Regulation Podcast - Cock Money // Punchlines [172]

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Episode 196, Andrews cock money, our Starfield characters, houses, and parents, F**kface Bababooey, present their punchline homework, Geoff tries his potato smileys, deep fried scrub daddies, the prominence of the letter E, British explorers, and then there’s Gavin. Sponsored by Babbel http://babbel.com/FACE , Factor http://factormeals.com/face50 Code face50 , and Füm tryfum.com/FACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello and welcome to another episode of the... What? Fuck! I'm not recording, one sec. Give me a sec. It's... Fuck it, what? Three o'clock on a Thursday. Yeah, but well, first of all...

Let me record. Let me hit record, then I can yell. Now I'm recording. First of all, start of the NFL season, both of you rejected my huddle. I'm hurt as we begin this show. I didn't get a huddle. Oh, I didn't get an invite. I invited both of you to a huddle, and I sat there for 10 minutes by myself, huddlest. I got last week's huddle invite, and I was there. I never got last week I got last week's huddle invite and I was there. I never got last week's or this week's huddle invite, dude. I don't know where I'm supposed to get it. Where do the huddle invites go?

Because it was an absent huddle. I would have loved to be in a huddle, especially for opening day, right? Tonight's the first night of the fucking season. A huddle, by the way, is like a Slack audio call or something. My phone nor my computer, both of which were in front of me, alerted me to any kind of huddle, by the way, is like a Slack audio call or something. My phone nor my computer, both of which were in front of me, alerted me to any kind of huddle.

It was a rare bath time huddle for me. I was still in the bath. I was trying to get ready for the show. Can I say if I do huddle with the two of you, I want you to be in the bathtub. I can make that happen. I like that. I can promise that.

Hey, hold on a second. Let me take care of some business real fast. Hold on just a second. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Payton and Gavin Free. This is episode 172. Ooh, we're almost there.

196. What do you mean? I don't know. 196. That's going're almost there. 196. I don't know. 196, that's going to be the banger. That's the one that we've agreed is going to be the... I think there needs to be a location for you to say we're almost there. I think it applies somehow indefinitely. We have 24 episodes before we get to 196. That's almost a half to 196. That is,

that's a, like almost a half a year. That's crazy. Really? We're not going to get to 196 until like the winter. I had like January, February, somewhere around there.

Oh wow. Winter of 24. It's going to be a great year. It's coming back. The good years are coming back. What if we did, what if we did a summer of one day but we do it for a year in the future and then we just guess what all the best stuff is gonna be like like will smith's gonna will smith and dj jazzy jeffrey getting back together and in 2026 they're coming out with a song called toledo and it's gonna be

everybody's gonna love it if we say enough shit we'll eventually be right about something yeah i just want to know where we're going I'm still stuck up on that I hate long car rides I need a location I need to know roughly how far we going to 196 is it the big thing well and beyond 197 well I'm beyond okay but we need a there needs to be a pit stop somewhere along the way do you want to take a pit stop at like 182? I like that. Just to take note of where we are and how close to one night. How about for 182, we all record in a different location,

a unique location, and we can share for 182 where the pit stops are. Now, that's interesting. That's interesting. How do we deal with that? You record in a different location. What if I record at Gavin's house and he records at my house? Oh. Ooh.

That's an option. Listen, I want it to be a mystery. I want it to be a big reveal. So you might do that, but I'm going to not lock that in for me. I'm going to say in my head they could be anywhere. And we'll see what happens when the episode comes. What episode is it? 182?

184? Which one? 184, I think. Okay. Oh, I'm excited. I think I said 182, but 184 feels better. I need a pit stop, because it's been 183 episodes of just driving. Just non-stop

going. That's like, and I didn't even pick it for this, but 184 would be the halfway point between 172 and 186, I think, so. That's perfect perfect there you go that's fantastic I mean you make it sound like you want to stop no I don't want to permanently stop I want to stretch

my legs a little bit I want to want to take a little break maybe what does that mean though what does that mean I'm viewing this podcast is Gavin saying we're almost there that makes me think of being like a kid in the car going like are we there yet and him going saying we're almost there. That makes me think of being like a kid in the car going like, are we there yet? And him going,

we're almost there. So I'm envisioning this entire podcast as a road trip now and we have not taken any breaks and I hate very long car rides. So a little break to get a snack or stretch the legs would be good. Is Gavin Ice Cube in this scenario? I

think Ice Cube drove the car so I don't think so. Well, why don't we just do this? When we get to 196, we'll all get in a car together. It's 184, isn't it? Oh, 184. All right. We'll all get in a car together. We'll hit play on F*** Face Episode 1.

Just let it continue. Let them all play and see how far we get. Oh, that sounds terrible. Yeah, it sounds like a really bad idea. I don't understand what the plan is there. To just play the old episodes? Listen to them in the car, see how far we can get before we get up to where we are.

Eight minutes. But where are we going? I still don't know where we're going. Where are we going, Gavin? Andrew! Yes? It's clear nobody knows where we're going. Why don't you pick where we're going?

Where's F*** Face going to take us? I'm going to pick the grocery store down the street. We're not going far. We're not even getting past that. I know where we're going. I know where we're going. We're going to the epicenter of the F*** Face universe. Oh, we can see the billboard. Maybe by 196

we'll go to that spot. I don't know if that really lines up, but yeah, maybe. I wonder if this is the longest we've talked about jack shit. No, this whole show, what do you think this show is? I think we got about 109 episodes of that already. Yeah, but this is nothing. Let me ask you guys this. Okay, how about this?

All right, I want the four of you to pick a number between one and 20. Gavin, what's your number? 17. Okay. Andrew? 18. Uh, Eric? 19.

Can't help with the other names. Nick? 13. What the? We had it all set up. Why would you pick 13? I knew the number. I just had it all set up. Why would you pick 13? I knew the number. I just had to figure out what.

So I guess I'm going to go closest without going over. So the number was 16. So Gavin, I guess you're closest. Sick. I went over there. No. Who said 16? Who said 15?

I don't think anyone said 15. I thought Nick said 13. What? I thought Gavin said 15 and Andrew said 17. No, Gavin said 17. I said 18. I think Eric said 19. Oh, okay.

Well, then never mind. Nick was teed up for 20 and then went to 13. Oh, well, it's Gavin. It's Gavin anyway. Gavin's closest. The number was 16. So it's anyway. Now, Gavin, so you won that. Gavin, I need you to pick a number between It's Gavin anyway. Gavin's closest. The number was 16. So it's anyway. Now, Gavin, so you won that.

Gavin, I need you to pick a number between 1 and 171. Gavin, congratulations. I'm going somewhere with this. Okay. I have to pick another number? Just pick a number between 1 and 171. Okay. 48.

48 picked by Gavin. Good episode. Yeah. All right. We'll discuss that in 184. Do you want to know what 48 was about or no? Yeah. Go ahead. How do you know it was about F*** Face?

How do you know it had anything to do with F*** Face? Wait, what? Well, because there's not 48 episodes of So Alright yet. How do you know? Just because I said between one and 171 and there's exactly 171 episodes of this podcast, you assume that's what I'm talking about? Okay, so you'll link the numbers to something else.

No, it's definitely episode 48. What was it about? In the anal trenches slash... I want out of this car. A tub as narrow as Jeff's foot. Jeff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's ADR. Nick's theory confirmed. an official face retraction, getting in a dry tub and missed mechanics.

Excellent episode. Okay. Sounds like a banger. Sounds a lot better than this. While we're recapping something, can I, can I share a big old face that happened to myself this week? I made a mistake.

So as you guys may know, as you might be aware, I am making a real push to win the cock award. As I was saying last time, it was a whole bit I planned out. And as part of the bit, I made a website. And let me tell you the entire the vision i had for the website that i made i made this site and after the presentation i was gonna direct people to it and imply like say like hey this if you click this button it will like you put in your email and you click a button it will send an email letting somebody know that they should nominate me because the department head that was the idea but but i thought you know what this is

i love everybody on the merch team what i was gonna do is say that and imply that it was going to the the head of merch guy that did the the andrew halloween, but he's great. No issue with him. I was going to apply that, but then have all of the emails go to Jack's work email and have it say, thank you for subscribing to So Alright every time they put in their email and so that he would blame you, Jeff. But I couldn't figure out how to make that happen.

And I also don't know the merch guy that well. And I have no issue with him. So I felt like it might be too mean. So I dropped the whole website. And I didn't do anything with it. I also bought multiple domains. Because I wasn't sure what to go with. So I bought AndrewDeservesACock.com.

Which was what I built the site off of. Yep. GetAndrewACock.com was my other one. And then my last one was cock2023. Jeez. So I had all these domains. I built the website. When I set up the website,

they had different tiers of the website builder. And I went with the second tier that was like $17 or $18 or something like that a month. And it allowed 500 outgoing emails per month so i figured at most jack would get 500 emails i wanted like as much as i could without it being completely insane so i set all that up drop it don't bring it up at all and then i get an email saying hey you're gonna get charged for this in like three days and i went oh fuck i gotta cancel

that because i dropped it from my bit it's not even in the presentation anymore no one's gonna go to this site it's just gonna die and then I forget about it as everyone does with every subscription they intend on canceling and then yesterday I got an email for a receipt for it and I went ah fuck I paid for it shit I gotta I'll just go through this receipt and I'll cancel it. It's like 18 bucks. It sucks. But whatever. I'll live.

And I open it and I see that I have been charged two hundred dollars. I paid for a one year subscription for Andrew deserves a cock dot com to be active, which is not that's way too much. I don't I can't I can't do that. to be active, which is not, that's way too much. I don't, I can't, I can't do that. So I immediately have to go to customer support and get a refund for Andrew deserves a cock.com. And I'm talking to somebody, I'm having to send them info and trying to get a refund, like as your name for a website called you deserve a cock.com was the time. It was a very embarrassing reef. I had to send them the order number and then they tried to convince me to keep the site because they don't want to give me,

they're like, Hey, just so you know, this will delete the website immediately if you get rid of it. And I obviously did, but I almost had to pay $200 for Andrew deserves a cock.com. I thankfully was refunded, but it was a nightmare and then so

embarrassing to have to like try to talk to someone through a refund process of that so you were like it's andrewdeservesacock.com and they're like okay what's your name and you're like andrew it was like clearly they have a message press from andrew and i had to send them the order invoice number so they could pull it up in their system and see the domain and all this stuff it was just it was the worst without context it was the worst refund i could possibly imagine it was a rough rough start to the week thankfully i got the refund though if i'd be that's too i don't have that type of cock money thrown around. 200 bucks. I think last episode I was wondering if Starfield was going to be a good game. I hadn't really heard much about it.

I think it's one of my favorite games ever. I didn't know anything about it. How far into it are you now? Oh, I'm like 40 hours in. I'm about 32. Yeah, same. It is such a great game. Such a great game. I let myself dick around in that game so much if i'm like on a real mission i've got to do all this important

shit and then i overhear someone talking about like a lost cabbage in the room next door i just immediately switched to what i'm doing or what what i left i left new atlantis about five hours into the game and i just never went back I just go from planet to planet, picking up missions. Like, uh, like in Carradine in Kung Fu. It's fucking awesome. Such a great game. I'm in a, I don't know what to talk about with this. Okay. Are we gonna talk

about the other thing, or no? What the fuck is he talking about? He's talking about the new thing. The new thing. Do we talk about that? Because there's a thing in relation to that, but I can't I can't talk about that, unless we talk about the new thing. The new thing. Do we talk about that? Because there's a thing in relation to that, but I can't talk about that unless we talk about the other thing. Are we talking about that?

This is why we shouldn't have just started immediately. I thought we were going to have a conversation because we're going back and forth. I don't know what we're doing. I don't think that one has anything to do with the other. I just wanted to talk about Starfield because I like it. No, you... Oh, Eric asked if my save file got fixed.

No. Well, sort of. The game sort of fixed itself over time, but it was broken. It was broken for about six hours. How was it broken? I lost. The game wouldn't give me quest markers anymore. So like.

Oh, so, you know, it's a Bethesda game. So you're and you're on like you're in like Neon City and you take an elevator to like the fifth floor and you talk to a guy named Trevor and then he tells you to go to another planet and so you have to like write it down because there's no quest marker and then find it on the fucking star map and then you gotta remember like what city did Trevor live in on what planet what floor on the fucking like what office number it was really it slowed me down for quite a bit but I recovered did you reset like how did it did it just fix itself how did that get fixed uh it eventually kind of i just

i think that the the bug was tied to the bug happened when i was completing a of like a final mission in a quest line which was real bum bummer and then it wouldn't let me complete that mission and then i just eventually did every other quest in my inventory and there must have been another one and they're glitched and when i did that it all just kind of started working again but it doesn't work great i briefly lost the ability to fire my gun it just my guns would wiggle when i pulled the trigger but they wouldn't shoot and then uh to fix it i became a woman what do you mean they would wiggle? They would wiggle? They would sort of wiggle. It would be like a little, like,

I don't know, a little wiggle of the end of the gun. Wouldn't shoot anything. And then I went to New Atlantis. I walked into Enhance. Changed my appearance. Became a woman. Walked back out.

Guns work. So are you still a woman? I stayed a woman for a little bit and then eventually I went back to my... The thing is, I had to, like, remake my original guy, which I couldn't be bothered to do at the time yeah that's crazy did you well wait what did you when you flipped did you did you do it with the intent of trying to solve that problem

or did you yeah it was something that someone suggested on google or reddit or something i just like the idea that i just strolled in as a bloke and uh walked out as a woman firing wildly into the air. That is really funny. That's the thing with these games is like if anyone has a bug and then they fix it, I want to know how because I just assume I'm going to encounter it eventually. That, uh, yeah, it's

my quest stuff still fucked up, but at least I can find missions and stuff now, which helps. But that bug you're describing, Gavin, a lot of people mentioned that they had in that early week where it wasn't fully released yet. It was just released for people that bought the special edition or whatever. I was reading that a lot of people

were trying to revert to old saves, but that the bug follows you into old saves and it would corrupt old saves. No! Yeah, it goes back in time. That's a nightmare. But apparently all you gotta do is just go to uh enhance and switch some stuff up and then you're good to go my recommendation for that game don't rely on the quick saves or the auto saves make shit loads of actual full-blown saves yes i learned my lesson

with uh i think it was new vegas i died while switching like going into a vault and so i but it didn't register i died until like i hit the button so my quick save which was on the other side of the door was immediate death and i was in a death loop non-stop and i was probably like 10 hours into the game at that point and i lost all of my progress i didn't manual save it's not manually saving everywhere everything i do manual yeah i i did a a dumb thing early on in starfield where in like when you're piloting your ship on the left you have very much like star trek you have like uh columns one good like for missiles call a column for uh like engine strength or speed a column for like your shields and then one for your grav lift. And you can raise and lower them

so you can like divert power, kind of like Scotty does to, you know, like, oh, diverting power to shields. Like you literally do that in the game. And I warped into a planetary orbit where there was a fight going on and I could not win. Like I had to start a ship.

I hadn't paid any attention to upgrading my ship at that point. And they just like, I tried to win the fight like 10 times and it became clear to me that there was no way I was going to win. And similarly, though, like it, the save file starts with me launching into that location. And so I just turned around and just flew the other way. And then every once in a while, you can hit boost and you can very slowly go the other way and i kept trying to grab jump and it wouldn't let me it wouldn't let me and i i just sailed the other way in space for 22 minutes before i realized that i had with the other guys behind

me they were at this point they were like 11 000 kilometers behind me but still following me and i'm like what is the threat distance on this thing you know when do they leave me the fuck alone figuring that like once i wasn't in combat it would allow me to grab jump again i just assumed that it was like a mechanic in the game because it hadn't happened to me yet where i needed to escape from a fight and uh and at 22 minutes is when i looked at the the little columns and realized i had taken all of the grav lift away and put it in shields and that i could have just switched that back and then I jumped out of there immediately and I had just spent

22 fucking minutes just hitting hitting up on the left stick why? Have you done much planet scanning? Yeah but you do it on the surface you don't do it like I guess you do it on the surface like you don't do it like uh i guess yeah i guess you do

i've done i've done surface scanning so for me like i i've been focusing purely on scanning so i do the planetary scan which i've leveled up which shows me where all the materials are so i can land in an area where they're at and then i can scan them quickly i've spent two hours trying to find one species of alien on a planet just running around. I couldn't find it. I've just been trying to clear every planet I land on, essentially, with all the stuff. Were they in the sea? They were in the sea.

There's some fucking sharks and fish and shit that I did not encounter. I hadn't seen them yet. But it was just this funny thing where, like, that's how I spent my night. I was like, I tried for 30 minutes, couldn't find anything. I just had to be like, I am dedicating my evening to discovering this fucking species of alien that i know is here because it tells you if you're in the wrong biome or not it is in this biome but i i don't know where it is and the fucking little grubs i don't know if you've seen like those stupid little worms that float around uh in that game where they crawl they crawl everywhere they're

always blue so like after i'd say it the probably the the 90-ish minute mark i found one of those randomly on a hill and i got so excited it was like that's why i haven't been able to find this like it's just a tiny tiny little grub and it was useless it had nothing to do with anything it's terrible i uh i bought a i bought a house last night my first house in aquila city which i don't know if you've been there but it's like a big sprawling kind of city you know how a lot of the cities stack like there's a like there's a sub-level and then like a sub-sub-level what aquila city it's just all sprawl like urban sprawl like houston and uh i they offered me the opportunity to buy a house, and I thought, yeah, fuck it.

I don't really like Aquila City, but I'll buy a house here just to see what's up. And I bought a house, and I spent like a half an hour decorating it and moving stuff around and figuring out where to put my snow globes and shit. And then I went outside, and I ran and I did a mission,

and then I turned around to go back home and realized I had no idea where I bought that house. And I don't know if it's because my quest marker is fucked up or if just the way the game works but I could there was nothing winning me to my house and it took me about 30 minutes of running around a keyless city checking doors until I found out just straight going nope that's not it nope that's not it god damn it nope that's not it that doesn't look familiar god damn it and now be honest i think the first time i played skyrim i had the similar thing when i eventually bought

the house in white run because uh i expected to say like my house or my home or something but it just says like breeze home or something so i was running around looking at all the doors i was like breeze home that's not it and i just couldn't find it for ages it's like they expect you to really know where you live yeah i they're all like traits and stuff you can have i went with you start with a house so i started the game 125 000 in debt assuming that was the only way to own a home in the game that was a false assumption i have a massive regret and starting in the whole 125 000 credits credits. Yeah, especially because I bought my house for 45 grand. What?

45 grand? Yeah, that's how much the house on Aquila City costs, 45 grand. Oh my God. I'm never even going to use the house. It's just empty. It's for people that like customizing things. That's not how I play.

I just thought it was the only way to get a house. God damn it. That sucks. I have parents. Gavin has wonderful parents. get a house god damn it that sucks i have uh i have parents gavin is wonderful you chose the parents perk he fucking loser you didn't pick parents i pick parents a lot of the time i'll be like on important missions and i'll be like talking to all my consolation friends and then my parents will just be there they'll be like oh hi how are you doing how are you doing at work i'm like i'm like mom embarrassing me you're mocking him jeff you have no idea what those

parents will do for you okay there's a your dad he's deep in the poker world. Okay. Do you have parents, too? Of course. Of course I went with parents. Oh, my Lord. Why wouldn't you go with parents? I got plenty in the real world. I don't need fake parents. Yeah, but I want a good one.

So this is my... This game's a real fantasy for you. Oh, man. Have you ever seen a little bit of my world? I have. I've seen his character. I've seen the name. Great name.

What is your name? Dark Bastard II. Nice. Because in Skyrim, I played a dark elf, and I just called him Dark Bastard. And I just feel like they're related. Andrew, what's your guy's name? I think it's just Andrew. I don't have a funny name. I should have like they're related. Andrew, what's your guy's name? I think it's just Andrew.

I don't have a fun name. I should have went Johnny Caviar. That would have been the better. Such an easy go to. That's a great name. What about you, Jeff? I made the oldest character I could make. And like liver spot, shock white hair, big bushy mustache.

And I named him Lil Jeffy. I adventure around the universe as Lil Jeffy so your Starfield characters are Dark Bastard the second Lil Jeffy and Andrew that's true yup did you see the list of names that the

robot I got I got a lot of messages about the fact that your robot you get called captain whatever by the robot you have on your crew it of messages about the fact that your robot you you get called captain whatever by the robot you have on your crew it's like the first crew member you get and one of the available options is face are you serious yeah it says it within the game oh i had no idea so if you name your character face it will call you captain face there's also apples in the game that are called cosmic apples I saw that. Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder if I wonder if it has to be one word, though. Otherwise, you'd probably call you Captain Face. Yeah, there'd be a bleep. Otherwise, I think that it's a holdover thing from like the last Fallout game. Not 76. The one before it for I think I think that was a name that you could use also. So that's like a little thing

what's the robot you have at the beginning of Fallout 4 Jops, Jumps, Otis Jeeves what's his name I thought he had like a real human name but yeah he calls you by the name you type in if it's on the list it's my favorite Bethesda game I think

oh yeah I'm engaged in the world in a way that I haven't been. And I was thinking about, because I love Fallout 3 and the Fallout games. I never really played Skyrim. I think what I like so much more about Starfield is even though Fallout is like Codsworth. Yeah, Codsworth. Great call. Even though like Fallout is such an extreme version of Earth, it's like you're dealing with someone without flesh.

Like it's still grounded in our reality as opposed to Starfield and in space. It feels like so much more is possible and I can encounter anything essentially on any mission. It's just so much more mystery and intrigue in my exploration of those worlds. I jumped into a new system and I got contacted by a ship that was nearby

asking about my extended warranty. Yeah, so did I. Did you pay for a warranty thing? I didn't have enough cash at the time. I wanted to get the ultra executive premium plan or whatever for 200,000. Yeah, so he only offers you up to what you have and I have 135,000 credits.

I haven't paid off my mortgage yet, but I'm about to do it. And then I encountered him and he offered me $100,000 ship insurance, which I wanted just to see what would happen, but then it would completely reset my mortgage process. So I didn't take it. He just flew away.

But I want to get the top tier one as well. I had a moment today when I was playing at lunch where I was following up one of the main missions to find the top tier one as well i had a moment today where i uh when i was playing at lunch where i i was following up one of the main missions you know to find the artifacts and i went to the eye for the first time have y'all ever been to that place yeah and they have those tubes that you can walk around on the left and the right that are fully glass and yeah and there's like a mop and a pile of trash at the end of each one yeah and like a note on the one on the right you should pick up.

But but you walk in and it's kind of like it's kind of like when you go through those enclosures at the aquarium where there's where you're walking in like a tube and there's sharks swimming all around you and you feel like super immersed. And I was just I just stopped and I was looking out at space. And as I was doing it, a ship came by and then it warped away. And then another ship came by. And I after like three minutes, I realized I was just standing, a ship came by and then it warped away. And then another ship came by. And I, after like three minutes, I realized I was just standing there just like watching ships go in and

out of orbit around me. And I was just, I'd forgot that I was playing the game. I was just in like, just sucked into the fucking universe. They do such a great job of making the world feel alive. Yeah. And it's, it's such a subtle touch. Like, Cyberpunk kind of looks the same, but it just feels so... The NPCs will just feel like such empty-headed drones in comparison to Starfield. It's great. I'm having so much fun with this game.

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Oh, man. Hey, I got a question for y'all. I was listening to Howard Stern the other day, and they were playing some...

I don't know if you guys know this, but a lot of Howard Stern fans, they'll yell Baba Booey at sporting events like in golf or in tennis to try to get heard or in baseball or whatever and I got to thinking now I'm not saying that anybody like regulation

listeners or comment leaders should ever do this I'm not insinuating that at all I really am not but I was wondering like if we had something like that what would it be what would our Baba Booey like what would be the face baba booey would it be eat the pencil yeah or eric's email address eric's email address is a good one just email uh jeff's boss at eric.com or whatever the fuck that email was there you go jeff's boss yeah either pencil i think is perfect because that's that's got the deepest lore in the podcast

i think i like that i was also thinking somebody's screaming you got caviar would be pretty funny or just johnny caviar in general but yeah i agree eat the pencil seems to make the most sense but i don't know i'd never i just i i just uh i hadn't thought of i don't know what our version of that would be the same legs or length of history, but imagining a crowd yelling ham fan at somebody who has no idea what it means is really funny to me. I barely remember what that means.

Was it a license plate somewhere? Yeah, Jeff loved the license plate. Ham fan. He had a ham fan plate. I just like imagine someone getting ready to take a shot in golf and then the entire crowd

just starts chanting ham fan, ham fan and they have no idea why. It sounds so funny. Sounds like such an insult. It does. You ham fan.

I gave you guys some homework. I don't know if you've done it. I'm not sure if you want to touch on that yet. Oh, God. What are your thoughts? Jeff was stressed about it. Oh, man. Well, you took the easy one.

Oh, I took the easy one? Yeah. Can we talk about that Gavin had this idea and then flew to a different country and he could have given us a week to prep, but instead decided to give us an hour? The only reason we even did it is because I overheard it when Emily was listening to the episode,

and I thought, Gavin never gave us the stupid prompts, and I asked about it, and then I immediately regretted asking about it. So this was based on my game as a kid called Punchlining, where I would just say the ends of jokes that weren't real in front of people we were walking past, and all my friends all my friends would laugh and make it seem like I was really funny to strangers even though there was no real joke and um apparently I was gonna come up with some

punchlines and you guys had to make the jokes figure out what the joke was uh so I've given you the homework but I also preface this by saying I don't know like I was looking at these prompts having absolutely no idea what I would do. I don't know how you get anything usable out of these. Well, I also would challenge based off these punchlines that anyone thought you were funny as they walk by. I don't think that that would be the assessment they would have hearing what these punchlines are. Well, I was I was like 13. So, you know, we all thought we were very funny, but I assume no one was even paying attention.

It's a funny bit, but I don't think anyone who passed you walked by thought, wow, that guy's funny. That was nailing it. I bet one person did. I bet it worked on one person. I would like to know who they are. Who's the one person that was deceived? They're probably not still alive.

This was 20 years ago, 25 years ago, he did that. It was a little old lady who thought, oh, he seems like a young a good young lad. And now look, everyone's laughing. He must be the he's delightful. What a little comedian. And she's, you know, she's passed on since then, but she was a lovely woman.

Shall I say what the punchlines were? Yes, please. Wait, what? No, wait, what? What? What? Why would you do that? Because then we would have to hear what you came up with as the joke. I thought the whole point would be to say the joke and then they would hear the punchline

and the joke as opposed to you saying the punchline and then us telling a joke for a punchline that has already been said. That feels backwards. I mean, it's your thing. We'll do whatever you want to do. Oh, now you got me all confused. I i just assumed that i don't know which way we should do it well this is your bit eric eric help i i mean i mean the way that gavin was gonna do it i thought that it was gonna be he gives you the punchline and then you guys went backwards and write the joke and it leads to the punchline so there's a build that you're going to, but Andrew's saying, what if we tell the whole joke?

And then when it's punchline time, Gavin delivers the punchline. Is never going to get a laugh, so I think we should do it that way. None of these are getting a laugh anyway. You don't know the source material. I also didn't intend for Gavin to deliver the punchline. You wrote, but you wrote the punchline.

I think you should deliver the punchline. I agree. I agree. I actually like that idea i mean doesn't that make sense no i mean it doesn't it is sort of an odd thing for a person to tell 95 of the joke and then hand off the punchline to be fair gavin gavin wrote the punchline yeah he did i was just gonna read i was just gonna read the punchlines then we would go to your jokes.

I mean, if we're putting this in the world of reality, Gavin does have a point in which if somebody wrote a comedian a joke, they don't get prompted in the crowd to swing it home. But I like the idea of Gavin saying the punchline to these jokes. Okay, we'll do it however you want. As long as you have a way that you can, like, well, it's your bit. It's your decision. You should go with do it however you want. You have a way that you can like, could you, well it's your bit. It's your decision. You should go with it. Whatever you want,

Gavin. You got a lot of choices here. Yeah, I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. Andrew, tell your joke. Well, I have to tell my joke? Well, is that what you want, Gavin? Let me pull up the punchlines. I'll tell you what the audience wants. The audience wants a decision. So the punchlines were like,

two of them were like anecdotal jokes, and the third one was just like a set up line punch line sort of joke jeff you tell your joke no i called i said you tell your joke first first i'll tell you why you have to tell your joke first because you you pick the punch line you state no i didn't you state claim to a punch line no i didn't. I regret everything about this stupid bit. This is going to be, I can't wait. I genuinely, I think we're 172 in. I think this is genuinely the first time that I can't wait to see what the audience reaction to something is going to be. This is going to be a disaster.

I think that's extreme. I just want it to be known. I didn't pick one. I said I had one in mind for one, but if you wanted it, Jeff, you could have it. That's not a declaration. That is just me saying I had something prepared. You said if nobody cares, I want this one.

And who's going to be rude and say I care? I was like, okay, you can have it. But you took the best one. The easiest one. Maybe not the best one, but the easiest one. So please, show us what you did with it. I want that to be my closer, so

I'm going to go with the other one. So how we divided this is I have one, Jeff has one, and then we're both doing one. So do you want to do the one we're both doing? Oh, I couldn't come up with one for that one. Which one is that one? That's a good question. Which one

is it? Is it one, two, or three? Two. I didn't do one. I had a premise, but I couldn't get there. Well, I also have a premise, and I couldn't get there, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'll tell you something. I've never wanted a bit to be cut out more than this bit right now. Yeah, but you can't say that because you'll turn the audience against us.

What do you mean? They wouldn't know about it. What do you mean? Are you ready for this joke? I want to hear it. Okay, now Gavin, you're going to yell the punchline, okay? Because that'll really spice it up. Okay. So a couple goes into a store to get their passport photos done, okay?

And she has feathered hair, and they're going in. They get their photos done. They walk up to the guy behind feathered hair and they're going in they get their photos done they walk up to the guy behind the counter and they're like hey i would like to get some passport photos done and the guy thought that was a little bit strange uh because uh he just it's an unusual situation but he said okay it's uh twenty dollars for both of you and And so he took, he gets the guy in and you got to do the thing, you can't smile or whatever.

And he takes the photo. And then he goes and he gets the other person ready and make sure they understand how to sit in the chair and all that. And they don't know if to say smile or not. And then the guy comments, I've never taken a passport photo for a goose before. Oh, you're doing that one.

That's not a goose. That's my wife. But that's my joke. Oh, Christ. Oh, my God. You were supposed to be. This is the best thing. This is literally the best thing we've ever done.

Why would you tell my joke? I said one, two, or three, and you said not the first one. I said one. Was that the first one? Yeah, don't do the first one. That's mine. You said not the first one. Yeah, don't do the first one.

It's mine. I thought you meant I didn't do one for the first one. Not don't do the first one. No, I said not. It's the shittiest thing in the world. Well, Jeff, why don't you do it now? No, no, you do it. Jeff, you do it now.

So two dude geese were supposed to be at work one day, but they decided they wanted to play goose hooky. And so they were hanging out by the pond. They were checking out all the hot lady geese because it was just about mating season, you know? And I'll be honest, geese are misogynistic. I'm not. I'm not a goose. I want that to be clear. This isn't me. These are the geese because it was just about mating season you know and uh i'll be honest geese are misogynistic i'm not uh i'm not i'm not a goose i want that to be clear this isn't me these are the geese talking and uh but you know this is a geese are they're they're macho they tend to be they're i'll be

honest geese are kind of dicks uh i'm not a big fan of geese even less of a fan of swans and uh anyway they're saying stuff like oh look at the webs on that chick's feet. And whoa, check out her tail feathers. Well, goose number one, his wife was running goose errands that day, and she happened to see him on the other side of the pond playing hooky. So she thought, I'm going to get this guy. He needs to be he should be at work right now. And so she she walks over there and get angrier and angrier and with good cause, too, because here he is ogling all these other geese

but mrs goose was incredibly beautiful as far as ganders go she was extremely shapely and had the softest feathers you've ever seen so she comes up behind him and she taps him on the shoulder while he's in mid comment and he and the and the and goose number two who's never met his wife spin around goose number one his his goose mouth drops He doesn't know what to do. Goose number two points at her chest and says, oh, my God, look at the goose bumps on that one. And goose number one says, that's not a goose. That's my wife. There you go.

So that's the only one everyone did. No, I want it on record that Jeff replied to the text saying, I've got number two. He specifically declared he wanted two. Yeah, but then I changed my mind. Not my fault. So no one did number two? So no one did two? Number two's punchline?

Oh, have you done one? No, I couldn't get there, but I had a premise. I'll tell you that after. Number two's punchline was, beats me, he wasn't even wearing them. I was trying to write a joke there about a kid who kept jacking off into his tube socks

and having to keep asking mom for more tube socks and she didn't understand where they were going because he wasn't wearing them. She never saw them. But I just couldn't figure out. I got lost with him

trying to bury the tube socks in the backyard and I just... It's really funny to me that that's what you had in your head when you declared, oh, I got this. I got two.

And then it just never went past that. This is genuinely my favorite joke you've ever done. Are you ready? We would have breezed by this if Jeff didn't over it. I don't think any of us remember this bit. So now are we doing joke number three? Am I closing? What was your premise for that one? You said you had one as well no i didn't i did the first one i i thought you'd do two and then

we both do one of them one even though we didn't communicate that um okay i have tears running well gavin you gotta get ready for the punchline. This is so fucking funny. I love this. I love the way it's structured. I love that everyone got homework. I love that no one likes it. This is genuinely everything that this podcast is about. It's fantastic. Okay, so this is the premise for the third joke.

We're in a bar and the door swings open, walks in, sits down next to a guy, and immediately says to the guy, weakening economy convinces central bank to hold key rate for now. And the guy says, what? And it says back to him, the Bank of Canada decided to hold its key interest rate steady on Wednesday and been mounting evidence the economy is slowing. But the central bank isn't declaring victory yet as it remains cautious to not feel speculation

about rate cuts. With recent evidence that excess demand in the economy is easing and given the lagging effects of monetary policy, governing counsel decided to hold the policy interest rate at 5%. The central bank said in a news release, however, the Bank of Canada is keeping the door open to more rate hikes, noting its governing council is still concerned about inflationary pressures and is ready to raise interest rates further if needed. Canada's inflation rate was 3.3% in July, ticking up from 2.8% in the previous month.

Although inflation has slowed considerably since last summer, it's expected to hover around 3% for months to come. The central bank acknowledges that inflation will even likely flare up due to higher gasoline prices before coming back down. BMO chief economist Douglas Porter said the Bank of Canada's decision to hold its key rate was widely expected given recent weak economic data. Now the focus is turning to what the central bank might do as next it wrestles inflation down while trying not to send the economy into a deeper slowdown than necessary.

They've clearly left the door open for possibility that they might move again, Porter said. But our view is that provided growth remains relatively calm and core inflation does continue to slowly come down, that the Bank of Canada has probably done hiking interest rates.

Statistics Canada reported last week, real gross domestic product contracted in the second quarter, which convinced forecasters that another rate hike would be unlikely. The Canadian economy has entered a period of weaker growth,

which is needed to relieve price pressures. The central bank said Canada's labor market has almost lost some of its steam. The unemployment rate has been on the rise for three consecutive months. Porter says economic growth will likely continue to stall over the next few quarters, making a recession a possibility. We're going to fall into the official recession definition,

but it's going to be a close run for sure, Porter said. Reaction from Canadian commercial banks on Wednesday was nearly uniform. The central bank is unlikely to raise interest rates again, despite its hawkish tone Wednesday. But in order to keep inflation expectations in check, economists to Nguyen, with accounting and consultancy firm RSM Canada, said the Bank of Canada will likely hold its key interest rate at 5% in 2024. A premature rate cut could send businesses and consumers out burrowing

and spending risk re-accelerating inflation again the guy said in a statement now the guy replied i didn't know any of that to which the the response to that was biden cancels oil and gas lease in arctic refuge uh juno alaska in an aggressive move that angered Republicans, the Biden administration canceled the seven remaining oil and gas leases in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge on Wednesday, overturning sales held in the Trump administration's waning days and proposed stronger protections against... Oh, you ruined the joke. Oh oh you weren't done no stepped on my punch line sorry sorry i wouldn't want to go on keep going i lost my place i'll have to start from the aggressive move that angered republicans the biden administration

canceled the seven remaining oil and gas leases i thought it'd be something like you know it was something about running a story i don't know a newspaper with legs i don't know like a real a real quickster like uh what do you call pete davidson at the beach a newspaper with legs because he's got all those shitty tattoos that are running all over his body. Yeah, something like that. That was ideal. What I did is I bought a newspaper and I was just gonna reading the stories of the paper and I was just gonna keep doing this and then

eventually the guy would get mad and then the bartender would say hey, you can't get mad at him, he's a newspaper with legs. I was gonna read the whole paper and then say the next day it happened again, but it was the same stories because he got printed on that day. So it'd just be the same thing every day. You got pretty far.

But you cut it off. Well, sorry. I'm sorry to cut it off. Yeah, I was halfway through. I would have loved to have heard. Not even. Listen, the people are going to want to know about felony convictions vacated for U.S. Navy officers in bribery scandal that they'll never know.

Well, will this episode need a credit to the person who wrote that newspaper? Like it was it was like 20 percent. Oh, the smiley. I never got around to mention it to you guys, but I cook these for this episode so I can try them. Oh, how are they? I don't know. I haven't eaten them yet. They've been going cold.

Well, you've been reading the newspaper. They've been going cold. Did you salt them? Are you doing any condiments? What's the process? No, I'm just having them plain. I'm just having them pure. I want to try it right now.

Should we see you eat them? Yeah. No condiments, huh? You know me. Okay, here we go. It was warm 30 minutes ago. We'll see. It's a smiley face.

Now, the move to do typically is some ketchup in the eyes. Millie texted me today, and she said, what the fuck are those? And I was- She said they look like deep-fried scrub daddies. Did you apologize for preventing her from experiencing them as a child? No. Oh. Doesn't taste? No. Oh.

It doesn't taste like anything. Huh. Well, could it possibly be because you didn't season them in any way? Uh... I guess. I mean, I don't season tater tots. They taste good out of the fucking oven. Yeah, yeah.

I'm jealous you're eating one of those. I can always feel what that tastes like. Well, you have a bag. Yeah, I didn't cook them up, though. That's fair. It's okay. It's probably better hot. It's probably better hot than the ketchup.

It's better before the jokes. When they were hot, before the newspaper, they were probably pretty good. So are you blaming Gavin for that? For sidetracking your bit? No, not at all. I just wish that I'd eaten them when they were warmer

because I let the episode get away from me. I was going to do it right out the gate and then I just got distracted. It's nobody's fault but mine. Anyway, they're like, whatever. They're six. Six? I apologize for the worst bit in

face history. Oh, I think people disagree. Yeah, I was going to ask you guys. Do you think this was a legit... Do you think this was our legit? Do you think this was a this? Do you think this was our first bad episode? Um, OK. I mean, do you think this is one of like you think this was a bad episode?

No. OK. Do you think this was our best episode? Well, I don't know because I laughed a lot, but I don't know if that's a good barometer. Yeah. I'm thinking about someone driving to work and they're listening to Andrew read the newspaper

like it's NPR and it's a comedy podcast where you guys talked about Starfield Baba Booey and Potato Smiles but we also heard a lot of the newspaper listen that wasn't my choice Gavin made the punchline I I was just following through. Hey, let me ask you guys a question. This is something I was thinking about the other day. Let me see what you guys think about it. What do you think the most important letter in the alphabet is? I have an answer. I have an answer. I'm going to convince you. T.

You said P as in Paul? No, T. Oh, T as in Tom? Okay. I feel like R is pretty important. R. Eric? You know what? I'm going to go. I was thinking a consonant. I'm going with a vowel. I'm going with A. Okay.

A is a good one. I think it's arguably, I think it's definitely more important than the other two. I think the correct answer is E. And here's why. Have you ever said the alphabet? You can't even pronounce most letters without E. You've got B, C, D, E, G,

H, O, J, K. That's A. N. He was going so well and it was going great. S, T, V, X, Z.

You can't pronounce it. You can't even have like 16 letters without the letter E. It's woven into the fabric of all other letters. It is the Trojan horse of letters. So if we had, what is the bless you What are the letters that we can

use that don't contain E's? If we had to go E-less, what would our bank of letters be? A I guess not F. F has an E sound H like F. That's an E H. I I agree. J. K

M N M. M definitely has an E M. I guess if you say M or M. M is an E, yeah. N, O. O is a good one. P, Q.

Yeah, there's no good. It's dregs of letters. Not great. I don't know why, but it just popped into my head. It's weird that you need letters to pronounce other letters. What if we try and come up

with the longest E-list word? Well, I think Google could help us with that real fast. What is the longest word with no E? Definitely. Transubstantialist. Transubstantialist. Yeah, but that's not. Substantialist.

Oh, transubstantialist. It's without an E sound. Yeah, and T has not... Substant-che-ationalist. Oh, transubstant. It's without an E sound. Yeah, and T has an E. Yeah. Yeah, you know you're right. Train. What? What?

Trap. I'm still trying to think of a word without an E sound. Rhythm? Train? Rhythm. Yeah, but that's still not the right, that's not using the right letters. Not the right letters. Right.

I get what you're saying. Oh, I see. Without using any of the alphabet, I thought we were just doing a long no E sound word. I understand now. Yeah. Yeah, all the shit that Jeff just said. Definitely, if there was going to be an election amongst the letters it has the most supporters oh dude you are you kidding the other letters fucking y on e in a large part

they can you imagine if there was no e how much fucking heavy lifting a would have to do to pick A, bay, say. Day. A. A. Gay. Gay. Gay. Hey. Oh, my God.

A newspaper with legs. Okay, this is now a fever dream. Beats me. He wasn't even wearing them. Did you ever use any of those, Gavin? Were those originals or were those from your past hits? I think I used the top one, but the other ones, the other two

are fresh. Fresh is a word. Well, I didn't really have to change them because i don't think we ever walked past the same person twice this might be the first time i've ever bought a newspaper in my life today do you think it'll be the last time uh sadly yeah probably i had a i had a thought about you gavin the other day oh oh yeah i uh you know i've been i've been reading a lot lately uh because somebody got me a Kindle. And so and I've also been watching a lot of documentaries.

I've been I've been really focused on or really interested in in early 20th century explorers, like people that explored the Amazon or the desert or the Antarctica or whatever. And it it struck me. And I'm sure a lot of this has to do with colonization and wealth and the opportunity that wealth provides, but it struck me that over the last 200 years, most of the great explorers or

the most successful explorers in the world have been British or from the UK, right? Like the people that have made all the major discoveries in the Amazon and the Antarctica and the Himalayas and they're almost always British, almost as if they had like a monopoly on adventure and bravery. But then there's you. And that was my thought.

It's like these people, these these British men would submit themselves to like all all manner of danger from the environment, from animals, from man. They're fighting stuff like dengue fever and crocodiles. And then there's you, a guy who can't wash dishes without gloves. How did that happen? I mean, I can do it. It just makes my hands feel funny. Same with emptying a fresh dishwasher.

If the plates and glasses are still hot They're too grippy. You know there's like a weird grip factor that happens that makes me feel funny. I think what's impressive about Gavin is how many states have you been to? Like 30 of the states? 26 or something. So the problem with him is that he's well-traveled. He just hasn't done anything in any of these places. He hasn't discovered anything. Well, what's left to discover?

Look, I'm born, I was born in the very, very small window of human history where you can't explore shit. All right? It's everything on Earth

is mapped, you know, maybe aside from the ocean, and it's right before everyone pisses off and explores space. I've got nothing! If I wanted to be an explorer, I was born at the complete wrong time, and it's bullshit.

Hold on a second. Do you want to be an explorer? How many... How much of the Earth... I've discovered like 50 new species in Starfield. it really doesn't feel hard i'm questioning your your work ethic here you think i just haven't made the effort i think so i don't think well i mean i've got i've got my mushrooms in my slime i think potentially that

that's true hey oh yeah but that's in your backyard i've seen we've seen the slime in person yeah it's fucking yeah we've we've seen the slime i'll tell you this from all the heat it's it's not it doesn't look good it doesn't look like it's supposed to be there. And it doesn't look like something that you should just leave alone. But he, Gavin seems determined to ignore it. Look, if I was an explorer, I'm not there to displace the people already there or mess with the ecosystem. Of course not. I'm just here to observe.

Well, that's not very British of you now, is it? Not really. No. Well, I'm Italian. So, according to... Yeah, they were a much better record. Classically known for not displacing. Not much better.

Gavin, you'll be happy to know, and maybe this will awaken something inside of you, deep inside of you from your ancestry, but I'm going to guess not. 65% of the planet remains unexplored. Yeah, but is it under the ocean? Most of it, but not all of it. It says most of it.

That means there's probably at least 10%. Okay, can you put a... I'll walk around and you'll let me know if there's anything new to discover in this biome. Yeah. Because I don't want to be looking in the wrong place for a shark that's not on land. I think maybe

let's start small before you start crossing the ocean or going down to the bottom of the ocean. Let's start small. Deal with your slime. See where the slime takes you. And then we'll sort of figure out if you need to go to the Mariana Trench or something. Okay. Yeah. Baby

steps, I guess. You should do a slime scan. Hit left bumper on your slime yeah but then i'll only be at 30 13 i think more slimes and you've only got the one next time you travel somewhere can you just hold your controller and just walk around clicking left bumper going scanned scanned it, got it. 88%. Great winners, Explorer, Gavin Free. You've even got the name for Explorer. Yeah.

You were born with an Explorer silver spoon in your mouth. When, with the weather changing soon, as we're in mid-September, I think when this comes out, like late September, when the weather changes, do you think your slime is really going to come alive for you in the back half of the year or what? Yeah, I think as soon as the rain starts hitting and maybe the grass is all dewy, I think

the slime will reactivate and start spreading again. Maybe I'll time-lapse it. Oh, that's interesting. I would love to see time lapse. What an episode. I don't think what an episode that kind of makes you think it was good. I think it was good. I had a good time. You laughed a lot for someone who's

not having a good time. I had a great time. I'm trying to imagine it from an audience perspective. Your response to my question was very fucking funny. Very good. That's definitely a highlight of an episode right there. Okay.

I think that's a good place to end it too because we're kind of leaving it on a high note. They're going to hopefully forget about when Andrew read the newspaper for like four minutes. Hey. Well, there you have it. You've listened to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. How much fun was that? What do you think?

Was this the best episode we've ever done? Early reports are no, but you don't never know. We'll see. It could be like the election. Who knows how many votes are going to come in at 3 a.m.?

We'll see you next time. Six teams bring their best recipes to Rib Fest. Boo! Oh, shit! A goose! It's a goose! We have patrons

for weekend feasts of ribs cooked by world-class rib teams washed down no we're done it's over i'm gonna be entertained by live music from local bands at eskimo rib fest this year the event established in 2013 boasts six big rig barbecue jack just says next time on local and more than 20 live performances on stage. The tasty fun runs from Friday to Sunday at Bullen Park. The event has such a happy vibe to it. It still has the feel of an outside house party in someone's backyard.

I'm trying to figure out how to kick him. It's at Tom Woods' chair of the Ribfest Society, which hosts the event. The event is limited to six barbecue companies with smoke dem bones a company from Kamloops joining the roster this year in the spirit of friendly competition the one else remember Members of the trying to read through my there's no other choice papers for yeah ribbers members of the teams bring their best ribs and best rib sauces to the festival for both a judging panel and bragging rights if they win the People's Choice Award.

I'm cutting. Look for newcomers. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. There's a new achievement in Gyms of War. Gavin has a terrible reputation. Who is the most competitive? Are Twiglets delicious?

The boys are alone. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** It. On Friday night, close your eyes and you will swear that you were hearing Tweet with Max Edwards. We're also lucky to get Juno Award winning Jack Semple and his cover band, The Horned Dogs, on Saturday. Jack Semple and his cover band the horn dogs on Saturday There will be free children's activities 20 charitable and commercial vendors

the volunteer run festival has in conjunction with the Eskimo firefighters charitable foundation and seven local nonprofit groups raised more than 1 million over the past nine years and