Regulation Podcast - Are You Feeling Wronged? // Silver Medal Friendship [139]

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin maybe wrongs Andrew, Gavin's phone lifehack, best movies with number letter, falls draft redux, things I learned about Eric, durantula, resort falcons, pool infection, fridge update, Signal Awards, The Zimmies, Trials, Warzone, being a stump guy, The Traitors, and the novelization. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Honey http://joinhoney.com/face Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com and use code FACE and Shopify http://shopify.com/face. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I believe we did label him the official intro earlier or late at the tail end of last year I'm not sure when so there you have it that was Eric he mentioned this is episode 139 of the F*** Face Podcast my name is Jeff with me as always Andrew and Gavin

this is our first recording in a couple weeks we didn't record last week because well Eric and I went on vacation together, and boy, do I have a video and some thoughts on that to share with you guys today. As a matter of fact, I have so much. I was compiling my notes today before I came over. I have 22 things listed to talk about today.

That's what I whittled it down to. What happens when you hang out with the cost in real life?'s not all eric a lot of it's other stuff i imagine that we won't i won't get to like 19 of the 22 things because i assume you guys have shit you want to talk about as well and uh uh this is a podcast for all of us it is the triangle right isn't that that we that's right the comedy triangle is what we determined the comedy triangle going back i feel like i wronged Andrew yesterday. Ooh. Are you feeling wronged?

You know what's funny? I didn't want to... I wasn't going to bring this up, but I did ask a hypothetical to both Jeff and Eric before the show started to see where they fell on it. Oh. I didn't realize that was Gavin.

It was Gavin. It was absolutely Gavin. That might have affected my answer I asked Jeff and Eric before what you know pleasantries Gavin that you're never there for and I expected you not to be there uh much like I should have expected you not to show up last night when uh I organized Gavin I were talking about because we were doing trials like recently right he beat the time we did that little bet and then in our off period i decided to try to beat every time gavin and jack have in all the trials games

so i've been doing that and he sent me a photo of gavin used to do a thing called trials tuesday where i think you'd get together with your friends and like four or five tvs will play trials and i asked gavin do you have any more like weekly days that you do like a fun oh this is like i have a movie monday type thing and he said no and that makes me sad so i thought you know what my friend gavin he doesn't have a day for anything it's wednesday we've recently been playing warzone so i just texted him feels like a warzone wednesday to me and he said, absolutely. And the sucky thing about that is you text me that at like noon.

It might have been even earlier. And I just spent the rest of the afternoon so excited for Warzone Wednesday. I was like, oh man. I'm not usually one who looks forward to the evenings, but I was like, oh, I can't wait for later. It's going to be brilliant. Well, you say that. You said, absolutely. When do you want to do that you you said absolutely what do

you want to do it i said what about this time no reply which is not completely unusual for you with game stuff i interpret that as a yes sometimes i've written in my phone an answer and not hit send when i thought i did i thought it was reasonable for you to be there i waited about i said i said what time do we start and then you immediately replied with the time i gave you time and i asked you as a question i was like does this work for you uh you never got back to it that's fine you've never missed you never missed a gaming thing that we've said when once there was a time and place you've always been there so i assumed you would be waited about 20 minutes texted to ask if we're

rescheduling you said oh fuck what about later in the evening i didn't feel like playing later we're probably gonna play for like an hour i just didn't have it in me i thought i was tired so we've rescheduled to today but what i was asking jeff and eric was were you late for that because I asked you a time and you never responded to that request it was a question and since you didn't lock in I wasn't sure if you were late or not or if it just technically wasn't scheduled I've done

a dumb thing which I thought was an amazing hack I did this about a year ago I made a shortcut on my iPhone that puts my phone into do not disturb anytime it's on charge. And I figured that way,

I don't have to manually set it for a time. Anytime it's getting juice, I assume it's in the night and I'm charging and I don't want anything. But yeah, I forgot to charge my phone the night before. And I was doing a middayday charge which had the interesting side effect of basically silencing my phone and my watch and everything for the entire day uh so it's a flawed system and then when you were just like reschedule i was like oh shit like i missed the time i missed like

i just forgot you did but I didn't know I didn't know what time I was being late for and I'd already I've already been late for it but I you don't you weren't according to Jeff and Eric you were clear you were not late it was never never finalized Jeff and Eric would you like to change your answer based on the knowledge that it is me uh would I like to change my answer? 100%. Do I think I can? Morally, no. I still think you're not late, unfortunately. If it were anybody who were late in this scenario,

I would like it to be put on the record that it should be you. But no, I think you're in the clear here, man. Yeah, I mean, even knowing it's you, I still wouldn't change my answer. I just don't think that like you're absolved of all responsibility in that situation you never said yes I do find it fucking but I'm very sorry weird I've known you for more than half your life now I've known you probably 20 years Gavin or close to it uh and uh you're worse at communicating and being on time and making shit and general correspondence

than you've ever been in your life. And you are in a house of technological wonders. You have a goddamn clock you built just to show up at this podcast on time. You have 700,000 phones and devices to notify you things. And somehow you're at an all-time low. I do think you might want to take a step back

and evaluate what you're doing wrong. Well, it's interesting coming from the person I texted yesterday who didn't reply to me. Ooh! Did you text me yesterday? Ooh! Well, hold on. I'm not the one on trial here, but let me see.

Oh, oh, oh. You texted me last night at 8.43 p.m. I was in the movies when I received the text. And then after the movie was over, I just went straight to bed. So I haven't even had a chance to watch it yet. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I saw M3-ing. M3-ing? Oh, how was M3-ing? It was really funny. It was really good. What do you think is the best entertainment product with a number in the name? Do you think Driftria is a good game?

Oh, God. I see what you're saying. What are some good ones? Was there like a Screthrium? A Screthrium, maybe? I think the third one, and then I think maybe the fourth one also, and then I think probably the fifth one., and then I think probably the fifth one.

I think they all probably had numbers in there. And it has to be a number replacing a letter, right? So it can't be like a too fast, too furious, where they use the number on both instead of like the two. I don't think that counts. Yeah. Okay. I'll have to think about that there's that's a i mean that's uh like if we i mean kind of like kind of like uh a

false poll we're pulling from all movies and properties ever made it's they don't all come to mind so quickly that was probably the most confusing thing Andrew's ever presented. That's not at all. Because not only did I not understand what you wanted, and the way you described it, I still have problems with. But even in the discussion in person on office day, I couldn't even figure out who was arguing for what and who was mad at who. I sat there for that whole thing after I came in, because I came in late to that recording.

I couldn't figure out who was on my side at all like i've never been more confused it was interesting to see the different sections of uh listeners and comment levers having differing opinions like where things were slanted more like i'd say on our reddit there were more people vocal that i was in the right for that system. On YouTube, I'd say it was definitely majority you guys, Eric and Jeff, and then the site was, I'd say, like, probably 60-40 for me.

For you guys, actually. But you could have made it so simple just by saying, we'll pick four of our favorite fours. Well, yeah, that was the whole point. I don't understand. So to draft this, why would you draft something that isn't... Why didn't you call it the Great F*** Face Condiment Draft?

What do you mean by that? Well, we were trying to come up with the best thing. Right. Pick the best thing. Why not just call it that? Why would... But when would we... I don't understand what condiment says

to do with what we're talking about. That's where you've lost it. Well, you didn't call it the condiment draft. You just... We picked our favorite condiments. When did we do a condiment says to do with what we're talking about that's where you've lost well you didn't call it the condiment draft you just we picked our favorite condiments when did we do a condiment draft oh what are we talking about it was i actually remember i listened to it recently it was episode 63 i believe oh we did a condiment draft no we did we made our own condiments i know we just we just picked the best condiment. We made it.

Okay. But you didn't call it drafting our condiments or drafting different condiments into the same bowl. We just, I don't know why you phrased it as a draft, is what I'm saying. Because, well, we couldn't, we're not going to make the same condiment. We could make the same pick.

You can't have two people. Condiment. Because we're not naturally going to make the same condiment. What if you also made shrimp cocktail sauce? That was also your idea. I don't understand why you're coming at me with the labeling of your project. That was your thing. I'm just saying, picking our favorite things from all over the world is not a draft.

No, time out, Gavin. Are you asking me why I didn't name the idea you came up with the condiment draft yeah is that what okay because i didn't fucking name it because it wasn't my thing you're saying you would have i don't think i would have i don't think i would have ever thought of condiment draft and it's the draft a draft is a simple thing you have a list we have a pool of falls and you pick the falls and to be honest i was trying to be ambiguous because i wasn't sure if i wanted skyfall i didn't want to narrow it down because i wanted some bullshit possibly

that's why that's why it's a draft i don't all right i did not see continued arguing on the rules of the draft can we uh being on the move into something. Fucking bingo card today. I will say, though, this is a great opportunity. I wanted to bring up, I've been talking about it with Eric all weekend on vacation. I think we should really do another draft.

We definitely should do another draft. We should do it exactly the same way with Andrew, same fucking rules. My recommendation was we do it in March for March Madnessness and we just do basketball related fails or something but I think this is too good not to do over

and over again well I think the whole thing was phenomenal I don't get the pools I get the pools but I don't why would we submit why would we go through that process twice why don't you guys do your own fucking research and don't rely on me bringing in some high quality falls that you're gonna steal

from me once we do the pool we all brought falls what do you mean but if we did the pool idea right like the original the thought that eric and jeff wanted where we all share a pool of falls it's gav's fault i'm ready to pivot to something that's actually confusing which is the signal you're saying that what i wanted it's not what i wanted it's what a draft is that's just incorrect false statement but that's fine agree to disagree i think the audience liked it overall um i saw a lot of definitely a lot of mad people that the videos weren't in our video. But I mean, those are just other people's videos, right? That's what we're talking about.

Yeah, 100%. We don't get a bunch of that. We're just going to get the fucking, we would get our falls draft taken down in eight seconds. Yeah. Yeah, that makes total sense to me. It doesn't make total sense to the audience for some reason, but it's right. I can understand it not making sense to like people who haven't dealt with youtube's copyright strike system but yeah i mean it's it's not easy as nick correctly pointed out it's for

the same reason we can't play mvp2 for like with you or we can't upload that movie just as a counter and as someone who doesn't understand the youtube copyright strike system and apparently doesn't even understand what a draft is aren't the grape lady didn't upload the grape lady falling like that's not their content right like isn't that weird like how we're stealing from somebody who took right here from but it is uploaded and what we would be doing is putting 20 already uploaded videos into one video and then going hey i fucking dare you to take this down. But it's certainly a process that requires one person

to click one button and then no verification to go back. Also, that's also puts the whole channel at risk to be in a bad standing on YouTube. So really, I'm just not going to take advice from the audience in general, especially about this.

You, you could argue that it's, you know, it's derivative enough and fair use enough for us to actually get to do that. It's just the systems in place to protect us from that are absolute dog shit. Yes. And that's absolutely true. But it's also the thing where people go,

well, you can play 14 seconds of a song before you get it taken down. That's not a real thing. That's just a thing people made up. That's like going, well, if the teacher's 15 minutes late, you can leave. That's not real. Eric went on a rant about that on vacation, actually. It was pretty funny. Is that like the five

second rule? Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah, there's probably a case that we could upload those videos, but we would be, it would get taken down, and then we'd have to fight it and get it put back up. And then one of the other people would get it taken down. And then we, it's just like, we've all been down this road enough times. There was about a fucking 10 year period where I just, I had nightmares every night about

copyright strikes on YouTube for Achievement Hunter. It's just, it's not worth it at the end of the day. Yeah. Copyright strikes and you're fucked. I mean, you kind of screw it after one. Like you get a lot of your features disabled even if your channel's still there. And then you got a petition to get it back

and it's a fucking nightmare. What if we just went to somewhere we didn't care about? Like Dailymotion? What if we did video only on Dailymotion and just dared people to both find it and then report it? So your idea is to still steal the content, but just put it somewhere else? I don't think it's stolen.

I don't think that's stolen content. You think it's okay to steal the content as long as you put it in a place that nobody is going to be able to find it? Well, I think the Grape Lady video was already stolen. So first of all i don't feel like i'm stealing the tiktoks is that's where it gets weird where if it's somebody if the faller uploaded it then it's worse than that so then first off the news channel of the grape lady

video could could strike us if they wanted to easily uh but what most people what happens more often than not with these clips is there are there are companies that buy viral clips in the droves, kind of like old stock photo companies. And I think one's called Jash. Jass or Jash. But they go and they buy these videos for $75 a piece. So they could very quite possibly own a lot of those videos just because the person who uploaded it uploaded it. It was funny. And then somebody offered him $350 for it it and they signed away the rights to it i wouldn't be

surprised if most of those videos are owned by a company like that that's interesting i didn't know that there's a whole economy i just think if a yankee fan 22 vt is brave enough there's a way there's a way for us to figure it out jeff i have a question yeah okay what's wheel of duck oh wheel of duck thank you it's actually not wheel of duck i, okay. What's Wheel of Duck? Oh, Wheel of Duck. Thank you. It's actually not Wheel of Duck. I wrote that wrong. It's Wheel of Suck.

Let me write that down. I now have 23 things to talk about today. What do you want to talk about most on your list today? We'll get to it six episodes from now. I think the most time-sensitive stuff that I would like to talk about is the vacation with Eric. I learned a lot about Eric on this trip. of stuff that I would like to talk about is the vacation with Eric. I learned a lot about Eric on this trip. I thought that this

was the first time I've vacationed with a f***facer in a very long time. First time I've ever vacationed with Eric. Couples vacation. We went to a beach resort in Cancun together and I thought you guys might find it interesting so I

wrote down all the stuff that I found that was fascinating about Eric and I made a little video as well just to kind of show you guys what eric's like on vacation if you'd like i can upload that to slack it's two minutes it's two minutes uh i kept it as as succinct as i could made it on my phone today okay i think it's up so you guys go watch that should we all press play at the same time? Sure. All right. Slack. Okay. And then feel free to describe as you're watching it since this is an audio podcast. All right.

Are you ready, Andrew? I'm ready. All right. Three, two, one. Play. Eric on vacation. It has a title card. You've edited this.

Yes. I'm looking at. You're just filming him to be. He's already annoyed boarding the plane by the looks of it. He's annoyed at the airport. I don't trust him. Yeah, I mean it was 80, not like yesterday. So now he's just texting? Okay, he's on his phone a lot. Is that...

How many planes are you on? Well. Is he saying, no, don't film me? Yes. Yeah, a bunch. A bunch. He's shy. Oh, in a hotel of some sort.

He's checking into the hotel. I was really bummed to... In the back of the car. I was so bummed to miss this trip. Maybe I'm not now. No, no, no, it's not over. He's getting boarding passes. I bet you he's gonna be... I bet you he's gonna be be... I bet you he's going to be okay with being filmed. This one.

Oh, he never notices. Okay. It's like... First class. There's no footage of the vacation. It's all just the airport. It's just the airport. It's Eric annoyedly walking past you in first class.

I got upgraded. I have so in first class. I got upgraded. I have so many questions of... I got answers. How many flights, how many airports is this? Uh, probably three airports, two flights. So, Austin to Dallas, Dallas to Cancun, then... You're hiding behind a bin? We did it, We're back.

Tell me about the vacation. That's where you cut it off? Yeah. What do you mean? That's where it ended. The rest of my sentence was, just so you guys know, how was the vacation? I said, it was great. Jeff slept a lot.

I think the video cut off at how was the vacation and you said it. It did. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's all the footage we had. I the frame. So anyway, I feel like that encapsulates Eric. I wanted to get like slice of life, like fly on the wall, kind of kind of footage of him. And so there you have it.

He said encapsulates Eric when when on vacation. I think Eric probably just generally doesn't like being filmed without his knowledge. I assume that that is not specifically a travel thing. I don't, well, I don't know. He's filmed a lot. I mean,

it's just mostly who are you excited walking down the aisle in an airplane? Like, well, you were, should have been excited because you were going on vacation. Some of that was coming home from vacation. Well, yeah,

I, all right, listen, there is a chunk of the vacation that was coming home from vacation. Well, yeah. All right. Listen, there is a chunk of the vacation that was cut out. The vacation? Well, yeah, but here's why. That makes sense, though, because I was also on vacation and I don't want to work on vacation. So I filmed up until my vacation started. And then as soon as my vacation ended, I went back to work and I filmed the rest of it. The second you leave the resort, you're back on the clock. Yeah, I was back to work and I filmed the rest of it. Well, thanks. The second you leave the resort, you're back on the clock. Yeah, I was back to work. That's true.

That was, we were on, that was in the car going either to or from the airport in Mexico. Yeah, it was three in the morning going to the airport.

You were clocked out. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, I worked up until the second my vacation began, which was when you and I both checked into the hotel. And then the second it was over, I was up until the second my vacation began, which was when you and I both checked into the hotel. And then the second it was over, I was back on the case. There's no way you didn't talk about face almost the entire time. Pretty much the entire time.

It was a lot of talk about the show. But we were on vacation. It's different. I bet it was idea central, though. I bet it was like the ultimate office day. It was pretty good. It was pretty good. It was pretty good. Do you want to know some things I learned about Eric?

I will guess that you learned that he hates board games. I did learn that, actually. Thank you for asking. Thanks, Gavin. I hadn't put that in the... Let me put that. Hates board games. At one point, we're talking, and board games were brought up,

and then Jeff immediately grabbed his phone and knew I just knew he's texting Gavin. So I just texted Gavin simply. No, I just texted the word no. And then it was. Oh, yeah. OK, cool. So he was definitely texting Gavin about this. Great.

Eric, I found out from his lovely small wife. She likes to play board games with friends and eric is board game cock blocking them from doing that and so i just wanted to let gavin know that uh barbara likes to untrue i play board games with her and with other people for her sounds like you love it i do not and i make it very known that i don't here are those like a great time here are the things I learned about Eric. First off, I would like to point out, Eric had every opportunity in the world

for four straight days to kill me, and he didn't do it. Not a serial killer, not a murderer. I think you can safely travel anywhere with him. I slept in front of him for four straight days. I slept by the pool. I slept by the beach. I slept anywhere I could. I slept in front of him for four straight days. I slept by the pool. I slept by the beach. I slept anywhere I could. I slept at dinner. Anywhere I could

sleep, I slept. And he didn't even harm one hair on my head. So thumbs up there. Big stamp of approval. Traveling with Eric. He's not going to murder you in your sleep. I have reasonable confidence. 7pm, Friday night, I get the text from Eric. No.

I replied, what if it's one-on-one chess? And he replied, this sucks. Okay. Things I learned about Eric. Eric hates soup. His exact quote was,

it's been almost 40 years, man. I'm just not going to learn to love it. Eric doesn't like board games. Eric hates spaghetti. Eric hates dreams. His dreams and your dreams. He hates everybody's dreams. Eric doesn't think there are enough teams named after spiders.

And Eric hates spoons that are hot. He'll eat a spoon with cold food but if it touches hot food he doesn't want the spoon anywhere near him and that's pretty much it that's all all there is to eric i mean there are no spider teams just think about it there should be and there's not he's very upset about it seattle spiders it's not Spiders? Is that a team or is that just did you just pick a name of a city? That'd be a great team. I don't know what the sport is, but that'd be

great. I think I'm with you on that one. I can only think of He doesn't like soup. He hates it. It's all forms of soup. A mid-temperature food like a mashed potato. That's warm but not hot. Is that okaytemperature food, like a mashed potato. That's warm but not hot.

Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Do you typically eat mashed potatoes with a spoon or do you eat them with a fork? I feel like I have them with a fork because I'm having other food with the mashed potato. I guess, you know, there are times in my life where I've only had mashed potato. That's true. Me too. So I can say, also, just so you know about the hot spoon thing, that's a Jeff concoction where he started connecting dots.

And really, all I was saying was like it was just sort of found out of like, oh, like hot foods that you would eat with a spoon like you don't really like that. And it's like, I guess that's just soup mostly. So I just started agreeing. I just started saying, yeah, it's easier. He 100 percent agreed. I clarified. I can started saying, yeah, it's easier. He 100% agreed. I clarified. I can't think of teams. That's a good call.

I guess people don't like spiders, but people love Spider-Man. So I have a theory about this. Because the Cleveland Spiders used to be the team before they were the Cleveland Indians and now the Cleveland Guardians. They were originally the Cleveland Spiders. Indians, and now the Cleveland Guardians. They were originally the Cleveland Spiders. I have a theory that spiders are not chosen because they are seen as feminine, but snakes are seen as masculine.

So you have teams named after snakes, but not after spiders. Are there a lot of snakes? Snakes as boys and spiders as girls. Medusa disagrees. I can't think of any snake teams. What are snake teams? Arizona Diamondbacks.

That's a snake thing? I didn't know that was a snake thing. Diamondback Battlesnake. Yeah. But when I think of spiders, I think of Anderson the Spider Silva, which is pretty fucking awesome. So I agree there should be sports teams, but that's also not

I think of Donovan Spider Mitchell or Kevin the Durantula Durant. Is your favorite Spider the Durantula? It's clearly a take on a If we were doing a spider draft, that's a top three pick. Undeniable.

It's number one. I'm glad that you had fun. I'm glad that you've learned so many things about Eric on your vacation. I also learned something. We all learned something fascinating about Falcons. Do you guys know? What do you guys know about Falcons? They're really bad at football.

They're good at punching. Yeah, he's got a great punch. Anything else? They're no condor. Well, that's one of my notes. We do need to schedule a condor, man. We get to the resort. It's like an all-inclusive place,

which, by the way, all Eric said for four days is anytime he ordered a drink, be like, can I get a margarita? And the guy's like, yes, sir. And Eric just go all-inclusive to himself. He wasn't talking to anybody. He just like, he just repeated all. Every time you take a bite of food from the buffet, he'd go all-inclusive. He, uh, yeah, you should.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's how I got so many so fast. And that's also how Eric got his sunglasses back when he left oh that's true they got guy wreck remembered him from the tip and gave him to me to give to eric uh by the way the fucking buffet at that place had these candy stars that were kind of like runts that were so fucking good i'm still thinking about him every meal jeff just ate probably a hundred stars but but you're the root canal guy I don't know you do it to

yourself I took okay also doesn't that line up with what a root canal guy would do is it a hundred stars predictable for the guy doesn't want to be known as the root canal guy I assume I can't doesn't want to be known as the root canal guy, I assume. Yeah, but he can't help it. They got those delicious stars all over the place. The stars are good. I will say that Eric was incredibly consistent with his water adjacency. I never saw him get in the water.

I saw him lay near the water a bunch, near the ocean, near the pool. Says he got into the ocean briefly. I didn't see it myself, didn't witness it. All inclusive, though uh for sure and you mainly pool guys or beach guys we started as beach guys and then we retreated to the pool nice because i was literally literally just like laying down on a on like a bed with like a little roof on it, you know, and like a cabana, I guess, laying down in a little cabana at like 9 a.m. Emily would get up at sun at sun up and go like put shit down on the beds for us. And then everybody would just kind of amble on out later. And I would lay down and fall asleep at like 9.01. And I'd get up to go to dinner at like 5.00.

That was pretty much it. I just sleep. That's great. Anyway, we got there and immediately, that's great uh anyway we got there and immediately immediately a lady walks by us with a fucking falcon like a giant falcon on her arm with like the leather thing and it had like a little falcon cap on it so it couldn't see and we were like holy shit and emily's like oh my god they have like a pet falcon we can touch and the lady was like don't get near this falcon this and they were like stay the fuck away from the falcon and we were like why would there be a falcon that they just parade around and we thought that's weird maybe it was a guest or something but the falcon kept showing up and we discovered it was we called it the beach falcon then we called it the breakfast falcon and then uh because it was just always

around and then finally i googled it do you guys have any idea whether why they have a falcon at this hotel? For rats. For rats and birds. It is a fucking defense falcon. It's the Orkin falcon. Yeah. It literally, the lady walks around the premises eight hours a day with a falcon on her arm to scare the shit out of the birds, and it works. The falcon worked every day, and there were no birds. Sunday, I guess we determined

the falcon's probably Christian, was taking the day off, having like, worshiping his bird god. And there were grackles and pigeons everywhere. Well, not pigeons, but seagulls. It was insane.

So I started reading about it. Falcon protection is a huge industry. A lot of hotels in North America and in the Middle East all hire teams of falcons. I was reading about it. It's like a big business. Most hotels have like three or four falcons on staff that just rotate. And they have like four or five people whose job it is to just take care of the falcons.

Not fucking kidding. It's a humane way to deal with pests and shit. I don't think the falcon actually goes out and kills birds, although it could if it wanted to. It's just like scarecrowing. Yeah, it's just scarecrowing. Those things are tough as nails. But yeah, it was insane. Did they make a human version of the falcon cap? I was

just looking at it when you brought it up. I'd love to see a person. A human falcon cap? A human falcon cap. Are you asking Uniform to get involved in this? I think Uniform might need a human falcon cap. Maybe it's like a sleep thing. You block the sun out with it Maybe you want to just improve your senses. I don't know I'll be honest, the last thing I need to be wearing is a hat where only my nose pokes through That's dangerous. You guys, I'm serious. You guys should only go to hotels with intimidation

falcons because you know you're fucking safe i'm gonna ask every hotel's falcon policy the second i book from here on out it really should be a booking category like when you're booking online you're like looking for deals like looking for the cheapest i would always click falcon falcon supported is that is that a thing for like like what a five-star hotel have a falcon oh i think oh they better yeah they better have a falcon if they're a five-star hotel it wouldn't have a falcon it would have five falcons how do you think you get from four to five stars gavin it's the falcon the falcon is what brings you there that's so great i love that i mean i assume it's i assume it's gonna be cruel somehow but

i don't think so the concept falcons seemed pretty well cared for and apparently it's a it's a very uh popular practice among hotels bigger hotels so i i imagine it's probably like kush gig for a falcon it gets it gets training every day from what i read and it gets to just fucking hang out by the beach and And it gets Sundays off, apparently. You can't see the beach, but it is near the beach. But that's what you want. Honestly, there are people that listen to the beach sounds.

Like, that's still pretty good. You don't need to be there. I don't want... I prefer the pool over the beach if I'm going to hang out by something. The beach is almost like a little too much wilderness. Wherever you're going, something? The beach is almost about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I didn't even have this listed talking about preferring the pool to the beach i prefer the pool to hang out by two we the first time oh my god i oh the first time emily and i decided to get in the pool because we'd been beaching it for the first two days and it's like i don't know what be careful in cancun the water's extra salty there for some reason it's like, I don't know what, be careful in Cancun. The water's extra salty there for some reason. It's way saltier than normal saltwater. Eric doesn't know because he didn't get in the water, but he loves to argue with me about it. How it's like appropriately salty, but I'm telling you it was extra salty.

Anyway. It's normal saltwater. I just don't think Jeff's in the ocean very much. No, way more than you are. Way more than you are. Extra salty. I don't know why. It was like the heavy salting this season.

So we get into the pool. We get into this, I guess, a giant fucking pool that's like 10 pools in one kind of thing, you know, like in a hotel resort. And we get into like this whirlpool area. And like we immediately sit in, lean our backs against the wall, and this group of British and American women come over and they're having a conversation. And I guess the British people, they just met recently and the British people are just having a conversation and the American ladies come over and they're like maybe in the

30s. And I'm not thinking anything of it, except they're very loud. The American lady goes, this is my friend Kate. I'm making up the name Kate. I don't remember what her name was, but it definitely wasn't Kate. She goes, this is my friend Kate. She's the one with the yeast infection. I'm like in a whirlpool with these ladies, right? And then it gets so much worse.

Then the British people go, oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. You don't have to. And she goes, and Kate goes, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it. I'm not embarrassed. This is great. So Emily and I shot up out of the pool and ran to another pool and jumped back in. And we're like trying to wash the yeast infection off of us.

It was so gross. And just not what you want to hear right when somebody gets in a pool a foot from you. And so we're hanging out there for a few minutes and then Emily goes, oh shit, we left our stuff at the other pool. I'll go back and get it. And she said when she went back and got it, she said they were still talking about it. It had been 10 solid minutes. She said

they were still talking about it. She's like, I think I got it from, I had a lot of antibiotics. And then, you know, you spend five or six days in a pool, you're gonna get a yeast infection. You guys are so dumb so dumb these the smartest people in the world Yeah, they were trying to clear the pool, and I bet it worked when Emily went back over there They're like shit. She's coming back. Yeah, this is pesky old yeast can't shift it

They are the smartest women on earth if that's what they were doing because it worked like a charm Earth if that's what they were doing. Because it worked like a charm. You were like fucking shot out of a cannon away from that whirlpool. Did they react at all when you immediately got up? No. I think they high-fived. I don't know why they high-fived. That's incredible.

I'm going to try that next time it's a little crowded. Yeah. You're just going to declare that you have a yeast infection? I don't know. Does that work? What about, you need a list. You need like escalation.

Oh man, I have these contagious warts. Oh man, the only thing that alleviates all these contagious warts on my ankles is this water. I can't reach it. Oh, man. This Ebola's been getting me down recently. When is this jockage going away? That's it. Yeah, just say you had whatever Jeff has had for like the last eight months.

Yeah, six months of crotch rot. Oh, God. Jeff's crotch rot mixed with that lady's yeast infection is the next plague. If those things get together and evolve into super virus that is that's how the last of us started that is the zombie apocalypse oh hey i have uh one other thing i'll mention here on my list it's because it's real quick i have an update i have an update on my fridge is the fridge here it's supposed to be february no it's supposed to be february but i did uh, the other day, Emily was like, shouldn't we have a fridge by now?

And I was like, oh yeah, I'll call them. So the next day I got up and I called them and I talked to the lady on the phone and I said, hey, I'm the idiot that bought a fridge a year ago and is still waiting on it. And she's like, not only do I remember you, I have your fridge. Oh my God. And I would like, I have your fridge. Oh my God. And I would like to give it to you. This coming Monday morning, No.

they are delivering my new fridge. Wow. I am like four days away from having my fridge. Can we all be there to like greet it? Can we put a ribbon across the front door? I would love it if you guys are all well. I'll tell you when they're coming over. Everybody, please come for the

ceremony. I think we should all stand in a line either side of the door and clap as the fridge gets wheeled in. I'm all about it. And then for all the inevitable problems, like how it doesn't fit through the door or like they can't get the old fridge out because the island is in the way or there's a hole

in the floor where the fridge sat for 30 years or whatever. You guys will be there to see the breakdown of when I lose my fucking mind. It's the start of a new season. I think we have to restart. We have to go to a new... It's a new arc, obviously. Will that be season six? I believe so. Season six is a...

That might be a good... New fridge, new problems. That's a great tagline. We're set. It's definite now. I want to come over and film it. Okay, please do. I'll let you know Monday when they call to give me the window. So excited. I have like 18 other things to talk about, but I don't have the energy to talk about

any of them. So I figure, Andrew, you want to talk about Signal Awards. Are you tired from your vacation? All you did was sleep. No, I'm feeling pretty rested from your vacation all you did was sleep no i'm feeling pretty rested from the vacation i'm just tired from all of this uh uh talking and thinking that's fair i mean i can get into other stuff but it's like high energy stuff like i i have one more uh thing i'll talk about after signal words okay well it just is very brief we're talking about

things that make no sense so the single awards have come out. Thank you for all the people who voted for us. We did win the listener's choice. Thank you to the audience for making us the listener's choice. Which I think, technically, I was thinking about it, that means that we're not just award-winning friends. We are award-winning friends with the most supportive listeners. Yeah. There's like a side category

of like supportive of french of all the best buddy nominated shows they are the best buddies to the best buddy that's like a second there's like a hurdle there's like they they have won their own award i think in their own way they are also award-winning friends but the confusion of it so when we got silver silver medal we have a silver medal friendship by the way we have a silver medal friendship but two shows got gold and every other show in our category got silver which is very confusing so then i i started looking at other categories there's some categories where there were six shows in the category five of them won gold one of them won silver could you imagine how goddamn bad you'd be if you're in a category of all gold and you're just the only silver show

there were like four or five categories that were that way i found a category that didn't have a gold show at all they had one silver and two bronze was the entire category. So I was like, what is this? I was like, what is this system? I said to Eric that it's like if you were doing participation trophies and it was managed by a drunk dad. It was like from the outside looking into it. It didn't make sense.

Everyone won. Technically, nobody lost, but there were different tiers of winning. What does it mean? On our category, with two people getting gold, we were a third place, last place winner. No, but we're not. No, we're not. So I emailed them. I was like, what is this system?

And they said that the shows were not competing against themselves they were like our ranking is based on their panel of judges evaluating the show as an individual thing so it's not that we lost to the two gold shows we are just silver quality based on their system. It makes no sense. It's not an award. Everyone wins the award, but their panel determines the value of the win, I guess. How do you get a goal? I bet it's because we don't have a falcon.

Probably the falcon. If we had three more falcons, we probably would get platinum, which isn't even a ranking yet. I'm glad to hear you guys say that, because I do think we should look into protection falconing. I think. Yeah, I think it's great.

But that so we want. So then I was like, well, what do we get an award for this? Like, are there physical words? I saw other people that were in the same boat we were that were posting photos of awards and like, how does this work? And they brought up that there's a store page. I don't know if Eric has found out. I guess whoever submitted us

should have also gotten a login page to the store so we could buy an award that we would have qualified for. I've already reached out to our PR person and she's looking into it right now. Okay, so we don't know how much they're worth. But this, it's probably hundreds. this is where i have what i think is the next great idea for uniform i think we need to make our own awards called the zimmies and and make it seem prestigious and just email companies that

they've won the zimmy award and if you want it you have to pay for it and we just make nothing that way they will are you just counting on companies just being like oh yeah another one for the shelf uh absolutely yeah yeah i love this idea you just reach out if you if you send out hundreds of emails to brands saying they've won the prestigious zimmy award uh would you like to like have a statement about it like congratulations also if you'd like to buy the physical award here's the link at least 10 are probably buying that award we could afford discord nitro which we don't even need anymore but but that's how successful this will be we can buy stuff we don't need i love i like how all the trophies are like so elegant often they're

like a you know a man or like a woman in a very regal pose. I would love one that is just a freeze frame of Don Zimmer with his face in the ground. What if we took, remember the Don Zimmer teddy bear? What if it was just that cold? So the Zimmies, I think, could be an avenue we need to explore. I wonder how much we could charge. Because I think when I was applying for my visa, we discovered that the guy I worked with had an Emmy that he didn't know about.

Like the immigration lawyer researched him and found an Emmy. And he was like, I don't have an Emmy. What are you talking about? And then he's like, oh, shit. I want an Emmy. He had to pay $400 for the statue. Oh. So if an Emmy's $400,

I don't think the Zimmy was going to be. No, I think the Zimmy could definitely be like $200. I think the Zimmy is at least half an Emmy. And then,

then, we'll just go to a trophy shop. Yeah. Buy a $9 trophy, put their name on it, and we're talking 80 bucks. Absolutely. That's the plan.

I don't know that that math, I don't know that that money math adds up there. I just did, but close enough. Yeah. I mean, it's the heart of the idea,

the sentiment. Emmys also, they're bullshit. You got regional Emmys. There are people that have won like the Midwestern Emmys. It's like, it means nothing.

Is it just like a, like franchised around the different smaller awards? I know somebody who has won like Midwestern Broadcasting Emmys. Wow. Because they direct, they're like the head of the direction for the Pacers. Interesting. So they have like four Midwestern Emmys. So it lowers the grade. I'm saying easily 200-250 for a

Zimmy. No problem. I like it. The Zimmies. I think it could be a great invention for us. I do have one

other really brief thing that's just infuriating. As we talked about with Trials and whatnot, I've been trying to beat all of Gavin and Jack's

times and it's been going well. Yeah, every day we've been getting a text from Andrew being like, the only next logical thing I can do is beat all your times in trials evolution and then we just ignore that and then the next day it's like trials fusion no there was a system to it where i because i learned that gavin brought jack in for the fireplace video to try to beat

my times and so i made a group text with them and said, upon learning of this deception, the only rational and reasonable thing to do is to beat all of your times and trials, whatever the next one would be. And then whenever Jack would reply, I wouldn't respond, but then the next day I would say the only rational and reasonable thing

to what you just said is to beat your times in the next game. And I was trying to go through all the games, but then Jack stopped replying. So I congratulated him on doing the dopey marathon thing and he was like oh thanks man like that's i appreciate it and then i replied to that the only rational reasonable thing is to beat all of your times and trials whatever four is so you've just got to ape shit with trials i've been going ape shit with trials and uh you have some great times, like across multiple games. There was this time where Gavin was like 2000th in the world,

and I could not figure out how you did it, and I was struggling with it, and the second Trials game has a bug where when you go to watch replays, it just is glitched. None of the videos work, from my experience. So I've been trying to grind it out. I spent genuinely seven or eight hours trying to do it. I'm getting i'm narrowing it in and i finally beat it and i'm so fucking happy and then this screen pops up i beat gavin's time after like seven hours and it says please reconnect

you cannot post to the xbox live leaderboards without a connection to Xbox Live. Please reconnect now and try reposting. Alternatively, you can discard your score and continue playing offline. I mashed retry for like 10 minutes and it would not go through. I had to forfeit the time. I had to then spend two more hours to get the time back.

It took me two additional hours because the game was bugged and it just randomly decided to not let me connect. It took me two additional hours because the game was bugged and it just randomly decided to not let me connect. It doesn't make any sense that it can't just store a local copy of that time and just upload it later.

It makes zero sense at all. But that has been... While you were enjoying and learning about rashes and yeast infections and falcons in Cancun, I was trying to beat Gavin and Tross. And that was an evolution

that was the second yes i think that's i don't isn't it i don't even remember getting a good time in that game i remember my freak accident one in trials hd but i didn't realize i'd actually done any good in uh oh you have some great times wow that's interesting i wonder if i can take kenny back xbox 360 did some weird shit to games like that back in the day. I remember one time I was playing an arcade game, and I was like 15 hours into it, and I had like one or two achievements left in it, and the internet dropped in the middle of it,

and it was just all gone. Like I just lost all progress in the game. And when I got my internet character back, it was like I'd never played it before. It was just like Thanos snapped it away.'s like thanos snapped it away and it's i feel like that shit happened all the time with 360. the first hitman did that to me a lot when it first came out there were like tremendous server issues like i kept getting disconnected but even though it's a single player game it would just boot you back to the menu

no absolutely no sense that's so weird yeah that. I never had anything like that. I'd have things like in Fallout, not manually saving ever, just going off of the auto-save and dying at the same time as opening a door, like 27 hours into the game. So every time I'd reload into my save, it would just be me dying immediately. I had to restart Fallout New Vegas

because of that, like 20-something hours in. The whole game? Sucked. The whole game. The whole game. It sucked. That that's the only time and that's how good fall in New Vegas is like actually went back and I played through it again yeah great game most games

and just that's the end of it for me so Gavin are you gonna beat all those times back um I mean I'm sure I can sneak one of them back and reveal it months from now I honestly Jeff I'm just hoping that he shows up to play Warzone is where I'm at. I'm not worried about his times. Is that why you asked me

if I wanted to play Warzone with you? Am I your backup in case Gavin doesn't show? Well, it's just we, for some reason, we tried to play Halo while you were in Cancun, and there were not enough people in the playlist to find a match for what we wanted to do. And then we started playing Warzone, which Gavin had never played.

And he's like, this is great. Why don't you ever invite me to this? And I said, I don't know. You're the only person I play Halo with. This is what I primarily play. And then I saw they were trios, so I was like, shit. There's quads, so you do four people? Yeah. I played this shit out of Warzone.

I haven't really played Warzone 2. Who'd you play with? Warzone? Yeah. By myself. You could do singles, doubles, trios, or quads. So I would always just play solo. Do you want to try trios with us? Yeah, of course.

Nick loves Warzone 2. We should just get everybody into Warzone. Let's do quads. Let's just all play. Let's get Nick in. We'll all play. Andrew and I did a cool stunt where we swapped cars while we were driving. That's great.

It's a great game. You just do dumb bullshit in the open world. I learned that if you can angle yourself, there's a train that goes around the map, and I learned if you angle yourself the right way, it clips onto you, like you can hook onto it. So I got downed, and then I crawled, and I angled myself to the train,

and the train just pushed me like 60 feet away from the guy who was trying to find me because i was going at train speeds while on the ground it was very dumb there's some great the game is so broken but there's some good dumb bullshit in it do you guys ever think about how every time you go outside you're walking into a bird's toilet we live at the bottom of the toilet for every bird on earth and there are i looked it up there are 50 billion birds on earth so basically every day we walk outside we're taking we're it's like we're walking from one end of a toilet bowl to the other and we're just hoping the 50 billion

animals don't shit on our heads i mean i i live in an especially there's a panel there's a panel above my front door for my building that got knocked off a long time ago and nobody's fixed it and birds now live in the roof and they just shit down the hole and it lines up perfectly with the i quite literally every time i step outside it's you're taking a dice roll i feel like i got shot on as a kid so much more than i do now do you think you went outside more as a kid than you do now i mean that must be it right or maybe just birds are more shitty in england i don't know i don't know when was the last time you got dumped on by a bird yeah oh i can't remember a specific incident but it's happened in my adult

life for sure. In the last four or five years, I would think. I've found a little bit of bird poop on my shoulder or something. I don't know. It doesn't happen that often. I've been an outdoor guy recently. I've been doing a lot of...

Yes. My internet's shit today. I think it's because of all the uploading. Are you still uploading that file? No, it's done. The fireplace video is up on the face channel. Now we just have to wait for YouTube to decide if it's done the fireplace video is up on the face channel now we just have to wait for youtube to decide if it's gonna come out it ended up being 248 gigs yes well i tried

to make it as big as possible because it because obviously i'm compressing it down to like five percent of its original size so we could upload it but i'm trying to max out what we get and i ended up doing one that was slightly too big and then I did one again that was like 245 gigs. Do you know how long it's going to take to process? Does it give you a... No, should I check now and see if it's done? Yeah. Is it up? Switch account.

Eric gave me f*** face today. Is that your bird shithole? That's my bird shithole. It lines up perfectly with the walkway right down here. Lines up straight. It's dangerous. It's a dangerous game.

It says checks still running. Checking one found. What does this mean? Did we film a copyrighted fireplace? No. No. Could you imagine if brick, you could copyright brick no it's just yeah oh no it just says copyright still checking so what does it say one found

okay so by the looks of it hasn't even started processing yet okay so why have you been going outside what have you been doing oh i've just been a bit of a stump guy. I'm trying to get rid of a stump, getting chainsaws involved. You know how, like, I'm just, like, technology's getting away from me? Like, I got really confused when I thought I was talking to Dan, but I was really talking to my own ringtone and Dan. I was just chainsawing down some branches and stuff, and I thought, oh, that's a cool new feature. Every time I started chainsawing down some branches and stuff. And I thought,

Oh, that's a cool new feature. Every time I started chainsawing something, the volume on my AirPods went up and I was like, Oh shit. Do they have like automatic noise compensation? This is great. And I was like practicing it.

I was like, wow, it does. Every time I start chainsawing this log, it turns up the volume. And then when I stop, it turns it back down again. This rules. And I was like, I was like practicing it. I was like, wow, it does. Every time I start chainsawing this log, it turns up the volume. And then when I stop, it turns it back down again. This rules. And I was like,

almost about to go inside and bore Meg with that. And then I realized what was actually happening. I'm going to post a Slack right now. Okay. Five second video. The glove was rubbing against the dial on my watch. Turning the volume up and down. Basically, every time I moved my arm in that direction,

my glove would roll up the volume, and then I would stop, and it would roll the volume down. And I was like, oh, that's not as... How big around is the stump are we talking about? Ooh, I'd say... What would it be? A foot? Front yard or backyard?

Back. You need to hire... You just need to hire a guy with a stump grinder to come in and take care of it. Now, here's where you're wrong. My quote for getting the stump ground away was like 350 bucks. And I have a chainsaw,

which I think I've ruined, and an axe, which I've ruined, and a bunch of other tools. And it turns out I was more determined to waste 350 bucks destroying the tools I already have than just to pay a guy to do it. Yeah the cool thing is is he'll come and do it and all your shit doesn't break and then he leaves and he probably takes a lot of the sawdust and shit with him. I've had a lot of stumps ground and it's like the coolest service ever and it's also fun to

watch. The thing is the thing is that annoyed me though is you could buy a stump grinder for like a grand so that guy's making back the money on his grinder within like four or five jobs, probably. What you're saying is we need to get into stump grinding. Or at least we should definitely have one. So it's like an option for us. Yeah, absolutely. Sounds like you're always using them. I've had like three stumps ground in my yard, I think, or four.

Yeah. Now, what is I've never heard a stump grinder yeah it's like a what is what is that it's like a machine with circular saws and a bunch it looks like a horror movie it looks like something got a saw uh and there's different kinds but the nice thing about a stump grinder too is it gets under the because you know you still have the fucking giant ass uh what are connected to stumps roots yeah roots yeah Yeah, you know. Roots? Yeah. And that's what I'm up against now. I'm getting stupid as I get old.

I'm having to dig. I'm like chainsawing away, getting through slice by slice, and I'm having to dig up lower. Eventually, I'm just going to bury what's left of the stump, I think, because I've destroyed all of my tools. Are you at least on your way to a bean hole? How's the hole? Once you get rid of the stump or you bury the stump how far until you think

you're you're in bean territory potentially i don't i'm definitely not as deep as jeff's and and i'm making because i should have just done 10 minutes of research but all i'm doing is just kind of screwing around like i'm drilling deep holes into the stump to make it easier for me to cut into slices but then when I'm digging a bunch of stone like my yard is full of tiny stones and rocks like Jeff's a lot of the stones are like falling into the holes so then when I'm

chainsawing through the stump it's like a firework display like the chain is hitting the tiny stones and sparks are just shooting stones out of these holes it's lethal I'm really glad you saved that $350. Yeah, it would have been the best

$350 I ever spent, it turned out. As I almost blinded myself and set fire to the yard. We are right at that hour, so we do need to wrap up, but I'm going to post this and then you guys see it and then I'll delete the link so that way he doesn't see it. But this went up today oh um oh man this is something we should talk we should

promote uh if you go to store.roosterteeth.com we put up a new four inch decal that is jack's face that simply says anal passage below it there's no other other piece. That's the whole thing. Is that what I approved today? Yes. Oh, shit. Yep. Yep. Yeah, well, you probably should have looked at it.

That's why I tagged you, brought you over there. I knew you weren't going to look at it. They just said, can we sell the anal passage sticker? And I was like, yeah, why wouldn't you sell it? I didn't realize. Well, you know. What's wrong? Well, the shot's fired, I guess.

Well, it's on sale now. Store.roostersteve.com. Wait, Jeff, what did you think it was? I don you know. What's wrong? Well, the shot's fired, I guess. Well, it's on sale now. Store.roosterteeth.com. Wait, Jeff, what did you think it was? I don't know. I just thought maybe like the logo with the video message logo. Is that a cool answer for the guy who's approving it? I forgot. What did you think it was?

I don't know. I was in the middle of writing stuff. I was busy. It was just a fucking sticker. I didn't know. Yeah, it is. It is the not replying. Once again.

Absolutely. Get to it when you get to it. Yep. That's on sale now. Store.RoosterTeeth.com. Go and check it out. It's a lot. It's going to be mad. Have you guys seen that new Peacock show,

The Traders? No. Alright, well you should watch it because it's a reality TV competition show. It's fucking, it's basically Werewolf. Okay. The game. But live action where

20 people are like 10 reality TV stars, I think, or 15 or something and then like 10 or 15 normal people and they're all in a house and every night they go to bed and one of them gets murdered and then the next morning they try to figure out who the kill who the traitors are. I mean it's werewolf. It's exactly werewolf but it's done like in a castle in Scotland. It's done really

well and it's got a lot of people you'll recognize from Big Brother and Survivor and stuff but Alan Cumming is the fucking host of that show and he is the most delightful host I've ever seen in the history of reality TV. That feels perfect for him. He is worth, the entire show is worth watching it

just for the moments that he's on camera. He is a goddamn treat to watch. And I wish we had... I don't think I've ever seen him not in character. I wish we had people of his caliber hosting reality shows like this. I hope it's a sign of things to come. He's Scottish, right? Yeah, he takes it to a whole other

level. He's phenomenal. And it's also cool to see Werewolf done in a high production setting. It's a lot of fun. Is it like one game that's being told throughout this entire season? Yeah, it's basically like in the daytime they get up. There's

like three traders and like 17, I forget what they call them, but like normal people. Faithful, they call them. Like 17 faithful. And then they'll do a competition together to win money. And basically, it's different than the mole

in that like in the mole, the mole's trying to get them to lose money. And that's how they succeed. And this one, if any of the traders are there at the end they win the money uh and if no traders are left then the people that are left win the money and it's like 250 grand and so they do like a competition at the beginning of the show where they try to make much as much money as possible and i guess like the traders can fuck with them if they want to but it doesn't really help them because they're trying to look unsuspicious and their hope,

they want to live to steal the money later anyway. Uh, and then they'll sit around a round table and they'll vote somebody out, uh, who they think is guilty. And then they just all fight about it. And then they go to bed and then the traders murder somebody. So every episode,

two people get eliminated, which is cool. That's great. I, what you're describing feels perfect for Alan Cumming. Like, I could do a murder mystery type thing, like him really leaning into that. That'd be fun.

He just has, like, fabulous outfits, and he's, like, so emotive and just, like, in it. Like, he's just great in it. So, anyway, that's my recommendation. Watch Alan Cumming host the trailer. Best Alan Cumming role? Floop. Floop, loop, floop Cumming role? Floop. Floop.

Loop. Floop. Roop. Floop. Spy Kids. The Spy Kids guy. I didn't know what you were saying there. Floop, right?

His name was Floop. Was it Floop? No, I think it was Floop. He's great in that. What do you think the best Alan Cumming role is? Goldeneye? Yeah. He's invincible.

He's pretty good in Goldeneye. Was he in... No Floop. Yeah, he was Nightcrawler. Yeah, he was Nightcrawler. Great as Nightcrawler. Yeah, that's right. So you're going to let me know on Monday

when I should come and film the fridge? As soon as I find out, I will let you know. And then I actually made it through a lot of my lists today. I appreciate you guys indulging me. I have still to cover in the future episode, a cookbook progress.

I've made a lot of progress on the cookbook. I was going to talk about, you've been killing it with that cookbook, the novelization of, I really wanted to talk about the novelization I did and how I wanted to know how everybody liked it. Gavin didn't seem to like it, but everybody else I was wondering a split bit biased. I've got a,

I'll read, maybe I'll read it next episode yeah you should read that passage i just made it like as a test just a little bit i'll do it right now if you want fucking open let's see

uh so i thought as a the other day i was reading uh i was reading uh reddit i believe and somebody had listed a trans like transcription of all of the cucumber stuff and i thought it read funnier

than the podcast was and that got me thinking i wonder what would happen if we novelized an episode of a podcast so i did the other day when i was writing the cookbook i took a break from the cookbook to write just one page of what it could look like and so here i'll give this to the audience uh and uh we'll see what you think. Face episode 135. The novel adapted from the podcast of the same name by Jeff Ramsey. This is short. So just sit with me. As with most days, it began with an argument.

I was not earlier than dude. A clearly defensive Gavin declared. Technically, it was 11.59 when you jumped in on my clock, Eric calmly started as Gavin interrupted. What was it? It wasn't! He declared indignantly with the pompous wine reserved for only

the most posh of Brits. Eric continued, undeterred, unfazed. I'm just letting you know. Your clock is He began, but Eric continued patiently, knowing full well how to deal with the mood swings of this man-child. All I'm saying, all I'm saying is that it was 11.59 on my clock. That's all. I'm not accusing you of anything. Your clock is long. I'm simply stating a fact. Jeff chose that moment to enter the conversation.

I'm simply stating a fact. Jeff chose that moment to enter the conversation. It was 1159. Well, hold on a second. He then immediately and expertly switched gears, refusing to be derailed. Hello and welcome to the face podcast. Eric, what number is this? And with that, the podcast was officially in session. Uh, this is 135.

Eric answered, uh, trembling with fear of Jeff's impressive nature. Episode 135, probably. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and with me as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Patton. And Gavin, you were one minute early today. You've never been early in your life. Why did you decide to change things up? A brilliant dig, knowing it would strike at the weakest part of Gavin's perennially on-time psyche. The Brit was defeated, and he knew it, but tried to defend himself anyway.

I wasn't early. I joined exactly 12 o'clock. A statement clearly no one believed, least of all him. And scene. That's all I have so far. Why do I sound like Droopy? You sound like you've been attacked by 90 bees. Oh, that's just my Gavin voice. That's how he sounds to me in my head when he talks. Why do I sound like Droopy? You sound like you've been attacked by 90 bees. Oh, that's just my Gavin voice. That's how he sounds to me in my head. Oh, my God.

I wish he sounded like that to me. I'm jealous. What does Andrew sound like to you? He hasn't come up yet, so I haven't thought about it. I can't wait. Yeah, I had a slight issue with that retelling. I can see that. It was pretty word for word.

I just had a realization that is I'm disappointed in myself. I'm ashamed. I can't believe I've done this. I did not ever since we started the Icy Hot thing with the balls and like the ears and whatnot. And I remember I was iced up that episode. Remember that one? A long time ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Iced Up, that episode. Remember that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've applied Icy Hot to my ears every single episode we've recorded from that point forward, and I forgot today. The streak is over. You have not been very funny today.

The streak is over. Wow. Wow. I'm disappointed. It showed, too, no offense. Wow. Yeah, how do you feel like it affected your performance uh you know the i think it was fine i think it was a solid performance by me i think it's on par with the recent performances let's see what the audience says uh anyway oh by the way if you would

like audience if you want eric if you want andrew to continue uh icy hiding his ears before episodes let him know if you want me to continue writing uh, icy hiding his ears before episodes, let him know. If you want me to continue writing the novelization of episode 135, let me know. I was really enjoying it, uh, flexing my writing muscles. And I feel like I captured the true nature of face. And, uh, I guess it's about time for us to wrap up. Does anybody have anything else they want to cover before we end it? Didn't you say it took like 16 listens to get that riff? Oh, so annoying. I had to listen

for that one page. It took probably, I had to listen like over and over and over and over and over again. It was a fucking nightmare. It would be very difficult to make a whole novel from a whole episode, but I would do it if there were enough demand. Please don't. And tune in next

week. Oh, did you guys have anything else? No. I think Eric has something. Oh, you think Eric did? What did you want to anything else? no I think Eric had something you think Eric did? what did you want to say Eric? thanks for listening to the podcast follow us at f***facepod on Instagram and on Twitter

but that's the end of the episode goodbye yeah there you go tune in next week for cookbook shut up goodbye cookbook progress

make 2023 the year of lists Emily's sleep routine we're going to talk about how we should all work at the mall just for fun we're going to talk about how I set a prime rib on fire we're going to talk about how we should all work at the mall just for fun. We're going to talk about how I set a prime rib on fire. We're going to talk about how we need to invent a new noodle. We're going to

talk about food teleportation. We're going to talk about the go-go gerbler. We're going to talk about a book that took me three years to finish. We're going to talk about action Bronson and music with drums and lions. We're going to talk about the mall being back, baby. And I got numbers to prove it. We're going to talk about an idea I had for a show called

F*** Face Catches a Game. We're going to schedule Condorman. We're going to talk about the Wheel of Suck. And Andrew had a new idea for a show as well. All next week, where we also invent the human falcon cap for sleep. Bye-bye. Season five's going to be f***ing awesome. Or six.

We're six. Six. Five was great. Six. God damn it. I f six. Six. Five was great. Six. God damn it. I fucked up. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Do seasons have episode limits? We get an update on Jeff's fridge. What the hell happened during Does It Do? The banana did not injure Jeff. What do you do with a used sofa? The boys enter the war zone. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.