Regulation Podcast - Confidence of a Much More Capable Man//Coolio Has No Involvement [8]

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a burger eating challenge, Coolio, Xbox Achievements, and an elaborate payment plan. Sponsored by ExpressVPN. Visit http://expressvpn.com/FACE and get an extra 3 months FREE on a one-year package! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And that wraps up another classic dumpster fire edition of F*** Face. Thank you, Jeff and Gavin for always being so wonderful and hilarious. You two really killed it this episode. I want to thank the brains behind this operation, Nick and Eric. This show would be a much lesser version of itself without the two of you. And I most importantly want to thank you, the listener. In a world of a billion podcasts, the fact that you've chosen to spend this time with us is greatly appreciated. Without you, there is no us.

This is getting long-winded, so I'll just close this by saying if you enjoy the show and haven't subscribed Please do so also, please leave the show a positive rating and a review Both of those things are a huge help in growing the show. Thank you so much for your support Have a wonderful day He wrote it down. He was he was reading at the script. Yeah You know sometimes when you're listening to a podcast app, and you've skipped ahead on an episode right at the end, but then whenever you re-listen to it, it starts at the end? I thought that was happening, but then I realized this is life.

Well, Eric always complains about our endings, so I just wanted to make sure we got a good one. I think that was... Was that good, Eric? That was the best ending we've ever had at the beginning. I think that was pretty clean. I put some effort best ending we've ever had at the beginning. I think that was pretty clean. I put some effort into that. Goodbye and welcome to the backwards episode of F*** Face.

You're always like the endings aren't good so I figured if we start with the end then we'll have a lot of time to get that ending down. We know the ending is good now. Yeah, I feel like we got it. It's in the can. We're good. Alright, fucking first take that one. Congratulations. That was great. I feel like we got it's in the can we're good all right fucking first take that one congratulations that was great i feel like i nailed that i don't i'll be honest i had it no andrew that was perfect that was brilliant i had a whole introduction i wanted to do and you just

fucking steamrolled through it well i feel like you could still do you want to do the intro you no no i don't want to do it that's kind of the outro yeah we'll just save the intro for the end all right we'll save the intro for the end that All right. We'll save the intro for the end. That's a great idea. Can I do the intro? Yeah. All right. That's fantastic.

All right. Well, thanks for thanks for that, Andrew. Thanks for tuning in. No problem. And it was good to do a podcast with you. I don't know how to go from end to beginning. Well, I mean, the story about Andrew's burgers was brilliant. And I'm really glad that he told it.

Yeah. I mean, we teased that for, like, two shows. Man, what a great story that was. I think it worked out great. Could you believe the ending? I know I didn't tell you guys about that twist ending until then. What a moment that was. You guys were shocked.

That was great. I'm so fucked. How about a burger recap? Oh oh you want to do a recap in the same you think that's necessary the same episode to recap well just just rewind it a bit okay well i guess where do we even begin i guess the question is it may be to open it more broadly i feel like everybody has a food they think they could eat weight more of than they actually can you came to me with this you you were asking me what i would pick and uh you went with mcdonald's just regular hamburgers yeah yeah like a single cheeseburger okay yeah like a basic burger not even a cheeseburger just a basic burger um that was mine what was yours you don't you don't want cheese

no well if you're gonna eat a lot of them mine is easily black olives i thought i could eat a thousand black olives in one minute and i can't are you serious yeah you hit a black olive limit a lot quicker than you think you just fucking twisted me because you told me banana popsicles at the time i did not see that coming at all that was a massive twist olives but black, well banana popsicles I have succeeded in eating. I only ate banana popsicles and banana Laffy Taffy as sustenance for about 14 months and I'd say

30 pounds. Right after I got separated when I moved out on my own and I became a quote unquote single in my 40s, all I knew how to eat I realized were banana popsicles and banana laffy taffy but in terms of things that you think you can eat a lot of and then you find out you can't gavin dared me to eat a can of olives on stage live in front of 3 000 people once

and i in 60 seconds just large black olives and i couldn't get through half the can and i was humiliated it was embarrassing i i didn't like i was embarrassed yeah i was embarrassed for you so andrew just came to me one day i've actually got the the slack still open he said what is the food that you think you could eat the most of within a 12 hour time limit uh i went for penne pasta because for some reason if i've if i've ever like made pasta, I always get seconds. I don't know what it is with penne. So I said I could eat four boxes in 12 hours. And he said, no, I probably couldn't. I think my stomach would just split.

There's no way you could. Start leaking penne into my cavities. So many carbs. That's so much pasta. But, you know, it's delicious. Then you said, what about McDonald's single burgers? I think I could, without struggle, eat 50 McDonald's dollar menu burgers in 12 hours. I think I went in saying the hardest part would be not ordering fries as a side.

I was very confident in my ability. I then went on to say you're an idiot. You're a fool. That's like one every half an hour. Ridiculous. No, that would be 24 hours um so you're talking yeah like for an hour ridiculous i think the time the math ended up being i needed to eat a burger every 10 minutes for what we settled on but yeah and i predicted that after 20 you'd be seriously slowing down so how did it go well yeah well i i think we should also add there's

a bet we had a bet on this as well like once we agreed i essentially asked every person i knew because i thought i could do it and wanted to make a bet with somebody and you're the first person that agreed to a bet we had a 50 50 burger bet yeah i will always be willing to put up money that is you know an amount that would be useful in my life and spend it on something completely pointless that I don't even get to see. Yes, absolutely. Like $50, I could buy an Xbox game for that, or most of one. But yeah, it was a $50.

If I ate all $50, I really, we should have done like a middle if I was smart. Like if I hit $25, then we're even. And then I could progress from there. When did this happen, by the way? According to my timestamps, this was March, the 9th of March this year. Yeah. So this is in a this is in a fucking quarantine COVID world.

You guys are right around the start of it. Yeah, it wasn't like a real it was right before. Yeah, it is right before it happened. You came to me with so it was the day before you asked me about it, about 2 p.m. 9 a.m. the next morning, we were still talking about it. And by 1 p.m., you sent me a picture of three bags full of McDonald's hamburgers. Yeah, I was ready to go. So wait a minute, am I meant to believe here that you guys started talking about it at 2 p.m.

and we're still talking about it at 9 a.m.? As if you gabbed through the night like two schoolgirls talking about cute boys in class? I think that was a slight break. I didn't think we were. Okay. No, there were some tough negotiations over pickles. Were pickles allowed? Could I modify the burger?

We went up there at like 3 a.m. like tee hee hee. That's important. That's a great point. What is the answer? Are they just like bog standard as they come burgers? I modified them to my liking. So I took the pickles off and I just felt like I needed, I took the onions off too because it just seemed like any amount of food, additional food would be bad.

Do you have an issue with onions and pickles or you were just trying to change some calories? I'm not a fan of pickles, but yeah, the onions, I just felt like from a room perspective. That's, I mean, if 50 burgers worth of onions is a lot of pickles but yeah the the onions i just felt like from a room perspective that's i mean if 50 burgers worth of onions is a lot of onion so if i could i could just get rid of that i'd be a leg up onions are also they're surprisingly high in fat content although i don't know that an onion in a mcdonald's hamburger is a real onion uh i see i feel like i would keep the onion because i the biggest mental block for me would be just the boredom of the flavor. And I would maybe pull some onions out of my first five, sling them all in my sixth one,

really reset the palate. You should just tell the cook or the chef, just like surprise me. Give me 50. I don't want them all to be the same. Make these as different as possible using the same ingredients. Yeah, I don't...

And pickles. I don't like pickles. I'm not a pickle guy. I don't really eat pickles. I learned within a year that pickles were cucumbers, and that blew my mind. That was a huge revelation. Yeah, the pickle part is the process. Is the process, yeah. Like a pickled onion. Yeah, the pickle part is the process. Is the process, yeah.

Like a pickled onion. Yeah, I had no idea. I was watching some cooking video where it was a chef making a fancy burger, and he's like, we're going to make our own pickles. And I was like, how do you do that? And he pulls out a cucumber. I was like, there's no way.

This isn't, they're not connected. Are you a fan of cucumbers, or do you dislike cucumbers? I have no opinion on the cucumber. I never really had a cucumber. Cucumbers are fucking delicious. Are they? It's just weird to me that that would make you not like pickles. When you found

that it started its life as something else. That's not necessarily why I dislike. It's a texture thing mainly for me with pickles. I just had no idea. I thought they were their own thing. I thought you could pull a pickle from a tree or something at some point. I never thought about i didn't think about where they came from i just assumed that you could be in a field somewhere and find a pickle i love the idea of you planting pickle seeds and then it just

grows this cucumber and you're like god damn it it's broken but yeah ordered 50 burgers no pickles no onions what was the price what was the uh cost yeah that's no onions. What was the price? What was the cost? Yeah, that's a great question. What is the price? I had it delivered. So there's a delivery. I think it came to like $70.

So even if I won the bet, I was down. I've got the stats here. 50 hamburgers, 240 calories each. Remove pickles, remove onions. Delivery fee, five bucks. Total food and beverage cost $94.50. Really? Wow. So if I would have won the bet, I would have... You tipped the delivery guy $18?

Oh, yeah. That's very generous of you. Well, COVID wasn't quite a thing yet. I'm not trying to slow this story down to pad for time, although that would be awesome. But I am curious, if we remove the pickle and the onion, what is left in the...

I would like to know what the composition of the remaining burger is. It's just condiment. It's ketchup and mustard, I believe. So it's all beef patty, ketchup, mustard, sesame seed bun. Yes. No, I don't think there's sesame seeds on the...

I think it's just a plain bun. There's no sesame? I don't think there is. I can tell you that with your onion choice you remove 240 calories of onions Wow surprisingly high in fat content like that's like one whole burger less there is really no strategy to it beyond I assume that would take up additional space and and I was trying to most space I could possibly have. Like, you were smart talking about, like, the different textures. That was not a consideration.

I went into this thinking it would be super easy. I was honestly just blown away at how confident you were, because a stomach is only so big. And look at those bags. Look at those giant bags full of food. How? It's one thing I've always said about Andrew is he has the confidence of a much more capable man. Yes. Yes, I do. If I think I can do something, there's like 100% I believe I could. There's no 50.

It's like I'm absolutely going to be able to do this. It's zero or 100. I have no middle. And then you did. And then I tried it. Yeah. I was actually nervous. I felt bad submitting a 50 burger order. I got a letter from the people that worked there. They were like, thank you. Thank you for such a big order. We appreciate that. Do they appreciate that?

I guess. I don't know. I didn't think they would. But I got a letter from them saying like, this is great. Thank you. Kill them with Canadian kindness every time. By 2pm, according to our Slack conversations, Andrew Patton says, one bite in, I may have greatly underestimated these burgers. Yeah.

Because I have a lot of confidence going into things, but as soon as it starts, I can kind of see my limit. And it went from this is no problem to I took. And it went from, this is no problem, to I took a bite and was like, this is a problem. This isn't... I greatly underestimated these buns. These buns are an issue. I can't believe you didn't take a dry run

at any point and just say, let me eat one burger and see how I feel. Why would I do that? That makes sense. That's a good game plan. Was the first one good? No, the first one was fine, yeah. So when did it get shitty? When did it get a little bit palatably boring? Seven. I'd say seven in.

Oh, that checks out, actually. At 5.30pm ... Bowl of Blackberries was introduced at Burger 8. Yeah. I had to try to do something. Why would you just eat some random fruit?

Oh, because it's small. Eat anything, right? It's small. Yeah, I wanted a different taste, and it was small. It's a small item to consume. I didn't think it would take up much space. I blazed through the first five. It was impressive.

Yeah, you said you ate four in ten minutes. Yeah, so you were not pacing yourself. No, why would I? This is going to be gonna be easy after four hours you were at 11 yeah i just i started i mean the first few were no problem uh then i hit five or six and uh it became a problem pretty quickly uh it was filling and the taste it was so bad and they started getting cold i didn't project how bad a cold burger would be. Couldn't you have just sort of put the oven to like maybe 100 degrees and just left them in there?

That's what you want me to put? 44 burgers in the oven at 100 degrees? This is $50 on the line, Andrew. Yeah, but I've already spent $97. Exactly! You gotta recoup some of your loss. I'm going down $47, no matter what that was bad and it

just kept getting worse at like eight or nine it was terrible and i laid down and that at that point that was the first time i thought i'm gonna look into strategy for this i felt just so full i was laying down and i watched a video of uh like professional leader, and he was explaining how they eat large amounts of food Was it like Matt Stoney or someone? I don't remember who it was but it essentially came down to you have a limited amount of space So once you're out of space you're out of space So this is what you need to do to create more space before you do anything and once I had that realization I was like this is I'm not hitting 50 50 this is where do you create the space well

an enema i assume i mean i guess i could have tried that i mean i did i like looked into how long it takes for burgers to digest and i wouldn't have a full like the amount of time required to get a full clear but uh well i mean i think it's sort of inspirational. I just kept soldiering away. I kept hammering away, doing my best for the whole 10 hours, even though I had no chance, I'd say, after the first two hours. Also, Gavin fucking renegotiated down to 10 hours. We started at 12, and then he renegotiated 10. Wait, did I want 10?

You wanted it down to 10. You're like, ah, that looks too easy. And you negotiated down to 10. You're like, ah, that looks too easy. And you negotiated down to 10. Andrew, that's something you should know before you enter into any bet with Gavin. He will very quickly, very willingly enter into a bet with you over almost anything. And oftentimes a ridiculous sum of money on his end. Once you take the bet, the wheels start to spin.

He realizes he's on the hook. Then he starts to backpedal. And that's when the price goes down and the requirements go up. 100% of the time. Every time you got to be prepared for that with Gavin. Oh, here's what happened.

Here's what happened. I clearly lost concentration. You sent me the picture. We'd been talking about 12 hours. I said, shit, that looks doable. Are you going to do it in waves or will it be a constant flow throughout the 10 hours and i just i guess just changed the number there because i wasn't paying attention and then uh you were throwing

you were throwing a hissy fit uh the bet was that the bet was that i had 12 hours but now that mr rules and regulations shows up i have to see the photo i will do it in 10 so you took that as a challenge uh you didn't just say a nice typo genius you were like no I will do it in 10. So you took that as a challenge. You didn't just say, nice typo, genius. You were like, no, I can do it in 10. So that's how that happened. Carry on. I don't think it was a typo. And also, I don't know.

It's manipulation is what it is. It felt like a move. I would have never agreed to that if I had a burger first. That was in my complete confidence. I thought I'd do it in like eight. So where did it end up? 31 burgers. I ate 31 burgers over the 10 hours.

That's really not bad. No. It's pretty impressive. The one additional is impressive to me. The fact that you didn't just call it a 30. You were like, I'll do one more. Yeah, I just, I wanted to do as many as I could. As I said, it's an inspiration i didn't quit

were you still like set the stage you have 10 minutes left i was still eating you're sitting on your bed surrounded by hamburger wrappers and what like 22 or 23 burgers left and you're like how many can i cram in in the last 10 minutes? Yeah, no, I was consistently eating. I'd take little breaks and then I would have I'd maybe stopped for like 30, 40 minutes and I'd kind of get a second wind and then I'd eat two burgers and I'd feel great. And then it would hit me again. It was just like a constant. It was almost like waves of like, this is the worst thing ever.

Do I can do this? I can eat two more. And it was like that the entire 10 hours. i also have the discussion here of after you lost uh you said since i lost and now owe you 50 however the world has entered a pandemic and the economy is collapsing in the in this mad max world a 50 bill is useless and then you went on to try and find something that might be worth more money and you came up with a signed Coolio card for the 2003 Ben Affleck Daredevil movie. That is not the most easily gettable card that's set. Which to this day, you never sent me.

No, well, we're going to talk about that. But you never responded, first of all. So I assume there was no Coolio interest. Second of all, that's a great collect collectible he's not even in that movie he had one scene so it's an autograph card for a movie that the person isn't even in coolio has no involvement with the actual film it's a great way more than $50 I would love that it's a great not. It's a great, yeah, you should, you can probably find online. I think it might be worth $5 is the retail evaluation. Look, as an aside, sidebar, we've talked about building this, the world's best collectible

guide or the best list of collectibles. So far, it's got Billy Ripken's 1989 Fleer face card on it. I nominate the second card to be an autographed Coolio Ben Affleck Daredevil 2003 trading card. I think it deserves to be there. I mean, what do you think? I think the Coolio one is way better. You think Coolio's better?

I think it deserves to be on the list. I'm a big fan of his work on the Keenan and Kel theme song. We're all a big fan of all of Coolio's work. Let's be serious let's be honest he used to do that fucking mtv show uh that was a that was a uh that like mtv's horror show where they would it was kind of like our ghost hunting show uh i can't remember the name of it off the top of my head uh but he was really great in it on the like the celebrity

version of it he's a cool dude that coolio i don't doubt it great autograph give him credit i feel like was gangsters paradise even more popular than the stevie wonder song yes what was the stevie wonder song uh it's a song called pastime paradise right i don't know i mean that's i don't think any of us are old enough to remember what i don't know it was a popular song though but it's to say it's gangster's paradise but without someone rapping i was just like the instrumental is a stevie wonder song no it's like a song like he says uh like the chorus is stevie wonder paradise it's yeah there you go yeah no but i'm saying gangster's paradise took the instrumental from that well it's yeah it took took the music and then they had he had like a choir sing the chorus that

Stevie Wonder sang and then he did some rapping. And then Michelle Pfeiffer turned a chair around and got tough with students. That's true. What Batman movie was she in? She's in a Batman movie, right? Yeah, she was Catwoman. And what one

though? Do you remember? Batman 2, the one with Danny DeVito as the Joker. Or I'm sorry, Danny DeVito as the Penguin. As Chester Cobblepot. I think to the list of dumb collectibles, I would, and they're so hard to get, but there's a Batman and Robin set that has like George Clooney autos, Arnold Schwarzenegger has an auto in that, Joel Schumacher. That'd be a hell of a get for any of that.

Listen, we should sit down and put some serious effort into figuring out what the official collectible list will be, because I want to throw the Menendez Brothers basketball card in there. There was a really cool photo of a baseball player from the Phillies that was on Reddit the other day that was nominated as the

coolest baseball card of all time. But we're getting too far away from hamburgers right now. We are. Should we go back to hamburgers? Yeah, because I have one thing I'd like to point out when we're when you're totally done. I just have one addendum I'd like to add. OK, well, this is we're going to about to go to a second part.

So is it tied to the hamburger or do you want to wait until the end? It's tied to hamburgers. Okay, well, go ahead. I was just going to say, this happened in March. You attempted to eat 50 hamburgers, failed, valiant effort. It apparently had no long-term effect on you, because yesterday I found out you won a

Microsoft Surface by spinning a wheel trying to win more hamburgers. That's true. I guess I'm up. I guess my passion for hamburgers, I mean, if you look at it that way, that's like a $550 tablet. I'm up. That's a great point, Jeff. Thanks.

I feel good about this now. Your hamburger obsession, it's getting out of control, buddy. I don't know if it's an obsession, but I'd say my pursuit of the joy of a simple burger has led me down some bad roads and some good roads, and I'm up right now. Here's what we need to do. I can make several of these bets. We're obviously going to have this collectible list. This show is very quickly spinning out into being bigger than the three of us.

It's obvious to me that we need to develop the world's leading monkey movie rating scale and guide. Obviously, we need to do that. I was thinking about Congo the other day. Amy, you want raindrop drink?

There's so many great monkey movies. Now I'm thinking we need Andrew's guide to the best burgers in Canada or the world. But we don't have to do that today. Something to think about. What if we just made it on my island so it was useless to 99% of people that see the list? That'd be great. That's even better to me.

I mean, it won't be useless to Gavin and I when we come for the bathtub race. That's true. When we're there, we'll use it. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away?

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Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Okay, so I lose the burger bets. As you know, I tried to sell Gavin the cool eel card. I tried to convince him. That did not work. I don't know why I didn't reply. I assume you were messaging me while I was recording,

and I just never came back to you, but I somehow want to get hold of that. Well, it the table now it's okay i missed the window huh you missed the window it's closed it's long so what are you gonna now that that's off the off the table what are you gonna replace the 50 of value that you still owe me no this is what this is what you don't know gavin i had a whole plan worked out i came up with this whole thing what i did because i care i don't like owing people stuff. I care. If I owe you something, I will pay you back. It's important to me.

Sure. Yeah. And also, but we live in different places, and just mailing money through the mail, that seems dangerous. Well, especially with your mail problems. It's not like services like Venmo exist. No. I don't know. What's a Venmo? It's a bunch of letters together. I don't know what's a venmo a bunch of letters together i don't know what that is

um fair enough so i thought i want to send this to gavin because i care about him and i owe him this 50 but i also i want to make sure it's safe so what i did was i bought four different safes online of different sizes i bought this really tiny safe that was intended for if you're in a casino and you don't trust yourself, you can just slide the money in there. So I put, I got one of those. I put a nice 50 in for you. Then I bought a slightly bigger safe. And I put the small safe in that safe. Then I bought another slightly bigger safe.

Put that safe in that safe. Then I bought a bigger like hotel safe with the electric lock and I put all the safes in there and then I locked it no I didn't just lock it up because I care about you Gavin and I care about you getting your money so then I bought 500 keys off of eBay and had them shipped to my house and I took the keys for the safe and all the other safes and I threw them all in the big safe so there's 500 keys and then four safes

then I locked up the safe and I was all ready to send it to you and then the world entered a pandemic but yeah that's gonna cost like 600 bucks to send through the mail that's gonna be heavy as shit well yeah it's over 20 pounds i have waited it's a matryoshka doll of safes and keys oh my god it sounds it's horrifying to move

it is very heavy weighs over 20 pounds and my plan was i'm gonna send this to you and then i'm gonna sell you the combination so you could get your money back. So I would end up equal. That was the idea I'd slowly sell you parts of the combination then you'd open it and a fucking Boatload of keys would pour out and then it'd be great. It'd be hilarious. It'd be a win for me That was the plan. I'm so mad this never happened. That was the plan. How much would you have charged for the combination number? Oh, I didn't figure that out. No, I think I'd do one at a time, and I'd be like 10, and it's a very specific combination.

I was going to leave clues. I filled it with Garfield cards, too. A bunch of Garfield collectible cards. It was the whole thing. It's 20 pounds of disaster, but then the world entered a pandemic nobody could go outside So I had this safe just in the corner of my room this 20-pound bullshit safe Just from four weeks and then you have to move house And then I had to move and I had to physically move this 20-pound safe. I've definitely lost at this point I

Still have the safe. So that turned into you f***ing facing yourself. Oh, absolutely. When you were trying to f***ing face me. Yeah, 100% blew up in my face. I didn't predict a pandemic happening. It really set me back. Shit. That's awesome.

It's a great plan, right? Four safes, like Russian dolling you with the safes. They're good saves too I'm so stupid. I never even considered Just like mailing the keys to like the office and having someone build the safe for me That was a realization later of once I realized it was 20 pounds, I was like, this is going to be... Pre-fabricated this whole thing, and then you yourself have to front the cost. You could have said it to me, dickhead.

I could have done it. Yeah, I know. I know you could have. Yeah. I should have. I didn't. I just didn't think about that. And then I weighed it, and I was like, this is going to cost a billion dollars.

This is... I need to figure out a way to make this work. But then the pandemic happened, so I didn't have to figure it out. It's just, I'm going to have this 20-pound bullshit safe filled with keys for months. Keys and safes. The worst part is it would be hard for me to even get the 50 out. Like, I don't know where the keys are. I put the keys in the safe.

I can't even pull the money out. So I'm currently just withholding money for myself. I've locked myself that hurt out of this whole thing but on a rainy day you know there's 50 waiting for you that's true that'll be a frustrating later when i when i need that 50 and i'm going i'm imagining you like taking a cab or something and you don't have any cash and you're like hold on i'll go in and I know where $50 is and it takes you like 4 hours to get to it

what if I go to like a casino and just put the safe down and lick the table I want $50 on red it's in here trust me don't worry about it wow honestly that story went in a completely different direction than I thought it was going I had no idea

about any of that I can't believe you've been holding on to that since March. We figured I was going to send it to you and it could have been a video or something, but it's like no one's going to be in a place like in a public, like in an office until it feels like 2025.

Would you have let me, instead of paying for the combination, would you have let me complete smaller tasks? Like what? Would you have let me, instead of paying for the combination Would you have let me complete Smaller tasks Like what? Instead of me paying you like $10 per number of the combination Well what would be like a smaller task Like maybe Like I don't know

Just little bets where if I complete them I don't have to pay you the money Because I don't want to be I don't want to break even or be You know in loss from this. Like draw a penis on your forehead with sunscreen and then go lay outside for 30 minutes is, yeah, it's like two keys or something or two combinations. Or go and like run a fart into Austin. I didn't consider that, but I think if you would have approached me with it, I definitely would have been open to it.

That's good. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. approached me with it i definitely would have been open to it that's good nothing wrong with that yeah i like that we've negotiated this at every available point to the point where it's not even it's not anywhere near what we started with the the 50 for burgers thing i feel like though guys i feel like this perfectly illustrates the need for this podcast right this is what it's like it's what this is what it's been like for the three of us to be friends for five or six years now, and it's virtually impossible to capture or film. It always goes wrong or goes awry, and then you're like, well, that was the funniest thing nobody will ever get to find out about. God damn.

Yeah, or just even sometimes it doesn't even occur to me to share this on a public level. I've just been doing stuff like this for over a decade yeah honestly if if i i just need to like keep our slack conversations or print them or something because it's just gold in it like i just scrolled i just scrolled past some other random conversation the next is uh shitting would require four steps oh yeah that's just from another thing that we that you were doing yeah that was fun that's one from another thing that you were doing. Yeah, that was fun. That's one of my favorite things you've done in a while. It's a fucking achievement in the orange box, too. Is it really?

I was thinking about that the other day. Yeah, yeah, it's in Portal 1, I believe. Oh, God. Do you remember, guys? Those Portal achievements were awful, yeah. It was like beat all this stuff with barely walking, and you're just floating up and down through portals to the end of the level. It's like beat a level in less than nine steps or something yeah that's hard oh

yeah no they had those in portal still alive yeah that was suck i want to go back and finish the orange box i never did that they're they're in orange box too i think they're the only ones i'm missing from orange box it's those crazy portals i haven't got a shitload of achievements in orange box i remember being jealous of that at the time. I like games where there's just a shitload of achievements. Like, Orange Box is great. Master Chief Collection has, like, 700 achievements. You would love

Gems of War. It has 4,000 fucking achievements. And they're all impossible. I'm so stupid. I thought you were literal. I'm dumb. Ignore me. When you said 4,000, I was like, wait a second. That's not... I know Master Chief Collection has the most. 700. 4,000 doesn't even make sense. I'm an idiot. when you said fourth I was like wait a second that's not I know Master Chief Collection has the most 700 4 4,000 doesn't even make sense I'm an idiot Jesus yeah I apologize it's okay then it's part of your charm I uh yeah I want to get the orange box because it had the most achievements on the 360 I think it has 99 and then Master Chief Collection has the most on

the Xbox one so I'd like to 100% the games that had the most achievements on both generations i want to see now how many how many did i get in orange box i think you're like 80 something i've looked at i think you were down to like some bullshit some of the team fortress stuff you didn't you didn't get yeah you also have the team fortress 2 stuff that's still still going you could still get that thousand kills or whatever dude i bet the people that are still playing team fortress 2 on the xbox 360 are fucking good like their life their life progress in their life stopped when that game came out and they're still going strong they fucking ignored the fact that team fortress 2 became an entirely different game on the pc and all of that and they're still just plugging away

at that core game i bet they're phenomenal do you think there's one person just sitting in the lobby waiting waiting for someone it's probably like the dude it's probably like the dude that we met in 50 cent blood on the sand that time yeah i was actually as about to talk about that one of my biggest regrets in video games is not being able to 100 50 cent blood on the sand you and i played through it in like two days i got all the collectibles. I did everything. The only achievements I'm missing. Phenomenal game.

It's a fantastic game. But the achievements I'm missing are the play as the co-op character. I hosted all of our sessions. So you have all those achievements. I didn't get any of them. It's the only thing I'm missing. I thought for sure,

the 50 cent blood on the sand servers have long died. There's no way. I looked. You have to get them online. There's no local option. I was disappointed. I was sad for years. I could never do this. I just found out that they're still going. They're open. Are you serious? You can still play 50 Cent Blood on the Sand on an Xbox 360. The premise of that game has to be the best premise of any video game I have ever played. Do you remember it, Andrew? Vaguely, it has to do with he does a show, right?

Yeah, 50 Cent and the G unit, the whole G unit. They go to somewhere in the Middle East, I think to like a fake country, but it may have been a real country. I could be misremembering. And they're going to play a concert and his payment is a diamond skull, I believe, like a skull made out of diamonds. And then a terrorist group steals it

and then 50 Cent and like Warren G or whoever, I don't know if the game was in the G unit back then or what, then it turns into Gears of War and it's a two-player uh cover-based third-person shooter to kill the terrorists to reclaim 50 cents diamond skull so he can get payment for his concert i don't think there was any moral issue he had with the terrorists being terrorists i think

he simply wanted to be paid for his show was his motivation i don't think he cared about anything beyond that yes yeah he won payment for services rendered that's all it's all think he cared about anything beyond that. Yes. Yeah, he went payment for services rendered. That's all 50 Cent cared about. Is this the same game as the one where they added helicopters because of some kid? Yes. Yes. They had 50 Cent brought his son, who was like seven, to like an early build of the game where like they're showing it off to him. And his son really liked helicopters. And his kid was like, there should be helicopters in this I like

helicopters and 50 Cent said you heard the man put some helicopters in so there's like 4 or 5 helicopter missions in that game just because the 7 year old wanted it and they're not good they're probably the worst aspect to that game they feel very forced and completely unnecessary

dude that's some power I bet that wasn't cheap it's amazing. It's a great accomplishment. But yeah, I'm so excited. I'm going to go back. I don't, it's a tough sell to get someone to plug in a 360 and be willing to play through all of 50 Cent Blood on the Sand. But is it not backwards compatible? Of course not.

No. They'd have to like, it'd be a licensing nightmare. I would happily do it with you, Andrew. But unfortunately, I don't own a 360 anymore. I haven't seen one in years. You have the really cool one, though, don't you? Somewhere at Rooster Teeth. I don't know.

I don't know what would have happened to it. I'm looking at my orange box progress. I'm missing six achievements. Three of them are the portal challenges, and then, yeah, I've got three from Team Fortress. Play with seven friends. Never got that. Accumulate 1 with seven friends. Never got that. Accumulate a thousand kills.

Never got that. Set five enemies on fire in 30 seconds. Never got that. And I never will. Hmm. You're never going to go back? You can try. I don't think so.

I also don't have a 360. I bet that one's backwards compatible. Oh, it might be. No, yeah, it is. Orange box is backwards compatible. I just picked that up. That whole thing, that whole setup is fucking lame. I mean, I get it. It Orange Box is backwards compatible. I just picked that up. That whole setup is fucking lame. I mean, I get it. It shouldn't work

super well, but when Millie and I went back and played... I guess it was Halo 4 is the one that's only available on the 360, is that right? No, they are all in the Master Chief collection, aren't they? Yeah, Halo 4 is in the MCC.

Is it? Yeah. Halo 4 is in the MCC. Is it? Yeah. Halo 5 isn't. Well, no, Halo 5 isn't. Halo 5 is Xbox One. I think, oh my god, I f*** faced us. What do you mean? I thought Halo 4 wasn't in the MCC because it was f***ing 343

not Bungie or something, and so Millie and I downloaded Halo 4, bought it and downloaded it and played the entire game backwards compatible. We couldn't get into a lobby together. So she played as a guest. So she has no achievements in it. And we played all of Halo 4 together

as her as a guest on my fucking backwards. Oh my God. So when you were in- Is it really in there? Like scrolling between Halo 1 and 2 and ODST. Did you not find it strange that you had to scroll over Halo 4 to get to ODST? I'll be honest, I don't think

I ever saw it. I just don't think I ever saw it. It's not even like they added 4. 4's been in there since the launch. They added ODST. Well, I'm gonna have to go back and take a look at that. God damn it. So you were playing like the old,

probably 30 frames a second 720p version when there's a lovely 60 fps full hd version there well 4k probably now on there and i paid to do it do you have all your component cables plugged in at least yeah i did have all my i did have all my component cables okay good i'm hdmi i want to make sure okay okay oh my god so anyway uh i have a question for you guys before we get on to andrew's steps okay i have a just a quick minor question should i be concerned i woke up the other morning and i felt like when i was getting out of bed i felt like a hangnail on my toe you know how you feel like a hangnail and you're like oh and so when i took out the covers i thought i need to cut my toenail uh my pinky toe, because I felt like it snagged for a second.

And I looked down at my pinky toe, and my entire toenail fell off. Oh, God. It was just hanging by a thread, and I touched it, and it just fell off. And I don't have a pinky toe, toenail anymore. Is that something I should be concerned about? It just went away. It didn't hurt. I never, like, stubbed it or anything. It just exited from my body of its own volition i feel like if it had

been knocked off i would have said that's fine you know that always happens or not always but that's not rare the fact that it just gave up and jumped out of your foot that's pretty weird it abandoned ship with no pain there's no hint of a toenail left. It's just weird, fleshy meat where a toenail used to be. Doesn't really hurt. Doesn't feel good. I don't touch it often. I just don't know what to do about that.

Are you concerned about the implication of it? Yeah. I'm a little concerned. What if it's going to keep going? I don't know. What if you just have no toenails in like seven months? If all my toenails start falling off i uh i well i i assume that i'm dying i don't know i don't know what else to think i think you're fine i'm gonna be scared every day when i wake up to look at my toes to make sure i haven't lost

it is disgusting i mean there was no blood or anything but uh but medically i think you're fine i'm bad at like i broke a plate in my room recently, and I don't know where a broom is. I don't have a way to clean up the little shards. And so my way of picking it up has been... I've just been randomly stepping on small pieces like the last week, and then finding them that way.

So I'm definitely... I'm not a good medical person. Do you have two pieces of notebook paper? No. No, I don person. Do you have two pieces of notebook paper? No. No, I don't. Do you have two pieces of printer paper? No, I don't. Do you have a newspaper?

No, I don't have a newspaper. I know you have flyers for a Chinese restaurant in town. Oh, those are hidden. I was going to call you Jake for some reason. Please don't. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Don't do that.

Wow. Don't do that. That would have been bad. Why would you do that? That would be an insult. I thought wow don't do that that would have been bad would you do that that would be i thought we were like we were i thought we were friends come on we are friends do you remember this is a completely random detour gavin do you remember when you helped me with the spike lee thing with jake how did i help i convinced somebody i'm friends with that they were going to interview spike lee in mine. And I said he was, like, doing the rounds,

and you guys were going to do an interview with him too. And so I had you tweet at him, good luck with your interview. Oh, yeah. And to really sell, really sell it. Yep, I do remember that. Yeah, it was pretty good. It was all bollocks.

Yeah. How did that go? I had a fake Spike Lee, and then, like, it was a bollocks yeah how did that go uh well i had a fake spike lee and then like it was a whole thing and i pretended that there was like a voice issue and that's why he couldn't hear spike lee because i don't i don't know spike lee so i couldn't get him involved in this and then i had the spike lee leave the middle of the interview and then told him that it was because spike lee was offended by one of the questions and he changed his gamer tag to sorry Spike Lee to like try to amend.

I paid for the change. I feel like that's important to say. I paid for both the change and the change back. I said the only way to appease the situation would be if you showed you were sorry by changing your name. He also filmed an apology video. showed you were sorry by changing your name. He also filmed an apology video.

That was a prank that I think two people watched. It was a Twitch stream. It was like all this work, but it was funny. There were two people watching live? Yeah, it was, but it was just people I know. I often wonder if we should bring up, because of all the terrible things you or I

or Gavin have done in our lives i feel like none of them quite reach the level of just the average torture you you submit your friend jake to and i i always i always wonder if we should bring it up or if it's too cruel like if it like if if you tell jake stories and we find out it violates like the geneva convention or something. They're not that bad. They're all pretty funny. Yeah, I doubt there's Warcraft.

They're all pretty funny. I don't know, man. They're pretty funny. I don't know. We might lose the audience real fast. Oh. Jake and I are still friends. We're good friends.

Does he know, like, the extent of all of the times you've messed with him, though? Oh, yeah. Well, we always talk about it at the end. Yeah, it's never... I don't think there's been an ongoing... You what um oh there is a stupid one i guess the the most ongoing one we did is he's such a big roosterteeth fan and he was in college and when he he told us at one point that whenever he'd go to the cafeteria he'd lose his cell phone signal he wouldn't get any reception and every time for like a month and a half he would leave

we would just spam him like oh jeff just joined the party jeff joined the party he's talking and he believed it and he thought he had the most unlucky streak in the history of the world he's like every fucking time i don't care what i go for dinner it always happens when i leave it's great i got a ban by a hall of fame tight end on twitter and told him it was uh that's the whole thing i don't know we can go down a whole we need an episode just for him yeah we need a probably a fucking season uh or a year of jake episodes god damn we're running up on time should we start the show yeah yeah yeah before you start the show uh while you were talking there i did look through je's achievements in Master Chief collection, and yeah, it goes like Halo 1 Halo 2 Halo 3

Halo ODST Halo Reach and all the Halo 4 achievements are just sat on like sat locked like you've never touched the thing You got a few multiplayer ones That's fucking stupid That's fucking stupid I can't believe it I played every one of those games in the MCC. How didn't I see Halo 4? It's right there. It's always been there.

It's been there for six years. God damn. I hate myself. All right. Can I start the show now? All right. Should we start? Yeah, let's start.

Hold on. Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face. My name is Jeff Ramsey. As you know, this is a podcast about asset and wealth management. With me is Andrew Panton. And Andrew, I believe you had some particular insights into the Canadian ETF market you wanted to elucidate. What is the ETF? I have a lot of insights.

Could you please remind me what the ETF is? I think we could just end it right there. Oh, you want to end it there? It makes no sense. Or we could keep talking forever. Yeah, we could keep talking. I mean, I've got a little bit of an update. We ended, we started. I think that's the end. I think it ends right

after you stop talking. Well, the end was at the start. So this is the start. I think it starts... It ends where it starts.