Regulation Podcast - Black Bawks Down // The First F**kface Recipe [32]

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about starting a war with Gus?, a hamburger sandwich shop, Andrew's coffee soup, and more. Listen to a F**kface Christmas at https://soundcloud.com/user-741322501/sets/have-a-fkface-christmas-feat-the-fkface-discord-orchestra Sponsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE) and ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face, a podcast about three dipshits doing dipshit stuff. My name is Jeff. With me, as always, are Gavin and my very, very, very, very, very, very, very good friend, Andrew. What an overcompensation that was. Hello. Hello.

Is it 2021 now? Uh, I, God, I hope so. We ended 2020 on face with a, uh, with a, like a weird left turn. I think it's a great episode. I disagree with this. It'll be interesting to see the response. You haven't heard the first 15 minutes of it. I think there are 15 minutes. It's a great episode. I disagree with this. It'll be interesting to see the response. You haven't heard the first 15 minutes of it. I think there are quality 15 minutes. It's a great episode.

Let's promise not to outdo that episode with this episode. Should I just open with there's something I meant to mention last episode we didn't get around to it. I think this is pretty exciting. We didn't get around to anything. We didn't really talk about anything

but the one thing i did want to talk about we did not address at all i don't think jeff even knows about this i'd be surprised if he does okay did did you know jeff that okay thank us later real thing now i made a website for thank us later it's a totally real site we're kicking i'm gauging interest i meant to ask you yeah last episode did you run an ad on the rt podcast that's the thing i ran an ad on the rt podcast for thank us later just to gauge interest we have a new suit we have superfan gus now as well as super fan Jack. Gus was kind enough to do it. Ran an ad for thank us later. I've been getting I've gotten like 70 emails from people mainly confused. A lot of people don't know how to react. If it's some people somehow think that somebody stole the business idea and launched it within the week.

Got an ad for it. I've got a lot of those, too, which would be incredible. Got an ad for it. I've got a lot of those, too, which would be incredible. Although if there's one business you could immediately steal and run with, it's one where they don't do anything for the first four months. You literally would only need a lesson. So is this the same super fan Gus that you told us before the episode started because he didn't want to talk about it in the episode that you were starting a war with him? No, I'm not starting a war with Gus at all.

I completely disagree with that. I was just, you know, what happened was I was listening to the podcast. I wanted to hear the ad. Gus did a great job. Such a nice guy. Gus has a podcast of his own as well called Black Box Down. I don't know if you've looked into Black Box Down.

Jeffrey Gavin, fantastic show. Great podcast. Have you been to their website just curious they have a they have a black box down website yeah they have their own website and you know it's really nice because like superfan gus is great really great guy went on their website and i was so touched it was such a nice gift to us i didn't realize they're such big fans uh black box down is just kind of a fan site for face which i didn't anticipate i just put a link in the thing black box down very official site

black box it's black box down it's their podcast oh you had eric post it who did the draw i did er Eric did post it. Whoops. I forgot what happened. Oh, Eric's dead. You're getting tangled in your web of lies, Andrew. No, I'm not. I just made the fall guy. This has nothing to do with me. I saw this.

It's Eric's fault. Eric did this. Blackboxdown.com Blackboxdown. Yeah. It's the number. Blackboxdown.com. Blackboxdown. Yeah. I was shocked. The number one face fan blog.

Yeah. Superfan Gus. I didn't expect it, but it was really nice. Did you draw that on some notepaper? No, I didn't do any of the drawings.

These are wonderful drawings from maybe the community. Maybe I don't know who made them. Maybe the community did. I don't know. I didn't the community did i don't know i didn't make the site gusted super fan gusts and the podcast i think it was very touching so i wanted to share it i didn't expect it i just stumbled onto this it's a cute it's a cute drawing we should make a t-shirt out of it there's a picture of the face logo there's a picture of the disgusting waffle oh i see what you've done you son of a bitch

i what do you mean what i've done i who's i'm sorry who made this site again superfan gus superfan gus made this site okay what's the one next to the waffle it looks like someone's gut in a wetsuit um that's the that's the that's the fuck hat oh yeah oh did you not recognize the fuck hat no what did you say like a gut in the wets yeah you know the iconic face moment the gut in the wetsuit i thought it was someone's front we all got in the wetsuit can we sell face wetsuit guts just the front of a wetsuit car to go with the doorknobs? Can you have the front of the wetsuit

without the back? Don't you need a back of a wetsuit to have the front? Isn't it just part of a wetsuit at that point? Wait, you don't know that you buy wetsuits in halves? You think they come as

one whole wetsuit? No, they come as one whole wetsuit. Don't try to f*** with me. I know about wetsuits. You get a wetsuit. You're not going to trick me on wetsuits, Gavin. I was trying to get you right. Andrew knows wetsuits.

I fucking know wetsuits. Why do you know wetsuits so much? I had a wetsuit when I was growing up. I know how a wetsuit works. I've worn a wetsuit, Gavin. Well, I'm not saying the whole front of a wetsuit. I'm saying we cut the stomach off and just make like a it'd be like a mouse mat almost but out of a wetsuit that's a good idea i was just saying can you have a front without a back can you just sell a front of a

wetsuit it's just part of a wetsuit of them there's nothing identifiable about a front of a wetsuit i think we could yeah i just think labeling it as the front of a wetsuit is weird. Well, it's just like, think of it this way. Like, you want to go swimming, you want to go surfing, you want to go boogie boarding, and you're pretty resistant to the cold, but for whatever reason, your abs get cold. You've got chilly abs, and you just want to cover that part.

You've got a sensitive tummy. So we'll sell off the front of the wetsuit and we'll make like a strap you can come that's a good idea yeah i'm now on board for this could i have like a buckle system like those really shitty cheap buckles could that be the great i love it can be whatever you want it to be you're helping design it there's actually two pieces of art too if you go to the about section another great black box down whatever artist or maybe gus did i don't know whoever did these phenomenal job you know i've got to say the um because the latest one to come out at the point of this recording is the one where you talked about teenagers i did see a few people

thinking that 18 and 19 they weren't a teenager it is though i would say the majority of comments i saw were people that were both on my side for that and the sewing machine i would say that i had the majority opinion wait for that i think the majority of comments didn't know what a teenager was no no no no i think a majority of comments were on my side that it's not as crazy to not know what that is that it is a weird thing i disagree i don't i don't think the majority at all was for at all i do think i would say there were surprising 50 50 no i would say 70 30 there were a surprising number of people that acknowledged that they had never thought about it either um which it just blows my mind but uh but it certainly wasn't wasn't the majority oh i think there was a lot of people that were like jeff and gavin this is the first time a lot

of people saying i hate to do this but andrew was right there's a lot i did see a few of them having to come to terms yeah it was a nice even mix of wow i hate to say it but andrew was making a lot of sense in this one combined with i don't know what's wrong with Andrew. He needs help. Yeah. I also saw a few, not very many, but a few that were like,

you guys were a little mean to Andrew over the icky shuffle thing, which I think is ludicrous to say. I don't think we were too mean at all. Oh, it was mainly Eric. Eric was just wrong. What's everyone saying about Sonic Burger? They're calling you the sonic burger guy

oh yeah you're some sort of a hypocrite i thought that the name of the restaurant was sonic burger and only found out recently during a face jam episode that it is not called sonic burger it is just called sonic oh so you were called out on that podcast? Yes. Or in the comments? Oh, both. Can I just say, Eric, because you're at a much more mature podcast than Face Jam, perfectly understandable mistake, and these things happen. I think we can all agree that that's totally understandable.

I think to me it's just confusing the hedgehog with the hamburger, and I think that's an easy mistake to make because I feel like most people who play the hedgehog game also eat the hamburger place. So it's an easy mistake to make because I feel like most people who play the hedgehog also eat the hamburger place so it makes sense I will say sonic the burger yeah uh I will say in uh my defense uh against the icky shuffle thing and really I I feel like the comments that people left for Andrew saying I'm right. I think that crazy people leave comments. When was the last time you left a comment on something that you, that you consumed as a fan? That's all I'm saying.

Just something to put out there, something to think about. You know, you, you got to take it, you got to take it for what it is. And really the people who were saying, I agree with Andrew.

I mean, really that's, that's like saying, why why do you read comments they're all left by comment leavers right right no you're right that's it i think the people that leave comments are fantastic eric get yourself back off mute you're not done we had an exchange yesterday we went back and forth eric just making shit up about the sewing machine and that i made it i didn't come up with it it's just what i was told it was and i was open to being incorrect we had we went back and forth i called him out about the sonic burger thing eric then replied maybe i will because i would not do that with sonic the hedgehog the thing

that would be easily confused for the hamburger sandwich shop. I replied, what the fuck is a hamburger sandwich shop? Eric said he'd get back to me on that, that he could find one. Haven't heard anything about it. Where's your hamburger sandwich shop? It's tough to find. When you Google hamburger sandwich shop, it's a lot of pictures of hamburgers and not much else. There's no such thing as a hamburger sandwich shop.

Here's what I think. I think there are a lot of hamburger sandwich shops, but they all have websites and aren't on Google maps because they are all run by old men who just go the internet that fad. So yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm right about that. There's no, what is it? What even would be a hamburger sandwich shop? Like, I don't even understand what that business is. A shop that sells hamburger sandwiches.

I think it's pretty clear. It's pretty self-explanatory. But why would they only do that? Like, an ice cream shop, I get. It's only ice cream, but, like, nobody's just selling hamburgers. Well, why would you think that that denotes that they only sell hamburgers? Because, Jeff, because he's a crazy person. No, because if you're, no, no, no, no, no.

Shut up for a second. if you're making it anything else you just call it a fucking restaurant or a drive-in or a diner there are names for what these businesses are if you're going as far to specifically call yourself the hamburger sandwich shop that's because you only sell hamburger

sandwiches there'd be no other reason yeah you ever been to Dan's? Dan's Hamburgers? Oh, are you talking about Dan's Hamburgers? Well, that must be the only one. There certainly wasn't a spinoff restaurant from Dan's Hamburgers, was there? You mean the one called Fran's Hamburgers? Oh, Fran's Hamburgers.

That's interesting. Now, Jeff, when you ate at Dan's Hamburgers and Fran's Hamburgers and you went, I'm sure you got a hamburger. Were there other things at the hamburger sandwich shop? Sometimes I'll get a shake or some french fries. Interesting. Over at Hat Creek Hamburgers,

I'll often get tater tots. I'm not saying hamburger places don't exist. I'm saying none of them identify as a hamburger sandwich shop. Go to fucking Dan's or Fran's and say, are you a hamburger sandwich shop and just watch the soul leave their eyes nobody will know what you're talking about when they marry none of them

will say yes yeah they got divorced i think franz is actually gone oh no but dan's is still around yeah there's i think there's two dan's now so there's no more franz nick also pointed out that there's the texas Company. That's weird. Well, I don't entirely understand what the argument is. Like, if you go to Cheesecake Factory. But that's a restaurant. That's a perfect example, Gavin. They don't identify themselves as a fucking factory. If you go into Cheesecake Factory and say, are you factory workers?

None of them will say yes, it's a It's a restaurant. It's not a factory. They don't identify themselves as the factory. What kind of factory? Oh, which one? The cheesecake factory. I mean, it's what you brought up with. It's a perfect point for me to make my point. None of them are factory workers. Is a restaurant not like a food factory by default?

What does that even mean? What's the definition of a factory anyway? I don't know, but it's certainly not the Cheesecake Factory. It does not fall under those definitions. I mean, if you had like a robot making a cheesecake, would that make it a factory? I don't think so. Factory. Noun. A building or group of buildings

where goods are manufactured or assembled chiefly by machine. Yeah, we get ourselves a cheesecake-making robot. We've got ourselves a factory. I said chiefly. It doesn't necessarily mean it has to be. I feel like a factory needs to have a big smoke cloud.

How about spaghetti warehouse? And we get the definition of warehouse. Warehouse definition. A large building where raw materials or manufactured goods may be stored before their export or distribution for sale. I would say that applies. How does that apply?

They're selling them at the place. They're not exporting. Yeah, prepared for distribution or sale. Yeah, you're distributing it to your tummy. There you go. There's no scenario in which people are going to side with the hamburger shop. Is this where you wanted to be at the start of 2021?

On this, arguing this point? Is this how you wanted to start your year? I didn't. I felt like it was a very straightforward thing. And I'm surprised that you and Gavin are backing up this factory hamburger shop nonsense. I mean, I... Hamburger sandwich shop, specifically. I'm fine this factory hamburger shop nonsense. I mean, I hamburger sandwich shop specifically. I'm fine with the hamburger shop.

Hamburger sandwich shop is absurd. What if the person's last name is hamburger? Hamburger sandwich, but they don't identify their business as a, as the hamburger sandwich. They'd be a restaurant. John hamburger sandwich shop. It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous, Jeff.

You're ridiculous. I don't know, man. I think I got to side with Eric on this one. What do you mean? I win. Name a hamburger sandwich shop. Name one place that identifies themselves as a hamburger sandwich shop. I think we listed a bunch that was a hamburger.

No, you didn't. You listed burger joints. You didn't list places that would identify as hamburger. I'm sorry, hang on. So originally, you were just disqualifying anything that had the hamburger because they sold other things. Now you're qualifying it as a hamburger joint. So you just keep moving goalposts, man.

Do they sell joints? That's a great question. That's up to them to decide. They could, depending on what state. It's possible. I googled I googled hamburger sandwich shop. Three places in town

showed up. Luke's Inside Out, Food Heads, and Lily's Sandwich. 50 greatest burgers in town. What's it in them? I mean, Andrew, as basic as this question could be, is a hamburger not a sandwich to you?

I wouldn't call it that, but I'm fine if it is. I just don't think that's fun. I wouldn't want to refer to a hamburger as a sandwich. I mean, I've never referred to them as that, but I think they are, technically. What was the name of the place, Jeff, you said a minute ago? Oh, I've already moved on. I don't know, but I will say this, Andrew,

and this may be in defense of you. When I googled hamburger sandwich shop in quotes, TripAdvisor returned a hamburger, different hamburger slash sandwich shop. Eric, pick a place. Pick a location for me, please. Dan's Hamburgers. No, no, no, no. Pick a location. Dan's Hamburgurgers you want to go dance

hamburgers we can do dance hamburgers dan's hamburgers are you going to call them is it austin right now i'm going to contact dan's this is out of control we're going to fucking settle this they don't even know they're on this podcast this is we can't use this no i can't i'm not going to call them that'd be rude i also don't know where my phone is, but I'm going to send them an email right now asking if they identify. There's like Dan's Hamburger Shop. Takes a while to enter.

While we're on the food subject, A, has your salad cream arrived yet? And B, have you noticed your electricity bill go down since you gave up on the waffle dream? I won't know the... Is Jeff flipping a coin? Are you trying to get anything with tails?

What was your question? Salad cream hasn't arrived yet. No, I get my Power Bill once every month. So we've got to wait a few weeks still. I think it's two months, actually. If you determine that there's been no consumption, like no less consumption,

will you go back to waffles and hot dogs? I will. You know what? Actually, I forgot to set it up. Oh, no. This is a mistake. Can you hear me? Yeah.

Okay. I clicked. I was trying to email Dan's, and I got a pinwheel. Oh, my email doesn't work. Let me close the email. Sorry. Oh, okay. I Clicked I was trying to email Dan's and I got a pinwheel. Oh my email doesn't work. Let me close the email. Well, sorry I Don't think we made this episode less weird guys. I don't know What was your question? I got so distracted by the hamburgers salad cream and the my bill and then what were you saying Jeff? Yeah, I was gonna say if there's no change in the bill, will you go back to...

Oh, that's what I was going to say. I bought a Keurig machine. So I'm going to put that in the rotation. I was going to try coffee for the first time. But you don't drink coffee. Yeah, I was going to try it for the first time on the show. I just forgot to set it up because I was so consumed by Superfan Gus's website. I like this idea.

Wait, yeah, set up. Do you have it? It's, I mean, like what... what here why don't you i i'll tell gavin a story uh it's gonna take a while to set up yeah take your time it's dude i used to i used to have a keurig it's not plug it in put water in the back good to go drop a pot and 60 seconds non-recyclable pod in there look we're barely 20 minutes into this we got another 40 minutes ahead of us you've got plenty of time to make coffee. This is great.

What a great way to start 2021 with your first cup of coffee. I love this idea. I feel like you just want to talk about something and you don't want me here for it. So you're creating. No, no, no, no. I want to talk. I want to talk about anything. And this is anything.

Yeah. This is something happening in the podcast. And you can keep your headphones on, Andrew. No, I can't. What do you mean? I have to fucking walk down a flight of stairs. I can keep my headphones. Well Andrew. No, I can't. What do you mean? I have to fucking walk down a flight of stairs. I can keep my headphones on. Well, that could be dangerous for you. What is it with you and changing

floors? You make it sound like you're going to the airport or something. No, you're saying Gavin, my headset cord is maybe five feet long. There's no way in which I can make it down there. How's the ankle? I'm not even saying that. I'm saying the majority of the time spent setting it up

will be setting it up, not the brief 40 seconds it takes to go downstairs and get it. I was just... No, I was countering that you said you could keep your headphones on. You'll be... There's no way I could. You can keep it on while you set it up. Oh, while I set it...

I thought you meant while I get it. That was my... No, no. You'd be halfway done by now if you had left when we told you to. That was my... Okay, I'll go get it. All right, do it. That's great. Okay, I'll go get it. All right, do it. That's great.

I'm going to go get it. How's your everything go okay? You making it downstairs? What am I picking? What am I having? What am I having? What are your options? Wow, that was fast, Andrew.

You had gone like one minute. I don't have a mug. Okay. I'll have to get that. Okay, so I got dreamy Creamy Salted Caramel. Option one. Okay. That was one flavor.

Raspberry Choco Latte. Okay. French Vanilla. Jamaican Rum Yum. I think that might be it. Gone bananas far... I don't know how this machine works. Andrew, do you have coffee?

Just fucking normal coffee? No, I... Like dark roast? Sister hazelnut. I mean, these are all medium roast. Stay away from hazelnut. I mean, you don't have just medium roast French drip? French roast toast?

French roast? I got French toast roast. You okay with that? That okay? That okay? I've never... Those are some... I guess...

Those are my choices. French vanilla is probably your closest to actual coffee option there. Okay. Are we going French vanilla? Do you have an opinion on this, Gavin? No. Okay. How do I do this?

How does this... Do I just put it in the machine and hit go? I'm assuming. Well, did you fill the reservoir with water? Yeah. Yeah, I did the water thing. Okay. Water set up.

Is it plugged into an outlet? It's plugged in. Are you prepared to spend the electricity? Yes, I'm prepared. I got the bits. Okay. I got the bolts.

Then, yeah, just like stick the cup in, the K-cup in. Okay. Close the thing and then hit the go button. There was like a teabag in there. What do I do with the teabag?

That alarmed me. Take it out? But what do I do with it? It that alarm take it out but what do i do with it it was in its own box wait what there's like a tea bag thing put it in a drawer i don't know okay i was just curious it was weird it was a weird part mine didn't come with a tea bag should we talk about how until last week i didn't know that people listened to this podcast oh did you want to talk about that that's funny so like a couple of months ago i was talking to jeff about just life and stuff and and you were telling me about how no one listened to face and it was like ranking bottom

among all the recent podcasts and i was like oh that sucks i think it's i think it's pretty good i think we i think we have fun making it it's a shame that no one listens to it and i thought that for months last week jeff and eric were just talking about the performance of face it's like number two in the whole company. Yeah, it's behind the RT podcast, and I'm hoping that we'll take that over before too long, too. And I was like, wait, people do listen to this? And you're like, oh yeah, I just told you no one listened to it,

so you'd work harder. What does that mean? If anything, maybe work less hard, because I was like, well... No, I know you. I know you. If you think it's like, I think you'll try harder. What do you mean try? How do you try on a podcast?

What do you mean? The podcast isn't doing well. Be funnier. You can't just, I'm not there every week being like, oh man, if more people were listening, I would turn up the funny. No, I was, I was slightly demoralized. I was, I was feeling a bit sad for the next few months because i believed it was pretty decent now you're telling me you're lying the whole time

like it's gonna make it gavin it's doing incredibly well up until the last two podcasts it's been doing incredibly well i have no idea how these two are gonna be received so like in conversation with other people like if tre Trevor's talking to me about Red Web or something, I've always just been like, yeah, shame about face. He must've been like, what are you talking about? It's one of the most listened to podcasts we do in the entire company.

It is like, it does, it does so well. I'll be honest. Between episodes 8 and 30, I thought it was the dregs of the list. And I was actually bummed about it. It's been doing so well for a while now. And that's thanks to everyone who listens and everything. Are you going to coast now? How are you going to change? now and like and that's thanks to everyone who listens and everything oh yeah i'm gonna like coast now like how are you gonna change what is it what my point is it can't affect my performance

i was just sad well you just said if if anything if anything it made you work less so now that you know it's successful you're gonna work harder so we can expect a better version of stupid it's mindset ever why do you always lie about the most pointless thing you i i believed that you were bummed as well you were like proper giving it like yeah i mean we but i hope i hope the views pick up otherwise we won't be able to make it anymore here's the deal here's the deal the day we had that conversation i think that was true it was just only true for like another three days i just never updated you when things were going well because I didn't see the point.

Yeah, you were talking to Eric about it, I think, a couple of weeks ago after we ended it. I was blown away. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's doing super well. I just hit myself with coffee. It's my first experience. I took coffee to the face. Yes.

Yes, it was. Yes, it was. While you two were talking, I was just going, fuck, because I just threw coffee in my face. Why can't you operate basic things like mugs? It's a big mug, and I wanted to get a good whiff, so I was like, ooh, I'm going to spin the liquid around a little bit, and it rode right up the cup, hit me in the forehead. Not good. Andrew, did you know that this podcast is doing alright?

Yeah, I was here last week. What do you mean? Of course I do. This is great content, Gavin. Before that, did you know? What do you mean? Oh, no, I just, I don't care. I don't like what I hope it does, but I don't think about it. That's a performer right there.

He's doing this for him. He's not worried about the numbers. He's doing it for the fans, and that's great. He's a real podcaster. That's right. I still did it all those 20 weeks that I thought it was shit. I was doing it for the love as well. I was just sad at the same time.

Here's the deal, Gavin. I didn't want to have to stop making it. same time here's the deal gavin i didn't want to have to stop making it i feel like our friendship operates at its highest level of efficiency and success when we trust each other and what comes out of our mouth less and less right i want you to question everything i tell you for the rest of your life and i feel like by the way i feel like I've been displaying that for years. I don't feel like this is a new thing. This is a continuation of the lineage, of the tenure of our manipulating and lying to each other. Yeah, I just feel like I should trust you less by now. And I don't for some reason. I trust you less by now.

And I don't for some reason. Hey, in all seriousness, Gavin, congratulations on your assistance in the success of this podcast. You're doing great. Well, I was just very... Jesus Christ. What the fuck? Coughing like he smoked a cigarette. People drink this?

What was that? Oh my God. How do you live live every how do you survive day to day what does that mean what do you mean by that this is horrendous what what don't you like about it everything it'd be easier to answer what i do like about it what do you like about the smell the smell is okay everything else not good this isn't good what is it so so take us through it did you have a did you gulp it did you have just a sip what do you i just i try i mean it's too hot to gulp i was gonna gulp it but i took a sip and it's just it's terrible this is not good why did i buy a coffee machine well i'll tell you i'll be honest with you dude you got a bunch of weird ass flavors. None of those flavors sound like coffee. Coffee is great. It's when you start adding hazelnut and shit to it that it gets weird.

You might be a person, and I would caution against it. I've said this many times. Your life will be easier if you just drink black coffee. But you might be one of those people that needs a little bit of milk or cream or sugar or Splenda. And you need to find that ratio where you got to like de-coffee it a little bit and sweeten it up to get it to like to appease your palate. I can't. Okay. We're going to try something.

This is a mistake. This isn't. Okay. Sweeten, right? That's what you do with coffee. Like if you think it's too bitter you sweeten it That's a lot of people do yeah, I just dropped like how many of these one two three four What are you what are you putting in there? I just like ice

No, I have these like Maynard sour patch kids watermelon things They're sweet They're sweet, and they'll do they melt they'll melt they melt in your mouth so why wouldn't they melt in the coffee so wait you're adding sour to bitter i guess yeah i just dropped like a bunch of like sour maynards watermelon things then do you think that will cancel it out or do you think that will what's that gonna do what does sour bitter taste like it can't taste worse i'm putting something in. Maybe it'll taste better.

I'm adding stuff to the mix. I think you might find out it can taste worse. I don't have really any. I have a sugar cookie on my desk. Should I put that in too? Whoa, sugar! You're putting food into your coffee. Yes, you're asking.

You said I need to make it sweeter. I don't have any sweet stuff. I'm grabbing what I have. I've got a fucking sugar cookie I can put a bit of the sugar cookie in there that is icing in it Oh, you know what you should do dude. There's actually sugar on the cookie I'm putting the cookie in cookies dip the cookie dip the cookie in the coffee, and it's already in the coffee I can't dip it. You put the whole thing in

Yeah, I just put the cookie in the coffee you're an animal you're go downstairs and get sugar no i'm already i've already been gone like for 15 minutes i'm not leaving again it's bubbling oh this is bubbling i also have honey nut cheerios nearby the honey nut cheerios is not gonna help why wouldn't the honey nut cheerios help because that's all so sweet. There's a nice honey flavor. I've added sugar through the sugar cookie. Oh, it's corn, wheat, coffee, Cheerios.

Let's pour some Cheerios in. It's something other than coffee now. Okay. So I have some honey in there. They're like marshmallows almost. I had Sour Patch Kids. This is really the first cup of coffee you've ever had. Yeah. I had Sour Patch Kids. This is really the first cup of coffee you've ever had.

Yeah. I had one sip. It was no good. This might be better. He's making soup. This is soup. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take a photo. This is like when Millie was like two and she would cook for me. She'd be like,

here's a bunch of flathead screws in an open can of chicken noodle soup. I made it for me. She'd be like, here's a bunch of flathead screws in an open can of chicken noodle soup. I made it for you. This looks delicious. I don't know what you're talking about. Have you had any yet? No, I'm just taking a photo. Post in the Discord. It's going to be soggy.

This might be the first ever face recipe. This could go towards our recipe book. Oh, the recipe book. You might not like this guy. It does not look good. We'll throw that in with the wetsuit guts and the doorknobs. The ab warmer.

What the f***? There's no coffee in there. Dude, that's so f***ing gross. That's a cookie and Cheerios at the bottom of a mug. No, there's actually a decent amount of liquid. It's so fucking gross. That's a cookie and Cheerios at the bottom of a mug! No, there's actually a decent amount of liquid. It's a big mug. It's a really long mug. That's so gross.

Yeah, Nick's right. It looks like a fucked up ramen cup. That's exactly what it looks like. It does look like a ramen cup. It looks like beef ramen noodles. It's fucking gross, dude. How's it taste, though? Honestly? I got banned for spamming. I was trying to get it off the screen.

Honestly? Yeah. I could drink this. You would drink that? This is substantially better Got a little bit of crunch with the Cheerios It's not that bad

I You're either getting weirder By the week or you were just Hiding it better at the beginning I would never Order this but it doesn't Taste as strong as it did Why would you never order

coffee with cheerios and a cookie in it there's actually a really bad back taste this isn't good this isn't good at all oh then that sneaks up on you that back taste is that the same as an aftertaste or is that the taste specifically in the back of your mouth no it's like a back like it you thought the taste went down you thought it was gone and then it crawled back up it is like i got more and it's not good nick's got a good point what is that shit stain on the left side of the mug oh it was a hot chocolate mug wait it's a dirty mug it's the only mug i had so you made coffee in a dirty hot chocolate mug? I mean, I made...

Well, that's contaminated the experiment. You went downstairs and you came back with a dirty mug? I never went downstairs. I had one on my desk and it had hot chocolate at the bottom of it. Come on. And I was like, I'm not going to go downstairs. Come on, dude. I'm going to be honest with you, Andrew.

I still don't think you've tried coffee now. What you're drinking is not coffee. Can I ask a question about the hot chocolate? When was that from? Last night. Okay, that's not too bad. It's still disgusting. It's not terrible, though.

No, it's last night. What time did you have hot chocolate last night? I don't know, like 10 p.m. maybe? It was late. It was a late night hot chocolate. What prompted you? Were you just wanting a little treat? Just a little hot chocolate at night uh i don't know like 10 p.m maybe it was light it's a late night what what prompted you to were you uh you just want a little little treat a little hot chocolate at night it's pretty good was that to settle your tummy before you go to bed or something no it's just you enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate it's the time jeff did you make it or did someone make it for you i made

it i made it i made it gonna eat milk. Pour in the mix, stir it. Did you use water or milk? I used milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to use water. I'm now a milk guy. Did it have marshmallows in it? Yeah, it did.

Had some marshmallows, had some whipped cream. It was fantastic. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout?

Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Speaking of weird liquids and beverages, this is going to, I think this photo's sideways. Maybe it isn't. I don't know. So I have a dilemma I've been meaning to bring this up for weeks now do you remember when uh how long ago jeff was that when i made that do you remember how long the waffle video was uh it's been about a month maybe it's been about a month three weeks a month yeah i what i did because it was when my ankle was was fucked up so i didn't have i i just needed to use something to mix everything so I was using a water bottle and I put everything in that I didn't end up using

all the mix I still have that water bottle with mix in it and I don't know what to do with it I'm scared I'm scared to touch it it's inflated but I also am concerned it might explode oh no my god

it just keeps inflating so I feel like i would leave it alone i'm scared to touch it do you live in filth do you are you no no i'm a very clean person it just it was kind of tucked to the side of my bathroom countertop i just never paid attention to it and then one day I looked at it and was like, that's not good. And I went to touch it. It was very inflated.

I'm scared to touch it and I don't really, like how do I dispose of it? Yeah, it releases tons of gas. I wouldn't. I don't know what to do. I would just let it, I would let it play out

its natural progression. Just keep it as is? Yeah, I would just see what happens. Document it. I kind of am. Oh, do you have a tape measure? No. Oh, you could get one

and you could measure it and see how big it gets. Yeah. Yeah, measure the size. Treat it like a science experiment. Yeah, we'll get the resources when we're measuring heads and I can just apply it to the bottom.

There you go. Two in one. That's a great idea. Yeah, flawless. get the resources when we're measuring heads, and I can just apply it to the bottom. There you go. Two in one. That's a great idea. Yeah. Flawless. Are you guys still playing Cyberpunk? I am. Thank you so much for bringing that up.

I have a question for two of you. Okay. This is the number one thing. I mean, not the number one thing. My game is completely broken. I can't progress through the story because one of the main missions is bugged. But this drives me crazy. I haven't heard anyone else talk about this.

So every time you do like a mission, they give you a chip, right? And then you're like, yeah, I'm going to see what's up with this. And you put it in your head. I have yet to pull a fucking chip out of my head. How many slots does this guy have? Is the whole side of his head ports? Well, surely he's pulling out when the when the thing ends you never see that though well if you pulled something out of the side of

your head would you need to look at it no but i see it peripherally the entire way i see if i'm reaching around the back of my dumb iMac and i'm trying to put in an SD card i'm looking at the SD card. I'm trying to figure out the right way I'm putting in. When I take it out, I reach blindly behind it and I pull it out. I don't look at it. No, it doesn't. If you, Eric, pulls up a clip in the game, you putting it in, you put it in and then

you put your hand down immediately. There's no extracting. I have like 89 fucking chips in my head. Can't we just assume that it can't we just assume that it happens off camera like you also have an apartment with a bathroom but you don't take a shit we just assume that it happens i don't like but i don't know i feel like it's weird because they establish you can pull it out there are scenes where you're pulling stuff in and out at least with one chip yeah so it's just odd to me that there's no animation of you extracting it

in any way it's just there maybe the way it works is you feed it in kind of like a dot matrix and then as it's being used it goes through your head and then it poops out the back it just goes into your pocket yeah i don't i don't think that's true i just i'd love to know if somebody i'm sure somebody will someone needs to make a video of all the times you put chips in your head and then find out how many chips you would have at the end of the game in your head. I bet you it's hundreds.

Oh, it has to be for sure. I'm enjoying the game. I love the game. It's so, here's my problem with it. I don't sleep well anymore because I'm playing, I can't stop playing. I like, I one more minute it or like turn in one more mission it

until it's like fucking three or four in the morning I've been I had worked out a schedule I've been going to bed like 11 o'clock every night waking up like we're super refreshed at 7 a.m. now I'm playing goddamn cyberpunk till three or four in the morning waking up at eight one that murder everybody it sucks

I got I and I realized I tell that's what it was always like my entire life because of video games and drinking and stuff i did i'd never had good sleep until this last couple years and i really have grown to like it and i fucking i hate i wish i wasn't so addicted to this game i'm sort of the same way because i i don't find a ton of time in in the daytime when i daytime when it's probably the most appropriate time to play. So yeah,

I sometimes start playing at like 11pm and then it's 1 and I'm like, oh man, I stayed up late. It is also a buggy broken game

but it's so much fun it doesn't matter. Yeah, so a lot of bugs are funny and a lot of the other ones I've not reached a game breaking bug yet.

I've done, I've reached some immersion breaking bugs but nothing that's ruined the experience for me yet. I've been handed a lot of stuff that's invisible yeah, I very often cannot get on my motorcycle I just don't get a prompt for it and if I

kick it or punch it I'll be able to, just dumb shit like that. I see a lot of guns floating in the air a lot of guns a lot of floating data pads but I am on I'm playing on PC where I guess it's way less buggy than last gen consoles have you are you close to beating it

oh I don't know what do you know how the story progression works because there's like the three the three bars and on the like on the start screen and it has like the one I'm at 90 20 and 40 oh I'm at 20 and 45 I'm at like 25 and four or something I don't think the left one is story related it's like notoriety or something like that like it's your rep I think in the world I don't know we i was confused about that too well i'm at a point about that i'm at a point where i had to pick up a

mission to go uh to see hanaka and it was like i went to start at nissa just so you know if you start this mission you can't come back to the rest of the game till the game's over so i backed out oh okay this is probably boring as fuck for our podcast uh I'm like level 20 something. Okay. What about you, Gam? 12. 12? Okay. I haven't had too many great bugs. I think the best bug that has happened to me is I summoned my car, and it drove up the street to my right, and I was like, great, I'm gonna get in it.

And instead of turning left to me, it took a right and then just started driving down the highway. It was just leaving without me. It became like fully automated. Have you ever summoned your... Oh, I have a of me. Have you ever summoned your, oh, I have a motorcycle, but have you ever summoned your car and had it hit you?

No. That happens to me all the time. It's fucking hilarious. I get run over by my own car. What do you think would happen if you put on a glove, like a safety glove, or like an oven mitt,

put on an oven mitt, right? Because that'll protect your hand. And you go in to your bathroom and you shake that bottle. Why do I need an oven mitt for it? To protect your hand from shrapnel. Yeah, if it explodes. Yeah. Your hand is ground zero. But would an oven mitt

is an oven mitt providing that much? Well, yeah, if the plastic is sharp enough as it whooshes by your hand skin, it could cut you. You get like a paper cut, but the oven mitt will protect the hell out of you. I don't have an oven mitt. I mean, I'm willing. I have a sock.

I still have a sock on my desk from when. Sock at work. Sock at work. When we did the left sock thing. Okay, I got a sock. Yeah. So you're going to do a sock and shake? I guess I'll do a sock and shake.

I guess is that what we're doing? Yeah, that'll be a really taken one for the team this episode. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm drinking shit coffee. I guess, is that what we're doing? Yeah, that'll be... I'm really taking one for the team this episode. I'm even drinking shit coffee. I'm shaking stuff. Well, I feel like we're gonna call it... We're starting off 2021 right. It's the year of Andrew taking one for the team, and here we go. Okay.

I guess I'll go do this. Every episode, Andrew's gonna... Nothing's gonna happen. Why don't you do it in front of the mic, though, so we can have progress? You want me to... So if it explodes, you want it to be in front of all the tech that's your we're gonna hear it why are you even doing it if we can't hear it well why am i even doing it at all yeah and this is a horrible idea just put your sock on it's already on the socks on jeff it's just we're talking about the logistics of this can i ask a question yeah go ahead was the sock on before i brought it up?

I don't think we need to get into that. If you told me Andrew had two sock puppets on, a Jeff and a Gavin sock puppet, the entire time we record every podcast and he was just mouthing us, I would not be so happy. Who did you think superfan Gus is? Andrew last time said that a lot of the visuals of this podcast would be him flinging his hands up in the air above his head in disbelief.

And now I'm imagining just two socks. Two socks coming up above his head. Little button eyes. I could bring it over, but like, what if it... I need a cover. I need a cover. I need a cover. I'm gonna put it in a shirt, and I'm gonna shake it. That's what I'm gonna do.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. What do you think Andy's doing? I think he's trying to figure out... I don't think he's taking the socks off to wrap it in the shirt, and I think he's trying to figure out. I don't think he's taking the socks off to wrap it in the shirt. And I think he's trying to cut corners. He really should take the socks off, prepare the bottle, and then put them back on. But I think he's trying to fumble his way.

What do you mean? What? What do you mean? Well, you're going to wrap it in a shirt. Yeah. So what are you saying? What should I do? I'm not saying you should do it. You should just do what you're doing. Well, then what are you talking what should i do i'm not saying you should do it you should just do

what you're doing well then what are you talking talk talk us through it well we couldn't hear you so we were we were trying to figure out what we were imagining what was happening i see i see okay so i grabbed shirt this is not good this this feels really bad nick has written in the chat if the bottle survives do you think he has the waffle maker nearby could he try and cook I'll tell you what Andrew we should try that as an alternate and I'll pay for the electric cost

what? for that waffle don't worry what's the worst that could happen I don't think anything's gonna happen but it explodes it exploding and then me vomiting cause it's gonna smell so bad it feels so full. I can't even grip it with the sock.

Okay, so let's tie a knot, I guess. What did you tie a knot in? I don't know. My hand. I'm wrapping my hand. I'll take a photo. Please take a photo. What?

And please, these will all, as with all photos from this website i mean what this podcast as with all photos from this podcast they are they appear on our instagram this is my hand right now what is that that's my hand wrapped in a shirt with a bottle you can see

the bottle outline at the top this is very alarming is that an action photo it's so blurry You can see the bottle outline at the top This is very alarming Cuz I have a shit phone cuz I broke my phone so I bought an old broken shitty phone What do you want from me? You're fucking whining about the blurriness, and I'm holding a waffle bomb in my hands Fucking worried about the blurriness. You asshole.

I got a waffle bomb. I got a waffle bomb. What do you want? Oh, boy. I'm scared to shake it. It feels so full. Oh, it's shaking, buddy. Don't just shake it.

Oh, God. You gotta shake it vigorously like it's a shake-away. I know. Yep. Yep. It's gonna explode. It's gonna explode.

I don't want it to explode. It's not gonna explode. It's gonna explode. It's gonna explode. it's gonna explode Are you shaking it now are you just looking at it? No, I'm holding it. I'm holding it like it's a grenade that the pin is out of and as soon as I release kicks But I'm very nervous about this. It's gonna explode. It's in the safety shirt. You're fine fuck Okay, it totally is. What if I lose my fucking hand? What if the bottle takes my hand off? You've got a high volume. You've got a sock on.

You'll be fine. The sock will collect all the bits. This is honestly I'm going to take another photo because I like rewrapped it. This is like a cast. This is so good. You're right. This is so so good this is restoring my faith in this podcast after the last two I was like I was we were all fucking high-fiving how well the first 30 went

and how many people were listening to it and then we made these last two sucks I think this was the weirdest episode ever. What was the one before that? Oh, you're counting this one as these two. Yeah, these two. This one. Yeah, have you been here for this podcast? Look at how secure that is. It is so wrapped. I could knock somebody out with this. I could fight. I just shook it.

I did a fist thing when I said knock out. Andrew, why are you bothering with the socks now? Why don't you just grab that and shake it? Because you told me to put the fucking sock on because it would hurt my hand. I thought you were just shaking it. Now you're wrapped in a shirt. Take your hands out of the socks,

grab the shirt, shake that. No, the sock, it listens. Oh, I grabbed the... Oh, I see. I go out of shirt. Don't listen to Gavin. I go out of shirt. If it blows up and it blows your fingers off,

the sock will hold them in so the doctors can reattach them. I think the sock's going to collect all your gubbins. Okay. Here we go. Oh boy. Oh god. He's really good for it. I did. What do you mean?

You fucking told me to shake with it. I don't think anything's happening. I'm going to look at it. I did what do you mean you fucking told me to shake wait? I don't think anything's happening I'm gonna look at it. I'm extracting the bomb. I think it was diffused This is really hard to get out I'm gonna drop the bottle and it's gonna Don't drop the bottle Okay, yeah bottles coming out. No, it's not how how to fucking okay here we go I feel like it's getting fuller. I would pay a million dollars to hear an explosion right now I would pay a million dollars to hear an explosion right now.

It's out of the shirt. That'd be very dangerous. I'm covering my eyes. How's it look? Can you peep through your fingers to look at it? Yeah. Honestly, it feels way more full than it did before. I don't like this at all.

Are you going to keep shaking? If I open it, will it explode? No, that would lose the pressure. You don't want to do that. I'm willing to open it for the sound of it opening. But will it... Okay, you know what? All right, all right. Because one of two things is going to happen.

You're either going to set it aside and then wait for it to explode and then have you document the the damage uh or you can open it right we can open it right now and then you can describe the smell that's what uh okay i'm gonna open it in the shirt i don't think it was ever gonna explode i think the top was gonna blow off if anything that's kind of an explosion yeah the top is very inflated it does look okay so I'm gonna open this in the shirt

I'm scared to even fucking open this pour some in your coffee oh boy I hope we can hear the hiss oh that's a fucking smoke shot out smoke shot out through the shirt what the fuck was that was that batter?

What was that am I dead? It's like a trap. I just poisoned Am I gonna turn the fucking alien from district 9 there was smoke oh? God we still haven't cracked the seal. I think that was just peripheral, like, mix on the inner lid. Oh, it shot out! It's been released. Are you all right? It's been released.

Yeah, it was like the fucking tomb opening in the mummy. Yeah, I was about to say, this is the plot of the mummy. Okay, we're gonna smell it. Oh, God. God, I hope you're Brendan Fraser. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, God. God, I hope you're Brendan Fraser. It's so bad. It's so bad.

Another one. Another one. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, God. Oh.

Oh. I can hear him in the distance. He's fucking napalmed himself. Why? I can't breathe, guys. My stomach hurts. My stomach hurts, too. I can't find...

I can't catch my breath. It's extra funny when the Discord cuts it out slightly. I know. Oh, God damn. That was like a dangerous laugh. Oh, man. If that had been like 3% funnier, I might not have been able to breathe. I could have died.

Oh Jesus. I think I have a perfume idea, guys. I gotta say. Jeff, I'm gonna mail it to you. How bad was that? Like 1 to 10, 10 being the worst ever. Well, that was bad. That was 10, 10 being the worst ever. Well, it's... Oh, that was bad. That was bad.

That was like an 8. Oh, wow. Can you still smell it? What'd you do with the bottle? It's still on my desk. I just put a lid on it. I capped the demon. It's bad. What would you describe the smell? Just, like, spoiled milk,

I guess. It was a very milky... Was there milk in there? No, there was no milk in there. Oh, God. I think if I took another whiff... I'm impressed Gavin didn't throw up. He's got such a...

mincy little stomach. You wanted to know what it smelled like? let me take another way I want to be right accurate representation. Please do thank you It smells oh Fuck it. I'm done doing it. I'm done It smells like milk and paint how much No, I'm not drinking it you I don't I don't want you to drink it. I don't want you to drink it That'd be dangerous. I want you to taste it. No

You don't have to just I just want you to put a little on your tongue. No Open to waffle for you. Yeah, you like a little weird shit. I wish if I had some I would I'm drinking a diet Dr.. Pepper here. You know what I'll waffle bomb for you. You drink some weird shit. I wish if I had some, I would. I'm drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. You know what? I'll save this for you, Jeff. And I'll send it to you. You can have a sip. Just, I don't think it's legal.

You might get in trouble for sending that cross-country. Just a little, on the tip of your tongue, just like a little drop. Just to know what it tastes like. No, I didn't. No. I fucking opened a bomb. I drank bullshit coffee. All right.

I'm good. I think Eric wants us to stop anyway. Oh, God. I feel like I got an ab workout. I'm ready for the... I'm ready to warm them up with that. Jesus Christ. Was that one any less weird?

No, this is... Jesus Christ Was that one any less weird? No We're on a tear of weird episodes Wait, where did he go? He left Is that it? Andrew? What the fuck

Jeff, wrap it up so that way But I'm still, the fake me is still This is a mess The fake you is still there. He hung up the wrong one and he didn't realize. God damn. All right, well, that seems like we should probably check on him. Thanks for listening to F*** Face.

Oh, by the way, this is, I think, the last podcast I'll record in my bedroom. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. As of today, contractor left today, I think, I was, before I came in here, I was even painting the ceiling.

I'm almost done. Fucking, like, I already, on wallpaper and stuff. Andrew, where'd you go? I got it.

I got all that sorted out. I mean, I'm dying over here. I'm going to leave. I just, before I left, I just had to once again give a shout out and a thanks to Superfan Gus.

That's all. That's all. Well, there you have it. He's gone again. He fucking left. Alright, let's 2021 off to a weird start. Let's just wrap it. Alright, thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. If you

did, you have my sympathy. We done yet? Why'd you keep leaving? End the fucking episode. Jesus Christ. How long is it going to take? I'm dying over here. We'll do the outro and we'll go.

You do the outro. I'm doing fucking everything on this podcast. You keep interrupting me doing the outro. Okay, we'll do the outro then. Thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. I hope you enjoyed it, but I doubt it. Hey, check it out. It's 2021. We're off to the races.

I wish I could say it's going to get better from here, but at best, I think it's just going to get weirder. But tune in to find out next week, or don't, whatever. I'm not your dad, as far as I know. I'm certainly not your boss, so I can't force you to listen if or don't, whatever. I'm not your dad. As far as I know, I'm certainly not your boss, so I can't force you to listen if you don't want to. This is America.

It's a free country. Probably a free country wherever you're living, too. I don't presuppose that everyone that listens to the show is in America. Andrew was right. This is too long.

I don't know how this isn't wrapping up. I'm trying to hit it right now. People keep interrupting me. Anyway, so like us and subscribe. Five stars on the Apple. And hey, we really appreciate it.

Don't forget, F*** Face Pod is the name of our Instagram where we put pictures of all this stuff up. I believe we have a Twitter too. And oh, merchandise. Let's not forget about the F*** Face merchandise that's coming your way January 8th. What day is this?

Do we know, Eric? I think this is the 6th. This is January 6th in just two days. You just had Christmas. You thought that was fun and now you're broke but don't be broke. Sell something of your grandma's to get a little bit more money

because Chris-manuary is out. It's the new holiday. Chris-manuary, it's the new holiday that starts in January. You don't want to wait a whole other year to buy presents for people or to get presents, so we started a new holiday, Chris Manuary, where you can buy three different F*** Face items. They make great stocking stuffers for your Chris Manuary stocking. We got a baseball bat.

We got a Russian mistake hat, Russian fuck hat, and we got an Ian pocket tee. So check those out in two days. Thanks for listening.