Regulation Podcast - Caviar Phones // Internal Monologues [174]

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about how impressed they are by Gus Sorola, scanning Starfield planets, most sought after skill in a podcaster draft, phone voices, Andrew leading the college Pick’em, potato draft, the use of nose flaps, bath time preferences, Caviar phones, not so hot sports takes, Kindle sex books, talking to yourself, Gavin being the equivalent of a wolf, what qualifies as an ingredient, gas station chips, and Geoff's water park induced enema. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q.  Sponsored by Raycon (Go to http://buyraycon.com/face and use code BIRTHDAY). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How are you doing, Jeff? I am fine, how are you? I am okay. That's cool, we're gonna talk about your robots today. Yeah, we are. He will be here in less than 30 seconds, so if there's anything you have to say about him... Less than 30 seconds. If you have anything to say about him, now is the time.

I don't like him. Oh, that's, I mean, that's easy. That's not true. I love him. I only like him because he has a pool for you guys to enjoy.

Yeah. I hope we get to use that on Saturday. I'd love to do that. Uh, last episode, we talked about taking over. Let's play. We talked about Andrew's ankles.

We talked about Jeff's new achievement. We put, uh, talked about team 17, Andrew's bad rep, regulation flavors, the flavor draft. Bigfoot.

But that was all last time, so this is this time. Hello and welcome to another... God damn it. I'm excited about this time. I'm sorry. I have to explain. Before you got here,

the same fucking thing happened with this one and Nick. They were just talking on top of each other, would would stop and then talk on top of each other insane fuck we did the verbal thing of you know like when you try to pass someone in a store and then you both end up trying to adjust the same way it's just awkward and you just get stuck that was what we did yeah we both gave each other a lot of room do you feel like it happens more to you than most? I don't know. I'm not polling people.

I don't know how often the average person experiences that. I'd say it happens maybe once every, I don't know, maybe a year. Once a year? Once every few years? I'd say it happens four or five times this podcast a week. Hello and welcome to a... God damn it. Everybody shut the fuck up for a second.

Okay. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey, or as some folks call me T-Bone. With me as always, Regulation, Gooch, Scoop, and Caviar. This is episode 174. I'm going to go ahead and say this isn't going to be a great intro episode. I think that was a great intro.

I got everybody's nicknames in there. What Jeff did where he screamed for everyone to shut up, I had to do, but it wasn't for content. I just needed everyone to shut up earlier. So you just do that in normal conversation? You just scream shut up? With you guys, yes. When I am trying to get a point across everyone to shut up earlier. So you just do that in normal conversation. You just scream, shut up when, when I am with you guys.

Yes. When I am trying to get a point across or trying to get something answered and it is people talking on top of each other. Absolutely. I'd say that's quite extreme social conduct. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Haven't you spent time socially with Eric ever? It happens at lunch.

It happens in the morning. It happens around the break show. It happens in the parking lot. It happens at lunch it happens in the morning it happens around the break show it happens in the parking lot it happens at coffee shops like I just don't want just stop if one person is talking just let them I just it all talking at the same time and then we can't do an intro and I can't get answers and it's like I'll just jump out a window just jump out a window insane all right so how do you want this episode to go next eric well earlier everyone was talking like robots so we've already done that we don't have to do that now you weren't here for that but it was it was almost working pretty well um what i wanted let's see what do

i want how do i want this to go um well that has been like the 10th burp i've heard from jeff in like five minutes are you okay here Here's what I want to know. Are you OK, man? Dude, I'm just pounding Dr. Pepper today. I'm thirsty. I got hot. I got hot. I was out on the tarmac today, Eric.

I got hot. You're on the you were out on the tarmac. What does that mean, Jeff? I was going to go for a flight with my friend Gus this morning. Oh, but it didn't happen. What happened? But we did spend about two hours in the sun. There was a problem with the radio.

We could communicate with the ground, but not with the other people. I don't know, control or some shit. And so we just didn't take off. You sat in the plane there? Yeah. I drove around in the plane for a little while. We drove. As a matter of fact, Gus and I both flipped off Elon Musk's jet. It was right next to us on the time wow did you feel like uh a little kid like

learning to drive like you're just you're not actually experiencing the thing you're just in in like the driveway going forward and back yeah exactly like that it's like you know there's two there's a there's a steering wheel on the left and then a steering wheel on the right you know gus let me hold on to that steering wheel. It didn't do anything, but I felt like I was steering. Exactly. No, it was really fucking cool. Even though we didn't actually fly, just watching Gus go through the process of getting a plane

ready and just seeing how, I don't know, good at it he is and how seriously he takes it. It was impressive and kind of would you say it's the coolest you've ever seen Gus look? No. It's up there, but he didn't look at any point like he was approaching cool, no. Really? I feel like flight stuff is like cool, impressive guy stuff. For a lot of people, yeah.

For Gus. But some people, you know, I include Gus and myself in that, you're just not going to look cool no matter what. He might be the coolest nerd dweeb. Like he's been in situations where like dealing with like convention people, like loading into like getting all the stuff from the unloading bay and stuff. He just knows, he just knows what he's doing with procedure.

It's very impressive. He is in, he is, I'll say this about about gus uh somebody that we don't ever talk about in this podcast so here i don't know what we're talking about now but uh he is one of the most capable people i've ever met when he puts his mind towards to something i just am trying to understand what like is confidence cool is that you're saying is cool gavin like what is cool about it's not confidence. It's just that he knows all the possible outcomes and he knows all of the possible paths he could take based on what other people say.

Like he's just prepared. He memorized, he's memorized the org chart for everything. Like all the like, if, then, if this person says no, go, yeah, he's memorized every possible flow chart related to his career. Okay. I was just trying to figure out if it was actually like cool in a general sense or like gavin specific version of what cool would be maybe just impressive impressive might be a better word like you're

like andrew you're impressive i would strongly disagree with that. You do... Very impressive. You do weird shit. It's impressive. What have you been doing, Andrew, in Starfield? We're going to go immediately... We talked a lot about Starfield, so I didn't plan on talking too much about it, but I just...

Let's not talk too much about it, but this is fascinating. You're a lunatic. I surveyed every single planet fully in Starfield. There's a lot of planets. There's a lot more than I thought there would be. It has been a grind. How many did you think there were,

and how many did there turn out to be? I can pull that up quickly. I believe that there'd be like a little over a thousand, because all the marketing material around the game was like over a thousand planets. So I figured that'd be less than like a thousand, two hundred fifty or something like that. If they say over a thousand, you expect it to be like a thousand planets so i figured that'd be less than like a thousand two hundred fifty or something like that like if they say over a thousand you expect it to be like a thousand

three exactly yeah so i ended up scanning i've scanned one thousand six hundred ninety three planets jesus yeah i remember sending you and gavin a text at 500 being like halfway there and then around 800 i realized this is not the math is not adding up so much i've left i've played the game for about 60 hours or so and i'm at the last mission and i've scanned 18 planets maybe how many hours do you think you have it's oh god i it's impossible because i just have been letting the game run ever since like i just the only thing it's just on always yeah yeah i can't like accurately tell but essentially any free time i have i've been putting it into scanning planets up until last night i've got like 70 something hours or maybe more i'm level 38. I've noticed that on the picture of your completed scans,

you are level 95 just from scanning. I went up, yeah, I think I did some side missions and stuff and got to level 17 or 18. And then everything from there to I'm currently 95 or 96. And that was all just surveying. It's planet after planet. Well, I could tell how little progress you've made in the game because I was like, oh, you know, Vladimir is going to be happy with all that data. And you said, who's that?

Yeah, I don't know. I think he's in a place called the eye, right? Which I haven't been to yet. I have parents I still haven't met. I've traveled the entire universe and I haven't met my parents yet. Andrew, when you play Starfield, you're going to love it. It's such a fun game. I can't wait for you to see. I found something fucking crazy. There's one,

there's only one system I went into that immediately gives you a side quest. Blew my mind. So I'm excited to fully explore that. I was like, I'll check this out. I was reading on, I was reading on Reddit today. I was like I'll check this out I was reading on uh I was reading on reddit today I don't know how true this is but supposedly they paid an homage to the the planet reach from the halo series like it's where it would be in the universe and you can go

there and it's a really lush and beautiful planet that looks kind of like reach looked before it got glassed I think I I think I remember that but like when I've I've been through so many planets my brain is like kind of broken in that way like it's all it's like too much data but the real issue with this planet thing and as Gavin said I haven't explored far enough in the game to sell any of this stuff I haven't met anyone that can buy it I don't think so I have all this planetary data on my ship so whenever you fully survey a planet, it gives you a physical item that you can then sell. So I have that many physical items in my ship.

And I tried after I did all this yesterday to pull, cause I've just been throwing it in my ship's cargo cause it's weightless. So you can have as much of it as you want. It's not, there's no, all of the limitations for cargo is based upon weight and not items so i have it all there i tried to pull it all and the game just froze so i'm i think i'm gonna have to like one by one pull it and then i don't know if the game will just crash if i hold it all at

once and try to go anywhere you're basically just walking around holding the universe yeah exactly and the whole galaxy i would say that my game is crashing when I was doing this every 45 minutes or so. I feel like I'm crashing way more than the average player just because every time I load in somewhere, it has to load all that stuff as well. You're that universe's Encyclopedia Britannica. I am.

Do you want to see something cool that I found? Especially if it's not starfield related yeah oh no it is it is sorry it's the last starfield thing look at this why do I get this not though no it is look at this q-tip alien look at this q-tip alien oh wow that's real weird it's like a cotton top it is what was it called I remember. Yeah, there's no way I remember. It's Q-tip. Hey, I have a life hack for you guys. Okay.

I guess it's a life hack. It may just be like a pro tip. You let me know if there's a life. It's probably a pro tip. I have a pro tip for you guys. How about that? If you're going to hire a lawyer from like a law firm where a bunch of lawyers work, don't go to the...

Emily and I found this out the other day. Don't schedule your appointment for first thing in the morning and then get there early enough because you don't want to be late because you've never driven there before. So you get there 10 or 15 minutes early and then you sit in the parking lot.

Don't do that because you're going to get to see what every lawyer looks like on their way into work. And it is way less impressive to see them in like bike shorts and like sweats and like uh fucking their street clothes walking in they change clothes once they get into the building apparently we were like what the fuck are we who are we hiring so you don't want to like pre-see you don't want to pre-see pleasantries no you don't want lawyer pleasantries you just don't want to see him going to work. You want to walk into the building and they're already in a suit behind a desk.

You don't want to see the process from the car to the front door because you will lose all confidence. Do you think some of the people behind the desk are just dressed nice from the waist up? Yeah, it's just it's just like a pandemic. That's why that's my pro tip, I guess. Probably not a life hack. I know. I like it because I feel like i feel like you're cursed no matter what like you either have to come to terms with hiring a lawyer that you saw in like super tight bike shorts or not pick them for that reason then learn they're like the best lawyer available and like lose to them or like have somehow them go against you and then know how dumb you are for not going with them because you saw them in bike shorts. Yeah.

And just like they just haven't put their selves together yet. They're just. Yeah. They just look half asleep. And they're like, they look like I would look walking into rooster teeth at eight in the morning. No offense to them. That's their human. Every human being probably looks like that at eight in the morning.

But God damn, it doesn't instill confidence when you're talking about uh life planning and money and you know what i mean i i really liked andrew's description of picking the lawyer like not picking the lawyer or whatever like it's an nba roster like oh yeah i'm not gonna go with this guy didn't look good uh pre-draft so uh i'm gonna go with a different lawyer oh man he came back to beat us in the final he's got he's six six but he's got really small hands and i'm worried about his ball control he's definitely not the power forward that we're looking for at the moment so we'll just move on you gotta look at pen grip strength you gotta look at just general cursive skills memory tests i watch the legal combine every year i don't know what you guys what what do you think the think the podcast equivalent to that would be?

Like, are you looking for, like, mic skills? Like, what's sort of, like, the draft call? Mic skills. Yeah, you know, like, the way you're talking in and out of, like, the mic. It's a learned skill talking directly into the microphone. Well, that's good because this episode Nick said I sound like shit, so. Yeah, but then you said you were up his butt. Well, he said, it's Gavin more echoey than usual.

Are you recording in a different spot? I replied, in your butt. Which means no. I'm in the same spot. Otherwise I would have said the different place I was in. How do you like them mic skills? You got him. I draft you number one.

What do you think is the number one skill for a podcaster that you would look for in the draft? Oh, that's a tough question. Like, what do you think is the top skill? Maybe a nice voice. Oh, good voice. I don't think so. I don't because listen to this. Like, listen to this voice. I don't think so. Because listen to this. Listen to this podcast.

We all sound like shit. Yeah, that's why this podcast isn't on any top tens. Or look at a guy like Jack who's got a great voice, but what does he do with it? Jesus. Yeah, fucking get him, man. Hell yeah. Do you have a go-to smooth voice that you try sometimes, Eric? Because your voice is probably the easiest to pick out of this group.

Yeah, but everyone says that I sound like Michael and I don't hear it, which is crazy. I don't either. But here's the thing. I think I don't know if we've talked about this. If your voice had to travel down a pipe, the pipe is kinked. Yeah. And that's the only way i could describe your voice yeah i would describe eric's voice as a gravel road but i don't mean that negatively it's just there's a

lot of there's a roughness to it thank you but it's consistent yeah i'm like a kinked pipe uh so i think i think that uh when i talk on the phone my wife has made fun of me for this i have a phone voice and i learned it like i like learned it from my dad i think uh just hearing talk on the phone, my wife has made fun of me for this. I have a phone voice and I learned it like I like learned it from my dad. I think just hearing him on the phone all the time. And so I guess that's I do put on a voice when I have. I don't think about it like I never really noticed, but I definitely put on a voice when I'm on the phone. So you you sound to me as if you ever see The Secret of Nimh. as if... You ever see The Secret of NIMH?

You sound to me as if one of the rats from The Secret of NIMH got hit with a ray gun and then embiggened into a human person who's very well-spoken, like a very well-educated rat who becomes a human. Hello, is that Mr. Bedore? Yeah, this is Eric.

I've just heard you have a pretty distinctive phone voice. Yeah, yeah. Sounds, yeah, yeah, we can get that going. No problem. Shouldn't be an issue at all. Okay, so you sound like a weird pilot.

You sound like a... You go deeper. You get a little deeper. You deepen up. Yeah, Gavin hung up on me. Does anybody else change their voice on the phone? Gavin, do you change your voice? Yeah, do you become American?

No, definitely not. Are you sure? No, we've done our phone voices recently on this, didn't we? Well, we've done phone calls recently, but I don't know if you were doing your phone voice. Yeah, we talked about the way you answer the phone. Oh, yeah, I think I'm the exact same.

Hmm. I think I'd go deep voice. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring think I'd go deep voice. If I'm scouting, I think. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. What? Is that how you answer the phone?

Hey, it's, hey, it's Jeff. Is this Andrew? What? It's, it's. Yeah. Can you not hear me? No, I can hear you. Hey, how's it going?

I'm good. How are you? It's good. It's been a while since we've spoken on the phone. And while I do love to text you all day and all night i just was wanted to talk to you on the phone for a second jeff i don't think we've ever had a phone call we're doing it right now you dipshit i'm saying i don't think this has ever happened you didn't even do a phone voice that was deeper like you were gonna do no that was see that was me i was thinking back to draft assets for podcasters i was not talking about phone voices okay so if you if you wanted to have like a smooth podcast

voice yeah how would that go like not well i know that was a cue to try it but not well would be the answer i don't let's all try let so it's so nobody feels embarrassed feels embarrassed why don't all of us try our smooth podcast like an NPR type voice or what type of voice are we going for because there's different types of smooth ooh coming up Leah

I realized it is echoing because my speakers were on this whole time I realized it is echoing because my speakers were on this whole time. I knew it! I told you! Up your butt. I'll be honest, it's my lack of microphone skills have started to show. You've definitely fallen down the draft order. I'm sorry.

You might be behind Andrew now. Oh my god. That is embarrassing. Is it? You've definitely fallen down the draft order. I'm sorry you might be behind Cuz I still don't think you know what a draft is I don't think you know what any of that means No, but the only reason I heard it is because I was doing my voice And it cut through the headphones Suck headphones oh i suck oh man uh listen you're no crack rock in the first round gavin but you're you're up there you're good we haven't decided on the next draft have we no we've like 12 of them that we can do we just haven't locked one in yeah we fucked around with the

we talked about the idea of like coming up with our ultimate fruit uh what was it ultimate flavors yeah the flavor the best flavor of each type I don't know where we are in any of that stuff to be honest with you there's a lot a lot going on I feel like Jeff's uh

I'm sorry bit that came out may have been the most polarizing piece of face since uh the pencil if there's one thing i've learned in uh in the last 20 years of my career it's when i do a voice and any voice it's polarizing i don't do it very often but i did that dumb sorry thing and that was polarizing. Years ago, I used to mimic Trevor from GTA in GTA videos,

and people would be like, I'm going to unsubscribe from Achievement Hunter if you don't stop. Well, to be fair, that wasn't so much mimicking Trevor as just going,

eww, for like 50 minutes. It wasn't like that. It was like, eww. That's pretty good. I think that's good. I haven't played the. I was like, that's pretty good. I think that's good. I haven't played the game in a while,

but that sounds like Trevor to me. Yeah. Yeah. I will say if the I'm Sawi one wasn't it, it was the punchlines bit. That was, that really sent people one way or the other. Yeah, dude.

Maybe we should chill out on these polarizing parts that we're on. Maybe you should give us the punchline more than 40 minutes before we record the thing. Well, I said we didn't have to damn do it that time, and I also said

I don't even know what we would come up with. It was a terrible bit, and I tried to take the bullet. More time would have been nice okay more time would have been nice this won't say it was a great bit i am in a real pretzel gavin i don't know what to do maybe you can help me through this i've talked to jeff about this a little bit i don't know what to I am in a Jeff family college football pick-em league. Yes. And I am killing it. I'm doing great.

Week two, I went nine and one for picks. You have to make 10 picks every week. I believe... Could I briefly interrupt? Yeah. I don't know anything that you've said so far. No, that's fine. Let me explain it, Gavin.

So Emily's family, my soon to be family, as I'm marrying into the family, you know Kent and Dwight, we went to Vegas together. You were there with them. You had many conversations. You sat right next to them at a restaurant. For like three straight days, you were around them constantly. Big time.

Yeah. College football happens every year, right? They play a series of games. And every year we do what's called a college pick'em, where you do this little ESPN app and it says, hey, who do you think is going to win these 10 games? And then you pick and then we all go against each other. And then whoever does the best at the end of the year

gets to make fun of everybody else. And we invited Andrew in this year. And he's mopping up the fucking floor with all of us it me Emily Kent her dad her uncle her cousin just all of us to the point where he's like ruining all the fun

yeah the family we're all gonna we're gonna have to quit and start a different one without him no this is so this is the problem I am so clueless I actually accidentally made two teams in that league and for the first two weeks I was first and third place i was i'm doing really well i dropped the third place team once i realized because i got invited to multiple leagues so it was just i got confused and i don't use espn all that often for that type of stuff here's my problem gavin the the second week we did this out of the 10, I picked nine correct and one wrong.

I think I'm first in the league through three weeks. I know absolutely nothing about college football. I don't watch college football. I'm just randomly picking. You're just picking based on random names? Names and just like, I feel like they might win this. And it also shows the picking percentage of like 90% of people pick this. So sometimes they'll go with that.

Sometimes they'll go, ooh, I think this is an underdog because it's 60-40 and I'll go with the 40. So it's just a total guessing process by me. And I thought it was like I was so flattered to be invited and it's like, oh, this would be a fun thing to play in, but I didn't really care that much. But after I was first in week one, I was like, oh, fuck, I guess I kind of play in, but I didn't really care that much. But after I was first in week one, I was like, oh, fuck, I guess I kind of care about, I guess I want to try to keep this going.

Then I went 9-1 in week two, solidified myself as the first. Week three, I think I also did really well. I don't know how to continue, like this is not sustainable because I'm just guessing and I'm not doing any research. But whenever I do research in other sports I care about, I do way worse than this. So I just don't know what to do.

Oh, yeah. You have to keep doing it the way you're doing it. It's just I feel like there's no winning for me because if I do research, I feel like that will lead to me like overthinking and I'll screw it up. But I also want to keep winning. So it feels like I should be doing research. It just it's a nightmare. I've accidentally entered a nightmare. So I've been where you are, Andrew. And let me describe it as this. It's the more I pay attention to it, the worse I do. But the more I do it, the more I want to pay attention to it. Yeah, it's frustrating. You know, it's terrible. Yeah, it is terrible. I was definitely I was definitely better the year before last than I was last year than I I'm doing terribly this year. And I've paid more attention each week since I started three years ago it's

not even a thing that I can like follow because I thought oh maybe I'll watch games there just isn't a lot available to me in Canada like they just don't air those in the same way they do in the US so I'm stuck but it's just I feel like I'm pretzeled mentally of like I don't know what to do I guess I just gotta keep not caring and just hope. Or maybe come to terms with, this isn't sustainable. But that has been a frustration. I'm doing, it's like the

best I've ever done at anything, but I can't enjoy it because I'm constantly like, I'm gonna fuck this up next week. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna get one right. I'm gonna go nine losses, one win. Would you rather it go downhill because of the research you've put in or because your luck just ran out doing it blind? See, I feel like no matter what, I'll spin zone it into being a negative for me. So if I do the research and I lose, I'll say, I'm an idiot.

Why did I do that? But if I don't do research and I lose, I can then argue, well, if I did the research, I would have been able to just keep it going. It's a lose-lose. My brain is just going to screw me over no matter what I do, I guess, is the ultimate thing. I think I just got to keep going. I got to keep doing what's working, I guess, and just see how long it lasts. It's been a pain.

Is there any money involved? No. No. The winner has to buy dinner for everybody that they beat. That's just the only thing. That's not a real thing. That's what we're all going to decide if you win this year. Okay, well, if it's a real thing,

then I hope y'all enjoy some fucking fry smiles or smiley, whatever they're called. Potato smiles, yeah. Potato smiles, yeah. You're going to have that. I'll get some Kool-Aid. enjoy some fucking fry smiles or smiley whatever they're called potato smiles yeah you're gonna have that I'll get some Kool-Aid I'll get the Kool-Aid mix that you

got and potato smiles for everybody that sounds like the well except for the fact that potato smiles are fucking bland and gross Emily and I tried to

eat them again later and we cooked the shit out of them they're just they're so uninteresting yeah they're not they are such a bad mix between a hash brown

and a fucking tater tot. They are a low tier fry. They are a low tier. I like a crinkle cut. I like a curly as long as it has the appropriate seasoning. Do you think maybe a fry draft is in our future? Oh! Well, it'd have to be

maybe a potato draft because are there enough? Are there 12 kinds of fries? Well, it's have to be a maybe a potato draft because are there enough are there 12 kinds of fries well it's going to get into like a really weird argument of like is a tater tot a fry like yes i don't want to i don't think we can handle another tot related argument potato draft potato draft potato draft could definitely work yeah apparently gracie is so on board for Potato Draft, putting it in all caps. Oh. There you go. I think there's only one bad potato.

I like the idea of going from falls to not rocks to balls to potatoes. What? To TV ads to potatoes. TV ads is great. Could I draft chili cheese fries? Yeah. Although I probably will now. What?

Well, when we do the draft, if I get ahead of you, I probably will because I love chili cheese fries. I mean, not if we go an egg. So you reminded me. Okay, but then if that's the case, could I just do cheese fries? Yeah, that's where it becomes a problem. Okay, so everything. That's why I'm asking. Those are two different things on a menu.

Some restaurants have one, not the other. That's a great qualifier, Jeff. I love that. That makes it a lot easier. Oh, Andrew. Yes, Gavin? What did you think of the strumming video? Oh, thank you so much for reading that up. I was going to put that in my notes. I forgot. What a great video.

Great editing by you, Gavin. I think it's a lot of fun to have you film gross things. To have the camera guy run away from the scene is great. It also hit notes of one of my favorite jackass bits of having the camera guy constantly on the verge of puking. It's very funny to me. Overall, I would say, Jeff, I have seen Olympic gold medal performances

that were less impressive than your nose flaps. I was very impressed. Oh, well, thank you. I can't believe that you held it down the way you did. I thought it was so funny seeing, I mean, I'm kind of spoiling the video, but the fact that you were so unaffected by it was incredible.

I think that was a great pick. I think I was most blown away by the fact that you could hear the nose flaps once they were activated you could hear the nasal voice come through oh the noise yeah the voice yeah absolutely yeah i didn't consider that people were like he's just not breathing through his nose and i'm like i never said all i said was i could stop smelling all i said is i can i can turn smell. And I do that by closing my nose flaps. I can feel it. And it makes my voice sound differently.

But I'm still breathing and alive. I was in that, I didn't die in there. You're not talking to the ghost of Jeff because I stopped breathing for a minute. Yeah, I mean, I can stop breathing through my nose, but I think there's leakage. There's like sinus leakage and I still end up smelling stuff.

If it's just like a slight movement of a valve, it will like shift air enough for me to still smell. You've got to clamp that shit down hard. Like I'm flexing. Like, you know, like maybe I should say this. When I'm closing my nose flaps, it's like the equivalent of like, of like flexing your guns, right?

Like doing a pose. Yeah, like Arnold Schwarzenegger doing a pose for mr olympia that's what i'm doing inside my nose did you did your nose feel exhausted after you filmed yeah i don't wear you out after a while i think it's really it's the use of nose flaps that made it so jarring to hear like Like you saying nose, describing yourself as having nose flaps gives me imagery of like, you're the fish guy from the shape of water. Or if you just would have said,

I could block scent. I don't think my brain goes there. Yeah, no, it feels like what you're describing, like the fish guy from the shape of water. I feel like that's accurate on the inside. And what I love is that like, you know, maybe five or ten percent of the people that uh comment leavers that that uh mention it i totally understand what i'm talking about and a lot of

people say i can do that but it doesn't feel like nose flaps but there are a a subset of the community community that definitely uh say i'm describing it the exact same way that they feel it so i know it's not just me can we do that can i stick my little thing up your nose the uh the uh the little camera oh the camera the camera yeah do whatever put it you can put whatever you want my nose i can't that was the one shot that i expected oh like up the nose shot yeah just to see what was going on in there when he was closing the flaps yeah we should uh we should do a little follow-up because yeah because a little camera with a light on and i would love to see if anything physically moves when you go nasal like that.

Yeah, I would love to see that, too. I just can't get the thought of Jeff being, like, a reverse fish out of my head now, of, like, he has gills, but they're in the wrong way, and instead of allowing breathing, it prevents breathing. Isn't a human kind of a reverse fish? Wait. Vince breathing. Isn't a human kind of a reverse fish? I mean, fish live in the water and breathe water. We live outside of the water and breathe air.

We're kind of like opposites. I'd argue that I live more in the water than outside of the water. Depending on the week. Have you been tubbing hard recently not recently no but there are definite times i've been i'm tubbing hard i've been hitting those tubs hard relaxing would you say you're the biggest tub lord of vancouver island no i wouldn't describe myself as a tub lord big tub guy not a tub lord andrew tub lord panton as he likes to be called like i take a lot of baths so i'd say i'm a tub guy but i'm not anywhere near the lordship that

you carry no it's like i'm an endurance runner for bathing like if you say you have a 30 minute bath i don't know whatever that's a that's the early we're just getting started we're still trying to get the water temperature right at that point. I think I'm old. I think I've only take a bath when I'm sick. It's a good time to take a bath. Like if you got like a stuffed up nose or you don't feel well, your body aches, you put some Epsom salts in and you just lay there for a while and enjoy

the heat and try to open up the pot. Like I could be the only time I think I've taken a bath would be. I don't know. Maybe when I had COVID last. Did you spend much time as a kid hunched over a boiling bowl of water with vicks vapor rub in it I was with you up until the vapor rub uh I spent an amount of time yeah when I had my I used to uh I used to be one of those kids that if I got a cold, I would get strep throat. And like every time I never had a cold, I only ever got strep throat and I would get it like three or four times a year.

And I was always sick. And they had me. They had me so my sinuses were so bad in middle school that I missed a month of school because they had to put me on some medication and I couldn't go up and down stairs and I was all like loopy. And so I missed almost an entire month of school. And then when I got my jaw surgery, they like cleaned out my adenoids

and fixed my passageways. And then I never got sick like that again. My entire childhood was that what you're describing. Yeah. Do you think that was around the time they were teaching Roman numerals? Well, third, it would have, that was third grade.

So it would have covered it. Yeah, for sure. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day?

How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. I had an idea. I like to run by you guys. Maybe this is a dumb thought. Maybe you like an idea. I like to run by you guys. Maybe this is a dumb thought. Maybe you like this idea. I have, uh... I had to realize, there are times, you know, on social media, and this is largely for sports, I have a weird relationship with, like, Twitter,

because even though someone might follow me, I just have an internal, like, self-hatred. I don't know if that's the right word for it but I just feel like nothing I post is worth anyone seeing and that by posting anything especially like specific interests like hockey stuff it's just wasting people's time nobody needs to see this and the upcoming Canucks season is probably the most important NHL season of my life in the sense of if they are bad this year, I kind of have to come to terms with the fact that they don't have a chance to be good again until probably 10 years from now for how the NHL. So if you if we were in the middle

of, say, like a break shit stream, you'd probably be watching this. I was just like the season as a whole. Yeah, it's not like the season as a whole okay yeah it's not the listen if we're in the playoffs or if we're in for anything i would definitely do that yeah it's a playoff game so you're saying you want to talk about hockey but you don't feel like yeah exactly like there are times where and this is a season where it's gonna be a lot of pain or excitement and i typically just bottle that but i've been really happy this summer and i know if i bottle that type of thing that will reduce the happiness also just sometimes i will see things from people that i like where they're we work we work in a

space that is always trying to be funny constantly and i will see things that i think are funny but i know might annoy that person and I don't I don't post them because I just don't want to deal with their annoyance and I don't want what's the example but it's just like this is I can't give an example I don't want to do it because

dude he doesn't want to do it because Eric is yes exactly right I ran it I actually had one with Eric recently recently where i i said i just need to send this to someone because i i can't i'm gonna i don't want to post this but i think it's funny and if i don't tell someone and he agreed eric's response to it was please don't post this that is it was it was very funny so he should not post it so my i had this idea i was talking about this problem with friend i think i'm going to make a burner account but then the issue becomes if you have a burner

accidentally posting on your real account but i know for my time of having cheap android phones i could probably get like a 30 phone that i could access an app store with. And I'm, I'm going to call it, I think just my caviar phone, whatever I'm feeling a little spicy. I hop on the caviar phone and I just have my burner. So whenever I'm upset about my hockey team or I have a joke that I think is funny,

but like I just know might not be great to tweet as far as like annoying somebody I care about. Um, I think I might have a, a burner cav caviar just the idea of having the caviar i like the juxtaposition of a cheap piece of shit 30 phone being called the caviar phone as well i think that's brilliant so so this account would be for hot sports takes and spicy jokes spicy like hot sports takes and spicy jokes. Spicy, like hot sports takes and spicy jokes might be a little like too strong for both of those things. Not necessarily spicy,

but just like, I need a place to complain that the third line pairing isn't working out. And I know nobody needs to see that. Am I making, let me, let me, let me, uh,

approach this with, uh, someone, Andrew, that you and I both hold near and dear to our hearts. Okay. I'm sure, rest in peace, you followed Norm MacDonald when he was alive.

Oh, yes. I'm not on Twitter anymore. I haven't been in a long time. But when Norm was alive and on Twitter, he would incessantly post the most boring, hot golf takes. And I don't think anybody complained or minded. You just knew that's what you were getting with Norm MacDonald. So if he can get away with posting boring fucking golf takes,

I'm sure people would be amenable to hearing you talk about hockey. But I don't think that I've earned that in the same way that Norm has. That works so well for Norm because of his style of comedy and this is yeah but your followers of people who know who you are yeah and also dude you just pulled a very norm mcdonald's style joke last week in the podcast yeah but that like i that is not nearly like obviously his whatever his version of that would have been would have been 20,000 times funnier, just like infinitely better. So I'm just saying, like, I feel like that's this bit where that's not my bit. I think it's also just a mental hurdle of people are following me on a platform like that to hear what I'm thinking, I guess.

But I have the issue of thinking that everything I say isn't worth posting. So it's a once again, kind of pretzeled myself. say isn't worth posting so it's a once again kind of pretzeled myself so i like the idea of having the caviar phone where i feel like nobody's gonna see any of this and it allows me to be as boring as i want without feeling any guilt about it that's the there's like strength of it it sounds like you want to compete in the boring off. It would be up there. That would be my submission for sure. It's mainly the idea of having a caviar fun. What if we all make caviar accounts and we all follow each other and we just have to outbore each other? But you can't be boring on purpose.

It has to be like genuine interest. Dude, I will bore this. Gavin, we have competition. I like this. I think it's just our text threads is what you're describing i think we kind of naturally already do this in terms of measuring against ourselves i don't know i just thought the caviar phone was funny so i wanted to share that as an idea hey uh i think the caviar phone is an awesome idea and i support it and i think everybody should own a caviar phone i think hey uh i think the caviar phone is an awesome idea and i support it and i think

everybody should own a caviar phone i think it should i think that should be the new thing that should be what they're called instead of burner phones caviar phones like burner phone burner phones so you can like hire a hitman to kill your your dad or your co-worker or your cousin or something or to buy drugs or whatever caviariar phone is for not-so-hot sports takes. I think we should get into selling burner phones, because we've already done the Battle of Klaver. If we next offered a caviar phone, what's the cheapest piece of shit phone?

Probably like a fucking Mint Mobile or... The 7-Eleven still sell phones? I feel like they would be up there yeah cheap burners i just really the idea of like the wire like replacing the word burner with caviar and every every mention of that show is so funny if we're gonna sell caviar caviar phones I have another money-making idea for us I wanted to present to you guys. Oh, good. Why did you say it like that?

I thought that was enthused. Well, I've been very critical of Gavin's delivery. I think that that was genuine interest. That didn't sound like the... Am I? Mm-mm. No. Okay.

Well, anyway, despite Gavin's lack of enthusiasm, you know, my fiancée and her friend... Well, my fiancée doesn't, but all of her friends read these Kindle... Eric's small wife does, too. They read these Kindle sex books. Okay. Oh, yeah. And they're like... They're just like Harlequin...

Like the new version of Harlequin romances, but they're a little randier, I guess. And they all get them on this thing called Kindle Unlimited. I guess it's like a subscription you pay for on your Kindle, and then you can read books for free. So I was like, how did those people get paid? And apparently, the people who write books that are then up on Kindle Unlimited for people to read for free or via their monthly service, I guess they get paid by how many pages you read. So if you wrote a book, like a 10,000-page book,

and somebody read all 10,000 pages, you'd get paid more than if you wrote a 200-page book. So you're thinking big font. Well, what I was thinking is, what if Andrew's 20,000 Things became a Kindle Unlimited book? It's just one per page. 20,000 Things, one per page,

20,000 page book. Boom. We just beat the system. That could work. I'm not opposed to this idea. That's a big book. It's a big book. 20,000 pages.

Yeah, that's impressive. Can stuff that we've made up count as a thing? What do you mean? Why not? Like, could caviar phone be a thing? Yeah. I think caviar and phone could in fact be two things, and then caviar phone could be a third thing. Absolutely.

That's such a great idea, Jeff. It's like the infinite jest of just nonsense it's exactly it's just way too big you you're the modern day david foster wallace he i guarantee you david foster wallace never gave any takes on caviar phones or uh uh vin diesel or Vin Diesel or what's another? Honey Mustard? Or Jackie Chan? I will say this. He did have a lot of boring

hot takes on tennis, though. He did. Half of Infinite Jest is just boring fucking chapters of a dude going to tennis school. Stuff that should have been posted from the caveat phone. I'm so excited to get the caviar phone going.

I can't wait. Maybe at the end of the hockey season, I will share that account with you guys and you can just see the boring takes. I love it. What if we all do it? We'll be boring for like three months and then we'll give an independent judge the handles and they could just look through and see who was the most boring bastard how about i like that idea

on top of that i like the idea of you trying to determine because you're not going to follow this at all how well the canucks did based off of my reading the feed if you could accurately determine if they had a winning or losing season. You have to like get the outcome from all the boredom. Yes, because I will be complaining a lot about the fourth line left wing, regardless of

how well they're doing, most likely. They could be undefeated and I'd still be complaining about penalty minutes and shift rotation. Who's playing left wing in the fourth line? I don't know. It's sort of like a weird thing where the bottom end depth of the team, there's a lot there.

We're overloaded with third liners. So maybe Hoglander could be there, which is a great name. Yeah, that's a great name. I'm trying to think who else could be in the fourth. Sounds like the boys' spinoff. Hoglander? Neal's a great name. Who else? Sounds like the boys spin off Hoglander Neils Hoglander. That's like the Captain Carrot and his amazing zoo crew version of the

boys. It's like if everybody the boys was was a farm animal. I was I was very disappointed. There's a defenseman named Jet Woo and whenever he do something great everyone yell woo but he hasn't worked out which is disappointing as really as excited about getting able to yell woo woo they should every time he does something good they should they should play that jet song by paul mccartney because it literally goes jet woo

i'll let them know i'll send them an email if jet woo ever makes it i wonder if he was named after that i have no idea i've been um i've been trying out talking to myself. Because apparently everyone does it. And it's normal. But if I wasn't around anyone, I would have spent 35 years in total silence. Really? I just never say anything if no one's there. Like audibly or do you mean internally?

Just out loud. I don't really think in in sentences either really i do i do so you think like oh that was a nice shit i'm gonna go over here and uh load up stuff like you think like that well maybe not that specific example but yes in that structure absolutely i took a nice shit earlier yeah so you had like a little internal monologue about i said this is a nice shit earlier yeah so you had like a little internal monologue about yeah i said this is a nice shit yeah i got listen i was i was granted words when i was when i was born and i well i wasn't granted words i was granted the ability to learn words when i was born and then i learned words i'm gonna fucking use them so what what is going on in your head in a moment like that gavin is it just blank blank? Is it nothing? Tumbleweeds? My head is more of like

when you make one of the Sims do a bunch of shit and it just queues up as like imagery, I think. But there's no like monologue to it. There's no like... And I've been trying to talk to myself and I don't know what to say.

So if you... Say it's time to go to bed right do you just uh do you just do you see a picture of your bed and you i like visualize pretty much i just like one especially with something like that something that happens every day i just autopilot in there i think like oh i'm tired and then suddenly i'm just in the bed. That is an insane description. You stand up and then you're suddenly in the bed. Well, I don't think like, oh, better go to bed.

I just end up there because I've gone tired. Oh, really? I've stood up and I've gone tired. I own bed. I was just thinking earlier, like, how all my perception is so warped. Like, not, having never driven a car, I'm always in someone's Uber, and I'm never, like, looking out the window. So it's just, like, fast traveling.

Like, I don't know where anything is in relation to anything else. Why don't you look out the window? I mean, obviously you're looking at your phone, but why, why don't you look at your window a little bit? Well, I mean, what am I looking at? The car over? Here's what I'm looking at. Here's what I'm looking at if I'm looking out the window. I'm looking at the next car over, and the person driving it always looks me in the eyes. Well, why is that?

Why is it that I can never just look at the side of someone's head? I'm either looking at someone texting while they're driving, or they're driving and then just look at me. And it makes me think, like, do the cars going by always look at me, or is it just when I'm looking looking at someone texting while they're driving Or they're driving and then just look at me And it makes me think like Do the cars going by always look at me Or is it just when I'm looking at them Either way I'm better off looking at my phone I have so many questions But then I need to constantly readjust

Under the like I am imagining this In the context of me and not The context of you who doesn't have thoughts And sentences Well I have thoughts but they're not pictures. Yeah, they're images. He sees a picture of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and milk, and he just makes what he sees in his mind.

Let me give you an example. I'm like, oh, my tummy feels hungry. You just said, oh, my tummy feels hungry and then oh my tummy feels hungry right but that's that's how i'm wording it but i'm not like in the moment like oh hungry tummy i'm just i feel it and then i'll go to the fridge or i'll look at my phone or something so i'm just trying to wrap my head around this so let's say if i'm looking out a car window and i'm not saying anything i'm just looking i might see a tree and i might in my head go this so let's say if i'm looking out a car window and i'm not saying anything i'm just looking i might see a tree and i might in my head go like oh that's a nice shade

of green i wonder if i've seen that shade before is it maybe remind me of this does it look like like you don't do that you don't have that in your head if you just saw a tree you just think of a tree i should definitely go down that thought path but but it wouldn't be. That's just not naturally what you would do. I wouldn't have thought that sentence. I, uh, you don't like play little games. Like I make up games like, uh, oh, I saw a blue car. How many blue cars will I see before we exit the interstate? You don't do stuff like that. Well, I could do that.

I just wouldn't, I wouldn't think, oh, I wonder how many, you know, I wouldn't, it would just be it thinking is so much quicker than speaking. I don't know know i talk pretty fast in my brain yeah it's almost immediate i feel like but like like for andrew for me if uh if i'm hungry right i discover that i'm hungry i would go i'd be sitting down and i'd go oh look at that i seem to be hungry i'll get up and get some food and i'll have that conversation in my head i assume that it's the same for you because you're also a normal human? Yeah. That's exactly how

it works. It might be a thing of thinking about what I'm going to eat. Do I want to do that? Do I not want to do that? Thinking about what's in the fridge. Maybe I'll even sing in my head on the way down. I feel like if I'm awake, I am in conversation. And you often do it out loud.

Internally or externally? No, I go back and forth. I wouldn't say often, but I do sometimes. Do you'll often do it out loud. Internally or externally? No, I go back and forth. I wouldn't say often, but I do sometimes. Do you try and talk out loud? Do you talk to yourself mainly when no one's there, or do you still talk to yourself with people in the house? More common alone, but sometimes with people. I don't think it matters to me one way or the other. I've definitely been in a space

where I've said something to myself, and someone said, oh, what did you say? And then I reply, oh, don't worry about it. I was just talking to myself. Yeah, because I do that with Meg where she'll say something and I'll be like, huh? She's like, oh, nothing. But I've never done that. So when did you start doing this?

What, practicing talking to myself? Yeah. How far into it are you? This week. Have you noticed any positive or negatives from it? Like, what is your goal with this project? Well, I don't know, because it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to think first about what I'm going to say to myself.

Like, earlier, I was walking upstairs, and I was like, ooh, I wonder where I'll go in Starfield. And I said that out loud, and I just thought, well, I don't know what that's done for me. I don't know what that offers that I didn't already, like, I could have

thought that. Yeah. I don't think there's a right or wrong way. It's just interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. Because I would say for me on the inside,

it's more like, you know how we used to always joke, our friend Michael, who's very talented at talking and really good at filling space, and how we used to always say

that you could just put him in front of a mirror for five or six hours and just let him go and he would just talk and fill that space it's like that on the inside all the time it's just if you open your mouth door or not I wonder I wonder if it has anything to do with having siblings oh you and I are both only kids right Jeff and Gavin had siblings so I wonder if it has anything to do with having siblings. Oh. Because you and I are both only kids, right, Jeff? And Gavin had siblings. So I wonder if that has in any way shifted that. Yeah, do you think this has anything to do with you being the least popular of your siblings? But that, I would have thought, would make me want to talk to myself more.

Oh, that's a good point. See, from my perspective, I would have thought, would make me want to talk to myself more. Oh, that's a good point. See, from my perspective, it would be... Okay, well, Gracie's just shooting this theory to smithereens. It's not me. Oh, there you go. One sibling, Eric cops himself. I mean, what Gavin is describing is how wolves exist. So, like, he's just simply like...

Yeah, he's just purely on instinct where he stands up and go bed. Like, it is... That's how a wolf operates. So I don't really... Wolf tire. Like, the only time they talk is to other wolves, and that's howling at the moon. So, I mean, I don't know, man.

So I could be like the wolf guy? Yeah, yeah, that's what I would say, that you're like the wolf guy. Yeah. I'm like the wolf guy? Yeah, that's what I would say. You're like the wolf guy. I'm like the wolf of the group. You're the rat. Andrew's the... That made me light-headed. That was very funny. You're like the wolf.

You're like the rat. I'm trying to get better at it. Because I feel like the wolf, you're like the rat. I'm trying to get better at it, because I feel like I don't really that often struggle to come up with conversation in real life with other people, but I'm getting myself into some real awkward silences. That's because you don't know how to talk to you. You've been ignoring you your entire life, man. You really should get to know Gavin.

We love him. We've been fans for a long time. I can tell myself that's interesting because I already know it. So do you not ever? So you don't ever. That's interesting. You don't ever have like little moments of self-realization where you're like talking through something in your head and then you like you like rationalize something and go,

oh, I was looking at it wrong or oh, I hadn't thought of it that way. through something in your head and then you like you like rationalize something and go oh i was looking at it wrong or oh i hadn't thought of it that way you don't ever have those internal conversations where you work shit out that's wild that is scary to me it's it's happening it's just not in words yeah i think it's okay i don't i don't think you necessarily need to become good at this it doesn't seem like it's been an issue for you in any way well i've always been dog shit explaining stuff and i think it's because i'm on the fly converting images into words and i've never thought of the sentences i would really like for you to describe something to me the way that you imagine it in your head. I'd like to see like the image translation.

I've realized the only time I actually do say stuff out loud alone is when I'm editing and my Mac pinwheels. And I'll often just scream prick or something just at my computer. Yeah. That's about it. That's about as far as it goes. Did you ever... When I was really young when i was probably like five or six old windows computer whenever it would like stall when i was

trying to play a game i would threaten it because i thought that would make it load faster you'd like front on it you'd square up to it yeah i'd be like listen if we don't get through this load screen if you crash again i'm throwing you in the bathtub you're going right in the tub it's over you and me it's over you're getting water all over you i'm just trying to play settlers 2 or spy fox and dry cereal yelling not even yelling calmly being like listen i'm not excited about this, but if you fail again, I'm leaving you in water. Yeah, this is... It's over. This is on you at this point. Yeah, I gotta put you down.

I'm just imagining Kurt Russell dumping his whiskey in the chest. Yeah, the chest. Cheating bitch. Yeah, that's great. That's you, Kevin. That's you. Goddamn.

Well, listen, as a big fan of Gavin for a long time and someone who thoroughly enjoys conversations with him, I hope you get to know him better, Gav, because he really does have a lot to offer. We're working on it, for sure.

That's good. Hey, let me ask you guys a question. What do you refer to the inside of a battery as? I don't think I ever have... Like battery we're working on it for sure all right that's good hey let me ask you guys a question what do you refer to the inside of a battery as i don't think i ever like battery acid yeah i guess i just i was reading an article the other day on uh battery technology and like improvements on batteries and how they're built and they kept referring to the insides of batteries as the battery ingredients and that just seemed really weird to me. I guess they're different, aren't they? Like lithium or like lead acid.

I guess I only think of ingredients when it relates to food or drink, usually. I don't think of batteries as having ingredients. But I guess technically they do. It just really stuck out to me. It's been bugging me. Yeah, you wouldn't talk about a you wouldn't like talk about a billy bookcase from ikea is like all the ingredients right so why a battery i never even really thought about there actually being an explanation for buzzwords on batteries i viewed it in the same

way as like mountain dew like if i endure a cell lithium is no different in my head than mountain dew code red like it just is is exciting words that follow the product i see i see i've put very little thought into batteries outside of i don't have you seen those batteries where you like you can squeeze it and it tells you how much battery i don't trust that i don't believe that's real i think that's they don't really i I think that's kind of dead, right? Yeah, that's like 25-year-old tech, I think. Yeah, I don't... I feel like it had like resurges

in like 2018, and I've seen them a lot, and I was like, I don't trust this. Would you consider your bones and organs to be Gavin's ingredients? I'd consider them to be wetware, is I think what I'd consider them. Yeah, that's all wetware.

I feel like ingredients is only ingredients when you have to combine them first. Like, you can't smash open a dog and say, look at all the ingredients. Like, it came that way. I don't know why you went with dog. Why do you...

But would you not say that the inside of a watermelon is its ingredients? Thank you, Jeff. No, I wouldn't. Gavin, go back to talking to yourself, please. I didn't think there was a problem. There might be a bigger problem than I realized. Yeah, don't say anything like that out loud. Don't walk around and say, what are the ingredients of Smee?

And then it's not good. I think they're only ingredients if you had to collect and combine them. I don't feel like, what about when you're making a recipe? Yeah. There is an ingredient list. Right. And what are you doing with them? You're going to combine them, but I thought, okay.

Well, so aren't you just the ingredients of your mom and your dad? Like your dad deposited ingredients into your mom that's fucking science man come on that recipe we're all adults jesus christ ingredients are any part any of the food or substances that are combined to make a particular dish if that dish is Gavin, then this applies. If the dish is a battery, I guess it still applies. I feel like you just took us on a road for you to say that.

That it was all for that. No, I just came up with that in the moment. Oh, God. There's gotta be... i think i think you could yeah it's not ingredients if it starts that way okay well i'm not sure how i feel about it but i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna have a conversation with myself off air and see if i can get to the bottom of it i might try and record myself talking to myself dude you should you absolutely should that would be awesome i feel like i'm on a first date.

Like, have you never had a conversation in your head and then disappointed yourself? I do that all the time. Like, why did I say that? Or why did I think that? Or, oh, you're better than that, Jeff. Come on. Like, I'm always disappointed in my own conversation with myself. Yeah.

You also provide yourself with the immediate feedback. Like, if you say something that you don't like, you'll just be, you'll fall out with like, bleh, bleh. Yeah. I will sometimes, if I say something that I'm like, that was a really dumb thing to say internally. I will then turn it into I'm doing a character audibly. So it wasn't me. So I could disown that.

That was a that was a thing I said. That's how Johnny Caviar was born, right? Essentially, yes. Well, we don't have all the ingredients for Johnny Caviar. So it's still working on it still figuring it out yeah have you guys ever done that thing where you're at a let's like say a convenience store like the one right by my house for instance last friday night and uh you go in to buy some potato chips but you don't really know what kind of potato chips you want but you know

you want something kind of salty so you go in to get potato chips and then you're looking at all the potato chips and you realize that nothing looks better than anything else nothing looks better or worse that every flavor and every style and every uh parameter around a potato chip or a corn chip is is exactly the fucking same and you're and you're standing there and you're like there is no goddamn difference between a frito and a Dorito anyway. So which one do I pick? And then you realize you have been standing in a convenience store looking at potato chips for like 15 straight minutes. And it is way, way, way too long.

And it is noticeable. And people are noticing that you're standing there staring at the potato chips because it's been at such an inordinate amount of time. So you just grab the first three bags of potato chips you see and buy them to get the fuck out of there and then end up with nothing that you wanted. That's a factor of the bland ass American selection. I would say if you're looking at Transformer snacks, Twiglets and Frazzles, it's such a different variety. I think your eyes would light up. I mean, you just described a bunch of shit I would never put in my mouth again. I still think about how bad Twiglets are.

Why don't you shove it up your ass? Alright? It would be more enjoyable than it being in my mouth. I would rather. Can't taste worse. I'd opt for that. It's out, yeah? Yeah, that comes out the week that we're recording this. Yeah, so it's out. Okay, good.

I got an enema the other day. This is the episode. What the fuck is going on? That's the craziest way that we could. What happened? I mean, if anything's going to trump the end of an episode, it's butt news. It's enema news.

What's the latest? Not like an intentional enema, but I went to Schlitterbahn last weekend. It was the last day it was open, and I hadn't been in like 14 years. I think since Millie was like four or five. We took Ben King once. It was the last time I went.

And I rode on this ride called the Master Blaster. I'd never ridden on it before because the line is always too long. And I think it's like, I think it was the first uphill water slide like in the world. Oh, no. And I never really thought about how that works or what that meant.

But I, because it was the last day it was open, there was never a line. So I, like out of all the times I've been to Schlitterbahn, I've never ridden on one of the fancy rides because I refuse to stand in line for more than 30 minutes for anything. I'm just not going to do it. And those lines are like fucking three hours long in the summer. You go to Schlitterbahn, you ride two

90 second rides and your entire day is over. to Schlitterbahn, you ride two 90 second rides and your entire day is over. The rest of it, you spent seven hours in lines trying to get there. Like that's just fucking stupid. That's a stupid way to spend money in a day. So it was pretty empty because it was the last day.

And so I went up and I rode on this Master Blaster ride with Emily. And the first thing it does is shoot you uphill. And the way it does that is by shooting about 75 liters of water straight up your asshole. Like the ride immediately pulled my pants down and immediately injected water up my butt. And I was like, oh, and then you go down and then you go up again. And like six separate times on that ride, I got injected with water like a high colonic of the highest order.

It was insane. How does it pull the pants down but shoot the water up oh like i don't know dude it like pushes them away it like pushes them up your legs because the water is like going going forward and so you're laying down and it just like pushes in between your shorts like your waistline and it just shoots your shorts up and then just right up your asshole. I don't understand the physics of this. I need a diagram. Well, I'll take you.

When they open up in the spring, I'll take you and you can see what I mean. I went with you before once, didn't I? Like 20 years ago. It was so long ago.

Was that the time that we got you to eat that pepper? Me and Jason and Gus? Well, yeah, I almost died. Yeah, that was probably 15 years ago.

That was still the spiciest thing I've ever eaten. Wasn't it just like a jalapeno? Wasn't it just like nothing? We told you it was a

jalapeno, I think, but it was a Serrano. Maybe. I think that might have been what it was that how that went down. Like you were pepper dumb.

And so we tricked you. I think it wasn't or maybe it was just a really hot jalapeno but yeah i remember you having a real tough time with it wasn't becca there too she might have been i remember jason specifically jason like almost falling over laughing yeah that's really the only thing i remember we were all exhausted from being either tubing or at schlitterbahn and we stopped at like a restaurant a barbecue restaurant on the way home and then yeah i feel like my my earlier times in texas uh it was just like so overwhelming and scary just like being in america in general to me was

so new and then i was like i'd always try and keep such a low profile and never draw any attention to myself and then i ate that and i was just rolling around on the floor in public, like in the dust. Just like, ah, ah. Can we get, can we get those noises isolated for me? I'll need those for the break show later. Nick, thank you. Shit.

Can we get that isolated as well? Yeah's a good one that's great that's clean thank you i've been making and giving them to mike purtle and he's been putting them on the soundboard so i want to keep adding them in ah it's great well should we uh fucking end this thing hey so let's play launches this week where we're taking it over and we're going to be putting up videos on the let's play channel that's pretty exciting. It happens the week that this airs? Yes. Wow. What week does this air?

10, Jesus, in what, two weeks or something? Like 10-4? So Friday the 6th will be our first Let's Play video on the Let's Play channel on YouTube, and then Monday the 9th will be our first episode of F*** Face Off that will be on Rooster Teeth First. Let's not call them Let's Play videos. Let's call them Regulation Gameplay videos.

Okay, Regulation. On the Let's Play channel? Our first Regulation Gameplay on the Let's Play channel will be up on 10.6. You can check it out there. Nick's very excited. You can go to f***f facepod.com slash first, and you can sign up,

and that supports us directly. Just a heads up, if you're looking to do that, to check out Face Off. Keep your eyes peeled for Andrew's 20,000 things coming to Kindle Unlimited. It's gonna be spicy. It's gonna be spicy, spicy, sexy.

Does it need to be spicy? Wouldn't hurt. Okay. Wouldn't hurt if you threw a couple, you know, all 20,000 things don't have to be spicy, Wouldn't hurt. Okay. Wouldn't hurt if you threw a couple... You know, all 20,000 things don't have to be spicy, but if you wanted to throw five or six spicy ones in there, I'm sure all of the ladies that are reading, or just all the people that are reading BookTok

would probably appreciate it. How many pages do you think it would take for you to get someone wet? What? This is... What? What? And you thought this is... What? What? And you thought I was being inappropriate.

Uh, I could, uh... Uh, I want to answer this, but I feel like I shouldn't. Uh, thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Why? What do you mean why? It's ridiculous. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Who doesn't know how to use their phone? It's the Caviar Collection. Let's break some sparkle surprises. Alien babies. Patton breaks the Discord website. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of Face.