Regulation Podcast - Appropriate Squirts // Key West Bachelor/ette Weekend [177]

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about physical calendars, fountain pens, joined up writing (aka cursive), the Empty Quarter, bean hole, Andrews matrix chair moment, UFC 4, brushing your teeth in the dark, Key West, Sloppy Joe’s, the very inexperienced boat captain, sleep spaghetti, stepping on sea urchins, the tiny shipwreck, leaving Gavin behind in the ocean, dirt & worms, getting recognized in public, would you shoot a dog for $175M or strangle Andrew to death once a month?, the ghost tour curse, jet skiing, pleading the second and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q  Sponsored by HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/50face Code 50face , BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , Katos Coffee http://katoskoffee.com Code face10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right gavin will be here in hopefully well let's see it'll be 25 seconds now so he'll be one second late i hope he's okay that's's my guess. One second, Lee. Alright. Imagine he just doesn't show up. Yeah. He just died. What is this? 177 or 178? This is 177. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, I got excited about teeth. I didn't even put the number in there. Sorry.

Cool. I hope Gavin's okay. There he is. He's right on time. He was right on time. Did I nail it? You nailed it. You he is. He's right on time. He was right on time. Did I nail it? You got it. You nailed it. You did great. Straight up nailed it.

Nailed it. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. This is episode 177. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free, who for the first time in 177 episodes, nailed it. Congratulations, Gavin. You finally showed up on time. Thank you.

So do you think in another 177 episodes, you'll hit it again? What's the maths on that? Just another 177. 354, I believe. Yeah, that'll be the one I nail on again. By $354? Okay. Wow.

Well, I'll look forward to it. I'm going to pencil that in on my calendar then. I won't. I'm just going to believe he's going to do it. Do you have a physical calendar? I can't remember the last time I bought a calendar. No, I don't have a... I was just making shit up to be funny i don't know i

know i'm just curious you got me thinking about calendars i think most people don't have a calendar for 2026 yet i'll i'll be honest with you i also don't have a pencil really i don't know when the last time i've seen a pencil was i mean i know that there's a whole pencil thing on our podcast but yeah in all seriousness no i i I struggle to find a pen in my house on the rare occasion that I need one. I have the same problem, but I struggle to find one that has ink. I have tons of dead pens I just never

throw away, so I'm in constant pursuit of one that can work. What pens are we talking, like Sharpies, Fountain? Like a fountain pen, typically. You have fountain pens? Well, I don't know what a fountain pen is. It's like a big pen is what he means. Yeah, like a you click it, a click it type pen. Fountain is like fancy with an ink cartridge.

Why are you guys just like saying yes to stuff and then go, never mind, I made that up. We're like two minutes into the show. Well, fountain pens. I'm sure I have a fountain pen somewhere. I don't think I've ever used a fountain pen. Well, based on that reaction, probably don't, actually. You saying it that way? You have one of these.

Oh, no, I don't think I have one of those. That looks real fancy. Did you not have to write with one in school? I remember them leaking all over the inside of my damn pencil case. What? Hang on. What year did you... What century did you go to school? Are you a vampire?

Beginning of year three, we all had to have fountain pens in our pencil cases so we could practice the joined up writing. Were you writing letters to Winston Churchill? What the fuck year was it? What is joined up writing? What does this sound like? What do you mean? Where it's all attached. Cursive?

Do you mean cursive? joined up writing we have so much to get to you call it joined up writing? am I supposed to be calling it cursive? to be honest I'm calling it

what I was taught in year 3 this is one of those things where everybody who's British is going to write in tomorrow, like after this episode comes out, and they're all like, yeah, joined up writing. That's what we call it. In America. They're going to use their fountain pens and write in joined up writing their angry, angry letters to us.

My friend Sam used to always squeeze the ink cartridges and have them fire out across the table, and it would always hit me in my nice, clean white shirt. No. What do you do on Fridays? No. and have them fire out across the table, and it would always hit me in my nice, clean white shirt. Would he do it on Fridays? No. He didn't do that every week. That was more of a... Oh, okay. It wasn't a yogurt situation.

No. More like an end-of-term situation. The most tragic part about your hatred of fountain pens is you were really excited because the prior year, you were using quills. So it seemed like you stepped up at the time. Yeah, get them, time yeah get them andrew get them we chucked those ink wells in the bin we got the plastic cartridges i remember i got in

trouble in third grade when we were learning cursive because i missed the part in which the letters had to connect i just didn't know that so i did entirely like they had he had the thing in the front of the class that was each letter in cursive and i wrote each letter individually next to each other and i submitted it and my my third grade teacher was somebody who would yell all the time and i was always scared of getting in trouble so i'd try not to but he'd find ways to help me and he walked over the paper and i terrible handwriting like it just it looked awful and he said what are any of these and i thought he just meant he couldn't read the thing and it was so bad i couldn't read it and i was like i i don't know i i wrote down i wrote down the words i was supposed to write down he said he didn't write none of these are words you just wrote down letters these are all letters you have to connect

them that's not how this works do you think you would have gotten it right the first time if it was called joined together right yeah i would have i you think you would have gotten it right the first time if it was called joined together right? Yeah, I would have. I would have. I would have got it, I think. Look, that does exactly what it says on the tin. There's no question about it. How did you miss the only important part of cursive?

Because I missed a lot of grade three. I skipped a lot of it. Yeah, but the whole point is, like, everything surely would have a tail on it, ahead of it and behind it to join. Yeah, I just thought it was fancy. Can you just go back and... I thought we were just doing fancy letters.

When was the last time either of you wrote in cursive? I write, that's, I exclusively write in cursive. Do you really? Like, if I'm writing, yeah, I only write cursive. Hang on, let me write something. Do I write joined up? I would say... Yeah, I i do that 1997

yeah i mean i signed my signature in cursive but i i don't know that i remember cursive at this point it's been so long i mean i i don't want to be a billy madison bit but really i don't know that i could do is i don't know that I could do as, I don't know that I could write Rizzuto out in cursive right now. Yeah, it's, for me, honestly, it's not, like, a fancy thing. It's, I've done it so much more than non-cursive, so my non-cursive looks worse than my cursive. It looks like

absolute shit. I think I just do it, I do whatever feels right. Like, if I write my name, I write G separately, and then Avin is all one line. I, uh, when i was a journalist in the army i had to i had to write a lot right i was i had to take notes and write shorthand and that was all in cursive and my cursive and my shorthand got so bad that i had to i mean i already had shitty handwriting to begin with uh i've got shitty anything to do with hands. Like if my hands touch it,

it's probably shitty. The boy with the shitty hands. The boy with the golden hands and the boy with the shitty hands. The boy with the shitty hands. My shorthand got so bad that I learned the hard way that if I didn't transcribe my notes

within about six hours of taking them, they were, there was no Rosetta Stone that could get me back to understanding. Disappearing ink. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, it just became garbage that, and I'd be like, I wrote this yesterday. How can I not understand what I wrote yesterday? And there were a couple of occasions where I'd be like, yeah, I just want to have some follow-up questions, if I could, about the meal plan at the, you know,

at the restaurant, or at the, what the, what is it, mess hall this week. And you'd have to go interview, like, a cook about some dumb shit. Like, yeah, we're gonna, you know, we're trying out chili this month. And I would be like, yeah, I just got a couple follow-up questions. And then I'd have to go and basically ask them all over again. They gotta be like, uh, didn't we talk about this yesterday

like yeah i just you know when you say it twice it adds more texture and then i can i can fill the story out better and i'd have to cover for the fact that i just couldn't understand what i wrote and it was useless that was the first eight years of achievement hunter yeah that's true we still will never know what the greatest Achievement Hunter video ever made was. I wrote down, you guys might know this, but... Greatest Let's Play of all time. Yeah, I used to keep a notebook with me that Millie gave me, and I would write down ideas on the fly. And I wrote one that was, I could read the title,

and the title was The Greatest Let's Play of All Time. And I remember feeling that when I wrote it. And then there's like a page of notes that are unreadable. And Gavin and I tried for months and months and months. We even made it. We worked it into content. We made like maybe this is what I was talking about videos. And we never got it.

And I will never know what that fucking idea was. I remember it was I remember it was vertical. That's the only thing I remember. It was. I remember it was vertical. That's the only thing I remember. It was in Minecraft and it was vertical. Maybe we should do some spectral analysis or try x-raying it to see if we can pick up anything else. I'm sure technology has improved since the last time you've tried

this. If they can find roads that were roads from people walking them with camels and feet six thousand years ago buried in the desert they should be able to oh i just want i just saw this document this documentary about uh this place called the empty quarter and uh they discovered trade routes by doing some sort of a ground penetrating uh radar and they can see where the ground is still harder after three thousand years where it used to just be

a trade route where people would walk and and like bring their carts and camels and stuff and it packed the earth down to such a degree that it's still there you can't see it because you know dust sand has covered it now but if you the ground penetrating radar whatever can still see that packed dirt and can still trace the lines of these great trade routes throughout the Middle East. They're never going to go away. I just think that's wild. You've got to get one of those in your backyard so you can find ideal beanhole locations. Where's the dirt the lightest?

That's such a great idea. We could find the Buick before we hit it with a shovel. I mean, we're not going to do that, but we do need to dig this beanhole. We were talking about that over the weekend. We need to figure out. Apparently, some flowers got planted where we were going to dig bean hole dirt, and now we can't dig it there. Is that right?

Oh, yeah. Emily spread blue bonnet seeds, and so now we can't dig where I wanted to dig. So we have to find an alternate dig, which is fine. I got my yard big enough. I got another one. I can't wait for bean hole 2. Bean hole 2? It's not even bean hole 2.

We have stuff that we have to do with the bean hole dirt. I'm aware. I'm just saying I'm excited personally about bean hole 2. I think you guys can do it on the second chance. I think you've learned some things. I totally agree. We might be the first people to ever dig a 6 foot bean hole and try to cook beans that

far down. We'll basically be cooking them for the slea stacks. Yeah, easily. So thank you for the laugh, Nick. Should should we talk about last weekend? Could I could I interject with one small thing that happened to me and then I feel like it'll be all Key West. I'm excited to hear those stories. I would love to hear what happened to you I had a

classic and talk about beanhole something that happened in the past to the show that is a classic thing I uh my pixel recently broke something that I have a long history of the show well I have a continuation I have an update for another thing time Time is a flat circle. Things happen over and over again. This technically happened in September, but I've just been rolling with it. I broke my budget chair again. My chair broke in September. You're having a laugh. Is that chair three?

This is a chair three, yes. Of the same type. Are we now one every single September? Maybe. I don't know when the last one was, but yeah, it is a thing where I keep buying the cheapest chair I can, and it would have been better

just buying a decent chair is the dilemma. Much like my phones, I keep accumulating chairs. So it broke in September, and I thought, well, this is a problem, but I learned my lesson last time. I bought a one-year warranty on this thing so it is fine the warranty expired in the middle of august it was no longer under warranty and that

sucked that was just my life that i was living uh but it was fine i continued to use in september then a few days ago uh it broke again in a new way where the back part, the part that gives resistance when you lean back on the back support of the chair, no longer gave any resistance. And I thought, this is not great, but I just have to remember it's fine. I'll remember to not try to lean back and we could just keep this going. And so I went into bed couldn't sleep got up like three hours later and i'm just on my computer and then and then it happens i forget that i can't lean back i lean back and i i go to the counter i remember as i start the lean but

i've gone too far once it was carriedcarry me. My partner is sleeping. They have to get up really early for work. So I'm trying to be quiet. The chair, the back of the chair snaps back and I end up stuck. I'm like Keanu Reeves. This is what I was like in the chair. I was,

that was the angle I was in and I, I was locked in and I could put my head on the end of the bed but I was stuck in the matrix bullet time pose and I was trying to get out I couldn't I had to be there until the chair fully broke I took photo I broke the back of the chair so this is what it ultimately

ended up looking like so as you can see the back support completely detached I went out it's like I I use the emergency eject on the chair It gave out I made it. I was okay. No injuries. It was probably the best chair fall I've had is that the exact position it went is that like where you had yes lying? Yes? How long did you have to lay like that

until the chair broke uh probably like 10 seconds i'd say okay and it was i was trying it wasn't like i was there for a long time but i'm trying to be quiet and also problem solved while also trying to not laugh at just the like how i'm gonna get out of this stupid situation um and then i was mad because like fuck i gotta buy another chair do i just buy a nicer chair but instead i found a solution what happened was on the the back left side it snapped off back right was still attached i smashed my chair uh to the right until now i have upgraded it i now just have a stool i'm sitting in an office chair stool, and this is my current setup. So we're fine.

Why have you dressed everything up to look like giant chicken nuggets? What do you mean? It's just, why have you wrapped it all in? It's just a blanket. It's an orange blanket. Although it looks kind of,

with the green bag, it looks kind of like an apple or a cherry with a stem. It does, maybe a pumpkin? Yeah, I'm with you, Gavin. I thought something was going on here that wasn't just a blanket. No, it's just a blanket. It does, maybe a pumpkin? Yeah, I'm with you, Gavin. I thought something was going on here that wasn't just a blanket.

No, it's just a blanket. Let's take a look at some of the other shit. What? You got supplies? You got like a, Oh yeah, a little bag.

What's the paper towels for? What's the paper towel? Just general, you know, dusting. I like, oh, I have the same

little trash can. Yeah. A little trash can. It's in my bedroom is that your bottle of vodka back there or is that mouthwash it was mouthwash that's what I used to tell people too I had a problem

why does the other one have the camera information on it because I had to use my dumb budget phone and I guess it data marks or whatever it imprints when you take a photo my umidigi or whatever the fuck it is. That's a 50 megapixel picture. It's like dog shit.

Oh, it's terrible. Oh, God. But I have a stool now. I have an office stool. So that's the whole thing. That's the first time I've seen brown overexposed. Fucking terrible. That's the first time I've seen brown overexposed. How long are you going to roll with this stool before you replace it? I think as long as I can.

I think until this somehow breaks in another way. Why? Is it comfortable? Because that's chairs cost money. I'm not going to buy another budget chair and I'll just go through this process. Chairs don't grow on trees like that giant pumpkin in his bedroom does. So that was my great

chair adventure. The other thing I just wanted to quickly add, and this is a complete aside to everything. We launched face off in the process. I might be done by the time we're looking for a new game. I wanted to quickly add and this is a complete aside to everything we launched face off in the process i might be done by the time we're looking for a new game i wanted to show you guys something i was playing around in ufc4 i'd like to submit ufc4 as a candidate for maybe our next game ufc5 comes out at the end of the month but uh ufc4 has action bronson in it it has a full tournament mode and so i just i threw this together in like 15 minutes. I made a character.

This is my official visual pitch for UFC 4 being worth. Quickly made. This is what Gavin has in mind. It is, you can make a team of something. I feel like that's it. That's done. Yeah. UFC 4 it is.

I quickly threw together the bellyacre against Axe and Bronson. Is that like a budget foghorn leghorn on that guy's chest? I think so. Yeah, that was one of the animal tattoos. So I went full stomach chicken. Tums in tattoo on the left. You can spell words. It's not like a lot of color options, but you can do some real dumb stuff.

And it has like a full already baked in tournament as well as a UFC like event mode So that's fantastic can the maybe we might have to make like a couple of fighters I think like we make like heavyweights like a light heavyweight. Yeah ever can't does the AI fight the AI we can make that happen Yeah, that's so oh god. This is so cool Can yeah, how many different weight classes are there oh there's a lot there's like seven five six seven eight nine ten it looks like 11 maybe not to get well we that's too many but how i like the idea of us having a roster of talent who but they all bridge or they all are in different weight classes so you can only have

like one heavyweight one lightweight one band. Maybe we just do like the five. Five? You originally just had five. Yes. Let's do five. That sounds awesome. Welterweight, middleweight, light heavyweight, heavyweight. That's a lot of fights, guys.

I already, oh yeah, that's true. That's a great three. Maybe three is good. But we need a roster, right? Yeah, I think that's important because we made a whole team for faceoff. We're all the front office for our teams. Now we're scouring the globe for the greatest fighters in these three weight classes.

We're putting together our ideal fighting team. And we have to see who brings home the championship in each weight class. And then we see how it all plays out. But if we need people to sort of like mix weight classes around, we might have to see what happens there. I'm excited to find out if any of my baseball players end up in UFC, if they've switched careers. Wow. Crossover.

You told me Jacob mayonnaise could be in UFC 4. I just proofed episodes two and three of face off. Phenomenal. Great. Tremendous. Well, get ready*** Face Off. Phenomenal. Great. Tremendous. Well, get ready for episode four because it won't be. Don't worry, baby. You got four or five coming down the pipe.

Five out of six tremendous episodes in that series. Hey, I have a, I wouldn't say it's like a, it's not a life hack, but it's maybe a life pro tip. I learned, I learned the hard way last night. Yeah. I was out. I was up. I was trucking with the boys last night until pretty late.

I invited Andrew even, but he didn't want to do it. I'm scared. Why is Andrew already in? I thought we were all potentially having to audition. Andrew just gets the invite in. Eric and I were talking about this in Key West. We were already having a conversation, and I was just throwing him a bone.

I mean, the guy's sitting on a... It's a pretty damn big bone. The guy's sitting on a fucking stool with no back right now. He's not living well. I'm trying to help him out. I mean, he is all back, so that's the worst bit of the chair that could break. It's true. He's got no support for the thing that he mostly is.

Anyway. He mostly is. And I ended up going to bed like maybe two o'clock or whatever and i went to brush my teeth and like andrew i try to be uh kind to my partner by not making a lot of noise or turning the lights on as well and so i walked into my bathroom you know total lights out and uh but there's like enough moonlight coming through the window that i can i did i need to brush my teeth and so i put toothpaste on my toothbrush and i brush my teeth in the dark and uh the second i put the toothbrush in my mouth i realized that what feels

like an appropriate squirt when you can't see and what is an appropriate squirt are very different and my life pro tip is never brush your teeth in the dark ever ever ever ever i got about uh i don't know a shot glass full of uh toothpaste in my mouth on once it felt like and i i choked on it i made all the noise in the world gagging it was brutal and uh and uh i i don't know if you ever tried to brush your teeth with too much toothpaste but it's not good toothpaste in moderation that's my life pro tip I don't

well I guess yeah it is crazy this would be funny maybe that could be like a fun punishment and like face off you gotta brush your teeth with like a whole tube of toothpaste all the boots are full of toothpaste that's next season. God damn. So we went to Key West.

Oh yeah, we went to Key West. How was that? We have a good time? It was Gator's Bachelor Weekend. Wedding party party or something. What was the name of it? Something like that, yeah. It was like the Bachelor Bachelorette Weekend.

We all traveled together. It was me, Emily, my fiance. Gavin, you were there without Meg. She didn't want to come. That's not true. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She was on a work trip.

She couldn't make it. She was working. She desperately wanted to come and it was very sweet. I felt terrible that she couldn't come. And Emily's sister-in-law, Heather, and then Eric and Barbara, and then Emily's best friend, Vanessa, and her husband, Bernie, who's Big Rig Bernie, the guy that I do trucking with.

All very cool. But I was very happy to spend more time with all those people. It was a great group. Good mix, right? Yeah. Vanessa and Bernie are a ton of fun. Yeah. Oh, also, I should mention, because I heard about it from Emily, those people it was a great group good mix right yeah vanessa and bernie are a ton of fun yeah uh oh also i should mention because i heard about it through uh from emily or through emily from

vanessa uh i mentioned a while back that somebody bought me a a kindle and i really appreciated it it was vanessa i didn't specifically say that vanessa bought me the kindle thank you vanessa i really appreciate it was a great gift. She wanted credit? Yeah, I think so. So yeah, we went to Key West. We got there on Friday. We all met up. I went to Sloppy Joe's early and had a little lunch before we met everybody else. And then we all got together.

And what did we do on Friday? I wrote a list of stuff down. Let's see. We played some bingo we went took sloppy joe's and we stood outside and we played bingo what did what did you get first off all the stuff i told you questions before we went there i told you that it feels like the universe is ending around the edges of the frame but it's just as vibrant in every direction as it is in front of sloppy joees i told you that the people are way drunker

than they look uh were both of those things true yes yeah and it was very interesting to get a real life perspective on the surrounding areas like now i know where everything is leading off the camera frame and stuff the whole street is so much there's so much more going on than i thought and even the cross streets are busy. Yeah. It's really weird being there in person to see it because it's both bigger and smaller than I thought. The streets down around the other sides, like where the camera drops off, there's stuff there,

but it doesn't go on for a very long time. Key West is not a big place but the street itself okay like decent size it's it's fine um yeah everything's really nice and condensed like nothing's very far from anything else in the area we were in we walked from like one side of the island to the other like what like half an hour and jeff got a bunch of blisters still have those blisters by the way still dealing with that from flip-flops every single fucking person i couldn't get my my footwear right the entire weekend i was every time i had to make a decision i made the wrong goddamn decision uh and everybody but emily walked, I think with foot problems

when it was all said and done, which I guess we'll get into because that was a Saturday problem. But so we stood outside of Sloppy Joe's. I think y'all went in and got drinks and stuff. And then we just stood outside next to the shade sign across the street and we played Sloppy Joe's,

which is some of the most fun I've ever had in my entire life because it's like looking in a fish my entire life because you're it's like looking in a fishbowl but you're just like right there and we all had our phones out because we're all using uh gherky tea gherky tea uh gherky teas uh uh sloppy joe online sloppy joe generator and uh it might be some of the most i've laughed and the most fun i've had and also as i was telling you guys it's a whole different world when you're like looking at somebody and going like stupid hat stupid hat and the guy would make eye contact with you or you're like oh mullet and then he just turns to look at you it was also just great being in

control of the camera because it was my own head and i could like crouch down and look at whether people were wearing shoes or not it was phenomenal my favorite part of the night was we're standing there we all have our phones out because we're playing and this older couple uh maybe in their early 60s walk by and they're wearing sequins like they're decked out in pink sequins and the the lady looks at her husband and she's so sloppy drunk everybody is so sloppy drunk and she goes this is all on their phones oh yeah and she just points at us as they keep walking he's like come on let's go and she was just like and then they walked back by five minutes later she's like again we were seriously debating going off to try and find a couple of lawn chairs to just

plop down in front of sloppy jones's place to sit while doing bingo. We wanted to formalize it. There's a CBS we were talking about. Yeah, I kind of wish we had. Maybe we'll do it next time if there's ever next time. Sloppy Joe's is fucking fantastic, though. And once again, I don't know if those people have any idea who we are or what we're doing,

but I still am so fucking scared for them to find out. I don't know why. Like I was, I was afraid we were being too, we were being too noticeable when we were there. And, uh, like we did a thing where Gavin and Eric's,

uh, small wife, Barbara decided they wanted to, to play out a little scene. They wanted to do a trip for the audience. Just in case anyone at home was playing bingo. Yeah. They needed a trip.

So they, they decided that she was going to trip gavin on camera but they were both nervous about it so they practiced it like fucking 10 times on the street in front of everybody meanwhile all the sloppy joe's bartenders are but not bartenders security guards are just watching us you know because they got nothing else to look at we're directly in front of their eyesight and uh and they practice and practice and practice. And then they go around and then they ask me to let them know when the coast is clear so they can do it. So I'm standing across the street

and I'm filming the whole fucking thing with my camera, right? Because I want to get a good shot. And I'm yelling, action! And they play out the scene in front of it. So we couldn't have been more conspicuous i think and they're just staring at the whole thing but i i maintained uh the illusion in my head that that we were flying under the radar somehow but i don't think we were and we just kept going back i think we must have gone there three or four times too i think we went every day didn't we yeah yeah it it was really fun

it was getting a drink and walking around and then eating something and then coming back and standing across the street and playing Sloppy Joe's Bingo on your phone. Their live was great. It was super fun. I think my favorite part is because I wanted to do a trip and also spill my drink at the same time. But my favorite part of it is that you could see me and Eric's small wife rehearsing it

on the other side of the street. And for some reason, she completely switched up the side on the other side of the street. And for some reason, she completely switched up the side on the night. We were rehearsing it on the left, she tripped me on the right. It had me all freaked out. And then I think I fell off camera. It was good.

I think it was a good execution overall. Oh, I think so. I thought it was great. Well, you're talking about being scared, Jeff, of them noticing. I don't know if Eric knows this. I think they've noticed thought it was great. Well, you're talking about being scared, Jeff, of like them noticing. I don't know if Eric knows this. I think they've noticed in a way that they don't understand fully, but they have upgraded the Sloppy Joe's camera setup. And it is one of my favorite things to watch now.

It is a whole new layer. They have upgraded the in bar camera for Sloppy Joe's. Really? Yeah. Before you could only just see the stage if you went on the inside now it is a 360 degree camera that shows every aspect of the inside of the bar so it is added a whole layer of uh when you slop o'clock is so much more fun when you could see slop o'clock dancing just middle-aged people drunkly dancing to shitty cover bands is wonderful

it is so good and i in my head i credit that specifically to you jeff and emily making the game and them looking at like their numbers and being like i would people love these cameras we gotta like upgrade this setup people are going crazy for this location. Dude, I would love to be able to take credit for that, but I don't know that I can. It is pretty cool, though, and I didn't find that out. You're the one that showed that to me. They also, I guess they're investing

in it more, too, because they've started their own YouTube channel. Before, they were just on the Key West Cams channel, but now they have their own dedicated Sloppy Joe's channel with all their streams on it. And they're on both. So they're actually on there. So they have like two live streams up at the same time now, which is

kind of cool. So they are clearly invested in the whole live camera angle of the business. And it seems to be working for them because they have a gift shop that's fucking full every time I go in there. And I have bought hundreds of dollars worth of stuff from that gift shop already. It was so cool just to see people online and comment leavers and regulation listeners

immediately finding us on the cameras. Like, we didn't even announce anything. They could... We would just walk through the frame and it would just be filling the socials. I think Eric was the first person to show up on the camera and like six minutes later, it was on Reddit. It was just insane. Wow.

It was pretty cool. It was great. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit.

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to emily try and be polite like politely asking where all the stuff was and like where we were going to go next. Now, just getting the flattest answers. I want I want to be clear. It sounds like what we're doing is complaining about a place that we went in the middle of the ocean on a boat that we rented. Andrew, I need you to know that we went out on a boat that we were not supposed to take with a captain who was not taking us. Should not be a captain.

Was not supposed to be taking us to that place. 30 minutes into us finding the sandbar that was just, I still have a stick, like an urchin spine in my toe. 30 minutes after being on this sandbar that we are not supposed to be at another boat comes up and they go, Hey, you've taken the wrong boat. We need this boat. What the fuck are you doing?

Apparently our captain has only been a captain for two months. Also, we should preface this by saying our captain lost his phone in the water when he fell into the water. No. His phone and his wallet. Oh no. And he had this huge black guy.

Cause there's no way, there's no way for them to contact him. So when we show up, And he had this huge black guy because he had fished out the water the night before. There's no way for them to contact him. So when we show up, by the way, we show up at like an industrial shipyard on the wrong side of town. We take a cab and the cab drops us off and we're like, where the fuck are we? And then I see just like a tiny sign next to a bunch of like shrimp trawlers. And we go in there and he takes us out on this boat. And we've booked this day andrew where it's like half a day we go out to a sandbar it's supposed to be these you know

gorgeous uh sand like beautiful like turquoise water sandbar you go out and you play there's all these pictures of people sitting in lawn chairs and like throwing footballs back and forth and stuff and then after a little bit we go to another one and then if there's time and the weather's good, we can go drop off. You guys don't even know this. We're supposed to go to an island and hang out on the island. Yeah. What? And then when it's all done, we come back.

Well, we go out. We go about 30 minutes out. And there's just this patch of dark. Darker than normal water. It's dark because it's just a sandbar covered in sea urchins. patch of dark, darker than normal water. It's dark because it's just a sandbar covered in sea urchins. And he goes, I hope you guys brought your shoes. Yes, he did say that.

No. He goes, oh, yeah, you got to have your water shoes. It's too dangerous out here in the water without them. And we go, well, that wasn't on the reservation. It told us to bring a towel and sunscreen and this and that. It didn't tell us to bring water shoes. Yeah, he was like, it's not a swimming pool. Yeah, which is a fair point, right? But at no point did they tell

us we needed water shoes. And by the way, we went to a sandbar the next day on jet skis and we did not need water shoes for that sandbar. It was fucking gleaming. It was gorgeous. Uh, anyway, so he gets us, he takes us out of here and we just stop and we're like, is this it? And he goes, this is it. And by the way, the guy's very nice. I feel like we're shitting on him. He was so he gets us. He takes out here and we just stop and we're like, is this it?

And he goes, this is it. And by the way, the guy's very nice. I feel like we're shitting on him. He was a really nice guy. He was for the most part. It was a nightmare. And you know it. But like a nice nightmare though

friendly nightmare and so he's like well get to it have fun and we're like have fun with what nobody's got we got like three pairs of flip flops between us I had my Nike Air Max's on because we and we're like

we also reserved like a lily pad which if you don't know what that is it's like a big foam like rectangle that you roll out it's like eight feet long and you can lay on it and you're like half in the water half out and like everybody can kind of lay on it and corral around it's like a it's like a focal point in the water right and he's like no we don't have any of that and we're like what but we were supposed to and he was like i don't know what to tell you we go what do we have and he goes uh we got some flippers and uh and he gave emily a pool noodle he gave emily a pool noodle and there was like a sleeve spaghetti yeah some sleep spaghetti and uh one

one noodle one sleep spaghetti and he goes there's a uh there's a shipwreck over there you can swim out to and everybody's like no and i i was, I'll go because I felt like somebody should because he's like, this is the only thing I'm offering you. So I very slowly in very dirty sea urchiny water that was only about knee deep. But he was like, don't whatever you do, don't touch the ground. So I tried to swim in knee deep water without touching the ground is almost impossible. So I tried to swim in knee deep water without touching the ground is almost impossible. I swam out to the shittiest, smallest fucking shipwreck of all time. Can I post a picture of it?

Yeah, please. I want to see this. This was the deepest the water got. This was the entire shipwreck. Oh, my God. That is it. That is very accurate. It's below Jeff's waist is how high the water goes.

Is that the shipwreck behind him? Yeah, it's covered in birds. It looks like a rowboat wreck. It's so small. I've seen bigger barrels. And so I swam back and I was like okay what do we do now and he's like well this is your day so enjoy it so then we're all just like trying to nobody wants to go in the water because we don't have like the right attire you know and we're like we're sharing shoes and uh

so i think just emily and eric and i got in the water at that point and uh and then yeah a few minutes later another boat comes up and these with a crew, like a whole party of people on it, they're like, or no, I'm sorry, they weren't at that point. It was just two dudes who looked really angry. Really pissed off. Fucking mad guys who were rightfully mad at this fucking guy. What the fuck are you doing? You got the wrong boat.

And he's like, oh, I don't think so. And they're like, yeah, this is, this is the big boat. We got 20 people that are, so they had apparently a party of like boat and he's like oh i don't think so and they're like yeah this is we that's the big boat we need we got 20 people that are so they had apparently a party of like 20 people show up to get on their cruise they're having like a booze cruise and there's just no fucking boat for him and these guys are looking around going where's the fucking boat and they're like oh we'll call captain whatever his name is and they're like oh he's not answering because his fucking phone's in the bottom of the ocean. And so all they can do

is sail out to where they think he is, which is a half an hour away from where they docked. So they're a half an hour into a voyage. Meanwhile, I am assuming there's 20 incredibly pissed off people that are on a bachelorette party or something like we are, wanting to go out and get

drunk and have fun. And so when they get there, there they are in a bad mood and our dude is oblivious like he does not pick up on their social cues whatsoever nope so they so we do what we all discover in the moment is a very gentle go-go now we the boats pull up and we have to jump off of our boat and get on a new boat uh which is kind of annoying because we had like these big ice chests that were like sunken into the middle of the boat. And we'd individually put all of our sodas and stuff in there. So we had to like pull all of that out and then transfer it across. And, you know, we had we had made ourselves comfortable. So everybody had to like pack up all this shit and put the pool noodle away.

I had to put the pool noodle away i had to put the pool noodle away but then we end up on a boat that's actually much nicer and has uh has the has the fucking uh has the lily pad the lily pad that we ordered and all the stuff we were supposed to have and so they take off and we're like cool cool cool and so emily goes like well i think we've i think we've spent enough time at this one can you take us to the uh to the other sandbar and he's like i don't know what you're talking about and she's like yeah we're supposed to go to two sandbars and he goes now this is the only one for you this is all you booked and then he's like i remember he said no this is the destination yeah and i was like uh it's on the reservation and he's like i don't know what to tell you and she's like well can you can you put the lily pad out then? And he's like, I guess.

Suit yourself. And so he very nonplussed rolls out the lily pad. And then we all coalesce around the lily pad for a while. And by the time... Oh, Gavin and I did our best to make fun. So I had this little thing I bought at CVS. It's like a little rubber face. And you squeeze it and water water fills into it and then you can throw it and it sprays water as it does so gavin and i made a game where we we tried to hit each other in the face and you

couldn't flinch and it took us about an hour until one of us hit the other one in the face that's after i was able to borrow emily's flip-flops and i immediately lost one and stepped on an urchin. So by the time we left, every single person in the party had found out they had stepped on sea urchins, except for Emily and I. We were somehow the only ones who survived. And I didn't even have the shoes. I was just bound and determined

I wasn't going to touch the ground under any circumstances. And it was very hard not to. And so we made, dude, we made so much lemonade out of that piss, but it was fucking, it was great. I had so much fun. It was a lot of fun, and we had a really good time

out there. We were out there for a good amount of time, but don't worry, because there was still more time, and he's like, do you want to tour the harbor? And we said yes. Before that, before that, we did move from one sandbar to another side of the sandbar at one point. Because he was like, the engine's too close to these weeds. It's going to get all caught up.

So he moves us like 200 feet. Is that when we were all on the lily pad, all of us? We're all out on the lily pad. And we're like, should we get in? And he's like, no all out on the lily pad and we're like should we get in and he's like no i'll just tow you and we're like okay sure whatever and so he just starts pulling us and i'm laying on the lily pad and gavin is everybody's kind of like hanging onto the side and just to be funny trying not to touch the floor mainly for survival just trying to hover above the ground just to be funny funny, because I'm laying, I can't even see him. I just lay my hand back and I touch Gavin's hand. I find where it is.

And I just peel his fingers off the lily pad as a joke. And I hear Gavin go, oh no. And I turn around and he's already 15 feet behind us. And he can't. It was literally right as the boat started to move. Like he just peeled my hands off. And then when I went to re-grab it, it was gone. And then I was like, no, stop!

Because I'm trying just to float now and not walk. I so didn't mean to do it. And the captain didn't care. We're like man overboard. And he's like, you'll catch up. I was like, wait like wait i got no shoes i was just hugging this little floaty thing that i was uh it was like a little saddle thing you like so i'm there like with my knees up against my chin my asshole pointing down i'm there like

just swimming with only my arms with my knees in my face trying to catch up with the thing and it's going just too fast and everyone was pointing and laughing at me i mean you uh you caught up eventually right oh a big time yeah because you caught up to it and then when we went again um the rope that was tying us there was cut by the motor and almost snapped you in the face. Which makes total sense, by the way, and which is why you shouldn't do what we were doing at all.

And I can't believe the captain let it happen. That rope snapped and it went slinging back and it almost cut Heather's head off and hit you right in the fucking face. Yeah, I just felt, because at that time i was really gripping on because i didn't want to get peeled off it again and then and then we all just started like smooshing into each other i guess from the water then the rope whipped right

across me oh it was funny and it sounded like a shotgun when it hit too it was fucking loud yeah but it was you know like in a movie when somebody falls overboard like on a big ship in the sea and you see how fast the ship sails away and how quickly they're just alone in the ocean. When I looked back, that's what Gavin looked like. I mean, we were in waist deep water, but I was like, I'm never going to see him again. For like a few brief seconds, I was terrified. And then eventually, after about 20 minutes of hard swimming, he caught back up to me. It was the fucking most effective dickhead thing I have ever done in my entire life.

And I wasn't looking for that result. I was just being funny. I didn't realize how fast we were going and how hard it would be for Gavin to catch back up. It felt like a real Peter Parker chasing the bus moment. Emily said it was like Scar and Lion King. Yeah, that is a real long live the king moment.

It's like Willem Dafoe at the end of Platoon. So that happened. So that was, it was not go- go go now but it was like a go yeah are you done already jeff booking boat activities with groups on vacation we definitely like you're oh for two on these well this isn't the last boat trip on this uh or the last water excursion on this tour so i'll uh we'll we'll see how it ends up uh but yeah so at that point the guy's like uh i feel real bad about all the mix-ups i'm gonna give you guys an extra hour

you want to go uh you want to go tour the harbor and we're like i guess we don't want to be in this dog shit water stepping on sea urchins anymore that's for sure and so uh he just takes us on a tour which is kind of nice and he just shows us around and tells us where some good restaurants and stuff are. And then he takes us to the Waterworld area. I think I've mentioned that in the past, where there's all these dudes that live on the hook, which are just like people that live on boats. And not like you think. People who live on boats that are half sunk. Like, I don't know how to describe it.

It's insane. it is literally like apocalyptic and he drove us through that for a while and i i don't i hope in the past because it was the thing that struck me the most the first time we went to key west was just how insane all those on the hook people were living it was all around the homeless island and we went right through all that stuff i'd love to hear y'all's impressions of it. Cause I, uh, I was just flummoxed by it. You're expecting a lot of boats on these lines.

And when you see it from a distance, it looks cool because it's a lot of boats sort of like lined up. And then you get close and all of the boats are like, if a pack rat had humanized and then lived on a boat. And then some of the boats sink and they don't do anything with them. They simply let them sink and be in the water. What appears to be forever. Yeah.

what appears to be forever. Yeah. There were, Andrew, I've never seen more sunken ships in my life than I did in the 45-minute period we were touring the harbor. And we asked him about it. We're like, so what happens to these boats?

Does Key West pull them out? And he goes, nah, man, they're here for good. He's like, the owners ain't got the money to pull them out. And it's expensive. The city didn't want to put that money into it. So it's just here now. And so there's like 500 boats out there, I think he said, or like 350 boats out there.

Probably 60 of them are 70% in the water. And there's just like a mass sticking out. That island with all the homeless people living on it it's like 500 feet away from an island just full of mansions oh looking right at it it's crazy it is so surreal it's such a like i've never seen a greater example of the haves and the have-nots in the same frame you know yeah it's like if those those homeless people wanted to make a very short swim uh all at once they could they could take over that fucking rich person island in about 10 seconds not that that's gonna happen but well i mean there has been a revolution or whatever in key west before that's true on the sovereign nation there could be part two another takeover public oh i

want you to know i brought my passport with me when I went. Oh, hell yeah. I had T-bone on me at all times. Thank you very much. Awesome. So anyway, we toured that for a while and eventually,

I guess that would be the end of, let me see, I'm looking through my notes. Yeah, that would be the end of that. That's the end of that day. Yeah.

Well, that's the end of what happened then because we went on a, was that the day we went on the ghost tour? Yeah. Yeah, that was the day we went on a ghost tour, but that's the end of what happened then because we went on a is that the day we went on the ghost tour yeah yeah that was the day we went on a ghost but that's also the day we walked over for the sunset dinner where uh gavin took a very funny photo i don't know if you want to talk about that you mean you could tell it wait uh the person who waited on us at the at the restaurant was very cool uh was a turned out to be a rt a community member and so recognized gavin immediately and was so taken aback and so delighted uh that they were they're just lovely and we had we had a great time

joking around with them but gavin at because he wanted to see what it was, he ordered a dessert called like worms and dirt, I guess. Is that what it was? Yeah. And it was just like pudding with crushed Oreos on and gummy worms. Yeah. And when they delivered it, they were like, hey, this might sound weird, but can I get a photo of you eating that?

And Gavin's like, I guess. And so they took a photo of Kevin eating worms and dirt, which the other night, both agreed was the strangest photo request we've ever had. Yeah, I've never been asked to like pose with the food I was given before, but it was very funny. She was so nice too.

Like she walked up to start giving like introductory waitress spiel, but immediately got like visibly sidetracked like she forgot what she was saying and then we realized it's because she just looked me in the eyes and like knew who i was but maybe couldn't quite place it yeah like her brain was trying to catch up to like yeah who is this idiot she she looked at gavin and went sorry you look like you look like someone you look like. You look like this guy from this podcast.

And Gavin hid behind his and then went, what podcast? And she went, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then we ran into some kids on the. Yeah. When we were at the ghost tour, we ran into some kids that were incredibly drunk who did my least favorite thing when I get to meet somebody

I was just like in the gift shop and a dude walks up and he goes hey you look like Jeff from Rouge Teeth and I go well that's you know hi that's my name it's nice to meet you and he goes you're not Jeff and I go okay and he's like are you?

and I'm like yeah and then I have to like I'm not gonna listen I'm not gonna spend time trying to convince you that I am who I am I don't care if you think I'm me or not like but he was very aggressive with it I'm like no I'm really me I'm sorry and he's like I don't believe you and I'm like and I go and I did the thing

that I I assume all of us do which is when I'm uncomfortable I go oh you know you know, you know what? Gavin's right over there. You should go talk to him. Yeah, that was great. And he goes, oh, I don't believe you. And he goes, wait a minute. You've got to be Jeff because you said you know who Gavin

is. Oh, but maybe you're just a fan. I don't know. I'm going to go talk to Gavin and figure this out. And then I didn't see him again. Yeah, then I got him. I was further down the road. Oh, he just saw Jeff. I think i just get really embarrassed when i'm around new people and i get recognized oh for sure because it happens all the time and it's great and it's always well i'm awkward yeah but it's no it's awkward because we're we're awkward yeah i'm awful i i try i have the shittiest small talk um but you know thankfully when they're

face listeners then we we don't need to do that we have we just talk about andrew and we have our own language and you just you that is the nice like the face community members the the regulation listeners and the comment levers they really do it is like it's a different level like because we you immediately slip in to like face talk and it's like it's so cool and i'm so excited to talk to them about it especially when it's like recent stuff i'm like oh these guys are like active listeners and i love talking about achievement hunter and i love talking about red versus blue and when i was doing red versus blue i love talking about it but it is just different i don't know why or what it is that's different about it but

there is just something different about talking to people about face out in the wild than any other RT productions. I don't know why that is, but I love it. But yeah, for some reason I was just more embarrassed because all of your like cool real friends were there. They're all,

they are very cool. I'm taking my little worms and dirt picture. So that dinner though is where. Oh yeah, that's right's really and i'm really sorry for where this is going uh that dinner is where gavin started to pose some hypotheticals that set the tone for the entire rest of the weekend i would say and i came into the conversation late but how did it start Gavin what was your what was your first uh I think it started when I was just talking to Eric's small wife about different hypotheticals and then I made one it was like half one I'd given to Andrew before and half just brand new where I said you can kill a dog every morning or have a year-long nosebleed what

and then it turned into a lot of dogs died that weekend then it turned into uh you get 175 billion dollars but every morning you wake up and there's a dog and a gun and you have to pick up a gun and shoot the dog between the eyes and then it instantly disappears and it's gone and the gun is gone and then you can go about your business uh but uh but you get 175 billion dollars i this was originally pitched to me as gavin fucked up when he told it to me the first time I believe Gavin said would you rather have five million dollars or a one year long continuous nosebleed it was a very easy either or it was meant to be like a million dollars but but I accidentally made it into a would you rather which I two games that i very much enjoy but then everything about the weekend became like would you do it to shoot would you shoot a dog for it you get

you get a million dollars for every dog you shoot like it just kept going there was one where you could get oh we also determined that the dog has the same soul well that's that was very important to my wife yeah she was like but is it the same soul every time I was like why does that matter it's no one's dog it's a dog that purely exists only when it's about to be shot and then it vanishes

I want you to know that he keeps posing these things to make the dog killing the more enticing. He just kept doing that. He's like, like you would pick the nosebleed. He go, no, no, no, you don't understand the dog. It's fine.

It comes back the next day and I don't even know what you did. And you're like, right. It's still take the nosebleed. He's like, right, right, right. But the dog doesn't know what a gun is. It doesn't know's in danger and you're like yeah but i don't want to kill a dog so i'm pretty sure i ruined every single meal we had and then the 175 million dollars comes in where it's like you get 175 billion but you can only see your partner for five days a year and that started like this whole that's the the one I gave to Emily on that.

That's how, that's how we found out how little we mean to all of our wives. Yeah. It was really something. It was all the guys going that I would, I love you more than $175 billion. I, I wouldn't take that in a heartbeat and being honest about it.

And Emily and all the other women going, uh, nice knowing you. Yeah. So then off of the 175 billion in the killing the dog the dog got replaced and it became well it became do a dog every morning didn't it? Or strangle Andrew to death. What? Once a month for a year.

Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Why did I even run into this? Here's the deal. After you die, you're immediately reborn in Canada at home and we go about our business. We still do the podcast.

We talk about it, and you're like, I don't have any memory of that. I feel fine. It's no big deal. But in the morning when you wake up and it's time to strangle Andrew, you tell us a different story. You're like, don't listen to that version of me. It hurts every single time. It's excruciating.

I remember it after I'm dead. I'm in the void. It's terrible. And then we kill you, and then a second later you're like, no, I'm fine. I'm in the void. It's terrible. And then we kill you. And then a second later, you're like, no, I'm fine. None of that's true. I had to say that part, too. So you never know which side is real. And it had to be with our bare hands.

Yeah, and it had to be looking you in the eyes. We determined that the best way to do it would be to kill you on the 30th and then kill you on the first. And then that's you have two bad days, but then you have a lot of time between. Yeah, a lot of time when we don't have to kill. Andrew, we talked about this starting on Saturday and all through Sunday. It was, I mean, a full day and a half of talking about this. About you specifically.

But why me? I don't even know half the people on this trip. It's not a point of reference. Everyone on the trip knows who you are. Oh, okay. But still. But it's because we love you so much that we can't think of anything more

reprehensible or heinous than harming you. I appreciate what you're saying, but I feel like having to strangle any human to death is in itself a difficult thing to process. Well, I agree. Sometimes we could shoot you. And then it was like, well,

he dies instantly, he doesn't know. But then you come back and you're like, right when Gavin's got the gun in front of you, you're like, please don't. You don't die instantly. I'm telling you, it's excruciating. It hurts so bad. And then he has to pull the trigger. But then five minutes later, you slack

him and you're like, no, man, I'm good. It's cool. It was getting to the point where it was like, strangle Andrew once a month or shoot Andrew every day. And both scenarios, you just keep trying to get us to not do it killed you're back home and you go oh no i just have to say that stuff yeah that's fine i get it and uh there was no money

yeah that's the problem. Which way do you want to kill each other? I feel like there's a subtext to all this of like, you started with a very obvious you do this over that, and then just progressed to in what form do we do this? The outcome's the same.

It was such a weird weekend. Well, then, and then on the ghost tour eric decided okay to laugh in the face of danger we we're running out of time but i guess i will we gotta do it we gotta do it uh andrew on a ghost tour i don't believe in ghosts there's no ghost that's fine however however. Before you continue this, should we end this as a cliffhanger? Should you say what it is and then we don't finish? Hey, Andrew, ghosts aren't real, but curses are.

That's what I said, too. And now I believe otherwise. Yeah, no. That's too much. And now I believe otherwise. Yeah, no, let's see. That's, that's, that's, that's too much. We, we gotta be, we gotta, we can't do that. So we did the ghost tour. There's a part of the ghost tour where you get off the ghost tour

and you go into like this museum and there's a thing, there's this 65 pound thing of silver and they go, don't touch this if you're going to go on the water tomorrow, because it's like, it's cursed. Every boat it's been on is sunk, whatever. And five, five boats. It was on and all five boats sunk.

My wife, my wife touched it with one finger and she's like, he, he, he. And then I went, I don't care. So I pick it up and I did it like a bunch of times. And I, I posed next to it and all this stuff because we were going on jet skis. We were going to go swimming. It's like a whole thing. I'm like, there's no way it's fine.

I'll be fine. We go on jet skis. Totally fine. We go swimming. In that pool. A little, a little iffy. I thought at most,

I'm like, Oh, I'm going to get like an infection. That's what's going to happen. That is staff. That's a staff infection. Swimming pool. Yeah. A little bit of a film uh bad bad pool so but again nothing happened we were even celebrating after the jet skiing and then even more so after the pool being like that's

a bunch of shit eric's water and he's done he's gotten through all of the water of the day. So then I go to take a shower. There's a bottle of liquid soap, and I pour some into my hand, and then I bend over to set it down where it was. And I'm looking right over it, I guess, as I do that, and it hits the ground, and soap flies

into my right eye. And I have my contacts in. So I've never had my eyes burn that bad in my life. So I have to immediately get out and take out my contacts. And I'm like, fuck, this is the curse. I got the soap in my eye for,

oh man, that isn't that. That's crazy. So I get back in the shower and my eye is beat red and I'm trying to like rinse it out. And it's still just like stinging because it's full of fucking soap. And I am just trying to get it out and get it out. So I'm spraying splashing water in my eye.

It's not working. I'm using this little hose thing. It's not working. So I'm looking up at the rain can sort of shower head. And I don't know. I guess I tilted back a little bit too far. Water went up my nose, but for an extended period of time.

And I have never in my life choked so much that I thought this is the end. I'm going to die. Until that moment where I literally could not breathe. My wife had, I'm like slamming into doors, clutching my throat, but my snake is coming to check on me and i'm just going it's i can't hit any air in eventually i'm able to breathe through my nose and not my mouth

the rest of my night i'm coughing and wheezing because of how bad I choked, and my eye is blood red. He came down, because we've had this really nice day on the jet skis, having some drinks all day. It's all been like, ah, yeah, would you shoot the dog? Would you strangle her? And then we all meet up for dinner. He's wearing glasses, and his eye is is blood red and he's just really quiet.

He looks defeated. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to ask about your eyes. Like you seem a little, seem a little bit. Oh, it was so fucking bad. I really thought like the amount I could not breathe was fucking scary i've never been able to not breathe like that and it was from water and i went i'm done that's it i'm gonna die right and the way you announced it well yeah everything was good really well it's like i

always died in the shower and then and then your small wife was like, yeah, I thought he was a goner. She checked on me. She didn't know what to do. There was nothing to do. I'm clutching my throat, naked, running around the hotel room, trying to just beat my chest to get any air in. It was awful.

I feel terrible you went through that and then continued your evening talking about strangling me to death. Determining it would be best to do it on back-to-back days. How bad I feel for you. Let me just say, Andrew, I plead the second.

Yeah! When we were at that dinner, we had a pizza dinner at the end fuck it let's just finish this out we're almost done let's go a little long it's fine let's all right let's before we get to pizza dinner so we go jet skiing right after the kerfuffle where uh i didn't have appropriate water shoes for all the sea urchins i thought i need to wear something i can get in the water i don't want to i don't want to wear my Nikes in the water. So I had a pair of flip-flops and I thought, oh, I'll just wear these to jet skis. The jet skis were on the other

side of the island and we were going to take a cab, but we were just early enough and the weather was nice that they were like, let's just walk. I haven't worn flip-flops in, I don't know, 10 years. And it was a mile and a half, about a 30 minute walk. By the time we got to the jet skis, I had 97 blisters. I had to be that asshole. If I was in front of Sloppy Joe's, I was the guy walking barefoot.

I had to, I couldn't use my, I threw the flip flops away. And I just had to go barefoot because it was like torture devices. So eventually my feet caught up to everybody else's because everybody else is covered in sea urchins. I think Vanessa had it the worst. Yes. Then we get on these jet skis.

And all I can say is it was a perfect experience for me. Jet skiing on the ocean, as I told the boys before, is totally different than jet skiing in the lakes where Gavin and I do it in Austin. I think that remains to be true. It's like a different level. We jet skied for about 90 minutes. We toured. We went completely around the island. So we went on the Gulf of Mexico

and on the Atlantic Ocean, jet skied in both. We jet skied with dolphins somehow. Oh yeah, that was cool. There were just like 12 dolphins jet skiing around with us, hanging out. they were just like cool they were just like 12 dolphins jet skiing around with us hanging out uh and we all sprayed emily a million times i rooster tailing into her and emily emily got gavin so fucking good well her visibility spout she she was the only jet ski that had one that wasn't the instructor guy but for some reason it was going like 45 feet in the air so anytime i was behind her all of her water was landing on my head and then we went under a bridge

and she was just spraying the underneath the bridge and then all that was dripping on me as well i got dirty bridge water all over my head fucking 20 minutes ago i've not been able to see everyone everyone was walking back with like you know know, maybe wetness around the swim shorts. I was completely drenched from head to toe. So the jet skis went well? That was a fun experience? Yeah. It was great. So your problem, Jeff, isn't like aquatic vehicles.

It's when you hire a captain. So just don't hire captains. Yeah, you've got to be the captain. Yeah, I guess I need to be the captain. I don't know what it was, though. Whenever Eric and his small wife were describing what happened to him in the shower, I just could not. It was so funny to me.

My eyes just immediately started just tearing up as to how serious the event was. It was completely out of nowhere. It was one of those weekends where I, I feel like I didn't stop laughing the entire time. Oh, it was so fun. And like everything. I'm sorry.

Go ahead. Can I post the picture I took of your eye? Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Go for it. Yeah. We were,

we were doing a lot of, uh, 0.5 camera situations. This is hours later. And so it doesn't look that bad look at my other eye not even close look at how blood red that is and that is i would say half of how red it was when I got out of the shower. Also, that thousand-yard stare like he just went through Vietnam. I just don't understand that. He had that the entire rest of the time.

I don't either! I don't understand why you would put down a bottle of soap and have your eye over the spout. I don't know either! When they just pop it down, why are you looking at it? I don't know. So we watched a lovely sunset, which was also weird

by the way, because we saw a bunch of special forces on Zodiac boats fucking just show up and go through all of the pretty yachts and the people's sunset watching. It looked like we were being invaded. I don't know if you remember the Chuck Norzech north movie invasion usa but it reminded me of that and uh i guess they were just doing some maneuvers because there's a lot of uh coast guard and army

and navy out there that was kind of funny to watch but we went and we had this burndog found this amazing oh yeah that was the sunset it was so pretty uh found this amazing pizza restaurant on the other side of the island and we all walked walked over there. And in that dinner, that's where we learned the finer points of Eric's eyeball. And at some point, we were doing the hypotheticals, and Bernie said something. And Emily thought he said, I plead the second. And we're like, she was like, plead the second amendment. And she just misheard him. But that turned into the slogan for the rest of the trip.

And so anytime anybody shot the dog or you, Andrew, they were pleading the second. And if you've ever been to walking around Key West, you've seen a lot of shirts for sale where that would fit really well. Dude, no kidding. Yeah, it's definitely MAGA country down there when it comes to $10 t-shirts and koozies.

But anyway, so we all couldn't stop saying plead the second to everything. So we just walked around finger gunning and pleading the second each other for the rest of the night. And then I don't think I told... Oh, and then after I ordered a pizza because it was like this pizza restaurant and I ate half my pizza and then I just picked all the ingredients off the other half.

So I wasn't super hungry, but I love the ingredients. And when the lady came to pick it all up and leave, Bernie was like, hey, man, let me get the rest of that pizza. And I was like, oh, I I already picked all the ingredients off. He wouldn't fucking believe me. I had to plead the second on it. He wouldn't fucking believe me. And we got back to the hotel room later and he's like, hey, man, you gotta be honest with me. You didn't eat those ingredients, right? And I was like, I swear to plead the second on it. He wouldn't fucking believe me. And we got back to the hotel room later, and he's like, hey, man, you got to be honest

with me. You didn't eat those ingredients, right? And I was like, I swear to God, I still don't think he believes that I picked all the ingredients off the pizza. Even Emily going, I watched him do it. He's like, man, I just don't think so. But we had to get up the next morning, and you guys don't know this, but we had to get up, and because I flew out early,, I still wanted to do the break show.

And so Emily and I flew out at like 6am so that we could get home in time and basically go straight from the airport to the break show. And, uh, we got a fucking Uber at like five 30 in the morning, got into the car and it was playing Darude sandstorm. At full volume. And so at fucking five 45 in the morning bloodshot and exhausted

i had to listen to the entirety of that fucking song all the way to the airport then we then another funny thing that's happened that i have never experienced before but now i kind of surprised it doesn't happen more often we go and we had a layover in atlanta right uneventful flight we get to atlanta we have like a two-hour layover. I don't have... I couldn't get the Delta app. I couldn't log in on the Delta app on my phone. We were flying Delta on the way back. And Emily had it. So she had my ticket. She was just like... She had my digital ticket. So she was scanning it for me. So I didn't have any way to see where we were going. And I just said, Hey, where's our connecting flight? And Vanessa looked at her ticket and she goes, it's E26.

And we're like, okay. So we go, we were in like B terminal. So we go all the way to the E terminal and go to the 26 gate. And it's like Salt Lake City or something. And I'm like, what the fuck? That's weird. And Vanessa looked at her ticket.

Her seat on the next flight was 26E. Come on. And we walked all the way across the air. We had to take a tram to get there all the way across there. Our fucking connecting flight was the next gate to where we landed. So we had to turn all the way back,

take the tram all the fucking way back to the other side. And I was laughing so hard at that. I didn't know people could do it i i don't know why i've never made that mistake before it makes so much sense because the number because almost all terminals and seats they line up i mean there was an e26 and anyway that was very funny and uh and that was pretty much the the trip then we uh y'all stuck around a little bit longer and slept in emily and i went straight to the break show and then had the most insane break show i think we'll ever have yeah we we posted

some clips and and everything it's it's looking pretty cool like that i got wild gavin i mean i got like i wanted to get this uh i had this box of wnba cards and i really wanted to get this an autograph or any kind of like hit on brianna stewart she's my favorite basketball a wmba player and uh i got a fucking autographed brianna stewart which was awesome and that's like a huge hit uh we were opening up alan and ginter and i got the voice actress who uh i got an autograph of the voice actress who does ash ketchum which i guess is a like the pokemon boy yeah and also i guess she's in Camp Camp, which I didn't know, which is fucking cool.

And then I had this box of historical, like historically significant cards. I pulled a fucking relic, a piece of Vincent Van Gogh's handwriting. So now I have a card that has Vincent Van Gogh's actual handwriting on it. Curses. Isn't that insane?

It's joined up writing. It's fucking crazy. It is joined up. And it looks like somebody used a fountain pen. Looks like he used a fountain pen. It was such a great trip overall. I think it only would have been greater if

Andrew was there. I don't think I want to be there based on the theme of the conversation. To be fair, Andrew, you were there in spirit. No, I can't. First of all, if everyone's involved, I can't change the momentum of that conversation. I just like the way that you presented it. It was a compliment to me that I get to be in this position

where it was like, hey, guys, I got a new hypothetical on this one. Well, it's because we're trying to pick someone we wouldn't want to kill yeah but you're you're lining it the problem is you're lining it up with a thing you wouldn't want so it'd be like well okay so your car gets broken into every day or you have to decapitate andrew i really i don't feel good about it i love him but let me create a scenario in which i have to kill them. We tried it with other people first, and it's like, yeah, I'll kill my parents. Nobody cares. You were the only person that gave anybody pause.

You were there with us. What about we have to drown them, or you sleep on a pen and knives every night? What are we going to do, guys? What are we picking? What are we choosing? Real tough call. I wouldn't sleep that well in a pen and knives. No. I'm just saying. I'm't sleep that well. Yeah. In a bed of knives. No. I'm just saying. I'm not

happy about it, but I guess I gotta kill Andrew again. Andrew, let me ask you a question. If you had to, would you rather shoot Gavin once a day in the morning with a pistol between the eyes every day for a year or strangle him

to death looking him in the eyes once a month now he doesn't feel it and as soon as he dies he's immediately reborn we do the podcast together we do supplemental content we do blind sides we're fine he and he and he's like no it's no big deal man i understand if i were in your position i'd do the same thing i die instantly it's not a big deal now the morning when you wake up and gavin's in front of you and you have to make the decision to shoot him in the eyes or strangle him, he tells you a very different story.

But what would you rather do? Strangle him 12 times or shoot him 365 times? I'll take the year-long nosebleed is what I'm going to opt for. I'm taking options. Oh, you plead the second. Yes.

Andrew pleads the second. And I also eat all the pizza toppings. I'll do it all. Cover all my bases. Now we definitely have to wrap up. All right, we got to stop. I'm going to just post those pictures just all the pizza toppings, so do it all. Cover all my bases. All right, now we definitely have to wrap up. All right, we gotta stop. I'm gonna just post those pictures just for the video version,

or for the thing version. There's a couple of crimes right there. Yeah. Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast, and remember to be kind to your friends and your family members. Treat them well.

Be sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Be sweet. Yeah. Be kind. Hypothetically and in the real world. Hypothetically be kind. Cherish the ones you love. And also give us lots of stars. And positive reviews. Bye.

Bye. Now would you rather give us five stars or contract a terminal disease every day. Think about that. Real tough one. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Someone screwed up. Who has the

unchokeable neck? The boys are getting feisty. Gavin parked his truck in a bad spot. Tiny Jeff in a big coffee. yet another new apple, and once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.