Regulation Podcast - Banana Notoriety // Best Butt Years Are Behind Me [33]

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Nick's baby, Winnie the Poohing it, the cookie dough ice cream of video games, and more. Sponsored by Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/face10 and use code face10) and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

and face congratulations uh welcome to face you've survived the year 2020 uh just for posterity's sake we are recording this episode on january 7th in what has already turned out to be the most uneventful and boring week in history. Nothing going on in the world, certainly not in America, but over the holiday break, what the fuck, Nick? What? You had a baby? Yeah. You didn't tell us

you were pregnant. I thought I did. No. No. Aw, congrats. Thank you. That's so cool. Yeah, congratulations. Give us the deets. I thought I did. No. Oh, congrats. Thank you. That's so cool. Yeah, congratulations. Give us the deets. What are the stats? Oh, he's good. He's two weeks old now, and he's real cute. He's almost sleeping

through the night sometimes. Did you name him Jeff? No. His name is Arthur. Missed opportunity. Arthur's a good name, though. Great movie. The original. Not the remake. My wife wanted to name him Gavin, but I was like, I work with a Gavin. That might be weird. Well, dude, in all seriousness, congratulations. I totally was caught off guard when that was announced.

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one, because I realize Nick is probably the person I like the most, but know the least about, because I didn't even know he had a wife so that was like there was like a there was a four day stretch of like Nick has a wife good for Nick that's great I didn't know that that's crazy and then finding out like four days later that you had a kid it was like oh shit and she's pregnant and he

has a kid I know nothing about Nick apparently a ventful year for Nick apparently wait why do you like him so much yeah why is Nick your favorite what's that Nick's a great guy and for Nick apparently wait why do you like him so much yeah why is Nick your favorite what's that Nick's a great guy and Nick may or may not have audio I don't know

what he has what he doesn't have so I'm definitely not playing to potential blackmail but Nick's great that's all I'll say great guy you always kiss the ass of the editor you have

to what happened Andrew what happened was so I have all those Discord accounts. Then we're on break. We had a two-week break. I was like, I got nothing going on, so I'm just going to sign it. I don't even remember who I signed in as. I think I signed in as my Eric account. And then I joined the chat, and then I said, like, why are you here in reference to me,

thinking people might get notifications and show up and that something might happen? And then nothing really did. Gavin joined and said he was confused. Said Happy New Year and it was on new year's eve wasn't it on a new year's day when was it oh it was last thursday is that new year's eve it may have been maybe the first day i don't know it doesn't matter anyway i did that thing and it was completely uneventful nothing happened i closed out of eric but then i forgot to close out of my main account and I was just in general for like six hours without knowing it with my mic on I put myself in a hot mic scenario and uh I had a nap in that time and I looked at my phone and I saw there's a bot we use to record

audio and I saw a notification for it that it was summoned and but I cleared the screen and then when I checked discord that message was no longer there. So I was very paranoid. I thought, did I dream that? Like, I was kind of disoriented when I saw it. Maybe that didn't exist. So then I texted Gavin about it. He confirmed that he also got the alert,

which then created a lot of paranoia. I kind of have an idea of what Nick may or may not have, but I don't know to what extent he has it. So Nick has like five hours of your bedroom? Just Andrew beating off hard for five hours. No, that's not in the audio. I don't have to worry about that. Some illicit drug deals going on probably.

Who knows? I'm guessing Nick has shared the audio with you based on what you just said. This is very concerning. Now I'm guessing Nick has shared the audio with you based on what you just said. This is very concerning. Now I'm terrified. I can neither confirm nor deny the ownership of any such files. Nick, do you care to weigh in? Have you listened to all six hours of Andrew beating off and selling drugs?

I'm only two hours in, but I'll let you know what I thought. It really picks up in the fourth hour. Stick with it. There's a good arc. It's coming. So we haven't talked in about two, I want to say, well, it sounds like you guys said hello to each other last week, but we haven't recorded in like two weeks, which. Almost three.

Three weeks? Yeah, I think technically three weeks. I think it's the longest break we've had. Yeah, this was the longest gap. It's been horrible. Way, way, way too long to go without recording i got so fucking lonely at one point i texted gavin sweet stuff really it's true wow i got so low i texted and i was thinking about him and i just texted nice stuff to him that made me feel incredibly

lame after i sent it but i still did it. I think I text some nice stuff back. Did I? You did. You're fairly nice. Yeah. What nice stuff? What tier of niceness are we talking about? Just sappy, just like sweet, super sappy and like miss your buddy type thing.

Codependent and like sad and lovey, that kind of stuff. OK, I love it. And I just talk to you a hell of a lot over the holiday. Andrewrew i probably talked to you more than anybody outside of my girlfriend and my daughter i feel like i've started texting andrew more than everyone else combined like i probably in the last five years text andrew like 50 times but in the in the last in the christmas period i've probably sent him a thousand texts it was that was like the weird thing in the break is Gavin and I have established a texting friendship oh that's I love that that's so adorable I I missed these interactions so much and it you know as you could expect things get out of hand over text as well uh Andrew has spent a lot of the last week trying to beat Donkey Kong

64 just from a random text conversation we had. Before we go any further into that, I have to ask, since we talked about Nick's news over the break, has anyone else associated with F***face in any way had any major life-changing events in their personal lives they want to talk to that happened over the break? Anyone?

Eric? Maybe? No, I can't think of anything. Maybe. No? I don't... Nope. I can't think of anything maybe uh no I don't nope I can't fucking believe you okay what what do you want me Jeff what is it what happened to Eric yeah what happened to Eric Jeff nothing uh apparently nothing uh okay Andrew you were talking about Donkey Kong 16 okay hey listen okay here here I got there I and I got and then that's it. You got which also we found out on social media. Yeah, because I don't talk about my personal life publicly, but I share with my friends,

which I consider even though Andrew said that Nick is his favorite. Well, I didn't. So you got you got bleep. That's really exciting. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on bleep, man. Thank you.

That's really cool yeah i uh all the all the happiness and love to to eric on his bleep and nick on his baby and also getting married apparently to the woman you had the baby with which is cool too i still can't believe that nick is andrew's favorite even with the blackmail of course he is well he's never had to deal with negativity from nick but all he gets from you eric is uh end the show now what are you talking about shut up end the show you have no idea the ideas the amount of ideas he comes to me with that i facilitate or try to help there's stuff that's never going to come to fruition that is just out of control and i don't know how to make a judgment call with him. It's going to be a mess. You need to just start

a f*** face fund and give the credit card to Andrew and all you need to do, Eric, is make sure that $4,000 to $5,000 is in that account at all times. And just wait and see what happens. I will say, now that Nick is gone, I could say that I specifically

said my favorite that I know the least about. I didn't say favorite. It's a ratio thing. Nick is great. I'm not saying he's my favorite of all time ever. Great guy. Love Nick, but I didn't say that. Second of all,

I have an appreciation for Eric because I brought up something to him that is an absurd thing to spend any amount of money on. Makes no sense. And he never once asked why. I said what it was, and he essentially said, like, well, what color? And I love it.

I appreciate it. It's fantastic. That's awesome. So I have a lot of respect for Eric as well. Eric ranks high. I didn't know Eric got ****ed, so apparently I don't rank high. There you go. You should follow each other on social media. That's how he talks to his friends, apparently.

And the rest of the world. I text Jeff and he doesn't text me back. Does that happen to you guys too? That's not true. I always text you back. I mean, just let me know if that happens to you guys also. Hey, Eric, do I text you back? I don't think I have your number. There you go. Well, maybe if you sent me a thousand texts like the new

text buddies, I would i would respond to a few of them text you to on monday hey did you watch the new year's tom segura arm break shit oh shit i'm i'm sorry i didn't respond no don't apologize here i get i get it no i wanted no eric it's fine i understand i talk to emily sometimes not a big deal don't worry about it yeah i did watch it and by the way uh if you're not familiar with what Eric's talking about, another peer or competing podcast of actually famous people that are talented, the Tom Segura, your mom's house. Well, actually, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer's Two Bears, One Cave, they did a live show on New Year's Eve,

and they had footage of them playing basketball. And Tom went up to do a dunk. And all of I guess he tore the patella in his knee, which is a really bad thing to tear. And so he collapsed. And his left arm was behind him. And so he got like a Joe Theismann or Gordon Hayward or Paul George level broken bone

where he just crushed his arm and it was bent backwards. And he was laying on the ground. And they have it in 37 different fucking angles because they were filming it for an online special, and then Burt Kreischer walks over when they realize what's happened, and he just picks up his bent backwards arm and just goes, let me get that for you,

and just bends it back straight, and you can see the bone sticking out and shit. It is fucking horrendous. Ew. Is there a good thing to tear in your knee? You said it was a bad thing. Apparently a bad thing to tear. I don't think is there a good thing to tear in your knee you said it was a bad thing apparently a bad thing to tear I don't think there's a good thing

no I don't think there is either but I think it's worse than like it's like if it were a sports injury it would have been a career ending injury anyway we can cut that from the podcast if it's not interesting but it was fucking crazy and I did

I've seen it so many times Eric that I'm desensitized to it it doesn't gross me out anymore I think it would gross people out so gross anyway now that we're all caught up on well wishes and catching up and you're budding a text friendship, how's everybody's break? Do you guys have a lot of stuff to talk about? I looked at my phone, my notes I keep, and I have 10 things to talk about, which means really that'll be my

content for the next six months because we'll probably get one every other week i feel like the last 10 episodes have been jeff struggling to squeeze in one thing obviously it's been it's been tough it's hard to get to i didn't have much happen over the break so this might be you all right i'm trying to think what what happened i had to run around my building almost naked mainly naked like a blanket that was fun oh you said you got like tricked by a delivery driver or something? Oh, yeah, it was infuriating. So my building is weird where my door doesn't line up with the door to the building. So sometimes people deliver things to the front of the building,

even though that's not where I'm at. Your door doesn't line up with the door to the building. No, if you go to like the front, it's like a complex. And if you go through the front door of the complex, you'll never find my door. It just isn't. It's not attached to that. Do you just not live there? No, I don't live there.

Technically, I don't live there, but it's my address. So it's super confusing for getting deliveries. But most of the time, it's not an issue because I can put a pin of where they need to go, even though it doesn't match with the address. They'll go there. But this person completely ignored the pin, and I had ordered it. Every piece of bottom half clothing I had was in the wash at that time.

So I was Winnie the Pooh-ing it, once again. No pants. Is that a pretty common thing for you? No. Because I'm starting to see you in my head that way. It happens so much. No, I know it happened with the ankle, but outside of that, this is the only other time where I've been in this situation. Yeah, I'll be honest. It's like replacing my mental image of you. Yeah, same, same. It's like when I think of that, this is the only other time where I've been in this situation. Yeah, I'll be honest. It's like replacing my mental image of you.

Yeah, same, same. It's like when I think of Andrew. Usually when I think of someone, like I think of Jeff or I think of Andrew, I think of someone just in a generic outfit. I'm not imagining what they're wearing. But you now, I'm specifically imagining your lower half just with your knob out all the time. What color shirt is he wearing when you're imagining it? I think he's wearing a pale blue for me it's red like like just like winnie the

pooh for me it's like he's literally wearing winnie the pooh shirt it's even if the shirt's even got a collar it's a short sleeve shirt with a collar um so i ordered it and then um they text you like a photo of where they left it and it was the photo of the front of the building and i was waiting for it and so i didn't have any bottoms so i just grabbed what i had which was a small blanket and i had to run through the rain and lap the building essentially quickly grab my food i ran past like two people and all i have is this small throw blanket covering my bottom half i don't even have shoes on because it's a popular area. I don't want my food to get stolen. So I grab it and I run back. I'm frustrated.

I open everything. I got a lemonade because lemonade, I think a very underrated thing about lemonade, maybe the best travel beverage of all time. If you're getting it from a fast food restaurant, it travels so well. The ice doesn't impact it. It's a great, I would say it's the best travel beverage you could get. Interesting. Do you know where they make the best lemonade in the world,

Andrew? I don't. I'd love to know. Gavin, do you remember where they make the best lemonade in the world? Oh, was I there at the best lemonade? You were, yeah. It's in Hungary, in Budapest, Hungary, supposedly is where the best lemonade in the world is. Based on what? It's a whole thing there. So if you ever go to, what I'm saying is

not only does it travel well, but if you go to Hungary, it will taste really well too. Andrew, if you ever go to what i'm saying is if uh not only does it travel well but uh if you go to hungry it will taste really well too okay andrew if you ever go okay noted on my list so i i get my drink and i'm trying to put the straw in and it just won't go in and i'm getting frustrated like the straw is bending and i can't figure it out and then i lift the lid because i think like maybe there's two lids and that's just one lid they fucking with clear tape they taped over the lid the the straw hole I've never seen that I don't know what the purpose of that is outside of fucking with me Why would you do that probably a hygiene yeah? They might just tape in the lid down so it doesn't spill no, but it's just like fucking they use scotch tape

It wasn't like a sticker It was like somebody scotch taped across over the hole. And I couldn't see it because it's clear tape. And it's a clear, it's like, it matches the lid. Are you still, are you back in your place now? Or are you holding up a blanket still? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm now back in my place. Okay, Dick's out again.

Dick is still out. Thing's still in the dryer. And I'm just furiously stabbing this drink with a straw and it will not go through and it was a tape issue I've ordered plenty of food before I've never had the top sealed like that and also the bag was like stapled shut so it's like what are you doing I don't need that much security I don't know what the value is of the tape no it's like tamper proof it's making sure the drivers aren't eating your food they could just take the fucking lid off if they want to. Second of all, I'm ordering...

Isn't the lid taped down too? Like, doesn't the tape extend over the lip? No, the lid was just the lid. They just taped down the little... It was a tiny little cross that only covered the straw hole. And it's like, I'm ordering from a fucking fast food place. I don't need it to be Fort Knox. I'm okay.

I'm accepting a level of risk. I can live with that but i've never had it taped before and it just felt like i was being fucked with and for it to go back to back with my pencils run around the building and then have the drink thing i was just fed up i was furious as i write so that was my food thing was it from a hamburger sandwich shop those don't exist okay so no i'm gonna go out a limb, Andrew, and say that they weren't pranking you. They were just trying to keep it from spilling, probably from past experience. How often does a thing spill out the straw hole?

That never happens. I would ask the professionals. As a matter of fact, why don't you order from them again? And in the special notes, ask them the question. Be like, last time I ordered, I noticed or two times ago, I noticed some tape over the lip. Is this a common practice? And if so, how is it, is it born from being overly cautious? Was there

an inciting incident? How are they going to reply, though? Are they going to, like, leave a note? They're not going to send a representative with the food. Dude, if you can, if you can order a pizza from Domino's and ask them to draw Pikachu on it, and they fucking do it in full color, I'm sure they can jot a note down saying, yeah, dipshit, we don't want it to spill. Also, we spit and everything. I've got to be

honest. If I had nothing to wear, I don't think I would resort to just putting a blanket around my bare cock and balls and ass. I would probably just quickly put on something dirty because that's going to be a lot more convenient than holding a blanket around myself before the blanket i would grab a t-shirt and put my legs through the fucking arm holes and pull it up and then tie it like a belt well then you'd be dangling through the neck hole not if you leave enough space like mc hammer pants kind of oh you guys are also just summoning items i didn't have either of those like those were choices i had to go so you had no access to any lower half clothing anywhere no not at the time no i would have had to go up several levels it's a whole i was i was at the it couldn't have been further from me where my clothing was so i just grabbed what i had in

the space that i was in and the most cover i could get was a blanket you hate changing floors i feel like we've established this. Here's the thing. It's not even a hatred of changing floors. My food is out there, Gavin. Busy street. Every second is a layer of risk. And I'm taking a gamble by going for the extra levels. I mean, if it's that desperate, why are you ordering food with no pants on?

Well, because it's never happened before. This is an anomaly. This was a shocking thing that has never happened and for it to go back to back with also the straw being covered was wild it was too never seen it before if i saw a guy shuffling through the rain holding a blanket around his lower half i would definitely think he's got no underwear on like that's exactly what that says to me yeah yeah i don't but why do you care as like i don't care that doesn't bother me oh well yeah that's a good point what if it was the guy's first

day and then like the next day he came into work and his boss was like listen we've had like 30 complaints from bottomless canadian men who had to go outside in the rain to get their orders you've gotta we gotta mix things up you gotta things differently. It's upsetting the balance. I didn't complain. I just, I went about my day and was very confused by the lemonade. How was the lemonade when you got it open? Delicious.

It travels so good. Lemonade is such a good travel drink. Do they put like chunks of real lemon in it? Absolutely not. No, this is like a fast food. Have you got any extra use out of your Keurig since the cookie coffee and all that garbage? Have I ever? I'm loving the Keurig. I haven't made a cup of coffee in it since,

but I'm loving it. I'm having a great time. I still think you should give coffee another chance, maybe in a clean mug. I definitely will. I'm not done with coffee. I just have been really enjoying. I got a whole hot chocolate lifestyle going right now. Fantastic from bed. I haven't moved my Keurig. It's where my waffle maker used to be. It's still next to my bed. I feel like your level of enjoyment of anything is very highly impacted by how little you have to move.

Like if you, if everything that you need is in the same room, it like boosts your joy somehow. How delightful. Just imagine, Gavin, how delightful it is. You wake up. You don't even have to get out of bed. You're still wrapped up in covers. You're comfy.

And you click a button and you got hot chocolate all of a sudden. Now you're drinking hot chocolate from bed. You haven't even gotten out of bed. That's a win on the day. You're like the poor version of Caligula Bot in Futurama. I just like hot chocolate. It's a delicious beverage, and I can enjoy it from my bed. What's the first thing you did

this morning after you left your bedroom? Um... Have you left your bedroom today? What do you mean? No, I have. I have. I'm trying to think. I went to the kitchen, I guess? Yeah. I went to the kitchen. I made toast. You made toast? Yeah, it's not that that eventful what was the clothing situation on that journey i had underwear i had underwear on okay cool i'm not a pants guy teddy whiteys or box never no i'm more

of a boxer boxer brief guy gotcha that's fair me too yeah so in our big long text uh conversation we got into the subject of donkey kong 64 yeah which to me is a game that I played in like 1999 or whatever it came out when did it come out Andrew somewhere around then I have no idea yeah I don't know why I'm asking so I I love it because I was a kid Andrew is always talking about how it's such a shit game and he sort of lists reasons it's shitty and looking back on it yeah it has like a billion collectibles and you have to play every level like five times because there's five characters so it is a pain inibles, and you have to play every level like five times because there's five characters. So it is a pain in the ass,

and they make you play the original Donkey Kong, which is freaking impossible for me for some reason. It's not a fun game, the original Donkey Kong. No, I'm so bad, especially on a Nintendo 64 controller for some reason. So Andrew, he's always been shitting on it. And then he announces to me, oh, I've never played it.

No. Never touched it. So I challenged him to play the whole of Donkey Kong 64 by the next recording, which is today. And I was thinking he'd probably actually quite enjoy it. Andrew, thoughts? It starts out awful. It's terrible. Like the first, I don't know, 10 hours, not great.

Then it gets enjoyable for maybe six hours. And then I haven't played it because it's dreadful once again there's so many characters there's so many unnecessary currencies there's just too much everything jeff i had him stream just to me his progress and i didn't have a mic no game audio i'm just like going about my day glancing at my iPad with his Donkey Kong stream. And he finally gets to the original Donkey Kong bit. You have to pull a lever on an arcade machine. And you have to watch that cut scene every time you try it. And I was watching him eat shit at original Donkey Kong over and over and over again,

even to the point where I got Meg. I went and got her. I was like, you got to watch this. He's trying to beat this. He's trying to beat like four levels of original Donkey Kong. And at one point he got so far and we were both like on the edge of our seats. We're like, you got to watch this. He's trying to beat this. He's trying to beat like four levels of original Donkey Kong. And at one point he got so far and we were both like on the edge of our seats. We're like, oh, he's going to do it.

And then he ate it right at the end. Like for some reason, walked into Donkey Kong as Mario. Just like walked into his ass and died. And I immediately was like, oh, he's going to be pissed at that. And immediately on the stream, it comes out of the arcade machine back to 3D Donkey Kong. And he just starts slapping the shit out of the machine and throwing grenades at it so i was like oh he's definitely pissed off they don't explain how to beat donkey kong they just introduce an entirely new mechanic and i thought well maybe i need to interact with him in some

way you don't you just die immediately back to the beginning. I was playing Donkey Kong while I believe you're watching The Hobbit, Gavin, and I think you may have finished The Hobbit before I beat the Donkey Kong thing. I was going to finish The Hobbit, but in the end, I just paused The Hobbit because I thought what you were doing with Donkey Kong was more entertaining. I did it. It took like, what, two hours? I think I played that for at least two hours straight. I was very impressed.

I've never had the patience to get past that bit. It's a good game, but it's not a good game. Like at the time, I could see why. I said to Gavin, it's like the cookie dough ice cream of video games, where it's like your favorite if you played it as a kid. But then once you learn like what good things taste like and become sensible as an adult, you can't go back to it. I feel like being an adult is people telling

you that the stuff you like in fact isn't very good like uh you were donkey kong jeff obviously with telling me that ace ventura 2 isn't good and uh just people just tearing down your childhood pleasure i still like cookie dough ice cream yeah it's not bad when's the last time you had it uh well we have something in austin We have H-E-B. Our grocery store has ice cream, and they have something called Cookie Two-Step, and I have it all the time. It's half cookie dough and then half Oreo ice cream.

But that's a different thing. You're just talking about a different ice cream flavor. But half of it is cookie dough. Yeah, but there's a different fucking flavor. What do you mean? Those don't correlate. It's both. It's Cookie Two-Step.

Half of it is cookie dough. It's not mixed. Do of the time no i i like both so i eat both at the same time yeah that's what i'm saying i like cookie dough ice cream if the if the goddamn other kind of if the two if the other step and the two-step wasn't there i would be just as happy eating the cookie dough i don't know about that it's a very basic ice cream i think if i if i wasn't fucking keto right now, I would go buy some right now and film a video of me eating a carton of cookie dough ice cream with a fucking smile.

I gotta try that. Sounds good. It is good. It's fucking super good. It's HEB, baby. Or if it's not HEB, it's either HEB or it's the other one. Bluebell. I can't remember. The one with the... Botulism. Yeah. If that's where you're going with that yeah it's one of the two uh yeah so you don't like donkey kong 64 huh

it's a bad game like if you're a kid it'd be great it has things in it that are really impressive for the time but like playing in 2020 it's not great i mean mostly i was just blown because i was just thrown out like oh maybe you could beat it before we next record and suddenly you're 2020, it's not great. I mean, mostly I was just blown, cause I was just thrown out like, oh, maybe you could beat it before we next record. And suddenly you're playing it. It's like, it takes like 30 hours to beat the thing. I've just ruined your week by the sounds of it. Yeah, I was mad at you. It's very easy to get me to do something.

You said I challenge you to do it. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. We didn't even do it for any prize or any money or anything. You're just doing it. Yeah, there's no stakes. It's just, you said I challenge you to do it. And I'm like, okay, sure. And then i looked at how long to beat which eric posted

and it's like a 28 hour game i think i just said you fuck and i sent you a screenshot of like the average playthrough time it's a 28 hour game but not the way you were playing it when you're racing that beetle fucking beetle there's a slide jeff where you have to beat this beetle and get 50 coins and it just is terrible it's impossible all i yeah i wouldn't know i've never even owned a 64 it's a great console i guess i don't know mario party come on but the first two mario parties are so good great games those are good games for sure classics no uh donkey kong 64 you could skip i was actually kind of mad at you over the break a little bit, Andrew, because you texted me out of the blue for no other reason

than to just tell me everything I thought about fruit was wrong. Oh, yeah. I got so annoyed, and I felt so dumb, and I was just getting mad and belligerent at you, and then I would just be wrong every time.

It was like every time I was wrong, and I just felt it made me madder and more belligerent. Maybe we should find that text conversation. I don't remember every aspect of it But yeah, I said something and Jeff called me an idiot for asking and I was right He was like is a fruit a banana, and I'm like of course it is you idiot stop No, it's a is a banana berry banana berry. That's it And I'm like of course

It's not you moron and apparently it is that was my reaction to And so then I put it in to see it because there are things. And then strawberries aren't berries. It's very confusing. Blackberries aren't berries. People call me crazy and that I'm like an alien. The world just doesn't make sense. I don't think it's a me issue. Labeling of things makes zero sense at all. I, Oh, I remember, I remember the basis of that argument was that you were saying that

whether a banana would want to be considered a barrier or not. And I, my argument was that a banana is a big enough thing on its own. It's surpassed buried them. It's bigger. It's like Justin Timberlake and in sync, right? Like the berries are in sync.

Blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, those are in sync. And a banana is Justin Timberl. Blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, those are NSYNC. And a banana is Justin Timberlake. Yeah, he's a part of NSYNC, but he's got a much bigger career on his own. And if he ever goes back

and hangs out with the other berries, it's only to help them make a little bit of money because they're not doing as well as him. NSYNC is like a berry smoothie because you always get banana in that for some reason. Yeah. I guess because bananas are berry. I think you're overrating the banana.

No, I think bananas unto their own. They're a whole industry, man. In what sense? They're iconic. In what way? Bananas? Yeah. You don't think a banana is a bigger thing than all other berries put together?

You mean like in literal size? In dollars? No, like in notoriety and fame and in... Notoriety? What are you tracking that, like, fucking... It has a Gwen Stefani song? When you think of a monkey, what do you think of? You think of a banana.

When you think of people slipping, what do you think of? You think of a banana. I don't think of a banana. It has more screen time than the other berries. Yeah, it has way more star power than the other berries. Bananas, Justin Timberlake. That's all I'm saying. Donkey Kong gets health by eating watermelons, not bananas.

Very confusing. It's a curveball. You wouldn't expect that. You'd guess bananas. But he's off to bananas the whole time. He collects them. Doesn't eat them. So what's a gooseberry?

Is that a berry? I have no idea. Nothing called berry is a berry, apparently. I was thinking about like, where does the goose come from? Why is there goose and gooseberry? That's what was confusing me. How do we get the goose? Where's the straw in a strawberry?

Yeah. That's a great, once again, that's another just good question. I can't argue blueberry. That one's pretty obvious. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice

place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. We have had a lot of food-related conversations. Andrew, are you hungry? Are you just hungry?

No, I didn't bring this up. You were talking to me about what the best food to faint into would be. Yeah, we had a whole conversation, Jeff, that we want. We had a few things that we'd like you to kind of solve or get your opinion on part of our text conversation yeah we're talking about if you were gonna pass out while eating at a dinner table let's say assuming you're at a restaurant specifically and you're going face first and like you know there's nothing you can do you just got to pick a spot to land like the plane is crashing you got to land somewhere yeah what would you ideally hope was on the plate for you to land on?

Easy. To sustain the least damage. Easy. Loaf of bread. Who just has a loaf of bread on their plate? That's what I was going to... There's always a loaf of bread in the middle of the table? No.

You're like sat at your... You do not have the reach. You don't have time to leap forwards like a salmon and land on a loaf of bread. Okay, all right. Well, if I don't have time to leap over the salmon, then I'll go with... Leap over the salmon? I think a beef wellington would be soft. A beef wellington?

That's very specific. Well, it's because it's multi-layered, right? So there's going to be padding. You've got the beef in the middle, and that beef is going to be tender because it's been cooked for a long time. So the beef is going to be spongy and soft. Then you've got that duck cell or whatever layer around it, which is like mushrooms and shit.

And that's going to create a just even if it's like microscopic, a tiny little air pocket between them. And then on top of that, you put the sometimes some Parma ham or something around it. And that's another layer and ham's pretty soft. I think we all know that. And then on top of that, you put the you put the pastry, the flaky pastry. And if I'm hitting, I'm not going to complain about putting my face through pastry ever. I feel like you're at a juice risk with a beef Wellington. You could hit a pocket of meaty hot juice that could jet out into your face you could so okay well it sounds like you guys have put a lot of thought into this we have what did

you come up with well it started because i once watched someone faint into tomato soup it was like it was a bloodbath that would be brutal and andrew was like man that must be the worst thing to faint into because you could drown in it and burn burn yourself if it's hot, right? Yeah, that was my whole thing. Yeah, like not only do you sustain the blow, there's no relief from the impact of hitting that bowl. You're then just in a hot bowl of liquid constantly burning you. Like a DPS, like an RPG game, like a Borderlands-like weapon. You just hit points flying off of you.

Yeah, they're face down in the suit, but you just see numbers appearing above their head to kill it over and over and over again. You don't get that with a loaf of bread. It's kind of what happened to Whitney Houston. I don't know what that means. What do you mean? She drowned in a hot bathtub.

That's what is... Not at all. How is that anything alike? Because she passed out and drowned in hot liquid. But that's not... We're talking tables. This is somebody passing out and drowning. You just said it's a not, we're talking tables. This is somebody passing out and drowned. You just said it's a drowning

risk and that it would be hot. How is it any different? It is slightly more connected than your whole fucking eating two ice creams and calling it one, but it's still ridiculous. If you're eating alone and you have some hot ass tomato soup and you pass out face first into the tomato soup,

you could drown and burn. Yeah, but Jeff, if somebody gave you tomato soup, would you out face first into the tomato soup. You could drown and burn. Yeah, but Jeff, if somebody gave you tomato soup, would you ever say this reminds me of Whitney Houston? Like it's such a leap. I don't think it's a leap. I would never connect. It's like watching a kid fall into a pond and drown and be like, man, I want some tomato soup. soup i don't think those two things are alike at all because i'm not eating tomato soup and then thinking i want to see whitney houston drown like there's just very false equivalencies there between like i yeah no no i think you're way off base i think that the two dangers of passing out

in the tomato soup are the exact same dangers that befell whitney houston i don't see how you don't see that. It's just a weird connection to make. It's the only person I can think of that died by drowning in something hot. If it was anybody else, I would have said them. You know it was hot. Yeah, she got like second degree burns.

It was like scalding hot. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was brutal. To be fair, I think the head landing in the soup bowl actually displaced most of the soup. You can drown in a teacup of water they say a teacup or a teaspoon of water they said if you can drown in a teaspoon you could definitely drown in a teacup what if it's one of the ones at disney world disneyland those things are huge andrew

challenged me to pick a food that would be perfect to fade into and i i think my suggestion was uh sponge cake it was but i felt like that was cheating I felt like that was like when you're playing a game of you meet a genie you get three wishes and saying one your wishes is more wishes like you're technically could do that but it's like a cheat I think it's just telling me that's the perfect answer no I gave you an even better answer I initially said that the mashed potato is the crash pad of the food world like it's such a perfect thing to land into not at all and And Gavin disagreed.

You disagreed too. I think that's crazy. I think it's such a good food to land into. No, I think that's bad as well. Mashed is hot, and also if you've got it in a bowl, you could drown in that.

It's not scaldingly hot. And if you've got it on a plate, your face will just displace it all and you just hit the plate. He's right. There's no structure to mashed, but listen, I am a fucking huge fan

of mashed potatoes. I love them to death. There's no way you're a bigger potato guy there's no 100 way i'm bigger i would i could easily eat you under the table in mashed potatoes no chance 100 i don't even care i could i could i could eat mashed potatoes while doing the fucking the sewing machine while you just sat there in bed with no pants on eating mashed potatoes and i would still beat you i love mashed potatoes that much but there's no rigidity to it there's no there's no structure to it like there is with a sponge cake gavin's right you would hit those mashed potatoes and they would be gone instantly they would fly 30 feet and you're potentially

dealing with an immediate seal in your mouth and up your nostrils if you fall into a big mound of it you're gonna get it right up in there we're assuming that you have some level of control on impact you would go side of head you'd lean on it like a pillow and it would be great but then then we pivoted because we argued about this and I came to the conclusion that if you're gonna faint at a table you want to do it at breakfast because as the meals and the table progresses through time it becomes more dangerous the most dangerous table is the dinner table at a restaurant safest by far breakfast and name a better food to crash into than a pancake just a stack of pancakes it's an

edible pillow yeah you got a good point pancakes is a good one pancakes is real good and you are right about dinner because you know dinner you've probably got maybe a fancy wine glass and if you land face first on that the stem is going to go up your jugular plus there's probably like a steak knife there yeah sharp you might have meat on the plate and if there's meat there's probably a jagged bone you have a flame scenario at dinner that you don't have at any other meal there's gonna be a lit candle most likely you know the problem with breakfast though is there might be hot coffee around maybe not in your world because you're scared of it, but...

I'm not scared. Coffee's like the hottest liquid at the table. Also, Americans cook bacon until it's completely rigid, to the point where you could land on that and get some pretty severe scratches on your face. It's an interesting... Yeah, it's an interesting point. I'm trying to think, though... In defense of our bacon, our American bacon,

I think that we cook it so that it would break apart very easily Why do you need bacon to break you want it to be crunchy and crumbly? That's the best way to have bacon when you eat a steak are you annoyed, but it doesn't snap in half Those are different things totally different. No it was once again. Yes, just have like the worst exam That's such a bad example. No. It's like I want all my meat. I'm gonna cook ribs They're tender sort of come off the bone nicely cook a nice steak. like, I want all my meat, I want to cook ribs, do a tender, sort of come off the bone nicely, cook a nice steak, yeah. I want my bacon to crumble and snap.

What? Well, don't you snap into a Slim Jim? Isn't that meat? Slim Jim is, Slim Jim doesn't snap. Snap into a Slim Jim is the fucking, I mean, at Achievement Hunter,

it's slip into a Slim Jim, but it's the same thing. Snap into a Slim Jim. Also, what about burnt ends on brisket like the more cooked the better the harder the better you want to gnaw on that shit i mean we'll never agree on bacon i'm european it's never gonna happen that's fair that's fair i'm not i'm not i don't want to argue about it it's just a weird argument that you think all meat should be done the same

way is more of my issue with your statement yeah i gotta agree with andrew well most meat is bendy what it is what do you mean most meat is bendy most meat if you hold it at one end it flops at the other end okay pizza does the same what do you mean i don't know what you're talking about what does the same he think gavin's saying that if bacon doesn't flop, it's not cooked right. It's overcooked. Yeah, holding bacon at one end, it shouldn't be like a diving board at the other end. And I'll tell you, in America, when we pick up a piece of bacon, if it flops over, we think we're going to get botulism.

It is undercooked pork. I think the main issue is that Americans use a different piece of the pig for their bacon. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I don't know if that's true. You guys in Canada, you guys call ham bacon. main issue is that americans use a different piece of the pig for that bacon yeah yeah for sure i don't know if that's true you guys in uh canada you guys call uh ham bacon yeah it's a bullshit canadian bacon is bullshit do you guys call it canadian bacon there or isn't that a little redundant no it's because it's not we have bacon as well bacon is bacon and there's canadian bacon

which is just like ham i see it's not good. Well, that was fascinating. Cool. Why did you break? I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today or something, man. I've been off all day. Why are you off? I don't, you know, man, I don't know, because I'm in a good mood. I've been in a good mood. We just made it worse.

No, I'm still in a good mood. Nothing bad happened. I was excited to film. i was really looking forward to filming today and then it's one of those you ever one of those days where you just like you start talking and you're like i don't like anything i'm saying you know what i'm talking about does that never happen to you no no no absolutely that's every day like we're all performers we do it all the time i it's not every day for me there are days when i'm quite entertained by myself i'm a big fan of me sometimes, but I'm a harsh

critic of me as well, and today I don't like what this dude's talking about. I have it retroactively for sure, but I try not to do it while I'm talking. I try not to be halfway through a sentence and then I'm like bleh. I'm just trying to be more self-aware. I love, Gavin, when

you are saying something and realize mid-sentence nobody cares and just pivot off. It's fantastic. I'm a big fan of when you do that i think it only happened once on this podcast when we're talking about magnified glasses you want this whole thing or just like nobody cares sometimes you gotta cut your losses yeah for sure um i have a question for you jeff i got an answer okay what was your bit at the start of this recording what was that was the plan what was my bit at the start of this recording? What was that? What was the plan? What was my bit at the start of recording? I was, so I'm typically the first one here, and then

you were in the chat just saying like seven minutes until we record, and then you're doing a countdown. What was the point? What was the purpose of that? Here's what I said. I said hello castmates and production partners. Oh, that was really you? I am excited to be filming the first two

podcast of the year with you. Good tidings. And then I said, getting close to a full crew. I, for one, can't wait because Nick and Eric and Andrew here were just waiting on Gavin. And then when I saw that we had seven minutes to go, I said seven minute warning. I was just being nice, polite.

I don't know. There's no bit. Making content. No, there wasn't a bit. I was just like, it's the start of the new year. It's a fresh start, 2021. We're seven days into the year. America's on fire.

I was just trying to put some positivity forward, and everybody was just like, nobody would talk to me, and everybody just kept responding with, hmm. Well, it felt like a bit. No. And then I assumed everyone would think that it was me in my Jeff account. Yeah, that's what I thought. So then I just tried to kind of take ownership of it because I didn't know what you were

doing. And it scared me. You're just being positive. I thought it was a whole bit. Oh, yeah. I stopped looking after all that. I missed all that. Let's see.

I mean, there's not a lot there to look at, but I was expecting it to lead to somewhere. And it was just you being nice. No, no, no. I was the only thing I had planned was to make a joke about how nothing happened has happened yet in the year uh because we're so i i actually i debated on even wanting to talk to you guys about it uh we avoid politics on face because we talk about fucks and faces uh and farts and butts and stuff so i don't want to get like all political but i am i do think it's curious that i'm the only american on in main cast, and you're British and you're Canadian, and I'd love to get some insights.

But then I figured, you know, it's dangerous territory to tread on when our podcast is very much not about that stuff. So then I really didn't have anything. I think you psyched yourself out. Just the 10 things I wanted to talk about that I know we'll never get to. But I feel like you have this list, but now you're proud of how much you have on this list and you don't want to spend it. But I feel like you don't, you have this list, but now you're proud of how much you have on this list

and you don't want to spend it. No, I'm happy to. To the point where now, when there's a five second silence, you just stay in silence. Yeah. They're not all winners. No, I just, no.

Some of them are. Some of them are. Dude, I did some. I had a first. You want to hear one of them? I'll tell you one of them right now. Hold on. Yeah, tell us. I'm going to tell you one right now. Okay. Look at this first. You want to hear one of them? I'll tell you one of them right now. Hold on. Yeah, tell us.

I'm going to tell you one right now. Okay. Look at this one. Okay. How about this one? There was a day during the break, I think it was after Christmas, but before New Year's, where I pissed my pants in public, and then I came home, and while I was talking about it with Emily and Millie, I shit my pants.

What? Really? What has happened to your lower half? Yeah, dude, I shit my pants. What has happened to your lower half? Yeah, dude, I don't know. We were at a container store of all places, walking around, and I had to piss, and I was like, I gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back, and I hate going to the bathroom

in public places during the pandemic and stuff, because it just feels extra dirty, and you feel extra paranoid. But so I ran into there, and it was cold, so I had a jacket on, and my belt got stuck in my jacket somehow, and I was trying to get get it off and I got like close and then my zipper got hung but my dick had the idea that things were happening and so I just I let a little bit go I thought and then I peed and I dried off and everything and then I I walked out and I looked down because something felt weird and it was it was way more than a little bit. It was like, I pissed hard in like brown, like tan pants.

So I had like a big brown piss middle. And I just ran and I picked up a box and I just held it at lap height. And I fucking walked around the container store until I found Emily and Millie. And I was like, we gotta go. And they're like, we're not done shopping. And I'm like, all right, well, you know, okay. And then they didn't notice that I was holding it weird. So I didn't say anything for a while. And they're like, we're not done shopping. I'm like, all right, well, you know, okay. And then they didn't notice that I was holding it weird

so I didn't say anything for a while and they were like lollygagging so then eventually I was like, hey, can we get out of here? I had an accident and they're like,

oh no, are you okay? What's wrong? And I was like, I kind of pissed my pants and they're like, ha ha, no really.

And then I like moved the box and showed and their eyes got so big and they started laughing so loud and then emily pointed and and there were people looking and everybody in the container store from that moment heard the conversation about how i pissed my pants because emily was repeating everything i said at volume and millie was not being subtle either and then i got home and i i dried off and then uh and then i thought like uh i was crazy right and we were talking about it and i was like yeah that was kind of embarrassing

and then i had to fart and so i moved my leg a little bit to it was one of those you know how you have a fart that's like a slow bubble that you can feel going coming out of you and then it like comes out of your butt and it does like a just a satisfying little pop a little fart pop uh i had one of those except it was a wet pop. And then so I had to run to the bathroom. And then I came back after I had to take a shower and everything. And they were like, where are you? And I was like, you guys didn't see me shit my pants there?

And I guess they hadn't known. So I realized that I outed myself and I didn't have to. I just like the idea of all of your underwear in your drawer. They don't know which one's going to be taken for the day. And the underwear you picked that morning had absolutely no idea what was coming. It was going to be piss and shit. Also, you were bragging recently on a face that you don't vomit much. No, never.

Do you shit and piss yourself more than you throw up? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you make it say, like, listen, I don't want to sound like I piss myself. It was a one-time, currently, a one-time thing. I definitely shit my pants way more than I would ever pee

my pants. I have now officially pissed my pants while I peed the bed one time when I was still married to my ex-wife. And then this time, yeah. So I've peed myself as an adult twice. I have shit myself many times. I've shit myself probably four or five times in the last year.

I thought it would get better when I quit drinking, but it's just different shits now. It makes me wonder how many, like in the next decade, how many times do you think you'll shit yourself? And, oh, maybe we should predict it. Maybe we can, like, place bets. I would say I average shitting myself three times a year. So probably 30 times in the next decade.

That's a lot. Unless things get worse. You know, I'll be 55 by then. I don't imagine things will improve. So, you know, we could probably throw another five to ten shits in there easily easily just to account for, you know, the declination of my body. So what is that? Thirty five. Yeah, I think thirty five.

I will shit myself thirty five times in the next 10 years. How about you, Andrew? Maybe maybe twice. Nonsense. Maybe. Yeah. Enjoy it while you can. Life catches up to you.

Your asshole is going to catch up to you your your asshole is gonna catch up to you buddy well is the number raising with you with age i oh i just assume in my head that this has been your lifetime average well i think now a lot of its age before i think it was uh booze you know uh so i think i wasted my good anal years being shitting my pants because i was drunk you gave your best years a handicap i gave my best years to the bottom of the bottle. My best butt years are behind me. It's unfortunate. For me, I feel like shitting and throwing up

are directly related to how much I travel. I have shit myself more in other countries than the one I live in. And it's usually just food poisoning or new diet or new diet or not like new uh gut climate you are very very sensitive to uh different foods in different locations i've noticed that about you have a very sensitive tummy when it comes to that stuff not that it stops you from eating but i've noticed uh over the course of all of our travel we've traveled

together extensively uh that your tummy uh definitely is affected by locale a lot i think there's a direct attack going on though i have i have thrown up more from australians cooking me bad food than i think any other single thing every time we do like an event in australia you know in the past we've gone to like cookouts and barbecues and stuff and a bunch of community there and they're like cooking up stuff i throw up every single time from poorly cooked australian meat and i don't know why it just is the exact same stuff surely it's dead cow i have an idea about that i think that they're poisoning you because you're british and they don't like that i think that i think that even if it's subconscious i think australians serve british people bad meat

because they don't like them i also for the record i think the entire world does that to americans as they should i mean i get it i fucking listen i get it but i i think we just it's kind of like uh it's kind of like princess bride right we've just our stomachs are tougher because we get poisoned by way more countries whenever i I think of Australia now, one of my first mental images is like a hotel toilet with vomit in it. And that's unfortunate because I really like Australia as a place. It's just a shame about all the people trying to poison me. It is a shame.

Oh, Australia is fantastic, dude. Yeah, I love it. Also, I got to say, I'm looking at my notes. Number two on my list. I'm looking at my notes. Number two on my list. I have to say, I was so just overjoyed by the nose flap response I got on social media. It was weeks ago now because we talked about this so long ago.

But I mentioned how I can turn smell off and I have nose flaps. I was amazed at how many people, probably more people reached out about this one thing than maybe anything that I've been reached out to uh for related to rushtith in years it was unbelievable so let me let me get this straight you can take in a big deep breath through your nose sucking in all that air but because your flap is shut you don't smell the air it's more it's like where the smell is there's's a valve or to me, it feels like a flap. And I've heard other people say that that's the closest approximation they can have, but they don't think it's a flap. That's like a muscle, I guess.

And I just like you just shut it. Then you just don't smell. Can I show I have an endoscope? Can I shove it up your nose and you close the flap and I'll see if I can see it? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think that'd be a good video once we can. Probably the worst thing to do

in a COVID pandemic is be messing around in your mucus. Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I've been wildly, amazingly disappointed in the lack of sympathy

or help or response for my sock problem, but the nose flap response was was truly fantastic. So thanks to the audience for that. Also, I want to let you guys know I tried something new the other day, and I highly recommend you do it if you ever get a chance. Fart into a hot blow dryer. It's gross. OK, you know how I blow dry myself dry now when I get out of the shower, like balls and stuff. I had a fart in the chamber the other day. And so I was like,

I've never farted into a blow dryer before. I was already blow drying my butt dry. So I farted into it. It immediately baked it and it became three times worse the smell. It was hideous. Oh, so it actually changed the aroma. It's like a bathtub fart.

Yeah, yeah. It was like it added a level of spice and depth to the fart that I just was new to me. You don't think you can experience body smells from your own body in a different way this late in life. And I was excited to find out that there are still things that we can do to ourselves that are interesting and new. Do you get all dried out from blow drying your entire body? Do you have like dry skin now? Absolutely not.

Huh. No, not at all. That's ridiculous. I'd think he'd be less flaky would be my guess less flaky i think so i think he would be i think it would be good for the ski got a lot of air pressurized air knock the flakes off yeah but i feel like it would create flakes well i don't know that it would create flakes but i do think that andrew is missing out on the idea that a towel acts as an astringent and probably like sloughs off more dead skin than you would blow off with a blow dryer. No, that's fair. Like the

friction of the towel. That's a good point. Andrew, are you a passive dryer or an active one? I don't know what that means. What do you mean by that? Like you get out of the shower, do you get the towel and just go to town like rubbing it all in everywhere? Or do you just sort of wrap yourself and drip it dry? Oh,'re we're getting everywhere absolutely not no i don't want to drip dry it's terrible so you're just immediately out of the bathroom yeah as soon as i get out towel and then immediately cowling off we're getting aggressive with the towel something that happens to me a surprising amount of times though i don't know what it is maybe this is just a me problem i have a feeling it is do you ever just forget to like dry your ass i for some reason i completely miss the ass and then i'll go to put on like underwear it'll be

wet it'll be gross and i have to take it off i have to do a redry because i just missed that area if you start blow drying your body it'll you'll never have that happen again I'm telling you I might have to invest gentle warm air up your butthole and on your taint is one of the best pleasures in life it's like one of the things that makes it great to be a guy I think and once you experience it you will look forward to showers because of

what you get to do after oh I mean Andrew I got a waffle maker like you get a blow dryer because at Christmas I got I couldn't talk about it at the time. Way back in the day when we were talking about it, and you were like, you need to get one. And I was like, I need to find the right one. I bought Emily that day a Spider-Man waffle maker.

I was just waiting for it to come to me. It makes like spider web waffles. It's fucking awesome. You haven't left any mix in a plastic bottle? No, I didn't do any of that gross stuff. So do you think your pleasure from blow drying your nuts and back and ass and all that stuff stuff if you got three pieces of wood cut like two holes in each piece mounted six blow dryers do you think that would increase the

enjoyment you get out of that with more blow dryers or do you think one is enough i think it might i mean it would be super efficient right like you'd be done faster and it might be fun to have like the whole body experience all at once. Yeah. But I think there is something nice about like, the older I get, the more I'm really starting to identify and enjoy and look forward to routine

and just like the repetition of doing little things over and over again. Yeah, like picking up your right foot, grabbing the left sock. Yeah, which still, you you know happens all the time but like i look forward to standing in front of the mirror and i have a little routine you know i don't even like it's like it almost becomes like sense memory where you like i start with my right underarm and then i go across my chest and then i do my beard a little bit wettest part of my body 100 always the beard so it needs

like three or four go-throughs and you do your hair a little bit and then let that air dry and then you go down your chest and then you get the balls and you got to lift your dick up off the balls to get into that area and then you go around your left leg up and then lift my leg up a little bit to go right up in the gooch and get that and then i go down my the back of my thighs that's also also nice warm air on the back of your thighs is nice then also i go up my back the the small of my back. That tickles. That's fun. It always is cold and tickly. And then you get to the shins,

and then I use my right hand to rub my shins while I use my... I'm surprised that... So much detail. ...the super powerful Dyson hairdryer doesn't have enough oomph to lift your penis up. Maybe it would have enough to lift your penis up. I like that that would be a measurement of the quality of the blow dryer.

Can you levitate? It's got four inch penis lifting power. I bet I could find a head dryer that could lift and suspend a penis. Oh, I'm sure. There's probably one on the market right now, Target, that would do it. You think you could just go to Target and find one? I Oh, I'm sure. There's probably one on the market right now, Target, that would do it.

You think you could just go to Target and find one? I don't know about that. That's a lot of force and you need like an angle. It's probably be an angle thing too, right? Like you need a good angle for it. Dude, I'm fucking blowing through my idea

and all the stuff I wanted to talk about. I know. Can I just say real fast before Eric tells us to stop? You do know, like we have two of these. We don't have to get into it and make a whole thing out of it

because I have some other stuff. Let me just say, I fucking hate computers. I hate personal computers. I hate PCs. I got one. Fucking Alfredo put a bunch of work into helping me pick out and order this awesome Origin PC, and then it took almost three months to come in,

and then it came in in a crate, and I had to crowbar it out of the crate and set it all up and turn it on, and it goes, reem! Reem! in a crate and I had to like crowbar it out of the crate and set it all up and turn it on. And it goes, and then I had to go take it to Alfredo for a couple of days. And while I afraid I figured out that a fucking heat sink fan cable disconnected and it was overheating and it was a fucking nightmare. And then, and I haven't even talked to Alfredo since because I felt so bad.

Shit still doesn't work right. And I can't join local networks because Windows 10 is a piece of shit. And I fucking hate PCs. So I have like $4,000 worth of PC set up right next to me so I can stream and so that Andrew and I can do like face streams if we want to do and with baseball cards and stuff.

And all this other nonsense so I can play GTA with you, Gavin, because the Achievement Hunter guys want me to play GTA a bunch. And it's just fucking broken money sitting at my desk. Fucking hate PCs. And that's F*** Face.

Thanks for listening. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you wrap up the show, you brought up waffles before, Jeff, with the waffle bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything. It was very dangerous, and the coffee as well. It was a very intense moment. Some of the things of the podcast

were a little dangerous. High stakes. So I recruited I went back. Do you remember when we did Fluke Face? Or when I did Fluke Face, I guess? And we had the other people playing as us. Yeah, that was the radio play? Yeah, we took the transcript of the episode casted people in different roles,

just with the danger of everything. So I went to the company and I got a stunt double, and outros have been deemed too dangerous for me to do. It's a high-risk scenario. After the waffle thing, I just got to be really safe. So I got the fluke face me, and they're going to fill in for the outro, because it's high stakes. It's dangerous.

Is this the thing you asked Eric for, where he said what color no no no no completely different thing i'm gonna go you guys can do the outro it's just a little dangerous uh good luck with it though have fun so andrew has joined a new discord account called a new panting is this andrew hello right hi uh so i'm supposed to be here to uh stuntman for Andrew is this live uh is what live I mean I'm a real live human is that what you mean you're responding to me and the words that I say human are you is your name also Andrew no no my name is Evan well then we didn't I didn't ask for your name it says it was Andrew okay why do you sound so much better than Andrew yeah what's the deal hey do you want to be on our podcast? Do you want to replace?

Are you Canadian? No, I'm American. You're American, you say. Interesting. Good, even better. Import issues. Do you wear pants? Can we please wrap up this episode of this podcast?

Can we please do the outro, please? Andrew Evan, take us out. All right, so that was F*** Face. Congratulations on F*** F your uh co-cast members there andrew and uh i look forward to being a steady member of the cast from here on out it didn't sound like you did anything dangerous there didn't sound dangerous at all yeah why are we paying for why is this coming out of this show budget you guys are paying me jesus christ. All right. Well, like and subscribe, I guess.

What was that? Is that what you say? I don't fucking remember. Stars, leave a star. Leave a review. Leave a star. The Andrew double didn't do half the outro. Goodbye.

What a fucking hellhole. you