Regulation Podcast - Burp Taste vs Piss Smell // Is Gavin the Weird One Now? [143]

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about cover intros, Geoff's burp, hanging out, Andrew vs the toilet, cabinet knob is the piss, return of the root canal, Gavin's non-filter, one star Ubers, the TV that fixes itself is still broken, driveby root canal, dynamics of a toilet goat kick, feet hatred, and pastrami. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Honey http://joinhoney.com/face Shopify http://shopify.com/face and Tales from the Stinky Dragon, listen wherever you get podcasts. Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I had to burp but I like I like tried to burp but I was like doing other stuff at the same time so I wasn't paying full burp attention and I accidentally kind of swallowed the burp you know sometimes you do

and it's made me so sad I don't know why I just started to feel really bummed out and sad the second I swallowed my burp and I can feel it in there and I want it to go away

but it won't and now I just have this like ph my burp and I can feel it in there and I want it to go away but it won't. And now I just have this like phantom burp that won't that won't leave me alone. Could you taste it? Yeah. It tastes like Schlotzky's. Because I had Schlotzky's. Oh boy. Well Gavin's here. There's the episode number. Go crazy.

Episode 143? Yeah it's 143. I gotta get these burps out. You, that actually, I'm gonna write down a note right now for this episode. Fucking depressing. What's that?

I, you, I need to find a clip of it. I don't know what it is. I've been racking my brain for days as I watch the does it do's that have been finished that are to release at some point. What'd you think?

I loved them i had so much i genuinely made my night i was laughing so hard you guys did such an amazing job with it but there's a point in which jeff jeff tries to eat something and it is the most like visceral physical reaction i've seen outside of a boxing or cage for fighting. You genuinely look like you got wobbled. Like you moved exactly like somebody who was about to drop for being knocked out due to getting hit in the head. And I don't know what fight it is or who it is,

but I know you just like, you have, so it's the same thing. So I've been in my head trying to go through fights, figuring out what wobble you essentially copied. And you're just displeasure of experiencing one of the things that you had to consume. Eric doesn't know if this is the episode. I think it's the episode. Yeah.

Am I recording? Andrew was just about to say the number of the stuff. Yeah, I'm recording. It's the episode. It is episode 143. Welcome to F*** Face, podcast that is hosted by Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Freeman, myself, Eric sometimes comes in. You may be hearing Nick laugh. I'm not sure.

I think we're going to hear Nick laugh now, right? Yeah, this is the first one where Nick's not on mute. Why didn't you laugh during that, Nick? That wasn't funny enough for you? It's just going to be anxiety and calling out nick for not laughing or laughing too hard was that a better intro i had to do the intro last episode two episodes ago and it was not good because i did not plan it before we started we're doing pleasantries jeff you weren't here yet i think i mentioned it in the episode but eric had a different recording setup and he said do not throw to me like just whatever you do don't throw

to me i want to talk as little as possible and he didn't want to say it while you were there because if you knew that you would throw to eric as much as you possibly could within the episode so oh come on that's absolutely you i i don't know how you're so fucking incredulous about it. There's no way you would not have done that. All you would have done is gone. You would have just gone. What do you think about that, Eric? Over and over.

And I was on a laptop with like no microphone. I know. I don't know that that's true at all. I do. Anyway, you were saying, Andrew, I was saying just that that that was that was the instructions given to not let you know. And as soon as the show started, you're like, well, it's the intro time. Eric does the intro. Eric, take it away.

And I went into panic. I was not anticipating that. And you can tell. We just go, oh, no, I'll do it. Oh, this is the show that Jeff does. And then this is Jeff. I think I intro'd you twice. And there's one other point in the middle where you're like,

I want to hear what Eric has to say. And I just say, nope, we're not doing that. We're moving on. You just kept taking bullets. And I felt it seemed so rude. I was like, fuck you, Eric. You're not speaking. But there's no context for the direction given.

But I think that was a better intro. That was a step step up i was a little bit more prepared for that you nailed it i thought it was awesome dude that's great yeah and you really covered for i was dealing with some internal sadness because of a burp situation and so you covered for me until i was able to get that sorted out which i really appreciate you're really into figuring out urine smells. You're not into figuring out burp tastes. It tasted like Schlotzky's. I know exactly what it tasted like. I just had it. But the range of burp flavor

is something you would not want to explore in the same way that you seem to have an interest in diving deep in the piss. Well, I don't... I just think it's... I mean, a burp is going to smell like what you put in your mouth. It's weird to me that something that comes out of your dick will smell differently because of something you put in your mouth. You know, I just think it's more interesting.

Well, it bounces back, though, from like it goes in your stomach and then back up where it came. I almost feel like that strength, like a bouncy ball as opposed to goes in one hole, does a straight shot down and out a lower hole. That makes more sense to me. The bounce back is crazy, in my opinion. Gavin, what do you feel? Where do you weigh in on this?

I feel like stuff that comes out of your butt is more interesting. I feel like there's more... I feel like... He comes out your butt is more interesting. I feel like this more. Oh, I feel like that is A deeper more of a butt guy. Yeah, because it's not coming back up through the same pipes It's more of a conversion Can I counter that? Can I can I explain to you why the butt is the least interesting because everything you put in your mouth? Comes out of your butt for the most part

right is there an exception well except for the piss yeah but the piss the piss is water right that came in through the mouthful it was consumed things that come out of your butt are like the past they're what's behind you like literally and figuratively you ate it yesterday it comes out of you your body is so disinterested in the butt that it shoots it out behind you so that you can keep walking forward and not even look over your shoulder whereas pee and burps come like you're confronted with them because they are the present and the immediate future in front of you a burp is almost never a surprise it's like oh yeah mackerel a piss it's only ever piss coffee or asparagus none of which are a surprise because it's like oh yeah but sometimes there's a fart that pops out where it's like what on earth well i've never had a surprise burp i

have had as many surprise burps as surprise farts in my i never forecast my burps but that you couldn't identify the meal that the burp has come from? Well, it depends. I think generally I could, but when I eat something, I never assume it's going to come back as air in the same hole. It's going to bounce back up through. That's not an expectation I

have. I do assume I'm going to shit this out when I do consume burp. That's an inevitability we can't avoid. But the burp is not, like, that's gonna happen that's an inevitability we can't avoid but the burp is not like that's a bonus it's like a surprise thing it's like i don't uh when you do like a scratch and win and you got the little space at the bottom that's typically like try again but sometimes you get five dollars on it that's what that is i never assume the burp is going to come back with the flavor but it does happen sometimes and i think it's very unpredictable when it does do you know how like sometimes you'll see on like tiktok or

instagram or youtube like security cam footage of like a grocery store like black and white kind of grainy footage and some lady or sometimes a dude but i find it's a lady more often than a dude will just be like walking down an aisle and then she'll just like squat down and just like pop out to like pull her pants down pop out two logs pull her pants back up keep walking like it didn't even phase her or him i hate to say i know exactly what you're talking about i see i see those videos all the time where it's just like this this crazy person just took a shit in a grocery store and kept walking do you think you could ever do that i don't know how somebody can shit and move in such a fluid motion. Like it's an event for me to,

first off, I haven't taken a solid dump in like eight years because of the mural acts and the diverticulitis. So it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting in the grocery store. But like, do you think you could do just not even break stride and just like shit and move in 15 seconds and just be about your business? Like nothing ever

happened i don't think i could i always wondered what it would be like to take a shit at full sprint and whether it could even be done oh god i just don't i don't see myself i think it's more of a mental block for me yeah it just feels uncomfortable so we need to create like the first ever diarrhea run where we all try to kill ourselves well i don't think it'll be the first ever i don't think anything with butt or shit will be the first anything you run. Where we all try to kill ourselves. Well, I don't think it'll be the first ever. I don't think anything with butt or shit will be the first anything. You think anybody's ever had like a race where everybody has numbers on their chest and they stand up in a line. And then somebody shoots a pistol. And they all run with diarrhea buttholes.

But what? Okay. What is this episode? I have an idea. What if it was a long jump but they measure where the shit flies out? So you have to try to launch it while jumping. Are you saying the shit would give you

a little extra boost? No, when you jump you know how typically you're trying to extend for where your feet land? In this one you're trying to propel the shit mid-air. You're trying to do a roll or a twist, like a hip flex. So you'd want to spin over forwards or backwards

and fire one out beyond your jump. Exactly. That's exactly right. Like a long shit jump. As opposed to a diarrhea run, which I feel like that's tougher to measure. Well, the Olympics isn't supposed to be easy. That's true.

That's a good point. These are trained seasoned athletes. Is this in our Olympics along with Frisbee and cornhole? I don't think so. I don't think so at all. I do have a new sport for us to enter into the Olympics that I think you guys are going to love. Okay. That we can get to at some point.

Eric and I came up with the other day. Really? I feel like this has been an interesting week. I have spent so much time with all of you outside of regulation time spending. I spent half a day with Eric at a baseball field this week. I played video games with Gavin, but not Andrew, all night last night.

I filmed a secret podcast with Andrew this morning. Nick is the only one I haven't hung out with this week. It was as shocking to me as it was you, Gavin. Jeff texted me this morning about a thing and he said it would take he's like like 45 minutes or something and it would be half that but he's like 45 minutes so in my head I was like okay so we're recording at 12 30 so that's like 11 50 ish for me and he's like cool I'm just gonna go home and take a dump and then we can record and I was like what are we doing what are you talking about I had an idea at a coffee shop and I immediately left

the coffee shop to go record it with Andrew you immediately left to take a shit and then you recorded it well yeah the shit the shit presented itself on the drive home the shit wasn't a part of the idea I hadn't had that inspiration yet boy do we have some supplemental content for you.

I do not think you're going to want to watch the YouTube release of Jeff's new show. Coffee shits. But the point is, I've had some really fun, interesting times with all of you guys this week. I really appreciated the extra time. And then, Gavin, you and I are going to hang out tonight after work. Yeah, we've got time to come. Yeah, we do. How much time is needed to come, Gavin?

That's unfortunate. That's a real misstep by you. Gavin, our friendship is so not awkward. We're hanging out two days in a row. I know. It's great. That's fucking pretty regulation. Oh, Eric says, is that why it's so cold cold today Yeah, I think it's because of our plans it was 28 degrees yesterday and today. It's like 12 It's fucking dog shit today. I went for a bike ride and t-shirt and shorts yesterday and was still hot

Today, it's fucking 40 degrees outside. I Have a shit story, please tell us your shit story. Yeah your shit story Gavin got part of this already should I read out what you said before ending the conversation immediately go ahead dude I'm in such a risky scenario right now I replied what scenario

Andrew said it's like I'm trying to shit on an ice rink and then followed up with, ignore this. It is now for the podcast. And I replied, four ha's. I didn't anticipate this being a podcast story, but I was, I woke up. I was doing stuff on my phone. As one does.

I'm groggy. I didn't realize I had to take a shit. But then I had to. And it was like, you know when you're trying to pass through a pebble and you just can't get it out, but it comes out like 30% of the way? And you just can't, like being constipated almost, but it's like you're trying to get this out, but it just won't. Is it like one of the ones where you have to give your asshole a little breather

and potentially cut off midway? Yeah, but you don't want to stop, almost like you're in a 127 hour scenario like you don't want to lose whatever momentum you have yeah you don't want to make this snip yeah so it's that's i'm struggling with that but before that even happens so i sit on the toilet and i've had this issue in the past these are the shittiest i mean no that's a bad choice of words considering the story but these are terrible toilet seats i'd snapped that's what happened before i think i talked about in the past i had a broken toilet seat that i was using because it's only half broken i broke the clip what'll happen sometimes is i'll sit i'll sit down and i'll go a little high and then i'll go to

adjust my body but i don't lift up i just like slide and it'll pop off and it broke one so i broke i went bah like it did the loud pop i thought god damn it i broke this is fucking broken i'm an idiot next time i'm gonna order two of these i this is i'm so mad but at least hey i only have to piss this is fun this is we're good then then the shit thing happened and i'm trying to clench and my seat is broken and i'm wobbling all over the toilet i'm just like going all over the place i'm trying to get like generate force to push but i can't because the seat is sliding all over it was like doing a grind and tony hawk like i was just going from corner to corner and it was broken i couldn't do anything about it and i'm doing stuff on my phone so i can't like i'm losing a balance point that way that's when

i texted i'm on an ice rake because i was i was like skating around my toilet trying to fix this surely then you're at risk of your cock and balls slamming into the inner rim of the there's all sorts of risks going on and this is the start to my day this is how we're going this is the beginning we're just getting things rolling so you still got the grog i still am groggy i'm still putting things together and i'm skating i thought i was just gonna have a nice relaxed start but no i'm trying to shit up this pebble while my seat is going all over the place i eventually after like five minutes give up i realized i didn't break it it just like popped off it's like a snap on snap off so i just re-secured

it we're good to go but i spent like five minutes trying to balance and like going from side to side it was the worst shit i've ever had have you ever seen a 3d printer like mess up the print mid print and it just starts going H. That's what it was. Spewing out spaghetti as it's like freaking out. I have never wanted shitting shades more in my life. Like I feel like I would have at least felt cool during the experience. Like I was I've never been more

on board with that idea Jeff than in that moment. I have a bathroom story as well I'd like to share, if you wouldn't mind. Yes. Let's just load up on them right now. Yesterday morning, was it yesterday or the day before? I don't know. Who can remember? I'm so old. The days, they just run together now.

At some point this week, I woke up at about four in the morning and I was in pain. And I was in pain for a reason that we can talk about if you'd like. I made an error in a previous podcast when I declared certain eras of my life over and how I was unhappy to be in certain new eras.

Well, old eras didn't like that. And so they enacted a revenge on me over the weekend. So anyway, I'll tell the bathroom story first. So I get up at like four in the morning in some pain, and I also have to piss. And so I go into my bathroom, like my pee room, and above the toilet is the cabinet where I have like medicine and shit, right?

And so I got the lights off because it's fucking four in the morning, but I can see from the glow of the of the bidet. Right. It's got like a gentle blue glow. So you can kind of kind of see in the dark. And it's more than enough to do my business without turning lights on and blinding myself. So I start to pee. And while I'm peeing and kind of swaying and half asleep, I put my hand up on the cabinet to to kind of steady myself and then i like i'm like

all right i gotta get the medicine out and i grab this then the door handle which is just like a little crystal knob and i grab the door handle to open the door to get out the uh like the leave uh and it pops off in my hand and my hand and i'm like asleep and it's a little slippery for some reason and it just falls through my hand through my piss stream and I'm like asleep, and it's a little slippery for some reason, and it just falls through my hand, through my piss stream, and into the bottom of my toilet while I'm still pissing in my toilet. Oh, no.

And so I'm just like looking. I got a door. I got a cabinet with no handle now, and I've just got a handle in the toilet, and I'm peeing on it. And so I'm like, what the fuck do I do? And I'm fucking exhausted and in pain and tired, and so I finish peeing, and I'm peeing on it and so I'm like what the fuck do I do and I'm it's you know I'm like fucking exhausted and in pain and tired and so I finished peeing and I'm like I'm not dealing with

this right now I'm just gonna go back to bed and then as I'm like turning around to go back to bed I'm thinking no because Emily will get up to go to the bathroom and then she'll flush the toilet and then this thing will fucking get stuck in the pipe and then it's gonna cost me four hundred thousand dollars and they'll have to rebuild my house for some reason. And my roof will fall in. And so I was like, I got to deal with it right now. So I have to fucking turn. I have to like first I have to shut the bathroom door so that there's no light pollution for Emily because she's asleep and it's right next to her.

And then I have to turn on all the lights. So now it's like fucking two in the afternoon in Texas and I live in my bathroom and I have to like I'm looking around. in my bathroom and I have to like I'm looking around I and all I can think of to do is just I just have to shove my hand into my pissy toilet and then grab this this fucking handle covered in pee and then shake the pee off my hand and walk over to my sink

and wash my hand and wash my bathroom cabinet handle and all that and then put it all back together and then go back to sleep. It took me about 20 minutes. Glove? Like just a glove? No, I wasn't thinking about gloves at 4 in the morning.

Like from the dishes? I was just asleep, man. A couple of wooden spoons? What about like a plastic? Did I ever talk about when I tried to declog my toilet? Yeah, I could have got tongs. I'd rather get my hand pissy than my tongs I use for my barbecue. Throw the tongs away and buy you tongs. I'll just throw my hand away. Why are you

I don't understand. Here's the thing. You saving it just so it doesn't go in the toilet is fine. You putting it back on the fucking cabinet is crazy. Well, I cleaned it and washed it. Gavin, thoughts? Well, I mean if

you can clean tongs if you can clean cabinet handles what's true i would never view those tongs in the same way though it would i wouldn't open the cabinet in the same way it's not gonna have pee on it forever soap cleans dirty stuff it's fine now the annoy yeah that's i wasn't there at four in the morning. Yeah, that's what I wasn't there at four in the morning with my middle faculties. I also wasn't looking to open up fucking rooms and bounce it,

like stomp through the house trying to find fucking kitchen tongs to explain to Emily that I've got kitchen tongs in my hand and I'm digging a fucking crystal knob out of the toilet. There's no way, dude. I think I know what I would have done.

What's that? I think I would have gone in. I would have done a foot job That's way worse It wouldn't work just between the between the old What episode is this is this 142? This is the one where Gavin is becomes a weird guy Yeah, talking about coming on time and now he's a foot guy like just a weird dude Yeah, one three might be the one where

gavin really like comes into his own here i would look no i'd like to stick a foot and you just kick it out i'd like to reframe this for you gavin i think you might have a shift of opinion on this whole cleaning of the tongs thing i'm kind of with jeff on this if you were if you were at jeff's house right and he's he's doing up a meal and then you're getting something you're using the tongs to grab something like some food and he was like oh yeah those tongs were in my toilet once when i pissed in it how would you feel about it regardless of how it was cleaned uh you're not gonna enjoy that it would ruin the meal you can disinfect stuff you can fill a stuff gavin. It's four in the morning.

Right. You put your hand in a pissy toilet. You take your hand out. You walk to the sink. You clean it off. It's four in the morning. You put your foot in a pissy toilet. How do you clean that off?

You hop across the whole bathroom slinging piss foot and then take a shower is what you got to do. That's the worst thing you could do in that situation is stick your foot in a pissy toilet. That is the single worst thing you could do. The weirdest part about this whole thing to me is that Jeff is very concerned about staying like half asleep while all of this happens.

Once you wake up, you're awake. You're fucked. You can't go back to sleep. I don't want to lose three hours of sleep because of one fucking dumb moment. I feel like as soon as skin touches piss, you're awake. Yes, 100% agree. I'm thinking just using the foot, like fling it out like a goat would kick something. Just like fling it.

Now you're flinging you're a psycho dude you're fucking wrong like in your fiber in the core of your being there's something wrong it's it's not a fling from within the liquid it's like a foot goes in you sort of clamp it against the bottom you smear it up out of the water and then oh god it's so much more gross what you're doing it's on my foot though it's it's like a dirty i don't want my you just made like my hand i'm not gonna make a sandwich with my foot the next morning jeff anytime gavin comes over i'd make him wear three pairs of socks after this conversation he does not the way he views his feet their monstrosity whatever's going on weird about feet in that I assume they're already dirty

It's like some people really like touching their shoes and like the wear shoes on the couch They'll put the hand on the bottom of their shoes. It's all disgusting and so gross. It's so horrible So why if I'm gonna use something to get dirty? I want it to be the thing that's already dirty and I already treat dirtily This is it. This is as an aside, but I'm right there with you on the shoe thing. There's nothing that grosses me out more than when somebody's shoelaces run tied and they're walking around stepping on them and they're like, oh, I don't care. It's like, you better care because that's piss on the ground.

We already talked about it. Birds use this as a toilet. Everywhere you walk is dog piss and dog poop and animal piss and animal poop and then you're stepping on it and then you're tying your shoes with those laces with your fingers. I wear shoes without laces and if I do happen to wear shoes with laces and they come undone

in public or anywhere near a restaurant or a bathroom, if I have to tie my shoes back up, I have to wash my hands. Absolutely. Straight after. Doesn't excuse everything you said about sticking a foot in the toilet, though. No. There's a precision you can use with your hands that you can't with your

foot. If you get your hand covered in piss, if you have your hand covered in piss, you have your legs to walk you to a safe space to clean and decontaminate. If you put your foot in piss, you have to hobble or hop on one leg to get clean. Otherwise, leave a

snake, like a slug trail of piss with you where you go. The thing is, it all boils down to this. Yeah, it's going to be less efficient, it's going to be messier, but at no point in my sleep am I going to put my foot in my mouth. You're going to put your hand in your mouth when you sleep? My hand is like

right by my face. I might touch my're a you're a fucking weird guy i'm glad that this is finally coming out what are you talking about you touch your face like involuntary involuntarily imagining if it's just been if it's been knuckles into a toilet and i'm at 4 a.m and i want to try not to stay as what and i want to try not to wake up too much i'm not gonna be doing a good clean job on the old hands i think it's safe for bear no but the way you're saying it's like you're gonna fucking suck on your thumb in your sleep or something with your piss hand like it's just inside my mouth i'm just gonna be like maybe like a sniffle and i itch my nose or something in my sleep this if that hand if that hand is so dirty you don't want it near your face,

how are you putting that foot on your own sheets? That is a fair trade, yeah. You'd have to wake up at 7 a.m. and immediately wash all of your sheets. Just wash your hand. I saved sleep. I was able to go back to bed. I did it right.

I recovered two hours of sleep that I shouldn't have got. I'm happy with the results. I bed i did it right i i i recovered two hours of sleep that i shouldn't have got i'm happy with the results i think you did it right i mean the more i took the more i talked about putting my foot in the bog we just spent 20 minutes because you said it was wrong what was the last 20 minutes look i've come around you guys have said a bunch of stuff i'm starting to feel like there's a weird move to it was strange. I probably wouldn't have done it. I would have thought a lot. I would have probably been down to flipping a coin on whether my hand or my foot should go in. That's part of the problem, though,

is you have to know in that moment when you're trying to save sleep that thought is your enemy. You have to act on instinct because the second you start to make decisions, your brain starts to wake up. So you got to kind of just like go on, just let your body take you.

You know, you just kinda go where your body goes. And try not to think too much while you're doing it. That's the only way to save your night's sleep. Hmm. Yeah. I probably would've just put on a glove. I think I probably would've grabbed a trash bag. I don't think I have gloves, but I'd go with a trash bag.

I definitely don't have any gloves that I could have used. Oven mitts maybe? Yeah, I think 4am I would have had one foot in the toilet wishing I just got a bag. That would be my situation. As I fumble around. I had to unclog a toilet

once and I didn't have a snake so I broke a coat hanger and I plan on using that. I didn't have a snake so I broke a coat hanger and I plan on using that I didn't I didn't want to I wanted to keep my hand safe and so the only thing I had was like a big ziplock freezer bag and so I put my hand in that then I held my makeshift toilet

snake and it broke while I was like arm in the toilet and the water got right to the lip of the ziplock and then it didn't go down. It's the closest I've been to disaster. That bag would have filled immediately

and just completely countered the entire purpose of the bag. And it worked. Get a trash bag instead and just go whole arm with the trash bag. I think it's the move. If you're in that scenario. Can we put this episode out? Absolutely.

Okay. I mean, you're the only weird one talking about coming on time and fucking rubbing your face with piss. Old piss foot free. Am I the new piss boy? No, that's definitely Andrew, but you are the weird one. No, it's not. It's his fucking No, you're the weird one. No, it's not. It's his fucking... No, you're the weird one.

No, it's his nephew. We assigned the piss boy to the nephew when he peed on an entire plane. He's way more of a piss boy than me. I passed the reins. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card.

Terms apply. So let me tell you about my luck. Okay. All right. We've already covered the storm and the ice apocalypse and how I had to live in a hotel, and then I had to live in an Airbnb, and then I had to rent another Airbnb, and then I got to move home, and then I couldn't get my money back for the Airbnb.

And it was all kind of fucked up because I was leaving in two days to go back out of town anyway for Emily's birthday. All right, did all that. Everything's fine. Move in to this little town in Lockhart or a little town called Lockhart, just southeast of here. It's like a little old barbecue capital, but they have just these amazing houses. It's like 30 minutes outside of town, but it feels like worlds away. And there's these huge like century homes that are just absolutely

gorgeous. And Emily loves this one particular one that we like to Airbnb so we just went there for two days had a big party they have a heated pool we invited a ton of people over Gavin and Meg didn't come Eric and Barbara his lovely small wife did come thank you for showing up Eric appreciate that uh had a great time had a great day uh uh had a whole like two- day thing planned the first night i get there go go to bed and uh thinking like finally i can i can relax i i went through this whole rigmarole with the house and power and have lived have slept in like nine different beds in the last week and this isn't my bed but i'm at least familiar with this place and it's a comfortable cozy relaxing place finally i can just fucking relax go to bed get awakened at about three in the morning by searing tooth pain come on first thought is i i this is my fault for declaring that the dental era was over

This is my fault for declaring that the dental era was over. Now, top left back tooth, second from the back tooth, is just throbbing in the exact same way that my tooth hurt a year ago when I had that surprise reroute canal, remember? Where you thought it was over and then suddenly they're like, ha ha, fuck you, do it again, right? So I just like fucking, I don't sleep from that moment on. And then I have to get up and prepare for Emily's big day, right? And so I'm like, and it's Saturday.

So there's like nothing I can do. I even check at four or five in the morning. I even check. There's like, there's no dentist open in Lockhart on a Saturday. I'm not driving an hour or 45 minutes to Austin on a Saturday. And also, there's no dentist open on Saturday. This whole idea of 24-hour dental care hospitals and shit, it's all bullshit when you start to actually Google it

and find out where those places are. They never exist. So I'm like, I just have to fucking suffer through until Monday, and I guess I'm going to have to get a fucking root canal. I don't know what else to do. And I don't want to ruin Emily's birthday. And so I'm just like, try to grin and bear it. And I just take a bunch of Tylenol and stuff.

And I just try to grin and bear it. And it gets a little better and it subsides a little bit. But I basically had to spend that whole weekend of Emily's birthday, celebrating her birthday, hanging out with Eric and Trevor and Barbara were there and a bunch of people were there having a good time and I was just like trying to ignore the fact that I was in a tremendous amount of pain the entire time. I don't even think I talked about it.

I tried not to talk about it even. What did you say, Eric? You could tell I was hurting? You were a little like slow and in this hoodie and just sort of like immediately. I just went, something's up with Jeff.

Jeff is in physical pain and trying his best to not. Did you ask about it? We talked about it. Cause he just went, guess what? It was like, no, wasn't, wasn't great. No. Uh,? It was like, no, wasn't wasn't great.

No, but it was like he did a great job. I mean, like participated and was like the life of the party and everything. But the whole time you're just going like he's dying, like he's hurting so bad. Well, thanks for saying I did. I really did try to like try not to let it affect Emily's good time, you know, and her birthday weekend. And and it got a little bit better on sunday and then i went to the doctor on monday and i explained to him that it was this root canal and yada yada and they went yeah you've never had a root canal there buddy you don't know what you're talking about it's just a crown and they looked at

it and they were just something wrong with the crown i don't know they said there was like an imperfection in it and it seemed like it was just agitating my tooth, but that my root was fine, and so they took it off, and I have a temporary crown, and I have to go back Monday, this next Monday, to run another test to see if there's any inflammation, and if so,

then I have to get a root canal. If not, then they order me a new crown, and then I go back in a month and get the new crown put on. But at a minimum, I have a temporary crown for a month, or I'm getting a root canal next week, and I don't know which yet. Oh, man. It's never-ending.

It's just never-ending. Literally two days after I get my electric and my power and internet and everything turned back on, and I go, okay, it's been a hell of a week. It's been a hell of a year. I've got the stitches. I got the cut up hand already. We've had the icepocalypse.

I just want to have a weekend where I can relax and celebrate my fiance's birthday and spend time with friends and just chill the fuck out. And then immediately the universe was like i'm gonna kick you so hard in the dick right now your head's gonna spin this is like the third year of root canals since this podcast died i know tell you what though i'm not gonna let it get me down i'm not i'm refusing to be upset about it i'm refusing to be bummed i'm gonna i'm not gonna let 2023 be like 2022. So I'm going to try my best to maintain

a positive attitude. We'll see if the universe beats that out of me over the course of the next few months. But as of right now, even with a potential root canal on the horizon, I'm maintaining a sunny disposition. Can you get custom crowns with like, could you get like the face logo on a crown?

I don't know. Probably. Eric says yes. You can get that with like fake teeth and stuff too. That'd be cool. What about, how many crowns do you have, Jeff? Oh, I don't know. Two, maybe? Two?

Two or three. I was just, when you're saying that, like without context, the sentence, I'm ordering a new crown sounds fucking awesome. But once you apply the context to it, it really ruins it. Yeah, it does. It's not that... Turns out crowns aren't always fun. Yeah.

It's like the most cool descriptor for a thing not cool at all. So Monday? What's that? We find out on Monday? Monday at 10 a.m. I go there. Monday at 10 a.m. I'm going to put that in my own calendar.

Monday at noon. Checking on Jeff. Yeah. I had a thing that happened the other day that reminded me of you, Jeff, where I feel like for a lot of your life, you've had a filter that you ignore constantly, where it's like, oh, I could make a joke here

and annoy the person I'm talking to, or I could just hold it in. And more often than not, you would go for the joke because it made you laugh. And I feel like I've always appreciated that approach. And I've had to put up certain filters since moving here, just so I don't offend people. And I must've been tired the other day again.

And it just, it was just gone. The filter was gone. I did. I just couldn't stop it. I was taking a bunch of camera equipment to film like a rocket test. I had a bunch of pellet cases and tripod and stuff. And an Uber driver picked me up and was like, oh, you, you filming something?

And I just looked at him and I just said, how could you tell? And I feel like, like growing up in England, the other guy would have been like, ah, you know, little rascal. Of course you are. This guy looked at me like he wanted to murder me. And I was like, oh, this is,

why didn't my British didn't my british to us filter come on to block the sarcasm and i just it just came out without me i could not stop it and i i've not i've not felt that guilty it's so long it was just it would have been so innocent in england i don't think that would have offended anyone He looked to me like I was a piece of shit. And I just felt, I sat in silence the entire way. It was like a 40 minute ride. You know what's even worse? You know he gave you a one star review.

I know. And I gave him five and a big old tip. I found out on a, Emily showed me a TikTok the other day where you can, shows how to look up and see how many one star reviews you've had. Don't do it. It's depressing. Oh no. Do you think you've had a lot't do it. It's depressing. Oh, no.

Do you think you've had a lot of ones? That one is probably my first one. I've had like six. Six one-star? What would you have been doing to deserve... Honestly, probably very similar situations to yours. Just not filtering. Just not feeling like it.

And just, you know being a dick oh man not not having my sarcasm filter on yeah i had one once where i was going to the airport with dan and dan has a habit of farting in other people's cars he'll just let just let the most not and he always blames it on the fact that he's like you know we've talked about how bad farts and shits can get when you're when you've just traveled and he's typically off a plane from england and he's suddenly dealing with a new diet and he lets rip just the most repugnant awful smells and we once had a driver just start swearing looking like looking straight forwards and swearing and then he

reached he reached into his glove box and just started spraying for back over his shoulder into our faces i definitely got a one start for that and i'm there just going i'm just embarrassed i'm like damn for christ's sake and he's like it's not my fault and the guy's just like what's great about that is you can do anything at that point because you're already at one yeah there's no you can't get worse it's amazing how how rude the pandemic made us all like i've i was rude to begin with but i have lost any kind of social niceties about burping or farting in public. You don't even think about it anymore. Yesterday, Emily got home from work, and I went outside to say hi to her.

And right as she opened her car door, I went to say hi, and a burp came out, and I just let it rip. And it was so fucking loud that a couple across the street was walking their dog, and the guy goes, We heard that! And I was like, Jesus Christ! Three houses over. Two days ago, I sneezed so loud in the house, it set the glass break sensor off in the wall.

No way! Swear to God, Emily can corroborate. It's in my notes, actually. I started sneezing loud. I've started sneezing loud because it annoys Emily. She doesn't like it, a loud sneeze. And so I've been trying to sneeze like loud just to piss her off.

Wait, pause. Now I can't stop it. To earlier in this podcast, what I brought up that you would constantly be throwing to Eric if you knew you weren't supposed to, and your outrage over the accusation to that story of Emily hates loud sneezes, so you're trying to amplify. Not just that you're doing them,

you're actively trying to increase your volume. I failed to see the connection. Anyway, once I started sneezing loud, I can't stop now. That's like one time in high school, I got real nervous about farting, so I taught myself how to fart quietly, and then farts became cool again, and then I couldn't fart with noise, and it

took me years to build up a noisy fart again. Farts became cool. I can't make a sound. My sneezes are like decibel shattering. Apparently there are alarms setting off now. A loud sneeze is so satisfying there. I do it when I'm alone.

I just blast them out onto the floor. So satisfying. Blast them out. You're so fucking weird. You're blasting sneezes onto the floor. Well, usually, you know, in public, I'm like going into my arm, like my inverse elbow bit. Oh, I see what you mean. So have it just be like, there's no one around.

I'm firing this. So, you know, ones where like if it's backlit, you're going to see it. Yeah. Love them. Oh, man. I was just going to ask how many sneezes are you guys? I'm almost always a three sneeze man. I'm a single.

I'm one and done every time. Really? That's so not satisfying. Yeah, no, I'm two. Two every time. Meg has two. Meg has two, so I always say bless after the first one

and you after the second one without fail. Do you guys remember when I told you, I have so much little dumb stuff today. Do you guys remember how I told you that frustration I had where I have to turn my TV off in my bedroom twice? Yeah. I can't make it stop. I didn't tell you guys this, I don't think,

but about two weeks ago or three weeks ago, before the ice storm, it just started working again. Like, I just hit the button. I've done nothing to it. And it just starts working again. But I realized last night, because just hit the button. I've done nothing to it. And it just like, it starts working again. But I've realized last night, because you know, right about the time it started working,

the power lost, went out, and then we were gone for a while. So I've just now started getting back to watching TV in my bedroom. I realized that now that it turns off on its own, or like it turns off with one power button push, now the volume no longer works. What?

So now I can turn my TV on and off easily, but I cannot change the volume. Just out of the blue. It's like it flipped. Before the volume worked fine, I just had to turn the TV off twice. Now I turn it off once, and the volume just doesn't fucking work,

and I am befuddled on how to fix this. I had the same happen with one of my, I think after it updated, the volume stopped working for my TV. I feel like I just forgot the remote. How did you fix it? I just started using the TV remote again. See, I don't know where my TV remote is. I'll have to find it. It's a whole fucking thing.

Huh. What a weird thing for your TV to update out of your remote. What a strange future innovation. That's one of the most annoying things about the modern world is that, I mean, you can leave stuff exactly where you left it and come back to it and it's different.

Because the internet did something to it. Yeah. I never update anything. I feel like you never update. I feel like that's the move. You never update anything. You never even downloaded Discord. Listen, that was a very sharp tone by you but you're on my listen that was a very sharp tone by you and you're on my team last week about it just the same you said exact same

experience i don't want to hear that energy because you're your team website discord your browser discord guy now yeah back on and to be honest hey gavin to be honest after what you've said about coming and sneezing and foot piss i I don't even know if I want you on the web browser discord side anymore. I need to consider, like, I need to evaluate the roster. Possibly. It's up for review. I'll get back

to you when I go through a thorough investigation of everything, but it's up for review. Okay. I'm on probation. Are you on the app right now? No, I'm back on the desktop app. Fuck. Okay.

God damn it. Yeah, I just reinstalled. Oh, you're on the app. You're back on the... The way you said that. Okay. No, it's good. Stay on there.

I uninstalled it and reinstalled it. Stay on there for a little bit. And I just... I'll let you know. Let me know when I can come back, though. Yeah, I'll let you know. That made me laugh so hard I get dizzy for a second. Oh, my God.

Did you guys see that video somebody posted on the subreddit of 50 Cent talking about getting shot in the face and the pain level? No. He got shot in his face? He was shot nine times. Yeah. Yeah. That's what his claim to fame is. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah. shot nine times. Yeah. Yeah. That's what this claim to fame is. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. He he said in this interview that somebody that was clipped on the on the subreddit that getting shot in the face hurts less than a root canal.

So basically what I'm saying is that 50 Cent is saying that I've essentially been shot like six times in the face. I can say that I've essentially been shot in the face five or six times. Yeah, I guess it like probably contextually, right? Like, I assume he didn't know he was going to get shot in the face when it happened. I don't think so. But you know a root canal is coming. Yeah.

There's never been a drive-by root canal, which would be horrendous. I think that'd be the worst case scenario. That'd be a bad one. Yeah. It would be. Yeah. Yeah, I don't... What happened to you?

I got mugged. He root canaled me. Like, it's such a... He stole my root. I took my wallet and my root. Oh, I would give so much up before I was willing for them to take my root. I will throw my wallet. I will run if you're coming after my root.

Anything but the root. Do they take the root in a root canal? I don't. Do they take it? Don't you need the root? No, you have multiple roots. Really? You have like three roots in your tooth and they take the one that's.

So that's how you can have multiple root canals in the same tooth? Yeah. And then if you get, if you lose all your roots, then you in your tooth and they take the one that's... So that's how you can have multiple root canals on the same tooth? Yeah. And then if you lose all your roots, then you lose your tooth and they just fucking yank it. It seems weird that you only get two goes at teeth. It does.

I could have done with maybe one set every 20 years. Well, I still have my wisdom teeth and I feel like they're my backup tires is the way I view those. I'm supposed to get them removed? No, but the fact I still have my wisdom teeth, and I feel like they're my backup tires, is the way I view those. I'm supposed to get them removed, but the fact... No, but the fact I still got them, I just feel like I got some extras in the chamber if I need them. You don't lose a canine and they put one of your wisdoms there, what do you mean? Well, no, I just feel like it gives me a false sense of security.

I know logically what you're saying is accurate, but in my head, I got a few backup tires in my mouth. He's got a spare in the trunk. It's like saying that I got a spare in the trunk, but I have to use it in the trunk. What do you mean? Well, listen. Just start spinning in there. From a numbers perspective, it would make sense. Down a tooth, up a tooth.

If it emerges. I don't know how I'd even pull it. I guess I'd have to. Could I get my wisdom teeth pulled and then put into my mouth if I wanted to somewhere probably not what do you mean what if I did like it what if I did like dentures like a denture but it was just like wisdom teeth yeah but then you can do

whatever you can do like dog teeth like if you're talking about dentures you're not fucking weird Eric I'm not gonna put dog teeth in my mouth oh maybe Eric's the weird one Gavin is doing whatever he can to take the weirdness off me. I'm trying to say the most normal shit.

Putting your own teeth back in your head after they get pulled is like, this is so insane to me. I never thought about ever thought about that. Can you imagine a full smile of just wisdom teeth? Oh my god.

So fucking big oh my god giant blocks the toothiest grin you've ever seen how do how did the wisdom how does a tooth get made do we start with teeth grow it okay well yeah but can i can i put it back in and like could i grow more teeth if i wanted like why does my mouth just stop that's what i'm saying it's like dna tells your body to grow two sets and i think well you can see x-rays of kids right where they have all their teeth but they have all their adult teeth just sitting dormant above there's something that you don't want to look at yeah yeah oh it's okay so you got your low down that one is if that guy like smashed his chin like riding a bike one of his teeth could come out the bottom i would say looking at this photo of all

the it's like normal teeth and then all your compartments for teeth if somebody mugged me and stole a tooth i'd be like fucking idiot they don't know i got 20 more they could have taken not even visible they didn't check my hidden compartments. Also, look how freaking weird that wisdom tooth looks. Imagine a full set of them. That's what Andrew wants. Which one's the wisdom? Put them in the front? The wisdom's the one right at the back.

They look like the little hats you put on like rack of lamb after you... Yeah, you know what I mean? Chicken leg or something. I would look like an extra at a Flintstones movie if I had a full rack of those. It's like a prehistoric vibe you get from them. Dude, that guy's got teeth up by his nose, down by his chin.

It's horrible. Do you guys remember earlier when Gavin thought the most logical solution to a problem was to stick his bare foot into a bowl of piss and use it as a little monkey hand He said do a goat kick. Yeah I'm gonna be thinking about that for weeks. I

Was just trying to keep my hands clean. It's just another appendage Okay, but let's just like realistically go through the motions of a goat kick. A goat kick is backwards, right? So you're going toes in. Yeah, in my head, I'm like len on the cistern. So you're standing over the toilet. Yeah. Okay. And I'm like back footing it out.

Are you on the toilet? Like are both feet on? Okay. I'd say I start straddling the toilet. And then I sort of like lean on the tank. And then I do like a back pass on the handle Yeah, as it flies out No, that's way better than just putting your hand in and grabbing it and then moving on with your we today. It's advancing

There's a terrible idea by you Already came around it. I know I know I was right again It was just Someone It would be like If I said what if you use both elbows To fish it out because you don't really use those Like that's fine like I would I think I'd actually rather my elbows Than my foot I would agree if my elbow Could fit deep enough into the bowl

I would use that Like both of them? And like a trap, like you're trying to pinch it with your elbows? They just wouldn't fit in though, would they? No, I don't think I could do that, yeah. But if I had like, I don't know, like John Jones' arms, and really like pointy long elbows, I think I could make that work. But that's very specific.

I think there's someone in the comments who would have thought about a foot going in. Sure. Oh, definitely. I think it's someone in the comments who would have thought about a foot going in. Oh, definitely. I think it's understandable to consider it, but to then act like that should be the plan is... And to advocate for it, yeah. Yeah, that's the issue. Did you guys... You want to put yourself on the level of a comment leaver

who's saying, like, oh, I left this comment about how I'd also do a goat kick in the toilet? Yeah, I mean, that's where I came from, Eric. I'm a comment leaver. Yeah, I'm a comment leaver, too. Those are Gavin's people. Goat kickers unite. If you do a goat kick in your piss toilet

to get a cabinet knob out. I think my issue with the comment leaver comment Gavin, by you, is stating that someone would have done that. That doesn't mean a whole lot and also like who is that person like you might not actually want to align with that that individual just because there is one doesn't actually prove anything i just feel like a foot is a go-to when you don't want to touch something yeah yeah you're still touching it i don't know

your foot is attached to you just so you know like what do you mean by that i don't know. Your foot is attached to you. Just so you know. Like, what do you mean by that? I don't know. Yeah. I think you just really... We're talking about Micah Parsons before you joined. In Pleasantries, being a foot guy, he loves feet. You are, like, the reverse of a foot guy. I hate feet. I don't want... I want nothing to do with them. You have, like, a hatred

fetish of feet, as opposed to liking feet. I don't want to touch one. They're not attractive. They're dirty. No thanks. You ever looked at a foot and said like, hmm, that's a good looking foot. Actually, you won't believe

this. No, never. Just this week, I saw my first foot that I was like, actually, that's a pretty good foot. You're so weird. It was Katy Perry. Katy Perry tweet she had on Instagram. I think she put up like,

I think she started selling a shoe or something to do with, but the foot model that she posted, I was like, okay, that's probably the best looking foot. And I still didn't want to do anything with it. I wouldn't want it like, I wouldn't want to touch it,

but I had to admit like of all the feet I've seen, that was probably the best one. Well, I have yet to see a foot that I feel to admit like of all the feet I've seen that's probably the best one well I have yet to see a foot that I feel that way about let me try and find it send me a picture of Katie I think I'm good I'm pretty sure I'm good that was right there with you

that's the one yeah I was like okay that's actually a pretty inoffensive foot that's just a fucking foot dude it looks exactly like every other foot I've ever seen. I don't know. You want to cover that in piss. I don't.

You want to goat kick that. No, you're making it so weird. I'm just saying. You know we're just saying what you said. No, I'm just saying that was the best one I've seen yet. And I still am not into it. Imagine Jeff looking at a foot and saying, that's the best one I've seen yet.

I definitely have. It's like, surely you've once seen a sandwich. No, no. It's the best looking sandwich I've ever seen. Here's the problem. It means you're taking inventory. It means you're taking inventory, and that's strange. You have a Rolodex in your head of feet,

and you're like, that one's the best one. Yeah, that's strange you have a rolodex in your head of feet, and you're like yeah That one's the best one. Yeah, you had a thought it's I think that happens unintentionally doesn't it like you just sort of file stuff away Could you imagine Gavin if you and I were in the same room together? And I said you got to come over here to see this this is the best foot I've seen in 28 years of living let's say 28 years This is what this thing I would be like I didn, you guys, you got to check out this foot. I just mentioned it because it came up.

No, it's only because you said, have you ever seen a foot? And I was like, well, it's the perfect. It wasn't in my notes. I was just. Andrew, it's as if you were hanging out. We were hanging out and I was like, hey, Andrew, I'm not one to be sexually attracted to bananas. But look at this fucking banana. You have to admit, if you were going to do something to a banana, this would be the banana, right?

No, it would not only make sense if Andrew was suddenly like, you ever wanted to have sex with a banana? What are you talking about? It came up in conversation. What do you want to do to that foot? I don't want to do anything It's the best looking one I've ever seen And I want nothing to do with it still I just have to admit It's probably the most inoffensive one I've ever seen

I don't think that's weird I don't know what he reacted so strongly to that foot that it stuck in his brain to the point where he could instantly recognize the photo it was like this week this foot has done a number on you man you

have probably at some point seen the best pastrami sandwich that you've ever witnessed, right? But if you're off pastrami, you're probably not going to eat it. But you have to be like, you know what? That one looks really good. You know what, though? I'm not off pastrami. Oh!

He's back! I pastrami. I pastrami. Hard. But once again, though, sorry, just to counter Gavin's point, this is a thing he loves. That's why he'd remember and catalog it, because he loves them. He loved them.

Then he didn't. Then he fell out of love with it, but the love wasn't... It would make more sense if I was like, God, I used to love to jack off on feet, but then I stopped. It just wasn't into it anymore. But now I think I'm into jacking off on feet again. Like, that's different. Nothing like that. I think it's pretty much exactly ending anymore. But now I think I'm into jacking off on feet again. Like, that's different. Nothing like that.

I think it's pretty much exactly like that. Okay, I'm not an architect, but sometimes you see a building that's like, that's a pretty cool building. And you want to fuck it? No! What's it got to do with it? But you didn't...

But you aren't saying that you have, like, hatred for buildings. You said you have hatred for feet. Look, I'm not trying to dogpile. I'm just, it's very inconsistent to me. So it has to be something that I hate, but then recognize that I'm going to find such a good example eventually. I'm going to find such a good example eventually. This is Gavin's new life hack.

Don't be attracted to feet, but if you are, be attracted to this foot. Gavin's life hack is when you get dunked on, take your time with a comeback. You'll get them later. You've got the rest of your life to think of a comeback. Take your time. Oh, man. I just think sometimes

when you're the opposite, like you're the opposite of a foot guy. Sometimes you have to just... Are you alright? Oh, no, I'm dying. I'm close to dead. We need to find out if that foot model is British because if so, they need to be a toad in the hole.

You do need to have an extended toe in the hole. Toe in the hole. That's Kevin's Spanish sighting. It's just like people pop their feet in. Women popping big toes through toast. Okay, well, I guess you could compare it to like, you know, as a straight man.

There are some times you see a guy and it's like, that's a good looking person. No, I don't want to do anything. I wouldn't want to interact with him in that way. But I recognize That is what Eric what? I'm just not attracted to guys in general. What do you mean? Your base is where the feet is. You hate the feet.

You're opposed to my feet. Oh, my gosh. I've never looked at somebody visually and just thought, that's an inoffensive-looking person. They're just people. They're just people. I don't know why I can't come up with a good comparison. What's wrong with this situation?

No, I think you just need to punt. You need to punt. You need to sit down for a while and revisit this when you get the ball again. Down the road. I think you just need to punt. You need to punt. You need to sit down for a while and revisit this when you get the ball again. Down the road. I think you're just going to be like fourth and 80 if you keep going. Just punt. Just punt on your third down.

You know, that's good advice. Okay. We should wrap this up, I think. Eric's going to blow a fuse in the Discord chat if we don't. Thank you for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. If you made it to the end of this one, there should be no doubt in your mind two things. One, this is a pretty entertaining podcast. You should probably tell some people about it.

And two, Gavin is a f***ing freak. We'll see you next week. It's so weird. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. An egg. Let's play with food dice. Andrew is not a yogurt guy.

Jeff wants to play rollerball. What fruit can you throw the furthest? More mall talk. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.