Regulation Podcast - Bobcat & Steve // Andrew's Sponsorship Opportunity [85]

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the snow removal budget, cat piss presents, the sauce to Burnham ratio, Gavin questions a device, Geoff is back on the bike kind of, and Andrew's slats. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78724 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Shipstation (http://shipstation.com and use code FACE), HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 and use code face16), and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This new year, focus on what's truly important to you and let HelloFresh take care of dinner with fresh pre-portioned ingredients and recipes delivered to your door. Get 16 free meals plus 3 free gifts with Face 16 at HelloFresh.com slash Face 16. This is a Rooster Teeth Production. I had a thing that happened last night, and it made me feel like one of the worst humans I've ever felt. Probably like a low for me, as far as, but it wasn't. You know if that makes sense? I laughed at a thing. Hold on one second.

Okay. Hold on one second, one second. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast I am Jeff Ramsey, with me always Gavin Free, Andrew Payton Andrew, you said you feel like one of the worst humans Well I don't know if I want to talk about Because I feel bad because it's not The thing but it was So it's been snowing where I live

Like way more than usual, we got so much snow And a lot of people been trapped and i was reading that apparent i don't know if this is true or not this is just like some random reddit comment that the city i live in has the lowest snow removal budget in bc and people were like yeah that's why that's why like the snow is not being plowed anywhere it's just there's nothing going on so do you have a plow i don't personally have a plow i'd love to have you but does your city yeah my city has one yeah they've got like six i'd assume they've got a few but they're not in use for whatever reason right now or at least it

doesn't seem that way uh but last night my entire building started to shake and i was like what the fuck is that a plow what is that so i walked outside and i couldn't or i walked to my balcony i couldn't see anything and i walked back in and I saw it again a few moments later so I ran out and it's this fucking bobcat there's this bobcat going down the street that was like plowing the road and like trying to remove snow or ice I guess from the road and uh I looked at that and I was like oh I wonder I wonder what it's doing like how impactful I've never seen a Bobcat used as a snowplow. And I looked behind it and there just happened to be someone in an electric wheelchair,

like six feet behind it. And I started laughing immediately, not because of that, but because in my head it was like, that's the budget of our town. It's like, they got a Bobcat and Steve. They're out there trying to get rid of the snow.

And I felt so bad because i saw it was if you looked at it from a perspective it was me looking at somebody in an electric wheelchair and immediately laughing extremely hard but it was all this context around it and had nothing to do with bobcat and steve but what was steve doing now he was just he was just going down the road. It was just a complete coincidence. He just happened to be behind it. He just happened to be, and he was far enough behind that I didn't notice immediately, but he was part of the team. Is that the worst place to be on the road

or the best place? Yeah, I was about to say, what if, I mean, to me it sounds like Steve is an incredibly rich, successful dude who has his own personal snowplower who snowplows in front of him everywhere he needs to go whenever he leaves the house. Steve sounds like the most baller fucking dude

ever. It's like way better than a red carpet. I just felt horrible in the moment because it was like I looked at and it was not in any way. They're removing the white carpet. So that was my evening. How's Christmas? That reminds so that was my my evening oh man how's christmas that is great that reminds me real fast that reminds me you and i had a conversation yesterday the day before just brief where i asked how the

weather was in canada which is like the lamest question to ask which is why i like to ask it like how's the weather over there it's like that's not you fucker is that what our friendship is you know we're down to asking about the weather so i i try to do it at every opportunity and you sent me a picture of snow and it i couldn't it it broke my brain to think that you were snowed in at the exact same time gavin i assume you can corroborate this and eric and nick uh it was 87 fucking degrees yesterday i i cleaned out and reorganized the shed, you know, where I put my lawnmower and stuff. And I was sweating like a bitch.

I had to take a shower after because I was pouring sweat. I cut a little bit of the grass yesterday because it's so fucking warm in late December in Texas that my grass is growing again. So I had to clean up a little patch. And you were snowed the

fuck in yeah it was like 28 degrees celsius uh and it was it was like swim weather on christmas day oh that's terrible like it was snowing on christmas beautiful it was fantastic it doesn't happen a lot here uh it snowed last night it like topped off everything that was gone i'm like i'm trapped in i'm trapped in. I'm locked in. It's annoying. I wanted a McDonald's breakfast this morning, but I felt bad or using a delivery service app on the same day where they canceled all mail deliveries because of conditions.

It's like, I can't. I can't order. It's early for you right now, right? It's like 10 in the morning. It's 10 in the morning. Yeah. Recording this earlier than usual. So you didn't you like morally didn't go for it?

No, I felt like if they have if the mail isn't being delivered i certainly can't summon a mcdonald's order i feel like that's just wrong i feel bad even though they are volunteering to do that but i don't know it just felt i'd have to what if you go high and steve delivered your food i yeah steve i'm sure, is great. Bobcat, I'm not sure about. Steve seems like a great guy. Speaking of feeling like a terrible person during snow, did you ever...

Such a specific category. Did you ever, on really snowy days, if you walk into school, play a game of guess who might be dead? No. What? If it was like fresh snow, you would just look at all the houses

that had no footprints leading away from the door. No. It never even occurred to me to do that. Is that a game people play? It was a game I played with my friends on the way to school. You just see like, you'd see either no footsteps or or you just see the footsteps of

the postman like going in one and then out the other but clearly like the occupants have never come out so you're like oh they might be dead have you ever considered the moral weight of what if they were dead what if you called what if like do you think there's ever a prediction that came true i feel like that's a really funny game unless you call out someone who's actually dead, and then it's terrible. Yeah, unless you win. It's a really funny game until it works. If you win, it's sad.

It sounds like the beginning of an Unsolved Mysteries episode. It's like, when the mailman noticed, his were the only tracks for eight straight days. The mail was piling up. I feel like that was a thing. Oh, so how was your christmas andrew my okay this is my christmas was i love christmas um i had three presents under the tree big christmas guy big christmas guy all three of them got pissed off by my cat that was my christmas i had a great time three a hundred nobody there there are a few other presents under the tree no other presents were impacted my cat went three for three just over mine never happened you done

to sam recently i haven't done a single i've been the fucking nicest to sam sam's doing great she's just living her life and she's pissing all over my presents it was great that was my Christmas before we we like go deep i go deep, I feel like we should shut this out because we didn't. I meant to last week and my computer exploded trying to print the law.

There was another Christmas album and it's really good. People should listen to it. It's awesome. Yes. Ave Govino is an absurdly amazing song.

They did a great job. Oh, and I need to apologize to the Comet Lever twins who asked me to participate and I said, and then I got distracted and forgot. I feel terrible about that. A single. You can do a Christmas single in summer. I was all about it, and then I just got distracted with other shit. Yeah.

And it completely slipped my mind. That's fair. The problem is, I, yeah, well, anyway. How was your Christmas, Gavin? Had a bit of a mare with the presents. I hate to be, like, a last- minute christmas shopper because there's panic involved you you make worse decisions everything's more expensive so yeah in i think it was september i pre-ordered the uh bo burnham album inside on vinyl because he released the songs just on on vinyl he likes

to have a he likes to have a favorite stuff you know to play on a record player so i pre-ordered it or at least i thought i did bloody uh 20th of december is coming around and i'm i'm like wait what didn't i and i'm searching through my emails and i'm panicking because i can't find any trace that i actually bought this thing i do this a lot where I'll just like shove something in my cart and I'll just not follow through all the way. Like I'll get to literally the last button click. And then like three days later, I'm like,

ah, I didn't press submit, damn it. But yeah, I guess like three months went by. Had absolutely no record of it. So I had to, it obviously completely sold out everywhere. I took to eBay. I was like, oh my God. Because I hate, I just hate last. I hate like paying more for something

that clearly isn't worth that. And they're all like two, three times the price on eBay. You got to pay for shipping and all that stuff. So I'm just like, oh, I'm trying to find one that will be here before Christmas. I found one, spent, you know, about three times the price on it. And thankfully, Christmas Eve, it shows up.

That's a relief, dude. Did it in intact and and what you ordered yeah but then i realized same day i get an email um saying updated delivery date 29th so i was like wait a god wait a second turns out the original one has gone through i just couldn't find it because I guess I use Apple Pay and I didn't actually have an account or anything. So my email just showed up nothing. So I have a second one coming. The first thing I open on Christmas Day from Meg to me inside on vinyl.

Oh no. We got it for each other and I got two. We have three of the damn things now. So if you need some nice Bo Burnham songs... You guys are the world's biggest Bo Burnham fans. Holy shit. I mean, I do really like Bo Burnham. I think he's a genius.

I don't like him three vinyls worth, but... But Christ, I've got an excessive now. I might take back to eBay. No, no, no. Hear me out. Listen, I got these things called BTS sauces. I got a lot of them. I give you 274 for one Bo Burnham. That feels like a fair trade.

How many sauce? What's the sauce to Burnham ratio? I think I think you're I think your sauces are you're cutting yourself short on the sauces. I think they're worth more than a Burnham. No offense. Wow. Okay.

Well, never mind then, Gavin. You're not a Burnham fan, Jeff? I am a Burnham ambivalent. I've seen him in interviews before, and he seems very adept, and he seems lovely and really interesting. I liked that eighth grade movie, but I never saw it inside. I've seen some of his stand-up. Yeah, I like him. I liked that 8th grade movie, but I never saw Inside.

I've seen some of the stand-up, but yeah, I like them. I don't have a... I'm like vaguely pro Burnham, I guess. Inside and Make Happy, I think, are very good. Very good shows. That's what I hear.

That's what I hear. Everybody seems to agree that they are lovely. If they're not three vinyls worth, is it two? Do you think Inside's two vinyls worth? Would you be fine with two? Is the three at what pointls worth is it two do you think insides two vinyls worth would you be fine with two is? The three like at what point or is it anything above one on the Burnham vinyl scale that you were saying?

It's too acceptable like at what point was three like just too far is what I'm trying to figure out Well, how useful is to I think it's nice to have a spare. Do you have two record players? I don't have two record players. Well, you got a spare. You got to back up Burnham. Is it like a rare colored vinyl or limited edition in any way? No, there was one. I think there was a yellow one, but that was immediately sold out.

I wonder what you can do. There's got to be something clever you can do with these two extra bog standard Burnhams. You got two bog Burnhams you need to get rid of. There's got to be a funny way to do it. He's accessible, right? He's an internet dude. Maybe we could figure something out with him.

What's the... What? Some random stranger accidentally bought three? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? You've got a following on social media.

I'm sure you could make some stuff happen. Get him to autograph him and give him to charity or something. I think he did tweet me once. What's... Or we could shoot him

into space or... I don't know. What's the most confused you've ever been by a gift? Christmas gift, specifically. I could say I've once confused someone yeah what was that did we disconnect that was fucking what happened what happened i thought you're everything okay no that was straight i thought gavin was gonna

continue i didn't know that that was he took like a pause like we were going to... That was fucking crazy, Gavin. I was just trying to see if that was appropriate for the conversation. Of course! Whether you'd give it a go ahead or whether... Fucking continue! We're hanging on to every word, and there aren't a lot of words to hang on right now. Fill us in. I kind of feel bad about this now, too.

I once got a Christmas card from my gran, and I realized that I hadn't actually thrown out all of the Christmas cards from the previous year. And she got me the exact same card that she gave me the year before. Like I was identical, even wrote the same stuff. So I just brought out the old one and showed her. I was like, why did you send me two? And she was like like and she was trying to figure out how she'd mail to she i didn't tell her that one of them was from the year before

because i wanted that's so mean i know now i wouldn't do it because i feel like she's so much older that it actually messed with her but back then it was like she was young enough for it to be funny you monster uh but yeah i feel like yeah i definitely wouldn't do that now but she was just like how did i send two and it was like the same color pen and like the same amount of stamps were on the thing she was like but i did but how did you uh did you ever tell her that they were from two separate years or does she still think that she sent you two in the same time frame i'm not sure i ever told her think that she sent you to in the same time from i'm not sure i ever told her but you know she was in her 60s at the time that's fine that's not a sort of senile age that's just funny this is a funny joke an unsolved mystery it's haunted her i feel like

i feel like if i told her now i'd be more traumatic because she'd be trying to remember you remind it just for her to remember to then ruin the thing i remember um i got one year so i don't know it's probably like eight or nine i was given monty python and the holy grail on dvd i know what concept of it was like my introduction to monty python i didn't know anything about it and i fucking loved it I thought it was so funny and then the following year I was giving breakfast at Tiffany's on DVD and I was like what I was like really breakfast okay well you know Santa really nailed the pick with the Monty Python and the Holy Grail so I guess you know he seems to know my preferences he seems to know my taste I'll watch

I watched I thought it was so boring and I was like why did i get this i was like it was from santa both years i was still in like full-on santa i was like santa fucking nailed monty python i don't know what he was thinking with this with this breakfast at tiffany's pick what had happened is somehow my mom bought the wrong movie and then didn't notice in the wrapping process that it was the wrong movie she was equally surprised when i opened breakfast at tiffany's it's just a complete accidental gift was she going for another python and got the wrong one i don't know it was a year later i i don't know i don't understand how she was able to fully wrap it without like having the thought of why is this a gift for me she was going for life of brian maybe

it's got a name in the title how uh how old were you i think i was like eight to nine or nine to ten yeah breakfast at tiffany's is a was a great movie for but might be lost on an eight-year-old yeah i didn't i didn't also some pretty problematic shit in it, too, unfortunately. Really? Breakfast at Tiffany's? Yeah. Yeah. The whole Mickey Rooney plays an Asian man stuff is pretty rough. Oh, that's not good.

Yeah. That's unfortunate. What about you, Jeff? How was your Christmas? I think it was good. I'm trying to remember. I've been sleeping a lot lately, and so my brain's a little Swiss cheese right now. I had a similar kind of fuck-up. I mean, it wasn't as hilarious as Gavin's or anything,

but I did get frustrated with a certain company that you buy kitchen shit from, where I bought a... I'm not going to call them out, Cillium's Manoma. But I bought a, I'm not going to call them out. Uh, psyllium's manoma. Uh, but, uh,

I bought Emily one of her, one of her, her, like her second nicest gift was this giant, like really nice picnic basket that, uh, has like everything you could need in it. Like,

you know, all the different silverwares and like even salt and pepper shakers. And it's all like really pretty and nice. I thought it'd be a fun gift that we could maybe start going on picnics and stuff. And I fucking, I shopped around. This was in November. I bought this thing. I was trying to be ahead of it too.

I shopped around a bunch of places. A lot of places didn't have any in stock. I finally found one at an unnamed kitchen supply store that I'm no longer a fan of. And they had one in stock. So I said, okay. I spent a ton of money on it. I bought it. And it said... It checks like the item is in shop. So I bought it. And then I thought, oh, I wonder when it's going to ship since it's in stock. And when I went back in

with the order number to look, it updated the shipping date from in stock to march of next year maybe and then it wouldn't let me cancel the order and so it held it's held me hostage so i had to buy emily a fisher price uh picnic basket like for small children and wrap that and say like a placeholder i'll replace this with a real one yeah there's a placeholder i'll replace this with a real one in four months maybe well hey fucking annoying. Next time you need a basket, Jeff, I got you. You just let me know. Give me a week's notice. I got you covered. I don't know why

that company, like, Flilliam's Blanoma and, uh, Flilliam's Blanoma, yeah. They just sell stuff that doesn't exist. They sell just say out of stock. Yeah. Don't let me order something in November and give it to me in May. Like, you say out of stock. Yeah. Don't let me order something in November and give it to me in May.

Like that, you don't have it. Yeah. I got something that's arriving five months from now. God damn, dude. I one time, I didn't buy this. This is not kitchen gear. But when I was living in the condo downtown, I was having to buy new furniture and stuff.

When I was like striking back out on my own again. And I had to buy some nightstands. And so I don't want to call out any particular company again. So I'm going to call this company Mestmelm. Or let's call it Estwelm. Let's call it Estwelm. And so I bought two nightstands from them. And I was excited about them

because they had charging stations built in where you could just, you know, like the ones you just lay your iPhone on and it charges, which I have now. I bought a third party. I have an external one. But these came just installed,

and there were USB ports built into the back of it as well. And I thought, this is the fucking future, right? Everybody's going to have this. So I was like, fuck yeah. was like fuck yeah in stock no problem bought them after about a week i got an update that they uh that the shipping was delayed gonna be delayed a month then uh right around the time it was supposed to show up i gotta delay another month and then it was delayed three After a year and a half, I canceled the order. At some point, at some point, I was like, Emily was like, you got to cancel this.

And I was like, I kind of want to see. I just kind of want to see how long it goes. And I had, after about two months, I went and bought normal nightstands, which I still have. I was like, fuck it. I'm never going to see these. This is going to take forever. And then I thought, well, you know, and if they come in and they're really cool, maybe I can sell the other ones on, I don't know, to friends or whatever. And because I still really want these new technological ones. And then after a year and a half, I finally just canceled it because I wanted

my money back. But I'm reasonably certain that they never existed. They just they put a picture up on the Estwell website and said, here, buy this. And then they thought, maybe it's like a pre-order situation. Maybe if enough people buy it, we'll actually go into production and make them. And they just never did. And so for literally 18 months, every month, I would get an update that my shipping has been delayed a month. I called them a bunch. And they'd be like, oh, yeah. They always had an excuse. It's going to, I promise you. I probably called them four times over the year and a half. And then eventually I just called them

and I was like, just cancel this. And they were like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sure. And they tried to convince me and I was like, look back through. It's been a year and a half. You're not giving them to me. And they were like, I see, I see.

Yes, it appears that we're not. It appears that we are full of shit. We'll go ahead and cancel that for you right now. I've got one of those that I'm just letting go. It's just seeing how long it takes. I bought this, I think it was for, been for valentine's or her birthday like 20 beginning of 2020 i think i bought this and every every quarter i get an update email on uh when this thing's getting delivered it's like a left it's like a dead by daylight statue. Mm-hmm. So, according to this screenshot,

currently expected to arrive June 2022 to August 2022. When did you place the order for that? Feb 2020. And they've already charged me and no refunds. I can't even say don't bother. It's just not an option yeah that's

uh that's what i'm going through with a certain picnic basket right now motherfucker dude i wonder who'll get it first i wonder if i'll get the picnic basket or you'll get your dead by daylight statue first i predict uh face will have ended by the time i get the statue it'll be over oh that's that's sad i feel like that's too far. Like you are, that's enough time that you're no longer the same person when you ordered that.

Like you have changed as a human being by the time you get that statue. It's going to be like a generational gift. I'll be a part of the next generation by the time I get it. It'll be like my mom got it for me. There might be a second or third iteration of the game before it comes out like dead by daylight three or four might be out by

the time you get this fucking thing wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply i have a other thing a company thing i talked to you guys about that i found very amusing okay

as you know we have we have the bits email that people can email in on and recently i got an email on it for a i'm not gonna say the company or what they sell well i guess i'll give the the type of what it is i got an email on it for wanting to do a sponsorship with our show they're a sex toy company and they want to promote a very specific product that is a blowjob device and i was like this is such a fucking why would you reach out to this email this is so odd i realized that it we have we have faced ourself in the sense of they think this is a face fucking podcast oh yeah face blow jaw yeah like they i don't think they know anything about the show outside of the name face which they've interpreted very literally as like this is the place to sell

the blowjob device i wonder what other shit we could do with a blowjob device that's not uh stick a bit of velcro on it i wanted to just write back and say sorry we're an apple podcast but i wanted to stick a bit of Velcro on it. I wanted to just write back and say, sorry, we're an Apple podcast, but I wanted to discuss this opportunity. I just thought it was so funny. What is it? You suck it off or it sucks you off? How does it work? It sucks you off, I believe.

You suck it off. So you can practice getting blowjobs. Why is that so weird? What do you mean, why is that so weird? People suck on dildos and stuff don't they? What is this? You think this is like a product by Super Soaker? What are you talking about? What's so weird about it? Are you sucking on a lot of dildos?

In your personal life? No judgment here. I'm just curious. No, I've never done it. Do you do a lot of blowjob practicing? No. I love it. It's not that weird.

I bought this to work on my craft not for butcher this is a tool this is a tool I think that's weird I think maybe just I think you would have said dildo is what's weird about it if

I think that's just as weird because you would have just said dildo you said blowjob device and that's why I'm off base that's why no no it's not wait wait wait I love I just love the idea of Gavin at home good I am at this well let's see I got a 75 what if I could beat my score tomorrow

you punch in the arcade it's something that you'd like put your knob in does it really matter it could be any hole couldn't it oh it could be any hole oh gavin do they make specific do they make one with teeth and tongue in it? I don't know. I didn't expect all these questions. Have you seen the device? I don't think they included it. If it has teeth and tongues and stuff, I have an idea. You could use it. You could use it if you have sore teeth.

Maybe you just got a cavity or maybe you're you've you're just you know uh you've got weak teeth you could use it to pre-chew your food for you you stick like a piece of steak in there and then just smash the end together until it chews up the food and then you just drop it in your mouth like a baby bird that's called a blender why would you want why would you want to mash it up in a fake head? Then you'd have to brush its teeth after. I got a news for you, buddy. You're brushing its teeth after no matter how you use it. This is apparently what it looks like.

Oh, wow. Wow. That's really detailed. It looks like a brittle water filter with a mouth on top. I have one of those in my fridge. It's a soda stream. Yeah, that looks... Oh, my God.

Why is it... Why have they gone to all the effort to make, like, the chin and the nose, and then there's, like, a blue plastic below it. Like, at least give it a neck. With giant screws. The blue neck with the giant screws really ruins the mouth illusion.

It's even got little nose. Yeah. I don't know if my toothbrush would fit in there. Well, I imagine it's designed for things to fit in there. Yeah. As Eric said, I think a lot can fit in there. He's probably right. What a weird direction you've taken the podcast in season four, Gavin.

I didn't bring it here. Andrew brought in this math shower. I didn't expect for you to go the way you did. The questions you asked. You could give me a million questions. I never ask, what's the purpose of the device? Who's it for? Oh, man.

Oh, God. That was fun. Holy fuck. You're like... You're worried. Never mind. I can't. Would you kiss it before or after?

I was thinking recently of... You know how you two... what was that thing you were doing last week or the week before where you were basically just kidding yourselves oh it was like the uh by having two socks and having a spare because it's like a spare instead of just buying that caused a lot of inspired conversation in the in the social oh really what was what was the situation well a lot of people agree with you gavin that andrew and i are way off base and stupid i think that i think that what people are missing and where my line of reasoning is is obviously first off these are unisex socks right they're not left or right

socks these are just tube socks normal socks that don't have an l or an r on them uh obviously uh but i think that the problem is, the way that I was approaching it, that maybe I didn't articulate clearly, is if you buy three socks and you lose a sock, you have a pair of socks still. If you buy four socks, yeah.

You're saying the exact same thing? How are you articulating it different? That's like, this is insane. No, because people are because no because people are like because people are like no because you you'd still have two pairs of socks but the second you lose a sock you don't have two pairs of socks so why i i don't know i think it's brilliant i think three socks is can i can i clarify can i attempt to clarify this idea is the other person that is on board with this thing first of all it's cost the same amount as a singular pair of socks so

it's like you're getting one yeah we're going in with a value it's a bonus sock, it costs the same amount as a singular pair of socks. So it's like you're getting one for. Yeah, we're going in with a value. It's a bonus sock because the same price is two. That's where the bonus comes in. But the other part of money selling it. You don't know this fucking what a weird. Once again, what are you? None of this is real.

What do you mean? I'm going to lose money selling it. You don't know my factory setup. You don't know the deals I've made. Maybe it's not all about the bottom line, you capitalist pig. Maybe it's about providing the best product for the customer. My biggest issue with it

is that your main problem with owning two pairs of socks is that if you lose one, you end up with three. That, to you, is the problem. And you're starting your solution with that. You're saying, buy the problem.

Did Jeff leave? No, I'm listening. I'm listening. Let me do another counterpoint to this whole thing as well. It is a spiritual argument I feel we are making as the Three Sock people. On an intellectual level, you are completely correct. It's a ridiculous claim that we are making as the three sock people. On an intellectual level, you are

completely correct. It's a ridiculous claim that we're making, but it's once again it's like Coke tastes better in the snow. There's just a personal security with the third sock. Right. So it's not you're trying to win a logical debate.

Oh, Eric's freaking out. Eric missed that last week i guess were you not there for that eric no i think i i think i missed that one about coke tastes better in the snow i don't remember that that that really i i'm like listening intently and then you said that and it's like that i got sideswiped well i don't know that i remember that either but i don't disagree with it yeah i was saying that if it's snowing outside, Coca-Cola is my beverage of choice. One, it's snowing. There's something about the atmosphere of snow coming down.

It heightens the experience of drinking a Coke, which Gavin thought was ridiculous. Strongly disagreed with. It's ridiculous. And then I was equating all of your, you're just kidding yourself to make yourself feel good. No. And I was saying how that was like the people who set their clocks fast to make them think that they're not late and all that stuff and i've realized that i have one scenario where i do kid myself yeah yeah what's that sometimes well i think i spoke to you about this on uh when we're playing halo andrew but sometimes

if i'm making coffee like i'll pour the milk first, because if I pour the coffee on the milk, I don't have to stir it. It saves me wasting a spoon. Right. But sometimes I put in too much milk or I might not have enough coffee left in the pot. So in order to try and make it seem like I've got more coffee, I just pour it slower. And I realize I'm like, I'm stretching out the pour because it adds more hope to like I might actually have more coffee if I don't just quickly pour it into the milk because I don't want really milky coffee I want I want it to be the right ratio and I realize I'm just kidding myself I could just completely turn it upside down and just dump the whole lot into the milk and it'd be the same amount but

that is one area where I'm just I'm just lying to my brain by just pouring it really slowly, hoping that there's a little bit more in there doing it that way. But that's slow. It heightens the experience. It heightens the experience. You're not just lying. And it gives me hope. Yeah.

See, you know, you get it. It's not just about the destination. It's also about the journey. It's about how you get there. Do you have any of those kind of strange quirks, Jeff, where you do i mean it does nothing but no well i i sticking with the drinks and obviously i i don't uh drink beer anymore because of the crippling alcoholism but i will go to my grave saying that nothing tastes

better than an ice cold beer after doing yard work on a hot summer day. Like beer definitely tastes better after you've done an hour of cutting grass. It's like the best, coolest, most refreshing flavor ever. Yeah, the best beer. Or three hours of cleaning out a fridge that broke. Oh, man. Speaking of breaking, did I tell you guys I rode my bike again for the first time in six weeks?

Five weeks? How did your butt hold up? How did that go? Well, I wasn't on the bike long enough to find out. Oh, my God. I got about three miles from home and it died. My butt was fine for those three miles there and back. But yeah, I'm about ready to shoot

my bikes into space. What happened this time? Just the battery go again? Yeah, I think it's... So what I think is happening, if I had to guess, right? This is a refurbed battery. I have two refurbed batteries.

I'm not sure if both are having this problem or just one, but I'm so mad at all of it that I just, I had to walk away for a while. But when I come back to it, I'm going to mark this battery in a way and then conduct these tests

on the other battery and see if I just have a bad replacement battery. However, what I suspect is happening with these shitty cheap batteries is that, you know,

the thing with a full charge is supposed to go about 30 miles. I suspect that I plugged it in after going like 15 miles, and it's just like the next time I rode it, I could only go 15 miles, right? And so I think that every time I plug it in, it can only charge up to the amount that I used it. Because I came home after I fucking labored to get it home and I plugged it in really fast and it turned on immediately and still had like 80% of a battery.

So I think it just like turns off or whatever when it hits that, that point when it last charged and it just needs to be, uh, plugged in again for one second to like re wake it back up again. So I'm even wondering if maybe I could, cause I have a bunch of the extra cords, if I could even cut the end off of the plug and just bring it with me. And whenever the battery turns off, if I just shove it in, if that's enough, or if I have to bring a whole charger with me and then just stop somewhere and plug it in for one second. And then the bike's like, oh, wait, no, I'm sorry. I'm fucking, I turned off like an idiot. I'm totally fine. You still have 85% of your battery here. My bad. And then I can keep going. totally fine you still have 85 of your battery here my bad and then i can keep going i suspect that's going to be the case but uh if i go near that bicycle anytime soon i'm gonna throw it in

a fucking river so if you just unplug the battery though and plug it back in what happens then that doesn't that that doesn't that doesn't do anything i have to literally plug it into power or put something in that thing for it to trigger hmm. Yeah. And all of your bikes are broken? You have like three of them, right? Well, I have three bikes, two batteries now, and Millie's bike is broken. So I have Emily's bike and mine and two batteries among them.

But you know, I wasn't able to ride the bike for five weeks, any of them. And so this was my first attempt back and it went dismal. And so I don't know, man. Maybe I'm done with bikes.

I need to find a new coping mechanism. I will say, if we're talking just trying to put a positive spin on it, it's good the bike broke and not you. Because that was the previous issue, right? Was that you couldn't ride the bike. Now the bike cannot be ridden. I'd say that's an upgrade. Yeah, that's true.

My butt feels fine, you know, since then. I don't have the pains that I've had. So I take that as an upgrade. Yeah, that's true. My butt feels fine, you know, since then. I don't have the pains that I've had. So I take that as a positive. No, Eric wrote, so what, you had a normal bike? I wish. I wish these things turned into normal bikes when the electricity goes off. They don't. They turn into slightly movable objects.

It's like an anvil with wheels. It's like an anvil with wheels, yes. What if you go in that had a mechanism that you could just dis disengage when it's dead so it is a bike do they exist you know like the scene in the dark night where the batmobile dies and it turns into like a batmobile motorbike like he shoots out i love the idea of a bike turning into a bike like the bike breaks so you then just turn into a functional bike the problem is i mean it still functions as a bike it's just a very heavy bike because these batteries are fucking heavy you know you take the battery off and uh then it's uh it's still not a great bike but it functions more as one does that totally break the batmobile when that

happens or did that is it did it just happen that way in the movie like can he just bike out of the batmobile and then and then just drive it like rear it back in does he like back it back into the batmobile remember yeah and also like could both sides do that like what if you're in the passenger seat when that happens is it only one side is a bike what does the other side do because i think in the movie he gets the the bike out after the main car is broken yes he does and it looks like it destroys itself. It is funny to think that, like, that shit always seems to work for him.

Like, Lucius was very good at his job, I guess. But, like, it would be funny to see Batman after, like, solving the crime, trying to put the bike back into the fucking car and, like, a lash won't stick. It's, like, stuck in one thing, and he's, like, trying to fucking force it, and he's like, this piece of shit. Yeah, I would like to think that that happened. I would to think that batman has frustrations that we just don't

see yeah the everyday issues you know when you see in movies there's like a broadcast from space or some evil villain is able to take over every tv in in the world and broadcast a message that to me is the most unreal based on the the difficulty I have like casting something from my own phone to my own TV on my own Wi-Fi network that to me is the most unrealistic thing in movie history that they could just

take over TVs yeah if they could I would pay them extra money to make Hulu work in my bedroom every time damn that's we need to do is we need to hire supervillains yeah our tech problem i

was about to say it'll be like a catch me if you can thing they get hired at the end we need you to show us the way i know you're trying to poison the water reservoir but we really need streaming to work we're willing to cut you a deal can you cast this for us technology is unbelievable i was broken in a different way je Jeff, last few days. My bed has been fucked. My bed has been destroyed. I had a box spring that was wooden slats. Has anyone here ever had a box spring

that was like wooden slats? You would lay on top? They're the fucking worst. They're the worst, at least in my experience with them. Maybe you have a shitty one. It fucking sucks. It's constantly falling down a hole. I'll be laying in bed and with them. Maybe you have a shitty one. It fucking sucks. It's constantly falling down a hole. I'll be laying in bed, and all of a sudden, I'm in a hole.

And it's like I'm deep enough in a hole. You know like in a movie where a villain lands on top of a car and how it indents? It's like that's how much of a hole I'm in. I'm in like a fucking car movie hole. It stinks. And it's just been that way. And I hurt my foot, shock shockingly so i'm hobbling around and every fucking night i'm falling in a hole and i can't sleep because i'm in this fucking

car hole and it sucks so is it the slat has come loose or it snapped or what like how are you going down a hole so some of the beams are broken as well as it just slides. It'll just slide off and fall down. Then I'm in a fucking hole and it stinks. But your head is still on eight pillows? My head is still on eight pillows. My legs are propped up. My midsection is in a fucking hole. It's the worst.

Can't sleep like a V. You do. I do. That's exactly right Sleep is a strong word too It's really tough to sleep It'll be like 3am I'll make a slight movement

It's like the scene in Jurassic World 2 With the glass where they can't move That's me in my bed And then I inevitably fall in the fucking hole No matter what I do I'm just imagining the camera angle below your bed And your face so so this has been an issue for a while and i eventually i i just said you know what enough

is a fucking i can't take this anymore i'm just gonna my original plan was to flip because the slats are on two sides the bottom bed slats and the top bed slats bottom bed slats what kind of fine well it's like you roll them out like there's two sections of wood that you roll out for the slap part of it oh yours is in two halves mine's is two halves which which makes it i think another issue where it separates the halves meet right in the middle so like yeah it's a constant i'm fucking falling in holes all the time while i'm just trying to sleep i've had hot hops where it's left and right no this is this is top down are you sure you don't sleep to go to bed sideways i don't okay well we're gonna we're gonna get to that anyway i do assemble the bed because i'm gonna flip them and i realize how fucking broken this this thing

is more broken than i really there's all the wood is cracked everything's fucking destroyed I've had this for a long time at this point so it's like I'm just going to get rid of it I'm going to throw it all away but I need a box spring and I have a king size bed which is I don't know five years ago I was like you know what I'm going to really treat myself I typically don't buy things for me I'm going to use my bed a lot I'm going to go all out i'm getting a fucking king but it's the it's the only king size i have i have one other queen in the spare room no wonder it takes up your entire room king size bed for one person it's fucking it's great it's a fantastic i would highly recommend it so i brought in this queen size box ring but i have this other problem now where it doesn't fit on the box ring and so i'm having

to sleep very carefully i'm so every time i go to bed now i'm in the middle and i'm so nervous i'm gonna roll if i roll a little bit to the left or right i'm fucking just flying out of this bed oh so that's width ways that's not the end of the bed that's the side of the bed that's the side of the bed which has led to me realizing i've had my bed on sideways this entire time and i would highly recommend anyone with a king-size bed because it's large enough where you can have it on its side i have more width than i do length i'm like five foot ten it works great i feel like I it's genuinely like half my bed is in a different state when I lay in it you have so much space I would highly recommend it so because of this I've learned that I've been sleeping on my bed sideways but now with what you guys have brought up maybe

I've had the slats on the wrong way the entire time too maybe my bed has been twisted I don't know if that's true I need I'm gonna look at the company that I bought this from and see if they've got it install. No, it doesn't look like that. Eric just posted, uh, this, it's the top one, the top slats. It's the way it goes in my head, but it's not, it's not those kind. Top slats. So it goes top, top down.

I'll just post a link to the thing that I use. But I, yeah, I've been, my, my life hack is if you have a king bed which I know is a luxury Flipping on its side sleep the other way it is a great experience you have so much extra space But that's how I've been broken, but so falling in holes Jeff you you I just feel like you'd want more length though, and you do you travel you don't need length is overrated like you'd want more length though and are you do you travel length is overrated length is so overrated well length is couldn't well i'm never gonna grow taller in bed yeah but sometimes i might roll are you ever like sort of you're on your back in bed and then sometimes you want to like push you want to turn over on your front and like push on the headboard so you slide down a

little bit and you're just sort of in the bottom of your pillow and then you you appreciate that your legs don't dangle off the end of the mattress yeah i've never had my legs dangle first of all second of all i've never pushed down on the pillow the only time i've had my legs dangle is when i fucked up and like laid in the middle of the bed but at appropriate pillow height i'd say within pillow regulation of where they should be, I've never dangled. Yeah, I guess you are halfway up a pillow mountain. That'll bring your feet in. Okay, so I'm looking at the thing. I did it correctly.

I'm not crazy. It's just a shitty design. Yeah, I don't like those slats beds because you can't stand on the bed really, if you need to. No, and you just hear it cracking. It's terrible. Do you stand on a lot of beds?

I mean, changing a light bulb. Gavin strikes me as the guy who loves to jump on the bed. No, I'm not a jumper. You know, sometimes standing on the bed is useful for changing a light. Or, that's pretty much it. Please, you have to use it. that's pretty much it was the last thing we recorded

the tuxedo or was it the podcast there was a podcast we did one we did a podcast after the tuxedo it was a back to back one is that that's the one where you uh you had your tech problems yes I don't I couldn't tell you what was happening in that episode but we did

record the the most broken episode of the show because of the law did the law ever come out the law has come out i've been working on it i've been i'm looking i've been trying to figure out loopholes for us for this get out of jail free scenario i like i i tweeted i just wanted to print the law and somebody immediately replied and the law won and i was like you have no idea how accurate that is you couldn't have summarized it perfectly so what are you guys gonna do for new year's because we're recording this on december 30th i'm gonna be snowed in that's what i'm gonna be most likely wishing i could order mcdonald's but can't waiting for for steve and the bobcat to ride by well maybe it's maybe it's time that you learn how to make your favorite McDonald's item at home. Mmm.

There is, I mean, if we want to talk fast food controversy, there's a big controversy in Canada right now with Tim Hortons because they've released a new menu item in Mexico. And people are like, fucking, I want it. It's Canadian.

I think it's owned by Burger King. It's not even a Canadian chain anymore. But people were outraged by it. The new item was like a sausage and an egg patty, or whatever. Sausage patty. Is it an egg patty? What do you call the McMuffin

egg? Is that a patty? Fried egg. Fried egg. Between two egg-o waffles is the whole thing. Like, the egg-o is the bread, is their idea. And people are fucking outraged about this. I don't understand why anyone's met an ego isn't a fucking inaccessible item you can buy them anywhere you can it's the most easily creatable fast food item in your home you could ever have just buy a box of egos and buy one of

their sausage mcmuffins and you have everything yeah but isn't a regular mcmuffin easy to make too i guess but i feel like you can maybe have some variants in the meat or the egg like the egg goes just an egg there's nothing special about that egg oh so they're just getting they're not making eggos they're just getting shipments no they are just using egg out eggos I don't understand it it's a very weird food controversy that is happening it looks good though it looks fine but it's just I don't understand why people are like, why can't we have this? Fucking go buy some Eggos. You can create this.

Three minutes. So easy. Well, you can do the same thing with an Egg McMuffin. You just need to go buy English muffins, a sausage patty, and a slice of cheese and an egg. An English muffin is just as easy to come by as Egg-O-Waffles. No, it's a different thing, because it's not a McDonald's egg.

It's not the McDonald's cheese, like all those things. You don't know where McDonald's sources of things. It's probably superior in every way than those ingredients. You can't come up. Come on. McDonald's has the best Coke, so they might have the best eggs. I can't rule that out. I don't know what their egg plan is.

I'm just saying that there are unique specific items that you can get only there a mcdonald's egg tastes different than a burger king egg or i'm assuming wendy's has eggs in their breakfast menu because i know that i don't we don't have breakfast menu in canada for wendy's today um do they really have the best coke yeah they do they like pay a premium to have the best coke they like get it specially delivered and store it in a unique way and that's also why their straws are larger than any other fast food chain straws they made like an investment a few years ago and like we will have the definitive best coke experience of any fast food chain what does that have to do with the straws it's not thicker well i guess because it's a larger straw it hits more taste buds per sip is the idea it's like part of the

drinking experience there's a whole coke thing so i don't know maybe their eggs are as involved too you wouldn't think that a chain would specify something like coke but it's just annoying it's frustrating have you this is gonna seem like a random question jeff do you storm out of rooms in arguments yeah i've done it on this podcast you've stormed i guess you have haven't you i realize i'm not a stormer i can't i was trying to think of a time i've done it on camera i was trying to think of a time in which i've stormed out in an argument with anyone yeah this is the conversation we had during halo when we're talking about i think i was talking about like what it must have been like to storm normandy

and stuff and you were just like i don't think I've ever stormed anywhere. Yeah, I've never, I don't think I've stormed in my life in any context. You said that you'd like slammed a door open or closed, but you'd never made the transition across the different rooms. And we decided that storming, you had to move between rooms at a minimum. Why do you think people storm out of a room? I think, well, okay. So I have a theory on this and maybe it's just i'm applying it to my my personal life and this has made me realize

something i don't like about myself jeff oh because i feel like the storm occurs when you have hit a peak in the argument and that person's opinion and they just need to leave they just need space and then they they walk out i think it's like i've hit a max so i'm leaving this because i can no longer engage in this and i hate that because i'd rather just for me personally how i operate it's like well that nothing has been solved by the storm the storm has not solved this conflict so i've realized go ahead well i've just got my experience with storming is a little different but go ahead that's fair as i said i think it's probably just my experience with storming i've realized i'm a storm chaser jeff i hate it that's what my biggest annoyance with this you don't want to be a storm chaser and that's my annoyance with the storm is not only is it unsettled i now you're now forcing me to move

you're now forcing me to change my scenery it's like a reverse i'm chasing the storm i don't like it but what's the best outcome if someone's storming out they want to be alone or away from you yeah they're trying to leave you so why would you know you gotta let the storm no you gotta let the storm settle it depends on the storm you gotta let it you don't run into the high of a hurricane you gotta like let it calm down a little bit. You gotta let things settle, but ultimately things are still unresolved, so you gotta clear things up, you gotta clean it up a little bit. So then I end up chasing the storm eventually. Yeah, you're just defeating the purpose of the storm

because the storm needs to settle without you. Yeah. You're causing the storm. Listen, I've been in the eyes of many storms, and I've always come out correct on the other side. I've got a great read for storm entry and leaving. I want to know why you're pissing all these people off. I can't believe you've never stormed out of anywhere.

I can't think of a time in which I have. Because you said you opened a door hard. Did you open it or close it, and you hurt your foot or something? Yeah, I opened it in frustration, because it was like seven different things were all going wrong at the're not counting that as a as a storm and slammed it no that's not because i didn't leave yeah i didn't leave my space so even if you couldn't like storm into a cabinet because you can't get in there it's a walk-in pantry maybe just for the record if i ever storm out of a room with either of you and i've probably done

it with you a few times gavin in person um i think you stormed in a lot i yeah i remember i remember one time yelling at you you specifically and you guys in achievement hunter during a production it was and i think I stormed out that time. But when, like for me, when I storm out, I'm doing it for you because I have hit a point where I'm going to say something and I can't, like I'm a pretty controlled dude for the most part, but I get to a point when I get angry enough that my mouth will say shit that I know I shouldn't say that I that I get too

mean or too angry I could be too hurtful so when I storm out of a room I'm trying to stop myself from from saying something so mean or hurtful that it could cause repercussions later so I'm like I'm trying to like I'm getting trying to get away from the situation because I can feel my mouth about to get away from me and can I say this Jeff if that were the situation because I can feel my mouth about to get away from me. Can I say this, Jeff? If that were the case, if I was in that scenario with you, I would know not to follow.

I would let that storm cool off a little bit. I wouldn't immediately pursue. That's like the cow in Twister. You know, like when it's coming by, you've hit peak. You're not going into a cow storm. Yeah, you don't want to be dodging cows. No, you don't.

What a great movie that is. I love twister what maybe that oh what a dumb philip seymour hoffman is so good in that movie extreme so dumb yeah i feel like i'm uh i feel like i'm a silent stormer like i storm out it's you wouldn't you wouldn't realize i'm like an Irish stormer. I'm an Irish storm. I just quietly leave. You're a very polite Irish storm. Jesus. I'm not swinging doors around. I want like a weather report. You know,

that movie feels like, God, that movie must have come out 20 years ago at this point. I think it was 2000, wasn't it? A lot of people in that movie are dead now. They are. That's sad. Philip.

Yeah. Philip Seymour Hoffman's dead. Paxton's dead. Anyone else? Or is it just the two? I mean, there's still quite a few. I'm sure there's other people that were involved in the film that have died. I guarantee you.

Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. My favorite thing about that movie is that the villains are the villains because they have corporate sponsorship it's like the only real difference between the two group they're not in it just for the thrill of the storm they've gone corporate how dare they and then they treat them like real villains like some like they do some harsh things to those characters and uh maybe my memory is wrong but are they the least villainous villains

in a movie i think they're assholes but i think like largely their conflict is is based around the fact that they have income that they're being paid to like chase storms and they got fancy vehicles they do have fancy vehicles corpus it's such a dumb the fucking the story do you know why he's the extreme he dropped the bottle of Jack Daniels and it never hit the ground. It's so fucking dumb. It's a great movie. Does he die in that movie? Who?

Hoffman. Hoffman? No, no, none of the good guys die. Just the bad guys, because they're corporate. Isn't there a good guy that gets dinged in the head with like a hubcap or something? head with like a hubcap or something i've never i've never heard a death be described more comedically i don't think i don't want to go out by ding i don't want to be dinged to death dinged by hubcap god damn this is fun yeah this was good it was a nice to sneak a little one out right before the God damn.

This is fun. Yeah, this was good. It was nice to sneak a little one out right before the end of the year. I'm sad to hear that you're going to be snowed in. I hope you make the most of it. I'm going to go swimming because it's really hot.

I rented a house with a pool, so I'm just going to go swimming for a couple days. Gavin, I assume you're going to ring in the new year practicing your blowjobs. Happy New Year. So I'm just going to go swimming for a couple of days. Gavin, I assume you're going to ring in the new year practicing your blowjobs. Gurgle, gurgle. See you in 2022. Hey, guys.

Superfan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's season four, episode three. The boys talk about a new intro song. Canada is a bottom tier country. The boys talk about a new intro song. Canada is a bottom-tier country. Andrew makes friends with a seal. The guys make a tuxedo friend. Jeff makes someone uncomfortable. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

Or walk a marathon. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.