidating 140 140 well we're way past that now Alright helmet's off Umpire off They're going back and forth they're talking

Oh arms are flying Yep that's the first aggression move he's pointing to outside disagreeing back and forth the points have begun the pointing have begun yep that is the non-physical punch they're just throwing back and forth zimmerhans in the air for a second time he He's letting him know. He's doing the walk back arms throw. Now he's kicking dirt. He's comboing the arms throw with the dirt kick. He's so fast. His arms are like bullets.

Are you ready for the finishing move, Gavin? Finishing move about to come up. Hands on the hip. He's like, listen, I'm a man of reason. I'm listening to you. Do another arm throw. The umpire doesn't have much to say. He's just staring.

He doesn't know what to say. The Zim is going full on it. You can see his vein popping out. Oh! Arms out. Hands up. Rolling the sleeves up. Now the umpire's back.

Now the umpire has a point to make. Look at his eyes! His hat flew off! The hat's off! The hat is off! That is the finishing move! You cannot counter when the guy takes the hat off. Oh, God.

It's like two birds trying to fly over a nut. That was so fast and weird. That man is my hero. He's great. Oh, my God. Thank you for bringing that into my life. Oh, my God. And I'm...

Andrew, I didn't even show you. Hold on a second. Jeff, what were you doing in 1989? 1989? Last one that video was from. I was 14. I was in ninth grade.

I was in high school, freshman high school. I was probably watching that game. I was a huge baseball fan in 1989. Huge, huge Cubs fan. He Zimmer fan there was like there were like three shows there were like three channels on TV that played baseball WTBS WGN and I don't know some other channel and so I watched every White Sox and Cubs game that was on TV because

it was all I had the choice and the Braves because that's all that was available to me so I probably saw that game when it happened or maybe not I don't know they have the summer of zimmer or the zimmer boy something like that it's like a vhs chronicling a championship season they had it's on youtube we should watch that at some point i think that'd be fun well just watch it together i think you should it's like an hour long look at this fucking awesome shirt i'm wearing speaking in the library that is that era of don zimmer as well that's what it is it's appropriate to the time of the video i really appreciate that your entire wardrobe is slowly becoming don zimmer i was telling gavin i'm working on a zimmer only wardrobe

if i have uh i can get away with it i I'm doing my damn thing. That's amazing. Oh man. Speaking of the library, um, this is a, a really short brief story. I could tell that's related to Nick and I, we had a,

we had a, Nick and I had a little incident earlier this week. Ooh. Uh, in my library where, uh, poor Nick had nothing to do with it, uh,

but it was his fault. He asked me to record some lines. He asked me to record uh ad reads yesterday or monday and i was like yeah man i can do that and then i was doing something else and then i thought you know what i'm not gonna let time get away from me i'm gonna run over and i'm gonna do nick's ad reads right now even though uh i have something else going on but i was like i just want to get him out of the way so i run into my room and i start to do them and i set it up and uh as right as i'm starting to record,

I realized that I can hear Millie watching Grey's Anatomy or some shit in her room. And so I go like, oh, I should probably shut the door. So I get up to shut the little saloon doors that shut my library off from the rest of the house. And somehow opening the one door, just opening the door, I'll never for as long as I live, understand how this happened, and I

wish I could go back and study it like a Zabruder film, because it's phenomenal. I just opened the door that wasn't touching or connected. It wasn't even touching the wall. It was just like half open. I just opened it, and when I did that, this giant picture of Jean-Paul Sartre hanging on my wall fell

down, and when it fell down you know how my wall has i didn't tell you this part nick this i found this out later my wall has horizontal like wooden beams across it it ripped one of the beams off my wall and it then hit my doorknob and it shot my doorknob across the room and ripped the doorknob off my door and left a giant hole. The picture frame got broken. The picture inside the frame got fucked up. The wall got broken and I lost a doorknob.

All because Nick asked me to do lines. I was telling him about it. I was telling him about it as I was recording. I'm like, Nick, you're not going to believe what's happening right now in this room. And then after I finished, I found out it was way worse. Unbelievable. I'm blown away the doorknob flew off.

I'm gonna show you a picture of it. Hold on. Hold on a second. I need to find my doorknob. Have you ever lost a doorknob, Gavin? No. You know what? I've not owned a lot of doorknobs. I'm more of a handle guy. Doorknob. Yeah, as opposed to... I don't think I've ever bought a lot of doorknobs i'm more of a handle guy doorknob yeah as opposed i don't think i've ever bought a doorknob plenty of handles you've bought a lot of handles well

more than doorknobs yeah i'm trying to think of like what are you buying why are you buying loose handles well i like swapped i got a set that had like a lock on it. I was younger. Oh, you want a privacy? I wanted to lock on the door. So I bought when I installed it. That's the only time I think I've ever bought a handle Trying to think there's not a time where I bought a doorknob. I had a friend I had a bet Doesn't get any more doorknob than that no what if you got locked in because of that well that would have been even funnier there's another door in the room but yeah uh you got a spare door you got a hot swap door yeah i got a back door that goes out yeah so i just i just have a fucking hole in my door now where the where that was I guess it was

just covering up some some shoddy craftsmanship by the people that flipped the house fuck it I'll take a picture of that you guys keep talking I'm gonna show you I'm gonna show you this other fucking awesome thing hold on I need more knobs in my life instead of handles though because I think a door knob is harder for a cat to operate. Because they're pretty damn good at handles. Are they? You just gotta, I don't know, my cat is old to the point where it's not an issue. I don't think I even knew you had a cat.

I don't know anything about you. I've had my cat for 20 years. She's 20 years old. This isn't a new addition to my life. We were discussing at dinner last night how little Gavin knows about you, Andrew. I was filling him in. I was like, how do you not know these basic things about Andrew?

I just feel like I don't ask a lot of personal questions. I ask a lot of questions that make me sound like an insane person, like how you make food and shit, but not about your family or your living situation. It's the doorknob again. I already sent the damn doorknob. Hold on.

It's the doorknob again! I already sent the damn doorknob, hold on. You got a cat when you were seven? Yeah! It's still around! It's still around! Sam is still around, but she's very old. She doesn't jump that much. Also not the greatest with vision. Yeah, I've had Sam my whole life. And I've known you online for... so like 13 years yeah around then here's the problem with us gavin i'm somebody who doesn't just like share personal information or like that type of thing and you never ask so

there's just i don't want to intrude i feel like you'll tell me shit well i feel the same way i feel like why would anyone want to know so i just don't i don't talk about it so you and i great friendship and if we could talk for literally years every day and i don't think we'd ever like enter a personal we're we're like a friendship without any foundation like it's built on nothing oh there's the hole yeah wait that's what was on the that's what was behind my doorknob dude no wonder it flew off how did you not just pull it off when you use the handle i don't know man never came up never happened looks like somebody shot your door it's great yeah thanks

oh home ownership so wait how does how does jeff know about your personal life did he ask i don't know that's a great question well i've known i've known andrew for oh i don't know over a decade and uh we've had a million conversations i know a bit about your personal life too gavin i a i listen and b i i remember and c i ask questions yeah but i know stuff about your life it's equal yeah because you've asked me questions i don't know why you refuse to ask any questions you've also lived together so i feel like that's an additional layer like it's just you don't what if what if we live together for six months andrew what would uh that'd be i don't know that'd be interesting you wouldn't what if what if we live together for six months andrew what would uh that'd be i don't know

that'd be interesting you wouldn't want to be roommates for six months no i would be totally fine with that that'd be great i think we'd get a lot more doorknobs i'd have i'd have to adjust the way i live to fit within the boundaries of your life and your rules but i think it'd be fine i don't what do you mean i'm not a big rule guy. Well, I'd go to the kitchen and, you know, the waffle maker would be in your bedroom.

No, I would, if we were, if I felt that there would be a community waffle maker, I would not hoard the supplies. I'm not like a fucking

Mad Max villain with water. It would be in the communal area. We'd all, we could share. I'm not going to hoard anything. Okay. Well, that's good to know.

Yeah. I think it would be pretty unevent Okay. Well, that's good to know. Yeah. I think it would be pretty uneventful, honestly. It would be like an occasional, we'd be three months in and we'd be like, if we did this for content reasons, this was a mistake. We'd just be coexisting nicely. We're just watching Mr. Bean.

It's just like, it's just strange. Nobody needs this. Andrew took it upon himself to try and watch every episode of Mr. Bean because I made one reference to Mr. Bean two episodes ago. Well, we talked about it.

That's a little... You're narrowing how much we talked about Mr. Bean. Well, I mean, that's the reason we started talking about Bean is because... That is true.

...the firework. Yeah, but then it led into an extended conversation in which that claim or the commitment happened. Have you finished Bean? Are you all the way through? I haven't watched it

since we last spoke. But I will. What is your opinions thus far? I think it's a really good show. I think there are times where if you don't find the bit funny, they extend every idea out to its fullest extent. So if you're not immediately on board, it's like, oh, I got like three minutes

of just this continuing gag. But when it does work, it's incredible. And I think it's a important show in a comedic sense of like if you're growing up watching it man i guess i need to go back and re-watch episodes i can't remember mr bean ever not being funny like bits not working and stuff it's not it's just they're different the example i gave to gavin is there's one where he's like making a sandwich on a bench and it's like oh he's just pulling stuff out of his jacket and i've seen him do this before.

And now it's just like three minutes of like, I get he has everything in his jacket. Yeah, he kind of does that in the first episode with the like the pens and the pink. Yeah, but the pen. Yeah, all that is great. Like, especially the first time I watched it, I went back and I rewatched the first episode. I liked it so much, but haven't finished the show. I'm like halfway through. It's okay.

It's really, I think if you grew up with it, it would be amazing. Did Gavin tell you that he met him at a grocery store once? He did not. Yeah.

Well, he did. That's true. He asked me where the, what was it, ginger? Yeah, he asked me where the ginger was. Sad. Just one of those little facts

I know about Gavin's life because I've listened to him um I have a thing I can talk to you guys about I texted you about it left you in suspense I texted I forgot about that until this moment

yeah let me find the text I don't remember this text oh it's poop related, dude. I want to get into this. Oh. Oh. So I just texted Jeff and Gavin something along the lines of,

I might shit myself. I think we ended with you saying if shitting was an Olympic event, you would have just earned yourself a bronze. It was a bronze medal performance in a class where Usain Bolt is in the race like there's no way i could get a gold but it's like in a different year that could have been a silver that could have been a gold it was a great performance i don't as established before i think at some point on the show i i don't shit in away games i'm a home shitter i need to feel comfortable i haven't used a public toilet in probably like 15 years or so i can i just say i looked that up to see if there is a unit of measurement for

in 15 year increments and it's called an indiction so you have not shit away from home in one indiction that is yeah what i deem to be Now, that doesn't necessarily mean my actual home. Like, if I'm on vacation, I would make the hotel my home toilet. It's just the personal... It's not like anyone... A lustrum is five? So, Andrew's cat is an indiction and a lustrum old? Andrew hasn't shit outside of his house in three lustrums,

which happens to be one indiction. So I was at. Go ahead. What were you going to say? I'm just laughing. Okay. I was at like a small gathering, and I don't know what it was.

Typically, I'm pretty good. I had. Is this family or friends? Family. It's a family gathering. So a family gathering. Okay. I need to add to the list, by the way.

You're a home game unverified vertical wiper. You're just putting in all the requirements of your turds. Okay, I'm up to date. And I don't... As I established, I'm a home shitter. So I was like, I'll just wait. I'll just wait until I get to a home toilet and I was gonna get picked up by someone and so

I was like okay I can hold it for the purpose of shitting what do you mean was somebody picking you up no no no no I was going somewhere else after the fact so I was just gonna like that is a place I'd rather shit at than where I'm currently at I think I could hold it I view this as an away view the other one is a home toilet.

So I get there. I get in the car and they're like, I really want a burger at this place. And I was like, oh God, this is fucking, this is a problem. I'm going to hold my, because I almost I'm a shit on the way to the pickup spot. It was close.

You're not vocalizing your not at all. You're trying to hold it in and just because i'm yeah because i'm a polite individual i'm like if i say we need to skip your burger i got a shit i'll just be hearing about oh man i'm so excited about that burger and i didn't get it i didn't want to deal with that so i'm just like we're just gonna clench hard we're gonna clench as hard as we can already We're already clenching. Can I ask a question? And I apologize if you covered this and I missed it,

but where is this shit coming from? Did you have Indian food the night before, or is this just like a run-of-the-mill normal shit? No, I think it was something I ate. It was just flared up like it was all systems go type thing. Was it Fiber One bars? Did you have a bunch of Fiber One bars? No, it was not Fiber One bars. I was one bars. Did you have a bunch of five was no it's not five Pro of bars it was it I was like you know what I think I got this and then I started walking and I was

Like oh, I really don't I was like clenched on the walk there. I almost shit on the path I had to stop and just stand for a minute and McCarthy and bridesmaids yeah and just gather myself. You're like Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids. Yeah. How did you let it get this bad so suddenly? I feel like... No, because it was like... If you're already clenching, it's like you've been

holding it in for five hours already. Yeah. No, it was... I probably held for an hour before I made the walk because I was... And then I left. I learn about the burger. I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. Well, at least it's like a drive-thru It was a new place is it was a triple O's is where the burger was getting picked up from I did not realize even

Though triple O's as a drive-thru there is a wait time so they stopped the car and they're like I'm gonna go get the burger I'll be back. So now I'm in the car and like this is a fucking prop every time we hit a speed bump I felt like I was gonna rock it out of the chair it was so bad are you sweating at this point i'm not sweating but i'm like trying to come to terms with the fact that i might shit myself and what does this mean and how do i explain it to this person it's just like how do i solve this issue are they getting a burger for you too or just them just they asked if i want anything i said absolutely not no thank you what's less polite blocking the burger or shitting in the car after the burger that's a tough measurement i was at the point of considering do i just like find a tree

in this area i'm in a mall at this point but like there are those little like kind of tree things in the middle of it i'm like do i just shit at the tree and just accept that i don't know what i'm gonna do this isn't a bad spot so then i texted you guys i might shit myself and then i got so close to shit i had to put all of my focus and not letting it happen i just threw the phone to the car like in the bottom of the car i just sat there and i was like oh fuck i had to hop out of the car i couldn't clench hard enough in the seat so now i'm out of the car clenching and i'm like jesus christ the phone down because it's potentially a lapse in concentration if you're doing something on your phone you might forget absolutely that is yeah that is the thing

where it's like i need to put i need to reroute all focus into not shitting right now so i'm now standing outside of the car, just holding on to it, clenched as hard as I could. And it broke me at that point. I was like, I'm gonna, I cannot hold this anymore. Are you clenching with just your ass or are you also adding the hands

as a bit of clench? No, I'm going just full ass clench right now. I don't think the hands would do much outside of like visual bizarreness. I've never been into this restaurant, so I don't know if they have a public bathroom, but I take the walk. In my head, I'm like, I'm going in there. I don't know.

It's because of COVID. Some places aren't doing like the public bathrooms. If this place doesn't have a public bathroom, it's just like I'm in the middle of nowhere and no man's land. I might shit myself in this restaurant. So I slowly shuffle in. the middle of nowhere in no man's land i might shit myself in this restaurant so i i slowly shuffle in i walk past the person's way for the burger and i'm like i gotta use the bathroom i shuffle in and they have them and i'm so fucking it's like if you were dying of dehydration in the

desert and you found a pond like it was the relief it was salvation i just does like i need space i went into the family bathroom because i didn't trust the other i'm like i'm definitely gonna be good you need the family bath yep went in did my business didn't like it was one of the situations where just crouching it releases so it's like i just gotta i hope i'm lined up on this toilet correct i hope we're not, we don't want to splash damage. We don't want, this has to be a swish.

We cannot have any off the rim and in on this scenario. There's no backboard for this. I nailed it perfectly. Nothing but ceramic. Yeah. I nailed it. I got it. It went great. It went according to plan and i had like a realization in my life that i've been

making a mistake this past 15 years i've made a huge mistake in how i've handled this i need to scout bathrooms from this point going forward if you are if you're where if you're in the town i live in triple o's fantastic bathroom would recommend. I need to start using like, I wouldn't even use a urinal. I just hold the pee until I got home. I need to use the urinal as like my scouting tool. That's my way to get into the bathroom,

not having to take a shit. I can make a map. Triple O's is kind of like in the middle of town too, so it's great. No matter where I am, I can kind of get to the Triple O's. So right now, I got Triple O's on my board as the number one bathroom

that I'm aware of in town that's public. I think this is a great idea, and here's what I think you should do with it. You've heard of Angie's List, right? No. If you haven't, it's a service that a lot of people will pay for, and you go on it and you can find

like a contractor, plumber, whatever. It's like the old version of Thumbtack. We plumber whatever it's it's like it's like the old version of thumbtack we need to start andrew's list and it's a free list it's an app any city you go into where you we list like you rank the best public toilets for that town andrew's list that's such a great idea boom because it's like i i trust myself but i don't know if other people would trust me in the back i mean i haven't been in a public bathroom in 15 years. My standards may be low. I want somebody who's in the trenches every day,

updating the app, where's the place to be. Who the fuck is Angie? I don't know who that is. People still pay for that shit. You're the expert if you say you are. That's how shit works anymore. But I'm saying, like, I want more scouts.

I don't trust my scouting ability is what I'm saying. You need a street team. Like a shite team. Street team. I do. What would you rate that one? I'd say 8 out of 10. 8 out of 10 on Andrew's list?

Yeah. Lots of space. It was almost as big as my bedroom. There's so much space in there. I can't comment on what the men's or the women's bathroom is like, but the family bathroom, fantastic. Great toilet. So thus ends an addiction. Thus ends an addiction.

Thus ends your shitting addiction, yeah. Mm-hmm, yeah. Bronze medal performance, as I said. So why did you... You got to explain why you gave yourself bronze. Oh, well, because if I would have made it back to the place that I was going to, then that would surely be a bronze or a gold medal. You cannot do better than that.

That is a flawless performance. Like going out into the world, coming back home to shit. Yeah. Yeah. If you make it to your home toilet, whatever that is, wherever you're going, that's a gold in this scenario. I did not have the strength to continue to hold it back. I held the line as long as I could, and I broke. If I would have made it, I'd say, you know what, this is a tough thing, because what if, is this a silver medal?

You know what, I think this might be a silver, silver because it's gonna say a silver would be further distance but then i'd probably end up shitting myself and i don't feel like that should be above bronze so i think i got a silver bronze would be if you made it and you shit yourself like you went 70 of the way i don't think you can shit yourself and still get a bronze you don't think that's on the podium? That's a brown. Yeah. It's not a podium? Okay. No, you don't podium finish if you finish. You don't get a podium finish if you finish in your pants, dude.

Well, then what's a silver? Because then if we're going to a silver, I'm then asking for a pullover at a bathroom. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I understand what you're saying, but I just, I don't, I don't think you can see. I think a silver's got to be

somewhere in between those two locations, but maybe in a ditch. So it's like, it's not going to your pants, but you're very close. If you're getting, if you're getting wheeled off the basketball court in a wheelchair, because you shit your pants on a playoff game. Yeah. You can't win a gold medal.

What if you shit out the window of the moving car? That way you're not stopping. You're still going. You're not shitting yourself. You're shitting everyone behind you. what do you know shit out the window of the moving car that way you're not stopping you're still going you're not shitting yourself you're shitting everyone behind you well you know the thing about that mario kart attack i feel like i feel like the judges would give you extra points for difficulty that is true i feel like whenever you're about to shit if you if you see a toilet or if you know a toilet is in proximity, it causes you to really need to shit. Oh, absolutely. Because there's the end in sight. So my question is, if you'd have got to the restaurant

and then just right then, with all the hope of there being a toilet, found out that there wasn't one, would you have even made it out of the restaurant before shitting yourself? I have no idea. I mean, that's such a tough call. I don't know did you know uh they say i don't want to get into like other people's content or other people's podcasts but there's another podcast uh that i listened to where one of the producers on the podcast

he only shits about every two to three weeks like once every two to three weeks he just like he has like an aversion to shitting but when he needs to shit desperately like that he uh he will go and just sit on the toilet and he's for like a minute and then he said like the shitting desire goes away so maybe you could try that if you're in like a non-standard unsafe toilet maybe you just try shitting that sounds backwards i agree but that's what he says that's how he gets it's it's this dude on the tom segura on a tom segura podcast he says that uh yeah if he ever has to shit really bad he feels like he's gonna do it he just sits down on the toilet for like a minute and then the need goes away and Dr. Drew Pinsky was on and he like was like yeah that's that's that that makes sense at the office once

my chair was hidden and replaced with a toilet and I tried to just use it as my desk chair for a day and it just made me want to shit all day. Something about your anus hanging slightly lower than it would on a normal chair. It makes you want to drop. You know what's funny, man? We've done some really funny stuff over the years. I forgot we replaced your chair with a toilet once. That's a funny joke. The lid was open, Nick.

I didn't want to sit on top of the top lid because it's very thin and it was gonna crack yeah no that will happen yeah what a fascinating well what hmm i don't understand why that would make him not want to i have the opposite problem i would never do it i i i need i have a colon disease i need to shit i shit three times a day and i need to and i if i if i don't feel right if i don't shit multiple times a day so i would never try it in a million years but uh i just i'm just repeating what they said on the show you ever do the thing where like you go to flip the lid up and you miss and then it just creates tension like it makes everything so much worse i've had that several times what does that mean like i need to piss badly and the lid is down

and so i gotta flip the lid up to uh piss and i'll like i don't throw it up hard enough or i'll throw it too hard it'll bounce off the toilet and go back down and i'm already in like i'm peeing mode you got to do like a false start you gotta do it's like a stutter step of piss i'm a sitting guy yeah well that's fair there's too much splash with us with a standing up piss that if you if you just sit down every time you have to clean the toilet less i'm the same i'm a sitting pee guy now too well not in public but yeah at my home toilet too embarrassing no i yeah i'm not gonna go to the movie theater well toilets are dirty man i don't want to i assume one of the reasons andrew doesn't want a away game is because he doesn't want to shit on some weird gross dirty

toilet i don't want to touch that stuff either so doesn't want to shit on some weird, gross, dirty toilet. I don't want to touch that stuff either. Yeah, me neither. I will always pee in a urinal at a movie theater or whatever, but at home, yeah, I'm going to sit down and pee here. I view the public like, let's say, a mall bathroom. That's just like being in a constant airstrike of shit particles. Like every time you hear a toilet go off. I'll be right back.

Hold on a second. Just a second. I'll be right back. I swear to God, if this is another delivery person and i gotta fucking go out my building i'm just not gonna get it how far is it from like where you are to the the door it's i mean i i have to go down several sets of stairs and then need to walk around i need to it's far it's a hey andrew uh there's there's another there's another package for you i'm not i'm you're gonna have to this one this one melts so you're gonna want to get out there pretty quickly it's gonna make a mess i'm i want i'm it's a it's a birthday present for you

from me and emily and i want you to and millie for that matter uh because we love you and we wanted to celebrate your birthday is this getting back at the porta potty thing is this getting back at me for the i will not the show will be over by the time I get back. No, it's just... We'll wait. Yeah, we all agreed to wait. We talked about it earlier. Give me a minute.

I love you. Give me a minute. God. Motherfuckers. I put all your stupid pastries on the mic thing. Andrew, take your phone. They're your pastries, Andrew! I'm not taking my phone!

Take your phone, join the Discord. No, I'm not! Join the Discord from your phone so we can still talk to you, Andrew. I don't have the bits! He doesn't have the bits! We'll buy you some new bits as a birthday present!

He's so mad about getting free ice cream. Jeff, what you didn't hear when you walked away was the first thing he said was, if this is another delivery, I'm just not going to go get it. I'm just not. He did say that. There's an angry Canadian dude on the front going,

I'm just standing out here. Oh, man. there's an angry canadian dude on the front going like i'm just standing out here oh oh man if we would have done it one more time it would have been perfect but two is better than nothing oh while we're waiting on andrew to get back let me tell you a little story gav uh andrew doesn't need to hear this it's no big deal he listens to the podcast anyway uh so last night gavin to celebrate andrew's birthday you and i went out to dinner yeah and i should verify that today it is raining it is raining like a motherfucker all day today i assume because a we went out to dinner last night and b we decided to hang out again this weekend and try to go jet skiing together so obviously it's going to be a torrential rain for the next week or two uh however it was like a double date you and meg me and emily we went out to had a lovely dinner i believe you had the steak frites i did yeah meg had the uh she had the coat the pork the bread was

very nice too yeah i had the coat the pork diablo style spicy and emily had uh after some internal debate and a little bit of debate with me uh the muscles because she's like when they're bad you know you gotta be careful with muscles and i don't know if it's the right time to have them oh she actually asked she asked the waitress she was like how the muscles they are they on today and she was like oh they're outstanding today so she was like okay so then we had a lovely dinner lovely meal uh we all went home uh it wasn't it didn't end our friendship or anything we didn't get into a fight uh just had just had the nicest stuff to say about you and meg and uh went home, went to bed, watched some Survivor.

We sent each other pictures of our bedtime Survivor setups. Yeah, on the ceiling. Yeah, because half the night was us talking about Survivor. You guys were on 35, we're on 36. And I woke up this morning and I had to pee and Emily wasn't in bed, but she has to get up early to go to work. And so I was like, I didn't think anything of it i walked into my bathroom and she was laying

completely naked on the bathroom floor on the tile just going oh and i was like oh my god what i thought she'd been stabbed or something and she was like i don't feel good and i was like oh my god is it the muscles and she's like i have food poisoning and apparently she was violently vomiting for a while i slept through the entire thing and i didn't hear a word and then she was like i thought you heard and you were just ignoring me because you're an asshole and you don't care about me and i was throwing up so much and you just i just never and you just didn't come into check check on me. And I'm like, why does he hate me? I had no fucking clue. Yeah. So good on not getting the muscles last night.

Yeah. I would never get the muscles for that very reason. Yeah. I think it was muscles and oysters I had that time I was shitting the plane in my bed in the shower and stuff. That's true. Not only. So apparently when we hang out versus... If we do couples hang out,

it's going to be... It could be physically dangerous as well. Hello? Hey, what's up, buddy? Hey. Thanks for the ice cream. Of course, man. You got to wash down all those baked goods

with some fucking yummy birthday ice cream. They actually knew where my door was. I got a variety of flavors for you and everything. You did? Oh, we talking Dr. Mike? What's happening with Dr. Mike? Yeah, I was going to say, Jeff was talking about Survivor. Speaking of Surviv Oh, we talking Dr. Mike? What's happening with Dr. Mike? Yeah, I was going to say, Jeff was talking about

Speaker Survivor. That guy, to me, it just looks like if Tony Shalhoub's head only grew back like 80% of the way in Men in Black. I laugh every time I see him.

I want him to win. Well, keep watching. I was just telling Gavin a story, Andrew. Gavin and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate your birthday. Uh-huh. And Emily got food poisoning,

and I woke up this morning to her like... She had like naked on the floor in the bathroom. It was pretty bad. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. It's rough. Is she fine now? Yeah, she went to work, dude.

She was totally fine. She just had to get out of the system. I couldn't believe it. I was like, there's no way you can go to work and she's like i'm a hairdresser i can't reschedule stuff i don't have a choice that's fair you know she probably said uh stylist but yeah um so yeah she was like no i don't like emily doesn't fuck around she's like i i she's uh you know she's a hard worker that one poor. Poor Emily. Man. And she was loving those muscles. I sent her some Pedialyte to work to help her.

Andrew, what flavors did you get? I don't know. I grabbed them, put them in the freezer. It looked like a bubble gum. You got a blue bubble gum. I'm guessing there's a bunch. There's definitely cookie dough. I was wondering whether you would have to

displace some of the freezer contents to make room, or whether you had room already. Oh, absolutely, yes. No, I had to. I had to shuffle things around. But it's good. We got them. They're all in.

What do you think the next one will be? They're better. Is there a next? There's not a next one. There can't be a next one. I got pastries. I got ice cream. Your laugh makes me think there's a next one i got i got pastries i got ice cream your laugh makes me think you motherfucker what's the next one when is the next one scheduled

thanks for watching keep a decent cadence going for you so that you never you don't have the opportunity to get bored today what you said you had a sound clip before we leave today. Oh, I do. Fuck, thanks for reminding me. Andrew, I've got a, if you will indulge me, I've got a sound clip I'd like to play for you guys. To set it up a little bit, I've been listening to,

I've been diving into some other content from our company lately, just checking in on things. And so I've been listening to some of our peer podcasts. And one of them is very popular. It's a cooking show with some like some ugly or less talented people than us, but they're pretty good. A cooking show. It's called Face Jam.

Yeah, they eat food and they talk about it. Right. And Nick and Eric are actually both on that show. Nick is he's he plays a character called the Sauce Monkey. And Eric plays a character, the character Monkey, and Eric plays the character of a producer who likes them more than he likes us. And as evidence to that, I have this clip. This is just a random episode I was listening to. I played it for Emily, and she's like, so that was cut up from all the whole episode of a compilation? I was like, no, no, this is just one specific moment.

It's interesting, and I just want to see what you guys think about it this is i know i'll tell you hold on i'll tell you before it goes in uh eric mike michael jones makes a joke about how nick talks to himself in his car okay and eric liked that joke what do you think it's like when he drives home from work by himself? He just goes, ooh, red light. Okay. Red light. It's so fucking funny.

Why doesn't he think we're funny? I've never heard Nick, or I've never heard Eric laugh like that. Interesting. Well, I'm muted on this. I don't know, dude. Do you understand how the recording of this works? I don't know. Versus the recording of Face Jam?

You see, listen, listen. All I know is when you talk on Face Jam, you're happy and you like them, and you laugh like that for an hour and a half straight. And on this podcast, you just yell at us and tell us to stop making it you don't listen to my audio file where i'm constantly laughing through what's going on but i'm muted because this is just you guys so you so what we hear uh-huh is just you hating us watch this this. Can you hear what I'm saying? No, you can't. Hey, did you know I was talking that whole time, Jeff?

No, you didn't. I was muted. Because you don't tell me. You show the world how much you laugh. Why would I tell you? How? Do you understand the difference? This is insane.

This is insane. See, this is what I'm talking about. If I was Michael right now, you'd be laughing. Hold on a second. Fast food joke. Okay, you can laugh now. Fast food joke okay you can laugh now fast food joke I said fast food joke huh you can laugh now

fast fast food joke oh you're getting something out of him that didn't feel like a real laugh to me no that didn't feel like you listened you listened to the content like a real laugh to me. No, he's... That didn't feel like the... Yeah! Yeah! You listened...

Yeah! You listened to the content and what you walked away from it with is fast food. What I walked away from is Eric likes those people more than he likes us. Oh, shit.

That's fine. That's all. That's valid. I think it's valid, too. I don't blame him. I'm just... Then why are you bringing it up? I assume we're

higher maintenance, probably. Oh,'t blame him. I'm just, I assume we're, we're higher maintenance. Probably. Oh, without a doubt. Definitely. Absolutely. A hundred percent. Yeah.

And like the orders of toilets and impossible schedules. There are times where I will float ideas to Eric and I do so with the expectation of him saying, no, that's fucking dumb. And then like maybe trying to find a middle and then he just absorbs them like oh no I don't expect this to actually happen as this suggesting a thing

I get nervous he's probably like thank god I have face jam later today to balance this out okay well yeah I just love going and hanging out with Michael and then he says fast food joke and I lose it he says some sort of a fast food joke and then you go yeah

for an hour evidence you presented some sort of a fast food joke and then you go I love that. For an hour. The evidence you presented wasn't even a fast food joke. It had nothing to do with fast food. It was about him leaving a fast food restaurant in his car and talking to himself. That's like the context of the joke is the red light.

That's like calling Andrew's shit story a mole joke. Yeah. It's just the setting of it. It's like you asking what flavor the ramen was when it had no bearing on the story. You done? Thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. See you guys next week.

Aw. What ending? Should I honestly expect I'm trying to decide do I get back in the wire den are you out of the wire den right now i'm like kind of sitting up because i'm expecting to have to shoot out my door again are we good is is there a ceasefire jeff or is should i expect another is another thing great oh you want to give a full outro? A birthday outro?

Do I have to? No. Why don't you? Yeah. You do it. That, uh, 66. Thanks for watching. Oh, damn it.

Thanks for listening to episode 66 of F*** Face. There's pictures in the video files now for the stuff we talked about. It's pretty sick. Well, you had it at one point. It went away. It came back. I'm happy about it. I love that bit. Rate five!

I shouldn't tell you how many to rate, but five is the best number in there. See you next week. It's going to be a while until we record, but we've got plenty in the bag. Happy birthday, Andrew Panton! Yeah! Yeah! How was it? That was great. That was really fantastic one outro

that was an all-time